#you should be at MY mercy
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The thing about being a full adult w PDA is that 50 times a day I end up going “you cannot make me do that I’m Literally An Adult”
#got admission confirmation transferring to a new university#and it’s not like I wasn’t prepared for forms and bureaucracy#but they require you to attend two adivising & orientation sessions; one of which is on zoom#and it’s listed as being from 8 am to 5 pm#and like. I’m literally an adult you Cannot make me do that???#like wow that’s so interesting… anyway go fuck yourself#like maybe 18 y old freshmen will blindly go along with this but I will not#like mfer *I* am paying *you*#you should be at MY mercy#pathological demand avoidance#autism
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Publishing has always been a fucking nightmare, but now it’s a layer of hell. It’s not enough that writers be good at what they do. Writers have to maintain an active social media presence and cultivate a following. Be available.
They have to be conventionally attractive enough to look good enough to see on a screen, aesthetically pleasing, kind, funny, up-to-date on trends, socially aware but not so controversial that they turn off a brand from California from slapping their discount code on a video promoting a book.
They have to do all of this with no media training, with little help from the companies that are supposed to be doing this for them.
Of course, a lot of this isn't possible for say, the 40-something mother of two who teaches English at a school and writes on the side. She’s boxed out of an already complex industry that already has enough walls.
On some level, I think authors have always marketed themselves a little, but we’ve reached such a crazy point where we’re demanding the author become the influencer. Accessibility in publishing has narrowed from an inch to a sliver. And that inch was hard enough to get in as is.
#This is about traditional publishing but there’s pretty privilege and ageism in self publishing too#I can’t think of the last time I saw an up and coming author recording videos who was over thirty#And frankly that’s a shame#It could be that I’m not looking hard enough#but it’s more likely that algorithms are trained the way they are#truly I don’t think they should have to do any of that at all#And forgive me but (and I know it’s rich because I’m an artist on a platform) but art shouldn’t be at the mercy of an algorithm#Now there’s also something to be said about self publishing becoming easier and easier to achieve success in#And doors opening because of influencer status is real and makes publishing wider in a way#But that doesn’t mean it’s accessible#I’m not gonna plaster my health issues over the wall but that life is certainly not accessible to me!#are you healthy enough to write and make sure people on social media still want to like your stuff#are you mentally well enough to be your own pr#I’m sure people who have studied this have more to say and have said it better but this is what I’ve observed#writing#publishing#publishing industry
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“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)
Bonus:
Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c#As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around!#Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins#Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol#But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship!#And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots#Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own#Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪#He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes#''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly''#I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her-#Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person#''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :)#Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't#It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot#Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time#Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently#I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe#And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe
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Crazy issues that come up when a character is written a little too well
#yay story time comic nobody asked for#funnily enough i will NEVER play undertale on the computer because of this#my first exposure to undertale was jacksepticeye and i am glad i didn't opt to play the game myself at the time#flowey closing the game and then the broken start up cutscene was bad enough just WATCHING it#and i STILL have to watch that chara thing at the end with a far distance from my screen and the volume down#not because of the scary face but because of the violin noise that sounds like its a repeating tone rather than a loop#and then of course the window hopping around#am also very glad i was spoiled about the spamton mercy win before i tried it myself#am slightly worried about future deltarune chapters but at least now i'm anticipating it#anyway remember when i tagged that one post ''i'm scared of computers and it's a monkey's fault''#now you know :3#i really wanted this done on thursday#and apparently dawn's brain says friday doesn't happen until after i fall asleep#so now i am awake and it is 4:30 and i hear birds chirping so nighty night#((or good morning))#yay comic :D i was right this did help a lot with getting some program familiarity#it's not the greatest paneling in the world but it's good for now#idk if i should really tag him or not#but uh#spamton#deltarune#spamton enjoyers i am so sorry#i am terrified of him only because he does his job in the story very well
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I have so many feelings about the way these two episodes outlined Tushan Jing’s strength of character by the way.
Xiyan Grandpa explaining the sheer amount of strength and will it takes to be kind, to choose goodness over and over. Saying that this is admirable! It’s a CHOICE to be kind. And it is also a choice, a difficult one, to show restraint. I love seeing characters take bloody revenge as well, but it’s not always the best fit for a character.
Cang Xuan trying to say that Tushan Jing choosing kindness will get him killed in the end, but… he’s wrong.
Because Cang Xuan forgets that Tushan Jing is also smart. He let Tushan Hou live, but only after making it impossible for him to strike back; by declawing and defanging him. Even then, when TSJ and Xiaoyao go to check on little Tian, they take major precautions.
And the only reason this didn’t work was because someone even more powerful than the Tushan family got involved; Cang Xuan himself. And that’s someone who would have found a way to get rid of TSJ whether he’d chosen to kill Tushan Hou and FFYY or not.
