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jinhyun · 2 months ago

Text

—catalyst.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: fluff, pining, non-idol au, best friend’s little brother au

word count: 5.4k

summary: when your best friend points out how there seems to be something more than just a platonic friendship going on between you and hyunjin, you couldn’t help but start questioning everything you’ve been doing together so far.

a/n: and we finally get y/n’s pov!! (and a little bit of hyunie’s as always lol can’t help myself). there is a lotttttt of overthinking on her end so please go easy on her, she just got hit by facts she hadn’t thought twice about before (thank u chan).

if anyone comes across this in the tags, this is part 15.2 of a social media series called heart out! you can read it as a stand-alone but i wouldn’t recommend it since there are a lot of references to the previous parts of the story.

as always i hope you all enjoy! if you do, please let me know your thoughts on it<3

When you woke up that day, you never would’ve expected to end up with so many unanswered questions by the end of it.

It was supposed to be a normal day — a great one, actually. You were having lunch at the Hwang’s household, and that itself was enough to make you happy as ever.

It had been a while since you’d last seen Hyunjin and Yeji’s parents, let alone shared a meal with them, so you took it upon yourself to get up extra early that morning in order to make some dessert for them —a lemon pie and a chocolate one, as they were Mr. and Mrs. Hwang’s favourites— and still have enough time left to get ready.

Yeji called you out as soon as she and Chan arrived to pick you up, ranting about how it wasn’t necessary for you to bring anything, while you and Chan could only laugh, knowing well enough she was already eyeing the lemon pie and thinking of how many pieces she would have.

What only made it funnier to you was that you knew you’d get a similar reaction from Hyunjin once you met him at his parents’, only he’d be eyeing the chocolate pie instead.

Said and done, as soon as you entered their house and Hyunjin came up to greet you —not without first letting you know just how hurt he was over you sharing a ride with your friends instead of him—, he began to go on about how he told you that you didn’t need to bring their parents any presents, like you said you would after his mother had so generously made you some soup when you were in bed with a fever a week ago. Nevertheless, you could see the way he stole a few glances at the chocolate pie, before offering to take it to the kitchen, while Yeji did the same with the lemon one. You could never get bored with these two.

Their parents, you knew very well by now, were just the same as them. It was clear where Yeji and Hyunjin got their humor and antics from.

You always had a very nice time with them, as they’d always find the right topic to keep the conversation going. But then for some reason your dating life made it to the conversation at one point and Mingyu was brought up by their mother asking you about the ‘handsome young man’ they met a couple of times; and somehow that alone would be the catalyst that set off a series of events that ultimately left you questioning your entire relationship with Hyunjin later that night.

“So you are definitely not getting back together with him?” Their mother asked at last, once the whole ‘Mingyu lore’, as Yeji called it, had been covered.

“Um…” you hesitated, eyes unconsciously locking with Hyunjin next to you, before you looked for Yeji, who was in front of him. “No, we’re not”.

“Oh, dear” she lamented. “What he did was such a shame, the two of you certainly made a very nice couple”.

“You heard how he turned out to be an asshole, though” Yeji pointed out, taking the words from Hyunjin’s mouth and inevitably having him and Chan nod in silent agreement.

“It’s a good thing you’re moving past him” their father chimed in this time.

You nodded, giving him a gentle smile. You were trying your best, for sure.

“His parents must be devastated” Mrs. Hwang lamented again, bringing your attention back to her.

This time, you couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. “I mean, I got along really well with them, but I wouldn’t go as far as to think they’re devastated”.

“Losing a daughter-in-law as beautiful and attentive as you…” she explained, bringing some heat to your cheeks that you tried to play off by taking a sip of water. “The two of you would’ve made such beautiful children”.

The water you were drinking didn’t follow the path down your throat it should’ve at the sound of her statement, and you inevitably ended up choking on it.

“Yah, mum” Hyunjin called her out, gently patting your back as you tried to catch your breath. “Can we not mention children and her ex in the same sentence?”

“Right, sorry” she apologised, handing you a napkin and giving you a soft smile before her eyes focused on her husband; ignoring the way Hyunjin’s hand remained unconsciously drawing small circles on your back until you were able to breathe normally again. “But just imagine if we had that kind of genes in the family”.

“Did she just call us ugly?” Yeji frowned, locking eyes with Hyunjin, who couldn’t help but chuckle instead of acting offended like his sister — in his eyes you were on a whole other level of beauty after all.

“Honestly though, even I feel offended now” Chan butted in. “I don’t recall you wanting my genes this bad”.

“They met you when we were already a couple, she probably would’ve tried to bribe you too otherwise” Yeji let him know with a cynical laugh, having you all follow right after.

“Trust me, she’s already pictured how cute your children will be” Mr. Hwang let the couple know.

“Can we not?” Yeji pleaded with red cheeks this time. Chan, on the other hand, could not let the opportunity to tease her pass, poking her cheek and repeating in a squeaky voice just how cute their kids would be. “Back to the topic of Y/N’s genes, please” she begged.

“Jeez! Thanks, best friend” you ironically said amidst an incredulous laugh, earning a finger heart and an obnoxious smile from her in response.

“My point was,” their mother resumed her previous train of thought. “Now that Y/N’s single, I’m kind of wishing we had an older son. Imagine how beautiful their children would be if she became a Hwang”.

Well, that certainly felt like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown right at Hyunjin.

“Hyunjin’s right here, though?” Chan pointed out before the youngest could begin to get lost in his —quite angsty— thoughts. “They’re both in their twenties, I’d say there’s hope for Y/N to become a Hwang”.

And maybe, if you weren’t too busy kicking Chan under the table, you would’ve noticed the shy smile curving up Hyunjin’s mouth, as well as his slightly rosy cheeks as he looked down to his still nearly untouched food.

Maybe if Yeji wasn’t too busy laughing at her boyfriend after getting hit and ever so poorly trying to comfort him, she would’ve noticed her brother being all flustered, too.

But, thankfully for him, his parents did. And that was enough for them to nod their heads in silent understanding.

That was the last comment they made about your dating life that afternoon, having no trouble directing the topic once again towards Chan and Yeji’s relationship instead.

You, on the other hand, although had managed to do a pretty good job at following whatever topic was brought up for the rest of the meal, could not seem to let Chan’s comment go.

It was out of place. Way out of it. What did Hyunjin have to do with it anyway? Like, yes, they were talking about you becoming a Hwang and, yes, he was the only son they had, but that didn’t immediately make him an option?

He was three years younger than you. He was only seventeen and still in high school when you met, whereas you were in your second year of university. It felt wrong to even think about it. And it was even worse considering that there was a reason his mum had explicitly mentioned her wish to have an older son instead of pushing you towards Hyunjin right away. It didn’t seem right for them either, as far as you could tell from what had just gone down.

Which is why you couldn’t let it go. Not even after you and Hyunjin got back to your place, like you had agreed to earlier that day when you decided to share a car with Chan and Yeji instead of him, and he wasted no time to secure his much needed alone time with you once you were done at his parents’.

You’d excused yourself to the kitchen to make some popcorn while Hyunjin was comfortably resting on your couch as he looked for any romcom movie to watch while he sipped on the hot chocolate you made as soon as you got home, and you took those few minutes away from him to text Chan and ask for an explanation.

And, God, did you get one.

You re-read the conversation over and over after he went offline, unable to understand where the hell had it all come from.

“He’s 23 now”.

“You may have met when he was 17 but he’s an adult now”.

“Considering what’s currently going on between the two of you”.

“I’m just trying to make you see and actually consider all your choices”.

“Hyunjin is not a little boy anymore”.

Every single text, hitting harder than the other.

Of course he was no longer a little boy. He stopped being one a long time ago, you weren’t stupid. But he was still Hyunjin, Yeji’s little brother. Nothing would ever change that.

You were supposed to care for him just like she did, to be there for him and protect him when the time came. He wasn’t supposed to be ‘a choice’ for you like any other guy could.

He was Hyunjin, the teenage boy who hardly talked to you the weekend you first met and would stutter almost every time he did, and who would so shyly let you and Yeji know dinner was ready whenever you stayed at theirs after that.

Hyunjin, the high school student you’d give some advice regarding the university admission test and applications throughout his last year of it, and whose graduation you attended later on.

Hyunjin, who made it to your university and would constantly ask for your help in his assignments, regardless of him having chosen a completely different major; and who you’d constantly check up on to make sure he was doing okay in his first year of it.

Hyunjin, who held you tight as ever the night Mingyu left you, and refused to go home like Yeji told him it was okay for him to until he was sure you were sound asleep and no longer crying, which didn’t happen until way past four in the morning.

Hyunjin, who would text to check up on you every single day after your breakup, even if it meant getting very short, cold answers from the heartbroken and detached persona that had taken over your body the following weeks.

Hyunjin, who included you in his New Year’s Eve plans and kept you company the entire weekend Yeji and Chan were away.

Hyunjin, who made it known he missed being as close as you once got to be years ago and took the lead to propose picking up where you left off.

Hyunjin, the man who had spent the entire past month making your days better by simply texting or showing up at your place — being there for you even when you didn’t need him to.

Had you really missed how much he was there for you? When was it that the roles reversed and he started to look after you instead?

You jumped when the microwave started beeping, letting you know the popcorn was ready. Shoving your phone into your pocket, you rushed to pour the popcorn into a bowl before making your way back into the living room.

Hyunjin’s head snapped in your direction, unable to hide his smile as soon as he saw you.

You gulped, trying your best to calm your heartbeats down before you took a seat next to him right as he placed the now empty mug on the coffee table. Maybe you should’ve texted Chan later that night, when Hyunjin was back at his place and you wouldn’t have to face him right away after being hit with so many questions.

“I was like one minute away from going over there to see what was taking you so long” he confessed.

“Just making us a small snack” you smiled cutely, shaking the bowl in your hands to make your point.

“I’m pretty sure popcorn takes like three minutes to make in the microwave,” he pointed out, shoving a single one into his mouth. “You took like seven”.

You scoffed in amusement. “Did you set a timer or something?”

“No, but I watched three whole movie trailers,” he admitted, earning a breathy laugh from you. “And that without counting the minutes I spent scrolling through movies to watch. I’d say you took at least ten minutes, actually”.

“Did you miss me that much to actually count the minutes?” You couldn’t help but joke.

“Well, yes” he answered with no hesitation, and no signs of joking either; very unfortunately for your already shaken up heart. “I told you earlier that I hadn’t seen you all week and wanted to spend time with you”.

“We’ve been together nearly all day” you reminded him sweetly.

“Not alone, though” his words made you feel warm inside, like they seemed to be doing a lot lately. “It’s not the same”.

“Sorry,” you pouted, and that was enough for him to melt. “I got kinda caught up texting and… here, I’ll just leave my phone on the table so we’ll just focus on the movie”.

Placing your phone next to his on the coffee table in front, you leaned back against the sofa, tilting your head up towards the TV, so he’d hit ‘play’ and you could get started on your movie night.

When five seconds went by and he didn’t move an inch, you focused your eyes on him instead.

“Hyunie?” You called him, moving your hand in front of him to pull him out of his thoughts and smiling once you did. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, um, I just…” he struggled, having his eyes going back to your phone. “Was it work related? Like, was it… was he…”

“I was talking to Channie” you clarified when you got what was going through his mind. “Don’t be silly now, you really think I’d spend ten minutes of my life texting my ex boyfriend?”

“I mean, you guys have a project together now, so…”

“Still, we can just get it over with by email” you stood your ground. “I only spend that long texting people I actually enjoy talking to”.

He smiled, happy to know you would usually spend that amount of time texting —if not more— and, therefore, he was one of those lucky ones you enjoyed talking to.

Beaming after that realisation, and with the possibility of you talking to your ex out of the way, he grabbed the remote and pointed it to the TV.

“Is this one okay?” He asked, motioning towards the title ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ displayed on it.

You nodded quite effusively. “What are you waiting for, it’s one of my favourites”.

He bit his lip, but not even that was enough to hide the wide smile taking over his face as he leaned back against the couch as well and finally hit ‘play’. Of course he knew you loved that movie. He wasn’t choosing one only he enjoyed after all, and maybe knowing you’d get happy about it was the reason he ended up going with this particular one.

To be fair, he knew he’d spend half of the movie looking at you instead anyway. It was quite cute how you wouldn’t notice, being way too immersed in the plot you must’ve watched a hundred times by now.

Every now and then, he would reach for the popcorn at the same time as you, with the mere intention of his fingers faintly touching yours, but by the third time they touched and he got no reaction from you, he decided he wanted more — having your fingers touch without you noticing was not enough.

So, he slid slightly down the sofa, just enough for his face to be on the same level as yours, and then he rested his head on your shoulder.

That, you noticed. Hyunjin realised by the way your body tensed up under his touch.

And, for a moment there, he considered sitting up and going back to his previous position, hating the thought of his proximity making you feel uncomfortable; but you greatly surprised him by leaning your head on his before he could do so, silently letting him know right then that you did in fact enjoy being this close to him.

In the end, he had nothing to worry about when it came to touching you, for you had made it clear a while ago that it didn’t bother you. But, then again, he wasn’t sure whether you were only enduring it or actually enjoyed it. He didn’t know which touches were okay and which ones were crossing the line. And the thing was, so far, you enjoyed every single kind of physical contact he had tried with you. They were all brief, innocent even, sweet.

Him leaning his head on your shoulder hadn’t made you tense up because he crossed some kind of line, but because, unknown to him, your head was a complete mess right then. Unable to let your previous conversation with Chan go, you were now questioning the meaning behind this small action of his.

“Considering what’s currently going on between the two of you”.

Was this what he meant by that? You and Hyunjin being this kind of close?

This was the first time he rested his head on your shoulder out of all the times you’d been sitting down on your couch just like this, and now you couldn’t tell whether you were overthinking too much because of your friend’s words, or whether you would’ve started overthinking just the same regardless of it.

Yes, he had held your hand before, but it was an act for the hotteok lady not to feel ashamed after thinking the two of you were a couple.

Yes, you had cuddled through the night on this very couch, but it was only because you passed out without either of you noticing.

Every other ‘major’ touch you shared had an excuse behind it. Hyunjin lying his head on your shoulder, however? It didn’t have one. He just felt like it, wanted to be close to you. And ultimately you ended up giving in and resting your head on his simply because you felt like it, too. It felt nice. Regardless of the mess going on in your head, you wanted to be close to him, too.

Was it even an overthinking matter anyway? Friends did this all the time, right? Both you and Chan used to do it a lot before you and Mingyu started dating. You and Yeji still did it a lot, too, up to this day. Why did it suddenly feel different with Hyunjin?

Damn you, Bang Chan. You certainly didn’t need this right now.

Once again, your thoughts were interrupted by a sound. This one was softer than your microwave’s beep, though, more like a buzz coming from one of the phones on the coffee table. Considering your phone wasn’t on silent mode right then, you knew it was Hyunjin’s.

“Your phone just buzzed” you let him know when he wouldn’t budge.

“Leave it” he replied simply, shoving another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“What if it’s important?” You wondered.

He sighed, already giving in — as easily as he always did when it came to you. “I’m too comfy, can you pass it to me?”

You nodded in a second, unable to hold back the chuckle that escaped your mouth when you leaned over to grab his phone and he followed your movement, as he refused to lift his head from its comfortable spot on your shoulder.

Just as you were back in your place and about to hand him his phone, though, its screen lit up, letting you see a single message from Dahye.

As soon as you saw it, you panicked, practically shoving the phone into Hyunjin’s hands.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have read that” you apologised, shamefully looking away.

Hyunjin frowned, sitting up in clear alert before he could check what you were talking about. His eyes opened wide once he read Dahye’s text and he immediately realised what it must’ve looked like to you.

It was a simple question: “Are you coming over tonight?”

No hello, no ‘Hyunjinie~’; just straight to the point, which couldn’t help but lead you to wonder whether texts like this and him going over to her place at night were an usual occurrence by now.

Hyunjin had told you all about her at New Year’s Eve. From how they kissed when he was drunk to how she wouldn’t leave him alone even years after it happened. He told you it was one sided, that he was tired of her constant insistence. But then why did that one text from her make it seem like that wasn’t precisely the case?

Unlike him, you hadn’t read Han’s message following Dahye’s, for it had just been delivered when he checked his phone right then. You hadn’t read the one message that gave the whole context to Dahye’s obscure text.

“She means to the pregame,” he was fast to clear up. “Han just texted me and apparently we’re going to a noraebang tonight and pregaming at Haeun’s. Dahye’s staying with her, so…”

You nodded, feeling like you weren’t in the place to say anything. It was his life, after all. He could be with whoever he wanted. He didn’t owe you any explanations. Fuck, did you want any explanations?

You didn’t know if you were feeling embarrassed for reading a text message that was supposed to be private, or if you were upset over the idea that Chan had just planted in your head being tainted not even an hour later.

Maybe you’d been thinking too much over something that wasn’t even there, being influenced by your best friend and what he thought was going on between you and Hyunjin. Maybe it was nothing after all.

But you couldn’t deny that you did feel quite uneasy over her text.

Were you upset that she was talking to him? Were you upset they were possibly hooking up? Was it being about Hyunjin you were upset about? Or were you just upset over how much the scene playing right in front of you resembled the times you’d just started questioning Mingyu’s relationship with Hayun while you were still together?

The times you’d catch the suspicious text messages popping up on his notifications, how nervous he would get and how he would start to throw excuse after excuse for you to believe he had nothing to do with her… You knew this feeling all too well, and you hated that you were feeling it again, with Hyunjin of all people, when you were not even together, you had no feelings for him as far as you knew, and, most importantly, you knew he was nothing like Mingyu at all.

And yet, here you were, feeling the goddamn lump in your throat you had felt one too many times by now because of a guy.

“Y/N?” He brought you back to reality. He looked worried. “I promise it doesn’t mean what it looked like”.

You had to hold back the hopeless laugh that threatened to escape your mouth at the sound of his words.

Words you had heard and decided to let pass way more times than you were proud of, and which brought you right back to the downfall of your last relationship.

You didn’t know which one of your concerns had to do with the trauma of your past relationship and which ones were actually related to the current situation you had just found yourself in.

When did it all stop being about Mingyu and it started being about Hyunjin?

“It’s okay” you gave him the most genuine smile you could give him, to let him know you were alright. Still, he didn’t look convinced. “You should get going, though”.

“I mean it, though” he pushed it when he could tell you weren’t convinced. “You can go through the t—”

“Hyunie,” you cut him off, this time with a soft chuckle. “It’s okay. I believe you”.

Did you?

“But apparently there is a pregame taking place in a bit, so you should get going”.

“You don’t even know at what time it is” he pouted.

“It’s a little past seven right now,” you pointed out, checking the time in your phone. “I’m guessing at seven thirty? Eight at most?”

Looking down to the group chat with his friends and realising you were right, he only made his pout more prominent.

“Am I right?” You wondered with a teasing smirk.

“Yes…” he let out a defeated sigh.

When you laughed triumphantly, he leaned in to rest his forehead on your shoulder.

“I don’t wanna go yet” he mumbled.

“You have to if you wanna make it in time with your friends”.

“I can always just skip pregame” he suggested, then sitting up again and looking at you with a mischievous smile. “Or skip night out as a whole”.

“Yah, Hwang Hyunjin” you scolded him. “You are not pulling a New Year’s Eve stunt on me again”.

“A New Year’s Eve stunt?” He wondered rather amusedly.

