#yes aroace people can absolutely have sex if they want

[zaebeecee]

Aroace individual: [writes a fanfic with a ship that includes a canonically aroace character, using their own experience to explore different avenues of how aroace relationships function]

Some allosexual, bursting through the wall and knocking over the potted plants: Oh so you’re aphobic? You’re ignoring that this character is ace by having them *** nasty style? You’re making them *** with their *** *** and *** in a *** for *** *** to ***?? Bending over with *** in their *** until *** *** *** and *** *** *** ***?!?

Aroace individual: they’re queerplatonic here actually

Some allosexual, now tracking potted plant soil all over the living room: BUT IT SAYS SHIP RIGHT THERE, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE A SHIP IF THEY AREN’T CONSTANTLY BANGING

Aroace individual: why are you in my house

[hairscare]

it is absolutely so absurd how shipping culture has made people feel like every single aroace character must be romance and sex favorable and its a normal thing to insist to real aspec people that its not disrespectful to mass headcanon every aspec character as favorable. yes yes youre very woke for knowing that aros can date and aces can have sex but maybe its not cool that you cant handle a character that doesnt want those things and should be understood in a way that isnt via a pairing

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Okay, I saw your post about marriage legality and why the ability to get married is important. I 100% agree and fully support the idea that marriage is first and foremost is a legal decision and appreciate you spreading awareness.

I was thinking that one such instance of where getting married may be important was in a Queer-Platonic Relationship (QPR). If I were in one, I’d almost certainly want the legal benefits of marriage.

Is it true that you have to “consummate” a marriage? I feel like I’ve heard that brought up before, and if that’s the case a marriage doesn’t protect someone in the case of a divorce if they’ve never had sex with their partner, right? They could just get an annulment? QPRs are very common among aroace people, so they may not want that. Are their other options for a circumstance like that?

Consummation is not necessary in any state in the US, as far as I am aware. There are some states where you can have your marriage annulled on the grounds of physical inability to consummate, but that's extremely archaic and very rare. You do not need to be in romantic love or have sex in order to be legally married.

Marriage is a legal decision with specific benefits and drawbacks. It is not about how much you love or care for or have sex with the other person. The ONLY thing that you should be thinking about when considering marriage, IMHO, is whether you want those benefits and drawbacks (or would rather the benefits and drawbacks of NOT being married - those also exist!).

Honestly, I think that the decision to get married should be approached as if you were in a QPR, even if you're not ace or aro. Like, if you ignore all of the cultural expectations of marriage – as a demonstration of exclusivity or commitment or love – do the benefits still outweigh the drawbacks? If yes, then you should consider getting married.

tl;dr: You can absolutely get married if you're in a QPR. (And frankly I'm a bit pissed at that one person who replied to my original post and made it seem like marriage is antithetical to QPRs, because that was kind of the exact opposite of what I was getting at)

[biochemicalgirlboy]

one thing that kinda icks me with shipping alastor is when a character is explicitly homosexual, pretty much everyone agrees it would be weird and not okay to ship them with the opposite gender! most people agree with that, as far as ive seen!!!!

but as soon as u have an aroace character.,.. ☹️ most people seem cool just kinda acting like hes not pretty obviously sex n romance repulsed. like. even the creator is like yeah u can ship him if u want.

yes aroace people can date! absolutely! im aro and im romance neutral!! but aroace people can also can not date! sex n romance repulsed people EXIST.

i know fandoms r gonna ship characters no matter what and i know this probably wont change minds, but just.,, uggh it annoys me

[exvangelical-christian-nerd]

tw discussion of aphobia and sexuality

One thing I absolutely love about Hazbin Hotel is the diversity of representation in it. However I do note a lack of respect for that same diversity in the Fandom and it infuriates me. Yes, I am primarily talking about Alastor. Alastor is canonically AroAce. There seems to be a complete disregard for that in a large portion (though not all of course) of the Fandom. I've seen him shipped with Lucifer, Vox, Rosie, and Angel. I also want to say I've seen him shipped with Charlie and Vaggie, though, fortunately, not particularly commonly. Now I do understand that desire and attraction are not necessarily synonymous. Dude, I’m aro (specifically demi-ro) and allos3xual ( bi specifically), I'm familiar. I also know QPRs are a thing. However the implications in the vast majority of shipping posts is not that a desire (without attraction) is being filled or that the relationship is a QPR. It is an implication of romantic and/or (usually and) s3xual attraction and chemistry. Also in addition to the attraction situation there's another issue I have with these ships, I would say canonically it is implied that Alastor is not only AroAce, but is also sex repulsed (I'm not going to go into my arguments for that in this post, but maybe in another). Now if you're looking at me going “Didn't the creator say we could ship anybody with anybody” or “it doesn't really matter,” Let me put a question to you. If you saw a character who was canonically confirmed to be lesbian, and a large portion of people in the Fandom started constantly shipping her with every single man in the cannon, would you still have this same level of apathy? I doubt it. If people were excusing it with “it’s just my headcanon ” or “the creator said we can ship anybody” would that change anything? No that would still be lesbian erasure I'm pretty sure I'd be seeing a lot of posts with people up in arms about it, right? Why aren't we bringing the same energy here. It's the same thing. This is AroAce erasure. Now if you're saying, and I've seen people say this kind of thing, “it's just a character it doesn't matter. Pick something that does,” Yes it does matter. There are very, very few confirmed AroAce characters, just in general. We know that representation matters. Also aphobia is a problem not only outside, but also inside of the LGBTQ + community. There are people who tell aro and ace people they aren’t really part of the LGBTQ+ community, even to the extent of not allowing them in LGBTQ+ spaces. Our character representation deserves the same respect as yours. We deserve respect.

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Aroace Alastor

Hoo boy here we go- This one might make some people mad at me, so I'll preface by saying I do not want to start a fight and as long as you respect my business, I'll respect yours. But let's get this over with-

First off, I genuinely don't understand how some people can see the Ace-In-The-Hole quote and still believe that Alastor is only intended to be asexual and not also aromantic. Yes, the term Rosie used for purpose of the pun was 'ace', but can we look at the context of that moment before jumping to conclusions?

Rosie, motioning to Charlie: "Oh, who's this you brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! Oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole!"

Her original statement implies nothing sexual, only that he's involved in a relationship with Charlie, and she follows it up with why she knows that couldn't be because he's an 'ace in the hole'. I don't think you have to read too far between the lines to see that.

I would also like to say that when Vivienne has spoken about his orientation before, I recall her saying that she didn't want to confirm him being aromantic so that she wouldn't 'ruin anyone's fun', which I just feel like is an odd thing to say if she wasn't already explicitly picturing him as aroace. If she thought he had romantic attraction, why wouldn't she just say that? What fun would that ruin? I also feel like keeping things like this ambiguous just to appease the shippers is a little weird, but I digress-

And to those of you who I know are saying "But aromantic people can be in relationships too!!" *deep inhale* yeah I know. I'm not gonna pretend you're not right about that, but there are also aroace people who have exactly 0 interest in romance or sex at all. This is the part of the post that really is based on how I interpret certain moments, but to me he is absolutely one of those people. I don't really know where people get any vibes of him being interested in that stuff. I have never once looked at him and thought "Yeah I could see him in a romantic relationship with *insert character here*". Even aside from attraction in general, since that's what we'd be talking about at this point anyway, he just seems like the kind of guy who'd rather work and live independently instead of relying on anyone, whether practically or emotionally (which is also probably part of the reason he never joined the Vees, but that's another topic entirely). Hell, I'm pretty sure he's in heavy denial about even developing any kind of care or friendship with the people at the hotel (ie. the episode 8 scene with him and Niffty).

The only ships I see him involved in with people he doesn't hate (so ignoring RadioApple, RadioHusk, and StaticRadio. But to be real, maybe the fact all his main ships are enemies to lovers coded says something about the whole situation, but that's just me-) are Charlastor - which I will not even try to discuss here, people aren't gonna like this post as it is - and RadioRose. Rosie and him would at least be fair, if it weren't for one thing (which is also personal opinion on my end), and I don't know exactly how to word it. I'm tempted to say she has wingwoman vibes? But she knows he's aro, so that's not the right word, but there's vibes of like, she probably did act as a wingwoman before she realized that about him or something.. There's also something about her joking around like "Oh this is the girl? You have a girlfriend and I'm only now meeting her?" is almost giving motherly behavior. Idk man they're just besties to me, I could see them in a QPR though (not that they'd probably label it that way, considering the word queerplatonic is likely just complete gibberish to Alastor lmao).

So to summarize: It feels incredibly likely, if not practically canon, that Alastor was written with aromanticism in mind, even if Vivienne refuses to explicitly state it. Subtext and not-that-subtle implications can say just as much about a character as word of God, especially when that God has explicitly told us why she won't confirm or deny this information. Do I think any of this will stop people from shipping him romantically with literally any other character? No ofc it won't, and that's okay, that's just what fandoms do. I do think there's something to say for the fact the one aroace (or even at the very least asexual) character gets constantly shipped with everyone else in the cast, but this post is long enough I think. The only point of posting this is that I wanted to get information out there in one post to say "Hey, let's look a little bit past the surface for a second before saying there's no proof of him being aromantic"

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you at least took something away from this

[redysetdare]

No you're so right I fucking hate the "aces have it so much better than aros" part of the community. Just because more people know the word asexual than aromantic doesn't mean aces are treated better than aros by the society?? More people know the word asexual yes, but they don't really understand what it means to be on the asexual spectrum, and they try to paint us in the worst light possible. That's like saying binary trans people have it much better than nonbinary people, or trans women have it much better than trans men due to more visibility. Some people in the aro community want there to be a hierarchy of non-aro aces > aroaces > non-ace aros so bad because they just want to be acephobic and get away with it. And they're barely even hiding that anymore nowadays.

Sorry for this angry rant, sometimes it just feels like everyone, even other aspec people absolutely despise aroaces.

I really need people to acknowledge that a group being more visible does not make them more accepted or better treated than a group that is invisible. You think we'd learn this after this argument has been used against so many identities but noooope. I guess not. The thing is that visibility can still be bad because being visible to your oppressors just makes you an easier target. the words homosexual, gay, and lesbian were all known way before asexual and you know what that visibility did? it mostly got them targeted and attacked - especially by laws and the medical field. Autism is a label that's been known for decades and people STILL treat Autism like a bad word and a terrible thing to be labeled.

