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sofreddie · 4 months ago

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Not Our First Fan

Summary: Y/N is a friend, but also a fan. Dosing her with a truth serum should reveal if she's a threat, like other fans in the past. But what's revealed surprised them even more.

Characters: Dean x F!Reader, Sam, Castiel, Rowena

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Drugging, First POV/Alternating POV, Smut (Protected Sex, Oral Sex), Mentions of Breeding Kink

WC: 12, 393 (Yikes!)

A/N: Ok, so, over the course of a few months, when I had to take my roommate's kid to speech therapy, I sat in the car in the parking lot and just wrote. A little each time until it grew into this massive and awesome fic, and I am so happy to share it! Feedback is appreciated. : )

My Masterlist

Y/N POV

I sat in stunned silence across the table from Sam and Dean, my eyes flitting between them as I processed what Sam had just said. There was a truth serum in my drink. He had questions and didn’t trust my potential responses.

I hadn’t been with them long, an accident that landed me - a mere fan - in their lives. Although we had become amicable, I never thought they’d use such methods.

“So, what do you want to know?”

I was surprised at my calm tone as I polished off my drink and pushed the glass away. It was already in me; there was no need to be thirsty or sober.

“The truth.”

“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes at Sam before glancing at Dean, who sat silently and watched.

“We have to know; to protect ourselves. Not our first fan.”

I rolled my eyes again. I knew that, too, but it didn’t stop me from feeling offended.

“Is there a question, or…?”

Sam snorted at my attitude. There was no escaping this, so I hoped I could play it like it didn’t scare me or that I had nothing to hide.

“Fine.” He sat up straighter and shook his arms before leaning forward, casually resting his arms on the table as he leveled a heavy gaze at me. “How do you honestly think and feel about me?”

He smirked slightly at my surprised look. I didn’t want to answer, but I could feel the words bubbling up on their own, trying to hold them back, making me sick to my stomach.

“You’re really freakin’ hot. Nice to look at. I would love a night or two to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane. But there’s a lot I don’t like, and I don’t see anything beyond friends because of your issues.”

My eyes widened with every word that fell, and I was mortified when I finished. I couldn’t read Sam, but he seemed equally surprised, smug, and offended. At least it shut him up for a minute. Dean, however, was unchanged and unreadable.

“Well, I guess it’s safe to say it’s working,” Sam huffed humorlessly.

I wished a hole would open and swallow me up, take me away from this forming shitstorm.

“So,” he leaned forward again, and I already knew what he would ask next. I shook my head, silently begging him not to. “How do you honestly think and feel about Dean?”

God, I fought. My fingers gripped the table, and I shook my head as pained sounds passed through my pressed-shut lips. The word vomit was collecting in the back of my throat to choke me.

"Y/N?" Sam pressed, probably wondering - same as myself - how I was holding back. Dean's shell cracked enough that I could see concern.

“I love and admire him,” I spat, the words painfully and forcefully pulled from me, my heart and mind feeling shredded with each uttered word. “I’m in love with him. I want to show him he is worthy of love and be the one to give it to him. And kids. And the Hunter Pie life. To give him all he ever wanted because he deserves it and more.”

Tears streamed down my face, and I panted to breathe as twin looks of utter shock passed over the brothers.

“Please,” I begged, jumping from my seat. “Please, no more. Don’t do this.”

As they hesitated, I took the opening and ran like hell from the Library to my room. I could hear them shouting as I retreated in horror.

“Don’t. Let her go, Sam.”

“Dean!”

I slammed and locked the bedroom door behind me, then slowly fell into bed, hard sobs wracking my body, and my heart shattered until I passed out.

I was determined to forget about it when I woke up. Or, I would do my best to ignore them and continue my usual domestic duties.

I went to the bathroom and the kitchen to start coffee and breakfast. I liked helping out, and Dean especially seemed appreciative, which only encouraged me. Would that change now? Maybe they’d make me leave because what I said was too awkward.

As I finished cooking, I heard the Bunker door close, meaning Sam must have returned from his morning run and would be heading to the showers. Another door closing alerted me that Dean would be entering the kitchen at any moment seeking coffee.

I sipped from my mug on the island as he shuffled into the room like a half-asleep zombie and poured himself a cup. It took a few gulps before he could open his eyes enough to see me.

“Mornin’,” he spoke gruffly, and I fought back the swoon as usual.

“Mornin’,” I responded. “Uh, there’s breakfast. Help yourself.”

I forced a smile, then grabbed my mug, taking hurried steps desperate to carry me out of the room and away from the man I loved—who now knew I loved him. But that beautiful man was also intelligent and quick and wouldn’t let me get away so quickly.

“Y/N?” He sat down his coffee and stepped closer. “About last night. I’m sorry; that shouldn’t have happened. We… were paranoid and worried it might be like Becky or something all over again, and we just wanted to be sure.”

As he explained, I looked to the ground but nodded to his words. In a way, I got it, but it still didn’t make it okay.

“You never…” he paused and licked his lips. “You never said anything. Never even gave a hint. I mean,” he chuckled, “I really didn’t see that coming.”

“I was never going to say anything,” I admitted, and he looked confused and something else. “I was never going to act on it. It was my secret and my burden. But now it’s all weird, and you probably want me to leave.”

Oh Lord, I couldn’t cry in front of him again!

“Why would I want you to leave?”

His question left me speechless, and I wasn’t sure how best to answer.

“You know,” he moved as he spoke, approaching closer and closer until my back hit the counter, and there was an arm’s length between us. “Women have told me they love me and can picture a life or future with me. But never in this life, never in a hunting life. And none of them, not one, has ever wanted to have my children.”

Okay. Where was he going with this? I was too nervous and scared to move or make a sound. I dared to meet his eyes and instantly regretted it as I felt my heart flutter madly.

“And I have no idea what a Hunter Pie life is,” he chuckled before moving just a few inches before me. “But I’ve been thinking about it all night.”

His words, eyes, and closeness were daring me to do something. But that couldn’t be right. In all my fantasies, I never believed that he would ever entertain the idea. But now… Dean groaned as his phone rang in his pocket, and I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Jody, hey," Dean answered, stepping a few feet away to focus on the call. “Yeah, Okay. Sam and I can be there in a couple of hours. All right, see you soon.”

He hung up and sighed, returning to me as Sam entered the room. We all glanced at each other before Dean cleared his throat.

“Jody and the girls,” Dean tucked his phone back in his pocket. “Got a case, and they need our help. Ready in ten?”

Sam huffed but nodded, giving the food a yearning glance before rushing to pack. Dean lingered, running a hand down his face and flashing a tight smile before heading off to get ready. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or sad, but I was certainly confused.

I rushed through the kitchen, packing up breakfast and some other food for them to take with them. I always tried to give them premade meals in thermal coolers that they could refrigerate or microwave. They seemed to appreciate having home-cooked food while away.

As the brothers loaded their bags, I carried the cooler and a paper bag of immediate consumables to the car. I placed the cooler on the back floorboard before handing Dean the paper bag.

“Thanks,” he grinned, passing the bag to Sam, who immediately started digging through it. I expected him just to climb in and leave, but he paused while fidgeting with his keys.

“Please don’t leave while we’re gone.”

I wasn’t expecting that, but the idea was one of many emotionally driven bad decisions I had been considering.

“We’ll talk,” he promised with a nod. “I’ll text and call, and we’ll talk.”

I nodded and gave the same tight-lipped smile he’d given before. Then, I let out a sigh of relief as they drove away.

Dean POV

God, this hunt came at the shittiest possible time. I didn’t want to go. Leaving felt like closing the door on this thing I just discovered. But I didn’t have a choice.

Jody and Claire stumbled on a vamp nest that was the biggest they’d ever seen. It was a giant damn hive. Though she’d called Donna and a few others, it was an ‘all hands on deck’ situation. It didn’t mean I wanted to leave. Something was brewing, changing between Y/N and me. I was terrified it would disappear if I couldn’t tend to it. But if she genuinely meant what she said, then I supposed this could be a test of that. Or maybe even a way to feel it out over text. Face-to-face always made shit complicated and awkward. I was less likely to fuck anything up this way, but still fully capable.

“So,” Sam broke the silence, and my grip tightened on the wheel. “We gonna talk about what happened last night?”

“Sam, I told you to leave it.”

“No, Dean!”

His persistence pissed me off. I didn’t want to get into it with him, but he was on a mission.

“Look, we agreed to give her the serum and question her. We wanted to see what she knew and if she was a threat, like Becky. I thought asking those questions first might be awkward but clear the air. I wasn’t expecting…that.”

“She’s not a threat, Sam.”

“Well, we don’t know that because we didn’t get to ask her anything.”

“What’s really got you so worked up, huh? You mad she’s just not that into you?”

My brother’s annoyed bitchface was satisfying enough to make me smirk. At least he shut up for half a second.

“Don’t you get it?” Sam growled through clenched teeth. “She could be YOUR Becky, Dean. Who knows what she might do if she thinks she loves you.”

My hands wrung the wheel a little harder as I resisted the urge to hit him. I’m unsure why I felt so protective of her then, but I knew she wasn’t like Becky. She wasn’t like any of them, but I couldn’t prove it to him.

“Sam, let me handle this. Please.”

His stunned silence made me glance over to see him gaping like a fish and over-analyzing.

“Yeah. Okay.” He huffed, turning his gaze to the window. I rolled my eyes so hard my head went with it.

“Don’t say ‘Yeah. Okay.’ like…Yeah. Okay.”

“Yeah,” He shrugged, pretending to lose interest in the conversation. “Okay.”

I pressed the pedal harder. Maybe this hunt came at the perfect time. I really needed something to kill.

It was a bloodbath: so many vamps and beheadings, so many injured hunters, so many dead or turned victims. Though we cleared the nest with no casualties to our team, it didn’t feel like much of a victory. No one was saved.

There was still celebration and rivalry to be had as we patched each other up and cheered over the mass amount of bloodsucking bastards we killed and future victims we spared.

It was just what I needed to get the itching energy and simmering anger at my brother out of my system. Now buzzed and beat, I only wanted one thing at that moment. As everyone, including my overgrown baby brother, went to bed, I grabbed my beer and quietly wandered outside. I found myself sitting on Baby’s hood and appreciating the quiet and still night. Pulling out my phone, I dialed Y/N. It was late, and she might be asleep, but I needed to hear her voice.

I’d kept my word, and we’d been texting, but it was mostly to keep her apprised of the hunt. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it or her since those seemingly fateful words tumbled from her lips. As her sleepy voice answered, I felt a flutter in my heart, making me feel like a kid again.

“Dean?” she yawned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Hunt’s done. Was a ton of them bastards.” I tried to laugh but knew she’d see through it

“Is everyone alright?”

“Little banged up, but we’re all good. No vics to save, though.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It was a mess,” I sighed, and a comfortable silence fell between us. I needed a distraction. “You never did tell me about this Hunter Pie life of yours.” I chuckled for real this time, maybe some of it nerves, as I hoped she’d talk to me and open up without a serum. When she giggled, I felt the flutters again.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Just…tell me how it looks. In your mind, how does it go?”

“Wow,” she huffed and chuckled again before clearing her throat. “Um, okay.”

The silence drew out again, and I wondered if she was backing out, but then she continued.

“Okay. Well, I guess I always thought it would be like it is now, you know? Like me cooking and domestic and stuff at the Bunker.”

She ‘always’ thought? I pinned a note in that for later, but I hoped she had more. I hummed to let her know I was listening. She just didn’t know I was hanging on to her every word.

“Family meals where you and Sam tell the kids and me about the hunt. Giving them a normal life and home base while keeping them informed and trained. Hide and seek in the Bunker with Nerf guns and call it a hunt.”

She was laughing, and I could hear her smile as she spoke, mine growing with her tales.

“There are so many scenarios where you could play games with the kids that’s still training. Or just spending time doing normal things.”

It sounded amazing, though I wasn’t entirely convinced it was possible. But hearing and picturing it made me feel infinitely better, among other things.

“And what about us?” I knew I was crossing a line into new territory. Begging her to tell me all this, I knew, was giving her hope—and much-needed hope for me.

“Us?” She echoed, and I grinned at her surprised tone. “I just want to take care of you. To show you that you are worthy and deserve it all and more. To be lucky enough to be in your arms. To give you whatever you need and want. To hold you, listen, patch you up, and watch movies in bed while eating junk food.”

We laughed together, and I had to wipe away a tear. I could see it so clearly. I wished I was there to wrap her in my arms like she described. The WANT that simmered within me was something I’d never felt before.

When she yawned, I felt like an ass, having woken her just to make myself feel better. But it did exactly what I’d hoped.

“I’m sorry; I’m gonna let you get back to bed. It’s late.”

“You sure?”

She seemed disappointed, and I was, too. But we both needed sleep and the sooner I got that, the quicker I’d return to her.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Sooner I sleep, the sooner I can get home.”

I hadn’t meant to say that, but her soft chuckle made it worthwhile.

“I’ll be waiting.”

We said our goodnights and hung up. She’d be waiting for me, for us to begin. I just needed a couple of hours of sleep, and then I’d push Baby to her limits to get back home as quickly as possible.

Y/N POV

What the fuck was that? What just happened? I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes but couldn’t fight the tiredness pulling me back under.

When I woke up again, I felt good and refreshed. Then I remembered the call from the night before. I dove for my phone on the nightstand to find a text from Dean.

Dean: Heading out soon. See you in a few hours. ;)

It had already been nearly two hours since he’d sent the text. I jumped out of bed in a panic, knowing there wasn’t much time before they’d return. Did he even sleep?

I rushed to shower and dress before going to the kitchen and making coffee. I wasn’t sure how much time I had, but I knew Sam and Dean would be hungry.

I tried to focus on cooking, but I kept replaying our conversation from the night before. And what was with the winky face? Did last night mean something, or did he need comfort after a lousy hunt? The things I said—how could I look him in the eye?

When the roar of the Impala entering the garage sounded through the Bunker, I fought the urge to run and hide. Just…act NORMAL.

“Damn, it smells good in here.”

I turned to see Sam and Dean entering the kitchen with big smiles. However, they both looked like they’d had their asses handed to them on that hunt.

“We’re fine,” Dean answered, my concern written on my face. This was gonna be harder than I thought.

“I figured y’all would probably be hungry.”

“He’s always hungry,” Sam teased as he made a plate. I was glad he seemed to ease the tension I was choking on.

“Just glad that’s all over,” Dean responded, joining Sam at the table.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” I told them before slinking to my room to hide like a coward.

Just as I thought, I couldn’t look either of them in the eye. What if they talked about it, about me? Of course, they did. Were things just going to be unbearably awkward now? How long could I pretend and hide?

Turns out, not long at all.

“Hey, Y/N?”

Dean knocked on the partially open door before opening it and stepping inside the room.

“Hey, Dean. Need something?”

Yeah, just keep it cool—really chill.

“Yeah,” he grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. Wait, was he nervous? “I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie in my room or something.”

This really was happening.

“Netflix and chill?” I teased and laughed, watching his tension ease. “That’s your play?”

“Well, you’re the one who mentioned it in our planned future,” he teased back, and my confidence faltered for a minute.

“I thought you might want to get some sleep. It didn’t seem you got much between our call and that text.”

“Then we’ll watch and nap,” he shrugged, taking my hand and guiding me to his room. And, of course, I went willingly, following him in a trance and soaking up the warmth of his touch.

Once in his room, he released my hand to set up something on the TV. I sat on the end of the bed, hands in my lap as I awkwardly tried to figure out what to do and how to act. He kicked off his shoes and flannel, leaving him in jeans and a t-shirt before dramatically flopping onto the bed, leaning back against the headboard.

“Come here?” he asked as he patted the space beside him.

“‘Kay,” I grinned and eagerly slid beside him, smiling harder as his arm settled around my shoulders, tucking me into his side.

I had dreamed and fantasized about this moment - as simple and innocent as it may be - so many times, and now it was a reality. I was more than surprised that his reaction to my truth was desire. But if he genuinely gave me a chance, I was determined to give him everything I said and more. Whatever he wanted, I was prepared to give.

