#you truly mean so much to me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
kimdokjas Ā· 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ā™”
11K notes Ā· View notes
trashyandtiredsol Ā· 1 year ago
Text
I FRICKIN LOVE YOU HUN AND @c00kietin !!! AND ALL MY MOOTS SO FRICKIN MUCH YOU ALL ARE ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF MY DAY AND I'M ALWAYS SO THRILLED COMING ON HERE!! I'M SO GLAD I DECIDED TO DOWNLOAD TUMBLR AND INTERACT WITH Y'ALL
Mutuals Loving Hours
Tumblr media
Okay this might be a sappy so...beware as I gush about my mutuals!!
I have so many things I want to say to everyone, so much I would love to tell you face to face. So many reassurances and encouraging words that I would have to write a list just to remember everything I want-- what I need to tell you. I would give anything to be able to make you laugh and enjoy your smile, admiring the way you light up. I'd make an ass out of myself just to watch your smile widen. If I could, I would grab those weights from your shoulders and throw them into the great lakes, never to be seen again. I would stand by your side as we watch them drown from their own weight, never to get that satisfaction of dragging you down with them.
You're a damn good person, whether you believe it or not. Your creations, the things your pour your heart and soul into are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can feel the love and joy you used to intertwine those ideas together, I can see the excitement on your face as you share your creations.
You are one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I don't care if I haven't seen your actual face, or if I don't even know your real name. You are stunning. Stunning like a star that threats to burn your eyes the longer you look at it. But I'd be okay with loosing my sight, as long as you're the last thing I see. I know I'm just a stranger to a lot of you, but I still care! I will always care and you will never be a burden. Sometimes I might not be able to help you like you need, but I'll be damned if I don't try.
I love you, you made my void a little less empty.
<3
3K notes Ā· View notes
poorly-drawn-mdzs Ā· 6 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!
3K notes Ā· View notes
lilybug-02 Ā· 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Final Bug Fact:
The world NEEDS bugs. They keep the soil healthy, pollinate, control pests, and contribute to the worlds' ecosystem. By the end of the century, it is estimated 40% of insect species may go extinct due to habitat loss. Yes, that is very scary. But with even one beetle spared, one caterpillar rescued, and one Hollow Knight comic of all things, things will change. Because I know there's a lot more Dewi's out there than most people realize. Stay curious.
Tumblr media
Thanks for going on this adventure with me. ā™„ļøŽ
First || Prev // END... VOLUME 2 is Out.
Masterpost
Comic Thoughts and Pictures Below!
I wanted to put here how amazing and sweet everyone has been with this comic. I finished a 75 page comic in 3 MONTHS. I am at a loss for words. That sounds crazy and it IS crazy. But man was it fun. Even on days were I wasn't able to draw due to fatigue or business, I loved working on it from start to finish. And guess what!? This is my first ever FINISHED comic :D I'm so proud of myself. I know there's some things I want to change and the art is wonky in most places...... but I'm content to let it be. What an amazing summer adventure!
I'm hoping to post the full comic on another Comic website. I may or may not edit some of the art ^w^ So I'll let y'all know when I release it.
Interested in learning what you could do to help your local insects? This is the basic stuff. Maybe make some Insect Hotels if you have the time!!! And never forget to spread the word about bugs. They need our help just as any animal on earth.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Still Here? Well you can look in the tags for little lore dumps if ur looking for stuff like that ;)
3K notes Ā· View notes
keferon Ā· 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..likeā€¦constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho donā€™t take me seriously Iā€™m not good with graphs
Tumblr media
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#heā€™s trusting Jazz. itā€™s.#also it totally wasnā€™t me googling ā€˜believing and trusting nuance difference in englishā€™#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he canā€™t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldnā€™t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#Iā€™m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didnā€™t make me feel like itā€™s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didnā€™t do quite the same#but thisšŸ‘†. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldnā€™t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you donā€™t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? Itā€™s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
1K notes Ā· View notes
bacchuschucklefuck Ā· 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
soon it'll be dawn again
transcript under the cut ā¬
page 01
Fig: no way? - you're still up?
