#i also like the “mentor and ward” aspect :3

[jasonsbruce]

[kjthenerd]

‘The unbreakable man’ - Aaron Hotchner angst fic 5x09

This took me like 2 hours to write. It was my own spin off on multiple episodes, with some links to Hotch’s childhood as we never got to see it. It’s my first completed, long oneshot so let me know how I did. Hope you all have a good day <3

———————————————————

Not everybody knew the details of Hotch’s childhood. They could figure some aspects out because of their profiling skills sure, but Hotch never spoke about it. They knew he had problems with his brother, and that he had met Haley in theatre, but that was it.

The first time Hotch had been confronted about it was after his interrogation with Vincent Perotta. Gideon knew. Hotch knew he knew. The conversation had been a swift one, Hotch obviously wanted to lock the feelings in his heart back up as quick as possible and get home to Haley and Jack. Gideon understood.

“Hotch.” He had said. “You won’t turn out to be like your father.” Hotch had given a stoic nod of his head in return and wished the man a goodnight.

After that, Gideon had noticed some other things about the young man. Hotch always took on the burn ward. No matter how deeply it hurt him each time. He always went. Gideon knew that seeing Charlotte die had affected Hotch more than he’d like to admit. He knew he identified with Abby. He saw the tears in Hotch’s eyes, the unspeakable fear, the regret of not seeing the warning signs of Abby’s actions beforehand. Having to physically restrain Hotch from running inside a burning warehouse had told Gideon all he needed. Abby leaving an envelope for Hotch to give to his son had almost been Aaron’s breaking point. But we didn’t let himself break. He never did.

Then Gideon had left, leaving nothing but his gun, badge and a note for Spencer. Hotch understood. Of course he did. But part of him despised the fact that he was partly able to admit that he was angry Jason didn’t come and speak to him. He had shared secrets with that man over the years. He had been one of his mentors. And all he got was Erin Strauss saying that ‘Jason Gideons resignation from the Bureau was now official.’ He was fuming, in all honesty. Haley was gone. He had failed as a husband and as a father. The man who had promised him he wouldn’t turn out to be like his father was also gone. So now what?

David Rossi. A man of wisdom, yet unpredictability. Hotch had to admit he was extremely happy for his mentor to be back. Though he couldn’t understand why. Perhaps it was because he wouldn’t be doing double his paperwork anymore - though it did give a distraction from things at home, it was tedious. Maybe it was because he now had someone else on the team who truly understood him. Rossi knew about Hotch’s father, way before anyone else. When Hotch was a rookie in the BAU, the old team were having a takeaway after a particularly gruelling case. They had been talking about their childhoods and when it had came round for Hotch to speak, he had only really spoken about his mother. But that was it. Rossi had put it together then. The overachieving, workaloholic, who put everyone’s elses needs before his own. Aaron was like that because of the environment he had grew up in. It all made sense.

The time that Rossi had almost seen Hotch break was the continuation of the George Foyet case. All those people he had murdered on that bus because Hotch had enough balls to not take his stupid deal. Though, maybe if Hotch wasn’t so stubborn, those people would still be alive. There wasn’t a way to know. So when Hotch had walked off, Rossi following behind him, he allowed himself to break a little bit. “Dave i had ten years to do something about it!” Hotch had emphasised. Dave had merely gave him a lecture and told him that “the voice in the back of your head isn’t your conscience, it’s your ego!” Hotch supposed he was right. He quickly collected himself and carried on working the case. But then Morgan had gotten hurt. Hotch had felt like a hypocrite, telling him to let it go when they were on the jet. But he was unit chief. And he still had a job to do. Foyet had escaped. But that’s okay. Hotch had caught him once, he could catch him again.

Or so he thought. He couldn’t remember what had happened. They had gotten back from the atrocious farm case, and Hotch had gone straight to his apartment. He had poured himself a small glass of alcohol and as he had gone to drink it, he had heard the click of a gun. He knew it was Foyet. Only he would have the intelligence to break into Hotch’s apartment without him knowing. He couldn’t fully remember what had happened. What he could recall was how it stung, like millions of wasps and bees were attacking his body, and he couldn’t do anything to get them off. Then, it was the slow, torturous burning sensation that filled his torso. He could recall the thick, sticky blood dripping mercilessly down his chest, staining the carpet beneath him. His heartbeat had been pounding, if it wasn’t careful, it might have jumped out of his chest through the countless stab wounds Foyet had inflicted. He tried to focus on his heartbeat, to stay conscious. But eventually, it was easier to just succumb to unconsciousness.

When he came to, he was in a hospital bed, with bandages all over his torso and his arms. The beeping of the heart machine assured him he had survived. Though he wasn’t surprised. He knew Foyet would keep him alive. This was only a warning afterall. Prentiss had been the one to find him. The rest of the team had came by too, aswell as Haley and Jack. He had to look Haley in the eye, the first time since their divorce, and tell her that she had to go into witness protection with Jack. She had broken down. Asking what the hell she was supposed to tell Jack, and how was she supposed to raise him with nobody there to help her. It took everything in Hotch not to cry, he could only give an answer to one question. “Tell him you’re taking a holiday, and that it won’t be for very long.” Hotch had advised. He had promised Haley that he’d catch Foyet, and that he’d spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He had assured Jack his daddy was okay, and that him and mommy were going to take a little trip and he’d see him soon. Then they had left. Rossi had earlier stood in the doorway of his hospital room, and promised him they’d catch Foyet. Hotch clinged onto it like a little kid holding their teddy when they were scared. He had to.

But promises turned out to be empty words. Hotch should’ve known that. The amount of times his mother had promised to leave his father. The amount of times Sean said he’d change. The amount of times he’d been promised things would get easier. Yet, when the time came, he still promised Haley he would show Jack love, because that one he would live to keep. The sobbing, and then the gunshots rang through his ears, and dug deep into his soul, like a soldier in the trenches. They wouldn’t be going anywhere for a long time. But like a soldier, he still had fight left in him. The anger he had built up over the years could now help him. He fought Foyet, not for his life, but for Jack’s. He had promised Haley he’d show Jack love, and he had to kill Foyet to keep that promise. He had shot his gun, but the bullets had no impact on the vest he was wearing. It came down to hand to hand combat. Hotch, in that moment, thanked his father for beating into him resiliency. He had taken all of the punches and kicks Fouet had given him, and returned them ten times as hard on Foyet. He showed no mercy. Like the world had never showed mercy to him. He punched and punched and punched, until strong muscular arms had forced him to stop. Then he broke. He wept. He was broken. Aaron Hotchner had broken.

He hugged Haley’s corpse, hating himself for the fact that it was now a corpse. He had ran to where he had secretly told Jack to hide. He hadn’t ever been a religious man, but he knew Gideon had been. In the moments before opening the wooden chest, Aaron had prayed to God that Jack would be safe and sound in there. And miraculously, it worked. “I worked the case daddy.”

Hotch and Jack had slept at Rossi’s that night. Dave insisted. He made sure they had both ate as well as they could. He let them have their space. Then, Hotch had put Jack to bed. Now it was just Dave and Aaron, like it had been in the past, sitting in Dave’s enormous living room. Aaron had always admired the architecture of Dave’s home, and had often wished his had looked the same. But then again, he wasn’t a best selling author. His father would have been so disappointed in him. He had fucked up someone elses life, just like he had predicted. He was an awful person. He should have never tried to help people, it always ended up making things worse.

“Aaron.” Dave said, concerned. The young man looked up at his mentor, tears filling his eyes. Panic had already began pumping from his heart, filling all the arteries and veins in his body. Someone had tied a noose around his chest. He couldn’t breathe. Was he dying? No. He had to be alive for Jack. He had promised Haley, and he had already broken too many promises to her.

“Aaron you need to breathe.” Dave said, grabbing Aaron’s hand, only for him to jump back and curl up on himself at the end of the couch. “I- can’t - I - I’m dying.” Aaron sputtered out, clasping his hand to his chest. Dave slowly moved closer.

“You’re not dying Aaron. You’re having a panic attack.”

“I AM DYING!” Aaron shouted back, voice rich with emotion. “I’M BECOM- BECOMING JUST LIKE HIM DAVE! I- I - I…”

“Aaron!” Dave shouted back, “You ARE NOT YOUR FATHER!”

“I KILLED A MAN WITH MY OWN BEAR HANDS!” Hotch sobbed, his breathing becoming more sporadic by the second.

“Aaron. You need to breathe. In…” Dave exaggerated his breath, “Out…”

Aaron tried to copy his mentors breathing, but failed. “I- I’m sorry, ‘m pathetic.”

Dave ignored him, continuing to exaggerate his breathing. When that didn’t seem to work, he cautiously took Aaron’s trembling hand in his, and put it on his heart.

“Focus on my heartbeat. Focus on my breathing. That’s all you need to do.”

Aaron could follow those simple instructions. He could do that. He wasn’t that pathetic.

Minutes past before Aaron’s breathing became somewhat stable. Face glossed with sweat and tears, and eyes raw, he slouched back on the couch. His hand was now holding a plastic bucket, in case he needed to throw up. A water bottle was pressed into his other hand.

“Drink. I bet the hyperventilating made you light-headed.” Dave said softly, returning to sit next to Aaron.

“Dave, I..” Aaron started.

“Stop.” Dave cut him off, “Don’t apologise. Not today. Not ever. You’re not pathetic. You’re not like you’re father. You’re not fucked up.”

Aaron gave a huff of air in response. Dave always somehow knew what Aaron was thinking. “I knew you knew.”

“Of course I knew Aaron.” Dave said.

“When?” Aaron asked, taking a sip of his water.

“About 6 months after you joined the unit, the team went out for a takeaway after a bad case.” Dave began to explain.

“I remember. The case in Florida.” Aaron said.

“We were discussing our childhoods, and when it got to you, you only mentioned your mother. More specifically, what she would make you for breakfast.” Dave laughed, finishing his sentence. “Then it all clicked in my head. I knew what that man did to you before he died.”

Aaron nodded his head in reponse. “You know, my biggest fear was to turn out to be like him. It’s why I got into law, then the FBI. I had to make sure that I wasn’t to be like him.” Dave let nodded his head, encouraging him to continue. “But it was all for nothing. I.. I killed a man with my own bare hands Dave. I.. all that anger built up inside of me… what if it hurts Jack? What if I hurt Jack and don’t even realise it? I mean… I already took his mother away from him..”

Aaron’s eyes began to tear up again. He had finally voiced the fear that had been following him all his life. And the one persom who could either make or break it was now infront of him.

“Aaron, you are nothing like him. Your father… he beat you because he was a jackass. No other explanation. You were an innocent kid, who couldn’t fight back. Foyet wasn’t. He was a bastard who murdered lots of people, including the mother of your child. You could have let the anger out before Foyet, yet who kept it controlled until you figured you could use it for the greater good. It’s out now. It can’t hurt Jack.” Dave answered wisely. Aaron gulped. He knew, rationally, Dave was right. But the guilt he felt, breaking down his soul was still there. It was always going to be there. But the fear, that he would end up to be like his father had been slightly lifted.

“Lean on your team Aaron.” Dave advised, “Morgan has been doing an amazing job as Unit Chief, and you have friends to go to for help. Including me. It’ll all turn out to be okay.”

Aaron nodded his head, too exhausted to answer. It had been too much emotion for one day. Emotions, locked away for decades had came out today. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse. But there was a small glimmer of hope in his heart, even if he himself didn’t realise it, that everything would be okay. That was his final thought before he lost the battle to exhaustion.

[merelliahallewell]

The Drust in the Night Fae Campaign (1)

I lied, there are going to be five parts to this whole thing because we’ve got another Drust week coming up in two weeks or so. 

This will contain spoilers from the Drust to Drust chapter of the Night Fae campaign. 

Part 1 - The Drust Background

Part 2 - The Drust in BfA

Part 3 - The Drust in Ardenweald

Part 5 - The Drust in the Night Fae Campaign (2)

Also, I missed out on a few small things that I have discovered since the last post I wrote. 

Skuld Vit, a Drust rare draining soulshaped souls in a cave says this upon his defeat:

It... doesn't matter. The Drust rule over death....

There is a Fae Dreamcatcher that can be assembled in order to get through a barrier and open a chest. It is described as being able to “protect against nightmares and ward away blight.”

Also, Marasimus says “You have to completely root them (the Drust) out to be rid of their presence, or they’ll grow right back, tougher than ever.” 

The Drust seem to have made a major offensive push after showing their hand during the assault on Hibernal Hollow and similar attacks in the Ardenweald quest chain. While it’s not clear explicitly just where during the timeline of initial Shadowlands events the Covenant Campaigns are occurring, they are still definitely a threat to Ardenweald. 

Our quests have us investigating a grove controlled by the Masked Fae to find a lost hunting party. Most of them have been slain, but we discover one in a very interesting state: in the middle of being turned by the Drust. One interesting aspect of this quest is that we use dormant Drust masks to sneak past the other Masked Fae. This implies that the Fae are not necessarily a hive mind-esque entity while controlled, and can be fooled by simple disguises. Our deception can be uncovered, however, by the actual Drust that are present. 

After that, we go to seek the guidance of a familiar face in an effort to save the cursed Gweyir: Ulfar, the only original Drust who still lives. Alliance players know him well, for he helped open the way to Thros so that we could save Jaina. There are none upon Azeroth who know the magic of the Drust better than he. He has a lot of interesting things to say. 

Not only does this curse presumably date back to the Drust’s time on Kul Tiras, but we get a bit of expansion on Gorak Tul as well- it was never said before that he had twisted their existing rituals. Also, he’s seriously dead for real now. 

We are told to go to Gol Inath, which is a great tree that rests at the heart of the Crimson Forest. The Drust once had carved steles of them worshipping it. From Ulfar’s text in BfA:

The entrance to Thros lies within the great tree, Gol Inath, but crossing the Threshold will not be as simple as walking through. 

We return once more to the great tree, and find something curious beneath it:

THAT’S RIGHT, BABY. HEARTSBANE WITCHES AND WICKER MONSTERS ARE STILL HANGING OUT THERE.

