#years compared to that being their HOME. SHE wanted to go to HER home. MEH

[dootznbootz]

It saddens me that Helen of SPARTA is mostly known as Helen of TROY. As if she wasn't born, raised, and most likely, died in Sparta. Yes, she was of TROY for a while...But she was able to go back home to where she WANTED TO BE.

(Edit: Hating on Menelaus is illegal)

[kidddoz]

Simon Headcanons!!

Simon Cambourne 20/02/1933 (Pisces), 11 years old.

Simon has epilepsy and takes Phenobarbital (The most effective anti-seizure drug created in 1912) to prevent the seizures. Because of this, he was considered the nutty boy not because of the seizures but because of the constant drowsiness and lack of muscle coordination. Taking this drug also made him one of the first bigguns to hit puberty early, so I assume he had a lot of voice cracks while on the island + constant seizures thanks to the lack of medication.

His seizures scare the other boys A LOT. On the second or third night on the island, they all thought Simon was dying (Mostly because they didn't know he had epilepsy) or possessed. Simon's fits were among several things that instilled panic among the littluns, even before the idea of a beast existing between them.

He's such a momma's boy. He is so kind and gentle but whenever he makes his mom mad she just goes "SIMÓN" and scolds him in Spanish. But at the end of the day, he will always be her little prince, and they're so adorable for that aaa :'3

However, I don't think he has siblings. He's an only child BUT, he has a ton of cousins (like the average Latino family lol), being one of the oldest. He enjoys seeing the rest of his family, mainly because he visits them sporadically. Whenever he gets the chance, he spends a lot of time playing with his cousins.

This doesn't make him good with the littluns at all. He's kind and helps them get fruit the same way he helped his cousins tie their shoes, but spending days and days to an end with crying children is pretty much different than seeing them twice a year. 

His family circle consists of him, his mother, and his father. Both parents work at the hospital, so it's easy for him accessing to healthcare and medicaments. 

His mom became a nurse after learning about Simon's condition. She spent too much time in the hospital and eventually became a nurse there. 

Simon's relationship with his dad is just meh. I mean, he's there, but at the same time, he's not. Compared to Ralph's relationship with his father, Simon's is even colder and more formal. His dad always seems super tired and prefers to stay in his office than go home. Simon only sees him around whenever he needs a medication refill, so it's like having more of a doctor than a dad.

His intuition is always on point. Ofc he doesn't know why it's so easy for him to know what could happen next, but he always has a gut feeling, and he's always right. The first night on the island everyone was chilling, and he was already like "Oh it's so over". Some people call it anxiety, but let's all assume it's because he reads too many novels.

His favourite celebration is Christmas because it is one of the few times he has dinner with both his parents, and he can sit at the top of the table. He finds so much joy in being in a suit and eating and sharing a moment with someone close. 

His love languages are quality time and acts of service :3c

He is not sure what he wants to do when he grows up. He would have been a great teacher if he had had better experiences with his teachers. He would have been either a biology teacher or done something related to social studies (philosophy, sociology, anthropology and all those things that went boom after WW2).

He's a below-average student, always taking make-up tests. He feels so guilty because he cannot control sleeping in class, and even if he never skips school, he still has to ask for his classmate's notes. He sucks at History because he only listens to what he is interested in (canon).

He doesn't have friends. During recess, he either goes into a bathroom stall until the bell goes off or just... stands there awkwardly. The choristers are more like a mixture of acquaintances and work buddies.

He's the newest addition to the choir. It was several months ago, almost a year, but he still has to pay his dues and is left to the side, and fainting does not help him at all. 

[templeofshame]

Kathy doesn't want to have a baby at 18, marry her high school boyfriend, and never leave her hometown. It's also noteworthy that Carolann seems to be a stay-at-home mom, while her husband works a relatively low-paying job and pursues a hobby that might also be a dream; Carolann doesn't have any stated hobbies or dreams, and Kathy says fuck that, understandably.

So Kathy goes to pursue her dreams and an education. She's not looking to date, but her ex is persistent in a way that's flattering, willing to put in effort; he's more into her than she's into him, and she's okay with that. However she feels at the time, she looks back and is meh on him. But at the time, she's like okay, this could be good, and then he pulls the rug out from under her.

And how does he do that? By choosing his career over her and breaking up with her in a letter -- about what Jamie does, except that Jamie also cheats on her, and they've been married for years.

The fact that Kathy is not That into her ex, doesn't take his career seriously, and that he started off more into her makes it a bigger blow when that changes suddenly. It's a hit to her self-esteem. It tarnishes the thing she realizes that is most important to her in that relationship: how much he cares about her. He doesn't ultimately treat her like he cares about her, and that fucking sucks. She doesn't deserve that.

So she goes forward from that place and meets Jamie. She doesn't care about the little stuff, the details of grooming, clothing, music tastes, class, manners. She doesn't want him to change himself -- sounds good! (Too bad he kinda sucks.) She just wants him to love her and stick by her. She's excited and eager and wants him around all the time, in a committed monogamous type way (and we know he's gonna cheat). (We don't really know what about him she's excited about, but she loves him being himself.) She has good feelings about this thing and she wants to run with that. She's comparing this hopeful new thing to the disappointments of her life, and it looks so bright and beautiful.

It looks like what she deserves, what she's been waiting for.

We know it's that same hope that's going to lure her into a false sense of security and stab her in the gut. Maybe she can do better than that, but not during the duration of this show.

[storiesofsvu]

it's thursday bitches

spoilers under the cut

Okay, I was organizing fic and writing shit for the first two hours so I couldn’t live react BUT:

That ep of Mothership was phenomenal. Good job team.

Barely paid attention to Toronto, I can’t get on board yet.

Now it’s SVU time.

“happy hunting” ewww… puke in my mouth, that’s disgusting.

Girl WHAT THE FUCK. I don’t care if you JUST met someone at a hostel that night, you don’t fucking leave them alone in a bar when they’re visibly really drunk and with two guys all over her, come on.

Okay, I’m starting a Velasco line tally: 1

OOOO a full scene! Look at our boy go!

Okay yeah he is finally getting some screen time

These boy may not be the actual perps in this situation, but there is no doubting they’re pieces of shit.

This is gonna be one of those cases with the last minute twist that the other girl is the actual perp, right? That’s why there’s no dna?

I don’t like this squad. I understand rollins not coming back/kelli not wanting to come back (hello, she just had a baby, and would you want to go back to a workplace you were fired from full time?) but I will forever be salty about them getting rid of muncy and churlish, they FIT with the squad, they worked through their issues and worked well together. It was refreshing to have the younger generation coming in and being mentored by liv, fin and Bruno. I like the fbi girl, she’s a great actress, but the vibe isn’t the same.

Ohhhh I forgot about the other guy from the beginning lol

Okay but I DO love three powerful older women interrogating pathetic young twenty something boys

LOOOL and this dynamic of good cop bad cop between Bruno and joe?! LOVE IT.

Bruno is fucking killing me rn, this is hilarious. Prime television.

The fact that there is still another hour of television after this? I’m TIRED. And like..grey’s starts soon too so that’s gonna fuck me up.

This episode has fully sold me on wanting Bruno to destroy me. Sir. Pls.

Something that fell into your lap?! Liv…baby… you wanted to take in every abandoned kid at svu over the past 25 years. You were the mom calvin deserved, you wanted to adopt, you have ALWAYS wanted kids/to be a mother, its been part of her character arc literally the entire time the show was on air. Yes, technically noah kinda fell into her lap, but the way it was addressed here did not seem right lol.

Okay, that episode was actually super good compared to the last few weeks!

Don’t trust this captain at ALL. but like, I don’t think we’re supposed to LOL.

“I don’t know… im not his mother.. thank GOD” lol… we love Jet.

I miss bell…is she gonna pop up at some point? We need her sass/banter

The fact that she went out to do this super nice thing by replacing the flowers for jet cause she let her stay with her and THAT’S when she was attacked. Fuck this. Ugh.

The fact that they’re going through so much effort to block the face/voice of this killer means that we know who they are already, right?

BUT also… if the captain hadn’t called jet specifically to get Elliot to his fucking iab appointment she would have been home and able to protect the girl… so like… im still super sus of her

All of these crusty old white men all look alike and I cannot tell the difference between them. Is it the cap’s dad? Brother? Husband? Random poker night connection?

DIVORCE???!!!! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

…okay but now they could be together somewhere down the road? Like.. they really did bomb us with that ship so I haven’t had time to decide if I like it or not but we’ll see how things go.

Okay so the brother AND the dad are both in on it? Maybe the cap isn’t actually sus and will be blindsided?

Meh, that ep wasn’t that good tonight tbh but two outta our aint bad!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi i just need to put this into words and possibly get an outside perspective that isnt from my friends and such

I dont know if i can call what i went through as a teen neglect.

This is pretty long sorry, just skip to the end if necessary

TW: Alcoholism, Neglect? Sorry if i missed anything

To explain fully, i was taken out of school in 7th grade due to mental health issues and one very abusive and ableist teacher. That left me alone at home for 80% of the week, which was fine i had plenty of food and such to eat and i preferred being alone to recover from everything. I never went back even once i was "recovered"

But then when i was about 16, my mother's mental took a nosedive. She started having hospital level panic attacks. It wasnt that bad at first, cuz despite everything i still atleast had food and such for when she had to spent a day or maybe two at the hospital, which was rare. I could survive on my own with the limited help i got.

