#yes i just did this in a story
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Borrowing a well used trope from Eragon book 1
Heh.
I think Paolini had a point in book 1.
Don't know what to do with Da Boi in a situation?
Just make him pass out for a few minutes! Works like a charm! :D
#eragon#inheritance cycle#modern inheritance#the world of eragon#the inheritance cycle#yes i just did this in a story#no i am not ashamed of it#it WORKS#AND IT WORKS STORY WISE TOO#AND MEDICALLY#HUZZAH!
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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i love the DLC man
#elden ring#miquella the unalloyed#promised consort radahn#I’ve been thinking about how despite all the talk of age of compassion… Miquella’s first spell as a god is an offensive incantation#with a wide af damage radius 💀💀💀#meanwhile Marika who built her age upon violence… her spells are all healing and defense buffs#and her first spell as a God is a little tree that heals a wide area#she was still trying to heal her ppl to the bitter end AND gunning for revenge. there’s a kind of heartbreaking honesty to it#the cruel irony in the DLC story is crazy#really show how badly Miq had strayed from his original path after forsaking Trina#then that meme pops in my head ajshsjhsjhs#now i do think the vow is two-way btw Radahn just got cold feet near the end#the only thing i dont like about the DLC is i cant draw jokes without explaining I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS i think their actions are valid !!#like having to pull up a whole lore presentation slide for this#yes i think it's funny as hell that Miq did show Radahn why he should not fuck around and find out
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quick animation between comms
#wip#does penelope's part fit stoick's story more? yes#did i just want to draw odysseus calling her beautiful? absolutely
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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Rellana, Twin Moon Knight & Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
prints ✦ full process on patreon
#elden ring#rennala#rellana#my art#shadow of the erdtree#ngl i don't share fandom's obsession with Rellana and find her character quite lacking#I wish we knew something more about her other than “hehe messmer simp”#bc yes rennalas marriage is a big part of her story but we also know a lot about her in other contexts and before the liurnian wars#which makes her much more interesting to me#bc idk im just not a fan of when in media the whole plot arch of a woman's story resolves around her relationship with a man#and i feel like with other women characters fromsoft did a better job at showing that they are human beings with different agendas etc#so when it comes to Rellana i love the POTENTIAL of what she could be
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A lil comic based on the amazing fic "Up is Down, Sane is Insane"
#god i love this fic SO MUCH guys#that feeling where liking and leaving a 1k comment isn't enough to express how much you love and enjoy a story#that you just have to make a fanart for it to properly convey how grateful you are to be able to read such a cool story#well... a fancomic in this case i suppose#did i choose to draw that part of the story only because i thought the image of angel doing ✌️ as pentious prayed for him was funny? yes#yes i did#ooooh my wrist hurt tho#hazbin hotel#sir pentious#pentious#hazbin hotel sir pentious#hazbin hotel angel dust#angel dust#comic#myart#tw: blood
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Danse Macabre
[Commission]
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#marcille donato#winged lion#better drawn mdzs#<- art tag I really need to change.#Turns out the secret to drawing better was having someone offer you money to draw.#I jest. I just had a blast with this prompt and I seriously appreciate the commissioner for letting me have the chance to push myself.#And for giving me permission to post! Hi! If you're seeing this: thank you again!#Let me be clear: no I don't quite know where this came from. It just happened. My chakras unblocked for a few hours.#You too can unblock my chakras with money and commission me to draw cool art B*)#We are so far off from when this is relevant so this one is really just for the manga readers. *****Spoiler notes ahead:#So...As someone who read dungeon meshi monthly for many years....I admit to not seeing Marcille becoming the dungeon lord coming#Hilarious too; re-reading and watching the show made me realize that this outcome is pretty strongly foreshadowed.#Ryoko Kui distracts you by putting the focus on Laios being the 'one to break the curse' but nope!#This was the culmination of her goals and desires.#And - for those who did not have to suffer as us monthly readers did:#YES. WE NEARLY ALL THOUGHT THAT MARCILLE HAD TO DIE.#The last 20 or so chapters were a constant spiral of: 'Oh this story isn't going to have a happy ending is it?'#She just keeps losing herself! The winged lion plays her like a puppet and she is his perfect doll! So full of conviction!
