#would go away
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The urge to write Great Gatsby fanfiction is just wow. I am sitting here and I might combust.
#just hear me out#what if I wrote a one shot#just some light#natsby#and posted it on ao3#and then maybe#hopefully pretty please#my urges and hyperfixation#would go away#maybe pretty please#if you would be so kind
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As gen-AI becomes more normalized (Chappell Roan encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use gen-AI because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by tech companies. I draw not because I want a drawing but because I love the process of drawing. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.
#personal#im still fighting it but im also a realist so I’ve accepted that this will be our future#rant#gen ai is fucking boring#I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a ‘going against the crowd. not like the rest of society’ type (it would be depressing if it did)#but yeah even in a world where it’s considered totally fine to use ai to make art I’ll still be using my bare hands#because I like it and nobody can take that from me#if you’re a young artist interested in or already using ai. just know that the thing you rely on to make art can be taken away at any point#all of it. and there’s nothing you can do about it if they decide to. it doesn’t belong to you
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imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.
#This metaphor might have gotten away from me#Whatever#the master#thoschei#doctor who#tardis#the doctor#Companion: wow it can actually fully reverse and go backwards!#The master: *seething bc EVERY CAR CAN DO THAT*#I would be so mad if the only thing left of my culture was my ex and his terrible car#That he doesn’t even have a license to drive#Tensimm#J watches drwho#I really wanna draw this but I don’t have any artistic ability due to there being no apples in my brain#Plus your ex kinda wants to fuck the car#P-14a#10k#15k
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just out of curiosity bc some people I know with glasses can just go a few hours or a day without them and be chill but I need them on all the time or I’ll go crazy
#I know this is just purely dependant on how disabled you are but like. making polls is fun#personally I don’t consider myself super badly nearsighted but like. if anything is literally more than a foot away from me it blurs#so going around without them would suck ass and probably give me a headache#sunny polls
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Security Breach: Ruin
#normal beetle art#fnaf daycare attendant#sun fnaf#moon fnaf#eclipse fnaf#took a break from commissions to draw something silly and got carried away oops#i imagine this is what's going on in eclipse's head#it would probably make more sense for cassie to be in eclipse's position but oh well#sundrop#moondrop#ruin eclipse#please don't tag as tsams
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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mercy, mèrci
#c!tntduo#c!wilbur#c!quackity#dsmp#mcyt#dsmp fanart#tntduo halloween bingo#zombie au#cw blood#cw implied gore#in which c!wil gets infected and doesnt say anything. quackity finds out this fun fact when he has a mouthful of a screaming man's flesh#alternately: my babel tongue / my come-undone#tosses this like a grenade and runs away#hymndraws#i usually pride myself as a pedant regarding guns and their details but i had to wing this one#i just thought c!quackity would have a colt .44#character wise it would be an engraved colt peacemaker (single action army whatever from the 19th century) chambered in .45#realistically in a zombie apocalypse he just grabbed a colt anaconda (modern) from someones dead body#i could go on forever about the guns they'd have ngl
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Carry me home
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#haurchefant greystone#haurchefant x wol#haurchewol#ffxiv wol#ffxiv spoilers#heavensward spoilers#final fantasy xiv spoilers#tinydraws#let me know if i’m missing any spoiler tags#tagging seems like it would be an easy and straightforward thing but also. i’m stupid.#anyway i choose to believe that Rowan carried him back to the manor#even if someone tells me otherwise i will not believe them#also i choose to believe that these two had it bad for each other#neither of them said anything but everyone could tell lol#haurche specifically was very Not Subtle in his displays of affection#and Rowan for the most part picked up on it#not everything cuz she's still in the midst of working on accepting any amount of companionship. but like. most.#and went ‘honestly.... if i told him i liked him it would probably go well. We just have so much stuff to deal with; now’s not a good time'#and then the time came and went :’)#and Rowan went ‘Did….. did he know? Did he Know how much I loved him? did he KNOW???????’#and then she grieved behind closed doors away from everyone#and also tried to replace said grief by focusing a lil too hard on her duties#idk i’m still working out WOL lore but this is what i got so far lol#or at least in regards to haurche
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"
it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.
#harvey voice: you know why im not killing you jokes? cause you can only die once and i want to hurt you so much more than i want to kill you#jason was harveys baby too after all#spent my entire boring work meeting thinking about how robin!jason bruharvey would end in the joker dying no matter what bc of two face#this is all bruciemilfs fault btw. theyve been making me insane about bruharvey#bruce wayne#harvey dent#two face#also bruce doesnt tell harvey to kill or not kill the joker bc he cant request someones death#but he also cant make himself ask for his sons murderer to be spared#i dont think any version of bruce would be comfortable with openly planning someones death let alone actually doing it#but after jasons death he gets so cold and numb to everything that he just turns away from it#he knows hes being too violent.knows hes hurting people too much but the only time hes not remembering how small jasons body was in his arms#is when his blood is roaring in his ears during a fight. maybe if he becomes the worst monster in gothams shadows#no more little boys will go cold and silent. no more fathers will stand in the doorway of rooms that will never be full again
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It saddens me that Helen of SPARTA is mostly known as Helen of TROY. As if she wasn't born, raised, and most likely, died in Sparta. Yes, she was of TROY for a while...But she was able to go back home to where she WANTED TO BE.
(Edit: Hating on Menelaus is illegal)
#makes me sad that when I want to tag her. it goes staight to “Troy” . Hector. Andromache. Priam. etc. are of TROY. she was only for acouple#years compared to that being their HOME. SHE wanted to go to HER home. MEH#idk what a good comparison would be but maybe like going abroad for job/school/etc. for a while. and then coming back home.#Are you now only known for what you did for a short while away from your home when you've spent the rest of your life home otherwise?#helen of troy#greek mythology#tagamemnon#helen of sparta#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus
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Remember when Anthony Bridgerton said:
And then it turns out that this is him with his wife:
#bridgerton season 3#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#kate sharma x anthony bridgerton#kanthony#bridgerton season two#bridgerton#bridgerton memes#actually I got really sad making this#because I realised that if he hadn’t met Kate he was just going to let his immense capacity for love and devotion wither away#like we can see how deeply he’s capable of loving and how it’s almost become an intrinsic part of him#like that’s Anthony Bridgerton#9th Viscount Bridgerton afraid of bees and irrevocably in love with his wife#and that’s how the entire ton recognises him too#but if not for kate this capacity to love would just remain buried in his heart#and he’d go through life with this huge part of him missing#my heart aches so bad for him#I’m glad he found Kate and became who he was always meant to be#kate sharma’s husband
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he could not control the class 😔
#tossing my hat into the trend ring#a little sumn in between pieces#got possessed by the silly for a moment#we love an unhealthy codependent sibling relationship#join me on my delusion of every behavior or habit Ludwig has has been ingrained and propagated into him at early childhood by Gilbert#I imagine Ludwig going thru one of his many social interaction debacles and thinking ‘quick Ludwig - what would brother do?!’#and Gil shows up in his head like the laissez faire voice of authority like#burn their fields and salt their crops 👍 [fades away]#do you understand me?#kinda like when mob thinks of Reigen during social anxieties but he comes up with the most useless advice in his head#Gil’s little puppy <3#hetalia#hetalia fanart#hws germany#hws prussia#aph germany#aph prussia#german bros#digital art#my art#drawing meme#Ludwig waiting for his daily chin scratch for being an agreeable young lad 🥺#on second thought maybe I should’ve done this in more historical clothing#like young Lud being put in charge of his first meeting as like training and doing horribly 😭#general Gil is not satisfied with his performance#do you guys think Gil is a boy mom#discuss
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still i think the one of the more fun differences drawn between illario and lucanis that was lost would be illario's ability to endear himself to others but serious lack of empathy, vs. lucanis' (self perceived) inability to be charming but how much he cares. it's interesting that the game has gone with the "lucanis' ability vs illario's lack thereof" because i think illario being the dellamorte 'best in show dog' vs. lucanis' attack dog would have made me so unwell.
lucanis is... awkward. he's not unlikable, because he is usually very polite, but he doesn't speak much and only seems to care about the other dellamortes. he once sent viago de riva a knife with no note (who knows what he could have meant by this). he does what caterina asks of him, and by his own admission, cannot say no to her. he is a dramatic and prolific killer, and that makes how untouchable he is even worse.
and the crows like illario, sure, AND he's a good assassin! he's even a good crow! he's so good that he can make lucanis smile, and so he is the charming, sociable one. he's the one that stays in treviso and can be relied upon to care, illario's even the one people prefer over caterina and lucanis!
but illario is decoration. he's the prize poodle, and even if poodles were bred to be working dogs, nobody will ever pick him to protect the house over the german shepherd that regularly mauls intruders. anyways the analogy is getting away from me. the point i'm trying to make is that i want illario to have a different kind of jealousy/hatred that's not just over 'being bad at killing' but also an arrogant loathing for everyone around him that is getting harder to hide, because they've forgotten he can bite and is just itching to rip someone's jugular out. illario is very good at hiding his family resemblance to caterina, while lucanis suffers under his grandmother's, and his own, reputation.
#not helped that these ideas are probably fostered by caterina. she doesnt WANT lucanis to have FRIENDS she wants him to KILL THINGS lol#and her perceiving illario as someone who wants but wont rise against her would have been interesting#so she allows his charm and friendliness etc. because she wants him to ingratiate the house to other houses#she doesnt want him out the picture. she NEEDS him there to make people like lucanis. illario just isnt content with that#i will shut up about this. i promise.#like i wont. but im trying#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#and also i want illario to have a little more manipulative asshole going on he's not believable enough in game omg#i think the main issue i have is that lucanis should have . maybe. been a bit less agreeable. SORRY#but it would have been fun to see crow-like defensiveness slowly break away to reveal a caring polite and kind man#or at least a slow understanding of lucanis-language. like he said 'i dont care' but he meant 'i dont mind'#raised by a grieving and also repressed old italian woman will do this to you#thoo. i was pleasantly surprised at how sweet he was in the game to start but i think parallel wise this could have been fun is all#veilguard spoilers#dragon age#and also really sorry that this was brought upon by someone calling him a pursedog man in tags#which was very funny for 5 minutes and then i was like actually i can do something with this
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