“You know, when you said you’d only stay with me until midnight and then ended up not going back to your friends that night” you explained.

“This is different, though. We had plans before”.

“Staying on the couch watching movies with me can’t even compete with going out with your friends”.

“No, you’re right” he nodded. “It can’t compete because staying in with you would win every time”.

“Hyunjin…” you tried your best to sound stern and not melt over his words. “Go”.

“But…”

“I’m not letting you skip yet another night out with your friends because of me”.

“Come with me then?” He asked with puppy eyes.

You were quick to look away, knowing well enough you would fall for his charms otherwise. “I’ll have to pass this time”.

“Is it because of Dahye?” He carefully wondered, taking your following silence as a yes. “We can skip pregame and then I’ll tell my friends to make up some excuse for her not to join us at noraebang”.

“Hyunjin,” you couldn’t help but chuckle. “You don’t have to do that, just go have fun with them”.

“But I wanna be with you” he pouted once more.

“Hyunie…” it sounded like you were begging by now. “The movie’s about to end anyway”.

“And we were supposed to watch another once once it did” he reminded you, later allowing a taunting smirk to curve up his lips when a certain idea made it to his head. “Are you so set on making me leave right now because you’re afraid you might not want me to leave at all if I stay any longer?”

You snorted, playfully yet gently poking his forehead. “Someone’s gotten a little too cocky, don’t you think?”

“Am I wrong, though?” He pushed it. “Do you really want me to go?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want me to go?” He repeated.

“Your friends—”

“That’s not what I’m asking you” he cut you off. “You have this really bad habit of always avoiding my questions, you know?”

You found yourself lowering your head, feeling oh-so-little under his piercing stare.

Although Hyunjin loved seeing you nervous because of him and it was a very rare occurrence coming from you, right then, he wanted your eyes on him. So, placing two fingers under your chin, he tilted your head back to his eye level — both of you only realising how close you actually were when your eyes met.

“It’s a simple yes or no question” he specified, gently removing a strand of hair from your face. “Do you want me to go?”

“No” you answered truthfully this time.

He smiled brightly.

“But—BUT,” you emphasized before he could celebrate, leaning slightly back and lifting your index finger for him to pay attention. “Like I said, I’m not letting you bail on your friends again, there will come a time they’ll get tired of it. You deserve to let loose and have some fun only with them”.

“But we were supposed to hang out today…”

“And we did?”

He frowned, clearly not happy with your answer.

“Come onnn,” you tried your best to convince him. “We’ll hang out again tomorrow anyway”.

“We will?” He perked up instantly, enough to make you feel shy all over again.

“I mean, if you want to, of course…” you corrected yourself. You had really become that used to seeing him both days every weekend now for it to be more of a given, huh?

“I believe it’s pretty clear by now that I always want to hang out with you”.

You tried to hold back a smile — needless to say, your efforts were miserable. “Okay then, we’ll see each other tomorrow”.

“Okay,” he smiled, satisfied with your new plans. “Let’s go out this time, since staying in is too boring for you now”.

“When did I ever say that?!”

“When you said that this,” he motioned around your place. “Wasn’t competition for a night out”.

“That is so not what I meant?” You argued.

“Still,” he laughed, eyes softening when they locked with yours. “I’m taking you out for lunch, okay?”

You smiled timidly, nodding your head. “Let’s see if you’re not too hungover first. Might have to end up taking care of you instead”.

“Now I might get blackout drunk just to have you taking care of me tomorrow”.

You shook your head in disbelief, unable to hide your amusement as you looked away. “Never mind, I will be sending either Yeji or your mum instead”.

“I’m joking, I’m joking” he laughed, looking for your eyes to lock with his again and gently grabbing your hands that were resting on your lap. “I’ll behave. Just let me take you out for lunch tomorrow, hm? Just us two”.

Staring down at your hands in his warm, soft ones, you couldn’t help but get invaded with more questions than answers.

It felt nice… being touched by him felt nice. Being close to him as a whole made you feel all warm inside. And he was right when he joked about you being scared you wouldn’t want him to leave at all if he stayed any longer, because truth was you already didn’t. You wanted him to stay, as close as you were minutes before.

Was it okay for you to be this close? Both physically and also emotionally? To the point of talking every single day and finding a way to see each other more than you saw your own best friends?

Did you enjoy his touch so much because it came from him? Or was it because you missed being touched?

Was he like this with everyone else? With Dahye? Anyone else at all? Did he treat you differently from them? Or was he just a flirty person and what you were now considering to be some kind of special treatment was just him acting the same as he did with every other girl?

Were you beginning to fall for him? Had you really been that oblivious to your own feelings? Or were you just looking too much into it now because of Chan’s influence, and mistaking a platonic —and rather strong— connection for something more?

Would Yeji be okay with it?

Too many questions were invading your mind, one right after the other, and you couldn’t find a single answer to any of them just yet.

However, although you didn’t know what you were feeling and were unsure about what demons were from your past and which ones were new, you did know one thing for sure: You were never as happy as when you were with him.

So, with a soft smile and a nod of your head, pushing any other thought for later tonight when you went to bed, you said the only thing you could answer to his request right then. “Okay”.

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punkshort · 10 months ago

Text

i know who you are | 2. the journal

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Your memories still remain out of reach, so you ask Joel to tell you a bit about yourself, and with the help of a journal you kept, you begin to learn more about the person you became in the past ten years, leaving you with more questions than answers.

Chapter Warnings: language, eating, alcohol use, angst, pining, sad!Joel, amnesia

WC: 6.3K

Series Masterlist

"Did'ya get any sleep?"

You glanced up at Joel as you walked side by side towards the dining hall.

"No," you admitted, looking straight ahead again.

After Joel left you in his - your - bedroom, instructing you to rest on his way out, you found you could do anything but. Your mind was spinning with all of the information you had just learned, and you weren't sure which topic consumed you more: the end of the world or the supposed love of your life.

The longer his words set in, the more you were finding it difficult to look at him. It was such a strange feeling, having this large, burly, gruff man proclaim his love for you, to say he would stop at nothing to make you feel the same way, to insist you were meant for each other. It seemed so out of character, though you hardly felt like you knew him. But even now as you walked down the street, you noticed how some of the people in town glanced at him. Moving quickly out of his way.

It wasn't just you who found him intimidating.

You were distracted as you walked, curiously peering into storefronts and repurposed buildings when a group of children playing a game of tag nearly ran into you. At the last moment, Joel tugged your arm, pulling you into his side just in time. The children seemed to realize their mistake because their laughter quickly stopped and the smiles fell from their faces as they looked up at him.

"We're sorry, Mr. Miller," a young boy no more than eight years old said.

Miller. You never even bothered to ask his last name.

Joel just grunted and they scurried away, no doubt eager to escape his glare. You chanced a look at him, studying his stern expression when you realized he was still holding you against him. He was warm. Warmer than you expected. And solid. You cleared your throat and stepped away from his grasp, muttering your thanks and glancing around the busy street to avoid the disappointed look in his eye when it became clear you weren't comfortable with him touching you.

You shoved your hands in the pockets of your jeans and continued to walk in silence down the main road. A few people shot you curious looks or did double takes as they walked by, and you had to assume if Ellie heard the news about your accident, then others had, as well.

The Tipsy Bison came into view at the corner of the street, made obvious by the large crowds of people gathered outside.

"Does everyone have to eat here or are you allowed to have food in your homes?" you asked him, and he looked down at you, surprised by the question.

"We got food. It's not like a prison or somethin'," he said with a chuckle. "Most folks like to come here to socialize, but sometimes we cook dinner at home," he stopped short when he realized he never asked you what you preferred. "Did'ya wanna stay home instead?"

"No, this is fine," you told him over your shoulder.

"You sure? Maybe it's too much right now," he replied, jogging a bit to keep up.

"I'm sure. You won't leave me, right?" you asked, looking at him nervously.

"'Course not," he said, trying to hide his grin. He liked that you wanted him around, even if it was only because you didn't know anybody else. It was a start.

When Joel swung the door open, holding it wide so you could enter first, it might have been your imagination but you thought the loud chatter simultaneously died down for a split second. Then Joel stepped in beside you and the volume rose once again.

You wanted to look around and take in the rustic atmosphere but you could feel the eyes on you as Joel led you through the crowd, the scrutiny making you feel extremely out of place, so you kept your gaze pinned straight ahead. Following dutifully behind, you watched as people automatically moved out of his way, like he was Moses parting the Red Sea, until he reached a table in a somewhat quiet corner of the dining hall. He pulled out a chair and stood behind it, his hand still resting on the back, and it took you a second to realize he was waiting for you to sit so he could push it in. You quietly thanked him then finally looked around the room.

The dining room had tables scattered around, and as far as you could see, they all appeared to be taken. People were standing in groups, drinking and laughing and eating and you wondered how in the world your table wasn't taken. You were about to turn and ask when an older man approached your table.

"Hey guys," he said, pulling out a pad of paper from his pocket. "What'll it be?"

You went wide eyed for a moment, looking around trying to figure out what your choices were when, much to your relief, Joel spoke for you both.

"Still got any of that stew left?"

"Sure do. Few guys got lucky earlier today, too. Got two deer, so we'll be havin' more soon," he replied, jotting something down on his paper. "Two whiskies?"

Joel was about to nod when you spoke up for the first time.

"Just water for me, thanks," you said, and the man nodded his head.

"Thanks, Seth," Joel said as he walked away.

You glanced at Joel quickly, awkwardly catching his eye. It felt too much like a date. Dropping your gaze to the table, you tried to think of something to say.

"Probably a good idea, skippin' alcohol," he said. "Didn't even think about it, what with your head and all."

"Yeah," you said, your hand coming up to gently touch the stitches. "Besides, I don't like whiskey, anyway," you added. Joel laughed softly as he watched you shift nervously in your chair.

"What?" you asked with a frown.

"Nothin'," he replied, still staring at you in disbelief. "Just ever since you got here you've been tossin' back whiskey better than most of the men. You must've gotten a taste for it at some point."

"There's no way," you said, scrunching your nose when Seth put down Joel's glass in front of him. He stared down at it wistfully, swirling the amber liquid in the glass, lost in thought.

"Whiskey's how we first met," he said softly, still staring at the glass. You tilted your head towards him, waiting for him to continue. "When you first arrived, you were like a caged animal. You came here lookin' to blow off steam," he said with a distant smile. "It was a slow night. Just you and me and a handful of others. You were tossin' that shit back like it was nothin'."

You watched him as he reminisced. His eyes shone brightly and a small smile played on his lips, it almost felt like you were intruding on something special.

"When me and Ellie first arrived, no one really went outta their way to talk to me. I preferred it that way. Was used to bein' on my own," he continued, looking up at you now. "But that night, you sat down next to me at the bar like you had been waitin' for me or somethin'. You asked me if I was drinkin' for fun or drinkin' to forget. Those were the very first words you said to me."

You were completely silent as he spoke. The way he told it, it felt like you could see the scene playing out right before you, the way he remembered every detail left you in awe.

"What did you say?" you asked a little breathlessly.

The corner of his mouth twitched and he looked down at the table.

"Drinkin' to forget."

You waited for him to elaborate, but when it became apparent he wasn't going to, you asked him another question.

"Then what happened?"

He raised his eyebrows and hummed, a slow smile stretching across his face before he answered.

"You told me you could help me have fun and help me forget," he said, and you could feel the heat instantly flush your cheeks.

"Oh, my god," you murmured, covering your mouth, utterly mortified. "Please tell me you're joking."

He shook his head, still smiling at the memory. You glanced around the room, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"So then, did we...?" you trailed off, gaze still fixed on a spot on the wall.

"Oh, yeah. 'Course we did. I'm no saint," he chuckled.

"Jesus Christ," you said, burying your face in your hands. "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"It's not. Well, not anymore. You had an edge to you when you first arrived. Most do. Survivin' out there does that to you," he said, taking his first sip of whiskey.

You sat in silence for another minute, contemplating asking him what he knew about your life before you met him, but ultimately deciding against it. Maybe another time.

"Where's the bathroom?" you asked him, and he pointed down a small hallway near the bar. You thanked him, his eyes trailing after you as you made your way through the crowds, only dropping his gaze once you were no longer in view. It was a strange thing, recounting stories for you like that. At first, the memories made him smile, but once he saw the lost look on your face he felt the sadness creep back up, settling deep in his chest, and he wondered if he would ever get you back.

You knew you were in the bathroom too long. You knew he would likely be worried, but you just couldn't stop staring at your reflection in the mirror after you washed your hands. Who was this person staring back at you? She looked older and weathered and tired. Your fingertip gently prodded at the bags under your eyes and then a small scar on your chin. What happened to you out there to make you the person Joel was describing? What did you have to do to survive? And did you really want to know the answer?

The door swung open, startling you as three girls around your age entered the bathroom. Their giggles stopped when they saw you and you watched them exchange glances in the mirror before a pretty girl with long, blonde hair greeted you by name. Turning around, you gave her a smile, hoping they would go about their business so you could slip out of there, but of course the pretty girl wanted to talk.

"We heard you had an accident, are you okay?" she asked, and she sounded sincere, but something about her smile made you think twice.

"Yeah, got a few stitches but it should be fine," you said, your eyes flicking to the other two girls, giving them each a smile. They looked at each other and smirked before heading towards the bathroom stalls, leaving you with just the blonde.

"So, is it true? Did you really lose your memory?" she asked, her voice low as if it were a secret, and finally you were able to pick up the vibe. You had been to high school before the outbreak. You had encounters with these types of girls before. Friendly to your face, vicious behind your back.

"Uh, yeah," you admitted, and she gasped as if she felt bad, but you saw the way her eyes lit up.

"So you don't remember, like, anything?"

"Well, I remember before everything went to hell," you told her, "but I don't remember this place, no."

"Oh, wow," she said, and you heard the toilets flush before the other two girls exited the stalls, grinning conspiratorially at the blonde. "So you don't know anybody here?"

You shook your head, feeling uncomfortable with the line of questioning at this point. What was she really getting at?

"That must mean you don't remember Joel, right?" one of the girls at the sink piped up. You looked at her briefly over your shoulder and shook your head, turning back to the blonde but not before you caught the look in her eye.

"Oh, that's too bad," she said, giving you a pout. "Does that mean you aren't together anymore, or-"

Suddenly, the door swung open and Ellie stormed in. Her hard gaze drifted around to the three girls and she gave them a look of disgust.

"Scram, vultures," she told them, and the blonde made a face at her before flipping her hair over her shoulder and heading to one of the stalls. Ellie called your name and you scurried over, allowing her to lead you back out into the dining room but not before she gave the other two girls a few choice words.

"Don't talk to them, they're nasty," she told you as you weaved your way through the crowd. Joel's eyes instantly found you once you were in view and you saw him straighten up in his chair.

"You okay?" he asked, and you could see the genuine concern in his face as you sat down. You were about to answer when Ellie plopped down on the other side of him and spoke first.

"Angie and her little sidekicks cornered her in there," she explained, rolling her eyes. "Already sniffing around for scraps."

"What do you mean?" you asked her, but just then Seth arrived with your meals and you never got an answer.

"Stew again?" Ellie asked, scrunching up her nose.

"It's good," Joel told her before taking a bite. You looked down at the bowl and you were inclined to agree with Ellie, but you swallowed the food down anyway, just grateful for something to eat after such a long day.

"Aren't you going to eat?" you asked her, noticing she hadn't ordered anything and instead was busy sketching in a journal.

"Nah, I'm going to Dina's later, I'll eat there," she explained without looking up.

"Who's Dina?"

"Oh, my girlfriend," Ellie explained, glancing up at you briefly. "Sorry. I still can't get used to this. It's so weird you don't remember."

"Don't be out too late. You got school tomorrow," Joel reminded her. Even though he wasn't Ellie's father, he seemed to have quite the knack for being a dad.

"Yes, sir," she said sarcastically, giving him a weak, two-fingered salute before hunching back over her journal. You heard some familiar giggles coming from somewhere behind you, and when you turned to look, you locked eyes with the blonde girl from the bathroom - Angie - who was holding some drink in her hand, her two friends flanking her sides as she strolled past your table. Her eyes drifted briefly to Joel before she passed by, then turned her attention to her friends, disappearing into the crowd.

"Who is that?" you asked, realizing you never really got much of an explanation. Joel and Ellie responded at the same time.

"Nobody."

"Joel's ex."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise as Joel glared at Ellie.

"What? She woulda found out eventually," Ellie protested.

"She ain't even an ex," he said, turning to you now. "Just a mistake I made one time before you even got here," he insisted. The tone in his voice made it sound like he was trying to reassure you there was nothing to worry about, but of course, the information didn't phase you.

"Okay," you replied with a shrug. He examined your blank stare for a moment, searching for a glimmer of recognition. The disappointment in his expression every time something like this happened was becoming too much to bear, so you dragged your eyes off him to glance around the crowded room once again. You found Tommy leaning against the bar and you stood up.

"Where are you goin'?"

"I need to ask Tommy something," you said. "I'll be right back."

His eyes followed you as you pushed your way towards the bar, his heart feeling like it was going to break. He wasn't exactly looking for you to have an overly jealous reaction to hearing about another woman from his past, but your casual indifference hurt more than he expected. When you first found out about Angie, you insisted you weren't jealous but the way you sneered at her going forward, combined with giving him the best sex of his life later that night told him a different story.

"You think she'll ever get her memory back?" Ellie asked, still focusing on her drawing. Joel sighed and dragged his hands down his face.

"I don't know, kid."

"What'd you need to talk to Tommy for?" Joel asked once you both arrived back to his - your - home. You had wandered into the kitchen, Joel hot on your trail.

"Oh, I just had a question about something I saw when we were out there today," you explained, and he raised an eyebrow for you to continue. "There were dead bodies when I came to. They looked all decayed and... subhuman. Now that you told me about the infection, I wanted to ask."

Joel watched you open and close cupboards until you found the glasses, then picked one out to fill with water.

"So you ran into some runners," he said, and you nodded. "Did he happen to mention how you hit your head?"

Your hand froze, your glass halfway to your lips as you considered his question.

"Actually, no, he didn't," you said, setting down the glass and looking up at him.

"Yeah, he didn't really tell me, either," he replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "When he told me you hit your head and you were havin' trouble remeberin' things, I just came runnin'."

Guilt washed over you yet again as you thought about Joel being told the news and how panicked he must have been. He practically ripped all the exam room doors off their hinges to find you, only to be met with a stranger when he finally did.

"Well, I can ask him tomorrow," you finally said, putting your glass in the sink to avoid looking at him.

"Yeah," he replied, trailing off a bit. He was still lost in thought, trying to remember Tommy's exact words when you walked past him towards the stairs.

"You're tired?"

"Well, it's been a long day," you told him, pausing on a stair to look back down at him.

"Right, 'course," he said, shaking his head and following you up. When you got to the doorway of his bedroom you paused, looking up at him. It seemed like he was struggling to say something, his mind working hard to find the words, but instead he just gazed down at you, brown eyes all wide and soft.

"Don't suppose anythin's comin' back to you yet?" he finally asked, and you hated seeing that look. That same hopeful look you kept seeing right before you opened your mouth and crushed him. This was hard for him, you knew that, but the way he kept looking at you was making things so much worse. The pressure you felt to become this person he was expecting you to be was overwhelming. You opted to drop your gaze to the floor and slowly shake your head.

"That's okay," he said, and you dragged your eyes back up to him. "Maybe tomorrow."