Kindness didn’t kill Tushan Jing; in fact it gave him his greatest happiness. There is value in a soft heart.
#lost you forever#tushan jing#and to note mercy and restraint is not the same as forgiveness#he absolutely does not forgive tsh and ffyy#nor should he#also why did the lyf tag eat my post#you WILL perceive my tsj love posts
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Vlad did not expect this shit at all what the fuck???
You know those twin/sibling aus with Danny and Damian? That but in Vlad's POV
CMON I feel like it's underutilized, given how Vlad has an obsession with wanting Danny to be his son when he ISNT greedy for power and control.
Like Vlad Masters takes pride in thinking that he knows everything about Danny like the creepy bastard he is.
So imagine when shit hits the fan as always with these AUs; Vlad expects Danny to come crawling to him or at least last a few days until he gives up and finally goes to Vlad for help.
But then Danny disappears, and Vlad doesn't know where the brat is. Time passes by, and no matter what, Daniel hasn't come out of whatever hidey hole he is. That is until PLOT HAPPENS AGAIN- Vlad gets a hint that Daniel is in GOTHAM of all places- so he goes!
And most of the time when Vlad finally shows up in these aus, it's of course at the Gotham Gala–time to start shit up!
There he finds Daniel with Bruce Wayne of all people, hanging out with that Wayne's youngest child. Where Vlad sees the eerie similarities with Daniel and the Wayne Boy, minus the eyes and what-not. He sees Daniel staying close to Brucie and his son, that will not do.
This would give Vlad the opportunity to finally mold the brat into his perfect son, and even get Maddie in the process!
But of course, with these aus, Vlad doesn't get Daniel, so Vlad is pissed because how dare the brat choose Wayne over Vlad Masters???
Why would the boy choose Brucie Wayne over coming with Vlad?! Over coming home?! Over his parents?! Vlad would understand, even be elated since usually in these types of aus, Danny has a falling out with the Fentons or it just isn't safe at home anymore.
But after all, this is Vlad's POV: he'd be pissed and confused on WHY Daniel would dare choose Wayne over him, he could support Daniel just fine, he knows what the boy needs.
But the way that angry brat glared murderously at Vlad; and Daniel doesn't do anything to get the Wayne boy to stop, in fact he seems concerned for the other boy who's glare would kill. Bruce Wayne even seemed smart enough to get Daniel and his son away with a smile, and Daniel is letting them.
These people shouldn't be this protective of the boy, given that somehow Daniel ended up in their care. But the way, Danny Fenton seems to trust them enough to know that he could travel with them willingly...
But WHY would he???
#Basically: my attempt at writing with Vlad of all people#If i was a good writer I would've made this more detailed smh 😭#i tried to keep this vague as possible while also not if you get what i mean 😭#i really LOVE these types of prompts-esp the prompts where danny was a completely different person back then too in the league#he knows what its like to end a life so now he chooses mercy despite what Vlad and others do to him#and while Vlad ofc doesnt know the full context only bits and pieces#he does know theres something 'wrong' that the image he wants of danny isnt real if Danny is with the Waynes#meanwhile for Danny: just your average twin/sib au making up for lost time type shi#idk i just really like the idea of how Vlad would react in these types of works usually its the fentons + danny's friends or batfam#Vlad is confused and out of the truth loop as he should let him suffer realizing that Danny really WOULD'VE killed him early on as toddler#dc x dp#dp x dc#dp x dc prompt#dc x dp crossover#danyal al ghul#danny fenton#vlad masters#batpham#danny and damian are siblings#danny and damian are twins#danny phantom#batman
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Hedwyn made everyone hot chocolate
#i am of the opinion that they should kiss#yuri 🥳#fae is here specifically for the 2 people in the pyre tags and also in my notes who really like her. hi guys waves#if you see any mistakes feel free to keep them to yourself. thank you so much#please have mercy this is my first big ish piece#yap session over#my art#pyre#pyre game#pyre supergiant#supergiant pyre#supergiant#pamitha theyn#jodariel#vagabond girl#moontouched girl#tizo#is here also#hi#one last thing: did i make the table taller? yes. yes i did. please mind your business#same with the blackwagons size. yes i made it bigger. no i will not elaborate
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So, it's your bath time, right? Eh? Let's bathe! Hey! I can walk! Khun Yai, stop! Khun Yai!