Dean POV

It had been years since I’d done something as simple as cuddling and watching a movie. It felt intimate and special. As she quoted a line from the film, eating some junk food I’d laid out, I wondered if it was a djinn dream or a spell.

I wasn’t a blind fool, much as Sam tried to insist I was. I knew she was a fan, and we didn’t know much about her, which was why I agreed to the serum to begin with.

But I’d observed her plenty in her time with us. She was kind and helpful and an artist in the kitchen. She was a natural caregiver. She was funny and charming. She was super bright, too, with how she spoke, things she knew, and how easily she took to research - which she also happened to be great at. It didn’t hurt she was hot as fuck, but she had no clue.

Then, learning she was in love with me sent my mind reeling. I wasn’t a total idiot - letting this, her, pass me by would be the dumbest thing ever. I had to try, take a chance, or regret it forever.

She noticed when I glanced at her, turning her head to meet my eyes. Letting the moment sweep me away, I leaned in, pleasantly surprised when she slowly met me in the middle. My eyes fluttered, and I hummed at the sweet little spark that tingled my lips. I tilted my head, kissing her a little harder, more sure. She responded in kind, and that spark shot down my spine.

Cupping her jaw, I titled her head as I ran my tongue along the seam of her lips, begging her to open to me. I needed to taste her as much as I needed my next breath.

When she parted her lips, a gentle moan spilled forth. When my tongue slipped past her lips and tasted her soft, warm tongue, a responding moan was ripped from my chest. She tasted divine. Her tongue chased after my own, but I could feel her restraint. She was holding back; I knew it was because she was unsure, not in her feelings or wanting me. Instead, she didn’t know what I was after, too afraid to push forward and break the spell.

I pulled back, intent on breaching the topic, but a knock at my door broke the trance. Stupid Sam and his lousy timing. Another firm series of knocks had me rolling my eyes and groaning. Reluctantly, I released Y/N and opened the door; Sam was surprised to see her on the bed behind me.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” he asked, casting her a wary glance. I stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind me, following him a few feet down the hall.

“What, Sam?”

Sam POV

I wanted to talk to Dean about Y/N and this whole situation. I wasn’t expecting to find her in Dean’s bed with flushed cheeks. This whole thing was quickly spinning out of control.

“Het, got a minute?”

I didn’t want to have this conversation with Y/N around. Luckily, Dean closed the door and followed me down the hall.

“What, Sam?”

“What are you doing?”

“Sam, I told you-”

“No, Dean. We don’t know what her game is. She could have done a spell or made a deal. And you’re in there feeding her little fantasy.”

My older brother was incredibly defensive. He stood tall and stubborn with his arms crossed, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted to hit me.

“Look,” Maybe changing tactics would get him to see reason. I didn’t want to see him taken advantage of for the sake of some crazy fanatics’ whims. “All I’m saying is let’s look into her and this more. Talk to Cas, maybe Crowley or Rowena. Just…make sure it’s, you know, legit.”

As Dean slightly relaxed, I saw I was finally getting through to him. Y/N was nice to have around, but my paranoia wouldn’t rest until I was confident she wouldn’t cause us harm.

“Fine,” Dean agreed in a huff, his arms dropping to his sides. “Call Cas or whatever, do your research. Meanwhile, I’m going back to her and enjoying what I KNOW is real.”

Neither of us expected to see Y/N standing in the open doorway. I wasn’t sure how much she’d heard, but she looked hurt and determined.

“I’m gonna go to my room. Let you all figure this out.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s okay, Dean. Sam’s right; you can’t be sure, and I want you to be sure.”

She left the hall and went to her room. I was relieved and also incredibly guilty. That could be part of her plan. But as Dean turned back to face me, I again worried he’d throw a punch.

“You get what you wanted,” Dean spat through gritted teeth.

“Dean, I’m just looking out for you. You did the same thing with Becky, and it was for the best.”

He nodded but silently returned to his room, slamming the door loud enough to make me jump. I’d call Cas and Rowena to get to the bottom of this.

I stood in the Bunker’s library two days later with Y/N, Dean, Castiel, and Rowena. Except, all eyes were pointed at me with varying expressions.

While Dean was against it, Y/N allowed Cas and Rowena to poke, prod, and pry at her and her mind, searching for anything unusual. But there was nothing. According to Cas and Rowena - who both looked at me with pained sympathy - her love for Dean was pure and true, the real deal and soul-deep.

Dean looked at me with smugness and contempt. I knew he was feeling so damn righteous. But Y/N - she looked defeated and heartbroken. I knew I was an ass, but I couldn’t help feeling something was still off. If she knew all the horrible details of our lives and the many things we’d done - why the hell would she love either of us? Especially my love-em-and-leave-em brother?

“Are we done?” Y/N spoke, standing tall, but I could see the tears in her eyes and the waver in her voice. “Can I go?”

Y/N POV

After two whole days of being ripped open and exposed, working to prove myself in ways I never intended, I was more than done. I wanted to be thrilled at meeting the angel and the witch, but the circumstances left me feeling violated in many ways.

“Are we done? Can I go?”

I didn’t wait for a response, turning and heading for my room before the tears fell. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I didn’t even leave the library before a hand grabbed my arm.

“Y/N, wait,” Dean pleaded. I turned to him, and a single tear escaped to stream down my face.

“I just want to go. To forget any of this ever happened.”

“You could do that?” Dean asked, and my heart clenched at the hurt on his face. “Forget it?”

“No, but I have to,” I pulled slowly from his touch, already missing it.

“We can do this; we can make it work,” he insisted, and I shook my head and laughed, though it was without humor.

“THIS wouldn’t have happened if you two hadn’t snuck a truth serum in my drink. Sam questioned me, ripping my secrets from me, doubting me entirely. And you…you did nothing. Sam is the most important person in your life. If he’s not on board, it will never work.”

He didn’t say anything, but my words struck a chord. He didn’t try to stop me when I retreated a second time. While I was grateful, it also hurt. At least nothing more than a kiss happened. It might be easier to recover.

Dean POV

Hurt and anger were all I could feel. I understood Y/N’s position somewhat, though it hurt that she’d turn away. I turned to face my brother, all my anger directed at him.

“Are you happy now?” I shouted at him, and he dared to appear surprised. “This is your fault.”

“Dean, I’m just-”

“Looking out for me? Yeah, I know. But why does it feel like you’re jealous?”

“Whoa, I’m not-”

“You’re both daft fools,” Rowena spoke as she busied herself with tidying the items on the table.

“Excuse me?” Sam and I spoke at the same time.

“You two have put that poor lass through hell trying to find the truth. A truth that’s pure love. And while you act like you want it, you’ve done nothing. You let Sam question and doubt her. And she’s right; it’ll never work if Sam doesn’t support it because you two are so grossly intertwined. And you, Samuel,” she turned her fiery attention to Sam, and I felt a little scared for him. “You’re so busy thinking her love is undeserved that you must find a reason it can’t be real.”

“Undeserved?” I looked at my brother; his silent shame told me all I needed. “That’s it, right?”

“Dean, come on. How could someone know everything we’ve done and still love us—love you? I mean, love and relationships aren’t your thing. Don’t you think maybe someone or something is behind this?”

“Sam,” Castiel chimed in to chastise my brother.

I couldn’t look at him any longer, or I would kick his ass. I took off to my room. I wanted to go after Y/N, to beg for forgiveness, but I knew I couldn’t go to her as angry as I was, and she needed space, too. As I realized I may have genuinely lost this before I even got to glimpse it, I felt my lips tingle with the phantom press of her lips to mine. I’d just have to wait to let her come to me. I hoped she still wanted to and that Sam would get his head out of his ass.

Sam POV

Several weeks had passed since this whole truth serum mess with Y/N, and I was left feeling like a complete dick.

After Cas and Rowena checked her over, we all went our separate ways. Things in the Bunker seemed to go back to how they were, except no one talked to each other outside of pleasantries or necessity.

My brother would glare at me or make a snide remark to ensure I knew he was pissed. He felt I ruined everything, and maybe he was right. Y/N still cooked and cleaned and helped with research. But she didn’t make eye contact or small talk or linger. She didn’t eat with us or stay in the room for long. It made Dean more bitter every day.

I knew I had let my paranoia and fear get the better of me, and maybe I was a little bit jealous. Out of the two of us, I was the one who was only worth a good time? But as I reflected on her time with us and her interactions with Dean, I realized how much they had in common and enjoyed each other's company—even without romance mixed in.

I had to figure out how to make this right for both of them. I just had to convince Y/N I was sorry and wrong and that she and Dean should try to be together. Then Dean would forgive me, and all would be right again.

Dean POV

Sam had tried talking to me and apologized. I was grateful but still pissed. He swore he’d try to make things right, but I asked him not to. She hadn’t made eye contact or spoken any friendly words since Sam - no, since WE - had Cas and Rowena check her.

Sam was right; I didn’t deserve her. And I was heartbroken at her distance, her change in demeanor. I knew she was deeply hurt. As pissed as I was at Sam, I was even more so at myself. I did nothing to stand up for or defend her against the tests. I was just as guilty.

She would never have said anything. I never would have known had we not drugged her. I wanted to be mad about that, too, and was to a degree. Was this all some test, or were Sam and I destined to destroy everyone who crosses our path and dares to care about us?

The point may be to fight. But if I really wanted it, why wasn’t I trying harder?

I overheard the two of them in the kitchen the other night. However, it was mostly Sam, as she still didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, and maybe I should have let them know I was there, but curiosity got the better of me.

Just like with me, he was apologizing to her. But he was also practically BEGGING her to give me another chance. He swore he was on board and supported it - hell, he was full-on dreaming for it to happen now. She thanked him for his apology and said no more.

I didn’t know what to do. But I knew Sam was okay with us, and I wanted to find out what ‘us’ even looked like.

Y/N POV

Sam had been giving me whiplash. One day, he was utterly suspicious of me, then he ignored me, and now he’s practically begging me to give Dean a chance—as if I’d been the one rejecting him. I didn’t know what to do.

While I was glad they’d both apologized, I was still hurt. I tried my best to see things from their side: how this might all seem a rational way to go about things or why they were so paranoid. But my pain and embarrassment kept me quiet, just trying to make it day by day while focusing on business as usual. Maybe we’d all move on and put this whole thing behind us.

Until then, I had to do my best to maintain a sense of routine in the Bunker for their sakes. And I wasn’t going to hide away in my room moping either.

This is how I found myself in the library, reading a book as Sam sat on the opposite side with his laptop. I didn’t know if he was researching or looking for a case, but I did know I was pretty irritated that, with many other tables and chairs, he chose to sit across from me.

I tried to focus on the book but scanned the words more than I read them. I was aware of Sam constantly looking at me as if he had something to say before hastily looking back at his screen. I pretended not to notice until I stiffened at the sound of Dean’s approach.

I wanted to run and hide every time he entered the room, afraid he’d catch my longing looks or hear how fast my heart beat when he passed close enough to touch and smell. I could still feel his kiss and the warmth of his hand on my cheek as he held me sweetly. I tried to control it, but now that he knew, I felt so exposed, as if he could sense my every thought. It was a bit unnerving.

I tried to focus on my book as Dean concentrated on his brother, who leaned back in his chair to give him his attention.

“Garth needs backup on a hunt,” Dean announced, and I relaxed, knowing they’d likely leave soon.

“Okay,” Sam stood from his chair, gathering his laptop. “Meet at the car in ten?”

Sam began walking away before Dean’s voice made him stop.

“Uh, actually,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and smirked at his brother. “You and Garth should be able to handle it. Baby needs some maintenance anyway.”

Sam - to his credit and that annoying silent communication of theirs - paused only a moment before seeming to decide.

“Yeah, okay,” he responded quickly and eagerly, making me look at him directly.

He flashed me a smile before continuing his retreat from the room. The quiet, along with being alone with Dean, was sending my anxiety through the roof. He turned to face me, and - Lord, help me - I couldn’t even pretend to care about the book as our eyes met for the first time in what felt like ages.

“So,” he grinned as he slid into the seat Sam had just vacated, refusing to break the locked gaze. “Are you hungry? We could order pizza or go to a place in town or something.”

Okay, so he was waving a white flag. I could get behind that, and I was definitely hungry.

Dean POV

“You hungry? We could order pizza or go to a place in town or something?”

She relaxed, but I could see she was still apprehensive. I hated this awkward silence and distance, which hung like a dark cloud over everything. She had confessed her love, both with the serum and without. She spoke about our potential lives, which left me craving. But I hadn’t done much to show my want, to fight for it like she had done.

When Garth called about a case, I saw an opportunity. I would put on my A-game and fight for this, for us.

“Uh, okay. Yeah, sure,” she forced a smile, but I met it with a genuine one.

“Great,” I answered, standing from my seat and gesturing for her to follow. I was only slightly surprised that she did.

“What are you in the mood for?”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

Whatever I want? I grinned and fought back the chuckle as she followed me to Baby in the garage.

“I thought Baby needed work?”

I did laugh then as we settled in the front seat of my car.

“Yeah, I sort of wanted an excuse to be alone with you.”

“Oh.”

She blushed and bashfully looked away. I bit my lip and started the car, driving us into town. If she didn’t care where we went, I knew a place on the edge of town with great burgers, cheap beer, good music, and pool tables. I’d be in my element and could pull my best moves. I was intent on wooing her, and this was usually how I succeeded with others.

She was not anything like the others at all. She was so much more, from her looks to her body to her mind and heart. As we parked outside the roadhouse, I wondered if this place was the best idea.

Her soft smile was encouraging. As we went inside, my hand hovered over her lower back, guiding her through the crowd to an empty table in the middle of the room. It allowed me to watch everything, and I felt even more on guard than usual with her there.

I watched tentatively as she sat across from me, her eyes scanning the surroundings before landing back on me with a shy smile.

“I hope this is okay. We can go somewhere else if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, this is great!”

She seemed genuinely happy to be there, and I relaxed. The waitress came and took our orders, and I was pleased to hear Y/N talk more than she had been recently. I guess now was a good time to speak with her about what’s been on my mind.

“Look, Y/N…I want you to know that I am so damn sorry.”

She met my eyes then, and I swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened, that I let happen. We shouldn’t have pried. I’m so sorry you got hurt and exposed and that I didn’t stand up for you.”

She dropped her gaze to the table, tensing up again, and it felt like that beautiful door of opportunity was closing. I needed her to interact with me. Anything was better than the distance and empty pleasantries. At this point, I didn’t care if she flirted or screamed at me.

The waitress returned our order, and I thanked her. Y/N was focused on her food.

“I’m not sorry that I know. In fact, I’m a little pissed you were never gonna tell me.”

I took a bite from my burger and was waiting for her reaction. She stared at me with narrowed eyes before clearing her throat.

“What, I’m just supposed to come out and say it? Even though there was barely a friendship between us?”

She scoffed and returned to eating. But I was frozen, caught up in her choice of words.

“What do you mean ‘was’?”

Had she given up? Has she decided we weren’t worth it? That I wasn’t worth it?

Y/N POV

“What do you mean ‘was’?”

The pain in his tone made my heart clench. I didn’t mean to imply we weren’t anymore, but it didn’t feel like we were.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

He accepted it, and we ate in comfortable silence. When the waitress returned to clear the table, Dean settled the bill but asked to start a tab for drinks. When a whiskey shot was set before me, I clanked with Dean’s and knocked it back, taking it for the peace offering it was.

“Thank you for apologizing. I can understand why you two felt you needed to do those things. I just wish you would’ve asked.”

“So if Sam asked how you felt about me, without the serum, what would you have said?”

“I would have said I respect and admire you.”

“But not that you love me? Why?”

I had a feeling he’d ask that at some point. I huffed a breath and chewed my lip as I chose my words.

“Because I’m not worthy. If I never say anything, I never have to face your rejection, which would hurt, and it’d hurt you to see me hurt ‘cause you just care that much.”