Anyway, we attempt to temper the fetish within this neat Thros flame that wasn’t there before, and then we get to meet the big bad of the Drust storyline: Gorak Zhar. She calls Ulfar witless for sending us here, and a giant ass Drust monster leaps out of the portal to attack us. A few small things:

1) Gorak may be a ruler’s title among the Drust. In BfA, Ulfar calls him Tul, rather than addressing him using Gorak. Perhaps it could be similar to Ingra in that way, as there are several NPCs using that as well.

2) The portal to Thros is still open, I guess. That’s neat.

3) Gorak Zhar seems to have not only known who Ulfar is, but also that he would send us here. Maybe they met at some point long ago. 

When we return, Ulfar says this: 

However, he says also that he does not know how to proceed from here, though he knows we will require Gorak Tul’s power to break the curse. Ulfar sends us back into the Shadowlands to find the spirit of his mentor Kivarr, who conveniently lives only a short distance from the Heart of the Forest. 

I find it interesting that the Drust have not forgotten Kivarr, even after thousands of years. Maybe she was one of those who refused to follow Gorak Tul back in the old days? She also takes the soulshape of a wicker beast, so that is something you can canonically become. 

Either way, we have to collect some keys to save Kivarr. One is called a Thros-Forged Key, which is kinda neat. I guess Thros can be used to forge things. The other is a Lustrous Silver Key, which is also interesting because silver is one of the natural counters to Throsian magic. Where could they have acquired this, and why would they hold onto a metal that can disrupt their magic? There is no stone to mine silver from in Ardenweald. 

The Drust carry Kivarr off and intend to use her in a ritual of some sort. We kill the ritualist and save her, and she says this:

The Drust curse is apparently so powerful that the reagents to break it do not exist on Azeroth. When we go to gather the necessary rituals, we are sent to find Nox Root. This plant only grows within soil that has been corrupted by the magic of the Drust. It is described as a potent and invasive plant. It also looks like a mushroom, which is probably just a model thing. 

Ara’lon is sent to find the satchel of a witch, which apparently is what the lady Drust are called. Kivarr also calls them Nightscreamers. He fails to find it and vanishes, but we end up being able to collect one anyway. These witches carry bags full of reagents and focus objects, which are both necessary for Drust rituals. 

Once everything has been gathered, we end up using the fetish from Drustvar to channel the power of Kivarr’s ritual into Gweyir. It purges manifestations of dark magic from him that we have to fight, and is referred to as Gorak Zhar’s sorcery.

In the end, we fail. Which is honestly kind of shocking given how generally bright and happy Warcraft lore can be at some points. Gweyir dies during the ritual, unable to withstand the magic of Gorak Zhar. 

The other Night Fae seem disheartened by this- it seems to them that the Masked Fae are going to be lost permanently, if this ritual did not work to restore even a partially-converted one. This ritual seems to place immense strain upon the person being purged.

Mystery of the Cut Text

There was one thing that I had my eye on from some time ago. Back during the original beta iteration of these quests, some word choices were different. Ulfar originally said this when asked about the magic the Drust used. 

I find this especially interesting because of the mention of a “Drust Lord,” which is capitalized like a proper noun. I wonder if a Drust Lord might refer to those bearing the title of Gorak, or could be akin to powerful Drust within the realm of Thros. It is a shame this was cut. 

[thejewitchelf]

Art by: @landisblair on Instagram

WARDS AND SPIRITUAL PROTECTION: An introduction for the beginner practitioner 

As Samhain/the witch's new year  approaches, we are surrounded by the wonderfully dark imagery that encapsulates the beauty of the natural cycles of the earth. The necessary period of darkness is approaches, and with it we are met with the symbolic depictions of spirits, goblins, ghouls and skeletons, which can cause many of us to be sparked with magical inspiration, and, subsequently, the desire to perform spells. Many of us know that during the transitionary period of Autumn (as well as in spring), the veil between worlds is at its thinnest. But what exactly does this mean for us during (all times, but especially right now) this time?

As a beginner practitioner, we may have been guided by the words in books telling us of the importance of protective magic, cleansing and wards. Oftentimes, however, it is difficult to fully understand the importance of these practices, and why so much importance is being placed upon them. When we cast a spell, we are drawing energy inward, in order to direct/use those energies to our advantage; however, while this aspect of spellcasting is necessary for an affective working, the energies we bring inward and collect can be both negative and positive. Spirits are made of energy, and if we do not cleanse our space as well as create wards, some of these spirits (whether they are negative or more neutral/positive energies) can become attached to us. 

Now, while I imagine many people reading this may instantly be flooded by images of Poltergeist or the gratuitously dark scenes of Reagan from The Exorcist, I am not referring to the well-known Hollywood depiction of possession. When a spirit becomes attached to you, you may not even realize that it is there; it isn't necessarily a possession, but rather an energy that has seen you are willing to allow its presence in your life. Having said that, it does not make the situation any less serious, and can manifest itself physically. Some individuals may experience scratch marks (often creating patterns) with no known, physical cause. These can range anywhere from red lines across your skin, to being so deep that you bleed. Spirits can also show themselves in photos, appearing as distorted images of faces that look barely human. Psychologically, hanger-on spirits can cause us to be more inclined towards the things which perpetuate self destructive behaviors, and may try to persuade you into beliefs and patterns that will make it difficult for you to progress in self/spiritual/magical development. Having said this, if you are experiencing these mental symptoms, please seek out professional help from someone trained in mental health, as well as a priestess or elder if you do expect it is something of a more spiritual nature. Because spirits want a willing, living human vessel to attach themselves to, they may try using trickery in order to make the vessel desire their presence, or try making the person think that they are better off with them there. If the vessel becomes unwilling, however, they may use intimidation in order to keep the vessel complacent. 

Once a spirit has become attached, it can be incredibly hard to separate (especially if it has been attached for quite a while). Part of this is due to an unconscious desire in the vessel to want to keep the spirit around; there is a sense of comfort in familiarity, and the feeling of never being alone. To avoid this, however, it is imperative that one learns how to properly protect oneself BEFORE beginning the practice of spellcraft. The following methods of protection and wards are great for the beginner witch, and are compiled from the things that I have learned from my elders/witchcraft mentors. 

Cleansing

Before any working or ward, it is important to cleanse yourself and your space. To do this, many choose to shower beforehand (it may help to have a physical, symbolic act of being clean). Wards are used to keep things OUT; however, before creating them, it is important to make sure whatever is inside is released.

Methods of cleansing your space: 

The smoke method- using an herb bundle or incense of choice, let the smoke surround you. Move the smoke up and down your body, as well as your immediate surrounding area. After having done this, cleanse the rest of the area. You can do this in your whole house, but I suggest beginning with the space that you practice in. Make sure to get the corners of the room(s) as well, as energy can become trapped here. As you cleanse, keep in mind your intent, and leave a window open so that the what you are trying to release can leave out the window, with the smoke.

The sound method- Sound, like all energy, possesses its own vibration and frequency. By using sounds, we can change the frequencies of these existing energies. Using a bell, do the same steps that you saw in the smoke cleansing method. Strike it as you move up, down, and around your body, along the walls, and in the corners of your space.

The spray method- this is the last method of cleansing I will be discussing here -- however, there are many more methods, and this is by no means a fully extensive list! If none of these feel right for you, always research for more to get inspiration and ideas. For this method, you'll need a spray bottle, bottled water (or even distilled water), something to boil it in, and salt. To add to this mixture, it is good to have water occurring from some natural source. Rainwater is very popular and has fantastic properties, but is illegal to collect in some states. Stream or ocean water would be good substitutes. This is very versatile, and some witches enjoy adding herbs and crystals to this. Boil your bottled or distilled water, and combine all your ingredients in the spray bottle. Follow the same steps from the other two methods.

Wards

Wards are a means of keeping things OUT, and protecting both you and your space. These are often created through visualization, which creates a psychic barrier from anything you do not want entering your space.

Methods of creating wards:

The mirror method- For this method, you will need at least 4 mirrors. It doesn't matter how big or small they are, so long as they are visible to you from anywhere in the room. Place them in the four corners, and visualize them getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger until they cover the walls, encompassing the entirety of your space and you. When doing this, be sure to not look directly into them. The way this works is that spirits, particularly negative ones, do not like seeing their reflection because it reflects the negativity back onto themselves. This is why, when creating these wards, it is important to not look into them; it can can the spirit to be reflected back onto you. 

The copper method- pennies have a particularly magical feeling, and copper is fantastic as a conductor of energy. Place either wheat pennies (if you are able to find them) or any medium sized piece of pure copper (doesn't have to be pennies) in 4 jars, filled with the solution I previously mentioned in the spray cleansing method. Place these in the 4 corners and ask for protection. 

Protection amulet- using a necklace that has a charm with a symbol of power (I use the pentagram, but this could be anything as long as it has meaning to you), cleanse it, and place in a jar of that same solution for at least 3 hours, asking for protection and meditate on your intent. Take a shower, cleanse yourself, and wear it always.

I hope that these tips will help keep you safe through your witchcraft journey! Have a fantastic Samhain, and blessed be )O(

-Winter Foxflame 

Photo: Dybbuk, theatre of the arts, university of iowa

[illfoandillfie]

Hi again, I’m the one that requested about the romantic soulmate and when will it come and yes, please can you tell me more about them? I asked if I’d ever meet them because sometimes it feels like it won’t happen so I’m more like I could wait forever as long as they get here you know? But if you could tell me more, I’d be grateful. Also yes, I know that you can’t give me a specific time but I wonder more like if it’s in the near future or later on in life. Again, thank you💕

This was fun! Hopefully some of this will make sense, even if it’s not straight away lmao if you have any more questions or theres anything else you’re curious about let me know and i’ll see if any of my decks can give us some clues!

So to start I drew 4 attribute cards to try and get a sense of this person’s personality. Each archetype has light and shadow attributes, though it doesn’t necessarily mean all of them will be exhibited. More that they are negative aspects that this person has the potential to fall into (eg: just because the shadow attribute of trickster talks about manipulating others, it doesn’t mean this person is going to be overtly manipulative of you. but they might be good at playing the system to benefit themselves or something like that)

We got:

Trickster - Light attribute: Transcending convention, stuffiness and predictable behaviour / Shadow atrribute: Manipulating others through duplicity

Mentor - Light attribute: Passing on wisdom and refining a student’s character / Shadow attribute - Inability to allow the student to move on to the role of Master. Imparting false instruction

Exorcist - Light attribute: Freeing yourself and others of destructive impulses / Shadow attribute - Fear of facing your own demons 

Visionary - Light attributes - Capacity to envision what is not yet conceivable to others. Willingness to proclaim a vision without regard for personal gain. / Shadow attributes - Selling insights to the highest bidder. Compromising your vision to make it more acceptable.

So from these it seems this person will be a little outside the box, maybe they have a particular style of dress which is unusual or a special interest/hobby that is a bit odd. With both mentor and exorcist they may have a background in teaching or social work - even if they are no longer on that path. It might not even be an official degree they have, they might just be particularly aware of the system, maybe they know someone who benefits from AA meetings something like that. It could be as simple as them tutoring school/uni/college students. With the visionary archetype it seems they’d be a bit of a dreamer, probably a creative thinker.

Next thing i did was draw some letters and charms to try and get some more info on what they’re like.

For the letters we got D, E, I, F, R, L, I, O, P - there may be initials in here. with the two Is it might mean this person has double letters in their name. There might also be other words in here to describe them. 

I know I’m seeing DILF lmao but also Pride (so maybe they’re lgbt or just proud of who they are/what they have accomplished), Pie (maybe the like to bake?), Leo and fire (so maybe they’re a leo or a fire sign or have a fire dominated natal chart)

have a look what words jump out at you as well and see how you might be able to connect them (i can’t see any names in there but im notoriously bad at anagram things so maybe you can)

As for the charms:

The world on the dice and the eiffel tower both suggest overseas travel, so this person might be well traveled or they might have a specific connection to France. 

The shell could represent a connection to the sea or the beach. In dream interpretations shells have a few meanings. They can represent having a hard exterior but being soft on the outside so this person might come across as cold or closed off until you get to know them better. Shells can also be a symbol of wanting protection so it might be that this person has a defensive streak or they are very protective of those they love. Shells are also connected with the goddess Venus and so are seen as signs of sexual pleasure. 

words you got here are freedom, sassy and reach(ing) - freedom i think definitely makes sense with the trickster archetype above and maybe the visionary one as well. 

You also got the Make Poverty History badge so this person may donate money or time to a charity (or multiple charities). The badge also says Stand Up And Be Counted so it might represent this person being outspoken, especially about things that are important to them. 

The hand charm reminds me of the Hamsa symbol, even though theres no eye on the palm. the Hamsa is a symbol of protection or warding off evil. Aside from that, open palmed hands can be a symbol of open communication, so that is definitely a good sign. In dreams palms can also indicate a chance meeting with a stranger who may become a romantic partner so that just ties into what i said in the previous reading about you not having met them yet. 

And finally we have 2 different scissor charms. To me this represents sharp - sharp wit, sharp mind, sharply dressed. But scissors can also be a sign of decisiveness, or of a fear of being cut off for something. This person is likely the sort who knows what they want and will go after it. Once they make a decision they stick with it. And once they meet you, they’re not going to want to leave you. 

To try and get some more info on how you’ll meet I drew some tarot cards. 

7 of pentacles, 10 of pentacles, king of pentacles, 7 of wands, the tower, ace of pentacles.

Look at all those motherfucking pentacles. Just like I said in the previous reading, this definitely has something to do with work. With the king of pents there in the middle I’m inclined to say this person may work at the same place as you, maybe in a managerial role or at least someone higher up the chain than you. Or maybe they just have more experience in the role than you do. 

The last few cards are the most interesting. The 7 of wands is a card of conflict or struggles though it doesn’t necessarily have to be negative. It can represent standing your ground or defending yourself or others. The tower is a sign of dramatic and unexpected change, often negative. I pulled a clarifying card for it as well, to see if we could get some info on what this tower moment is and i got the ace of pentacles. The ace of pents is about new opportunities, especially related to money or work.

To me this says something is going to happen that will cause a dramatic change to your work. Now, I can see this going either two way. At it’s most negative this is a conflict, maybe with someone you work with, maybe just the work environment itself. Maybe it’s one of those things where every day becomes a struggle and you start to hate your job and you dont want to be there anymore. This leads to the tower moment of you quitting and finding a new job.