People are just starting to figure out the word asexual and they are using that to actively target asexuals. The Ace discourse era around 2016 was AWFUL and it was because people learned the term asexual and decided we were just "Straight people trying to be special" or "incel freaks" or "Just sad virgins" It was considered cool and fun to mock and harass asexuals. it was common for people to create fake ace blogs to make us look bad. There are still dog whistles being posted around that mock and belittle asexuals that people treat as silly jokes. People still tell aces to shut up and not complain. People who harassed aces of tumblr act like their part in the ace discourse era was just a quirky little thing they did and not a genuine issue that they refuse to acknowledge and any ace who brings it up gets told to get the fuck over it.

It ignored the fact that asexuals have the highest stat in conversion therapy. it ignores the stat that corrective rape happens majority to asexuals. it ignored the fact that many asexuals end up getting broken up with or divorced for being asexual because so many people are unwilling to compromise in a relationship that isn't sexual. Many Aces feel forced to have sex with their partners because not doing so gets them labeled as abusive. Asexuality is still considered by most doctors to be a disorder that needs to be fixed and so it can be dangerous to bring it up lest your doctor actively try to focus on it as a main issue. Therapists assume your asexuality is a trauma response and may aces have to keep their asexuality under wraps lest their therapists start to focus only on that instead of their other issues. Yes, people know the term asexual. But that does not mean they Accept asexuals. some people use the knowledge of that term to target and attack asexuals.

No one has it better. we all just face different issues and to claim one group is some how more accepted than another is naive at best and outright malicious at worst and genuinely some of these people are getting way to close to repeating ace discourse era arguments and it's really getting to me because the call SHOULD NOT be coming from INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE.

[stsumugi11037]

Commentary on aroace/lesbian “fujoshi”

CW: talk of porn (the good and the bad), sex, and gender. Pretty graphic language and imagery. Sex repulsed aroace people BEWARE.

I would like to start this off by saying I am an aroace lesbian. What does that mean? Simply - I don’t want sex, nor romance, but if I did, I know where I’d find it. I love WOMEN. All women. Any women. I also really like yaoi, and I’ve seen some minimal discussion about specifically women who love yaoi or BL, and I’d like to add my two cents.

Several people online seem to take “lesbians liking yaoi” as just a natural reaction to the overall market of fiction. That is to say, there’s not a lot of options. There is a side to yuri which appeals to women, yes. But the way I see it, it’s either magical girl or slice of life, or, written by a man. And most of the stuff written by men is porn - bad porn. Thus it doesn’t appeal to women who actually like women.

In the same vein there is hetero stuff, which some lesbian/aroace yaoi enjoyers say doesn’t appeal to them because the majority of it has a male/female dynamic that is skewed. Oftentimes the woman is portrayed as weak or perhaps just isn’t a correct representation of the lesbian/aroace consumer. So why even bother?

Anecdotal, but I have had this experience too. I have a hard time getting into any kind of hetero ship because the women are often unrelatable or worse - just uninteresting. I don’t like men, so why would I care if it was just some faceless dame and her super hot husband? I don’t give a shit about him.

I’ve found that I enjoy a lot of hetero ships from demon slayer. Some may find this contradictory because there has been some commentary on the usefulness or intrigue around women in demon slayer. I think the demon slayer women are very interesting, story wise and appearance wise, and they fit very well with the men I ship them with. That is to say - men in demon slayer are simps for beautiful, strong, independent women - and I eat that shit up.

Most hetero stuff, however, is victimizing the women. Knowingly or unknowingly. It’s sad that if I want to get my rocks off to Mitsuri x Obanai, I have to scroll through like eight pages of the same inflation, big tits big ass no tummy, fart porn all sourced from the deepest dredges of Apocrypha. In fact, most of the time if you have the balls to like a fictional woman enough to want to see her getting respectfully banged, the cisgender heterosexual gooner men have already beaten you to the punch - and now you see her with her face in a smelly man’s ass. (All real examples by the way)

So it’s not to say I don’t like yuri, or hetero, it’s just that if I want to see women getting railed - I’m very particular. As I should be.

Yaoi, some people on the internet say, sets the men it’s focused around on equal footing. Instead of the woman being the damsel or a plain sexual object, the uke and seme are usually just two dudes. Not to say there aren’t power dynamics in yaoi - just to say that those power dynamics don’t hurt my pride as a woman. It doesn’t victimize a girl for somebody else’s sick kicks.

Yaoi, at least the kind I read, also can have an element of one man (the uke) usually being pretty soft or feminine. Why? Well that’s a pure reflection of how I (and other people) view sex. There is the giver and the receiver, the top and the bottom, the dom and the sub. Not that those lines don’t get crossed - they do, all the time. But as good ol’ Tevye says about Anatevka… TRADITION! (Sorry. It’s 3 AM)

The way I see it, it’s a way of having that traditional dynamic (pretty soft bottom and strong handsome top) without victimizing a woman. I do the same with yuri ships - I absolutely love love love a stone top with a pillow princess. And also - and I say this with no sense of shame - femboys are cute. Women are the superior form. Soz. So it’s awesome to see a man invoking his feminine side. It’s not like it makes him any less of a man. No matter how many times my mom peers at my drawings of Cloud Strife and says, “She’s pretty.” It doesn’t change the fact that he is him.

