#wouldn’t have believed it for a second
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I was talking to my therapist today about how uncomfortable security feels for me and how even though I don’t want the chaos back there’s something more horrifying about feeling like this is right…I wish I could tell me a year ago how I feel now. Even though it’s so uncomfortable now it’s also unbelievably hopeful and happy and fun.
Life is indescribably good right now, and I keep catching myself doing my best to prepare for the bad but I’m also trying really hard to embrace the goodness right now. Because holy shit who knew!
#like had I told me a year ago that the dude I am crying over would actually come back and be good to me#or that I’d get a promotion and end up working in a job I look forward to#and that I walk to work every day#and that I have my own apartment that I love coming home to that is stocked with everything I need when I need it#and my sweet cat who is perfect and amazing and snuggly and sweet and adventurous#wouldn’t have believed it for a second#personal
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something i love about how they handled the polin angst this season is that i still always felt the love colin and penelope had for one another. at their wedding, you can feel it wasn’t just obligation but bc they love one another.
i never doubted for a second they still loved each other, even with all the hurt feelings and messy situations between them.
#there was a second i was fully expecting runaway bride#but then colin nodded and i wanted to cry#i also firmly believe colin wouldn’t have married pen purely out of obligation#i think he married her bc he knew one day their relationship could recover from this#anyway on top of being a penelope defender#i am now a colin bridgerton defender AND a season 3 defender#it wasn’t perfect but i thoroughly enjoyed it#bridgerton spoilers#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#penelope bridgerton#colin x penelope
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A art dump highlight of some of my most liked pen and pencil doddle spreads, that I had did in my notebook from March to April. Also, cough cough it’s mostly just Ichiji with some Niji and Sanji sprinkled in there and one tiny rough doddle of Yonji as well. OvO’)
#one piece#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke niji#one piece sanji#vinsmoke brothers#vinsmoke family#doddles#pen doodles#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#Well I’m clearly not hiding who I’m most biased too out of the bros stupid redhead prince little meow meow#Would you believe when if I told you my second favourite is Sanji because I wouldn’t blame because I have draw Niji more often than Sanji.#Sigh Sanji why can’t your hair be just as fun to draw as Ichiji. I love how simple and shaped Ichiji hair is. :3c#Overall enough of my rambling enjoy the doddles also I put my favourite ones at the top sorry that they’re out of order a little bit. OvO’)
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10 favourites, 10 fandoms
thanks for the tag @othellho ❤️❤️
rules: list your ten favourite characters from ten different fandoms, then tag 10 people
HRPF, Nathan MacKinnon
One Piece, Monkey D. Luffy
Star Trek, James T. Kirk
Dragon Ball (Z), Son Gohan
M*A*S*H, Dr. “Trapper” John McIntyre
Taskmaster RPF, Alex Horne
Community, Troy Barnes
Sense8, Nomi
Lie To Me, Dr. Gillian Foster
Kingsman (Movies), Roxy Morton | Lancelot
tagging (somewhat less than 10 lol): @sidsthekid @imafriendlydalek @dadvans @grimmsche @plethoriall
#i looked at my ao3 fandoms and was like “huh i weirdly don’t like a lot of these characters anymore all that much”#like i used to be big into stiles in teen wolf and tony stark in marvel#but nowadays those definitely wouldn’t be my favs#guess that’s what going to therapy does to a mfer#my fav genre of character is “has seen the horrors and decides to be good and have faith in humanity on purpose”#alternatively: the gayest little freak you’ve ever seen#i believe in the power of love and queerness what can i say#also a lot of these were super close lol. klinger was a close second to trapper and ivankov was a close second to luffy#although lbr every one piece character is my fav character#tag game
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OH MY GOSH
Just saw this on Instagram, is that Wiley??? Behind the DM screen??? Are they already shooting another season??? AND IS WILEY DMING!!!!
#dude I can’t believe#I’m SO EXCITED#Wiley lunch bunch#They’re such a good storyteller!!!!#and I can’t wait to see the new PCs#obviously I love the ofab pcs#but I’m so excited to see what they come up with next#also#dm character????#I LOVE when we get to see dms play at a table for the first time#literally can’t wait#wonder what the theme is#btw screenshotted this photo from glow’s story#they took it down like 2 seconds later#they had to have leaked it on purpose right??#like them of all people wouldn’t have made that big of a mistake
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Did anyone ever teach naruto how to use the swing? Or has he just been sitting there when he’s sad the whole time? Cuz I feel like his quality of life would have improved in he knew how to pump his legs right to get high up.
