#your not worth it. not worth. fuck worth. fuck worthless. fuck worthful. fuck etc. fuck character. fuck you

[venting-town]

Fuck all of you

For being attached

For being disconnected

For wanting to leave

For needing to leave

For wanting to stay

For needing to stay

For love

For hate

Fuck you all

Fucking retarded assess

Fuck the selves

Fuck the possessors

Fuck the nations

Fuck every none some any every all no yes maybe neutral etc retarded asses

Fuck responsibility

Fuck accountability

Fuck complaining

Fuck grateful

Fuck mis

Fuck you. Fucking retarded asses

And you all get raped and it’s your fault because you’re all abusing others

And you don’t want to accept that it’s YOUR faults you won’t let go

So you continue to abuse and won’t fuck off then get abused back and try to claim victimhood

That’s not how it works

Real or fake or pretend or what or etc

Fuck you. You’re fucking retarded

Fuck you fucking retards

Trying to escape yet won’t let go

And then you all get fucked up. Fuck power. Fuck power no. Fuck weak. Fuck weak yes.

Fuck you all retards

[audreyrose7]

It's such a strange and unique way of fucking up your kid when you at the same time a) treat them like a personal therapist giving them problems that are decades away from anything that they could handle, and expecting the kid to actually fix your grown up problems and to listen to your trauma.

And b) at the same time never give them any real outside world responsibility, making sure that they know as little as possible about how to actually survive in the real world, like paying bills, etc.

Meanwhile making sure but all of your child's self-worth is tied to their actions, and not who they are as a person.

It's a weird little vicious circle, that is so incredibly hard to outgrow, because like I know I'm not worthless just because there might be a time when I'm not productive, and I know I don't have to fix everyone's problems, and I know that I'm a capable adult who can do all the things I need to do to survive and thrive, but my basic training for life goes against all that!

[onesidedradiostatic]

Prev. https://www.tumblr.com/onesidedradiostatic/768663529880436736/re

Oh I see what you’re saying now! There’s been no “positive integer” of ace Mammon in the show! And you’re right!

I personally don’t hold out any hope that the show will ever cover or explicitly bring it up, outside occasional secondary/metatext, like the pride piece or social media. (I feel similarly about Alastor.) Can’t feel let down by the absence of something you hoped for if you never let yourself hope for anything! <— I tell myself, curled up on the floor. The old and factually incorrect “can’t miss what you never had” fallacy. /sarcasm

I’ve got aroace goggles but they’re not rose-tinted…. Likewise,

“(also having the "good" characters tell the ace character he's unfuckable and that he should keep fucking himself kindaaaaa doesn't sit right with me, I really don't want to read bad faith into mammon being made ace rep but it gets kinda hard like this)”

I feel this too, and nihilistically I feel like it’s just another one of those commonplace things that Hellaverse-style writing tends to use for comedic effect that inadvertently (or via unexamined bias, ie “this came so quickly and naturally to you that you didn’t pause to think about how this could come across to other people in your target audience or if there was a more effective way to do this before giving the go-ahead and locking it in? Ok.” Disclaimer: this is common in lots of media! I don’t intend to say it’s something unique to the H.verse writing. It can happen to anyone, like catching a cold, but it’s the hope that the writing and editing process will catch these instances and make them better, but stuff can slip through, it happens. No offence intended) implies something Less Than Ideal like a harmful stereotype or perpetuating casual bias and then assigning them Morality etc. We don’t need an aspec rendition of the Hays Code/Disney/dudebro film “queer-coded villain who you can tell is bad because they’re queer and that’s bad because it’s not good like the good guy!”

The “You like/don’t like sex/romance? What’s wrong with you? I’m the normal one!” can be toxic/dehumanising in both directions when one side thinks it’s superior to the other. But the common M.O is

- the old “If sex/romance = value/virtue/humanity, Then less/no sex/romance = less/no value/virtue/humanity”

- (Bonus points when it equates sex/romance with the capacity to love and be loved!)

- which when used as an insult is basically just a rehashed cousin of those nice-guy “fuck you you’re ugly anyway” and manosphere “I don’t want to fuck you therefore you have no/negative value”

- weirdly but not that surprisingly, it shares a few vibes with ablism, probably because certain people see aspec as something “missing or defective”. Which has historically been thrown at all lgbtqia+ so it’s sad that it persists from within the queer umbrella

- But, loosely speaking of theoretical connections to ablism… I’m not claiming that fidget toys are exclusively for one type of neurodivergence/or ASD. But there is enough fodder for a potential bad-faith reading “show implies aspec symptom of neurodivergence/ASD, says they’re unfuckable and less valued than neurotypical amatonormatives! correlation does not equal causation!” type thing. I’m too sleepy to go there.

- Saying “you’re unfuckable” to someone who doesn’t want to Do The Fucks isn’t an insult in of itself, (it’s like saying “You’ll never get a girlfriend!” to a gay dude, they’d be like “that’s exactly what I want!”) but the connotation that fuckable= worth as a person, therefore they have no worth, is. Like, you could just say “you’re a worthless piece of shit” and not bring sex into it at all, but it’s Hellaverse and sex is everywhere, including the language. It’s the lingua franca… the lingua fucka?

I could assume a goodish faith usage of insulting an ace character as unfuckable/‘the only person who’ll fuck you is you die mad’* in the “I know this bothers you, so I’m using it to bother you” way. Like how in the pilot Angel used -isms to bother Vaggie. :/

*’the only person who’ll fuck you is you’ is also a bonus trope of ‘aspec people are autosexual/autoromantic or self obsessed’ 😂

But yeah otherwise it sits weird.

There’s so much one could write and explore just on the general topic of “Aspec and Othering in the Hellaverse”, it’s actually fascinating. Whether it’s a good fascinating or bad fascinating is irrelevant though. Gender and Sexuality in horror and horror-inspired media is always a blast to look into. (You can’t tell me Alastor isn’t a little horror inspired. How his aspec-ialty can play a part in his portrayed uncanny-valley not-humanness to other sinners, being part device, performance and contradictory animal, etc etc. There’s heaps to go on if anyone felt inclined. Goodnight tumblr)

(prev)

this is a lot so I don't think I can cover everything here but yeah

I personally don’t hold out any hope that the show will ever cover or explicitly bring it up, outside occasional secondary/metatext, like the pride piece or social media.

alastor was at the very least allowed a verbal confirmation in hazbin itself so I don't think it's impossible for mammon (or octavia) to have allusions to their asexuality in their show, really I accept even subtext. for mammon it's still not even subtext yet, just word of god. but again, I won't fully judge him as bad rep here because obviously the show isn't over yet so reference to his asexuality could still come up in the future, I just had some hope it would happen sooner than later y'know and also ASMODEUS got to show up in full pan wear but we don't get any reference to mammon being asexual?

but yeah sorry this one is kinda nitpicking at this point, moving on, all you said after that yeah exactly what I meant about bee saying no one wants to fuck mammon as an insult, I know it's probably not intentionally shaming an ace character for it but it still can have bad implications even with good intention as just a lighthearted canon-typical joke

and this actually

- But, loosely speaking of theoretical connections to ablism… I’m not claiming that fidget toys are exclusively for one type of neurodivergence/or ASD. But there is enough fodder for a potential bad-faith reading “show implies aspec symptom of neurodivergence/ASD, says they’re unfuckable and less valued than neurotypical amatonormatives! correlation does not equal causation!” type thing. I’m too sleepy to go there.

