#you can never start too early!!!
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For me, November 1st means...
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas šš
#christmas#november 1st#christmas season#yes i am going to listen to Christmas music today š#you can never start too early!!!
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.Ā
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzyās face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.Ā
āIsrael-goddamn-Hands!ā he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging āSamuel-fucking-Bellamyā, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he canāt keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still thereās an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mateās aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that somethingās different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal heās been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. āIsrael, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safeā
And Izzyā¦ hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam ā...Weāre staying in port for a week. Ask me again thenā
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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So do you guys actually think that Jason's entire story, relationship to the others, and philosophy amounts to him being a rebellious teen who wants his dad's attention? Like are you 100% serious? I thought you were joking about that but too many of you are saying it with your whole chest.
And what the fuck is this "Bruce antagonizing Jason is fanon!" Shit I've been seeing? You guys are aware that a parent can love their kid and still be a shit parent right? I know you guys don't want to fathom the thought that maybe your blorbo might also occasionally have to face responsibility for consistently endangering children but let's not start being delusional now.
Bruce does love his kids, that doesn't mean that he hasn't hurt them. And I'd also argue that for the most part he feels in the right for it, and he's said multiple times that he believes it's for their own good, so you can't even argue that he's sorry about it. It's okay for you guys to admit that your PERSONAL INTERPRETATION of the character wouldn't do that but don't sit here and pretend that it's not a facet of the source.
#you can argue meta until you're blue in the face#but I can't ignore the ingerent abuse of Batman and Robin because DC is always drawing attention to it#Stephanie and Jason directly died because of Robin#Stephanie wanted to impress Bruce to live up to his idea of a sidekick and prove her worth#Sheila only sold Jason out when she found out he was Robin#Damians life certainly got worse when he became Robin/moved with Bruce#if you bring up racist retcons I'll kill you btw#how are we supposed to read children dying and being tortured and traumatized constantly#and just ignore that these are children#I can ignore the reality of child sidekicks in campy light hearted early comics#but if DC wants to deal with serious topic they're going to have to deal with some serious implications too#Also that post that's going around about āBruce loves Jason and it's Jason who's causing all the animosityā is such bullshit#what the fuck are you even talking about#and let's not act like Jason is the ONLY one at fault and Bruce is just a poor loving father#is Bruce spreading that utter bullshit about Jason's death and who he was not an act of violence?#was he not the one to cast the first stone by disgracing Jason's legacy and using a version of him that never existed as a cautionary tale#and I know some of you are going to argue that with most of the kids there's nothing Bruce could have done to stop them#and this is the one time in which I will ignore all the very real ways that he could have#but I still think that in universe the characters have a right to be angry about it#Jason always since his debut as red hood been a vehicle for calling out Bruce#he's so heavily steeped in meta narrative because his run is when they started dealing with the real BAD cases#The Cult Garzonas onscreen murders were getting more common#AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THAT BEING ROBIN DIDN'T MAKE JASON'S LIFE WORSE#THERE WAS NO REASON TO MAKE HIM ROBIN HE COULD HAVE BEEN VERY HAPPY AS JUST A NORMAL KID#But Bruce made having a place in his home synonymous with being Robin because the narrative dictated it had to be#what was homeless orphan Jason going to do? say no?#it was basically coercion and it doomed him and he has every right to blame the adult that put him in that position#dc#bruce wayne critical#bat family
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. š (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- ššš#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST š#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. š„²#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other š#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING šš I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Racism and misogynoir are so apparent in fandom, especially when it comes to shipping because why is it when a white male, sometimes female but I see it more with the former, character is on screen with a love interest, particularly woc, especially if they're black, and even with all the emotional scenes or just moments where they look at one another in ways different from the rest, it's met with "No, they aren't dating/the show is not going to put them together" but let the other love interest be white as well and suddenly it all makes sense? Heck, the examples I mentioned above don't even have to exist between the latter for some to STILL go and believe this rhetoric (eg. some Jace and Helaena shippers because, even if these two only interacted with a dance but yet we see Baela console Jace, after he seeks her out, apparently it's to far fetched to believe that Jacela could be a thing?!)
