#worst case scenario I have my friend do it for me but
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chris doesnt know how to change a tire 🤍
nsfw: car nsfw, no sex, switch chris and reader, female reader, breast play, making out, sweat, cum, fingering.
awful idea.
all of this was an awful idea.
you and chris wanted to celebrate him getting his drivers license by going on a trip to the beach with matt’s car. however, you didn’t think about the chance he would demolish his brothers car on your way back. now? youre wet, hot, almost dehydrated and drenched in your own sweat and salt.
you watch as chris tries repeatedly to turn the engine again and go somewhere, anywhere, but the car is limping more than you after a good fucking on a sunday night. you look over as the brunette goes out of the car, an after a few seconds comes back in the car hitting the door behind him.
“what is it?!”
you tell him loudly, on the verge of choking him with your own hands.
“flat tire!!”
he yells back at you and puts his hands on the wheel, allowing his head to fall between his arms. your eyes trace his salty and glued-together locks, and momentarily you want to grab them and rip them out his head from anger.
“you dont know how to change a t-“
“no y/n i was half asleep when matt was showing me that!”
chris rises his head from its hiding spot between his arms and looks at you with a pissed off expression.
“oh my god chris! how did you even get that damn license anyways-!”
you throw your head back as grunts are exchanged between you two, and you feel the sweat beading on your temples and making a beeline towards the veins on the side of your neck. you fish your phone out your denim booty shorts pocket and send a message to matt to come here asap.
“jesus christ it will take him like half an hour to get here-“ chris whispers beneath his own heavy breath as if you chose the worst possible solution to this mess.
“i know-!”
you officially decided it, your best friend is an absolute idiot and there was no explanation for it, he had been this way even before the almost heat-stroke you two were going through.a few seconds of silence make you sigh loudly.
”you good?” chris asks looking off into the distance of the sunny hill as he turns on the ac.
“just dizzy..”
you say back at him in a low, tired voice. you despise being hot, its your personal nightmare fuel. you lift your hand and place your fingertips in front of the car ac to cool your limbs down.
chris does the same and after half a minute of his hand getting chilly, he places it on your inner thigh in an attempt to cool you down and wake you up by snapping you out of your slumber.
“holy fuck chris-“
you let out with a gasp that was almost leaked out of a porn category, more so to the feeling of a large hand gripping your inner thigh than the temperature of his skin itself.
“shut up, you need to cool down.”
he says and looks ahead at the rocky landscape, his hand still tightly holding your soft salty skin.
you sit back on the car seat and cross your arms as you let him do his thing and look to the other side trying to hide the red blush across your cheeks. at worst case scenario, if asked you could blame it on the heat.
his thumb starts rubbing circular motions on your skin, occasionally playing with the rim of your denim shorts. you slowly creep your eyes from out the window towards chris and your gaze immediately spots the elephant in the room. your best friend had an erection that was visible as day beneath his trunks.
“uh chris-“
”i know. sorry, its tricky having my hand on your thigh and not letting my mind go places-ignore it.” he said completely avoiding to turn his head and look at you.
“places like..?”
god, why would you audibly ask that? some times you really wish you could hold your thoughts INSIDE your head like they are supposed to be.
“you really wanna find out?”
he turns to face you, tired eyes look at you in curiosity as they creep towards your thighs and you feel your parts tingle and your heart skip a beat. your silence was followed by a tiny shrug and nod, you could feel your lower lip trembling in need.after a few seconds his lips fell agape, surprised you didn’t immediately slap the audacity out of him.
he turns his head again to look elsewhere and starts sliding his hand upwards, slowly sliding down the zipper of your shorts. you feel your breathing get heavier, warmer and even though the ac is helping, your own body temperature is now playing tricks on you.
his fingertips fiddle with the fabric of your bikini and eventually slide their way under towards your warm skin. a little gasp makes your body slightly jolt upwards as you see the slight tent on his trunks grow and hear his breathing get heavier and head lower.
you hesitate but eventually let your hand travel towards his own thigh, and slowly touch his bulge. that makes chris immediately look at you and grab your wrist with his free hand.