OR, at it’s most positive - the conflict moment still happens, but because of how well you handle the situation you’re offered a promotion or a transfer or something like that. It’s still a new opportunity, it still has the stress and sudden change that the tower indicates, but it’s not quite as negative.

Whichever way it goes, it leads to you meeting or coming into closer contact with this person, the king of pentacles, your soulmate. 

(As a side note, in the previous reading we drew the queen of pentacles and now we’ve drawn the king so if you wanted proof that they’re The One, that’s it. Also like, the story these cards tell matches so well with the last reading, the work, the new opportunity im like a little stunned by it)

In an effort to lean more about them and more about when you’ll meet I pulled some romance angels. You got:

Forgiving and Learning - as you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments

Very Soon - clearly decide what you want so that it comes to you now

Keep an Open Mind - your soul mate may differ from your usual type and expectations

Trust - This situation is calling for you to have faith

So, in the context of when will you meet, trust is obviously asking you to have faith that the universe will bring this person towards you even if it seems to be taking forever. And also trust that this person is right for you, especially if they’re different from what you might expect as the keep an open mind card suggests. Obviously the most interesting is Very Soon which suggests that you’ll meet them sooner rather than later. I pulled a number tile as i was focusing on that card to try and get an indication of timing and you got a 3. Now, that could be 3 day, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. It might also be a number relevant to the time when you meet them (maybe 3 weeks AFTER something else or maybe 3pm or even you’ll just see the number 3 around a lot as a warning that they’re coming)

And finally. I have a deck of channeled messages. These are things that your person might be thinking or might be wanting to say to you. Take them with as many grains of salt as you like but I figured it could be fun. The white cards are messages from the person, light blue are messages from the deck/universe.

The one blue card we got is They are waiting for you and really I think that sets the tone of all of these cards.

I just dream and wish for everything, I just want you all the time, I lie awake thinking about our future. This person is ready to meet you, they are sick of dating around, sick of the wrong people, they want something real and long lasting. 

Please give me time I’ve never felt this way before. You’ll need to wait a little longer before you meet them but not much longer. It’s next to I think we should slow down in reverse, they want this to happen as soon as possible, they are as sick of waiting as you are. 

Definitely is designed to look like The Tower card which is very interesting but with this one there is no question of it having a positive outcome, even if it feels hard in the moment it will be worth it.

And finally, I’m too afraid to talk in reverse. It’s likely this person will approach you, there’s no fear there, no worry about what you’ll say. And once they start talking to you they’re going to keep talking to you. 

[grimmoiresque]

on the magick of acorns

oofh, is this one late. ever since @aureliel​ asked, i have been meaning to come up with a post about the magic of acorns, what they symbolize, what they can be used for, and a small spell or charm using the beloved little tree-nuts at their very best. i’ll preface this by saying that i have gathered most of this information from third-party sources (listed at the bottom) and apologies for how tardy this is, but, without further ado, let’s talk about acorns~

what, in biological, physical science, are acorns?

i believe it is always important to know the natural, physical qualities of what you work with in witchcraft, perhaps even moreso than the metaphysical properties, because these things often influence the metaphysical qualities of the item, and they will have an instant effect on you, your environment, your body, and all other aspects of your craft whether or not you put intention towards them (for example, a crystal that melts in water or a plant that is toxic if ingested). so, what is an acorn? acorns, also known as oaknuts, are botanically a nut, “a hard, dry pod that surrounds the fruit and a single seed inside” [1]. there aren’t many recorded allergies to acorns, but just in case, you probably shouldn’t expose anyone allergic to tree nuts or oak pollen to them [1], and be aware that if consumed in excess, they can be toxic [2].

there are over 450 species of oak worldwide, and many animals consume the acorn as a source of nutrients in the fall; in fact, 25% of the diet of deers is made up of acorns [1]! humans, too, can eat unshelled acorns, and despite the possibility of allergies, it turns out that they’re really good for you. “some acorns are 18% fat, 6% protein and 68% carbohydrate, equivalent to modern corn and wheat. they are also great sources of vitamin a and c” [1]. unfortunately, oak trees produce acorns only every 2-3 years, and to keep them safe, acorns contain tannins, a chemical that makes them bitter and hard to digest if you eat them raw[1]. tannins can also give certain people headaches (this is, for example, why i can’t drink much redwine; guess there’s no acorns for me), but you can remove some of them by boiling or soaking your acorns in water until the water stops changing color [2].

in short, these guys are protective little nuggets and nutritionally-packed power houses!

what are the medicinal properties of acorns?

again, let me preface this by saying that i am not a botanist, nor do i have a degree in a biological science (only psychological) and that the information presented in this post should not be taken as medical guidance without first consulting your physician or at the very least reading the research on your own. so, besides the incredible amount of vitamins and minerals these little nuggets contain to keep the seedling oak they carry healthy, what else can acorns do?

skin care! according to staughton (2019), “the rich tannin water can be topically applied to the skin in order to soothe burns and rashes, speed up healing of cuts and wounds, and reduce inflammation or burns” [2].

improve digestion. like most nuts, acorns are rich in fiber, which, well, you know. [2]

alleviate symptoms of diabetes or prevent it. because of their fiber content and relatively complex carbohydrate makeup, acorns can also “regulate blood sugar levels in the body, thus preventing the dangerous spikes and plunges of glucose that can lead to diabetes or endanger those already suffering from it” [2].

protect heart health. “these nuts have five times more unsaturated fats as compared to saturated fats, which ideally improve your overall cholesterol balance and prevent obesity, atherosclerosis, and other dangerous conditions that threaten heart health” [2].

boost energy levels. like most densely packed seeds and nuts, acorns are meant to sustain their cargo for long periods of time, and they make great sources of long-lasting energy [2].

keep bones healthy. “these nuts have five times more unsaturated fats as compared to saturated fats, which ideally improve your overall cholesterol balance and prevent obesity, atherosclerosis, and other dangerous conditions that threaten heart health” [2].

improve metabolism. “regular consumption of acorns can help regulate a number of enzymatic processes in the body that are crucial for overall health” [2].

promote healing. the proteins that acorns carry “are very important for the creation of new tissues and cells, repair of damaged areas and rapid healing following an injury or illness” [2].   

what are the metaphysical properties of acorns?

acorns are sacred to many cultures, and the celtic and druidic wiccan faith, the oak tree is seen as a symbol of samhain and a symbol of the horned god cernunnos [3]. there are legends in wicca about the horned god’s dual personas, the oak king and the holly king, and how they do battle at midsummer and midwinter [4]. because acorns fall from only very old oaks, and can lay waiting for many years before they sprout into their own saplings, they are seen as symbols of patience, perseverance, and they carry energy that “aids in maintaining longevity…and preserves the illusion of youth” [3]. “between midsummer and throughout autumn, a dried acorn worn as an amulet around the neck brings a youthful glow, good luck, and protection” [4]. security, luck, and abundance are the key energies that acorns carry, from their hard shell and the rich nutrients inside [3, 4]. they are also said to attract fae if gathered on the night of a full moon.

oak trees are associated with yule, the dagda, the wild hunt, king arthur’s round table, wrens, black, white carnelian, moonstone, fire, sun, lightning, thunder, janus, dianus, cybele, rhea, pan, cernunnos, erato, hekate, zeus, jupter, thor, and bridhid [5]. they are seen as doors to the three worlds of the shaman [5].

what is an example of acorns in magick?

the sources i’ve used here each have some sample of using acorns in magick, whether it is for youthful appearances [3,4,5], amulets to attract the fae [4,5], wards[5], or even to make coffee [2]. however, i was asked specifically about abundance and luck, and what better way to showcase that than an abundance jar! abundance jars are great gifts to make around yuletide when oaks and acorns are out enforce and the battle between the oak and holly king looms forth, and my late mentor would often make them for the couples at yule to bring abundance and fertility into the home. unfortunately, i am unable to share her original spell for their creation at this time because my digital grimoire from her lies packed away from moving. however, all magick is personal, and so long as your intent is clear, your ingredients don’t matter. to make a simple abundance jar with acorns, here is what you need:

a jar! you can use a standard small mason jar, an old candle jar that’s been cleaned out, or any one of the crafting jars from a craft store.

acorns, the star of the show. grab a good handful.

some cinnamon sticks

frankincense essential oil

pine needles, juniper, or rosemary

pennies, the older the better for their copper content

if your jar is big enough, a pinecone that will fit in the jar

green and gold ribbon

a green candle (the darker the better)

any other ingredients or items that scream “abundance” to you (i might suggest citrine or jade)

a pen

start by lighting your candle, and gathering all your ingredients. if you have a deity or believe in them, call upon their aid or the aid of one in their pantheon who is fluent with finances or known for wealth and luck; this is optional, but as with the other ingredients, it can strengthen your craft. make sure that you have a clear picture of who you wish to gift the abundance to if it is someone other than yourself (you can literally use a picture), and write their names on the jar. because i practice with runes, i also like to inscribe runes on the jar with the names, and you can add sigils if you like; make the spell yours.

now that your jar is dedicated, fill it up! add in our acorns, pennies, pine/junpier/rosemary, a pinecone if you can manage it (another long-lasting and patient seed house), and any other ingredients you choose. take your cinnamon sticks and use your pen, or an anthame if you prefer, to write the words or runes that you would like to include in this spell: abundance, prosperity, gifts, whatever it is that you want to manifest from this jar. add in the cinnamon sticks, and close your eyes. envision the light of the candle you burn, the luck of your gods, and all the feelings you wish to manifest as coiling together in a golden thread that fills the empty spaces of the jar or nests inside the acorns.

if you prefer to work magick with words, repeat the following incantation, or whatever sings loudest to your soul:

steadfast oak and copper shine abundance thrive with luck divine so i will it, so mote it be

seal up your jar, add the frankincense to the melted candle, and carefully pour the wax over the seal. using the wax to seal the jar is optional, but it does make it look pretty in the end, and it allows you to carve in more runes or sigils. when the wax has dried, tie off the jar with your ribbon, and tada! a great spell to draw long-lasting abundance and luck that makes a sweet decoration and a beautiful gift.

 references

[1] buchanan, a. (30 aug. 2014). 8 things you didn't know about acorns. [blog post]. retrieved from https://labbenchtoparkbench.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/7-things-you-didnt-know-about-acorns/

[2] staughton, j. (04 jan. 2019). 8 amazing benefits of acorns. retrieved from https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/seed-and-nut/acorns.html

[3] raine, a. (9 june 2014). herbs: the magickal acorn. [blog post]. retrieved from https://wytchymystique.com/2014/06/09/herbs-the-magickal-acorn/

[4] blue, l. (10 nov. 2018). acorns and magick. [blog post]. retrieved from https://aminoapps.com/c/pagans-witches/page/blog/acorns-and-magick/wj0b_va8fxu72dpzp15vxvl8vgrxpr6dnld

[5] oak. witchipedia. retrieved from http://www.witchipedia.com/herb:oak

[singingwordwright]

The Sebastian Manifesto v 2.0

I conceived most of this meta during the hiatus between seasons 2a and 2b, and wrote and published it after episode 2x11 once we finally meta Sebastian. However, now that we’ve come to the midway point in 2b and seen a major reveal with Sebastian, I feel like it needs updating. It hasn’t been entirely Jossed yet, not by a long shot, but there’s definitely a few parts where it needs some adjustment. I’m editing some of the existing, but I may miss a few bits here and there. Most of the changes are going to be in the new sections.

Sections 1-3 are what I’ve posted before, sections 4 and 5 are new.

I’m going to start off by saying that I DO NOT SHIP SEBASTIAN AND IZZY. Don’t let the title fool you. I think Izzy is going to play an important role in the Sebastian storyline, but not on a romantic level. Don’t even go there, please.

Most of this meta, you can find in various other posts I’ve made along the way, and particularly scattered through my episode-by-episode recaps from Season 2a onward. What I’m saying here is nothing particularly new, it’s just condensed into this one particular post. Which is a long-ass post. Be sure to buckle up.

I will also point out that I could be entirely long. Part of my goal in posting this is to get it out there so I can play a game of “let’s see what I got right” with myself as the season progresses.

I’m going to put this behind a cut because it’s quite long and contains spoilers from the books that may or may not come to pass in the show. What follows is discussion about what I think they’re going to do with Sebastian in the show, and how vital a role Izzy is going to play in it.

1. The ALDERTREE-IS-SEBASTIAN theory: not quite as defunct (or debunked) as you may assume

I follow a lot of Shadowhunters fans, and thus most spoilers and meta about Shadowhunters crosses my dash sooner or later. If there has been any official confirmation debunking this theory, I haven’t seen it. If it exists, please link it to me, and I will officially rescind this part of my meta and admit I’m wrong.

Nonetheless, a lot of people appear to have moved on from the idea that Aldertree was Sebastian in disguise, since we didn’t get confirmation of it at the end of Season 2a. That’s definitely understandable; the end of 2a would have been the perfect time to reveal that there had been a snake in the Institute’s bosom the entire time.

On the surface, it would appear the connection between Aldertree and Sebastian was weak to begin with. They both have English accents, they both (supposedly) hail from the London Institute, and Aldertree isn’t a nice guy so those of us who knew about Sebastian wanted to make sense of that by assuming he’s the Really Not Nice Guy we all knew was coming down the pike. And on the surface, that’s it. That’s all that links the two of them together. 

Underneath the surface, though, it’s a lot more.

First of all, Aldertree isn’t just a not-nice guy. He’s either terminally stupid, or he’s in league with Valentine actively working on an agenda that doesn’t benefit the Institute.

Note the edit I made there. One aspect of this meta that HAS been somewhat Jossed is the idea that Sebastian is working with Valentine on Valentine’s agenda. Given the end of 2x15 and the sneak peek we’ve seen of 2x16, I think it’s safe to say that he’s not actually allied with Valentine. However, it’s still possible that, as Aldertree, he positioned himself as an ally and colluded with Valentine. His agenda, however, appears to be far different.

Regardless of where you stand on the Sebastian theory, what we see from Aldertree in Season 2a isn’t just a bunch of random bad-guy mustache twirling. In the end, he does actually help Valentine achieve what Valentine is trying to achieve.