I'm a bit worried about the infantilisation too, I've already seen people compare mammon talking about sex as an asexual to being like a child talking about sex

and mammon's constant use of toys in the trial doesn't really help with it, I worry that the logic behind mammon as ace rep comes down to "he's too childish and immature to understand sex and just pretends to understand it when he talks about it like a child" and that's on top of the whole "I can't see him caring about anyone legitimately therefore he's ace" logic which I have ALSO seen people say in response to him being ace

I don't want to assume that these were the actual intentions behind making him ace, of course these qualities can co-exist on top of being ace but the problem starts when you start correlating them and I think it's already bad that these are takeaways some parts of the fandom have

maybe I'm judging too early, maybe I just need to wait for mammon to be referenced as ace in the show itself and see how it's treated. but just. idk. there's just a lot of factors at play that makes me skeptical of him as ace rep, I was already skeptical when he was revealed as ace rep in the helluva pride art but this episode's showing of him has made me even moreso. genuinely, I do think having a canon sex-favourable ace is good! great in fact! but I can't praise it just for that when there's no indication of him being ace that you can see from watching the episode, if there is ever an episode that indicates him being asexual while being sex-favourable then I will praise it

anyways sorry for having topics surrounding ace mammon be so negative, I feel like it could overshadow the fact that I still really enjoyed the episode!!

[dxxtruction]

I sort of divorce Armand from the larger moral implications of the trail, and what I mean by that is - while he still falls at fault for all of them, and further had a morally special position to prevent it that he takes on additional fault for - his primary concerns are actually divorced from anything that's even going on. In other words, to get at understanding Armand I sort of have to take on his own position. He's rather self possessed and his only actual goal is to ensure he has stable 'love' (even if it can never be real or reciprocated without high control obligations/fear/threat/or lies both to himself and other(s)).

"I did not see your love lasting as long" = he sees the coven as a source of love. Which he'd accept, even in a debased position, if it meant a consistent stability in knowing he is 'loved' (if a fucked up idea of it).

So, if the coven wants to do this whole production he doesn't care how it goes, or what its implications even are, or would achieve, so long as he gets what he's after. (Meaning Claudia is little to no object to him in this, but to the coven they (C, L, and M), and the racist and public humiliation done onto them, are the primary objective.) He appeases this objective to get at and earn his own, rather than it coming from himself, or his own beliefs. Of which are only self serving, and morally bankrupt to begin with (generally he's moral, as he has certain values about being good, but he's extremely okay with doing amoral, and violent things if it serves his own interests). Since his objectives only extend to Louis, Claudia is killed. He never loved her in any way, and saw her as worthless for it, so she's killed.

Armand probably would've preferred, though, that she run off with Madeleine and Louis stay with him, but because he has such strong objectives about maintaining 'love' at all costs he gives to the covens wishes to earn it from them. (At least this is the impression I get from how he looks so defeated and sad by it, like he's not gloating in this).

He ties literally all his worth an existence onto others need and desire of him, and so puts himself in an awkward position where he believes he's nothing if he can't have someone to possess or to alternatively possess him (Thank you Marius de fucking Romanus /s). This idea about worth naturally gets projected onto everyone else, (again fucking thank you you actual prick). And the more worthless you are to the world to him the more he doesn't think you deserve to live, or there is a point to your existence.

The ideal of a worthy person to him is Marius (eugh yeuck), and the things Marius imbued into him as things which are valuable or which make him valuable. (Success, sex, beauty, intelligence, devout servitude, etc.)

This whole thing is why I'm also of the opinion he let Lestat do it (and/or he planned for it) so, come time for things, he has/could give himself a choice (however unworthy of it he is) between Louis and the coven. He's after his own self worth, and the image of this self worth is torn between the two.

"Who am I Louis?"

The only way he'd personally think he'd be worthy of it from Louis, I'd say, is if he was already fully divorced from all the implications so didn't see himself as responsible for them. Moreover, he was probably under legitimate threat by the coven, however shallow of one it may look to be, which would further cement this idea. Even if he did come to realize his own guilt and shame about it, maybe even recognize how at fault for it he was (hence later hiding in lies about it). As events were proceeding he'd effectively removed blame off himself, and remained innocent by his own mental framing of being helpless to prevent anything (perhaps unconsciously).

But anyway, he casts himself as helpless and this achieves unwarranted sympathy from Louis, and further, convincing the coven they're in control (he's using the tactic of a child crying), so he can come out on top of whatever choice he then ends up with. What's a bit interesting is that (I hope I'm remembering this right) he encourages Louis to leave again right before he goes to tear everything down. So this either implies he wants to give Louis a choice still, to go free, or had already chosen the coven over him. If it's the former I think that's important, because it shows he does see others have some inherent value outside himself. But (sadly) can't apply that same understanding to himself. (Which, again, might mean this idea he was helpless isn't deliberate. He's just screwed up like that, consistently under an impression that he just is. Which is the biggest lie there is perhaps, but given his life, something I can deeply understand, even relate, to where it comes from).

As a disclaimer this is just an explanation I've come to, as it makes sense to me, explaining partly as well his further abusive behaviors, and is not me trying to agree with his position. He doesn't deserve forgiveness in all this, and is at fault for everything he is shown to be doing or simultaneously not doing.

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

im still pissed off at how @xitemo treated jews that I care about and respect as if they were worthless internet trolls whose contributions are worth nothing. which is entirely false in case that isnt obvious.