“y/n dont make me do something we might regret.”
“..we can blame it on the heatstroke.” you say without thinking at all.
a slight silence follows and before you know it chris frees both his hands to move you on his lap, letting your legs spread and find their way across the car. one on top of the steering wheel and the other stretched towards the passenger seat. his hard on your ass makes your face red and you instinctively move your thighs slightly, making chris groan and place his lips on yours.
you two start kissing like animals that are fighting over raw meat.
his tongue pushes yours, and you can feel his breath on your upper lip tremble. he lets out soft moan and groans as his fingers go under your bikini again, and without hesitation this time play with your clit
“f..fuck..” he mumbles under his breath and places his head to lean on your chest. his tongue then softly runs across the salty skin and he moans softly in pleasure before pulling down your bikini bra. your nipple peaks out just enough for chris to kiss and lick.
his teeth softly play with it as he looks up at you with the neediest eyes ever, like a puppy that is begging for your attention. his lips purse around your pink skin and he smiles while his tongue runs circles on your breast.
this is so overwhelming for you that you cover your mouth and lean back. his free hand holds your neck softly from the side and you can still feel him lick your breasts.
at this point you two were posed like a large instrument and the worlds most delicate musician in the world playing with it. only that the music was coming from your throats.his finger slides inside you and at the feeling of your warm and wet pussy he gasps.
“youre drenched..” he says in pleasure with a tone that reminds you of a whine. he proceeds to continue moving his finger inside you. in and out softly while his thumb is running circles on your clit.
”fuck..chris..”
”y/n i swear to god im gonna burst on my own fucking clothes-“ he says.
you believe him because you can feel his stomach raise and then drop from his breathing, and the hard feeling on your ass is now accompanied by him softly grinding his cock across your body.
you slightly look down to see the tip of his cock try to escape the rim of his waistband, and wet precum dripping from it and sticking to his skin.that view alone was enough to make you get even more wet on his fingers and feel yourself building up.
“chris im gonna-fuck im-“
he covers your mouth with his free hand, snaking it around your neck and shoulders and you feel yourself moving your body and fucking yourself on his fingers. you hold onto his hand and feel your nipple wet from his mouth again.
in between your orgasm, you feel him stop and lean his head on you as his fingertips start losing pace.after a few seconds you feel his hand slowly release of your mouth and you hear him breath heavily.
“..holy..fucking..”
you look down on your best friend only to see his stomach drenched in white, sticky cum. his dick is pulsating letting out the last drops of semen and you both are a salty, cummed on and sweaty mess.
then, the phone rings.chris, looking defeated reaches for the phone and picks it up on speaker, setting it on your thigh.
”yeah?” he says with a shaky breath.
“uh..did you guys..finish with your business so i can change your damn tire?” matt asks in a whispered tone.
you turn your head to see him only a few feet behind your car standing and looking elsewhere.
#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo x oc
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𝑼𝒏𝒘𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Ellie x Vi x Female Reader
Summary: Bringing your girlfriends, Ellie and Vi, home for the holidays was already nerve-wracking. But with your conservative parents and the pressure of keeping your relationship a secret, things get complicated. Between sneaky kisses, whispered confessions, and a family confrontation, this Christmas will test your love like never before.
---
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Ellie grumbled, leaning against the kitchen counter, her tattooed arm flexing as she crossed her arms. Her knife spun lazily in her hand, a nervous habit.
You looked up from where you were attempting to fold laundry, already flustered. “Ellie, we’ve talked about this. It’s just a few days, and then we’re back home. My parents have been asking me to visit forever.”
Vi smirked from the couch, her feet up on the coffee table. “Sounds like someone’s scared of a little holiday cheer.”
Ellie glared at her. “I’m not scared. I just don’t like the idea of sneaking around. It’s weird.”
“It’s not sneaking,” you said, sitting down beside Vi and tugging on her hoodie. “It’s�� being strategic.”