And a large part of that takes the shape of an organized campaign to drive wedges between the Lightwood siblings (including Jace,) thereby weakening the power structure in the Institute.

He isolates Jace, first by making him a fugitive (2x01)…

…then by making the other Shadowhunters in the Institute doubt him and finally by driving him out (2x06.)

He isolates Izzy, first by making her choose between Alec’s life and turning Jace over the the Clave (2x03)…

…then by trying to get her addicted to yin fen (2x05.)

When Aldertree attempts to use her yin fen dependence to get her to spy on Clary, Izzy begins isolating herself (2x07) because by that point she’s been forced to betray the trust of someone she cares about twice and she knows no one she cares about is safe.

When Aldertree realizes she’s slipped the hook with regard to the yin fen, he tries simply charming her instead, but it’s too late. 

Jace and Izzy being isolated means Alec is isolated. Still, Aldertree produces a convenient tale of tragic lost Downworlder/Shadowhunter love in order to distract Alec and cut him off from his most powerful ally, a warlock who has successfully opposed and thwarted the Circle more than once. (More on this later.)

But none of this necessarily means Aldertree is furthering Valentine’s agenda for his own purposes, right? He could just be a random bad guy.

Except…no. There’s more to it than that. Because weakening someone by isolating them from their loved ones is a play right out of Valentine’s book. One of his favorite plays, in fact. Our loved ones serve as our conscience, the better angels of our nature. They provide rational thought when we can’t see things clearly. This is why it was so important to cut Jace off from his found family, so that they couldn’t provide the antidote to the poison he kept pouring in Jace’s ear about demon blood and “to love is to destroy” and so forth.

With the Lightwood siblings splintered apart and distracted by their own worries, no one—including the Best Forensic Pathologist in New York--thought to run a DNA test on Jace and Clary to confirm their mutual parentage, or to try to figure out just what sort of demon blood Jace had in him and whether or not Clary had the same. They had no time or opportunity to compare notes and see the way they were being individually manipulated.

There are other ways in which Aldertree served Valentine’s purposes, so much so that it seems obvious to me that Aldertree abetting Valentine in whatever capacity you choose to believe 

How did Aldertree know about Jace’s falcon? (2x04) Look at the confusion on Jace’s face there. I don’t think that’s a story Jace would have willingly confided in just anyone, so how did the Clave’s representative find out?

How did Valentine know about Clary and Alec’s visit to Iris Rouse (2x05 and 2x08?) Unless he has spies on Clary 24/7, the only way he could have learned about that is because Alec and Clary went back to the Institute and made a report about Iris’s warlock-baby mill, and that report found its way to Valentine.

But here’s the kicker:

In 2x09, when Alec asks about Izzy’s whereabouts and expresses his suspicion of Aldertree, says he knows Aldertree is hiding something. Aldertree responds by threatening to make Alec submit to a psych evaluation “after what happened at your brother’s party.”

Aldertree knows what happened at Max’s party (2x08.) This means he also knows Magnus’s counter-spell book was stolen.

Aldertree is Head of the Institute. He has to know which warlock created the Institute’s wards. That would certainly be on record and considering Magnus’s close relationship with one high ranking member of the Institute, Aldertree would have checked Magnus’s records.

Even if we assume Aldertree is too stupid to realize what implications there are for the Institute’s wards in Valentine stealing a book that can undo every spell Magnus has ever cast, Magnus would never be negligent enough not to notify Aldertree that the wards were vulnerable (nor could he possibly be stupid enough not to put it together that they were at risk.)

Aldertree knew about the missing spellbook and HAS TO HAVE KNOWN about the vulnerability to the wards. And yet, what’s his first line in the beginning of 2x10 when Madzie brings down the wards? He blames lax security. He never got another warlock in to plug the security leak.

He left the door standing wide-open for Valentine.

His scene with Alec up on the roof in 2x10 is very obviously a delaying tactic. He brags about being able to hack into the system from there, and then can’t do it. Really?

Then there’s the story he tells Alec about his lost love. Shadowhunters and Downworlders can never be together because Downworlders will always give in to their demonic nature. Golly…that’s just identical to what Valentine keeps telling Jace and Clary, isn’t it? And maybe it’s not an exclusively Valentinian philosophy, but the way he uses it to try to get inside Alec’s head and do a mindfuck to turn him against a powerful ally is, again, straight out of Valentine’s playbook.

(Why doesn’t he just kill Alec? I’ll get to that later.)

Conclusion: Aldertree was abetting Valentine. But does that really mean he’s Sebastian, you may ask?

Well, again, there’s the whole thing about weakening Izzy, Jace, and Alec by driving wedges between them and isolating them from one another. Yes, it’s a trick straight out of Valentine’s playbook, but more importantly, it’s a very intimate trick. It’s the sort of trick you learn by being mentored by someone, or by growing up with an abusive parent who did it to you. Aldertree wasn’t just abetting Valentine, at some point he was close enough to Valentine to truly learn and adopt his philosophies.

2x14 offers us another clue, as well. Sebastian tells Raphael he “always knew” Izzy was getting her vampire venom straight from the source. The wording is odd because at this point, Sebastian has been around for a couple weeks maybe. The wording, however, seems to indicate a knowledge going back much father than that. But if, as Aldertree, he sussed out what Izzy was doing, it would make more sense.

What ties Aldertree and Sebastian together most convincingly, is Izzy.

2. ALDERTREE AND IZZY (an obsession is born)

Aldertree zeroes in on Izzy right from the beginning.

In 2x01 when threatening Izzy and Alec, he goes immediately for the deruning threat, and he looks at Izzy while he’s doing it, knowing that particular threat would carry weight with her. He also keeps a seemingly casual/amused eye on Izzy and Clary’s training session, clearly knowing they’re up to something (more on that later.)

In 2x03, Aldertree makes his first move. He forces Izzy to betray one brother to save the other. And he acts benevolent about it, claims he’s trying to save Jace’s life. He’s driving a wedge between Izzy and Jace while simultaneously attempting to position himself as someone who just wants to help her.

2x05 is where things get really interesting, and I admit this particular point is mostly supposition. I keep wondering: if the Soul Sword’s purpose was so super-secret that Aldertree needed to send an expedition to the Adamant Citadel to get input from the Iron Sisters, how did Valentine know? The obvious answer is that the Soul Sword’s purpose isn’t as secret as we’re led to believe.

If Aldertree is abetting Valentine, especially if he’s convinced Valentine he’s an ally, Valentine quite possibly would have told him what the sword does. Even if Valentine didn’t, whoever it was within the Clave that DOES (and someone has to, or, again, how did Valentine find out) likely would have in order to warn Aldertree about what Valentine might intend.

There are at least two ways Aldertree might have known about the sword. So…why send Izzy to the Iron Sisters?

Well, let’s assume Izzy’s lifelong fascination with and admiration of the Iron Sisters is fairly common knowledge. She grew up in the Institute, and it’s not something she would have had reason to hide. It would be known to the people she grew up around and quite possibly in her personnel records.

If Aldertree wanted a hook in Izzy, he’d have to offer her something she yearned for badly enough that she would accept the yin fen despite the risks. The mission to the Iron Sisters was never about the Soul Sword. It was about Izzy.

He dangles the Iron Sisters mission (by way of letting it drop to Jace that he’s organizing it) to get into her good graces, and possibly to get her to accept the yin fen. Then he uses the yin fen dependency to try to get her to spy for him. What he doesn’t count on is the purity trial at the Adamant Citadel, which makes it clear to Izzy just how much danger she’s in. She gives the yin fen back and he loses his hook in her. We don’t see him in 2x07 and 2x08, but then we get to 2x09, and this is where it really all comes together.

In 2x01 when Izzy is advising Clary, she cites Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. Remember how Aldertree was keeping an eye on that whole thing?

In 2x09, when Izzy comes to see Aldertree and he unsuccessfully asks her out, there’s a very pronounced close-up of a copy of The Art of War on his desk. And later in the episode, when Alec accuses Aldertree of hiding something regarding Izzy, Aldertree is reading the book, and again, there’s a close-up of the cover.

In TV and film, you don’t do a close-up of a prop like that unless it has significance. The producers wanted us to know he was reading the same book Izzy had been advising Clary from. This is a book that advises things like isolating your enemies in order to weaken them. Don’t let them join forces. Try to conquer the city without warfare or siege, subdue enemy forces without fighting.

And, of course, as Izzy points out: to know your enemy you must become your enemy.

Now that philosophy makes Aldertree’s timely anecdote to Alec on the roof in 2x10 about Shadowhunter/Downworlder romance a lot more convenient and suspicious, doesn’t it?

And that’s what leads us to Sebastian.

3. SEBASTIAN AND IZZY (Becoming your “enemy”)

There’s absolutely no reason to believe the Inquisitor, Imogen Herondale, when she says that Aldertree is in Idris facing reprimand. She also said the Soul Sword is in Clave custody, and we know that’s a lie. Those of us who have read the books also know Sebastian must have been the one to take it (one assumes the reason he didn’t destroy it as per the vision Ithuriel gave Clary and Jace is because it wasn’t charged.)

Why would the Inquisitor lie about Aldertree’s whereabouts?

First, because it would be a massive loss of face for the Clave if it were known that their golden boy, the one sent to whip the New York Institute into shape, was a traitor working with Valentine. So if he disappeared with the sword, they would want to cover that up before the Institutes started losing faith in the Clave’s leadership.

Second, the Clave is probably claiming the Soul Sword is secure and in custody because if the Downworld found out it’s in the wind—in the hands of a traitor who probably aided Valentine—the Downworld is going to lose its collective shit even more than it already has following the massacre in the Institute.

So Aldertree/Sebastian is at large with the sword, except he can’t bring himself to stay that way because of what he’s left behind.

Namely, Izzy.

In the books, Sebastian has an incestuous obsession with Clary. But the show has been trying to downplay the incest angle. Maybe that’s because of network censorhip, or maybe it’s because the producers in their wisdom decided it was a disgusting sideplot that needed to be shelved. At any rate, aside from a few hints of lingering feeling, they basically dropped Clace until they could reveal that Jace wasn’t Clary’s brother.

It’s Sebastian, not Jace, who is Clary’s brother. If they bring in that obsession, they’re going to be right smack back in the middle of stuff they’ve been making a concerted effort to omit from the show. I admit, 2x12 has called my theory here into question, since obviously Sebastian DID go there with Clary, at least a little, but mostly they’ve been focused on his interactions with Izzy.

So what I truly believe they’ve done here is transfer Sebastian’s fixation to Izzy. Especially in light of the recent interview where Emeraude remarks something to the effect of things aren’t going to be the way they were in the book, they’ll end up in the same place, but they’ll take a different route to get there.

There’s a REASON our first scenes with Sebastian are between him and Izzy. That’s significant. And look at what those scenes contain.

Look at the parallel here, between this and 2x05 when Aldertree applies Izzy’s first dose of yin fen. While this scene isn’t as blatantly sexualized, there is often something sexual overtone to a grown adult ingesting something from another adult’s hand. Even if there weren’t, the fact that Izzy is once again willingly accepting an unknown substance from someone she has no reason to trust is parallel enough.

But beyond that, look at who Sebastian is portraying himself as being.

He’s a yin fen addict who has bravely kicked the habit, and he has just what she needs to get better. He’s is a great cook who effortlessly takes care of people with delicious food. He’s a child with a troubled relationship with his mother who still manages to be okay.

Sebastian hasn’t just “become” Izzy, he’s become the person Izzy wants to be. Someone Izzy will admire and want to emulate. Someone she’ll be grateful to for rescuing her.

And in the process he’s undoing the damage he did by getting her hooked on yin fen, because look at the glance Izzy and Aldertree share on the roof in 2x10. He feels remorse for that, or at least he understands that he’s harmed and endangered someone he wishes to possess.

Does this mean they’ve transferred most, if not all, of the Clary/Sebastian plot to Izzy? Maybe? I don’t know. But I believe Sebastian’s driving motivation is going to be his obsession with Izzy, rather than with Clary.

Why Izzy? I don’t know.

It could be because she outthinks him in 2x01 in order to advise Clary on how to get around him.

It could be because she somehow managed to slip his yin fen blackmail hook, even at desperate cost to herself, and he admires that strength.

It could be because he homed in on her as the weak link of the Lightwood sibling chain in 2x03 and something about how much she loves her brothers touches him and sparks an obsession.

That last one is probably what’s going to be closest to the way things play out. And it could have very interesting implications for Alec. Because in 2x11, Sebastian reacts evasively (looking away, changing the subject) or violently (burning himself) when Izzy’s love for Alec comes up. I’ll come back to the burning thing in a bit.

Keep in mind, if Aldertree was Sebastian, Alec has thwarted him and stood between him and Izzy. He’s thrown down with Sebastian and challenged Sebastian’s “claim” to Izzy. And there’s no way he will ever win Izzy the way he wants her unless he finds a way to undermine Alec. But he can’t kill Alec, because he’d definitely lose any chance with Izzy (hence the reason Aldertree takes Alec to the roof to get him away from the fighting and keep him busy/distracted, instead of killing him.)

Also, Alec is the leader Sebastian tried and failed to be. Alec effectively ousted Aldertree as Head of the Institute. It very well could be that, just as the show is transferring some or all of Sebastian’s obsession to Izzy instead of Clary, they may be transferring some or all of his obsessive jealousy to Alec instead of Jace.

What this means in terms of the “dark parabatai”/twinning thing, I have no clue. I suspect, given what Dominic Sherwood said in an interview recently about how Jace isn’t going to be catching a break anytime soon, even as far as he’s been told about Season 3, that that storyline is still going to play out pretty much the same.

In the books, iirc, Sebastian is jealous of the fact that Valentine loved Jace more than him even though Sebastian is Valentine’s true son and Jace isn’t. And he’s jealous of the fact that Clary loves Jace and can’t give Sebastian the time of day.

It may be that the show will focus more on the family bonds instead of the romantic bonds. The parallels between Maryse and Jocelyn’s imperfect mothering are an obvious starting point. If that’s the case, if the focus of his jealousy and obsession is familial love rather than whatever it was book-Sebastian was after with Clary, then certain events coming up later this season are going to be particularly tragic.

