#your not worth it. not worth. fuck worth. fuck worthless. fuck worthful. fuck etc. fuck character. fuck you

[audreyrose7]

It's such a strange and unique way of fucking up your kid when you at the same time a) treat them like a personal therapist giving them problems that are decades away from anything that they could handle, and expecting the kid to actually fix your grown up problems and to listen to your trauma.

And b) at the same time never give them any real outside world responsibility, making sure that they know as little as possible about how to actually survive in the real world, like paying bills, etc.

Meanwhile making sure but all of your child's self-worth is tied to their actions, and not who they are as a person.

It's a weird little vicious circle, that is so incredibly hard to outgrow, because like I know I'm not worthless just because there might be a time when I'm not productive, and I know I don't have to fix everyone's problems, and I know that I'm a capable adult who can do all the things I need to do to survive and thrive, but my basic training for life goes against all that!

[onesidedradiostatic]

Prev. https://www.tumblr.com/onesidedradiostatic/768663529880436736/re

Oh I see what you’re saying now! There’s been no “positive integer” of ace Mammon in the show! And you’re right!

I personally don’t hold out any hope that the show will ever cover or explicitly bring it up, outside occasional secondary/metatext, like the pride piece or social media. (I feel similarly about Alastor.) Can’t feel let down by the absence of something you hoped for if you never let yourself hope for anything! <— I tell myself, curled up on the floor. The old and factually incorrect “can’t miss what you never had” fallacy. /sarcasm

I’ve got aroace goggles but they’re not rose-tinted…. Likewise,

“(also having the "good" characters tell the ace character he's unfuckable and that he should keep fucking himself kindaaaaa doesn't sit right with me, I really don't want to read bad faith into mammon being made ace rep but it gets kinda hard like this)”

I feel this too, and nihilistically I feel like it’s just another one of those commonplace things that Hellaverse-style writing tends to use for comedic effect that inadvertently (or via unexamined bias, ie “this came so quickly and naturally to you that you didn’t pause to think about how this could come across to other people in your target audience or if there was a more effective way to do this before giving the go-ahead and locking it in? Ok.” Disclaimer: this is common in lots of media! I don’t intend to say it’s something unique to the H.verse writing. It can happen to anyone, like catching a cold, but it’s the hope that the writing and editing process will catch these instances and make them better, but stuff can slip through, it happens. No offence intended) implies something Less Than Ideal like a harmful stereotype or perpetuating casual bias and then assigning them Morality etc. We don’t need an aspec rendition of the Hays Code/Disney/dudebro film “queer-coded villain who you can tell is bad because they’re queer and that’s bad because it’s not good like the good guy!”

The “You like/don’t like sex/romance? What’s wrong with you? I’m the normal one!” can be toxic/dehumanising in both directions when one side thinks it’s superior to the other. But the common M.O is

- the old “If sex/romance = value/virtue/humanity, Then less/no sex/romance = less/no value/virtue/humanity”

- (Bonus points when it equates sex/romance with the capacity to love and be loved!)

- which when used as an insult is basically just a rehashed cousin of those nice-guy “fuck you you’re ugly anyway” and manosphere “I don’t want to fuck you therefore you have no/negative value”

- weirdly but not that surprisingly, it shares a few vibes with ablism, probably because certain people see aspec as something “missing or defective”. Which has historically been thrown at all lgbtqia+ so it’s sad that it persists from within the queer umbrella

- But, loosely speaking of theoretical connections to ablism… I’m not claiming that fidget toys are exclusively for one type of neurodivergence/or ASD. But there is enough fodder for a potential bad-faith reading “show implies aspec symptom of neurodivergence/ASD, says they’re unfuckable and less valued than neurotypical amatonormatives! correlation does not equal causation!” type thing. I’m too sleepy to go there.

- Saying “you’re unfuckable” to someone who doesn’t want to Do The Fucks isn’t an insult in of itself, (it’s like saying “You’ll never get a girlfriend!” to a gay dude, they’d be like “that’s exactly what I want!”) but the connotation that fuckable= worth as a person, therefore they have no worth, is. Like, you could just say “you’re a worthless piece of shit” and not bring sex into it at all, but it’s Hellaverse and sex is everywhere, including the language. It’s the lingua franca… the lingua fucka?

I could assume a goodish faith usage of insulting an ace character as unfuckable/‘the only person who’ll fuck you is you die mad’* in the “I know this bothers you, so I’m using it to bother you” way. Like how in the pilot Angel used -isms to bother Vaggie. :/

*’the only person who’ll fuck you is you’ is also a bonus trope of ‘aspec people are autosexual/autoromantic or self obsessed’ 😂

But yeah otherwise it sits weird.

There’s so much one could write and explore just on the general topic of “Aspec and Othering in the Hellaverse”, it’s actually fascinating. Whether it’s a good fascinating or bad fascinating is irrelevant though. Gender and Sexuality in horror and horror-inspired media is always a blast to look into. (You can’t tell me Alastor isn’t a little horror inspired. How his aspec-ialty can play a part in his portrayed uncanny-valley not-humanness to other sinners, being part device, performance and contradictory animal, etc etc. There’s heaps to go on if anyone felt inclined. Goodnight tumblr)

(prev)

this is a lot so I don't think I can cover everything here but yeah

I personally don’t hold out any hope that the show will ever cover or explicitly bring it up, outside occasional secondary/metatext, like the pride piece or social media.

alastor was at the very least allowed a verbal confirmation in hazbin itself so I don't think it's impossible for mammon (or octavia) to have allusions to their asexuality in their show, really I accept even subtext. for mammon it's still not even subtext yet, just word of god. but again, I won't fully judge him as bad rep here because obviously the show isn't over yet so reference to his asexuality could still come up in the future, I just had some hope it would happen sooner than later y'know and also ASMODEUS got to show up in full pan wear but we don't get any reference to mammon being asexual?

but yeah sorry this one is kinda nitpicking at this point, moving on, all you said after that yeah exactly what I meant about bee saying no one wants to fuck mammon as an insult, I know it's probably not intentionally shaming an ace character for it but it still can have bad implications even with good intention as just a lighthearted canon-typical joke

and this actually

- But, loosely speaking of theoretical connections to ablism… I’m not claiming that fidget toys are exclusively for one type of neurodivergence/or ASD. But there is enough fodder for a potential bad-faith reading “show implies aspec symptom of neurodivergence/ASD, says they’re unfuckable and less valued than neurotypical amatonormatives! correlation does not equal causation!” type thing. I’m too sleepy to go there.