I Feel You Linger In The Air (2023) | 1.08
#i feel you linger in the air#ifylita#bright rapheephong#nonkul chanon#ifylitaedit#tostrangers#userpharawee#hoppipolla#userrain#userjap#userjamiec#tuseralexa#userspring#clairedgifs#ifylitaep8#communication >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#i love ifylita. one of the rare cases when there's supposed to be power imbalance in their rs due to the nature but it doesnt feel like it#khun chai and homklin you are always THOSE period series for me#yall think im in msi brainrot era? bro i never left my homklin era#dont know how im gonna be over both series genuinely#come save me spare me your mercy come save me#i should gif some parallel between msi and ifylita#dont know what parallel yet but i'm sure i'll find one eventually after my 10th rewatch of both series
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do you know what we all take for granted most?
the little pause the backspace button does when you hold it down after deleting the first letter, before it starts rapidly erasing everything else.
#she gives us a moment to change our minds. shows us mercy for our mistakes.#try it. feel how intuitive and perfect it is. just enough time to decide hmm no my words were no mistake after all#''duckling you should have backspaced this post''
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God I am so happy we could recruit him in Azure Gleam.
#the idea of Annette being like 'hey. Mercie. ik we talked about your messed up family but uh. did you know he was the death knight?'#and mercedes going 'Nope!' is very funny to me#also I adore the dynamic Dedue has with these two and I definitely think he would try and look out for him#but he would probably see Jeritza's bloodlust and be like 'hm. i wonder if I should encourage him to talk to his majesty.'#Mercedes and Annette baking him sweets in the meantime#let the poor guy have some peace man#i mean that for dedue and jeritza tbh#dedue has to put up with so much and jeritza is just... jeritza.#fewth#fire emblem warriors three hopes#three hopes#fire emblem#fewth fanart#fanart#art#digital art#doodle#my art#mercedes von martritz#dedue molinaro#annette fantine dominic#jeritza von hrym#emile von bartels
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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When men say "I love her" but Odysseus said "She's my everything, my Penelope, and she's all my power"
#how he's so desperate to get back home to her#that he decides to beg#he's the Odysseus the king of Ithaca#and he's on his knees to beg for mercy so he can go back to his wife and his son#i love them so much im not well about this#i know im sorry#but this part gets me everytime#and now it's in my head again#and the 'so I beg you Circe grand us mercy and let us puppets leave' as well#it should start paying rent at this point smh#odysseus#epic the musical#there are other ways
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last name reveal for IDREN//IDA + their moodboard character sheet
#OUROBOROS#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#dating sim#idren/ida#This was supposed to be a patreon exclusive but I am almost finished with present preset!L too so I am so giddy to share this one here >:3#YES. YES. the progress report. I prommy it's coming. I hate sounding corporate and talking diddlywaddly about what I have accomplished.#THERES STUFF AND THINGS HAPPENING (if you see my weeklies you know) I'M DOING MY BEST & LEARNING & THRIVING#but enjoy this while I squint at paragraphs and overthink every sentence of the prog rep ksdjfhskjdhfskjdfhlskdf#oh also??? should I have added that Id's safeword is mercy??? maybe I should. *squints at kairel* you'd need that wouldn't you#Id would s t u t t e r it out whimpering and pathetic. that's it im keeping the nasty on disc but iykyk LMAO
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I just saw someone say it was in poor taste for OFMD season 2 to have “Izzy apologize for letting Ed mutilate him” and I took 10,000 psychic damage. Just say you don’t think emotional abuse counts and go.
#Izzy has been mutilating Ed for YEARS#maybe DECADES#and you ableist motherfuckers#are gonna say that ED#owes HIM#an apology!?!?!?!??????!!!?!?#all Ed owed Izzy was a good shove overboard#so take his mercy and stfu#they are PIRATES#physical violence is pretty thoroughly allowed in their workplace#BUT ALSO#if an irl chronic abuse survivor finally snapped one day and cut off their abuser’s toes#I personally wouldn’t be inclined to judge them about it either!!!#Izzy was abusive to Ed in specifically ableist and homophobic/misogynistic ways for a very long time#your boss shooting you is a standard workplace hazard when you’re a pirate first mate#Izzy was bad at his job#Izzy fucked around and found out#not only was it correct to have Izzy apologize to Ed#he actually should have apologized for a lot more#and maybe not been forgiven#anyway I look forward to my free blocklist in the notes#ofmd#our flag means death#Izzy hands#Izzy critical#Izzy hands critical#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 Spoilers#abuse dynamics#ofmd season 2
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While I’m at it, in 2015, I also made a video compiling the different endings of BioShock 2, and I’ve decided to finally upload it!
youtube
So there are 8 endings in total. I call them:
1.1 – A
2.1 – A
1.2 – B.1
1.2 – B.2
2.2 – B.1
2.2 – B.2
1.2 – C
2.2 – C
I also made two visual representations, a table and a diagram, of how to get them:
The text version of this and what Eleanor says in each ending is under the cut :)
Part 1
1.1: Eleanor forgives and saves Sofia Lamb.
Condition: Delta rescues all the Little Sisters; Delta spares at least one person among Grace Holloway, Stanley Poole, and Gilbert Alexander.
"And then, Father, the Rapture dream was over. You taught me that evil is just a word. Under the skin, it’s simple pain. For you, mercy was victory. You sacrificed, you endured, and when given the chance, you forgave. Always. Mother believed this world was irredeemable, but she was wrong, Father. We are Utopia, you and I, and in forgiving, we left the door open for her."
1.2: Eleanor hates but saves Sofia Lamb.
Condition: Delta harvests at least one Little Sister; Delta spares Grace Holloway, Stanley Poole, and Gilbert Alexander.
"And then, Father, the Rapture dream was over. You taught me that right and wrong are tidal forces, ever-shifting. To survive in Rapture, Father, you took what you needed from the innocent. But, when the guilty posed no further threat, you simply walked away. I wanted Mother dead. But, broken as she was, how could she hurt me? Now, she will grow old and die, knowing that I rejected her."
2.1: Eleanor loves but drowns Sofia Lamb.
Condition: Delta rescues all the Little Sisters; Delta kills Grace Holloway, Stanley Poole, and Gilbert Alexander.
"You taught me that justice is a contract: once broken, it can never be mended. You sacrificed so much to preserve the innocent. But, to the guilty, you offered no mercy. I loved my mother, and I never wanted to hurt her. But with what she did to us, she gave up the right to exist. My hands were shaking when I did it… But you were there to steady them."
2.2: Eleanor hates and drowns Sofia Lamb.
Condition: Delta harvests at least one Little Sister; Delta kills at least one person among Grace Holloway, Stanley Poole, and Gilbert Alexander.
"And then, Father, the Rapture dream was over. You taught me that innocence is chrysalis, a phase designed to end. Only when we are free from it do we know ourselves. You showed me that my survival, my joy, are all that matter. I indulge, nothing else exists."
Part 2
A: Eleanor is at peace and hopeful. Delta dies but willingly lives on in Eleanor.
Condition: Delta rescues all the Little Sisters.
"The Rapture dream is over. But in waking, I am reborn. This world isn’t ready for me, yet here I am. It would be so easy to misjudge them. You are my conscience, Father, and I need you to guide me. You will always be with me now, Father: your memories, your drives… And when I need you, you’ll be there on my shoulder, whispering. If Utopia is not a place, but a people, then we must choose carefully, for the world is about to change. And in our story, Rapture was just the beginning."
B: Eleanor is in doubt...
Condition: Delta rescues at least one and harvests at least one Little Sister.
"You made a monster of me, Father, but I wondered why you saved the others. You left me in doubt. Didn’t you want me to be like you? I knew I could save you, but if you felt regret, if you wanted me to choose for myself, I would have to let you go. To let you die."
Delta chooses to sacrifice himself and not live on in Eleanor. Eleanor is alone and unsure about her future. "The Rapture dream is over. And in waking, I am alone. Mother, I left behind, and you chose to die rather than to have me follow you. But you gave me the greatest gift of all, something I have never had: my freedom. There is no name for what I am, but the world is about to change. I thought we would seize it together. Yet, as I sat there with you, I wondered if even I could be redeemed. Your sacrifice gave me hope. But, Father, wherever you are… I miss you."
Delta chooses to save himself and live on in Eleanor. Eleanor is evil. "You may not have wanted me, Father, but you defined me. You chose to survive, no matter the cost, and I will not let your instincts go to waste. The Rapture dream is over. And in waking, I am reborn. You’ll always be with me, Father: your memories, your drives... When I need you, you’ll be there, whispering from my shoulder. There is no name for what I am, but the world is about to change, and with your help, they’ll never see me coming."
C: Eleanor is a monster. Delta dies but unwillingly lives on in Eleanor.
Condition: Delta harvests all the Little Sisters.
"The Rapture dream is over, and in waking, I am reborn. You may not have wanted me, Father, but you defined me. You chose to survive, no matter the cost, and I will not let your instincts go to waste. You’ll always be with me, Father: your memories, your drives... When I need you, you’ll be there, whispering from my shoulder. There is no name for what I am, but the world is about to change, and with your help, they’ll never see me coming."
#again don’t hesitate to correct me or ask questions#sorry far cry people (so most of you)#but it feels so good to finally post stuff I made years ago and was too intimidated to share#this might not get a lot of notes or views but at least it now exists on the internet!#also hey look I made a thumbnail#bioshock 2#subject delta#eleanor lamb#sofia lamb#grace holloway#stanley poole#gilbert alexander#rapture#bioshock 2 spoilers#I got 1.1 - A because I spared everyone#but I think who you kill should matter more than how many you kill#for example killing gil isn’t necessarily evil because his former sane self asks you to do it#it’s a ‘mercy kill’ if you will#killing stanley is vengeance#but killing grace feels gratuitous in my opinion
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