What will Clary and Jace be doing if they take those storylines away? I really haven’t the vaguest idea. I think what’s most likely is that we may see a hybrid of my theory (where it’s primarily focused on Izzy and Alec) and the book canon that’s focused on Clary/Jace. I honestly have no idea what that would look like; the same story but just more spread out and inclusive of these characters as a whole group, I guess? Mostly I’m just thrilled at the idea of them taking a major storyline like “being the object of the bad guy’s obsession” away from Clary and giving it to Izzy. Because that’s freaking awesome.

4. SO WHAT IS SEBASTIAN’S AGENDA

Given the fact that in s2ep15, Valentine was sincerely unaware of who Sebastian was, and also the preview we’ve seen for s2ep16, I think it’s safe to say that either he hasn’t been working with Valentine, or if he was (especially as Aldertree) he was doing so to further his own agenda.

What is that agenda? Good question.

I think Valentine believed Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern to be either dead or banished to another realm. Remember this moment in 2x11?

In s2ep15, Magnus reveals to us that what the agony rune showed him was not the worst thing that ever happened to him, but the worst thing he ever did. The torment of the agony rune isn’t about sorrow or loss or helplessness, it’s about guilt.

That’s an important distinction.

We know Valentine experimented on his and Jocelyn’s son with demon blood. And we know from Jocelyn in 2x02 that Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern had not just one flower-killing mishap, but a whole series of incidents in which it was made patently obvious that he was partly demonic.

I believe what we saw in 2x11 while Valentine is being tortured is the memory of what he did to Jonathan. Either he was trying to somehow “purify” Jonathan of any excessive demon-nature and thought he had killed him instead, or he decided Jonathan was beyond salvaging and performed a ritual to banish him to a demon realm (likely Edom, which is the joint province of Lilith, whose blood he used in his experiment on Jonathan) and considered him gone forever.

This would explain why Valentine is so invested in Jace. In the books, he deemed Jace too soft-hearted and wrote him off, sending him to be raised by the Lightwoods while he focused all his attention on Jonathan/Sebastian. What we’ve seen on the show, however, is a bit of role-reversal there. I think it’s Sebastian he wrote off, so he could focus his plans on Jace.

Clearly, Sebastian has taken a dim view of all this and is angling for revenge.

I think Sebastian plans to destroy the Shadowhunters (or at least most of the Shadowhunters.) And he’s trying to foment conflict with the Downworld to accomplish it, which is why it was in his interest to abet Valentine’s goals during Season 2a.

In the books, it’s eventually revealed that Sebastian is the (in an older form) Seelie Queen’s lover. We’re already seeing hints of the two of them working toward the same agenda, in the way that the Seelie Queen tries to create a rift between Simon and Clary/Jace, the way she emphasizes “they always choose their own kind” (which could very well be words right out of Sebastian’s own mouth, if he believes Valentine tried to kill or banished him in favor of Jace.)

But let’s look at what Sebastian is doing on that front as well.

2x09: (as Aldertree) Asking Izzy out on a date once he realizes she’s going to a vampire to get her yin fen fix.

2x10: (as Aldertree) He tries to create a divide between Alec and Magnus by telling Alec a tragic tale of tragic Shadowhunter/Downworlder romance-gone-wrong.

2x12: Disregarding Clary’s relationship with Luke to convince her she’s without family, and asking her out on a date, thereby attempting to get between her and Simon.

2x13: Probably being somehow complicit/the mastermind in the whole Kaelie scheme, which was obviously an attempt to start a war between the Shadowhunters and the Downworld

2x14: Taking a discussion of Jace and Maia’s hookup and turning it around to bring Jace’s attention back to Clary (probably knowing that the Seelie Queen would later also try to nudge Jace and Clary toward each other.)

2x14: Interfering in Raphael and Izzy’s relationship to convince Raphael to walk away from Izzy.

2x14: Trying to derail the Downworld Cabinet by setting Luke up for attempting to murder Valentine.

Sebastian has a very clear pattern of trying to divide Shadowhunters from their Downworld loved ones and allies. At first I thought this was because he was working on Valentine’s Nephilim supremacist agenda, but now I think it’s the opposite. I think, like Valentine, he wants a war, but he intends for Downworlders and probably demons to come out on top and to exterminate the Shadowhunters.

And he’s not having an easy time of it. Mostly because of Izzy.

Now, I said earlier that I thought his burning himself was a violent reaction of jealousy toward Izzy’s love for Alec. I wrote that after 2x11, well before 2x15, so I really have to revamp that theory.

Again, look at those pictures of the little boy burning from 2x11. That is what happened the last time Jonathan/Sebastian loved and trusted a Shadowhunter. I think the reason we see him burning himself is because of his attachment to the Shadowhunters he’s infiltrated (particularly Izzy,) because he needs to remind himself of the pain of being betrayed by his father and why he thinks it’s necessary to do what he’s doing.

Do I like this particular plot? I’m not sure, but I see some really big potential pitfalls. Mostly because it potentially positions the Downworlders as aggressors whom the Shadowhunters need to heroically defend themselves against with deadly force, when in fact that exact opposite has been the case. It runs the risk of echoing various white supremacist propaganda that portrays people of color as aggressors against whom white people must defend themselves, and I’m really hoping they won’t go there.

However, after 2x13 we saw that the writers and producers do have some awareness of the metaphor they’re dealing with, and the show has brought two women of color into the writer’s room for Season 3, so it could be that they find a way to sidestep that trap. At least I really hope they will.

5. SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US WITH REGARD TO THE BOOKS? (SERIOUSLY MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD)

The short answer is: I think Season 3 will be the last season of the show. Or at least it will definitely be the last season of the show that follows the books in any significant regard.

In the books, we don’t really see Sebastian depart from Valentine’s agenda until after City of Glass, where he’s killed by Jace, and then resurrected by Lilith at the end of City of Fallen Angels.

But here’s the thing: other than resurrecting Sebastian, City of Fallen Angels doesn’t do much that we really need to see on the show. Jocelyn is dead, so the whole plot with her investigating the demon babies is out of the question. We saw Simon go to a dark place, feeding off a mundane, in 2x15 so that’s done. Other than that, all that happens is the introduction of Maia’s abusive ex, Jordan Kyle (who doesn’t need to be introduced at all, thanks) and a whole lot of Clace angst (which I’d also rather be spared.)

So, again, hearkening back to Emeraude Toubia’s remarks about how the show is going to end up in the same place as the books, but take a different route to get there (and the fact that Dominic Sherwood has stated that Jace isn’t going to catch a break even well into Season 3) I think at the end of Season 2, we’re going to see the show skip past most of City of Fallen Angels and jump right into events lifted largely from City of Lost Souls for 3a and City of Heavenly Fire for 3b.

A while back, there was a bunch of excitement from the production team over some last minute casting for a character in 2x19 and 2x20.

I think that character is going to be Lilith (I also think it’s the role Sarah Hyland is going to play, but I could be wrong there, she could just as easily play the aged-up Seelie Queen or Helen Blackthorn, as other people have suggested.)

I think in 2x19 we’re going to see the history of how Valentine made Sebastian, how Sebastian’s demon blood came from Lilith. And I think in 2x20, we’re going to see Lilith do what we’re told in City of Fallen Angels that she did at the end of City of Glass: save Sebastian after Jace kills him.

But Jace also dies at the end of City of Glass. City of Fallen Angels is all about the fallout from that, but most of it could easily be bypassed and the story wouldn’t suffer one bit. In an interview this week, Dominic Sherwood talked about how at the end of this season, there’s going to be a “heartbreaking rift” between Jace and Alec. Most of us in the know about the books believed that to be Jace’s death breaking their parabatai bond, and that may very well be the case. However, instead of having Lilith go through all the CoFA hoops to create the dark parabatai/twinning, it could easily be that being resurrected at the same time somehow bonds Jace and Sebastian instead, and thus we move right into CoLS. That would make as much sense, storytelling wise, as anything else.

So, that’s where I think this is going. If the show continues beyond Season 3, it will be a show completely removed from book canon, which let’s be real has been a millstone around the show’s neck for a while now. The showrunners will have fulfilled their obligation to book fans to portray the events that are considered iconic from the books, and thereafter they will be free, especially since it’s well-known that they don’t have the film rights to either Tales From Shadowhunter Academy or the Dark Artifices trilogy.

Could be interesting. Could be a disaster. I guess we’ll see.

[the-golden-ghost]

Oc thing; Pika 1, 3, 4, 5, 6. Any Oc for 8, 10, 15, 40

For Pika:

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Julpikana Cataran. Julpikana is just a fancier form of Julpika, which is a very common Thwaren name. Julpikana (the fancy version) is a little bit obsolete, a little pretentious. This is why she goes by Pika almost exclusively. Her mother named her, as her mother was a stickler for the old ways in terms of fashion. 

The fact that she took her father’s family name, though, is telling. In Thwaren society it’s more common to take one’s mother’s name, however, children get a choice of which family name to choose once they reach an age where they’re old enough to decide. She chose to follow the path and Mark of her father, Bez Cataran, which was a considerably darker and more warlike path than she would have followed had she gone with the path and Mark of her mother, Selphana Almaran.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Pika’s childhood was relatively fine. Her family was well-off, with a high standing amongst their respective groups. She and her older brother, Karu, were both best friends and bitter rivals. Unfortunately, her parents were often at odds, having differing interests, and they both tried vainly to turn the children to their side. Bez was the more successful, as both Karu and Pika ended up following his path and Mark and taking his family name when they got old enough. It ended up being rather violent, but that has to do with societal things and I won’t go into that here.

Some of her fonder memories are beating Karu in combat training. There was also a time when she and several other children were being accompanied by Bez up to the top of a nearby summit to basically be left in the wilderness for survival training, and Pika lagged behind, much to Karu’s bemusement (they weren’t friends when their father was present. They cared too much about impressing him to fend for each other) so they left her behind. Later they would set up their camp partway and rest a while. When they awoke they found that not only had Pika caught up while they were resting but she’d also set up the entirety of their camp by herself, which was no simple task with her condition. It was the first time in several years that Bez showed any pride in her, or referred to her as his daughter. 

A bad memory: the fourth year in a row she found herself dressed in the same outfit to go to their Mark’s festival of the Moon. Her mother had made her a new one, one that she was supposed to grow into. Later they would find that Pika had a rare condition that caused her to basically never fully mature. (I don’t know if there’s a human equivalent but just picture if someone stopped aging at the age of around 9 and you’d have a pretty good idea.) The fourth year was the year they started to realize something was wrong with her. She should have grown taller, started to age into an adult by this point. She never did, physically. 

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

She resents the heck out of her mother, Selphana. Selphana is a difficult woman to get along with; she’s demanding, vain, dramatic, temperamental, stubborn, single-minded, and overly controlling. Bez is, honestly, not much better, but Bez’s aloofness and sense of quiet (if arrogant) pride in his children made them both turn to him rather than their mother. 

Eventually, Bez gets arrested for some stuff I don’t feel the need to go into and instead of taking their mother’s claim, Karu and Pika set off to basically make good on their father’s name. Until Karu died. And then Pika got arrested herself. When she was let loose, she had decided to break with her family and their spiteful and selfish ways, and she basically disowned herself and left. Selphana was pissed and only too happy to strike her daughter off the family record for good. 

However, even separated from her family and with a career on a space station as a peace keeper and security officer, she remains loyal to her father and still follows his example of cold justice and adherance to protocol. 

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

Karu (Nikaru Cataran): Pika’s older brother. He was the most important person in Pika’s life, barring her father, for a long time. Even when they fought (and they could fight like the bitterest of rivals, when it came to Bez’s approval) his presence shaped who Pika was, made her stronger and more resilient and loath to back down. 

When Bez was taken, she and her brother went from sometime-rivals to allies of the closest sort, although they occasionally still disagreed and would fight each other, it was always brief. His death was one of the things that caused Pika’s break from her family. It didn’t seem worth it without Karu. 

Fala (Faladine Almaran): Pika’s much younger half-sister. She was born of an affair her mother got into during Bez’s custody. Because Pika was nearly grown up and separated from her mother at the time of Fala’s birth, she hasn’t really had much to do with Fala and doesn’t care for her at all. They’ve met only a few times. 

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Pika is (was?) a Thwaren Outlander, which means she and her family still live by the “old ways” basically, they live as they did before the arrival of the Braccans on Thren, their home planet. Their schooling isn’t done the way it is on Bracca, with levels and higher education, but is rather done as mix of mentoring, collective group efforts, self-education, and homeschooling. 

Her favorite subjects were history (Outlander history, they never studied the Braccan chronicles. According to Bez, Braccan books were useful only as tinder for their homing flares), law, and, surprisingly, space travel. She was also a very strong lover of combat training and learned to fight hand to hand at the age of six, eventually developing her own methods of combat that would give her aid despite her lack of height and muscle. 

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

(For Keeva)

Thranians from Keeva’s district don’t typically keep pets, aside from sand-mokes (small, timid things that look a little like a cross between a monkey and an armadillo) and scuttlers (crab-esque creatures). Keeva and her siblings had a few scuttlers they kept, but they never really named them or kept them long-term. As an adult, she’d love to get a pet mooncreep or a fur-moke. But, she travels too much, and the Solar Day doesn’t have a lot of space.

She likes animals all right. They aren’t much fun to talk to, but they do make good companions in a pinch. 

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

(For Prilana)

She adores children. Children also adore her. She never had any of her own, but her wards (for lack of a better term) have a clutch of their own. (The children’s names are Kukuru, Ni’eldra, and Diamora.)

Had she children of her own, she would probably be as tender to them as she is to the children of her wards, however, she does not. She has created several Servux droids, who she treats as her creations, but she is not nearly as gentle towards them as they are machines and not flesh and blood. 

She claimed guardianship of Arukis after his mother’s death and had him and his Servux guardian sent to a distant space station for safekeeping, however, she is not attached to the boy and sees him only as a political tool for her own gain. She has asked 14 to have him killed a few times, when she thought it would be better for her pursuits. In general, she’s kind and loving only to the children she sees as her own, and if she does not, she can be alarmingly cold and even cruel. 

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

(For ELE)

Although she rejects most aspects of servant life offhand, ELE takes great pride in her culinary abilities. She also tends to get extremely angry when anyone insults or critiques her work. Her main goal (short of showing off and stroking her own ego) is to impress Keeva. Anything else is irrelevant. 