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#i'm here to ruining EVERYONES DAY#tw: torture#i felt like more people needed to know the lore about the arkhamverse because it's absolutely gut-wrenching so hehe ur welcome for the pain#the fact that bruce did try and find him for so long makes me wanna scream#cause ya know they make it sound like he gave up really fast and just abandoned him#but he did try for SIX months? up until he thought jason was dead? (and yes we can debate that he should have known but pls it's a game)#(they needed that to happen for the story so blame the writers)#just as jason had hope for several months that bruce would come for him!#and that makes me so fucking feral#“finally gave up the search” stop stop im crying im not okay#oh my god bruce and jason melts my brain#jason todd#jaybin#red hood#batman: the arkham knight#batman#arkham knight#the arkham knight#ak jason todd#arkham knight jason todd#joker#dcu#jasontoddedit#my gifs#info from wiki and so#this is truly THE saddest version of brujay honestlyyyyyyyyyy#i also like the “mentor and ward” aspect :3#he was likeee 18-20 here i believe?#:(
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Eh, almost forgot ;~;; Commission for sweet @celestialrose3 ;;~;;; Thank you so much *bows*
#rottmnt#I am always very nervous when I draw commissions that are related to someone's story... how to explain it...#No matter how many times you might tell me that it's okay#I can't put it in the words because it sounds stupid and silly#but#you see#It's CAS#cass fanart tag#and it is commission#I ALWAYS FEEL NERVOUS TO POST COMMISSIONS YES I DID THEM FOR SOMEONE BUT they might be related to someone's story or comic and I sit and#think “Can I show it? Isn't it irritating? Am I even allowed to take commission related to it??” I“M SORRY I'M FIGHTING WITH THIS FEELING#ALL MY LIFE#okay no I can't explain it it's just my stupid brain that feels very nervous about such a topic and wants to hide everything related to it#You saw nothing but I just needed to put it into words to feel a little better about it#*hides*
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mommy let you use her ipad, you were barely two
and it did all the things we designed it to do
now look at you, look at you!
(objectober 2024 day 10: internet)
#dandy's doodles#inanimate insanity#ii#ii steve cobs#ii mephone#ii spoilers#ii 16 spoilers#objectober#objectober 2024#okay i'll be honest. the final drawing barely fits the prompt#however! it was inspired by it#'internet' immediately made me think of 'welcome to the internet' by bo burnham#and my mind instantly jumped to 'and it did all the things we designed it to do'#and y'know... steve cobs designed mephone to be able to create things#and so in a way mephone is fulfilling his purpose by creating the contestants#he's fulfilling his purpose by doing what his dad did#and then that made me think of the garden of eden story#where god creates both adam and the tree of knowledge#he tells adam not to eat its fruit and yet adam inevitably does; thus adam gains free will#and one has to wonder if that was god's intention all along - for humans to have free will#whereby adam - through the apparent defiance of god - is able to become exactly what he was created for#and y'know... mephone making his show as a rebellion against cobs...#only for that very show to be a creation borne of his intended purpose#so yeah. my mind jumped from bo burnham to the biblical creation of man#anyway!! very very happy with how this turned out#my favorite part is the charger snakes. i'm so glad i came up with that idea#also cobs' arm! that turned out really well! i referenced my own hand for his!!#in any event... it turns out i really really like biblical imagery and symbolism huh#also yes i did stay up all night like a maniac drawing this. the idea came to me and i just had to see it through :D i'm glad i did
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I honestly don't get the spawn vs ascended debate when we really should all be coming together to shame those who think it's "unrealistic" that Astarion could fall in love with default dragonborn Durge on account of that Durge "not being attractive."
Like, I'm sorry, but are you fucking high? In what world is Default Durge not peak sex appeal? Big, tall, muscley thicc ass man who can barely run because he's so caked up with a deep, haunted voice struggling to overcome the darkness within himself all while looking like he could bite Cazador's head off in one satisfying crunch? You're telling me Astarion wouldn't be speed running that romance arc to climb him like a tree? Like that wet pathetic cat man looking for protection and attention wouldn't be the president, vice president, and treasurer of the "Top That Nice But Kind of Disturbed Hot Lizard" club?