You gave him a small smile. "Yeah, maybe."

He sighed and glanced at the door to the spare room.

"You need anythin', I'm right next door," he said, hitching his thumb to the side and giving you a lopsided grin, but you could still see it in his eyes. The disappointment. The sadness. The yearning. And it was making you feel sick.

Just as he turned to head towards the spare room, you spoke. "Joel?"

And he eagerly swiveled back around.

"I'm gonna try really hard to remember," you said earnestly, looking deep into his eyes.

"I know," he replied with a sad smile. He gave you one more look before heading into the spare room and softly closing the door behind him.

Joel slept like shit.

No surprise there, really. He hadn't slept without you in years. He had hoped the whiskey would have helped, but he was wrong. His mind was racing as he tossed and turned, and by morning he had foolishly convinced himself that you would be back to normal after a good night's rest. He got up early and made coffee for the two of you, like he always did, then tended to the fire in the living room. The nights and early mornings were frigid, but the days were warm. The first sign that fall was approaching fast. He was just putting the poker back when he heard the bedroom door creak open upstairs and his heart jumped into his throat excitedly, but when you descended the stairs and locked eyes with him, he knew nothing had changed. He didn't even bother to ask. You didn't look at him the same way you used to. You used to smile and gravitate towards him, your hands always seeking out his, your eyes playful and loving, but now you looked at him like he was a complete stranger. Devoid of all affection, the only thing that remained was a forced politeness.

You said good morning and headed into the kitchen and Joel wondered how long it would take for you to come around. Less than a day ago, you looked at him in fear, but now you seemed at least comfortable in his presence. That had to count for something.

He must have looked like shit because when he joined you in the kitchen, you eyed him up and down curiously.

"Have you been up for a while?"

He shook his head and picked up his mug, taking a sip and hoping the caffeine would bring him back to life.

"How's your head?" he asked.

"Not great," you admitted, pouring your own cup of coffee. "It really hurts. I think whatever meds the doctor gave me yesterday wore off."

Without even thinking, Joel quickly closed the distance between you to examine your injury. You startled a bit when he came up behind you and lifted your hair, but for his benefit, you tamped down your reaction. His touch was surprisingly gentle as he gripped the nape of your neck to angle your head downwards in order to get a better look. You closed your eyes and held your breath as you focused on his fingertips pressing tenderly into your skin. You heard him murmur to himself, the sound coming from deep within his chest, and you realized just how close he really was. Aside from pulling you out of the way so the kids playing tag wouldn't knock you down, it was the first time he had really touched you, and he was so much softer than you expected.

"Don't think it's infected but let's go see the doc, just to be sure," he said, his hand still on your neck, his other hand pushing your hair away.

"Okay," you said quietly, finally allowing yourself to take in a shaky breath as you waited for him to release you.

As if he realized what he was doing, he let your hair fall back into place and let go of your neck, his fingertips lightly trailing down your spine before falling to his side, making you shiver and step away.

"Sorry," he said. "Should've asked to look first."

"It's fine," you told him, absentmindedly rubbing the spot on your neck his fingers just touched.

As you walked side by side to the infirmary, his stony expression slid back into place. Gone was the softness you witnessed in his home. His hardened gaze drifted around the street, then to the watch towers, taking everything in. Studying. Calculating. And that was when you realized there were two Joel Millers: the one who the rest of the town viewed as gruff and callous, and the one you saw in the kitchen that morning, soft and gentle.

You wondered how many people got to see the latter version.

Nick examined you again in the same room as before, but this time, Joel was there watching his every move like a hawk. You could practically see the tension radiating off Nick's shoulders as he moved around the room. He examined your cut carefully, Joel's eyes never once leaving his hands, confirming that it was not infected before parceling out ten little white tablets of extra strength Tylenol into a small baggie and advising you to use them sparingly as inventory was low.

"That's it?" Joel asked incredulously.

"You know how it is, Joel," Nick said, but you heard his voice waver when Joel stood up from his chair. "Meds are hard to come by, we gotta be smart-"

"She hit her goddamn head so fuckin' hard she's lucky she remembers her own name and you're givin' her Tylenol?" he seethed, and you could see his neck growing flush with anger again.

"Joel, calm down, it's fine," you said, sliding off the table. Turning to Nick, you were about to voice your thanks when Joel cut you off.

"It ain't fine. What's it gotta take to get somethin' that actually works?" he huffed, taking a step forward and making Nick shift his weight nervously. "She gotta be missin' an arm? Maybe if she hit her head hard enough to forget what fuckin' planet she's on?"

"Joel, that's enough!" you snapped with a frown, and much to Nick's relief, Joel instantly backed off. He turned and paced around the small room, his hand rubbing over his mouth as he tried to calm down.

"What about my memory? Is it a bad sign I haven't remembered anything yet?" you asked Nick, and Joel paused somewhere behind you to listen to his answer.

"Well, the brain is a tricky thing," he began, his eyes darting over your shoulder briefly. "It could be weeks, could be months. Without any imaging, I wouldn't be able to tell you much more than that." You nodded and swallowed nervously before asking your next question.

"Or never, right?"

Nick took a deep breath and looked at Joel over your shoulder again before responding.

"It's possible."

You heard Joel's boots squeak against the linoleum floor and without even looking, you knew he was anxiously pacing around again.

"Alright, thank you. We'll get out of your hair now," you said, turning to corral Joel towards the door.

"Regardless, I'd like to see you again in a few days so I can take a look at those stitches," Nick said, and you agreed while pushing a muttering Joel back out into the hallway.

"I'll get you better meds," he said as you both walked out of the infirmary. "I got patrol tomorrow mornin', but I can go out after. There's a small cluster of houses we never did a full sweep on. Maybe-"

"The Tylenol is fine, don't go through the trouble. You could get hurt," you said, shoving the baggie of pills into your pocket.

"Tylenol ain't gonna do shit. I don't want you bein' in pain if there's somethin' we can do about it."

You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck, trying to temporarily relieve the ache in your head until you could get home and take one of the pills. You gave Joel a sideways glance, studying him as you walked together. He was brash and rude and aggressive, but you were learning that side of him came out when he was being protective over the ones he loved.

Or when he was trying to hide who he really was.

"So, everyone pitches in around here, right?" you asked, trying to change the subject. "You do patrol. What do I do?"

You paused at a crossroads, trying to remember which way to go, when Joel's hand on your elbow guided you in the right direction.

"You work patrol, too, but you ain't doin' that anymore," he said, letting go of your elbow after holding on for a moment too long.

"Well, obviously. I don't even know how to ride a horse," you said with a snort. "So I guess I need to find a new job, right? Who do I talk to?"

"Why don't you slow down a minute?" Joel said with a chuckle. "Let that pretty little head of yours heal up before you go lookin' for work."

You weren't going to say anything about his comment. Although it took you off guard, you realized he had habits that were going to be hard to ignore and you didn't expect that to happen overnight, but he seemed to realize what he said on his own and awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"It's okay. I know this is difficult for you," you said, shooting him a sympathetic glance as you climbed his porch steps. He swung open the door and followed you inside, where you made a beeline for a glass of water so you could take one of the pills.

"We got a lotta history, you and me. It's hard to start over," he said as he watched you toss back the Tylenol with a wince. You examined his face closely and pulled out one of the stools to sit down. You leaned forward, forearms resting on the cool countertop before replying.

"Tell me a story."

He raised an eyebrow at you but couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from turning up a bit.

"What kinda story?"

"A story about us. You just said we have a lot of history together. Let's hear some of it," you replied with an encouraging smile.

"You sure? Thought you'd wanna go lay down," he said, but he eagerly pulled up a stool across from you.

"I think I can handle one little story," you told him, then watched as he stared down at his hands on top of the counter, deep in thought. When he thought of one, a slow smile spread across his face and his dark brown eyes flicked up to meet yours and you saw that softer side of him again.

"Alright," he said, settling back a bit. "So I told'ya last night how we met."

You cringed, remembering the story of a much bolder and seductive version of yourself, and nodded.

"Well, after that night we started seein' each other for a few weeks. It was just casual, nothin' serious," he said, looking down at his hands again. "I convinced you to sneak around so no one would catch on, and you grew tired of that. Rightfully so. I was bein' an asshole."

You watched him pull at a loose thread on the cuff of his flannel shirt, his eyes still cast down and you were beginning to realize it was due to shame.

"So anyway. One day you came over to, y'know..." he said, and you felt the heat in your cheeks again. "And you confronted me about it head on. Demanded to know why I wanted to keep you a secret. Thought I was ashamed of you - which I wasn't," he said quickly, his eyes finally meeting yours again. "But I had been through a lot of shit and I just didn't think I could give myself to someone like that again."

"What kind of shit?" you asked quietly, but he just lightly shook his head.

"One story at a time," he told you with a sad smile. You chewed on your lower lip as you waited for him to continue, his focus back on the loose string while he collected his thoughts.

"So I explained I had a hard time lettin' people in, that I wasn't capable of carin' 'bout anyone like that anymore, and you said to me, 'I know who you are, Joel Miller. Don't give me that bullshit, you're just scared.'"

He stared into your eyes, letting what he said land and hoping to see a flicker of the woman who spoke those words, but you just continued to look at him, waiting for him to finish the story like it was about somebody else entirely.

"Well, you were right, obviously. You always are," he continued with a smirk. "It knocked me on my ass. And I didn't know what was more difficult to believe: that you knew me better than I knew myself, or someone like you wanted anythin' to do with me in the first place."

You smiled and dropped your gaze to the counter, suddenly feeling shy.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you, but so far, these stories don't sound like me at all," you admitted.

He took a deep breath and finally stopped fidgeting with his sleeve.

"A lot's happened in ten years. Stuff that changes people. But I don't care what version of you's here, I love all of you."

You kept your eyes glued to his hands. You wished you could say it back. You knew he wanted to hear it. Maybe one day.

He tapped his finger on the counter, pulling your attention up so you were forced to look him in the eye.

"You fought for me that night, now I'm gonna fight for you, okay?" he said, eyebrows raised as he waited for you to acknowledge him. When you nodded sheepishly, his shoulders relaxed.

"So you're saying I fell in love with you because you were an asshole?" you joked, trying to lighten the mood, and it worked. Joel laughed heartily and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nah, you didn't love me then," he said, still smiling.

"So how did I fall in love with you?" you asked, and his tongue clicked against his teeth.

"You're gonna have to wait to find out," he replied with a wink.

It wasn't his fault, but the rest of the day you could feel Joel looking at you. He was examining you, waiting to see the woman he fell in love with, and the pressure was beginning to be too much, so you made up an excuse to go lay down in his bedroom. He had mentioned he had patrol in the morning. Maybe some time away from him would help you relax.

You stared up at the white ceiling. The distant sound of children laughing outside through the closed window and then the door to the garage swinging open and shut acted as a soundtrack to your overactive thoughts. You almost had to laugh. It felt like your mind was constantly working, churning up information and digesting it only to always come up empty.

Absolutely nothing seemed familiar. Nothing about this place or these people felt like home.

You wished so badly you could remember something. Anything to make you feel like you belonged there. One little shred of hope was all you were looking for.

And then you remembered the journal.

Sitting up in bed, you tucked your legs underneath you and reached over for the black book. You fingers hesitated for a moment on the cover. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but how could that be when it was your own?

Taking a deep breath, you flipped open the journal and began at the beginning.

Right away, you could tell you wrote the entries. There was no doubt in your mind. Aside from your handwriting, your typical disorganization shone through like a beacon on every page. You occasionally remembered to notate in the margin the date, or your best guess at the date, but more often than not you were left with very little context for each small paragraph you read.

You were disappointed to realize the journal seemed to begin after you had met Joel. A big part of you was very eager to learn more about the person you were before finding Jackson, but it seemed as though you would have to depend on others to tell you stories you hopefully had relayed to them in the past.

The first page looked to be a list of items you had jotted down that didn't make much sense, but maybe when you first found the notebook, you hadn't intended to use it as a journal.

Socks, colored pencils, sunflower seeds, cards.

Flipping the page, you skimmed a short paragraph about a cabin you stumbled upon when on patrol. Again, it was more notes than anything of any substance. A description of approximately where it was in relation to Jackson along with a note to 'mention it at the next town hall meeting'.

Finally something interesting on the next page, you read a short paragraph about someone named Maria having a baby girl, and you frowned when you read the line Joel handled it better than I expected.

Continuing on, you read an entry about Christmas: Joel found me the softest sweater, it almost felt brand new. I really don't know how he managed to find it and I described the house I grew up in to Ellie and she drew it perfectly, I can't believe how talented she is.

One paragraph in particular grabbed your attention. It was about two people, and based on the context, it sounded like you were close friends. For the first time since we got here, I had the same day off as Ben and Lisa. We went fishing together and brought a lunch. It felt just like old times. As weird as it sounds, sometimes I miss being out there with them. We made a good team.

Maybe this Ben and Lisa would be able to answer some questions you had about yourself. Based on what you just read, it sounded like they knew you before Jackson.

There was a lot more to read, but the next page stopped you dead in your tracks. Your heart began to beat faster as you stared at the four words. Just one sentence, no explanation. A shiver slowly trickled down your spine as you sat there, unmoving, as your vision narrowed on the page: Joel lied to me.

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makeitmingi · 5 months ago

Text

Be Your Solace

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comfort, Slight Angst

Pairing: San x Reader (y/n)

Characters: UniversityStudent Girlfriend!Reader, UniversityStudent Boyfriend!San

Summary: Since your relationship was still relatively new, you were afraid of letting San meeting your family. You didn't want them to chase him away. But your boyfriend can't stand to see you stressed, anxious and exhausted from your family. So he tries to help you and be your solace.

Warning(s): Reader has anxiety and is mentally anxious, bad mental health. Depictions of toxic family dynamic and family members. There may be triggering topics to certain readers. Please read at your own discretion.

[A/N: Happy belated birthday Choi San!!!!!! This is my 'self-indulgent' fic. Some parts you may find rather detailed because it is a close depiction to my own personal experiences with extended family. And how I am going through it right now. So I wrote this to vent, rant and comfort myself.]

Word count: 7.7K

'At the end of the day, family will always be family. And family will always comes first.'

That's what you've been told your whole life. No matter what happens between family members, you'll always be family, you'll always share blood bonds. And blood is thicker than water... right? The expectation that family will always come first was seared into your brain.

"(y/n)? Did you hear what I said?" Your boyfriend's voice pulled you out of your mind's despair.

"Huh? No, sorry, Sannie. What did you say?" You frowned at yourself, not even realising that you were spacing out. You blinked and let out a soft sigh, moving to meet his eyes.

"What's wrong? You didn't even react when I called you 'jagiya'." San joked but his eyes filled with concern and worry.

The reason you didn't like the pet name 'jagiya' because that was what San and his best friend, Wooyoung, called each other.

Instead he calls you, 'baby', 'love' or his favourite, 'baby love'. To him, that was the most unique and it combined his two other petnames for you. And that made it special to both you and San.

"I'm fine. Just a little distracted." You forced a smile. One of San's hand reached out to cup your cheek, the other wrapped around your waist to pull you closer to him.

"You're not fine. Tell me what's bothering my baby?" He tilted his head with a small pout.

"It's just my family... You know how it is... My cousin's coming back to visit and as usual, the whole family is rushing to accomodate her as if she's the queen. She's not even here yet and I'm already so bothered by it." You rubbed your temples.

"This is the cousin that's the favourite of your oldest aunt, right?" He clarified. San hasn't met your extended family yet so he only knows them by your stories and rants about them.

"Yes. And since my aunt is the head of the family, we kind of have to do her bidding. I'd rather not face her wrath." You said.

"I understand." San nodded.

"And she knows I'm off school now so I'll probably be roped into doing more of whatever she has planned. She even made an excel sheet schedule." You groaned.

"Looks like all my weekends are gone." You said, looking at the schedule. San looked over to read through it.

"That's... a lot of things to do..." San frowned. Even he felt exhausted looking at that.

"I know!" You groaned, your head falling onto his shoulder. And what's worse is that you won't be able to see San as much since so much of your time would be taken up for family. San turned his body on the couch so he could face you and hug you properly. You buried your head into his chest.

"I shouldn't be complaining, right? I should be grateful for all these extravagant meals and outings she drags me to. But why do I feel such an exhaustion and dread?" You gulped.

"Everyone has a social battery, baby love. And it is very exhausting. I remember the last time she came back, you were sick after she left."

"Yeah because she has the flu and still came in close proximity to us." You mumbled bitterly.

"Would it help if I was there?" He asked carefully, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb as you tucked your face into the crook of his neck.

The last thing San wanted to do was to add to your stress or make you feel pressured into inviting him for these.

"Thanks, San. But I like our relationship so I don't want to risk scaring you away yet." You chuckled.

"Baby, you already have me and my love for you is greater than what your family can do to me. If I have to accept your family to be with you, so be it." He laughed and pulled away slightly to kiss the crown of your head.

But from your answer, San knew not to push it or insist that you let him come with you. He didn't want to make things difficult for you. You knew your family and were old enough to judge the situation.

"Wait, it's not that I'm embarrased by you or anything, okay? That side of my family is just judgemental and not welcoming-"

"Woah, woah, woah. Breathe, baby love. It's okay. Hey." He cupped your cheeks in his hands to ground you.

"Sorry..." You mumbled.

"Mmm-mmm, you have nothing to apologise for. Thank you for wanting to protect me." San pressed his forehead against yours. You gave him a small smile.

"I really wish I could have you with me. But there's this whole thing they have about insiders vs outsiders." You sighed.

"Before we continue, let's move to the room. This couch is too small to cuddle." Without saying anything else, San lifted you up and brought you to his room. As he climbed over you, he hovered over you for a few seconds to give you a kiss before landing his body beside yours.

"Here." He put Shiber in your arms for you to hug while he wrapped his arms around you to hug you.

"I'm sorry I'll be more absent these 3 weeks." You sighed, inhaling Shiber's scent. He smelled just like San, which comforted you.

"Don't worry about that now, baby. I'll miss you dearly but that's not for you to worry about. I'm not angry nor do I blame you." He assured pulling you closer to him.

"But I am angry. I need my San time." You whined. San laughed and cupped your cheek to give you a peck.

"You can come over any day, any time you need, hmm? Or if you want me to go over, let me know." He rubbed your back.

"Thank you." You murmured. San wished he could do more, he hated seeing your anxiety peak like this and how stressed out you were. The least he could do was be here for you when you need him.

When San hugged you like this, you felt so safe and protected from the world. Your anxiety was something you were transparent about right from the start. But San never grew annoyed with it, he was always there, patient and understanding.

It's funny because now you wonder how you lived without him all these years because you've definitely grown dependent on him.

"Take a nap, hmm? Rest your mind." He said, gently massaging the back of your neck to help you relieve the tension there. You melted in his touch.

When San woke up from the nap, you were not in bed with him. He heard you talking outside.

"So you've seen the schedule. Just help me book my hair and nail appointments where there's a free slot. No mornings though."

"Sure... I'll call and check. Then update the schedule." You said, nodding to the phone that you propped up using your mug so you wouldn't have to hold it.

"And make a booking at the Chinese restaurant for Sunday brunch too. Since you're usually the one who makes it."

"Okay, hang on for a bit." You blanked the camera and turned off the mic, waving San over. You both still heard your cousin rambling about something on the other end. San shuffled over to you, leaning down to give you a kiss. You giggled and ran your hands through his hair, combing out his bed hair.