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

(For Nadia)

She loves them. Unfortunately, Braccans can’t taste sweets and Thwarens like very bland food. Thranians enjoy the taste of sweetness, but they use it sparingly. 

As for staying awake, Nadia’s better at it then Djunn (who requires as many sleeping hours as waking ones) or ELE (who needs to cooldown/recharge frequently lest she overheat and explode, or shut down from lack of energy). However, Thranians like Keeva don’t really sleep at all. As such, Nadia is the second most alert person on the ship.

Compared to other humans, she probably sleeps a lot less due to growing up with space travel not geared towards the human circadian rhythm. 

[flammanota-blog]

Med school

I want to talk about my experience in med school. Particularly my internship. I felt miserable for those 3 clinical years. Granted, I would not say I was the must studious student, I still tried. I definitely could have hit the books harder and everything, but I had little energy to do it. For a good majority or entirety for that matter, of my post-high school days. I felt fatigue and lethargy dominate my physical state. Obviously, when it came to more engaing activities like sports, games, or going out, I could push past through it because I was in flow. However, when it came to mundane tasks like studying and reading, I quickly lost interest and the mental focus to properly finish a task. Concurrently, I was stricken with horrible episodes of eczema that only got worse during the winter. I would constantly be itching, whether it was scalp, neck, ears, folds of elbows, etc. I would go see doctors and try all manners of lotions and creams, but was allowed only temporary relief. The itchy flaky skin became a powder of white flakes that constantly decorated my clothing and the surface of my face. To make matters worse, anytime I worked up a sweat from even moderate physical activity or higher temperatures, the sweat would induce a burning sensation at all those spots. Needless to say, I was very distracted by that condition alone. Luckily for me, I had the self-confidence to not really let how my unpleasant appearance affect how I perceived myself. But that is not all. During my time in the hospital, the AC was always blasting. I understood that that was for the patients’ well being, but my hands and feet were always ice cold. I felt terrible whenever I was in the hospital just for that fact. It was only worse when I was designated for the OR. The surgical rooms were significantly colder than the wards, understandably for controlling microbial growth, but that does nothing to make me feel any less uncomfortable. I found that those symptoms would not improve and only get worse as time went on. I felt slept deprived and physically spent. At my wit’s end, it was all I could manage just to make it through the day. My only solace was getting out for lunch when I could hopefully bask in the sunlight for a moment outside. Over the years, I would see no small number of doctors, but none of them could offer me a permanent solution. All they could allude to was that it was a genetics thing and would be chronic as far they are concerned. If there was a word for less than useless, I would be using it here. I always took their words with a grain of salt, because I could not accept that this was a permanent condition, especially in my mid-twenties.

I had essentially no friends to speak of. I tried to talk to my classmates, but found it rather difficult to connect with them on a deeper level. Whether it was truly due to a lack of personality or the lack of interest on my part is hard to say, though definitely it was a mix and depended on each person individually. Definitively, I could not discern any aspect of their lives or person that made them interesting or stand out from the others. They rarely spoke of their thoughts or values. I highly doubt they are void of these components, so perhaps they did not feel like divulging that part of them with me in particular? Regardless, on top of the lack of connection, we were on rotations through different departments every 2 or 4 weeks. So, just when I barely might have established some rapport with some of the more senior staff in a particular department, I would have to start all over again. It was a really trying time for me. I could not pick up on things as fast as my colleagues could due to my insufficiency in mandarin. As time went on, I also tired of explaining my language barrier to the new teams as it was quickly followed by lectures about how I need to be trying harder to make up for the language skill gap because I have already been in the country for so long.

I am all for self studying. I believe in self-sufficiency and independence. But, in a field like medicine, I find it disappointing that a lot of time, the doctors expect that you know the material in its entirety. When, inevitably I did not have the answers, they would don an incredulous look on their faces and chastise me for my lack of knowledge. Yet, by the end, I still have not learned what it was I was missing. They routinely would just tell me to go back and look it up myself. The issue with a subject as medicine is that the material is so expanse that when you think you know, you might in fact, not. That is the entire point of having teachers/mentors is it not? To guide you through the holes in your thinking or logic and rectify the misunderstanding. However, that was rarely the approach any of them took. I have no reservations to their skills as doctors, but their ability as teachers were a different story.

All in all, I had an execrable time through my clinical years.

[mrmichaelchadler]

Spotlighting Ebertfest's Festival Director and Audience Members

We are embarking on our twenty-first production of the Ebertfest Film Festival, and so I wanted to shine a spotlight on the Festival Director, Nate Kohn, and on some of our loyal Ebertfest audience members. We get attendees from all over the United States and Canada, and I asked  audience members to tell us what drew them to the festival the first time, and why they continue to return year after year. We are sharing selected versions of their most cherished moments with you. I am presenting them here in the following categories of attendance: 1-5 Years, 5-10 Years, 10-15 Years and 15-20 Years. I am looking forward to making new memories with all of you at our 21st edition of Ebertfest, running from Wednesday, April 10th, through Saturday, April 13th, at the Virginia Theater in Champaign, Illinois. See you there!—Chaz Ebert

First, I want to thank our Festival Director, Dr. Nathaniel Kohn

Nate Kohn was born and raised in Urbana, Illinois and attended the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign. Currently he is a film professor at the University of Georgia in Athens, where he also serves as the Associate Director of the George Foster Peabody Awards. We are fortunate that he has been the festival director at Ebertfest since day one.  Roger and I worked with Dr. Kohn as a cohesive team to plan the festival, and after Roger passed away, Nate and I continued to plan the festival as seamlessly as ever with the help of the College of Media at the University of Illinois, and three program coordinators: Current coordinator, Andrew Michael Hall (whose voice some mistake for Scott Connery as James Bond;  and previous coordinators-- Mary Susan Britt and Casey Ludwig.

Dr. Kohn is an award winning film producer who produced "Zulu Dawn" starring Burt Lancaster and Peter O’Toole; the independent feature "Somebodies," which premiered at Sundance (2006); "Rain," the Bahamas’ first indigenous feature which premiered at Toronto (2007); and the feature length documentary "Bayou Maharajah" that premiered at SXSW (2013). He was Executive Producer on the BET television series "Somebodies" (2008). He has served on juries and mentored screenwriters at the Atlanta, Hawaii, Kerala, and Bahamas International Film Festivals. And he is the author of numerous scholarly articles and of the book Pursuing Hollywood: Seduction, Obsession, Dread (AltaMira Press, 2006). 

As those who have been attending the film festival regularly know, Nate tries to avoid speaking at the podium as much as possible, but this year I have a plan to make sure you get to enjoy the benefit of his humor and wisdom even more than in past years. And now, here are the memories shared by our Ebertfest audiences.

1-5 YEARS

Ann Wilde and Patty Urban

Ann works for a financial group in the downtown Chicago area as a Business Analyst. She was happily married but lost her husband to cancer many years ago. She loved movies as a child, remembering how much “Wizard of Oz” and “Sound of Music” made such an impression on her. Ann has 2 siblings that worked at a theatre in high school in her neighborhood. She would always hang out there to see movies. Her favorite movie is “Casablanca.” She has been a fan of Humphrey Bogart since she was a teen. Documentaries are her favorite genre, and she’s so glad Ebertfest always has them.

I met my best friend Patty in 1980. We both were working summer jobs at the same insurance company. We became fast friends and one of the things we bonded over was movies. When we met, Patty was in college at U of I and her minor was Film. She shared her love of movies with me and we had some great conversations about genres, directors and film critics. She was a fan of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert’s show, as I was. I favored Roger over Gene and always wanted to know what Roger had to say about the movies coming out. I was also a Sun Times newspaper reader (still am today) so I looked forward to reading Roger’s reviews. I always felt that I was getting a honest and incredibly insightful assessment of the movies he reviewed and often found that I wanted to see the movie more so after reading his opinion. I know Patty is proud that she graduated from the same college as Roger Ebert.

Over our 39 year friendship, Patty and I have seen too many movies to count. We actually saw Roger and Gene at a "Return of the Jedi" movie premiere in Chicago that my Dad won tickets to. We attended book signings for the books that Roger wrote and have a picture of us with Roger, not long before he passed that I will treasure forever. You were there too, Chaz, as you were the one who kindly took the picture of us with Roger. Patty and I always talked about going to Ebertfest. A huge regret of ours is that we never made it here while Roger was alive. It would have been a true honor to have seen Roger at the Virginia theatre, holding court and discussing films. I do, however, believe I feel Roger’s presence in the Virginia theatre.       

Patty and I have attended Ebertfest since 2015 and are never disappointed at what we see and experience. The Ebertfest audience is THE BEST!

Warren Ward 

Warren has been a financial planner for nearly 30 years and became interested in film at college. He's what’s known as a fiduciary planner, meaning he always acts in the best interests of his clients, not a brokerage company or insurance agency. Warren always felt that Roger did the same. "He presented his opinions for our contemplation – and comment – but never seemed to get caught up in the temptation to ‘paint a flattering picture’ in exchange for receiving good seats at an opening or other attention," said Warren. 

I bought Roger’s yearbook for myself every Christmas for more than 20 years, then spent a month or so going through it marking movies I needed to see. Being self-employed I always hated taking time off work simply to have fun but, as I began easing into retirement a few years ago, my wife offered me a trip to Ebertfest as a Christmas present. I was excited to accept and queued up early on Wednesday to be sure of getting a good seat. I found myself in line with a woman who lives in Champaign and attends every year. She described her preferred seat which proved to be a better choice than what I’d had in mind. Later that day I moved up to join her and now sit with her and her EF friends every year. Of course I look forward to seeing the films and hearing the stories, but I also look forward to sitting with those who are now my EF friends too. There we’ll be, just behind the house left stairs in the balcony: the design instructor, the English professor, the architect and me, the (still) semi-retired financial planner.

John McEwan 

John lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, with his wife, Meredith Zenge, and their dog, Jade. He’s originally from Jacksonville, Texas and has a PhD in geography from Louisiana State. Meredith is a U of I chemical engineering graduate originally from Cincinnati, Ohio. She was at the first Ebertfest.

2019 will be my fourth year in a row attending Ebertfest. I keep going because it is my wife's birthday gift to me (but also because I like it so much). Meredith (my wife) was at the very first Ebertfest when she was a chemical engineering undergrad at U of I, and I think she has only missed one or two Ebertfests at the most due to work conflicts. One of her college friends and that friend's mom regularly attend as well, so they are another aspect of Ebertfest to which I always look forward. There are a few small things that I like about Ebertfest:

1) Lining up rain or shine, cold or heat and waiting for several hours so that we can be some of the first few to get the best seats in the Virginia Theater. We try to get the same seats every year;

2) Seeing the same strangers' faces either in line, or in the seats around us; and

3) Eating the popcorn.

There are two stories that I like to tell people. A couple of years ago, after "Another Version of You" was screened, we happened to eat at the same restaurant as Norman Lear. And that was it. Just that cool egalitarianism that Ebertfest seems to create in the area. Similarly, last year, we kept bumping into the 'real' Dude (Jeff Dowd, upon whom the "Big Lebowski" was based),  and he was nothing like what we expected. So we brag to our friends about that. My wife will always have more stories than me, but now we get to share them.

It's just fun. I never thought of myself as a movie person, as in someone that actually cared or was interested in why a movie was made, or the kind of effort that goes into making some of the films a reality. But now I am one of those people and I like it.

5-10 YEARS

Denise English 

I will never forget "Lawrence of Arabia" as my first film at Ebertfest 2004. My mom and I were Ebertfest virgins in 2004. We both shared a love of film and film critic Roger Ebert. A restored 70mm print of "Lawrence of Arabia" on the big screen in a "real" theatre like the Virginia, might not mean much to the average person, but we knew we were in for an amazing evening. And we have experienced that same amazement over the past 9 years we have been attending Ebertfest. The title release of Ebertfest films every march is our March madness selection Sunday. 2019 will be our 10th anniversary at Ebertfest. 

Jason Greenley

Jason Greenly is a Champaign resident since 1995 and an Ebertfest attendee since 2012.  When he's not in his role as the Operations Director for Courage Connection (providing services for those impacted by domestic violence since 1971), he is writing stories or at the movies.

Somehow, in the dark while not speaking at all, I've made friends. I've made friends with people not from my community. I've made friends with people from my community I never encountered before. I make new friends every year. And every year, I spend time with them outside of Ebertfest. (Often, I've found, at events surrounding music.) These are relationships I would not have otherwise, and they enrich my life as much as (really more than) film does - and film enriches my life a lot! I come for the movies; I keep coming for the people I meet in between the movies when we give voice to the experiences we just shared.

Dan Schreiber 

I ran my first 5K on Friday night, April 25, 2014 at 7:30pm. I know this because at 8:30pm on April 25th, 2014, Spike Lee was scheduled to walk onto the Virginia Theater stage at Ebertfest and introduce "Do The Right Thing." I had one hour from the start of the race at South Farms to get my butt in a seat at the Virginia Theater. 

I only agreed to run because my high-school aged daughter made me a deal: She would run her first half marathon if I ran my first 5K. So, no way I could back out of it.  And I grew up on Spike Lee films, as he taught this middle-class white guy a lot of things I needed to know about race in America. No way I was going to miss him either. 

I had no idea how long it would take me to run, but I lined up with 7,000 other people on Oak Street. Luckily, the race started promptly at 7:30pm. Unluckily, there were 7,000 people running, and most of them were ahead of me. I didn't reach the start line until 7:35 pm.  I ran as fast as my Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby inspired body could go. I crossed the finish line at Memorial Stadium at 8:10, got slapped on the back by my daughter and wife, and didn't stop until we got to the car. While my wife sped to the Virginia, I changed clothes in the back seat and slathered on some deodorant. I slipped into a seat at 8:28 pm, just enough time to stand up for Spike's pre-show standing ovation.

Until I'm told otherwise, I will believe that I am the only middle-aged white man in the world that Spike Lee has inspired to run a 5K in less than 40 minutes.

Kathleen and Dave Porreca at Ebertfest.

