#why do I constantly feel this way!!!!!!!
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Was feelin' fancy today but ahhhhhhhhhhhh my anxiety is not ok
#personallynot#me#ftm#transgender#trans#this is what trans looks like#trans is beautiful#lol#ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!#why do I constantly feel this way!!!!!!!#i have been so anxiety ridden for 3 months!!!!!#i don't know what to do with myself!!!!!!#i don't do anything!!!#i hate this!!!!#and today was weird!!!#im so confused!!!!#im sorry!!!!!#i hate my brain constantly fighting against itself!!!!!!#ok i just had to get this out#im sorry#i feel insane#i feel so dpresseddddd i know i'll get thru it but it feels so impossible rn#i just isolate myself#i dont know what to do#lol ok i just had to scream this into the void
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I couldn't sleep so I drew some Pomnies shes surprisingly fun to draw lol Oh and some doomed yuri too I guess xD buttonblossom is cute n all but calling them doomed yuri or digital yuri is a lot funnier to me
#my art#the amazing digital circus#tadc#pomni#ragatha#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#ragatha x pomni#pomni x ragatha#buttonblossom#jesterdoll#digital yuri#jesterdoll is cute too I wonder why this isnt the main ship name really-#Also headcanon that ragatha is goin to be oblivious af to pom's feelings even tho shes so hopelessly gay lol#Girl has massive low self esteem vibes and would prolly never think anyone would like her that way#like all the soft fics and art of them are cute I love it but lets be real these two would miscommunicate a fuck ton xD#like come on-#Constantly an inch away from a metal break down Pomni#and “how do you manage to stay positive- delusion” Ragatha#its a match made in miscommunication hell baby ;0c
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up#there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#it’s honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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Those wacky skeletons ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Sans#Papyrus#Handplates#You can tell because of Sans' gloves lol#Getting-used-to-them-again doodles as well as just expressing Feeling <3 Happy towards them! Want them to be happy too!#It might seem silly for these - how many sets in now? - to still be getting used to drawing them again lol but it's because they're adults!#Their clothes and the way they hold themselves - but also especially Sans lol I dunno why I have such difficulty with him at times#He's got a cute face and I still find myself like ????how your face#Other than that tho it's just silliness hehe ♪ My favourite lads :D#I feel the need to make the distinction: I do actually have different favourites based on the AU lol#Like for example in classic I still love Flowey just a tiiiiiny bit more than Papyrus but it really is constantly neck and neck#Whereas in Handplates it's no competition even a little bit lol - Papyrus is just my Very Favourite#But Gaster is my favourite Handplates-specific character since he's unique to the AU! It gets a bit in the weeds lol#Sans isn't far behind at all of course the trio are very important! The duo even moreso imo#Going back to gloves tho I did carry over one of my quirks from my original UT doodles about Papyrus' gloves lol#I initially envisioned them as combination mitten-gloves with a free index finger and all the rest together#I still rather like the design! But it is admittedly not Handplates accurate lol#The occasional dip into self-indulgence who me? Lol#Sleeping on each other is important to me as well!! It is such a favourite hehe#Honestly I just imagined Papyrus getting so exhausted that he fell asleep in the snow lol poor lad#Sans teleported in but it's also funny to imagine him just walking up like ''you good? yeah he's fine'' *flop* haha#Silly lads <3 Do love 'em ♪
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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Congrats, now all I'm going to be able to think about all day long is Chifeng-zun being stunned into silence by the sight of Meng Yao's braids, the same as if he had never left. His hand reaches out and clenches in mid-air, while Jin Guangyao stands shell-shocked and panicking, or blissfully oblivious to how Nie Mingjue's world is tilting on its axis. He could be mad, the rage that almost let him call the Unclean Realm home making Hensheng thrum: because what right does Nie Mingjue have to want him now, when he finally has a place he belongs? And why does want to quit it all for him?
Anyway, now you can share in my brain worms~
In that moment, something was communicated
unfortunately, neither knew exactly what it was
#i'm right there with you anon i'm constantly rotating these two in my head#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#nieyao#jgy#nmj#perpetually obsessed with jgy's nie braids#''i am going to the effort of - every single day - doing up my hair in a way that directly reminds me of you. which very directly ties me t#you and your family. and then i am covering it up completely to ensure that no one - least of all you - will ever know they exist.#and then i'll take them out and do the exact same thing tomorrow. i hate you. i fear you. i want you dead. i will continue to do this.''#hi what does any of that MEAN#what does it MEAN meng yao???#and lord knows that nmj would never know. does jgy actually do it just for himself? if so what does that mean?#or did he do this with the INTENTION that nmj should ''accidentally'' see them? and if so what does THAT mean?#is this real? a ruse? if the latter how many layers deep does it go? is it worth figuring out? or is it easier just to get angry?#i feel so normal about it#what would he do if something dislodged his hat and nmj actually saw them? no idea but i want to read 100 fics with that premise#and see every possible permeation#my art#i'm not sure why i felt like going with this black and white style but i haven't done anything like this in years so it was fun#normally i do them with actual markers so this was honestly relaxing like easy mode
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The fandom when Anya is nice to jimmy and compliments/butters him up after the crash: obviously this is a fawn response. She doesn’t actually think these things about jimmy, she is simply trying to protect herself against a volatile, unstable person by placating him
The fandom when curly tries to placate jimmy by telling Jimmy he’d fix things, after being very nervous about jimmy’s anger and reaction when talking to Anya right beforehand and his heart racing so hard on the way to confront jimmy that he’s likely on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack: hmm. Obviously everything curly is saying to jimmy here is completely genuine and not motivated by anything. He obviously doesn’t care about the fact jimmy raped Anya and only cares about helping jimmy at the detriment to Anya. He’s a rape apologist. There could literally be no other potential explanation for why curly is saying the things he is saying right now. Let’s take everything curly is saying here completely at face value and not analyze anything else about Curly’s behavior or the rest of the scene.
[seriously why are people only capable of recognizing the fawn response in Anya and not Curly]
#to be clear the people who say Anya had a fawn response are RIGHT!#but since curly is a man clearly there’s no way he could be afraid of jimmy#listen. I’m not trying to say curly is completely flawless#and I get why people get mad at curly for what he said to Jimmy there after finding out what jimmy did#because yeah out of context someone telling a rapist stuff like “I’ll fix things” “we’ll get through this together” “you’ve gotten through#difficult times before” in response to said rapist fearing his life will be ruined after his actions are exposed#is deplorable#but you can’t just put things in a vacuum#it was a very difficult situation curly was in. regarding of how he confronts jimmy he’s going to be stuck on a ship with him for 8 months#and before u say “he should’ve just killed Jimmy!” think for a moment.#permanently ending someone’s life is traumatic for the vast majority of people#and this is someone he’s known for years and years so it would be extra difficult#also like. would Anya even want jimmy to be murdered? sure she’d feel safer but I feel like she’d have complicated feelings about it#idk like. it’s a very tricky situation#can’t even report Jimmy to HR because that would result in everyone’s pay getting docked.#which would just hurt Anya since she has no savings#curly mouthwashing#fandom critical#would it felt been more therapeutic for fans if curly instead violently confronted jimmy and beat him up for what he did to Anya? yes#but would that have actually helped Anya? no#if anything it would’ve likely made things worse because Jimmy could’ve just taken his anger out on her afterwards#because they’re on a tiny ship together. only way they could have eliminated the threat to her would be like. tying jimmy up for months#or shoving him in a cryptopod. but knowing pony express I bet improper use of cryptopods would result in docking everyone’s pay#and it would’ve been serviously hard to keep jimmy tied up for months. it’s not like there’s a prison cell on the ship#the crew is already stretched thin do u think they could have someone constantly watch him for 8 months??#because that’s likely what would need to happen if they just kept him tied up#there aren’t any good rooms to lock him in#yes it would’ve been better for everyone in the end if Jimmy was tied up or shoved in a cryptopod or killed#but how was curly supposed to know that. hindsight is 20/20#yes curly should’ve taken the threat jimmy posed more seriously. and handled the situation better. but there were no easy solutions and—
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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I have zeroed in on my issue with the centuries age gap trope is not the age gap really, but the inherent power imbalance and that i dont care to have an old ass ‘mature’ man. I want someone my age to share experiences with me, I don’t want someone who already has like all the answers. Men who are older (in real life and fiction) also tend to use their ‘experience’ to control their partner because they believe they know better. Fiction examples- The Darkling (pretty sure that was purposeful on Bardugos part) Rhysand (I dont think that was purposeful) and Cassian (most definitely not)