I guess I didn’t need a serum. The big secret was out, and I told Dean all about our fantasy lives. At least if I kept truthing, I’d know if he truly accepted me.

“But I didn’t reject you, Y/N.”

I met Dean’s eyes, seeing how open he was, letting me see his truth. The intensity I found there made me gasp a little.

“I did hurt you, and seeing that hurt me,” he continued. Reaching across the table, he held one of my hands. “But I didn’t reject you. In fact,” his grip tightened, and a flirty smirk adorned his luscious lips. “I can’t stop thinking about you. About our future. About that damn kiss.” He laughed, and I nodded my agreement because I felt the same.

“Hey folks, can I get you another round?”

The waitress returned, and I jumped. Dean held my hand, which was firm but gentle, and smiled at her.

“Yes, please. Two shots, two beers. Thanks,” he said, placing a nice tip on her tray, and she left with a smile. It always warmed me how he could be so charming, even without a trace of flirting. His keeping ahold of my hand sent my heart into a frenzy. Maybe I wasn’t reading enough into all of this, which had me chuckling aloud just as our next round arrived.

“What should we drink to?” Dean asked as we held our shots.

I put on my best flirty smirk and clinked my glass with his.

“To second chances?” I suggested, hoping he’d pick up and accept my insinuations.

“I’ll drink to that!”

We threw back our shots and spent moments looking at each other and smiling.

Dean POV

It felt almost like making a deal, but one I’d gladly make again and again. I’d never experienced this feeling. It was as if I was embarking on an exciting adventure, eager to learn everything about this person and savor and enjoy every morsel of her being that she was willing to feed me.

I did my best to shut out the dark voice in my mind, telling me it couldn’t last. Either I’ll fuck it up, or she’ll leave, or - God forbid - she dies. That tiny black hole within me was itching to devour all the happiness around me.

But in her presence, it grew quieter and easier to manage. Even before her confessions, I witnessed how kind and caring she was, her compassion providing comfort. She was nurturing, even in the way I imagined a loving mother would be. I don’t remember. But she was like soft candlelight shining amidst the pitch black within my mind.

“How about a game of pool?” I suggested, seeing some open tables. I could show off a little and maybe get a chance to get close to help her line up a shot.

“Okay,” she agreed, taking my hand when I offered it.

I was reluctant to let her go, but I had to set up a game. Basic eight-ball was fine with me and didn’t take much thought.

“I know how to play, but I’m not very good,” she admitted. I bit my lip to contain my excitement about helping her.

“No worries. It's just a fun game. No pressure. But I could show you some things if you want.”

“Eager to bend me over the table, huh?” She laughed, and I was initially shocked. But if she was ready to ‘play,’ then game on, Babygirl.

As we started the game, she was focused, analyzing angles and trying her best. I, however, was focused on her. The way she moved, thought, and bent like a dancer to take her shots, Her whole body was lithe and curvy, stretching like a cat. I noticed, too, that she was ambidextrous. With some practice and pointers, she’d be outstanding. She had a natural skill but wasn’t used to playing.

I went back to admiring her as her plump ass was on display as she bent for a shot and missed. The pout that followed made me want to kiss it away. She was effortlessly sexy, and she had no fucking clue.

“You ready to head back?” I asked after finishing a game. I was ready to be alone with her again, if only to kiss her senseless.

“Sure,” she grinned, placing her hand in mine before I could reach for her.

I grinned like a fool as I paid our tab and led her outside. But we were stopped by a storm, with rain falling thick and fast.

“Race you to the car?” she grinned before dashing into the downpour to the Impala at the back corner of the lot. She was crazy but beautiful.

Grinning again, I ran into the rain to take her hand as we ran to the car together, laughing the whole way.

Y/N POV

I dashed out into the rain, feeling giddy and playful. I was high on the night I was having. I had been entirely aware of Dean’s eyes on me - and quite a few other’s eyes - but I tried not to think about it and just be normal.

With my spirits high and being a bit drunk, I felt brave.

“Race you to the car?”

I took off, half expecting him to chastise me. But when he took my hand and ran with me, laughing the whole way, my heart soared. I felt free, alive, and blessed to share it with Dean, the man I loved.

Dean released my hand to get his keys and open the door as we got to the car. I was mesmerized by watching his hand and fingers work, wet from the rain.

“Get in,” he gestured, and I quickly moved, sliding across the bench to the passenger’s side.

“We’re gonna have to wait ‘til it calms down a little. I can’t see much in this.”

I didn’t think about that when running through the downpour. Dean turned on the car only to turn on the heat, and the radio was low on some classic rock station. I couldn’t help but look at him and admire how handsome he was and how that was accentuated by being drenched. It was giving me wicked thoughts, and with my inhibitions lowered, I knew I wasn’t hiding it well.

I shamelessly ogled him as he shed his jacket and overshirt, leaving him in a t-shirt. He tossed the wet clothes in the backseat before looking at me to find me attentively watching his every move. His eyes trailed slowly down my body and back up again. My breathing picked up as my heart raced. He licked his lower lip into his mouth and released it. I think I moaned a little.

“Y/N.”

Dean broke the silence, the rain still pounding hard outside. We leaned towards each other, and his hand cupped my cheek as our lips met. It was just as good as before, though I wondered if I’d imagined it.

His tongue ran gently across my lip, and I felt a flutter between my legs. I opened for him and melted as his tongue met mine. I let him lead, knowing he was used to this, but I hadn’t been with anyone in a while and hadn’t made a habit of hooking up or even taking chances. I was worried I might be out of practice, but I felt encouraged by his sounds and actions.

He pulled back, ending the kiss far too soon for my liking, and I may have whined a little. He chuckled, and I pouted. He leaned in with a groan, sucking my lower lip before kissing me soundly.

I felt like I was in trouble, but in a very sexy way. It was a little confusing. But I was quickly sobering as I realized where this was heading. At least, I hoped.

Dean POV

Goddamn, this woman would surely kill me - but what a way to go. I was ready to make her mine here and now, and I was almost sure she’d let me. But she deserved better than that. As sappy as it may be, I wanted our first time together in a bed - specifically MY bed - so I could take my time and make it memorable. Special.

If things go the way I hope, it will be our last first time. I had more than a good feeling about this, and I was ready to do whatever was necessary to have her in my life.

How did I get so damn lucky, so fortunate to have this woman in love with me?

The rain was still coming down, but it had lessened enough that I was confident in getting us home safely. And I NEEDED her home, even if it was only to make out all night.

“Let me get you home,” I whispered, stealing another kiss.

“Well, you’ll have to stop kissing me to do that.”

I kissed her again, and she chuckled as I began to drive. I wanted her closer, tucked into my side, but I knew I needed to focus on the road. The sooner I got her home, the sooner I could touch and kiss her again.

I somehow managed to pull safely into the Bunker’s garage despite Y/N’s gaze devouring me the whole ride. As my cock swelled painfully against my zipper, I prayed to God we were on the same page. I’d be fine if she wasn’t ready. But I was about to burst at just the thought of her.

As soon as I parked the car, I turned to her. She grinned and leaned in to kiss me again. I grabbed at her, holding her close to me as I poured myself into the kiss, letting her taste my desire.

She straddled my lap with little encouragement, and I wrapped my arms around her to press our bodies together, our hungry kisses unbroken. I grabbed a handful of her hair and gently tugged her head back as my kisses moved along her jaw. When I reached behind her ear, I gave a little kitten lick. Her body jerked and ground against my lap, making me hiss as the zipper pressed against my painfully hard cock.

Y/N POV

I could feel how hard he was, his hands as hungry as his mouth. I felt bold knowing there was no rejection waiting, only want. I pulled from the kiss and held his face in my hands.

“Dean, take me to bed?”

I was practically sober now, and so was he. I looked him in the eye, letting him know I meant it.

“Are you sure?” He asked, which surprised me. “I don’t want to rush you or make you feel like I expect anything. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I can wait. You’re worth waiting for.”

I felt like I would cry, but the patience and understanding he exhibited made me even more sure. I kissed him slow and deep, pulling back to meet his eyes again.

“Take me to bed, Dean.” I realized how that might sound, even if my tone was soft. “Please.”

That seemed to spur him to action. As he devoured my mouth again, I filed it as a note for later. He set me back on the seat and climbed out of the car, offering his hand, which I accepted.

He smoothly pulled me from the car, closed the door, and pressed me against it in what felt like one move. The desire and hunger I saw in his eyes were almost intimidating. He kissed me senseless, his hands on my hips as he pressed his weight into me. He was so strong and capable that it only turned me on more.

“Your room or mine?” I asked, feeling confident enough to be sultry.

“Oh, Baby,” he grinned, unable to go long without kissing me. “I want you in my bed so bad.”

I chuckled and nodded, letting him lead me through the halls to his room. Once the door shut, he pressed me against it like in the garage. I could hardly believe this was happening, but I was so damn eager for it. His hands pushed my shirt up, and I let him remove it. He made quick work of my bra, and the cool air had my nipples hardening. He dove in with a hum, taking a nipple in his mouth and flicking with his tongue. My knees buckled, and I was grateful for his firm grip on my hips.

He moved to my other nipple and repeated his actions, ripping a loud moan from me as my hips bucked in his hold.

“You’re so sensitive and responsive,” he praised as he removed his t-shirt.

Dean POV

She was so beautiful, and her sounds were the sweetest music. She was so desperate and needy, her body reaching into my every touch, even if she wasn’t fully aware.

I felt frenzied, eager to take, feel, and claim. I had to force myself to calm down. I wanted to savor this, to drag it out, and make it as good as possible for both of us.

I reluctantly pulled back, just enough to kick off my shoes and remove the rest of my clothes. She looked at me with pure lust, panting as she mimicked my actions. My hands rushed as she became revealed to me.

As soon as we were both bare, she was pressed against me, seeking another kiss, which I was too happy to provide. Our hands were gentle and cautious as we explored every line, curve, and dip of each other, our lips and tongues dancing together. While I was no doubt aroused - my cock throbbing and pinned between us - her warmth and softness calmed me in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

I started walking backward, bringing her with me. I sat on the edge of the bed, intent on pulling her into my lap, wanting her close, but she seemed to have other ideas.

She slowly lowered to her knees, cupping my cheek with one hand, the other wrapping around my cock as she kissed me passionately, more dirty than any other before. She stroked me firm but slow, and when she ran her thumb over the head, I moaned into her mouth.

She pulled back with a grin and gently pushed me back with a hand on my chest until I was propped on my elbows, unwilling to take my eyes off her. She seemed just as intent as me to slow down, drag it out, as she kissed and locked along my lower stomach and hips, nipping lightly here and there, making me jump and groan.

“Not the only one sensitive and responsive,” she teased back at me, nosing along the crease of my thigh, turning her head to nip at the tender inner flesh of my thigh.

“Y/N!”

It was half shock, half desperate arousal. She was driving me insane. She gave in, licking from the base of my cock to the head, tonguing around the rim. My head dropped back, and that was the moment she took me in her warm, wet mouth with a tight suction that already had me embarrassingly close to coming.

She pulled off to tease me some more, and I seized the opportunity, sitting up and swiftly pulling her to straddle my lap. Before she could catch her breath, I turned and lifted her, smoothly laying her back on the bed, her legs wrapped around me, holding me close.

She gasped and laughed, making me chuckle along with her. God, this was a beautiful moment.

“I’ve never been manhandled like that. Surprised me,” she admitted shyly.

I laughed again and kissed her soundly.

“A night of firsts then,” I teased, kissing her deep and rutting my aching cock through her surprisingly damp folds. I was happy to know she was just as aroused as me.

As we drowned in kissing, I trailed my hand down her body and between her legs. I ran a finger over her clit before circling her entrance and sliding inside.

“So damn wet already,” I spoke against her lips, eager to swallow down her moans. “Bet I could just slide right in.”

Fuck, I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t thinking, only feeling as I adjusted my hips, grabbing my cock and sliding inside her. She was so tight and warm, and I could feel how deep I was. I had to stay still and catch my breath, or it’d all be over too soon. She was trembling around me, and I just wanted to make her come over and over.

Y/N POV

Dean was inside me, buried deep and nestled against my cervix. It was delicious, and I was hyper-aware of our every connection: our underbelly brushing, his hips against my inner thighs, chest-to-chest, and panted breaths shared from barely grazing mouths.

He pulled back slowly and slid in again, smooth and gentle. I felt like my heart would explode or I might burst into tears. He increased his speed only a little, kissing along my neck and chest. I marveled at feeling him, so long and thick and impossibly hard, fucking into me gently but with purpose.

Then, my rational mind began to speak up, reminding me he was bare inside me. I clenched and moaned, fighting back my breeding kink.

“Dean, wait,” I pushed gently at his shoulders, and he went still.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I promised, pecking his lips to reassure him. “But we need a condom. I’m not on birth control.”

He seemed to pause and think before nodding and slowly pulling out. As he moved from the bed to retrieve a condom, I wondered if I’d upset him. He sheathed himself and crawled back on the bed, and I opened my legs to welcome him. But he didn’t go for it right away.

His hand slid along my thigh, up my side, and cupped my cheek, his eyes searching mine.

“What had you clenching and moaning so hard?”

I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I also knew he was intelligent and experienced and had probably figured it out.

“My…my breeding kink.”

I mumbled the words in embarrassment but felt compelled to be honest. His pupils dilated, and he captured my lips hungrily as he slid within me again, with no hesitation and no resistance. He was so thick I could still feel every bit of him through the condom, his girth stretching me deliciously, making me wriggle my hips impatiently.

Dean POV

Fuck, hearing her say the words ‘breeding kink’ might have been the sexiest thing I ever heard. That’s something I’d be chewing on for a while.

I slid back inside her, and she let a sigh. I felt relief at being connected again, too. I could still feel her walls squeezing around me, but I wished I could feel her bare again. The primal side of me awakened, wanting to make her mine and breed her full.

Instead, I focused on her face and her reactions as I moved. I kept our bodies close, nearly all of us touching, which was way more intimate than I was used to. It only added to the many moments that made this an extraordinary connection. I had to remind myself it was only the start, the first time of what I hoped to be countless others.

As I picked up my pace, I could tell she was getting close. My thumb found her clit, and I rubbed tight circles in time with my thrusts. Her breathing sped up, and I could tell she was holding back.

“Wanna feel you come,” I told her, leaning in to kiss her ear and whispering as I kept moving within her. “Imagine me bare inside you, ready to fuck you full.”

I felt her clench hard before she moaned out her release, her hands digging into my ass as she held me deep. I did my best to grind against her and ride out her high. She was fucking gorgeous, and I was nowhere near done with her.

In another practiced move, I rolled to my back, taking her with me, my cock never leaving her tight and drenched pussy. Still coming down from her high, she kissed me sloppy before sitting up straight. My cock slid deeper, and we moaned together as I held her hips and encouraged her to ride me.

Y/N POV

My head was light, my body tingling from the incredible orgasm. I usually stopped at one, but the feel of Dean was too good to give up. He wanted more from me, and I wanted to give it.

I sat up straight, my hands on his abs for leverage. He was so deep it was almost too much. When I began to move my hips, I was intent on giving as good as I got. But it was so incredible it quickly became about me: what I wanted to feel and how. Luckily, he was enjoying it just fine.

I was about to lean down and kiss him, but he sat up, wrapping his arms around me. I held his gaze as I rode him, slowly and intentionally clenching my walls to massage his shaft.

He snarled and kissed me hard, his thumb rubbing my clit again. I was surprised how quickly my second orgasm was creeping up on me, but I was hungry for it, and so was he.

“Dean!”

I couldn’t help but shout for him - at him - I wasn’t sure. A second later, I was coming, riding him hard through my high as he focused his attention on my breasts.

God, I was drained and sweaty, barely able to catch my breath, my body spasaming and pussy throbbing. I didn’t even notice he’d sat forward, laying me back on the bed, still hard and inside me as he lavished my breasts and nipples with teeth and tongue.