10-15 YEARS

Suzanne Lewandowski 

Suzanne Lewandowski has been a resident of Champaign-Urbana for the past 12 years. She is an 8th grade language arts teacher at Urbana Middle School. She loves creative writing, reading, art, and movies (of course!). Ebertfest is a highlight of her year. Look for her in the balcony with her friend Carolyn during “Almost Famous.” As Penny Lane says, “ It’s all happening!”

Ebertfest 2009: There was quiet stillness in the theater, a collective hush fell on the crowd. After waiting and artful finagling, my friends and I were in the coveted middle section, first few rows. We leaned forward in anticipation and the eerie stillness permeated the screen as “Let the Right One In” began. There would be vampires, scary children, and there would be so much blood-in the aftermath there would be nights spent triple-checking the doors of my apartment and sleeping with the lights on. Even so... as I watched the audience watching the movie in stunned amazement, as I glimpsed the faces of my dearest friends, breathless, I realized we were a cinematic community. Our hearts might be beating crazily in fear, but we were in this together. We could handle child vampires-we could take on the world! 

It’s that power-of people coming together who love film-and want to share the experience that keeps me anticipating and attending year after year.

Patricia McNussen 

Patricia was born and raised in Cheyenne, Wyoming. She moved to Champaign-Urbana in 1991 for a job at Carle. She is a neuro ophthalmologist, dealing with diseases in conditions that affect vision and eye movement, optic nerve disease, and disorders of the pupil. 

Patricia loves movies, and has been attending Ebertfest since 2006.

I have attended Ebertfest since 2006, and have loved every year since!

Of all the movies, the documentaries have affected me the most. After watching "A Small Act” in 2011, I bought a copy and showed it to my small group at church. We ended up sponsoring a child in Nicaragua.

Thanks for all you do. 

Kathleen Porreca 

Kassie and Dave Porreca met in Urbana in 2003 when they were both working at Uni High. Dave had been the journalism teacher there for many years when Kassie joined the staff as Principal. After she left Uni in 2007, they began dating, with some of their earliest dates attending Ebertfest in 2008.

They got married in 2009, and will be celebrating their 10th anniversary in July. They live in Oak Park, where Kassie is an elected Park District Commissioner. (Their home is 1.9 miles from that of Kassie’s lifelong friend Anna, who attended that fateful first Ebertfest with them.) Kassie is currently the Principal of Regina Dominican High School in Wilmette, and Dave is the web/media specialist for the Elmwood Park public school district. Dave has become the proud step-dad and step-dad-in-law to Kassie’s son, J.R. and his wife Mollie, and “Pop Pop” to J.R. and Mollie’s two sons, Lukas, 8, and James, 5 months.

Here's my Ebertfest story:

My husband Dave and I will be attending our 12th Ebertfest together this year. The first time we attended together was in 2008, and we had just started dating. We lived in C-U at the time, and neither of us had ever managed to get to the festival.

By the time he asked me if I would like to attend with him, I had already invited my friend Anna to come for the weekend and I had purchased passes for both of us (hers was her Christmas gift from me).

So, Dave ended up being the third wheel for several of the films and simultaneously auditioning as my new boyfriend with Anna, my best friend since high school. Luckily for all of us, they hit it off. Dave and I were married in 2009, and even though we've moved back home to Chicago, every year we make the pilgrimage back to Ebertfest. 

Most years we are passholders, but two years we were able to be sponsors, which we loved being able to do. We may be sponsors again this year.

We have loved Ebertfest for the community that has developed among the festival attendees and the little traditions. I love bringing my chair and sitting in line for a couple of hours before the first movie each day and meeting new friends each time. I love buying my Virginia Theater travel mug and having my unlimited coffee all weekend long. We love hanging out on the plaza in between shows and running into all the people we know. We love the "thumbs up" cookies from Pekara.

Sappy as it may sound, we loved feeling like we got to "know" you and Roger through seeing you together at the festival. His essay about your love story and marriage resonates with us because, like Roger, Dave always thought of himself as a "soloist" until I came along. He was 47 and had never been married when he decided to take the plunge with me. I had been divorced for many years with a grown son. Dave became an instant step-dad, and now with our 10th anniversary coming up, he's the grandpa to two boys without ever having raised a child.

Some years, my friend Anna is able to join us for a movie or two, and we always get nostalgic thinking about that first Ebertfest the three of us enjoyed together. Poor Dave - he had no idea that he was about to embark on a lifelong commitment to both of us!

Ebertfest has made its impact on my professional life as well. In April of 2013, just a couple of days after Roger's death, I was attending  a workshop at Harvard for educators and school architects where we were put into teams and told to design a school from concept to curriculum to physical building. Freshly grieving the passing of my hero, Roger Ebert, I convinced my team to name our school the Roger Ebert Learning Community, and we designed our curriculum and mission around student voice, student expression, and social justice. It was a beautiful concept and we wowed our classmates. I had tickets to Roger's memorial the day I was coming home from that conference, but my flight was delayed and I didn't make it. I'm still upset that I was unable to be there for the celebration of his life.

Last July, I took a new job as the Principal of Regina Dominican High School in Wilmette, an all-girls Catholic high school. Within a month of starting there, I had the brainstorm of creating a women's film festival at Regina, which would feature films created by women filmmakers and/or films featuring strong girl and women characters. The first film I thought of programming for my festival was "Wadjda", which of course I had seen at Ebertfest. The festival is about to become a reality in just a few weeks.

15-20 YEARS

Dianna Armstrong 

I have been at Ebertfest from day one when Heather Rose appeared with the film about her- "Dance Me To My Song" - which was the first movie shown in a rather dilapidated Virginia Theatre on a Thursday afternoon. I have missed less than ten films over all the years. 

Other great memories:

Meeting the lead actress of "The Terrorist" (2000) in the ladies room on the 2nd floor which then had two stalls and peeling paint.  She was so excited to be at the Festival and wished the director could have attended

Sitting at a picnic table with Dusty (Cohl, who founded the Toronto International Film Festival), attired in his cowboy hat with cigar in hand

Staying till 2am to listen to the fascinating conversation Roger had with Werner Herzog

Hearing Marni Nixon sing "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" a-capella from the stage after the "My Fair Lady screening

I could continue but I'll end with my most poignant memory. I was in line for the handicapped bathroom and Roger got in line behind me. I motioned for him to get it front of me and he just shook his head. 

I so much miss his presence and his incredible interviews. He always listened and even played a wonderful straight man for Donald O'Connor.

Brand Fortner 

Brand Fortner is teaching professor at North Carolina State University, and adjunct professor of physics at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He is considered an expert in accessible scientific visualization and in technical data formats. He previously was chief scientist of the intelligence exploitation group of the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Lab, and is the founder of two scientific software companies: Spyglass, Inc, the original publisher of the Mosaic web browser, and Fortner Software LLC, a leading developer of Macintosh based scientific visualization tools.

Dr. Fortner previously held positions at NASA and at the National Center for Supercomputing Applications, and has written two books on color vision and technical data: Number by Colors, and The Data Handbook.  He holds a PhD in astrophysics from the University of Illinois and funded a chair in astrophysics at that university (along with a second chair in physics at North Carolina State University). He also cosponsors a film festival at that university.

Brand serves on several corporate boards and advisory bodies and in 2005 received the distinguished alumni award from the University of Illinois. He is also an instrument rated private pilot, and co-owner of a Piper Archer.

During an early Ebertfest the lovely Australian comedy “The Castle” was screened for the festival. In one scene the main character, played by Michael Caton, commented that a trophy would go “straight to the pool room’. And then later, he said it again. And again. And yet again, as the poolroom filled with trinkets.  

The audience, and me, and Roger, loved that catch phrase, and Roger used it throughout that festival. And the next, and the next, and the next. The catchphrase became a piece of shared community. If you knew what Roger meant, you were part of the Ebertfest crowd, you were IN.  

In later years its use declined, and I was sad to see it go. So to keep its memory alive, I call my A/V den “The poolroom”, and whenever I receive something of value, I exclaim to whoever is around that it will “go straight to the poolroom." Their quizzical looks made me feel great: I was part of the Ebertfest IN crowd. And they were not.

Maureen Reagan

I shared the attached story with Roger many years ago, and I still deeply appreciate the experience, so I thought I’d share in this current call for stories. 

Dear Mr. Ebert,

I’ll begin with the easy part. As a resident of Champaign-Urbana, and a U of I graduate, and a member of the local business and arts and movie-going communities, I thank you for the care and attention you pay to all those areas. Your Overlooked Film Festival brings joy and life and a “buzz” with its presence here, and I have often wanted to thank you for making it so.

I thank you also for your reviews—beyond appreciating the guidance they give in how I spend my time and money, I simply enjoy your writing. I’m as glad to read about a movie I’m not going to see as one I am, which could say something odd about me but actually is a compliment to your content and style.

So, I have written my citizen’s thanks for your work; now let me tell a more personal story.

You and I have a fine friend in common in Dan Perrino. I vividly remember your video greeting at Dan’s Virginia Theatre retirement celebration—your stories fit perfectly the Dan I know. While he would deny credit (or blame!) for this, he helped to bring me to the university, to find money to pay for it, to stay in school, and to get the job after graduation that has allowed me to continue working in and enjoying this community.

I want to write you about another fine man whose name you don’t know, but whose friendship in a way we have in common—my father, Bill Reagan. My dad was born in April 1919 in Steelton, Pennsylvania. Money was scarce, work was hard, play was fierce, and love was deep.

The movies were essential.

Dad told me about visiting, as a boy, his Uncle Dan Reagan at his job as a night watchman on the construction site of the Steelton city building. Uncle Dan, whom Dad said “taught him how to needle,” to good-naturedly tease—an art Dad perfected with practice throughout his life—would engage Dad in arguments about who was the greater hero, George Washington or Tom Mix.

Dad had other movie heroes, too. One day a few years ago, he and I were visiting over dinner in my hometown of Ottawa, Illinois. Spurred by a comment I don’t remember, Dad mused, with remnants of wonder shimmering in his voice, “There was a movie . . . there was a movie I saw when I was young . . . the hero thrust his dagger into a ship’s sail and rode the length of the sail on that dagger. What a movie. . . . "The Black Pirate." I don’t know if anyone even knows of that movie still.” His awe at that memory shone in his eyes, and I mentally filed The Black Pirate under “to find.” Dad was a man of few wishes—or I should say of dreams and wishes and work for his family and community but of few wants for himself—and I hoped to fulfill his unspoken and perhaps even unrecognized goal of reacquainting himself with "The Black Pirate."

One night not long after, while I was cruising the video aisles of the Champaign Public Library, a VHS tape in a plain green wrapper stared back at me from the shelf. In the simplest of terms it stated its identity: "The Black Pirate." The memory was found.

On my next trip to see my parents, I took Dad the tape. We weren’t able to watch it together that weekend, but I left it with him; he and Mom watched it, amazed at its presence in their house, and mailed it back to the library.

Occasional references to the Black Pirate’s prowess occurred in subsequent conversations. And late that winter, as I read the roster of films for the Overlooked Film Festival of 2003, a familiar figure saluted me: "The Black Pirate." Eagerly I read on about this silent film, learning about its restoration and the Alloy Orchestra’s new musical accompaniment. I jumped onto the web to confirm that this was my dad’s childhood friend. And finally, when my questions were answered, I wrote to Dad, inviting him to the movies in honor of his 84th birthday.

The offer was happily accepted.

Dad couldn’t believe that his movie—a boy’s memory from a long-past time in a Pennsylvania town—was known and would be shown on a big screen with a big audience.

We talked and joked in the weeks before his visit. Well, we always talked and joked; now it was sometimes about "The Black Pirate." He told me about going to the movies with his friends— about how this crowd of boys would stamp their feet and cheer on the hero, then hiss and heckle the villains.

April came, and Dad’s Princess Isobel of 57 years, Helen Reagan, made sure he was in Champaign to enjoy his trip to the movies. In their hotel room, I pinned flowers on Mom’s and Dad’s lapels. Birthday, anniversary, raising their kids—whatever the occasion, they had earned it. We’d arranged to meet Dan and Marge Perrino for the show—those four people, what fine company.

Arriving at the theater carried the physical challenges of my parents’ ages, and I walked protectively just to the front and side of Dad, facing him, as he entered the theater and encountered diminished light and uncertain footing. But as we proceeded down the aisle, his sight grew sure and his footing eager—and here is why. I watched Dad’s face as he looked with interest and fascination at the rows of people around him laughing and talking. He was not in awe of the crowd or of the setting. He was in wonderment that all these people awaited this film that had entertained him so very long ago, that they eagerly anticipated experiencing this memory that Dad thought lived on only in his own heart and mind and those of other 84-year-old 7-year-old boys.

We took our seats with Marge and Dan and chatted in fine Ebertfest style with people around us. One woman noticed the flowers my parents wore and inquired about the occasion, in answer to which we gladly told the story. Soon the musicians took their places, the lights dimmed, and the curtain rose on my father’s childhood.

And then—well, you were there. You know how the entire theater watched enthralled. Aurally and visually, the film was gorgeous. You probably didn’t hear my dad as he whispered to me, “Oh, here! Here, did we cheer!”

And cheer we all did, as hero and heroine kissed and the lights came up on a happy ending. Dad said he loved the new musical score—always a forward thinker, even with regard to his childhood treasure—and was fascinated by the quality and beauty of the print itself—always an inquiring scientist.

Near the end of the question-and-answer session, one of our new acquaintances asked if it would be OK to mention my parents’ story. She rose and introduced my dad, who then received the largest serenade of his life as the Virginia Theatre swelled with a thousand-voice version of “Happy Birthday.” Dad gladly accepted the microphone (always an Irishman) and told a couple of his memories, commenting that this crowd was different from his 7-year-old cronies in that this crowd cheered instead of booing the long-awaited kiss.

As the session closed, Warren York took his seat at the Wurlitzer organ, and Dan Perrino, his body in pain but fueled by as much go-ahead spirit as ever, hurried down to request Mom and Dad’s song—“I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.” Dad didn’t hear much of it because so many people approached him for conversation. As we made our way out of the theater, one man eagerly shook his hand and referenced another festival film as he said, “That wasn’t just medium cool; that was very cool!”

With Dan clearing a walking path through the lobby, we left in high spirits. I brought the car to pick up Mom and Dad, jumping out to snap a quick picture. As Dad explored the dark ground in front of him with his cane, we joked that this was now his dagger, for riding sails of a different sort.