“Strategic,” Ellie repeated, unimpressed. “So, your parents don’t know about us at all?”
“They know I’m bringing two ‘close friends,’” you said, making air quotes. “I just haven’t told them we’re, you know…”
“Sleeping together?” Vi supplied, raising an eyebrow.
You sighed. “Dating. Together. In love.”
Ellie snorted. “Yeah, this is gonna go great.”
Vi reached over to take your hand, her thumb brushing your knuckles. “Relax, babe. We’ll get through it. Worst case, Ellie makes some smartass remark, and we get kicked out before dessert.”
Ellie grinned. “That’s best-case scenario.”
You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “This is my family we’re talking about. Can you at least try to behave?”
Vi leaned in, her voice dropping into a low, teasing tone. “I’ll behave if you promise to make it up to us later.”
Her breath was warm against your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. Ellie, noticing your reaction, smirked and joined Vi, standing behind you to press a gentle kiss to your neck.
“You owe us big time,” Ellie murmured, her lips grazing your skin.
“I promise,” you whispered, your heart racing as Vi pulled you closer, her hand sliding up your thigh.
---
The drive to your parents’ house was uneventful, aside from Ellie’s relentless teasing about the amount of luggage Vi brought.
“Do you really need three bags for four days?” Ellie asked, twisting in her seat to poke at Vi’s duffel.
“It’s called being prepared,” Vi shot back, her voice laced with mock superiority. “Not all of us can live out of a backpack, Ellie.”
You rolled your eyes. “Can you two try not to kill each other before we get there?”
When you finally arrived, your mom was waiting at the door, a bright smile on her face. “Y/N! You’re here!”
She enveloped you in a tight hug before turning to Ellie and Vi. “And these must be your friends!”
Vi offered her most charming smile and a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.”
Ellie, less polished but equally endearing, gave a small wave. “Hi. Thanks for having us.”
Your dad appeared in the doorway, eyeing Ellie’s tattoos and Vi’s undercut with thinly veiled suspicion. “Welcome. Hope you’re ready for some holiday fun.”
You exchanged a nervous glance with your girlfriends before stepping inside, bracing yourself for what was to come.
---
The first night was awkward. Your mom asked endless questions about Ellie and Vi’s “friendship,” while your dad seemed more interested in grilling them about their jobs.
“So, Ellie,” your dad began, his tone overly casual. “What do you do?”
Ellie shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, I’m a musician. I write songs and play guitar.”
Your mom’s smile faltered. “Oh, how… creative.”
“And what about you, Vi?” your dad asked, turning his attention to her.
“I work security,” Vi replied easily. “Helps pay the bills.”
Your dad nodded approvingly. “Good, honest work.”
Ellie rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, “And music isn’t?”
Later, as you, Ellie, and Vi settled into the basement where you’d been assigned to sleep, the tension finally broke.
“Your dad hates me,” Ellie said, flopping onto the pull-out couch.
“He doesn’t hate you,” you said, sitting beside her.
“He definitely doesn’t love her,” Vi quipped, earning a glare from Ellie.
You sighed, pulling them both close. “Can we just get through this without fighting? Please?”
Ellie’s hand found your waist, her fingers tracing lazy circles. “Fine. But only because you asked so nicely.”
Vi leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ll behave. Promise.”
---
By the third day, the strain of keeping your relationship a secret was starting to show. Ellie was snappier than usual, Vi was restless, and you were constantly on edge.
The breaking point came during a family trivia game on Christmas Eve. Abby, your younger sister and the only one who knew the truth, decided to stir the pot.
“So, Ellie,” she said with a mischievous grin. “How long have you and Vi been dating Y/N?”
Your mom froze mid-sip of her cocoa. Your dad’s eyes narrowed. “What?”
Ellie shot you a panicked look, and Vi sighed, clearly over the charade. “Six months. Give or take.”
“Excuse me?” your mom said, her voice rising an octave.
