#you know like arguably lol

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt: “Match is technically also a Luthor”. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

Match slants his eyes back to Luthor, who still just looks indulgently amused and does not seem inclined to correct his . . . whatever Lena is. She called him “Father”, but since Luthor’s also referred to himself as both Superboy’s and his father, that isn’t necessarily trustworthy intel. 

Also, if nothing else, Lena clearly doesn’t know his assignment or understand his purpose here any better than he does, so that also implies her to be a poor source of intel. 

“Am I her replacement bodyguard?” he asks Luthor skeptically, because admitting he doesn’t know something is better than making a mistake. 

Probably. 

“Right now, you’re her babysitter,” Luthor replies dryly, then pauses and amends, “Or she’s yours. I’m still unclear on your capacity for long-term independent function, to be honest, and I wouldn’t trust the opinions of the idiots who plagiarized you even if I had bothered to read them. We’ll fit in some independent cognitive tests at some point this week, I suppose.” 

“. . . ‘cognitive’ tests,” Match repeats blankly. “Cognitive” is the last thing the Agenda ever cared about testing him on, because he isn’t supposed to be–he isn’t thinking about anything. Obviously. 

Physical tests would make sense. Combat assessments, physical readings, DNA scans; that kind of thing. 

. . . then again, he supposes Luthor already knows everything that’s in his DNA, doesn’t he. 

Assuming the Agenda “plagiarized” him well enough, anyway. 

“To start, yes,” Luthor says. “For now, if anything goes wrong, the security system will alert me. Don’t let her eat too much sugar. Or eat too much sugar yourself.” 

“. . . I have no idea what ‘too much’ sugar is for either of our metabolisms,” Match says. 

“I’m sure you can google something,” Luthor says, giving him a wry look. 

“I have no idea what that is either,” Match says. He doesn’t like admitting not knowing things, for obvious reasons, but also there is no possible way that Lex Luthor can’t pronounce “googol” correctly, and also he can’t imagine how a googol would even be relevant to whatever the hell Luthor is saying anyway. 

“Hm,” Luthor says, his eyes narrowing slightly. Match does not let his hackles raise. “I should’ve murdered more people in that lab, apparently.” 

“Google Search is a web-based service operated by the American multinational corporation Google LLC as the most popular search engine globally and most-visited website in the world,” Lena informs him promptly, ineffectively pulling at his hands again and using her full weight in a entirely fruitless attempt to get him to move. “It has a share of ninety-two percent of the search engine market and its parent company’s current net worth is valued at 1.97 trillion dollars.” 

. . . that seems like something that should’ve been covered in his uploads, yes, Match thinks, eyeing her warily. Assuming she’s actually correct, anyway, which–again, she’s been a poor source of intel so far. 

. . . is that even normal information for a kindergarten-aged child to have, either way? Especially one who’s not even intelligent enough to realize how futile trying to drag a telekinetic metaweapon twice her size around without any enhancements of her own is? Match has no idea.

[bitchslapblastoids]

Was thinking about how much of a normo I come across as irl, how I’ve felt a lil odd person out at their shows bc of being a bit older (29) and looking so aggressively normal, how generally confused people in my life would be if they knew about my d&p obsession, how thoroughly i mask weirder traits and essentially codeswitch to suit the mainstream, etc.

i feel kind of fish out of water when I imagine how all the people that populate my tumblr phandom ecosystem are likely presenting to the world irl (I.e. more visibly queer, counterculture, and so on). But then I think maybe the most visible phannies are the ones with the most curated, alt, deliberate daytoday lewks/style? So maybe what I’m picturing is off base? But then I’m also basing this off of what audiences look like in audience footage, m&gs, etc.

Sooooooo i would like to know… do you guys feel like you present as someone who may be Deeply Online and obsessed with two gay nerds from the internet? Or do you hide it and fly under the radar, masking as a total normy and living a double life?

(To clarify I don’t mean you’re like out and about wearing the fringes boob sweatshirt lol I more mean vibes and overall lewk yk?)

[marshmallowgoop]

I combined footage from my Detektiv Conan Blu-ray with audio from my Case Closed FUNimation DVD and made an HD English dub clip compilation for Episodes 57-58, "The Holmes Freak Murder Case."