Idk i was watching the Book Leos new video on age gaps and shadow daddies (mostly a little discussion video) and i finally put my thoughts into words. yay
#arson yaps#and why are they always falling in love with younger women#not a ‘shadow daddy’ but Tamlin does fall into this almost but hes better written and his character has reasons to it (if that makes sense)#his need for control isn’t because he inherently thinks he knows better (even if he gen does) but because of his fear??#which is way more interesting than just ‘im old and have lived experiences’#I also feel the power imbalance between Feyre Tamlin wasn’t as severe in the first book considering him and his courts lives rested on her??#im always saying IF THAT MAKES SENSE#She didn’t have to be 19 (sigh sjm) but it wasn’t like tamlin sought out a 19 year old. she just ended up being the one#anyway idk#anti acotar#anti rhysand#gotta cover my bases#anti cassian#saturday morning yapping FR��️#if anyone wants to drop their thoughts pls do. we are a constantly evoling people and i love to see different or similar perspectives
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It deeply upsets me that there aren’t a lot of analysis posts off of Lesley, at least ones that don’t completely mischaracterize her. Often times Lesley is watered down to just being “Yellow’s Mom” by the fandom and nothing else. Lesley is tragic. She is not motherly, she’s a prisoner. A prisoner in a prison partially of her own design, but a prisoner nonetheless. matpat, and the david theory in general has rotted people’s brains. It’s fine to have an interpretation of a character, I could care less, but it’s an entirely different thing all together to completely miss the point of a character. Watching the line “you’re one of my favorites….” be brushed aside for what is otherwise a completely unserious line is infuriating. There’s no actual proof that Lesley is Yellow’s mother outside of theories. When she says “you’re not my real son” it’s more so in the way that she is the creator, and he is her creation, not that Lesley is actually an author, she just thinks she is. The trio represent parts of her, almost everything they do is by her hands. They’re miserable because Lesley is miserable. She believes herself to be an author, a creator, but she doesn’t hold any real power, just a small amount. Yellow didn’t scale the staircase on his own, everything was meticulously laid out by Lesley. Because, the truth is, he represents a part of Lesley that she has long since forgotten, the part of her that genuinely wants to change, to progress instead of regress. By giving yellow his batteries and bringing him up stairs, she is checking that she is still alive. That there is still that small part of her that can change.
But, as previously stated, she doesn’t have any real power, and she has no interest in truly changing. She has strings of her own, she can’t change even if she wanted to. Lesley has a tendency of setting up scenarios where the puppets are given a false sense of control. She does it with red in transport, and she does it again in electricity with yellow. In her mind she’s teaching them, teaching them that things cannot stray outside of what she has laid out for them. It’s her own twisted way of helping. Yellow, unlike red, possesses a genuine ability to question things and a natural curiosity. Lesley knows this. That’s precisely why his batteries are denied from him, unless Lesley hands them to him on a silver platter when convenient. Yellow has to pay the price of being constantly disoriented, to be in a constant state of confusion because if he isn’t then that would entail Lesley addressing what is pulling on her strings. The batteries are a threat to this cycle, hence why Lesley gifts him a book of false knowledge. A book of nothing. A red herring. She knows where that book is going, straight into the shredder as it always does. Where it should be. Because ever so slightly out of shot at the end of her room sits a door that creaks open every once in a while and she dare not question it. A door that she ignores as she continues on playing her piano as she always does. As it should be. No questions to be had. Just the keys of a piano echoing emptily in a dilapidated dollhouse, and the ghost of an artist who lost herself eons ago.
#dhmis#lesley dhmis#yellow guy dhmis#dhmis analysis#matpat has killed media literacy#in fact he’s one of the biggest reasons why media illiteracy is so rampant on the internet#this man has been tormenting the dhmis fandom since 2014 and i’m sick of it….#anyways lesley my beloved#i have so many thoughts on you…. so so many thoughts#this is just skimming the surface of my feelings on her as a character#she is one of the most brilliantly written characters of all time#and yet people constantly water her down and mischaracterize her#there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning her to be a mother#but like do it tastefully#not everyone has to agree with you#none of these things are concrete within the canon of the show#the david theory is god awful in my opinion#like its so bare bones and surface level it actually pisses me off#i wanna make a few posts solely off of lesley’s relationships or outlook on the trio but yellow especially#because its obvious that she has a soft spot for him specifically#so like its not completely out of the blue to label her as ‘motherly’ towards him but its not in a traditional sense#also i’m just not a fan of this interpretation in general#if she is motherly it’s in an extremely detached way#obviously.#anyways lesley is a loser lesbian author that sits in her attic all day projecting onto her silly little guys and i love that for her#we have that in common
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"I want that guy, Air, to disappear from this world!"
