#why do i suck at decisions so bad
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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Day 347 | id in alt
Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#okay rant time yall#i know some folkos might be mad that i make it seem like shoko is a wet fucking rag which she kinda is kinda isn't#shes clearly capable in her area although in a very she's using what she knows in a different way than shes used to#Shoko unfortunately was EXTREMELY dependent on Gojo's decisions and i hate gege for showing that#most of her actions included gojo in some degree which unfortunately made the decisions in which she needed to say things#she made those decisions based around what gojo would do#letting getos body go uncremated letting gojo killed geto himself ect ect#she didn't involve herself because gojo was gonna do it anyway and i think that mentally effected her bad#so turned herself into her work. somebody that deals with corpses becoming a single minded corpse herself. funny aint it#she has jokes but she isn't very used to having somebody focused on her for a decision she made#because Okkotsu didn't even fucking say a thing about her when his ass came back so i think it would be funny if Kugisaki kinda loathed her#like yes Shoko. your decisions effect others that arnt Gojo did you get jumpscared and then shoved back into reality? i hope you did#she dosent speak. words arnt really her thing where actions mostly are.#so shes trying to do things that help and thats funny because shes kinda ass at it#like helping burying somebody and like preparing for the worst after you fucked somebody over#shoko i see you#also girl why is the only version of self care you have ever done FLINGING YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE AWAY#why is that your only version of self care and not getting over your damn alcoholism. weirdoooo#Kugisaki using herself as a frame of reference for bad shit. girl i see you LOL#hope that Shoko shit makes sense because she definitely does shit. she knows what she's doin#but before gojo died. well gojo was sort of like a fucked up version of a higher up for her idk#Shoko isn't a pushover. Kugisaki is just mad as hell.#shoko is an asshole that sucks at walking forward but she hurts while healing too so...girl what the fuck#she cant do much or anything with the kids except heal them in a way that dosent quite matter anymore
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or alternatively dweeb meets other dweeb more news at 11
LIGHT. LIGHT IN HIS EYES. LOOK AT EM BIG OLE EYES. LOOK AT HIM TOUCH HIS JERSEY.
GLORY BE TO THE MIKKSY SIGNED JERSEY RAAAAAAAAA
CanesWear Signing | 7.1.24
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#the mortifying ordeal of being known#you can tell how bad i was shaking from how much the jersey moves in my hands oh it was so serious for me its not even funny#“youre my favourite player thats why” “thank you” girl i would eat concrete for you without any hesitation#“new jersey?” me sweating profusely because i have to admit i had this jersey for a while now in front of his face oh god oh FUCK#“where do you want it? here or here?” “anywhere choose where anywhere” “ill do this way”#behold decision paralysis plus the constitution of a doormat with an awful aim to please vs the assuredness of a bull romping through field#“i mean its your jersey at the end of the day”#he says without thinking because he lacks a brain to mouth filter and immediately wants to slam his head into the nearest hardest object#but its okay it got a little smile out of mikksy so maybe my motor mouth can be used for good#my voice is so hoarse because i stood under for 7 hours and also loudly cheered like never before all throughout those 7 hours yesterday#also a lot of people had tickets for both mikksy and lundy or just lundy so thats why the line was moving slowly#so at one point they went OKAY WHO HAS TICKETS FOR JUST NIKO and i raised my hand like oo oo mee ☝️ and got rushed to the front#also a lot of the stuff he was signing was nonspecific posters and hats or other players jerseys (that already had other signatures on em)#which is why the attendant was like oh sweet jersey! and mikksy was like new jersey? because there werent many people at all#comparatively his signing was priced the lowest at 39 out of all cats players. the highest currently is benny at 60#does it suck his line was shorter. there was surprise when someone toddles in with a mikksy jersey. and that his signing was priced low?#yes ofc but also i didnt have to stand in the heat for long got ushered in faster and my wallet didnt cry so lets not kid ourselves here#there are silver lining to everything but anyways first hockey jersey and first signature on it acquire call that a man on a mission 😎👉👉#long tags i love mikksy i lot you understand right <3#also im never wearing this jersey again so i might as well buy a frame and ANOTHER mikksy jersey#to bad it also has my 30th ani cats patch on it too </3