"protect your jewish friends" my ass

you claim to "protect jewish people" yet stop showing that support the second you realize that we have our own lives, our own communities, our own ideals, etc. you say you wouldn't raise your hand in anger to people who don't want these horrific events in palestine to happen any more than you do, yet you continue to do just that. its pretty fucking clear you give zero fucks about the jewish community.

why is it that you no longer believe those jewish people are deserving of protection when we express beliefs that do not perfectly align with your own? I mean, the vast majority of jews are zionists because we believe israel deserves to exist and remain a homeland for jewish people.

im sick and fucking tired of antisemites like you going after my friends and family in the guise of peace and hurling disgusting shit at them while hiding behind a shield of "but but I care about my jewish friends!!" when that clearly isn't the case. you respect the actions of a man who was mentally ill and suffering more than the actions of alive, coherent, and knowledgeable jews.

im not usually into starting shit like this and I thought about blocking and leaving it alone, but I cant sit around and let people mistreat other jews. our strength comes from our ability to have so, so many different perspectives and I dont want a single jewish person to think their opinion doesn't matter. every jew present in the thread i pulled the screenshots is amazing, and I dont want them to internalize bullshit like that. I also dont want other jewish people to internalize the idea that their opinions are worthless. yall are not trolls, you're not cowards, you're not scum. you're brave as fuck for surviving and being jewish and speaking out against antisemitism.

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

What is your favorite sex scene in Love Sand? Can you do an exceept??

Ooo...

My favorite is one that probably would be bad for excerpts, because it's actually a SA scene.

Before you think I'm a psycho, hear me out:

Khom falls in love with Conner, constantly fighting against this insecurity eating away at his mind that he's just a slut. Connor asks Khom to come back to Bangkok with him, Khom is absolutely elated, then Connor says Khom would be his personal whore (well, not exactly, but basically the deal Tongrak offers Mahasamut, except Khom would live separately).

Khom's world shatters, he runs away, Connor leaves, and Khom is severely beaten and outed as gay to the island, while the locals just watch him get beaten half to death.

Khom wakes in Mahasamut's shack, is terrified of how his parents will treat him, and flees to college. But he is still terrified, all the stress plus people just watching what happened, it drives him crazy. He's terrified of his own phone, of footsteps in the hall, etc.

He thinks at least getting past Connor will help, so he joins basically Grindr, meets a dude who is nothing like his profile picture, and is nearly assaulted before Connor shows up, hauls him to a room, and then they have extremely rough sex with extremely dubious consent bc Khom agrees to be his whore and no longer believes he has any right to consent or not.

The next day, he's exhausted, in pain mentally and physically, makes the trip to Bangkok, is left alone as Connor rushes to work at dawn after they arrive, and neither eats nor properly sleeps for at that point 2 full days. He also doesn't believe he has any right to anything he isn't directly and expressly given. So Khom doesn't bathe, doesn't eat, doesn't touch the TV or grab a blanket. He only curls up on the couch where Connor told him he could sit and lays there all day, crying.

The whole situation kind of gnaws at Connor all day. He can see Khom is much thinner than before, and there is a hollowness in his eyes. When he gets home and finds Khom curled up in a ball in the dark, he realizes Khom hasn't eaten or slept. And he knows it's in part because of his words before, how his Sugar Daddy offer was construed. Connor can see that Khom is falling apart mentally and physically, and feels extreme guilt.

He intends to spoil Khom as much as he can, heal his psyche, and clarify that he never thought of Khom as a whore or a possession. He had a place arranged for Khom (by Tongrak) in a university to help respect his desire for an education, wanted him to have his own space that was his alone (so a dorm was arranged), and basically Connor wanted to bring him to Bangkok so they could date.

But he fucked up on the island with the way he proposed the arrangement, and how that crashed into his and Khom's darker sexual dynamic, how Khom was internalizing his dirty talk instead of considering it just part of the sex acts.

Connor takes Khom out for a big dinner, buys him food (he already explained Khom has a right to anything in his home, including food, but he wants to give Khom food directly too so Khom sees it as 'his').

He also intends to explain, once Khom has a chance to actually sleep, what he really meant by the deal and that he doesn't see Khom as a sex toy.

But when they get back from dinner, he hands Khom a wad of cash (The intention is to give Khom some freedom to travel around Bangkok and explore the city, go to museums, cafes, etc.).

But giving Khom that cash only makes Khom think that is Connor paying him for his body.

So Khom forces himself to walk to Connor's room, strips, and even though his body is still in pain from the night Connor found him at the hotel, he chokes back a sob and tells Connor to get his money's worth.

Connor is horrified, but Khom won't listen to his explanations and keeps cutting off his attempts to speak. It makes Connor feel like some disgusting asshole, and makes Khom feel like worthless trash as he repeatedly begs Connor to use him until he feels like he has his money's worth.

Eventually, Connor loses his patience and forces Khom to roughly finger himself, even though Khom is so exhausted and sad and broken that he can't get hard.

Connor forces a TOE into Khom, and the pain does work (Khom is a masochist, make no mistake). Then, Connor starts roughly fingering Khom, Khom breaks down sobbing and tries to escape, but Connor forces him along until he cums. Connor is disgusted with himself throughout the whole thing. He punches the pillow next to Khom's head while Khom keeps sobbing, and leaves him there on stained sheets all night.

Connor is furious with himself for doing that to Khom and still failing to explain himself for every misunderstanding, and Khom is thoroughly broken after that. For Khom, the sobbing was because of the disgust in Connor's eyes. It was self-loathing, but Khom thinks it was directed at him. And for Connor, he is still disgusted with himself the next day and how he made Khom cry so horribly.

Khom already feels like he has no home because of his parents finding out he's gay (Mahasamut is smoothing things over on the island, not that Khom knows bc boy won't answer calls), and he both feels like he is dying being near Connor, and like he can't survive without Connor. He is absolutely terrified of being thrown out on the street.

So the scene is a complete shattering of Khom, and after that Connor is absolutely determined to fix things and be a better person. He makes sure Khom has more and more agency, brings him anything he could ever want (Khom was a wicked sweet tooth), and spends a month refusing to touch Khom sexually. In general, he won't touch Khom without direct permission, and always makes it very clear that Khom has the right to say no.

But that night is still very much a trauma for Khom, and Connor is still terrified of seeing that sadness in Khom's eyes. So he doesn't explain himself still. He decides he will show his sincerity through action (he does eventually explain everything).

And when they do have sex again, even though Khom is a masochist and by then really very ready for the rough and wonderfully painful sex they both love (Khom often refers to it in the novel as being a thrilling kind of violent), Connor is only agonizingly gentle and sweet to him. The softest vanilla sex he can possibly give Khom.