It sucked, my quality of life went from "meh could be better" to "okay uh we're surviving in decent comfort atleast?" In the span of a few months. But it wasnt the worse

Then the new year rolled over and it became worse. My mother took up drinking to cope and that spiralled fast

To the point her hospital visits became weekly almost daily, my life went from "okay i can life like this but i rather not" to "haha, im gonna end up in the hospital too-" in less then a month

I basically lived with my grandmother for a month and, she barely had any food there because they always went out to eat, food wasnt allow upstairs unless you were sick, beds felt worse then wood floors, and she didnt respect my issues

I was pushed aside, i didnt eat more then a mini bag of chips most nights because the only things to eat where expired, take out from places i didnt like, or things i literally cant eat either cuz textures or allergies.

When everything went back to almost normal, there was barely any food at home, i slept in my mother's closet because my old stalker tried breaking into my room while we were gone (also bugs overtook my room because the window was jammed for the rest of the time before we came home because of that) and my mother didnt want us to share her huge bed because i apparently violently slapped and kicked her awake till 3am when we tried (i didnt go to bed till 5am the one week when we tried, and she always woke up at 6am for her meds and such especially during this also we both slept on the very edges)

My mother would sleep all day, only waking up to take her meds and eat and stuff.

Dinner went from a "happens most of the week" thing to "you'll be luckly if you found a warm thing to make and eat"

Basically, i kinda starved often till things calmed down later in the year. I think a broke college student ate and slept better then me that year.

When i was 18 it happened again but i had a job so it wasnt as bad.

I dont blame her for like 40% of that hell, her and my father where going through the 5th messiest divorce of our closeish family has witnessed (tho it was actually kinda tame compared to the top 4 so idk the actual severity), and her mental health was already on decline for reasons that are not mine to tell

But like can i call what happened neglect?? It sounds like it but idk i actually can call it that.

Like yeah i starved most of my time as a 17 year old, slept in a cramped closet during said time, developed back issues cuz of that, was barely able to care for myself due to depression, was subjected to to smell of weed and the smoke from it often despite the fact it makes me extremely sick, was very suicidal, was told i was a burden and was making the situation worse cuz im autistic and was basically the new family afterthought

But like, does it really qualify as neglect and can i call it that if it is? Most adults i talked to at the time, even my old therapist said no because i was "17 and should already know how to care for myself on my own. And shouldnt take the words said in a probably drunken state to heart" but like there no way i could care for myself?? Atleast not without taking less then ideal options. Also that doesnt excuse the extremely hateful things yelled at me???

So im really conflicted here, was it neglect or am i just being overdramatic??? Every therapist ive been able to go to says im just being dramatic but my friends says im not so ????

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. You can most certainly call these experiences neglect if that is a term you would like to use.

Neglect by definition is to fail to care for properly, and by legal definition it's "the failure of a parent or other person with responsibility, for the child to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to." Not only were you not provided sufficient food, but it seems likely that your emotional needs may not have been taken care of either, with an unavailable mother and a disrespectful grandmother. It also sounds like you were not given adequate shelter and medical care, considering where you slept, the bug infestation, and how that affected your development. So yes, in many ways, your experience aligns with neglect.

I think it's important to remember that it's common for trauma survivors to feel like they're being dramatic when they validate the severity of their trauma, and that it makes sense to be in some level of disbelief that it's worse than you initially thought. Please know that you are valid as a trauma survivor, and remember to be patient and gentile with yourself as you explore what this means for you.

Ultimately, it may be helpful to work with a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist, especially one who specialized in trauma, can mediate your healing journey and help you find ways to make sense of, process, and cope with your experiences.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[winterdusktales]

I posted 826 times in 2022

That's 824 more posts than 2021!

26 posts created (3%)

800 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ikonsnet

@what-breaks-my-heart

@heavenlydark

@aromaticcedarwood

@ikonis

I tagged 613 of my posts in 2022

Only 26% of my posts had no tags

#junhoe - 123 posts

#kdrama - 122 posts

#words - 74 posts

#film - 63 posts

#mcu - 60 posts

#him - 55 posts

#jana bookmarks - 46 posts

#her - 38 posts

#period drama - 26 posts

#yim siwan - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#its still hard for me to accept i wont be seeing joongki and jiwon but im still tuning in for the story

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

song joongki as a 20 year old 1st year student in reborn rich is so convincing. i actually forgot this man is pushing 40

12 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

some parts of summer strike ep 6 were kinda disappointing. i didnt like how they handled bom and her dad's situation at all. the way they screamed at her for hating on her dad and wanting him to go to jail, saying she was being selfish. especially that it came from her brother who knows everything thats been happening at home. yeah, he punched him once... and?? bom was the victim and she literally just woke up after getting stabbed but they made her feel guilty for wanting her dad to go to jail. some parents just dont deserve forgiveness. plus he never even apologized

13 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#3

life lately

19 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#2

i NEED hotd ep 5.5 where they show what happened the last 10 years

40 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

is it just me or was money heist korea was kinda disappointing? i mean it started off nice and strong. i loved the first episode. the north-south korea unification context was great but other than that, it was pretty much similar to the original. the plot twists weren't even that surprising cause i've alr seen them. it just didn't make me feel strong emotions as much as the original did. tried not to compare but i just can't brush off the big difference on how both series left an impression to me.

the portrayal of some characters were also a tiny bit disappointing. although most actors did okay, but some were just meh :/. the only actors who left a notable impression for me were berlin, denver, and tokyo's actors. the different korean accents of each character was nice though. idk if all the actors nailed it but it was interesting to learn how they can tell which region each accent was from

anyway i hope the second half will bring new ideas and surprises. but i've alr learned to manage my expectations so i guess i'll just go with the flow. ik i'm still watching it anyway

55 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Name: Stacey Evans Designation: submissive Age: 23 Birthdate: August 15, 2000 Faceclaim: Sabrina Carpenter Orientation: Pansexual Kinks: bratting, bondage, roleplay, orgies, threesomes, anal, breath play, exhibition Anti-Kinks: Scat, ageplay, petplay

Key Points:

 - Princess attitude   - Family oriented; loves her brothers dearly and is very loyal   - Loves to be the center of attention, whether good or bad.    - Hopeless romantic   - Loves to make videos and animated cartoons - the only time she prefers to be behind the scenes. 

BIO 

Stacey Evans is the epitome of "princess." Living her entire adolescence with a mess of older brothers (plus two twins) set things in motion very early. She had always been well loved and well protected by hardworking parents and older brothers who would do absolutely anything for her. This quickly led to her little princess lifestyle. Her family worked hard to always keep a roof over their head, even when times got really hard for the family. Being one of the youngest, Stacey wasn't one of the siblings who had to or could get a job to help keep things afloat, so she was left to reap the spoils of their hard work. It did, unfortunately, leave her to her own devices on occasion and she spent most of her time doodling and sketching. When she learned she could make these sketches come to life, she became obsessed with making her little cartoons. 

The car accident effected all of them, and Stacey would not be exempt from this. Losing Scotty broke her heart in ways she could never imagine, and watching how it affected Sky made her never want to leave his side. Her cartoons went dark for a while, and she quickly discovered a very dark sense of humor as a way to cope with her heartbreak and pain. She held a little tighter to her remaining brothers, desperate to never feel that pain again. 

As she grew up, Dallas left for school, and a few years later the older boys went their separate ways. Stacey dove head first into her cartoons and drawings, eventually finding a full scholarship to art school. She was all alone at that school, her family spread to the winds at that point, but she was finding her own ways to bring in attention. Her cartoons and videos got a lot of attention, for the dark satire that ended up being more thought provoking than she had planned. People began paying attention and begging her for more, the excitement filling her with attention and seratonin on the regular, and she couldn't get enough. She started finding new ways to grab the attention of others, often finding herself in the middle of groups of students friends, even a teacher or two. She basked in it and found herself always wanting more. 

When word had gotten to her that most of her favorite people ended up in Lima, she knew it was time to get the rest of her life under control. She made her way to Stonewall Prep, was marked submissive, and was ready to move on with the rest of her life. 

BIO QUESTIONS:

What are your feelings about the mark you have received?    - It's fine. I mean, I wasn't overly hoping for a mark in any direction. I'm kind of used to people taking care of me, so it probably tracks, honestly. 

How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it?   - They support it - i think? I mean, at least mostly. They don't really fight against it or anything at least. But it also wasn't really a big deal in my house either. It just kinda...was? At any rate, I see it the same way. it's important, sure, and I get that, but I don't think I'm ever going to be that obedient submissive. 

Where do you see yourself after you graduate?     - At a big time animation firm somewhere. Or maybe working from home, making cartoons and videos and watching how much everyone loves them. 

How do you feel about authority?   - Meh. I mean, I get that people have authority. I wish it was more earned than it seems to be. But, I guess life doesn't really care what I have to say. 