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#think I need to delete TikTok#been on the bad side and been getting pro life debaters on my fyp#finally decided to go up and say something cause I was getting so annoyed and upset#OH BOY that was a bad decision#never ever doing that again#and this is why I can’t go out and be around normal people#I can’t even talk to a stranger online#I’m literally shaking and bawling right now#it’s 5:43am and I meant to go to bed like 3 hours ago#wanted to post on TikTok and see if I could get any $$ cause I’m desperate#but nah that ain’t gonna happen cause people suck and I hate everyone and anything I make would be shit#and I can’t do anything right#basically I was trying to explain that mental health comes into play too… that abortion isn’t just black and white#I should have known before I even tried that first of all he’s a male and he wasn’t listening to anyone talk#I just have so many things I want to say but no one to say them#and it was a smaller live so I was like why not and fuck that fuck that fuck that nope#too mentally ill for that 🙃#gonna try and go to bed and calm down my heart#sorry I haven’t been posting or on much…. been struggling more than words could ever express#php helped and I felt a glimmer of hope for a day and a half and ever since it’s just been a downward nonstop spiral#love you all and hope you guys are doing okay 🫶#just needed to vent lol and since I have no friends y’all get to hear it 👌#shut up rosie
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there is a certain type of niigo fan that NEEDS to have everything be about n25. and they almost exclusively express that when people are talking about l/n or mmj
#rbs off for this one it just pisses me off so bad that i need to talk abt it#three separate times now i've been talking about JUST leo/need. and someone has come in like “omg but nightcord”#GIRL IDGAF!!! THIS AIN'T ABOUT THEM!!!!!!!#like. i was talking about my favorite leo/need cards in a discord server with some friends and some guy butted in and started talking-#-abt the bug set like. are mafuyu and mizuki in l/n? no? then WHY DID YOU BRING IT UP??!???#and then just now i was talking about how if they do wedding next year it has to be l/n#and someone goes “haha yeah shiho5 wedding where they're just bridesmaids for the mizuena wedding event of the century”#and it's like. every time i literally just roll my eyes so far back into my head. LIKE CAN YOU NOT.#that second one extra pisses me off because i know it was BARELY a joke. n25 wedding is off the table bc wl is right after#so instead of just letting l/n fans hope for wedding they HAD to be like “lol what if it was nightcord” STOP!!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST#ok im done being toxic. i am just so tired of people constantly shutting down any conversations about l/n#and it sucks worse from niigo fans bc like. that's not even a group with guys in it.#like most of the vbs and wxs “fans” that do that are just straight misogynists that can't hold a conversation about any girls#but like with niigo im just???? what is driving this decision. what is happening here.
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Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)
#god amanda waller what did they do to you....#i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD#fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific#unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics#WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME#like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we#turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit.#we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the#main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever#so sick of this#and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the#obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters#like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING.#this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her#this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly#dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters.#why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime#blah#amanda waller#istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here#suicide squad#you know what. at least we had the movie#you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future#viola davis save me...#need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think#thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision#but then again maybe im stupid
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
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REGARDING MY COMMISSIONS
Just wanna post regarding my commissions since I've been asked about it a few times. I replied I'll announce it when it's reopened and people might've felt hanging as that announcement post still wasn’t made for a while now; because I haven't reopened yet. ^^;
There’s a commission queue that gotten clogged up due to having to shift most of my attention on something that suddenly came up IRL. (Maybe I’ll mention what it was specifically in the future.) It was kinda financial thing too, and I underestimated the work to be done; so I thought it’s the better decision not to do refunds with intention to still finish the orders regardless.
Well turned out it was not the better decision. Everything’s only just’ve gotten significantly better last month so I'm getting a much better hold of the commission queue too. Though I have to refund two pieces because my laptop can’t handle the file size anymore. I cannot stress how thankful I am to the patience of these clients! Pretty sure I'd getting an ass-whooping if I was less lucky. 😬
Maybe I’ll do mini commissions when I’m like 75% clear on the commission queue, things that will only take 3-5 days to complete, to help pay online debt faster. 🤔
So, yeah, I’ll announce when any commissions are up again! Thanks for reading!! If you’re one of the clients on the mentioned queue who hadn’t had their order completed and would like to ask for a refund as well, DM me and we’ll see what we can do!