Gender is a fickle thing. It comes and it goes. I used to have a very conservative view of gender, and even sexuality. I was a “gold star lesbian”, and wanted nothing to do with men (still do, irl). You know what changed me? You’re gonna laugh. My Hero Academia. Oh, did I say you were gonna laugh? I meant cringe.

It’s not what you think. Bakudeku actually traumatized me - not the ship itself but one story I read on AO3 that I now understand for the masterpiece of terror and grossness it is. I would drop it but I don’t want to draw any undue attention to it.

What changed my mind on gender was actually Tomura. It didn’t even happen on purpose, l didn’t see him and go, “Oh he’s pretty, let’s dump a little more estrogen into him”. I shipped him with Dabi, paired them off as two dudes gettin it on, and I was loyal to my m/m ships. I ignored the ones tagged “Trans Tomura Shigaraki” because my brain refused to compute it. But then… I ran out of male fics. Well ran dry. I was getting anxious. I needed my shigadabi fix and how to get it?

Well. Can’t be that bad for Tomura to have a pussy.

… huh. He’s cute.

Oh no.

And that’s how it happened.

Just like that, my worldview shifted. Proud to say I’m a lot more open to gender and sexuality, now. It’s sometimes hard to admit that I used to have such rigid views. It’s a bit embarrassing - but I was also 13. My Hero just gave me the push I needed to grow up.

I’ll wrap it up now.

If you’re a lesbian or if you’re aroace and you like reading yaoi - don’t feel bad. Don’t even question it. Fiction is fiction, we’re here for such a short time you might as well enjoy the things you consume, whatever that may be. It doesn’t make you any less of who you are. It might mean that you’re just a feminist. Or it might mean you have some issues with your gender you need to hash out. Or maybe it means you just like hot guys. Who cares?

Some people argue why lesbians and aroace people like yaoi so much. There are many different answers. I’m not really concerned with them, anymore, now that I’ve found my own. What does concern me is the amount of people who I assume are outside of fandom circles… never having heard of women (lesbian or not) enjoying yaoi or BL. Several reddit comments asked, “There are lesbians who like that stuff? I’ve never seen one.”

Lemme tell you, these people are missing something awesome in life. Yaoi written by women is like fucking crack.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

How can someone be both bi and aroace? What does it mean when someone says they’re both?

I think I might be—the term “bi aroace” just feels right for me, but the controversy over the labels make my head spin.

Yes, you can ID as both bi and aroace, and a lot of aroaces use other orientation labels along with aroace.

There's a lot of reasons why someone might do this, some of the common ones are things like:

Being both ace spectrm and aro spectrum but still experiencing some attraction (for example someone might be demiromantic/asexual and the romantic attraction they've experienced is to multiple genders).

Not experiencing romantic or sexual attraction, but experiencing other types of attraction they want to label (so maybe someone is aroace but also bisensual or biaesthetic).

Being open to dating and/or sex, but wanting to be clear about what genders you're interested in doing these things with, or still feeling oriented towards a gender/genders and wanting to express that.

Being open to other types of relationships (like a QPR for example) and wanting to express which genders you're interested in for that.

Etc.

I don't think it would be possible to do a completely comprehensive list, but hopefully this gives an idea of why it happens. If you feel like bi aroace fits you, then absolutely you can do that.

As for any controvesy, most inclusive areas shouldn't have a problem with this. Gatekeeping does seem to be on the rise unfortunately, if you're finding yourself running up against it, do your best to either ignore it or block/hide people doing it.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[aesthetic-is-life]

GOM Headcanon

Kise

He has very dry skin. He follows his skin care religiously

He has both a huge prize AND degredation kink.

Every thursday he goes to Caribbean dances and has a regular partner for the bachata

He got a degree in something with fashion and marketing. Still working as a model and influencer during the college years.

After he goes works with his sisters in their fashion company

He and Midorima fucked few times between the Teiko and the High school

He's a little bit of a whore (especially at the club half drunk)

Absolutely adores to give orals. Yes let me suck you off sir please

Very good at it

Had a huge crush for Aomine during Teiko, but nothing happened

His romantic relationship never last long (monogamy problem)

He is poly

Feels trapped in a monogamous relationship

Very closed to his sister in the adult age

Vegetarian (vegan at home)

Has a little tattoo for each miracles (like a frog for Midorima, a cherry flower for Momoi..)

Akashi

Lactose intollerant

Aroace King (kise told him about ace people and Midorima confirmed the existence)

Degree in philosophy

Sojio professional player just for saying he has a job (not really need one)

After the winter cup he had pretty bad episodes of depression and eaten alive from his guilt.

But with the power of friendship (Mibuchi had called the miracles for and intervention) and therapy he got better

He would need a heavy session of consensual BDSM (he subs)

He and his dad ignore each other basically

Didn't took well the death of his horse, and after that doesn't want any more pets

He and Midorima suggest books each other

Doesn't drink, but can handle alcool pretty good

He play golf with the mother side of the family

Totally an addicted to

Only the Gom knows that he was diagnoed DID (dissocative identity disorder)

He would be a perfect menwife

Doesn't like to drive

Midorima

Doctor bccouse his daddy told him to

He and Takao got married at some point

His best man was Akashi

His dad was kind of homophobic, but had a change of heart

For each birthday he does the the natal chart of all the Gom + takao and Kagami

Can't hendle alcool (no at all, like half beer and he is WASTED)

Takao is an architect and he designed their house

Doesn't talk before his coffe

Morning person (after the coffe), Takao is not

Still listen to the oroscop every morning and brings the luck item (Takao is forced to have his too)

Has a thing for dirt talk (Takao doesn't complaint)

Still play piano and composes song for Takao

Would like to have a kid or two

Rei Ryugazaki (from free!) are cousins

Every sunday the have a lunch with the over miracles in their home

Aomine

His career in the NBA (because yes he entred) has benn pretty short for injuries

so he come back in Japan and makes the delivery for the flower/ plant shop of Sakurai.

in the US he and kagami lived togher, but they were in diffrent teams

He adoped a dog he found on the side of a road

Really like beers of all kind and flavors

Decent cook

He and Kuroko fucked everywhere in Teiko. But like everywhere, not corridor, bathroom, storege room or class was safe (they enjoyed)

He and Kagami had drunk and angry sex in the US times

Prefers women (boobs)

As an adult he went to therapy and understood what was wrong during the last years in middle school (depression time)

He and Momoi are big fan of horror movies

Very warm person

Can't stand gloves

Kuroko

Cold hands

He and Kagami moved in together, but neither of them belives in marriege

Kuroko would love a cat, but Kagami is allergic

He works in a kindergarten

and come home full of drawings of the kids

Doesn't want to have children though

Exhibitionist kink

Having sex is a park in the middle of the night

Kagami usually cooks and he drives

Brings his kindle everywhere with him

He smokes a little (like two or three cigarette per day)

Murasakibara

Chronic back pain and at the joint because he grew up too fast

Acne and bad skin in general because he eats to much chocolate and sweets in general

Became a pastry chef

He, Himuro and Kagami opened a nice coffe shop

The type with cultural events, book crossing and stuff

Doesn't really like having sex. He finds it really tiring

He and Himuro have an open relationship

Ass eater king. Not a big fan of penetrative sex because he dosent't want to hurt Himuro with his huge cock.

Has a little aquarium and adores stares at the fish

Can't swim

He got diabetes at some point

Momoi

She got a degree in statistic and after a very high paid job

When Baribe went out, she and Kise went all pink

In her highshool years she did something with some girls, but she found it pretty wet. Prefers small and cute boys

Seirously considering breast reduction surgey

She and Sakurai are together

They have an adorable little dog

When Aomine was in US they used to videocall every fucking day

She and Kise are the queens of gossip

Never had smth physical with Kuroko

Very good at videgames (had a youtube chanal)

especially the shooting ones

Wears high heels at work

Adores cherry

Allergic to something stupid like kiwi or apple

During college she made a lot of female friends

Pretty dominant in bed

Good at drawing

[variousqueerthings]

I feel like I've gotta do a quick Thing on "invitation to romance" because it really is a fascinating episode that does something to my read that I don't think it intended (probably?) that goes something like "what happens when you put an aromantic (and asexual, considering some of the scenes) into a wacky romance screwball comedy crime plot?"

(the answer is: he turns down the invitation to romance. but he may dance!)

see the thing is. ok this episode I assume is kinda trying to do a lil winkwink nudgenudge, fraser could do romance in the future potentially, you never knowwwww, but it's the funniest possible episode they couldve done it with because:

this woman and fraser are absolutely terribly matched. it feels more like fraser is her long-suffering uncle than sparks flying in the air (romantic or sexual), in a way that kind of reminisces of him literally taking care of a 16yr old in that earlier episode? like he is just running after her and giving her life lessons and feeling a bit exasperated, but they're not giving cary grant/katharine hepburn (+ i assume she's a single-episode character, so whatever connection they have is confined to whatever happens within the episode itself)

the episode nigh on constantly goes on about how fraser isn't into those kinds of things: the fact that she keeps mistaking the situation and he gets uncomfortable about it, especially the waterbed scene, the whole "whats the least romantic scenario you could imagine, that's where fraser is" bit with vecchio, literally fraser's whole speech about thinking he was in love (once)

to then pin the little tease at the end on her earlier in the episode going "try pulling on the string on your jacket and see what happens" (the button popped off, just like he said it would, but the next time he pulled it... stayed on! i guess? is it supposed to indicate that one bad love experience doesn't mean they all will be? idk that's reaching, the rest of the episode ain't about that, it's directly linked to her/their connection) bolsters points 1+2, because it's such a non-thing/utterly unromantic/misrepresents the fraser shown in every other episode. she doesn't know (why would she) that he routinely gets in the middle of fights and corruption and injustice, so it's such an odd thing to have her say he's not reckless when ray would probably say he's stupidly reckless to the point of giving him anxiety heartburn!

what it does feel like instead is fraser not being afraid of being misunderstood: he can go dance with this woman, it would be fun (he's clearly not a bad dancer) and it doesn't have to be taken the wrong way. he can relax a bit and be himself without judgement, where, as much as i find the "every woman and man thinks fraser is ridiculously attractive" (i mean he is) funny, it's also a bit that relies on the his being uncomfortable by the attention + immediately creates a wall between him and the other person. if that person is (openly) only interested in sex and/or a romantic relationship, then he can't get close to them Off The Bat. but here, he lets go of those stressors. he just dances for a bit and it's chill (the main funny thing for me about the "fraser is so hot to everyone around him" is the comedy of errors type level of aroace disconnect between how we see things vs how they see things, similar to that episode of "bojack horseman" that shows an asexual's perspective on allosexuality by placing the canonically ace character in a house full of incredibly sexual people)

there's an ongoing joke of fraser not "seeing" the signs that someone is trying to ask him out/is into him, but i also like the read that yes, a lot of the time he really doesn't, but quite often he does and he chooses to gracefully deflect in a way that won't cause her any embarrassment (like the time that woman wanted to go horseback riding with him). he likes riding horses, but she clearly means it as a segue to Something More and that builds a wall

so yeah, the above scene is cute, but im presuming not for the reasons it was probably intended to be (listen, i say this, but for all i know paul gross and haggis and whoever confirmed that he's not into sex and romance idk). it's cute because fraser let his hair down (so to speak) for once and she let him without strings attached. too many fucking strings attached to this man's life. just let him dance

Addendum: this in connection with "heaven and earth" (which I watched first under recommendation and makes sense watching first, because it lightly follows on from the end-scene of "the deal") makes fraser come out of it even more aro-sounding, because of the way ray describes him in that episode: "meaning guys like him don't marry girls like you. that's fairytale. and girls like you get hurt and guys like him don't even know it, and that's life!"

truly do wonder what he means by "guys like him." guys who flit through life like some kind of fairytale Being? guys who come from the wild and dream of returning there some day? guys who are larger than life because they're dedicated to something other than "love"?

(sidenote, why does ray do the below after he's confronted and comforted frannie and most importantly warned her away from fraser? after she's left and he drops the smile for her, why does he do this? why do we have a whole Beat dedicated to this?)

(so many questions)

[that-girl-glader]

Hey, I wanted to tell you that I really get what you wrote in that post about your asexual experience. I can resonate with a lot of that, like being horny but not actually wanting to have sex with a real person, that really can fuck me up sometimes haha

Like, I feel as if the concept of sex isn't so bad if i think about it and i sometimes feel like maybe i should just try it but then i just absolutely black out if i think about a real person and having to go through all of that. I don't know if that's how you feel too, but that's kinda the reason I feel scared of sex. Like as soon as i imagine someone real i don't wanna do it, because i don't feel the attraction. And it's kind of the same with romantic stuff, I just can't really picture being in a relashionship even if theres a person i feel strongly about/ have like a soft crush on?

Also, because you said that you'd love to talk more or have someone ask you about it, how exactly do you experience romantic attraction? I think that I'm aroace but that means I've never really had a crush or I'm never really sure about it. And that also stresses me out sometimes because it makes me question every relashionship I have with my friends. It can get so confusing to seperate if they're only platonic feelings or if I'm feeling romantic stuff, for exapmle when I'd like to cuddle more with a friend or have more body contact i instantly start questioning my feelings. Is that something you struggle with, too? Or is it different, cause you mentioned that you do get crushes?

I'm always so grateful to hear about others way of percieving their experience, cause being aro/acespec can make you feel so alienated at times and it can help so much talking with each other about it. So I'd love to hear what you have to say :)

OMGOSHES THIS EXACTLY!! Everything you said about being scared of sex because the thought of actually doing it with a real person makes you black out is exactly how ai feel!! I am scared because the thought of what actually goes into having sex makes me wanna throw up. But I can't help wishing I could want it you know.

For romantic attraction. I have gone through many labels because I never really knew where I fit. For me being demiromantic never really used to fit me. The reason is because I believed that if I actually was demiromantic I would have had way more crushes than I've had. Which is less than five. But now I realise that doesn't matter. Because, all the times I've had crushes, it wasn't instant. I had to feel a strong emotional bond with each of them which takes months of knowing someone. And I guess I knew I liked them because of the whole "just us". Like obviously even with friendships you want a bond only you two share, but it was different with them. I'll use my ex as an example. I wanted us to be "just us", to have a bond that's "just us", be vulnerable in a way that's "just us". And to be honest I got jealous. Of their friends who seemed closer to them platonically. Because I really wanted to be their "just us" for everything. And to be someone you can tell they loved a lot. Of course I don't mean jealous in a way that's problematic. Jealous in the normal quiet amount. And when I like someone I think about being with them now and in the future. Building my life around them. Where we can have a "just us" life with other people we both care about too. A happy for the both of us where we both enjoy each others company, and we accommodate eachother. And be a unit. It's about a connection. Like yes, I have thought about kissing them but if we never did. I would not give a fuck. And I don't even know if I'd like kissing. I would have to try it first.

By the way even now I cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings because both of those are SO STRONG IN ME. Sometimes it feels like bullying because I look at my love for my friends and my ex and I'm like damn. I like my ex romantically I know that, and I don't like this friend that way. So it helps me remember that this is platonic. And I think that all love is just love. It shouldn't be grouped as romantic or platonic. It's just LOVE. Love is a messy bitch. So just love people. You shouldn't hurt yourself by categorising that love. And that's what I do. I just realised that damn there is a lot of love in me. And I love my friends, I love my siblings, and I love my ex. It's all love. I know this probably doesn't help you realise whether you are having a crush or not. But if you just let yourself love someone the way you want to then you'll be able to tell what it means for you.

Thank you so much for the ask!!!! Being aro/acespec really is lonely when you feel like it's only you. But there are people who get it!! So glad we had this little back and forth!! Have an awesome day!!!🩷

Ps. I say ex, but we're pretty fucking close. We just happen to not be a couple because of personal reasons. But yeah. I don't even categorise our bond because of how crazy strong and amazing it is. I love them, and that's all there needs to be to it. Just kinda sad because we're long distance.

[daydream-aroace]

I'm not aroace, so I don't want to be rude or anything, and I apologize if I end up being rude... But I am genuinely very curious...

If you're aroace and want neither a partner nor sex...

Why do you think of the dirtiest jokes?? How??

Is it boredom??? Curiousity??? A vivid imagination?????

I'm just absolutely puzzled by the fact the people who actively have said they do NOT want to fuck, are somehow the kinkiest???

Ooh! I appreciate this question! (Prepare for a long rant, lol.)

In my bio, I say I'm Aego/Ficto AroAce for context (so I generally only feel attraction to fictional characters and I can enjoy it in media, though I don't like being the object of sexualization). I'm also Apothi AroAce which is just repulsed AroAce (I'm repulsed by anything sexual or romantic in real life and cannot stand the thought).

I don't speak for all AroAces but this is just my explanation.

When in fiction you're okay with romantic pick-up lines, and dirty jokes, and all this content is shown all over the media, you tend to store it in your brain. And sometimes it's like bottling up your emotions so bad, but in this case dirty jokes and such, you can just unleash a whole load of things.

If it's the right setup and the right situation with the right backup, you can make something amazing. For example, I have an enemy of mine I call M for privacy. One day in class he exclaimed, "I'M A BICYCLE!" My immediate response? "So that means you want someone to ride you?"

It was the perfect setup, and I had so many jokes in my catalog that I can't miss out on using. Imagine having so many filing cabinets full of papers, just STUFFED (not intended...) to the brim, and whenever you get the chance? You can't help but use them.

And sometimes I tell dirty jokes by accident! For example, I was talking to a friend of mine (I don't exactly remember what it was about but it went something like this), "Blah blah blah, it was hard... Like me." And it was just out of nowhere, I didn't even intend it, it's like a muscle memory almost.

Boredom? Yes. You can spice up your life by doing the most dirty jokes ever. It's fun! It almost feels like you have no repercussions for doing so. You make fun of the fact that sex, relationships, and desires like that exist, and that's part of it.

It's also can be such a power move. M once said, "YOU'RE A MEANIE!" Making a sexualized pose, "No, I'M A BADDIE~"

Being AroAce just means you don't experience attraction in any way. Some AroAces do want romantic and/or sexual relationships, some like me don't, and some like me are okay with it in fiction/media but repulsed in real life, and so many examples I can't list because there are so many ways of being AroAce. Being AroAce is just not feeling sexual and romantic attraction and nothing more.

You can have a dirty mind, but it's not directed towards anyone, and that's being a dirty-minded AroAce. You can have a pure mind and be Allo, and that's being a pure-minded Allo. Saying your attraction is just that, attraction. Lesbians can make dirty jokes with men, are they attracted to them though? No. Gay men can make dirty jokes with women, does it mean they're attracted to them? No.

AroAces can make dirty jokes with Allo people, does it mean they experience attraction? No.

This experience is all subjective though. But this is how I feel about this topic (and I tried making it as objective as possible). I don't speak for all AroAce people though.

[pfhwrittes]

Aroace 141 my beloved.

Aro Price who's qpr is his team not that he will acknowledge it. But that man is a dragon with his horde when it comes to those he trusts. But never has more then the occasional one night stand because most people don't understand.

Greysexual Gaz who needs to build that trust and love before he even thinks about doing more than just kissing his partner. It hurts when he realizes most people don't want to wait that long. But he would rather be true to himself than live inauthenticity.

Demi aro Soap who is the perfect one night stand never asks for your number but makes sure you have breakfast in the morning and don't feel used. Who rarely realizes he's in love and normally it's with his teammates. Who's had to put up with people trying to change him and force their love upon him it makes his teeth grit.

Aroace Ghost who had a therapist tell him once he's broken this way because of his trauma he never went back. He refuses to accept any kind of bond or relationship until the 141 then with the damn Scot who breaks his mile high walls. Realizes how much more there is to life beyond a "relationship" like the ones on tv.

(I'm not a dog who needs their pills wrapped in peanut butter)

c’mere anon because you deserve flowers and nice socks and a beverage of the perfect temperature.

absolutely yes to all of these! completely obsessed with all of these headcanons of yours and i can feel myself going “oh yeah, i’m adopting those ideas.”

and no, you don’t need your pills slipped in peanut butter. you NEVER need your pills slipped in peanut butter. you are NOT broken just because you don’t want or need sex or romance OR if you do want/need sex or romance under specific circumstances. you are not broken if you don’t know what those circumstances are.

i’m just going to get a bit personal under the cut if that’s okay, anon.

i’ve recently learned that i’m aro. i had an inkling but i always denied it because i’ve been in romantic relationships before. and then the introspection started.

was i happy in those relationships? not particularly. do i understand those feelings of “the one”? not really. i understand infatuation. i understand feeling so sexually attracted to someone it feels like i might burn up if they didn’t touch me or if i didn’t get to touch them. but the sticking around part? no. that fills me with dread and anxiety now.

i’m not actually good at being in a relationship. i don’t understand making a fuss about anniversaries. i don’t actually know when to say “i love you” to a partner. i am capable of love, i know i am because i love my friends and i love some of my family but i don’t really get the being in love thing so it makes it difficult.

i have two decade long FWB things going on. i have another that’s about 7(?) years old at this point. at no point during these friendships (because they are friendships, we just fuck occasionally) have i ever thought “god, i really wish i could be their person. i wish i could be around them all the time. my life would be complete if they just stayed.” because i don’t feel that way! i love the weekends we have together, i love cooking for them and messing around on the sofa. i love tumbling into bed with them. but when they leave? there’s a moment where i heave a sigh of relief and i put my life back together after they’ve left.

the thought of having someone with me all the time? terrifying. the thought of buying a house with someone terrifies me. the thought of being legally bound to them? my worst nightmare.

my happiest relationship was with S. we lived an hour apart and had no intention of moving in together. we were poly so i could still see my FWBs and they could go on dates with people they wanted to get to know better. and when they broke up with me because they wanted to be monogamous with D? i breathed a sigh of relief (and then i was very VERY sad because i realised we wouldn’t get to be as good friends any more and we wouldn’t be able to fuck any more).

so yeah. hello, my name is p and i learned i was aro at the age of 28.

[find-your-queery]

Hi!

I have a theoretical question:

Is the ability to feel love dipendent from the ability to feel attraction?

I will explain myself better.

Could a lesbian love a man? Like, she doesn't feel romantically attracted to him, but can she feel romantic love towards him?

Or, could an aromantic person (not only in the aro-spec, aromantic as in never feels romantic attraction) feel romantic love towards somebody? Not the attraction, only the love.

Like some asexuals have libido?

Or I didn't understood the concept of love?

Thanks,

A quite confused aroace

I am of the belief that the human brain and emotions are very complicated, and that there are many things we have yet to learn or be able to put into words in order to convey what we are feeling. So, it's okay to be confused! Language is constantly changing and adapting to help us communicate what we want.

That being said, I absolutely believe that the ability to feel attraction and the ability to feel love are different things in their own right.

There are some people, like those who are Cupioromantic / Cupiosexual, who date or have sex with others despite their lack of attraction, and who later on may (or may not) love their partner in some way or form, whether it be romantically, sexually, or otherwise! This can go for anyone, though, including allos!

And as an aro myself, specifically Bellusromantic, I don't feel romantic attraction at all. In fact, I'm repulsed by the feeling of attraction, and repulsed by others feeling romantic attraction towards me. However, I do still enjoy acts of love often associated with romance, such as kissing, cuddling, etc., and enjoy doing these with my partner. Does it mean I love my partner romantically? I suppose in some ways yes, so I'd imagine some people may feel the same as me in terms of being repulsed by the attraction, but are alright with feeling romantic love towards their partner as well.

So yes, I believe attraction and the ability to feel love are two separate things! Brains and emotions are very complicated things, so again, it's alright to be confused!

Thank you for the inQueery, anon!

[midwinterwings]

Sexuality and divinity (a incoherent rant not a fancy essay)

Overly posh title but here to write my thoughts before they leave me 🤡 oh. Also. Obviously this post will be talking about sex so. Don't read it if you don't want to see it. Honestly if you don't why are you still reading lol leave shoo

last warning 👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺

--->

On the physical plane I am aroace. I dont experience sexual desire or attraction or 'horniness' towards people, I do feel sexual arousal but it's not towards anything it's just kinda there. However the more connected to my divine aspect I feel...spiritually pan or bi, more bi in particular with a female lean since I find women more attractive. But some guys too. Namely Crocus - for some reason I recently can't stop thinking about him.

Its especially weird because if I weren't asexual I would consider myself straight, so thinking about a dude all the time, and bro I'm even feeling some heat on my cheeks about a dude- it's just so surreal to me. I feel a ache and loss over him - I guess I get to experience alloromantic/sexual folks feelings in a way even though my feelings are from another realm. Cool I guess.

Its definetly ...something for sure. Its like my attraction is limited to another plane and dosent translate over here but due to me often being in more than one things start to blur but it isn't something I feel in this realm.

I would like to explore these feelings more even though its like...another realm's sexuality bleeding into mine (I am very asexual over in physical, I have kinks but I hate the idea of someone doing them with me its like wtf no ew, which is...something because my kinks do centre around a specific type of person - which again if someone like that offered to act it out with me I'd absolutely HATE it!)

It is very interesting! I guess I'm just ace in one realm but I think one way to explore the other realm's bi-feelings is to do something like I would there here. Though ugh everyone in this realm who told me they were good with having one night stands without any romantic entanglement ended up admitting they are into me so. Fuck. This is actually happening so often I'm like (??) It's not even remotely a flex - when it say this people think I'm boasting but it's a geniune annoyance and I hate it.

Yea anyway some day in this plane I might sleep around some but istg I'm going to make sure my partners aren't lying about not being attracted to me. I would do it with strangers but I dont want any unpleasant surprises regarding BO and cleanliness. Whereas with someone I know i can just sniff them and since I know them I know they generally don't smell and wash regularly.

And yes I will indeed shower also.

-🪽