—7 DAYS BEFORE VALENTINE · Episode 1
#7 days before valentine#7 days before valentine the series#atom nathaphop#jet somjet#7daysbeforevalentineedit#thai bl#thai drama#bl drama#bl series#idk why i subbed to wetv when the quality is so bad :((((#anyway i'm in love with the style of this#and i think we're not supposed to root for sun#not for what he wants anyway because yeah he's self-centered and immature#and rain is supposed to be in his own world#so different from sun's#(light and dark)#that it's difficult to feel anything for him because he doesn't even seem real#and q? he doesn't seem very keen on doing his job#but also the symbolism in this!#the way the world shifts after sun visits the flower shop/bar#the way he's constantly shown as the devil#the way he's so self-absorbed he doesn't see or care for the girl who's fainted#by pharawee
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fuckign love drawing him doing this (smoke machine)
#hexatxt#do you imagine the puppets to dispense steam like that..#i do think of the puppets as having an organic external layer (which is how they can look soft and squishy to an extent)#with how ive designed nsh he basically has a terrible fucking face cuz that jaw emits steam and lets out internal heat and w/e#but they still have obvious primarily metal bits . some of em just have more of that stuff ig#(i do believe the puppets themselves need cooling but its more akin to how a persons body sweats to maintain a proper temperature)#his ''mouth'' is his biggest heat exit on the puppet . its fucked and unbalanced LOL#it fuckign drips water way too much . thats why the scarf is important and isnt just an accessory here..#two reasons to cover the ''mouth'' . to not have it dripping out water constantly and to hide it when needed#btw the steam goes crazy if hes feeling or thinking too much . it makes it obvious thru the puppet that something is going on#idk if ive talked abt this design stuff on here before#cs#excuse their outfits i fucking love dressing bitches up .
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Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.
#no im so pissed about that.#dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful#and just#walk away scot free#last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month.#that might just be the bpd tho#but still#quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself#and then she makes her her vice??????????#she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip#sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around#which as she should#but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL#in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist#like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider#i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it#and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe'#THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????.#also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis#with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions#and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore#and then victimizing herself!!!!!!!#like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is#idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner#anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page.#heartbreak high#heartbreak high season 2#quinni gallagher jones#sasha so#missy beckett
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Light and darkness, but mostly darkness (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Sans#Papyrus#Ft. Mercyplates! :D Yaaay#Unaligned made its way onto my Handplates playlist So quickly - it's such a Gaster song to me!#His connection to Toriel's riddle and his regrets and wanting to constantly go back on his decisions - positive and negative!#And depending on how you want to read it his relationship with Toriel as adoptive family as well - and definitely ''Will I create a martyr''#That's you Gaster! It's you!#And that's not even mentioning how the bros fit in heck and gosh#Would definitely recommend - Unaligned by Natewantstobattle (for the 50th time recommending a NWTB song lol - they're good!)#Mercyplates! :D Yay!!#Sans and Gaster wearing father/son matching turtlenecks lol everyone is happy abou t this haha#It would be an interesting divergence from Papyrus defaulting to dark shirts to feel grown up :0#Gaster was here first! It's a very teen thing to do haha#''My uncool dad and copying my really cool style'' while Gaster provided him with all his clothes from his own closet lol#Silly one of Gaster reacting to being punched in the face a la Mercyplates haha - you deserve more than that!#/There's/ the misery shower :) Have a nice guilty shower why don't you really ruminate on everything#Privately rattling his bones away from where anyone can hear over the white noise of the water falling#And finally a smoking smoke-goop post-void Gaster :)#I actually wasn't sure if I wanted that one to be voidy Mercyplates Gaster or not but I eventually decided on just regular classic void#Darkness everywhere! Inside and out! Soul dipped in it - outside reflects it
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how's that saying go, something something disaster lesbian? heh. keep up. im a disaster in general.
#......technically a vent post.#....but I'm tired of spitting out useless blank posts with some awful tags and calling it a night#.....i kinda hate that this works even. cuz it encourages me to do it again next time i feel awful#......but......i mean....its working? I guess?#....getting the feelings out...seeing lots of likes in support.....#........sigh.#........anyway. disaster. feel it very hard tonight.#....feel the same way as the last few vents....like I'm doing things wrong#like *I'm* wrong#......inescapable sense of dread#sense that I'm constantly fucking it up#not even sure what 'it' is. Just....just know I'm doing it badly.#....i don't know why the people in my life who love me.....love me#i can't comprehend it. the idea that someone.....likes me? *me?*#.......im a colossal waste of space and nothing i bring to the table could possibly be worth dealing with me#................sigh.....#.......the.....the suicidal thoughts are coming back again#...................................i....#.........i won't do it....I'm a coward. I couldn't ever make myself follow through#.........but goddess above i#i kind of. i kinda want to kill myself#....just.....just end this farce before i hurt someone else yknow#.......christ i feel weak. ugh.#......I'm so tired....
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