#with the errors altering my brain chemistry

[kavehater]

Lord give me energy today eueueue

[radioapple-heathen]

My Top 10 Radioapple Fic 'Series' Recs

I've been working on this for a while. With nearly 4k fics for this ship on A03 (at the time of me writing this rec list), it can be difficult to find gems. I was really grateful for the rec lists I stumbled upon when I first joined this fandom, and I want to share the fics that have changed my brain chemistry with both newcomers and oldtimers alike. As with all rec lists, this list is completely subjective and curtailed to my tastes/preferences. I'm also sure this list will change with time as more fics get added to the fandom. As of mid-2024 though, here's where I'm at.

For background, I am an acespec 30+ married woman with ADHD raising a AuDHD child, and I appreciate fics that handle these aspects with respect and care. I've also been in fandom/writing for 20+ years, never professionally, always for fun.

My fic preferences:

I gravitate towards crisp prose that is sophisticated but not weighed down by excessive $5 dollar words. I like my fic like I like my food: digestible. The writing doesn't have to be perfect (typos and grammatical errors happen, that I can deal with) but the characterization is important to me.

I gravitate towards top!Lucifer because Alastor is a prissy little power bottom, but there are certainly exceptions to that on this list. At my core, though, I think they're switches with preferences.

I gravitate towards fics that have a nice balance of plot and romance, preferably leaning more towards the latter. I read fanfic for the relationship so if the plot supersedes the 'radioapple'-ness, I tend to find myself drifting/skimming, before giving up altogether.

I gravitate towards fics in sub <200k. Again this is an attention thing, no fault of the author, people loveee long fics. But often, even if I'm loving a fic, I'm like okay, where are we going with this? Again, some exceptions, which I'll highlight below.

I can be picky about my slow burns, like if it takes 100k to hold hands, I'll prob pass? BUT THIS IS JUST ME AND I HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A GOLDFISH AND I WANT TO FORCE THEIR HEADS TOGETHER AND MAKE THEM KISS ASAP?????

I gravitate towards genderfluid or intersex Lucifer, he's a shapeshifter and an angel, it just.. makes sense to me.

I have a preference for M or E-rated fics. I just really love the vulnerability and character development that can be explored through intimacy, especially in re: to Alastor's ace-ness. And what can I say? I wanna read about twink king getting it on with his deer man. That being said, I do have some T+ recs in my multi-chap/oneshot rec list.

Anyways. With all that said, let's get into the actual fics. Note, this isn't an exhaustive list, I could rec fics forever, there's so much talent in this fandom. These are just the ones that have altered my genetic makeup.

Top 10 Series

1.) All changed, changed utterly by @tollingreminiscentbells

Series: Complete. Rated: E. POV: Alastor for installments 1-5. Last installment (6) it switches. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: None.

Notes:

This is actually my favorite radioapple fic/series in the entire fandom. This series has rendered me somehow both speechless and bursting at the seams with praise. The writing is superb, the prose is elegant, but also easy to parse. Alastor meeting Lucifer as a human (and then again, in Hell) is by far my favorite trope of this ship, and this author takes said trope and weaves it into a masterpiece. The way they write Lucifer’s character (grieved by wrongs and loss, ancient and capable and so, so loving) is such a joy. And Alastor, god. I personally find Alastor’s POV tricky to write. He is a very complex character with a very specific narration voice, whimsical and deadly and clever and emotional stunted and possessive of what's his — which in this case, is Lucifer. I will never be able to sing enough praises. It truly cemented my love for this wonderful, complex, violently loving ship.

2.) Between the Shadow & the Soul by winterveritas

Series: In Progress. Rated: E. POV: Alastor. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: None.

This author will pop up several times because everything they touch is gold. I really love this take on the radioapple dynamic where Alastor is rather smitten from the start, because I feel like many fics drag him kicking and screaming into admitting he cares (mine included, no shade). But like, Winter is able to write him this way while still keeping him in-character imo, and I just... love it???

3.) Lucifer and his Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship by @keelywolfe

Series: In Progress. Rated: E. POV: Lucifer. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: None.

You might actually be living under a rock if you haven't read this series. If that's the case, I IMPLORE YOU, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, read this series. It has one of the best Lucifer's narration voices I've ever read. Also, it has one of my favorite tropes: "slow burn but they're fucking the whole time." AND AND AND intersex!top!Lucifer, YES PLEASE???? This series also is one of my 'typical attention span for fics' exceptions because it just hit 200k, and I am still 100% invested. I could read about these two idiots forever.

4.) Wicked Game by TrashDemonX

Series: In Progress. Rated: E. POV: Alastor. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: None.

Not gonna lie, I went into this with the idea of just like, Smut Galore (and it is, bless), but it's actually become just a fascinating character study on Alastor. Impeccable writing, and there is currently one chapter left of part 3 AND I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH FOR IT???? This is a top!Alastor fic but Lucifer isn't like a pillow princess, my man is involved and so for me, it works well. I can't say enough about how WELL this author writes Alastor's voice. Again, not an easy feat imo.

5.) Radioapple Broadcast by blatantblue

Series: Complete. Rated: E. POV: Alastor for Part 1, Lucifer for Part 2, Alastor for Part 3. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: None.

Notes: This was a positive JOY. Incredible writing and storytelling. Dom/sub undertones which is a huge plus for me, especially when Alastor is the sub. I reread this series often (and I usually am not a huge reread-er unless its been a while), but this is just a comfort fic, I think.

6.) Cataclysmic Cathechism by @wyldefire-writings

Series: Complete. Rated: E. POV: Lucifer. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: MPreg.

Notes:

I am about to show my entire ass right now but this series. My LORD.

Not gonna lie, MPreg was actually a squick for me before I joined this fandom/ship, but after reading this fic specifically, I'm now like, Al, my deer, my main man, knock that KoH the fuck up. Honestly, this was such a ride, and both of the boys were written SO WELL. Also, this author has the funniest A/N's I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

7. Hunger Pains by @theaffablescamp

Series: In Progress. Rated: E. POV: Switches. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-canon. Notable Warnings: None.

Notes:

Excellent writing and some very intriguing plot happening right now. Has arguably the most intense wing preening session I have ever read that legit lives rent free in my head. Another "slow burn but they're fucking the whole time" fic which is just delightful.

8.) machinations by fiveandnocents

Series: Complete. Rated: T-M. POV: Switches. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-canon. Notable Warnings: None.

Notes:

AHH I love this so much. Essentially, Alastor strikes up a relationship with Lucifer, as a means to manipulate him AND THE IDIOT FALLS IN LOVE UGHHH. It's chef's kiss. Spectacular characterization, this could be canon, and I'd be like yep, this happens in season 2, haha.

9.) By Name by @eunicorne

Series: Complete. Rated: E. POV: Switches. Genre: Canon Divergence/Post-Canon. Notable Warnings: Gore, Consensual Murder? He regens, it's fine.

Notes:

So. I will continue to show my ass. As a note, I don't like violence/gore for violence's sake but when there are BDSM undertones and aftercare, I'm a fucking goner. This was one of my first dives into very dark aspects of radioapple, and I.. my brain chemistry has been altered by this series.

10.) imagine being loved by me by deliciously deviant

Series: In-Progress. Rated: E. POV: Switches. Notable Warnings: Gore, Consensual Cannibalism, I have never met a deader dove.

Notes:

Incredible writing and character voices BUT HOLY SHIT not for the weak or even average stomach. Again, I am soft for the whole, "I'm gonna cause you pain that you want/need to get out of your head" and I feel like I couldn't leave this rec out just bc of the content matter, but I am serious, read at your own risk.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. If you have any series recs of your own, feel free to share in the comments!

I also have my top 10 Multi-Chaptered (non-series) and top 10 oneshots recs list in my drafts rn, I'll be posting those in the next few days!

[espinosaurusrexex]

The Karens of the World

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader modern au

summary: Aunt Karen is possibly the worst person you know. So when her annual Independence Day party arrives, you try to give her as little reason to pick on you as possible. Not being single for once should cover most of the topics she complains about. So you ask your friend Bucky to play pretend.

a/n: So I tried this website @nana1000night (make sure to check out their own chats) posted about and my ideas just started overflowing. I wrote this so quick, there may be some tenses errors, but the concept was so fun, I hope you like it.

word count: 4.1k

warnings: fake dating trope, grumpy!Bucky AND protective!Bucky, bullying, a Karen (this should say it all, really), self-doubt, body dysmorphia, mentions of violence, and sooooo much fluff!

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ

↑ This movie altered my brain chemistry and also he looks so good OKAY BYE!

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that now, I really need your help,” you plead with a solid stare. But Bucky just broodily stares back at you with an unfazed expression. “Just answer the question, please.”

For a moment it seems as though he‘s squinting his eyes even more at you, trying to assess whether you are kidding or not. But you aren’t. You are in desperate need of help.

“Fine,” he finally breaks.

“Yes!” You exclaim before collecting yourself. “I mean: cool, cool... So, I’ll send you the details later and we can go from there.” You are a little nervous, but that’s what stressful situations do to you. And well, today definitely categorized as one. 

“You’re a great friend, you know that, Buck? The best there is!” A desperate attempt to save the situation, but Bucky isn’t having it.

“Yeah, kid. Text me, do... whatever.” He huffs before he stands up to leave. You just wrinkle your nose at the little nickname he frequently calls you. It is stupid, but you don’t want him to call you ‘kid’. You would prefer it if he called you 'doll' or 'sweetheart' like he does all the other women. Hell, you’d even settle for your actual name, but he never calls you that. 

You watch as he walks towards the door, but before he reaches it, he turns one more time just to send another annoyed look your way. Talk about being childish.

That was a week ago. And Bucky and you did, in fact, not ‘discuss the details later’. Bucky has merely stared at your messages, cursing himself for having agreed to the stupid plan you laid upon him. But he was committed to doing it anyway and the sooner it was over, the better.

You stare at your phone in silence, the simple text from Bucky making your stomach turn over and over. 

I’ll be there.

He has written. And now there is no going back. Which is what you had planned, right? But Somehow, you are still nervous about the whole situation. 