Riz: Whā€“ yes?
Riz: Why'd I not be.
page 02
Fig: I me~~ean - that took.
Fig: whole day.
Riz: Yeah?
Fig: 'm beat.
Riz: you should sleep.
page 03
Fig: nah. my guy's still up
Fig: I wanna hang out.
page 04
Riz: That's really nice.
Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.
Riz: ā€¦ yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.
page 05
Fig: yeah, but you do itā€¦
Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.
Fig: That's rightā€¦ - though. Yeah.
page 06
Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.
Riz: ā€¦ - mm.
page 07
Riz (off screen): ā€¦It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so niceā€“ - or. - kind.
Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.
page 08
Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world'sā€“ not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.
Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can nowā€¦Ā 
page 09
Fig: Hey.
Riz: ?
Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.
page 10
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)
Fig: o yea.
Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.
page 11
Fig: here u go
page 12
Riz: uh
Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.
Fig: I'll show u
page 13
Fig: justā€“ yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, thenā€“! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try
Riz: uh - What. do I carve?
Fig: anything!!!
page 14
Fig: andā€“ yep just seal the inside uh. seam?
Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?
Fig: haha - watch this.
(sound effect text): FWOOā€”MP
page 15
Riz: WHā€“ DON'T JUST DO THAT???
Fig: Now it's fired!
Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE
Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)
Fig: ok catch!
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!
Fig: dw no need haha
page 16
Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warmā€¦
Fig: now I want you to throw this.
page 17
Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon
page 18
Riz: whā€“ - It's like 3AM right now
Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise
Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?
Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u
Riz: but
page 19
Fig (off screen): RIz.
page 20
Fig: I've done all this before.
Fig: Can you trust that at least?
page 21
Riz: no, Iā€“ - I do. - I trust you.
page 23
Riz: okay what happens now
(sound effect text): glob
page 24
Fig: we do it again!
page 25
Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)
Fig: see! you're already learning
Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.
Fig: Things change.
page 26
Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist
Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.
page 27
Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.
page 28
Fig: So?
page 29
Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up#for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight#and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl#I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player#fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish#lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash#for a While lol. it was scary!!#had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure#truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true#you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there#this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time#nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!!#there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh#well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys
2K notes Ā· View notes
thedreadvampy Ā· 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
Tumblr media
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
9K notes Ā· View notes
cantagirldrawinpeace Ā· 1 month ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Shoutout to when Namiā€™s eyes do this thing that they do.
282 notes Ā· View notes
rubberbandgirlme Ā· 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
they fucked, no one can convince me otherwise, even if the devs come up with a statement;
leander bottoms????? or a service top??? gonna create a petition for 'the wet wick' to be renamed 'subway' šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļø
233 notes Ā· View notes
starflungwaddledee Ā· 4 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
ā­šŸŽ€šŸ†šŸŽ‰ a wa wa winner! šŸŽ‰šŸ†šŸŽ€ā­
i'm running late on getting this out, but i'm still reeling over the results of the @kirbyoctournament! i can't quite believe that starstruck- my pint sized waddle dee- made it all the way to the tippy-top against such intense competition. the roster was full of such an incredible selection of wonderful, loveable, and creative characters!
it's heart-warming to know that people out there really love my little wanya and her story, and i'll carry that with me always! šŸ„°šŸ’–
i am so grateful to everybody who voted for and supported starstruck (and i!) throughout the tournament, and i'd also like to give my thanks to everybody- moderators, participants, spectators- who made this community event as cool and fun as it was!! i met many new people and learned about so many wonderful new characters!
this piece in particular is dedicated to and features all of starstruck's competitors in the tourney, starting with jakkle doo from round one, right up to valfrey in the final round. it was a fantastic honour to compete against all of your OCs, and i look forward to hopefully seeing them around plenty more in the future!!
thank you again!!
characters are listed from bottom to top; round 1 vs jakkle doo by @ninjakirkki, round 2 vs galacchio by @tatonslice, round 3 vs atlas by @unleashedsonic, round 4 vs mama d by @chibifox2002, round 5 vs parhelion knight by @aseuki, round 6 vs techie by @ivynajspyder, and the round 7 final vs valfrey by @gethoce
122 notes Ā· View notes
ricky-mortis Ā· 6 months ago
Note
hi, ricky. i love your art style, and the way you do the lines is so cool! could you please draw duke keane from hatchetfield?