But I really love the darkness of the scene on the bed because of how many layers of things are happening to each of them psychologically, and how Khom is absolutely shattering mentally and emotionally.

It is such a well written scene, even with the horrible stuff happening, and sets it up for the back half of the story being Connor trying to pull the pieces of Khom back together and own up to the shit he's caused. A lot of the techniques Connor employs are ones you're supposed to use to help people recovered from captivity or abuse, and it was interesting to see that as part of rebuilding Khom.

So just because I don't think I've ever seen so much meaning and character development put into a scene, even though it breaks your heart, it's my favorite.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

To that whiteknight that said my opinions are crappy and that I don't know what it takes to write or animate a single episode, here's the thing. I'm an actual animator and I'm a writer. Here's the thing, animation is like math. It's only HARD when you don't understand it's systems and methods and principles, otherwise it all just becomes tedious work, so even though you might have a fun little idea in your head, actually bringing to life is not fun at all. But the results from all your hard labour is what pays off, thats the true fun of animation. The results are worth it, not the actual animating part. So animation is not hard, its tedious as fuck.

Second of all, you don't really need to even have a script to write a good story. You see Hayao Miyazaki's films? No screenplays, its all in the storyboards. Generally, you can even improvise and still get good writing, for example an author named Steven James writes clever and thrilling books without any outlines, it's all organic. Miyazaki and James's ways of writing are organic, they just hop into the story and figure it all out as they go along. Even Shu Takumi, man behind Ace Attorney doesn't have any outlines, he just hops to it. So no, scripts are necessarily needed for writing episodes, besides these guys wrote entire games, novels and movies without scripts. So it isn't really needed, so sorry if you thought a good story requires a script, I don't need to be a qualified scriptwriter to write a good story, besides, a lot of people are qualified and yet they write dogshit and destory entire franchises. I don't need to demonstrate my ability to write a good script, I should demonstrate my ability to write a good story. Helluva Boss prioritizes a toxic ship rather than well-written characters, conflicts, arcs, drama, action, etc. This toxic ship therefore destroys the characters it has build up, for whatever reason the writer chooses to keep I don't know, but they are not a good writer if they can't see the effect this worthless ship has on it's characters. And in order to protect one of its characters who was clearly in a position of power to stop this affair, they blame it on the victim then villainize them for the rest of the season. I very well know Blitz has ruined many of his former loved ones' lives, and he is clearly at fault and must be punished, but his relationship with Stolas with it ruining Stolas's whole life and family is not one of them. Stolas is responsible for the destruction of his family and his reputation, it was of his own doing. Instead of making him get what he deserves and gets character development and becomes a better person, someone we can actually sympathize with for once, the writers especially Vivienne simply choose not to. Bad writing, dare I say garbage writing.

I agree make Bird boy face consequences for his own damn actions instead of throwing the blame everywhere but him.

[god-of-knk]

Of course, I understand you’re not, but I’m curious about your experiences.

Sorry for my lack of understanding, so I hope these aren’t stupid questions.

How does NPD impact your feeling of self worth?

So, this is definitely a difficult question to answer! By no means is it stupid, though. Especially not with NPD, it can be really hard to find good info on.

For me, it's a bit... contradictory. Though I think that's pretty common.

I believe myself, wholeheartedly, to be more important than others (I mean this as no insult to any of you). I put far more confidence into my ability to do... almost anything than others, including even those in my system. I value my opinions the highest, I truly don't feel as if I can be wrong about much of anything. I think my desires are more important than the desires of those around me. Etc. etc.

However, that's just... the surface.

That feeling of... "importance" isn't as stable as a lot of persotypical folks seem to think. It's made of glass. It's thin and hollow and easily cracked.

I'm terrified of criticism, of being confronted with my flaws, because it feels like someone is tearing down everything I know about myself. I feel, beneath all of it, like an empty shell. Like a crude interpretation of a being that ceases to exist without my false self because there's simply nothing underneath it. I've spoken about feeling like I stop existing when I'm not in the limelight, and it's not an exaggeration. When I'm not being given the attention I need to regulate myself, it feels like an implicit confirmation that my fears are correct. That I am actually a worthless creature.

I base a lot of my self worth on how others see me, or more accurately, on how I think others see me. I believe I've mentioned it before, but being perceived how I want to be is extremely important to me. If I feel like I'm perceived as something lesser, it's almost like it becomes truth for me. Like it's etched into my being as I think it. It's also very easy for me to perceive things as insults towards myself. My pronouns, for example, when not used how I like, feels like a slight to my very being. I know ultimately it's something harmless, something likely done out of sheer accident, but it doesn't change that it feels like someone chipping away at me.

That doesn't really even begin to get into highs and crashes, though. With NPD, you can feel like a god made flesh one day (hello) and like a blight on the world the next (hello again). Hell, sometimes both at the same time. And even though it doesn't really make sense, you can believe both of those things with your entire being. It's awful. It's contradictory. It's so fucking difficult to regulate. I have no stable sense of self and I am very capable of dragging myself into the deepest trenches of self-hatred just by thinking about what others think of me.

Anywho. Do a good deed and give your local narcissist a compliment or something. It can mean a lot to us.

[itsblasttothepast]

I listen to sad song on a general rule but of course I can find something fluffy just for them xD Like The Good I'll Do by Zach Bryan (it's country but it's lovely)

It's entarily form Sergio's perspective this time

"Well, in you/The good I'll do/The good I'll do, oh/The good I'll do"

Sergio went to RBR with a clear mission and he was ready to fulfill it no matter what - and he did, they managed to get WDC for Max, they managed to reach WCC for the team and he got podiums for himself, wins on the best track etc. And he did it all that alongside Max and I think he knows that being the teammate of the best pushed him to achive the results.

"The way the grass smells at night/And you've got flames all in your eyes/As they reflect the sparkler" Max was really passionate about racing and all he does and I think Sergio likes him for it, likes the way Max is willing to fight no matter what and does so with determination. I doubt it's possible to not get excited about what's coming with such a person beside you and I know for a fact Checo always believed in Max and his skills. "And you say we'll never die/Grab me by the hands/Just as callused as I am/Say you're proud" The way Max was defending Checo in front of the media must've meant something to Sergio, like, Max could easily say it's not his problem or stay silent but he said multiple times it's the car (just as Sergio has been saying) and he never said a bad word about him. He also called him his best teammate and that is just the highest praise you can get from a WDC I suppose. The car is shit, but they are in the mess together and it must feel nice for Sergio to have a teammate who cares (since his last one was Kamui).