Get fucking real.
#this isn't anything against original customized durges btw#cause i love seeing other people's characters and how they approach durge's story especially the durgestarion romance#i have a tiefling durge whom I love to pieces who is romancing the wet cat vampire herself#but pretending that astarion wouldn't be into pounding that giant lizard into the dirt is just lying to yourself i'm sorry#no doubt in my mind that astarion would be proud of his cute murder bf and be excited to show him off#also the height difference is just *chef's kiss*#that silly vampire staring up at his big bf with his wide dinner plate eyes and sighing happily just ugh my heart#and before anyone asks yes i did romance who you think i romanced in mass effect#dragonborns and turians are at the same point on the monster fucker scale to me right above tieflings#like they are definitely on there but still qualify as comfortably vanilla in terms of possibilities#monster fuckers are the only people seeing heaven anyhow so#bg3#astarion#durge#durgestarion#dark urge#bg3 spoilers
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haven’t finished Amphoreus yet but if they send Sunday down to the surface he’s literally gonna get confused for titankin with his funky clothes and halo he’s gonna get his ass beat by mydei and NOT in the way my current wip suggests
#I may be cooking up a Mydei x Sunday fic#because let’s be honest Sunday would have no problem understanding the laws and customs of Amphoreus#he’d be nodding along to all the explanations like “yes this makes sense you need the Coreflames to awaken your divinity#“and the titans have their own domains over different aspects of all life. How did the rest of you not get this”#in their defense Dan Heng and the trailblazer are two halves of a whole idiot when put together#I’m just sayin if Sunday had gone down with them March’s camera roll would have never been leaked#hsr#Sunday hsr#honkai star rail#All of this is to say that he’s a scholarly twink who was manipulated by his father who was technically king of a whole planet#and got to witness the downfall of the empire his father had built to a fallen deity#I think he’d relate to Mydei’s story a little. Something about princes and new chances on life and unworthy kings and dead gods and legacy#hsr spoilers#amphoreus
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there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.
#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and#actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change#without someone dismantling it and making it new)#yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale#all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come#CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon#personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and#stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO.#ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn#into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it#good omens#good omens s2#azicrow#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable spouses#good omens season 2#ineffable husbands#go s2
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*cracks knuckles* Okay lets talk about the elephant in the room: Style going to the support group for those who've suffered loss and telling what appears to be a fake story about losing his pet dog.
I'm going to point out a few things that I think provide a framework for Style's actions here. Not because I think it excuses what he did, but because I think a nuanced read is what the character deserves.
Point 1: An irresistible opportunity
The subs put the "Support Group for Loss" on the image in the notebook, but I'm not sure there's anything to suggest that Style would've known that was what this image represents until he showed up and saw the sign on top of the door.
In episode 2, Bison says, "He plans everything down from years, months, weeks to days" and then tells Kant:
So Style is literally just going to addresses/locations at given days and times, potentially not knowing what to expect. And as much as Fadel is certainly attending this meeting as a response to having that heartbreaking flashback (😭), this is also something he attends regularly and has planned to attend way in advance. So Style has no reason to think Fadel is attending this meeting because of a recent resurfacing of his pain.
What we, the audience, and what the characters know are very different things.
Now, should Style have turned his cute ass right around once he realised what this meeting was? Of course he should. But that wouldn't have been true to Style's character. We've been told by his best friend that he is "crazy" and been shown repeatedly that he lives right up to that description.
Style is impulsive. He's all base instinct and he acts on his desires without thought or contemplation. And by this point he is desperate for a deeper connection with Fadel. He's fascinated, captivated by the mystery that is Fadel and this is an excellent opportunity to finally see behind the wall Fadel so carefully maintains.
When Style sees the sign above the door, Style looks at the notebook (which, again, shows nothing but people sitting in a circle with the words RISE UP) like he's just realising what it means. He then gets this amused, almost rueful look on his face (like he's thinking "am I really going to do this?") before it shifts to determination and he walks through the door.