[jesncin]

Aside from Lois’ interview with Superman (which your fan comic brought to life in such beautiful fashion), what other “canon events” from the story and history of the character would you want to portray in your head canon?

Thank you! I want to go into more of the Clark, Lana, Lois love triangle but I haven't zeroed in on an ideal circumstance or scene where I could squeeze the most story from for that dynamic yet. I want to write a good love triangle where it's a genuine struggle for who Clark will pick. Though out of all the ideas fighting for attention in my head, this is the least priority at the moment.

I know my Clois comics are popular and people especially want to know how Lois finds out about Superman's identity but I really don't want to speed to the post-secret identity era. People say that's where Superman gets interesting, but I personally disagree! Especially with Clois under the immigrant love story lens and Clark struggling as an alien who passes for a white-american-man, I feel like there's so much unexplored story in that dynamic before Lois knows about Superman's secret identity. And I dislike how modern Superman media speeds through the fun conflict that happens in his early years.

[britneyshakespeare]

can you imagine being a little twee simon and garfunkel fan in the late 60s and then buying your new vinyl at the record store and hearing mrs. robinson for the first time in your own home. i would’ve fallen over backwards

[akkivee]

phew!!!! okay!!!!! so i don’t want to like, get too into something y’all don’t have full context for, but it feels change is definitely in the air for the 3rd drb by the way the track started and ended, like bb expressed how they are fed up with the drbs and what they can do with them

the past week or so, i’ve been talking about the way the insert raps in the drama tracks since the 2nd drb have been using a same melody to get across connecting hearts thru their rap, bb’s speakers utilising music production elements and the yamadas on track for creating a world where music gets thru to people and this track affirms aaaaallll of that lol it’s sick

and if you’ve ever noticed that we usually aren’t privy to ichiro the way thinks in these tracks, or canon in general, then this track is going to be a treat lmao homeboy is always thinking and you get to see how confident he really is about things

[summertimemusician]

Linktober Shadow Day 6

Shadow Beast

The Twilight Princess fan in me really came out on this one huh? I blame the sleep deprivation. We never quite addressed the effects of the Twili Magic on Twilight and how it's only sheer force of will and the fact he's so darn kind, Midna's influence and Time teaching him the Song of Healing first being the main factor in making sure he doesn't fall huh? Even more so than the One Cutscene. We also need to talk more about the fact we technically kill Midna's people and how by the end of it all Twi is so changed by the Twilight Realm who's it's own can of worms that, much like Time he can't quite go home as himself me thinks, as a treat to myself

Mostly Twilight x Reader, this goes out to all of the folks who never quite recovered from Twilight Princess and the fact we never got that sequel (I mean it gave us BOTW and TOTK and Wild, but at what cost?), but can be read as Link x Reader either on the platonic or romantic.

Don't think there's any warning this time but might edit later if needed.

Actually yeah there is one warning

TW:

References to body horror typical to Twilight Princess, though I recommend not reading it I'd you're squeamish period.

Even after so long, you and Twilight could still remember the beauty and solemnity of the Twilight Realm, with it’s zircon skies with clouds of trapped fire and rains of viper obsidian.

The silence of the infection upon the realm of light broken only by the echoes of the howling elegy of the Twili and Interlopers who came before creeping over the land like rot and wither over flowers, the lament of the lost spirits of the people and animals of Hyrule falling over your spirit like a shroud, a shared hymm from two worlds reality had been twisted, only both of it’s princess, one filled the luster of empyreal sorrow in her mind and one with the scorch abyssal fury in her heart knowing to see the reflective tragedy befallen to their people. With Link as the one who restored the memory of what once was in both worlds as divinity and calamity sang in his bones and you a witness to the restoration of harmony to the discordant symphony, the two different songs of light and shadow refusing to let go of either of you in an eternal duet.