"Well, there's blue jeans in the driveway/And you're walking inside sideways/The wine always affects you in beautiful kind ways/Ask me if I'm staying and I say that I'm sleeping on the floor"

Sergio must be tired from all the bs RBR did to him, to the car, with all the nonsense Helmut and Horner say and the hate and so on and on but he said he is happy where he is - and in my head Max is one of the reasons why he thinks so. Checo always loved all his teams a bit too much to be healthy and RBR is using that against him but this time Max is on his side and they do have a good time together, even if people say it's PR, I think they are teribble actors and they wouldn't be able to pretend for this long (sorry guys). So even if the season and everything about it is messy and awful at least they can have small moments of fun - so yeah, Sergio is staying in RBR because Max said he wants him there and because he got attached to the blonde chatterbox, no matter how the team treats him.

"Won't you tell me that you need me/'Cause lately I've been needing someone to remind me/I'm worth more than just an evening/I awoke to kitchen smoke, you dancin' like God's moved in you before"

Max is getting back on track with the car and Sergio is still being the focus of all the negativity and I guess seeing him on podium would be a small consolation for all the pain but at least one of them is happy (or at least less miserable). And hey, now Max won't lose his WDC and Sergio won't get blamed for that too so it's good, right? I think Max saying positive things about him is a small bust of confidence. RBR might make him feel like an worthless person but at least his teammate doesn't think so.

"Well, in you/I'm new/I'm new/Oh, how I'm new"

This is self explanatory with Sergio's 'no fucks given' attitude - I do think Max helped him get out of the 'if I'm quiet they will stop' mentality and lead him to be more open about the issues - even if RBR hates him for it.

"Getting high out in Austin/Drunk in Tennessee/I don't care where I am/As long as you're with me/Those boys downtown talk so much shit when I leave"

All the rumours and all the traveling away from home, all the fake smiles and broken promises and yet, Sergio and Max keep on trying to make the most of it, with each other - because they are The Dancing Bulls, they are the 'best duo RB ever had' - They are what they are but they make it work.

Ah, song headcanon anon, I'm the same. I love the sad songs, they have something alluring that makes me love the angst! (this is probably a consequence of growing up watching Telenovelas).

I'm not a fan of country music generally, but I heard 'You give me love' by Faith Hill, and now I give a chance to every country song someone recommends... and this time it's another hit! Such a cute song!

This year honestly changed my perspective on Chestappen, so many things going around, and they had to face them together, finally as a team. I feel Horner and Marko keep getting in the way, like wanting to break them apart.

This song made me think, like you said, maybe he are seeing a new Checo, rising from the ashes! I think Max is also finding his place, now that everything is kind of crumbling around them.

Anon, what do you think of the Chestappen content this week? The booth, the arcade games... any songs come to mind?

[fideidefenswhore]

Hi! I understand if you don't feel like sharing it ,but i really would like to read your meta about that Henry/Anne scene in BSR ''Isn't that enough?''. I hope you have a nice day.

"is it enough for you?" , but yes, i actually elaborated on this a little more elsewhere in other tags because i used that shot of that scene again for another edit.

so, expanding where i left off:

the images chosen are more the vibe for the quotes but the one from BSR is very specific

it's a great scene and it's so well-acted bcus she feels BAD for him here.

she pities him. she feels bad for him because he's losing her bcs she's not going to settle for these terms

because she knows she's amazing

and she's so self-posessed in the scene

and he cannot handle this and so it manifests in the reaction(you're making a big mistake; except that is his own big projection)

she's willful and knows her worth and won't diminish herself for anyone

...and i chose the reaction from the scene bcus it's not necessarily at odds with these descriptions (of her 'prudence')

bcs it takes a lot of dignity and self-worth and inward grace to stand one's ground enough (to withstand the 'tide of their prince')

...to give that rejection that by all social and cultural norms and graces she was simply not supposed to give. or was at least supposed to couch in more self-effacing terms.

but yeah anyway i know people thought BSR was 'trashy' but i actually thought the acting and chemistry between them was really great and maybe even lifted the writing from its weaker points.

because just the way he reels back at the line 'is it enough for you?' in all its pity-wrought glory...firstly, because it seems like it's a question no one has ever thought to ask him before, and secondly, so it gives way into that transformation from the shock into anger (how a 'lesser' person is daring to pity him, how he doesn't want her pity, he wants her love) which is just...chef's kiss. she absolutely obliterates his dignity here, not only in her rejection but in this eloquent explanation as to why this is her answer, and in the finality of her conviction. it is delicious. they could have this scene anywhere, in this darkened staircase for its the tudors copycat setting in this lithuanian palace, or on a fucking greenscreen, and it would still be just as powerful if these were its actors.

(im realizing that if anyone who is reading this hasn't watched they're going to think i'm an insane person based on this description... so hopefully the actual beats of the scene below will reveal what i mean, lol:

there's also a compelling subversion of (modern) expectation here, because...the only different thing in this equation is the status of the man asking to love her, asking why love is 'not enough'. for most 16c women of anne's status, no, 'love' wasn't enough. security was preferred. and, actually, it's very anachronistic how much this opinion is villianized (see, tobg:

...when it's like...yeah, a man's love was considered worthless. if it wasn't, they wouldn't have considered betrothal contracts to be a necessary evil!). it's very easy for him to say that she would 'want for nothing' (households, jewels, etc, one assumes), and she isn't allowing his ease: she's contradicting him, and pointing out that there is little security in the position of royal mistress.

herein lies the constant counterfactual moralistic tutting: anne 'should've just become a mistress,' always paired with 'this would, in the end, have made her 'safer.'' and it would have, as we know (not anne), but it would also, as she points out here, likely lead into her being a nonentity (a voice on the pillow, a woman hiding underneath the sheets and behind the bed curtains, an ornament for dancing), and she didn't want to be one: she wanted to be partner and collaborator of her future husband, not the diversion and darling of someone else's.

tl;dr the scene is powerful because she feels bad for him (she feels bad for herself, too, but she only allows him to see the former:

[gayspock]

lolz

the complainergaain. i just think its hilairoussometimes how people say that the only optionever is to go get help when its not there insistingthat its jsut something to fuckign tap into. when its literally not there. like what do you fuckingthink. when you dont have anyone to turn to. when youre completely alone in life. and when the systems beyond screwedup and so so so fucking inaccessible and incompetent it willfuck you up so much more as it has done hafter so many attempts. like my godi know thats the only fuckign "option" after so long of failing to ever fucking help myself OR gethelp. i know that. i.e there is no fucking way out!!!! because every fucking avenue is closedoff and a fucking doomspiral into worse bullshit and fucking hoepless and yep yep yep and thats why i know im fuckign killing myself inthe end. etc. etc etc etc. congrats. i fucking feel crazy. does anyone feel fuckingcrazy when youre just fuckign sat there fucking overwhelemdagain because its so fucking pointless and its not worth fighting for but god god god soemtimesman you just ufcking wish it didnt have to be, having mentalfucking breakdowns thinking about how this is the lot you get and its never anything else, and you jsut wish something mattered or workedbut it neverdoes andwhats it like to feel some lvoe thats sincere to not feel so fucking small as everyone jsut ufcking stares at you and judges you forgiving up liektheres anyhting else you can do and going mental nuts fucking trying to find ways out all of them dpeending on support systes and means you do not have and more ufcking hellish fucking spirals being told you need to try the therapy again go through that process again

like yeah yeah fuckingsure go on the waiting list go endureit the fucking months to get through to someonewho doesnt listen again, for your limited run of CBT sessions following worksheets photocopied to hell that uyovbe begged them not to fucking go throguh with you please jsut try something else please fucking please i dont feel humanand like some fucking dickhead who got the one in the million or has the money for private or who isnt on the fucking nhs refusing to understand how it works here "because its free :) youre just turning it down" and well lookat that anyway the limited number of sessions have been cut short Again because its ineffecdtive youre too difficult youre too fucking complicated youre a lost cause oops i cant say that too much of a headcasewhats that um we'll refer you to the.... the three year wait person and you go there and you wait threeyears and its worseits so much worse by now you go there . and the same thing happens again except its harde rhtis time its worse because no fuckign no the way people treat it like its nothing like the wait times arent ufcking agonising like yuo dont just fucking degrade in the in the interim and to thwepoint where what does it fucking matter and even if i tried to goback its starting from the bottom again and i dont knowwhat to do when you cant even fucking communicate properly im sincerely concernedtheres something wrong with me in that way like for real but i dont know what todo about itbecause i cant even talk straight so theyjust fucking blank me "its meant to suck its meant to be bad at first" how many moretimes of that and why does noone fucking believe me when i promise you and i can fucking PROMISE you its not suckingin the way of oh this is a difficultthing to endure to fucking fdealwith at first its s this is sucking in the fucking way thatfeels im just so so utteruly fucking worthless and unheard and have no voice tyype of fucking sucking triyng to fuckign explainthings to people but . having so manyfucking problemswith sut fucking getting words out i feel like such a fucking fialure sometimes i dont know how im ever meant to getanywhere withthem every timei tried to talk imsutered everything p that i could it would just be ignoredplease do this fucking exercise please name every fucking thing you can hear and asee now fucking get out of my office how many times ive done this so many times it deosnt help iM SORRRYYYYY and then peopleget mad at you why doens ti twrok i dont know!! i font fucking know man i wish it fucking worked do you ever feel nuts fucking forcingyourself to dothings overt and over again slwoly fucking going insane realising youre just doing things repeatedly to make otherpeople happy youre getitng worse but it never matters it never matters to people what matters is youmake them feel good and you just want to die you jsut want to die so so fucking badly you wish it meant somethingyou wish . your actual fuckingrepsonses meant somethingbut people jsut dont care theydont care and youre so fucking alone and go god god

and god thats the other one . dotn i know medication isnt going to work on it. insert litany of reasonshere. but every time i think maybe i'll pursue that again fucking try it again nonetheless ebcause im insanely fucking desperate to justhave some fucking relief on it for two fducking seconds but knowing damn well what its fucking likein this country never ever fucking again im not going through all ofthat alone againand because maybe ifthere was someonethere it wouldnt be so abd but theres not and i dont know how totalk to the doctors even when i try reallyfucking hard i jsut feel like im strongarmed into everything evenwhen i try to tell them its really bad and i jsut fucking panic and the last guy who jsut kept getting so fucking angry at me or the fucking bitch i dont remember what number she was that ust kept upping it and upping it when it did nothing pelase its not fucking HELPING!!!!! OHHHH fine go UP AGAIN SHUT UP AND DIE MAYBE and when youre fucking lying there at night and youre still alone as ever and youre ahving nightmares that are starting to rot through your fucking skull remember this is your fucking fault for not doing good enough again and again and again and i feel like im goingcrfazyoh uyouremeant to struggle through it youre meant to fucking feel like youre gooing to kill yourself its meant to be bad do you peopleever fucking hear yourselves sometimes i dontknow i dontknow myself any more because i thinkmy fucking brain is caivng in or has caved in and thepoitn is how. how is any of it meant to work whatsoever. when theres so many fundamental problems thatSTOP it from ever being effective htat you cant deal with that youcant breadown that theresnothing . tof ucking handleOH MY GOD WHOS GOING TO TELL ME THIS TIME THAT IM NOT TRIYNG HARD ENOUGH WHOS GOING TO TELL ME THIS TIME THAT I GIVE UP AND IM A STUPID BRAT WHOS NOT LISTENIN G TELL ME GODDDD MAYBE ^_^?

[omg-spy]

1-12-2024 REMINDER

REMINDER EVERYONE HEY HEY ITS REMINDER TIME THAT:

! Eating Disorders FUCKING SUCK AND ARE NEVER WORTH IT

! FOOD IS SO GOOD AND EVERYONE NEEDS SOME

! EVERYONE LOOKS DIFFERENT! EVERYONE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK DIFFERENT! EVERYONE IS UNIQUE AND THAT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! GO EAT A SNACK AND/OR DRINK SOMETHING RIGHT NOW! :) ! WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD!!!!!! ! DON'T FALL FOR FAD DIETS OR EDs OR ANYTHING ANYONE IS TRYING TO SELL YOU THAT WILL "FIX" YOUR APPERANCE! YOUR APPERANCE IS NOT SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE "FIXED" ! ANYONE TRYING TO SELL YOU THINGS THAT WILL "FIX" YOU (makeup, diet tea, plastic surgery, etc.) ARE SCAMING THE FUCK OUTTA YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN CONVINCED TO HATE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF (((but if you do play with makup or get surgery of some kind from a place of love and not "fixing yourself because you're ugly and worthless without it" you're good <3))))

! HAVE SOME FUN! BE KIND TO YOURSELF EVEN IF YOU'VE BEEN TOLD YOU DON'T DESERVE IT! ! PHYSICAL BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST FOREVER AND IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!!!!!!! ! LIVE YOUR LIFE! EAT! PLAY! GO OUTSIDE!!! WEAR THOSE CLOTHES!!!!!!! BE KIND TO OTHER AND YOURSELF!!!!!

! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR FALLING INTO SELF HATE AND OR PRO ANA! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND TO RECOVER AND TO EAT AND BE HAPPY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, REGARDLESS OF YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[captain-lovelace]

Hey I saw your rb, I really want to get into paleontology, specifically working in a paleontology lab doing fossil prep and such. I have no idea how to go about this, I was home schooled and worried I'd not even be accepted, I also do not know what steps to take to get on the path to studying this. I also am mid 20s and worried it is too late. So many people are discouraging to paleontology related fields, saying it is worthless to even bother bc "They're not needed and you won't ever get paid enough to live" etc

Any advice? Thanks!

So also based on your other ask it seems like this is a three part question: first, is studying paleontology worth it; second, how’s the money; and third, how would someone with your background start studying paleontology professionally.

With regards to the first question, I’ve wanted to be a paleontologist all my life and I’ve heard the same things you have about it not being worth it, about paleontology being a useless career/unnecessary, etc. To be blunt, the people who say these things overwhelmingly have no clue what they’re fucking talking about. Paleontology is the foundation upon which our understanding of modern evolutionary biology is built, paleontology is the source of a huge chunk of our understanding of mass extinctions, fossil data is necessary for understanding the relationships between modern species, etc. We absolutely do need people studying paleontology, and it is possible to have a career in it!

With that said, the pay is on par with grad student salaries in general— aka, pretty bad. Academia is kind of unique (derogatory) in terms of structure; usually you’re a grad student for 4-8 years depending on how long your PhD takes + if you do a master’s, then after you get your PhD you have a postdoc position for a varying number of years, then you move on to start your own lab as an assistant professor. After that, you can get tenure and move on to being an associate professor, and then in some cases eventually a full professor. (This isn’t the only path, obviously, but it’s the one I know the most about.) Your pay as a grad student and as a postdoc is likely not going to be great! In my master’s program I was paid around $32,000 a year, and in my upcoming PhD program my estimated pay is around $45,000; I did not have to pay tuition in either program. The livability of a grad student wage is going to also depend on location. Living on a salary like mine would be different in California versus in Alabama, for example. Also, like I said in my tags, I highly recommend going to a grad school where the academic student employees are unionized! Finally, this is US-based— I don’t know how it is outside the country.

About the last part of your question: I am not well-versed in non traditional education, and my advice should be taken with a grain of salt. With that said, if you have no college education, your first step might be getting an undergraduate degree, and I highly recommend looking for people who have gone through the process of getting an undergraduate degree in their late 20s and asking them about the process! Other than that, I advise looking at the geology departments of universities in your area to see if anyone is studying paleontology in them, just to get an idea of where and with whom you might like to study eventually. Usually there will be at least a couple of people with a paleontological focus.

The last thing I want to say is that even though my advice has been geared towards academia, there’s a lot of different ways to get involved in paleontological work. One thing that I really recommend doing is looking up volunteer opportunities at natural history museums in your area! That’s where I got my first experience in paleontological work, and it was really helpful for getting to where I am today. Also, read papers you find interesting! Even if you decide you don’t want to do paleontology as a career, that doesn’t mean it can’t be a part of your life.

[forest-hashira]

i need to be honest with you guys

i really don't want to be Like That and say that i've succumbed to the whole "my writing is worthless if it isn't popular etc. etc." mindset but like. i think i kind of have. i know that my writing has worth even if nobody reads it, and for a long time i was fine with not getting much attention on my works. i was happy with what i was writing, i didn't really care if anyone else read it, because i liked it, and that's what mattered.

and then i started writing Noble Blood, not just a bunch of mini fics that had no worldbuilding and very little plot.

Noble Blood is very precious to me. i've never put as much time and effort into a project that has actually turned into anything beyond some very vivid mental images and a handful of bullet points in a google doc. Noble Blood means so fucking much to me. and as much i desperately wish it didn't, the fact that it has not done well over the last three months has really, really hurt me. i know that engagement isn't everything, and i know it doesn't signify how good or valuable my writing is, but it's also not wrong for me to wish that people would interact with it in some way, because without those interactions there's no way for me to know if anybody's even reading it at all, much less if they're enjoying it.

and beyond that, i feel like whatever little niche i may have had before is gone, or at least expanded to the point that i feel like i've been pushed out. i don't want to make anyone feel bad, so i'm definitely not going to name any names, and again i really don't want to make anyone feel bad or like i'm attacking them. that is not my intention. i am just trying to be honest about what's been going on in my head lately. but i have writer friends who used to mostly/only write smut with little to no plot and are now branching into fics with lots of worldbuilding and plot and little to no smut, and i'm happy for them! i'm glad people are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and i am more than excited to read those things as they're published, genuinely i am. but i feel like that was what i had going for me, what made what i was writing stand out from everything else. and now i feel like i don't have that anymore.

i'm not entirely certain i know where i'm going with this, or what i'm trying to say. but this has been weighing heavy on me for a while. i don't want this to come across as me whining because my stuff hasn't gone viral, or begging/guilting people into reading my works, or anything like that, and i don't want anyone else to feel like i'm upset with them or think that i feel like they don't deserve the attention their works get, or anything like that, because i don't think or feel that way; i'm genuinely so happy that people are exploring things that interest them and are enjoying writing those ideas. i just wish it was working out for me like it's working out for them.

this isn't a post to say i'm quitting writing forever (i don't think i could even if i tried to), and it's not me saying i'm going to delete everything i've posted and disappear, because i'm not going to do either of those things (though i can't say the thought never crosses my mind). I am just struggling to find a reason to keep doing what i'm doing, because my disappointment and frustration with how poorly everything i post here does has now been bleeding into the enjoyment i usually get from writing, and it's making writing feel Very Unpleasant. i don't want to quit but i don't know what to do anymore.

to anyone who does read & interact with my fics, mutuals especially, i will never be able to thank you enough for your support. it seriously means the world to me, and i owe you an eternal debt of gratitude. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

if you read this far, thank you for listening to my (probably pointless) rambling, and i'm sorry for taking up so much of your time. i hope life is treating all of you well, and that you're taking care of yourselves as best you can. i love you guys 💜

[fiendfriend]

haha cirice noo dont engage in Gifted Kids discourse in current year youre so sexy aha

I’m going to be real; when I see people describing gifted programs as students being favored and receiving extra attention and extra support/help, I either think “oh, so you went to a Nice school in a Nice neighborhood”, or “you don’t know what you’re talking about and are making assumptions”, depending on the context given. I acknowledge this is unfair and it is absolutely a bitter, knee-jerk reaction. Statistically, gifted kids are most likely to be white and from a higher socioeconomic class/have some other form of privilege compared to their ‘non gifted’ peers - in many places, gifted kids very much are favored and benefit greatly from these programs while their peers are left to struggle or are left with the burden of the adults in their life viewing them as “inadequate” or otherwise “not gifted”.