Sometimes it could be a headcanon that, largely, would make sense (and oftentimes was birth due to lack of respect that the poc characters could have been given by the writers *cough* TVD *cough*), and yet you'd still have people dismissing it left and right and spewing hate. At a HEADCANON! And I'm not saying that just because the other person in the ship is poc that you have to ship them, I'm not, but it's very apparent to many poc fans in fandom that unless the characters are swapping spit and doing the nasty, the possibility of them being viewed in any romantic lens feels too much of stretch even though their white counterparts don't have to jump through the same loops.
#fandom racism#and even if the characters are already together in some way you still have some in the fandom picking a part every little thing#and don't let it be a love triangle either bc even tho the main consensus is supposed to be rooting for one side#if the other happens to be poc you can BET that their will be racial undertones from the fandom used as ājustificationā#(mark/amber/eve even tho mark is half korean but even with that some fans still viewed him as white and used that even more to hate on amber#and use a lot of misogynior) i remember those dark days in that fandom#from the early days until the ends of the westallen to jacela its so apparent especially when the love interest is black#and its not only jace/helaena shipprs that do this but cregan/sara shippers as well#and this is coming from someone who doesn't even mind jacelaena (prefers jace/hel/baela tho)#dont even get me started on the star wars fandom & how the idea of finn and rey was too out there l#and how much racism finn & john boyega had to deal with as a result#and i just know the same will happen with percy & annabeth when rachel is added (as someone who ships all three of them too)#like you can ship whomever you want but at the same time don't ignore/be apart of this racist and hateful rhetoric#jacela#sydcarmy#percabeth#westallen#bc its the way that this can be applied to SO MANY fandoms and ships that it's exhausting#finnrey#bamon#klonnie#kennett#tvd#pjo#star wars#hotd#the flash#for queer stories too bc ill never forget how some acted about dare me even tho the afro latina character was literally being groomed!#so many examples to many to name š#stefonnie
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happy hearts day ^^ have some matching cards for you and the homie B)
#klapollo#klavier gavin#apollo justice#all i can do for today folks. all i can do#the truth of the matter is i've never made anything sweet/romantic for valentine's. and i don't intend to start now#is it too early to post this? yeah! but does it give you enough time to edit/print it if you want to use it? also yeah!
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He needs so much attention, all the time (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Commander Peepers#Lord Hater#Wander#Death Glare#Wandering Eye#Those first two made me start a whole new page just to get them out of my head and then a bunch more followed lol#Early Death Glare maybe? First coming to terms with his massive crush? Just an average day of being Commander Peepers? Who's to say lol#The idea of him vibrating out of his skin trying to not act weird around Hater is very funny to me haha#How do act normal around the guy you like when it's just you two but in a professional setting?? Training didn't cover this#Meanwhile Hater is oblivious obviously haha#They have to be mismatched - one has to be like ''Oh grop I love him so much but can never tell him'' at a time for the max comedy of errors#Peepers is so small I can't get over it lol#And then a little Wandering Eye for the road <3 He can't be emotionally open so much of the time!#Anger is about it and even then it mostly manifests as frustration - he sublimates it into work as much as he can#Anger is hit or miss depending on what Hater's willing to put up with too ahh#Give this man a therapy session and a box of tissues pls#Is it because it's fun to draw his whole head/face crying? Shhhh that's irrelevant (it's not) lol#Wander always has a hug ready for whoever needs it <3#Sweet lad#Both of their feet are really fun to draw too haha - Peepers' are like plush and pillowy#While Wander's are so stretchy and squishy and silly haha they're fun to pose!#Been so happy with the points of contact lately as well ah āŖ Knees and ball of the feet touching the ground! Yes!
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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I'm glad you're keeping the part where Thunder puts himself between Clear Sky and Grey Wing, willingly showing that he would rather die before letting Clear Sky kill his dad.