Howdy! Thank you so much, oh my goodness! Of course I can draw some more Duke for ya! Heā€™s one of my favorite Hatchetfield characters, and criminally, iā€™ve only drawn him a few times.
Tumblr media
Have a doodle page! <3
347 notes Ā· View notes
thepersonperson Ā· 5 months ago
Text
Sukunaā€™s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukunaā€™s Negative Rizz)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Some warnings before we start.
1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.
2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility.Ā Raws are from mangareader(.)to.
3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)
4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
(Click images for captions/citations.)
Fighting as Communication
Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each otherā€™s bodies as a test of strength. Itā€™s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And thatā€™s it. Thatā€™s the manga.
I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But thatā€™s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.
Itagakiā€™s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that itā€™s kind of hard to grasp since itā€™s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. Thereā€™s nothing quite like it. If youā€™ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.
The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. Heā€™s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?
But thatā€™s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. Itā€™s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.
Tumblr media
And it just doesnā€™t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Hereā€™s an example of my favorite.
Tumblr media
He grabs his balls and compliments their size. Thatā€™s pretty gay, right? Well thereā€™s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Bakiā€™s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.
Tumblr media
I didnā€™t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didnā€™t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, itā€™s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.
Tumblr media
But sometimes he doesnā€™t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.
Tumblr media
Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that thereā€™s more to the fights than just fighting.
Tumblr media
Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.
Jujutsu Communication
Iā€™ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.
Tumblr media
But heā€™s not the one who tells you that thereā€™s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.
Tumblr media
Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.
Tumblr media
With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.
Sukuna vs Gojo
Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. Thatā€™s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.
What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent itā€™s basically text.
In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. Itā€™s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So thatā€™s what Iā€™m going to do. Iā€™m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.
Framed as Courtship
Letā€™s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?
Tumblr media
Kenjaku does. Itā€™s romantic. Itā€™s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if thereā€™s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? Thereā€™s still additional support for it.
We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.
That doesnā€™t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozuā€™s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.
Tumblr media
Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.
The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.
Tumblr media
Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.
Tumblr media
The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.
How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.
The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.
Yorozuā€™s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didnā€™t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.
But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. Itā€™s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:
1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.
2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.
3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.
Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, itā€™s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.
Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?
When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that werenā€™t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, Iā€™m going to be focusing on the raws.
Iā€™m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and canā€™t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.
In this post I talked about how weird Sukunaā€™s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of ćŠå‰ (Omae) for everyone else and č²“ę§˜ (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.
Tumblr media
Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:
1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.
2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.
With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous ā€œYou Cleared My Skiesā€ speech I found this:
Tumblr media
Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.
Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.
Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.
Tumblr media
Heā€™s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)
Wow ok. Thatā€™s pretty intense! Weā€™ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.
Tumblr media
Satisfaction. Now thatā€™s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.
Tumblr media
Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.
Time to learn some Japanese again!
Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but itā€™s the basics.)
Thatā€™s probably why ęŗ€ is read as ć¾ć‚“ (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about ā€œsatisfactionā€ using the On version and ćæ (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who ā€œsatisfiesā€ who.
Tumblr media
However ęŗ€ on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. č¶³ (zoku) is added as a modifier after ęŗ€ to be read as satisfaction ęŗ€č¶³ (manzoku). č¶³ usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. Itā€™s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.
But whatā€™s this? Why is this sentence written as ęŗ€ćŸć—恦 or Mi(tashite) instead of ęŗ€č¶³ć—恦 or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, itā€™s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as ā€œThe one filling him up now isā€”ā€
Weā€™ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that heā€™s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.
So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.
Surely if the phrase ęŗ€ćŸć—恦 (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.
...
I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka ćŠć£ććŖꄛ恧ęŗ€ćŸć—恦 (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.
Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (Iā€™m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.
So, Iā€™m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?
Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?
Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.
I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.
Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is č”Œć(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.