"Sorry I left the bed. She called and I didn't want to wake you up with the talking." You sighed.

"It's okay. But you owe me." He smiled with a playful glint in his eyes. You laughed and nodded, giving him a final kiss before he moved away. You turned the camera and mic on again.

"What happened? Why did you have to turn off the camera and mic when we were talking half way? Why are you acting so secretive?"

"What? I'm not secretive." You frowned.

"It's just a boyfriend. You're at your boyfriend's place, aren't you? It's not that big a deal, (y/n). You don't have to act like it's some big secret. I have a boyfriend too."

"I know that. I just... It's not that it's a secret. I just enjoy my privacy." You sighed.

"Privacy? We're family, why do you have to keep it so private? That's making it a big deal."

"Anyway, back to the plans." You diverted the topic. You could only bite your tongue for so long and you didn't want to accidentally say something ugly. There was a nice facade that you had to maintain to keep the peace.

"Also, since I'm back, can you make me that Chinese dish you learnt to make the other time? I've been asking each time I return and you haven't made it for me."

"It's a lot of work and I'm busy..." You chewed on your bottom lip.

"Yeah but you're on holiday, right? What? You want me to pay you? I can pay you to make it."

"Money is not the issue here... It's time consuming and a lot of work. There are other things I need to attend to. Making that dish will take me two days..." You tried to reason with her.

"What's the point in saying you learnt to make it if you're not going to make it?"

"Yeah, my bad." You hummed.

"Anyway, our aunt said that for the two family gatherings, you're in charge of desserts so make enough this time, okay? And try something new, you always make the same thing."

From the kitchen, San listened to the conversation, his frown growing deeper as time went on. This was the first time he heard you speak to your cousins and it's like you're an entirely different person. He hated it and he hated how your cousin used your aunt's position in the family to make you do things.

"Are you bringing your boyfriend for any of the gatherings? I brought my boyfriend the last time I came back."

"I remember. But no, I don't intend to bring him this time." You shook your head, eyes casting to the side to meet San's. He just stared back at you with an unreadable expression.

"Maybe it's best that you don't. I got some heat the last time and I'm the favourite of the family. So, who knows what you'll get."

"Right, thanks for the heads up." You awkwardly chuckled.

"But I'm not saying you should keep him away forever. It's rude of you not to invite him. If you're serious about him and talk about him, you should bring him to meet us."

"I do intend to since he's already met my parents a few times. Just not this instance." You said.

"Keeping him away is not only rude, it's not fair to him either. You'll hurt his feelings and your relationship this way."

"I'm aware. Thank you for the advice." You forced a small smile, swallowing the lump in your throat. The exhale you let out was shaky, you were trying your best to keep it together but it was hard when she talked about how you were 'treating' San.

"Baby, are you free? I need your help!" San shouted. You looked up at meet his eyes.

"Looks like you're needed, you better go. Are you sure you can't pick me up from the airport tomorrow?"

"Seems like he needs me. And yeah, I'm sorry about that. I have a family dinner." You lied, hoping she bought your lie. San had come closer to you.

"Mmm, okay. But you better send me to the airport when I leave. Bye, I'll see you the day after tomorrow then."

After she hung up, you felt your whole body quiver. With shaky hands, you put your phone down.

"Baby love?" San approached you carefully but you stood up. You gulped and took a deep breath. In addition to everything else, now you felt embarrassed that San witnessed that.

"I-I'm going to the restroom." You made a beeline for the bathroom and closed the door. You knew you needed to collect yourself and not constantly depend on San to comfort you, you didn't want him to think that you were using him. Turning the sink on, you splashed your face with cold water.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"Love? It's me. Open the door, hmm?" San was heard on the other side of the door.

"Just give me a second." You breathed out. From the gap beneath the door, you saw that he still stood there but he didn't rush you. He remained quiet until you were ready.

"God, I'm so embarrassed." You let out a tired sigh when you opened the door. San was leaning on the opposite wall and stood up.

"What's there to be embarrassed about, baby love?" His eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"Nothing. I'm good, Sannie. Don't worry about me, I-I'm used to it. But thanks for saving me." You threw your arms around his neck. His hands went to their usual place on your hips.

"I'll always save you." He kissed your cheek.

"I hate that she talks to you like that. I... I really hate it... She doesn't know anything about us." He mumbled against your shoulder as he hugged you tightly. You let out a hum, fingers toying with the ends of his hair behind his head.

"You're not rude and I'm not hurt that you're not bringing me to meet your extended family, okay? Our relationship is stronger than she thinks." San squeezed your waist.

"I know. What you think and feel is the most important. That's all that matters to me." You replied in a whisper.

"Aigo, my baby love. My pretty baby, my precious girl." San cooed, patting your butt teasingly.

Before meeting San, you hated people in your personal space. But one of the ways that San shows his love is through physical touch and now, you can't live without his hugs, kisses and cuddles.

*BEEP BEEP*

"Please tell me that's not her." San groaned and buried his face into the crook of your neck as you fished your phone out.

"Oh, nope. It's your boyfriend, he's coming with food for dinner and Yunho's tagging along." You informed, reading the text. San pulled away just to show you that he was rolling his eyes at you. In your phone, Wooyoung's contact was 'San's Boyfriend' and you did refer to him as such.

"He's not my boyfriend and I'm not his boyfriend. I'm YOUR boyfriend. You, (y/n) (y/l/n)." San squished your cheeks, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Not that many people have their boyfriends call another guy 'jagiya'. So can you blame me?' You teased.

"You-" San feign anger, chasing you around.

As you ran away, there was someone at your door. San wrapped his arms around your middle, playfully nibbling on the exposed skin between your neck and shoulder.

"Oh, your boyfriend and Yunho are here." You giggled and opened the door to let them in.

"Jagiya! I'm here!" Wooyoung came barreling in, throwing his arms around San, who caught him before they could both fall over. You chuckled with a shake of your head and wrapped an arm around Yunho to greet him.

"Sorry for coming unannounced." Yunho grinned, wrapping his long arms around you. You shook your head, all of San's friends were nice, you liked being around them.

"Some love for you too, baby girl." Wooyoung tugged you away from Yunho's embrace, planting a kiss on your cheek to rile San up.

"YAH!" San let out an outraged yell.

It only took about 3 days after your cousin's return for you to come back to San's place.

"San?" You called out after letting yourself in. He wasn't around, probably in the gym. The first thing you did was shower and wear one of San's shirts. After seeing that you liked to wear his shirts to comfort yourself, he started to set aside some of his shirts in the cupboard labelled 'Baby's Pile'.

"Hi, Shiber." You created a nest of San's blanket and hugged Shiber, just wanted to engulf yourself in his scent. It was the only thing that kept you sane now.

The first thing San did when he arrived home was notice your shoes in the doorway. The past 3 days, you haven't even had the time to text and call each other so he didn't know how you were doing.

"Baby love?" San called but there was no reply. He frowned in confusion and dropped his gym bag on the couch.

"Baby? Where are-" San paused when he saw you in his bed, fast asleep.

"My love." He whispered, hovering over you to give you a kiss on the cheek. You looked so precious and adorable in his shirt, hugging Shiber to you.

San went to take a shower, wanting to jump into bed with you and not disturb you with his sweaty self.

"Sannie?" San heard your sleepy voice from the bathroom and opened the door. You smiled when you saw him there.

"Don't you dare move a single inch. I haven't got a chance to get my cuddles. Let me dry my hair first." San threatened. You saluted and laid back down, squeezing Shiber tightly. You were glad you convinced San not to keep Shiber in storage or something.

"Okay, I'm here." You felt the bed dip as San crawled over to you. His arms reached for you to pull you close to him. The first thing he did was shower you in kisses.

"Come here, baby love." He smothered your in kisses, making you squirm and laugh.

"Ack, San!" You laughed as he gave you a final kiss on the lips.

"Sorry for being MIA and coming unannounced, I just needed to get away for a bit... It's only been a few days since she's been back and I already feel like I can't breathe." You sighed into his neck.

"Don't apologise, I'm glad you feel safe and comforted here. And I'm always happy to see you." He grinned.

"She appeared at my parents' place and wanted to stay over. The moment she left, I came straight here." You told him.

"So that's why you've been MIA. Where's her mom and brothers though? Shouldn't she be staying with them? Or even your oldest aunt, she always stays with her right?" San asked.

"Her mom and brothers couldn't care less. Her mother lets her do whatever she wants and her brothers would rather have her out of the house too since she orders them around and rules the house like a queen. And I think she's only staying my oldest aunt's place towards the end of her trip." You explained.

"My poor baby." San pouted.

"I have the first family gathering tomorrow and frankly, I'm so exhausted I don't even want to go..." You blinked.

"Can you not go? There is another gathering before she leaves, right?" San asked.

"No, I have to. The family will rip me to shreds if they found out I skipped a family gathering to stay with my boyfriend. Because family comes first, right?" You rolled your eyes.

"The only one tht doesn't like her is my mother." You chuckled.

"Your mom never puts up with anyone's bullshit so I am not surprised." San chuckled.

"Plus my mom lowkey doesn't like most of my dad's family anyway." You giggled. San laughed, nodding his head. He stroked your cheek with his thumb.

After you fell back asleep, San quietly grabbed his phone, careful not to disturb you. He thought to send your mother a text to let her know that you were with him and to ask if it was okay for you to stay the night with him.

'Also, I am aware that you have a family gathering to attend to tomorrow. I promise to make sure that I will drop her at your place earlier or the gathering's location on time. - San'

'Alright. Thanks for letting her stay with you, San. She's been stressed and I think she needs some comforting. - (y/n)'s mom'

'Thank you for trusting me. I promise to take good care of her. Have a nice evening. - San'

San then called his mother for recipes because he wanted to cook for you. He wasn't a gourmet cook but he could cook simple dishes for you to eat.

"San?" You called out from the room.

"In the kitchen, love!" San replied from his position by the stove. You shuffled out of the room, still holding Shiber.

"Oh my! Omonim, hello. I'm sorry I didn't see you there!" You jumped when you saw his mother on video call. You jumped out of the frame to adjust your crooked shirt and bed hair, as well to put Shiber down. Then you stepped back to properly bow to her. Both her and San were laughed at your funny actions.

"No worries, dear. Hello." She waved. San was still snickering at you so you secretly pinch his waist. He yelped and jumped, turning to glare at you.

"How are you and abonim? I miss Byeol!" You smiled to the camera, taking the phone up.

"Oh, we're doing fine, dear! Don't worry. And I'm sure Byeol misses you a lot too." She giggled, turning the camera to Byeol.

"Hi, Byeol! Such a cutie." You cooed. Byeol let out a loud meow in response, making you laugh. You could hear San's mom laugh on the other end before she turned the camera back to you.

"Ah, which reminds me. Thank you for sending appa the new foot massager! And for the royal jelly you sent me."

"I'm glad you both like it." You giggled, sitting on the couch and pulling your feet up.

"Like it? I can't even get him to get up from the thing... He even wanted to bring it to the dining table to use it while eating." San's mother sighed with a shake of her head. San smiled softly as he overheard your conversation with his mother.

"I didn't know you sent my parents things." San said after you handed his phone back to him once his mother hung up. You shrugged and leaned against the counter.

"Your mom always feeds me delicious food." You scooped the rice, seeing how San was finishing up his cooking.

"Well, thank you for taking such good care of my parents, baby love." He kissed your cheek.

"No need to thank me. I wanted to do it." You giggled. The both of you sat down at the small dining table to eat together, San handed out the cutlery.

It was nice, spending time with San like this. There was something warm about how domestic and homey it felt.

That's why when San drove you to your oldest aunt's place for the gathering the next day, you didn't want to leave the car. To coax you, San offered to walk you right to the doorstep. You pouted like a little child throwing a tantrum but still let San hold your hand to lead you to your aunt's apartment.

"I don't want to gooooooo. I want to stay with you." You whined, stomping your feet. Full disclaimer, you don't usually act like that, only around San.

"I know, baby. But I promised your mom I would send you here." San chuckled, pulling you along.

"You just hate me, don't you? Because if you love me, you wouldn't send me here."

"Ah, baby~ How can you say that?" San sent you a look. He came up to cup your cheeks, planting a kiss on your lips and swiping the slightly smudged lip gloss.

"Do you want me to stay with you then? I don't mind." San smiled.

"No, you should save yourself when you still can." You groaned. San squeezed your hand and walked with you.

"This is it." You stopped in front of the door, voice filled with dread and despair.

"You'll be okay, baby love. You're strong. But if you've had enough and need me to come get you, just say the word, hmm? I'll be here as soon as I can, your knight in shining armor." San engulfed you in a bear hug, planting a kiss on your temple.

"Thank you, Sannie. I don't know what I would do without you." You hugged him tightly. Before you ran the doorbell, you wanted to wait for San to leave first but you ran into your parents.

They were carrying the two desserts you made before going to San's place yesterday. One carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and the other was cookies.

"Omonim, abonim." San bowed respectfully.

"Thanks for dropping her off, San ah. Would you like to stay for some food?" Your father offered.

"Thank you for the offer but maybe next time, abonim. I already have plans with my sister." San lied. He turned to you and you sent him a grateful smile.

"Ah, alright." He nodded. With a final hug and a bow to your parents, San left. Your cousin opened the door.

"I knew I heard talking outside! Why are all of you just standing there and not ringing the doorbell?" She asked when she saw all of you.

"Oh, (y/n)'s boyfriend dropped her off so we were just greeting each other. But he has something to attend to so he couldn't stay." Your dad explained before entering the house to greet your siblings with your mum by his side. After you removed your shoes, your cousin held your arm.

"Hey, you know... I know your dad said your boyfriend had to rush off but he should have at least come in to say hello to everyone and introduce himself." She leaned in to whisper.

"Yeah but this isn't really the time to introduce him to everyone. Maybe next time." You replied.

"Was he in that much of a rush he couldn't say hi? It just gives off the impression that he's unfriendly and it's honestly quite rude, you know?"

"San's not rude, not in the slightest." Now you felt the need to defend your boyfriend because San was not rude and unfriendly.

"Wouldn't know, he didn't even bother to come in." She chuckled and left you to go.

You felt something boil within you, an ugly anger. She could insult you all she wants but mentioning San was going too far. San would give the world to you, he was a nicest person ever. You chewed on your bottom lip, willing yourself to hold back.

"(y/n)! Why are you just standing there? Come on!" Your other cousins call you. Once again, you took a deep breath, swallowing your anger before forcing a smile and going to join them.

"Hey." You greeted them with hugs.

"My sister said your boyfriend came?" The cousin you were closest to, whispered in your ear as he hugged you.

"Yeah. He wanted to come in to say hi but I told him to just go and save himself. Luckily I did or else he would get grilled, I can't risk that." You sighed.

"Good call." He chuckled, patting your shoulder. You giggled and went to greet your other relatives.

"Oh, (y/n). Can you change the hair appointment you booked for me?" Your cousin asked as you were scooping food.

"You can't make it? I made sure to book it on an open slot in your schedule. And my hairstylist is doing me a favour by coming in on her day off to do your hair before you leave..." You sighed.

"I appreciate that but I don't want to have to wake up so early when it's one of my last days off. You booked it too early." She shrugged.

"Yeah, you should just call and change her appointment. You know she doesn't wake up early for these things, if she goes late, it'll be an even bigger waste of your stylist's time." Your oldest aunt voiced out in support of your cousin. You knew your cousin purposely said it out loud in front of the adults.

"Thank you, you can change the appointment to one of the empty slots in the afternoon or evenings then." She smiled and took her food to go back to one of the tables.

"(y/n), when you booked the chinese restaurant brunch, did you preorder the peking duck?" Your oldest aunt checked.

"No, I was just told to book the table for 8 people at 11 am..." You blinked.

"Ah, you should know we always get the peking duck! Better call them to reserve it before it's too late. I only get peking duck when I am back from London." Your cousin pouted.

"I'll get on it..." You said, trying to contain the sourness in your voice. Putting your food plate down, you went to call the restaurant.

When San heard the doorlock beeping, he checked the time on his laptop. He continued typing on his reports, knowing that you knew your way in. And as he expected, you came trudging in, falling face first onto the sofa.

"Hey, baby love. How was the gathering?" He greeted. You mumbled something into the couch, burying your face into the material of his sofa. San chuckled, putting his laptop and coming to you.

"I didn't hear a single word you just said, my love." San crouched down beside you and stroked the back of your head.

"San..." San didn't expect you to lift your head and to see tears in your eyes.

"Baby! My sweet love, why are you crying? What happened?" San was shocked, he wasn't expecting to see you crying so that sent him into a panic.

"I... I..." You shook your head, feeling like a baby for crying. San hushed you, not wanting to press you for answers.

"It's okay, I've got you." He pulled your leg over his lap so you were straddling him. You clutched onto the material of his shirt like a koala.

"Breathe, my love. Breathe with me. Shh..." His voice was soft as pressed his forehead against yours and purposely breathed loudly so you could follow him.

"It's okay, breathe, baby love. Slow down and take all the time you need." He whispered softly, rubbing your back. You nodded your head in agreement, you did need a minute, a minute to breathe and soak in San's comforting warmth. San was patient, quietly comforting you until your sobs turned to soft whimpers.

"There we go. Good girl. It's going to be okay. Just keep breathing." He kept his eyes trained on you.

"Thank you, San..." You murmured. San guessed that nothing particularly bad happened. You were probably just so frustrated, and mentally and physically exhausted.

"Nothing for you to thank me for. I hate seeing you cry, love." He grasped your hand, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.

"I know it's tiring. I'm sorry I can't make it any better." He whispered.

"No, you make it better by being San." You pulled away to meet his eyes, cupping his face in your hands. You were so grateful for San being the most amazing person in the world.

"Cute. I'm glad me being San makes you feel better." He chuckled, holding your hand to kiss your fingertips.

"It's not easy being a San." You played along.

"It's all worth it for you. When it's for you, it's never tiring or difficult." San reached up to wipe the last tears off your cheeks. You hugged him again, feeling his arms securely wrap around your waist.

"Do you know she reached over and took food off my plate? Saying that she's deprieved in London so she never gets to eat such nice food. Then she was being annoying by trying to 'convince' me to give my entire share since she deserves it more?" You complained to San.

"In the end, she used her fingers to take bites of my food!" You sighed, shaking your head.

"At that point, I'd rather give her my food. I don't want to know if she's washed her hands. Couldn't she have just taken her own portion and be happy with it?" San sighed, rubbing your arm.

"Apparently not. She kept all this food for herself, saying she'll eat it later so others won't take it and guess what happened?" You asked.

"She didn't even finish it?" San guessed.

"Exactly! First she stops us from eating then after that, says it's too much and she'll feel sick if she eats it. She'd rather THROW IT AWAY!" You exclaimed.

"That's horrible." San frowned. If San was there, he would be frustrated and annoyed too.

"My aunt bought this really fancy, nice ice cream for all of us to share. My cousin took my portion without asking me! She said I could have it again another time but she can't. And by the way, that was her THIRD share. So I didn't have any... It's not even that I wanted the ice cream that badly, it's more... her!" You groaned.

"I know, baby love. I can't believe you two are from the same family when you're so different." San said, leaning his head on his hand.

"She's so different from the rest of the cousins..." You threw your head back.

"I know you said it wasn't about the ice cream but do you want some? I stopped by the store on my way back and stocked up the freezer with your favourite." San offered.

"Why are you so perfect, Choi San?" You whined.

"Far from but I'm glad you see me as such." He kissed the top of your head. You went to the kitchen to grab the ice cream and two spoons.

"No, you eat it, baby." San shook his head when you held the spoon out to him.

"The best part about ice cream is sharing it so take the spoon." You insisted, taking a seat beside him. San peeled open the lid for you to dig in. You leaned against his arm, the both of you taking turns to scoop out of the tub to eat.

"Do you want a blanket?" San asked.

"No, I just want to stay like this... With you... I don't want anything else." You said with a shake of your head. You were just happy in San's presence, he was all you needed.

"Just one more week before she goes back, one more week with one more gathering and it'll be over." You sighed.

"You can do it." San chuckled. When the ice cream was done, San threw the empty tub while you washed the used spoons.

"Go shower and come to bed, hmm? I'll wait for you." San squeezed your hip. You nodded with a hum, feeling slightly sticky on your cheeks from crying previously.

The last big, family gathering was at your house. You barely slept the night before because you were stressed. While you baked the desserts in the middle of the night, you were talking to San on video call. You felt bad for making him stay up with you but he was gaming on the side.

"Hello! Welcome." You heard your parents greet the family members that came. You were still setting up the food table, getting everything that you would need.

"Wait, you're wearing that when you have guests in the house?" Your cousin came up to you.

"No, I just haven't got the time to change since I was helping my mother set up." You replied with a soft sigh.

"Well, now that guests are here. You should change. You shouldn't welcome them in home clothes." She raised an eyebrow. You pursed your lips and placed the napkins on the stand.

"Honey! Go change. We can handle the rest, thank you." Your mother came.

"Sure, mom." You nodded with a tight smile and went to take a quick shower to wash the sweat off you.

'She just arrived and she's already giving me grief... - (y/n)'

After sending San a text, you threw your phone aside and took out clothes to change in. You stood by your dresser to dry your hair a little, not wanting to get told off by your relatives by going around with wet hair.

"Oh, welcome! So glad you could make it!" There was a loud commotion outside, you mainly heard your mother exclaim. Putting your hair dryer down, you went outside.

"Thank you for having me." The latest guest said, handing your mother a bouquet of flowers and your father, a bottle of wine.

"What..." You stood there, frozen and dumbfounded.

"(y/n), you didn't tell me your boyfriend was coming!" Your relatives all looked fondly at you and San as he respectfully bowed to greet all of them, shaking their hands too.

"Uhhh, yeah I didn't know too..." You said, frowning slightly hoping you were not dreaming.

"It was my idea to surprise you with San." Your mother giggled.

"Yes, it was all her idea." San, handsomely dressed in a shirt and dress pants, wrapped an arm around your waist, nodding his head.

"Hey." He smiled to you. You smiled back, still kind of surprised by his sudden appearance. But you took a deep breath, San being here shouldn't make you scared, it should make you feel more relaxed and comforted. You were still worried that your extended family will be too hard on him.

"Wait a minute, come here for a bit?" You asked softly. San nodded, following you to your room.

"Baby love, I'm sorry, I know you said-" San was cut off by you throwing your arms around him to hug him tightly. His hands went to hold your hips.

"I'm hoping this hug means you aren't angry?" He chuckled.

"Not at all. Surprised, yes. But angry? No. I know your intentions are good." You smiled softly, pulling away to give him a peck.

"Of course. I'm here with you." He placed kisses along your jaw, making you giggle at how ticklish it was. After that, you both went out, not wanting to stay in your room for too long.

"Let me help you, omonim!" San squeezed your hand and left your side to go your mother in the kitchen.

"Ah, San, go get food and eat. You're a guest." Your mother chuckled, shooing him out.

"You should eat! You and (y/n) have been busy preparing the whole morning, I'm sure you guys didn't get to eat breakfast. Come, I'll take over." San insisted on doing the dishes. Your mother gave up, going to join your father at the food table.

"You wash, I'll dry." You grabbed the dish cloth.

"Baby, I want you to eating something or at least, sit down to rest. You didn't even sleep last night..." San frowned.

"With you, I don't feel tired at all. And we can eat together later." You shook your head. San sighed in defeat, reaching over to knock his head against yours since his hands were soapy.

You weren't done with the dishes but your mother and father came to chase you and San out.

"I guess we should eat." You shrugged. Sticking by San seemed to save you from your cousin and save San from your relatives.

"You want this?" San asked, holding your plate for you. He held both your plates and patiently followed you while you scooped the dishes for both of you.

"No~ No vegetables." San held his plate away when you tried to put spinach salad.

"(y/n), don't be mean to him." Your mother chided. You shot her a look of betrayal while San smirked proudly. With enough food on your plates, you went to sit down with your other cousins. They were nice, making an effort to get to know San and including him in the general conversations like he was part of the family.

"Here." San removed the bones from the galbi and placed it on your plate for you, taking the other pieces that still had bones in them off your plate.

"Thanks." You smiled. Shifting your eyes, you saw the judgemental stares from your spoiled cousin.

"San, would you like a glass of wine?" Your father offered.

"No, thank you. I have to drive later. Do you want a glass?" San turned to you. You nodded and San stepped up, respectfully receiving your glass from your father with a slight bow.

San got along well with your relatives and cousins. You could leave him alone and he would be fine.

"I'm going to the bathroom." You stood up. San held your plate for you while he conversed with your uncle and cousin.

"(y/n), why did you bring your boyfriend to the gathering?" Your cousin stopped you in the hallway just as you were exiting the bathroom. You took a slight step back, suddenly feeling how menacing her presence was.

"I didn't bring him, not planned to at least. You heard it earlier, my mother surprised me by inviting him and my father wanted to introduce him to the family." You spoke calmly.

"Do you know how humiliating and unfair it is with you parading him around in front of me?" She crossed her arms.

"What do you mean? What does San being friendly and nice have to do with you?" You frowned.

"You saw how interrogative they were with my boyfriend, they treated him so much like an outsider. It's unfair that they warmly welcome yours." She scoffed.

"Shouldn't you be finding issues with your boyfriend rather than issues with mine? It's not San's fault that he's better." You glared.

"How can you say that?" She gasped, obviously feeling the shock of someone speaking to her that way.

"Your boyfriend came in, dressed like a slop! He didn't bother to say hi and introduce himself, he just helped himself to the food and didn't bother to offer anyone help with anything. So those issues lie with your boyfriend, they have NOTHING to do with mine." You clenched your fist by your side.

"You-" She took a step forward.

"Hey, baby love. I was looking for- Is everything okay?" San came, a slight frown on his face when he realised it was you and your cousin, the tension in the air heavy and thick.

"I don't know, is it?" You raised your eyebrows at your cousin, making San glance at her as he slotted himself between you and her.

"No offence but this is a family issue, San sshi." Your cousin said with spite. You rolled your eyes.

"I am aware, I just want to try my best to protect (y/n) from anything that may upset her." San smiled. He didn't wait for her to react, or he didn't care.

"Let's go, your food's getting cold." He patted your head. You nodded and walked back out with him.

"Sit here." San naturally brought you to the balcony to sit with him on the bench for some privacy, bringing your plate and wine glass with him. The way he did it, no one paid any mind. He disappeared for a bit and came back with a throw blanket from your room.

"Thanks, San. I'm fine. Really, and this time I mean it when I'm fine." You chuckled as he draped the blanket over your lap so you wouldn't be cold.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"Blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you. You know that I would take any insult but when it comes to you..." You sighed.

"My hero." San cooed teasingly, scratching your chin like you were a cat. You knew he did that because you always did that to him, comparing his likeness to that of a cat.

"You're always protecting me and being my rock. I can protect you too." You cleared your throat.

"Thank you, baby love. You're so cute. But you know I don't care what anyone else thinks. All that matters to me, is what you think."

"Well, I already think you're the most amazing person in the world and that I don't deserve you-" San stopped you by putting his hand over your mouth.

"There you go again, sprouting nonsense." He pouted with a frown. You laughed and held your hands up in defeat, stabbing a piece of meat to eat. San looked at you with pride and happiness, as if you were his whole world. And if you ask him, he'll probably say that you ARE his whole world.

"Shall I get you a refill of wine?" He offered, gesturing to your empty wine glass.

"No, it's okay, just stay here with me?" You asked.

"Of course, as long as you need." He smiled softly, letting you lean your head on his shoulder. Lacing fingers with you, he brought your hand up to kiss the back of it.

You were wrong, there was nothing for you to be scared of, bringing San to a family gathering.

It didn't bring you more stress and anxiety like you thought it would. Instead it made you feel reassured and comforted having him around, the same feeling San always gives you.

Your crazy, chaotic family didn't chase him away. They welcomed and accepted him, seeing him the same way that you do.

"I'm grateful I have you with me, Sannie. Not just here and now... but always." You squeezed his hand.

"I'm glad you feel that way because I'm not letting you go that easily. Plus, I think I can safely say most of your family loves me. Including your dad! He wanted me to drink wine with him and told me I could stay the night if I need to." He grinned proudly.

"Wow, that's really progress. Coming from my dad. I thought it would take a while more for him to be friendlier with you." You chuckled.

"He's just protective of his daughter like any father is. I would be too if my daughter was like you." He said. You rolled your eyes and snorted at his cheesiness.

"And this is a warning, I will be protective of our daughter. I'm serious." He said seriously.

"W-What are you saying now?" You grew flustered at his words and punched his arm, fanning your face. But deep down, you knew you would want nothing more than to have a future with San.

Masterlist

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 months ago

Text

Long Snake Moan 2

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Loki

Summary: your boss gives you a task you're not prepared for.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Loki glowers at the people around him as you approach. You have to resist the urge to turn and run away. Thor helps in that. You know he won’t let you turn back. Not to mention the man who sent you.

He looks over as Thor calls his name and slaps his arm, “told you, not very long at all.”

“Mmm,” Loki narrows his eyes and his lips thin. He sends you a cursory sneer. “You came all this way for... Stark’s minion?”

“I believe her title is Executive Assistant,” Thor corrects him.

You give a helpless look. A pursing of your lips that must look painful. Loki doesn’t look at you again. His cheeks tauten and his eyes roll towards the ceiling.

“Right, um, this isn’t very easy to say so... um, Mr...” You look at Thor and he just shrugs. “Loki, erm, alright. So the thing is--”

“Oh, you know, there’s a cafe I’ve been wanting to try. Steve, you know Steve, he recommended it. Why don’t we sit down and discuss?” Thor claps your back and nudges his brother. You grimace and Loki looks less than impressed.

“Be out with it.”

“Oh brother, don’t be rude. Come. You could do with a bit of a treat. You’re in a foul mood.” Thor reproaches.

“I wonder why that would be,” Loki hisses.

“Well, as I was saying, I saw they have a special on. A turtle donut? Turtle on a donut? I’ve never heard of such a thing,” he rambles and drags you both across the lobby.

“It’s not... well, doesn’t matter,” you let the murmur drift off.

You don’t have much of a choice, or the strength to resist him. You’re ushered out of Stark Tower and towards the cafe you pass on your way in. You stopped in once for one of their holiday lattes but you don’t often get the time to have coffee outside the stale breakroom brew.

Loki shakes off his brother and follows behind. Thor lets you in first and holds the door. He makes his brother go ahead of him and you join the queue around the counter.

“What would you like?” Thor asks.

You bob up and down as you search the cafe. You flinch as you realise he’s talking to you. “Oh, I’m fine--”

“I insist. Now please, coffee or tea? A late?”

“Latte,” Loki corrects him.

“Yes, that.” Thor laughs at himself.

“Well, I’ll just have a small tea. That’s fine. Um...” you look up at the menu, “Earl Grey is fine.”

“Black tea, large,” Loki starts before you’re even done speaking. “Since you’re being generous.”

Thor grins and leans over to look inside the display case. “No sweets?”

“No thanks.” You answer. Loki doesn’t acknowledge the question, instead glaring at those who stop to stare at his brother. Several lenses are aimed in Thor’s ambivalent direction.

“May as well find a seat,” Thor stands as the barista motions him up to the cashier, “I’ll find you.”

You glance over at Loki as he ignores you, rather pointedly as he lifts his nose. You shuffle away and go to an empty table in the corner. You sit against the wall and twiddle your fingers over the table.

To your surprise, Loki sits across from you. You fidget as your eyes continue to wander around him, never landing on him. He sighs and you chew your lip.

“Get on with it. I am not in the mood for socializing, especially not with... whatever you are.”

You tilt your head and your mouth. Right, this is not going to be fun. He has the right idea of it though. It’s best to just get it over with.

“Okay, uh, right, Loki, sir,” you twist your hand around your finger. “Prince?”

He blinks dully. You nod, egging yourself on.

“Mr. Stark sent me to tell you something. And I’m very sorry to be the one to tell you this but--”

“Tea.” Thor booms as he drops into the chair next to his brother, nearly dropping his armload.

He doles out the cups and gleefully unwraps his donut. You’re sweltering as you notice the audience behind him, entranced by not only his size but his fame. Loki’s cheeks pinch in irritation as he peeks over his shoulder.

“So let me just get it done with. Um, you... you...” you frown and your eye brows dip down then pop up. You struggle to find the right way to say it. There really isn’t on. “You cannot stay on earth.”

Loki spins back to you, his chair scraping on the floor, and Thor chokes on his mouthful of chocolate, pecan, and dough. Both of them make confused noises.

“You’re being deported. I... I’m sorry.”

“Deported? Who says I cannot stay in Midgard? Who would make me leave?” Loki scoffs.

“It... it wasn’t my decision. I was only sent the paperwork and I tried to give it to Mr. Stark--”

“No doubt he had a hand in it. How can this be? I am a refugee. It was to my understanding that the status guarantees me safe harbour.” He blusters.

“Brother, please, don’t be angry at the little one. She is merely the harbinger.” Thor coaxes.

“I’m sorry,” you begin, squirming as your body’s encased in flame, “I understand it’s not ideal but--”

“You understand?! You understand nothing. My home was destroyed.” He snarls. “How is it I am to be dejected and my brother is free to stay?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, I wasn’t... I didn’t...”

“Brother, please, she cannot be held responsible--”

“Don’t tell me who or what!” Loki shoves him away. “Curse this planet and curse Stark.”

A green flash has you flattened against the back of your chair and your vision speckles. You blink as only an empty chair remains next to Thor. He shakes his head at it and takes another bite. He looks at you and shrugs.

“Let him have his tantrum. We’ll simply have to try again.” He breaks off a piece of his donut, “you must try this. It doesn’t even taste like turtle. Much sweeter.”

#loki #dark loki #dark!loki #loki x reader #series #long snake moan #au #drabble #avengers #mcu #marvel #thor

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izzabela · 4 months ago

Note

Hi! Can I request fem reader who is tall, strong basically ideal woman for Bi-Han who is interested in her but instead reader chose Kung Lao cause “he makes her laugh.” (*^▽^*)

Jessica Rabbit - Kung Lao x fem!reader x Bi Han

in which you find your Roger Rabbit between two men

a/n: if you make her laugh and giggle, you can make that gyatt clap and jiggle

ship[s]: kung lao x fem!reader x bi han

warning(s): semi-kanon

You laugh at Kung Lao's horribly flat joke as you ate lunch. Midday, perfect breeze, and at a temperature not too hot, it was a good day for lunch outdoors.

While you're laughing wholeheartedly, it's Kenshi who points out the obvious cringe in that joke.

"It wasn't even that funny, he missed the punch line," Kenshi states in his usual deadpan voice.

You shake your head as you keep laughing, and he sighs as Johnny pats his back.

"You seriously don't get women, Ken-doll," Johnny tuts, and Raiden rolls his eyes as he continues to watch his best friend and newfound friend share a laugh.

Kung Lao has been interested in you since you came to the Academy as the final Champion for Liu Kang. You were but an ordinary farmer in the village over, past Fengjian, picking out crops for the upcoming festival. Suddenly, your village was attacked by black-clad ninja-warrior-men-things, and you had run in to join the fight with your limited knowledge.

Of course, like the rest of the champions, Liu Kang revealed himself, explained the circumstances about this "mortal kombat tournament" and the existence of realms. Oh, and how your mentor was the descendant of a former champion.

As you trained, you got to know your other champions better. You were stand-offish first, since many people were taken aback by your height and overall broadness of body. You were right to do so since the monks avoided sparring with you since your height may give an advantage.

The first person to break that ice between you and them was Kung Lao. You learned from Liu Kang that his ego knew no bounds, but you didn't think his ego was afraid of social anxiety. He came up to you like a normal person, treated you as such, and sparred with you that fateful day.

You remained reserved, since you were afraid this was all a joke, but when his friend, Raiden, came along, then Johnny, then Kenshi, you realized it was in good faith.

Since then, you five have grown close, but no one can deny that you were closest to Kung Lao. Despite his inflated personality, he's honest, kind, sensitive, objectively attractive, and personable.

You understood why he and Raiden were friends, and you commended him for not letting his ego get to him despite everyone praising Raiden. You remembered what he said about that topic.

"I trust Raiden as much as he trusts me. He gives me the strength to act like this, because I know he has my back."

That made up a good seventy-five percent of the reason why you liked him. But what about the other twenty-five? Well, that brings us back to the lunch outside the academy.

You wipe your eyes as you give Kung Lao a weak high five, and he smiles brightly before tackling you into the biggest of bear hugs. You can't help but laugh more as he tickles your sides, tears of happiness leaving your eyes.

"Kung Lao, stop that. She'll have cramps later during our spars," Raiden scolds, pinching his ear for him to let go. Kung Lao whines, releasing your reluctantly as you settle down fully.

"Alright, mother. Whatever you say," Kung Lao teases.

"She could've peed too," Johnny points out the (gross) truth. You sigh and shove him playfully, and he's feigning shock that everyone's turned on him.

"Oh come on, I'm funny too!" Johnny pleas, and Kenshi flicks his forehead.

"Vulgarity does not equal hilarity," Kenshi quips.

As you guys finish up, you all take the trash from your lunches back to the canteen room, only to meet Liu Kang and three men in blue, yellow, and gray uniforms. You five recognize them as the grandmaster and his seconds-in-command: Bi Han, Kuai Liang, and Tomas.

All five of you bow, and you lead the introductions. "Greetings to the Lin Kuei."

They nod their heads as a sign of acceptance, and Liu Kang asks you all to rise. "I see your meals are over, I hope everyone enjoyed, yes?"

Everyone nods, and Liu Kang hums in content. "Well, since everyone is present, I will announce our next training plan for the month."

Liu Kang states that because it is the final month before the tournament, he invited the Lin Kuei's leaders to take charge of a more intensive training.

Of course, the final representative would be chosen the week before they left for Outworld, so everyone was getting learning how to defeat different kinds of opponents.

The Lin Kuei would be aiding in representing figures like General Shao, Reiko, Kotal, Sheeva, and other "magically huge" (Johnny's words, not Liu Kang's) opponents.

Not only were the contenders non-human, but possessed qualities and traits only heard of in fairytales.

"Hence," Liu Kang finished. "I have enlisted the help of the Lin Kuei to train you all. I hope you all get along well."

Liu Kang bows and takes his leave, also stating he had prior engagements. So, it left the eight of you in an awkward situation. Rather, awkward silence.

"You've all eaten, yes?" Tomas breaks first. Raiden then answers, and they walk together as everyone else follows suit.

"Thank the elder gods for Raiden and his personability," Kung Lao whispers to you, and you nudge him playfully.

It's Tomas's turn to talk, and he immediately talks to Johnny about his movies. While Tomas doesn't see he's clearly stroking his ego, Johnny keeps rambling about how this experience will make a great movie (if he can make it). Kenshi just rolls his eyes and tells Tomas to ignore him.

The only one left to say anything was Bi Han, the leader of the clan. He pulled back behind everyone to assess the current situation.

He didn't address you nor Kung Lao, and you two kept to yourselves as you talked about other matters. Even so, Bi Han can't help but stare at you.

Your height was the first thing he took into account when looking at you. Your hair suited you as well, long and the color practically glowing under the sun. Your arms were out due to the attire of the training clothes, but they were muscular and well-toned.

And when you smiled at whatever the hell Kung Lao was yapping about, Bi Han can feel his chest hurt a bit. Tight, warm, and burning with... a feeling.

After walking out of the canteen, down the shaded walkways of the training grounds, you all stop at the courtyard where the training dummies are. Bi Han gets in front of everyone and announces the new changes.

"We'll be sparring every day for two hours. Meals will be shortened to thirty minutes instead of the forty-five, and at the end of each week, I will host mini tournaments to see how far each of you has come."

You collectively sigh, Johnny more vocal about the loss of his break time. Kenshi and Raiden are the first to speak-up about their distaste of the changes.

"I don't think all of this is necessary, Grandmaster," Kenshi begins carefully. A vein in Bi Han's forehead is visible as he lays out a punishment already.

"Laps. All of you."

Ah, what lovely training you'll be receiving.

*******

A month passes by and training with the Lin Kuei is actually okay.

Waking early, shorter lunches, longer training, it all benefited when it came to the accuracy and power of landing hits.

Except for you.

"Sloppy," Bi Han sums you up as you're panting and gasping for oxygen. You look at him with an incredulous look.

"Grandmaster, I don't understand?" you ask as you breathe heavily between words.

"We train after your dinner," Bi Han orders you. "Dismissed for the night, except you."

You groan, the sun beating down on you before the shadow of a familiar silhouette falls over you.

"See you at dinner? In a couple?" Kung Lao asks as he helps you up.

"Of course, I have yet to hear those jokes you made up," you giggle.

Kung Lao is doing his best to keep his shyness to a minimum, but it's hard when his hand is touching yours as he lifts you. It's difficult when his hand fits so well on your lower back.

It's impossible when his heart is beating through his ears, and three of his friends are staring bullets into the back of his head.

Kung Lao walks with the other boys, looking back at you one last time before you're left alone with the beast.

Bi Han tries not to come off like an asshole, he's actually way more chill than this. With the weight of the tournament, plus his need to do something for the clan, he can't help it.

Besides, sparring takes his mind off of things.

You deal with it surprisingly well, and Bi Han doesn't know if he feels bad for his methods of keeping you around or proud of how well you deal with stress.

Bi Han has had a crush on you the minute he saw you and Kung Lao together. He wasn't rude enough to interrupt the conversation, but he wanted more of you.

Over the course of his and his brother's stay, he held you back purposely to talk to you. Invited you to eat with him and his brothers, hell, he even sparred one on one with you.

He usually reserves that last aspect for people closest to him.

However, despite Bi Han's darndest efforts, you could not feel anything towards the man.

He was enjoyable to talk to, his brothers were equally matched in that aspect too. He was kind and considerate to you after the fact he was a strict instructor.

But something was... missing. He's as stiff as a board, a little too rough around the edges for you.

But Bi Han didn't know that, and since the training is coming to an end, Bi Han decided to really step up his game and confess to you. Something he talked to his siblings about.

While Tomas was more than supportive, Kuai Liang was a bit more reserved with his opinions.

"Brother, I don't wish to look at yourself differently, but she might be looking at someone else completely," he said to him as they were cleaning up one day.

"If you have nothing better to tell me, make yourself useful with Tomas," Bi Han gruffed.

He kept that in his mind, though, and now that you were here, just the two of you, in the warm afternoon and setting sun of the academy, there was no turning back.

"So, Grandmaster, what about me is sloppy this time?" you ask, settled down and finally having gathered enough air.

Bi Han places a dummy in front of you, then another one next to it.

"Your knees lock too early when you kick," he point to the torso of the dummy. "Strike here."

You give a good sidekick, but it's caught early. The grip he has on your shin is surprisingly soft as he points out the flaws.

As you two talk, you don't realize that Kung Lao has the perfect view of you two. He's slurping his congee and hard-boiled egg, glaring at the sight of Bi Han holding your leg like that.

"If you stare any longer, she'll die to a gunshot wound on her head," Johnny teases.

Kenshi flicks his forehead, scolding him about his senselessness. Raiden, though, looks at him with more concern.

"What has you so concerned?" Raiden asks. "Do you believe that she actually will choose the Grandmaster over you?"

Kung Lao freezes, his eyes widening a bit at the thought. You and Bi Han, a couple. Deadly, beautiful, a perfect match for each other.

Still, Kung Lao recovers, "What's there to worry about? I'm the greatest catch on the market!"

Raiden's hand is on Kung Lao's shoulder, and he stares into his eyes to try and fish out what's really eating at him.

"Kung Lao..." Raiden calls his name softly.

For once, Kung Lao sighs and admits defeat. He takes his hat off, dropping it next to him as his head meets the table with a harsh thud.

"I just... She is such a catch!" Kung Lao admits with a red face. "She has been with the Grandmaster after every meal, and for hours on end..."

Johnny and Kenshi stop bickering finally, hearing the dilemma their dear friend is in.

"And she and Grandmaster Bi Han would look great together..."

It's true that perhaps you and Bi Han would make a great couple, but Kung Lao underestimated himself greatly in the part of him that made him... well, Kung Lao.

Bi Han couldn't make you laugh as hard as Kung Lao did. Often times, his jokes fell incredibly flat, or the punchline was missed, or his tone was just off.

This was unknown to Kung Lao, though, so he sits with his friends as he continues to ramble.

"Just, stop.." Kenshi halts his incessant yapping. "You're going to have to tell her. You can't keep this a secret forever."

Johnny burps before adding on, "Especially with the tournament so soon, who knows when we'll have time like this again."

Kung Lao groans heavily, throwing his head back and scratching his head roughly with thoughts on how he'd do so.

What he doesn't realize is that you're in front of him. Freshly showered, clothes somewhat sticking to your body, and the most damning thing that makes him realize he's too late.

A bouquet. Beautifully assorted flowers are wrapped in paper and tied at the stems in an arrangement that screamed "money money money". You were smiling at him as he looked at you from his point of view, head parallel to yours.

"What'cha thinkin' about, Lao?" you ask.

Kung Lao doesn't hear a thing as his heart beats erratically. Harsh, angry, frustrated, he stands up abruptly to leave dinner.

With his food still unfinished.

Knowing something is wrong, you place the flowers in Raiden's arms and rush after him, not even bothering to say anything to the other men. He may be tall and fast, but your strides were longer and you peak over him a bit in height.

You catch up to him with ease, grabbing his wrist and forcing him to face you (isn't this supposed to be the other way around?)

"Lao, you left your food... you never do that," you inform him, and his looks away with gritted teeth and a scowl.

"Leave me, I am not hungry anymore," Kung Lao lies.

You scoff, "Kung Lao, be real with me." You let go of his wrist, your eyes trying to find his as he obviously darts away.

"The flowers," he breaks. "Where did you get them."

It's not a question when he "asks" you. He's pissed, clearly disappointed too.

"The Grandmaster," you answer truthfully. "He gave them to me as a gift."

"Why."

"He confessed to me."

Kung Lao turns away to walk, "Congratulations. I wish you two-"

"I rejected him," you interrupt him.

He turns back to you, his eyes practically spilling out of his eye-sockets as he waves his hand in a motion that says "continue".

"He told me that he had intentions of courting me, but I rejected him," you explain as you begin walking back to the canteen. He follows you, listening in disbelief.

"Why would you reject such an offer? He is the perfect suitor!" Kung Lao praises, dropping his egotistical façade. You shake your head, a bit pink on your neck and ears as you tell him the truth.

"He doesn't, well- he can't make me laugh."

Kung Lao is slack-jawed, shocked at such a trivial personality point that tipped Bi Han out of your favor. Taking this opportunity, you take his hands and slip your fingers in his.

"And besides, you're my favorite clown among everyone here," you admit shyly. Kung Lao is beet-red now, stuttering like a failing engine as he tries to sell himself short. You stop him, though.

"No matter what anyone says, you are you. This version of you is the one I want," Kung Lao is silent as you keep going. "You're not a Raiden copy, 'Thunderland', or anything else."

Kung Lao's heart actually skips a beat, and he taps his chest to try and get it back in rhythm. You giggle and kiss his cheek.

"This is what I mean by clown. You're always making me smile, no matter what."

Kung Lao forgets about his food, and you ignore your stomach as you both go on a moonlit walk on the training grounds.

Just the two of you, the pleasant sound of your laughs ringing in the air as Kung Lao keeps firing joke after joke.

=====================

"seriously, what do you see in that guy?", "he makes me laugh."

never settle for less, Jessica Rabbit loves a man who makes her giggle

see y'all in the next fic!

#mortal kombat #mk1 #mk1 2023 #bi han #sub zero #x reader #kung lao #kung lao x you #kung lao x reader #bi han x you #bi han x reader

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restinslices · 2 months ago

Text

LKBS W/ A Quiet Kid

Finally getting back to requests :D. I put more focus on certain parts so it's not a copy and paste for each brother. Reread The Hunger Games recently so I imagined the kid being similar to Rue in behavior. Here you go @notbojack

He so fucking fine, omfg-

Back to the topic at hand, Tomas wasn’t the only kid his father took in

Shortly before his death, his father brought you home - a 12 year old kid who clung to him like wet tar

How did this come to be? Um, I’m imagining a situation where you were sent to kill his dad but he was like “naur, join us” and you did. Idk gang. It’s 11/6, I’m discombobulated

As we know, his father died. Now, Bi-Han is an asshole but he has limits. He wasn’t just gonna throw you out on the streets

Honestly I think he doesn’t mind how quiet you are

He’s not much of a talker either, so ya’ll just sit by each other

It’s kinda hard for him to understand your situation at first. After all, he’s a trained assassin. He’s been training since the day he could walk. To him, an assassin’s life is normal

Once his father is dead, taking care of you becomes his responsibility. This means that now he really has to be face to face with you during your worst moments

He’s woken up one day to the most awful screaming he’s ever heard. He can hear the strain on the vocal cords. It leads him to your room and he sees you screaming your head off in your sleep

He immediately wakes you up, expecting you to relax. Instead, you try to fight him off and claw yourself away from him. Only after reminding you who he is and a lot of convincing you that you’re safe and at home, you finally relax

You tremble next to him while apologizing profusely and that’s when he realizes something

This is the first time he’s ever heard your voice

I think this is when it'll really hit him how fucked your situation was. He was trained to be an assassin, yeah, but he still had free will

He's not the best at emotions, but I think he'd try for you

I wouldn't expect some long and deep talk about your past, but he'd watch over you more. He becomes very observant and takes note of your triggers

He's still strict, but he doesn't yell at you

I can see you jumping after he accidentally yells at you and he's like "ykw? I just might be the problem-"

Doesn't do it again

You have random spasms because of electrocutions. I can see him trying to find a way to help

He lets you trail behind him like you're his shadow

He absolutely will NOT say your trigger words

He thinks having your skills is something you should keep and improve on, even if they came about in an unpleasant way

You gotta fight for the Lin Kuei but I don't think he's ever like "go kill for me soldier!"

It's more like a... A uhhh "hey! We're going on a field trip! :D"

Idk if he'd ever ask if you'd like to sleep in his bed (he likes his space. "I GOTTA PUT ME FIRST LUCIOUS!") but I can see him being fine sleeping in the same room

Bi-Han and Sektor are your new parents

Overall, I think Bi-Han would be the best when it comes to handling triggers. You don't have to be a 10/10 social person to be helpful. He's just really observant and contrary to popular belief, isn't a complete evil dick head.

Y'all that's literally me next to him

"Aren't you black?" mind your business

Speaking of marriage, Kuai Liang meets you because you're a kid Harumi took in

I can see Harumi trying to introduce the two of you and you are NOT having a good time

He tries to introduce himself to you, but the second he steps close, you take off

He knows some kids are shy but this catches his attention. This ain't just shyness

"WHO THE FUCK FUCKED UP THIS HOUSE LIKE THIS? GOOD GOD!”

Harumi gives him the scoop thankfully

He's glad Harumi found you but damn, he wishes that never happened to you

He continues to try and be nice to you, but you either don’t say anything or take off

He isn’t really sure what to do at this point. Ya’ll are making no progress

This changes when one day he sees you sitting somewhere, scribbling in a book

You jump when you see him, dropping your book. He goes to grab it for you and that’s when he sees the amazing sketches inside

He’s not the type to flip through without permission. He looks at the open page and compliments that

“You like drawing?” *Nods* “These are really good!” *Shakes head* “Hey, I mean it. These are great”

He hands you your book back and you actually smile at him

*Hacker voice* I’m in-

You still stand behind Harumi, but you don’t look as scared of him as you did before

He notices you staring at him a lot, but he doesn’t say anything

Then one day you come up to him, book in hand

Which really surprises him because you never approach him

His mouth drops when you show him the drawings you’ve done of him

Your relationship continues to grow from this. He’s not sure how complimenting you on your artistic skills made you less afraid of him, but he’ll take it

He’s constantly encouraging you to keep being creative

He won’t look through your sketchbook without permission. He likes when you both look at your drawings together

Best believe he’s putting your drawings up like a proud father (if you let him)

I can see him learning basic sign language for you. Otherwise he speaks and you write things down

Ya’ll know that TikTok trend where two people paint portraits of each other? That but with Kuai Liang

His is awful but you put it up in your room anyway. This really squeezes at his heart

If you have other creative hobbies, such as writing, he encourages that too

Reads anything you’ll give him

I don’t think Kuai Liang is an artistic person in the sense that I don’t think he draws or writes in his spare time, but I think he still appreciates art

The father that stepped up

I don’t think he’d ask about your past much either. He doesn’t wanna push you. Whenever you’re ready to share, he’ll be there to listen

The little pieces you do share, he definitely remembers

Overall, I think Kuai Liang would handle the quiet and artistic aspect really well. He’s patient enough to continue trying to make an effort with you. Once you’ve opened up, he doesn’t take it for granted

My favorite white man

Pls make more gifs of him. Omg

I can see Tomas meeting you through a mission

It was supposed to be a simple “kill bad guys” mission but oh shit, there’s a child here

Now how he gets you outta there? Um… he beats your ass :D

Just a lil beating, then he takes you to Liu Kang in hopes that he can fix whatever is going on in your brain

Liu Kang is able to free your mind because god shit, but he says you gotta stay at the academy so he can keep an eye on you

Tomas should’ve been able to let you go, but for some reason he just couldn’t

He asks Liu Kang for updates on you, then eventually he just decides to visit in person

Now, considering Tomas is the one that saved you, and the academy isn’t a torture dungeon, I don’t think you’d be super alarmed when you see him

You just kinda stand there

He introduces himself, then tries to start small conversation and let you know that you’re safe now. You write you responses down on a notepad, which is odd but he’ll take it

“Do you have any family?” [No] “There’s gotta be someone out there missing you right now. You sure you can’t remember where they are?” [They’re dead. All of them]

Do I smell twinsies?!

Tomas knows the pain of losing loved ones and feels sad for you. He shares his story about how he lost his family. He doesn’t expect you to share what happened to yours, but he wants you to know that you’re not alone

This is where your bond starts. Maybe feeling safe in someone because of shared trauma is a bit wonky, but who cares?

He continues visiting you and chats with you. He tells you more about his family when you ask him to

Then comes the reveal

[I’m a bad person] “What? Why would you say that?” [I’ve killed people] “So have I” [I killed my family]

You write this long explanation, explaining that your first mission was to kill your immediate family

He’s shocked for sure, but he doesn’t blame you

He reminds you that you were just a child. Hell, you still are a child! You were also tortured and mind controlled. You didn’t want to do any of the stuff you were forced to do

[I miss them but I don’t think I’m allowed to] “Yes you are”

He couldn’t imagine carrying that much guilt around. Sure, he feels guilty about his family, but he didn’t kill them. He couldn’t imagine having memories of him killing the people he loves, and being forced to live with it

Tomas is very open with you about his own guilt and how he works to move on

It won’t be an easy journey, but he’s never giving up on you

Tomas becomes a friend, a mentor, an older brother (or father) all wrapped in one

When I tell you he’s never going to abandon you, I mean that shit. He’ll be by your side in everything and refuses to leave

He shares tips on grieving and guilt

Once you’re ready, he even takes you to your family’s gravesite

He lets you take all the time you need because he knows how badly you need this

Recovery is never an easy road. Tomas knows this from first hand experience. Doesn’t matter though because Tomas is always gonna be there to lift you up when you fall

Overall, Tomas would handle the guilt aspect the best. He has his own experience when it comes to losing family and guilt, so he’d understand how you feel

I feel like I keep giving Tomas the least amount of words, and that is not on purpose. I just be tired by the time I get to him😭. I still love you pookie

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cottonlemonade · 8 months ago

Text

The One That Got Away

word count: 1153 || avg. reading time: 5 mins.

pairing: post-time skip ex-boyfriend!Iwaizumi x chubby!Reader (feat. Seijoh 4)

genre: fluff, exes to lovers

warnings: spoilers, like one suggestive line

synopsis: Upon his return to Japan Hajime runs into his ex. Although the breakup was necessary and with no hard feelings, Hajime has never been able to get over you.

In an attempt to show off some more impressive, foreign cooking skills he had picked up in California, Hajime decided to make spaghetti, and so typed up a list before grocery shopping, double and triple checking to make sure he had everything. For a while there he had thought back and forth about the appropriateness of just inviting you over like that. When he met you at a café earlier this week he first thought he was hallucinating. But when you felt his stare as you were waiting in line for your drink you recognized him instantly and struck up a conversation - asking how he had been and what it was like to be a high profile trainer for the national team. Had you kept up with him like he had with you? During his time abroad, whenever he felt homesick he would check what his friends were up to and ultimately his social media scrolling always brought him back to you. Seeing you doing so well at your job and enjoying evenings out with your friends made him happy. And his heart always skipped a beat when you posted a short video and he could see you smile and hear you talk and laugh and he could pretend he was there with you. It was one of the hardest decisions of his life to break it off with you even though it had been ridiculously amicable. Every once in a while he had been tempted to text you, ask you how you were and if you missed him even just a fraction as much as he missed you. So without thinking, that Tuesday at the café he had asked if you’d like to come to dinner at his place to catch up. At that moment he thought it sounded too forward, just inviting you to his apartment rather than take you to a nice restaurant. Maybe even your favorite from back when you were dating. But you had beamed and agreed.

And tonight he would be alone with you at his place. The thought sent a strange tingle through his body. But he wasn't intending to do anything so there was nothing to be scandalized about. You were two adults having dinner and talking. He ignored Matsukawa’s text with a link to his Best Make Out Playlist, shaking his head at the mental image it planted and instead concentrated on finding the right wine.

After grocery shopping he went to pick up dessert at a bakery he remembered you loved and drove home to get ready.

Training that morning had been very chaotic. Not only did Matsukawa and Hanamaki accompany him and hadn‘t stopped wanting to role play different romantic scenarios as Hajime was stretching but even worse they ganged up on him and only too readily tried to give him advice on the art of seduction. The further along their gym session went, the more they began making unnecessary kissing noises whenever the lyrics of the songs playing over the speakers were getting suggestive.

"You might wanna…"

Hajime looked down on himself to where Oikawa was gesturing and zipped up his jeans. His friend was in Japan for a few weeks to visit his family.

Leaning in the door frame, his former captain had only made one “helpful” comment after the other since he was in a successful relationship that was already going almost 50 days (and thus deemed himself a love expert), while he - Hajime - hadn't been in a relationship in years.

"You want me to stay here? Break the ice? Talk you up?"

Hajime glared at him in the mirror.

"Alright alright, didn't say anything. Can you drop me off somewhere before she gets here?"

The younger one sighed and threw a sharp look at his friend.

"You know, somehow I don't believe a national player is that broke that he can‘t afford a taxi."

Oikawa quickly put on a hurt expression then switched topics.

“Who are you meeting anyway? Anyone I know?”

Hajime avoided his eyes and Oikawa grinned as the realization hit.

“Y/n-chan?”, he teased.

Hajime didn’t respond, just took off his shirt and tried on a different one.

“Well, I gotta hand it to you, Iwa-chan. You really are playing the long game.”

“Shut up.”

Oikawa did, in fact, not shut up.

“It’s been what? 10 years since High School and you’re still not over her?”

“I told you to shut up, Shittykawa.”

“But this is too much fun. Have you been pining for her this whole time? Did you keep in contact after graduation? - She was so chubby in High School, it was really cute. Is she still chubby? Gotta make things fun when you’re alone. You can really hold on there while -“

“Go back to your hotel.”

Oikawa gasped, theatrically.

“I’m only here for two more weeks, Iwa-chan. Don’t you wanna spend time with me?“

Hajime closed his bedroom door and heard a satisfying bonk when the wood hit his friend‘s face.

__________

You felt Hajime brush a kiss to your shoulder and his arm snake around your tummy. Letting out a sleepy, raspy-voiced Good Morning he buried his face in the crook of your neck and breathed you in.

You turned to face him, blanket rustling, and snuggled your barely dressed form against his. Interlacing his fingers with yours he brought your wrist to his lips.

He rolled you onto your back so he was now on top of you, taking in this much adored sight before him with a dreamy expression. Then he sank lower to press a handful of sweet kisses against your forehead, nose, cheeks and lips before settling down with his head resting on your chest, ready for another round of snoozing. He made a happy sort of grumble when you played with his hair.

For a while you laid there in content silence, brimming with happiness, then a series of dings came from the nightstand. They were only a few at first, far enough apart for Hajime to ignore them. But when they grew in frequency he asked you to hand him his phone.

“Something important? Do you have to go?”, you asked, really hoping the answer would be No.

“Ugh, it’s just the others. They wanna know how our dinner went.”

You giggled. “Well…��

Hajime chuckled too, hugging you tighter with his free arm, while the other quickly scanned the increasingly annoying texts of his friends.

He typed a few words, then dropped the phone next to you, propping himself up to kiss you again.

The message pings now blew up, barely leaving a few seconds in between.

“Oh my god!”, he groaned, his lips against your neck, “Tell them to leave me alone.”

He didn’t stop kissing you when you reached for his phone. You didn’t bother reading all the incoming messages. You just wrote “he’s busy” and turned it to silent.

a/n: He 100% used that playlist but will never admit it.

#iwaizumi hajime x chubby reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #iwaizumi x chubby reader #chubby reader #haikyuu fluff #iwaizumi haijime x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi fluff #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x curvy reader

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pinkacademiaprincess · 1 year ago

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Any guide on Elle woods / hermione / rory coz I had no study motivation 😮‍💨

“she’s like a real life rory gilmore…”

fictional study icons guide, part 1: rory gilmore

ty for the ask! i’m gonna make this multiple parts, next will be elle woods, i never read/ watched harry potter tho so idk about hermione 🫣 but if y’all want me to do other characters, feel free to send ideas!

know your goals

rory had a clear idea of what she wanted for herself: to go to harvard & to become a journalist. when school & studying starts to feel tedious or difficult, having a strong “why” will keep you going. maybe you want to get into a certain school, you have a dream career path, or you want to become extra knowledgeable. never lose sight of your goal - surround yourself with reminders of it. rory had harvard memorabilia hanging in her room as a constant reminder of what she was working towards. you can create a vision board online, print pictures & hang them in your room, put notes up on your mirrors & walls. remember that classes, tests, & assignments are all leading you to a greater goal. studying is a means to an end and you deserve the best ending!

study a lot

rory prioritized her studies and spent a lot of her free time on schoolwork. the easiest way to succeed is to put in the time. don’t cut corners when it comes to your education - do your homework and assignments diligently, go through assigned readings & videos carefully, & if the teacher gives you optional/additional work, do it. remember tho, it’s important to study smarter, not harder. the most beneficial thing you can do is spend as much time as possible utilizing study methods that work for you. don’t waste time on study methods that aren’t effective for you. you can search my older posts for info about study styles or google learning styles & use that to help determine your best approach to schoolwork.

conquer challenges asap

when rory first started going to chilton, she unexpectedly got a bad grade on one of her first essays. she could have sat there and made excuses, felt sorry for herself and blamed the school/ teachers, but instead she worked extra hard to improve and overcome that poor grade. in the end she was valedictorian, showing that she was able to rise to the challenge and ultimately succeed. if you find yourself struggling with schoolwork, please take initiative asap and get whatever help you need. utilize all your resources - teachers, classmates, youtube video explanations, khan academy, tutors (if possible) - do not allow a dip in performance to be your norm. try to get to the bottom of why you’re struggling and then take care of whatever’s causing it. if you let yourself succumb to the struggle - telling yourself it’s because of bad teachers, the content is too hard, etc. - the only person who is gonna suffer in the long run is you. be proactive and take charge of your education.

take breaks

while rory did spend a lot of her time studying, it didn’t rule her whole life. she still made time for friends, family, and fun activities. life is about balance, and you don’t want to burn yourself out by spending every waking moment on school. take breaks for fun, to spend time with loved ones, to get fresh air & be active. give your mind breaks so that you can stay in top shape. that being said, make sure you strike a balance. don’t let your social life get in the way of your academics, but don’t let studying stop you from living life.

read a lot!

when i think of rory, i think of reading. she always has her nose in a book! she not only reads, but she reads books that are thought-provoking and intellectual - classics, non-fiction, and so on. reading is a wonderful hobby and it can also be a way to expand your mind. challenge yourself by reading books that are somewhat difficult to challenge yourself to read closely & dissect the content. find classics that genuinely interest you or non fiction on topics you enjoy. combine the fun of reading with the desire for intellectual growth. by reading more difficult books you can improve your vocabulary, build you reading comprehension skills, become better at analyzing literary devices, and overall become a more interesting person.

that’s all! have a great school year & best of luck with your studies! 🩷

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ash-says · 9 months ago

Note

hiii ! i love your post about being audacious 🩷 do you have any tips about improving people skills/ being more charismatic? thank youuuu 🤭

Hello girlll!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the audacious post. It's one of my fav tbh I literally came up with it while I was cooking. So coming to your question let me see how I can help you out tbh I share my opinions and what has worked for me so far. So practice discernment and take everything with a pinch of salt✨✨

Tips to improve People Skills/ Being more Charismatic:

1) Find your USP:

USP means Unique Selling Proposition. What makes you unique and I mean it in a personality sense more here. You can extend it to your looks but start from a personality trait cause it will be forever and very personal to you. Even if someone copies it, it will always be a cheap one.

I will elaborate on this with an example:

One of my ex colleagues was really good at socializing. He was 27 years old but I kid you not he looked like a 20 year old or even younger at times. He had a boyish charm and he used it to his full advantage. He literally had a child's energy and would jump here and there in the office, act like a literal child when not working. He had a refreshing energy to him the type that reminds you of your childhood days. Heck after a meeting with the CEO he used to watch cartoons to destress and made us watch it too so we could also relax but when it came to work he was smart, efficient and knew how to use his easy going socializing energy to generate sales. So you get my point right?? Find what attracts people to you or what value you can offer to them.

2) Knowledge. Education.

I personally swear by this. Be as disgustingly educated as possible. Know about various topics at least the basics of current trends or what's hot and some off topics. This adds dimension to your personality and helps you to hold a conversation with anyone. Plus you never run out of topics to speak on.

3) Confidence. No elaboration needed.

4)Sense of humour.

Why bore people to death by reciting the merciless nature of Julius Caesar when you could present it as a joke when something relatable comes up??? People are more likely to find you charismatic if you can make them laugh.

5) Master the art of Storytelling

This!!! Right here is a cheat code I tell you. You don't have much knowledge to speak on for now? Fine as you gradually work on it hold conversations by sharing bits of your life in a colorful way. Engage people with your life stories. Make them fun and a little dramatic. I am not advising you to lie. There's always a way you can convey something in an entertaining manner. Master it. I personally use it a lot and it's fun to connect with people cause they too loosen up and share their stories and then you link it up with your sense of humour by adding a nice comment or comeback.

Warning : Never share details that are very personal to you. Only share funny incidents and situations that won't bring you in trouble if gossiped about. Practice with discernment.

6) Learn positive body language and develop empathy. Empathy truly helps you in connecting with people on a deeper level and creating a bond based on trust and emotions.

7) Smile. Don't grin like a fool but when you see someone you know make a note to address them. Wish them good morning ,etc . Pass a genuine smile towards them. Be polite.

8) Be genuinely interested in other people but not in a nosy way instead in a healthy way. Help them out if you can. A good deed never goes to waste.

9) Have a positive outlook on everything. No one wants a pessimistic person around them. Even on days you can't. You know the mantra ," Fake it till you make it".

10) Support people. Be kind. Soft spoken. Know your place. Don't downplay yourself in front of people who are clearly not at your level and don't overestimate yourself in front of people who are professionals in those fields. Get a grip on how to act with whom. You won't know it until and unless you won't do it. Have a strong sense of self, be opinionated, confident and be witty. It's fun that way. Push your limits and don't be afraid to network with new people and talk to strangers. Who knows what will happen??

Possibilities are endless.

I hope this helps you out✨✨

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corrodedbisexual · 6 months ago

Text

Helping hands (& nails)

Steddie | T | ~5.3k | AO3 link

Written for @steddie-week Day 2: hands

Featuring: Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Homoerotic Wound Care, Flirting, First Kiss, Inexperienced Eddie Munson, Gay Eddie Munson, Confident Bisexual Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson Takes Care of Steve Harrington, Post-Stranger Things 4 Vol. 2, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Steve Harrington

“You literally want me to scratch your back.” Steve groans. “Yes. Definitely, do that. Please.” “Hmm, I love it when they beg.” Steve freezes, speechless for a second. His face suddenly feels several degrees warmer. “Oh my god, shit, sorry, that was—” Eddie begins mumbling awkwardly, moving away, and Steve won’t have it. “Dude, you mind not flirting with me while I’m suffering here?”

It’s a little over a week since Vecna got defeated, and Steve’s got an uninvited guest at his house.

Uninvited is not the same as unwelcome, obviously. Frankly, Steve’s glad to have some company. Really glad. Although technically, Eddie Munson is still supposed to be on bed rest.

Doctor’s orders were two weeks; the demobats got the guy pretty roughed up, taking several juicy bites out of his torso before they all went down along with their master. He got patched up pretty quickly, but his overall weakened state from massive blood loss, the doctors’ concerns of infection and possible Upside Down creature-related consequences, and that annoying little matter of clearing him of the ridiculous murder charges all kept Eddie on a government-sealed floor of the hospital for a whole week, with no visitors allowed.

It’s no wonder that when he was finally discharged to go home, he lasted three whole days before showing up on Steve’s doorstep, unceremoniously inviting himself in and complaining about being so bored he was about to start clawing at the walls of his bedroom.

And, well… It’s Steve’s day off anyway, and his entire planned entertainment for the day was a potential lunch phone call from Robin to gossip and complain about how impossible Kieth is to survive a shift with.

Plus, at least it’s better if Eddie hangs out at his place instead of going out somewhere and doing something stupid that would get him to pop his stitches. Like climbing a tree. Steve hasn’t known Eddie for long, but in a way, he’s known enough to suspect something like that might happen.

But the best part is, Eddie Munson turns out to be really good company. For the first few minutes after the guy arrived, Steve’s a bit worried it would be quiet and awkward; after all, what did they have in common besides the whole Upside Down trauma (definitely not a fun conversation topic)? But the idea that it could be quiet with Eddie around turns out to be absolutely laughable. The guy keeps chatting about anything and everything, from how annoying it is to keep track of all the meds he’s supposed to take to random gossip from the trailer park. He’s vibrant and chaotic, and has a dry deadpan sense of humor that Steve finds himself genuinely laughing at; and pretty soon, he starts wondering if him and Eddie could actually be friends back in high school if the whole ridiculous system of social circles didn’t exist.

Halfway through some other half-finished thought, Eddie suddenly asks, “You hungry? I’m kinda starving, Wayne’s getting groceries tonight and the only option I had for breakfast was, I shit you not, a fucking box of Honeycombs, and honestly? I’d rather eat a demobat. Well, if it was cooked, maybe. Hey, d’you think roasted demobats could be a thing?”

He keeps rambling as he walks, with Steve trailing behind him, grinning and shaking his head because… well, damn. This guy sure is something else. Maybe exactly the kinda something Steve didn’t even know he needed in his life. Honestly, he’d probably say the same thing about Robin last year. Is this some profound universal balance thing? Out of something horrible must come something really good?

Read on AO3 | Divider credit

#steddieweek2024 #steddie #steddie fic #fanfic #misha-bawlins fanfic

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chemblrish · 4 months ago

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Hey Lena, any tips for how to make friends in uni as a nerdy but introverted/socially anxious girlie? 🥺 thank youu

Hi!

I need you to know I saw this ask and immediately thought, "Did I just get a message from my past self?" 😅 Nerdy and introverted? Check. Used to have very bad social anxiety? Check. I was in therapy though and it was immensely helpful! I'm still a little shy but doing incomparably better, so I can tell you what I've learnt and hopefully some of it can help you too :)

Excuse the language, but first of all, you need to give yourself a fucking break. Shy people, we tend to fixate on ourselves: our looks, our posture, on whether what we just said was weird, and so, all our flaws (both real and imaginary) appear magnified tenfold - but only to us. Because truth is, nobody else is judging you half as harshly as you're judging yourself. Nobody is analyzing all your jokes or the way you walk. If you trip or say something awkward, it genuinely doesn't matter. It happens to everybody sometimes, it's okay. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're shy, maybe you're easily overwhelmed, maybe you have very little experience making friends - but none of these make you inherently weird. So give yourself a break. You're sincerely doing a lot better than you think, I promise.

Small talk is actually not a bad thing, no matter what some edgelords may try to tell you. I used to spark up a lot of conversations early on in uni by bringing up things like the last test (because most of the time I'd get a mildly pained sigh in response and then we'd bond over how hard it was and how the professor was crazy lol) or the upcoming lab class ("Any interesting exercises in your schedule?") or how my commute to uni that day wrecked me and hey are you a commuter? Oh, you live in a dorm, how do you like it? And many other things of this sort, because if you think about it, uni is a neverending source of conversation topics when you're a student talking to another student.

You know how shy people are advised to just ask questions because everybody loves talking about themselves? That's not a bad advice. The trick is to be genuinely curious about other people. Don't ask just to say something, ask to hear what that other person has to say. This is helpful for two reasons: it takes the focus away from you (which is exactly where shy people shouldn't keep it) by directing it at the other person, and it actually helps to keep the conversation going, because it allows you to find either another thing that might interest you about that person or something to share about yourself.

Maybe it's obvious, but don't hide yourself. I know it's a lot easier to just curl up in a corner with your phone, but you gotta put yourself out there. Hang out with the rest of your course mates outside the lecture hall as you're all waiting for the professor. Take your time packing up afterwards instead of dashing straight for the exit. Don't look for that secluded spot where you can hide safely with a book (even though your introvert instinct tells you to do just that), be where the other students hang out.

Sometimes you have to keep choosing someone. Storytime with a moral: I took a liking to one of my current friends very early in the first semester. She seemed like exactly the kind of person I wanted to stick with in uni. I'd always come up to her and talk to her first but she hardly ever did the same. For some time I'd think, "Welp, clearly she doesn't dislike me, but she doesn't seem to like me much either." Now I can't even remember when that changed, but in an honest conversation we had maybe last month (so after almost two years of knowing each other!!), she told me she often struggles with figuring out whether someone likes her and wants her around or not, so she usually just stays away. You aren't the only introvert out there. Maybe the person you're trying to befriend is also a little anxious and needs a bit more time and effort from you. Don't give up too easily!

Not all people are your people and that's okay. You'll find that trying to talk to someone continuously feels like a chore no matter your good intentions. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or with them. Everybody can't click with everybody and that's fine!

And lastly: "different friends for different things" is a liberating philosophy. Maybe there's this one person in this one class that you always sit with and get along with well, but it doesn't seem like either of you wants to take it any further than that. Cool! That's your buddy X from Y class. Not everyone has to be your bestie who knows all your secrets and shares all your interests. Be open to the concept of casual friends, so that you don't miss out on the more meaningful relationships by chasing someone who's just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.

Good luck my fellow introvert. Remember getting better at making friends is a process but also a skill that can be practiced and polished. You got this, I'm rooting for you!

#i hope these can be helpful #i remember the absolute hell of watching everyone around bond and make friends and just being there like 👁️👄👁️#and i really do think with shyness especially the key step is to give yourself that fucking break #there's nothing wrong with you relax everyone else is only human too #inbox

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yourheart-inmyhands · 9 months ago

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I don't know what i should be saying but can i maybe request a part 2 for the yan nuevellete omfg his name its been so long and i cant remember it with the fisherman post sorry if its bad my social skills are trash🥹

ah it's ok and yes his name is very ridiculous lol, sorry this took so long, not sure if you're still interested in reading my content but i tried my best to make this one nice for you :]

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including kidnapping, mentions of reader having a fishhook stuck in them, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

Neuvillette is fascinated by what he’s seeing, the sand shifting from soft and loose to tightly packed together and damp from the rolling waves. Normally he would’ve been more mindful to not sully his attire, but right now his attention was on the individual to whom his melusines seemed so attentive.

It’s not surprising that the melusines are so desperate to help, the kind creatures were always the first to lend a hand or rather a paw when they could. But what did surprise Neuvillette, more so than the fish hook, was the creature it was stuck to. Approaching the group, Neuvillette makes his way through the small crowd as gently as he could.

His heart nearly stops when he finally lays eyes on you, your hair still damp with seawater as you try to hold still. The hook is nearly removed by now, but the mark it left behind will surely be permanent.

“I was under the impression that all fishkin were extinct. We have not seen any of you on land in… in decades.” Neuvillette can barely mask the awe in his voice, his eyes flickering over every detail of your form. He can’t believe that he’s actually seeing a real fishman with his eyes, for decades the dragon had believed them to no longer exist, just as every other person living in Fontaine.

“Not extinct, we just stay under the water.” Neuvillette is impressed to hear this, while fishman have always been incredible, they must’ve gone through years of evolutionary changes to be able to survive in such depths. This only draws in more questions and curiosities though. If they were so intent on staying underwater then what was this one doing on land? Surely they wouldn’t dare come close enough to land to get caught in such a simple fishing hook?

Seeing you up close and in person doesn’t nearly curb as much curiosity as Neuvillette would like, so it’s no surprise that he finds some excuse to keep you around for longer. He says he needs you to come into the city with him to file a proper report on what happened, after all this was protected land, there should not have been any fishing gear brought around.

Neuvillette has no intentions of just letting you return to the sea though, instead, he finds some excuse to invite you back to his home, wherein he introduces you to your new place of residence. He’s no monster, he allows you to stay in the pool room where you can dive into the depths of the pool, but until he has satiated his need for knowledge, he is determined to keep you.

It’s sort of the same feeling of having a new little pet, the desire to want to spend every second with them, watching and learning and playing. He understands your frustration, smiling fondly to himself as you sit at the bottom of the pool, pouting. But he simply can’t find it in himself to be sorry. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and he’d be foolish to let it pass him by.

#genshin x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin x male reader #yandere genshin x gender neutral reader #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x male reader #neuvillette x gender neutral reader #yandere neuvillette x reader #yandere neuvillette x gender neutral reader #yandere neuvillette x male reader #yandere genshin #genshin yandere #yandere neuvillette #neuvillette yandere

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tofics · 7 months ago

Text

Broken - Chapter 2

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!Reader

Summary: A year has passed since Joel and Ellie have returned to Jackson when he finds you on patrol, half frozen and half burning up. Jackson takes you in and nurses you back to health, welcoming you as the newest member of their community. The more time passes, Joel realizes that you and him have more in common than he likes... Until one day, everything changes and you get a gift that he'll never get.

Word Count: 3987 words

Warnings: Little bit of cursing, implied panic attacks, mention of insomnia, mention of nightmares.

Chapter 2 - Settling In

"Soooo?" Ellie drags the syllable out and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "What's she liiiiike?" Much to her disappointment, Joel just shoots her a glare as he loads his plate, then walks off to find a seat at one of the tables.

"Come on, man, give me something." She slides into the seat across from Joel and starts digging into her own plate in the same hurried manner as when she first met Joel. Some things just aren't that easy to shake.

Joel, on the other hand, carefully chews each bite, making a point of looking at Ellie every time he swallows. Fork after fork goes in his mouth, but not a single word comes out. "Ugh." Ellie rolls her eyes. "She's the only interesting thing to have happened around here for months." To her dismay, instead of serving her with some juicy details, Joel just chuckles dryly.

"What, life suddenly become too boring for you, now that you're not out there anymore?" She elbows him in response. "You know that's not it. Matter of fact, I like it here just fine."

"Glad to hear it!" Tommy pats Ellie on the back and plops down in the chair next to her. "So? How'd it go?" He looks at his brother expectantly. Joel glares at him grimly. "It went."

"What, that's all?"

"Can a man just eat a meal in piece, for god's sake?"

"Ohoooo," Ellie grins at Tommy, "you poked the bear."

"You poked the bear first." Joel points his fork at her.

"Just because you won't give me anythinnnng!" She knows she sounds like a little whiny toddler, but seriously. Your arrival was something out of a movie, the way Joel dashed into Jackson with your limp body thrown across his saddle. He hadn't even needed to call out for help; his spectacular arrival already speaking for itself. People immediately ran up and helped get you off the horse. Within minutes, you were in the hospital being tended to by Jackson's finest doctors. The town had had a good run for a few months by then, very few raiders and even less infected that had to be dealt with, and so a the new arrival quickly became the hottest topic.

You were out of it for almost three weeks, with a fever so high that for a little while, it wasn't clear whether you'd pull through. People asked about your state at town conferences. The younger kids started bets about what your name could be and where you came from. When the news came that you'd finally woken up, the council had to put its foot down and remind everyone that no, they couldn't all go visit you right away.

The excitement quickly died down when Jackson's people quickly realized that you were not the chatter bug they'd hoped for. You weren't exactly unfriendly, but it became very clear that you were not a fan of big social crowds or private house calls. At the dining hall, you usually kept to yourself, quickly wolfed your food down and left again. During your two weeks of internships, where you went from job to job to see what fit you best, you did well pretty much anywhere, but Maria could tell that none of it excited you or gave you joy. You came, you completed your jobs to satisfaction and you spoke when spoken to, albeit curtly. Even so, no one took it personal. Everyone in Jackson had their own story to tell, their own horrors that they'd witnessed. People knew that life out there changed you, so no one judged you for your curt demeanor.

Still, Jackson's council made it their mission to find a job best suited for a person. It was best for the community if everyone got to do something they liked and were good at. It was good for morale. So when nothing had stood out as a fit for you at the end of your two week internship, Maria had an idea.

She'd seen the way you carried yourself. You were confident but careful. You listened intently to the instructions you were given for each job and even asked for help where necessary, but you made no contact beyond what was needed. When you stepped into a room, your eyes flitted over the scene, searching out every exit before you took a seat. During gatherings, your leg would bounce indefinitely as you sat on the outer skirts of the crowd, as if you were itching to get away as quickly as possible.

Maria knew the type, of course. Almost everyone that came here had a restlessness about them for their first few weeks. It's hard to settle down when your nervous system has been in fight-or-flight for so long. But it seemed to take you longer to adjust than it had taken most of the others. Usually, people relaxed a little after a month or so. They'd slowly start to warm up and join conversations at dinner or just start talking at the bar, one of the most common places for newcomers to open up and make contact for the first time.

You, however, did no such thing. You were seen at gatherings and in the dining hall, but you kept to yourself, keeping your conversations to the utmost minimum. You showed up for every single job you got selected for, did your work, and then returned home as soon as you got to clock out. It worried her that you still hadn't formed at least one connection. And it reminded her of someone else, a certain someone she happened to be related to.

That's when she spoke to Tommy and suggested that Joel should take you out for patrol. Her husband didn't take much convincing as he quickly caught on to the parallels between you and his brother. "Might be good for him, who knows," he'd said as they'd laid besides each other in bed. "He's doing better, but I just wish he'd try and find someone again." Tommy had turned to face his wife and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Y'know, like I found you." Not a day later, Tommy caught Joel before his shift and dragged him to your house. That had been this morning.

"There's nothing to give. Can we drop it now?" Ellie can sense that Joel's getting annoyed for real now and it pisses her off a little. "Fine," she snaps and starts digging into her own food. She's not sure at first why it's pissing her off. It only comes to her when Joel has already left the dining hall and she's returning her plate. That fucker's not telling me something!

For the first time since you've arrived in Jackson, you have a routine, and you're grateful for it for the same reason you didn't mind getting switched around from job to job: it keeps you busy, and when you're busy, your mind can't wander.

Every morning now, you get up at the crack of dawn. Despite the freezing temperatures outside, you force yourself to take a quick cold shower before your morning coffee. Not only does it wake you up before you get your dose of caffeine, it also helps clear your head. Having a routine has helped with your insomnia somewhat and you occasionally manage to get something between four to six hours a night. On the downside, you're now often plagued with nightmares which you wake from in a cold sweat, panting and with the unnerving feeling that you've been found. By what, you don't know. You're not on the run from anything or anyone. But the feeling remains the same, and it's usually hard to shake for the first few hours of the day.

Going out and getting on a horse helps. You didn't have all that much experience with horseback riding before you started your new job, despite having grown up on a farm. But Joel's teaching you the ropes, figuratively and literally. Often enough, his comments about proper horse-care are the only words you exchange on your early morning rides. Despite the lack of conversation between you two, or maybe because of it, you feel oddly calm when you're doing your patrol rounds. You wouldn't go so far as to call it a feeling of 'peace', but still, you find yourself looking forward to your morning rides more and more. It feels good to be outside and to be doing something that serves not only you, but others too. In a way, you feel like you have a... purpose.

You snort loudly at the thought. Purpose. Like you're doing some kind of extraordinary work out on your patrols when really, you just get to sit on your butt the entire time and look at nature. Big sacrifice you're taking on there, really, you think before you notice that Joel's looking over at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, pff." You wave your hand dismissively in the air. "It's nothing, just had a stupid thought, that's all."

"Yeah?" It's the first time you hear his voice that morning. Quite on par with the rest of your interactions, his morning greetings usually consist of a nod into your direction.

"What was it?"

His inquiry comes as a surprise to you. A little bit of heat creeps into your cheeks, embarrassed that you made any sound to begin with.

"Uhh... I don't really wanna say, to be honest. Like I said, it's stupid."

"Alright." You peek over at him, out of the corner of your eye, and see a small smile twitch on his lips.

You ride on in silence. It's a bit of a grey day, the sky covered in hazy clouds that seem heavy with snow but so far, there's no downpour. You make it to your halfway checkpoint without any incidents, like every day so far. Granted, you've only been on the job for two weeks now, one of which was unofficial as you were still Jeff's replacement; you were only officially appointed to patrol duty last week.

Joel hands you a steaming cup. You wrap your fingers around, happy for a source of warmth for your slightly frozen fingers, but then gag after the first sip. "Eurgh." You pull a face and sniff at your drink before you turn to Joel. "This isn't coffee."

"Nope, ran out yesterday," he replies and takes a sip of his cup, obviously unbothered by its content.

"Uh-huh." You try another sip but end up spitting it back. "Right. What is this, then? Warmed up piss?"

Joel chuckles in response. "Bit too dark for that, ain't it?"

"Not if your kidneys' gone to shit. Say, Joel, when's the last time you had your kidneys checked?"

"How 'bout never?"

You nod with pursed lips. "Sounds about right. Now what in the hell did I do to you for you to serve me this shit?" You place your cup down on the picnic table and slide it over to him. No way in hell you're taking another sip of that again.

Joel shrugs and chucks the content of your cup off to the side before refilling his own cup. "Suit yourself. This's some kind of herbal tea. Doesn't taste great, but does the job when you run outta coffee."

You lean back on the table into the snow. "Yeah, you tell yourself that while you drink your piss. I'm gonna bring my own coffee tomorrow, thanks."

Despite the sky being one big grey cloud, you can still make out its movement as it wanders above you. Weirdly enough, there's barely any wind down where you are.

"What was that stupid thought you had?" His voice interrupts your cloud watching. "Oh." You sit up, propped up on your elbows. "Just some stupid shit about how being out on patrol gives me a purpose." Your voice has taken on a mocking tone and you roll your eyes. "Like we're doing heroic stuff out here when all we do is ride and have a hot drink, or, excuse me," you eye his cup with a wrinkled nose, "a cup of steaming piss."

"Hm." Joel smiles sarcastically and raises his cup to you before downing the rest in one swift go. "Best piss you can get out here." He starts packing up and you climb down from the table to wipe the snow off of you that got stuck to your coat.

"I won't tell Maria you said that," his voice comes from behind you. "Or she'll think that she's done something smart by putting you on patrol."

That same evening, your eyes wander over the tables in the dining hall in search of a spot to sit when you see a girl frantically waiving her arms at you. You find Joel sitting next to her, tugging on her shirt for her to sit down and obviously mumbling something to her with narrowed eyes. The girl keeps at it, unbothered and unrelenting. A smile breaks out on her face when you start to make your way over to them.

"Why do I get the feeling that you want to talk to me?" Your words might not be the kindest, but the smile that goes with your words is.

"Sit, sit!" The young teenager encourages you and you slide into the seat next to her, opposite Joel. He looks fed up, bordering on annoyed.

"Excuse her, she doesn't have any parents so no one ever taught her any manners," he presses out between clenched teeth.

"No, but I have you!" The girl beams at Joel before she returns her focus to you. "I'm Ellie, I live with Joel. It's nice to meet you." As if to prove Joel wrong, she holds out a hand to you and you shake it as you introduce yourself, amusement written all over your face.

"Joel here tells me that you hate his herbal tea too," Ellie says and begins shoveling food into her mouth like there's no tomorrow. You watch in amazement. "Oh, you mean that warm piss he tried to serve me this morning?"

Ellie grins widely. Some little chunks of food fall out of her mouth as she laughs. "That's what I said! See?" She turns to Joel and punches his arm. "I told you that crap is disgusting!"

"Yeah yeah." Joel rubs his arm and gives you an unenthusiastic look. "Do you have to encourage her?"

"Hey, I won't lie to an impressionable young girl." Your hands are raised in defense, but Ellie jumps right in. "I'm not impressionable!"

"No, you're not, that's true. At least you don't think that that 'herbal tea'," you say as you mime air quotes with your fingers, "can pass for anything remotely comparable to coffee."

"I never said it's like coffee. I just said it gets the job done." Even though Ellie's the one wolfing her food down, Joel's already down to his last few bites.

"Sure, if the job is tasting really shitty," Ellie retorts and glances over at you with a sly grin.

"Hey, I'm right there with you, kiddo." This is working up to be the longest conversation you've had in months, but to your surprise, it doesn't feel as tiring as every other interaction you have. It's almost... fun.

"I like her." Ellie points at you with her fork as she chews a humongous bite. "You should come over, play cards or something. I could read you some jokes from my joke book. They're very funny."

"Oh, uhh..." The invitation catches you by surprise. It's not the first invitation you've received since becoming a member of Jackson, but somehow, you find it a lot harder to turn Ellie down than the grown-ups that invited you before.

"You don't have to," Joel quickly chimes in, seemingly having picked up on your discomfort. "The jokes really aren't that good."

"Hey!" Ellie punches his arm again. You're about to reply when Maria suddenly approaches your table with a warm smile on her face. "Hey, what's going on here?"

"I just invited her over for jokes and playing cards," Ellie quickly points out before you can say anything. To neither yours nor Joel's surprise, Maria loves the idea. "That sounds great! You should go. I bet it'll be fun." She smiles warmly at you, but you know what's behind that smile. Go, so you won't be so lonely anymore. Great. You love being set-up. You look over at Ellie's face and see the excitement in her eyes. Can't say no now, can I, you think and sigh.

"Uhh, yeah, sure. Sounds great."

"Aw, yeah!" Ellie beams, but you can only smile faintly. What have I gotten myself into?

"Here, this is a good one. What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages? - A stalemate!" Ellie breaks out into a giggle and you can't help but snort.

"Oh, or wait, this one. I'm glad I know sign language. It's become quite handy." Her laugh is shrill and light and infectious. You watch Ellie kicks her feet in delight and you can't help but think about how you won't ever hear her laugh like that again and right away, the hole in your chest reminds you that it's there, and that it's big and wide open and dark and hurting like hell. You want to laugh with Ellie and cry your eyes out at the same time.

You wrap your arms around your chest in an attempt to keep yourself from falling apart as Ellie chatters on in the background. There's a dark spot in the grain of the kitchen table. You focus on it until the pain subsides enough to where you feel like you can breathe again.

"Sorry, what?" You say as you realize that Joel's looking at you, holding up two glasses.

"I asked if you want something to drink." You thought your zoning-out went unnoticed, but with the way Joel's looking at you, you're not too sure. There's something in his eyes that you can't quite put a finger on, but you don't like it. It's too close to pity, and you don't need any of that.

"Oh, uh, yeah sure, thanks." Joel pours you a glass of water and sets it in front of you, then takes the seat opposite of you. You still feel like he's watching you, like you're under scrutiny. It's uncomfortable.

"So, how do you guys know each other?" You ask extra nonchalantly in an attempt to get the focus off of you. Joel leans back in his chair with a slightly pained look on his face, almost like he'd prefer if you'd asked any question but that one.

"He took me across the country for money," Ellie pipes up as she rests her chin in the palm of her hands. You notice that Joel shoots her a warning look, but Ellie doesn't seem to notice or care.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she shrugs, as if it's the most common way for two people to meet. "But eventually he grew so fond of me that no money in the world could have been enough to give me up. So he kept me."

"Huh." The way that Joel's rolling his eyes is adding to the grin that you notice has spread across your face.

"Next time someone offers me so much as a bent spoon for you, I'm handing you over," he grumbles and immediately gets elbowed in the ribs.

"He has to say that so people won't be suspicious. I've tried to escape twice, but this son of a bitch won't let me go." Despite her words, the affection in her eyes as she sticks her tongue out at Joel is unmissable. It's heart-warming and heart-wrenching at the same time. One arm wanders across your chest again to keep yourself together, but there's still a smile on your face as you lean over to Ellie.

"Blink twice if you need help," you whisper loudly to her and can't help but laugh when she begins to squeeze her eyes rapidly in a very overplayed manner.

"How 'bout you? Where're you from?" Joel asks when the laughter has died down. Both their faces are on you now, with clear interest written all over them.

"Small place near Peoria originally, 'bout 3 hours outside of Chicago. We had a cattle farm." Your mind wanders back to your hometown. It feels like a lifetime ago that all you had to care about was livestock and the smell of manure.

"Aww, did you have little baby cows?" Ellie's eyes glitter with excitement. You smile. "We sure did. Had a bunch of calfs every year. They'd suck on your thumb if you let them. It was pretty cute."

"Would'a thought you'd work with livestock here too, then, 'stead of going on patrol with me." There it is again, that watchful look in Joel's eyes that makes you feel like he's trying to open your head up and look inside. "What can I say, Joel," you say and lean in as you go for the attack. "You're just so damn irresistible."

Ellie makes a gagging sound and then grins as you shoot her a wink. One look back at Joel tells you that your attack landed. Clearly, compliments (even fake ones) rank high on the list on things that make him uncomfortable.

After your first games-and-jokes-night, Ellie invites you over periodically. You spend two to three evenings at the Miller household where you play one of the board games available for borrowing from the town's conference hall or just go for a round of cards. Maria appears very pleased when she catches drift of this new arrangement. You try to ignore it as much as possible. You're surprised by yourself and how much you enjoy these evenings with Joel and his surrogate daughter, but you try not to think about why you could be enjoying them so much. Anytime your thoughts drift anywhere near that particular area, your emotions shut down and you become unresponsive for a couple of minutes.

Joel noticed it the first evening at his house. He sees it happen again when you and him are out on morning patrol and he's just told you about how much Ellie enjoys her time with you when they have you over. You smile and begin to answer that you feel the same way, that it reminds you of - but that's where you stop midsentence and and your facial features turn from pleased to absent.

Joel watches as one of your arms snakes across your chest and latches on to your other arm, gloved fingers digging into your coat with such force that it looks like you're holding on for dear life. He wants to ask, but he doesn't. He doesn't know how and curses himself. Maria'd know, he thinks. Hell, even Ellie would. But he's not a woman, he's just Joel, and talking about feelings has never been his strong suit, not even when Sarah was still there.

So he just watches you out of the corner of his eye, not knowing what else to do, until you slowly come back to life. He keeps quiet for the rest of the ride, not wanting to say anything that could cause you to retreat back to wherever you just went, but for the first time, he can't shake the urge of wanting to know. It's none of your business, a voice tells him in his head, over and over again, and he knows that, but the urge doesn't pass. Something about the way you shut down, about the moments in which it happens, it seems all too familiar to him and he can't help but think back to what his brother said the day that he was dragged to your doorstep. "You and her, you got the same kind of twitchy." Joel thinks about the implications of what that could mean and just hopes, prays, that he's wrong.

Series Masterlist - Mobile Masterlist

Feedback is always appreciated! If you have any requests, feel free to send them my way. I'm always happy to practice my writing! :)

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters!

Tag list: @eternallyvenus @frogsdeservelovetoo @akisfoxdevil @southernbe @nutterbitter @orcasoul @sunandmuun @noisynightmarepoetry

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