I'm a bit worried about the infantilisation too, I've already seen people compare mammon talking about sex as an asexual to being like a child talking about sex

and mammon's constant use of toys in the trial doesn't really help with it, I worry that the logic behind mammon as ace rep comes down to "he's too childish and immature to understand sex and just pretends to understand it when he talks about it like a child" and that's on top of the whole "I can't see him caring about anyone legitimately therefore he's ace" logic which I have ALSO seen people say in response to him being ace

I don't want to assume that these were the actual intentions behind making him ace, of course these qualities can co-exist on top of being ace but the problem starts when you start correlating them and I think it's already bad that these are takeaways some parts of the fandom have

maybe I'm judging too early, maybe I just need to wait for mammon to be referenced as ace in the show itself and see how it's treated. but just. idk. there's just a lot of factors at play that makes me skeptical of him as ace rep, I was already skeptical when he was revealed as ace rep in the helluva pride art but this episode's showing of him has made me even moreso. genuinely, I do think having a canon sex-favourable ace is good! great in fact! but I can't praise it just for that when there's no indication of him being ace that you can see from watching the episode, if there is ever an episode that indicates him being asexual while being sex-favourable then I will praise it

anyways sorry for having topics surrounding ace mammon be so negative, I feel like it could overshadow the fact that I still really enjoyed the episode!!

[dxxtruction]

I sort of divorce Armand from the larger moral implications of the trail, and what I mean by that is - while he still falls at fault for all of them, and further had a morally special position to prevent it that he takes on additional fault for - his primary concerns are actually divorced from anything that's even going on. In other words, to get at understanding Armand I sort of have to take on his own position. He's rather self possessed and his only actual goal is to ensure he has stable 'love' (even if it can never be real or reciprocated without high control obligations/fear/threat/or lies both to himself and other(s)).

"I did not see your love lasting as long" = he sees the coven as a source of love. Which he'd accept, even in a debased position, if it meant a consistent stability in knowing he is 'loved' (if a fucked up idea of it).

So, if the coven wants to do this whole production he doesn't care how it goes, or what its implications even are, or would achieve, so long as he gets what he's after. (Meaning Claudia is little to no object to him in this, but to the coven they (C, L, and M), and the racist and public humiliation done onto them, are the primary objective.) He appeases this objective to get at and earn his own, rather than it coming from himself, or his own beliefs. Of which are only self serving, and morally bankrupt to begin with (generally he's moral, as he has certain values about being good, but he's extremely okay with doing amoral, and violent things if it serves his own interests). Since his objectives only extend to Louis, Claudia is killed. He never loved her in any way, and saw her as worthless for it, so she's killed.

Armand probably would've preferred, though, that she run off with Madeleine and Louis stay with him, but because he has such strong objectives about maintaining 'love' at all costs he gives to the covens wishes to earn it from them. (At least this is the impression I get from how he looks so defeated and sad by it, like he's not gloating in this).

He ties literally all his worth an existence onto others need and desire of him, and so puts himself in an awkward position where he believes he's nothing if he can't have someone to possess or to alternatively possess him (Thank you Marius de fucking Romanus /s). This idea about worth naturally gets projected onto everyone else, (again fucking thank you you actual prick). And the more worthless you are to the world to him the more he doesn't think you deserve to live, or there is a point to your existence.

The ideal of a worthy person to him is Marius (eugh yeuck), and the things Marius imbued into him as things which are valuable or which make him valuable. (Success, sex, beauty, intelligence, devout servitude, etc.)

This whole thing is why I'm also of the opinion he let Lestat do it (and/or he planned for it) so, come time for things, he has/could give himself a choice (however unworthy of it he is) between Louis and the coven. He's after his own self worth, and the image of this self worth is torn between the two.

"Who am I Louis?"

The only way he'd personally think he'd be worthy of it from Louis, I'd say, is if he was already fully divorced from all the implications so didn't see himself as responsible for them. Moreover, he was probably under legitimate threat by the coven, however shallow of one it may look to be, which would further cement this idea. Even if he did come to realize his own guilt and shame about it, maybe even recognize how at fault for it he was (hence later hiding in lies about it). As events were proceeding he'd effectively removed blame off himself, and remained innocent by his own mental framing of being helpless to prevent anything (perhaps unconsciously).

But anyway, he casts himself as helpless and this achieves unwarranted sympathy from Louis, and further, convincing the coven they're in control (he's using the tactic of a child crying), so he can come out on top of whatever choice he then ends up with. What's a bit interesting is that (I hope I'm remembering this right) he encourages Louis to leave again right before he goes to tear everything down. So this either implies he wants to give Louis a choice still, to go free, or had already chosen the coven over him. If it's the former I think that's important, because it shows he does see others have some inherent value outside himself. But (sadly) can't apply that same understanding to himself. (Which, again, might mean this idea he was helpless isn't deliberate. He's just screwed up like that, consistently under an impression that he just is. Which is the biggest lie there is perhaps, but given his life, something I can deeply understand, even relate, to where it comes from).

As a disclaimer this is just an explanation I've come to, as it makes sense to me, explaining partly as well his further abusive behaviors, and is not me trying to agree with his position. He doesn't deserve forgiveness in all this, and is at fault for everything he is shown to be doing or simultaneously not doing.

[patrickispinky]

Sex, Drugs, Etc.

Pt.6

Warnings: Talk of drugs/Drug use. Possible smut in the future. SH. A lot of plot. EXTREME Canon divergence. Before Maddies time. Set in 2022. Broken Fingers. Blood. Emotional Numbness. Hearing Voices. Self Depreciation. Description of a Dead Body. This is NOT meant to romanticize addiction or mental illness.

2.2k words

pt.5

-

You were shaking, not from the cold but from the sheer amount of anger that consumed you. Another bottle, another job lost, another eviction threat. Hell you’ve barely eaten in the past few days because there's not much to eat. He promised, he promised he was gonna do better.

It was late and cold. You didn’t grab a jacket before leaving the house because all you wanted to do was get away. The sound of cars speeding by you as you walked on the sidewalk weren't enough to drown out your own thoughts. It doesn't make sense, how can he say he loves you but hurt you over and over again? That's not love, you couldn’t bring yourself to call it out for what it was. 