“Here, kid.” Naruto jolted at the soft voice from to close behind him, nearly tumbling from the swing as he twisted to see who had snuck up on him.
A flat porcelain mask looked back at him, detailed to look like a bird. From behind the eyeholes in the back brown eyes looked back at him. Soft. Full of kindness rather than disgust.
ANBU, but… not one that Naruto normally saw. Not one that looked at him with the same rage and hate that everyone else did. Not one of the ones that he caught ducking around corners and into the shade of rooftops when he turned too quickly. Not even the one that he sometimes saw crouch on the roof next to the orphanage who felt… sadder than the others. Sometimes on the days Naruto saw him, little trinkets or food would appear in his room in the orphanage. Gifts for all that Naruto didn’t understand why.
Naruto but his lip. “I can go…”
The ANBU clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Stay, kid. Let me help you.”
Naruto blinked. Help him?
A soft laugh, muffled by the mask but honest and kind in a way most laughs around him were not. “With the swing kid. Has anyone shown you?”
Again Naruto blinked. He slowly shook his head.
He’s seen parents push their kids on the swings before. Has seen some of the older kids wiggling their legs to themselves go without someone behind them, but no one had ever shown him what to do.
“Grab the ropes,” the ANBU said, humming when Naruto scrambled to comply. After a second gloved hands were on the ropes above Naruto’s dragging the swing back a little bit before letting it go.
The wind blew through his hair.
It kind of felt like flying.
A hand rested in his back gently pushing him to help him swing a little higher.
Naruto laughed, in exhilaration, in joy, in some jumbled warm feeling he couldnt explain. Someone was playing with him.
Someone was playing with him.
After a few pushes the ANBU hummed again. “Tuck your legs under you when you go back and swing them forward when you start going forward again. You can lean back when you swing foreword if you want to go higher just make sure you’re holding into the ropes.”
It took Naruto a couple swings to get the movements right but when he did.
Swinging. He was swinging!
He laughed again, leaning so far back as he did that the ANBU lunged forward to grab the ropes to make sure he didn’t fall. “Why don’t we do that with our feet on the ground yeah?”
Naruto was a mess of giggles and tears as he nodded. The ANBU didn’t seem to mind as one of his hands let go of the ropes to rest off Naruto’s head. Comforting. Grounding. Slowly the tears and hysterical laughter stopped and Naruto slumped against the gray clad chest. He wanted to keep this. Wanted someone like everyone else got to have.
“I’m not sure if I have it. Will you show me again tomorrow?” He asked, tipping his head back against the ANBU’s chest to look up into his brown eyes behind the mask.
The ANBU snorted. “Cant do tomorrow but I’m free the day after. I’ll show you again.”
Naruto beamed. Finally he had his own friend.
#the elf talks#naruto#you all thought it would be kakashi didn’t you#nope it’s Genma#my baby boy#prompts#I’m not fully content with this but here it is#Genma is ANBU because I say he is#I find it hard to believe the guard for a Hokage wouldn’t be ANBU tbh#Genma has a bird mask so he can still have something in his mouth (toothpick instead of senbon) with it on#Genma saw the sad child on the swing and heard the ghost of minato threaten him if he didn’t play with that child right that second#tbh minato a ghost is far more terrifying that Hiruzen
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.🌪️
#so newest revelation from having another outlet#the switch whiplash is kicking my ass like you wouldn’t believe#i need everything all the time all at once#i feel absolutely wild and i have no idea which urges to act on because 5 seconds later i’ve changed my mind and want something else#the fact that i’m ovulating is also *not* helping#anyways: i need someone to come put my out of my misery by being my test subject/letting me take this all out on them#switchblade.txt
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The perception that classical music is somehow more arcane and esoteric than any other kind of music is 90% of the reason people are so totally uninterested in it. Most people seem to have just decided that there’s no way they’ll ever understand or enjoy classical music, so the second it comes up they turn their brain off and refuse to even try to engage with the material because it’s ‘boring and too hard’. It’s the same shit with math, or physics, or any other ‘difficult’ subject that people arbitrarily hate cuz it’s ‘RelAtAbLe’ to not understand it.