You stand in front of the mirror while tugging on the outfit you picked out for today. It is simple and light - perfect for a summer barbecue party. But you can’t help yourself when you look at your reflection. Your aunt Karen would have something mean to say about it anyway - she always does. And if it isn’t the lack of a partner (which is a problem you have temporarily solved for the day), it will be your body or your hair, or the way you speak, or the things you pursue in life. Karen is a textbook housewife, who has nothing to do all day but organize PTA meetings and condescend to everyone who doesn’t live up to her standards. And she has invited to her annual 4th of July party in her suburban family home in New Jersey. It wouldn’t bother you that much if meeting her wouldn’t always be connected to a huge amount of self-doubt and general mental chaos. It just bothers you that Karen makes you hate the parts about yourself you have never looked at critically before. 

Your phone pings again - Bucky is here. 

He just sits in the parking lot of your apartment building, his hands clenching the steering wheel tightly, and his eyes - as always - broodily staring ahead. He’s never done anything like this - He’s never pretended to be in an actual relationship. What if something goes wrong? What if they all see through this charade? Bucky wants to help you with your little ‘family problem’, as you have called it, but at the same time, he hates the situation he finds himself in because of it.

Bucky sits up straighter when he finally sees you running out of the door and towards his muddy truck. You look pretty, even if your hair is a little tousled from the small run you just did.

“Hey,” you greet with a smile after Bucky stares for a little too long. “Nice shirt.” 

Bucky looks down on himself. He is wearing a striped short sleeve button-up that fits him very well, and you have to admit, that your eyes linger on the strip of skin revealed by the two undone buttons a little too long before they sway back to the window when you get inside his car. You feel your skin go up in flames at the thought of it again. Hopefully, this will all go well. 

He isn't used to compliments, Bucky notes as he starts the car and backs out of the parking lot. This is just a courtesy; an easy greeting from a friend - no, actually his fake girlfriend for today - to loosen up the tension both of them feel. Bucky clears his throat while making a conscious effort to look away from the woman in his car, who makes him feel kind of... nervous all of a sudden.

The car ride is silent: no music, just the humming of the engine roaring in the background as you stare out the window and watch the trees pass by. Though when Bucky finally pulls into your aunt's neighborhood, you tense up and your hands become clammy - this feels like a really stupid idea all of a sudden. 

Bucky parks the car on the street in front of your aunt’s huge house and looks at you. He raises an eyebrow upon noticing how timid you suddenly look.

Crap. Had this been your plan all along? To get him to agree to pose as your fake boyfriend, to have to face your terrible aunt?

Bucky swallows thickly when he takes in your state. “Do we really have to go in?” He asks still hopeful that you would just allow him to turn around again, but that obviously doesn’t happen. 

“Unfortunately, we do.” You sigh after taking a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Just a little white lie to get you through the day. It will be over before you know it. “Thank you again for doing this Bucky, it really means a lot.” You smile one last time and then you get out of the car. 

Bucky just watches as you walk towards the suburban home, impatiently waiting for him on the sidewalk where the driveway begins. He isn’t ready for this, but he had promised you.

❁ ❁ ❁

Your heart begins pumping in your chest when Bucky straightens up and takes your hand in his, the other hiding in his pocket. This is actually kinda nice. A squeeze of a hand then the ring of the doorbell. Two times. 

“Oh, how wonderful you finally made it!” A slender woman with a blonde bob opens the door with a wide smile: Aunt Karen. “More than fashionably late, I see.” And then her eyes wander beside you where Bucky stands tall and steady with his hand still etched in yours. “Oh my, honey, is this the boyfriend you’ve been telling me about?”

Her eyes shine and for a moment it looks as though they were to pop out of her head from the way she’s gawking at Bucky. Okay, you get it, Bucky is good-looking. No need to think about breaking up your own marriage about it. Your roll your eyes before reminding yourself that you should restrain. The day has just started and you are ready to leave again. 

Bucky looks at you uncomfortably, but your hand in his grounds him a little bit. He can’t make you deal with it alone anymore. He agreed to help you and this is - unfortunately - his mess as well now. God, he should remind himself to not be this stupid more often.

“Yes,” he swallows, “we are... uh... seeing each other.” Great job, that definitely didn’t sound forced. Bucky looks between you and your aunt for a moment, trying not to cringe at his own words. 

You just send him an apologetic look before entering the house and let Karen pull you into a tight hug. 

“Well, you have certainly gained little since the last time I saw you, I can barely fit my arms around you, honey,” Karen jokes but it hits deeper than that. “Must be that relationship weight, don’t we know it, huh?” Unbelievable, not even one minute in and she is already going at it. 

You try to ignore the anxiety pooling up in your stomach as you watch Bucky squeeze aunt Karen’s hand a little too tightly. There’s nothing wrong with you, but these comments never cease to make you hate yourself a little bit.

Bucky smiles when he notices the discomfort on Karen's face after the handshake. She silently shakes her hand out and forces a bright smile, but he thinks the message came through. So, he decides against saying something just yet.

“Come on into the yard, the guests are all there!” The blonde woman rushes and leads you through the kitchen and out onto the porch from which you have a nice view of the party. There is a buffet set up, your uncle is at the grill, talking it up with his friends and the rest of the crowd is scattered across the lawn. Some people are playing corn hole and if the hostess weren’t such a pain in the ass, you could probably enjoy this party. 

Luckily, Karen disappeared into the crowd once she greeted you, now there’s only Bucky and you.

“Thank God you’re here! I couldn’t stand talking to Grandpa Stan a minute longer. He’s all about his World War Two stories again.” An annoyed redhead approaches you from the side and your mood instantly lightens. You turn and see Tasha greet you with open arms and a playful smile. “You look nice!” She says upon seeing your expression and her smile quickly falters.

“Oh, no. What did she do this time?” She watches intensely, her hands squeezing your shoulders, but now that your cousin is here, there is no need to dwell in the state of depression Karen has put you in. 

Bucky just stays silent as he watches you interact with the redhead. He’s trying to stay off to the side, as he doesn’t really know anyone very well. He’s not a social person, which was yet another reason why this whole thing had been a bad idea from the start, but now that he has seen why you needed a fake boyfriend, he is determined to honor his role for the day. He’d do anything to make Karen feel defeated and unsupported after what he has just witnessed. Because whether he likes it or not, you are his friend, and nobody messed with his friends like that. 

A sense of protection overtakes him every time he sees Karen pass by close to the both of you, And Bucky has to restrain himself a couple too many times from laying his arm around you. 

He watches people laughing and talking from afar, his face blank from expression, his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to you. 

“Tasha this is Bucky.” You suddenly say and pull him closer, your arm remains around him and he is kind of glad that you officially give him permission to touch in this fake relationship. He blushes a little startled at the gesture anyway. He’s not used to it, but it's kind of nice. 

“Bucky Barnes, right? Yeah, I’ve heard my mother talk about you.” Tasha says and Bucky just rolls his eyes. “And I see you’ve met her, too.” She laughs and Bucky knows she’s an ally. “I wish you good luck for today, our family is a menace.”

“Thanks.” Bucky looks over to Karen who is mingling with her guests and a wave of disgust overcomes him. “Hopefully she won’t ruin this holiday.”

“Oh, she will. You can count on it, actually. But with time you’ll learn to deal with it. We have Karen bingo cards at every event to cross off things she does or says. It’s fun if you make it fun. Don’t let her antics bother you too much. The suburbs are the only place she has something to say and she holds on to it for dear life... I pity her most of the time.” Tasha rambles on and on and Bucky takes a liking to her with every word. He smiles and so do you. 

“Anyway, I gotta get Grandpa a beer but feel free to mingle, and,” Tasha turns to you as she grabs your hand for a brief moment, her eyes staring into yours intently. “Come find me if she gets too much, okay?”

You just nod at your cousin. Tasha is amazing and she always manages to calm you down after yet another unpleasant encounter with your aunt. God knows why she was cursed with such a pain of a mother, but Tasha makes the best out of it. 

Bucky smiles and looks at Tasha walking away. He seems to have already relaxed with her somewhat, so he tries to take her advice and ignore Karen’s antics. Maybe this won’t be so bad. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It's about 30 minutes later when you are off to talk to some other family members who haven’t seen you in a while and Bucky has decided to check out the buffet. He eats in silence, his gaze swaying over the yard - people watching. He finds comfort in it every now and then. But unfortunately, his peace isn’t lasting long. 

“So Bucky, tell me. How did you and my niece meet?” Karen appears next to him and holds out a bottle of beer to him.

Bucky is a little startled but he swallows his hot dog and uses the time to come up with a story. What would you want him to say? Some romantic crap, probably, but Bucky would much rather tell her that you met at a burn-all-Karens petition downtown. Still, he can’t completely ignore his intrusive thoughts, so he simply takes the bottle and answers with a straight face as he watches Karen's expression falter.

“In prison.” Hopefully, this would shut her up.

"Oh? You are a prison guard?” She asks with intrigue, adamant that he is still the glorious man she makes him out to be, and Bucky just sends her a knowing smile. 

“Something like that.”

The blonde bob shakes in his peripheral. “Well, it was only a matter of time until she would end up there.” Karen shrugs but Bucky feels anger bubbling inside him. 

“What do you even mean by that?” It becomes harder to control himself now. 

Your eyes move over to Bucky as you let your relative’s speech about the perfect lawn mower pass by you in a breeze. He looks slightly irritated and uncomfortable, his shoulders are tense but he’s holding up well, and Karen doesn’t seem to suspect anything. Of course she doesn’t, though, she is shallow. 

“I just can't seem to believe that an attractive and interesting man such as yourself would settle for someone so... bland.” And just like that, snobbish middle-aged white women made it to the top of his blacklist. 

Karen sips on her cocktail with a winning smile, she must have known how insecure she could make you with the confidence that radiated off of her right now. 

The paper plate in Bucky’s hand crumbles at her words. His anger is clearly written on his features, turning solid by the second. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

It just bursts out of him, he can’t stop it - it just feels right. How dare this bitch call you boring? You of all people and not him? The anger crawls up his neck with every second he has to spend close to your aunt and at one point he can’t take it anymore.

“Bingo!” Someone yells from the back of the yard, but Bucky just looks at Karen with his death stare.