Hot streams of angry tears pooled down your face as you walked, almost ran. To where? No one knows, just however far your feet will take you. Hopefully away from that fucked up place you call come. The tremors got worse, almost like your emotions were trying to burst out of and cause chaos for miles. Buildings burning, taking innocent screaming strangers with them so they can feel the same thing you have all your life. Pure boiling hot rage that never goes away. 

For as long as you can remember you’ve always been like this. Random outbursts and fights at school. One time you got in trouble for randomly punching a kid because he wouldn’t shut the fuck up at 8 in the morning. It’s overwhelming, all consuming, back and forth from anger to complete numbness on repeat. 

He didn’t do anything to make it any better. All of the cuts, fist shaped holes in the walls around your house, a god damn suicide attempt, and you’re still not even close to a top priority to him. A fathers supposed to protect, not leave you with more emotional scars than you can count. He doesn’t even see that he’s hurting you. Why aren't you good enough to change for? All you ask is that he at least tries but he can’t even do that. 

Why aren't you enough to try for? Are you just that fucking worthless that your own father wont even fight for you? He’s not worth your tears or your time but you still give it to him every time. It’s your fault, you don’t do enough to help him. He’s suffering and it's your fault. 

You let out a frustrated noise as you stopped walking, turning to the street lamp beside you, you pulled your arm back and balled your fist, pushing your arm forward and allowed your fist to make contact with the rusted metal. It sent a vibrating force through your entire right arm but you didn’t stop, over, and over, and over again you took your anger out on the innocent non suspecting source of light. 

You didn’t stop until your hand was numb, knuckles busted and dripping with blood. Broken sobs escaped you as you allowed your body to sink onto the pavement, back resting against the cold concrete. You probably look crazy to any passerbyers but they can fuck off, this is your story not theirs. 

Your everything felt numb, emotional and physical, it was all numb. It was like reality no longer existed, time warping into nothingness. For that moment it was just you in the world, everything else becoming nothing but shapes and blobs of color. You were alone and it bordered on the edge between being peaceful and being lonely. 

You don’t know how long you laid there for. Somehow it felt like hours but also only a few minutes. When you got up you felt lighter, like all the emotions that were once weighing you down dissolved with every punch. Your hand was shaking and you realized you couldn’t move your fingers. They began to hurt as you tried to bend them. 

“Fuck” Good going, you broke your fucking fingers. How the hell were you going to explain this one? You begin your journey back home, praying that your dad would be asleep by now, not wanting to explain the blood dripping from your knuckles and listen to him complain through slurred words. You’d figure out how to hide the fact that your ring and middle fingers are unusable when you get there. 

(“1 fish, 2 fish, this flashbacks been too long bitch” - My Brother, 2024) 

Emotional numbness is such a weird thing. Going from explosive to nothingness in such a short span of time seems inhuman. If you really think about it, what does human mean? Were all souls walking around in a vessel of flesh. No different from animals, so why split us by species? We all live and die in the end, so what's the point? 

Hell life and death are barely different. You thought it would be different. Movie ghosts really tricked you into believing the afterlife had something to offer, but it’s all the fucking same. You can’t escape yourself in life or death. You’re scared, a word you didn’t use often but it's the only thing that can describe this. You’re no different than the band kids that go in the same damn circles over and over again trying to perfect their performance. A loop, a truly fucking terrifying loop. 

If someone were to ask you in life if you were afraid of death you would have said no, you’re afraid of the effect it will have on the people around you but now you’d just scream and beg for a way out. But on a deeper level you’d say that the familiarity in death was somehow comforting. It sounds weird but it reminds you that you’re still you. Both good and bad, letting that go would slice away the last little bit of sanity you have left. 

The bell had already rang 3 times as kids came in and out of the bathroom but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Instead you allowed yourself time to think, your brain finally getting a chance to speak over all the intruders that tried to silence it. You know it’s only temporary but for now you’re enjoying it. It had been a while since it was just you and your unhazy mind. It’s like talking to an old friend, catching up on all the new life updates… well death updates. 

The kids whispered about you, well what they found of you. Officially dead, officially becoming a whisper in the halls. You thought it would hurt more, but it was kinda funny. No one paid attention to you in life but now that you’re gone all of a sudden you’re the talk of the school, such bullshit. 

It wasn’t until Rhonda walked in, a sucker in her mouth as always that you finally pulled yourself out of the back of your own mind. Where the hell does she get those things? 

“Hey pill popper.” She spouted that nickname with the same unimpressed look as always. You hated to admit it but you found it kinda funny. Pill popper, creative. 

“Hey Wednesday.” Not your best work but it was fitting for her. 

“Why are you on the floor?” You could tell she doesn't really care. Just wanting to get this conversation over with. 

“It’s comfy.” It’s not, the coldness of the hard floor was already making you sore but you know it won’t last. Your body will reset itself as soon as you stand up.

“Gross.” You let out a small chuckle. One thing you like about Rhonda is her bluntness. She doesn't sugar coat shit. She told you a lot about death when you first got here, though you were still in denial about it all she made it make more sense. “Charley told me to come get you.” Her face never changed, dead inside and out. 

“Group?” You knew you’d have to go eventually. The idea of sitting in a circle reinforces the fact that life and death are the same. You would have ended up in the same situation regardless. 

“Yup.” She put the lolly pop back in her mouth before walking away without another word. 

Great, group time. That also means seeing Wally again. He probably thinks you’re a complete weirdo. Oh well, you can't avoid him forever so might as well get it over with. It’s odd, you had a complete melt down earlier about what he thought of you and now you couldn’t care less. Emotions, what an odd thing. 

You pushed yourself off the ground, the soreness that was there seconds ago fading away in an instant. The walk to the gym was short, the halls being crowded but manageable. The familiar sound of sneakers squeaking against the floor filled your eras, only this time it was several pairs. The same group of boys, playing the same game, in the same gym, where the same ghost class is held. This was starting to feel like the real loop. 

Wally was already sitting in his usual spot when he noticed you, waiving with a smile. What's with this guy? His friendly demeanor seems nice but something about it makes you feel unnerved. You don’t deserve his kindness. 

As you sit down in your chair, right beside Wally, Mr.Martin offers you a kind greeting.