You literally might as well talk to a brick wall because people are obstinate that 1: they’re incapable of learning difficult things and 2: even if they could learn a difficult thing it wouldn’t be worth their time and effort because the subject matter isn’t cool enough to justify spending time on
#.txt#like people COULD absolutely understand these things they just don’t want to#and instead of admitting they’re just not interested in engaging they put up a facade of victimhood#that they’d LOVE to know more about it but it’s just too hard :((( impossible for them to learn more no matter what :((((((#people would rather ‘spare your feelings’ by lying to your face about how much they care about your creative endeavors than just tel you#the truth. which is that they find it boring and want you to stop talking about it because they’re confused#this is a vent but like#Christ alive it’s impossible to talk to anyone about this anymore cuz you get the same placating responses back#if anyone spent even a millisecond of time trying to learn about what I’m interested I’d believe them when they say they care#but the absolute absence of any kind of effort just shows me that whenever someone tells me they’re interested they’re lying#clearly you’re not interested clearly it’s not fun to listen to me talk about it clearly you don’t like it#because if you did it wouldn’t feel like such a chore and a burden to literally ever mention it#conversation will grind to a halt the second classical is mentioned because no one can even be bothered to ask 1 question#ever#you’re so confused yet have 0 follow up questions….. because you don’t give a fuck about it
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btw I’ve been thinking about that time in s7 where dean thought sam stole the impala because he was hallucinating the devil and dean’s response was to track him down and punch him in the face for it. what the fuck.
#neeed to write a hallucifer addendum to that episode need to#hallucifer post-dean hitting sam sitting by sam’s side like ‘well *i* believe you that Amy deserves a second chance.#of course you would give her one Sam. you’re so good like that. you would give me a second chance too wouldn’t you.’#hallucifer asking sam if his face still hurts later. reminding sam of the bruises. coaxing sam over to the fridge to get an icepack.#cold cold relief over Sam’s hurt that dean caused and hallucifer gets to nestle a little deeper in his trust. all because Dean overreacted.#i just think dean’s actions all should have driven Sam away from him and towards Lucifer.#like a twisted parallel to s5 and the endverse scenario.#and all right AFTER him standing in that warehouse promising to be Sam’s anchor to reality.#like do you know how much it would torture Dean to know that not only did he fail. that he pushed sam away with his own actions.#no one made him. it was all him. and now Sam trusts a hallucination of the devil more than him.#spn#sam winchester#dean winchester#hallucifer
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#94-95
Happy Friday!
Happy Friday! We’re almost through the week!
94. Movie date or restaurant date
Movie date. I like going to the movies and I hate eating out. Take out? Absolutely. But I have sitting at a restaurant and having awkward small talk. At least watching the movie gives us something to talk about. But I also want it known that I like small talk, I’m good at small talk, but I always end up carrying the conversations on dates because of it and I’m tired.
95. Do you split the check or expect only one of you to be paying it?
It really depends. I like to split the check but if the person taking me out has insisted on going to an expensive place when I’d be more than happy with a McDonald’s happy meal then they can pay for me. But I typically prefer splitting the check and paying for myself.
Random Asks
#ask game#rae irl#y’all wouldn’t believe but I did have a very good date earlier this week#it was wild#in fact it was such a good date that I asked them out on a second one#I have literally never done that before
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I really feel like eurovision this year was rigged, and not even because of the mic stuff or ABBA’s 50th anniversary. I just don’t believe Austria got that few votes from the public
#like i have seen SO many people saying they’re voting from austria and they love their song#*FOR austria not from#and then they get 16 votes??? no. no#like i wasn’t expecting them to win and i didn’t particularly want them to win#but that stands out to me as something that is just untrue. something that is a blatant lie#like eurovision has been fixed since the introduction of the jury vote imo#last year was rigged. i mean i believe that ukraine won legitimately but NO WAY did uk legitimately come second lmao#no way did that many people actually vote for us!!! we’re the laughing stock of europe#they rigged it so we would come second so brits wouldn’t be mad when we hosted it & would think we were hosting it because we came second#when actually we have to host it because we are the default if a country can’t host#but can you imagine the stupid bullshit people would have said if we’d gotten nil pois and then had to host it#anyway we NEED to get rid of the juries#the voting used to be the most fun part of the show but now it’s shit because all we’re doing is finding out who the ‘experts’ have decided#should win. and the popular vote is falsified i’m sure of it#it’s bullshit and i hate it#‘we made eurovision better!!’ you fucked up the world’s campest music festival is what you did. look at it. it’s rigged so no one actually#cool or interesting will win#personal#*not måneskin baby i’m not talking about you#måneskin were a rare case of lightning striking so hard it was legitimately impossible for anyone else to win that year
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Why he sitting like that