Thereā€™s also the term åæƒå¤© (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart åæƒ (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Donā€™t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I donā€™t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. ā€¦And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.
Tumblr media
(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)
I have another fun slang term: č³¢č€…ć‚æ悤惠 (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage č³¢č€… (kenja) time ć‚æ悤惠 (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.
Oh thatā€™s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.
Tumblr media
And whatā€™s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying ā€œIā€™ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.ā€ Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now isā€”Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesnā€™t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)
By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. Itā€™s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? č‚‰é£Ÿē³» (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and ē³» (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isnā€™t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I donā€™t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji č‚‰é£Ÿ (nikusoku) means meat-eater.
食 is still interesting on itā€™s own. The é£Ÿć¹ć‚‹ (taberu) reading is normal eating. The é£Ÿć†(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.
Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. Thereā€™s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, heā€™ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).
Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.
Tumblr media
Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.
And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.
Iā€™m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesnā€™t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes thereā€™s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they arenā€™t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. Thereā€™s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.
With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he wonā€™t for anyone else. And heā€™s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.
Sukunaā€™s Negative Rizz
Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesnā€™t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.
But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.
You know who canā€™t do that? Gojo.
As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo canā€™t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, heā€™s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.
Tumblr media
And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.
Tumblr media
And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumiā€™s face. That boy is pretty much Gojoā€™s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.
If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumiā€™s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesnā€™t know that. Heā€™s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.
Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.
In Part 3 of my examination of Sukunaā€™s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.
Tumblr media
Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I donā€™t think sheā€™s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If weā€™re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, Iā€™m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)
Thereā€™s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lustā€”that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukunaā€™s treatment of Gojo.
If we are to read ā€œThe one who will teach you love isā€¦Sukunaā€ thereā€™s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun 恂ćŖ恟 (Anata) for Sukuna.
Tumblr media
Itā€™s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.
If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become ā€œyou, dearā€. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojoā€™s groom, thinking of him as Anata.
The problem is, Gojo doesnā€™t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where thereā€™s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.
Gojo also doesnā€™t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means thereā€™s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless heā€™s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests donā€™t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.
Tumblr media
And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.
Tumblr media
The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.
Itā€™s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesnā€™t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesnā€™t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.
If you didnā€™t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji ꂟ meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 联 for smart, ę™ŗ for wisdom, ēŸ„ for knowledge, äŗ† for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or ꚁ for daybreak. Thatā€™s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.
This is why Sukunaā€™s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukunaā€™s context for most is violence and insults, itā€™s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.
And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凔夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)
The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凔 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.
Tumblr media
It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.
But wait! There's more...
Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)
Tumblr media
So we have the translation of Enchain from å„‘é—Š (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.
This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)
In summary, itā€™s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)
Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:
ā€œOur vow is beyond death and lifeā€, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.
Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!
Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.
Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. å„‘(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as ꁵ(kei)ę“»(katsu). The kanji ꁵ can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji ę“» (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.
A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.
It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with å„‘é—Š (Keikatsu). The kanji å„‘ when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When å„‘ read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.
So we have å„‘é—Š(keikatsu, separation), ꁵ(kei Megumi)ę“»(katsu, activities), and å„‘(kei chigi, spousal sex)ę“»(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.
Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.
Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:
"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."
"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."
In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.
Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.
Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.
But my point here is that Sukuna mightā€™ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"
In Conclusion?
This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.
Itā€™s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukunaā€™s strange little brain works so heā€™s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (Iā€™m still thinking about how Uraume didnā€™t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) Heā€™d have to let people in and tell him outright, but heā€™s just like Gojo so I guess thatā€™s never happening.
#cactus yaps#I need to have my weeaboo license revoked.#How on earth did I miss this?#GEGE WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS.#Hi yes I will dress as a traditional groom on Dec 24th the most romantic day in Japan after someone else called the arrangement a date.#Is this even subtext at this point?#Why canā€™t these men use their got danged words instead of Umineko levels of psychological warfare.#Sukuna: ''Gojo is clearly driven by lust. How do I have s*x with him without actually having s*x?#Fighting and death are basically the same thing as s*x so Iā€™ll do that and hopefully he sees that I love him.''#Gojo to Geto: ''Sukuna gave me the best *rgasm I've had in years. I think he hates me.''#Geto: ''Huh.''#Absolutely fascinated by girlfailures Sukuna and Geto horribly fumbling Gojo in completely different ways.#I want them to fight over him in the most passive aggressive way possible.#Gojo was meant to be a romcom harem protagonist.#Though Sukuna should be way more ok with poly given Heian rules on relationships.#But you know Geto was also ok that someone else was able to make Gojo feel good.#I like that prioritization of his pleasure. Even if it came a little too late.#Much to think about.#Consider this my Sukugo manifesto part 2.#Update 8/14/24: One of these days I'm just going to have to make a new post.#Update Cont: Sukuna calling Gojo his mid unenlightened husband wife spouse all at once using two kanji is truly insane.#Update 8/19/2024: All according to Keikatsu.#sukugo#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#lemons
235 notes Ā· View notes
canisalbus Ā· 4 months ago
Note
Just wanted to say I'm really happy that you have shared so much about your characters! I've been following you for a long while now, and I think I remember your post expressing worry about talking about your characters. After seeing all the love shown to them, it makes me happy that you decided to!
Aaa thank you for your kind words! ;-;
[22.7. Editing these here]
Tumblr media Tumblr media
194 notes Ā· View notes
poorly-drawn-mdzs Ā· 11 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Call that a Cave Story.
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā€“->Ā Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen chao#wang lingjiao#mianmian#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#I had to cut the comic with JC 'holding WWX back from fighting the Wen Assholes' but it is with me in spirit.#It reads (to me) a little bit like JC is scared of Core Melting Hand and wants to have an excuse to hold on to WWX for comfort.#As far as I can recall they are around 15-17 in this arc.#And a guy who can rip out your golden core? The thing we know JC truly puts so much weight upon that he feels meaningless without it?#Yeah that's pretty terrifying. I hope WWX hugs back (he will not)#I have a lot more thoughts on Wang Lingjiao and Mianmian but I will keep them for later.#WLJ is a character I feel got done a little dirty because she has a ton of interesting potential that gets pushed aside for Mean Villainess#Let's be fully honest. Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao are *THE* characters the Protag of one of those 'Reincarnated as the villain!' stories#Set up to be assholes to the main character and meeting a horrible end in retribution.#Do you think MXTX thought about that? How Wen Chao is basically the original Shen QiugQiu?#Who's going to be the brave soul who writes A transmigrator in wen chao's body (accidently makes wwx fall in love with him) story?#Though If we are going with ā€œany mxtx character sho dies transmigrates to another bookā€ WHO is the transmigrator?#Hear me out. I think it should be Original Liu Qingge. I think he and wwx would make a funny duo and I want to see it so bad.#AND the contrast of womanizer Wen Chao VS 'What is a woman' LQG.
1K notes Ā· View notes
shinybulbasaur Ā· 5 months ago
Text
Rules: Make a poll with five of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite!
I was tagged by @suddenrundown, thanks for the tag! I was so tempted to put "eliot's baseball hair" but I resisted (also polls don't allow strikethroughs. sad). tagging @michinaranja, @vero-niche, @acidmatze and anyone else who wants to play!
278 notes Ā· View notes
trappedinafantasy37 Ā· 25 days ago
Text
Since Minthara presents an exterior shell made of steel, and she's sometimes mean, and is an absolute badass in battle, she is often treated and perceived as someone who feels no emotions. And this often occurs to individuals who do put on such a tough exterior. It also does not help that many people perceive evil characters as incapable of doing or feeling anything other than evil. That love and evil are innately incompatible.
But Minthara is not emotionless, she does feel things. Sadness, grief, fear, loneliness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, vengeance, love. She can laugh, she can tell jokes, she can cry, she can smile, and she does get upset at things. If anything, she is emotionally repressed and emotionally guarded and the times where she does really express her more negative and vulnerable emotions is when it becomes too much to hold back and it comes out a little over the top. We have to remember she comes from a society in which such outward emotional expression would be rewarded with social punishment, religious scorn, or even death. So she really doesn't have the healthiest mechanisms to express her emotions.
