#and I need a fanfic of him being comforted because no this was not cheating and no it was not your fault

[skarkkk]

It was fucking rape. That's my fucking point of view.

What do you mean he liked it? What do you mean it was cheating? What do you mean I like her?

It was rape, there is no other interpretation other than rape.

Robby lived with two addicts and yet he was abandoned in a bar with free access to alcohol, and that's where it started.

He got drunk for the first time, he drank for the first time and he has no resistance to alcohol because he stays away as best he can for the simple fact that his parents were addicts who never cared about him. So he wanted to forget what was happening, to repress all of this and he turned to alcohol because where else would he go when everyone didn't give a damn about him, or his situation with Tory or his emotions? Where else was he supposed to go when his example of dealing with emotions is aggression and addiction? So he drank. He drank to a level where he couldn't formulate a response, a sentence, when Kwon came to talk to him and provoke him, and we know that if he was sober he would have done something. It was obvious on his own face listening to Kwon that he was spaced out, drunk, and then Zara approached him. And took him to her room, from where he came out the next morning. No memory of the night before, a headache, and still looking out of it, as we can see when she kissed him and he didn't even react to it. The level of alcohol this requires is the level of alcohol that prevents someone from giving consent.

— I barely remember last night

— Good thing I do

Can we see the exact connotation that something happened? That she actually took advantage of the boy who couldn't speak to give consent, who couldn't think to say no, who was too drunk for this to be acceptable? The fact that she shows no remorse whatsoever for this happening and yet kisses him again.

Besides the fact that the writers themselves are treating it like it's some kind of cheating with Tory, the characters themselves acting like he's not a vulnerable person being raped by someone who knows better?

I hate her and I hate the writers for making this like it's nothing. I don't want to be that girl, but being that girl, if the roles were reversed, would this be in the show? Would this be treated that way? Or would they actually treat it like the SA situation that it is?

From the beginning, you can see her interest in Robby - starting with that scene in the captains' photo shoot where she talks to Tory. She knows he's in a relationship. All those teasing scenes with Tory. Her taking advantage of Robby. Then the fight scene.

— You chose her over me?

Like, girl, what the fuck did you expect? He doesn't know you, he doesn't like you, you raped him and you're going after his girlfriend - the person he loves? How high is your ego to even consider that he would choose you? Axel's obsession with Sam I can understand more, although I still have my doubts. She was the first person to understand and see his situation with his sensei, she was friendly and he developed a protectiveness towards her. Although his attitude towards Miguel was wrong, he didn't rape Sam or act like a bitch towards her.

Iron Dragons and their obsession with the Miyagi-Do captains.

Zara Malik and the fact that she raped Robby Keene.

[gudfornuthin]

Unexpected Comfort

Season 4!Diego x fem!reader, (past) Five x reader

! SPOILERS AHEAD !

! MINORS DNI !

Summary: after finding out the news about Lila and Five’s relationship, Y/N needs to get away from it all. Who knew she’d find comfort in the one other person broken too?

Word count: 2.65k words

A/N: ayooo. I wanna thank everyone for the support I received from my Five fanfic, it means the world to me that people read and enjoy my writing. I’m definitely thinking about ideas for a part 2, and I also have some requests I need to complete, but for now this lil thing popped into my head and I had to make it. My sweet Diego deserved so much more. There’s fluff, there’s angst, there’s a lil bit of smut (I’m trying to get better at writing that lol) so I hope you all enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

Those were the words that came out of Five’s mouth before Y/N stormed out of the house, leaving behind the shocked faces of the Hargreeves siblings.

Five had cheated on her. With Lila. Diego’s wife, the mother of his children. She felt like throwing up. They’d created a life together, seeming to forget all about the life they had here, in the real world. Five tried explaining how a few hours to her had been years for him and Lila, but Y/N wasn’t having it. She couldn’t imagine giving up on a relationship she’d spent so long working on, like it meant nothing at all. At least they weren’t married with kids. She doesn’t want to think about how much this is killing Diego.

Having left the house, ignoring the calls from the family, Y/N continued walking for what seemed like hours. She wasn’t familiar with this side of town, and the dark streets all blended together. Had she already gone this way? Was there a bus stop she could seek shelter under for the time being? The night was getting colder and she was finding it hard to catch her breath, the tears still flowing. She knew she couldn’t continue on for much longer.

After walking a few more blocks, Y/N finally spots a bar/diner, the lights still on inside. Better than nothing, she thinks, as she slowly makes her way towards it, in desperate need of a drink.

The diner is quiet, only a few patrons scattered around, either drunk or on the verge of passing out. The bar tender nods in acknowledgment when Y/N sits on one of the bar stools, asking what she wants.

“I’ll just have a beer.”

The bar tender rolls his eyes. “What kinda beer?”

Y/N shrugs. “The cheapest one you’ve got.”

He wonders off to sort out her order, as she rests her head in the palms of her hands, closing her eyes and trying not to sob like a baby. The pain in her chest still lingers, as she can’t escape the images of Five and Lila, and the life they had made together. The life that should’ve been hers. With everything going on, she’d almost forgotten about the world ending, again. But that was surprisingly the least of her worries at the moment. She just wanted to scream, and punch and kick anything that got in her way. She needed a cigarette. And she doesn’t even smoke.

“Thought I’d find you here.”

A voice sounds off to the side of Y/N, as she slowly opens her eyes. A beer bottle stands in front of her, and she turns to her left, spotting Diego in the seat next to hers. He looks worse for wear. Red eyes, prominent frown lines, and a pouty lip.

“You look like a kicked puppy,” Y/N mumbles, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Diego replies in a gruff voice, grabbing for her beer and taking a swig.

The pair go quiet, listening to the soft tune playing through the overhead speakers, dwelling in their own thoughts. The two of them had never exactly been close. Since Y/N joined the family she’d always gravitated more towards Klaus and Alison. Frankly, she didn’t understand why Diego was here with her. Maybe because they were both dealing with the same situation, with both their partners being the main focal point. Or maybe he was just in desperate need for a drink too, as shown when he downs the rest of the bottle. Y/N alerts the bar tender, putting up two fingers to ask for a second round. Hopefully she can actually have some this time.

“Was I a bad husband?” Diego finally speaks up, breaking the somewhat awkward silence.

Y/N glances his way, unsure of how to respond.

She clears her throat. “I dunno if I’m the right person to answer that,” she scratches at the label on the beer bottle. “But from what I saw, you were pretty good at it.”

He doesn’t say anything, so she continues. “And you’re also a good dad. I can’t imagine how hard it was, going from one apocalypse to another, to just living a normal life. Pretending none of it ever happened. You didn’t let that get in the way of taking care of your kids. They know you’re a good dad.”

She notices the tears forming in Diego’s eyes and looks away, knowing he wouldn’t want others to see him cry. She sips her drink, the burning sensation hitting the back of her throat.

“For what it’s worth,” Diego starts, “you’re not a bad girlfriend.”

“I never thought I was,” Y/N bites back, her tone harsher than she wanted it to be. “But what are you supposed to think when the love of your life admits to having an affair?” She laughs bitterly. “With his fucking sister in law!”

“Hey, you’re preaching to the choir here,” Diego says, rubbing incessantly at his eyes. “Just tryna make you feel better.”

“Well you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

They bask in silence again, both too stubborn to apologise for snapping at each other. They know neither of them are in the wrong. But the wounds are still fresh, and it doesn’t seem like they’ll heal anytime soon.

Almost an hour passes, along with 9 or 10 bottles of beer between them, when the bartender finally tells them it’s closing time. They both get out of their seats, leaving the bar and standing awkwardly outside in the cold, Y/N shivering having left the house without a coat.

“You cold?” Diego dumbly asks.

Y/N rolls her eyes. “Well done, Sherlock.”

Diego looks as if he’s about to say something in retort, but chooses not to. Instead, he silently slips off his jacket, handing it over to her, insisting she takes it before she can refuse. She does so, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’. They continue standing outside the bar, watching the occasional car drive past, lighting them up every so often.

“I can’t go back there,” Y/N says. “Not yet anyways.”

It was a stupid thing to think that this could all be avoided. She’d eventually have to face Five properly, let him explain fully what happened during that time he was away. But she couldn’t. She doesn’t want an explanation, or an excuse. She just wants it erased from her memory. To forget about it all. To forget about Five.

Diego puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I’m not in the mood to figure out that shit show tonight.”

He pauses for a beat, then briefly glances at Y/N. “There’s a motel not too far from here. We can grab a couple of rooms, take the time to get some rest, and figure all this out tomorrow.”

She doesn’t say anything, simply nodding in agreement, and following Diego to their accommodation for the night.

***

The pair arrive at the dingy looking motel, booking two rooms next to each other, and muttering quick goodnights. Y/N can feel the exhaustion taking over, as she sits down on the bed, and yet the thought of falling asleep makes her anxious. She can’t remember the last time she went to bed alone. It was always Five right by her side, comforting her if she had any nightmares. Which had become more and more frequent the past few weeks.

She tries distracting herself by turning on the tv, flicking through empty channels and purposely avoiding the news. She takes a shower, scrubbing off the physical and metaphorical grime. It helps her feel slightly better, but still she’s wide awake. She walks laps around the room, which isn’t much considering the bed takes up most of the space. And yet she still can’t sleep.

Her mind wanders to the man in the room next to hers. Is Diego having the same issues as she is? Or has he completely worn himself out to the point of passing out for the next several hours. Is it too forward if she goes over there and asks to stay with him for the night? He could end up giving her a weird look and slamming the door in her face. Or he could see a woman, sad and distressed, and know she’s just in need of someone to comfort her. The risk is worth the reward.

Y/N leaves her room, stumbling slightly over her own feet, the alcohol starting to take effect. She steadies herself, standing in front of Diego’s door and knocking. It takes a moment, but he finally opens, shirtless and hair a mess.

“What’s up?” He says, his voice gruff.

Standing in front of him now, Y/N can’t help but feel stupid. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her problems right now, not when he’s still trying to figure out his own. The only thing on Diego’s mind is most likely Lila, and getting some much needed rest. This was a bad idea.

“Uh,” she shakes her head. “It’s nothing, no. I shouldn’t have disturbed you, I’m sorry.”

She begins to walk away, trying not to fall over, until Diego’s voice calls her name. She turns, seeing him standing half way out of his room, a sad expression on his face.

“Neither of us really wanna be alone right now,” he says, motioning slightly for her to follow him through the door.

She waits a second, unsure if this was the best idea. Now feeling as if they were both about to cross a barrier that neither of them could walk back through.

Taking the plunge, Y/N silently follows Diego into his room, closing the door behind her. She suddenly felt nervous, unsure as to why. Diego is already back in bed, getting comfortable under the covers, ready for a much needed sleep. Y/N looks at the bed, then towards the small couch, not knowing which one she’s welcome on.

“Diego…”

“It’s fine,” he rolls over, not looking at her. “You can build a pillow wall if it’ll make you feel better.”

Y/N nods, not wanting to admit how glad she was that she could sleep next to Diego tonight. She’d feel this way about anyone at the moment, right? It’s got nothing specifically to do with him. Her mind is racing, as she climbs into bed, hoping to fall into a deep slumber as quick as. She doesn’t build a pillow wall.

***

Barely an hour passes before Y/N is woken up suddenly by a sound. She sits up in bed, eyes bleary and watery, looking around the room with squinting eyes. The bathroom light is on, shining through the cracks, and Diego is no longer beside her.

She hears the sound again, a soft whimper, barely audible. It’s coming from the bathroom, and she can already guess who it is. She slowly scoots out of bed, tiptoeing on unsteady feet towards the door, knocking slightly. No answer. And the noise has stopped.

She knocks again, trying the door handle at the same time. It budges, as she gradually pulls it open. The sight was heartbreaking. Diego sits in a curled up ball in the corner, covering his face, and desperately trying to stop his heavy breathing. He doesn’t acknowledge Y/N’s presence, as she moves over to him, crouching down. She gently grabs his hands, pulling them away to see his red, tear stained face.

“I’ve lost everything,” he whispers, breaking Y/N’s heart more than it already was. “I feel like my life’s over.”

Y/N strokes his hands, trying her best to soothe him in anyway that might work.

“I have no purpose without her,” he continues. “I try saving the world, but I couldn’t save the one thing that matters the most to me. I’m useless.”

“That is not true,” Y/N finally replies, hating these thoughts running through Diego’s mind. “Her actions are not a reflection on you.”

Diego begins to protest, but Y/N quickly shuts him down. “I know how much you care. Sometimes I think you care a little too much. But that just proves how good of a husband and father you were. You did nothing wrong. It’s all on her. And Five.”

She chokes out the last part, almost forgetting about her own problems. They’re both going through this, together.

Y/N doesn’t even realise she’s now crying too, holding her hand up to her mouth to muffle the sound of her sobs. Diego reaches out, pulling her into a bone crushing hug, the pair needing comfort from each other more than anything.

She moves her head back slightly, kissing Diego on the forehead, then the cheek, then hesitating at his lips. Her mind feels fuzzy, as the alcohol in her system still lingers, jumping between the pros and cons of what she’s about to do. Diego makes the decision for her.

The kiss is soft at first, his moustache tickling her upper lip, the sensation of it weird but not unpleasant. She wraps her arms around his neck as he puts his hands on both sides of her face, deepening it into a full blown make out session. Y/N opens her mouth, allowing Diego to slip his tongue in, eliciting a quiet moan from her.

Their current position is uncomfortable, as Diego sits pressed up against the sink with Y/N crouched down in front of him. He pushes her back slightly, so they can both stand, never stopping the kiss. The room feels hot, as they walk out of the bathroom and aim for the bed, Diego sitting down on the edge with Y/N straddling his lap. She quickly removes her top and bra, drawing the man’s attention to her breasts. He moves away from her lips, traveling down until he’s eye level with her chest. He takes one in his mouth, sucking harshly, while his hand massages the other.

“Oh fuck,” Y/N sighs, throwing her head back.

She grabs his hair, pulling a fistful of it, forcing Diego to suck harder. She moves her hips back and forth on his crotch, desperately wanting to get out of the rest of her clothes.

As if reading her mind, Diego pulls back, moving them both higher up the bed, quickly removing his pants as Y/N does the same. Now completely nude, the pair become a sweaty mess of body and limbs, wrapping themselves around each other, and making sounds the other occupants in the motel can definitely hear.

Diego’s thrusts are meticulous, as he hooks one of his arms under her leg, pushing in and out, knowing all the right places to make Y/N scream out in ecstasy. He kisses her lips, her neck, her chest and her breasts, not wanting to leave out any part of her. He makes her feel wanted, admired, needed. Like he can’t breathe without her. It feels good. They carry on into the night, and early morning, for a moment all their problems don’t exist anymore.

***

Y/N wakes up first. Her head is pounding, her mouth is dry, and there’s a dull ache between her legs. She grumbles, the memories of last night rushing back to her in an instant. Some good, some bad, and some unforgettable. A small part of her is consumed with guilt, knowing what she did could be seen as hypocritical.

But as Diego’s strong arm wrapped around her waist pulls her closer to his chest, snuggling into her neck, that feeling washes away. In some selfish way, they both needed this. An eye for an eye, as most would say. It’s not going to end well, and she knows they’ll have to eventually deal with the consequences the same way Five and Lila did, but for now, the rest of the world can wait a while. Y/N turns around, moving impossibly closer to Diego, the man who made her feel wanted at a time where she didn’t think she was.

[flowerandblood]

I'm back

And I'm back with my oneshot with Michael Gavey. He fucking came back from the dead. Some can call it resurrection.

I needed these 24 hours just for myself to think about why I was writing at all and why I was doing it.

To talk about it with my husband who, as always, knowing me inside out, said that I didn't deserve to have my work and commitment here wasted by people who don't have the courage to write to me under their own nickname.

Just to be clear - it doesn't matter when or if any of you would read my oneshot. When, why or if you will do it is neither something to feel guilty nor proud of, like reading or not anything I wrote or will write.

I remind you that's my space, not yours. Anon asks stays off, because I know who you really are.

Cowards.

From now on, I will be much stricter about what other people "opinion" should and should not be.

I will block anyone, anons, writers or readers, who cannot watch their words - even if it's on your blogs, in your asks, comments, reblogs or statements - I don't want to see any ironic, hurtful bullshit on my wall anymore.

I will block them, but I will never nag them. I just don't need them in my life, in my space. Learn from me, anon haters. I hope me coming back is your stick in the ass and not in the pleasurable way.

I don't care if you think I'm a sweet and innocent author with no flaws - I'm not. I've never been. I don't care about maintaining this image either.

Yes, I can't stand anons who send me and other authors baseless criticism. They were and will remain my enemies. I will never be nice to them, because by hiding they lose the last of my respect.

However, I have never been and will never be unpleasant to people who ask me thoughtful questions with the respect that one person can and should expect from another. Usually it's not about the question itself, but about how it was asked.

Writing anonymously to others that you wish their pets to die, that it's good that they lost their child, or to me that I don't really love my husband and I'm cheating on him because I write fanfics is not the smartest idea.

You are just sad, jealous idiots.

Now.

A few of people here are trying to keep this sticky tape glued fandom from falling apart and I sincerely admire them: @ewanmitchellcrumbs @targaryenrealnessdarling @oneeyedvisenya @theoneeyedprince @valeskafics @black-dread

This fandom doesn't deserve you, but there you are.

+ I wanted to say 'thank you' to all of the writers who just reached me to say that they are sorry, to say that I have a right to write whatever I want. Do what I want without being judged.

Finally, I cannot help but mention the wave of anonymous and non-anonymous messages from my fans, to which I apologize for not responding. I've read them all.

Many of you came out of the shadows and wrote to me for the first time, showing me how much my stories mean to you. Thank you for all the memes, photos, drawings and words of comfort, very long and very short messages.

If it weren't for you, if it weren't for my husband who told me that I needed a break - not to destroy everything I created, I would have deleted this account a few days ago. He said that I should care more about my own mental comfort, which I intend to do.

I deleted my Discord account to withdraw from the fandom a bit and to put what happened behind me. I don't have good emotions right now that I could share with you in these groups, which you deserve. I don't want to be a ghost account there.

