#ive never seen a more accurate aro representation in my life

[variousqueerthings]

I feel like I've gotta do a quick Thing on "invitation to romance" because it really is a fascinating episode that does something to my read that I don't think it intended (probably?) that goes something like "what happens when you put an aromantic (and asexual, considering some of the scenes) into a wacky romance screwball comedy crime plot?"

(the answer is: he turns down the invitation to romance. but he may dance!)

see the thing is. ok this episode I assume is kinda trying to do a lil winkwink nudgenudge, fraser could do romance in the future potentially, you never knowwwww, but it's the funniest possible episode they couldve done it with because:

this woman and fraser are absolutely terribly matched. it feels more like fraser is her long-suffering uncle than sparks flying in the air (romantic or sexual), in a way that kind of reminisces of him literally taking care of a 16yr old in that earlier episode? like he is just running after her and giving her life lessons and feeling a bit exasperated, but they're not giving cary grant/katharine hepburn (+ i assume she's a single-episode character, so whatever connection they have is confined to whatever happens within the episode itself)

the episode nigh on constantly goes on about how fraser isn't into those kinds of things: the fact that she keeps mistaking the situation and he gets uncomfortable about it, especially the waterbed scene, the whole "whats the least romantic scenario you could imagine, that's where fraser is" bit with vecchio, literally fraser's whole speech about thinking he was in love (once)

to then pin the little tease at the end on her earlier in the episode going "try pulling on the string on your jacket and see what happens" (the button popped off, just like he said it would, but the next time he pulled it... stayed on! i guess? is it supposed to indicate that one bad love experience doesn't mean they all will be? idk that's reaching, the rest of the episode ain't about that, it's directly linked to her/their connection) bolsters points 1+2, because it's such a non-thing/utterly unromantic/misrepresents the fraser shown in every other episode. she doesn't know (why would she) that he routinely gets in the middle of fights and corruption and injustice, so it's such an odd thing to have her say he's not reckless when ray would probably say he's stupidly reckless to the point of giving him anxiety heartburn!

what it does feel like instead is fraser not being afraid of being misunderstood: he can go dance with this woman, it would be fun (he's clearly not a bad dancer) and it doesn't have to be taken the wrong way. he can relax a bit and be himself without judgement, where, as much as i find the "every woman and man thinks fraser is ridiculously attractive" (i mean he is) funny, it's also a bit that relies on the his being uncomfortable by the attention + immediately creates a wall between him and the other person. if that person is (openly) only interested in sex and/or a romantic relationship, then he can't get close to them Off The Bat. but here, he lets go of those stressors. he just dances for a bit and it's chill (the main funny thing for me about the "fraser is so hot to everyone around him" is the comedy of errors type level of aroace disconnect between how we see things vs how they see things, similar to that episode of "bojack horseman" that shows an asexual's perspective on allosexuality by placing the canonically ace character in a house full of incredibly sexual people)

there's an ongoing joke of fraser not "seeing" the signs that someone is trying to ask him out/is into him, but i also like the read that yes, a lot of the time he really doesn't, but quite often he does and he chooses to gracefully deflect in a way that won't cause her any embarrassment (like the time that woman wanted to go horseback riding with him). he likes riding horses, but she clearly means it as a segue to Something More and that builds a wall

so yeah, the above scene is cute, but im presuming not for the reasons it was probably intended to be (listen, i say this, but for all i know paul gross and haggis and whoever confirmed that he's not into sex and romance idk). it's cute because fraser let his hair down (so to speak) for once and she let him without strings attached. too many fucking strings attached to this man's life. just let him dance

Addendum: this in connection with "heaven and earth" (which I watched first under recommendation and makes sense watching first, because it lightly follows on from the end-scene of "the deal") makes fraser come out of it even more aro-sounding, because of the way ray describes him in that episode: "meaning guys like him don't marry girls like you. that's fairytale. and girls like you get hurt and guys like him don't even know it, and that's life!"

truly do wonder what he means by "guys like him." guys who flit through life like some kind of fairytale Being? guys who come from the wild and dream of returning there some day? guys who are larger than life because they're dedicated to something other than "love"?

(sidenote, why does ray do the below after he's confronted and comforted frannie and most importantly warned her away from fraser? after she's left and he drops the smile for her, why does he do this? why do we have a whole Beat dedicated to this?)

(so many questions)

[sinners-if]

Ik I'm just adding to all the messages abt that anon but I kind of wanted to add some things! Firstly, that message really gave me whiplash because I was trying to read it how they were framing some polite advice but the things they were saying we're not only you can hurt and harmful, they hurt me. Everytime I see someone on the internet ( or real life just doesn't happen regularly) I feel more like I never find someone who loves me regardless. People need to realise that someone being asexual doesn't make them unworthy to be your partner. I've literally had close friends tell me "you'll grow out of it" and the dreaded "you just haven't found the right person yet" and surprisingly it didn't make me allosexual. It just made me feel worse for being open about my identity, open about myself. Grey being acespec is a large part of why I love this concept so much. Please don't ever change that, its revolutionary in IF (ive never really seen it happen before).

Sorry if this was jumbled, I'm a little upset.

Have a great day! (or night!)

Just days after international asexual day, and my post about this being a safe space for aces (aros too love y’all) it was incredibly frustrating to read.

I hate those comments with every fiber in my being and I want to hug everyone who’s ever heard them. sexual desire or lack of it doesn’t make you any less important. Another anon mentioned it, and you did as well: non-allos are not second choice partners. We deserve visibility and accurate representation.