[trinrose3]

Lorenzo! Tw for self image issues and implied death

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

*Insert That’s my dad boogie woogie audio here* he loves him! He doesn’t think he deserves the love that he’s got :(. Theo’s very patient with Lorenzo and doesn’t like pushing him and it’s taught Lorenzo that patience and kindness can go a long way for someone.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Once again REAL complicated! He’s never met her as she died shortly after he was born from an infection she got at the hospital. He thinks a lot especially as a teen that it would have been better if he was never born in the first place and that it’s his fault she’s dead (it’s not, but hey self loathing ftw! /s). Eventually he realizes that it’s not his fault and he’s thankful for her.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

Not technically related but Owen and Liam! He loves both but he gets along better with Owen and has a bit of a personality clash with Liam. He’s got a big inferiority complex so when he’s a young teen he finds himself resenting his brothers for their accomplishments and it forms a bit of a sore spot in their relationship to say the least.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

Lenient, even when compared to his brothers (which they’re not too happy about). They know he’s got issues so they try to help him through it rather then punish him for it and make it worse. That’s not to say he doesn’t get in trouble cause he does. A lot 💀

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

Not really

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

Affection but he doesn’t think he deserves it :(

7. What was the economic status of their family?

Well off

8. How does your character feel about religion?

Meh you do you lmao as long as you don’t use it as an excuse to be a dick he’s chill with it

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

He’s very emotionally intelligent and good at reading others, he knows EXACTLY how to push you’re buttons and the type of reaction he’s gonna get out of you. If he wants to get in a fight he’s sure as hell gonna make sure you throw the first punch. Very sharp.

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

He thinks he’s stupid :(

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

Idk.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

LMAO no. He barely made it to senior year he wanted to drop out so badly

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

I doubt it but maybe reluctantly? I think he’s a very good writer and singer so I can see him being forced into doing so,etching with either of those, or joining something to spend time with his brothers/Amelia

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

High school

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

SAH(D/H) he’s very family oriented and it’s not too much pressure so he loves it. I think if he HAD to go into a profession he’d be a English teacher

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

He goes with Amelia when he can and if he’s allowed to :)

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

Amelia <3 lol he loves the scenery abroad, perfectly content with sitting in a desert looking at nothing but sand cause hahaha that’s cool oh hey a bug

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

He’s mentally ill/hj he hates himself but it gets better the older he gets

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

If he thinks something is stupid he won’t do it even if it’s seen to be rude but that’s for shit like “no arms on the table” otherwise he’s pretty well mannered; a charmer if you will lol. Idk. Showboats, we wants to kick the, down a peg…or ten, humble yourselves before he humbled you JFJRGRJVJEF

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

The gang! He was a bit of a party monster as a teen so I can see him having some “shallow” “friends” during that time. He’s always loved Amelia and most other romantic/sexual relationships were kind of a coping mechanism ngl. If you can bench press him he’s gonna swoon, very into looks when looking for something casual, but if you’re an asshole he won’t bother with you.

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

Like I said above he kinda uses it as a coping tool before he gets with Amelia. He kind of uses it as a sense of accomplishment and self worth, if his partner feels good he feels good. He’s a bit reckless with other peoples feeling sometimes which can lead to him being a bit selfish or seeming like he’s uncaring towards his partners when they’re not currently in the moment; he’s a bit of a Casanova/heartbreaker 😂. Whore lmao

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

Like I said he was a bit of a party animal lol. He likes being the center of attention during those. He always attends events that his brothers or Amelia are in so if Owen is in a play you’ll be sure to see him (and the rest of fam) somewhere in the crowed or hell even backstage

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

His garden/plants! He also volunteers at local shelter and even fosters some of the pets from there if he can! Big fan of cozy games like staffed valley and sims

[bluberimufim]

This turned out suuuuper long. Sorry not sorry. Here's me ranting about my WIP. It turned out extremely long!

Dora+Asha as a parallel to Seth+Theo: I've mentioned this before and it's really quite obvious (and on purpose), but I'm gonna share anyway because I never explained it. Dora and Asha are lovers. When they meet, about a year before they show up in the story, they instantly bond because they're the only ones who can understand each other. They are compared to Seth and Theo not only by being a demigoddess-healer pair, but also by the intensity of their relationship. The only way to parallel Seth and Theo's platonic relationship is with a romantic one, normally understood to be "stronger", despite it not always being true. They also mirror our protagonists in personality, except backwards. Dora - the demigoddess - is a parallel to Seth through her cynical nature and dismissiveness of the war and the gods. One of her greater character traits is also that the war dragged her away from the life she wanted (she was studying to become a painter), which has happened to Seth twice now (the second time was more voluntary than the first but eh). Asha, however, mirrors Theo in the way that people see her. Theo is seen as being "above" people purely because of her ascendancy and power, but Asha is seen by the other healers as almost equally awe-inspiring purely because of how old she is (she's 32, that's like 100-something for a healer). She says she's disconnected from everyone else but Dora because none of them understand the uncomfortable loneliness of her position, and through her we can gaze at what Theo is going through but refuses to articulate. I'll expand on this last bit further ahead.

Seth and Theo as inverses: Seth came into contact with the war at a very young age and got used to its horrors. It made her very jaded. As an adult, even after living away from the war for 17 years, she doesn't even flinch at the most gruesome wounds. Her reaction to it is "meh, nothing I haven't seen before" because she worked at a hospital. The only time anything like this gets a reaction out of her is Theo's magic, which is just too horrific and unnatural for her to bear. Overall, she would be almost at home in the war. She has the full potential to be a cold-blooded killer if it means getting what she wants - she has killed before and merely shrugged it off. Even as a healer, her powers involve killing. By all means, she's the scariest demigoddess anyone had ever seen. Theo, however, was raised under the dominion of the Goddess of Reason, in an environment where the intellectual aspect of war is more important than its bloody reality. Her brother ascended the ranks of the Order by being a master strategist. She was not meant for the visceral and violent way her Mother's war works, despite being told over and over that she was crafted specifically for that purpose (I'll expand on it later). The first time she kills someone she cries for, like, three days. She refuses to interact with the war more than necessary, and when she's not on the battlefield, she spends her days trying to wash herself of the blood of the people she's killed. She does not have the stomach for this. If they switched roles, they'd be much better at it, but there would be no plot.

Ye Olde gender: Seth and Theo have very clear male-female alignments, specifically ones associated with war. Seth's job is very nurse-adjacent (because healer), she lives out in the countryside tending to a farm, and she's the physically weaker one of the pair. On a very superficial level, she literally just looks like a tradwife. But when you look at it more closely, it all peels away. Her powers of healing rely on killing things instead of giving up her own soul to heal others, she has literally been squatting in a random cottage for 15 years because she found shelter in it once time and decided to live there (she literally didn't have electricity for, like, eight years because of this), and yeah the 'physically weaker' thing doesn't get explained away, but she's pretty self-reliant and very mentally strong. Her stereotypical femininity is very shallow and pretty meaningless, and she often expresses hatred for the (stereotypically feminine) role of the healers and how they are treated. Meanwhile, Theo has a very traditionally male role. She's in a leadership position on the frontlines because of her powers despite magic being "a woman's job" (did I ever tell you guys that only women can use magic in this world? no?) and she's ranked higher than any of the generals. She's the perfect soldier and poster girl of the war. Everyone sees her as a 'protector', which is a parallel to how (male) soldiers are depicted in wartime. Except she hates every second of it. She's miserable.

Theo is a figure and not a person: We all know that Theo sees herself as a weapon and a tool to be used in the war. But did you know that the narrative does too? Basically, the story is told from Seth's POV 100% of the time. She and Theo share many intimate and vulnerable moments, and Theo talks about how she feels multiple times throughout the years they spend together, but we can never truly see into her mind. Everything is still a facet of herself she is choosing to display, there are never unfiltered thoughts. Theo to us, just like to the characters in the story, is a figure to be seen that can never be fully understood. To the reader, she is no different than the distant demigoddess or the woman in the posters that the other characters see. Not even Seth, the person who is closest to her, can see her fully. Basically: Seth is the eyes through which we see the world, and Theo is a character to be gazed upon.

Theo's magic reflects her character growth: (I know this one is obvious but I just noticed it yesterday, ok?) You can divide Theo's life into two neatly separate parts: pre-Goddess of Time and post-Goddess of Time. This determines a lot of her character development and also how her magic manifests. In the beginning, for the first ~7 years of the story, she's just a girl who ran away from home and found a new one far away. Her powers are very varied, but also simple - she has the skillset of any regular mage. She can manipulate any physical object, and often uses her powers (especially levitation) to help people around the town. On one notable occasion, she helps set up all the decorations for the harvest festival with merely a thought. Her magic is linked to her community. Then, she gets abducted by the Goddess of Time, spends a full year in her Garden in the Plane of the Gods, and her magic changes completely. Her powers reflect her Mother's domain now: control over the Body (the Three Sister Goddesses reign over body, mind, and heart idk if I ever explained it). Basically: she can no longer manipulate the objects around her, just as she can never go back to the person she was before. She can only manipulate living creatures. Her powers are also honed for killing, so that's pretty much all she can do. Her magic is almost 100% creating body horror and she hates it so very much. All she can do is what her Mother forced her to do (this arc gets a parallel with Jane but that's very far away in book 2). She's become her perfect warrior against her will and she can't even try to make things go back to how they were. The body horror aspect, by twisting and distorting bodies beyond what would ever be natural, also represents how a) she's realized that she's never been fully human; b) she has been changed beyond recognition to the point that she can't even find that old Theo and her connection to her community anymore.