#Some of the commissions will have a price increase though. They really need to.#And like I really would love to have the time to open requests too. Those were fun.#Nasty experience man I am only ever take one commissions at a time after this queue#my shiz#my text#commission deets#I'll thinking of removing some of commission types I offered before#Like the minicomic and the sketch-type commissions#Replace it with chibis and simple YCH#no wait... sketch type commissions do usually take only 3-5 days if the details isn't..well...too detailed#So sketch-type commissions might still stay up#I don't know if I can do comic commission like the more detailed one until I get this laptop fixed#So the comics that aren't doodles or chibi-like won't be back for a while in general#Which sucks. The feeling of the pay-off after making one of those relatively bigger comics was really nice.#And I mean like it's even a bummer that I'm planning on doing commissions full time! I actually forgot I was planning that! wth#Yeah I gotta finish this queue ASAP so I can reopen commissions so I can get this laptop fixed. lol#Wait no wait perhaps I should push the idea of making commissions full time further back so I can stay with my current jobs in the meanwhile#Really don't wanna get a double whammy on the bad decision thingy. :/#Bruh why do keep typing stuff at 3 am my brain can't keep up with my own thoughts this late.#Oh wait. I remembered why I was considering removing sketch type commissions.
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character design is a hell of a drug why am i doing this what in gods green earth is a sonic character why am i putting any of these elements together what the fuck. this is fun. agony
#oc posting#WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE A FOX WITH BAT WINGS THIS IS BAD#bat wings suck ass they’re so cool but how the fuck do i pose them. how do i make a non shitty silhouette#how the hell do i draw them folded#ummmm guys the things in my head aren’t making it onto paper#thinking sucks making decisions sucks but making lines is fun so ig it’s a net positive#man i (unintentionally) created a colour palette for the initial design of my ocs#but making this third one is hellish in the same colour palette#why am i designing ocs in a non-literal colour palette#‘cause working in non-literal colour palettes is fun! i usually draw like that!’ i say; miserable#GAH. i made an honestly pretty cool sonic oc. again. but i made their base but now i need to make clothes#but. bat wings. AND FOX TAIL. how the hell do i make anything functional#both as in it looks functional and as in functions as a competent and readable design that gets across the gist of her character#rambles#ughhhh i’ll get my shit together and make something cool eventually but for now i complain and then sleep#gotta say; drawing again has been really threatening my epic sleep schedule#why sleep at 10 pm when i can draw ?
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Real thing that happened
Us actively going through a LOT of. Panic? Fear? Idk. But very quick to cry and stuff so ykyk.
It hurts a LOT that we can't. Express ourselves. (It causes B distress and he ended up getting hurt in his distress)
We went out :( and still had a lot of trouble with. Existing without feeling like SHIT.
Whoever existed, in panic, said they can't be here, they can't stay out (in front/irl and stuff) so. Yk. Insert visualization innerworld/headspace of someone indiscernable trying to run to the back, the void, to whatever AWAY. And trying to get, well, SOMEONE out. Called 🦊 by name at one point while repeatedly saying they need help, but rlly who knows what happened. Then it was. Mostly ok, for a little bit.
So that was fun.