“Ah, hey.” Your name rolled off his tongue in a gentle bright manner, happy to see you. “So glad to see you.” You didn’t respond, just gave him an awkward tight lipped smile. You didn’t pay attention to what was going on around you, just stared at your hands, picking at the skin that covers them. The old scars we faded, some bigger than the others. You used to pick at them until they’d bleed. The beautiful crimson reminding you that as much as you think you’ve changed you haven't. At the end of the day you still hurt yourself unconsciously. 

You felt a hand creep over to yours, pulling them apart so your nails couldn’t cause anymore damage. You didn’t have to look up to know who they belong to. Instead you kept your gaze down and slipped your hands into your pocket and watched the boy's hand slip away from you. 

You felt stupid for enjoying the warmth he provided, even though it was only for a second it felt nice. It’s something you don’t know if you’re ever going to get again, the warmth of someone else. Like cuddling during movie nights with the one girl who had stuck beside you through it all, had held you when you’d cry, had pulled your hair back when you got to drunk and needed to hug a strangers toilet bowl, had been there with your dad to pick you up from rehab, had mapped out tattoos to cover your scars. You’ll never get that warmth again.

You heard Mr.Martin say your name, and judging by his voice it wasn't the first time he said it before you finally noticed. You looked up at him, you didn’t bother hiding the look on your face. Probably confused, upset, scared, every emotion you could name. “Huh?”

“I asked how you’re feeling” His face was warm as ever, somehow making you feel out of place in the conversion. 

“Fine, perfectly fine.” You’re far from it and you know he can tell. Everyone can and you can’t be bothered to hide it. You couldn’t feel emotions but they were still there, unconnected, just floating around, confused, not knowing where to go. 

The look on his face didn’t change but you can tell he doesn’t believe you. “You can talk to us, we’ve all been in your position before.” That stupid line, Wally had said something similar but it's not true. They’ve died but they don’t understand. Being dead isn’t the issue, being you is.

“I’ve never been in that position.” Rhonda spoke up, examining her lollipop like it's the most interesting thing in the world. “We all saw her body, disgusting.” Okay maybe Rhonda was a little too honest sometimes. 

“Rhonda” Mr.Martin shot her a warning look.

“Definitely not my best look.” Somehow even after they found your body school went on. Is that normal? Have so many kids died here that they don’t even bother to shut it down for even a day? Everyone’s acting normal, but the whispers of the kids in the bathroom you spent hours in stuck with you. 

Rhonda put her sucker back in her mouth, arms crossed over her chest as always. Mr.Martin decided to continue group without any more questions about you, understanding that you’re not ready for the whole death talk. He was saying something about group activities but you tuned it out, had your body really looked that bad? The last time you saw it, it was fresh, but the smell that it conducted in the locker room lingered. You couldn't bring yourself to look at it earlier but now you’re beginning to regret that decision. That was your last chance to see that part of you that you walked through life in. Now it's gone forever, never coming back so you can say goodbye. 

It stung, not ever being able to actually say goodbye. All you could do was hope and pray that Mags would be at school eventually. She had missed the last few days, probably making some bullshit excuse to her mom about why she couldn’t come to school. Part of you hopes she never shows up, the thought of seeing her but not being able to touch her makes you want to scream. Her warmth, something you’ll never be able to feel again. 

A silent tear rolled down your face that you quickly wiped away. Emotions are such a weird thing, they switch on and off without warning, leaving you stranded with a shit ton of baggage you don’t want.

-

I don't have a tag list but @gabbyygoo asked to be tagged in the next post so here you go love. Hope you enjoy it :)

pt.7

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

im still pissed off at how @xitemo treated jews that I care about and respect as if they were worthless internet trolls whose contributions are worth nothing. which is entirely false in case that isnt obvious.

"protect your jewish friends" my ass

you claim to "protect jewish people" yet stop showing that support the second you realize that we have our own lives, our own communities, our own ideals, etc. you say you wouldn't raise your hand in anger to people who don't want these horrific events in palestine to happen any more than you do, yet you continue to do just that. its pretty fucking clear you give zero fucks about the jewish community.

why is it that you no longer believe those jewish people are deserving of protection when we express beliefs that do not perfectly align with your own? I mean, the vast majority of jews are zionists because we believe israel deserves to exist and remain a homeland for jewish people.

im sick and fucking tired of antisemites like you going after my friends and family in the guise of peace and hurling disgusting shit at them while hiding behind a shield of "but but I care about my jewish friends!!" when that clearly isn't the case. you respect the actions of a man who was mentally ill and suffering more than the actions of alive, coherent, and knowledgeable jews.

im not usually into starting shit like this and I thought about blocking and leaving it alone, but I cant sit around and let people mistreat other jews. our strength comes from our ability to have so, so many different perspectives and I dont want a single jewish person to think their opinion doesn't matter. every jew present in the thread i pulled the screenshots is amazing, and I dont want them to internalize bullshit like that. I also dont want other jewish people to internalize the idea that their opinions are worthless. yall are not trolls, you're not cowards, you're not scum. you're brave as fuck for surviving and being jewish and speaking out against antisemitism.

[smoked-salmon-official]

How do Nocturne and Nightwatch feel about themselves? Like, do they see themselves as sinply what they are told to be? Do they have an ego? Do they have any lind of self esteem or dismorphia issues? Etc

hi anon:)

nocturne is extremely lonely and has a lot of self worth issues. she has no real connections to anyone outside of megatron. he loves her, but he's very emotionally unstable and an extremely bad parent who has expectations that are way too high, and then gets pissed when they don't get met. thus, they have a very warped view of themself. at some point once nocturne learns about their other parent (starscream) whenever megs gets mad at her he'll be like "youre just like starscream" (aka in his eyes: cowardly and worthless). which also gives them an even worse view of themself. they don't actually dislike their weird frame though! to them its the ultimate sign of their fathers love

nightwatch has an ego, genuinely. he's very pretty and charismatic and charming, having grown up being taught by starscream how to manipulate and influence others. all the seekers adore and dote on him, having helped to raise the kid. being starscream's son, he can also get whatever he wants with the seekers and with anyone else (other than megatron ofc). starscream expects perfection from nightwatch in combat and leadership, but other than that he lets him do whatever the fuck he wants and spoils him a ton. he is very confident in himself too!