You stood quickly, holding up your hands. “Okay, yes. I’m dating Ellie and Vi. Both of them. At the same time.”
The silence was deafening. Finally, Abby smirked and said, “Well, this just got interesting.”
---
The fallout wasn’t as bad as you’d feared. After some initial shock and a few tense conversations, your parents began to accept the situation.
“how is that- you know what, I just want you to be happy,” your mom said tearfully, hugging you on Christmas morning.
Ellie and Vi, who’d been lurking in the background, joined you on the couch.
“Next year,” Vi said with a smirk, “we’re spending the holidays at our place.”
Ellie nodded. “With no secrets.”
You smiled, leaning into them both. “Deal.”
As the snow fell softly outside, you knew this would be a Christmas you’d never forget.
---
𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑷𝒀 𝑯𝑶𝑳𝑰𝑫𝑨𝒀𝑺 ❤
#ellie x reader#ellie williams#ellie x fem reader#ellie the last of us#elliexyou#ellie tlou#ellie williams fanfic#gxg imagine#ellie williams x reader#vi arcane#vi x reader#vi imagines#vi fanfic#vi x ellie x reader#vi x ellie#elliewilliams#ellie x vi#fluff
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update on my y0 platinuming endeavors: two trophies left until platinum. frothing at the mouth
#its just the one where I have to do three co-op attacks with oda or tachibana and then finishing on legend mode#that’s it#I am…….close#I’m not rushing too much tho becuase I like 0 and becuaee legend mode is (shockingly) not super easy so I wanna be able to get#most of my abilities and some good weapons and whatnot#which. of course takes money. so I have to do Business Stuff in order to make money to get abilities and weapons and then do other things#to get completion points for other abilities and blah blah blah#anyway I’m not worried about anything except that fucking awful car shootout that’s immediately followed by protecting makoto in the that#warehouse. cause you can’t save in between those two sequences and they’re both Hard As Hell in legend mode from what I’ve seen#makoto dies in like. two hits I believe. so. not great#worst case scenario I have my friend do it for me but#id feel unaccomplished if I did that………#we’ll see I guess#rambling#y0
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Year abroad declaration of intent due in 12 days and I'm kind of freaking out about it 😭
#this isn't my official application but it's telling my uni what i intend to do and somewhat committing to a path#the reason i'm stressing is that teaching assistant is my first choice of option but if i get rejected from that (not unlikely if they can't#find a school able/willing to accommodate my stammar) then i won't have an easy time getting into study abroad as a backup#but if i list study abroad as first option then i can't apply for teaching assistant#so if i get rejected from teaching assistant then it's very likely i'll end up in a uni i wouldn't have chosen in the first place#it's only a year of my life. worst case scenario i'll stick it out and be done with it#besides the real point is to improve my french so as long as that happened then it's grand#but idk there's so much hype about the year abroad and former students saying it was the best thing ever that i'm very scared i'm gonna be#disappointed when i struggle#one again having thoughts of Maybe I'm Too Disabled For This. which is obvs stupid because many people in france have stutters too#idk man i'm so so grateful my french tutors are all going above and beyond to support me in class and for my year abroad application#but it feels very isolating being the only one in my cohort going through this and even though my friends are understanding it's.....yeah#i'm tired of putting on a brave face about it. i'm so scared and i feel so incompetent. i don't wanna be an inspiration#well for other people w speech problems wanting to do languages yeah. but not for able bodied people (aka my family 'you're overcoming so#many challenges')#i know they mean well but i'm tired. i'm so tired. i wish i was able bodied i wish [redacted] didn't happen so i wouldn't talk like this.#ellis exclaims
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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Again, always very confusing to me when people suffering from The Obsessive Compulsives are Antis™, like these people will not protect you. They believe thought crimes are real. They inherently hate you and WILL throw you to the wolves if they ever come to know about anything related to your intrusive thoughts or the """""weird""""" things they ask you to do in therapy to manage/cope with them.
#you know how in erp a big part of it is writing down/thinking about the actual worst case scenario? you know the scenario that#often leads to people being harmed in a permanent way? you know creating a fictional scenario where bad things happen to good#people and you are the cause of them? THE VERY KIND OF FICTION THESE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST EXISTING IN ANY FORM BECAUSE IT#'NORMALIZES' WHATEVER TF THEY'RE ON A CRUSADE ABOUT ON ANY GIVEN DAY#THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. THIS WAY OF THINKING IS /ACTIVELY ANTITHETICAL/ TO RECOVERY FROM THIS DISORDER#this is related to the 'does anyone else get Themes™ about writing' question I posed a while back and some of these people..........#if you knew the specifics of what I was writing about you would COMMIT ARSON#IT'S NOT REAL! NONE OF THIS IS REAL!! YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF BY MORALIZING FICTION IN THIS WAY#I USED TO HAVE CRISES OVER SYMPATHIZING WITH AND ENJOYING VARIOUS HORRIBLE FICTIONAL WOMEN TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DIRECTLY!!!!!!!#and ngl a lot of these arguments about why xyz is Irredeemable™ sound a LOT like my disorder.#(especially in the way they try to like...twist things into fitting into a definition of [insert type of problematic dynamic here] a la#'character raising their voice at someone one time during a high-stakes situation is abuse' or 'people who were friends as children#are Related Actually')#like. you get why. you get why this VERY disorder would think in similar ways to that right. because it tries to convince you that#everything you do is violating various human rights correct? you get why this would be unhelpful right?#IF YOU SOUND LIKE MY FUCKING DISORDER!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!#In the Vents#okay I'm done. this just. It BUGS me.
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Re-tag drop: Yelan
#tag drop#[ yelan. ] i can't change the facts. but if it's a choice between the cold; hard truth and blissful unawareness: i'll take the former.#[ yelan: ic. ] that's a worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.#[ yelan: inquiries. ] oh? you'd like to know more about me? what will you give in exchange then?#[ yelan: countenance. ] an old friend of mine once privately commented to me that ] yelan “is always smiling; but never with her eyes.”#[ yelan: introspection. ] like a phantom she appears in various guises at the center of events; and disappears before the storm stops.#[ yelan: wishes. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years.#[ yelan: etc. ] every round of finger-guessing is a tiny adventure; and every roll of dice sends sporadic thrills down her spine.#[ yelan: liyue. ] liyue will never plunge into disaster without clue of the danger like it once did. she will see that it is not unprepared#[ yelan: home. ] i'm guessing you've fallen for the rumors about me being very wealthy; having high demands for my standards of living?#[ yelan: yanshang. ] the teahouse has really brightened up after the boss took over and kicked the fatui and gamblers out.#[ yelan: lantern rite. ] every year on this day; the lanterns light up the night. may the fire never die and may humanity endure.#[ yelan: chasm. ] perhaps she will plunge into that darkness one day; and the ill fate that once befell her ancestors shall find her too.#[ yelan: scope. ] i serve ningguang. the tianquan of the qixing. the scope of my work includes some of liyue's biggest secrets.#[ yelan: weaponry. ] water. divided it is as streams uncounted: close yet untangled. united it is as a giant wave: inexorable; unstoppable.#[ yelan: wriothesley. ] don't fight over fleeting gains or losses. focus on where your heart is leading you and move forward. [ delusionaid#[ yelan: uncle tian. ] there's nothing wrong with wanting to win other people's respect. but when has uncle tian looked down on anyone?#[ yelan: ningguang. ] we both made a mistake: we shouldn't have involved ordinary folk in what we do. / ordinary folk?#[ yelan: xiao. ] you think you're oh-so cold and ruthless. i'm not buying it. - losing one of us so the rest can escape? some victory that#[ yelan: keqing. ] if something happens that they didn't anticipate; it throws their plans into oblivion. but the yuheng is different.#[ yelan: ganyu. ] i could never work non-stop like she does. certainly not at that level of efficiency. i guess being half-adeptus has its#[ yelan: yanfei. ] when i help her out; i always get some invaluable leads in return. gotta say though: i think she respects me a little mu#[ yelan: traveler. ] you don't have to be on guard around me. i never scheme against people who have my stamp of approval.#[ yelan: v. youth. ] you're still young. be patient. believe in yourself; and don't look outside yourself to prove your value.#[ yelan: v. pre-qixing. ] i don't do these things to help the powerful or mighty get rid of dissident forces. but because water too has a s#[ yelan: v. qixing. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ yelan: meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you?