#sepiasys.txt#Rlly rlly sensitive and like. quick to panic/hurt. I'm gonna blame pms /lh#Idk who I is who is writing but meh. my left thumb keeps sticking weirdly to the phone screen -._-.#Man am I really NOBODY who was out when we were outside??????? ALL of those memories are fuzzy 🤨???#Idk but my stomach hurts and I'm like not allowed to. ig talk. So this sucks.#Atleast we made the decision to get a drink that would maybe last a while that everyone can drink probably#Gonna go get pizza rolls tmr. Also wanna go to local farmers market to see it and stuff 👍 not sure if buy anything or not#Btw yes I'm/we're following that monthly budget :P If we dont use ANY money and dont get any extra randomly then we can get cheap laptop :3#Should probably like. get a PO box first so that gets added to the cost tbh tbh. THEN can order stuffs <:3#Have to account money for both the short term AND the long term :PP#Dunno what will happen pos or neg tho so yk :P#Anyways uh yeah :3 Who am I -._-.#I FEEL BETTER AND THIS FEELS WEIRD thank god we/I took a headache pill in advance after the crying 🫠 itll probably only do so much tho#My feet hurt :< Also am scared of having applied for delivery from food bank 😞 but cant undo make form#ughhhhhhh how many ppls is heeerrreee 😞 How many me is me ;-;#Why are all memory bad/fuzzy -I would ask if this is normal but I KNOW ITS NOW#NOT*
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meeeooowwww
#.txt#i miss fs and it was all so wholesome growing up is stupid having sex is stupid i just want to like#cuddle a little and play with hair and get a forehead kiss while watching a show or listening to music together#ugh. UGH!#why is my whole life like chasing that feeling. why do my decisions feel driven by trying to recreate it#sucks so bad to recognize#ok i go to bed and put this reminiscing to bed too#fs
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suffering from the consequences of my actions (headache because i ran two (2) necessary errands in one day)
#ugh this fucking sucks#horrible day with horrible decisions#because the connections still suuuuckkk bc of flood damage i decided to drive to the train station#instead of taking the bus#bad decision#did not get a parking space#so then i had to drive into vienna#bad and scary#already had a headache before getting to the doctors appointment#and i like and respect my psychiatrist#but she thinks there's something else wrong with me#and wants me to get assessed for trauma stuff#which like why does every mental health care professional end up thinking there is something else something trauma related#like i know that SHOULD tell me something that they all end up at that conclusion#but like I don't see it or at least not anything like actually THAT bad#sure my parents weren't perfect#but if THEY fucked me up so badly then how in the fuck could anyone raise functioning children#i had it soooo mucb better than the average child even in my first world country#unless i have some michelle remembers level crazy shit going on like i do not think this makes any sense#but why do they all think trauma????#the actually traumatic stuff only happened later when i was already messed up#IN the hospital and BY the staff#but they insisted from the beginning i was hiding something like that back then as a teen i was protecting my parents or whatever#and literally please tell me why i am like this l#i would be thrilled#if i knew#i'd be absolutely ecstatic if you hypnotized me and i suddenly remember sth actually that horrible and not just.#mommy never hugged me and had high expectations.#because that is not something I can see as an explanation#anyways then i had to drive home with a bad headache and go shopping with a headache and now my head hurts at home
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I need to make a new pmd story right now or I'll explode
#rat rambles#someone I follow made some pmd ocs based on one of their pokerogue runs and Im just sitting here like why didnt I do that first fuck#I have three guys Ive been using in literally every run (because theyre my only tier 3 shinies lol) and I wanna make them ocs sooo bad#I might end up doing it but I mostly am just unsure because Id have to make some tough decisions when it comes to their designs#mainly if I stick closer to the actual colors used for the shinies or make my own pallets for them#on the one hand I Do like the colors used for them but on the other hand I wouldn't actually want this story to be too pokerogue inspired#so like Id feel bad using the pokerogue shinies for a story that ultimately has little to nothing to do with it#second biggest issue is that one of them is a golurk and god I dont wanna draw that#also one of them is a pyukumuku and thats fine by me but it does necessitate some creativity#the other two are an eevee and leavanny#although Id definitely have the eevee evolve into flareon since my best runs with him were when he was one#now tbf those also happened to be the runs I got multilense on him (one of them I got two on him) and he was able to stunlock anything#slower than him to death with bites and steal all their items with covet#Im so glad they switched eevee's passive to pick up it makes my life so much easier#simple wasnt Terrible but it was hard to use well since most of its evolutions arent strong or defensive enough to utilize it well#tbf I didnt try very hard since leavanny is my default sweeper and he learns sword dance#but eevee does make for good support early on at least even if it takes good rng for it to hold up well late game#tbf leavanny should also be in that camp but its simply built different (gets sharpness as a passive)#golurk is the real one that falls off hard tho unfortunately#which sucks because it's terrible early game and good for like five seconds mid game and then mostly terrible late game#I say mostly because god does my boy hard carry me through the final boss every time#generally a decently built leavanny with stone axe can cleave through 90% of the game but bestie gets hard countered by the final boss#I will say tho that Ive enjoyed using pyukymuku Way more than I thought I would its lowkey highkey saved my ass more time than I can count#its soooo important in pokerogue to have a stalling pokemon because youre inevitably going to need one#oh yeah I forgot to mention that eevee isnt one of the tier three shinies but my boy is the lesser of two evils amongs my tier two shinies#the other is goldeen. which I have also used in a huge chunk of my runs. it was the second shiny I got.#that guy tormented me so bad I was sitting here having to convince myself that the seaking carry was real#every now and then I get to use a better water type and I feel a surge of emotion as I remember what it feels like to use a good water type#and then I sigh and go back to seaking since I need my luck score maxxed out and I dont have space for my other tier two shines because#theyre both 5 costs
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Bad.