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

To that whiteknight that said my opinions are crappy and that I don't know what it takes to write or animate a single episode, here's the thing. I'm an actual animator and I'm a writer. Here's the thing, animation is like math. It's only HARD when you don't understand it's systems and methods and principles, otherwise it all just becomes tedious work, so even though you might have a fun little idea in your head, actually bringing to life is not fun at all. But the results from all your hard labour is what pays off, thats the true fun of animation. The results are worth it, not the actual animating part. So animation is not hard, its tedious as fuck.

Second of all, you don't really need to even have a script to write a good story. You see Hayao Miyazaki's films? No screenplays, its all in the storyboards. Generally, you can even improvise and still get good writing, for example an author named Steven James writes clever and thrilling books without any outlines, it's all organic. Miyazaki and James's ways of writing are organic, they just hop into the story and figure it all out as they go along. Even Shu Takumi, man behind Ace Attorney doesn't have any outlines, he just hops to it. So no, scripts are necessarily needed for writing episodes, besides these guys wrote entire games, novels and movies without scripts. So it isn't really needed, so sorry if you thought a good story requires a script, I don't need to be a qualified scriptwriter to write a good story, besides, a lot of people are qualified and yet they write dogshit and destory entire franchises. I don't need to demonstrate my ability to write a good script, I should demonstrate my ability to write a good story. Helluva Boss prioritizes a toxic ship rather than well-written characters, conflicts, arcs, drama, action, etc. This toxic ship therefore destroys the characters it has build up, for whatever reason the writer chooses to keep I don't know, but they are not a good writer if they can't see the effect this worthless ship has on it's characters. And in order to protect one of its characters who was clearly in a position of power to stop this affair, they blame it on the victim then villainize them for the rest of the season. I very well know Blitz has ruined many of his former loved ones' lives, and he is clearly at fault and must be punished, but his relationship with Stolas with it ruining Stolas's whole life and family is not one of them. Stolas is responsible for the destruction of his family and his reputation, it was of his own doing. Instead of making him get what he deserves and gets character development and becomes a better person, someone we can actually sympathize with for once, the writers especially Vivienne simply choose not to. Bad writing, dare I say garbage writing.

I agree make Bird boy face consequences for his own damn actions instead of throwing the blame everywhere but him.

[god-of-knk]

Of course, I understand you’re not, but I’m curious about your experiences.

Sorry for my lack of understanding, so I hope these aren’t stupid questions.

How does NPD impact your feeling of self worth?

So, this is definitely a difficult question to answer! By no means is it stupid, though. Especially not with NPD, it can be really hard to find good info on.

For me, it's a bit... contradictory. Though I think that's pretty common.

I believe myself, wholeheartedly, to be more important than others (I mean this as no insult to any of you). I put far more confidence into my ability to do... almost anything than others, including even those in my system. I value my opinions the highest, I truly don't feel as if I can be wrong about much of anything. I think my desires are more important than the desires of those around me. Etc. etc.

However, that's just... the surface.

That feeling of... "importance" isn't as stable as a lot of persotypical folks seem to think. It's made of glass. It's thin and hollow and easily cracked.

I'm terrified of criticism, of being confronted with my flaws, because it feels like someone is tearing down everything I know about myself. I feel, beneath all of it, like an empty shell. Like a crude interpretation of a being that ceases to exist without my false self because there's simply nothing underneath it. I've spoken about feeling like I stop existing when I'm not in the limelight, and it's not an exaggeration. When I'm not being given the attention I need to regulate myself, it feels like an implicit confirmation that my fears are correct. That I am actually a worthless creature.

I base a lot of my self worth on how others see me, or more accurately, on how I think others see me. I believe I've mentioned it before, but being perceived how I want to be is extremely important to me. If I feel like I'm perceived as something lesser, it's almost like it becomes truth for me. Like it's etched into my being as I think it. It's also very easy for me to perceive things as insults towards myself. My pronouns, for example, when not used how I like, feels like a slight to my very being. I know ultimately it's something harmless, something likely done out of sheer accident, but it doesn't change that it feels like someone chipping away at me.

That doesn't really even begin to get into highs and crashes, though. With NPD, you can feel like a god made flesh one day (hello) and like a blight on the world the next (hello again). Hell, sometimes both at the same time. And even though it doesn't really make sense, you can believe both of those things with your entire being. It's awful. It's contradictory. It's so fucking difficult to regulate. I have no stable sense of self and I am very capable of dragging myself into the deepest trenches of self-hatred just by thinking about what others think of me.

Anywho. Do a good deed and give your local narcissist a compliment or something. It can mean a lot to us.

[itsblasttothepast]

I listen to sad song on a general rule but of course I can find something fluffy just for them xD Like The Good I'll Do by Zach Bryan (it's country but it's lovely)

It's entarily form Sergio's perspective this time

"Well, in you/The good I'll do/The good I'll do, oh/The good I'll do"

Sergio went to RBR with a clear mission and he was ready to fulfill it no matter what - and he did, they managed to get WDC for Max, they managed to reach WCC for the team and he got podiums for himself, wins on the best track etc. And he did it all that alongside Max and I think he knows that being the teammate of the best pushed him to achive the results.

"The way the grass smells at night/And you've got flames all in your eyes/As they reflect the sparkler" Max was really passionate about racing and all he does and I think Sergio likes him for it, likes the way Max is willing to fight no matter what and does so with determination. I doubt it's possible to not get excited about what's coming with such a person beside you and I know for a fact Checo always believed in Max and his skills. "And you say we'll never die/Grab me by the hands/Just as callused as I am/Say you're proud" The way Max was defending Checo in front of the media must've meant something to Sergio, like, Max could easily say it's not his problem or stay silent but he said multiple times it's the car (just as Sergio has been saying) and he never said a bad word about him. He also called him his best teammate and that is just the highest praise you can get from a WDC I suppose. The car is shit, but they are in the mess together and it must feel nice for Sergio to have a teammate who cares (since his last one was Kamui).

"Well, there's blue jeans in the driveway/And you're walking inside sideways/The wine always affects you in beautiful kind ways/Ask me if I'm staying and I say that I'm sleeping on the floor"

Sergio must be tired from all the bs RBR did to him, to the car, with all the nonsense Helmut and Horner say and the hate and so on and on but he said he is happy where he is - and in my head Max is one of the reasons why he thinks so. Checo always loved all his teams a bit too much to be healthy and RBR is using that against him but this time Max is on his side and they do have a good time together, even if people say it's PR, I think they are teribble actors and they wouldn't be able to pretend for this long (sorry guys). So even if the season and everything about it is messy and awful at least they can have small moments of fun - so yeah, Sergio is staying in RBR because Max said he wants him there and because he got attached to the blonde chatterbox, no matter how the team treats him.