If you want to talk to me or explain something, you can reach me in private messages.

So. Karawana jedzie dalej, as we say in Poland. Those who want to be tagged, please let me know here or privately.

I don't know when I will publish my other works, but I will.

Welcome back.

[hanasnx]

your friend stephen glass comes to you and tells you that he saw your bf cheating on you. ofc you're devastated and you kick your bf to the curb. but he wasn't cheating on you - stephen just couldn't take the thought of you being with someone else. it's not hard for him to slide into your ex's place, after all, you need post-breakup comfort

i gatekept this message mei mei. this was all mine. i periodically go back into my inbox to look at it and you sent it back in january. i love it when people make stephen a liar in fanfic just like he is in the movie. he gives a fuck about getting caught and ruining his chances with you, but he cannot fucking stand seeing you with that guy. so he takes matters into his own hands. and when you’re crying on the couch having just broken up with your boyfriend—who’s confused as hell, denying everything—stephen leaves you to answer the door. your boyfriend standing there, ready to invade your apartment until stephen steps in the way. he’s determined to make sure he’s not caught in his lie, and sends your ex away because “she doesn’t wanna see you, man. just walk away.”

you’re actually grateful to him for handling it for you. and he strokes your back while your head is tucked under his cheek, sniffling. you’re so distraught and thankful—much to his delight—that he actually gets his dick wet out of it. he protested at first to be polite, but he let you unbuckle his belt and ride him on that couch. the first taste of new dick you’ve had in years.

[sundrop-writes]

Now that I'm back, which fic do you want to see edited and posted first?

(Note: for this poll, I have only put longer fics that are above 5k words. I have also not included sequels, because obviously the primary fic needs to be posted before the sequel can be posted in order for it to make sense.)

Heaven’s Gate - Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader. Strangers to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff. Set during Seasons 1-5. You and Daryl get seperated when the Prison falls, and both believe the other person to be dead. But you can’t let go of the things your relationship taught you. Eventually, when you’re reunited - it’s like you never missed a moment apart. (17,100 words est.) - PREVIEW HERE

Some Kind Of Disaster - Gally (TMR) x Fem!Reader. Best Friends to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Smut. Set during The Death Cure. You had every reason to believe Gally was dead, so when a mysterious stranger pulls off his mask and reveals himself to be the one person you had been missing so badly - you are shocked. And then you show him just how badly you had been missing him. (6,800 words est.) - PREVIEW HERE

Trouble Is - Thomas (TMR) x Fem!Reader. (Pining) Friends to Lovers. Smut/PWP. Sex Pollen. Set during The Scorch Trials. Just as the group finds safety outside of the Maze, you are separated off from everyone as the only girl, and not being able to see you slowly drives Thomas insane. Until one day, he’s locked in a room with you - but there’s nothing suspicious about that, right? (6,900 words est.)

BRAINWASHED - Virgin!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends/One-Sided Fantasies. Smut/PWP. Panty Stealing. Stiles has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and since you both hit high school, that love has become perverted by hormones. But he can’t help it. He also can’t seem to help it when he steals a pair of your underwear that were seemingly laid out for him - but he can’t get too caught up in the logistics when he has a hand around his cock. (6,900 words est.) - PREVIEW HERE

Blood In The Water - Void!Stiles x Fem!Reader. (Pining) Best Friends to 'Lovers’. Pure Angst. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1). When Void takes control, you worry about the damage that he’s inevitably doing to Stiles’s body. So you make a deal with him - if he lets Stiles eat, then you’ll feed Void with some of your pain. But it’s not cuts or broken bones that he wants from you - it’s your tears. (8,400 words est.) - FANFIC MOODBOARD HERE

Why Am I The One? - Isaac Lahey x Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Smut. Set just post Season 3, Episode 4. After Issac is kicked out of Derek’s apartment with no reasoning and nowhere to go, he comes through a rainstorm soaking wet and finds his way to you. Freezing, alone, and looking desperate and sad - will you turn him away after cheating on you, or will you forgive him like you always do? (13,000 words est.)

[justagirlwholikesadam]

Thank You

Johnny x FEM! Reader

Summary: Johnny finds himself in the comfort of your home after saving you.

A/n: I haven't read or seen a fanfic on him, maybe because his character is honestly a lot but I wanted to write something from the movie, Naked (1993) Mike Leigh. Enjoy-L

Warning: Johnny being Johnny, mention of rape and abuse, reader almost being SA, Johnny talks to himself, Johnny has a crush, act of stealing.

Word Count: 4K

The night was freezing more than usual and Johnny’s slim cheeks were red from the cold. His only source of warmth was the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. He was leaning against a building trying to hide away from the harsh cold winds while watching the citizens of London walking up and down the streets.

His blue eyes pierced at whoever walked past him, they all looked happy, they all looked like they had somewhere to be unlike him. His hands shook from the cold and he placed them under his armpits trying to warm them up. It was futile, his whole body shook from the frigid air.

Shutting his eyes, he started to think about his next plan. Visiting his ex, Louise was a failure. It was pointless even after he hooked up with her roommate, Sophie. The dark haired girl, Sophie, excited him for a while. She had a pretty face and he slept with her but she caught feelings for him. That was a no go for him after Louise, he thinks being in love is pointless after she left him for a new job but he knew deep down she left him because of his ways. Cheating on her constantly and treating her badly. He realized perhaps it wasn't love. The tons of books he read that had love in it, was not the same he had for Louise. He was lonely that's why he had Louise around, he had her for the nights when he couldn't sleep and he needed something warm.

Johnny sighs to himself as he remembers Sophie following him, following his every move, telling him that she loves him and understands him. He slept with her one more time and hit her head against the arm of the couch multiple times making her understand he wasn't a good guy. A part of him, like it though. Being bigger than her but his attraction towards her turned into disgust. She didn't have any standards. Still following him around like a puppy after what he just did to her.

His stomach growled and he can’t recall when was the last time he ate. The girl from the diner was kind to him, she reminded him of a mouse. A depressed mouse, she looked so sad when he mentioned it to her. She went crazy, forcing him to leave her house after she had invited him in. He cursed at her nasty words and he felt bad for a moment, just a brief second. So now, he was out in the freezing cold and his stomach was aching for something.

His eyes shot open when he heard laughter, it was a nice sound. He can’t recollect when was the last time he actually laughed, a genuine laugh. One of those laughs that made your stomach hurt and left you out of breath.

“That’s what I told him.” You told your friend on the phone, crossing the street. Your body shivered when a gust of wind blew. In the corner of your eye you see a tall man with shaggy hair. He looked sickly and his dark clothes were blending in the night.

You nodded, a hello at him when you caught his eyes, you kept walking, telling your friend to repeat what she just said.

Johnny looks at you as you keep walking. You had seen him, Johnny is so used to being in the background, invisible to the human eyes. You had seen him and greeted him like a human with decency.

He’s been standing by the building for hours and no one had even caught his eyes. Johnny looked at them, but they would just simply ignore them and continue on. Johnny is an observer, he’s always been since he was a child. So when a man passed him, he looked at him and it didn't take Johnny long to see the man was holding a knife. He spotted it and he saw a glimmer of the steel of the knife shine under the street lamps.

He saw you stopped by the corner, waiting for the light to turn red so you could pass. You got off the phone. Tugging your bag close to your body, you stuffed your hands inside the pockets of your coat for warmth. Johnny followed the man, throwing the bud of the cigarette on the sidewalk.

Johnny’s quick on his feet, he hears the man breathing heavily. Million thoughts rushed through Johnny's head. The man was thinking of robbing you, perhaps the man was going to kill you or worse. In Johnny's eyes, you were a pretty thing and by the way that the man was following you. That man was going to do the worst thing to you. Unaware of the man coming up behind you. You started to walk across the street when the light turned.

You hear a shout and you look over your shoulder to see a man in a black puffer jacket and a beanie. His dark eyes were wide and his mouth was parted open as he stared at you. He licked his lips as he looked up and down at you. You saw the man standing by the building running behind him and wrapping his arms around the man with the knife as he shouted once more.

You gasped when you saw the knife and without a single thought you swung your purse at the man holding the knife. Johnny released the man when he saw you were about to swing.

You swung your purse at the man’s face. The man with the knife came tumbling down like a sack of potatoes on the sidewalk.

Johnny heard you shout as you swung your bag over the man’s head.

“Motherfucker! You son of a bitch!” Johnny took a step back as you kept swinging. He kicked the knife to the road before the man would wake up and grab it.

"Thank you." You told him before sliding your bag up on your shoulders. Johnny doesn't know what to say. He doesn't recall being thanked before.

The man groaned before falling unconscious on the ground. You look up at Johnny.

"Jesus, love. What you got in that bag?" Johnny asked you as you stepped back from the man on the ground.

Johnny watched as you open your bag and pulled out a glass Tupperware with a hydro flask.

"Should we call the cops? Or the ambulance?" You asked Johnny and shakes his head.

"That asshole wanted to rob you. Probably rape you and you want to call an ambulance for him?" He asked you.

"You're right. Fuck him." Johnny nodded like that response better. That piece of shit didn't deserves your kindness. You were about to walk away when you remember he was waiting by the building.

"Were you waiting for someone over there?" You asked him and he shook his head at you.

You felt bad, leaving him in the cold. He did help you, without his shout. You surely would have been dead. He was nice enough to run and wrap his arms around him to stop him.

“Do you have a place to stay?” You asked as you shivered when another gust of wind blew.

Johnny shook his head once more. “Come on then.”

Johnny doesn’t think he heard you right. His brows knitted in confusion when you turn to start walking and look over your shoulder at him.

“Come on. I’m freezing my tits off.” You said. You hear him behind you.

“I swear if you try anything. I’ll hit you so hard with my bag.” Johnny keeps looking at you. He’s walking next to you and he can see your face up close. You are absolutely beautiful, he thinks to himself. It was a short walk and he followed you into a building. Opening the glass door, you hold it out for him. Walking inside he notices there's another door.

“Excuse me.” He hears you say softly and he feels you brush against him when you take out your keys from your bag. Johnny stares down at you and you unlock the door. Opening the door, you shoot him a smile and he can’t help but smile back. It wasn’t one of those fake smiles that he always received from other people. Your smile was genuine.

“I'm just down the hall.” You tell him as you shut the door after he walks in. The inside of the building was dingy and he notices there’s a staircase to the right side of the hall. He follows you down the hall and notices the welcome mat in front of your apartment. The white paint on the door was chipping and the number of the door was hanging upside down.

Johnny doesn’t say anything. He was just grateful that he found a place to stay for the night. Somewhere warm, he didn’t want to sleep another night in the park, especially in the cold. He rubs his hands tighter for warmth as you open the door.

“Come in.” You tell him and he enters first. The lights turned on and your apartment was the complete opposite of outside the hallway. The hallway was dark and grimy, while the inside of your apartment was colorful. He steps into the room and notices a light brown couch in the middle of the room. There’s a small tv in front of it. He notices the large bookshelf next to a window.

“I’ll get started on dinner. You must be hungry.” You say walking past him, dropping your bag on the coffee table.

Removing your coat, Johnny takes note of your clothes. You wore black leggings with an oversized sweater. You turned to hang your coat and his eyes looked down to see your ass.

“You okay?” You turn to him when you realize he hasn’t spoken.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m -.” Johnny repeats your name and looks down to see your hand is out for him to shake.

“I’m Johnny.” He says shaking your hand. You jumped when you felt how cold his hands were.

“You poor thing.” You say rubbing your hands with his to warm them up. Johnny doesn’t think he ever felt someone so warm like you. He doesn’t know why he becomes so insecure with you being so close to him.

“I’ll make you some tea or do you want coffee to warm you up?” You’re still holding his hand and you look up at him.

His eyes were so magnetic, it drew you in. The lovely shade of blue you have ever seen. He was so tall next to you and you looked down at his lips. They were chapped and he smelled like cigarettes and the cold air.

“Tea would be alright.” Johnny tells you and you pull him by the hand into the kitchen. The kitchen was small. You signal him to sit down on the dining table that only fits two. It was against the wall near the fridge.

“Can I smoke here?” He asked you as you started to turn on the stove.

“Yea.” You answered him while opening a cabinet above the stove. Johnny watched you take out an ashtray and placed it in front of him with a small smile. You move so effortlessly around the kitchen it almost looks like you were dancing. You put on the kettle after filling it up with water.

“Have you lived here all your life?” He asks you while you grab a few things from the fridge.

“No, I’ve been here for three years.” Johnny listens to you while smoking as you tell him where you are originally from.

“Did you hate it over there so much? That you had to come over here?” Johnny asked and was surprised when you weren’t shocked by his question. Not many people will tell their business to a complete stranger. You were open and you didn't seem to mind his questions.

“No, I like my hometown. I came over here for work.” You told them while beginning to cut up some vegetables.

The depressed mouse that worked in the dinner had given him a bath as well. Part of him didn’t want to take it because of what happened with the depressed mouse. He opened his mouth and she got mad and threw him out.

“A shower then?” You told him after you noticed the unsure look on his face.

“Just to warm you up. You don’t want to get sick.”

“Are you always this nice? What are you hiding? Are you making up for something you lack?” Johnny said and was waiting for a nasty reply, but it never came.

You just shrugged your shoulders at him. “ I just want you to feel comfortable in my home. After all, if you hadn't shouted I would've been dead in the middle of the street by now. I would’ve been robbed or raped.”

“If you don’t feel comfortable here. You can leave.” You tell him.

“Or stay here where it’s warm and take a shower while I finish with dinner.” Johnny looks over his shoulder as you walk to the living room.

You were right, the hot water helped him. He was leaning against the tile wall staring at it as the water washed over him. You were so kind that you turned on the water and left him a towel by the sink. He dragged his duffel bag inside the bathroom. He thinks that this will never happen again. Taking a shower two times a day. He felt like a rich man.

His stomach growls when the smell of your cooking hits him. Finishing with the shower, he dries off and gets dressed. Curiosity gets the best of him and he opens the medicine cabinet above the sink. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razors and creams are lined up on the tiny shelves. He takes the bottle of pain killer and takes one. Putting it back, he turns off the light when he walks out. Dropping his bag by the hallway, he looks at the door at the end. It must be your room.

“Johnny.” You call out for him. He walks into the kitchen and the table is set.

“You look 27 now.” You said and he smiles as he sits down. You bring him a knife and a fork over and you see him dressed with baggy pants and a light gray tee. His damp hair is brushed back and slender shoulders are at ease.

Johnny wants to moan loudly because of how delicious the food is. He looks across from you to see you cutting your chicken. The comfortable silence is back again. He doesn’t really like silence, he gets too much into his head and begins to overthink. He starts to wonder why he doesn’t when he’s with you but he wants to talk to you.

“Do you know the butterfly effect?” Johnny asked and you looked up from your plate.

You nod. “Yeah, crazy stuff.”

“Do you believe in it?” He asks and he’s surprised when you nod.

“Have you heard of the Mandela effect?” Johnny for the first time of his life, shakes his head because he doesn’t know. Johnny knows that he is educated because of all the books he has read. There’s a smile on your face and his stomach tenses up by how pretty you look and he licks his bottom lip when you begin to tell him.

“It’s like a false memory that occurs when many different people incorrectly remember the same thing. Let's say there’s an old movie and an actor says something but other people remember it differently. A word can be spelled this but there are other people who remember the word being spelled completely differently.”

“Are you serious?” You nod at him.

“I have the newspaper here. I’ll show you the article when we are done eating.” You told him excitedly.

“So I was thinking. You probably got into a fight with your girlfriend and she threw you out. Am I right?” You asked him.

Johnny remains quiet for a minute and you refill his cup with more water.

“If I say yes, what would you do?” He asked you curiously.

“Well, I’ll have to get my bag for that. I’m pretty sure if she finds out you are here with me. She’ll fight me. I'll have to be prepared. I have never been in a fight with anyone.”

“Put the Tupperware back in the cabinet, love. No one is looking for me.” Johnny said, making you chuckle as both of you kept eating.

“You have a boyfriend? Husband?” You shake your head.

“So you are lacking something?” You frown at him.

“Why do you think I’m lacking something?” You ask Johnny.

“You’re beautiful and you have no one. Do you have a third nipple or something? Something that scares all the dude.” Johnny hears you laugh and he gets quiet.

“A third nipple?” You repeat him.

“To answer your question no. I don’t have a third nipple. I’m single because I haven’t found the right person yet.” You answered him truthfully.

“What’s the right person for you?” Johnny takes a sip of his water.

“Someone you feel comfortable with after being irritated with everyone. Someone you can come home too after a shitty day and they make it all better.”

“I bet there is a line of men waiting for you.” Johnny noticed the look on your face.

“There is but they are just dogs. They want to get their dick wet and I tell them to hire a hooker.” You tell him.

“Would you hire a hooker?” Johnny asked you and you wonder why he’s asking all these questions. He’s so different from the men you met. He’s asking you all of these random questions. It felt like he was trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

“If I was a millionaire, sure why not.” You answered him, and he looked satisfied.

“Why?” You shrugged your shoulders at his question. “Hookers gotta pay bills too, right.”

Johnny nods, he continues eating. You shake your head slowly as you look at him. Johnny was different and you would’ve never talked to a man like you were talking to Johnny. You didn’t care though, you probably wouldn’t see him tomorrow.

Johnny is reading the newspaper on the couch as you showered. He read the article and he was enthralled by it. He looked at the books you had, his fingers glided across the binds of it. He hears you come out of the bathroom and he tiptoes to the hallway. He sees you wearing a towel around your wet and naked bare body. You’re walking to the bedroom and he goes back to see the books.

He came around a small desk and saw a picture. It was the same boy he saw in the picture on the fridge. The little boy was wearing overalls and had a toothless smile. He was sitting on your lap, and you were looking at the camera with your own smile. Johnny’s chest tightens at the side of the picture.

His mind wanders deep and he imagines what if that was you with his kid. He’s never thought of kids before. Never really wanted them. He doesn’t know why he’s thinking of it but the picture of you holding this kid looks so cordial to him.