#catfish speaks#catfish complains#been. a rough day#not world ending. but certainly not Good#had a vehicular argument with a tesla driver on the way to work which put me in a Bad fucking mood#im so goddamn tired still from the last few weeks anf going to bed late last night (my fault but still)#work was. so fucking overstimulating holy shit#lights were Too bright there was no music i should not have been around people at all#the credit card thingy was So frustrating and wouldn't work#other work is so tiring and i know im being held to high standards and deadlines for it which#sucks#then checked my uni grades and i fucking bombed the course i did last semester#like Badly i wasn't even close to the actual pass mark i was way off#and like. that was one course. on its own. that i enjoyed and did put effort into#and im wondering#is my degree That important#i have a job. i can do interviews and practical experience. im smart and capable.#i have a decent support network in my parents financially (loathe as i am to use it)#if i genuinely am too exhausted to actually be engaged in academics or actyally try.#what thr fuck is the point of suffering and accruing more university debt#ive been here six years. its not going away.#i want to LIVE my LIFE#i don't want to be studying forever#i want to actually genuinely for real drop out and leave it behind#i tried i failed. sorry but its not working. i have things id rather be doing instead#and i KNOW so many people are going to say 'oh don't make such a drastic decision so quickly'#this is has been like 3 years coming honestly#i have considered this multiple fuckin times#and WHY should my suffering be so necessary to any potential benefits that the goivernment keeps fucking over anyway#uni debt keeps building. indexation went way the fuck up recently
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Just spent over an hour searching for the static Ho-oh in the overworld and suddenly Ryuji taking literal years to reunite with his family makes sense to me now
#mel's musings#forest for the tree#the joke is that during his deadbeat era he was off doing the exact same thing. hunting for legendary pokemon to show his daughter#at least my ho-oh was stuck in one spot. HE on the other hand had to find that bastard roaming. makes sense it took so long#denise's dad is an enigma to me. he's not a bad dude at his core but he has VERY misguided ways of showing he cares#case in point: trying to make dena happy by helping her meet the pokemon she's been fascinated with since childhood#except this idea was born from him just straight up abandoning her and her mom. which is THE root of almost all her Issues™#he also lacks emotional maturity and is utterly incapable of seeing things beyond his own perspective sometimes#when his arguments with jen reach a breaking point he takes it as a sign she doesn't love him anymore#rather than recognizing they're both impatient by nature and not the best communicators and probably got married too young#and instead of analyzing his own feelings or talking them out with her (or you know. going to therapy) he just. leaves#his decision IS motivated by love in a way. because he thinks she'd be happier without him. but it's mostly just insecurity and fear#and he does feel bad that little dena got caught in the crossfire. so he tries to make it up to her in his own way#dena's conflicting feelings about his re-entry into her life is a WHOLE other can of worms to be honest#because she doesn't even realize how angry she is with him until she sees him again. she doesn't forgive him right away#but she's at least willing to give him the chance to prove himself again. bc that 10 year old girl who wanted her dad back never died ;_;#why is it that every time i try to be funny on tumblr dot com i end up writing emotional ass meta instead. how does this always happen#this was supposed to be a joke about dena's ho-oh hunt going about as well as her dad's. like father like daughter or some shit yk#ANYWAY that ho-oh sucks and i hope he lands on a stealth rock. good riddance#mel plays scarvi
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