#why are you seeking us out

[kataraavatara]

have nessian fans considered that they can actually just not seek out posts that are clearly tagged “anti nessian” and and “anti cassian”? if you don’t go out of your way to look for them, you won’t be upset by them. just a thought.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[chawliekin]

and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…

[markscherz]

I… do not understand tumblr live. Like, are there actually only about 50 people streaming across the whole platform at any one time? And why are so many of them just… people smoking? Or unoccupied desks? And why is nobody talking about frogs?

[laegolas]

Lighting and painting practice with Taizi Dianxia and Chengzu

Edit: I forgot how much tumblr scrunches images anyway click for high res

[novelconcepts]

Do you ever just lay awake at night, turning over in your head the stark difference in delivery between Hewson's Van saying--steadily, unshakably--"it's just something that's happening to you...happening to us" and Cypress' Taissa saying--imploringly, whiningly--"this was not just my dream, this was our dream"?

Do you ever just turn it over and over, how often Tai tried to scare Van away, and how it only made Van set her feet more firmly? How Taissa's first love was this person who saw a problem fall into Taissa's lap, a problem that was quite literally trapped inside Taissa's body, and decided unflinchingly: No, that's an us problem now? How she refused point-blank to walk away even with blood in her mouth, how she flatly informed Tai "I'm never gonna be scared of you", and promptly turned a moment of pain into a declaration of love? And how this would etch itself into Taissa for the rest of her life? How she'd take these things that worked with Van--with the person Van was, with the bond they shared--and try so hard to run through an identical script with Simone?

Except Simone is her own person. A completely different kind of person. A person who hasn't been offered any of the context, any of the realities going on inside Taissa. So: naturally she doesn't respond the way Van did at eighteen--and will go on to do all over again in her forties. Naturally, she hears our dream as the excuse it is, not as a plea for connection. Naturally, she is scared away when Taissa pushes, and shouts, and begs. Because there isn't blood in her mouth, not yet, but there will be. And they have a son to worry about. And she isn't eighteen and a special kind of immortal, a special kind of romanticized. She's a grown woman with responsibilities, with priorities, with an understanding that you can't fix someone just because you love them. And Tai can't just perform a revival of the play she and Van had memorized twenty-five years later with a whole new performer in the works, and expect it to shake out the same.

Of course it doesn't work. But look at Taissa trying it. Look at Taissa trying to reframe her first love through a new lens. Trying to recast it. Trying to play it through again. Van taught her love was sticking out the blood, shaking off the pain, making a you problem into an us problem. Does it ever just eat at you, how tragic it is, watching Taissa try to shape her marriage around a woman who isn't even wearing a ring?

[fluffydice]

Thinking about how Kurumi always stressed to Kusuo that he needs to only use his powers for good and be gentle and all of that, and while it’s true the reason he probably got told that was because he was always fighting with Kusuke. And yeah, Kusuo was maybe a little overzealous in defending himself but also it’s pretty hard to tell a little kid in the single digits that other people are allowed to hit him and he just has to take it because he’s stronger, and he can never defend himself.

[taz-writes]

here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[altschmerzes]

If Roy and Ted start sharing a bed when Roy stays over, is there an instance where Jamie ends up in the middle after like a bad dream or something? Or maybe that’s weird for like a 16 year old… idk now I’m just thinking out loud

first off i dont think that’s weird at all! we never really grow out of needing to be supported and comforted by the people who are important to us, and i know people who’ve done this sort of thing seeking comfort from their parents during times of extreme stress and trauma into their twenties. it’s one of the things that’s been interesting about writing this fic and characterizing jamie particularly once he’s gotten close to this new support system in his life - how to balance that he’s 15, 16, 17 years old and seeks independence and self sufficiency and also has a lot of reasons to be ashamed of a desire to seek comfort or a rejection of anything he sees as making him weak or childish and at the same time he’s a kid who’s been chronically starved of care and affection and that’s. a vital need for kids, even teenagers. sometimes especially teenagers. (i may or may not have spent quite a bit of time online reading psych and sociology and like. Parenting And Family Resources to get a handle on some stuff and verify if my hunches are accurate or not XD)

which is to say yes absolutely that’s on the horizon. not often, but sometimes, when things are bad and his need to be a kid taken care of and protected by his parents overrides his fear of being seen as a baby or bothering them. he remembers one of his friends getting broken up with via text while he was over for a sleepover and going and watching them leave the kidgang to go to their parents room bc they’re upset and want their parents. and if that’s okay, maybe this is okay for him to do too.

(ted and roy thoroughly encourage it any time jamie will admit to needing or wanting something. moments where he comes to them when he’s scared or upset, voluntarily seems out comfort are absolutely everything to both of them, especially given how hard it is for him to do)

[winslowat3am]

Do u give money to people on tumblr?