That's actually a Bones Addition. You just think it's canon because it literally should have been there from the very beginning. Thunder doesn't get between them at any point during the battle, he runs towards them only to get interrupted by 2 people trying to kill him.
First was Falling Feather, who Jackdaw's Cry then jumps on and dies fighting with, sister killing brother.
Second was Leaf, who's a diehard Clear Sky supporter and general bully.
In canon, Clear Sky stops the battle after Gray Wing says the line, non-fucking-sensically imo. Killing his BROTHER is too far, but killing someone who wasn't even attacking him? A noncombatant who said something mildly insulting? That wasn't. Rainswept Flower did the SAME thing Gray Wing did and still got bumped off for it;
āIs this worth it?ā he heard Clear Sky hiss at Rainswept Flower. Scrambling to her paws, she faced him. āWhat do you mean?ā Clear Sky flattened his ears menacingly. āAre you ready to die just to stop me from making borders?ā Rainswept Flower curled her lip. āYouāll keep stealing land as long as we let you.ā āStealing land?ā Clear Skyās mew trembled with rage, āIām just making sure my cats never starve.ā Rainswept Flowerās gaze flitted around the lush slopes of the hollow. āHow could any cat starve here? Thereās so much. Wanting more is just greedy!ā āHow dare you!ā With a snarl, Clear Sky leaped for her, grabbing her throat between his jaws. Her paws flailed desperately, lashing out at thin air as he shook her like prey. Then she hung still. Clear Sky dropped her, gazing coldly at her lifeless body. āYou never understood. Iām not greedy. Iām just strong.ā
-The First Battle, Chapter 20
Then in Clear Sky's pathetic wet beast scene, he stares down at Rainswept's corpse, and thinks "I was so angry I don't remember killing her :("
So how, exactly, does this same character keep his cool when Gray Wing says the same shit but worse?? Is he really so controlled by emotion that his logical processes flip off, or fucking not? Gray Wing was refusing to submit, lunging at him, calling him power hungry and taunting him that he would kill his own littermate for it, and THAT manages to get through Clear Sky's blood-poisoned head?
"ouuugh it's his brotherr that's why his personality completely changes for him" the fucking guy tried to have this same brother murdered in Sun Trail by Fox. The first book. He EXILED HIS OTHER BROTHER for having a broken leg because he, "didn't want to look biased"
Again; is he controlled by his fear and anger or not? Is this a man who would snap the neck of someone he cares about because he feels insulted, or not?
The answer is that the Erins are breaking their spines bending over backwards to try and keep him "redeemable" when he shouldn't be. He's whatever the plot needs him to be, but the most consistent character traits point towards Clear Sky being the kind of person who would never have wanted to change his ways.
So, they write Clear Sky ridiculously backing down for Gray Wing, calling off the battle and "coming to his senses" instead of having Thunder do WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE and jump to his REAL dad's defense.
This is what I mean when I mention how firmly I feel that Clear Sky's Redemption Arc was a mistake. He works best as a villain, a fearful, proud, controlling monster, understood by his impacts on other characters rather than as a person the story should concern itself with sympathy for.
#and because of that. Because of THAT.#DOTC is full of abuse apologia.#Because it firmly and desperately wants you to empathize with people like Clear Sky. His victims? The story is less interested in them#DOTC decided early on that Clear Sky was a 'good person deep down' and was working to that conclusion from the start#WC as a series believes that there are good people and bad people#And good people can sometimes do bad things but they're still good 'under it'#I reject this. There are NOT fundamentally good nor fundamentally bad people#We ARE our actions. Not our thoughts. Not some innate quality#It's never too late to be a better person and to do better than you did yesterday#But people like Clear Sky are terrible because *they dont care.*#They will never change because they don't want to#And focusing soooo hard on this person waiting for him to 'reveal' the goodness inside of him Deep Down is a fool's game#You will be disappointed over and over again#He HAD power and you see what he wants to do with it#Control and abuse people so they never leave or scare him.#He is an angry and egotistical person. That's it.#Evil is not complex. It's very simple. PAINFULLY simple.#It feels good to get what you want#warrior cats analysis
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are you the one with the nt series where sloth is all buff and hanging out with the user's twinky oc? there was something also about sloth turning into a snowbunny? was that you or another guy?
do you know what i'm talking about if it isn't you... because if not this is embarrassing...
Anon I have no idea what you're talking about.
I haven't publish (nor read for that matter) anything NT related in maybe a decade.
Now, that said... The what comic about dr sloth's twink??
#vin answers#anon im sorry i have no idea what youre reffering to JHASDKFASD#i only got my retail neo account back after years of not being able to enter it like 2 weeks ago and just restarted my neo fix like a month#listen; i did not want to be known as the ābabygirl slothā artist in the neotag by any means#at least not before being an actual artist that is#not this early HJFFJSK#but the existence of whatever anon described only fills me with dread#and probably makes me rethink of whatever i did draw and how it can be taken completely serious by some....... individuals#that or it gains me death threats for making a space dictator into an egirl in some shape or form#i have to come clean..... i haven't read the dr sloth plot lmao#i started it and never finished i have no idea what he even does in neopets#an now im too afraid to actually read it HJDFHJSD#anyways thanks you for the ask anon i..... i do not know what to do with this information#but i do not what to claim ownership of said cursed arts#but it did give me the idea to make a random image of my grundo lad making a thumbs up next to dr sloth#and just having an upper text āDR SLOTHā and bottom text āAND THE TWINKā#its just hilarious to think about
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Goddamit I spent all my 20s so depressed, now in my mid-30s all I want is to have a nightlife suddenly.
#have definitely make variations of this post before but it's on my mind so here you go#i want to go to fuckin goth nights dammit#and rock nights and maybe even emo nights even though i was never an emo#or literally any kind of night...with friends or alone i don't care#i started drinking again after years of abstaining for the medication and was building up a tolerance to be less embarrassing#only now it's no good again because i'm on massive doses of antihistimines from late feb to early nov ffs#i don't have any particular reasons for not being intoxicated in any 'other' ways other than being too loserish to have connections#but all the same i'm trying to have a 30s that is better than my 20s and something i can look back on and say yeah that was fun#god i want that......please#i do have friends but most of them don't want to go clubbing so i would go alone but my preference would be with friends#who i trust not to make fun of me
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https://x.com/JojoTichakorn/status/1861658869837242723
He's teasing us, Monica! All the signs he had set up were a trapš
[WHY DID P'JOJO BRING UP MPREG OF ALL THINGS PLEASSEFSJDLGSJDHSKSGKSGSKSGD]
OH HE IS TEASING US ALRIGHT ANON BUT HEAR ME OUT. it's not that this was a trap. it's not that the signs were meant to mislead us or that we misinterpreted them. we simply were too ahead of time. the road is a little bit longer than we initially anticipated but all the signs they left for us are forming a trail that will slowly but surely bring us to jimmysea + p'jojo happening. because the way im reading this is. p'jojo has come 'as a fujoshi' NOW. BUT THERE WILL COME A TIME IN THE FUTURE WHEN HE IS GONNA BE THERE AS THE DIRECTOR FOR THEIR NEXT SERIES
we manifested jimmysea as inthuthapfah for two years before we finally got my magic prophecy. if there's anything this taught me is that with the power of clownery and delusion we are invincible and can rearrange reality as we please, no matter how long it's gonna take. this wasn't the right juncture, the planets weren't properly aligned, but NEXT YEAR?????? FOR GMMTV 2026?????? OH THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY
also even if p'jojo isn't directing only friends: dream on, p'ninew has worked with him for the original one, so you know this series is gonna end with a sea cameo as a hint for a third series where the three main pairings are gonna be jimmysea poddpapang and offguā [GETS SNIPED OUT OF EXISTENCE]
#GENUINELY IM GONNA BE SO ANNOYING ABOUT EVERYTHING FROM NOW ON#i mean. even more than usual#WE MADE MY MAGIC PROPHECY HAPPEN WE CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN#WE'RE GONNA ACTUALIZE THAT JIMMYSEA + P'JOJO SERIES AND THAT'S ON GOD#IM ALREADY STARTING THE MANIFESTATION PARTY BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO EARLY#I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU ANON#jimmysea#jojo tichakorn#m: ask
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Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess
#Iāve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it#for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it#+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that#not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important#+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore#like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no#being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry#donāt want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesnāt last forever but it does make a difference#current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol#I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry#I also donāt want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen#anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didnāt think it would do much for me#lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldnāt solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues#however. starting to think it could be the middle ground Iām looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person#it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy#esp if I donāt do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less#I donāt wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if Iāll enjoy the new possibilities#but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much#I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like Iāve done Everything Iām a binary male thru and thru. transexual#and I wouldnāt have to keep wondering if Iāll do it someday or if I should#not that I can any time soon Iām uninsured. insurance prob wouldnāt even cover it#but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it#my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way#just. I canāt deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want#man. I canāt even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured#mine#txt#personal
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i saw lc! on sunday night and like i was a little distracted by stuff but i swear to god they played the exact same set as two years ago except for a couple of new songs and like, one swap from slow slow death to sick scenes
#including death rattle as the closer again :/#however i have to say. being surrounded by guys who've been super aggro all night at the ~big hello sadness songs#and watching them fall silent because theyve never heard allez les blues before while i shout the whole thing#remains. very funny.#other classic bits: everyone in the audience always starts 'that not a single one' too early AND doesn't know the count spacing#for my year in lists. except me. because i know every important fact in the world#box opener#i do also wish they would sometimes not play 'the sea is...'#i know that's truly an impossible desire#but. you know. a man can want all kinds of things
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finally watching minute's how i became immortal vid and wow i completely forgot that early clown and leo had gold trim sets
#vid: How I Became Immortal#meanwhile minute had diamond and made fun of clowns trims lol#unfortunately this was when zam was still wearing quartz so its not Exactly a mob moment#but its still a mob moment to me#good lord the joker arc really activated the demons in me huh#like back then you can barely tell mob was one of my fav teams and now here i am constantly talking about them#the fact that the pmc provides a great narrative and thematic contrast certainly helps#tfw you try to emulate your idol (possibly unintentionally) by having your first teammates be his first teammates#but little did you know you are not him and could never be him#actually when did zam start wearing gold trims again i dont remember#ik it wasnt for Too long cause the entire first half of s5 he was wearing quartz then at some point he started wearing iron i Think#and there was a length of time he just straight up didnt have trims cause he kept losing armor#and during the joker arc he wore amethyst so ig start of the latter half of s5 until abyss/early election arc is when he wore gold???#idk i hate having shit memory man this sucks#checked princezamlive and ok so he didnt have gold trims during early abyss arc either damn#wait did he wear gold trims in s5 at all???#im sure he did but wow i do Not remember#vidwatching#watchblogging
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god, it's fucking over for me, target has started listing this years halloween collection and there are So Many of those birds
i can no longer let myself view the passage with time with anxiety, i must let myself be borne away
#i mean obviously it is WAY too early for Halloween.#but i have to search target for Halloween shit super early#bc every fucking year there's something cool that sells out in fucking july and never comes back in stock#i still miss you ceramic pumpkin candy bowl.....#anyway this is both a joke and also not#i am So nervous about school starting again#idek what i did at the start of school last year. it's lost in a haze of panic. they doubled my class size last minute. i don't remember#so idk what to do this year#or how to begin assessing#or how SOON to begin assessing#and i have been Real Goddamn Nervous#and also excited bc bg3 literally the same day!!!!!#the clash wasn't helping!!!!#seeing Halloween shit makes me realizes that this is inevitable#its all gonna happen regardless of how ready i am#focus on what i can do. and screw panicking about the rest.#but also ask to be notified of when that dracula bird is in stock bc god DAMN i want that
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