“That’s my nephew and godson.” Johnny looks over his shoulder. You’re standing in the living room, barefooted with shorts and a flannel shirt. The towel is over your shoulders and you walk towards him.

“He’s cute.” Johnny said as you walked towards him and pulled out an album from the desk drawer. You give it to him. Johnny takes it and walks to the couch.

He can smell the body wash from your body and he places the album in his lap to cover his semi hard on. You sit next to Johnny on the couch and he opens the album. You pointed out family members here and there as Johnny looked through the pictures. Johnny stops at a picture of you. Without a thought, he brings his hands up and traces the outline of your face.

“It was my last day at home. This was before I came here.” You mumbled and looked over at Johnny. He meets your gaze and for a moment. No words were said, just two people staring at each other. You found him attractive and your senses came to you. You look away to take a look at the clock hanging by the wall. You pushed yourself up from the couch. Johnny stares at you as you walk past him and open the door of the small closet near the bathroom. You walk back to him with blankets and a pillow.

“Here you go.” You said and Johnny places the album on the coffee table.

“I can stay for the night.” He told you in a surprised tone.

“Well of course, that is if you like to stay over tonight.” Johnny nods.

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing you’re out in this cold.” You commented as you fluffed the pillow and handed it out to him.

“The tv remote is over there. Feel free to use the tv or read any books. If you’re still hungry or thirsty, help yourself in the kitchen.”

Johnny graciously grabbed the blanket from the couch you laid out. It’s the softest thing he has ever touched.

“Goodnight.” You tell him and start to walk back to your room.

“Wait!” You turn around at Johnny’s voice.

“It’s a bit early, isn’t it?” He said looking at the clock. You raise a brow at him, 11:00pm is early for him.

“We can watch a film.” Johnny said, pointing his finger at the television.

You got the feeling that he didn’t want to be alone. You knew that feeling all too well sometimes you wanted to be near someone and feel their presence. You thought about what your friends would say if you tell him about tonight obviously they will yell at you for being a complete idiot and inviting a homeless stranger to your home.

“You better not hog the blanket.” You tell him, he smiles as you walk back to the living room and sit on the couch.

Johnny wakes up by the smell of food. He yawns as he pushes himself up from the couch. He feels good, he feels well rested. He remembers watching 10 minutes of the film before shutting his eyes. The last thing he heard was your soft voice saying goodnight.

“Morning.” He looks over at the kitchen to see you frying an egg. Johnny sits up and cracks his shoulders. Pushing himself up, he walks into the kitchen.

“Sit down.” You tell him, setting him a plate on the table. He obeys and starts digging in.

“I’ll have to work soon. You have a place to go?” You asked to sit down to eat your breakfast.

Johnny's slim cheeks are puffed out with all the food he stuffed in his mouth and nods. You don’t believe it because he grabs another toast quickly from the table, shoving it in his mouth. Almost like saying he won't know when will be the last time he gets to eat like this.

Johnny got dressed after breakfast and waited for you to come out of your bedroom. He’s waiting by the door as you grab your lunch from the fridge. You don’t even notice the picture of you holding your nephew missing.

Johnny follows you out of the apartment and out of the building.

“Walk with me to my job?” You asked him and he nodded. Johnny asks what you do and he listens as you tell him.

Johnny has his duffle bag behind him as he crosses the street with you. Stopping by a large building, he looks up at it and whistles at it.

“Have fun wasting away at work.” Johnny's remarks made you roll your eyes.

“Well, a girl gotta eat, Johnny. Have to waste away for a bit.” You tell him and his eyes shine at your response.

“Bye.” You tell him and Johnny doesn’t want to say bye. He wonders if he will ever see you again. He turns around to start walking to nowhere.

“Johnny!” He hears you shouting his name and he looks over.

“Pick me up at 6:00pm. We can have dinner again if you want.” You tell him and Johnny nods. He tells you he’ll be here to pick you up.

He watches as you walk into the building and he turns around with a little pep in his step. He walks to a park and sits on a bench. Opening his duffel bag, he takes out a raggedy book, some of the pages are ripped out of the bind. He keeps it together with a rubber band. He takes it off to read it, he opens the first page and sees the picture of you with your nephew. His eyes stared at your pretty face and a warm feeling filled his chest.

He remembers the first words that came out of your mouth.

Thank you.

[boltonbritreads]

I am at the point of truly begging anons to stop sending hate to writers and ruining the ability for people to share their writing and others to get to read and engage with it. It literally just ruins everything for everyone and taints a space that’s supposed to be anything from comfort, escapism, a creative outlet, to hanging out with friends.

truly- what is the goal? what do you get out of pushing writers off the platform and making a fandom have even less engagement? I wish there was a “stop, are you really sure you want to send that message” screen before you could send anons sometimes so bc of that…..

🖤🖤 Eddie Munson Fic Rec List! 🖤🖤

as a reader who gets so much comfort and vital escapism from fanfic I want to just shout out some incredible stories I’ve been following/read lately:

*totally non exhaustive and just what I could remember at work!!* I’m hoping to add more & eventually made a proper list

@munson-blurbs’s “Trapped Under Ice” - truly lovely single dad eddie story that has so much heart and fluff and getting to see Eddie and Ms Sweetheart build their relationship and grow together has been so satisfying and lovely to read

@corroded-hellfire “As You Wish” I can’t even put into words 😩 I’m so down bad for this eddie and this fic and every single time reader gets to gets to spend time with Luke and Ryan and eddie gets even more smitten I melt

@upsidedownwithsteve’s “Simmer”!! I am truly losing my mind over simmer and as a fellow crybaby who just needs that extra comfort sometime, I yearn for Simmer!Eddie. Truly this fic means so much to me and I relate so so much to reader it makes me cry

@pinkrelish “The Yes Policy” - I mean, do I even have to say anything? It’s everything you could ever want and more in an eddie fic and the descriptions and imagery in every chapter my god ♥️🐭

@abibliophobiaa “Daylight” - holy shit I can’t express the itch this fic scratches it’s just the best and an absolute fluffy comfort fest. Lovesick Eddie, Unplanned Pregnancy reader, strangers to friends to lovers, cuddling in bed?? what more can you ask for?? I really love how *spoilers* eddie has accepted his feelings for reader and is just waiting for if/when she decides to go further with him, ball in her court

@sunflowergirl522 - “M’Lady, M’Lord” oh my this was so good and fun to read!! I’m such a sucker for goofy eddie and seeing reader meet him where he is and be playful back is just *chefs kiss*

@ghost-proofbaby - ok so basically anything Ghost has ever written is incredible but my highlights are “24 hours” because of course it is like ?? such a cool concept and the execution was perfection. I haven’t felt like I’m on the edge of my seat week-to-week for a fic in a while and seeing everyone react to each chapter and collectively lose our minds was so fun and something I love about fanfic!! After you’ve read “24 hours,” head on over to “So Scarlet (It was Maroon)” for some angst and pain and then chase it with “Coffee Shop Blues” for cute slice of life at a coffee shop with barista!eddie 🥰

@neonghostlights - “To the Moon & Back” alien eddie!!! I’m loving this series so far and how much fun and tension can be built into the dynamic of alien eddie and reader who have some language/cultural barriers but also like…..eddie gets it 👀👅

@harrywavycurly - there’s truly so much to choose from!! their master list has so much and there’s all kinds of text fics to dip into and a whole universe of Eddie’s! I personally love and am following “Trouble Next Door,” “It Was Just One Night,” and “Eddie’s Wish.” I desperately want TND eddie and reader to just get to smooch and cuddle but uh….I think getting over being cheated on and getting a divorce takes longer than I’d like 🫤

@carolmunson “Orange Coloured Sky” the older!eddie of dreeeeeeams my god 😍 from start to current this story has been so fun to follow and I’m loving the characterisation of this older eddie who is confident and hot but also….such a dork like immediately texting Steve “she said I’m the best she’s ever had 😎” I can’t

@luveline - ok anything and everything Jade has ever written, literally an entire treasure trove of a master list and the obviously heavy hitters are “June Baby!” and the “Eddie and Roan” series for all of the baby fever of reading about eddie and a cute baby but I also wanted to shout out the fic “A Quest for Bed” because it was so gosh darn sweet and fluffy and I love seeing eddie take care of reader once in a while

@trashmouth-richie - again another obvious incredible gorgeous fic “Honey I’m Home,” it’s so so beautiful and heart wrenching and funny and I’m in awe of the compassion and tenderness show towards the characters in this story. I adore HIH with everything but also “Do You Like How the Water Tastes” has been such a fun new story to dig into! I feel like I truly can’t predict what each chapter will be like and I keep being surprised by how Eddie interacts with reader and it makes each new chapter so exciting to read bc I think it’ll go one way and then I’m totally surprised!!

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hey Tumblr Peeps... For those who didn't know this, here's my confession... I have been fascinated with Chuuya for months, considering I was occasionally reblogging posts involving him... And since I have been reblogging more Bungou Stray Dogs, especially alot of Chuuya posts, as of late I do want to try writing about him to be honest😁👍

*This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs and contains pronouns😅

🧡🦊Chuuya Truly Knows How You Feel🦊🧡 (Chuuya Nakahara x Female Reader)

Genres: Angst and Comfort (Warning ⚠️: Murder (with Mentions of Murder), Mentions of cheating (Neither Chuuya nor the reader had any part of it), Break-up (with Mentions of Break-up), and Language)

When Chuuya first met you, he saved your life during one of his missions from an enemy he was supposed to kill, which he ended up completing this particular mission of his (which involves killing the enemy he's is supposed to kill) that night. Despite of Chuuya having deep feelings for you, due to you understanding him and accepting him for who he is, he is aware you had a special someone who you consider your significant other, which he is happy for you and respects your space with your special someone. You even mentioned to him a few times of you and Chuuya hanging out with eachother on his free time that you're willing you have him and your special someone meet eachother one day.

When Chuuya is alone by himself, he tells himself that he should get over his feelings for you and accept that you're happy in a relationship with your special someone, however deep down his heart is hurting from the feeling of not being able to confess how he truly feels about you. Yes, he accepts that you're with someone else and is truly happy that you seem happy with your special someone, it's just that what he truly couldn't accept is his feelings for you, as his heart consistently bleeds for you and he's unconsciously (and unknowingly) feeling hurt from not being able to be with you or finding anyone like you. One night, when Chuuya completed his mission completely he decided to go straight to visiting you, however what he doesn't know is it won't be like the usual visits you and Chuuya have with eachother.

That night when Chuuya visited you, he noticed you're acting different than usual. You even asked, "Hey, Chuuya... Can we have a talk for a little bit? It's very important...". "Sure, (Female Reader Name)...", he answered, as he began to wonder if he did anything wrong to make you act differently than usual, as he then continued, "Did I do something wrong? If you feel that I did, I need to know...".

You replied, "I promise you did nothing wrong, Chuuya... It's just that I am very sorry that my special someone won't be able to meet you, after all... You see, Chuuya... My special someone has broken up with me, then a day or so later come to find out the special someone was cheating on me for somebody else... Both the break-up and finding out about being cheated on, hurt like hell, so much to the point where I wonder what's wrong with me, if I'm not good enough, and how could I be a fool to love (him/her/them) so much to the point where the person I thought finally would fucken, love me back decided to play mind games with me, especially to break-up with me and cheat on me!", before you started to hug Chuuya and cry on his shoulders. You sobbed, as you continued, "I just don't know, if I should even bother trying to love anyone anymore for my mistake! Yes, I am maybe free, however I still have been hurt in the matter of days, because of the hurt I have endured and have been enduring. I mean who would actually want me for me and not as someone they want to use, while play mind games, especially cheating on me, until after they leave me to die! Am I a damn, fool and completely at fault for what has happened and has been happening to me?". While a shocked Chuuya tries to hide his anger for what your former special someone has been doing to you and has done to you and trying to be calm as he can, he said, "I'm so sorry to hear for any of this has happened to you... I can assure you this isn't your fault... Yes, you got hurt and manipulated from what I am understanding, however don't be hard on yourself, because you're not to blame as you think, which I doubt if any of it is your fault... Sounds like to me that ((s)he/they) hasn't treated you well, so I feel it isn't you at all... I think it's (him/her/them) for what ((s)he/they) has put you through and has been putting you through... You deserve better than this, (Female Reader Name)... As for the fear of feeling unwanted, being pushed away, falling in love to get hurt, feeling of eventually not being good enough, and other stuff, I know how you feel...".

Before Chuuya was able to proceed to pet the back of your head, you stopped hugging him, pushed away from him, and snapped, "How dare you even claim to know how I feel?! Are you trying to say I shouldn't feel how I am fucken feeling?! Are you even trying to poke fun at me and play with my feelings to make jokes about my feelings?!". Chuuya was very shocked at how you reacted to him, however instead of snapping at you back, he calmly assured you, "Look, (Female Reader Name)... I never said that you shouldn't feel how your feeling and I would never play with your feelings like you think... I may have not been exactly in your shoes... I'm just telling you that I have history of being pushed away, rejected, misunderstood, not accepted, used, under the impression of feeling like I'm not good enough, and afraid of falling in love with someone only to get hurt... When I first noticed you were sad I wa frightened something was wrong, then when you first told me me what your former significant other put you through, I became angry, however I did my best to stay calm for you and I still am. And also to be honest with you, I always had been happy for you when you with the other person, however I had never believed in genuine love, until I met you... You were always kind, accepting for who I am, never judging me, always by my side, and always understanding me... I know deep down that I could never find anyone like you... Which is why I never pursued a relationship... I was very scared that you're sad... I became angry with the person you were with, because ((s)he/they) manipulated you... I have compassion and atleast a little empathy about how you feel... Things will be hard at first, however I do hope things get better for you... Not only there will never be enough words to describe about how I feel for you, but you're also the best friend I could ever had... Just because I have feelings for you, doesn't mean you have to rush with me... I would never push my love for you on you and you may never want to love again right now, however I hope you heal and things will get better for you...". You they went to hug him again, only this time you hug him very tightly, as you then let him pet the back of your head, as he said, "While healing does time and for some people it takes more time than it does for others, I can promise things will get better for you someday, (Female Reader Name).", as he also began to hug you tightly.

Once you began to feel better, while understanding why and how Chuuya knows how you truly feel, plus knowing that he respects you and his feelings for you, you decided to cook some food for him and even offered for him to spend a few nights at your place, since he mentioned to you that he is currently on vacation. You even thanked him for giving you some clarity of what he meant and realized it was the special someone you had that was completely at fault and not you, especially the manipulation ((s)he/they) was putting you through. Chuuya also madesure to keep a very close eye on you, until you are completely healed from everything you were put through and all better.

🦊🧡The End🧡🦊

To be honest, I was going to work on another genre with writing a fanfic about Chuuya and even write differently about him, however I decided to dedicate this fanfic who are also fans of Chuuya and/or those who has ever went through heart break, wheather it's recently or somewheres in the past, etc... Even if you are a fan of Chuuya and haven't went through a break-up in anyway you can still read that Chuuya fanfic I have written. So my Tumblr Peeps, I genuinely hope this fanfic makes your day and/or night, enjoyed this Chuuya fanfic, and you feel better from reading this fanfic about Chuuya (if things aren't going well for you or something like that)☀️🌞🌕🌝🦋🫂👍

[augustrambles]

Aged up obviously Wendy x fem reader. Wendy had her first time w stan it was just really disappointing, like very rushed, Stan didn’t care abt her, and poor girl didn’t finish. :,) Wendy tells reader, her bsf, abt the experience and reader feels bad and offers so “help”. Lots of foreplay which leads to reader giving wendy gooood head 👍 I’m a sapphic advocate 🫡 get these stinky men outa here

A/N: I LOVE WENDY I LIVE WENDY I LAUGH WENDY I <3 WENDY YES YES GO SAPPHICS GO SAPPHICS GO ❗

listening to lovers rock while writing fanfics >>

wendy testaburger x fem!reader [highschool]

warnings: cheating, nsfw, eating out or cunnilingus however u call it, sheher pronouns, implied misogyny

"you might not be my first time, but i know you'll be my best time."

WENDY TESTABURGER. 3RD person.

bebe looked at wendy with gossip filled eyes. "soo? how did it go with you and stan doing ykwhat?" she smirked, the room filling up with giggles. "...not good." wendy replied. "he didn't really take much care of me. didnt even get to finish actually, he just.. u-used me." she started to tear up.

"sweetheart! how dare that man treat you like that?! piece of shit." [name] went up to hug her while wendy cried, the girls were also comforting wendy with comforting words. "how DARE that asshole just use you? i'm gonna have a serious talk with that dick." bebe said furiously. "yeah same here!!" "me too!"

as the girls left one by one, [name] continued hugging wendy. "darling i'm so sorry that happened to you." she said, wiping wendy's tears while continuing to comfort her. at some point, wendy stopped crying. "it's just.. he was my first time. i wanted it to be special, y-you know?" she stuttered.

"fuck him, wendy. i could totally show you a better time." [name] said, being physically annoyed at stan. "ye- wait what?" wendy said, looking at her best friend. "i said what i said, i could show you a way better time than that dick head!" she said, confidently.

"i-i'd like that." she stuttered, but this time because she was blushing slightly. "r-really? you sure?" [name] looked for reassurance. she nodded. "yeah. i'm too pent up 'cause stan treated me so horribly."

[name] grabbed wendy's cheek, her nails tracing over the other's facial features, she smiled, blushing as wendy saw her with a open-mouthed expression, as if she realized something. [name] then kissed her on the nose, and then on the lips. that moment was so special for the both of them. butterflies flew through eachother's stomach. as their mouths parted, they stood up. "you wanna go upstairs?" wendy asked, blushing still as [name]'s cheeks were also as red as ever. "yeah, sure." she replied.

. . .

as wendy laid on the bed, [name] held her tight. "i promise you, wendy, i'll treat you right." wendy fell at ease with her words. [name] made out with her and they slowly removed their clothing. as the clothes got on the floor, they stopped kissing. on the lips at least, [name] started to kiss wendy's body, whispering praise loud for her to hear. "such a beautiful woman, i'll take care of all your needs, like you deserve it, darling."

she smiled so hard at [name]'s praises. "could i?" [name] asked, looking at wendy while having her face between wendy's thighs. "yeah, do anything you want." wendy smiled, feeling good. [name] started licking wendy's womanhood slowly, feeling nice as she heard wendy feel the pleasure she deserved. [name] felt wendy tugging her hair, she smiled as she continued, going faster.