That was to be my dad’s last visit to Champaign-Urbana. Heart problems that had challenged him for years grew suddenly worse, and after many inquiries the questing philosopher-scientist knew that he had explored every option. With this knowledge, he was satisfied. He prepared himself and his family for his death with courage and grace. Still, when it came, we were not ready—but I believe he was. He passed away on December 26, 2003, leaving us immeasurably sadder for having lost him and immeasurably richer for having known him.

We often talked about our trip to the movies in the months following "The Black Pirate," and my family referred to you as “Dad’s new friend, Roger Ebert.” I write tonight to thank you for having given me this gift—the chance to step back in time and sit next to my father, a 7-year-old boy at the movies.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2YZAGhe

[starwarslegacies]

Survey Says, Part IV, Finale

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to get people to fill out a survey which I do 1-3 times a year, these often do have impact in choosing how the sim moves forward.  Bit behind on these results like many other things!

Believe we’re on question #10

10 asked, Events: What do you prefer? (Can choose more than one)

78% PVE, blend of combat and story

63.4% PVP

63.4% PVE, primarily story

58.8% Social, Pazaak, Racing,etc

31.7% PVE, combat focused.

Can see above we have a fairly diverse player base in what they like to do.  We’re a bit short on storytellers right now so if you or someone you know may fit that role, do let me know.

Then #11 asked “ What social event would you like to see more of?”

By far the favorites here were Swoop Racing and Fights.  The downside to swoop racing is that everytime someone loads into sim it causes a few second delay for everyone, but if people are willing to deal with that we can definitely hold more races.   As for the fights we have a “Pit Fighting League” under construction in which people will be able to earn credits by having sanctioned matches which they can do at any time and submit logs (though limited in how many they can do). It will also have tournaments and champions.  Every fight done can potentially increase someones placing within the league to lead to bigger prizes at the end of the season.  Still seeking some help managing this.  Pazaak didn’t get as much love but we do like doing those as they are an easy social thing to throw together.  Some of the other answers included a desire to see more tech rolls in the events, then someone mentioned more like Sume’s Valentine day event, then someone even mentioned music.   We’re open to ideas and do support players who want to run something.

Last thing we asked was #12: Any other general thoughts you'd like to share? Please keep brief/to the point. 

Lot of responses so I’ll select a few without getting redundant.

“Ensure that the system you have in place does not need certain players online. I.E, Ive been trying to get my Imperial I.D, and cannot. “ - Anon#1

I think this was fixed so that there is an automated version?

“ I’d love to see the trash piles spawn more often and/or give out more resources. This is invaluable to new players, as gaining credits was quite tough for me and many others at first. The trash is a good way to start up from nothing, but I feel it should spawn slightly more than 1-10 Credits or 1 crafting resource; especially with how rare they are right now. “ - Anon#2

I agree, been asking Renward about this type of thing but he’s been very busy.

“ when chars are arrested very little if any rp is done after the initial arrest. No interrogation. No release. This needs to change. “ - Anon#3

I find captures are often very hit or miss.

“ I have never RP'd anywhere else before and this is the most fun I have had on Secondlife so far in 11 years. The main draw of this sim to me is the amount of people who actively use it. I could not see myself RPing in a sim with a low amount of active players. Getting new players and retaining old players is the most important thing to me. I have no real ideas on how to do this though. Good luck!” - Anon#4

Thank you, we do our best with that, sometimes more difficult than others but we’ve been able to maintain for around half a decade, let’s go for a whole one :d

“ I loveloveLOVE the build but I noticed it's very graphics laggy. I also noticed that while you use teleporters to essentially skyboxes with the building interiors, those interiors are still directly behind the building facades. If you moved them out of draw distance and spaced them out, the sim would be a lot easier to render for everyone. Less lag, higher framerates, more fun! “ - Anon#5

The reason I do tend to do this is I find if something is out of cam range, people are less likely to enter, you do give a valid argument though and will consider further.

“ Having mentors/mediators would be really helpful to take a lot of the load off the staff on sim. So then they can focus on the cool stuff, like building the lore, and actual problems. “ - #Anon#6

Yeah, would like to find a few more.

“ I'm concerned about the system being an element that pulls players from the immersion of their RP. As medical personnel i'm also still concerned with the 'reset' feature on health causing individuals to not be prompted to seek medical attention for their injuries. It is a handy system for varying stats, offering abilities and providing a more structured combat basis but it would be helpful if there was an easier application for it than typing in commands. If there were an attachable HUD for the Chimera available upon entry to the sim which offered either buttons for Chimera options or a drop-down menu to choose from it might help expedite system use in combat, speed up combat, and make the experience more enjoyable overall. Spending hours in combat can sometimes be exhausting and take away from time desired for other aspects of RP. “ - #Anon7

Post this, we did take action about the reset button and have taken a few other steps as well to increase realistic recovery from injury and people using medical services.  May still see more in this area.

“ With regards to conscent, reasonable right to life and consequence. Dont do something that would get you arrested, and deny consent. “ - #Anon8

Yeah, would agree on that, you may see changes in that area very soon.  We’re behind on many things we’d like to do.

“ I feel like I’d personally be more invested if there was more for the Jedi to do. So far all we have to do is be captured or whatnot. It was fun for a bit but I think a lack of leadership for a while has made it hard. I hope this changes soon. “ - #Anon9

It is a difficult era for Jedi players, we knew that going in but we wanted to try something different. We are always shaking things up though so you could see things evolve in the future.

“ Lot of trolls get into the sim/rp. Gets a bit annoying. Might just be an issue all over SL, though. “ #Anon10

It is, but I find “trolls” are fairly easy to tune out/ignore/etc. The only time trolls have power is when people take the bait and react. They usually knock it off once they know it doesn’t get to you.  To use my own example a few used to give me a hard time for engaging in sexual roleplay, they would take pictures and IM me these pictures. I laughed, and just got more lewd, like who cares? and they stopped making a thing of it.. so I just find trolls pretty easy to ward off or ignore. Always more concerned with those who create and stir drama than I am with trolls.  Drama kills sim dead, trolling is just irritating.

“ Well , if you ask to me , there should be much more various social events .. Also before the events such as pazaak there should be courses before he game night so people could have an idea about what they are doing . About the groups , you shouldnt bring some strangers as directors , you should pick them from the group according to their activeness. Also you should appreciate or make a system to appreciate employees such as [redacted] employees .. I have been in group for two months i think and i am still security guard. No rank-ups .. And i have been coming online and standing as a guard almost everyday . Thanks for your patience and reading this. Good luck about the sim.. “ - #Anon11

If there are those who have been active and also have leadership ability then they will be.  Having the skills needed for leadership is not something every active player has.  This could be because their temper is too short, or maybe they do not work well with other group leads to be able to create interactive roleplay, or maybe they just are lazy or a variety of other reasons.  If we have someone who handles lead roles well, yes, at times they will leap frog if there isn’t a suitable candidate within X group.

“ If there is a time jump done, people need a way to get the most out of the 5+ year missing time. Something to encourage them to write up story for their characters for that time. After they've done so and handed it in, could lead towards special rewards for their character or the player. Something to think over. “ - #Anon12

I very much like this idea if we ever have one of those.  There currently is not one planned but like I’ve said, we’re always willing to change and adapt to do what’s best for activity.

----

DONE. Thank you to everyone who filled it out, really enjoy the feedback as it helps us figure how we can improve things for you all.

[fatoukinevillane-blog]

Mastery Journal Timeline

1)Mastery: Personal Development and Leadership

GOALS:

•To develop skills and improve performance in my field. Also, to reach and surpass, Mastery in the field of Entertainment Business. A third goal is to understand APA Formatting a little better.

STRATEGIES:

•Attend all Training sessions and review online lectures

•Incorporating Robert Greene’s book Mastery, to the assignment’s research for a better understanding .

•Doing extensive research to aid in the completion of each assignment. Looking further into ways to differentiate from MLA to APA.

2) Executive Leadership

GOALS:

•Building lasting business relationships as well as allow me to have display leadership in any role, especially an executive role. A third would be to invest more in my craft.

STRATEGIES:

•Network with successful business and people in my field

•Read “Developing the Leader Within You” by John C. Maxwell, to understand the course.

•Taking up a leadership role at work to be able to implement everything that I am learning towards it. It will allow me to know what does and does not work.

3) Project and Team Management

GOALS:

•To be able to build strong teams for the work environment. Also to be able to achieve success whether I have a miniscule budget or not; a third would be working with what I have.

STRATEGIES:

•Read the book that is assigned to the course for a better understanding and breakdown of Project and Team Management.

•Become a part of local organizations that can enhance my work ethics.

•Become more engage in an activity that requires team work and team building.

4) Business Storytelling and Brand Development 

GOALS:

•My goal for this course is to learn the arts of storytelling in order to make sure the consumer has an amazing experience. Also to build my brand into a strong entity within the Entertainment Industry. A third would be molding myself into a business woman.

STRATEGIES

•Reading the necessary book assigned for this course to guide me to wards brand building.

•Find companies that are similar to what I aspire to build and do further research on them .

•Once I can narrow it down to 1 or 2 companies that can serve as a blueprint for the type of company I’d like to own, begin the building of my company and brand.

5) Entertainment Business Finance

GOALS:

•My goal here is to learn how to use sufficient funds to finance different projects. I will also learn to make better financial decisions in regards to my brand. A third goal would be to Master this portion for the betterment of my company.

STRATEGIES:

•Read all of the necessary documents and books for this course.

•Find different videos and articles that focus on finances within a business.

•Attend any seminars or events, at the time, that is geared towards Finances in the Entertainment Business. 

6) Digital Marketing 

GOALS:

•I will be able to promote myself and my brand online by learning effective marketing. I will also aim to develop the necessary skills to consistently promote myself on different platforms. I will learn to use different promotional platforms.

STRATEGIES:

•Reading and understanding all articles and books involved in the course.

•Use the www.lynda.com as a research tool to better understand digital marketing.

•Acquire the skills necessary for branding myself and the company that I will be building online

7) Negotiations and Deal-Making

GOALS:

My goal here is to be able to successfully close a business deal(s). Also, to develop strong deal–making and negotiating skills. A third for me would be to using all of this knowledge to build my brand in return.

STRATEGIES:

•View any online material for the course and search for supporting material to provide a better understanding of the course.

•Participate in any and all class projects that will assist in my understanding of the course.

•Incorporate negotiations and deal-making into my work life to develop a sense of repetition to help info to be embeded in my cranium.

8) Product and Artist Management 

GOALS:

•Learn how to effectively manage an artist as well as the producers needed for promotion and catering to the consumer’s needs. Also, I will be able to resolve any issues with artists, products, and consumers. Learning different ways of branding oneself.

STRATEGIES:

•Use the skills in this course to learn about product management.

•Read all books and articles associated with this course.

•Use www.lynda.com as a research and resource tool to better understand product and artist management. 

9) Advanced Entertainment Law

GOALS:

•Learn the different contracts associated with this field. Also, I will learn how entertainment law changes over the years. A third goal is to learn about contracts and property protection.

STRATEGIES:

•Do research in the field of entertainment business to back up the readings already associated with the course.

•Speak with someone that works with Entertainment Law who can give me a better insight on the importance of the subject.

•Read all required material and finish all assignments on time while learning all aspects of the course.

10) Entertainment Media Publishing Distribution 

GOALS:

•My goal is to understand the issues that affect distribution. Publishing is another part of entertainment that I want to have Mastered. A third, would be to learn every thing about piracy legislation.

STRATEGIES:

•Create and develop a distribution and publishing strategies for my future company.

•Read all articles that I can find on this particular subject.

•Watch the YouTube video on “Entertainment Media Publishing & Distribution” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoBvPIVvgMA&list=PLmFqR6JHLyxY9ZCSfymTFV6231purrwLB

11) Business Plan Development 

GOALS:

•My goal is to revisit everything that I have learned this school year and begin to create my own business plan. Begin to create a blueprint of a business plan. Develop a business that I would be happy to say is my own.

STRATEGIES:

•Watch YouTube video in “Creating a Business Plan” by Mike Figliulo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlrb_X6fYZ0

•Begin to Network with Industry Professionals.

•Read required material for course and complete all required assignments. 

12) Final Project: Business Plan

GOALS:

•My goal for this course is to have retained all of the knowledge that I have been given this year. I want to be fluent in each and every course on my Mastery Journey. I want to be able to finalize my business plan, in it’s entirety, with critique from my Professor.

STRATEGIES:

•Read all of the required material for this course and turn in all assignments.

•Continue networking with industry professionals as often as possible.

•Prepare Final Project for Presentation.

Reference

Actors: Career, Salary and Education Information, 2017, https://collegegrad.com/careers/actors.

            Accessed 23 July 2017.

Career One Stop Credentials Center, State of Minnesota, 2017,

            https://www.mynextmove.org/profile/ext/apprenticeships/27-4031.00?s=TX&g=Go.

            Accessed 23 July 2017.

Heathfield, Susan. 15 Characteristics of a Successful Mentor, The Balance, 25  Mar. 2017,

            https://www.thebalance.com/top-characteristics-of-a-successful-mentor-1917831.

 Accessed 30 July 2017.

INTERNSHIPS, Paramount Pictures, 2017, www.paramount.com/inside-     studio/studio/internships. Accessed 23 July 2017.

Job Opportunities, 2017, https://www.osfashland.org/work-with-us/job-opportunities.aspx.

            Accessed 23 July 2017.

Mundim, Thiago. ArchiCAD: Management & Collaboration, Lynda, 22 Aug. 2016,

            https://www.lynda.com/ArchiCAD-tutorials/ArchiCAD-Management-

            Collaboration/480967-2.html. Accessed 30 July 2017.

Pia, Brian. Characteristics of an Effective Mentor, ContentRaven, 9 Feb. 2017,

            blog.contentraven.com/learning/characteristics-of-an-effective-mentor. Accessed 30 July

            2017.

Student Internships, State of New Jersey Department of State, 2017,

            www.nj.gov/state/njfilm/dos-njfim-student-internship.html. Accessed 23 July 2017.

QUALITIES OF A GOOD MENTOR, Leadership Resources, 2017, lrsuccess.com/qualities-good-mentor/. Accessed 30 July 2017.