"Won't you tell me that you need me/'Cause lately I've been needing someone to remind me/I'm worth more than just an evening/I awoke to kitchen smoke, you dancin' like God's moved in you before"

Max is getting back on track with the car and Sergio is still being the focus of all the negativity and I guess seeing him on podium would be a small consolation for all the pain but at least one of them is happy (or at least less miserable). And hey, now Max won't lose his WDC and Sergio won't get blamed for that too so it's good, right? I think Max saying positive things about him is a small bust of confidence. RBR might make him feel like an worthless person but at least his teammate doesn't think so.

"Well, in you/I'm new/I'm new/Oh, how I'm new"

This is self explanatory with Sergio's 'no fucks given' attitude - I do think Max helped him get out of the 'if I'm quiet they will stop' mentality and lead him to be more open about the issues - even if RBR hates him for it.

"Getting high out in Austin/Drunk in Tennessee/I don't care where I am/As long as you're with me/Those boys downtown talk so much shit when I leave"

All the rumours and all the traveling away from home, all the fake smiles and broken promises and yet, Sergio and Max keep on trying to make the most of it, with each other - because they are The Dancing Bulls, they are the 'best duo RB ever had' - They are what they are but they make it work.

Ah, song headcanon anon, I'm the same. I love the sad songs, they have something alluring that makes me love the angst! (this is probably a consequence of growing up watching Telenovelas).

I'm not a fan of country music generally, but I heard 'You give me love' by Faith Hill, and now I give a chance to every country song someone recommends... and this time it's another hit! Such a cute song!

This year honestly changed my perspective on Chestappen, so many things going around, and they had to face them together, finally as a team. I feel Horner and Marko keep getting in the way, like wanting to break them apart.

This song made me think, like you said, maybe he are seeing a new Checo, rising from the ashes! I think Max is also finding his place, now that everything is kind of crumbling around them.

Anon, what do you think of the Chestappen content this week? The booth, the arcade games... any songs come to mind?

[fideidefenswhore]

Hi! I understand if you don't feel like sharing it ,but i really would like to read your meta about that Henry/Anne scene in BSR ''Isn't that enough?''. I hope you have a nice day.

"is it enough for you?" , but yes, i actually elaborated on this a little more elsewhere in other tags because i used that shot of that scene again for another edit.

so, expanding where i left off:

the images chosen are more the vibe for the quotes but the one from BSR is very specific

it's a great scene and it's so well-acted bcus she feels BAD for him here.

she pities him. she feels bad for him because he's losing her bcs she's not going to settle for these terms

because she knows she's amazing

and she's so self-posessed in the scene

and he cannot handle this and so it manifests in the reaction(you're making a big mistake; except that is his own big projection)

she's willful and knows her worth and won't diminish herself for anyone

...and i chose the reaction from the scene bcus it's not necessarily at odds with these descriptions (of her 'prudence')

bcs it takes a lot of dignity and self-worth and inward grace to stand one's ground enough (to withstand the 'tide of their prince')

...to give that rejection that by all social and cultural norms and graces she was simply not supposed to give. or was at least supposed to couch in more self-effacing terms.

but yeah anyway i know people thought BSR was 'trashy' but i actually thought the acting and chemistry between them was really great and maybe even lifted the writing from its weaker points.

because just the way he reels back at the line 'is it enough for you?' in all its pity-wrought glory...firstly, because it seems like it's a question no one has ever thought to ask him before, and secondly, so it gives way into that transformation from the shock into anger (how a 'lesser' person is daring to pity him, how he doesn't want her pity, he wants her love) which is just...chef's kiss. she absolutely obliterates his dignity here, not only in her rejection but in this eloquent explanation as to why this is her answer, and in the finality of her conviction. it is delicious. they could have this scene anywhere, in this darkened staircase for its the tudors copycat setting in this lithuanian palace, or on a fucking greenscreen, and it would still be just as powerful if these were its actors.

(im realizing that if anyone who is reading this hasn't watched they're going to think i'm an insane person based on this description... so hopefully the actual beats of the scene below will reveal what i mean, lol:

there's also a compelling subversion of (modern) expectation here, because...the only different thing in this equation is the status of the man asking to love her, asking why love is 'not enough'. for most 16c women of anne's status, no, 'love' wasn't enough. security was preferred. and, actually, it's very anachronistic how much this opinion is villianized (see, tobg:

...when it's like...yeah, a man's love was considered worthless. if it wasn't, they wouldn't have considered betrothal contracts to be a necessary evil!). it's very easy for him to say that she would 'want for nothing' (households, jewels, etc, one assumes), and she isn't allowing his ease: she's contradicting him, and pointing out that there is little security in the position of royal mistress.

herein lies the constant counterfactual moralistic tutting: anne 'should've just become a mistress,' always paired with 'this would, in the end, have made her 'safer.'' and it would have, as we know (not anne), but it would also, as she points out here, likely lead into her being a nonentity (a voice on the pillow, a woman hiding underneath the sheets and behind the bed curtains, an ornament for dancing), and she didn't want to be one: she wanted to be partner and collaborator of her future husband, not the diversion and darling of someone else's.

tl;dr the scene is powerful because she feels bad for him (she feels bad for herself, too, but she only allows him to see the former:

[forest-hashira]

i need to be honest with you guys

i really don't want to be Like That and say that i've succumbed to the whole "my writing is worthless if it isn't popular etc. etc." mindset but like. i think i kind of have. i know that my writing has worth even if nobody reads it, and for a long time i was fine with not getting much attention on my works. i was happy with what i was writing, i didn't really care if anyone else read it, because i liked it, and that's what mattered.

and then i started writing Noble Blood, not just a bunch of mini fics that had no worldbuilding and very little plot.