I knew he hadn’t come yet and was starting to get concerned. Maybe I couldn’t keep up with him? Maybe it wasn’t as good for him? I thought it was the best I’d ever had, but he was more experienced. But I couldn’t get my brain to form words.

I ran my hands through his hair and over his back, and he hummed at the touch. I wiggled my hips, reminding us both that he hadn’t come yet and was hard as a rock.

“Dean?” I urged him from my chest and met his eyes. “Wanna feel you come.”

I wiggled my hips again as much as I could in this position: my ass on his lap and back lightly bowed.

“M’close,” he spoke against my lips. “How do you want it?”

God, that was so sexy. But I was determined to make this good for him, too.

“Whatever you want. Anything!”

Dean POV

She felt so goddamn good. I wasn’t sure how I’d been able to hold back coming all this time. I wanted to make her feel good, but I also wanted to impress and show her that I could care for her. More importantly, I wanted to show her that I wanted her.

As she floated down from her high, I took the time to worship her, licking the sweat from her skin and riling her up for more.

“Dean?”

Her soft voice calling my name so sweetly had me pausing to look at her.

“Wanna feel you come.”

My cock twitched, more than ready, but I fought to hold back, desperate to please.

“M’close,” I admitted, pecking her lips. “How do you want it?”

She moaned, her legs widening, making me sink a little deeper.

“Whatever you want. Anything!”

“So fucking perfect.”

I couldn’t help but praise her and was pleased when she swooned. I grinned and kissed her again, the feel of it already becoming second nature. I ran my hands up her arms and pulled her hands above her head, urging her to grab onto the edge of the mattress.

We smiled warmly at each other as I sat back on my heels, draping her legs over my arms as I gripped her hips. Her back was arched, legs wide.

I pulled back and swiftly thrust back inside, starting a brutal pace that rocked her body and had her screaming. She gripped the bed tight as I let go, fucking her like I wanted to. I was sure it was equal parts pain and pleasure, but she took every inch of me again and again.

She was chanting my name over and over, her pussy spasming wildly around my cock. I was going to come any second, but I needed to feel her one more time. To have her pull me over the edge with her.

I held her tight, sure there’d be bruises I’d kiss later, giving her all I had. She screamed even louder before her pussy fluttered and gushed all over me.

I lost it, falling forward and groaning as I came hard, the condom swelling with my seed. I huffed hard, my head falling into the crook of her neck. I couldn’t have imagined our first time together being any better than what we shared.

I tried to make myself move, worried I was crushing her. But she wrapped her arms around me and shook her head.

“No. Don’t move. Please.”

I laughed and dropped my head back to her neck. I was good with that.

Y/N POV

Fuck, I couldn’t move. Dean tried, but my oversensitive body couldn’t handle it, so I begged him to stay still. He seemed content to remain there for the time being.

“That was hands down the best sex I’ve ever had.” I chuckled at my honesty and still quite cum-drunk.

“Mmm,” he hummed, kissing my neck and pulling out. “You squirted.”

“I did?!” I had to lift my head and look, a big, wet mess all over us, the sheets beneath me wet. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I could do that.”

“Fuck, don’t apologize.” He tossed the condom and grabbed a towel to clean us up. I sighed and lay there, letting him. “It was so fucking hot, Baby.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, tossing the towel and moving us under the blankets. I went willingly, completely spent.

“Sleep?” I asked, desperately needing to recover.

“Sleep,” he agreed, pecking my lips before moving to spoon me, his arms wrapped around me securely.

When I woke later, I smelled coffee and gentle kisses on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and propped on my elbows, having shifted to my stomach at some point.

Dean was right there beside me, his smile warm. My heart melted all over again.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he teased with a chuckle. He shifted to sit back against the headboard, sipping at a mug.

“Hey.”

I forced myself to sit up, adjusting the blankets to cover myself as I leaned next to him, noticing he was shirtless, but the bedding covered his lap.

He handed me the mug, and I smiled bashfully as I drank the warm and delicious coffee inside. I returned it, and he set it on the nightstand, turning his attention back on me.

He grinned, leaning in and cupping my cheek as he kissed me sweetly. His hand trailed down my neck to my chest before thumbing at my nipple. The kiss turned heated in an instant as he made his intentions known.

He pulled back the covers, and I let him, though I whined that he pulled his lips away, too. He was just as naked as me and half-hard. But as his shoulders settled between my thighs, my mind went blank, simply eager for what he was about to do.

Dean POV

When I woke, I had to wipe drool from my chin after the incredible dream I had of feasting on Y/N’s sweet cunt. I sat up and wiped the sleep from my face before noticing Y/N was asleep beside me.

She was on her stomach, her hair a wild mess, her mouth hung open as she breathed heavy and deep. Remembering what happened earlier, a grin spread on my face as I realized it wasn’t all part of my dreams. I leaned down and gently kissed her shoulder, but she didn’t move.

I decided to rush to the bathroom and grab some coffee, trying to hurry because I wanted to be there when she woke up. Ideally, I could wake her sweetly, and then maybe she’d let me eat her out because that part was a dream, and I was aiming to rectify that for both of us.

I climbed back in bed, not having bothered with clothes since we were alone in the Bunker, at least for now. I set the cup aside and kissed her shoulder and back again. Featherlight and worshipful, I brought her to wakefulness.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” I greeted as her eyes opened.

I sat back, sipping coffee. She sat up next to me with a soft greeting and accepted the mug when offered. She had moved the blankets to keep herself covered, but I could see over her neck and chest where I’d marked her good. I hadn’t meant to; I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But seeing them in different shades and sizes only turned me on.

She returned the cup to me, and I mindlessly put it on the nightstand. I kissed her, eager to show how happy I was, to reinforce that it was real and reciprocated.

Pulling the covers back to expose us, I thumbed at her nipples, finding them already hard. I ignored the throbbing of my cock, and I lowered myself between her thighs. She was already a little wet, and I was desperate to have her slick coat my tongue. I wasted no time as I dove in, making out with her pussy, tasting every bit of her, mapping and testing her creases and folds.

Her hands ran through my hair, and her thighs clamped around my head. Her moans and pleas had me impossibly hard. I rutted against the bed as I slid two fingers inside her, sucking her clit hard between my lips. Her voice hitched, and her body tensed, so I doubled my efforts. She shattered, and I removed my fingers to delve my tongue deep inside, gulping down her release and savoring her tangy flavor.

I came onto the sheets with a muffled grunt as I wrung every ounce of her orgasm from her. When she relaxed with a sigh, I kissed up her body, elated and aroused as she kissed me deep and sucked at my tongue.

I pulled back to look at her - at this incredible woman who loved me and was willing to give herself to me. She ran her hand from my brow to my jaw, her eyes following the touch, a soft smile on her lips as she met my eyes. It felt incredibly intimate, and I laid my head on her chest, my body pressing into her. I was hiding from the onslaught of emotions she was creating inside me.

Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and one hand moved to run her nails over my scalp softly. I sighed and relaxed, taking the much-needed comfort she offered.

This was the part I always missed out on. It's always awkward mornings or quick goodbyes. With Y/N, I could stay, linger, and accept the peace and comfort I was always denied. I may have dozed off lying on her, but she never moved, her hands and nails soothing and relaxing me.

God, I hoped it would always be like this. To be safe and loved in someone’s arms.

FOREVERS:

@lyarr24

@hobby27

@kazsrm67

@maliburenee

@440mxs-wife

@writercole

@spnbaby-67

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

@leigh70

@laycblack

DEAN WINCHESTER:

@slamminmine

@deandreamernp

@awkward-and-indecisive

@akshi8278

@mimaria420

#not our first fan #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #reader insert #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #fanfic #oneshot #longshot #long oneshot

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copperbadge · 19 days ago

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https://www.wired.com/story/therapy-broken-mental-health-challenges/

I came across this (old) article and it made me think of what you shared about your therapy experience. Would you say your therapy experience worked? It almost feels like you were telling us about how you were A/B testing your way through it.

Yeah, I remember reading that article at some point either before therapy or early on. I don't remember what I thought overall but I do remember being astonished that people expected therapy to help them in six sessions, and that most people report improvement in only 15-20. Not because I think either of those things are unrealistic based on any kind of evidence, but because that's not the expectation I was ever handed when I was in therapy. I was in therapy for nine years as a kid, until I turned eighteen and could legally refuse to go. Not for anything I did, like it wasn't a court order, I was simply put into therapy and wasn't allowed to leave by the adults in my life.

The thing is, because it was mandatory, because at least one of those therapists broke ethical constraints, and because across nine years and three separate therapists nobody caught my ADHD, I have a more complicated relationship to therapy than a lot of people. I still catch myself thinking of things I can't tell my therapist because then she'll have leverage on me. Which is absurd, but it took me a long time to start saying those things to her. I am difficult and private and smart enough to make that a real problem, so it's been a slow process for me.

I also think that article is complicated, because it makes a lot of good points but it also seems at times to confuse therapy itself with the abusive nature of the American healthcare system. So while it's a useful article particularly when it speaks to marginalized peoples' experiences, it may discourage people who could benefit from therapy from doing the work to find a therapist. It's a good article to learn from, but I wouldn't advise people to decide for or against therapy based on it.

(My thoughts on my own therapy under the cut)

I'm still in therapy. It's difficult to measure results. I think I handle interpersonal stress better than I used to, but I haven't been able to find much to help with some of the emotional volatility I experience, and while I've set some good boundaries with family, the process of doing that was and continues to be stressful and upsetting, in some ways harder than simply not having them, so I'm still assessing that. Part of the problem for me is that I don't find cognitive-behavioral therapy useful for what I need, and while I understand there are differences, like 90% of all therapeutic systems boil back down to those techniques. Reality checking, visualizing, physical stimulus responses, mindfulness, as I said once to Therapist, "It's CBT all the way down." I don't respond to many of them and others I was already doing, so *shrug emoji*

At that point, when I realized there was no system that was going to help with my specific problems -- in part because the problems are ADHD related in a way that you can't train your way out of -- we also agreed it was time to try medication. Which felt like a failure, but I know that realistically I looked at the situation as it is, assessed my options, and made an appropriate choice, which is after all what therapy is often about.

So I've been on Clonidine for a couple of weeks. And it's doing fuck-all so far, but it's the lowest dose and there are other options too, so it's an ongoing process.

Outside of frustration with trying to fix problems that I honestly don't think anything but medication will fix, therapy's ok. If nothing else the expectation of it helps me identify actual problems in my life. And like most people I enjoy talking about myself but I also have a lot of struggle around asking for that kind of indulgence from friends, so doing that for an hour in a structured transactional kind of way is easier for me.

Ultimately, there's no real one-size solution that's called "Therapy", so whether or not I have found it useful isn't really material to whether someone else would. Some people use it as maintenance stress-relief, some people need to do deep emotional work, some people are in crisis and need an objective commentator. Sometimes you move from one need to another. Right now I'm in a liminal space because we're trying something new, so it's tough to say. But I'm finding it worth the cost in time, energy, and money, so I'll keep on until I don't anymore.

#sam has adhd #not yet fired from therapy

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aayakashii · 9 days ago

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I remember you did something kind of similar already, but I was thinking what if Vagastorm had an S/O that can or likes to carry them around sometimes? :3c

Omg I am obsessed with your art btw 😭😭 I love it so so much, it always makes me laugh!!!!

And yesss I did it here!! Which is wow a LONG time ago so I'd love to give it a go again, with a fresher opinion on them all hehehe

Vagastrom with a S/O that loves to carry them around (with pictures ?!)

Alan

He's absolutely horrified with this situation

Please put him down

Doesn't matter if you're EXTREMELY strong, he still thinks and acts as if he could hurt you even if he's not doing anything

Literally the type of guy that needs to go through exposure therapy in order to get used to the most minuscule touches

So you'll have to work hard until he allows you to carry him around sometimes

You can begin slow, after he's used to you hugging him

You can go for a hug, squeeze him tight and then finally lift him for a few seconds

He'll still be alarmed, but slowly he'll get used to your random bursts of affection that lead to you carrying him around

Once he's used to it, however, he thinks it's actually kind of relaxing

Feeling weightless for a little while in your arms is an unexpected bonus of his relationship with you

And he won't lie that it brings him great comfort that you're strong

Don't get him wrong, he still acts as if you're easily breakable

But maybe not as much... Just a little bit 🤏

Alan before he got used to being carried vs Alan after he got used to being carried

Leo

Oh he LOOOOVES it

But only when he wants it, of course

As soon as he realizes you are strong enough to carry him around, he WILL be using this opportunity to be as lazy as possible

What do you expect from the guy who is plenty capable of doing anything with his ghoul strength but still asks Alan to open cans for him 😭

You will become his little lackey whenever he wants to be carried and you will 100% like it

Some of those weird cats are going around cleaning the dorm? Get up and carry him somewhere else xox

He found a new trend on tiktok abt partners carrying each other? Come here real quick and let him film a new video for his feed thx

Now YOU want to carry him out of nowhere when he didn't ask for it??

Now that's some audacity

Be ready to either be pushed away or to have some bubblegum stuck on your face for a long time 🫶

He's like a poisonous animal, except instead of shooting out venom when he's distressed, he shoots out hazardous, life-threatening bubblegum

But hey, you should know better...

Don't pet the cat if the cat doesn't wanna be pet, duh

Leo when he doesn't want to be carried vs when he wants to be carried

Sho

He finds it extremely embarrassing

No, you don't understand. He LIKES it. And THAT'S why it's embarrassing.

When you come running towards him while he's working, hug him tight and then lift and spin him around...

And he knows he's blushing like a fucking school girl in front of all of his customers..........

Please stop 🤚

Actually, no. Don't stop. But please do that in private so he won't lose face in front of his customers.

Especially in front of that kid from Frostheim who he almost beat up. How is he going to defend his pride when he's tucked all comfortable and cute in your arms, being held high???????

Toxic masculinity aside, he loves to be carried by you

Loves to feel like you like him so much that you can't help but hold him so tight like that

He does the same to you and soon it becomes a competition of who's gonna carry who first when you two meet afterhours at his room

His favorite thing, however, is when he manages to kiss you while he's being carried

If you're going to make him all flustered like a little lovesick dumbass, then you bet he's gonna do the same to you 🫵‼️

Sho when he's screaming inside and blushing bc you're carrying him in public vs Sho when you two are alone

#tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker headcanons #alan mido #leo kurosagi #sho haizono

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 1 year ago

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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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nozomi-vents · 2 months ago

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FASHION JIRAIS DNI /SRS

The thing that really annoys me about the reyinblack situation is how they're the ones telling us to "get help" even though a lot of us are already doing that and are just using tumblr as a way to find a support group n shit.

Rey has this stupid belief that you should cope the way other people cope, and if you don't you're "glamorizing it and influencing others", and it genuinely baffles me how completely ignorant they are surrounding both the topics of jirai kei and mental health as a whole.

since when has anyone in the jirai community ever encouraged anyone to self harm? The only self harm shit I've seen coming from the jirai community are literally people just talking about their own struggles with self harm.

Tbh, the only thing I don't like about my self harm is that whenever I relapse I have to hide it until it heals so that my family doesn't get pissy at me over it (especially my dad, cause he deadass once told me "self harm is stupid", and honestly, wtf), but that's just me. People got their own reasons why they romanticize their own self harm.

And I am putting the emphasis on the "their own" part, because this douchebag really missed that part and I don't think they'd bother to care anyways.

Also, "just get a diary" THIS IS MY DIARY, JACKWAD. My therapist knows that this blog exists, i literally showed it to her to look at. And I start intensive outpatient therapy next week, so idk what you're on about when you say I should "get help."

Speaking of "getting help", I do agree that if someone needs professional help, they should try to get it as soon as possible. Walk in crisis centers exist (at least in Colorado where I'm from)

But regardless of whatever it's for, when someone does get help, it doesn't mean that all of your problems will go away.

it means that you are learning the skills needed to cope with them so that you don't end up doing some genuinely harmful behaviors like drugs or risky sex.

Sometimes getting help means de-escalating from a crisis so that you don't try to kill yourself or others.

Or it could be to help manage some behavioral issues or trauma that you had to deal with.

People get this stupid misconception that the minute you go to the psych ward for a few days or start talking to a therapist, that all of a sudden you're gonna be this mentally stable and happy person who has no issues whatsoever. I've been dealing with the mental health industry for 5 years and yet I still haven't gotten better, if anything I feel fucking worse tbh.

And to add on to that, not everyone has that same kind of access to help. Sometimes parents don't believe their kids are struggling and refuse to get them help, sometimes financial barriers can make it difficult to afford it, lots of things.

Japan (the place where Jirai Kei originated) has a major issue when it comes down to the stigma surrounding mental health and mental illness, and getting help is completely discouraged there. That's where the Jirai Kei community comes in to help destigmatize mental health (while looking cute as shit).

but the part that's gotta piss me off the most regarding this situation is how rey is so upset that different ways to cope exist to the point they're literally reporting blogs and getting them t worded ALL BECUASE NOBODY AGREES WITH WHAT THEY GOTTA SAY.

Sheesh, and people tell ME I can't take criticism...

Anyway, just wanna say that if you see reyinblack anywhere, please report and block them. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM.

Thank you.

#mental health #mental illness #jirai kei #jiraiblr #landmine #jiraiblogging #landmineblr #jirai #jirai girl #jirai onna #jirai joshi #jirai lifestyle

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65thgames · 4 months ago

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Okay now that we've sorted THAT here are some of my actual harvey headcanons (some loosely based on my fanfic that's in the works)

-I think when he was younger, I'd say 18-early twenties, he had a bit of a rebellious phase. Not necessarily as wild as most people's, but for him it was massive. He had internalised a lot of his insecurities and issues from his failed dreams and just general stress. So he became a bit untamed to try and fit in with the others, as he wasn't sure where he belonged. Certainly not in aviation (he's known this for a while), and he feels like an imposter within the medical field . So where else does he fit in?

-As expected this did not work. Someone tell him pushing away and bottling his issues isn't good for him bc he sure as hell won't tell himself. He was never able to feel like he fully fit in with the rest, like everyone else was speaking a sort of language that he was never given the dictionary for (yes I hc him as autistic).

-His relationship with his family now that he's older is more business-like than it is familial. He'll visit for major holidays, maybe stop by when he's near, but even in childhood he was always closer to his extended family. I don't think his parents were cruel, but I think that they were very strict, no nonsense people. They didn't support his inital dreams. Not because they didn't care for him, but rather because they thought they were unrealistic. Why be a pilot (when he's got bad vision anyways) when he can be a lawyer just like his father? Why be a pilot when he can become a doctor, like his brother? As a result I think he unconsciously associates his pain from his failed dreams with his parents.

-A lot of the food he "dislikes" in game don't actually come from not liking the taste. Instead he's conditioned himself into not liking overtly "unhealthy" foods to try and maintain his image of a good doctor. He already feels like an imposter in his profession, so he uses tactics such as these to try and lessen the feeling. Who needs therapy am I right?

-But despite this, he is a huge hypocrite. He is aware of this. He preaches health but then eats microwave meals in his secluded apartment where he doesn't need to keep up his mask. If any of you are familiar with Goffman's dramaturgical analogy, it's exactly like that in my eyes. His "backstage" is his home. But the main stage is Pelican Town. And he uses props moreso in the form of abstract things to build his mask of a good doctor, believing he cannot be effective if he's "just Harvey."

-Random but he's an olive AND marmite person. Not together, obviously. But trust that man has a jar of marmite in his cupboard, and one of these for his olives. His sister gifted to him over a decade ago. He's surprised it hasn't broken yet.

-His first big buy for himself was a turntable. It was his pride and joy and he'd polish it often. He still has it. Obviously we know he likes Jazz, but I feel like his dirty secret is that he listens to country on the down low. Shh don't tell anyone.

-He's gotten into only a few physical fights in his life. Most were when he was in school. But one was an alleyway fight he got into whilst defending his sister from a creep. Trust me, poor Harvey got his fair share of a beating. But that's the day he learned he can throw a punch if he wants to. However since them he's gotten a bit more out of shape. He could still punch someone, but he's a gentle giant so give him a second to stretch and practice his breathing techniques he gets anxious okay. (unless its for someone else. If someone he loves is in danger he'll go in, ham stretches be damned. He'll pay for it in the morning though.)

-On the note of gentle giant, I think Harvey was a surprisingly short kid. He shot up around age 13, though, and didn't stop for a while. He was asked to be on the basketball team, and he did try out whilst he was still trying to find himself. That dream ended quickly when he got a basketball to his face and it broke his glasses in half.

-On the topic of sports, I think he's a pretty fast runner but he does have limitations. When he was a kid/preteen, he had asthma. He's grown out of it mostly, but he still gets attacks from time to time. Now that he's older, it's because his body has started catching up to him. Sure he'll run a few laps for a charity run, but give him an icepack for his bad knees okay.

-He started greying fairly young. He's very insecure of it, because as he was growing up one of his most prominent features was his hair.

-Since we're talking about appearance, I know that man has good cheekbones.

-His eyes are hazel but he just calls them brown.

-The most he's ever let someone in was Elliott, but even then he keeps him at a firm arm's length. He's not good at letting down his guard at all until the farmer.

-He's had a few relationships and a few hookups, but they've never really stuck. He doesn't like hookup culture so he no longer participates in it. I think Harvey doesn't fall for people often because he's so guarded, but when he does it's hard and fast and usually soul destroying.

-Cries at the lion king

-He's neither a cat or a dog person. He has no preference, he loves both for different reasons. Cats are laid back, independent and (usually) quieter. Dogs are floppy and silly. If the farmer has a pet/multiple, he usually has to be attacked with a lint roller before leaving for work every day. I'm talking airport security pat down core.

-This man is TERRIBLE with technology. He definitely does the millennial pause god forbid he ever has to send a video to someone. He's not very well versed with the new meanings people have assigned to emojis and slang. So never text him "HELPPP 😭" unless you want your house barged into at 3am by Harvey with a medical bag.

That's all I've got for now

#stardew valley #sdv #stardew #sdv harvey #harvey sdv #sdv headcanons #harvey #stardew valley headcanons #mara thoughts #not grammar checked btw

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whatdudtheysay · 1 year ago

Text

Annoying Roommate Gojo

(Pt 3)

Cw - breeding, threesome, oral (m+f), spanking, degrading+praise kink, unprotected sex, sloppy sex, (sight use of y/n) - .

Context - some students in a younger year are having a house party...Gojo and Getou being mutual friends of them obviously go as a kind gesture....but the night makes things more interesting

A/N - sosoosos sorry this took so long. I literally made the fic all the way up to the nsfw and all of a sudden Tumblr decided to delete the draft n I got so frustrated I needed a therapy break ★ enjoy ❤︎ THIS IS VERY FILTHY

Part 1 ≈ Part 2 | outfit inspo |

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Gojo didn't feel like going out tonight but here he was in some random kids house. Well to be exact, one of the college freshmen he was friends with - megumi, had a friend of a friend who was hosting tonight's party since his parents were out of town .

Not wanting to be rude and dismiss the invitation, he got dragged into this and so here he was, staring into a cup of fruity alcohol whilst different girls came and passed after he told them he wasn't in the mood.

After finishing a drink, Gojo was about to go get another but Getou approached him.

"bored? You look like a socially awkward twelve year old at a birthday party." Getou teased as he placed a hand on Gojo's shoulder.

"fuck off Suguru." Gojo muttered, placing his empty cup down and then going to fold his arms as he scanned the crowd.

"Well.... If you're looking for y/n-" Gojo's ears picked up on your name. "She actually wanted me to come find you...says she wants to talk to us."

Gojo gave getou a hard side glance before turning to him. "About?"

Getou smirked, knowing he'd already got Gojo hooked just by mentioning you.

"Well, I don't know...but you could find out if you follow me."

Gojo pretended to act hesitant but deep down inside he knew damn well he wouldn't give this up. Eventually, after keeping up his charade he finally nodded and Getou smiled, turning and leading Gojo through the crowd of people who'd attended.

As they walked upstairs, the music downstairs faded and soon enough, Getou stopped outside a door down the hall, motioning for Gojo to enter. Gojo lightly rolled his eyes and pushed the door open, revealing you sat on the bed. Almost all the blood in him rushed south when he saw you wearing that outfit...the way it effortlessly clung to you sensually and enounced your beautiful body almost had him seeing stars.

"Oh– I'm surprised you actually came." You smiled, leaning back against the bed, your hands steadying yourself.

"He was...hesitant." Getou spoke up, closing the door behind them.

Gojo raised a brow. "Why am I here?"

You sighed and got off the bed, walking up to Gojo and Getou.

"Oh, C'mon Gojo.." you sighed, letting your hand slide up his chest, his breath hitching slightly under your touch. "Don't need to be so uptight."

Getou walked around behind you, a hand slipping down your waist, making your hand fall and move to place over his.

"I've been thinking a lot...about you...and Getou.." you hummed, watching Gojo thoughtfully. "And I was thinking...you both made me feel really good...but I can't choose."

Gojo raised an eyebrow again as he watched you pout teasingly.

"So...I want you both." You concluded, smiling when Getou began to rub your waist and dip his head against your neck, kissing your skin softly.

"both?" Gojo asked again as if he didn't know what you meant.

You nodded. "Both...at the same time."

Gojo's mouth parted slightly and you giggled whilst Getou smirked.

"What? Don't tell me you wanna just sit and watch like last time?" Getou taunted, his hands moving up to the straps of your dress. "I wouldn't mind though...I don't usually like sharing."

Gojo grit his teeth whilst he watched you both.

"Like hell I am." Gojo spat, walking closer to close the distance.

Gojo leaned down and kissed the other side of your neck, causing you to gasp lightly, whilst Getou just smirked at Gojo's reaction, his hands moving to grope your ass.

As Gojo continued kissing and biting your neck, leaving deep marks against your flesh while Getou pushed your dress up to your hips, pulling down the pink thong you'd worn tonight, letting it pool at your ankles before pushing two thick fingers into your mouth.

"Be a good slut and get them nice and wet for me." Getou whispered.

You nodded and quickly sucked his fingers eagerly, swiping your tongue over his fingers to lubricate them the best you could. Once Getou was satisfied he pulled his fingers out of your mouth, pushing them against your clit.

Gojo helped hold you up once you jolted from the sudden stimulation, drinking in the reaction of your mouth hanging open, letting a few small moans and whines spill from your glossed lips.

Getou smiled at your reaction. "So sensitive, hm baby?" He then stopped rubbing your clit and glanced at Gojo. "Wanna feel Satoru's tongue on your pussy, baby?"

You quickly nodded and Getou smirked, nodding towards the bed and Gojo followed through. They both led you to the bed, your heels falling off as Getou helped you get rid of your dress, your nipples pebbling once exposed to the sudden coolness of the room.

Gojo didn't waste anytime and spread your legs whilst Getou took one of your breasts into his mouth, the other being fondled by one of his large hands. You whimpered as Getou grazed his teeth against your hardened nipple whilst Gojo watched you closely. Without wasting another second, Gojo leaned down and licked a fat stripe against your slit, causing you to jolt and moan suddenly.

Getou watched with a smug look as Gojo began to go down on you, his tongue eagerly lapping up the arousal that had begun to seep out of you as a product of Getou's prior teasing.

Getou let your nipple slip from his mouth as he watched you moaning and squirming under him, his hands moving to hold you down, ensuring you took what Gojo had to give.

"You like it baby? Like when satoru licks your cunt, hm?" Getou asked lowly, moving to leave hickeys against your neck.

You nodded, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you watched Gojo glancing up at you, his eyes blown with pure lust as he continued to suck your clit before moving his tongue down to your entrance, pushing his tongue deeply into you.

Getou smirked once he saw you throw your head back against the sheets, arching your back as Gojo continued to lick and suck your throbbing cunt, his fingers dipping into his own mouth momentarily before he pushed them with ease into your hole.

"So pretty baby..." Getou praised, kissing your neck softly, a pure contrast to the rough pump of Gojo's fingers inside your pussy.

You whimpered and gripped the sheets tightly as Gojo continued to lick and suck and fuck you with his fingers and tongue, while Getou moved away from your neck to tease and twist your nipples, watching as your face contorted in pleasure.

"Satoru–" you gasped, making gojo look up at you, his fingers curling up against your sweet spot when he heard you call him by his first name.

Gojo continued to lap at your clit almost hungrily before switching, pulling his fingers out of you to rub at your aching bud whilst his tongue moved to lick up your dripping arousal.

"Shit– I'm gonna cum." You shakily cried, your hands moving to grip Gojo's snow white hair whilst Getou moved a hand to rest against your abdomen, pressing hard against your abdomen to watch you squirm.

"Go on then, pretty...cum for us." Getou whispered against you.

You finally let go once Gojo curled his tongue against that spot that had you seeing stars, your hips rolling against Gojo's mouth eagerly as you came against his tongue, riding out your orgasm against him eagerly.

Once the overstimulation finally set in, you shook lightly and gasped as Gojo continued to lap at your wetness, your hands weakly pushing against him while whimpering out pleas.

Gojo finally sat up, licking his fingers before doing the same with his mouth, groaning at the taste of your arousal buzzing on his tongue.

Getou watched as Gojo pulled off his shirt, his hands then moved to his belt. You panted whilst watching through half lidded eyes as you watched Gojo pull down his pants and briefs, revealing his cock that was painfully hard and leaking with precum.

Getou's hand then helped you sit up. "Be a good girl and suck Gojo off, ok baby?"

You nodded and moved closer to Gojo's hard cock, giving his tip a few kitten licks, his pre cum coating your tongue before you finally took his tip into your mouth, looking up to see Gojo's eyes flutter lightly as he felt your hot mouth envelop him.

At first, you were going to go slow to get used to Gojo's size but having other plans, Gojo pressed against the back of your head, pushing you down onto his cock, not stopping until he heard your first few gags, letting him know when to pull you back off. Getou watched with a dark lust as he watched Gojo fuck your throat, his own hands moving to pull off his belt and shirt, discarding them somewhere in the room before doing the same with his pants and briefs.

Getou then walked towards you two. Through teary eyes, you could see Getou coming to your side, stroking his cock. Gojo noticed getou and pulled you off his cock, not even allowing you to catch your breath before he forced you to suck Getou off. Getou let out a deep moan as he felt your mouth suddenly against his dick, letting out deep groans as he felt your tongue sliding against his underside, his hips jolting into your mouth, making you gag more.

You tried to accommodate to the sudden size change. While Gojo was thinner and longer, Getou was equal in length but on the thicker side. Gojo stroked himself as he watched you struggle to take Getou to his base, letting out a shaky moan as he felt himself getting closer just from watching. Getou noticed and gently pulled you off, letting you actually catch your breath as you looked up at both of them and then at their painfully hard cocks.

Getou glanced at Gojo but he shook his head, relaxing onto the bed before pulling you to straddle him.

"if I'm gonna cum–" he panted, making you hover your hips before lining himself up with your dripping entrance. "It's gonna be in this slutty pussy."

You let out a loud moan as Gojo entered you all at once, your walls stinging as Gojo fucked his hips up onto you, your hands moving to rest on his chest whilst Gojo steadied you by holding your hips tight enough to leave bruises.

Whilst Getou watched him fucking up into you you ride him, he continued stroking himself, groaning in pleasure as he watched before a devilish smirk wavered over him. He walked to Gojo's side, resting a knee on the bed. As Gojo felt the shift in weight, he looked up and saw Getou on top, stroking himself over him.

"Be good and say 'ah'" Getou teased.

Gojo didn't know what came over him, but he found himself opening his mouth, letting Getou's wet cock slide down his mouth. You moaned whilst watching, your walls squeezing Gojo in almost a voice grip as you grinded yourself down against him, biting your lip as you watched Gojo suck Getou off. Getou noticed you watched and his smirk widened.

"Feeling left out baby?" He asked, delivering a hard spank against your ass, the recoil making him groan and thrust deeper into Gojo's mouth. "C'mon. Keep riding Satoru's cock like a good slut."

You nodded and continued riding Gojo, Getou biting his lip in response before leaning over and sloppily kissing you, your mouths parting slightly to swirl your tongues against each other before your lips met again. Gojo's hips involuntarily buckled into you as he saw this, groaning around Getou's cock whilst his tongue lapped whilst more precum leaking into his mouth.

"Fuck–" Getou cursed deeply once he pulled away from your lips, his shallow thrusts becoming deeper as he felt the ignition of his upcoming orgasm push into full gear. "So close, Satoru-" he grunted deeply.

You whined as you continued watching them. "Shit- 'm close too,"

Gojo let out a muffled grunt, making Getou chuckle breathlessly. With one more roll of your hips and a sudden jolt of Gojo's hips, you moaned and clamped your eyes shut as you came, your nails digging into Gojo's hips as he continued fucking into you more frantically as he chased his own climax. Getou groaned above him as Gojo's tongue moved quicker. Getou then let out a deep moan, finally releasing deeply into Gojo's mouth, causing Gojo's brows to furrow at the sudden feeling of Getou's seed filling his mouth, forcing himself to squeeze his eyes shut and swallow it. Gojo wasn't even sure if he was turned on from sucking Getou off or if it was because of your hips still grinding against him but he eventually followed suit and came, releasing thick ropes of cum deep into your pussy.

You let out a shaky gasp as Gojo filled you up, your hips moving more whilst your walls continued spasming around his cock in your post orgasmic bliss, milking more of his cum out whilst Gojo's hands dug deeper against your hips.

Finally, Getou slipped out of Gojo's mouth, both of them panting whilst you watched them, your eyes still lidded.

Getou walked over to you and gave you another sloppy kiss before helping you off Gojo's cock, letting you lay down on your back, spreading your legs once more.

"Fuck–" Getou groaned as he pushed his tip teasingly against your entrance, easily being able to slide inside, Gojo's cum pouring out of you as a result.

Getou immediately started at a rough pace, barely giving you time to adjust properly before he was already pounding into your pussy, causing your breasts to jolt as you let out a string of loud moans and whines.

Gojo watched as Getou immediately began pounding you, his cock already hardening at the sight. He walked to the other side of the bed, towering over you. Once you saw his cock getting harder you mewled, your back arching as Gojo's hand moved to grope one of your breasts, his other stroking himself again, ignoring the screaming sensation of overstimulation.

"Gonna fuck your throat now, princess. Think you can take me again?" Gojo asked as he twisted one of your nipples.

You whimpered and moaned softly as you nodded, trying not to let your mind slip as Getou continued pounding into you.

Gojo wasted no more time, pushing his cock into your mouth. You squeezed your eyes shut as Gojo fucked your mouth with almost as much force as Getou's hips snapping against yours. Both of them let out a series of groans and grunts as they used your body to please themselves.

"Shit– So fucking tight even though you got fucked by satoru, hm?" Getou grunted, his hands tightening at your waist as he fucked into you with need. "Such a good tight cunt."

You moaned around Gojo's cock as a response, causing him to jerk his hips deeper into you, his hips moving faster once he heard your light gags.

"Fuck, pretty girl- your throat is so good– so fucking tight." Gojo sighed, revelling in the way you licked his tip anytime he pulled out or the way your throat tightened even more when his hands groped your tits even harder.

Getou continued his rough assault against your cervix, his thumb moving to rub against your clit, smirking as your body squirmed and tried to move away from the sensation, your walls hugging him tightly.

"So fucking good for us baby. Gonna let me cum in your pussy, hm? Gonna swallow all of Satoru's cum?"

You eagerly nodded and sucked Gojo's cock harder, paying extra attention to his swollen tip that had his eyes rolling back. After enduring a few more hard thrusts, both of them came almost at the same time, the feeling of Gojo shooting hot ropes of cum down your throat and Getou pushing his hips deeply against you, spilling out a string of curse words as he came deep inside your abused cunt.

The combination of feeling them both releasing so deep inside you pushed you over the edge, letting out muffled moans around Gojo's cock that had him shivering whilst your walls milked getou hungrily, his grip on your hips tightening as he resisted the urge to start fucking into you again.

After you finally calmed down, Gojo pulled his cock out of your mouth, a light drawstring of cum and saliva connecting you both before It finally snapped. Getou did the same, pulling his cock out of your pussy, his fat tip slapping against your clit, causing you to jolt and whine, earning you a chuckle from Getou.

Gojo moved to Getou's side between your legs. You looked at them both, your body still shaking. They shared a glance before leaning down and spreading your legs wider, a gasp coming from your swollen lips as they both began eating the mixture of all of your aftermath out of your cunt, both of their tongues hungrily moving against your hole to take in the filthy product you'd all made. You moaned shakily, trying to endure the overstimulation as they continued eating you out, only stopping when they'd cleaned you completely.

Once they finally stopped, they each placed a small kiss against your clit before sitting up. Getou licked his lips whilst Gojo laid beside you, pulling you against him whilst he kissed you, letting you taste the lewdness of what had just conspired. Getou watched and laid on your other side, cupping your cheek and pulling you to his side to kiss you messily.

After he let you go, you all laid on the bed, panting.

Gojo let his eyes flutter shut and eventually felt himself falling asleep.

Sadly this was all short lived when he heard an annoying shout of his name. Gojo shot up and rubbed his eyes, looking around before hissing. He looked down at his crotch and was shocked to see a blanket and a tent in it.

Frantically, he looked around and saw he was...in bed? His room door opened to reveal you wearing...that same dress.

You had an annoyed look on your face and rolled your eyes. "Geez, satoru! I called you like ten times and you're still not up!? You said you'd drive me to the party tonight."

Gojo groaned loudly and ran a hand through his messy bed hair when he realised it was all a dream. A very erotic one. He looked back down at his huge bulge whilst you continued mouthing off on him.

Silently, Gojo got up, watching as you continued running your mouth. Once he got closer, you stopped talking and held your breath once Gojo cornered you against his wall.

"Two things sweetheart. One, we aren't going to the party. Two, call Getou to come over." Gojo whispered.

"I have a few other plans we can get up to tonight..."

★

──

Tags - @flamey-comet, @smolbeanzzz, @pandoraium, @hana-patata,

Thanks for support ↑

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 3 months ago

Text

Hero Course Application Denial Reason: Mental Health

Summary: Being a hero is hard work, and to enter it you need to fit certain criteria. One of them is having no mental illness that could be triggered by the work you are entering to a degree deemed unsafe by the authorities.

Bakugou Katsuki doesn’t know this.

Note: I am aware IED is a spectrum even if I mostly only know the extreme cases. I am aware not all mental health is the same. The negative talk of mental health in this story is supposed to be targeted at people who use it as a crutch and don’t try to do anything in order to work with their conditions to be able to lessen the harm towards them or others. The people who just go: not my fault I have X.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Bakugou Katsuki is six years old, he goes to a therapist who diagnoses him with intermittent explosive disorder. IED for short. It’s theorized his Quirk brings upon it.

Now, Katsuki grows up knowing this. Teachers use it to ignore his outbursts, screaming and attacking the Quirkless kid. It's just a disorder; it’s not his fault.

The doctor speaks about medication or therapy, but the Bakugou family ignores it. There isn't a reason to, given that his behaviour is due to his Quirk. His mother believes it won’t work. Katsuki proudly raises his head and smiles as his Quirk is praised, and they point at him as a perfect hero.

He applies for UA with his head held high.

He is sure to get in.

“Denied,” Watanabe Kasumi says as she stamps the words onto the application.

“Hmm?” her coworker and twin, Watanabe Hikaru, says.

“Kid with QAB-induced psychopathy due to being able to block all emotions,” Kasumi says as she puts the paper in the refusal pile. “He applied for heroics.”

“Sounds more like DQD.”

“Both probably,” Kasumi scoffs.

QAB or Quirk Affected Behaviour was when people were heavily affected by their Quirk. Usually, it was just mental and mutation Quirks affected, though there was a case a year or so before where Hadou Nejire was admitted while diagnosed with it due to her needing vitality for her Quirk. Her energized attitude came from that. Most of the time, though, it was just people whose Quirks already affected the brain or added in mutations like animal characteristics. It was not a reason for denying admittance into the hero course by itself. But psychopathy coming from it was.

DQD is a Quirk disorder with three levels: damaging, deliberating and devastating. These Quirks were ones where usage of them harmed the user. Damaging was the most common, and honestly, Kasumi was pretty sure there was a higher rate affected by it. Most didn't know that they had it since it made sense for their Quirks to affect them like that even when theoretically they shouldn't. Deliberating was the second level, which was much more apparent but not incredibly so. Devastating… Well, that was when it horrifically affected you or killed you.

A kid being a psychopath fits the latter.

The siblings continued through the stack of applications, their moves little more than blurs to anyone watching. While they were sitting perfectly normal for them, the reality was that the twins were moving faster than anyone else to go through the stack of papers. Their Quirk was the same: supersonic working speed—or, as their bitter mother called it, ‘Workaholic.’

As long as the twins worked, they were faster than anyone else. As kids, if their mother wasn't forcing them to ignore it, the two could get through homework in seconds, remembering everything as school was their job.

When they got older, they learned their father, never seen by them, was the same. His issue was that he also had QAB. He loved work so much that he was utterly addicted to it. Before the twins were born, he was able to avoid giving in to his condition entirely, but when the twins came and their mother ended up in the hospital for a year due to complications, he had to work harder. He fell into his addiction; no one bothered to stop it, given it wasn't ‘dangerous.’

The twins weren't surprised their mother hated their Quirk when they figured it out. Instead, they made a promise never to let work take over. They got jobs at the same place to focus on each other and remind themselves.

That was when the trouble started. The twins worked fast enough to do the work of hundreds of people, but they also knew how unfair it would be to take all the jobs. So, instead, they accepted positions promising to pay them the same as six people to do the jobs of six people each.

The first place didn't uphold their promise during their first month. They got paid only enough for one person each.

The second place also didn't.

The third place snuck in enough work for ten people each. They only found out thanks to a friend tipping them off.

The fourth place outright demanded the work of thirty the first time they showed up on site, trying to use a new contract they made the night before, attempting to claim the twins signed an agreement they could amend at will.

The idiots didn't remember how both twins got a lawyer to remove that when they first tried it and tried to insist no such thing happened.

That was when Nezu stepped in. The twins did all his administration jobs, which was safer than having many people do them. They also worked as his secretaries for hero work and his secretaries for school. They did the work of hundreds at a much safer rate. Nezu admitted he'd be doing most of it without them anyway, making it easier for them to accept.

“Explosive Quirk kid diagnosed with IED,” Hikaru announces, holding up the paper when he gets it, startling Kasumi from her musing.

“Actual IED or ‘this kid is aggressive but has a Quirk based on explosions?” Kasumi asks.

“The latter,” Hikaru says. “Properly diagnosed and everything. But…”

“Could still be a doctor shrugging his shoulders. Well…”

“Denied,” Hikaru shrugs.

Certain mental illnesses deny you entrance to the hero course. IED was one. If you exploded into violent rages randomly, no one could trust you using your Quirk to save people. What if you got set off and hurt others?

Hikaru pages through the applicant to see what is being done, rolling his eyes when he sees that the kid isn't in therapy. No medication or anything, either.

Figures.

Hope the kid isn’t to upset.

“Thank you for your interest in rolling into the UA Hero Course. However we have to deny you on reasons of mental health. IED is on the list of deniable conditions-”

Katsuki stared at the letter, unable to look away. The hag is busy on the phone yelling about suing the school as the old man talks.

Katsuki can't hear a thing.

It's not fair. He can't help his condition. It's not FAIR!

Katsuki screams and stomps off to light his Quirk outside, raging. It's not his fault!

They couldn't do this!

But they could.

“IED is a serious condition for a hero to have. No medication or therapy is foolproof,” the lawyer says. “We will not win this case. It's not even just UA- the Commission itself will not allow anyone with IED to the level Katsuki is diagnosed with, particularly if they are not in therapy or medication, into the hero ranks.”

“What if he goes on medication?”

“UA still doesn't allow it. They have the right as a hero school to do so. Others may do so, but the chances are low.”

Katsuki sits there and feels his dreams vanish.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Notes:

A pet peeve of mine is when people quickly go ‘Bakugou has a condition that makes him angry thus he is completely fine the way he is and also it’s not his fault’. That's not how it works, and claiming it is severely insulting to people with conditions who have put time into overcoming difficulties so they can function in society without hurting themselves or others. Saying Bakugou doesn't need to change if he did have a condition is just excusing his actions.

Plus there are a lot of mental health conditions and physical conditions that can prevent you from being in the army or police force. I can't see how being a hero in MHA is any different. IED is not something to play around with, and I highly doubt they'd be allowed to be heroes even if they are receiving proper treatment.

So I think in a world where Bakugou has it, he’d be forbidden. So boom here it is. I'm not going to confirm if he does or doesn't have it, because I'm also jabbing at the idea that it is because of his Quirk.

I am also now in love with the Watanabe twins.

#bnha #bnha au #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mental health is important #look you can get denied from a lot of jobs due to mental health #if they deem it a risk #a disorder where you have violent outbursts randomly #would be one you are denied entrance to the hero course #bakugou katsuki

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miffysrambles · 1 year ago

Note

wukong and mac headcannons with an s/o who has abandonment issues? i love your fics also <3

Wukong and Macaque With an S/O Who Has Abandonment Issues

(Ahhh thank you so much, I love your art!)

Wukong:

Oh Gods, he would be there for and with you one hundred percent.

Wukong has done a lot of things in his life that he regrets (much as he brags he hasn’t) but abandoning his friends was the one that makes him cringe the most.

As soon as he realizes or you straight up tell him about your abandonment issues, he makes it his life duty to be there for you no matter what which he was already doing.

He hates being patient, he loves doing things straight away and dives in head first.

But when it comes to you and your relationship, he tries his very best to take it at the pace you feel comfortable with.

If you need extra love because you feel like shit and are clingy that day, awesome!

You can lay in his arms the rest of the day if you want, the more time the merrier!

He would whisper sweet nothings into your ear to comfort you,

“I love having you in my arms, ya know that?”

“Gods I could look at your face all day, you’re the sunshine to my day.”

“I probably sound really corny right now but i really do mean it peaches, I adore you.”

Will hold you close to him as he slowly rubs your back in comfort, pressing kisses all along your face.

If you ever feel anxious that he is going to leave you, he will make sure you know he won’t.

Will immediately take you in his arms while cupping your face, his eyes taking in all your gorgeous features as he smiles comfortingly at you.

“Oh peaches come here, I would never ever leave you. You make my immortal days so much better, better than they ever have been. I long to see your face after a day of training with the kid. I love you so much, never forget that.”

Macaque:

Abandonment issues partners, yay!

But seriously he understands, maybe a little too much.

After the whole “incident” with Wukong, he has abandonment issues of his own but you already knew that!

Your trust in each other is built gradually when you were friends, the moment he realizes he can completely trust you he asks you to be his partner.

Understands if you need more time to trust him, however, if you say yes he is happier than he has ever been.

Although he does not really show it, trust me, he is over the moon!

“You really want to try this out? Alright then hon, let’s do it.”

He is always willing to listen if you just need someone to vent to, will let you lay your head in his lap as he plays with your hair.

His fingers tangled through your locks as he just lends an ear to your feelings, he can't help but get lost in the sound of your voice.

He’s hesitant but if you want to seek professional help with him to help with your issues, he’s willing to do it just for you.

“...Hey, about that therapy thing? If you really want me to, I’ll go.”

Will actually use the sessions to help him with his own issues, he will open up to you more and will be secretly thrilled if you do the same with him.

"Hey, you're using the advice they gave us. Glad to see you are too."

If you ever have one of your days when you are anxious he is going to leave you, will be with you every step of the way to help you realize he would never.

You mean so much to him, more than you could ever realize and he wants to make sure you know that.

“Hey sugarplum, it’s ok. I’m here, and trust me. I am not going anywhere. By your side is where I always want to be and I will make sure you are always safe and loved. You are my everything”

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk x reader #lego monkie kid x reader #ask #lmk sun wukong #lmk macaque #lego monkie kid sun wukong #lego monkie kid macaque #lmk sun wukong x reader #lmk macaque x reader #lego monkie kid sun wukong x reader #lego monkie kid macaque x reader #sun wukong x reader #macaque x reader

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becauseimanicequeen · 6 months ago

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My Pride Month Watch List

In celebration of Pride Month, I've decided to watch some (or a lot) of the stuff I've been meaning to watch and want to watch. My list will include current watches, what I want to rewatch, and things I want to watch for the first time.

Here are all the things I will watch this beautiful month of June (in alphabetical order because, yes, I'm that person):

Current Shows

These are shows I’m currently watching and the ones I know I am starting this month.

At 25:00, in Akasaka (Japan)

This is nearing its end. I've enjoyed it so far (despite the dead fish kisses). Not one of my favorites, but definitely enjoyable.

Blue Boys Part 2 (Korea)

Part 1 was so good in terms of the chemistry and overall vibe that I'm excited to see part 2 (which is set to be released sometime this month).

My Stand-In (Thailand)

One of my favorite current shows. A naive (but slowly growing) main character, a scum male lead (whom I absolutely love), beautiful cinematography, grief is present (and I love that shit because it's like therapy for me), angst, supernatural elements, etc. It also has Up Poompat and Poom Phuripan in the main roles. I just love it.

Knock Knock, Boys! (Thailand)

This show started this week with the first two episodes, and it exceeded my expectations. I went into this series wanting to watch it for Seng (who is an amazing actor) and Best (who has something I can't quite put my finger on that pulls me in every time I see him). So far, after only two episodes, I already love it for the chaos (and I’m sure more chaos will come). Also, it includes a loud and proud pansexual character! I love both him and the representation.

Love Sea (Thailand)

It's about a writer (which means I have to watch it) and about the sea (which I love). And not just the sea, but diving as well (I love that even more). I'm starting this as soon as it premiers on the 9th.

My Marvellous Dream is You (Thailand)

I haven’t started this yet because I wanted some episodes to be out before I dove in. But I really like the gifs I’ve seen so far and will definitely dive into this series this month.

OMG! Vampire (Thailand)

This is the 3rd(?) series I'm watching with Frank and Long but I'm having a hard time getting into it. It started with a bang with Frank and Big kissing (dead fish kisses are clearly banned here, and I love it!) and then a bite (which is one of my kinks, lol). But, then... I'm hoping it picks up again soon because it has the potential to entertain me.

Only Boo! (Thailand)

Definitely not my cup of tea. This is way too cute for me. But, since it's about artists, three boys who want to become dancers/performers/idols, I have to watch it. The acting is great, though. I'm really impressed with these kids.

The Rebound (Thailand)

It's Meen. That's it. That's the reason. It's set to start on the 26th.

Sunset X Vibes (Thailand)

I need more Mos and Bank on my screen. That's it. That's the reason I'm watching this. Honestly, I don't know that much about this series, and want to go in blind. I know they'll deliver on the chemistry, and that's more than I can ask for. I'll be watching this as soon as it premiers on the 15th.

The Two of Us (Thailand)

This is the Freya and Meji spinoff from Deep Night and I can't wait to watch these mature sapphic women being domestic. The first episode came out on Thursday, but I'm watching it today.

Wandee Goodday (Thailand)

Another one of my favorite current shows. This is everything I want in a light, funny, super horny show and I love it so much. Yak is one of my all-time favorite GMMTV characters, and I love how this show has paired two buff eye candies together in Inn and Great. (I can't remember if I've seen this dynamic since Max and Tul, but my memory is fucked so I might've forgotten the others...) I just love everything about this show and the chemistry between Yak and Dee. It also includes an ace character, whom I hope I get to see more of in coming episodes. And it includes a lot of neon lights (and I'm a slut for that).

We Are (Thailand)

I'm watching this for the artists that are in the series (and since I'm an artist, it's my duty, lol). I also love Tan and Fang as well as Q and Toey (which are currently the two couples that are keeping me hooked).

Rewatches

These are, just as the headline states, stuff I want to watch again.

I Told Sunset About You + I Promised You the Moon (Thailand)

I want to be blessed with this cinematography and the amazing chemistry between Billikin and PP Krit.

Secret Crush on You (Thailand)

I just love the friend group in this show so much that I want to rewatch it again. Also, it has neon lights (and I'm a slut for that). And Looknam. Do I need to say more? I think not!

Step by Step (Thailand)

This series isn't necessarily that great, but I want need more Up on my screen. Also, Man is such a huge man (and Scandi), and that's a big plus (that he's huge, I mean). And it's got Zorzo (my ideal woman) and Poppy (he's such a gem)! Despite its flaws, I'm really excited to rewatch this.

To Be Continued (Thailand)

I've been meaning to rewatch this since it ended because I loved it so much. So I'm telling myself to dive into it again this month.

Unintentional Love Story (Korea)

There was just something about the vibe of this series that I want to experience again. Also, it's about a potter (and, as you can probably tell from this post, I love watching shows with artists of all kinds).

New Watches

These aren't necessarily newly produced. They are shows/films I've been meaning to watch for quite some time without having gotten around to it. But now is my chance (and duty) to dive in.

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea)

I've heard some mixed feelings about this, but that doesn't really deter me. And since Korean BLs are usually short, it doesn't matter that much if I end up not liking it.

The Blue Hour (Thailand)

This is a film with Gun ATP (one of my favorite Thai actors), which I've been putting off for far too long. I'm going into it without knowing very much, which is just how I like it.

His (Japan)

I've been meaning to watch this for months, especially after seeing Miyazawa Hio in Egoist at the end of last year.

Light on Me (Korea)

I've heard about this from various sources a lot lately, so I figured I would watch it this month. I don't know anything about it, but I've heard it's good.

Mama Gogo (Thailand)

I've been putting this off for far too long. It was created by Jojo. That's all I need to know, and all I need to dive into it this month.

The Warp Effect (Thailand)

I've been putting this off for far too long. It's about damn time to watch it. Also, it was created by Jojo.

I could put more on my list, but they say June only has 30 days. So, I'll start with this.

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copperbadge · 1 year ago

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I've been putting off asking this, because I didn't want to fuck with anyone's process, and I know it can be hard to talk about therapy or hard to do it if you've talked about it, but like...people who are in therapy and feel you're deriving benefit from it, what do you do in it? Not generic stuff like "work on my problems", specifically what do you say and do? What do they do? What is the benefit you feel you get?

The problem I'm having is that it feels like how Catholic friends have talked to me about going to confession as kids before they fully understood how it worked, making stuff up to confess because they hadn't done much to warrant confession. I keep trying to come up with things therapy could help with, stuff to bring to the meetings, and not finding much. My therapist is fine, it's not that she's unhelpful; she does the stuff a therapist is supposed to do, like validating or active listening, but I don't really need validation and I don't feel any benefit from just talking about stuff. I think my access to catharsis is very narrow if it's present at all.

I tried bringing therapy types of problems to her, interpersonal stuff, but most of those I don't really have a say in solving, and the ones that I can influence I generally have already worked on. It feels like roughly 99% of my problems could be solved with money (admittedly more money than I have or probably ever will) and the other 1% aren't...solvable. Like there isn't much a therapist can do about the AC being off for the next three weeks in my building.

But my only other experience of this is when I was a kid and didn't get a say in it, and that generally felt like an obscure form of punishment. And I know people do get something out of it! It's not me trying to take a passive aggressive swipe at therapy. I'm just perplexed as to what I'm meant to be doing to make it useful. I feel like I'm missing the point, but also like maybe I'm just not someone the point was meant for.

I'm not trying to call myself the picture of mental health or anything but like, you can't talk-therapy ADHD into submission, and the other issues aren't under my control. I tried floating the idea of improving my emotional regulation but I suspect this is as good as it gets, because there doesn't seem to be any kind of process or system for fixing that. I don't especially anticipate it or feel better or worse about things after, I just log off the call and get on with fixing dinner. It's a non event other than the copay and an hour spent on Zoom. Which I can spare, I don't mind the money or the time, it's just....why am I doing it?

So, what do you do? Because if I get answers about stuff I'm not doing then I can try that, and if I get answers about stuff I've tried, maybe this just isn't for me. Wouldn't be the first time and won't be the last that I'm not quite built for something that other people find valuable. Although admittedly usually it's a tv show or a video game and not mental health treatment.

#sam has adhd #not yet fired from therapy

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czrpenters · 2 years ago

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all the things she said | sam carpenter x reader

summary: sam could be impulsive sometimes and you hated it.

warnings: slight scream vi spoilers, but nothing too big. angst with smut at the end. top!sam & bottom!reader. english is not my first language.

pairings: sam carpenter x fem!reader.

word count: 2.3k words.

masterlist | request rules.

It felt way too good to be true, to be completely honest.

You were a survivor, a fighter. When the Woodsboro attacks happened again, you were there. You survived. You got stabbed in your back 4 times and it damaged your nerve. You would never walk normally again. But you still survived. Liv and Wes couldn't say the same. And you were so grateful that life, god, fate, whatever you wanna call it, gave you a second chance.

So, like any sane person would, you and your friends decided to leave Woodsboro behind. All of the trauma and the pain should stay right there, where it belonged. You all needed a fresh start. Chad and Tara enrolled into college, Sam finally started therapy and Mindy got a girlfriend, just like you did. You started to work in NYC as a photographer and, surprisingly enough, started dating Sam. Like I've said; way too good to be true.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." You said while getting up from the couch. A ghostface attack, on an alley. A college professor died brutaly. She was young, so freaking young to just die in the hands of an asshole with a mask on. "Guys, I think y'all need to see this..."

You said, grabbing the attention of the Core Four (horrible name, by the way), making them leave the kitchen and watch the news with you. The room once filled with laughter got quiet all of a sudden. Tara was in the verge of tears, Mindy was shaking. Chad couldn't even speak. But Sam was the only one who took action and said something. "Pack your shit, we're leaving."

Your girlfriend fled the room, going to the kitchen to grab her knife and to start packing up her stuff, but you followed her. "Yeah, no? We can't do that, Sam. We can't just, leave!"

"Like hell we can't." She finally grabbed her knife and went to her bedroom.

"You think we're gonna be safe if we leave? He followed us, Sam! What makes you think he's not going to again?" She didn't even listened to you, just started packing her stuff like you weren't even there. You put both of your hands on the top of the suitcase, preventing her from continuing. "Stop this and listen to me, babe."

"Don't call me that in front of them, (Y/N)." You rolled your eyes.

"Fuck that, no one is fucking here. I already know you're ashamed of me, you don't need to remind me." Sam looked at you, with a tired look on her face. Here we go again, she thought.

"You know that I'm not ashamed of you, (Y/N). It's complicated and you know it." You huffed, closing the door so you both could have some privacy. "Complicated my ass, Samantha. You don't wanna be seen with me and that's fucking fine, I can handle it. What I can't handle is the fact that you don't take my opinion into consideration!" You ran you hands through her hair and took a deep breath. "We cannot just fucking leave here, Sam! Tara has her life here, she wants to be freaking normal and that's not gonna happen if you move us around the country like we're fucking nomads." She tried to speak but of course, you didn't let her. "Plus, we need to know what we're dealing with! Who we're dealing with! They may wanna come after you again, and if they do, they're not gonna just give up. They're gonna follow us if we don't stop them, Sam. You know I'm fucking right."

"I am trying to do what is best for my family, (Y/N). We're going to fucking die if we go through this shit again!" She raised her voice at you. So she wants to fight, huh?

"And I'm not, Sam?! Is that what you fucking mean? That I wanna stay here because I want all of us to die?"

"Tara doesn't fucking need this anymore! Not again! We're leaving New York and that's final!" She started packing her bags again, making you angrier by the minute.

"I'm sorry to say that but that's not how life fucking works! We are a family, Sam! We get to make all of our decisions together!"

"No, (Y/N)! We are not a fucking family! Tara and I are family, you're not. So just stop trying to decide what is best for us and leave us the hell alone!" She screamed loudly, looking at you with rage in her eyes. Hearing all of that shit from her broke your heart into million pieces. She was right, you were not her family. You felt your eyes start to water and it made you laugh, ironically. Sam realised what she just said, and the expression on her face just softened. "(Y/N), I..."

"You're so fucking right, Sam. I'm not your family. You don't even have the guts to tell people we're dating, so I guess you're right." You said, smiling through the pain. "You know what? If you really want to, I'll leave you alone."

You opened the door, grabbing your jacket and keys, getting ready to leave the apartment. Sam didn't even tried to stop you; she just stood there, speechless. All of them heard you fight, but they also didn't said anything, until you were just about to leave. "(Y/N), don't go out. Ghostface is out there, you know it's not safe. He might..." Chad started but you interrupted him.

"Kill me? Yeah, I'm aware. But I just learned today that it wouldn't make a fucking difference if he did." And then you left, going to god knows where.

It has been a couple of hours since you fought with Sam. She's been trying to contact you and left, literally, more than 100 messages on your phone, but you didn't replied to any of them. You were too hurt to reply to any of them. You just found a bar downtown and drank the whole night. Thank goodness you didn't got drunk that easily, otherwise you wouldn't even be standing still right now.

"It was hard to find you." You heard someone say behind you, making you turn around. It was Sam. Her eyes looked puffy, like she's been crying for hours, a heartbreaking scene to be honest, but you didn't said anything and took a gulp of your whisky. "I had to track down your phone, like, a million times..."

"Sam, I-" You tried, but she interrupted you immediately. "I just wanna talk, okay?" You huffed and look straight ahead, letting her sit right next to you. "I hate it when you drink."

"Well, I guess we're both disappointed right now." You laughed ironically which made Sam take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for what I've said. Truly. I was upset, and scared. We all are. Just come back home so we can talk about all of this." She pleaded, holding your hand over the bar table. "And you're absolutely right. I don't need to hide anymore. You make me happy, (Y/N). Happier than I've ever been in so fucking long. I don't need for this, for us, to be a secret. And I'm so sorry for making you feel like I was ashamed of you."

"I know that, don't worry. It's fine." You held her hand and kissed the back of it. "You know that we can't go, Sam. We need to stay here and figure out who is behind all of this." She nodded.

"I know... It just scares the shit out of me. I don't want to go through this again, I don't want Tara to go through this again. I don't want you go through this because of me."

"Stop it, okay? This is not your fault, baby. They're just some psychopaths with a mask on who have nothing better to do." You kissed her hand again. "We're gonna get through this, like we always did. And plus, I wouldn't mind killing another ghostface." You joked, making her smile a little. The most beautiful smile in the world, you dared to say. "Come on, let's go home."

"I fucking KNEW IT!" Mindy yelled, pointing at you while laughing a little. "I've always felt some sapphic vibes from you both, damn. The gaydar never fails."

"And why you waited until now to tell us? Especially now, actually, with the whole ghostface shit going on." Tara asked, making Sam look at you then her.

"I don't know. It's just, ever since Richie, it felt weird and stupid to date again. I thought I'd never trust anyone ever again. It felt safe having this little secret, for some reason. And I'm sorry from keeping this from you, really." She said, while holding your hand. It felt good to finally reveal the secret. You guys could, actually, hold hands in public. And kiss, and call each other pet names. It felt really freaking good.

You guys stayed up all night talking and drinking, the six of you. Anika got really close with you guys so she felt like family at that moment. It made you guys forget for a few hours about anything that was going on, especially ghostface.

After a while, Chad, Anika and Mindy decided to leave. It was getting pretty late and they didn't wanted to walk around the city late at night out of fear. Tara decided to study a little bit, and your roommate Quinn was at some hookup's house being sex positive, or whatever that means.

"Did you do it for me?" You asked, while looking at Sam. She was changing into some more comfortable clothes while you were laying down in your bed. It felt nice to finally share a room with her instead of Tara, to be honest. "Did what, babe?"

"Told them. If you really wanted to be a secret, still, I could handle it..." She smiled at you and walked towards you, laying down on top of your body.

"I wanted to tell them, babe. Seriously. It feels nice to finally be out there, too. I didn't wanted you to think that I did it because of our fight, or ghostface, or anything. I did it because I love you, (Y/N). You're my girl. I want everybody to know that." She whispered the last part, getting closer and closer to your face while she talked. You could feel her hot breath against your skin, and her mouth looked incredibly kissable at that moment.

"Don't do that." You mumbled, looking at her eyes. "Do what?"

"This. It makes me... feel things." You always felt so shy in front of Sam. She had this whole protective aura around her, that it made you actually want to be protected by her. It turned you on, even. "Feel what, babe?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Sam..." You diverged you look to the wall, but she held you chin between her index and thumb, making you forcibly look at her. Her eyes were darker now, filled with something that you knew exactly what it was.

"It turns you on, huh? When I call you mine?" She got closer, if that was possible, making your lips rub against each other. Her free hand made its way to your stomach, then your thighs, and your legs. Without ceremony, her hand got into your pants, fitting like it really belonged there. You were already embarrassingly wet by now, which made Sam smile a little. "Oh, you're already like this, babe? I didn't do anything, yet."

"You know you don't need to do nothing, Sam..." You swallowed, closing your eyes. You were completely at her mercy and she knew it, and knowing her, she would take advantage of that pretty soon.

Sam started to make circular movements on you clit, over your soaked panties. It made you shiver and tremble under her body, which made her laugh slightly. The way you were moaning softly to not starle Tara in the other room was heavenly, she loved being the one making you moan like this. "Sam..."

"Hm?" She replied, innocently. "M-More..."

She promptly obeyed, entering your panties and sliding one digit into you, making you gasp and arch you back. You were holding back your moans like crazy but let one slip. "Shhh... Tara is right in the other room; we don't want her to hear that, hm?"

You shook your head no, looking at her. Her eyes were filled with lust and desire; you could almost feel how much she wanted you right now. She started to pump her finger inside of you, starting slowly; then increasing the pace gradually. "Fuck, Sam..."

"You feel so good around my fingers, baby. So fucking tight... " She said while kissing your neck, leaving some love bites all over your skin. "You're fucking made for me, and only me."

"Only you..." You admited, without even thinking straight. She made you feel at cloud nine, all of the pleasure was something that only she made you feel. She added another finger, thrusting them inside of you deeper by the minute. You were spending all of your energy in holding back your moans, and you would hate if Tara walked in on both of you. Sam felt your pussy tighten around her fingers, making her smile slyly. "Come on, baby... Cum for me."

That was everything you needed to hear to finally release on her fingers, with a loud moan that you couldn't supress this time. Sam rode your orgasm perfectly, putting her own fingers into her mouth when you were done. "Delicious."

"You're unbelievable, Sam." You tried to say, out of breath. She held your chin and kissed you slowly, lovingly. "And you love it."

Before you could say anything, you heard some knocks on the wall next to you. "There are people trying to study here! Go be all porn-huby somewhere else!" Tara yelled, making you widen your eyes and blush. "I'll never leave this room again, Sam."

⠀

#sam carpenter x reader #sam carpenter smut #sam carpenter #melissa barrera #scream #scream vi #scream vi imagines #scream imagines #scream smut #scream vi smut

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euripidestrousers · 4 months ago

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The Bridget Jones Wolfstar AU that No One Asked For

Dear Diary,

Even writing those words makes me physically ill so I’d like to start this off by disclosing that getting a diary was not my idea.

You see, my best friend, James - excellent, wonderful best friend who has recently become a family man by choice, and has therefore become one of the most insufferable people on earth - gave me this diary and said it’s either this or he’s buying me therapy because one more rubbish one-week relationship of mine is going to kill him.

And I don’t need a fucking therapist, so here you are, and here I am. I feel better already.

(haha)

Dear Diary,

James might be onto something. Today I found myself smoking my third morning cigarette while drinking my coffee and muttering that the drive to work is going to be hell because of the rain.

I’ve become my father.

Of course, I asked James if he ever looks in the mirror and sees Monty staring back and if it makes him want to buy a motorbike and he replied, ‘Uh, I’m literally his son, we look alike. Are you okay?’

My thirty third birthday is coming up.

Please don’t let this be a mid-life crisis. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t want one, and haven’t had one in over ten years because the men in London either want to meet you in the park or meet your parents. It’s the last hour of the buffet and all that’s left is the salad. And I don’t need a relationship either. James and Lily are a match made in heaven since the first time he told her ugly friend he was ugly (rightfully so, the man is still hideous and a complete prick), and she told him to watch his fucking mouth. Made for each other.

But the last time I met a guy that made me laugh and was any sort of attractive and not a complete knob about being attractive, was over three years ago.

Ie, it’s not for me. End of story.

I bought a motorbike

Dear Diary,

I’m going to do away with the whole ‘dear diary’ thing, it makes me feel like a schoolgirl and if James ever finds you when we’re drunk he’s going to read out at least one embarrassing entry at me. They’re all embarrassing.

I went on a blind date today.

“Long black for… Sirish?”

What? Oh. That vague jumble of mush must have been his name. Sirius grabs the takeaway cup and makes for the door briskly. He has the Binkley case to catch up on and write a piece on by the end of the week and he’s still not clear who the man is. A football star perhaps? He’s still being sidelined into the sports area of the paper because he did football for a year. Nevermind that he has an interest in politics and would very much like to report on where the country will be in ten years if it keeps going-

J: You busy after work?

Sirius grins, flopping his jacket over one arm to type back to James Potter, best friend and inarguably lesser half of Lily Potter.

S: drinks?

J: I have a one year old

S: too early for him to start?

S: kidding. Don’t tell Lily. She’s already started making him take his helmet every time I take him for a day.

J: It’s not for drinks. Lily has a friend who’s just come to town. I thought maybe you could show him around.

S: Worst lie ever.

J: I haven’t had coffee yet.

J: It’s actually true though. He just came to town and doesn’t know anyone other than Lily, and Harry has a cold so we’re both staying home.

J: He’s quite attractive I’m told. Lily told me to say ‘tall Martin Freeman’, and that you’d know what it means

S: Potter, if I was so desperate that I would open to a blind date, I definitely wouldn’t start with any of Lily’s friends, they’re all college professors and about 50 years old.

J: He’s 37

S: He has elbow patches. Guaranteed. Bet he says ‘but the Torries are actually not as conservative as they’re made out to be.’

S: Bet he has a mahogany desk and wanks to Aristotle

J: Jesus christ

J: Photo sent

Sirius glances down uninterestedly and sees a photo of a man. But instead of the expected stuffy looking balding man with a sour face, as most of Lily’s fellow professors are to be fair, instead he’s looking at a tall, brown haired man with flecks of grey at the temples and smiling softly at the camera, and he’s well, he’s not not handsome. Tall Martin Freeman is actually quite right. Hello.

He brings the phone closer to examine the photo as he blindly barges into the office building with the large Get Up, Britain sign gaudy and bright above him.

The man is younger on second glance, although he is wearing a suit jacket with elbow patches (told you, Jamie), and standing a little awkwardly, like he’s not used to photos being taken of him, and it’s entirely likely that he’s more accustomed to being nose deep in a book ninety percent of the time.

He’s shagged worse.

S: I was right about the elbow patches

J: I really tried to find one without them too

J: But he sounds nice. Funny. Lily likes him, she talks about him all the time. They were prefects together in school and used to bunk off and smoke behind the bins

One the one hand: prefect. Disgusting. Hall monitors. Pigs-to-be, snooty, law-abiding to the most irritating degree (Lily being the exception, of course). On the other hand: smoking behind the bins is more his style. Speaking of, he’d love one right now-

J: I really think you’d like him. Even just friends. Moving cities is lonely and he sounds alright. He likes Manchester U?

S: Fine, I’m free after 6

S: Don’t yell at me if I shag him, work has been shit.

So that’s how Sirius finds himself, half past six, swearing up a storm and running with his tote bag over his head in the pouring rain, late for his blind date (or something).

He slams into the restaurant door, shaking himself off like a wet dog, his casual Friday jeans and black t-shirt soaking wet, his shoulder length, black hair is dripping around his face, hoping his laptop has survived, and shivering like a chihuahua at a children’s party.

“Uh, I’m here for uh-” he consults his phone again and reads the name to the maitre d, “Reh-mus?”

“It’s Remus, actually”, comes a soft voice from his left.

Sirius turns quickly and immediately drenches the man standing at his elbow in droplets of water from his hair and coat. Tall Martin Freeman indeed - he has one of those faces that’s even better in person, where the way he stoops his shoulders and holds himself makes him look soft and welcoming, and the warm lighting gives him that attractive, cozy professor look, rather than an uptight old man.

“Oh”, Sirius grins quickly, hoping his dazzling smile will make up for their flimsy introduction, “Right, Sirius. Are you still waiting for a table-?”

“I er, well, I was about to leave actually”, Remus says, glancing at the maitre d awkwardly, “You’re quite late.”

Sirius’ smile freezes. Well, then.

“Got caught up at work”, he replies stiffly, brushing his hair back and letting his eyes go cold, “If you’d prefer we don’t-”

“No, no, of course not”, Remus appears to snap back, as if remembering his manners and seeming oddly distracted, “Please, let’s sit. You look like you could use a drink.”

Sirius runs his tongue along his bottom lip as he follows Remus to the table and wonders if that was a slight about him looking like a drowned rat. He notices the man has worn an absolutely hideous brown jumper that wouldn’t be out of place in an aged care home, so he doesn’t really have the right to judge Sirius’ appearance.

“Wine?” The waiter offers politely. It’s a nice place - James said Lily had picked it because she thought Remus would like it. It is a little stuffy, honestly. Something his parents might have stopped by and deemed adequate, which is to say, the beer is fucking overpriced, Jesus-

“I’ll have the Stout again, please”, Remus answers briskly, nodding at Sirius to order his.

“Uh, yeah, Stout. Cheers”, Sirius adds, dumping his bag beneath the table and trying to surreptitiously dry his hair in the napkin. Remus looks away as if embarrassed by him. Swot.

“So, you know Lily through school?” Sirius starts, unable to keep the boredom completely out of his voice.

“Yes. I take it you know James through yours”, Remus answers, very politely but also sounding just as bored.

“Yeah, grew up together”, Sirius nods.

Remus doesn’t say anything to that, just hums and sips some water.

It’s fucking awkward. Normally, Sirius would give him an ultimatum - ‘look, do you want to liven it up a bit and turn this into a fun one-night thing? Because otherwise, I’m not feeling it and I’ve got work to do.’

But Lily knows this guy, they have mutual friends, and if this isn’t what makes blind dates the most excruciating, hellish thing on earth, worse than job interviews, worse than-

“I don’t really do blind dates”, Remus says suddenly, and then blinks as if he hadn’t meant to say anything at all.

“Right”, Sirius says, bewildered.

“I, er, the dating scene. Not really my thing”, he says quietly, still not looking Sirius in the eye, “But I just moved here from Wales and I don’t know anyone, so this doesn’t have to be… anything. Just-”

“Oh- oh yeah. Fine with me”, Sirius finds himself swallowing down a touch of regret, offended really, because he’s not used to someone not immediately being ready to come home with him. “I’m not really looking for anything and blind dates are, well - eugh, you know? Like, thanks, my friends think I can’t get laid on my own or something so they set me up with whoever they think isn’t a serial killer, like any gay dude will do-”

“Yes, well”, Remus says tightly, taking another sip, “I rather thought Lily knew me better than that.”

His tone is rather pointed and Sirius realises he’s let his mouth run. Well… to be fair, the guy is kind of a snob. What was Lily thinking anyway?

“Yeah”, he agrees through his teeth, crossing his arms and legs and sitting back in his chair to wait for his beer. Maybe he can make an excuse after one drink. He can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour and if this bloke doesn’t want to be a one-night stand, then he’d much rather be home. Alone.

“Is there anything around here you’d recommend?” Remus tries, voice clipped and still sounding slightly offended, “Restaurants? More importantly, ones you don’t recommend?”

“There’s a place that does turkey curry. It’s awful.”

“What? What curry?” The tightness in Remus’ face slips momentarily and he looks genuinely bewildered. He’s actually not a bad looker when he’s not frowning.

“Turkey. It’s as bad as it sounds. Actually it’s worse, like eating a lamb burrito, it’s just not right. Shittest fucking curry and it’s as bad going in as it is bad going ou-”

“Two Stouts.”

The waiter delivers their beers and they fade off into silence as they drink.

Remus sips delicately, in a way that’s completely inappropriate for a beer, and says awkwardly, “Yes well, thank you for the tip. I’ll rest easy never knowing what turkey curry tastes like.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you can avoid it then I guess this date wasn’t a waste after all.”

Remus blinks, expression dropping.

Oh. Oh fuck. Double fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, Remus says abruptly and stands. He stalks away quickly and leaves Sirius gnawing at his lip and furious at both himself and this infuriating man who seems to loathe him, minutes after meeting him and who Lily apparently thinks is nice.

He’s got other shit to be getting on with, he decides. And this bloke probably shags like a limp fish anyway, an Oxford type that thinks poetry is foreplay and once a month sex is scandalously frequent.

He drains his beer and half of Remus’ for good measure, and heads to the bathroom so he can catch Remus on his way out, only to hear his own name hissed furiously. He sees Remus standing out the front of the restaurant, shoulders raised against the cold and holding the phone to his ear. He steps closer and half opens the door to tell him he’s going to head off when he hears the conversation.

“... how did you think someone like Sirius would be good for me? After the hell I’ve had in the last year? Going on a date with someone like him? He showed up thirty minutes late, dressed like he’s going to a bar playing exclusively Metallica, and insulted me immediately. I told you, I don’t mind being alone for a while, especially after the divorce. I certainly don’t want to be shown around London by a rude, arrogant berk who dresses like a teenager and doesn’t seem to have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He probably thinks the bar scene is-oh”

Remus catches sight of him out of the corner of his eye and he spins. They stare at each other for a few excruciation moments, Remus still holding the phone to his ear.

Sirius breaks the tension with a forced laugh, “Right. I’m definitely going home.”

“Wait, shit, I’ll call you back”, Remus mutters into the phone and hangs up, stepping forward but Sirius pushes past him, temper steadily rising into a roaring bonfire within his chest.

“Sirius, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You’re absolutely right, I wouldn’t know the first thing about showing a bloke like you around London”, he turns and says loudly so it carries over the sounds of the cars driving by on the busy street, “You’d be more comfortable in a fucking graveyard, honestly. There’s one ten minutes that way-” he turns his back and points over to the left, calling back over his shoulder, “You’ll find someone much more your speed there, Remus.”

Blind date disastrous as expected.

Remus fucking Lupin, a professor extraordinaire who wouldn’t be able to find his funny bone if it conked him on the fucking head, is not an exception to the blind date rule, even though he’s easy on the eyes at first glance. At second glance, he is a miserable, dried up academic whose own self-importance has completely consumed him despite dressing like his grandfather for Halloween.

If this is what my friends think of me, I need to sort my fucking shit out.

I should have asked him to shag before he opened his stupid fucking mouth.

#i have too many WIPs and I should NOT be doing this #am I doing this?#idk if this is just something I think is a wildly good idea at 1 am and then wake up in the morning like what #what have you done kat #anyway pls enjoy the snippet #this is the weirdest AU idea I've had tbh #Wolfstar but make it bridget jones?#And you know I had to make Remus Lupin the awkward #well dressed gentleman who says all the wrong things until he doesn't #sirius black #wolfstar snippet #wolfstar #remus lupin #wolfstar fanfic #sirius black x remus lupin

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