She hides what she feels all the time as a means of keeping herself safe from punishment. She keeps it to herself cause she does not want you to see her as weak, as she would have been in the past. And she certainly does not want you or anyone else to punish her for it either. She hides behind little pet names and even using words from languages she knows you don't understand as that is the only way she feels safe being vulnerable with you. In her past, her love was rewarded with new wounds and new scars. She is terrified to open up to you, fearing that you will hurt her because she loves you. That her love for you won't actually be enough to stop you from hurting her. And she will only ever admit she loves you in contexts that have a high risk of death because there's really not much for her to lose at that point so she may as well tell you.
She also has a habit of intellectualizing what she feels and experiences so that they appear as "rational" and "logical" rather than emotional and to distance herself from her emotions. She says it takes a sharp mind to have sympathy for someone who suffers unnecessarily. She is trying to make it appear that emotions like sympathy is a matter of the mind, not the heart. That it is a mark of intelligence, because otherwise it would be the mark of weakness.
She blames herself for her own torments, like she deserved the awful things that happened to her. She frames the situation like she is more at fault and more deserving of blame, than the people who hurt her. It is the only way she can find any reason in what happened to her and any reason in her tormentors actions. That she did something wrong and induced someone's wrath upon her, rather than acknowledging that the person who hurt her is just a bad person.
She deserved what Ketheric and Orin did to her because she was "weak, passive, proud". That her emotional state had blinded her from the trap that was set, giving Ketheric and Orin ample opportunity to attack her. That if she hadn't felt those exact emotions, then it wouldn't have happened. She could have seen the trap coming, or she could have fought back.
Or if you attempt to tell her that her childhood was rough and her mother abused her, she immediately deflects by saying, "it could have been worse" and therefore, what she did actually experience wasn't really that bad. And yeah, sure, maybe she needed certain lessons given that she lived in a cruel and dangerous society like Menzoberranzan where she had to be prepared for violence at all times. But trauma is not born of love, it is born of fear, of pain, of agony, and her mother still tried to kill her. Regardless of her mother's intent, it was the first broken bond of trust and it left a mark on Minthara. Where she began to believe that her mother would torment her for torments sake, and she had doubts on whether or not her mother actually loved her.
When you encounter the first Orin imposter, it's pretty damn obvious she is terrified. And you kinda gotta squeeze it out of her to admit that she's afraid. Where it's "I'm afraid of Orin because she is capable of this, this, and this, and you should be too" rather than "I am afraid of Orin because she hurt me." And she begs you, BEGS, to keep her safe because she knows her fear makes her vulnerable to Orin.
She doesn't even truly acknowledge that she wasn't at fault for what Orin did to her until Orin is dead. She doesn't start putting the blame on Orin until Orin is dead. She doesn't go through the emotional process of sympathizing with herself until Orin is dead. And she doesn't admit that she undoubtedly has trauma, until Orin is dead. She gets so wrapped up, and so lost in her own fear and paranoia that she never has the room to properly process the things that happen to her. That her primary concern right now is keeping you, the others, and herself safe and her emotions can wait because wallowing in them will only make her weak. Only does the distance of death give her the room to start healing. Only problem is that there have always been threats and they never end, they never stop. So it is rare for Minthara to ever have a moment of peace and safety to work through what she feels and they just get backed up. Ignoring your problems does not make them go away.
So you wanna know what will happen when an embrace Durge betrays her? She will fall to her death, a knife in her belly, blaming herself for your betrayal. All her worst fears have come to pass and you were indeed a lover who hurt her because she loved you, and that she was a fool to ever trust you at all. That if she didn't love you, maybe you wouldn't have hurt her. She doesn't understand your reasoning, she can't make sense of it, she doesn't know why you'd betray her, so it must have been her fault for thinking you'd be different. That if she hadn't been so loyal, so devoted, that she could have been spared. That her belief that you would rule together is what damned her. She will die blaming herself for her own murder before she ever gets a chance to start blaming you.
104 notes Ā· View notes