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A hard pill for me to swallow lately has been that, despite everything, I'm probably the best version of myself that could've existed. And that's not really a comforting thought.
#it's a special kind of doomed imo.#every other path most likely led to something worse#maybe it's pessimistic to think of it that way. maybe I should be more grateful that it isn't worse#but it's hard to find that within me atm#the best of bad outcomes doesn't mean good. it doesn't mean I'm happy.#it just means every other option would have been more miserable. and it's disheartening to think like that ofc#and I know the logic is flawed. but I know myself and even with the advantages I have I'm unable to make anything of myself#had I chosen differently it would only be worse. I'd still be impoverished. I'd still be depressed.#I might just also be stuck in a cult and married w kids in the middle of fucking nowhere wisconsin on top of it all#<- that's the worst case scenario. probably. really hard to say#biggest bullet I've dodged yet tho. completely unintentionally too.#another hard pill to swallow: sometimes the things we want the most WILL ruin your life and it's a blessing when it falls through#unfortunately you don't get to know this until years later#as you watch your ex best friend marry a man almost 2x her age and birth kids she never wanted into this world#and then you're like OHHHH that would've been my fate... I get it now 😐#still. there's no relief in the realization because while you would've been miserable w a shitty husband and 3 or 4 kids#you are in fact still miserable without them. but oh well.#I would say 'anyways. I just need to go to the beach.' but honestly. I haven't felt the desire to do anything at all lately.#we're past the point of letting the sand and waves heal me. we're almost past the point of needlessly venting online!#there's so much I usually would vent about here but I have hardly had the urge to do so.#I'm just tired. life has drained me dry. my heart aches constantly and I barely know why
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im so fucking tired of going to the doctors. i cant keep up. every week its a new test or a new lab or a new specialist. i'm just exhausted. i have to go in for blood work AGAIN- this is the fourth time since april. its expensive, and time consuming, and honestly? im tired. im just tired. all the fucking time im tired of the lack of answers, and the phone calls in the middle of the day, and crying at work in front of my students, and opening my email to new lab results every other day. IM TIRED OF IT!!! im not even afraid of hospitals or needles i never have been, even as a kid, but i couldnt stop crying last time i got bloodwork. ive never been upset by bloodwork before what the fuck. last week i had an ultrasound of my liver and i got a call in the middle of the work day today that i need to get a BONE SCAN?? are you kidding me?? im scared. and im tired. and im angry. and i dont want to do any of this. i just want to cry and isolate myself and go to bed and not see anyone ever but i cant fucking do that because i have to go get injected with radioactive contrast material and wait four hours so they can see what is wrong with my bone enzymes.
#i think the worst of it is i can FEEL myself being a bad teacher#and i can FEEL myself being less patient with my students#and yelling more#and crying at work every day#its not fair to them and i should go back on medical leave but i need to get paid.#i dont qualify for FMLA as a teacher#i can also feel myself being a worse friend#and just being emotionally so heavy to be arround#or#isolating entirely#and not texting back or talking to people i love#because what do you even say to someone you love a lot who wants to comfort you#but who you dont want comfort from at the moment#like#im scared#and there arent any answers#and maybe something is wrong and maybe something isnt wrong and maybe its all in my head and maybe its bone cancer#its not cancer lol#like there is no evidence of that im just being dramatic and frealing out about the worst case scenario#its probably my thyroid or my vit d or malnutrition or a fracture we didnt know about or something else#but it doesnt make me feel any better to be rational#and im hurting my friends and my students and myself by being as anxious as i am all the time#but like what choice do i have i feel hysterical#but also they wouldnt be ordering blood tests and ultrasounds and bone scans and x rays and heart monitors and tilt table tests and neuro#if they thought it was all in my head... right? like my lab work SHOWS that there is a problem..but i still feel like im crazy
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waking up at 4am because team meeting is in bumfuck NOWHERE
#i love my friends and cherish getting to see them (getting motion sick by the most convoluted train route you've ever seen in your life)#context: in the social circle im one of the bitches that lives 2 hours away on default settings#but today it's even “bumfuck nowhere” for them!! which means im going into oblivion. fun!#mind you this is europe#in europe you'll HAVE trains that go in the middle of nowhere but sometimes the train station are like. two bricks and an old sign.#great for pictures! not great for feelings of safety!#*shrug* it'll be fine! if it isn't then *shrug 2* worst case scenario i die! (me dying is not a likely scenario and ill be okay)#don't mind me im just giving myself a peptalk in the tags#remember what you're doing this for maiora!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKES IN PERSON!!!!!! /hj#okay but genuine real talk ill be fine there's nothing that can go wrong that i can't handle#shut up maiora
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Bahhh
#been feeling crummy#doesn't help my eliptical machine finally gave up#but I've been obsessing again#i hate it when I do this because I don't feel like I have any control over it#no matter how hard I distract myself I just keep thinking about the pains and stuff#this morning I couldn't stop thinking about how abandoned I feel/felt#yesterday and today i just feel ugly. unsightly.#and i wanna make friends but also i know I'm super intense with my feelings and reactions.#and i know. we just live inna day and age where people just. don't have the patience for it#it feels like if i ever complain to anyone they'll just abandon me and complain about how like#self absorbed and emotional I am#and I know this is all irrational but when it actually happens to you when the worst case scenario actually happens#you get so jumpy and frightened#my problems seem so intense and so much cause everytime I bring it up I judt get hit with#“oh.” or “wow.” or “im sorry.”#and its like you're clearly uncomfortable! and now I feel bad! and its like I can never tell anyone whats wrong.#and the few people who do listen I can never get them to talk to me in normal circumstances#so i feel like you're a therapist more than a friend and thats worse bc its like im using you#vent#i just feel like crying but I know it wont fix anything and i'll just get another nose bleed
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^ nervous but excited
#the senior picnic is tomorrow and i’m genuinely looking forward to it#i’m also kinda scared shitless bc i am going to. ask someone out lmao#SCARED !!!!! i have literally never directly asked someone out with my words before#bc like. okay. when i was a kid and had my first crush#i told EVERYONE in the class except that kid. so eventually someone accidentally told him#since then i have sworn myself to secrecy with crushes. i tell my most trusted friends and NOBODY else#….iiiincluding the person i’m crushing on#i once wrote a note to a kid in middle school but 90% sure i was bearding so i don’t really count it#anyways point is i have liked this person like literally all year. and i do not know what i’m doing#i’ve done tarot readings. i’ve had dreams (they kissed me in my nap dream earlier it was O-O). like i am being given the green light#and i know if i DON’T say anything i’ll regret it#and worst case scenario it’ll be a lil awkward and then we’ll go back to being friends (they’re not an asshole and neither am i)#but i’m still so so so fucking nervous bc i’ve never done this before!!!! and it’s new and i’m not in control and idk what will happen like#at all#bc ok. i don’t think i’m definitely going to get rejected. but i also don’t think it’s definitely gonna be mutual yaknow???#bc i’ve been looking for signals. and i think there have been some????#i’m normally very good at knowing when ppl are flirting with me#but when i like the person i become COMPLETELY oblivious no matter how hard i try#i am fully unsure of how they feel about me#like offering to do heart hands with someone for a picture and regularly complimenting their hair and foot positioning and laughing at jokes#when nobody else does and and and#they do a bunch of shit like that! and it’s just like. they’re such an overall nice person that idk if they’re flirting w me#or if that’s just who they are. i do not know#ANYWAYS. i gotta go to bed so i’m well-rested and don’t chicken out#bc i will kick myself forever if i do#uhhhh#goodnight tumblr#wish me luck !! please i need it very badly
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still can't decide if im tryna hang with him today
ugh its not MY fault he wasnt clear about what day he was tryna chill. but i feel bad bc like he was clearly looking forward to seeing me as much as i was looking forward to seeing him but now we both just feel like idiots
but its like bruh i have plans. and im not trying to be disappointed AGAIN today. like mf i wanna see u so bad but also if u ruin my 4/20 i will mcfreakin lose it
#thots et al#'i dont need ur love i just need a friend'#and whatnot#i finished my half of the project thats due tomorrow during class which was the real main thing i needed to get done#and my ADHD is just not letting me be functional about statistics today#so fuck it we ball#its 420 biiiitch#ugh i messaged his ass again#worst case scenario we dont chill and i still have fun smokin up w my girl#but if we do link up even if just for a blunt#that would be something
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(same anon from before) tighnari & kaveh (friend?)ship dynamics!
hmmm i definitely don't hate it (wow, i know, unbelievable) but i think partially that's because i have never seen it? 👁👁
i simply can't imagine it at all rn, gotta see some sort of content to even figure out how their dynamic would work
but again ... out of all potential evils of this world (insert every ship i hate)? this ??? is completely fine.
and i am def very into the idea of them being friends because that sparks joy in my soul heh
#k-aveh should simply be friends with t-ighnari and c-yno and all 3 of them ignore that one other dude <3#jksadlhjsdhkasdhkdas#ask adry#anonymous#let me know if u would ever want like a special tag or smth btw#ALSO i do have a soft spot for rare ships and i think this is prolly a very 'rare' one given... how popular some other ones (🤢) are#the more i think about it... i get no bad vibes...#worst case scenario - i dont care but in a good way aka it's not my ship but i respect it#best case - i'd consider it a ship i enjoy#but to repeat myself for 23848903284 time i literally never seen it 🤧
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ok the slight panic is setting in now. I will write my latin end of secondary school exam tomorrow for real for real
#earlier today a friend told me that I studied for this exam for 9 years and thus my inability to study the last month isnt the end of the wo#rld. it was only 7 yrs but I will take her words and hold them so close to my chest#worst case scenario: Diogenes wants you to have nothing and be happy. Aristoteles wants you to be human meaning use your fucking brain.#Camus is absurdism/nihilism. Nothing makes fucking sense you are free make your own fucking happinness. Science says it‘s all hormones#Epikur wants you to follow your desires but not too much#Guy with extremely long russian name which I don‘t remember also wants you to do something#but i dont remember#Seneca wants you to use your brain and also be self sufficient fucking suffer and deal and improve your life. Lust is your enemy. Friends w#ill use you.#work out. read philosophy.
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worst case scenario, i have a bunch of mediocre garlic. best case scenario, i'll never have to buy garlic again. Either way, I planted garlic today, with my brother's help, and now i feel a lot less bad.
#espy talks#espy gardens#actual worst case scenario is either it never grows or it rots#but the realistic worst case is it's just gonna be meh#i'm a beginner gardener and i'm completely self taught so *shrugs* i'm just doin my best#but yeah! i fortunately had help with my chores today so i got very important stuff done#and now that the weight of that burden's gone for now i can focus on fun stuff#ive gots a project ive been workign on that i wanna finish for the holidays#i'm fairly certain i can finish it in time#if not i'll just post what i have done#also my friend gifted me a really strong pokeman for item grinding so i wanna do that for a bit#he?? gave me a shiny irion hands ??? like he ev trained it and everything????#like i know it's not super hard to do any of that nowadays. just takes time. but still??#like. i hope i never take my friends for granted. they're amazing people#anyways i'm gonna go finish the laundry and take a break
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