Noble Blood is very precious to me. i've never put as much time and effort into a project that has actually turned into anything beyond some very vivid mental images and a handful of bullet points in a google doc. Noble Blood means so fucking much to me. and as much i desperately wish it didn't, the fact that it has not done well over the last three months has really, really hurt me. i know that engagement isn't everything, and i know it doesn't signify how good or valuable my writing is, but it's also not wrong for me to wish that people would interact with it in some way, because without those interactions there's no way for me to know if anybody's even reading it at all, much less if they're enjoying it.

and beyond that, i feel like whatever little niche i may have had before is gone, or at least expanded to the point that i feel like i've been pushed out. i don't want to make anyone feel bad, so i'm definitely not going to name any names, and again i really don't want to make anyone feel bad or like i'm attacking them. that is not my intention. i am just trying to be honest about what's been going on in my head lately. but i have writer friends who used to mostly/only write smut with little to no plot and are now branching into fics with lots of worldbuilding and plot and little to no smut, and i'm happy for them! i'm glad people are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and i am more than excited to read those things as they're published, genuinely i am. but i feel like that was what i had going for me, what made what i was writing stand out from everything else. and now i feel like i don't have that anymore.

i'm not entirely certain i know where i'm going with this, or what i'm trying to say. but this has been weighing heavy on me for a while. i don't want this to come across as me whining because my stuff hasn't gone viral, or begging/guilting people into reading my works, or anything like that, and i don't want anyone else to feel like i'm upset with them or think that i feel like they don't deserve the attention their works get, or anything like that, because i don't think or feel that way; i'm genuinely so happy that people are exploring things that interest them and are enjoying writing those ideas. i just wish it was working out for me like it's working out for them.

this isn't a post to say i'm quitting writing forever (i don't think i could even if i tried to), and it's not me saying i'm going to delete everything i've posted and disappear, because i'm not going to do either of those things (though i can't say the thought never crosses my mind). I am just struggling to find a reason to keep doing what i'm doing, because my disappointment and frustration with how poorly everything i post here does has now been bleeding into the enjoyment i usually get from writing, and it's making writing feel Very Unpleasant. i don't want to quit but i don't know what to do anymore.

to anyone who does read & interact with my fics, mutuals especially, i will never be able to thank you enough for your support. it seriously means the world to me, and i owe you an eternal debt of gratitude. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

if you read this far, thank you for listening to my (probably pointless) rambling, and i'm sorry for taking up so much of your time. i hope life is treating all of you well, and that you're taking care of yourselves as best you can. i love you guys 💜

[datadegroove]

i guess my generic point is that i see a lot of plans for change in this country. democrats, republicans, anarchists, socialists, conservatives, liberals, blah blah blah blah blah blah. i see a lot of outrage over things that occur. over the rights of workers. a lot of these discussions of rights are limited on the things that are most visible or that have a certain cleanness or prestige to them. actors, game makers, animators, people who work at starbucks, that kind of thing. but i never seem to hear anyone talking about these things that have affected this branch of society. in particular, never at my own job, or any of the jobs that i've ever held (and i've held a lot of shitty blue collar jobs). the amount of times i've almost been killed or horribly injured probably far exceeds the average person's. and if it happens to me you can take my experience and probably extend it to anyone i've ever worked with. every single one of these jobs has been pointless. over expensive products to be sold to dumb consumers. overpriced "smart" beds, overpriced food, overpriced and overdesigned windows, the gas that gets put into your fountain drink (just sell fucking bottles of soda for christ's sake), delivering newspapers (a worthless waste of trees), etc., etc., so on and so forth. and there really is this like magic quality that people think people like me have. i had a conversation with my mom that caused me to realize the kind of global issue with this whole thing. she was like "not everybody can do what you do". and it's like. the divine right of kings or something to people in this world. there's a magic quality to being a "hard worker" or a "skilled laborer" or whatever bullshit term you want to use. you have an ability that other people don't have. well let me tell you, i don't have any abilities. i just show up and do what i'm told to do, get paid and go home. anyone can drive a truck. it's not that complicated. BUT if you're attempting to justify the awful things that are happening to you, or your kid, or your friend, or your brother or WHATEVER, then having a magic quality that makes you better than other people even though you're being "put down by the man" sounds like a really good way to justify that in your brain. and it's like great. i'd rather have the magical quality that makes it so that i can easily to afford to move an hour away after a year's worth of busting my ass. or the magical quality that enables me to buy a car made sometime in the last 10 years. or the magical quality that gets me health insurance that pays for me to get contact lenses - i'll even take glasses that are completely paid for by my health insurance. but i don't have that quality apparently. i only have the quality that makes me the perfect slave. i guess what i'm asking is that anyone reading this kind of start to think about how they interpret labor in this world, and how they view the steps that got whatever it is they own or enjoy. every. single. thing. that exists - a person who works in manual labor was partially responsible for. and probably a higher percentage of that product exists because of them rather than not. in this way, i do think there is an internal bias that has to be worked on for there to be change, and it's not always about the super big news-worthy stories

[omegasmileyface]

here your reminder that in the current US political climate voting isnt about giving the power to people you like, its about keeping the power away from people who will use it to fuck everything over. we MUST use other methods (protests, direct action, donation, publicity, etc.) to MAKE progress, but taking 3 hours out of your year for a vote specifically for the aim of NOT LOSING PROGRESS is worth it. because otherwise someone you hate will get voted in and you will lose progress, which will make the progress you already made worthless. voting doesnt get the job done, but that doesnt mean it doesnt help

getting your oil changed wont get you to the supermarket, but itll lower the risk of your car dying halfway there. making a resume wont get you a job, but it will make more employers consider you. finding shelter wont feed you, but itll give you the chance to prepare a meal without the wind knocking you over every 4 seconds. giving your little sibling a video game wont get your homework done, but itll keep him from distracting you so you cant work. plugging a hole in your cup wont get you water, but itll slow down the leakage so you can actually drink it. do you see what im saying? voting democrat wont bring social progress, but it will keep your progress from being undone faster than it can happen. sometimes in life, when we strategize, we take a brief time to do a little thing that will make our bigger things more effective.

not to mention its like. so easy. like, i have an incredibly hard time getting almost anything done at all due to disability, and I find voting by mail to be easy. obviously some people will have obstacles keeping you from accessing a ballot, and if you dont have the means to reasonably overcome them, im not gonna get mad at you for that. but for most people reading this, voting is so easy i promise

[swingbakuraryou]

(If your memes don't expire, saw these and was curious)

Rhino: Is your muse wanted for something? What item do they value most? What is the bounty on your muse's head? (If they have one.)

Hornet: How patient is your muse? Are they easily perturbed? What sets them off the easiest?

Antler: Does your muse hunt? What do they hunt if they do? How often do they go hunting? Are they for or against it? Where do they go hunting?

I'm also kinda curious if he hunts for meat, sport, pelts, money, tradition, etc - IF he hunts. Kinda surprised that wasn't on there.

RHINO

"You're only wanted if they're confident that you've committed a crime. The Chief sure ain't helping me, and I sure ain't helping him. After all these years, he's made it clear that he doesn't know how to do his job well. But there's a little promise for him, the second he starts doing his job, I'll give him a little treat. But he won't get the whole prize until he's done. Compared to the other heads in town, I'm worthless, but to him it'll feel like winning the grand prize at the races." HORNET Showgirl: Ryou? He's as patient as a saint! He'll wait for days even months for the right moment! I think for one run he waited almost 4 months before grabbing the goods, and it was so worth it! All of us girls were so thrilled when he brought us those silks! Also! Also! He's always sticking up for us! He's always trying to be a gent even with the worst customers. Band member: I don't know if its patience or silently fuming. All I can say is stay the hell away from him when he has a hammer or a knife in his hand. Aka if he's making props on one side of the stage, you're working on the other side. He won't flip on ya, but its the energy that radiates off of him. Server: Swing's our cute little song bird, but his patience or more so tolerance, is poison. That smile might as well be a bite that slowly burns through your veins and by the time you start feeling it, you're already a dead man walking.

Jake the barman: That pisser has the worst temper in the whole god damn facility! Just a few months ago he trashed the entirety of the props store room! What set him off? Who the fuck knows. And if the wrong person so much walks through that door, forget the show and the music, the whole restaurant will turn into a battle ground. It only take one special person to mess with one of our staff and the idiot goes from lazy ass lap cat, to a spitting viper. And to answer your question, his old man sets him off the fastest. That man ain't allowed within 4 blocks of his place. He'll even letters from him is enough to send Swing into a mood that makes him look like he's ready to burn the entirety of downtown to the ground. He also doesn't fucking sleep, and he doesn't, he's worse.

ANTLER

"You wanna come, darlin'? We can go fishin'. I like trapping small game too. Mostly squirrels, rabbits, stoats, groundhogs, a few birds. What do I use them for? Meat's pretty good. Sometimes the fur and feathers can get a good price. The bones make good projects. Antlers are nice too, especially right after they fall off. Why? Getting out in the forest feels nice. Ain't no one around to yell at you or frame you, the only thing you're fighting is against nature and the animals around you. If I die out here....It's probably because of my own damn fault and I'm at peace with that possibility."

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

Let me tell you something about those fuckers who voted your rights away, this conservative bastards who want to control/harm "make America great again" fuckers.

At the sheer core of them, they are fucking cowards. Absolute shit in their khakis cowards.

You scare them. Just by being gay, by being black, by being an immigrant etc. Because they're conditioned to fear what they don't know. They're conditioned to fear the unknown.

They thrive on fear because it's all they know. They want you to be afraid, to lay down and die, so they don't have to risk fighting. Because they're a one trick pony and they don't know how to fight.

Every right we've earned, every right we have fought for has been because fear mongers and fearful intolerant bastards wanted to keep control. Control is all they have. They are lifeless, worthless without it. So they work to take life and worth from everything else. It's almost like a cancer, how they work. Push everything they are, what little they know, the fear they live on, onto everyone else because difference is what scares them.

That's why it's them who have the wildest takes on others. They've been misinformed and brainwashed their whole fucking lives. They know jack shit about anything else.

Forced into an echo chamber of white Christianity that drills into their heads over and over again that anything outside of that is hedonistic, toxic, evil.

What they want is your feeling of defeat, because now they feel like they can get away with shit. Make sure that they can't. Be fucking gay, enjoy your culture. And do it unashamed! Embrace others wholeheartedly. Thrive in diversity.

Women, get real good at knocking these pathetic men down. Grab yourselves self defense tools, learn how to protect your body. "Your body my choice" bros? Send them a picture of a banana cutter.

Those people only know division, ostracization, fear mongering. When you show you are not going down, not without a fight, when you show love for people who don't look, talk, act like you know you are attacking them at their core. When we solidify, we attack. When we unify, we attack! Why do you think so many policies of theirs tries for separation, for singling out one group hoping others will attack them? Because that's all they fucking know.

Don't give them a chance to speak, don't give them a chance to think they have the jump on you. Shits gonna get real ugly but know our true target are the bastards in the red hats and the orange mistakes worshippers in office.

Kill them with your uniqueness. Force them to look you in the eye as they try and strip away your rights.

And punch all the through not to. That's how you knock out a fascist.

BE MAD BE SAD BUT DONT U DARE GIVE UP

[fauxpontchartrain]

this ask is only partially related to the other asks about your cooking, and i’m sorry if this is weird as fuck because i’m very awkward, but i just want to say that i can’t tell if i want to be like you, or marry you. maybe the former since you’re taken, but you are literally the coolest person i have seen. yeah, you have your sins and fuckups like addiction and trying to murder people, but i kind of aspire to be like you? i don’t know how to word it, but i just think you’re awesome as fuck

LMAO, thanks guys. I used to say all the time that I’m not really one who anyone should look up to, and to an extent nobody really should. But this time, I’m embracing this compliment, because I’m doing better and everyone sees and knows that, and they either love or hate to see it. But either way, I’m doing better as a basic ass human. I actually am pretty badass, and there are SOME aspects of me that people are free to look up to and aspire to be like (mostly friendly, can cook a bit, apparently people think i’m hilarious and can make a lot of people laugh, highly educated and accomplished, etc.), but of course there are other things that people shouldn’t look up to me or think i’m “badass” for, such as doing drugs and trying to murder innocent people and shit lmao.

Thank you for this compliment nonetheless, i’ll take it. I used to always downplay compliments people gave me because everyone was telling me that I was worthless and deserved to die and have all that shit happen to me, so of course I eventually got to the point where I saw no worth in myself and was just counting down the days until I finally kicked the bucket one way or another. But now that that’s not me anymore, thank you! Hell, if there’s anything you wanna learn from me (just like I learned from Dante and Mila about how to function as a human lmao), then just ask or get to know me! I don’t bite (I shoot lmao)!