I feel like I didn't articulate this 100% how it sounds in my head, but I hope I got my points across? Sorry for the absolutely gigantic response

GUYS

Guysguysguysguysguys

I think I just understood what the themes and literary analysis thingies of "Devourer of Souls" are!!!

I'm so excited AAAAAA

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb: The Regency Vows series that is “sure to delight Bridgerton fans” (USA TODAY) returns with this story about a viscount and his irascible new wife who hopes to chase her husband from their shared home so that she can finally get some peace and quiet—only to find that his company is not as onerous as she thought. Viscount Penvale has been working for years to buy back his ancestral home, Trethwick Abbey, from his estranged uncle. And so he’s thrilled when his uncle announces that he is ready to sell but with one major caveat—Penvale must marry his uncle’s ward, Jane Spencer. When the two meet in London, neither is terribly impressed. Penvale finds Jane headstrong and sharp-tongued. Jane finds him cold and aloof. Nevertheless, they agree to a marriage in name only and return to the estate. There, Jane enlists her housekeeper for a scheme: to stage a haunting so that Penvale will return to London, leaving her to do as she pleases at Trethwick Abbey. But Penvale is not as easily scared as his uncle and as their time together increases, Jane realizes that she might not mind her husband’s company all that much. With her trademark “arch sense of humor and a marvelously witty voice” (Entertainment Weekly), Martha Waters crafts another delightful romp for all historical romance fans.

Review:

How do you get your husband who you married only in name to leave the house? You fake a haunting to make him think the house is haunted...but the question is, do you really want to him to leave? Viscount Penvale has spent his life working to buy back his ancestral home, Trethwick Abbey from his estranged uncle. When his uncle mysteriously shows up one day agreeing to finally sell it... he has one condition: Penvale has to marry his uncle’s ward, Jane Spencer, the daughter of his uncle’s friend who died. Jane has spent her life being traded from one man to another, first from her absent father to her current guardian and now to Penvale. Jane wants nothing more than to be left alone in her beautiful home of Trethwick Abbey, free to be herself, free to read books, and free from all the restrictions of society. Yet here she is being handed over to Penvale, yet when the two meet neither really get along but Penvale tells her he will not marry her against her will, despite how much he wants his home he doesn’t want to force marriage on someone. Jane thinks that Penvale is the lesser evil compared to his uncle and they both agree to a marriage in name only. Yet Jane has a plan to get Penvale to leave, she’ll haunt him with the help of her housekeeper. Yet Penvale isn’t as easily scared as his uncle and the more time they spend together the more they start to find each other’s company nice.... but can their marriage turn into a real love match or was it meant go out? I do enjoy this series by Martha Waters. This is the fourth book in the series and other couples from the previous books do make appearances but you can read it as a standalone. I was looking forward to Penvale finally getting his ancestral home after everything. My biggest eh with this book was the romance between Penvale and Jane. They didn’t really feel like they had any chemistry and their romance just didn’t really feel like it was a romance at all. The story felt a bit meh and the biggest thing was the haunting that Jane schemes, but other than that it really didn’t feel like there was much going on. That’s not to say I wouldn’t read the next books the author writes because I definitely would. I enjoyed her previous books, and this one was okay, I just didn’t like it as much as the other ones in her series. Overall, if you’re looking for a historical romance with a little bit of forced marriage, some mischief, then this is for you.

*Thanks Netgalley and Atria Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[fencesandfrogs]

did you have a favorite character on sense8? i only watched the first season i think and i liked all of them but i remembered really enjoying Wolfgang, Sun, and Lito's arcs personally

oh man it's been ages since i watched and i'm bad w names (memory problem) so let me just cheat and check the wiki.

i'll lead with: i really like every character in sense8. picking a favourite would be hard. actually i'm just going to ramble on the cluster and associates and let u draw ur conclusions lol. i'm very indecisive n bad at picking favourites. there will prob b spoilers nonnie sorry i don't remember what was what season in my head it's all one chunk of television

will: took me a while to appreciate him, but i like how his story ended. i really like him n riley, but i don't appreciate either of them alone? like i'm thinking about it and i don't have much to say other than one thing i'm putting in riley's section to give her some meat.

riley: see will. also, i really like...there was that thing when they were playing a trick on where they were? so they got the yogurt? i was super excited bc i really like icelandic yogurt so i was like YEAH THAT'S MY SHIT

capheus: OH MAN i fucking love him. i didn't get his references and i thought it was funny when he said zebra (rhymes w debra) but i really, really, really grew to love him. he's just such a warm guy and i can't think of a single moment he was on screen that i didn't like. also as someone who can't drive (or, well, couldn't at the time and now a very big "it's complicated"), his driving? like? that was easily the MOST superhero shit in the show to me

sun: i really liked her plot line, but not while i was watching the show. i was watching this show as a fairly young teen, so i didn't really have a good appreciation for what was going on with her at first. i was very "screw your family! why the hell are you making these decisions!" now, looking back, with the benefit of a good number of years (and some more life experiences and cultural awareness), i have a lot of love for her.

lito: i lied he's my favourite. as soon as he came up on the list i realized that, without hesitation, he's my favourite. no ifs ands or buts about it. i don't know why. i never really related to him very much (i would LATER, but i always adored him), and i wasn't like "oh cool gay character!", so i can't really say. i just know that i adore this man. what he does for daniela? holy shit dude. lito my beloved.

kala: i really like her but i don't have much to say. also i like the scene where she's mixing chemicals. i like her relationships. i just really like her but in a quiet way. she never stole the show for me, but i love her a lot.

wolfgang: eh...i d k. i never got into his plots. nothing against the dude, he just never really spoke to me? i did LIKE his plots, i just wasn't half as invented, and i thought he just was kind of meh. like cool dude go have your diamonds. whatever. i want to b really clear that the fact that i'm being so passé about him is deceptive because if you asked me to compare wolfgang and a character from like. anything else. i'd go oh yeah wolfgang is 10 million times better.

nomi: uhhhhhhhhhhhh. she's torn up in a tangle of emotions for me. i was watching this show as a young, trans teen with home life issues (if you can't tell from the disorder), but she also didn't "hit too close to home" or even "close to home." at the same time, she was kind of the dream. (well, sense8 plot aside.) she got out. she transitioned. she had a fucking amazing girlfriend. so i have this weird emotion about nomi i don't know how to express. i think it's positive, though.

amanita: what you thought i was only doing the cluster? nope. i have to get amanita in here so we're also doing a few bonuses. i fucking LOVE amanita. i love how she adapts to nomi's situation. i love her i love her i love her. going through the past few months, i now know just how valuable having a support like her is when you're dealing with multiple people in your head. (no, osddid and sense8 aren't alike, except superficially, but there are some meaningful comparisons to be made.) so. yeah. she's always been really top tier for me, but i have a new and profound appreciation for how important she is.

hernando: he's fine. i just feel weird leaving him out since i'm gonna do daniela. i get his struggle, i really do. i just don't love him.

daniela: FUCK YEAH DANI. okay i love her sm. she really, really had to grow on me: at first i thought she was kind of a bitch, and then i thought she was REALLY a bitch, and then i loved her. i have no idea when the flip switched, but it did and it did HARD.

riley's dad: sorry i don't feel like seeing if he has a name i assume he does

wait hold on tumblr yelled at at me for having too many characters in a block LOL

staff hey hey hey staff please make bullets not work as one block if ur gonna b like that about it that's really annoying

(also please let me copy text across more than one block. it's really hard to move around multiple paragraphs of text at a time. it's been driving me crazy. pls help me.)

okay ANYWAY.

riley's dad: i really, really love him. holy fuck i want to give him a hug. no. i want to get a hug from him. i love him sm.

so yeah that's how i feel lol

[willow-salix]

How about I throw out a new chapter?

That'll be nice for a Saturday, right?

Meh, have one anyway.

Here's a snippet:

Selene grabbed a slice of pizza from the box on the table and dropped down onto the couch next to Gordon, uncaring as to the fact that he was barely dressed. When you watched him dive in and out of the pool in his Olympic issue swimming speedos just because he felt like it, you were pretty much desistized to anything.

She took a bite and made a face, it wasn’t the best pizza she’d ever had, not that that would stop her, she started to chew. Tonight was definitely the time for comfort food and pizza, even when bad, is still pretty good.

“Why are you in my flat?” she asked around a mouthful. She chewed some more and swallowed quickly when she saw the look on his face. “Not that I mind you letting yourself in, you know you’re always welcome. But I thought you were with Penny for the whole weekend.”

Gordon shrugged casually, but his eyes flickered towards the discarded pile of clothes on the floor beside the couch. It looked like one of his new suits and really shouldn’t have been treated in such a way. The jacket was scrumpled in a ball and the pants left where they had fallen, the shirt lay tossed over the arm of the couch and the shoes had been kicked off haphazardly, one lying under the table while the other had flown clear across the room to land by the dresser.

“Didn’t feel like it once I got there, I left Penny to her networking and caught a cab back here as I wouldn't have been able to get into the manor.”

Selene scowled, that wasn't like him, he was one of the more social Tracys and, since he was still relatively young, he usually jumped at the chance to spend time off island if he could. A party or a dinner was usually greeted with great enthusiasm. She decided to ignore that for now, he'd tell her in his own time. Years ago she would have pushed him more, but now they all knew her well enough to know that she was there to listen whenever they needed her and would seek her out if they wanted to.

"How was the conference?" she asked instead, swiping his bottle of beer, one of John's he had obviously liberated from the fridge, and taking a sip. "You must have been so excited to be asked to speak."

Again he shrugged. "It was OK, I'm pretty sure they only asked me out of courtesy for Penny and because it looked good to have someone from International Rescue on the schedule. It was pretty boring really."

"Why did you say yes then? It's not like you don't have a good excuse to get out of anything you don't fancy."

"Penny said it would be good for me to start making a name for myself, she's right, I'm not getting any younger-"

Selene snorted at this, Gordon was only 26, he had his whole life ahead of him. Although, if anyone knew that your life could be changed or even snuffed out at any moment, it was Gordon, so she kept quiet.

"She said that I should start thinking about my long term plans. We can't be doing International Rescue full time forever and, while we do have enough money to never have to work, you know we'd all get bored. Everyone else seems to have a backup already, John does his remote lectures and writes his books, and you know that he's always being called on to consult or collaborate with someone for something or another. Virgil has that fancy engineering degree of his, he's always tinkering around with Brains and the things they invent together could keep them busy for years to come. Alan is all fresh and new, he's already making a name for himself online with his team ups with Brandon, and Scott could walk into a job with the air Force or the GDF without even pausing to ask, then there's me, no college education, no specialist subjects-"

"Bullshit," Selene cut in. "A college education isn't for everyone, just because you don't have a piece of paper doesn't mean you aren't smart or an expert in your field. Someone once told me that, because I didn't have that kind of higher education I wasn't as smart as them, that I wasn't capable of making decisions because I didn't have the same knowledge they did. But knowledge is subjective, babe."

Gordon snorted at that, he knew what it was like too, he knew how people would judge him as the dumb brother because he'd chosen a different path than the more academic one the others had taken.

"It's true," she insisted. "Look at John, as much as I adore that man, he's proof that all the book smarts in the world can't always compare to common sense or life experience. You can know all about astrophysics but if you don't know how to interact with people or how to survive in the world then you're fucked either way. You are amazing, you know science and biology and genetics or you wouldn't have made those beautiful fish or done so much for marine conservation and, no matter who you're dating, the Friends of the Ocean yearly conference would not have let you speak if you didn't know your shit."

"I know," he sighed, "but it doesn't always feel that way, you know?"

"Oh, believe me I know," she rolled her eyes and reached for another slice of pizza.

"I guess it's just hard to be surrounded by such high achieving brothers. I look at Penny and I think what is she doing with me? She would be much better suited to someone like Scott, or John, you know."

"I'm pretty sure that Cat and I would have something to say about that. Besides, look at me and John, it's not like anyone would put us two together. On paper we shouldn't work at all, we're far too different. Yet we do. You can't help who you fall in love with."

Gordon's eyes slid sideways to watch her, the tone in her voice telling him that she wasn't just talking about his brother at that moment. There was something there that spoke of past experiences that didn't hold good memories for her.

He frowned, a thought occurring to him, one that he just had to voice.

"Sel, why are you here? You don't have any clients booked, I know because you said that was why Scott had to drop me off, because you weren't heading back for at least a week."

Selene kept quiet, her eyes on her pizza slice. This wasn't like her, she usually needed to be prised off his brother and dragged away kicking and screaming. She liked to spend the majority of her time on the island with them even if John wasn't home.

"Did something happen?" Gordon's voice was quiet, comforting, not pushing her to speak but inviting her to confide in him if she wanted to.

"I just needed some space, some time alone," she finally admitted, still not looking at him as she fiddled with the crust of her pizza.

"Oh, do you need me to go? Sorry, I know I should have asked but I didn't know where else to go and I couldn't really face the questions back home." Trust him to burst in and make himself a nuisance when he wasn't welcome, it seemed to be the story of his life.

"No, you're fine," she assured him, patting his bare knee. "I get it. I don't need space from you, just your idiot brothers."

"Which ones, I have a lot," he grinned, relaxing a little now that they were back on more familiar territory.

"John and Scott."

His eyebrows rose at this. Scott he could understand, but she never needed time away from John, in fact she was always complaining that she didn't get enough.

"I walked out on my husband," she whispered, the slice of pizza hanging limply from her fingers. "He was upset and so was I but I left him, I walked out."

Gordon could not have been more shocked if she had suddenly grown a fishtail and whacked him in the crotch with it.

"Tell me what happened," he said, it wasn't a question, it was a silent demand, showing him to have the same authority that his father had, just in a more laid back package.

She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to drag it all up again now that she had finally calmed down from her breakdown at ten thousand feet. She didn't want to start thinking about it all again, but Gordon was there, all endearing face and big brown eyes that implored her to talk to him, to trust him. Maybe he wouldn't judge her too harshly, maybe he would understand. She risked a glance his way, seeing the firm set to his jaw, letting her know on no uncertain terms that he was not prepared to let this go.

"John punched my ex-fiance in the face and broke his nose," she answered, knowing she had no other choice.

OK, if he had thought her last statement was shocking this little revelation shot it into orbit.

"He…what? John? My brother John?"

"Yep, with the other dumbass tagging along for good measure apparently."

"OK, OK, give me a second to get my head around this, I need to process. My brother, the one that is usually so against violence of any kind, straight up punched your ex?"

Selene nodded.

"Come on, surely you aren't pissed off at him for that? He must have had a good reason for it!"

"Well, Nathaniel isn't a good guy at the best of times..."

"Nathaniel? I don't know about him."

Selene frowned, glancing his way again. Was he being honest with her right now, did he really not know? Surely if Penny knew then she would have told Gordon too?

“Penny didn’t tell you?” she asked, needing to clarify.

“One thing to remember about Penny is that she's very good at keeping secrets and knows how to keep things close to her chest. She only ever tells what she thinks you need to know,” he chuckled lightly but to Selene's ears it lacked his usual humour, sounding a little flat. “So, spill, I’m all ears. You know that a problem shared is, well maybe not a problem halved but at least you won’t be suffering on your own.”

Selene smiled softly, he really was the best boy. She'd admit that if she had to pick someone to open up to and talk to about her problems, Gordon probably wouldn’t be at the top of her list, but in times like these he reminded her of just how awesome he really was. It was easy to forget that he could be serious, it often got lost in the bad jokes and his general enthusiasm for life, but that didn't mean that he wasn't as dependable as the others.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time," he gestured down to his almost naked self and the half eaten pizza. "Not like I'm going anywhere."

Selene paused, did she really want to dredge it all up again? The answer was no, but, whatever Nathaniel did as retaliation, and there was no question that he would, was bound to spill over into all their lives. They would all find out sooner or later, hell, it seemed like half of them knew already, it would be better for it to come from her in her own words.

"We're gonna need more beer,” she sighed, tossing the half eaten pizza slice back in the box.

Read the rest here on Ao3 ➡

[sleeperswakewriting]

Have you ever read the rivetra fic "in all of the lives we are" on fanfiction net? Because I did and parts of it are canon in my head. What I really want to ask is :can you too please bless us with a canonverse reincarnation fic?

I haven't read it but I bookmarked it to read later! Thank you for the rec, anon! I have a canonverse reincarnation fic that I scrapped when I first got back into writing. I plan on writing one in the future with a lot more depth, but I'll share this draft since I don't plan on going back to this fic in particular. Warning, meh writing ahead 😅

“And then my soul saw you and it kind of went, "Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you.”

— Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

Childhood; where threads begin, or were they there all along?

The world is a cruel place, is the mantra Levi murmured to himself over and over again.

Kenny left him when he was 10 and after giving the police the run around, he found himself in a group home for children with disturbed conduct, also known as, the leftovers in the system. The leftovers that even foster care didn’t want to look twice at because everyone in this shitty place was just as fucked up as the last kid.

Mom, why did you have to die and leave me with Uncle Kenny? Did you know he was a gang leader? Or maybe you knew being part of a gang was better than this hellhole.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew his mother was a whore, and if the feds ever found out he was living in a brothel they would’ve taken him in an instant. So maybe it was luck that he had the amount of time with her that he did.

He still remembered how she desperately tried to shield him from her work, locking him in the closet when he was small, and when he got bigger, hiding underneath the bed and saying very sternly Levi, my love, you can’t make a sound or else mommy is going to get in trouble. Remember to cover your ears, just like we practiced.

And then when she died, it didn’t come suddenly. It was coughing in the middle of the night, him begging her to please let him find a doctor and he didn’t care about the consequences, he just wanted them to be together, but his mother shook her head and insisted she would be fine.

She wasn’t, of course, and Kenny both saved and damned him. He learned how to fend for himself, beat men twice his size, and take their wallet while they were recovering from his blows. He learned how to use a knife threaten people, and while his size threw people off, he used that to his advantage.

Even though he didn’t have his knives here, he knew how to fight hand to hand, and he was itching to land a blow to the next kid who tried to steal his dinner. It was his third month into the group home, and he was on his “last warning” as the head said, and next stop was juvie. He didn’t care, his life was at the end of the line and he was only 11.

“Hey, dip shit. Gimme your cookie.” Levi glanced at the boy who suddenly appeared, some new comer who clearly didn’t know his reputation. The boy was older and bigger than him, he guessed around 13 or 14, but he didn’t care. He ignored him and took a stab at the stale meatloaf.

“Did you fucking hear me? I said give me the goddamn cookie.” Levi sighed at the idiocy of this place, he knew what it was like to starve and despite the shit he gave this place, he couldn’t complain about the three (shitty) meals they got a day and the roof over his head. The company was much to be desired and that’s what usually got him into trouble.

“Tch. Go bother someone else, I’m not interested,” he said cooly, and the boy’s face grew red. Levi balled his left fist under the table, ready to throw a punch the minute he got too close to him.

“You little fucker—“ The boy began, but before Levi could take a swing at him, his shirt collar was pulled back by a smirking brown haired boy.

“Hey, hey, Matty, you don’t want to pick on him. Didn’t you hear that he landed Sam in the hospital last month?” Immediately the boy called Matty paled and backed off instantly.

“This little guy did that? Respect, Sam was a piece of shit anyway,” he muttered the last sentence and waved Levi away.

Levi shrugged and returned to his dinner, not paying the newcomer any mind but the boy took it upon himself to sit across from him, grinning. “You’re welcome,” he said, biting into his apple. “The name’s Furlan. You’re Levi, right?”

“Didn’t ask for your help,” Levi quipped, looking up at the eerily jolly boy, narrowing his eyes. “Since you know my reputation, you might not want to stick around.”

Furlan laughed, and Levi a twinge of irritation as he continued talking instead of walking away like everyone else did. “I don’t think you’re that scary, Levi. From what I heard, you don’t start fights, right? I think the guys think you’re an easy target since you’re…Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re really short. Even though everyone’s afraid of you, I think, if they’re like me, they’re really just impressed that someone around here isn’t afraid to fight the bullies.”

Levi didn’t say anything to that, he was just trying to survive into the next fucking day, and didn’t think of himself as some sort of savior. But, if Farlan believed in him, maybe he wasn’t so fucked up as he thought.

He sighed, giving the boy a once over as he knew the step he was about to take. To be vulnerable. To give a shit about someone else for the first time in forever.

“So, what brought you here?” He said, as if he said those words before, the words rolling naturally off of his tongue not from an 11 year old, but someone who’s carried the weight of a lifetime.

And just like that, the threads intertwined again.

ii. Adolescence; where threads cross over but never touch

“First day of senior year, Eld! I have a good feeling about this—we’re going to ace our SATs, get into the same college, and we’re going to see the world!” Petra exclaimed, swinging her backpack as they walked to school. Eld chuckled, and flicked Petra’s forehead.

“See the world, huh? With what money? I don’t remember you applying to jobs with me and Gunther over the summer, and now you’re broke.”

Petra huffed and took a playful swipe at Eld’s shoulder. “You know I was helping my dad with his business over the summer. Oruo can vouch for me, he stopped by a couple times to help us—for free, no less!” Petra smiled, thinking about the laborious, but fruitful summer that her family had thanks to everyone’s hard work. Her dad’s hardware business was small compared to the big box stores, but their customers appreciated the charm and personalized customer care that the Ral’s offered. “He’s really grown up, hasn’t he? In grade school he wouldn’t be caught doing something without recognition, and I don’t even know if he mentioned to you two that he was helping out Fridays and Saturdays.”

“Hmm, yeah I guess you could say that,” Eld mused, shaking his head internally at Petra’s obliviousness. She, along with him, were usually the perceptive ones in their little friend group, but he supposed being childhood friends blinded her to certain things, like Oluo’s long time crush on her. Sure, he flirted with her, but he flirted with everyone, and it wasn’t until their sophomore year of high school that he started wanting to seriously date only Petra, but she took his advances as one of a matured best friend and less as a guy in love with his best friend. Eld wondered how involved he should get, maybe doing Oluo a favor and dropping a few hints to Petra that Oluo was a great guy despite his arrogance, and he has come along way since their freshman year.

But, the blond knew that Petra’s feelings for Oluo would remain as best friends, and after her most recent breakup with some guy who seemed like a short stint for junior prom and as a member of the girl’s soccer team, she couldn’t very well go alone…well, it wasn’t a surprise they parted ways shortly after prom.

She confided in Eld that she wanted to start college fresh and with new opportunities, and she would be damned if she let a guy decide her future. It wasn’t like she was going to turn down a date from a cute guy, but she wanted to be very clear that it wouldn’t be more than a few casual dates. Besides, she said to Eld and Gunther, one hazy summer evening when they were eating ice cream at the county fair, who needs a significant other when they all had each other? They then raucously toasted with their popsicles in the air to their future, wherever it took them, and love be damned!

[my-sherlock221b]

Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Wendigo

Wendigo

The long line of the MoTW series in Supernatural starts off with the Woman in White which is fairly well- known legend/ myth in most countries.  Then we get this one next which claims origin from the Native American mythology.

Here is a review of the Wendigo episode with thoughts from me and @soulmates-for-real​

I have always wondered why they were not so inclusive or better at being inclusive as a show. Yes, they did have many women and people of colour in important and strong roles, both positive and negative (though they could have done so much better!). But they steered clear from some of the huge mythology lores like that from Native Americans, Hindu, Latin American cultures. This may have been a wise political strategy to avoid conflict and so they stuck to the Judeo- Christian core but still managed a rather radical take on it!

Spoiler alert:

*God was the final villain?! Who would have guessed? And that the angels were dicks, relentlessly, and demons were in fact ex-humans.*

So back to Wendigo.

What a monster the Wendigo is!! In later seasons when we got only angels and demons and some vampires etc the other monsters were monsters in and of themselves. Like they were born that way—needing to eat human pituitary glands or whatever.

But Woman in White and Wendigo, and even Dead in the Water, or the Shapeshifter --the monster was created by circumstances. Betrayal and infidelity leading to murder suicides, extreme starvation leading to cannibalism and eternal hunger.

Far more terrifying than someone who is born a ghoul perhaps.

So here we are in Wendigo, at the forest/camp site with these fake, charming, rather useless camp rangers who carry M&Ms (nice touch and throwback to E.T. !), don’t wear shorts ( which anyway seems like a weird thing to wear when there is grass and stuff—why would you want to expose your legs?!), can’t see bear traps ( Seriously Dean?! ).

Sam is still restless and bristling at Jess’s death, as well as angry at Dad. All those years of separation do not seem to have given him any peace in his relationship with his father. Now to add massive insult to his already injured sense of self—he has lost his girlfriend in exactly the same way as his father lost his wife—making them even more identical.

So he is cranky and unwilling to give in to any of Dean’s suggestions. He denies his own nightmares, refuses good advice and food and is generally misanthropic. While Dean on the other hand seems to be enjoying this like a happy jolly road trip. The monster is almost like a secondary priority now.

What is most important, (and this becomes even more obvious in a re-watch post finale)—what is THE most important thing is that Sammy is riding shotgun, is in front of his eyes and safe.

Miserable and bitchy but safe.

That allows Dean to dial back a bit and bring into focus what has always been, for him, the really important part of their lives—saving people. This is always more important to him that hunting things. So, when he finds out about someone’s brother being lost and the coordinates match what his dad has left, well there is no choice really.

They have to find a way to save him.

If they find Dad there, well, good, but that is suddenly not a priority for him at all. He turned up at Sam’s doorstep, and as we know from the finale, waited there for HOURS since he was unsure of his welcome, then broke in at 3 am or something like an idiot….but anyway…..all that was because Dad had been away on a hunting trip and hadn’t been home in a few days…blah blah blah.

The first contact Dean makes with Sam who left home to go to college is to recruit him to help find Dad—the same guy who told Sam that if he went away to stay away.

And then suddenly now that Sam is with him, finding Dad is like meh. If we find him somewhere by the wayside while you and I hunt monsters Sammy, then yeah sure, great.

If not…well….we have stuff to do you and I…saving people, hunting things. The family business. 

And John Winchester….well, what can I possibly say about him without taking up pages in ranting?! Why did he ditch the first monster? Why was he in SUCH a hurry to leave that he left his journal behind??

My theory of course is that he had to run away from the Woman in White since he had been unfaithful to Mary ( yes yes I know it had been YEARS at that point, but hello, this man made his life a crusade for revenge and sacrificed his kids’ lives also to that darkness, so…yes, being with Adam’s mother was an infidelity and you can’t change my mind on that !).

So naturally John was afraid he would be killed.

But still….he left coordinates for the next hunt in the journal and just ran off?!

The other question is what the hell is happening in motels across USA? Guys like these can just check- in on fake credit cards, leave a room full of satanic and serial killer-y documents, sometimes dead bodies, lots of salt at the door and windows, and just disappear without checking out….

Though the police do seem quite alert and swift in action in the Pilot compared to some of the laidback and clueless ones we see later.

What is most interesting is to see the character of season 1 Dean emerge.

He sass, he boss, he flirt, he lie, he charm, he fight, he save.

In fact, the very first time I saw Supernatural, it seemed that Dean occupied so much of the narrative space that I barely noticed Sam except as a foil to and a brother to Dean.

Now in the re-watch what is fascinating in retrospect is to watch Sam slide into ‘the life’ without a hiccup. He reads the journal, he figures out it’s a wendigo, he gets the civilians to cooperate, he also fights and saves.

And that look he gives Dean in the car?

Well, those who missed the signs in Pilot and didn’t ship Wincest from day one, surely started doing it then!

https://www.geekgirlauthority.com/supernatural-rewatch-s01e02-wendigo/

This is also the first episode that gives a clear parallel to the Sam and Dean relationship through the B plot. When Haley says she MUST go to find her brother –Dean nods in instant understanding while Sam is pissed off at having to ‘babysit.’

We see this in many more episodes in the future, and what is fascinating is to see Sam gain insights into his brother with every such parallel. To recognize what being the big brother has meant to Dean and how much he has done and given and even suffered for that. We will discuss this in more detail in the next episode review! ( Dead in the Water)

The chemistry and ease, almost a fluid sense of flow between the two actors is unmistakable in this episode. Even as Sam is really being a bitch and Dean is being a jerk, there is a definite undercurrent of something holding them together. It may be all about revenge for Jess’s death and finding Dad for Sam, but he will still stick with Dean and want to protect him as fiercely as Dean wants to protect Sam.

.

Sheila O’Malley has given a detailed explanation for the acting styles of Jared and Jensen and what she said about Jared is spot on and brilliant. He does what she calls active listening.

It is amazing how once you realize that you notice it all the time.

The reason why Dean can manage such perfect comedic timing or non- verbal communication is because Sam is always ALWAYS tuned into him. Listening, watching, reacting, observing.

Once again, for those of you interested in the meta and more erudite and informed reviews that this one 😊 do read what Sheila O’Malley has written.

Here are some excerpts which will entice you!

“David Nutter, who directed the pilot, also directed episode 2, and there’s a new DP here, the phenomenally talented Serge Ladouceur, who is still shooting the show. If the DP for the pilot, Aaron Schneider, helped establish the dark mood and horror-movie feel of the series, then Ladouceur just helped deepen and strengthen that continuum. The look of the show has changed, by Season 9. I would say that it has a more glamorous look now, more colorful, while certainly still very dramatic (even melodramatic). Supernatural is (and has been) one of the best looking shows on television.”

“The ranger comes in to talk to them, and they pose as environmental studies majors at the university in Boulder. Sam says they are “working on a paper”, clearly improvising, and you can watch the glorious schtick of Jensen Ackles as he adjusts to the new information of who he is supposed to be pretending to be. God is in the details, people, and it’s the detailed scene work of both Ackles and Padalecki that keeps this show going. David Nutter referred to Jensen Ackles once as a “meticulous actor” in terms of his preparation for every scene, no matter how small, and it pays off. He knows what the fuck he is doing. So does Padalecki. I couldn’t give two shits about the demons. It’s that DYNAMIC that is so entertaining and watch-able.”

 .

And here are some thoughts on the episode from @soulmates-for-real, my partner in crime for the rewatch 😊

Except the fact that Sam is quite secretive about his nightmares but his body language is quite open and his expressions easy to read. On the contrary, I saw Dean posturing a lot with other people, pouting, flirting, making eyes...trying to be all nonchalant. But when it comes to Sam we see a different Dean - the more antsy and angsty Sam gets, the more intensely Dean reacts to him and you can see Dean's concern shining through. Leading to Sam coming to some kind of resolution and giving Dean 'that look' at the end! 

[masterthespianduchovny]

I never wished for Gillian’s relationship to fail, but I was largely indifferent to it and it has nothing to do with Gillovny. Funny enough, I do actively dislike David’s relationship for obvious reasons.

I wasn’t super involved in the tumblr fandom during 2015-2016, but I do remember all of the fuckery that went down with David and gillian. Their behavior was what ignited dormant and new shippers. It added flames for those who never let that flame die.

So, you had all of G and D’s antics and shit, which many were going crazy over. Some notable people as well who have since distanced themselves from that era. Like most people were for this shit because whatever was going on between them was too hard to dismiss as being friendly or professional behavior. Or even harmless flirting.

Now, there are those who always insisted that G and D were acting and putting this show on for the fans. I guess to drive ratings, but this argument has always been nonsensical to me. For starters, people who are interested in Gillovny are going to watch regardless. Almost everyone else don’t give a shit and was going to watch the revival for Mulder and Scully. The things fans went crazy over wasn’t enough to even get anyone interested in the show who wasn’t already interested.

Like, the kimmel interview is mostly only interesting to someone who follows Gillovny or knows of their history. Other people would find their behavior interesting, but would they really make them watch the show??? And it’s barely even a headline.

So, what they were doing back then was enough to get philes excited, but not enough to drive ratings. Which cancels out the idea that they behaved the way they did to garner attention.

But, the naysayers kept insisting that this was all a PR ploy.

After (???) season 10 premiered, Gillian was spotted with Peter I suppose. And she kept being spotted with him. Don’t know the true timeline. But, when this happened, suddenly, these same naysayers were Gorgan. They were all in on Peter and Gillian and throwing shots at Gillovny fans and how we were “played.”

(It must be noted that just because Gillian ended up dating Peter doesn’t mean she didn’t have a thing with David. Lol)

Over time, they were gassing up this relationship and talking about Peter’s greatness and how he and Gillian balanced each other.

For me, my bullshit meter was going on.

Yes, some fans just wanted Gillian to be happy and shit, which I’m all for, but the loud gorgan supporters used this relationship to “get back” at the Gillovny crowd. I honestly don’t know how hostile it became between the two groups, but from what I did see, this support was superficial, which was proven years later.

Because, imo, how can you be for a relationship that just started and you barely know anything about it? How can you know all of this about two people you have no insight on? Gillian keeps her relationships largely private and we know even less about Peter’s relationships (read: marriage), yet there are posts about how these two are a good fit? Lol

What solidified my indifference was Gillian’s behavior. Pre like 2013, Gillian wasn’t really featured in the media all that much because she wasn’t doing any noteworthy projects. Then, she did the fall and was featured more. She was very vocal about being a feminist and shit. “Future is female”, talking about her same sex relationships, didn’t want to be in relationships unless she was in control. Isn’t this the woman who famously ended a relationship by going home and leaving her then boyfriend on the beach to find his way home? Lol.

Gillian’s image was very independent, assertive, I’m the boss, blah blah blah.

Then, she gets with Peter and it’s “he’s responsible for my success.” Peter this, Peter that, blah blah blah blah.

Gillian’s image is now submissive, insecure, handing the reigns over to her man.

That was something that made me look at her differently and not care for her relationship. It felt like whiplash from her previous image.

That image she cultivated with Peter was so contradictory in what she presented herself as while they were together. So, although I still supported her professionally, I just wasn’t here for the relationship.

Ironically enough, Gillian and Peter are the ones who come off as having the PR relationship compared to whatever David and Gillian were doing. Maybe not on the red carpet, but Gillian has (always) been silly and sexual with David. There are x files outtakes that proves this. She jokes/“jokes” with David about wanting to suck his “cock” and David has said shit to her like “did you just cum?” In many of their interviews, Gillian is the the giggly and silly.

Even when Gillian was with Mark and David was still with Tea, that dynamic was there, but a muted. 2015/16 was more pronounced, but it didn’t come out of nowhere. So, the idea that this was PR doesn’t track.

But, Gillian gets with peter and, suddenly, she has a personality change and is singing the praises of her boyfriend who she later works with.

Do I believe this was a PR relationship? Tbh, I don’t give a shit either way. But, PR relationships exist and have always existed in Hollywood. They function many ways: to bring attention to one or both parties, to deflect from (potential) rumors, to build hype for a project, etc.

Peter and Gillian were gassing each other up and shit, selling one another and their relationship. Many famous married couples don’t even talk about their spouses like them (and, yes, I believe these married couples love one another).

The thing about David and Gillian is that, even tho some thought something may have been going on around 2015, some people have always thought they were fucking at one point in time. Others think they just have massive chemistry. But, why would they need to fake a thing between them that they won’t admit to to manufacture interest in the show that people were excited to see come back? It sounds contrived, doesn’t it?

Compare that to: a well loved and acclaimed actress who hasn’t had meaty work in a while getting together with the creator and writer of a show that’s an Emmy darling. They’re always singing each other’s praise, which is noteworthy for a person who doesn’t talk about her relationship much. Who she then later works with on said show.

Which one sounds more like PR?

The actors who’ve had mad chemistry since they’ve auditioned together? Who’s chemistry never wavered even when they couldn’t stand each other and now are in a better place?

Or...

The actress and writer who talk about how wonderful their partner is and that this relationship is so mature, and then later work on his show together before breaking up a month later?

I honestly don’t think it’s absurd to have skepticism towards gorgan. Many of those adamant that gorgan was real and others are delusional are invested in gorgan because their anti Gillovny. And some did truly want to see her happy, but most weren’t invested in that way.

Whether someone thinks gorgan was real or not, I found it embarrassing on Gillian’s part. It’s probably more embarrassing if it was PR and sad if it was real.

And I know ppl will disagree with that because they found the relationship mature and supportive, but again, crediting Peter with the success of her career??? You can’t even argue, “she means now” because Gillian was getting a career resurgence and rave reviews for Stella Gibson and bedelia de murier (???). She had her role in American gods (I know it was one episode).

And in each of these roles, it was “omg! Gillian Anderson!!!”

She was so loved in Hannibal, they fucking expanded her role. And this was all pre Peter (American gods may have had some overlap).

Gillian isnt “struggling” for roles because people don’t want to hire her, she’s “struggling” because she’s trying to find roles that balances being a working actor with being a hands on mom.

And that’s why I was always “meh” about the relationship. I don’t think Peter’s a bad guy and he’s good at his job, but the way Gillian’s persona changed during this relationship was off putting and I didn’t care to get invested in them for that reason. But, as I mentioned on other occasions, the vocal support of the relationship and notable silence when they ended will always be fascinating to me. I honestly believe that gorgan support was fueled by the anti Gillovny crowd and backlash to David’s relationship (its a 🤮 for me too) and behavior towards Gillian regarding the x files’ potential continuance.

[marshmallowfin]

Drag Race season 13 first impressions and vibes:

I do this every year and I know no one cares but here are my unwanted opinions.

Kandy Muse: Her reputation proceeds her...in a bad way. I've seen how hateful she can be online and I just can't look past it; I can just tell she's gonna annoy me until she goes home. The look however was cute and the lipsync was fun, I can tell she's talented. I wanna try and view her without bias but it's gonna be tough.

Joey Jay: I was excited for her during the promo but couldn't get past the entrance look. Really? The panty was cut too low cut, the feathers were cheep and falling apart, the hair was supposed to look wet but it just looked a mess, like she didn't have time to dry her hair before coming. Just came across so unpolished and because I only got to to see her for like a collective 15 minutes I was just unimpressed. Lipsync was unimpressive, Kandy really let her have it, the only thing I remember was her punching her tiddie and the feathers falling off all over the stage.

Denali: The look was so right, head to toe, but that contour was so rough it was distracting. She seemed fun, I can see her succeeding. Again, only getting a couple of minutes with her just really left me wanting more, it felt lacking. For someone who was on literal ice skates she was pulling some impressive stunts I honestly thought she might have the lipsync but I'm not mad at the Lala win. I'm honestly just really neutral on her. I did like when she flashed us, it's really the only thing I remember from the lipsync. (Also the repeat song? Hello? Iconic Coco Montrese lipsync from season 5? I clocked it.)

LaLa Ri: The look: pedestrian, didn't fit her in any way and was just so basic it was almost sad. Wish it were a full pant and the jacket was tailored to her. Also not everyone is able to wear those flat little wigs, wish she had teased it up. Her vibes? Her smile? Stunning. She seems so warm and friendly and kind. I want her to succeed but the ONE TIME I got to see her she looked... unimpressive. I don't remember a single think she did in the lipsync not gonna lie...

Symone: fully obsessed during the promo, so beautiful in and out of drag and her sense of style is so interesting to me. Entrence look was a little on the simple side but effective. She's also from the same area is me so I know people who know her and are fully obsessed. One of my tops for sure. The lipsync was good but I really thought Tamish let her have it. Not mad she won but I would have made it a double win. (Maybe after a night of just okay lipsyncs I'm grasping at the only one that made me excited.) Also, nothing to do with her but she's Gigi Goode's sister and Gigi is for sure talented and I really liked her for the majority of her season but she's made some choices in the have been confusing at best; I worry Symone might share some of those opinions. Here's hoping that just my paranoia.

Tamisha Iman: she came across as cookie cutter pageant girl (not that there's anything wrong with that) in her promo so I wasn't really excited for her. Very pleasantly surprised. She walked in in that red power suit and long black hair TIDDIES OUT: I was shaken. She also seems to just radiate good energy, I'm really liking her. She and Symone had the most entertaining lipsync of the night, it felt close (I do think Miss Tamish turned the party a little hard but not enough to call it rigged.) I am a little heartbroken they made her tell her cancer story episode one, immediately after getting there, she killed a lipsync, then was sent on her way, she was amicably calm tho. I really like her.

Gottmik: Another I was SUPER excited for during promos and she's really giving it too me. The look was so interesting and flattering and the face was to die for topped off by that perfect black hair. Dead and in the ground. Lipsync...left much to be desired. The song was a bop and my jaw dropped when it started but neither of them gave me what Rumors deserved. I loved both the queens so much though I almost didn't care...almost. Also FIRST FTM QUEEN EVER ON THE SHOW I'M SO JWBDJDIBEBSKDE AND IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM. King shit never been more insane and proud to be cisn't.

Utica Queen: I CAN TELL THIS BITCH IS NEURODIVERGENT AND SO AM I!!! SAME HAT!!! I love a bitch who has a distinct aesthetic and lives on a completely different planet. Her promo look was my favorite, she's so striking and the crazy mad hatter look was EVERYTHING. Entrance look was equally crazy and somehow all worked (maybe not the strawberry but I still loved the strawberry). I thought she was so fun during the lipsync and I couldn't take my eyes off of her (again, that might be because I find her so striking) I honestly thought she would win but again the lipsync as a whole was a little underwhelming. Her sad face at the end of the episode broke my heart, this premier was a little cruel to the losers.

Rosé: not gonna lie, I was disappointed in Rosé. Her look was so crazy and cool for the promo and she came into the competition wearing a pink cropped biker jacket and panty? (The look was cute enough and I like the designer but it was so meh) The hair was lovely and I thought the missing tooth was funny, it was a shame she wiped it off before anyone could see it. I totally understand being bitter about hyping yourself up as a LIPSYNC QUEEN and a major nyc girl and so established especially compared to someone like Olivia who has only be doing drag for a year and a half..then you lose...and you assume you're going home first...I TOTALLY GET IT but the edit worked on me and I was like wow what a bitch. The only person who has claimed to be nyc royalty I actually vibed with was Peppermint, I think it's like an instant turn off for someone to say they're the best whatever of nyc. (Not that I dislike nyc girls, just the ones that claim to be hot shit.)

Olivia Lux: Sweet summer child. Precious baby angel. I found her so cute and charming and silly in her promo and she came in in that VELVET (?) HALF PINK HALF YELLOW GOWN WITH THE ROUGING and that BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that looked so good again her sink and the long as ponytail and the fucking waves like a designer Barbie fresh out the box, I'm living. Another one of my favorites, the energy is just so right and so there. Had my 2nd favorite lipsync of the night and I was so proud of her for besting Rosé, someone she clearly looks up too so much. I would LOVE for this bitch to win but I can tell she's gonna be a Miss Congeniality.

Tina Burner: I can tell this one is gonna annoy me. Again a nyc royalty claim which is an instant minus, the look was not it (I love the designer but the look was so wrong), the hair hat was fun in concept but that red hair just didn't look right on her, she was definitely giving me sexy hotdog ketchup and mustard fantasy, and I don't know why but her face is just kinda scary to me?? It like makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I didn't really like her in the promos either, she just comes across as really full of herself. I'm like instantly getting the worst vibes. I have seen people online saying she's really funny and turns the fucking party but I found the lipsync boring and hard to pay attention too. I've seen so many people saying she's IT so I want her to prove me wrong, make me eat my hat.

Kahmora Hall: So insanely beautiful, a WOMAN, how DARE SHE. She's our current reignings sister so she has huge shoes to fill and I'm ready for her to fill them. I actually kinda liked her lipsync, she was doing the damn thing in a gown which is impressive. Wish I had gotten a little more of her. I'm sorta neutral on this one too, nothing from her promo or literal 15 minutes if screen time really impressed me nor turned me off of her.

Elliott with 2 Ts: The second she said she was a "housewife with a secret" I was sold. Something about that instantly endeared her to me and have not been able to stop saying it since. I thought the red two piece was nice and the cropped jacket was fun but the hair was not right. I find her so pretty in like an alien way. I honestly thought her lipsync was the best and I found myself drawn to her but it's so hard to tell with more then 2 people. Promo look was very like cool mom and I vibe.

As a whole...a very underwhelming premier, especially after the last seasons. Seemed really rushed and unnecessarily cruel to the losing girls. Especially telling them they're all going home then saying they're not but they need to choose one queen from them to go home...I'm so worried they're all gonna take one look at Utica and be like 'get this weirdo out of here', if a single person picks her to "go home" I'll scream and cry and piss on the floor.