“Your niece is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. She’s smart and kind and courageous and so unbelievably goodhearted. You don’t know how lucky you are to have her in your life. And yet all you do is patronize her. The fact that you don’t see that is seriously pathetic. You are a grown woman, for god’s sake. I highly recommend that you fix your attitude or I won’t be responsible for what happens next,” he sneers into Karen's flabbergasted face. 

The whole party has gone quiet. People have stopped talking and are all turned to look at the disturbance with the potential to bring far more entertainment than anything else that they’re doing. 

You decide to intervene before something else happens. You rush towards Bucky after excusing yourself and drag him out of the yard with a solid ‘Can I talk to you, babe?’. Bucky just glares at Karen for good measure before he lets himself be led away by you. He’s tense, with his hands clenching in fists, he looks like he’s ready to strangle your aunt - as if there is a lot more at play than your feelings in his response to her. 

“I swear... that woman...” He grumbles with vicious eyes, he grinds his teeth in frustration and the muscles in his jaw pop a little. 

“I know, but... well, that’s just how she is.”

“How have you gone this long without knocking her over with a bat?” You need to refrain from laughing out loud at Bucky’s comment.

“I can’t change it. Punching her won’t help. But, hey,” you push a white paper into his hand and upon short inspection, he realizes it’s a bingo card. “We can make fun of it. New round just started.”

You hug him and push a quick kiss to his cheek before you step back and let him calm down a bit. Bucky has to smile at the card in his hand and he looks down to hide the small blush creeping over the heated spot on his cheek. His hand covers the place you kissed and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. When did he start feeling this way?

“Come on now. I want you to meet my Grandpa. I think you’ll get along well.”

❁ ❁ ❁

“Meet Stan, my grandfather.” You say once you reach the small circle of people that gathered around your grandfather. 

“Pleased to meet you, sir. My name’s Bucky Barnes.” You watch them shake hands and Stan’s eyes brighten at the additional listener.

“Pleasure to meet you, young man. Grab yourself a beer and sit down I was just about to tell the story of how a grenade ended up going off right next to me.” 

You exchange a short look with Tasha who has heard the story about as often as you have before, but when your eyes sway to Bucky, you notice the intrigue in his body language. He scrambles to sit down close to Stan with his hands folded over his knees.

“You’re telling me that you survived a grenade? A literal grenade?” Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up and it's like watching a child on Christmas Day. “You’re either tough as nails or incredibly lucky, sir.”

So, hooking Bucky up with your grandpa was a great success. He seemed to be the first person that was actually interested in Stan’s stories from the war. And while you had to not worry about Karen steering up more arguments with Bucky anymore, you watch him interact with the rest of your family with awe.

The day passes by and Bucky seems to catch a conversation with Stan every now and then. He’s interested in history and your grandfather seems like the perfect source for the answers he’s been seeking. But when the moon rises and the fireworks have died down, you decide it's time to go home. 

Bucky is talking to your grandfather again when you approach him from behind. In a weird shoot of confidence, you wrap your arms around him and place a gentle kiss on his shoulder. 

“Are you ready to go home?” You’re a little nervous but you don’t pull away, and Bucky is strangely content with the amount of physical contact he’s gotten today. Still, he tries to stuff the weird feelings in his chest away when he turns in your arms. 

“Yeah,” he looks at you with soft eyes, “I think I’m ready to go home.” But you can’t help but think that his statement holds a little more than the answer to your question. 

❁ ❁ ❁

You smile when Bucky opens the car door for you. You didn’t expect it, and it almost looks as if Bucky didn’t expect it either, but you’re not complaining. He starts the car in silence but this time, there is faint music coming from the radio. The street lights pass by the window as you look out until your apartment complex comes into view. 

Once the car is parked again, you turn around to Bucky. He makes no effort to move and it doesn’t bother you at all. It’s nice in the car. Cool from the AC and Bucky’s presence is a pleasant addition to the calm the car ride home has brought to you.

“Thank you for coming with me today. I know it wasn’t exactly what you expected and I am so sorry for my family. They are a lot... I just...” You fumble with your fingers before looking back up at him again. “I don’t think I would have survived this party without you. It really means a lot.” You finally finish and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. 

Bucky is quiet for a while, thinking about what you have just said. He feels weird thinking about how many of these family gatherings you had to endure without anyone stepping up for you before, and he has the strong urge to just cradle you in his arms and protect you from all the Karens of the world - let nothing ever touch you like that again. He had seen your heart break a little today and he didn’t like it at all. 

His eyes avert from the windshield when he turns to you and gazes into your eyes intently. There’s a lot going on in them, but it all radiates comfort to you. And then, almost like a button has been pushed, he grabs your chin and pulls you closer, his hand running down your cheek. There’s a moment of complete standstill. Everything is zeroing in on him and then, after a beat or two, he pulls you into him and kisses you. 

It's short and it's sweet but it holds more feelings than you have ever gotten from a kiss. When he pulls back, his eyes just run over your face. He doesn’t know what just happened and neither do you. It’s like a wild dream - a good one.

“What... what was that for?” Your whisper barely reaches his ears and Bucky struggles to construct a proper sentence with the way your eyes lock with his in awe.

“I... It’s... I just... couldn’t help myself,” he confesses while still shaking out of his trance. Uh oh. What if this was a mistake? 

He attempts to pull away reluctantly, but you stop him. “No, no it’s fine,” you grab his hand and place it back on your face, “do it again, please.”

Bucky’s breath staggers when you say that and for a moment, he freezes completely. Is this really happening? And how is he feeling like this when he didn’t even see you this way when this day started? 

The grip on his wrist is gentle, but he’s glued to you. Everything, every sense of his is pulled in your direction until you completely consume him. And he lets it happen. You haul him onto another kiss and this one is even better - more passionate, more... just more. He can’t get enough of you and he wonders how he has gone so long without it - this feeling of flying when you touch him.

Your hand grabs his shoulder and your fingers push into his tender muscles. It feels good, though and Bucky strives to have you even closer. The warmth is all-consuming but he doesn’t mind in the slightest, that the night outside his car is a hundred degrees or that just an hour ago this was all pretend. It certainly isn’t anymore.

“I really like you, Bucky. I hope my family didn’t chase you away. I know that they can be a handful sometimes, but you handled them so well and-“

“Doll,” Bucky stops you and your heart skips at the nickname. His eyes are shining in the dim light falling through the windshield, but you can still see every speck of grey in the deep blue. He’s trying to convey how he feels, but he believes it’s not enough. His nose nudges yours and then he whispers softly: “I really like you, too.”

Wanna be added to the taglist?

@almosttoopizza @sociallyimpairedme @royalwritersoftheuniverses @i-l-y-3000 @mrsgweasley @prettylittlepluviophile @dinwifey @stuckysgirl27 @wintermischief @supersecretblogformytreasures @broadwaybabe18 @fridayiaminlove @buckybarnessimpp @goodkittyspost @justafangir1 @simpxinnie @bisexual-buckyfan @rassvetsky @circe143 @valkyrie418 @mirikusashes @noideawhyimdoingthislol @nikkitc0703 @lethallyprotected @erynnnn @misshale21 @wattpaduser200 @buckyseddie @adoreyouusugar

[firstkanaphans]

Mix calling First a “good bitch” has altered my brain chemistry. I don’t care that it’s a translation error. It will always be “good bitch” in my heart.

[He’s actually saying something along the lines of “How dare you?!” because First is making fun of how he does sit-ups.]

[th3w00ds]

Sharper Headcanons

Sharper's a regular human

Although now, due to an experiment gone wrong, he got his arms and his legs replaced with a mix of metal and his own flesh, basically prosthetics

Very advanced ones, as he's a scientist and inventor and made them himself

He can feel through them, and they usually look exactly like regular limbs

That stays true even if others touch them, though you could probably feel the wires and circuitry in his arms/legs if you pressed down hard enough

Even though they do have machinery in them, they do still have human flesh and tissues

Hence in Take Me Anywhere where his body and the wires/circuits seem to be one whenever he's injured

Because, well, they are one

Sharper has a tendency to get hurt on accident a whole lot

That damages his prosthetics and exposes the circuitry underneath them

Which to him hurts just as much as a wound of whatever caliber it is would hurt to a normal human

A master at inventing and chemistry

In fact, once he had a whole company

It was called Sharper Industries. He unfortunately shut down his company after getting very addicted to his own invention: The Sharper Industries Immersion Tube, and the Hallucina-Puff Memory Gas that allowed the tube to work

Sharper hadn't completely made sure that the Memory Gas was perfected before he started producing and selling the Immersion Tube to the public, hence the "Excessive exposure to HPMG may damage some to all brain function" warning on the product

The reason Sharper got so addicted to it was after his ex-girlfriend, Jessica (whom he was on good terms with before her passing) died in a car crash during a storm while going to visit her family

Sharper, even with all his life-altering and potentially life-saving inventions, couldn't save her

Due to all his guilt about the accident and his belief that he could've done something to change it, he obsessively enters an Immersion Tube that he had installed at his home

Just to see her again

Over and over and over and over

Sharper couldn't stop thinking about Jessica and what he could've done to help her, even if he was the head of a wealthy company and, by all accounts from everyone around him, "needed to move on," Sharper couldn't

Not yet

His addiction to the Immersion Tube ended up nearly killing him

Sharper realized this due to his worsening health, worsening immune system, extreme memory issues, frequent migraines, flashbacks, and emotional instability

So he stopped using his Immersion Tube, and shut down his company. At the time it was just an extended leave, but without their founder, the company started to fall into disrepair quickly

By the time we see him in Take Me Anywhere, he's gotten over the majority of his addiction to HPMG

Although Sharper still goes occasionally have withdrawal (I have no idea if this is how addiction works so if I get anything wrong I apologize)

What Sharper hasn't gotten over however is Jessica and her death

At that time, he is now attempting to create a "perfect version" of HPMG in his personal lab

Well

More abandoned warehouse which Sharper has repurposed into his home and current laboratory

Yeah he just kind of found it abandoned, moved his stuff in, and was like "Alright this is my home now, I can conduct my research without interruption!"