(My soul for the ability to once again gif something because FUCK Dunk is doing SO MUCH in this show!!)
To Style, this is just too good of an opportunity to give up.
Because let's be real, Fadel is so clearly lying and hiding something:
Fadel is shady as FUCK. He is simultaneously actually a really good cook (Style finally tries his burger so he knows, now), and also has the skills to work at a strip host club, and also can take on 3 guys in a fight, and also can break a man's arm with his thighs. Can you honestly blame Style for losing his mind just a little bit about wanting to get his hands on something, anything, to figure this man out?
Style is being absolutely consistent in his persistence to understand Fadel. This isn't about the car or about finally 'winning' the fight (thank you @airenyah for giving such a detailed framework to understand what Style's been doing until this point) anymore. This is about Style wanting to know Fadel himself.
Point 2: The potential implications of the setting
Now, what might give us a bit of insight as to why Style is this way? I have a theory (albeit one that could prove to be very wrong, but hear me out). I think this whole entire show is set in what could potentially be quite a small town/suburb.
There's a few things that make this theory plausible:
(1) Fadel and Bison are in hiding after Bison blew their previous cover. They're probably on the run from some section of the authorities and so it makes sense to settle in a quiet/out of the way place.
(2) Style seems to be really familiar with the people in the area. Like he grew up there and its the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everyone else's business.
(3) Style is clearly the darling of the market aunties and uncles.
Style just lost her a sale and potentially a loyal customer, and she's still rooting for him? In episode 2, when Style asks the uncle to let him borrow his cart, it takes nothing but his word for the uncle to give Style his entire cart of produce for his ridiculous scheme.
Style is so clearly someone they all know well and have great affection for, and a very plausible explanation for this is that they all watched him grow up and the entire market (town/village) is fond of him.
And honestly?? Yeah, we see the way Style is actually quite sweet in that careless, guileless, thoughtless way. He goes the extra mile to fix his mistake with Fadel by replacing his car parts for free in episode 1. He helps out by taking orders in episode 2 without being asked and takes it seriously. In episode 3, he tries to drive more business to Fadel's store (bless him, he so clearly does NOT understand how restaurants work, but he MEANS well!!), and can we all acknowledge that it works?? He understands how to appeal to potential customers in the area because he knows the people there. It's not (entirely) his fault that Fadel wasn't remotely prepared for an actual rush crowd and Bison was off getting kinky with Kant and not doing his (fake) job. He is so clear about not judging Fadel's host job and tries his hardest to help him (to absolutely NO effect, but still) when the 3 guys gang up on Fadel.
Style is so loved and more importantly so very loveable.
Point 3: What this could mean for Style's character
So, potentially, Style is someone who grew up in a small town, who has been well loved, potentially spoiled and coddled, but also very much kept within the confines of the narrow viewpoint that a quiet, country town places on you.
It's in the way his dad scolds him as if he was still a child when he's at least in his mid to late 20s. It's in the way Style was so mad at Fadel for scolding him ("thanks for the lecture, dad"), like that hit a sore point for Style. It's in the way no one in the market takes him seriously; they're fond, but he's still a kid in their eyes. It's in the way he has an abundance of free time like he doesn't REALLY need to work at his dad's shop. It's in the way he sees Fadel beat 3 guys up with ease, starts wondering if Fadel is an assassin or a hitman, and is completely unfazed like he doesn't quite have a handle on reality.
It's in the way his best friend is a man who has no qualms about lying to him and putting his life in danger, and how Style seems to have no other friends or people (aside from his dad) in his life.
@wuxian-vs-wangji made a comment to me about Style being desperate for a meaningful connection, and I think she hit the nail on the head. Because along comes Fadel, a mysterious stranger with a suspiciously versatile set of skills who is also very hot and keeps giving Style these wonderfully complex reactions? Who sometimes wants nothing to do with Style, but at other times seems to be at war within himself about desperately wanting him? Who treats Style with anything but apathy?
This is catnip to Style; he never had any hope of resisting this.