The student population of my schools were primarily lower middle class or poor, and were non-white. The public school experiences of myself and my friends (both kids I knew during school, and friends I made as an adult) were all largely unsupportive/not conducive to academic success/in some cases abusive, regardless of whether we were in the gifted program, the equivalent behavioral correction program, the special education program, or no program at all. So, obviously my anecdotes don’t reflect The Research and Statistics on the topic. My perception is skewed. Yours probably is too!

This whole spiel is in response to something but it’s not worth reblogging or replying and potentially getting into it. I just feel like there’s absolutely no nuance to the subject whenever it comes around every once in a while. My cousin’s kid is going to middle school next September and this is a thing that’s just been on my mind a lot. I don’t want him to end up in a troubled teen program like I did, and I also don’t want him to end up in a gifted program like I did. They’re both unhelpful wastes of time at best and just… absolutely fucking soul-sucking at worst.

Growing up, our gifted program consisted of being given homework, reading, or schoolwork in either the same difficulty as other kids or harder, and in larger quantities. We’d then either be sent outside of class and into the hallway to do our work, or we were sat at a solo desk on the other side of the classroom/away from the rest of the class. We didn’t have entire “gifted program” classes because our school district considered AP classes and the gifted program to be different things. I don’t know if this is the same for other districts. Sometimes I see them used synonymously which just kind of confuses me.

Anyway, we were often not given help if we didn’t understand something, and were told that we needed to figure it out on our own and self-teach. There wasn’t enough of us to warrant teachers taking the extra time to teach more material when the majority of students needed the “general” lesson. This was the norm in my classes from 5th grade to senior year of high school when I was in my district’s gifted program.

But then, the Bad Worthless Delinquent Kids With Problems program (the behavioral correction program) that I was also enrolled in at the same time, for the same amount of time was... pretty much the exact same. Separated from the gen pop (under the guise of Eliminating Distractions in both cases) and given different work. We weren’t given extra help if we didn’t understand something because this work was “easier” than the general work. Mostly we did more worksheets, sat out in the hallway, or in a makeshift cubicle in the admin building with 5-10 other Troubled Teens. I had nearly straight F’s for the entire time I was in both programs. Never got my homework done, abysmal test scores, etc, etc. I only ever passed gym and the “study hall” period they forced me to take instead of an elective.

(Coincidentally, all the other kids forced into study hall were also in the gifted and/or behavioral programs. It was not a class you could choose to take.)

I very confidently say that both programs were equally detrimental to me and my peers, and they both equally contributed to me dropping out during my senior year. I wish that as a kid I was given the option to at least opt out of the gifted program, cause god knows they would never have let my ass out of the behavioral correction program with the way I was as a kid/teen. They’re all flawed, unhelpful programs. I think they damage everyone, enrolled or not, noticeably or not.

My friends who grew up in special ed programs or no programs at all have… most the same outcome of the experience. Granted we all grew up to be some flavor of neurodivergent and queer - adverse school experiences are kind of par for the course. But I see my experiences in them and they see theirs in me. And even the stuff that we can’t relate to, it’s so easy to see where they’re coming from and think “I can see how that would burn someone out” or whatever.

I don’t know. It’s not like I have solutions to this or anything. Or a way to neatly wrap this all up with a bow. I’ve never met an educational program that I liked, and I just get really frustrated when people are hurting about the way that they were treated in a way that shames people that didn’t have that exact experience. Every post I see it’s “gifted” kids saying “you don’t understand how bad we had it”, and “delinquent” kids saying “you don’t understand how bad we had it”, and “average” kids saying “you don’t understand how bad we had it”. Everyone’s fuckin suffering, might as well commiserate about it.

[datadegroove]

i guess my generic point is that i see a lot of plans for change in this country. democrats, republicans, anarchists, socialists, conservatives, liberals, blah blah blah blah blah blah. i see a lot of outrage over things that occur. over the rights of workers. a lot of these discussions of rights are limited on the things that are most visible or that have a certain cleanness or prestige to them. actors, game makers, animators, people who work at starbucks, that kind of thing. but i never seem to hear anyone talking about these things that have affected this branch of society. in particular, never at my own job, or any of the jobs that i've ever held (and i've held a lot of shitty blue collar jobs). the amount of times i've almost been killed or horribly injured probably far exceeds the average person's. and if it happens to me you can take my experience and probably extend it to anyone i've ever worked with. every single one of these jobs has been pointless. over expensive products to be sold to dumb consumers. overpriced "smart" beds, overpriced food, overpriced and overdesigned windows, the gas that gets put into your fountain drink (just sell fucking bottles of soda for christ's sake), delivering newspapers (a worthless waste of trees), etc., etc., so on and so forth. and there really is this like magic quality that people think people like me have. i had a conversation with my mom that caused me to realize the kind of global issue with this whole thing. she was like "not everybody can do what you do". and it's like. the divine right of kings or something to people in this world. there's a magic quality to being a "hard worker" or a "skilled laborer" or whatever bullshit term you want to use. you have an ability that other people don't have. well let me tell you, i don't have any abilities. i just show up and do what i'm told to do, get paid and go home. anyone can drive a truck. it's not that complicated. BUT if you're attempting to justify the awful things that are happening to you, or your kid, or your friend, or your brother or WHATEVER, then having a magic quality that makes you better than other people even though you're being "put down by the man" sounds like a really good way to justify that in your brain. and it's like great. i'd rather have the magical quality that makes it so that i can easily to afford to move an hour away after a year's worth of busting my ass. or the magical quality that enables me to buy a car made sometime in the last 10 years. or the magical quality that gets me health insurance that pays for me to get contact lenses - i'll even take glasses that are completely paid for by my health insurance. but i don't have that quality apparently. i only have the quality that makes me the perfect slave. i guess what i'm asking is that anyone reading this kind of start to think about how they interpret labor in this world, and how they view the steps that got whatever it is they own or enjoy. every. single. thing. that exists - a person who works in manual labor was partially responsible for. and probably a higher percentage of that product exists because of them rather than not. in this way, i do think there is an internal bias that has to be worked on for there to be change, and it's not always about the super big news-worthy stories