Sharper hasn't gotten extraordinarily far in his perfect HPMG research, but has certainly made lots of progress

There was an unexpected side effect of one of his test versions of his altered HPMG

When he took it, all the injuries he had at the time were healed immediately

No matter the severity

While it worked wonders for physical injuries, it didn't work so well for mental ones

He is very, very determined to get there one day, to the perfect version. If not for him, then for Jessica

@nwtbobsessedemo @bondoes-art @themoonisrotting @colourfulmes @nightshade-error @flaming-dolph16

[thank-god-and-you]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @4getfulimaginator2022. Thank you! <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

I'll use my FFN stats since I'm not transferring everything from there over to AO3. Fic count on FFN is 204, though that's not including the ones I archive privately, so technically the number of fics I've posted is 253.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Again, going on FFN word count since that's where everything is. That stands at over two million: 2,197,752.

HOWEVER, I also have a further 817,563 words of fics privately archived, so in actuality I've hit the three million mark: 3,015,315! I knew I must be climbing up there, but I had no idea that I'd surpassed it, so that made me happy!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, it's Downton Abbey (Anna/Bates), EastEnders (Suki/Eve), Game of Thrones (Daenerys/Jorah), Gentleman Jack (Anne/Ann), and The Incredibles (Bob/Helen).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sed Me Domum et Aedificabo a Throno [Game of Thrones, Daenerys/Jorah]

Tokens of Deep Affection [Wreck-It Ralph, Felix/Calhoun]

Vivat Crescat Floreat  [Game of Thrones, Daenerys/Jorah]

Magic in Mundanity [The Incredibles, Bob/Helen]

Veritas, Unitas, Caritas [Game of Thrones, Daenerys/Jorah]

And favourites on FFN, since I still use that site:

1. Seeing is Believing [Pokémon, Jessie/James]

2. Swinub May Fly [Pokémon, Jessie/James]

3. The Shadow Proves the Sunshine [Downton Abbey, Anna/Bates]

4. A Comedy of Errors [Pokémon, Jessie/James]

6. A Meeting of Fates [Downton Abbey, Anna/Bates]

5. Do you respond to comments?

On FFN, yes, since it's done via PM. On AO3, no. I really appreciate all comments, but I despise that it counts my response, and I won't inflate my comment count. But of course I read each one.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

One of my suuuuuper old Pokémon fics, Twisted. It's sooooo bad. Young teen Dan was dark and depressed. If I didn't think it was important to leave everything up to show progression, I'd delete it and pretend it never existed.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Nearly all of my fics have happy endings because I mostly write fluffy oneshots, so pretty much take your pick.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did once have a comment on a Dany/Jorah fic which had nothing to do with the fic and just hated on the ship, which I rolled my eyes hard at. What is the point in seeking out something you don't like? Weirdo behaviour. And, you know, it was from a Dany/Jon stan, so...people in glass houses and all that.

9. Do you write smut?

I do. Not as often as I used to, but when the mood strikes. Most of my smut scenes/fics are archived privately, though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. I did extensive planning for one once, but the crossover universe was mostly just there as background. Whether I ever get around to actually writing it remains to be seen, but I wouldn't write another because I have no real interest.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone once asked wayyyyy back in 2012 if they could translate one of my fics, but I don't know if that ever happened. And I deleted it to archive privately, so probably not, LOL.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! I'm not sure if I'd be any good at it, I'd feel the pressure!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Well, it's been over twelve years since I wrote my first Anna/Bates fic, and I still write a little bit for them most days (just a slow and steady process). I still love all of my old ships, but Anna/Bates has had the longevity to endure almost nine years after the end of the show (I don't count the movies because they're whatever), and they're still so, so special to me. <3

(Although I do spend most of my time these days completely fixated on Suki/Eve because MY GOD, that ship has completely altered my brain chemistry.)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It's not a 'doubt I ever will' thing just yet, because I am still very much writing Anna/Bates fic, but I have one in particular that I haven't touched in six years where the final line of the penultimate chapter has lived rent-free in my head for all that time...I've just never committed it to paper yet, and I'm still a couple of chapters away from it.

But I finally finished the bonus chapter of Made of Starlight [Downton Abbey, Anna/Bates] seven years after posting the final chapter on FFN, so there's every chance I'll pick it back up in the near future.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't think I'm particularly good at anything, but if I had to pick something...Dialogue, maybe? I always have lots of fun with characters interacting with each other, anyway, regardless of whether it's good or not.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. I feel like it's often clunky and not evocative enough.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I used to write it in italicised English. Nowadays, if a character is speaking to another in a language they both understand, I'll still do this, but if it's from the POV of a character who doesn't understand it, I'll write it in the other language but try to do the HTML on AO3 where hovering over it on desktop will give the English translation. For example, this was pivotal for the fourth chapter of Vivat Crescat Floreat, since the whole point of the chapter was supposed to be Tyrion's frustration at not knowing what the hell Daenerys and Jorah were talking about. It would not have worked if the audience could read the Common Tongue right off the bat, but the hovering at least gives the audience the context that Tyrion does not have.

I don't bother on FFN since hardly anyone uses that site anymore, haha.

Of course, the only language that I do know is English, so I have to rely on translate for other languages...which, let's face it, can be horrendously inaccurate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Pokémon. I don't keep up with the anime much these days, but I'm always there for a new game, haha.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I don't really do favourites because I'm mostly just meh about what I've written, but I'll always have a soft spot for A Meeting of Fates, purely because it was the first multi-chaptered fic that I ever finished.

Lost in Balms [Downton Abbey, Anna/Bates, privately archived] is one I had a lot of fun with. I started it in April 2017 and completed it July 2023, but during all that time I had such a clear image of how I wanted the climax to go down. I actually wrote the fic in an entirely linear fashion, so thinking of that one scene kept me going for five years until I actually reached it, and it was one of the most satisfying things to write because of how long it had taken for me to get there.

And not a fic mention per se, but the fourth 'chapter' of And Beauty There Echoes the Speck of Our Souls [EastEnders, Suki/Eve] gave me all the feels to think about and write. I wrote it at a time where I was struggling with Suki and Eve's breakup in canon, and it brought me great comfort to focus on. And another Suki/Eve fic that I'm working on right now is giving me the same warm fuzzies because it's something I desperately want at some point in the future. <3

[hinamie]

I shall make you lonely no longer. How did you find out about jjk and ship itafushi? Ur art is scrumptious btw

A !!! hello !!! and thank u so much both fr the enrichment and for the lovely words <3

re: my introduction to jjk honestly i can't exactly remember but think it was either a close online friend or my ex who mentioned hey theres this cool anime coming up i think it wld be up ur alley and i went o ! i will look ! so i DID and i saw the trailer i heard fuckin EVE saw i yuuji on that train bathed in blues and reds with sukuna's markings flashing over his face with the passing lights and it altered my brain chemistry and i have not looked back

as for itafushi i think it snuck up on me because hides face in shame tbh megumi was a character that I didn't like right away, it took a minute for him 2 grow on me ... i was very ambivalent towards him at the start, even leaning slightly towards the negative side of ambivalence bc his Type usually isn't the kind of char i gravitate towards,,, but IN MY DEFENSE I HAVE PULLED A COMPLETE 180 i have seen the error of my ways he now lives in my house in my brain in my heart i hold him so dear to me,,, n listen ik that the Tropes that he n yuuji occupy (genki protag/stoic voice of reason) are nothing new but they do it SO WELL n once i started rly paying attention to how the two of them bounce off of each other n are just very complementary (both in their positive and negative traits) as a duo i was like im_in_danger.gif

like from the jump their introduction to each other goes from zero to I Will Endanger Myself For You SO fuckin fast n i eat that. delicious. ALSO im fresh off season 2 like a year late but the episode that has them fighting alongside each other had me kicking and screaming re: how seamlessly they work tgt and navigate around each others' fighting styles and GO D i wish i was more articulate beyond just . points helplessly. those r my kids and i love them and i wish they could stop being so goddamn doomed by the narrative,,,, they r both insane and unhinged and suicidal self destructive maniacs but they care fr each other so much n respect each other so earnestly and i think thats beautiful :3

[cerealmonster15]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

ty for the tag @unpredictable-probabilities! I don't usually do tag things but I'm feeling an exception today and I want to ramble lol let's GO!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Right now, 51! I think i started using ao3 back in college with rvb fic lol. I've since orphaned 2 fics so I guess there wouldve been 53.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

86,956

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mostly just Twisted Wonderland (and the occasional dndads, I still have a fic in my brain I kinda wanna write for that). Twst was kinda my comeback to wanting to write fics and has been my main inspiration for a lot of things and it's been the most fun i've had writing fics I think, and it's eventually what's gotten me to try to write my first multi chapter fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Slip Ups and Lift Ups (Stardew Valley) 444 Kudos 2. A Fishy Intervention (TWST) 354 Kudos 3. Company (TWST) 249 Kudos 4. Security Cauldron (TWST) 248 Kudos [my first twst fic i think? also has some errors in it teehee oopsie] 5. Because I Care (TWST) 234 Kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! I think I didn't used to? Maybe because I felt weird about my own comments changing the comment count and like it was somehow lying lol. but that's silly and i like talking to people and I Need people to Know that i Love Their Comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm I do not write much angst, and even when I do it's more hurt/comfort, bc permasads make ME permasad. I think it was my rvb fic "forgotten" - which i always forget was my first fic uploaded to ao3 LOL, back in 2015. ironic that my first wasnt reflective of the tone i usually write for. i don't wanna reread it to check [even tho my fics from back then are WAY shorter] bc im scared to face how i wrote when i was fresh outta hs lol BUT if i remember correctly/based on the summary, it was a doc/donut fic and I think it was about how after doc had disappeared from the future cube or whatever in canon and no one knew he was gone, i wrote a scene of doc getting upset with donut bc Of All People Why Didnt You Notice I Thought I Meant Something To You 😔 kdlsjfkdlsj i think it ended with doc walking off and donut being SAD and idk maybe they broke up, idr if they were 'officially dating' in the context of that fic. but um hashtag docnut for life.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most all of my fics are happy endings with an exception of like one ^ or two lol. I don't know if i can quantify those!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not to my face if I do lol. I don't think enough people know about me to give a shit if i do stuff they dont like

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope!!!! i dont really like smut personally and it's not the kind of genre i have story ideas for.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think i've ever done that 🤔

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

girl help i cannot choose. um. well first shout out again to rvb's docnut bc u will always be strong and married in my heart. and in dndads im an oakworthy truther til i die BUT for twst. twst beloved twst i am in that pitfall of i like 50000 different ships. jamiazu is the one i write and draw the most LOL and theyre def a top fave HOWEVER. god. treycater alters my brain chemistry. rookvil marriage real. adeuce beloved fool duo for life. im physically restraining myself from mentioning more KLFJDSKLFJS especially when we get into the multiship/poly web bc god we will be here all day. i can and will be enabled but this post is already long enough GOODBYE!!!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oooh ok well there was a dndads oakworthy thing I started like last year but pretty soon after I started it, we started seeing more of hermies forbidden other 'true' personality traits and i was like ruh roh this guy keeps pulling a fast one on me, i dont think the direction i had with this fic is fitting anymore. i had barely gotten anywhere with it and it wouldve been short anyway, but i think about what couldve been.... lololol and then for TWST umm. Hehe. Teehee even. Back during nanowrimo I used that as time to start 2 fics: kalim and the great relationship rescue, which is my current multichap fic about kalisil and jamiazu, it’s got about 3 chapters, and I’m still writing it. AND IM STILL GOING TO FINISH THAT ONE!!! but the OTHER one I started during that time and have NOT posted any of it yet was the stuff with my first twst oc, Char, and his place in my big caterella multiverse ideas lol. I’ve posted a bit about that story idea and done a lot of doodles and brianstorming for it, but I fear it would be too intimidatingly ambitious to stick to and I’m not sure writing one concrete fic is the right medium for it 🤔 plus I just don’t think many people would like it much LOL it would be very self indulgent and tapping into my soap opera brain. I feel nervous when I talk about it HAHDBFNTG so I’m not sure I could commit. But I still have what I wrote, and maybe I’ll figure out another way to go with it or maybe I’ll just wake up one day and say WHATEVER and write it anyway lol. I’ve gotten shyer again so we’ll see 🧍

16. What are your writing strengths?

umm. i do not know if it is a strength but i feel more light comedy and dialogue come more 'naturally' to me, but i do not know how well i actually can pull it off LOL also shorter, contained stories. Everything I write is a one shot, and I’m struggling on my recent attempt at a multiple chapter fic BDBFFBFNGD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hrhrnrngm more descriptive writing, i find im in the pitfalls of writing TOO MUCH dialogue. and i also feel like when i try to do more serious tone things it comes off as cringe or trying too hard kFDKLSHFLDSJ. no one's said that to me but yknow. fear and whatnot. also ending the story is. Hard. I feel like that’s always a weak part of my fics bc I sit there like WELL I WROTE ALL MY IDEAS HOW DO I WRAP THIS UP…. I worry my endings come off kind of half assed but I do my best lol 😔✌️

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

like are you asking if i would do it? or how i feel when it's done in fics i read? i dunno lol. i could maybe do spanish bc ive studied it a lot but i'd get nervous i think.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

on ao3 it was rvb bu teeeechnically back in my neoseeker forums days i was in there writing like, animal crossing or harvest moon or pokemon stuff. it was very bad bc i was like 10 years old LOL

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

ohoho ummmm. Well I always have fun writing jamiazu and I’ve written a LOT of those lol. I have a soft spot for The Comfort of Familiarity. That’s one of the ones hats taken me the longest to write because I was really trying hard to handle it with care, as it was a less light tone than I typically do and I was trying to explore the characters and their situation in a particular way that I really wanted to come across well with who reads it. It was hard, and I’m not sure I fully got there, but ultimately I did like it quite a a bit. on the flipside, one of my more recent fics and I think now my longest oneshot to date, Blue Raspberry Mango was VERY fun to write lol. That one’s a lot more like what I typically write, silly romcom style lmao. Cater and Idia goofing, characters bickering, friendship, me trying to sneak in as many side ships into the background for funsies, jamiazu is there, it was a good time. And that one started as a prompt suggestion which I feel like often times I end up struggling with and not delivering super well… but this one ran away from me and I had a blast lol. Idikei fixed me 😌✌️

Ty for tagging me! Umm. I am too scared to tag other people 🧍 goodbye jk @officialgleamstar 🫵 You Do It

[sorry if I missed any typos or autocorrect, part of this was on my phone and I always miss SOMETHING lol]

[thetriumphantpanda]

binged all of trial & error this morning, then sent it to my friend so we could lose our minds collectively. she's been trying to talk me out of a tommy's wife fic for so long, and i think this might just tip the scales.

your writing is gorgeous and smutty and delicious.

anyways i made this meme.

Okay no because first of all your pornstar!Joel fic literally altered my brain chemistry so like, hello and welcome to the madhouse here.

SECONDLY IT WARMS MY HEART WHEN PEOPLE PASS MY FICS AROUND TO THEIR FRIENDS SO THEY CAN LOSE THEIR MINDS TOGETHER WHAT THE HECK THIS IS SO SWEET?! Thank you so much for reading and always, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

And like, people are making memes of my fics now? What is my life? I actually howled with laughter at this so thank you for brightening my day so much with it!! 🫶🏼

[1stthingsfirst]

This is the Ray side of my previous post about the portrayal of his recovery, in part prompted by @quaintrelle17's comment about Thai rehabs (Thank you! I didn't ignore you, I just took forever to respond).

Note: I use "sobriety" as shorthand. Not everyone who abuses alcohol needs to go sober. Some can drink in moderation. Some need to abstain for their whole lives.

I originally only briefly addressed Ray drinking in rehab. So, the two general ways to stop drinking/go sober are:

Cold turkey -- You go from your current alcohol intake to zero, no steps in between.

Tapering off (aka weaning off) -- You decrease your daily alcohol intake over time until you reach zero/a desired amount.

From this tweet and Jojo's comments, I believe Thai outpatient rehab programs follow a harm-reduction model using tapering and deemphasizing abstinence unless deemed necessary.

Tapering off aims to both decrease the severity of and prevent withdrawal symptoms. Chronic alcohol abuse alters your brain chemistry. Tapering off helps your brain adjust to functioning with less and less alcohol and decreases the likelihood of severe withdrawal symptoms such as seizures and delirium tremens, which can cause disability and death.

Issue #1: Lack of Clarity

Ray is a good candidate for tapering. He carries a flask to drink on the go and his hands shake when he doesn't drink, a withdrawal symptom. It makes sense for Ray to drink while he's in rehab.

However, tapering is a systematic process. You don't just slowly drink less. A professional may determine a tapering schedule specific to you, but the general recommendation is to decrease by 2 drinks per day. When tapering, you should track what drink you're on and even measure to ensure you stick to one standard drink each time.

I would not expect to see this level of detail in the show. However, as is, we see Ray enter rehab at the end of episode 10, and then in episode 11, we see no visible change in behavior. He still goes to bars and drinks beers in the bath and has whiskey in the pool in a tense almost-threesome. We're supposed to intuit that he's changing simply because he says he is.

The show could have made it clearer without dedicating much time to it. It's as simple as a lingering shot of a handout from the rehab center or Ray saying, "last drink of the day" in the tub. Responses to Only Friends have highlighted how little the general public knows about addiction. It's unreasonable to expect us to know that people may drink as part of rehab.

This is a "show, don't tell" error. We have been told that Ray is in rehab, but we have not seen behavior indicating that he's in rehab.

Issue #2: Tone and Narrative

I'd be surprised if Ray's support team encouraged him to casually drink with his partner while trying to go sober. I could be wrong; they could be fine with it. A person could maybe healthily drink a beer in the tub with their partner if it aligned with their tapering schedule, but it doesn't feel appropriate tonally or narratively.

We have seen how destructive alcohol has been in Ray's life: his mom's alcoholism ruined his childhood; he blames himself for her alcoholism-related suicide; he nearly lost all his friends and his boyfriend multiple times; he drove drunk, crashed his car, and had to be hospitalized for his injuries; he was charged with a DUI and has to complete social service (legal consequences); and so on.

Tonally, it does not make sense to show Ray drinking casually at this point. It could make sense to show him drinking, but not in the settings shown in episode 11. Drinking should be portrayed as weightier by now, if not for Ray, at least for Sand when he's with Ray (see my original post). Sand has said multiple times that he worries about Ray's drinking, so it feels odd to see them to chat in the bath over beers while Ray is in rehab. Ray may be allowed to drink then and he may be able to drink for pleasure in the future, but week one of rehab is not the time for drinking for pleasure.

Additionally, from a storytelling perspective, it doesn't make sense to include Ray accepting that he needs to go to rehab with two episodes left unless you then show him either improved or struggling. By showing Ray drinking after entering rehab, it suggests to the viewer that Ray's drinking will continue to be a major plot point.

But I don't know if it is because we have one episode left, two other couples' stories to wrap up, Ray's already in rehab, and they just introduced Boeing to Sand and Ray's dynamic. By introducing Boeing this late in the show, with this little time left, it's pretty clear Boeing is Ray and Sand's final conflict, not Ray's recovery.

I'm normally all about nuance, but filmmakers only have so many opportunities to convey information to their audience. Unless they do want to keep Ray's recovery a main conflict, it is more logical, for both tone and storytelling, to simply not show Ray drinking at this point. Is it less realistic? Yes. But is it clearer? Yes.

TL;DR

There are scientific reasons why Ray would drink during rehab; however, most people don't know that and it was never explained in the series itself, so the scenes of him drinking in ep 11 landed poorly for many viewers. This is a problem with how the show told the story of Ray's alcoholism and recovery. The show would have benefited from prioritizing clarity over realism, unless they plan to take the time to explore Ray's recovery in detail.

[zikadraws]

Alright there we go ! This new oc is based in DC Universe. Long post ahead. (Tdlr included at the end. Enjoy.)

This is Taylor Serils (last name up to debate), a tailor owning a small suit shop in the low quarters of Gotham. Uses he/they/it pronouns, is definitely neither cis nor straight but he really doesn't care. (Basically the incarnation of that one meme about the pronouns.)

He is autistic and the son of a tailor (from who he inherited the shop) and a chemist. He didn't get to know his father too much since his parents were separated, and he was killed in a villain incident when he was still a child ; but his mother never accepted the fact her son was autistic and that medication wouldn't change it so she tried to alter his brain chemistry herself by submitting him to experimental treatment.

Said treatment did predictably nothing against his autism, but got him really sick, and fucked up his neural network, so now he can not feel physical pain (sense of touch still operational though), and his feelings and reaction time are a bit deafened. She went to jail after he absent-mindedly ratted her out at school though (still in there btw, for child abuse and illegal practice of medicine), and he was taken in by his dad's side of the family, from who he picked up the tailoring ways which put him to calm, even though they were a bit put off by him, his disabilities and his... destructive stimming habits.

Taylor uses its body as stress/boredom relief, and so tears out his eyebrows, bites off his nails, and bites off his skin. But the thing is, since he can't feel pain, he takes that to the next level, to the point he has no eyebrows, no nails anymore, and his fingers are bitten almost to the bone. They had to bring him to the doctor about this. They tried everything to get him to stop tearing his hand's skin off, eventually resorting to long gloves. Barely sufficient though.

Despite all this, he contently followed a tailor apprenticeship at his family tailor shop with great application, and actually helped the family business thanks to the chemistry hobby he picked up from his mother (subconsciously wanted to please her somehow then found it relatively smooth, so kept investing themselves into chemistry, and then snuck her chemistry material at his new home), by treating the fabrics himself and making them last longer, which his family was thankful for, albeit taken off.

It's through some customer interactions that he found his calling in life. Some guys would complain to the little family shop about comfort and fit, using, verbatim, the expression "my suit should feel like a second skin". Which sparked something within Taylor.

He began experimenting with fabrics and bits of his own skin, until the fabric he ended up developing could blend in smoothly with his epiderm, as a greffe, and even serve the basic functions of skin, which is to touch, and even, eventually, through trial and error, grow.

He didn't even have vitiligo originally ! His skin turned like that due to his experiments on himself, and since it didn't bother him, he just let his skin like that. The spots have a tendency to shift in shapes from day to day.

He invented a fabric that he could just wrap around his damaged skin and it would just fill in the spot in less than a minute, and since his favourite colour is blue, he used this colour for the fabric. Thus why the blue fabric forearms. He never stopped experimenting in this new specific interest, and crafted really interesting suits with those, praised for how astonishingly comfortable they were. (Also made skin cultures, and obtained skin samples from... various sources.)

By this time, he was an adult and inherited the shop when yet another villain incident took the rest of his family, leaving him alone to handle the shop. It was pretty lonely, but he did end up making friends with a Gotham support group, and especially a young boy (that I'm calling Miles out of pure lack of imagination) and his big brother, runaways living together because of family issues.

His career took a turn when Miles' big brother was murdered by a cop for being black. The cop got away with it, but Miles who was understandably devastated mourned his lost brother at Taylor's, who decided to find out who was the bastard, and realised it was one of his current customers, who came for a suit for a special event.

...So Taylor got to work. And made him a suit. The cop found it very fitting. 25 cents tipped.

The day of the council party the cop was supposed to be a bodyguard for a big head, the suit he was wearing started getting... *very* tight. Skin tight, despite still being incredibly bendy. The cop was annoyed, and embarrassed because it was obvious, but didn't try to take it off... Until the end of the day, where he realized with horror that he just couldn't take it off, because the clothes had fused with his skin. He tried to bolt to Taylor's, who conveniently closed their shop for a week leave.

And then the fabric started getting progressively itchy. Really itchy. Extremely itchy. PAINFUL itchy. Like last stage hives, but even worse.

They couldn't do anything except give him painkillers at the hospital, because hormonal treatments worked for like five minutes before the tissue grew tolerance and came back stronger, and to remove the suit they would have had to remove his skin entirely, which he was starting to do on his own anyway because of how unbearable the pain and itchiness were. So they could do nothing but bind his hands and watch him slowly die of advanced gangrene, as Taylor's suit eventually hit its "necrosis" finale. A genuinely awful way to die.

Taylor did a real masterpiece of this suit, but he wasn't really good at covering his path. The police got him pretty easily, and found his back shop lab with all the skin works. They freaked their minds out, and Taylor was immediately sent to Arkham. He promised Miles, who was pretty much on his own otherwise, that he would be out as soon as possible, though.

Taylor wasn't going into Arkham unprepared. The suit wasn't the last project he got done before the cops got to him, after all.

(Taylor's last project allows him to bend its own skin, which he uses to pick the locks, break out a few other residents as a distraction, steal a few guards' skins, and break out of Arkham. His stay in there lasted 8 days tops.)

(This absolutely kickstarted his reputation amongst Arkham residents. Which may be good, because after getting arrested, he needs a new clientele. Guys gotta eat, yaknow.)

Batman is not on his case just yet, but he will be sooner rather than later.

[TDLR :]

This is my DC Comics OC, Taylor Serils ;

He is about 25 y/o ; he never went to high school ; he is a great formed tailor, and an entirely self-taught chemist ; he owns a tailor shop that happens to have a DIY chemical lab in the back area ; he (they/it) pronouns ; he is disabled (his pain receptors don't work) and autistic ; he has self-damaging coping mechanisms ; his parents were a tailor and a chemist, the first dead and the second in jail (for abusing him) ; his favourite colour is blue ; his specific interests revolve around the frontiers between skin tissues and fabrics, for better or for worse, all because he took an expression too literally that one time ; (he also likes animals, TV cartoons and to knit and crochet) ; he can craft clothes and fabrics that act as epiderm, that he uses to heal, or to steal his enemies' skin, that he grows to be able to bend ; he gave himself vitiligo after his own experiments ; his best friend is a teenager ; he cruelly murdered a cop once ; he got locked up at Arkham and broke out after a few days only ; his criminal case is legally stamped (literally btw) as "supervillain" ; he is morally neutral and has absolutely zero big-scale ambition whatsoever, but more and more villains (and, thus, heroes) are getting to whisper about him.

He Gets Subjected To Trouble.

And yes, this was a summary. I got a bit carried away. I hope it's all somewhat coherent (:

Honestly sounds like the kind of OC that doesn't necessarily needs to be in a specific universe, but any either way, I like the guy. And will likely post some about him. Hope you enjoy him as well ^^

If you got any questions about, or for, him, I'll be happy to respond. Thanks for reading ! 🤗

[nygmobblepot-trash]

Hi 😄

Can I just say that your blog is Nygmobblepot GOLD🤗😚

(I hope you're not bothered by me liking lots of posts in a row 🤭)

Aw, thank you! It's really great that there's still a Fandom for something that altered my brain chemistry in high school (checks when Gotham started airing)... almost a decade ago.

I don't mind the notifications at all. Frankly, I think it's incredible that at 3 am I'll go;

"Hey guys remember those gay villains from that show a decade ago? Well I'm thinking about them... again"

And y'all go;

"Hell yes, we do. What are you thinking about?"

And I'll make some random rambling post or fanfic that is filled with errors.

Then you guys will be like yeah I agree and add to it because we all remember every Nygmobblepot scene better than anything else. Like I can't tell you what I did yesterday but I can tell you in detail how Oswald admitted his love to Ed and then Ed shot him.

💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜💚💜

[wardenparker]

I just wanted to come drop some love in your inbox. Your soul mate stuff is some of my favorite content (fanfic, published books, whatever) that I've ever read and I reread it all the damn time. I've been around since probably chapter 3 of Alewife and you truly make Sundays better.

Not to mention your Together verse just brings me to my damn knees. I read Taking Care Together probably once a month; you can do the math on that one. 😂 Thinking about a healthy, loving throuple with those two men alters my brain chemistry.

You capture all the PP characters flawlessly, but also give us secondary characters that I fall in love with just as much. Honestly, if you told me I would read and enjoy a Tom heavy chapter that didn't end with him dying I would call you crazy, but Molly was so compelling! I can't even get started on Wena and Briac... I have cried and cheered and held my breath while reading about them.

In summary: If you have millions of fans, I am one of them. If you have only one fan, that is me. If you have no fans, that means I am no longer on this earth.

I know AbsurdThirst cowrites with you a lot, so please give her a big smooch from me too!❤

I have some news for you, my dear. With extremely few exceptions, @absurdthirst has always written the PP boys in the stories we create together. Our partnership is a beautiful collaboration that I absolutely would cease to exist without, and her talent is completely unparalleled. We create our universes, plots, characters, etc all together, but she is the force behind the way the PP characters are portrayed. So if you like the things we create together, I urge you to go and read through her enormous Masterlist here! Her solo works are incomparable and the stories she weaves with @storiesofthefandomlovers are exquisite.

Thank you for coming back time and time again. These have been some of the most important years of my life, and I have made some of the most amazing friends in this fandom. (As a matter of fact, my closest friends are almost ALL fandom friends made on Tumblr, y'all know who you are!) I hope you have watched us grow and challenge ourselves, noticed the tropes we love the most, and been surprised to find things you didn't think you would enjoy - yes, even Tom's redemption arc.

Before I go cry over how kind this message is, I will just say one more thing. Thank you for loving these families we have built. Throughout my own life I have had to build my chosen family through painstaking trial and error and ended up burnt more often than not. It is so, so important to me that the protagonists in the stories I write have loving, supportive families made of blood, friendship, and the milk of human kindness. If you ever want to come scream in my DMs about something, please know I would be ecstatic to talk about absolutely anything.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being kind. And thank you for reaching out 💖🧡💛✨

[luxeavenger]

hi so this might be kind of long, so if you don’t want to or don’t have the energy to answer please don’t feel like you have to

basically, I’m the same anon who was in here a while ago about possibly having adhd. After about 6 months I finally made an appointment and I just had it now

it really did not go the way I wanted it to, basically at the end she said that from what I’ve said, it doesn’t seem like my focusing dysfunction has “passed the line of adhd” (something along the lines of that)

which okay, i could have taken that and went with it, I wasn’t really expecting someone to right off the bat be like YOU HAVE ADHD

But then she basically just said that I “need to get off my screen, go outside, and make some friends”

which yea, I do need to do that and it’ll probably help some stuff but the way she said it as if it’ll fix everything and that me getting off my screen will make me focus more was really invalidating and frustrating to hear

not a great way to start my day 🤠 but I have a friend who works at an adhd clinic at my school, so I think I’m gonna try and go there

i just feel like something is up past me not having friends and not going outside, I just don’t really understand how me having friends is gonna help me figure out why I can’t sit through a class that’s longer than an hour or why I can’t seem to take any notes that actually get processed in my brain

I’m putting in so much effort to just do good in school, and even if I’m just getting average grades, I know I can do better if only I could just be better at focusing and notes and everything

i just feel like It takes so much effort for me to just function normally, and it’s been that way for so long that it feels normal at this point

I’m also afab and I know that a lot of afab people have trouble getting diagnosed because they did well in school as a kid and they weren’t or aren’t hyperactive (which is exactly me)

idk I’m sorry for the rant, I’m just really frustrated right now

oh sweetie. i’m so sorry that happened to you. *big hugs for you*

please don’t feel defeated. your journey isn’t over. i promise

c’mere—

i’m not advocating doctor-hopping until someone tells you what you want to hear then gives you a prescription for amphetamines. BUT. no doctor should EVER tell you to make friends and go outside as if that’s an actual cure for anything.

because it fuckin isn’t

neurodivergencies are caused by altered brain chemistry. we are fragile little meat puppets… too much of this chemical, it too little of that chemical and it fucks us up real hard. the only way to balance those chemicals is medication. sure you can find ways to manage symptoms through therapy (or good ol trial and error, like a lot of people who have been diagnosed later in life), but it isn’t a cure.

“go outside” is maybe helpful advice if you have seasonal affective disorder. and since it didn’t sound like you doctor thought that was the issue, your doctor is just being an asshole.

people who are afab are consistently under-diagnosed because adhd doesn’t always manifest with the “normal” hyperactivity that’s commonly seen in people who are amab. and in addition to that afab have a higher chance of medical professionals treating us as if we’re hysterical, exaggerating, or just being whiny

it’s frustrating as all hell. especially since you’re the one living in your own head, and you KNOW something is wrong. to have no one listen to you is demeaning, and defeating

my whole heart goes out to you right now, sweetie. you did something good for yourself, and your doctor did you dirty

the good news is—she isn’t the only doctor out there. get a second opinion. or a third. or a fourth. again, i’m not advocating just hunting for someone who’ll throw an adderall rx your way, but i’m definitely advocating that you find someone who will listen to you when you express these things that are happening to you. maybe it is adhd, maybe it’s something else. whatever it is, you deserve to have someone caring for you that actually cares about you and wants the best for you

i’m not sure where you are, but if you’re in the US like i am, and you can afford it, i HIGHLY recommend looking for a nurse practitioner. in my experience they are much more kind and compassionate than your run of the mill MD. not that MD’s are bad, per se. but every negative and/or traumatic medical experience i’ve had has been at the hands of a MD. just shop around for someone who you actually feel safe with. who actually listens when you speak, instead of just waiting for their turn to talk

please remember: you deserve to feel safe and cared for. in life, and also with your healthcare. find someone who treats you as a person. don’t settle for less just because they have a medical degree and you don’t. YOU. DESERVE. GOOD. CARE. full stop

nonnie, ilysm. i see you, and i want you to know you’re worth the time it takes to find out what’s happening to you, and take steps to feel better. you’re doing what’s best for you, and i’m so proud of you for it. keep at it. i know you’ll find some answers. keep me posted, and know that you’re in my thoughts 💜💜💜

[dearsunrise12]

I have been sick to my stomach for days

Coming from a 4-month long unemployment made me realize hOW IMPORTANT HAVING A STABLE INCOME IS. My job hunt journey is for another story though. I've been working with this wonderful company for a little over 4 months now and everything still feels like a dream. It baffles me that I could earn a living doing silly little things that I used to do only on my free time ever since I developed the ability to work with pen and paper. As ecstatic as that makes me, of course, the little shadow of anxiety and self doubt slowly lurk at the back of my head, until it finally dominated my well-being.

It felt like I was so aware of how important this job is for me and I somehow equate it to a life and death situation [which on some level, it is] if ever I mess up even just a little. For four months, I have only just wing my way to everything. My colleagues are very lovely, however. They were so patient and even gave me assurance even if I don't ask. Their words comfort me just enough to get me through one shift. Then the next work-day, the voices are back:

"Holy shit you're doing everything wrong they must be talking about your errors behind your bank boo hoo you"

The maddening impostor syndrome shouts so loud even in my sleep that I haven't had a decent rest for weeks. A few days ago, I was even hysterically craving for random food at 4am and waking up with an infuriating stomach ache that later led to a fever. My parents thought it was because of something I ate. I couldn't bring myself to tell them that it's all because of stress.

I would say though, I've become pretty good at dealing with these negative thoughts and emotions. I could always take a break to compose myself and get back to work again, even if I have to do that a few times a day, as long as I get work done.

What's really bothering me is that I've been in such a good place (mentally) for so long. Those four months really altered a part of my brain chemistry, and not in a good way. For 3 years, the corporate job felt like a warm blanket that protects me from any adulthood challenge that may befall me. Everything was in place, although I was not as fulfilled. And I thought having a job like what I have now, I'll be able to keep all the good things I had before only this time with a sense of fulfillment. Sadly, it brought me back to a place where all of my insecurities about my skills and worth resurfaces.

I hope that by the next few blog posts, I'll be typing a happier and more progressive outcome.

For now, I'll work on pulling my shit together. Byie.

[im-no-jedi]

MLWTBB: A Pleasant Surprise

Part 9 of the “My Life With The Bad Batch” series, a (mostly) canon compliant self-insert story set in “The Bad Batch”  

rated: T warnings: descriptions of food and eating, romantic kissing relationships: Hunter/self-insert, Omega & self-insert (adopted siblings), The Bad Batch & self-insert chapter word count: 2900+ words

✨MLWTBB masterlist✨

summary: it’s Hannah’s birthday, and the Bad Batch want to throw a celebration for her! with Cid’s permission, the parlor is transformed for the day, and Hannah is given an unforgettable time with her family and friends, culminating to an extra special evening with Hunter and a surprising new gift.

notes: I think it should be pretty obvious that my favorite movie is Tron Legacy after reading this chapter LOL. the end of that movie permanently altered my brain chemistry ok 😌 also! this is the end of the story! I hope you all enjoyed my little self-indulgent love letter to myself. my 35th birthday is just in a little over a month at the time of me posting this, so it’s appropriate imo. look forward to seeing more of my fancy new (dream) bike in the future, and thank you for reading 💙

A/N: this story has not been proofread by anyone other than myself. so apologies for any uncaught errors 😬

previous chapter

Chapter 5 (Final): The Greatest Gift of All

______________________________________________________________

Many times, Hannah had encountered other residents of the city tearing down the streets in their speeder bikes. She herself had only ever ridden in landspeeders, which was similar but not the same. The wind whipped through her short red hair violently, and it was both terrifying and exciting not having any borders around to keep her on the vehicle. Much like the first time she’d stepped into the Marauder, this was a whole new experience for her, and she planned on relishing in it to the full extent. 

It made it even better that Hunter was there too. Although they weren’t going that fast, Hannah kept a good grip around her partner’s waist as they rode through the dirty streets of Ord Mantell. Any people or other obstacles that came in their path were avoided with ease. The bike turned so smooth, it felt like they were flying.

“This thing’s got good handling!” Hunter said after they’d taken a sharp turn without issue.

“So do you!” Hannah replied as she gave him a quick squeeze.

A smug look crossed Hunter’s face. “Don’t let Gildish hear that, he might get grossed out again!”

Hannah sputtered and threw her head back as she went into a fit of laughter.

After that, Hunter wanted to really test out the bike’s handling and drove them down some more crowded streets. Hannah was a bit nervous at first, but she quickly got into it. The bike easily swerved and dipped around anything that got in their way. From an outside perspective, it was like the bike was doing an elaborate dance between all the people and objects on the street. The thrill of it all made Hannah laugh and holler out of excitement.

Eventually, they skidded to a stop as the path forward was temporarily blocked by some people moving large crates across the street. Hannah continued laughing even after they stopped, adrenaline still coursing through her veins.

“Ya havin’ fun?” Hunter asked, leaning back against her.

“Too much, probably!” Hannah responded with another laugh. 

As her laughter died down, something caught Hannah’s attention a little ways away from them. Another person with a speeder bike was parked at one of the stalls and getting a drink. Hannah instantly recognized him as the sleazy Mirialan who’d tried making a move on her some time ago. 

At first, Hannah grimaced at the sight of him, but then an idea crossed her mind. She pointed the Mirialan out to Hunter, who groaned loudly at seeing him. Then, in a surprising move, she called the man out by name.

“Hey, Chaze!”

The Mirialan seemed confused at hearing his name be called, but when he saw who had said it, his eyes went wide. He looked both shocked and dumbfounded.

“Great weather today, isn’t it?” Hannah continued, barely holding back a snicker. She kept her arms snuggly held around Hunter, trying to make it as obvious as possible.

“Uhh, yeah,” Chaze responded awkwardly. His face turned down into a scowl, and he looked at the two of them curiously. “Where’d you get the bike?”

“Oh, funny story--” Hannah was cut off by Hunter revving the engine. Their path was finally clear. “Oh, sorry, gotta go byeeee!” Hannah called out as they tore away, leaving Chaze even more dumbfounded than before.

“Don’tcha know better than to poke a Nexu’s den?” Hunter joked once they were further down the street.

“Please!” Hannah responded with a laugh. “Chaze is more of a puffed-up Tooka, and you know it!”

Hunter definitely couldn’t argue with that.

Their journey through the city soon brought them closer to the border. Hunter slowed down momentarily and looked back at Hannah, twirling around the goggles Gildish had given him. “Wanna really test what this thing can do?”

Hannah adjusted her own goggles, similar to how Tech always did, and a grin spread on her face. “Thought you’d never ask.”

With a smirk, Hunter put his goggles on and revved the engine before tearing off once again, throwing Hannah into a fit of excited squeals. The bike wove through a few more streets, then entered a dimly lit tunnel. The yellow glow of the bike’s underbelly bounced off the walls, illuminating the tunnel with its warm light. Then everything was thrown into natural light again as the bike emerged from the tunnel and into the vast, rocky expanse of the planet. 

Barely a second went by before Hunter told Hannah to hold on tight, and he quickly accelerated, making Hannah squeal with delight. 

Most of the ground surrounding the city was bare, save for a few rocks that jutted out of the ground. They could go as fast as they wanted without worry. And that’s exactly what Hunter did. Hannah held tightly to her partner’s chest as they soared across the land, going fast enough that they could fly high into the air if desired. The rush of adrenaline Hannah felt was incomparable to anything she’d felt before. If not for her strong sensibility, she might have let go in an effort to go flying away herself. Instead, she only partially went a bit crazy and threw one of her arms out into the wind while shouting excitedly. A massive smile spread on Hunter’s face as Hannah continued to shout and literally throw caution to the wind.

They eventually came closer to some of the cliffs and mesas that surrounded the city, and Hunter began driving the bike up one of the mesas. The bike intentionally stayed close to the ground and bounced up and down over some rocks as it curled around the mesa, causing Hannah to giggle with glee at the sensation. 

Once they’d gotten to the flattened top of the mesa, the bike finally rested on the side closest to the city, along with a thoroughly worn-out Hannah.

“Aww... are we... done already?” she huffed as she practically collapsed against Hunter’s back.

“Just letting the bike rest for a bit,” Hunter replied, removing his now dusty goggles. “And the passenger.”

Hannah giggled and poked Hunter in the ribs before hopping off the bike. Some dust fell to the ground as she removed her goggles, choosing to let them rest on top of her head. 

That’s when she finally noticed the view. 

Without waiting, she briskly walked over closer to the cliffside, keeping only a few feet from its edge. She was still out of breath from the trip, but the sight of the whole city in front of her left her even more breathless. It was reminiscent of her first date with Hunter up in the abandoned watchtower. Her lungs may have been empty, but her heart was overflowing.

The familiar feeling of a strong but gentle arm resting across her shoulders made the smile on Hannah’s face grow, and she rested her head on Hunter’s shoulder with a satisfied sigh. Taking a break wasn’t sounding so bad after all.

Time went by unnoticed as Hannah and Hunter remained at the top of the mesa, never moving from their spot near the cliff’s edge. Although the whole surrounding area was lovely, Hannah was content keeping her attention towards the city, watching the ships come and go, with some of them even flying overhead. The two of them had gone from standing to sitting and had even laid down for a bit to watch the clouds. Like usual, a lot of the time was spent in silence, with the only sounds being the gentle wind that blew past or one of the passing starships flying overhead. Hunter never once left Hannah’s side, and she was certain their hands would be permanently stuck together after that day.

“Can I ask you a random question?” Hannah asked at one point.

Hunter looked at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Not sure why you need my permission, but go ahead.”

“Force of habit,” Hannah responded with a giggle. Hunter had an arm and leg behind Hannah’s back and shifted a bit to face her better while she asked her question. “Do you... do you think it’ll ever be like this again?”

“Like what?”

Hannah sighed a bit and fiddled with her fingernails. “Today felt like the first real day that I didn’t have to worry about anything. Like there was no trouble at all in the back of my mind, nagging me. It felt... normal. Or at least, what I’ve always thought normal should be.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Hunter plainly responded. “I’ve never had a normal day in my whole life.”

Hannah threw her head back with a cackle. “Fair enough. But you know what I mean.”

“I do. And I wish I had an answer to give you.” Hunter let out a small sigh and turned his attention back towards the city. “It’d be nice to not have any bigger concerns than what goes on in a day. Even better if I got the chance to shower you with gifts all the time like your super rich friends do.”

“Hey,” Hannah said, placing a hand on Hunter’s knee. “For what it’s worth, I would trade every gift I’ve ever gotten if it meant I got to have you around more.”

Hunter gave her a small smile and placed a hand on top of hers. “That’d be nice, wouldn’t it? If only it were that simple.” He sighed again and shook his head. “Sorry I can’t be more optimistic. I consider myself lucky to just even know you, never mind how close we’ve gotten.” His face turned towards the sky as he got lost in thought, unable to express his feelings anymore. He didn’t want to burden Hannah with his dour outlook anyway.

Hannah’s hand slipped out from underneath his and reached up behind his neck. Her fingers gently began running through his hair, almost instantly putting him into a calmer state.

“You always say luck is what’s running the show for us,” Hannah said as she continued to play with Hunter’s hair. “But... I dunno, it... it feels more than that. There has to be some greater power out there that’s brought and kept us together. It can’t just be luck.”

“Well, whatever it is,” Hunter began, tilting his head down a bit closer to Hannah. “Luck or ‘some greater power’... I’m grateful to it. It’s given me more than I thought I ever deserved. You may have been the one getting gifts today, but I’ve got the best gift imaginable already.” His face fully turned towards her, with the oh-so often seen fond smile spread on his lips. “I’m so grateful you were born, Hannah.”

Too many times that day already, Hannah had been brought to tears by the acts and words of her loved ones. And this time was no different. Her eyes quickly began to glisten and a touched expression crossed her face as she stared back at Hunter, heart full to bursting. She’d questioned her mere existence so many times throughout her life, pondering the significance of it, wondering sometimes why she was even still alive at all. But hearing Hunter’s words, recalling the acts of her friends and family from that day, even remembering past affirmations from her original family many years ago... how could she question herself after that?

The hand that still lingered in Hunter’s hair never left as the two lovers drew closer, kissing each other with all the love they could muster. Hunter held Hannah against him with one arm around her shoulders and dipped her to the side, which made her giggle against his lips. His kisses ran across her lips and down to her neck, leaving her breathlessly giggling out of joy and pleasure. Both of Hannah’s hands remained intertwined in Hunter’s hair, clutched near the base of his skull, and it only made him want to indulge her more.

Hannah’s cake couldn’t hold a candle to the treat she received during that moment.

**************************

The sun was nearly set by the time Hannah and Hunter returned to the parlor. Only one person was there to greet them, who was Omega, unsurprisingly. She immediately began bombarding them with questions about their trip once Hunter parked the bike, with Hannah’s bag still clutched in her arms. Hunter was the one to answer all his sister’s questions, as Hannah had gotten so worn out from the day that she was practically falling asleep against Hunter’s back.

Eventually, Hunter himself had a question and asked Omega what everyone else was up to. According to Omega, the others had already cleaned up the party and had either gone home or up to Hannah’s apartment. Only Bolo and Ketch were still at the parlor, along with Cid, of course.

“You know what I just realized?” Hannah groggily said as she slowly lifted her head off Hunter’s shoulder. “I dunno where to put this thing.” She patted the side of the bike while chuckling.

Omega happily informed her sister that the issue had already been taken care of as well. Apparently, Cid had a small garage nearby that she was using for spare storage, much like Hannah’s apartment. Echo, Wrecker, and Tech had cleaned out a spot for Hannah’s bike after finishing the parlor, which was probably why they’d all gone up to Hannah’s apartment to rest for so long. 

“Awww,” Hannah replied with an exaggerated pout. “You guys are so sweet and considerate...” She pulled Omega in for a hug, which made the small girl giggle.

After handing Hannah her bag back, Omega asked if she could have a ride on the bike before dinner. Hannah grimaced a bit at the thought of having to make dinner, but Omega quickly added that Wrecker and Echo were already on it, so she didn’t have to worry.

“Well, in that case,” Hannah said, slinging her leg around to get off the bike. “If Hunter’s up for it, go ahead. Just make sure to hold on and don’t let go, ok?”

“Yeah, don’t be reckless like your big sister,” Hunter teased, which earned him a playful smack on the arm from Hannah.

Excitedly, Omega climbed onto the back of the bike, with Hannah’s help. Her small arms wrapped around her brother’s waist, similarly to how she’d seen Hannah do earlier. 

“Don’t stay out too long,” Hannah said, addressing Hunter specifically. “Don’t go too fast either. And avoid the busy streets this time, please. Oh, also,” she yanked her goggles off and handed them to Omega. “Keep these on, and like I said before, do not let go, ok?”

Hunter and Omega looked at each other with the same face, equally annoyed and endeared by Hannah’s motherly demands. They both gave Hannah a nod before she stepped away, hands clutched to the strap of her bag. 

“Oh, and one more thing,” Hannah said as Hunter revved the engine.

Soft sighs of exasperation came from both Hunter and Omega. “Yeah?” Hunter asked, giving her a forced smile.

A small smile crept on Hannah’s face. She could easily tell they both were disgruntled, but she didn’t mind. Seeing them together on her new bike about to go out for some fun was incredibly fulfilling, and her heart swelled. 

“I just...” Hannah’s hands came up to her mouth as she was suddenly stricken with emotion. “I love you both, that’s all I wanted to say.”

Again, Hunter and Omega looked at each other, this time with the same affectionate expression. “Love you too,” Hunter replied, with Omega chiming in with his exact words.

“And happy birthday again too!” Omega added cheerfully.

Hannah giggled and thanked her, saying it had definitely been a very happy birthday for her. 

With one hand still clutched to the strap of her bag, Hannah waved as the bike drove away. Omega’s shouts of excitement could be heard even after they’d gone out of sight, and Hannah laughed with joy before everything fell silent.

The silence lingered for some time as Hannah stood near the top of the stairwell to Cid’s parlor. It was the first time all day where she’d been alone. Being an introvert, she needed the time to herself, especially after the whirlwind day she’d had. But she wasn’t quite ready to fully isolate herself just yet. Just a moment was all she needed before she planned on heading up to her apartment, where she knew her other three beloved Clones were waiting for her.

A hand reached up to the base of her neck to clutch the pendant that had been gifted to her by her lover. The same hand then fell to the bag at her side to affectionately touch the pin gifted to her by her little sister. Something squishy inside the bag caught her attention, and Hannah’s face lit up as she pulled out the Tooka doll gifted to her by Wrecker. Her gaze briefly caught a glimpse of the other gifts she’d placed in her bag, and she sighed happily as she clutched Tula the Tooka doll to her chest.

Out of everything she’d been given that day, the greatest gift Hannah reflected on was the group of people she’d chosen to surround herself with. Them being a part of her life was better than anything they could ever give her. She knew she would never be able to express that to them properly. But thankfully, gifts were something she loved to give as well as receive.

Hannah couldn’t wait to repay her loved ones’ generosity someday.

TO BE CONTINUED