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#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down
kavehater
·
3 days
Text
Lord give me energy today eueueue
#dora daily
#sm things piling up but my brain says NO
#I can’t even do basic things 😭
#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others
#aaaaaaah
#the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring
#me joy in solitude but
#that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head
#like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger
#when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t
#and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction
#but I can’t live in La La land forever
#pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue
#everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on
#small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so
#unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7
#I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing
#like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …
#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause
#I don’t want yet another issue
#but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me
#how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous
#how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error
#with the errors altering my brain chemistry
#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down
#friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even
#believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w
#everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t
#intend to
#the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger
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