(Once touched by magic, it shall never leave the one if holds onto Twilight may have been the one with the Beast in his soul, with the howl of a wolf, the bite of shades in his veins and the lament of innocents taking precedence over anything purely because he learned how to silence the whispers of the one’s who made a grab for heaven’s throat and we’re pushed in the cracks of reality for their prideful vánitas even as he could taste it in the back of his tongue, twining around his ribs and overgrowing into his shattered mirror heart like vines, flowering with the divinity and eternal nature of the Hero’s Spirit, already having the hunt of the Fierce Deity in it’s veins and the remains of cursed divinity welcoming the new aspect merrily so he could bear it. The song of the innocent wrongly punished among the sinners rang into your mind, scratched at your skin and dug it’s claws around your throat, chocking you with sorrow and regret, more willing to leave gouges than to let go of someone’s who’s looked into the reverse side of the sacred realm and wept with grief for it’s people and the curse of it’s beauty.

It would never leave you, Link or Zelda, who learned who love the darkness the way Midna did, madness and unsightly delight and all.)

While the people of Hyrule merely became trapped as observers at best, if they were lucky, Midna’s raging grief and resentment quickly became obvious, once she revealed that rotten Zant had done to her and her people, twisted into a new form, distorted in body and trapped in mind like the animals and beasts of Hyrule, their pain driving them in becoming feral attack hounds for the usurper, their howling screams as much sorrow, wailing in an attempt to let their agonized, tortured souls to escape from it’s mouth, a futile attempt to flee from the strain of reality forgetting their true form in favor of Zant’s twisted design, of being used as sentient canvases for cruelty and ruthlessness, of their will being stepped over in favor of corrupting recreation.

Of how it only didn’t quaff down at Midna’s mind because of the nature of her ephemerality, fully beloved by the Realm of Darkness, of how she loathed him for it and wouldn’t wish her fate of that of her people’s on any living or dead soul, once she came to love the Realm of Light through Zelda’s sacrifice.

Which was why, when you saw three of the victims of the telltale twisting from darkness utilized with the intent to drive one insane, a familiar looking plate of stone engraved on the remains of ashes from their identity, the curling of distorted, solid darkness making crooked mishapen manes, bent out of shape from their too long torso and long, long arms adorned with twitching, deformed claws, you feel very justified in way your blood froze, holding onto Wild’s arms and yanking with all you had so his shot will miss, his yelp of surprise swallowed by the bone cracking, blood curdling screech from one of the beasts as a Skyward Strike grazed it’s petrified flesh.

You feel something warm drip down your ears, taste the promise of violence and the cry of lost souls on the back of your tongue and swallow it down as the memory of the Twilight Realm attempted to bite and crack your ribcage to quaff down your heart, to devour it bones and all, calling out in desperation, “Don’t! That’s a person!”

Sky freezes, as still as a statue, Legend curses the heavens crimson in a way you are so glad Wind isn’t around to hear as he retreats Twilight snarls, the wolf in him revolted and disgusted, you wonder if the Twilight is singing in his mind too as he restrains himself from reaching for the crystal as nails just a tad too sharp invite droplets of blood to one hand, grimm as a graveyard “We need to get them together anyway, felling just one won’t be enough.”

You grimace, releasing Wild, keeping your eye on the Shadow Beasts and another on your group, pointedly not mentioning the twitch in Four, amethyst clouding his gaze and the prism of his eyes turning gray with memories you and Twilight both knew all too well, of the grimace in Time’s otherwise stony countenance, you’d wished to avoid bloodshed of whoever was turned against their will, but you and Twilight both knew that might not be possible, death, unfortunately, might be the greatest mercy you can grant these poor souls.

(The Twilight is harmonizing in your ears, jeering, you feel the Interlopers insanity and the Twili’s lament on your teeth. As lovely as it could be cruel, the merry feeling upon meeting, the sorrow at a parting.

If you ever see the Shadow, you might just try indulging the echo by offering it’s blood as tribute. You'd make it hurt. The fact it learned the spell used to deform reality in such a way was cruel and vile.)

“Legend, how is your magic?” shoots Warriors, analyzing, calculating, it snaps the purple back into Four’s gaze, brings his mind back to focus as he reaches into his inventory for his Moon Pearl, Twilight is circling the beasts with single minded purpose, herding them together and prowling as he would as a wolf, Wild thankfully listened to your warning and had switched from the more destructive Flame and Lightning Arrows to ice ones. It doesn’t contain them for long but it gives a few precious seconds to strategize.