Breaking news: Style is a complex and imperfect character...
Here's the thing, though: he was never going to try. The show has been incredibly upfront about who Style is as a person. Regardless of whether I'm correct about why he is this way (ie. that he is very much the product of the environment that didn't know how to handle a kid with Style's personality), episode 3 shouldn't have surprised anyone about Style. He's been incredibly consistent and true to himself.
He wants Fadel and he's "crazy" enough to go all in, no holds barred about it, and the Support Group was the biggest doorway to finally discovering something REAL about Fadel.
And its not just about sex or to prove his superiority anymore. Because if it was just that, then Style would have reacted very differently to their first time.
In this scene, Style is pleased and evidently enjoying himself, but he isn't exuberant. He isn't overcome with joy. If anything, he was more happy and excited when Fadel let him help out in the diner (I mentioned this in the tags in this post too) than he was when Fadel is literally fucking him. He lets Fadel set the pace; barely moves to touch Fadel except to hold him close. Almost like he doesn't want to accidentally mess this up, like he's worried he'll take too much, so he'll take what Fadel gives him and no more (please appreciate @braceletofteeth's amazing tags on this post). For a character that has been so aggressively on the offensive, this is shocking until you realise that sleeping with Fadel - while it's a step in the right direction - isn't Style's end goal anymore.
And he makes that abundantly clear in this episode:
Does Style even fully realise the weight of this desire? I doubt it. But I do believe that Style is in earnest. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings, but he also doesn't really care to either. All he knows is that he wants Fadel, wants his attention and his passion and his focus and his heart.
...but Style is also kind of, sort of, perfect.
Because he's exactly, precisely, breathtakingly exactly what Fadel needs.
Because Fadel is hurt and broken and bleeding inside. Because Fadel is barely holding it all together for Bison's sake, but has already given up hope for any true happiness for himself. Because Fadel can't trust anyone or anything in his life, when he's been used and used and used by the family who should've loved and cared and protected him.
Because it's going to take nothing short of this kind of unwavering, unshakable, uncomplicated determination to give Fadel even a chance of healing and opening his heart to love again.
#saw a post about style being one-dimensional and boring and I nearly had a breakdown because what are you TALKING about???#he's so perfectly messed up and terrible and unfiltered and WONDERFUL in all the wrong and right ways#and others have pointed out there's potentially even MORE to style's backstory because of the “coincidence” of Lilly meeting with#someone with the same name as the dog Style talks about in his story#listen the story telling in this show drives me inSANE in the best way and i'm baffled at some of the takes i'm seeing#can we at least... let his story play out maybe before dismissing or hating on Style?? its literally ONLY episode 3.#anyway yes its me your resident style apologist back to be unnecessarily emotional about style again#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#thk meta#style meta#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#style sattawat#fadelstyle#also FUCK ME dunk is just constantly serving every single episode and i've seen so many posts appreciating joong's acting (RIGHTLY SO!)#but not nearly enough love for the frankly INSANE performance dunk has been giving every single episode#i love him i love him I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OKAY T_T#dunk natachai#ALSO (not that this means i can speak for everyone in a similar circumstance)#but as someone who lost my father to cancer as a teenager i DO understand and relate to the FURY Fadel must have felt in ep 3#and i DO think style was wrong to have treated the situation so lightly#but like literally WHAT in this show sets up any expectation for style to have the emotional maturity to do that?#and also this doesn't make him an inherently bad person ACTUALLY#it makes him an idiot and needing to be taught the right way to respond to people who are grieving. but guess what; he's NOT ALONE??#because let me tell you the amount of times i wanted to punch FULL GROWN ADULTS for giving me “well meaning” platitudes at my dad's funeral#...but the thing is they DID mean well. they just didn't realise how hurtful their words were#and life is filled with imperfect people who make mistakes and part of our journey is learning from them and trying our best to be kind
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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.
#banana fish spoilers#I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT#mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol#yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY#whatever hope this makes sense. anyway#banana fish#okumura eiji#ash lynx#asheiji#hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh#anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god#and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character#that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1#dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up#edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras#ing that i forgot >;/
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