Short answer, no. I don't reblog those posts, either. Majority of them are scammers, bonus scamster points if they use their race/gender as emotional manipulation. (Rant incoming cause this pissed me off, not you, but it had me thinking about a lot of shit). I'm sorry but I could never be on Tumblr begging for money, that's embarrassing, no offense. I commend anyone who's shameless enough to do that cause in all seriousness, couldn't be me. I feel like there are just some things you shouldn't do & asking strangers, half of which are minors, to give you their hard earned money in trade for nothing is one of them. The victim mentality of "let me spam my followers with a bunch of sob story updates about my life's issues & guilt trip them into giving me cash", no. Leave them alone. That shit's annoying, inconsiderate & entitled. & it's always the same fucking people holding their hand out. The people you're begging for cash are more than likely struggling too & need theirs. Tumblr is the worst place to ask for assistance. If you need money then you should seek a financial aid program, or I don't know, log the fuck out & get a job like everyone else? That's what people who need money do. There's no excuse, I said this before & I'll say it again, making money nowadays is easier than it has ever been cause of access to technology. Everything is virtual. You can work from home. There are people making millions eating for a fucking living on YouTube. If you're broke atp it's cause you either make excuses for why you can't work or you're just lazy. It's a choice. You don't even need to physically go out & find a real job. Make something. Perform a service. Everyone has something they can offer. Don't sit there & expect people to pay you for nothing. I hate lazy ass people who wallow in self pity, make excuses & don't contribute anything to society & simply exist to leech off others. It's parasitic & pathetic. You "can't work", but you can play around on social media every day? Hmm. You deserve to live in poverty then. You're not special. You better sell some p-ssy, d!ck or c*ke. If you're bussing it open to everyone anyway you might as well get paid for it, in the words of my wife, "make it count". Seriously, I don't respect those people. Tumblr beggars are the equivalent of irl bums who loiter at gas stations harassing passersby for change. It's fucking irritating & unfair that we live in a world where weak people are rewarded, coddled, catered to & given breaks for doing nothing. "Oh well, you know, John can't work, he's dealing with a breakup that has him in a deep depression. I just- I don't know if his mental health will allow him to work." Bro, I sympathize but at the end of the day, screw John. He has no real problems. There are people with cancer & aids right now who are working. People with no limbs are working. He can work, he's physically able to, but ultimately he won't cause he's a mentally weak man with no drive. Let's just call it what it is. I've been homeless & depressed before, I dug myself out of that hole WITH NO HELP, if people can bounce back from homelessness, addiction, abusive relationships & rebuild their lives, if people with deformities can work there's no excuse for why these lazy asses are living in houses, have food & water, with themselves being the only person they have to take care of but they're on here begging us & living off the gov't. That shit IS sad. & I get so heated over this topic cause the bastards who log on & beg aren't going to log off fucking Tumblr & make adjustments so they can afford to live, they're not going to or offer an exchange, they'll continue to do this shit. In the comfort of their home. Meanwhile, the ones they beg have to scrounge. So no motherfucker, I can't help you spend my money. Follower counts mean nothing here cause nobody gets paid on this dead app, this ain't YouTube. If you have hella followers but you still can't eat or pay your bills it's a sign your priorities are fucked. Up. Your followers owe you nothing. Have a little pride & self respect.

[honey-dont]

steve and cesare def both consider their respective crews to be ‘their’ humans but in a kind of “oops i accidentally got attached” way

[konfizry]

translation question, Ive heard people say on twt that in the japanese version, Sidon and Yona do not say "my love" at all. Just wondering if that's true? sorry if this starts anything lol

Ok so I'm guessing this refers to these lines?

Here they are in Japanese:

Yeah, there's no uh affectionate language towards Yona specifically that I can detect, here?? Sidon seems like he's just being his cheerful, pumped up self. the lines are like "at the same time let us welcome/I am welcoming/have accpeted Yona as the new queen!" and "That's right!" more or less (those are not good translations, once again just so you get the gist of what's being said) You could make an argument for adding that "my love!" in, like you know how he's just a generally demonstrative guy so it's not too much of a stretch to think that he would blurt out "my love" like that. That is, if your stance is that Sidon really does love Yona (which, I don't know if he does, I'm guessing the game wants you to think that but?????) Also, this is just me looking at these two lines in a vaccum. It is possible that maybe Sidon does use affectionate language towards Yona elsewhere, which would further justify the use of "my love" here, but I must admit I have no real interest in finding out because the Yona discourse is not what ignites my heart. But, it is possible that maybe the issue of Sidon's feelings or lack thereof for Yona allows more room for debate in Japanese than it does in English. Maybe. (Keep in mind im just looking at these two lines in isolation so my take is inherently lacunary) I do hope a hero willing to get into the nitty gritty of every single one of Sidon's lines rises up and brings some extra clarity on whether there is a difference of intent regarding Sidon's treatment of Yona in the two versions. I'm sure someone will, in time. If it hasn't happened yet. With all that being said, allow me to extend my most sincere condolences to the sidlink crowd, these are trying times indeed.

[atomiclace]

who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki