#you'll always just be you

[regallibellbright]

[ID: A Tweet by morgan (heart) @picmitsuba​  reading: “i like how ships always have that one line of dialogue that the whole fanbase has memorized”. End ID]

[idliketobeatree]

i'm living the dream, in the dream, i'm buried alive two bed grave, one bath, car in the drive mirrored covered windows block the light feeding back reflection distorts life cut connection — jesca hoop

[trans-axolotl]

my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.

before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.

but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.

as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.

pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.

it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)

the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.

this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.

so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.

an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.

another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.

there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.

i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.

[vaguely-concerned]

the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)

[badlydrawnronpa]

i love how this blog called "badly drawn" while like some of these doodles are better than my finished sketches lol

HEY

NO SELF DEPRECATION ABOUT YOUR ART SKILLS IN THIS HOUSE

ANGIE ATTACK

[agentark]

see you around, rvb

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

[front-facing-pokemon]

[conceived-angel]

the matching outfits are really the cherry on top in all of this. sydcarmy writers i have a job for you...

[areyoudoingthis]

I am SO grateful that ed and stede exist as characters exactly as they are. I'm so grateful for these two men who are traumatized and messed up and struggle to even like themselves, who are terrible at communicating, who make enough mistakes between the two of them to fill an entire ocean. I am so grateful to watch them struggle and be seen and be loved and reach out for the things they want and are maybe starting to believe that they deserve. I'm so grateful that the show lets them fall in love and get together exactly as they are, that it doesn't say they need to wait until they've become some unattainably perfect version of themselves before they have permission to have that. i am so grateful for ofmd

[teddybeartoji]

toji is so dad sometimes it's so hot

[lylahammar]

I think the important thing about body neutrality and body positivity existing side by side is that body positivity is a big hurdle for people who are just starting to work on learning to love their bodies. When someone's at their lowest point, it's better to say "aim for just fine," and once they reach that level of neutrality where they can appreciate the functional ways their body is serving them, it's a lot more feasible to make the jump to seeing the visual beauty of it.

[moghedien]

I feel so bad for all the christians that think the olympics opening ceremony was anti-christian. wait until they learn that the olympics is a pagan religious festival that honors gods older than their religion by thousands of years

[pacexlikexaxghost]

@goldenbeastkeeper

The summer heat has been with them for some time now, the coastline baking in humidity.

It's the early morning when Garnet walks into Rose's room, where she and Pearl are. Pearl is laying back across Rose's lap, laughing as she tells some story that Pearl isn't even listening to, and the room plays it out around them.

❝I've found one,❞ Garnet says, and Pearl sits bolt upright, her fingers raking through the clouds as she shifts off of Rose's lap, looking expectantly at Garnet.

❝Found one what?❞ Rose asks, and Pearl shoots her a look. There's only one thing that Garnet could be referring to, talking about it like that.

❝A portal to Valor and Flicker's home.❞ She pauses, and looks towards Pearl. ❝Sort of.❞

Pearl stands up slowly. ❝What do you mean sort of?❞

❝Their family isn't there. The one I've found will last about a day and a half, and it goes to their world, but they are also out of time. I see that there could be trouble if they went in unprepared, so we would have to warn them.❞ She frowns. ❝They would be happier going back to that world; no worry over witch hunters and life around them that they're more familiar with.❞

Pearl isn't expecting the painful jolt in her chest at those words. She wants the two of them to get home; she does, and if they would be happier there, even without their family-

❝Oh, well, I'm glad we were able to help them!❞ Rose chirps, jumping to her feet and putting an arm around Pearl's shoulders. ❝It'll be a shame to see them go; they've been such a delight to have around.❞

❝They're both so young! Especially Flicker! They shouldn't be on their own!❞ Pearl blurts out, and Garnet chuckles.

❝I also saw that reaction. Go pack; you'll get a stable portal eventually.❞

Pearl squeaks, and shoots an anxious look towards Rose, who's started giggling.

❝Go! Go!❞

Pearl doesn't need told thrice, darting to the passage to her room.

❝She's acting like a Mom to Flicker, right? Or am I crazy?❞ Rose says the moment she's out of the room.

❝Not crazy. Go tell them; I'll wait at the Warp Pad.❞

❝How long will she be gone?❞ Rose nods towards the passage to Pearl's room. ❝Not too long, I hope? You know how she gets when left to her own devices.❞

❝Not too long. She'll be fine.❞

Rose nods, and takes off out of the Temple and towards the burrow on the other side of the cliff.

❝Guess what!❞ She says excitedly to the pair. ❝We have a portal!! Garnet found one!❞

[sysig]

*You’re starting to feel very sleepy... (Patreon)

[neon-impressions]

I AM SOFT AND KIND AND FULL OF LOVE