#human man ass looking cat#cat#thoughts#hamlet posting#sometimes I still can’t believe I was actually able to adopt hamlet#I wasn’t sure if I’d have a place by the time he was available#and he was posted on such a big account I was sure someone would get him before I did#and I loved him as soon as I saw him so I was so convinced someone would feel the same and snatch him up#it’s crazy#I can’t believe he’s mine#and I love him so fucking much#I’m so grateful I was able to adopt him and that it all worked out#the timing was perfect and if I hesitated even for a second#despite how nervous I was it wouldn’t work out#I don’t know if I would have him today
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five years worth of anger
#tw sa#found out that the guy I dated twice and did fwb with after the second time dating#sexually assaulted one of my best friends this past summer#she’s asexual and made that clear when they started dating and several months into the relationship she woke up to him touching her#I’m so disgusted that I had such a close relationship and friendship with him for years and never knew he would do something like that#and I feel partially responsible for what he did to her#because he did a similar thing to a lesser degree when we were together#i was blackout drunk and he was sober. and I slept in his car at a party#he claimed that I tried to initiate sex but he didn’t touch me#and I believed him at the time#but after hearing what he did to her I’ll never be able to trust his word#i keep thinking that if I had pressed him about that#or had a backbone at any point during our relationships#he wouldn’t have had the nerve to do what he did to her#I’m the only one of our friends she’s told#everyone else is still close friends with him because they don’t know#and she doesn’t want anyone to cut him off because of it#but I’m positive that anyone in her life would never speak to him again if they knew he was a rapist#i spent years convincing myself that he was a good guy#that I deserved the way he treated me and that it was my fault#but now I know#he’s the worst hypocrite I’ve ever met#i feel physically sick that I spent so much time caring about him and supporting him#and telling him that he’d never be like his father#just for him to do that#to one of the people I love most in the world#I’ve never been this angry before in my life#and I’ll wait until she’s ready to talk about it#because he deserves for everyone he loves to find out what an irredeemably awful person he is
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cape westwind really shouldn’t make me think this much but howdy ARR made me feel things with that one
#there’s just…this guy who we get such a short amount of time with but#aka we don’t see him much on screen but we know enough to know his devotion and respect for gauis#and to know he is an outsider in the empire but gaius didn’t care#he cared about actions and deeds and thus I cannot spell his name#he had a place#and then bc he’s a stepping stone in our plans he has to be eliminated#he is killed by the warrior of light and surely they don’t know much about him#but it’s still……from what little there is in the fight his devotion is clear#you have to fight him two and a half times#it’s one of the two moments in ARR that hit me#the other one is carrying the bodies of the scions out and the way the npcs talk about them#it’s maybe not that these characters were our friends#but the cruelty and suffering these innocent people faced bc of the WoL#after cape westwind and things have died down eyrie looks into those who served gaius and…Rhi is a big regret for them#causality of war but they believed after leaving the imperials that wouldn’t be the case#they believed again after the calamity happened#and for the second time they see less and less how causalities of war are justified#oc: eyrie kisne
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Lord give me energy today eueueue
#dora daily#sm things piling up but my brain says NO#I can’t even do basic things 😭#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others#aaaaaaah#the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring#me joy in solitude but#that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head#like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger#when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t#and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction#but I can’t live in La La land forever#pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue#everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on#small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so#unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7#I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing#like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause#I don’t want yet another issue#but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me#how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous#how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error#with the errors altering my brain chemistry#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down#friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even#believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w#everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t#intend to#the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger
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Something something people from countries that are at peace and prioritized globally do not know how lucky they have it
#I am too tired to get into my Taiwanese stress right now but like#idk man#believe it or not it really sucks having every headline about my country being about how China is threatening us once again#we can’t plan trips back to visit without factoring in whether China plans to bomb or invade#or whether they’re just trying to scare us#I’m so tired of it#and I think people who live in peaceful countries take it for granted sometimes#not to condemn them or anything. but if you live in a country that’s not constantly at threat from a foreign superpower#take a second to appreciate it every now and again#because this sucks ass#and I don’t even live there#og#personal#taiwan#i have a lot of other thoughts about it that I’m too tired to get into rn but like. living your life in constant fear?#wouldn’t recommend
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