Legend catches on, switching to the Ice Rod on one hand and grasping his own Moon Pearl with the other, Sky has another Skyward Strike ready, but doesn’t release it, you switch from your sword to accepting a Magic Rod tossed at you from Wild, “Good enough.”

You breath in shakily, the symphony of the Twilight Realm has quieted, more lament than anthem as it’s Hero steps back, returning to your side, he nods grimly, “... Then, let’s end this quickly.”

You know your will boys will do their best to heal them, and failing that, you hope that they’ll hear the requiem of the Twili rather than the lament once they’re at peace, that they'll find some form of threnody.

It is a horrible thing, to be forced to die as a beast.

[tonyglowheart]

Okay, wait lmao. I got to chap 45 and was surprised too see what I think is That Betrayal that I see some people get so so hung up about. Is this it? in Chapter 45? Chapter 45?? out of 128?? Like the way I saw some ppl cite it as a "I like yanshen except-" or like this is an unforgiveable thing by YWS.... and it's like. idk man, we're not even at the halfway mark yet. YWS is still like in his enacting his theorem on the world to try to get SQ to see it as a proof of concept stage. It also didn't really feel like it came out of nowhere at least not for me lmao, I was like, yeah this makes sense as a next step, like. whatever YWS does has to be an escalation and it has to come from him, and it has to be something that WOULD be personal like this. Especially after SQ called him his friend (even if part of the excuse was that it's easier to explain and etc)

[werebutch]

WSBH chara q’s: (you don’t have to answer all the numbers, just whatever you want to 𖢘)

16/35/51 for Scotch

1/6/55 for Atlas

I LOVE YOU

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

okay i truly think scotch argues with seraph in his head all the time. ALL the time. scotch largely ignores them, and vice versa, because he dislikes them and they know it. seraph is very conflict avoidant lol, and as long as hes not a "threat" they dont care to talk to him about their problems. he probably argues with atlas and jacob (his older brother) too, atlas about more stupid small stuff, and jacob about childhood and life stuff :p

im trying to think of more general groups he would argue with but i cant come up with anything BAHAH. hes not exactly conflict avoidant in the annoying libra way that seraph is, he more just ignores conflict for his friends’ (mostly atlas’) sake. idk if that makes sense LOL

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

hmmm.. smallest? i mean scotch strings eloise along for most of the time pre timeskip. its not a main focus but its definitely important in order to understand scotch as a whole. she and scotch go out for a while, and mid way through that he realizes hes GAY gay. lol. and obviously lying to her about that is pretty questionable after a while. especially since he and atlas have been 👉👌 like the whole time. but she kind of knows. well

something a little bigger would be him encouraging or otherwise turning a blind eye to all the weird stuff atlas is up to. he doesn't know what it's like to be a werewolf, he can't say anything, right? lol.... murder is okay if its a talking dog doing it. scotch enabler supreme. actually when seraph is introduced, he and atlas have a 'joke' (kind of starts being real) about luring seraph somewhere to kill them. obviously doesnt happen and gets abandoned. but i think its important to know about their dynamic LOL

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

this guy is kind of goofy. i cant think of phrases rn but he has a specific way of speaking.. you could watch pretty much any old pop punk band interview and kind of get the idea. HAHAH

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

atlas is a big fan of saying 'its fine' for all situations ever. family in mortal danger? its fine. completely splitting? its fine. arthritis excruciating? its fine. hes one of those people that dont like to deal with the fawning of others unless hes feeling real special. Ends up putting people in more danger a lot of the time. i think eloise is the only fan of communication in this friend group to be honest. i should have made her the main character

he tends to make promises he cant keep as well, but thats more general..

6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

i have NO idea. i feel like atlas would be a music snob, so maybe his favorite 'super underground' bands. otherwise he'd probably never recommend raw human meat to another human (no matter how much scotch asks -__-).. (he would chicken out anyway)

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

um. so atlas hates working out. he especially hates running, you know, the thing that wolves are known for doing a lot of? unfortunately the lycanthropy came with a side effect of pretty bad arthritis, so that doesnt exactly encourage him. he DOES exercise, a lot since hes pretty much required for his ermm "side job", but he hates it 😸 besides the arthritis it’s mostly because I think it’s silly that he hates it. yay

[acaciapines]

what are your thoughts on ralsusie?

MY BEST FRIENDS. I LOVE THEM.

hi if you didnt know im the worlds biggest noelle/susie/ralsei fan so of COURSE i love ralsusie.....

its just. susie is like SO good for ralsei no matter what form their relationships takes, bc susie is the person who is able to like, help ralsei?? with all her prophecy-related trauma?? susie is the person who looks at fate and destiny and anybody who claims you have to be one way and do one thing and says no. thats stupid as shit. im gonna do this other thing. and ralsei sees that and cant NOT fall in love--

tho for sure she doesnt know its a crush at first lol <3 i like to think noelle and ralsei bond partly over their crushes on susie except ralsei 100% doesnt know this is happening until like, three years later when shes started to process how her not-childhood was like, pretty fucked up!!! shes like wait THATS what was going on???

and then for susie, ralsei is like...one of the first people to like susie for susie??? thinking about deltarune chapter 2 here, their friendship hangout...its like, ralsei being this sweet pacifist pushover type LIKING susie, liking her for all her rough edges and bucking against the strings of the world?? yeah!! its really good!!!

so i love them theyre so good so silly one day i will write the dess raises kris au and they will be two thirds of the main ship! <3

[gncrezan]

you are objectively correct. foa is amazing. thank you for introducing me to this Masterpiece. it feels like a warm hug playing it.

IS IT NOT JUST!!!!!! foa just sticks out to me as being a comforting game, just because it feels so loving towards its 'outcast' cast, who are all so incredible!!!! the kindness they show towards the pc, and how eventually the pc slowly joins their chosen family !!!! it's got a very lovely slowburn element to it too, and the ending feels earned, but still open to what's next !!!!!!!!!!!! i need foa 2 fr and i'm so glad that i got you to play it omg <3 :)

[likeabxrdinflight]

I am so sleep deprived and delirious lol but I still cannot believe I got the internship that I got. for safety and privacy purposes I don't think I can namedrop it, but trust me if I said the name, you'd recognize it.

and this kind of thing doesn't typically happen to me. like in terms of my academic achievement, I've certainly achieved. but always like...at the B-tier, you know? Like I'll have a high GPA but I'm never the valedictorian. I graduate magna cum laude, not summa cum. I get a nice scholarship at the lesser known state school and not the more competitive Big Ten school. I get into a PhD program but not a well known one (or one that provides a competitive stipend for that matter). B-tier. And I was always okay with that- you don't need a fancy Ivy League school on your degree to be a good psychologist or get a good job. a degree is a degree at the end of the day.

so when I applied for this more prestigious internship I knew it was a reach, and I never seriously considered that I would get it. I applied to a lot of other safer, smaller sites, thinking I'd more likely get one of those. Honestly I was honored that I even got an interview at this site, but genuinely I thought that was as far as it would go. like it was cool to be invited to the interview and that was good enough for me. so when I was waiting to hear where I would match I had fully written off this site as a serious possibility.

so to end up getting it is such...like I cannot emphasize enough how much this kind of thing does not happen to me. I never get these kind of A-tier, name-brand opportunities. this is wild. I can't believe I get to go home this summer and have the bragging rights for once.

[the-owl-tree]

don’t have any opinions on it other than surface level skepticism but enjoying tigerdove is kind of similar to mothpool for me. is the age gap and power dynamics weird? absolutely. are both of them related? nnnnnnno? I don’t think so? also I don’t think tigerheart ever manipulated or hurt dovewing did he? I skipped all of po3 + oots because I don’t like lion jay or holly

I'm not really like. aware of the age gap or power dynamic you're referring to with Mothpool. The claims of them being related are also like....not true lol Sandstorm has no canonical family within the books, I still don't know why that's argued that somehow because of some off-hand comment the authors made that it is now suddenly akin to "shipping" incest. idk, I find a lot of the backlash behind Mothpool to be a bit manufactured but that's me.