"mmm.. [name], y-you're so good at this, aah!" she moaned, groping her tits for comfort as her head threw back. [name] smiled at wendy praising her. "g-go faster!" she yelled as she tugged [name]'s hair harder, [name] complied and did as requested.

"i-i'm gonna c-cumm!" she yelled, as [name] didn't stop, resulting in her face being filled with wendy's cum. she started wiping it off and licking it. wendy felt so nice, "hold on, lemme wash my face." [name] said as she walked into the bathroom which was in the bedroom. wendy lifted the blanket to cover herself up, feeling cold due to the air touching her nude body.

[name] walked back in, lying down wendy as well. wendy looked at [name] with a confusing face. "aren't you going to ask for anything..?" she asked. [name] said no with her head. "no, silly. this night is for you, and you only. i wanna focus on your desires, plus i'm fine." she said, as wendy felt tears prick from her eyes. she hugged [name] tightly, as if she would dissapear if she let go. "i love you so much, [name]." she said. [name] kissed her on the head. "i love you more, my love."

[ihazmunchies91]

"Do you know what the Hawthorne Effect is reader?"

"N-No I don't think-"

"It is the study of how one changes under the condition of being monitored or watched. Thier performance improves, their behaviors, their appearance, their body language. Before you entered this Parable, can you ever say you had anything profound happen to change your life for the better? I think not. Before this Parable, you were miserable. And Despite your happenings and events here, you have improved. You are happy."

Okay imma talk about Void here. I have brainrot about my boy.

Void Narrator is from a unfinished fanfic I did a year ago. It was a half life stanley parable crossover.

The Narrator was a Psychologist that worked for black mesa and was sent to infiltrate the facility that stanley worked at to study the mind control tactics they had. To him, this was the greatest opportunity to understanding how the mind worked in response to being controlled. And in his mind, this was the ultimate catalyst to him being the greatest psychologist. He felt as though he could use this tactic to become a better psychologist by mind controlling his patients somehow with the help of Black Mesa.

When the cascade resonance happened, he became mutated into an entity and is now a part of the void entirely. And he can be malicious and deadly. But he mostly watches everything. He erased stanleys coworkers including his closest friend (who later respawns).

I never finished the fanfic because I ran out of steam, and I didn't have a lot of information that I do now. So now he is in TNP (the narrative Parable) where he belongs.

Yes, He is aware of G-Man from his orginal story. He was a frequent visitor.

Voids name is yet to be spoken publically. It will be featured in the fanfic.

He can hear thoughts very easily, which is also how he's able to do psychology very well. he's also incredibly violent when it comes to intruders in his territory, however, he has a select few narrators that he tolerates in his facility, they come to visit him and play games, however, void tends to cheat when it comes to games. He can tranform the cards and dice to his liking.

He was a psychologist for workers at Black Mesa because many of the workers, mostly the scientist became frequently stressed about their work position and needing to get things done on time or else they would face expulsion from the facility.

When he was a psychologist to black Mesa, he would often spend his earnings on gambling, and he would never lose, often using his psychology to trick others into losing, and thus, when he was transformed into a void creature, he used his abilities to his full advantage, he could care less if he was caught.

He loves having a drink before he gets started on his work. he has various wines and decanters. he owns a parlor inside the void which looks like a bar in a casino. Clean green and red carpets. A poker table. several couches ro get comfortable on or rest. A fireplace. he also has his doctorates hangingon his wall above the wine cabinet.

I loves him. T.T

art by emiletb

[cxffin-qt]

・・・・☆・・・・

I wanted to do a cheating fanfic for Leon Kennedy (Help me, I'm going insane. His everywhere I look now.) because what's stopping me from doing so. Enjoy.

warnings ; Cheating.

・・・・☆・・・・

What happened to us? The smell of roses and expensive perfume clung to his skin and clothes to mock me. I feigned ignorance to his clear tricky, and sloppy cover-ups, hoping for an instance that this was all just a dream, that he didn't have another woman to lay in bed with, and instead, he had been preparing something for me as an apology for the times he had missed out on. How naive I was to be so trusting in a man with two lives. At work, he was Agent Leon Kennedy, a hero. While at home, he was simply Leon Kennedy. Or so I thought. Over these past few months, our once cozy home seemed to have been frozen over. Dinner was left cold and uneaten, date nights completely dropped, and his side of the bed, which used to be warm and welcoming to wake up to now, was icy cold and disappointing. He used to be so comforting. Sweet whispers of loyalty and love now were quick and barely present in conversations. His big comforting arms seemed to have found their place around a new woman because they seemed to have forgotten how to hold me lovingly. I spent nights sitting at the end of our bed, wondering if he was working overtime or if he was snuggled tightly around an old lover, a lover that plagued his mind, that little whisper in the back of his mind telling him to return. 

I stared blankly at his empty side of the bed, tears collecting in my eyes. I've been crying for so long. I cried since I found the lipstick staining the collar of his shirt, I cried when he threw the dinner that I made for him into the refrigerator, telling me he wasn't hungry, and I cried when he walked out on me on the night saying: He needed fresh air, only to come home at 6 in the morning seemingly refreshed with the smell of roses and expensive perfume. I sat with my head in my hands, wondering how do I confront this situation. I loved him dearly, we’d been through so much, yet it seemed like it wasn't enough. I wipe off the tears from my eyes, grinding my teeth at the pain from my headache. My eyes felt sore from all the crying, and my throat felt dry. I looked around our shared bedroom, asking the same question; over and over. Why? Was I not enough? What happened to Us? The sound of keys jingling was accompanied by the loud thumping of combat boots entering the small shared apartment. I looked over at the clock that sat on our nightstand. It read 2 AM. I furrowed my brows, not only in confusion but anger. When did he start coming home so early? I chewed my bottom lip nervously as I heard the sound of boots being taken off. The sound of a jacket being thrown onto the floor. Then the sound of footsteps walking and pausing at the entrance of the bedroom door. As the door creek opened, I met Leon’s eyes. I met his confused eyes head-on with a look of burning hatred. 

“What's wrong, my dear?” Leon questioned you with urgency. 

You scoffed as if he honestly cared. Choosing to stay silent, you shook your head and got into your side of the bed, pulling the covers above your shoulders and covering your face with it. You heard Leon sigh. You could hear the annoyance in his voice, the tiredness. 

“What could possibly have you acting so, bratty?” Leon sighed, walking to your side of the bed and kneeling to come face-to-face with you. 

You narrowed your eyes at him before curtly saying, “It's none of your concern, just go out again or go somewhere else, Kennedy.”

Leon was slightly taken aback at your sudden irritability, “Um..uh….” He was speechless. How does he respond to something like that? He could feel the anxiety monster in his stomach begins to claw its way up his throat. “I’ll uh–” He stammered, “uh..be in the bathroom freshening up to join you in bed. If you need me, just call for me.” He nodded to you; before standing up to leave for the bathroom, leaving behind that lingering smell of roses.

That sweet putrid smell filled my nose to the point of it being nauseating. I stood up from the bed and walked over to the closet. I reached into the closet to pull out a suitcase and my old backpack. I started to pack my stuff. I had made up my mind. I couldn’t lie next to a man that could lie through his teeth. As I was packing, the loud sounds of me rummaging through my stuff must have alerted Leon because he rushed into the room, looking at me with wide eyes. His eyes glossed over with tears before he croaked out, “Where..where are you going?” He asked, sounding so broken. He sounded so hurt as If I was the one backstabbing him. 

“I need some fresh air,” I mocked.

He furrowed his brow in utter confusion, staring at me for an answer. 

“I know what you did, Leon.” I stopped to collect myself. “I know that you have more than just one bed you lay in each night,” my voice cracked as I finished. The tears were already falling like waterfalls.

“How..how long?” He asked, feeling the color drain from his face, and the feeling of anxiety in his throat made him want to throw up.

“Long enough to know that I should leave. Chase after her, Leon, chase after her like a dog.” I spat out at him. Venom laced every word I spoke. I glared at him, hatred boiling in my stomach. I watched as Leon flinched from my harsh voice. He looked at me, begging me with his eyes. His eyes spoke so many unspoken words, begging me to stay, to let him explain how he loved me. One look into his eyes, and I could already see what he was going to say. 

“Dont. Please, don't make this harder for me than it already is.”

“I didn't mean to, honest. I just got..” He trailed off, an excuse dying on his tongue when he saw me cringe at his words.

I shook my head at Leon's poor excuses as I stepped out of the bedroom and made my way to the front door. As I walked by the front door, I snatched my keys from the keyholder near the door and left. However, not before telling Leon: I’ll be back for my stuff tomorrow. I hope what you did was worth it.

・・・・☆・・・・

notes: I'm still trying to figure out how to make my post look pleasing so please be patient with me.

[ilovedazaiosamu]

Why not me?

author’s note: hi☺️ i had a bad and horrible week and why not some dazai angst? also please forgive me if this fanfic isn’t satisfying enough for you.

characters : dazai, reader(you), another woman

genre: angst, hurt/no comfort, you died,|| by suicide, lmao

summary : Osamu Dazai, your husband, gets bored of you and decides to get into a relationship with another person, you find out. What happens next?

I recommend you to listen to Mitski while reading this, especially the song “why didn’t you stop me?” or “washing machine heart”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You were waiting for Dazai to come home from work, he usually came home earlier than you but ever since last week, he started to come home late.

You then decided to make dinner for yourself and him while waiting. The door creeked open, and behind the door was Dazai. “Samu!! where were you? why were you taking so long to get out of work?” you asked him in a curious tone. ‘Dammit, when can she shut the fuck up?’ Dazai thought to himself, wondering when can you stop trying to meddle into his problems, “Oh, something just came up at work. Now can you please get off of me? I want to change.” Dazai responded to you. You wondered why he was suddenly so distant from the past few weeks, then you saw something you didn’t want to see.

‘A fucking hickey? on his fucking neck? is he cheating on me? Am I not good enough for him? Should I ask him about it?’ You thought to yourself. “Is there something wrong, Belladonna?” Dazai asked you, in a worried tone, you shook your head and brushed your thoughts away. “Did you have your dinner yet, ‘Samu?” “Oh yeah, I did, no need to make me dinner, I’m full” ‘Yeah full eating out someone else’s pussy’ you thought to yourself.

“Oh okay. I’ll go to bed now.” You responded to him. Walking to your shared bed, knowing that your husband doesn’t love you anymore, and that your nightmare came true. “Why not me?” You whispered to yourself, closing your eyes to go to sleep and wish for a great dream.

The next morning

You woke up, not feeling Dazai’s presence in your bed. Frowning, you got up to shower and went to the pharmacy, planning to buy medicine because it felt like you had a headache . As you were walking home, you saw Dazai, at a restaurant, sitting with another woman. You decided to let him be because why would you interrupt him from being happy? You saw him smiling at the woman, holding her hand, wishing that it was you instead. You were about a few meters away from your house, and near your house, there was an alleyway. “SOMEONE!! PLEASE HELP ME!” a voice screamed, you wondered who it was, and being worried and curious, you ran to the alleyway to help the person who was screaming for help.

You saw a girl, who looked like she was only 14, holding another girl in her arms, which you assumed that it’s someone probably important for her, both being held hostage. “Hey, are you okay?” You asked running towards them in a worried tone. “You bitch! Get away from the children or I’ll shoot.” the kidnapper shouted, threatening and holding unto the gun. Little did they know, a policeman is running to the commotion because of the little girl’s scream for help. You suddenly jumped in front of the gun, and out of luck, only your shoulder was shot at and not anywhere at your chest. “Run, please, I can handle it, and please, get some help.” You said to the little girl who was shocked. She ran into the policeman who was on his way to see what happened in the scene. “Sir! please! Help the woman there! She got shot!!” She cried at the policeman as he went and saw your body on the floor, unconscious due to loss of too much blood. As for the kidnapper there, he tried to run but he couldn’t. He ended up getting arrested, and for the girl, she went back to her family safely with her sister. Oh… but for you? You ended up in the hospital. Once you woke up, you got questioned if you had anyone close to you to visit you by the nurse. “Oh.. yes, I do, his name is Dazai Osamu, he is my husband. Now where is my phone? I’ll call him.” “Ma’am, I’m sorry but calls are not allowed in the hospital unless the staff is the one calling.” “What about you call him? I’m sure you won’t mind, right?” “Of course. I’ll give him a call that you’re injured and that you’re in the hospital, anything extra you want to say to him?” “No, thank you” you responded to the offer. The nurse went outside to call Dazai by using your phone. She then went back inside after 2-4 minutes and gave your phone back. “Please call for me if you have any complications with moving or if anything hurts. I’ll get the doctors, okay?” the nurse said. “Alright.” You responded.

Soon after Dazai ran to the hospital, leaving his mistress alone for the date.

“Belladonna! Are you okay? the nurse told me you got shot and lost alot of blood!! Oh please, tell me you are!” Dazai barged into your room, the nurse telling him to be quiet politely and left the two of you alone. “Belladonna? is there something wrong? Do you feel unwell?” “Of course I do, Samu, you think seeing your own husband going out with other woman doesn’t make you sick?” Dazai’s eyes widened to your response, wondering how you found out. “Suprised? Oh don’t even think you’re that good at hiding things away from me. I know you better than I know myself. You are just like a part of me, Dazai. We’ve been together for years and you think you can still hide stuff away from me?” “Belladonna- I’m sorry, okay? Please forgive me, I really am. When I heard from the nurse that you got shot, it made me feel an uneasy feeling in my stomach too. I’m so sorry, belladonna, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” “Am I not good enough for you, Osamu?” you said with teary eyes, not daring to look right at him. “Belladonna, you are, I am just such a selfish man and I thought I didn’t deserve you because you were beyond the meaning of the word kindness. Please, my love, don’t leave me.” “I won’t leave you, but you deserve someone much more better than me, Osamu. I kind of need some space right now, honey, so please leave me alone.” “As you wish, my beloved.” Dazai said as he left a room, with a sad look on his face. He felt bad for you and decided to prepare some gifts for you once he will go back to visit you tomorrow.

The next day, he went into the hospital and then to your room, but when he was just near the door, he heard a shriek from your room. He went to your room and then saw the nurse shocked, and your body, unconscious, on the floor. He rushed to your body, feeling this nostalgic feeling that he felt with his dearest friend, Oda. “Belladonna! You must be joking! open your eyes!! please… don’t die on me..” he cried, checking your pulse and heartbeat. And he didn’t feel or hear anything. He tried again and again trying to hear your heartbeat, he tried finding the warmth of your body, but it wasn’t there. “What happened to her…?” He asked the nurse, and she said she doesn’t know because she also just went in to check up on you because she heard a sound from your room. “Well??? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET SOME FUCKING HELP!” Dazai screamed at the nurse, his voice was cracking. The nurse rushed to get some help and once she did, he had to wait outside for you. And when the doctor told him, “I’m sorry, she couldn’t make it. We tried our best.” “No. no. no. no. no NO!! You have to be joking. My wife is a strong woman. She cannot just die easily! She can’t just leave me!!” was Dazai’s response. He ran into your room and looked at your body. It looked like it was so cold, and it was. There was no signs of warmth in your body. “Belladonna? Sweetheart?? Darling?? My love…? just wake up… please.. don’t leave me..” Dazai said and then held your hand. “I love you so much, [name]. I hope you’re in peace right now, so please forgive for what I have done to you. You deserve better.” He said as he was trying to accept the fact that you’re dead. That you killed yourself because of him. That you died because of him. That you got your heartbroken by him. He doesn’t ever want to let you go, but he has to because you have to go. You were the light of his world, and now, his world darkened once again.

• • That was so cheesy wtf || any req?? i only do bsd, genshin, jjk

[slasherfckr]

Did you think you could get away with writing something about our Tommy cheating and leave us hanging? WRONG! I demand humbly request an ending to somehow fix the hearts broken in the reading of the fanfic. Please, write about Thomas sparing reader and trying to make up for what he's done. Reader is obviously very hurt and won't trust Tommy for a long time, but appreciates that he at least has the decency to apologize and that he still chose them over that victim. Thank you ;;

PS: it's totally cool if you don't wanna! I'm just being a silly little idiot. If you feel like it should remain with an up-to-interpretation ending or just don't feel like it, then so be it! <3

You ask, you shall receive. Here's a follow up to the last Thomas fic.

-----------------------------------

Cheating!Thomas Hewitt x GN!Reader (pt.2)

You awaited the, hopefully, quick death Tommy and his chainsaw would bring you but it never came

You instead heard a heart stopping, blood curdling scream over the roar of the saw

You opened your eyes and looked over to Thomas cutting the victim down. Blood spraying all over you in the process

The sound of the chainsaw soon died out and you were left just staring up at your....you weren't even sure what to call Tommy anymore

You were so mad at him for betraying your trust in the most brutal way. But deep down, you still loved him. You just didn't think you could ever forgive him for what he's done

Thomas put down his saw and slowly turned to you, his eyes refusing to meet yours. He got down onto his knees and reached out for your hands

He held your hands in his for a minute before he raised his head up and looked at you

There was so much pain and sorrow in his eyes. Your heart broke at the sight. You wanted to hold him. To comfort him. But then you remembered why this was all happening

"Listen....Thomas....You cheated on me. You hurt me really bad. I....I just want to know. Why? Why did you do what you did?"

Thomas was about to sign you an answer but then Hoyt opened his mouth

"You two can fucking talk about that later. Right now, you need to go get a damn shower and Thomas needs to clean up his mess. Now get to it.'

You rolled your eyes at Hoyt but did as you were told anyways. You didn't have the energy to argue with the old fuck. Besides, maybe a nice cool shower would help straighten your mind out. So many thoughts were running around in your head, you couldn't think straight at the moment

--------------

You were up in the room finishing drying your hair with a towel when there was a knock on the door before it opened

Thomas came in and sat on the bed. Your heart was dreading what your next conversation would entail

You took a deep breath and grabbed his hand

"Thomas I want you to be completely honest with me. Did you have sex with that person because you don't love me anymore? Or because I can't give you everything you want in a relationship?"

Thomas' eyes went wide and he shook his head. You felt a little relieved that it wasn't your fault what has happened

"So....what happened?"

Thomas signed to you what happened

Apparently, they tried seducing him to try and escape. He told them he already had someone, they somehow convinced him that you would enjoy seeing him being so intimate with another person, that that was a common kink people had; to watch their SO bang another person. He immediately knew he fucked up when he saw your crying face down in the basement

You shook your head at Thomas. You felt bad he had been tricked so easily by a victim but on the other hand, he could have easily gotten you to double check

"They weren't wrong. That is a kink people have but it's not one of mine. This is why it's important to ask if you're unsure about something.... I'm sorry Thomas, I just can't forgive you...."

Before Thomas could react, you continued

"But that doesn't mean I don't love you still. I'm willing to give you another chance but you have to earn my trust again, which might take a very long time.....are you willing to work through this with me?"

You barely got the last word out before you were crushed by a bone crushing hug by Thomas. He quickly pulled away, nodding his head as he stroked one of your cheeks

You got up and gathered what little things you had in his room

"Well I'll be in the guest bedroom if you ever need me, Tommy."

You gave him a small smile before leaving the room

-----------------------------------

Ahhh sorry if it wasn't that good! Literally could not think of any other way on how/why Thomas would cheat honestly. Hence why the first fic was left so ambiguous. Hope this eased some heartbreaks the first one caused!

[snwusberry]

pairing: yeonjun x reader x wooyoung

genre: angst, fluff (if you squint real hard)

warning(s): language, food/eating, alcohol consumption, intoxication, a lot of crying, toxicity (yeonjun is a lil toxic ngl), trust issues, cheating mentioned but no one actually did, a lot of tears. love square my dudes. pov changes (sorry). there are many errors. i will try and fix them as soon as possible.

wc: 7k

notes: this is by far my longest fanfic (i had to bust out my laptop for this one) and i'm not gonna lie, for someone with a short attention span, this was quite difficult to write but i wanted to step out of my comfort zone so here it is. i hope you all enjoy this one

playlist:

i don't - sabrina claudio

cry for love - baekhyun

movies - conan gray

fight or flight - conan gray

bleeding love - leona lewis

reader pov

"this is the third time in a row now yeonjun. how many times is she gonna rock up at your apartment drunk?" i ask him, looking at the sleeping girl on the sofa. she’s a little too at peace for someone whos ruining my night right now.

"she comes here because she's most familiar with me. who else is supposed to help her?" yeonjun defends and i roll my eyes, not having any of it. this not the first time this is happening.

"her other friends. it's funny how she's got other friends, isn't it?" i sarcastically remark but he just returns a stern look.

"quiet down, you're gonna wake her up." i raise my eyebrows at the sheer audacity.

"have her sleep somewhere else then. i don’t know, call someone to pick her up and look after her. you're not doing none of that tonight." i tell him.

it's tiring how much this happens. she always does this. she comes up with something whenever she knows yeonjun and i will be together that day, like right now. she appeared drunk on yeonjun's doorstep on the day we decided to spend time together.

"please be serious right now."

"i am being serious. she's not spending the night here." i fight back, trying to stand my ground but i'm afraid i'm fighting a losing battle.

"this is my apartment y/n, not yours. i think that i should be the one to make that decision, no? stop bitching about it." he responds coldly with an unreadable expression on his face. there's a look in his eyes i've never seen before.

"okay then i'll leave."

his eyes soften upon hearing my tone of voice indicating that i am, in fact, upset.

"i didn't mean that." he tries to hold my hand to stop me from leaving but i pull away, getting my things to leave.

"then what the fuck did you mean?" i ask him turning to face him but he just stares, not saying anything. “you said what you said. call me when you drop this act of yours."

once the cool air outside the giant apartment building hits me, i let out a sigh, frustrated by all this. he really said that to me with a straight face and thinks he can just take it back all willy nilly? unbelievable.

i send a text to the person who's been helping me through this somewhat confusing moment in my relationship.

me:

are you busy?

i get a text back fairly quickly, i don't even need to read it to know he's not busy and judging by his patterns, he wouldn't have responded so quickly had he been occupied.

woo:

no

i make my way down the familiar road to one of my best friends' apartments. i've been here many times before but now i feel bad for even thinking about going there because i feel like as of late, i've just been there to complain.

"oh y/n. come in." he ushers me inside his warm apartment.

i make my way in and he walks me to the kitchen where i sit by the small island.

"let me guess, the name starts with m?" he asks, preparing some tea for both of us. i nod but the tears start to fall. i fucking hate when my anger turns to tears because it makes me feel weak. "that's not all, is it?" i shake my head and he walks around the island to pull me into a hug before he shoos me to the living room and he returns shortly after with a cup of tea, handing it to me before sitting next to me listening to everything i'm saying while i rant about what happened with yeonjun.

"that's messed up like how many times is she gonna show up drunk at his door?" wooyoung asks, outraged at the audacity of this girl.

"that's literally what i said to him. i told him she couldn't have gone to anyone else and you know what he said? he said 'she's most familiar with me. who else with her?' can you believe this guy?" i rhetorically ask, taking a sip from the cup. "and then i said to him that she's not spending the night and i kid you not, something in him just switched. he was like 'that's not your decision to make' but like, the way he said it... it was so unlike him. it's like i was talking to a whole different man."

"if this continues its gonna be a problem." wooyoung warns me cautiously.

"i know. i don't like where this is going."

i wake up, sitting up to look around, realizing i crashed at wooyoung's place. everything from last night coming back to me. i remember how yeonjun acted, that i cried and now i'm here.

"ahhh." i groan throwing myself back on the bed. how long is this going to go on for?

"rise and shine." wooyoung calls out a little too chipper. he enters the room and i glare at him. "what's with that face? come on i made you breakfast."

"you didn't have to."

"you say that all the time and yet here we are. come on grumpy." he says, pulling me out of bed.

"i'm not grumpy." i mumble with a pout.

"say again."

"nothing."

"thought so."

he makes me sit down at the kitchen table where the table is set with my favourite breakfast. i thank him, sitting down.

"don't be shy."

i smile at him, immediately digging in.

"slow down. the food isn’t running away." he warns and i apologize briefly.

my phone starts ringing and i check to see who it is but my smile falters and wooyoung looks at me worried.

"who is it?"

"yeonjun."

his face falls at my answer, as if a happy moment was ruined.

"answer."

i nod, answering his call but i take a moment before saying anything.

"babe?"

"hello."

"baby, please come over, or rather, i'm coming over-" his voice sounds hasty, his breathing choppy, as if he ran a marathon.

i look at wooyoung for a second with hesitance and he's just minding his own business but the look on his face shows he's upset.

"don't bother." i tell him bluntly. i'm still not over last night so let me be petty today.

"why? is everything alright?"

"i'm not home." wooyoung looks up and shakes his head making me sigh. "look, i'll be right there. just make sure your friend is not there once i arrive."

"come on y/n not this again."

"i'm serious yeonjun." i hang up before throwing my phone on the table. letting out a sigh in frustration because i don't want to go to him right now. he could at least let me enjoy my morning.

"go on." is all wooyoung says before standing up and clearing up the dishes to wash them. his mood has clearly drastically different now.

"wooyoung-"

"go talk to him. you can't leave these things unresolved like this. go talk to him and sort this mess out."

"but wooyoung."

"no, not another word. besides you can always come back once you're done." he suggests so i just agree.

"okay."

i walk out, calling an uber to yeonjun's apartment building, deciding not to walk there.

i make my way to the elevator where i see mara walking out. i try to avoid her, not wanting to even talk to her because it will just ruin my mood completely.

"oh? look who it is."

dammit.

i put on my fakest smile, turning to face her. "hi mara."

"going to yeonjun's?" she asks and i fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"no i'm here to see soobin. haven't seen him in a while." i respond sarcastically.

"soobin is in the states."

wow i had no idea.

"great then who else could i possibly be here for?" i ask her in the most real yet fake questioning tone.

"why don't you just give up already? no matter how hard you try, yeonjun will always pick me over you anyway." she smugly remarks and i roll my eyes.

"is that why you he asked you to leave for me to come see him at my request, might i add. i wouldn’t be proud to be a choice sweetie." the elevator door opens once again and i get in, waving at her as the doors close.

something inside me is restless though because deep down i have a feeling that she might be right. he's chosen her over me multiple times so i'm afraid she's right.

once i reach his floor, i walk to his door and knock, hearing shuffling before the door opens.

"you didn't have to knock you know. i'd know it's you." he says blankly and i roll my eyes.

"yeah well then i guess we both acting different."

"babe- wait, those are last nights clothes." he looks at me suspiciously and i raise my eyebrows.

"i'm aware."

"then where were you so early in the morning? you said you didn't go home last night?" he questions.

"why do you care?"

"because you're my girlfriend, of course i care, y/n be serious please." i scoff at his words. at this point, i feel like he thinks i’m a joke because he always says that to me.

"i am being serious. you haven't been treating me like i'm your girlfriend so i don't see what's wrong with my question."

"what are you even saying? and where did you go last night then?"

"oh now you're questioning me? you called me over to talk so tell me what you needed to so i can go."

his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me confused.

"i wanted to spend time with you since our date last night was ruined." he says softly.

"and who ruined it?"

"don't start. just please tell me where you wer-"

"wooyoung's place."

his face drops to an expressionless one and he just looks at me.

"why the long face now all of a sudden? what's wrong?"

"you get mad at me for having mara over but it’s okay for you to spend the night at wooyoung's place? how is that fair? besides, i only went there because of you."

"because of me?" he questions and i nod. "why? tell me."

"because he's the one who was able to give me comfort after the way you spoke to me. you chose to let mara crash our date for the nth time." he remains silent. "what now? much like you were there for mara, wooyoung did the same for me."

"was it to spite me?” he asks me and i scoff.

“not everything is about you jun.”

“i don't want you going near him anymore. if you have a problem you come to me." i scoff, rolling my eyes at what he just said what does he think this is?

he has to be joking. he is joking right?

"and if you are the problem?"

he looks at me confused with his head tilted trying to figure out what i meant.

"what do you even mean?"

"i mean that you, choi yeonjun, are the problem in this scenario." i tell him and try to walk out but he grabs my wrist.

"let go."

"not until we resolve this."

i sigh to myself knowing he's right. we need to actually talk about this or it will just get out of control.

"come sit down." he gently speaks walking with me to the living room.

"y/n please tell me what's wrong." he asks once we've sat down. we're facing each other while he holds both of my hands in his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs.

"mara and how you are around her."

he let's one of my hands go to run his hand through his hair, an irritated expression making its way on his face.

"you always act different when she's around."

"why are you always bringing her into this?"

"she's getting in the middle of us." i tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"baby she's my best friend, that's all."

"and she likes you."

"don't talk shit."

he thinks i'm talking nonsense? it's clear as day that she has feelings for him and it frustrating that he can't see it but him talking to me like this? absolutely not.

"i'm telling the truth. tell me, how come she always has an emergency whenever we're together?"

"i don't know. look it's not right to blame someone else for this. do you not trust me?"

"of course i do! if i didn't trust you, i wouldn't have left the two of you alone together and i would’ve questioned you the way you just did when i walked in. i just want you to see what's really going on here."

"y/n." he reaches for my hand again to hold it. "whether she likes me or not, that shouldn't matter anyway. i love you and only you and that won't change."

"then why do you always choose to be with her instead?" i ask him and he tenses.

"what?"

"you always choose her. whenever it comes down to it, it's always gonna be her. she even said it herself in the lobby and i told her off but i knew deep down that she’s actually telling the truth."

"y/n."

"like last night, for example. she showed up and you stopped our plans to go help her even though there are many other people she could've ran to, then when i walked out, you did nothing."

"this is ridiculous."

"you are being ridiculous, yeonjun. you don't wanna see what's right in front of you."

"are you jealous of her or something? babe i tell you time and time again that she's just a friend!" he raised his voice at me and i pull my hands away from him.

"oh i'm jealous... that's what it is, right? i'm jealous because my boyfriend is making time for someone else. i’m jealous because my boyfriend let's me leave to spend the night with another girl. is that what you're saying?" i question, standing up, ready to leave.

"stop talking, you're making it seem like something it's not. besides you have no right getting upset since you spend all your time with wooyoung anyway."

"BECAUSE HE AT LEAST HAS TIME FOR ME! it's selfish, yes but he has time for me when you are too busy giving all of yours to someone else!"

"are you that hungry for attention that you're too busy looking for it elsewhere?"

"fuck you yeonjun." with that i walk out and go straight back to wooyoung's apartment.

there is a movie playing but it's just background noise at this point because my thoughts are running wild.

i found myself staying at wooyoung's apartment for the past 3 days since my argument with yeonjun.

he let me stay here and he's been nothing but accommodating and i feel like i'm taking advantage of his kindness which is the last thing i want to do.

"wooyoung."

"hmm?"

"thank you." is all i say and he sits up from his seat.

"for what?" he asks, not knowing where all of this is coming from.

"thank you." i repeat, feeling a burning sensation in my eyes.

"y/n." i look down and he moves to the loveseat i'm sitting on. he sees the tears forming on my eyes and immediately hugs me. "what did he say to you?"

i can't answer, the words are stuck in my throat and i couldn't answer him.

"it's okay. it'll be okay."

"i don't think it will." he stops patting my back for a second before continuing.

"don't be like this y/n. he’ll open his eyes eventually."

"i'm afraid it will be too late by then." i say sadly, more to myself than anything but i said it too loud because wooyoung heard.

he pulls away to take a brief look at me.

"what do you mean by that?"

"i'm reaching my limit here."

"don't make any hasty decisions."

"i'm not wooyoung. i love him, i really do, but if loving him is only going to get me feeling like this then it's really not worth it."

"y/n-"

"it's tiring." i tell him letting more tears fall at the thought of possibly ending my relationship with yeonjun.

"whatever you choose to do, i'll be right by your side." he softly tells me with eyes filled with sorrow as he watches me cry. "and if he doesn't appreciate you someone else definitely will. you're a sweet girl who deserves only the best and it kills me to see that that's not what you're getting."

he makes me look in his eyes and mouths something that i couldn't quite catch what he said. he wipes away my tears with this tumbs, all while keeping eye contact with me.

"someone will treat you better y/n." he whispers, letting out a sigh before looking away. "come on, let's do something that'll get your mind off him." he suggests. i don't know what he means by that.

"sure."

"alright, follow me." he takes my hand and takes me to his room, further confusing me.

"wooyoung?"

"shhh." he rummages through his closet and get a long sleeve shirt, handing it to me. "wear this."

"what's this for?" i ask, looking at him.

"just wear it. there's a method behind my madness."

i just shrug and put it on over my tank top and we walk out.

"a rage room?"

"why not?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders before we both walk in and book a session.

the lady explains the rules to us and before i know it, i'm breaking everything around me with out a care in the world. i'm imagining mara’s face before hitting something which really helps get the aggression out.

"FUCK! YOU! CHOI! YEONJUN!" i scream while breaking the things around me. "AND FUCK THAT MARA BITCH TOO!"

wooyoung just looks at me with a wide smile which is still visible through the protective gear.

once our session is over he takes us both to go eat some street food and i feel calm after all that.

"you know, i needed that." i breath out in content.

"yeah?"

"yeah. is it concerning to feel better after imagining someone's face over an object before hitting it to oblivion?" he laughs making me smile a bit, not thinking what i said was gonna be funny but go figure.

"it's not hard to imagine someone's face over something you're gonna throw at a wall."

"who's face were you imagining?" i ask him, turning to face him on the bench.

"the one who made you cry." i stop eating briefly at what he said.

"not too much bow, he's still your best friend."

"that doesn't excuse his shitty behavior." he sing-songs before taking a bite from his food.

"still." i try to grap a fry from his box while he’s not looking but he staws my hand away before i can even get far.

"hey."

"you have your own."

"had my own." i frown showing him the empty box.

"ask next time. here." he says giving me some and i smile, thanking him.

"the weather is so nice today."

"not with that fucking vanilla talk."

"last time i try to create conversation." we laugh together, looking at the sun setting.

i feel a lot better now after going to the rage room and taking out all of my frustration.

"ready to go home?" he asks once we're done.

"can we go to your place?"

"and what will your boyfriend think of that?" he asks teasingly.

"he won't like it but i spent the last two nights at yours so what's another night?"

"i don't want him to freak out on us for that. come i'll take you home."

"please wooyoung. i don't wanna be alone tonight."

"then call yeonjun. i think you both need to sit and talk with a clear mind.”

"we tried that already, remember?"

"try again." he urges and i sigh, taking my phone and dialing his number. it rings but he doesn't pick up.

"voicemail, see he’s still mad. let's go."

“y/n” he warns and i sigh, giving in, deciding not to make this an even bigger deal.

once i get home and wooyoung has left i lay in bed, listening to the music playing on the speaker.

yeonjun and i have been together for 3 years now and we've never gone through something like this nor have i ever considered the possibility of breaking up with him so how did we get this far?

i pick up my phone to text him. i just wanna see something.

me:

yeonjun please come over quick!!

please.

something happened!!

i put my phone down to see if he will even respond.

"in my head we never grow apart. in my head you never break my heart. but we know that's not what we're doing. 'cause baby this not like the movies." i sing along softly letting a tear fall hearing no notification go off on my phone. this is exactly why i didn't wanna be alone tonight.

wooyoung's pov

i sit with san in his apartment just relaxing, catching up, all that fun stuff. it's been quite a while since we actually got to just hang out and talk but right now i just wish more than anything that he'd shut up or change the topic because he is driving me insane.

"i say be selfish." he finally says with a shrug to finish off his little rant.

"what do you mean by that?" i ask him, narrowing my eyes at his final statement.

"look, yeonjun is being a complete dick right now and who does she run to afterwards?"

"me?"

"bingo." he smiles, taking a sip from his can of beer.

"i'm not picking up what you're putting down."

"she goes to you for comfort and you treat her the way her boyfriend is supposed to. be selfish and let them break up. i mean, why are you even trying to help save a dying relationship?"

"because i respect both of them and their relationship. besides, that's just taking advantage of her vulnerability you ass."

sometimes he doesn't think past the present.

"and its not like she'd ever look at me that way. no matter what the state of her relationship with yeonjun is, she will still love him regardless." i tell him sadly. she's deeply in love with him and it hurts me so much because it's not certain if he shares the same sentiment anymore and i'm just here waiting to give her the love she deserves.

my phone rings and i pick up without checking who's calling.

"hello."

"jung wooyoung."

speak of the devil.

"y/n."

"wooyoung are you home?"

her words are slurred and my worry spikes. she's drunk in broad daylight. it's never a good sign.

"JUNG WOOYOUNG!"

i hear her starting to cry judging by the feint sniffing on the ither side.

"are you also tired of me now too?"

"where are you?"

"don't worry if you're busy right now. i don't wanna bother you." she hiccups, before yawning loudly.

"you're not. please tell me where you are."

"the streets." she laughs hysterically before catching her breath. "i'm outside yeonjun's apartment building."

her voice wavers when she says that and my heart sinks. what did that asshole do to her this time?

"i'm coming there okay. don't go anywhere."

i hang up, ready to get my keys.

"where are you running off to?" san questions with a raised eyebrow.

"to pick y/n up. she's not doing too good."

"let me come with."

"okay let's go."

once we get to the complex i see y/n sitting on the ground looking out of it.

"holy shit." i hear san whisper as we run to her and get her off the floor.

"wooyoung?" she smiles widely it doesn’t reach her eyes. she looks a mess with swollen eyes and tears still running down her cheeks. i feel terrible.

"if she can show up drunk at his door then why can't i? why am i not allowed to go to him all vulnerable like she does? i'm his girlfriend, not her!" she starts shouting out of nowhere which draws attention from a couple of people around us.

this isn't fair anymore. if he's gonna keep pushing her around like this he might as well just end this relationship instead of continuously making her feel like absolute shit.

"why doesn't he love me anymore wooyoung? why? why don't you love me anymore yeonjun?! what did i do?" she starts yelling, properly sobbing now, hitting my chest while she speaks.

"get lost." san says, probably talking to someone who is probably staring. i need to get her away from these people looking at her weirdly.

i take her to the car, getting in the back with her so she can sit comfortably.

"what did he do?" i ask her once she’s seated comfortably.

"he kicked me out because that bitch was there. she probably called him crying or some shit but i'm crying too." she points to herself, choking on her tears. "YEONJUN SEE I'M CRYING TOO!" she shouts to no one. i close my eyes, letting tears of my own fall. i haven’t seen her like this before. 'aww, look, you woke up poor mara who’s sad and going through things, and she’s sad and not doing too well.' it's always about poor sad mara! you know, he called me an attention seeker the other day? an attention seeker for wanting the bare minimum from my boyfriend. he's with that girl so much, he might as well be her boyfriend and not mine right?" she humorlessly laughs. "and then he had the audacity to tell me i can't be around you anymore. who does he think he is?”

did he seriously tell her she can’t be around me anymore? but then he continues to act the way he does. if y/n can't confide in me or him then who else is she supposed to run to?

“he's not mine anymore wooyoung. i think i've lost him."

i shake my head as she cries in my shoulder.

where did it all go wrong? i mean, he's never been like this before so what now? why is he acting differently now?

"enough is enough. san, please take her home and take care of her. make sure she drinks water and sobers up. i'll be there soon." i tell san who's in the passenger seat and he nods.

"san is here? hi san." she smiles widely, waving in no particular direction.

i give him the keys and wait for him to drive off before heading to yeonjun's apartment, knocking on the door and i wait for him to open. he's got a look of surprise written in his face.

"wooyoung? what are you doing here?" he asks and i shrug. "come in."

i walk in seeing another pair of shoes already there. he offers me a drink which i decline.

"is mara here?" i ask and he nods. "yeah, she's asleep in the room."

"i see."

what's gotten into him? he used to be the most attentive person when it came to y/n so what changed?

"what on earth do you think you're doing?" i ask him.

"sorry?" he asks me, completely dumbfounded by my sudden question.

"do you think what you're doing is right?"

"what's this all about?" he questions, clearly not expecting me to start asking him questions.

"mara is here sleeping am i right?" he nods. "and where is y/n, if you don't mind me asking."

"i sent her home. she came here, caused a scene and started drunkenly shouting so i sent her home because she could've woke mara up." i wanna strangle him so bad right now but i just scoff, deciding to choose peace.

"doesn't it concern you that she's coming to you drunk at 3 in the afternoon?" i ask him but it seems like i'm talking to a brick wall.

"what?"

"you're so dense."

"look, if you came here to do the same then you can go see yourself out."

"do you understand the shit you're putting y/n through?"

"don't involve yourself, this is between y/n and i." he warns but i'm not backing down. he either does something to fix this or he breaks up with her and he's deciding that today. i don't care anymore.

"no, its between you, y/n and mara so i will involve myself too. y/n has been crying non stop for days now because of you and your inability to see what mara is actually doing here."

"she didn't do anything. y/n clearly doesn't trust me to be around her so she's obviously gonna wanna cause a scene."

i raise my eyebrows at his bold choice of words. so he defends her by belittling his own girlfriend... it's bewildering to me.

"you're unbelievable. through all of this, when has she ever accused you of cheating with mara?" he remains silent. what else can he say? there's no way to defend the way he's acting right now and i will call him out for it. "she does trust you asshole, all she wants from you is for you to not blow her off because mara needs you. she needs you too yeonjun."

i'm saying all of this but a small part of me hopes he stays stubborn like this and they break up. san is right, it is selfish but i wanna be there for y/n the way yeonjun is failing to. she deserves so much more than this and that's what i wanna give her but then again.

but there's a small part of me that know i still don't have a chance anyway. she doesn't see me that way and that's the only reason i'm here trying to help save tis relationship. even if it hurts me in the end.

"i'm with her all the time." he defends and i scoff. there's no way he's actually being serious right now.

"that's bullshit and we both know it. when was the last time you two actually spent quality time together?"

"two weeks ago and then she walked out."

"without interruptions." i clarify and yeonjun's face drops. i don't know what he's thinking right now but he better be realizing his mistakes.

"you called her an attention seeker for wanting to be with her boyfriend who's too busy with another girl."

"you're making it sound like something it isn't."

"well how am i supposed to know what actually goes down when the two of you are alone together."

that hits a nerve because he yells for me to shut up and i just smile at his reaction.

"don't you ever accuse me of such things EVER. i love y/n way too much to even think about doing that to her so who are you to even question me on that? besides, you're the last one to talk."

"excuse me?"

don't act like you're not always with her. who knows what you two are doing behind my back?" he asks and i raise my eyebrows. someone needs to be here to slap some sense into him because he's genuinely lost it. if he loves her so much then why is he acting like this.

"that's how much you trust her and i? you know, she's never questioned you about mara. you say love her but you don't trust her? is that it yeonjun? and you have the audacity to say you love her then why don't you fucking show it? she sat outside this very building for who knows how long crying her eyes out asking why you don't love her anymore. she asked why mara can come to you in that very state but she can't and she's your girlfriend, no less. you know what else she said? she said she thinks  she's lost you. she said you're not hers anymore. are you hearing me? she's giving up on you and she’s giving up on trying to singlehandedly save your relationship." i tell him while he looks at me with tears forming in his eyes.

oh now he's listening...

"you know, she's told me before that she's thinking of breaking up with you because loving you is hard and she doesn't think it's worth all this pain it’s giving her."

"she said that?" he asks and i nod.

"i'm gonna give you an ultimatum. it's y/n or mara."

"quit playing wooyoung."

"i'm not. either choose mara and end it with y/n and i will personally make sure it ends or choose y/n and stop being friends with mara."

"why? you hoping i choose mara so that she can run into your arms?" he asks rhetorically but that question has an answer already.

"yes i am, actually. she's already doing that, isn't she?"

"you son of a bitch. i always knew you had feelings for her. if you ever say shit like that to me it won't end well."

"look, i was never even trying to hide it. she only runs to me after you treat her like trash. she doesn't see me like that and you know that. that's why i'm here right now. because no matter what my feelings for her are, you’re the  one she thinks about. you're all she talks about. i know i don't have a chance otherwise you two would've broken up the moment she came to me the first time crying because of you. make a choice yeonjun." i say before walking away.

reader's pov

headache. a fucking headache is the last thing i need right now.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"how are you feeling?"

i open my eyes to see san standing by the door with a mug in hand.

"horrible. why did i do all that?"

"i made some tea for you." he hands me the cup and i thank him, taking a sip a little too quickly because i burnt my tongue. "easy now."

"sorry."

"what happened yesterday?" he asks sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me.

"where do i even start?"

"ladies and gentlemen. sorry i have a little announcement. attention everyone." i slur out to everyone who's around me in the bar. it's more on the secluded part of the club so i can get away with making a little announcement. i just need these people to listen.

"ma'am, get down from there." a man who's sitting at the bar tries to help me down but i haven't said what i needed to yet.

"hold on i need to tell everyone this. HELLO!! yes."

"ma'am get down or i'm afraid we'll have to throw you out."

"my boyfriend is an asshole." i laugh hysterically, clapping and everything. "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE YEONJUN!!"

"get down!"

"okay okay i am. relax." the people around me helped me down but i was escorted out because these people are boring and don't know how to loosen up.

i could go to yeonjun. i hope he's not busy with mara right now. i miss him and we haven't spoken in a good minute.

i decide to walk, not really feeling like sitting in a stuffy car.

once i get there, i take a breath before knocking on the door and wait for him to open but nothing so i just enter.

"CHOI YEONJUN!" where is he? "babe i miss you where are you?"

"y/n?" he appears from his room and i immediately run to him for a hug.

"were you drinking?" he asks annoyed. what's his problem?

"just a little. i had like 5..."

"y/n."

"bottles." i burst out laughing but he doesn't seem to find it funny. so uptight.

"y/n you're drunk."

"am not." i pout and he rolls his eyes.

"why are you drinking at this time of the day?"

"because of you. you made me feel like shit when you didn't respond my message yesterday. o drank because you don't care about me yeonjun. you didn't even call to check. WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST CALL ME? TELL ME!"

"yeonjun?" i look at the person calling his name and there stands mara in the doorway to his room.

"babe is she wearing my clothes?" i ask him after eyeing her up and down.

"she's just borrowing them."

"no you are incorrect. YOU yeonjun, took it upon yourself to give her my clothes. borrowing would imply that she asked me to wear my clothes and me allowing her to but it's nothing of the sort. see how it works? come on, go change." i tell her walking towards her but yeonjun holds me back from walking forward.

"what am i going to wear then? jun please speak to her." she is such a bit-

"y/n."

"give her yours then. there problem solved, now everyone can have their tea. i'm so smart." i pat myself on the back beaming at my bright idea.

"y/n you're embarrassing yourself."

"in front of who?" i start looking around to see if there's anyone else here but it's just the three of us. "i don't see anyone."

"me. you're embarrassing me."

"okay but in front of who though?"

"y/n go home, alright, you're drunk and you woke mara up."

"oh sorry mara. i didn't mean to barge into your home and wake you up. and don't even worry about my clothes you can have them. you've already taken something else from me, getting upset over clothes would just be trivial."

"Y/N!" i immediately stop talking, flinching from him shouting my name suddenly. my heart starts rapidly beating and my breaking picks up pace. "please just go home. now."

i nod, trying to hold back my tears as i walk out the door.

"im so sorry y/n." san said, taking my hand in his to try to comfort me. i keep my head ducked.

the door opens and wooyoung walks in.

"san what did you do to her?" he jokes making me laugh a little bit.

"nothing. shut up."

"y/n, can i talk to you?"

"sure." he walks in, sitting down next to san.

"i spoke to yeonjun." he starts off but i don't wanna hear it. anything with regards to him, i don't wanna hear it. his name alone just upsets me.

"let's not mention his name right now."

"i gave him an ultimatum." he blankly says and i look at him.

"what's the point? he's chosen her time and time again, what's the point? and talking about him will just piss me off." i dismiss the idea, not wanting to talk about it further. "let's talk about something else." i suggest.

"you really not gonna talk to him?" san asks and i shake my head.

"i don't want to. you know, something in me keeps telling me to just meet up with him so i can end it, but i'm weak. i'm too weak to do something like that."

"you can't avoid him either though." wooyoung injects but i shake my head.

"then give me time to think things over."

"i'll respect whatever decision you make." he says.

"thank you woo. but please don't let me cause a dent in your friendship. the last thing i want is for you two to stop talking on my expense."

"i'm just gonna say it. y/n, you're too good for him." san says making me smile.

"thank you." i finish my tea and take a shower before heading back to my place.

--

i look through the racks of the detergent aisle. i've been needing to buy groceries for a while.

the past week after the whole incident at yeonjun's apartment have been complete hell. a whole back and forth of emotions and its honestly too much for me but i need some air and run errands and basically get my shit together because i can't let a man put my whole life on pause like this.

my phone beeps and i check, smiling while reading wooyoung's message. him and san have been checking up on me every 3 hours, driving me up the wall here and there but i appreciate it nonetheless.

once i get home, carrying my groceries, genuinely in a good mood after actually taking a walk but ummm.

"what are you doing here?" i ask the girl.

"just visiting a mutual friend." she slyly responds making me roll my eyes.

"get lost."

"no."

"suit yourself."

i unlock the door, going in, shutting it in her face, waving before locking the door.

because i thought a bitch said something. i do not have time today.

i put on my music, deciding to clean up and pack my stuff like the mature adult i am.

while i'm going through my bills, i hear rattling at the door.

now who's trying to break in?

i stand up to go check, deciding to bang on the door to stop this person but then they start again.

"see what i’m not gonna do is deal with this rattling noise going through these thin ass walls, if you wanna get in just knock like a normal person dammit!"

the person knocks and i open the door. why? i don't know, i could literally be in danger.

"what the hell do you want?" i look at the tall man in front of me, not really expecting him to be standing there.

"oh it’s you." i try to close the door but he pushes it and keeps it open. "are you here to shout at me for closing the door in your precious mara's face?" i ask looking at the girl standing behind him.

"i'm here to talk to you."

"i don't wanna talk to you. look i've been having a good day today so please take your little hip attachment and leave."

she looks at me smugly and i decided to just turn a blind eye because she's pissing me off.

"mara please leave." he tells her not even looking at her. her face drops and i look at yeonjun, confused.

"do you want me to wait for you outside?" she asks him, voice getting high pitched as if she wasn't sounding like someone's father while speaking to me earlier.

"go home mara." he sternly tells her.

"jun-"

"leave." he urges making her open and close her mouth like a fish. deserved bitch.

"yeonjun why are you here?" i ask in a defeated tone not really in the mood to talk to him right now.

"i wanted to talk to you. can we please talk?"

"no." i try closing the door again and he stops my from doing so again.

"please y/n."

"i don't want to talk to you right now. please just leave me alone and don't be so rude to mara. go with her and leave me alone please."

"y/n."

"GO."

"i'm not ready to give up on us y/n."

"I TRIED WITH YOU YEONJUN! i've been trying with you. it’s only when i've reached my limit when you come to me with that? it took someone to force you to make a choice for you to realize the shit you’ve done but all those times i've pleaded with you flew over your head. i stood in your apartment drunk as a cry for help and you threw me out because i woke your dearest friend up! i took everything and accepted it quietly. you called me names and i accepted it, you spoke to me however you wanted to and i accepted it. you had that girl in MY CLOTHES, USING MY SHIT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED AND I FUCKING KEPT QUIET. i never once doubted you or your relationship with mara, only to have wooyoung tell me that you had the fucking audacity to question my loyalty to you when i've never given you a reason to. it's not fair so for you to come here, sending mara away in front of me as if to prove a point and demand that i talk to you. it's just pathetic." i yell out to him, finally getting it off my chest.

it felt good to actually say it and dare i say, to shout at him the way i did.

"you're only here because wooyoung gave you an ultimatum and that's what fucking opened your eyes? i'm your girlfriend yeonjun, not a choice and if it's gotten to a point where you havr to you're have to choose me or someone else then please just don't bother choosing me, it's insulting. now please give me some time and leave from here."

he nods his head and i can see the prominent pain in his eyes but i need to stand my ground.

he finally leaves and i shut the door. i truly can't believe this guy.

"fuck you yeonjun!" i sob out quietly. i've found myself saying that a lot lately because who does he actually think he is?

the last couple of weeks have been hell and here he comes all willy-nilly talking about some, 'i'm not giving up on us' well it sure as hell felt like it. after pushing me away for so long he only comes to me now after i've given up? i've told him how i felt but he only listened after someone else told him.

still, after all the heartache, my heart is still too weak to leave him.

i know that mara is the main reason all of this is happening, he's never acted this way until she developed feelings for him and decided to try to separate us, but he still made his own decisions regardless of that. he let her get between us and he chose to treat me the way he did.

he's just a caring person though. that's how he is but if he's caring, then we wouldn't be like this now.

i wanna get back to how we once were but there's this lingering question of 'what if this all happens again?'. i mean, he didn't hesitate to forget me once so what's stopping him from doing it again?

my phone rings and i walk to go pick it up, seeing it's wooyoung calling.

"hello?"

"are you dumb?" he asks me and i furrow my eyebrows.

"okay ouch, first of all, and second, where is this coming from?" i ask him.

"why did you shut yeonjun down when he wanted to talk things out?"

"because i'm tired woo. he's been putting me on the back burner for another girl for weeks before i said anything and when i did, it all just spiraled after that. he spoke to me any which way and i took it but it became too much. i'm tired from all the chasing." i rant out to him, feeling tears forming.

"so what does this mean for the two of you?" he asks.

that's a good question...

the next week has just been me thinking everything through. 3 years together is a long time to consider.

i call yeonjun telling him i’m outside before entering the building. i walk to his door thinking over, knocking on it before he opens it.

"y/n. uh come in." he steps aside, allowing me in. being in here fills my head with nothing but memories of the recent events. that's not a good sign.

"do you want anything?" he asks but i decline.

sitting at the kitchen table in awkward silence, my leg bouncing up and down from the nerves that have taken over.

"i'm sorry for lashing out on you last timea. i didn't let you explain your side of the story which was unfair on my part." i tell him, avoiding eye contact.

"how you reacted was valid. i haven't been the best boyfriend to you for a long time now and i wanna apologize for everything. for the way i spoke to you and treated you. it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary and i should have listened to you the first time, no actually, i shouldn't have given you a reason to feel that way in the first place."

i see tears forming in his eyes as he speaks and it takes a lot in me to not engulf him in a hug to comfort him. i can't do that right now, i need to be headstrong.

"it shouldn't have taken someone else to talk to me about this before realizing what i did to you and i should have managed my priorities better. you know, you're the most important person to me and i didn't show it and worst of all, i questioned your loyalty to me, not once but twice."

that's what breaks my heart more than anything. i haven't given any reason to feel that way which is why i was shocked when he doubted got just me but wooyoung as well. everything between us has been nothing but platonic but clearly he didn't see it that way. a tear rolls down his cheek and i look away so that i don't see him crying, it's my biggest weakness.

i never once did. not even when i saw mara walk out of his room because that's how much i trust him. you can't love without trust and he clearly couldn't seem to trust me and that's what stings the most.

"i should know better than anyone that you wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. look, i regret everything y/n. you shouldn't be apologizing for the way you reacted yesterday, i was wrong, i let someone get between us and i hurt you. that's my biggest regret." he says.

we both have tears running down our eyes but i still refuse to look in his eyes. he takes hold of my hand before continuing to talk.

"i'm not asking for you to forgive me right away because i know that's a big ask but let me earn it please."

"okay. you can earn my forgiveness." i smile weakly at him before quickly looking away. "by letting me go." i finish and i feel his grip on my hand loosen a bit.

and that is why i didn't want to look in his eyes. because i know i wouldn't be able to tell him that had i looked in his eyes.

it hurts to do but i know it's the best decision for me right now.

" y/n, what- what are you saying?" he asks, stumbling over his words.

"i thought about this yeonjun. the things you've said to me, the things you've done. it was so easy for you to forget how to act, who's to say it won't happen again?"

"i cut ties with mara."

"it shouldn't have to get to that point. that means that you'd let this keep happening otherwise. it shouldn't get to the point of you having to choose."

"i don't wanna lose you." he weakly tells me but i shake my head.

"actions have consequences. please let me go. let's end this here." i feel the lump in my throat forming and that's the last thing i need. i can't let myself change my mind now. i've had to think about this far too long to let myself fall back in his arms. it's for the best.

"is that really what you want?" he asks and i nod, not trusting myself to talk. "then that's it."

i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"i love you yeonjun."

"i love you too." he says before letting go of my hand.

i walk out without looking back, because if i do, i'll just run back to him.

‘sorry heart, i guess we’ll just have to start again.’

i let more tears fall as i walk into wooyoung's car.

"ready to go?" he asks and i nod and with that he drives off.

"you missed the exit." i told him and he just smiles.

"i know."

"where are we going?"

"who knows?"

"wooyoung."

"you need to see some scenery, get some air, and let your mind relax so that's why. remember, there's a method behind my madness. there always is." he saus smiling.

"thank you woo."

"don't. you deserve the best and i'll always be there to give you just that." he says to me making me smile.

[physalian]

The Ace Character Guide

I am firmly in the “you don’t need to be part of X minority to write characters in X minority” camp. If we didn’t celebrate people learning, researching, and trying, we’d keep these dividers up. Now if your plan is to write a character explicitly suffering the nuanced and painful circumstances of why they’re a minority maybe don’t do that if you don’t personally have that experience?

Anyway! I want more aces in fiction. Thus, non-aces should get comfortable writing us, cause we’re really not that scary, and there’s a ton of variety within the ace spectrum. I’m including demisexuals in here, but not aromantics because I am not any authority on aromanticism. As seen in the graph above, your ace, or aces, can be wildly different than whatever stereotype you have in your head.

You can be an ace romantic, you can be ace and any other sexuality or gender identity, you can be poly and ace. There is no limit.

So I spent way too long on the above graph that should include gender identity on it but that would require three axes and I want to keep this simple, so for today's purposes "orientation" includes gender identity. Here's five ace characters you could potentially write:

Character A: This character's aceness is neutral, as is their sexuality, since they don't desire anyone regardless of what's in their pants. They might have it from time to time, but will let the opportunity arise and the planets align to feel in the mood for it.

Character B: This character could be gay, bi, pan, lesbian, etc, and are more on the sex-positive side and leaning toward demi. They'll do it, maybe seek it out, but likely not with a stranger and not very often. They might only do it with their partner or someone they trust.

Character C: This character is, for all other intents and purposes, straight and cis. They might have a long-term partner, they might not, but they'll do it when the inclination arises, just probably won't have a hook-up or a one-night-stand with a stranger.

Character D: This character is also, for all other intents and purposes, straight and cis, but they want little to do with sex. Doesn't matter if they're in a romantic relationship. They don't seek it out and might actively avoid situations where they'd be pressured to participate.

Character E: This character is LGBTQ+ of some variety, but still not a fan of sex. They do not need a reason to justify their gayness because straight isn't the default. They might be in a monogomous or polyamourous relationship and in it for the cuddles and attention.

What does all that mean? It means I can write a gay male character who isn’t going to seek out someone to sleep with but might dabble if he’s in the mood and someone approaches him first, and still call him ace. I can also write a straight, cis-woman who wants absolutely nothing to do with it or any of its byproducts, and call her ace.

Asexuality isn’t necessarily a lack of libido, it’s a lack of attraction to other people. Aces aren’t all prude, clueless virgins, our sexuality is self-contained. Or, sometimes, it really is the lack of drive for any and all thoughts and sensations toward sex.

It’s a spectrum. A very wide and inclusive spectrum, which means there’s a lot of room to play around and not very many no-no’s (at least in my opinion). You can still write your aces in sex scenes. You can still write them finding other characters attractive. You can still write them wanting sex at all.

The no-no’s:

Every ace ever has heard “you just haven’t found the right person yet”. If you write an ace and their arc is *curing themselves* you’re completely missing the point

Thus, writing your ace realizing they’re *cured* after some amazing fanfic-level sexy times is also in bad form.

Writing an ace who’s ’I hate being ace it’s misery’ all the time. It’s not miserable. The only thing miserable about it is how we aren’t taken seriously by society.

An ace with a non-ace partner who justifies their partner cheating because they see themselves as “not good enough” or their relationship insufficient. This happens, and this is for ace authors only imo.

Ace who suddenly isn’t because of alcohol, medication, or drugs now *free* from their “disorder”

Ace = autistic/[insert mental disorder]. Yes, sometimes it can overlap, when you have people with sensory issues that includes a dislike for sex, but ace ≠ mental disorder in any way shape or form. If you’re going to write this, you’d better have that neurodivergence yourself or are super close with someone who does.

An ace who is only ace because of trauma, in a book that says asexuality is only possible through trauma and not just a thing that people feel

An ace who thinks they're an incel because they don't think anyone will love them without putting out, and the book's plot proves them right.

—

Why does this matter? Why do we want to see representation so badly? Two reasons, I think it can be boiled down to:

Sex ≠ Love. Intimacy doesn’t mean attraction.

Sex ≠ the only motivation a character can have.

Part of the reason I hated Disney’s Loki was because he spent a decade of real-world time being motivated by power, vengeance, redemption, fear, hate, respect, and insecurity. Loki never needed a romantic subplot to fulfill his arc and the one they gave him was garbage.

I support the drifting away from the obligatory romantic subplot, too (for all my aros out there) however, what’s even rarer is a romantic subplot that doesn’t include lust. A romance that is all about the emotional, personal connection, not just physical.

But it’s also about this dire need we have to unlearn that any attempt at physical intimacy at any level certainly means that sex is the endgame, particularly for men. Please write more characters that hug and cuddle on the couch to watch a movie and casually touch each other and even share a bed *without* it leading anywhere. Characters who hold hands just because. Who give cheek/nose/forehead kisses just for fun, or for love. Characters who don’t flip out when their crush takes their shirt off. Characters who can (or even prefer not to) see each other naked without libido getting in the way.

Now then.

What if you do want to write your ace pursuing or getting sex? (Or, fandom forbid, taking a canonical ace and writing them in a relationship and/or getting intimate). Aces can still want sex. But if you’re writing an ace solely to write them in a sex scene, why are you writing an ace?

If that’s only part of their character and not their primary motivation or arc, here’s some suggestions:

An ace who is curious about sex and wants to try it with someone they trust

An ace curious about sex so they hire a sex worker so there’s no perforamce pressure or emotional risk

An ace who will take the opportunity if it arises, but won’t go out looking for it

An ace determined to please their non-ace partner within the realm of their comfort zone (tread lightly here)

An ace who still (annoyingly or otherwise) dreams and fantasizes about other characters, and deals with that alone

An ace who doesn’t like anything done to them, but can get creative with their partner, or vice versa

An ace who does like some things but not all things related to sex. E.g. an ace that likes kissing but doesn’t want to go further than that.

An ace in a healthy and communicative relationship with another ace or a non-ace and there are zero worries of infidelity or the non-ace person leaving them

An ace who says no at any point and their partner listens and they go have fun doing anything else

I didn’t address Demis much but I think many of the same guidelines apply? Demis just have that one special person. But, see? We’re not scary.

I also don’t support the “minority representation must never be painted in a bad light/be the villain/be at all a jerk of a character because reasons”. If you want to make your villain ace, you have my permission. ***however*** Don’t make their aceness the root of their villainy, and don’t make them insult or degrade other characters for not being ace. Also, try to have at least one other ace in the cast, preferably on the hero side.

When in doubt, consult a sensitivity reader. I’m happy to oblige, because I very badly want my own army of fictional aces to fall in love with and they aren’t going to write themselves.

[lakesparkles]

Longing (chapter 2 - bjhm fanfiction)

(I don't know how to put titles on mobile, in case it looks weird)

Anyways, I finally finished editing the second chapter of my AU fanfic!

You can read it on google docs or under the cut:

Longing

.

.

.

Diane's routine remains exactly the same, except for the constant presence of Mr. Peanutbutter

—

(I think it would be nice to say, as a warning, that there are a lot of reflections about emotional cheating in the first half of this chapter. But everything will be alright, you’ll understand when you read it ^^’)

"I miss you" the words came out of Mr. Peanutbutter's mouth quickly, as if he would lose courage if he didn't say them in that exact second.

"You saw me, like, last night." Diane shrugged and moved the phone to her other ear, already starting to feel uncomfortable in her own skin.

"I know... Yeah." He laughed to himself, his voice losing its serious tone when he completed. " I need to go back to recording, ehrrrr... now! See you later, Diane!"

Did he really need to say her name like that every time?

"Bye, Mr Peanutbutter."

After disconnecting the call, she continued standing in the same place, trying to regain her concentration.

Texas might be even hotter than California, but even that didn't save it from certain freezing nights. At least it didn't come close to that freezing hell Chicago called winter. It was funny, right? How many places has she once called home?

That thought got her feet moving again, walking down the middle of the street. It had just gotten dark, which meant that was the time her eyes still hadn't gotten used to how bright the shop windows were. Everything got her attention. Her legs shivered in the icy wind, and soon her eyes were caught by the jeans in the store next to her, now being twice as interesting.

The cafeteria next door looked warm and comfortable, the walls painted dark browns and oranges. She was almost dragged inside, only stopping herself because she knew Guy was waiting for her at home - she imagined it well: he would be on the sofa with his feet on the table and the sketchbook in his lap. He would flash his typical smile when he saw her coming, and Diane would quickly remove her boots and coat and slip into her warm pajamas. By the time she was out of the shower, he would’ve prepared two mugs of hot chocolate. The two of them would drink in bed, and Diane would hide again among the fur on his neck, even forgetting the cold.

What was a coffee shop next to that?

She quickened her steps, excited.

When her mind returned to place, she was already facing a window again, almost hypnotized. That was certainly a nice coat... If she was going to buy it, it would be in the future. Now, home! This same thought process happened another 20 times until she reached her destination. As soon as she finished climbing the short staircase leading to her front door, she kicked her boots off her feet. She couldn't wait to stop shivering and be able to breathe without blowing a puff of smoke from her mouth.

Her house was quiet and dark, but none of it was too out of character for it. Guy always used to arrive around that time, staying in the room until he stopped being too lazy to do anything else. So Diane walked with calm steps into the room, not surprised by the sight she found:

Her husband had the sketchbook on his lap, but it nearly fell off his knee. He was far more interested in what he was typing on his cell phone, letting out a small chuckle to himself. Only then did he noticed her presence:

"Diane! Babe, it's too cold today, isn't it?"

She didn't need another word to understand the invitation:

"Very…" She mumbled, lazily crawling under the covers beside him. Changing clothes could wait a little while. The bath too. This was the moment she'd been waiting for all day, already feeling her body heat up completely as she made herself comfortable and started rubbing her cheek against Guy's shoulder.

"Do you have any theories about what the movie Mr Peanutbutter is shooting is? He doesn't want to tell me!" Guy commented, with even better humor than usual.

Oh, sure. Mr Peanutbutter.

Diane curled up a little to answer, yawning and stretching her legs out from under the covers one second, only to curl back up like a cat the next.

She couldn't get away from it, could she?

"He didn't tell me anything about it either," she shrugged, "but I think it's kind of obvious."

"It's a horror movie, isn't it!?"

"For sure! I guess it's even a sequel to some other famous franchise."

Guy took that as the confirmation he needed, perking up and getting back to typing. Out of the corner of her eye, Diane caught a few written words: "The Ring 5?"; "It 3?"; "No, I don't think it's this one"; "But it's horror."

Mr Peanutbutter responded at the exact second: "No more guesses!!!", "They'll kill me if this gets out!! :(".

She should stop being so nosy!

Her stomach lurched when she noticed that Guy was already laughing again.

"You and my ex husband having any intimacy was not in my bingo of bizarre things that would happen to me" she tried to make a joke to lighten the mood… for herself.

"Well, he's here all the time now."

Yeah, she couldn't deny it.

The presence of that yellow dog became a constant another time, and that wasn't something you could prepare for.

During the last few years, she found herself thinking about Mr Peanutbutter from time to time. Usually it happened on nights when she couldn't sleep and lost control of her thoughts. Or when everything went bad again, and her mind found confusing and desperate solutions for any kind of comfort.

She had already accepted that guilt was a feeling that would always accompany her when she was around her ex-husband.

Now the longing mixed and started several other reflections.

Since she'd moved from California, she'd learned what it was like to genuinely miss someone. A faint smile broke out when she saw a rare selfie posted by Princess Carolyn. She perked up every time Todd and Maude made a sudden visit, bringing with them another chaotic day that she was growing increasingly unaccustomed to.

With Mr. Peanutbutter... It was a little different. With him everything always was.

Every time he texted her or dropped by her house to watch another obscure movie with Guy... Diane learned something new about longing. It was like she was living her story with someone for a second time.

She would never forget the time she met the dog. She was walking alone in her apartment, completely silly, while the two chatted on MySpace. He was kind and happy and so different from anyone else she had ever met. Gradually, she began to open up more to him, who always seemed interested in listening and praising her and making her feel good in her own skin. It was an almost addictive feeling, her head feeling light as she felt a small hope inside of her.

Conversations turned to dates, and Diane finally accepted that a celebrity was really interested in someone like her. Someone, in general, was interested in her. Yeah, it was a good thing to think about. When she realized it, she had already moved in with him and lived the ten most bittersweet years of her existence, in which she was relieved that they were over, but which she didn't regret for a second.

Things weren't so different these days, which was why she was worried. Part of her -the most selfish one- almost begged for the shooting of that shitty movie to end so that she would never have to look that labrador in the eyes again. Because she didn't know how to react anymore every time Mr Peanutbutter complimented her new hairstyle or said he missed her.

It was an old feeling. So old it fooled her into thinking it was something new. And that made her nervous.

She let her head fall back onto Guy's shoulder, who was still distracted by his messages, seeming to be having the conversation of his life. What would he do if he knew what she was thinking? She thought it was time to accept a truth about herself, letting all these feelings hurt as much as they should:

It didn't matter if she was talking about Mr Peanutbutter or Guy: she had never been a very good wife...

•∆•

Things were always easier after acceptance. This was the last phase, above all.

Now she opened the door when Mr. Peanutbutter came to visit after the shooting, greeting him with a comment or a joke. He smiled every time, his eyes glued on her and the tip of his tail flicking back and forth. In the background, she could hear Guy saying how he had prepared cookies - "with no chocolate!"

On second thought, maybe she and Guy were bored before that. The adrenaline of a new city had long since worn off, and they didn't have much to worry about outside of work. Guy had been promoted to news anchor, and Diane still had ten months to release the next volume of Ivy Tran. It was almost inevitable how long she took to write, spending most of her days boringly watching TV, walking around or dozing on the couch until her husband got home.

With Mr Peanutbutter there most nights now, she at least had new information to occupy her mind:

"Everything went wrong today, not even if we had recorded a sequel to 2012 by Roland Emmerich it would have been so catastrophic!" The dog commented as he deliberately shook his shoulders, heading to sit on the sofa (feeling as much at home as he could).

Intrigued, Diane followed, going beside him and leaning her arm on the back of the sofa.

"What happened?"

"Someone forgot to blow out the candles we were using and WE LOST HALF OF THE SET!" He explained everything by gesturing with his hands. "This should take a couple of weeks to be redone, we'll even have to delete some scenes from today because of continuity."

He would spend more time there then, wouldn't he?

"Wow, that reminds me of when we recorded Philbert" Diane smiled at the memory. "It was almost impossible to have a quiet day.”

"Speaking of Philbert," Guy joined them at that moment, taking the empty spot on the sofa and offering the pot of cookies for both, "I know nowadays the plot holes are more noticeable and some parts haven't aged well... But I'm still sad that it was canceled... And it's kind of weird knowing that I'm now together with two people who worked on the production, yeah.

"You get used to it pretty soon," Diane shrugged, taking a second bite of her cookie.

"And you know what's going to be even weirder?" Mr Peanutbutter laughed as he completed. "When you watch my new movie and realize you couldn't figure out what it was."

"That's it!? No! I still have time! Did you say candles? Something with exorcism then?"

"Nope!"

Diane rolled her eyes, enjoying her seemingly new routine.

The next day, she had helped Guy make lasagna. At the kitchen table, her husband asked:

"It's not supernatural, right? Maybe a slasher movie?"

"It's kind of supernatural, yes," Mr Peanutbutter replied, still with his mouth full.

"Are you kidding? What more options are left?"

"Think a little more~"

The following week, they'd stayed up until midnight watching a few episodes of Mr Peanutbutter's House and Horsin' Around, just laughing and talking a little about the past. Diane increasingly realized how much lighter it was to talk about such matters now, quite different from when she first moved from California. Guy was starting to pick up on their inside jokes, commenting on how Blarn had been a great idea. Diane accepted the compliment, feeling nostalgic.

That same day, the three put on a random documentary, talking until dawn. Diane only woke up—and realized she had fallen asleep in the first place—at 2:00 am, finding it kind of amusing to realize that Mr. Peanutbutter and Guy were doing the same, in a competition of who was in the most uncomfortable position. Asking the dog to go back to the hotel felt wrong, so Diane just woke Guy up and the two of them silently went to their room.

The next morning, after the mess, they had breakfast together, Mr. Peanutbutter taking one of the spare toothbrushes and changing for work in their bathroom, saying goodbye in that stupidly domestic way.

Diane's more selfish side returned, and she almost hoped something would destroy the other half of the set for whatever movie he was shooting.

•∆•

Taylor Swift's The Way I Loved You was looping in her head, and for a good reason. She couldn't fall asleep, her thoughts starting to bother her again. Then she kept saying to herself, "nostalgia is a lying bitch and you DON'T miss your life with Mr Peanutbutter. The divorce was the biggest proof of love you ever made for each other."

Yes, that was the truth. Yes Yes Yes. Now she just had to accept it.

To make her point even more clear, she forced herself to remember all the bad times they ever had. All the times he didn't listen, that infuriated her and made her feel terrible about herself and for not getting to be the wife he thought she was.

She also couldn't forget how disastrous and selfish they were together, doing what they'd done to Pickles, only to get nowhere with it.

She certainly didn't miss the fights and the thousands of nights they slept without speaking after yelling at each other.

She just thought so because everything was fine now.

She sighed, shifting her position. Unlike her, Guy was in a deep, peaceful sleep, on his back and snoring softly. Carefully, she brought the back of her hand to his cheek, lightly stroking his fur.

She still loved him. Very very very much. In a way as strong and desperate as she was when she first met him. He was kind, funny, and all the company and comfort she needed in her life.

Diane was confused, and admitting anything in her own head scared her.

But she needed to state the obvious.

She was still in love with Mr Peanutbutter, wasn't she?

•∆•

Now the way was to be angry at him, she realized. It must’ve been her brain's way of not blaming herself so much and pretending that she wasn't about to destroy her whole life all over again.

However, it got so... so difficult when he still showed up on her doorstep every time, tail wagging, another colorful coat and a bottle of expensive wine in hand.

"Something tells me that Guy is going to like it there..." She commented, a light smile involuntarily appearing on her lips.

And she was right. The three of them gathered at the kitchen table again. Diane sipped from her glass, the taste taking her years back. Mr Peanutbutter always bought that same wine for them to drink.

"Tastes like wealth," was the conclusion Guy got, and she laughed because it had been the same as hers.

She missed that, didn't she!?

They watched Hereditary. Guy tried to guess Mr Peanutbutter's movie and failed. At night, when the two were in bed, her husband murmured:

"I know that's how dogs are, but he shouldn't stick his head out the car window... It's dangerous."

Diane smiled.

If she had that routine for even one more day, she would freak out.

Fortunately, that was not what fate had prepared for her.

When she got home the next night, Guy was already there, just like usual. He sat on the sofa, however, something was wrong. She could feel it. She entered the room with some caution, trying to notice what gave her such an impression. It was even easy to know. The TV was off this time, leaving the whole environment in an intimidating silence, mixed with how Guy didn't do anything, just sat there.

When she was close enough, he began to speak:

"I've been waiting for you to arrive," his tone was hard to read. It didn't have much emotion, giving her the awful impression that he must've been rehearsing it in his head while she was gone "we need to talk about something."

Her brain stopped working, going to the past. A few years in the past. "It was good while it lasted". BoJack? BoJack had told her that phrase once, hadn't he? For some reason, it was what was repeated over and over in her thoughts.

"Okay..." She murmured, almost whispering, taking her pose as a child who was about to be scolded. She didn't have much choice but to sit next to him, avoiding eye contact for as long as she could.

She thought she was hiding it well, at least. She didn't even let herself believe that, and this was the hope she was moving forward with... apparently, she wasn't even right about that.

Now her anxiety peaked, feeling her fingertips begin to tingle.

She had almost forgotten what that felt like.

What would become of her now? Would she stay in Houston? Would she go back for another round of small, impersonal apartments? Would it go back exactly where it started, half a lifetime ago?

Or would she try to convince Guy that she could ignore it... and forget about it? - something she would genuinely like to do.

"Look, Diane, I don't even know how to talk about this," Guy continued finally, and Diane struggled to make out the words. Just like her, he didn't look in her direction, "It's going to be kind of weird, okay?"

Maybe she couldn't even stay in Houston. She wouldn't know how to handle the situation. Maybe she would have to go back to being Diane and run away to whatever other town that would accept her.

"Okay," she sighed, giving up. "I think I already know what it is."

"You know!?" He looked oddly surprised, almost scared.

Wait.

"What? What... What is it?"

The silence then returned in double. The two stared at each other, their expressions blank and not daring to speak a single word.

Diane ventured:

"Guy?'

He needed yet another few seconds to continue:

"Now I don't have the courage to talk anymore..."

"Don't you dare! What happened, Guy?"

"Nothing!" It was his turn to be defensive. "That's the case, okay? Nothing really happened and I don't mean to suggest that we should break up or anything."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have every right to be angry, but..."

"With you winding up like that, it's really hard not to be!"

"I don't think there's an easy way to say this."

Then another pause, and now that was the last straw. Diane was so nervous that she could barely feel her hands; her body sweated and she saw white:

"G..." But she was soon interrupted.

"I think I'm in love with Mr. Peanutbutter!"

What?

"What!?"

Now it looked like a challenge to who looked the most terrified, both of them looking like wild animals that would run at any sudden movement.

Diane changed position, almost getting up from the couch:

"Did you just tell me... that YOU are in love with Mr Peanutbutter?" Disproving her theory, saying it out loud didn't make it any more real. Quite the opposite.

"I thought I told you that I was bisexual and that..." He stopped mid-sentence. Normally Guy was someone easygoing and calm, traits that fit her perfectly. Guy always had solutions to any problem, making her feel like she was on the ground every time she needed to.

Now, however, it was like he was about to pass out from embarrassment.

"That's not the problem, of course!" Diane shook her head, trying to control all the trillions of feelings and speak more calmly. "With Mr Peanutbutter, my ex-husband?"

"It's as ridiculous as it sounds," he tried to smile, giving up in the next second. "I wanted to tell you because... I don't know why, it felt right. I swear I never got close to doing anything to him.... I thought you could help me - no, not that! We could think of a solution together. Or not. I don't know."

"I'm a pretty bad person for that."

"Huh?"

"Guess who's in love with Mr Peanutbutter, too?"

It was as if a switch had been flipped, the mood in the room completely changing in an instant. The silence had disappeared and given way to the laughter that now came out.

They stayed like that for a long time, laughing. So much that Diane began to suspect the obvious and how it wasn't because they found the situation funny.

After that came, of course, silence. They stared at each other, and Diane thought the last time she felt so uncomfortable around Guy was when he made her jump out the window to hide it from his son:

"And now...?"

"We admit that we are equally terrible and forgive each other...?" Guy ventured, cocking his head to the side.

"Deal!" She would like to put that behind her, for sure. "But... What about him?"

Now Guy shrugged:

"I don't know that."

They were screwed.

Of course they were.

There wasn't even a chance that this story would end well. But that wasn't the only part that concerned Diane. She felt confused, which left her mind almost blank, not knowing what to think or how to react. Almost as if her life didn't belong to her and she was just watching an episode of TV. And, in the midst of it all, she couldn't help but notice how strangely light she felt. She had gotten so used to carrying that weight that she never even imagined what she would do after that.

Without the guilt and longing, who was she now?

•∆•

Now that she could finally accept it, she let herself enjoy the good parts of the present and the past. When they said that time away from someone was sometimes necessary, they were completely right. The Mr Peanutbutter she lived with now still had all the traits that made him him: an oddly charismatic personality; always praising everyone and trying to be positive, for better or for worse; he still looked kind of distracted, as if he didn't hear her, but he ended up proving the opposite every now and then.

However, his only change was not just the whitish hairs on his muzzle that made him even more endearing: just as she noticed when she first saw him in Houston, it was as if Mr. Peanutbutter had finally matured. He never crossed the line or tried to prove himself to her. He was calmer. Nicer.

She's never forgotten that call she'd had with him one day, years ago, in Chicago. When she suggested that their relationship would probably work with them as they were at the time, Mr Peanutbutter replied that they were only the way they were because of the relationship they once had.

How he had changed. They both had, didn't they?

She asked, every time, if she was right that day. If only they could try a second time. Would everything go back to the way it was before, when the anxiety killed her knowing that they would fight again, practically daily? Or was it closer to the beginning of their relationship, where everything had that rare emotion and she started to feel like she belonged somewhere?

When Mr. Peanutbutter was at her house or they went out with him to see the city, she had to stop herself from kissing him, without saying a word. She liked to imagine that he still felt the same way, having all the same questions but choosing to ignore them for the moment.

If only things were that easy... But at least she wasn't alone. And she could tell Guy all this now, so that he would do the same with his own doubts:

"Wasn't it weird?" He questioned, turning his head on the pillow to face her. "Dating someone so famous, I mean. How did you deal with all his fans? Weren't you jealous?"

"In the beginning, I kind of was," these were such distant memories that she wasn't sure anymore "but I was winning, wasn't I? At least he never gave me the impression that he was going to cheat on me, so I stopped worrying one day."

"Wait, wasn't there something that he cheated on his girlfriend a few years ago? That pug girl, huh?"

Diane's complete silence and Guy's increasingly worried expression indicated that he was starting to connect the dots.

"Ehrrrrr promise not to judge me too much? "Diane asked, smiling sheepishly.

"WAS IT WITH YOU!? Oh dear lord, this is why you want to change the channel when she appears, it all makes so much more sense!"

"What did you think that was the reason?"

"That he had left you for her or something."

"Nah, it was after our divorce. But very close to our divorce, which must have been one of the reasons it happened, now that I stopped to think about it..."

"Diane... I think it must be time for you to tell me the whole story, no?"

"Of my ten years of marriage?"

"As much as you want to tell."

They went to sleep only hours later. Diane didn't try to hide the bad parts, figuring Guy deserved to know what he was getting into. She never thought she could be so honest with him. Maybe she really was past the stage of fear that he would abandon her if he found out who she really was. Instead, he laughed at parts of the story, and only lightly judged her when she deserved it. There was no disgust or heartbreak in his gaze, just pure interest. Obviously she didn't come close to telling everything, not even knowing if that would be possible. But at the end of it all, she was able to return to his arms until they fell asleep. Just like every day for the last few years.

Guy was here to stay.

Diane still wasn't quite used to having company at times as confusing and complicated as this one... But it was something she could get used to.

•∆•

As it was Sunday again, they took the opportunity to go out into the city. Even though it wasn't close to snowing, Houston winters were still quite cold at night. This fact always slipped her mind, until she found herself clutching her coat. She walked closer to Guy, who soon got the message and put his arm around her shoulder to warm her up more.

He had the slight impression that Mr. Peanutbutter watched the scene for a second longer than he should have, but at that point, it could just be her imagination.

The dog walked faster again, his attention going from window to window, with the same admiration of a child:

"The buildings remain my favorite part of here!" He commented, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he turned to them.

"Aren't they going to be part of any scenery in your movie?" Guy questioned. Diane thought that if he didn't talk about it once a day, he would die. "Why haven't they closed any streets for recording yet? Since it needed to be here in Houston?"

Mr Peanutbutter hesitated a few seconds before replying:

"It doesn’t need the street itself."

"I've given up guessing which one it is, okay?"

"Ahhh Guy, come on, just think about the things you..." Then he interrupted himself, his attention being stolen by yet another shop window. Diane couldn't judge him, soon joining him to look at the clothes displayed there.

It was one of those more expensive stores that Diane suddenly had to wean herself off going to. Most of what was on the mannequins were coats and flannel shirts, all with an extra layer of fur, which could only indicate that they were warm.

"I've never seen this jacket in California, I've been wanting to buy it!" Mr Peanutbutter pointed to one in particular: jeans and a medium coppery blue. It didn't look like the clothes he normally wore, but he could easily picture him in it.

Diane had such a terrible moment when she forgot to control herself, the words just coming out of her mouth:

"I'll buy it as a gift for you!"

Guy and he stared at her at the same time, the labrador practically without reaction as he raised his eyebrows:

"You're really lovely for the offer, but I was about to buy it already."

"No!" She was insistent, knowing that now her pride was at stake. "I was wanting to give you a gift anyway," Lie "so you'll have a souvenir when you get back to Los Angeles."

It was almost imperceptible, but his smile faded a little. During that very instant, he looked…disappointed? Maybe sad. That simple demonstration made Diane's heart want to race, everything in her body telling her that she must say something, that this was her chance.

But she obviously continued in the same position, static, letting Mr Peanutbutter mumble:

"Yeah... If you insist, who am I to say no!?"

While Guy was chuckling beside her - he would certainly throw that in her face later, the two had a little personal competition on who would humiliate themselves more in front of the dog - Diane walked into the store with the two of them, only to grab the jacket from the hangers she found and pretend she didn't read the price tag that hung with it. If Guy wanted to murder her after that, it would be just as deserved. She had to thank him for being in such a good mood.

She headed to the cashier to pay, after realizing that Mr. Peanutbutter wasn't even going to try on the outfit - he and Guy had already gotten distracted and gone to another corner of the store, pointing and amused at everything. They were just looking at jeans, what was so funny?

Diane smirked as she watched the two of them, again in that stupidly domestic scene that she wanted more and more of.

Coming back to reality, she turned to the woman at the cashier - an Abert's squirrel, with her fluffy ears and all - who was glaring at her gleefully:

"Is it a gift?"

"Yes, it is," Diane smiled back, soon after choosing a package with a baseball print. She knew he would like that one.

She took out her card to pay, the squirrel cocking her head in her direction again:

"Do you know who Mr Peanutbutter is?"

"Huh?" Diane's brain apparently worked very slowly today. Or she was just very distracted, in her own thoughts. "I do!"

"It's him back there, isn't it?" She looked anxious, surreptitiously pointing to where the dog was.

Already knowing what to expect, Diane glanced around, seeing how he and Guy had already moved into another section of the store, with more colorful clothes. Picking up a purple T-shirt, Guy commented something along the lines of "I already told you that I'm bisexual?", in the most unnatural way possible, making Diane have to control herself not to laugh. Okay, now she would have a point for the conversation they would have before bed.

"Of course it's him!" Diane said to the squirrel. "He's talking to my husband."

"Serious? What? Wait, so are you... You are..."

"Diane Nguyen."

Of course, that poor saleswoman had no idea who she could be. Something she'd learned from the life of being famous enough was that you'd be almost recognizable far more often than totally.

After saying goodbye, she noticed how the squirrel followed her with her eyes while she called the two men with her hand, without having the courage to approach. It was a shame, Mr Peanutbutter enjoyed interacting with his fans.

Once outside, Diane remembered how cold it was, practically being knocked out by the wind. Imagine if she was in Chicago? She would never take it!

She then turned to Mr Peanutbutter, holding out the bag with the package:

"It doesn't have the same excitement as a surprise gift, but here it is!"

He didn't react at first, but the way he tilted his head slightly to the left, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his teeth… Yeah, he liked it. Years ago, in the midst of her despair over her doomed marriage, she read about the 5 love languages. Classic thing that everyone knows nowadays, you know? The conclusion she reached was that Mr. Peanutbutter delivered exactly his own, which he would like to get back.

An extra gift for him would be worth it, wouldn't it?

He held the package in his hands, glancing at the package and enveloping her in a sudden strong hug. He was still so warm, just the right size for her to sink her chin into the yellow fur on his neck. So familiar. So weird.

"Thank you," he said when separating, a little shy. That was new! "I'll get revenge one day for that, huh!"

"Anytime you want!"

Finally, she gave Guy a wide smile: her underhanded way of saying she'd won this time. He nodded and lowered his head, giving her the pleasure of victory.

She felt like a teenager doing that sort of thing, in a way she hadn't genuinely experienced in decades.

It was still good.

They didn't do much more than that before they parted ways. They took Mr. Peanutbutter to his hotel, where they had another rather uncomfortable farewell, where none of the three knew how to react. Just wave? Shake hands? Hug? All options were bad.

"Sooo, see you again on Monday, which means tomorrow!?" The dog opened a big embarrassed smile as he took a few steps back, pointing to both of them with his index fingers. "Oh, I just remembered. Guy, about what you told me inside the store?"

"What...?" The other looked genuinely confused.

"Forget it! It was nothing! I'll be there tomorrow night, I miss you two already!"

And so he was gone, walking into the hotel. He had fled.

Whatever it was, Diane and Guy just stood there, not daring to move.

"Diane... Do you think that us telling him would be the worst thing that could happen?"

"I don't know anymore," she shrugged, releasing all the air she had in her lungs. "I just spent $600.00 dollars on a jacket."

(Finally my knowledge of horror movies has come in handy for something!

After a few months, I finally got the inspiration to finish this chapter! Now there's only one left)