Tigerdove though....def get why people don't like it and don't want to see it. They start off as friends and pair up when she's older, she cuts things off when he betrays her trust (i think he told his Clan something she said to him? either way the fact she can tell him to fuck off without fear of repercussion is good) and they get back together when he's begun to mature and repair that trust. Rhe presence of an imbalanced power dynamic isn't always equatable to an exploited power dynamic, Dovewing and Tigerheartstar seem to do just fine in comparison to, uh, another couple. but you know, obvious disclaimer, people are fair to not like it, i like their build up when they're older more.

[loafthecat]

I would humbly like to apologise to tumblr for the fact my lazy ^ss doesn’t give you thsc oc lore-

Like- I swear to god the shi- i cook in DMs- (mostly Leaky’s DMs) is SOMETHING ALL RIGHT-

But I just- I too unmotivated to art- and I feel like ramble posts aren’t as engaging so like-

Ye-

Sorry-

[narwhalandchill]

having terminal narwhal brainrot is kinda the worst actually bc. sometimes my brain just gets Stuck on all these tiny things and observations that are Very Funny Indeed but also like. i have no actual clue whether its Intended to be significant at all in terms of implication or if im just losing it but its rent free either way and its not going away like. take this one for a completely coincidental example i definitely havent had swirling around my head rent free for like the last 3 weeks nopers no way uhhhhh

so act I of fontaine AQ right???? first narwhal mentions we get from childe in the story???

"it" right?? which like fine yeah makes sense. mysterious massive eldritch sea creature wouldnt consider that out of place for a choice of pronoun. in no small part prolly due to ajax just taking after skirk in terms of how she refers to and views the narwhal. its not rly carrying any connotation of personhood and/or sentience purely in terms of the language used

Now. if its such an unsurprising choice. why am i fixated on this

WELL. lets say purely hypothetically. wouldnt it be like. really funny if after Multiple languages. explicitly went for a non-human moniker when it comes to childe speaking about the narwhal. that he would then like. possibly. the Second they make actual direct and personal telepathic connection with one another. pull a complete 180 on that. in like act III mayhaps

"someone" calling him??????

Like. isnt it Interesting. that he went from "it". to IMMEDIATELY assigning explicit personhood to whatever originated that whalesong call.

Its telepathic connection. Right??? like these mfs are Literally in each others heads. right??? and yet. Somehow. PURELY off of that call that single moment of fleeting impression and feeling that gravitational pull towards one another. youre Instinctively assigning sentience personhood and character to that voice. Huh

(so based and narwhalpilled ajax i knew you were a truther and an ally)

and like what makes me fixate on this so much and not just go oh its prolly nothing is just. they didnt HAVE to write it that way right??? they couldve made it "something calling me..." . or even for intentional ambiguity something like "i hear a call somewhere..." . but Nooooooo its. someone. they made ajax go from "it" to "someone". in the exact span it took for him to make direct metaphysical contact with his narwhal.

obviously like. yes ive made my case against the "lmao dumb pet that overeats" misconception Many Times Before for obvious reasons bc thats My beloved and theres Plenty enough canon material even excluding this one to very much suggest the narwhal is indeed a fully sentient immortal being capable of complex thought i just. for ajax of all people to seemingly note that so instinctively the moment they make contact as well............

yeah let me scream real quick thanks im just. HHHHHHHHHH these 2 kill me irl

and NO its not just english i triple checked. like first i checked german and that shit goes from es/etwas to jemand. non-human to explicitly person-specific

(beyond the obvious. whale as a masculine noun)

& then w chinese obviously not a speaker but i took the same lines from project ambr, got the translation and pinyin with google and as long as im not missing sth huge and/or wikipedia isnt lying about how chinese pronouns work. its explicitly non-human 3rd person to very much person-specific interrogative "who" too.

so like. that sure is a very specific and curious choice to make with the writing. multiple times. in multiple languages. when there very much were Multiple very easy ways to write it Not in such a way. for the one (1) guy with undeniably the closest and most personal bond to the narwhal. to say That. in response to its call. its just a little bit of an inch resting detail to have. just a bit

yeah ajax mister im actually going to need you to explain this one to the class as well in addition to all the OTHER shit you have the audacity to spew thanks

[nerdyfangirlingbooks]

Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice