#which then manifested into hatred and abuse

[jasperygrace]

Niv is one of the many who've been wronged by the powers that be, and one of two who managed to survive the inferno. His motivations are fueled by the grief of losing his people.

Now, he searches for a new body-- a body that can stand up against the might of Deities. And who better a candidate than the Deity lapdog himself, the Regis Vicaria.

(CW: Violence)

“You just have to make everything so difficult, don’t you?!” Niv yelled. Still gripping his throat, Niv shoved him onto the ground, the chair he’d been tied to breaking by the impact. Then Niv brought his foot down and stomped on Orias’ neck. The blow would have been strong enough to kill a Rane. “Fine, you don’t want to help me?” Niv hissed. “Then you can live knowing that all of this is your fault.” “That’s not… true…!” he managed to choke out. He could feel the black blood searing in his throat. “Oh yea?” He stretched out his palm, shade manifesting into a spear. He stabbed it into Orias’ chest. “Who was the one that ran away and left the settlement to die, huh?” He stabbed him over and over again. “You’d rather save the life of a Deity lapdog than your own people!!” “I-I… saved you…” “You should have let me die.”

Now, we’re going to keep those introductions going. What is the antagonist or opposing force in your story? I know this might not be a character, so interpret it however you would like!

[dark-konohagakure2]

How about Edo Tensei Hashirama and Tobirama kidnapping and breeding Sasuke’s virgin older sister when they come across her? Hashirama is kinda obsessive and thinks he’s in love because she looks so much like Madara, while Tobirama is that much more savage/abusive with her for the same reasons. (hatefuck, noncon, cnc, mindbreak, loss of virginity, size difference bc they’re both giants, belly bulge)

tw: noncon, threesome, Edo Tensei, size difference, double penetration, past HashiMada, breeding, discrimination, hatefucking, abuse, belly bulge, slight yandere

All characters depicted are 18+

When Hashirama and Tobirama are brought back into the world via the reanimation jutsu, they quickly realize that the famous Uchiha clan has gone nearly extinct and each have different feels about the matter, Hashirama is deeply saddened, while Tobirama barely tries to hide his schadenfreude, but when the two of them discover the only surviving female of the Uchiha clan, who bears a striking resemblance to someone from their past, the brothers both have very different reactions, but very similar intentions.

As the two brothers corner her, Tobirama can't help but roll his eyes at the noticeable blush on Hashirama's face and the even more noticeable bulge in his pants, he had always suspected that his elder brother had a thing for Uchihas, although to be fair, so does Tobirama, but their shared Uchiha fetish manifests in difference ways, Tobirama's is about domination and hatred, Hashirama's is about a genuine love and attraction towards the Uchiha clan's members.

Tobirama is incredibly harsh, biting down on her shoulder roughly as he pumps his cock into her, growling insults into her ear and letting her know exactly how much he loathes her clan, and how this is the fate that the females of that cursed clan deserve.

Hashirama is much more gentle throughout encounter, unnerving her with how gentle and affectionate he is towards her, even as he bullies his thick cock into her pussy alongside his much less gentle younger brother.

"Ah~ Oh you're just too cute, my dear~ and you look just like someone very dear to my heart too, that just makes you even more enticing~!"

Both of them are very big men, and their cocks are big as well, so they stretch her out and fill her to the brim, with Hashirama lovingly taking her from behind while Tobirama savagely pounds her from the front, her stomach bulging with the shape of their cocks from just how deep they are inside of her.

Hashirama will scold Tobirama for being so rough with the poor girl, reminding him that she's very precious, being both the last female of an extinct clan and the spitting image of their dear former 'friend', but Tobirama will retort, emphasizing that he's only being so brutal because of those very reasons.

The juxtaposition between how the brothers treat her is almost unsettling, Hashirama is cooing praises into her ear, his thrusts deep yet gentle as he calls her his good girl, while Tobirama is using her like an unvalued toy, harshly hitting her womb with his cock at a rapid pace while telling her how much he detests her, and how someone as tainted as her deserves such unkind treatment.

Despite both being reanimated, they're still capable of cumming in this state, which they do, a lot. The two of them both cum inside of her fertile womb multiple times, filling her up to the brim with their superior Senju cum.

"Take that, Uchiha filth. This is what you deserve for being from the same clan as him, and get used to being filled up like this, because you belong to us now."

Hashirama is more than happy to have a substitute Madara that he can spoil and love, while Tobirama is glad to have an Uchiha to torment, so for once the two polar opposite brother's are in agreement on something.

[maxdibert]

Back in the 2000s, before the Marauders fandom became a parallel reality filled with original characters that no one could recognize, who were only there to paint their nails and talk about horoscopes, Regulus Black wasn’t a token to turn James Potter into a queer icon, nor was he some misunderstood, abused twink in need of a Gryffindor knight to save him from the darkness. No, Regulus was the second son of a magical aristocratic family who was perfectly aligned with his family’s ideas, and the drama and angst didn’t come from some romantic Brokeback Mountain-style drama but from his broken relationship with his older brother. Regulus’s fanon storylines weren’t centered around finding him a partner or his forbidden love for his brother’s best friend, but around his relationship with his brother—exploring how the years and their differing ideologies had driven them apart. It was about how Regulus resented his older brother for leaving home and how his way of externalizing his frustration and sadness manifested as anger and hatred towards everything surrounding Sirius.

Most importantly: Regulus was often portrayed as someone who despised and resented James because he saw him as the first and only one responsible for influencing his brother and leading him astray from the “right path”—which was just a mask for his resentment over feeling that James had “taken him away.”

That was a realistic and coherent portrayal of Regulus. Those were headcanons consistent with his story and trajectory. It was a fanon representation that made sense—someone who wasn’t forced to believe in anything but believed in what he was taught at home and thought it was his older brother who had been brainwashed, yet at the same time, he cared for him and resented him leaving because, in a way, he felt abandoned. Because Sirius was the older brother and was supposed to be the head of the family, but he left, and that wasn’t fair, and it was all James Potter’s fault, who had put strange ideas into his head.

That’s much more coherent, realistic, and interesting for a character we know little about than just turning him into a whining child because his parents wanted to make him a Nazi, with his biggest life drama being that he secretly likes his older brother’s friend but can’t be with him because they’re in different houses. Do you realize the terrible mess the new fans have made with these characters? It’s honestly shameful. They’ve taken all the interesting aspects these characters could have had, thrown them out the window, and turned them all into crybabies whose lives revolve around their love dramas and putting on eyeliner and earrings. It’s truly pathetic.

[cutieeva]

Addicted

𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐟 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞

Female Reader

Warnings : Manipulation. Brainwashing. Sexual assault. Mention of murders. Dubious consent. Detail sex. Blackmailing. Power abuse. Toxic relationship. Cheating. Home Invasion. Stalking.

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

❛ 死神 ❜ Meeting Light yagami was a mere coincidence yet the several meetings again and again doesn't seem to be anymore because the more (Y/N) observe the more she realize how fake he is yet she fail to be aware of his twisted desires held for her

To be cousin of Misa is difficult could be understatement because it is much more than that, it's heart-wrenching, gulit, frustration and more complex emotions are mixed because watching her sister even if cousin sister break down into (Y/N)'s arms wailing to be back to her passed away parents is heart-wrenching.

Guilt due to the helpless (Y/N) felt for hopelessly comforting her with words that are lies and even have difficulty to be happy with her alive parents in front of her as if she is taunting her sister.

Frustration on her sister's newfound obsession with the serial killer Kira who's praises of anti-hero could be sang at the same time hatred was there for taking law on their own hands. No, (Y/N) isn't saint to think what the kira is doing completely wrong rather her opinion dances between supporting their way of cleaning filth yet hating how they do as they want which was prove by killing the false detective life simply case he hurt the killer's ego. Also a newfound emotion has planted within her manifesting to grow larger and larger which is : fear. Fear for the safety of her sister's alarming love for the Kira just cause they did a good deed of killing her parent's culprit. Fear of her sister ruining her life just to meet the said killer or being taken advantage of bad people in name of Kira.

However expect her surprise when she met Yagami Light, the most intelligent boy she shared her school with came to her house with her sister introducing to be her boyfriend standing beside Misa who squealing quietly just the same way (Y/N) notice whenever Kira's name is mention.

"How odd". She was beyond confuse of how Light was able to peel her obsession with the Kira because as much as she knows he is the epitome of justice even being the son of Yagami Soichiro, the leading head policer of ongoing Kira case. "They are vastly different. How come she is romantically involved with such man despite fangirling over a serial killer ?" She remembers meeting the boy due to the unusual events of that day.

"I am bored". (Y/N) thought with a sigh, unable to hear the boring theories of the professor are uttering as her (E/C) eyes gaze over the window she was sitting near when a quite grasp left her lips seeing a black notebook written something over it fell from the blue sky. "What the ?" Unable to comprehend she decided as soon as the class ended she would surely go outside to touch the notebook for at least to check.

Bell ring indicating finished last period made her quick to be at her feet holding her small black bag and run through the hallway. "These are the advantage of not having friends". She chuckle finally drumming over the dust and in front of the very same black book she saw earlier. "Death note". She read out loud about to touch when her sight saw someone else's palm hold the mysterious notebook as she look up meeting beautiful bronze eyes belonged to Light, her classmate.

"Is that yours ?" She asked pointing her finger to the notebook.

"Oh ! Of course not. Rather I saw it from the distance while walking outside the gate and thought to pick it up and deliver to the police station". He elaborate smiling gently as she always saw him in front of his friends, professors and each person alike.

"Oh".

"Well, seeing you ask me if it's mine automatically prove it's not yours right ?" (Y/N) shook her head, smiling nervously.

"Okay, then please submit the notebook to the police station for it's rightful owner to claim. I will take my leave". Feeling awkward and having nothing more to converse she decided to leave and finding his nod as a permission she left. Unaware he stayed until her figure disappeared.

"(L/N) ? Right ?" Light's voice ripped her from the clouded thoughts to find the boy sitting in front her, on the desk chair Misa uses.

"Uh, yes". (Y/N) nod, straighting her wrinkled clothes to appear at least presentable when seconds ago she was in mist of drawing a art that occupied her mind when the door burst open revealing cheerful Misa with her least expected classmate.

"Is her aunt your mother ? Judging from the different surnames". He asked further taking a look at her from head to toe discreetly as she sat on her bed.

"Yup ! She looks nothing like the lovesick girl". Ryuk pointed out Light's thoughts.

"Yes. My father is foreigner from (C/N) while mother is Japanese so you could say I am half Japanese". She smiled, still having doubts of their relationship. "So, could you say how you two met ? You know, love story ?" Misa laughed sitting beside her and linking their arms together.

"Well, it was love at fight sight for me". The blond girl shamelessly unraveled looking at her love, her savior, her lover ignoring the fact their relationship is an play. "I was in awe how a man could be both handsome and intelligent so I persistently tailed behind him until he couldn't deny me". Lies spewed her lips so smoothly (Y/N) belived while Light holding the urge to roll his eyes knowing they rehearsal the script beforehand.

"And when we were in relationship he slowly fell for me and I fell more". (Y/N) doubts were beginning to waver and smile soften spotting her cousin's eyes adoring cupid heart and her lips coated with sweet nothings.

"She loves him". Hearing each and every word from her lips speaking proved that, failing to noticing her single moves are observed and calculated by a certain brown head boy. Light from his correct understanding has known the classmate he clearly recall from their first meeting from finding the death note and discovering she is her cousin who has soft spot for Misa could be useful in upcoming events just like the another foolish shinigami, Rem but hopefully she doesn't become a thorn in his way otherwise he must pitifully execute her like the rest.

"Misa, can you bring some snacks from downstairs ? I am hungry". Light narrowed his eyes at the sudden request. "Also Yagami-san, would you like to have some too ?" He nod smiling a little.

"Okay ! Wait for me and oneesan do not try to talk behind my back ! Do you understand". The girl warned walking away giving her a playful glare earning a chuckle from (Y/N) that made Light stare at her.

"She look nothing like Misa nor is her behavior". Light had heard her name from Misa before meeting today yet fault due to not paying attention he couldn't recall her until he came inside the room meeting an familiar face from their few days intractions washing away all the expectation he had of how more irritating her sister could be. "She is gullible enough". He thought.

"So, Yagami-san, do you love her ?" The question was expected since he had re-think multiple questions to begin with. Smiling the perfect facade he replied in beat "Of course".

"And what is the points you like about her ?" (Y/N) watched his perfect facade carefully where he crafted to smile nervously and fidgets his fingers when in reality he is getting annoyed by her piling questions. She is annoying.

"I, like her everything. From her way of dressing to the way she cheerfully talks to her way of handling people and most importantly the fact she is so brave even after her parents has left the world. She is still hanging strongly as ever". The girl's smile dimmed at the mention of her dearest relatives death yet she paid attention to the sincerity unaware of the fact he made just for her to see.

"So, she shared her parent's death with you ?"

"Yes". No. It was the first reason she is attached to his hip. A nuisance death what he thinks.

"If she shared such vital topic that must mean she trust you enough". (Y/N) sigh, looking at his eyes. "Then you must also know her obsession with Kira ?" His muscles tense but he kept the act of nodding.

"Indeed. It was in the first weeks of our relationship I got to know her unhealthy obsession with the serial killer". A bitter taste left by the negative word he used at last.

"What do you think about Kira ?" Now, he won't lie about this question coming expected but that doesn't mean he can't speak the right words in set. The words she might want to hear.

"I will be honest with you". His serious bronze eyes stare at her. "My own moral compass is little bend. Still that doesn't mean what they does is correct instead they only acts upon what they deems is correct and that thinking itself is terrifying and must be put stop to it". Hearing such words from a boy who's son of a national police agency and multiple times announced to the teachers of his dream of becoming one along observed his visible hatred towards criminals should have felt right but why does it feel so wrong ? Her raw human instinct is settling anything but safe and good. All the words sounds distant and wrong.

"Yagami-san, please tell me your real opinion not the one you would tell to hide your real ones". Breaking the silence she didn't know was there flicker her eyes deeply into his. He merely look down and back up with a soft chuckle disregarding Ryuk's raspy laugh.

"Smart girl". He jollily commented already being entertained.

"I guess I was caught". His eyes lifted with his lips. "Okay, I do support Kira's actions of killing criminals but I do not support their killings against innocent civilians because I think the innocents do not deserve such way of death to heaven". Light appeared to be shameful of his way of thinking when in contrast his fingers were itching to write her name on the death note and erase her existence from the earth. She is getting inside his skin. The second person to thoroughly caught his lies aside from the mysterious detective L.

(Y/N) eyes dart at the door hearing the upcoming footsteps of her sister to her classmate. "I understand". She did. Understood her intitution was right about the white lie he spoke moments earlier.

"But could you also share your opinion". Light oddly enough desire to know her thoughts for the sake of knowing her better. Or so he claim.

"Umm...nothing simply than the fact I have observed the person has fragile ego proven the moment he killed the fake detective just cause he was provoked such an impulsive decision". The brown head boy's eyes twitch at that sentences.

"That was good". Ryuk full on indulging the second person who doesn't fall for his facade easily and insult so bluntly at the same time could be the fast reason of her own demise he pitefully felt bad.

"Also I notice how the name Kira means killer at the same time shining in Japanese if I am correct then it must mean if the killer themselves liked to called killer in more fashionable way that proves they are aware they are nothing more than a killer but judging from the past killing of both the fake detective and police officers it seems the killer has forgetting it's identity and wants to be some sort of justice hero". She finished titling his head.

"I like her". The god of death openly admit his favoritism wanting more to see what becomes of her in the near future. Hopefully she survives after this situation for his want of fun. However Light doesn't share the mutual feeling. His lips part to say when Misa barged in holding plate of delicates and snacks.

"Have bites". Little to no noises were made placing the plate on top of the little table.

"Thank you". (Y/N) took one bite into the cookies before diving into what he was suppose to say if Misa didn't came so abruptly little did she know the blonde girl was standing behind the door since the topic came what he likes about her by successfully fluttering her heart and leak hundred butterflies inside her stomach.

For Light after eating and talking some meaningless strings of sentences he care not to remember only seeing red by the moment those words this bitch utter immediately put an natural end to their meeting, waves their hands goodbye, somehow got rid of the another bitch, Misa. He so restelessly want to strangle her neck to the point he could see life fade from her eyes, pale body fall limp for eternal. Once he got home excusing himself with a strained smile and fake soften eyes to his mother and sister.

In no seconds the death notebook was laid open and a pen fist between his fingers tightly about to write her name that no one would stop him expect "I have observed the person has fragile ego proven the moment he killed the fake detective just cause he was provoked such an impulsive decision". It flashes across his eyes itself pausing his movements.

"Ha !" He mockly laughed. Laughed more and more and more and more that it scared the shinigami watching how wicked the laugh turned to his eyes pure evil red. "If she thinks of death was an implusive choice I made then how about I taste her hell ?" He smirk planning to get closer to know about her in order to completely destroy her.

The following day of her colliding with Light Yagami at the school gate to return home was again awkward but this time for the reasons he was romantically involved with her cousin, she still has suspicious about due to all her gut feeling screaming the boy dangrous. A danger.

"Would you like to walk home together ?" He suggested wearing his usual charming smile.

"So direct ?" The god of death snicker.

"Okay". Well, no excuse she has to decline his kind offer other than the fact her house is at different direction from his. Soon she find herself walking with the least expected boy she often seen and came face to face once in a while. The walk itself was silent surrounded by comfortable noises like their walking foosteps, few cars driving, birds chirping on their nest over the tree.

"Why did you invite me for a walk ? We aren't so close enough yet". Her quite voice break the train of thoughts of Light who for the first time after getting hands on the death note has been in peace.

"To get to know you better". (Y/N) was taken aback, flicker to his eyes to find them already intensity watching her. She flinched. He noticed.

"Oh". Quickly her gaze turned away only to fall on top of a cute cafe she has been eyeing for a long time which Light has notice too.

"Want to go inside ?" She glance to check his expression where he smiles and she nods going inside together. Few people were seated and she chose the closest seat to the window. He sat opposite of her. "This cafe is nice". He compliment watching her nod carelessly and look around the cafe. "Seem to be the first time of her".

"Welcome to Cutieeva Cafe, here is the menu for you to order and please press the bell to call an waitress or waiter". A woman wearing her black mix white cloth elaborate smiling ear to ear and place two menu on their table.

"Thank you". (Y/N) thanked her taking one between the two menu to check what she would be ordering to end up with Katsu sandwitch, manju and iced matcha latte while Light ordered egg salad sandwich and iced coffee with milk.

They waited in the same silence boring the god of death.

"Didn't you said you would talk to her ? If you don't talk then how would you know her weakness ?" Ryuk crossed his legs and sat floating in the air with hand under his cheek knowing how the male human ignored him.

"I will charge apples for this boredom". Light tune out the whining of the supernatural creature focusing on the girl in front of him who never ready to met his gaze if not necessary he even remembers being baffled in their first encounter how she run away unlike others he has came across his life to be talking to him in any possible way or reason. The food plate were served and the moment his requested food entered his mouth did he felt the disgust raising. "It's a trash". However he didn't let the negativity express over his face, glancing over to (Y/N) who ate just fine. To ease the disfavour he drank his drink "They didn't add milk and it's bitter". His lips threat to twitch.

"You shouldn't force to eat something you dislike". Light froze. His mind for a second was blank and non-calculative words blurt out.

"What do you mean ?" He stare into those (E/C) he found yesterday night in his dreams.

"The way you only bite some of your food and immediately turned to drink then look at your food makes me think you might not like your order. Maybe I am wrong but I simply want you to know that you shouldn't force yourself to like something for the sake of others". If before he wasn't intrigued then he certainly is now.

"And what would happen if I force myself ?" The words escape eager then he wanted. Looking forward to her next sentence, looking towards to her next expression, to their next eyes met.

"If you do, it will only hurt your own self that might later be forgetton if you are so used to the mask". (Y/N) utter not confident anymore feeling her unspoken secrets exposed by the words she speak from her personal experience. Feeling his burning gaze yet stick to looking at her meal.

"Sounds like an personal experience to me". Click ! His brozon eyes gleefully when she looked at him. At his eyes. Only at him.

"Ah ! What a interesting turns of events". Ryuk observed each little things. Feeling tension built just like his entertainment settling.

"Because it indeed is". (Y/N) look away turning his gleeful to a frown. The first slip up of his expression he is happy to be not caught.

"Could you share with me ? Because sometimes sharing helps to ease the burden". His eyes soften along his voice quiter. After all he would hate to let others know about something that meant only for his ears to heard or else too bad he has know each their names and wipe their existence with the power he have as an new god of the world.

"I—" (Y/N) suck breath. "I think I— will take my leave now". Quickly without checking at the other she took her bag, place her order of payment and left hurried failing to notice his hand in air with the intent to grip her wrist and stood up from his seat watching her back becoming smaller and smaller and smaller. All her mind had filled with her dull past of her friends smiling in front of her but sneering and spatting lies behind her back, preventing others students of befriending her, isolating her before comforting her with web of deceit how others are cruel and mockingly laughing at her face when in dispair she learnt the truth. Even stealing her right of cutting her ties with them instead the trio announced of leaving such a pathetic person as (Y/N) herself when she asked the reason behind such cruelty were offered because "It was fun". A measly toy she was to them when to her they were her friends, her non-blood family.

It left a scare to never able to look at other people with the same pure faith she had on people. Refusing to believe be rewarded by good people and doubting each mutters coming out of their tongues. Paying more attention of their behavior after all what the bitterness of betrayal is given by an alley not an enemy that's the first reason she notice Light's off putting behaviors.

Meanwhile Light was left clenching his jaw and fury rush in his head to whisk away all the plates from the table, lash out his boiling anger. How could she left him ? All alone and not even sharing her past when she talks as if she knows him.

"Someone's angry". Ryuk stood up on his feet, lacing his arms behind his head in an laid-back position in contrast of the human's emotions piling. The death note user held back to glare at the hideous creature he deems and walk to the counter paying both of their order and taking her money on his palm. Touching the corners that her fingers have touched. He gently smiled walking out of the horrible choice of cafe to his house letting his head cool by the breeze kissing his face away and eyes on guard for any followers. This realization made his eyes slightly wide at how dangerous loosen his guard was staying with (Y/N) not care of the world, his world, his concerns.

His sole focus on her locked world he seem to unable to step inside unlike countless others he has done. Within seconds to days his result was the same. Victory but with her he tasted not only failure yet desire too. The desire to be seen, to be known. As much as he despite of someone knowing his true self to exploit or use for their own gain like Misa or expose him as Kisa like the annoying detective L. She is different, she wants to know him, she seen right though him, his unspoken flaws to perfections without a hint of scorch. She sees him for who he is and tell him to embrace it even if it means risking her life by sharing her nagative thoughts. Giggy feeling spread like vines over his body, dipping into his flesh to find it's way to his heart. Just imagining how she would react of him being the Kira, her cousin is obsessed with and the real reason she is with him already makes him yearn for her. Want to see her, see how more these measly feelings could grow ? But if it becomes a obstacle then he must cut the root of it all. Nothing would stop him from becoming the god.

Then how ? How come every single day from the day on he set up accidentally meetings with (Y/N), making time to be with her rather than his usual duty of writing criminal names on his death note to create a better place, be with her than Kira most of the time even going as far as to disguise Misa as a way of entering an certain (H/C)'s head girl house little by little. He simply can't seem to stop this twisted pleasure of inserting himself on the picture life beside (Y/N) without any filth or that bitch inside.

The longer he spends time, the longer those feelings distinct where the god of death teases him when the girl of his wet dreams arrive and she is getting clever with her excuses better than the precious one but how adorable ? When the one being lied is the master of lies himself. He has impressively maintaining the almost perfect double life as a student and the infamous Kira that lies from small to big holds no surprise to him anymore. So, albeit knowing her little amusing lies his patient, one of his strong suit has been helping the thread from being cut off however he is growing impatient. Astonishing him and proving his desire for her was greatly underestimated and that strong suit of his apparently doesn't work related to (Y/N) who is passing day, week is scared for her life.

She might be little oblivious— but not blind to his increasingly uncomfortable advances towards her about inviting her to his home when his parents are out, touching her at every chance he gets, leaning closer than a boy having girlfriend should be, whispering into her ear, creating one-sided plan without Misa, tried holding her hands—claiming it's for her safety from strange men attacking her. Ironic ? when he himself is no better than the 'strange men' he described. Perhaps more dangerous he was because the dreadful day arrived. The day where their pretense of nothing happening is ruined. The say where his patient put to an end along his desire begin to woven the fate of their to seal together. Branding (Y/N) his.

"Good thing I ran out of the class when he was called out by the teacher". She sighed of relief finding no sight of an certain brown head behind her. For some strange reasons the deity might want to punish her or else why the accidental meetings with him keep occurring ? Or "This is a set up ?" No, what would he want from her ? Surely he isn't thinking of cheating on Misa— no. (Y/N) shook her head from digging into the topic far too liking from her.

Ultimately without any difficulties she calmly reached her house, stretching her arms and walking upstairs to her room when her eyes went to Misa's room and memories of her moving to their house after her parents death flooded to how late at night whimpering, wailing could be came from her room and (Y/N) helplessly call her parents to help Misa. Only if her parents weren't killed, if only her cousin lived happily, only if Kira didn't exist, only if she didn't developed unhealthy obsession then perhaps Light wouldn't be able to came into her sister life and have the chance to cheat on her. "No, no. I am again imagining things. He wouldn't cheat on her".

Quickly her toes step upwards to her roon and her fingers touch the cold doorknob only to twist and open it with a creaking noise and the straps of her bag fell with a thud on the ground while her eyes remained on the ground. "I need a shower". She closed the door behind her and about to head her attached bathroom when her (E/C) eyes met his rather red alike ruby eyes fondly.

Light sat on her bed flipping her art pages. "W-what ? A-are you doing ?" He silently spin a key around his finger. Not any key but a key to their house.

"Gifted by Misa". His gently voice revealed however the girl oppose of him felt her head spinning, rounding around her head, heart pumping in fear.

Fear.

Terror.

Disgust.

All the negative emotions she ever felt was surfacing over her face Light could see, he was like an magician reading her thoughts, her emotions, her fears and he would surely use them. Make them his weapon.

"This is disgusting". (Y/N) with a sneer about to run out—

"Do you not fear for Misa's life ?" Her all actions stop in air. Breathing escalated, hard to inhale, hard to feel, hard to express.

"What do you mean ?" She turn to face the man she thought could be trustworthy for Misa. "What do you mean ?" She yelled louder for him to reply her yet all he offered was a wordless smile. A smile nothing alike an polite gentleman instead a victory smile, a smile only those offer when they know all the power of the pawns on a chessboard are on their palms and she was a pawn destined be to at his control. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?" She cried, run towards him and yunk his white collar.

"She is your lover ! How could you threat her life ?" How could he ? How dare he ? How heartless he has to be not caring about others ? Especially of his loved ones, the ones who would do anything for him, sacrifice for him, fight for him, be with him. Tears well in her eyes merely imagining Misa's perished body in front of her.

"If you dare to touch my family I will kill you". (Y/N) threaten, fisting onto his thin cloth. A family is what Misa is to her. A sister. A cousin she will do any limits of protect. Even if it means killing hi—

"Even if it means sacrificing yourself ?"

"What ?" Her eyes narrowed.

"I never liked her let alone romantically viewed her. She is nothing but a nuisance, a thone, a mistake, a pest in my life. I never wanted her. She did and forced me". (Y/N) refuse to believe the words coming out of his filthy lips. "The one I want is you. I desire you". He breathless confessed his hidden want. Leaning over her face while her grip on his collar crumble, she lean away astonished.

"No. You don't". She step back gazing at his yearning eyes, cleared bronze eyes held reflection of her, just like his mind filled with her, his heart filled with her. His larger hand grip her wrist from stepping away any further than she already was in the past days. Another hand circle around her waist pulling closer.

"Don't leave me. You must be mine. You should be mine". He mutter leaning his head to her heart, ear pressed to the racing heart, pulses of her veins and his right hand intertwined with hers like their lives were now. "You are the only one who truly understood me. Seen me how I am. Never forced me. Criticized me, always bluntly told my flaws to my perfections. You are someone to be my queen. To be mine entirely and eternally". He closed his eyes pressing against her chest— to her heart racing because of him. Her breathing halted because of him. Her pulse rushing because of him. Everything she feels because of him. He is equally in her roots just like she was in his.

(Y/N) slowly looked at him to find his eye lids opening and all she found was madness, chaos, desire and her reflection. From the moment they met her intitution already announced him danger, bad news and fake. But she brush it off, ignoring the voices within her mind pointing how intensely he looked at her. How he behaved with her but she pretend to be unaware, run away from the reality that something was off with him all for the sake of her sister's happiness attached to this man yet it lead nothing else than her own downhill.

Before she realize the danger surrounded her, it was too late. She was caged. In his palm as a pawn of desires and caged in his arms. "Be with me and Misa will be alright. Be my queen and no harm with be done. My love, you don't know what can I do to disappear a person". Her knees gave up only for Light to hold her. "Do not worry. I am here. Give yourself to me and everything will be alright".

With a thud her back touch her once safety of a bed along the destroyer of her life, the killer of her soul, the ruiner of her body above her. His intelligent gaze replaced with full of lust. Adulation adoration "What would you do if I don't obey you ?"

"Kill Misa and I promise I will get away with it". Light honestly revealed, he has already plan to get rid of the good for nothing god of death, Rem with Misa. The only reason she wasn't dead to his inconvenience of the Rem but to own (Y/N) he will make it possible and crowned her his queen.

School white shirt disregarded baring her upper skin and her breast under the bra. Hungry eyes drank at the sun ray's kissed (S/C) skin. A divine present she is to him. The perfect love of his life. Insteadly he pressed his lips to hers earning a groan from himself due to how good it felt. Her lips were smooth, soft featherly and creamy like the pastries he likes. His tongue invade hers, tasting her tongue, twisting them together and sucking her, taking all her sweetness to himself, blending their saliva together and moving in rhythm of their love song ignoring how she remained unwavered.

When air became a need, a way to breath he decided to separate his lips from her leaving a lace of sliver saliva thread onto their lips— an evidence of his passionate kiss. He smirk finding her (S/C) cheeks decorated with crimson hue, lips gleaming his saliva and tears build on those hatred eyes.

Light insteadly latch Into her skin, curious if her body taste as sweet her lips does and he wasn't disappointed sucking her chin, neck, collarbone banding her his with the butterflies kisses and purple hickeys. However only whimpers, choked tears were tuning his ears unlike the music of moans he was awaiting. How could she ? Contrast to he was in heaven, the hell was brought for her on earth. Torturing her with those burning hands, soul-sucking kisses and purple scars on her body. The ruiner of her ripped the bra she used as an shield presenting her vulnerable and helpless.

Her breath hitched and eyes shut feeling wet lips coating her buds and he indulge his fantasy of his sleepless night come true even better beyond his tricks of imagination. He lovely bite and circle the buds with his tongue to earn any sweet noise from (Y/N)'s pretty lips. Showering devotion to their love making. "She is so perfect". Her head to toe was a goddess in a human's body. All of her flaws and hatred he viewed in her turned into rose tinted glass. Quickly those purple and blue bruises painted over her breast and his other hand kneading her breast as he continue to mark her down and down until his eyes sparkle with excitement and hers with terror.

He slowly dragged her cloth all together letting harsh breeze touch her second most private part which he delightfully touched. "So delicious it looks. All for me to have". Blood painfully rush to his own private part palming her small sex and lean his mouth inside the flesh. Finally the held tears of her roll down, crying at her cruel deity. At the cruel fate written for her. "Please help. Somebody, anybody help". How sad. Pitifully she quiver under Light who was enjoying the taste of her, the liquid she made from, created into.

"I can't". Crazed blood rush into his mind that he no longer take his slow time to worship his queen within a blink of an eye his own lower pants gone and without preparation, without protection he slammed his cock into her virgin flesh filling himself tight around her walls. "How sweet. All your first is me and I will make sure your last is me too". He bite his lips, gripping her naked thighs hard that she felt her bones would break.

"But my soul is broken". She screamed her pain of being raped. Agony of taking his part into her pussy so suddenly and forcefully. It hurts. It hurts more when he moved inside her, thrust again and again. Brim of bile threat to pour out of her throat as he continue to pleasure himself using her body— no a body belongs to him.

"So good, love. You are the sweetest. The most divine queen you will be". He chuckle thrusting faster. In mind to impregnate her. Yes, he will make sure to lock the shackle around her ankle well and the lock will be their sweet child which she soon realize when his hips slowed and strings of white liquid was released inside her womb.

"No. No. No. No. No. No". (Y/N) screamed at his face, red from anger. "I will kill this child if it grew". But all he did was lean and kiss her lips.

"Then I will kill Misa, your family and each person you come to care one by one". He shuss her by kissing her adorable protest only he can heard and see not even that Ryuk who is not here from the beginning busy devouring his addicted apples.

Just like he is slave to his (Y/N) "I am—". He kiss her. "Addicted".

FIN

[rhiandoesfandom]

Not to be in an extra angsty mood but it's raining today and I'm in that kinda mood. So I wanna talk about the potential of both Blitz and Stolas's self hatred and trauma to possibly manifest a LOT once they get together.

We know that they see the best parts of one another. And so far they both haven't been able to see that from one another. Mostly because they can't just fucking date already and Blitz has trouble commiting to a relationship. Which-We know he's working on.

But once they ARE together-I KNOW that neither of these guys will be tackling their self hatred before they get together. They will have to do it over a long period of time.

The whole fandom has talked about how devastating Stolas seeing the pictures in Blitz's apartment will be. But also-think that if Stolas loses everything too, how painful it will be for Blitz to see more of Stolas's self medicating and drinking?

They both punish themselves because of how they were raised to think about themselves, as well as experiences they have gone through.

Stolas will also be grappling with the comedown of being in a 17-year abusive relationship. How many times is he going to flinch at what he thinks is Blitz about to hit him when it's really a pat on the back? How many times is he going to yell out at a loud sound like pounding on a door or even just one of Blitz's guns going off (That's one of my hesitancies of Stolas fully going on missions with IMP, is him retraumatizing himself).

How many times will Blitz yell out in his sleep because of his remorse about his past actions? How many times will Stolas attempt to comfort him and get a defensive and stand-offish Blitz.

And my last thought, How many times will they say, "You don't understand me".

Trauma's a bitch.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

akio and the coffin

it’s fascinating how akio both literally IS the coffin of ohtori academy and, simultaneously, is trapped by it. ohtori academy is in many ways a manifestation of the ugly side of adolescence, of clinging on to something in your past and refusing to move forward in your life. every character has something they continue to hold on to despite the fact that they ought to let it go for the sake of growing and maturing. for example, saionji has his inferiority complex regarding touga, his refusal to let go of the simplicity of their childhood together when he felt that they stood on the same ground, and that touga saw him as an equal. everything he does in the series is an attempt to make himself feel as though he is finally on equal grounds with touga. if he would only stop tying his self-image to the perception that touga is somehow above him, that touga looks down on him, then he would be able to let go of that sense of inferiority and move on. but he can’t. juri refuses to let go of the pain she feels regarding her past with shiori, and continues to see shiori as someone who is “innocent”, albeit cruelly - someone who is unknowing of the pain she causes juri through her actions when in fact, shiori in seducing the boy she thought juri loved was deliberately acting to hurt her. if juri would only realize and accept the true intentions behind shiori’s behavior, then she could get one step closer to understanding shiori, to being understood by her, and moving past the pain of shiori’s betrayal. but she can’t. 

most of the characters, except utena and anthy of course, remain in ohtori by the end of the show. while they’ve all made progress in “maturing” thanks to the events they experienced throughout the series - both saionji and touga’s as well as juri and shiori’s relationships have gotten visibly better, as shown in the final medley of scenes - they still have more growing to do, hence why they remain in ohtori academy until their time comes. one day, the show suggests, they might also revolutionize their own worlds - their own selves - and finally leave the coffin of ohtori behind as well. 

so where does that leave akio? i think he can be said to literally be the coffin of ohtori in that he is explicitly shown to try to manipulate others into remaining stagnant, to clinging on to whatever toxic things they are struggling to process and come to terms with, though this is of course only shown via the characters he most directly interacts with. naturally it comes across most clearly with anthy, although i think utena and to a less direct extent, touga, are the other two people who are the most straightforwardly influenced by him. when it comes to anthy, she clings to her love for the person her brother used to be, the older brother who, at least as she perceived, was kind and caring and wanted to protect people. to protect that older brother, she willingly took on the hatred of the world, and continues to endure the pain of it to this day for what is implied to be centuries. but akio has shown time and time again, through the repeating dueling cycles, that if he was ever kindhearted and genuinely caring, those parts of him are gone now. i do believe he cares about anthy to an extent even now, but whatever affection he has for her is paltry in comparison to his desire to reclaim his power as prince dios. it’s for that purpose that he set up the entire dueling system, for which he freely allows duelists to treat anthy like a prize and an object. and additionally, because anthy is so integral to the power he has now in ohtori, he uses emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual abuse to keep her tied to him. he’s willing to not just let her wellbeing come last, but puts it at the bottom of the list of priorities, and actively tears it down himself for his own benefit. anthy knows all this - but because she still holds onto that love that she had for who he used to be, she stays with him and does his bidding. and that’s what akio wants. he is the coffin, wishing to keep people in their states of despair, conflict, and pain, therefore ensuring that they are compliant and vulnerable to his manipulation. 

at the same time, akio is trapped by the coffin like everyone else. he, like all the other characters, has something that he ought to move on from for his own sake as well as the sake of the people around him: his goal to reclaim his powers as prince dios. akio has failed in this goal every single dueling cycle that happened before the show’s events, and as displayed in the final episode, he definitively fails the one that takes place during the show as well. he can attempt the cycle over and over and over again, redo and tweak and modify the dueling system however many times and in whatever ways he wants - it’s all useless. there is no sword that can break open the rose gate. there is no way to reclaim his powers. they’re gone, that part of his life is over, and if he accepted that fact, it would allow him to move on and heal from what he experienced. but he can’t. at the very end of the series, right before anthy leaves ohtori for good, he’s typing away just as diligently as he ever did and, completely oblivious, tells anthy that he’s rewriting the rules of the rose crest, that he’ll be counting on her again. and i didn’t pick up on this until rewatching the episode, but it really just hits you then how utterly stupid he looks, working so hard and speaking so confidently about the upcoming dueling cycles as if any of them are ever going to matter in the slightest. i love anthy’s response to him too; i love the subtle but at the same time so blatant scorn in her words: “you really don’t know what’s happened, do you?” because once again, throughout all this, akio has learned nothing. he hasn’t realized it’s useless, what he’s trying to do; he hasn’t realized all the effort and pain and anguish he’ll cause in people for yet another dueling cycle will never make any difference. he is unable to come to terms with the reality that he will never have his powers as prince dios back. he refuses to move on. 

akio is the coffin of ohtori, wanting to keep others in stagnation and regret. he’s also trapped by the coffin, incapable of maturing past his own stagnation and regret. and it really, really says something that all of the other major characters of the show, who have been in ohtori for far shorter a time than he has, have been able to make visible strides in their growth. anthy, who is the only one comparable to akio in terms of duration at ohtori, revolutionizes her world and leaves. meanwhile akio, as deluded and self-unaware as he is, hasn’t made a single step of progress in all this time. the only thing he does is call in bewildered desperation after anthy as she finally leaves him behind, still totally clueless as to what has happened. 

tldr; i once saw an author say one of her characters represents inertia, in fact he is inertia. i think that’s a spot-on explanation of akio, at least in terms of what he symbolizes in the story. i want to beat him in the dick with a cactus

[floatingcatacombs]

Go Nagai was insane for this one

12 Days of Aniblogging 2023, Day 8

I like to always have manga of dubious quality on tap for when I’m having trouble sleeping. Ideally, reading a few chapters will distract me, but I won’t want to stay up late shotgunning volumes. Devilman Lady was the ideal manga for this, and this is maybe the last time anyone will ever describe Devilman Lady as "ideal".

An extremely brief introduction is in order. If Osamu Tezuka is the godfather of manga, then Go Nagai is manga’s weird horny uncle. He’s arguably just as influential, the two of them just moved in different circles, each reifying entire genres. Nagai is more or less responsible for magical girls, super robot, and ecchi, and also spent a lot of time in the sphere of supernatural and post-apocalyptic manga. These are fundamentally genres of extremity and ridiculousness, and Nagai dials every one of his works up to 11 by the end, one way or another. Devilman is probably his most famous work over here, and it’s a stone-cold classic for a reason. Nagai has kept revisiting it over the years, with side stories, alternate universes, manga cameos, and even entirely new series that function as stealth sequels such as Violence Jack. But his most notable attempt is Devilman Lady, which is far more than a simple gender-swap of the original.

Devilman Lady is about swimming deep in filth. It’s easily the most disgust-provoking manga I’ve read, with pretty much every content warning under the sun applicable. This is a truly rotten and conspiratorial world that Nagai is depicting. Societal decay manifests in countless forms, including rape, child abuse, homophobia, militarism, and hatred towards immigrants. Anything that could be potentially understood as fanservice is placed right next to or directly within the atrocities at hand, and it's genuinely unclear how much Nagai intended that as commentary. His intentions throughout this whole manga are a bit of an enigma, but what's clear that he is firing on all cylinders.

This is an extremely zeitgeisty 90’s work, with intelligent design debates, the mapping of the human genome, new age paranoia, religious zealotry, and anxiety over pollution all playing out on the pages. Where it breaks from many of its contemporaries is a decisive rejection of the end of history. This is the kind of thing you write when you’re still reeling from the subway sarin gas attacks and your country's role in the Gulf War and subsequent militarization. It’s the perfect manga for capturing a time period when ten to twenty percent of Japan’s population were estimated to have belonged to a new religious movement.

The punchline to all of this is that he doesn’t know how to draw women.

By the back half of Devilman Lady, Nagai’s depictions of hellscapes and grotesque monsters reach near-Berserk levels of detail and technical competency. And yet his female protagonists are still drawn in a drastically simpler 70's style, only now with giant spheres grafted to their chests. Either humans and the infernal are two completely different skillsets, or this was a deliberate artistic decision, and both are difficult to swallow. Either way, we just have to accept the juxtapositions.

one of my favorite pages to show people devoid of context

The finale is just nuts. Go Nagai makes textual the homoeroticism and gender deviance of the original Devilman manga, as the world burns in both nuclear warfare and demonic hellfire. The story starts accelerating at an unfathomable pace, the most inscrutable double mobius reacharound yaoiyuri occurs, and the universe resets once or twice. It makes the endings of Jojo Part 6 and 7 look tame by comparison. There is no way to parse this like a normal manga with a plot and narrative. It is raw id.

This has been a year where I’ve tried to deliberately broaden my comfort zone by engaging with more potentially upsetting works if I think they'll have something interesting to say. This was like jumping into the deep end. Devilman Lady may very well be Go Nagai’s magnum opus. It’s not nearly as tight as the original manga, but it’s a glorious mess, just as radical to its own time as Devilman must have been in the 70s. It made for spectacular insomnia reading. And there’s no way in hell I can ever recommend it.

At age 19, Nagai went through a bout of diarrhea so bad that he convinced himself it was colon cancer, and that he was at death's door. He vowed to leave something behind for the world to remember him by, and began laboring away on manga. And for the last 60 years of his career, he’s written and drawn with the fervor of a man who’s about to shit himself to death. Maybe that’s the real secret.

[flowerbloom-arts]

“It's for a comic strip I do called 'Grumble and Bumble,' Grumble likes to yell but deep down he loves Bumble like a son.”

Seymour sometimes has a creative side, whether it be accidentally plagiarizing Jurassic Park for a book he's been thinking about writing (s5 ep19) or writing a couple screenplays in the hopes of getting them to Universal Studios and winning an Oscar (s19 ep18), and likely due to a lack of an active imagination or minimal media consumption he tends to draw inspiration from his own life for his art.

The screenplays he wrote in Any Given Sundance had titles that he fairly obviously based on his life or desires - “When Edna Met Seymour” (this is 4 whole seasons after they broke up), “Ghost Willie” (Willie hates Seymour's guts like most of the school staff but how much Seymour hates him back I can't quite say, or this could be more metaphorical and Willie's hatred is manifested into a threatening ghost form), “Killing Seymour's Mother” (he's expressed a desire to kill Agnes multiple times throughout the show due to resentment and despite his seemingly unconditional love for her), and “The Principal Who Sold a Screenplay” (this is simply premature wish-fulfillment)

“Grumble and Bumble” is no different. If the designs of the characters didn't make this obvious enough, Grumble is Chalmers and Bumble is Skinner himself, and thusly he is speaking indirectly about his ideas of what his dynamic with his superintendent is by using Grumble and Bumble as an allegory. But why would Seymour believe that despite the sometimes abusive tendencies Gary treats him with, Gary loves him "like a son" deep down?

I've often thought how similar Chalmers is to Agnes in some respects, especially when it pertains to their treatment of Seymour, but to an audience they have their fairly obvious differences.

While Agnes' abuse stems from a mix of bitterness and a fear of abandonment from the only person who still loves her despite her behavior, Gary's abuse seems to stem from a deep-seated annoyance with Skinner's behavior. Chalmers doesn't like Skinner being his bootlicker, the few times Chalmers treats him with benevolence or fondness is when Skinner acts confident in himself, unburdened by Chalmers' whims over him, meanwhile Agnes actively kicks him down when he tries to stand up.

Of course, it doesn't really make a difference to Skinner, I doubt he himself sees the difference, all he knows is that they dislike him but he can sometimes win over their affection if he does... Something, anything, likely whatever they want him to do which is be obedient and successful at his tasks despite his nightmarish circumstances because that's what they yell at him to do. He can't differentiate between what Chalmers likes and what Agnes likes because he's so used to his mother and Chalmers is so close to that pattern of behavior they might as well be the same.

And just as Seymour loves Agnes, he also loves Chalmers. It doesn't particularly matter if that love is familial or platonic or even romantic on Seymour's end, really, because it all leads to the same result; that love leads to a desire to fulfill whatever harsh demand is given to him. He's a dog in that sense, and he never knows when to quit (as Bart says; "No matter how badly you get treated, you always come back for more! It's like your superpower!" - s32 ep8).

And despite everything Gary's put him through, he hopes desperately that he can achieve and continue to maintain any morsel of affection he may throw for doing a good job, just like Agnes would. He thinks the abuse hides an inherent affection Chalmers harbors for him; why else would Gary keep coming to school to see him? Why else would he seem to care about it so much? It must be similar to how his mother still keeps a roof over his head or cooks him food; she cares despite her hatred, because he is her son and there's an unconditional love there between them. Seymour knows this, and so therefore there has to be one conclusion, no matter what kind of affection Skinner feels for him:

Chalmers likes to yell but deep down he loves Skinner like a son. Just as Agnes loves him as a son.

“No he doesn't.”

— s26 ep11, Bart's New Friend

[bisclavret]

dagonet yaoi ranked

dagonet x arthur: the obvious one! arthur loves dagonet and respects him and trusts him more than his knights when shit starts hitting the fan near the end. and needless to say dagonet is a devoted freak about arthur (that whole monologue about how he wants to be put on a leash and whimper at his feet comes to mind) so they're textbook king/jester yaoi except sweeter because there's never any backstabbing or abuse. 10/10

dagonet x merlin: toxic mentor/mentee relationship when they're younger but kind of sweet in a cringe old man way when they're just two old freaks. ea robinson wrote them as camelot's final girls that leave camelot together and grieve their king in each other's arms at a nearby tavern. 8/10

dagonet x kay: kay causes him bodily harm whenever they share a scene which makes sense since dagonet's whole job is to run his mouth and kay is very easily offended. but sometimes they play practical jokes on enemies together? also they are both influential and close with arthur but nobody takes them seriously bc they're gay and annoying. which makes them perfect for my clown4clown agenda. :) 11/10

dagonet x gawain: similarly to arthur, gawain loves and respects dagonet - sometimes he's even the one who knights him instead of arthur (everyone booed)! they swap narrative roles the closer the story gets to the fall of camelot as dagonet acts as a more serious figure warning everyone about how the end is nigh while gawain becomes the Fool whose hatred and rash decisions guarantee the end will be nigh. lots of fun characterization to work with. plus they genuinely like each other! 9/10

dagonet x lancelot: i don't think there's much going on between them aside from the story where dagonet thinks himself unworthy of even attempting the grail quest but then the grail secretly manifests for him when lancelot is injured and near death and he uses it to save him and never tells anyone what happened. kind of sweet! i love 19th/20th century arthuriana, i do. 6/10

dagonet x dinadan: i personally think they should unionize against the jocks but dinadan is funny in a cool girl way while dagonet is funny in a cringe theatre kid way so they probably steer clear of each other. sad! 3/10

dagonet x tristan: tristan tried to drown dagonet during one of his hissy fits but it's tristan so i can't really spin this into homoeroticism the way i can with kay. not least bc he drowned him so hard dagonet stopped appearing in texts for like 500 years after that one. 0/10

[youremyheaven]

The Dark Side of Jupiter💀🚬🍾🎊

There is a lot of discussion around Jupiter's abundance, its boundless energy, its expansiveness. But what about the dark side of Jupiter?

Being so giving can be so tiring. To simply never run out of fuel or feel depleted can mean that you have no sense of boundaries. You simply don't know whether you've pushed yourself too hard. Being burnt out for a Jupiter native just means that the endless energy they give to others/everything in their life is not reciprocated in the same way because very few people can return the same energy. This results in a kind of emptiness that cannot be appropriately described.

It's part of their nature to give but to always be pouring to others and to soak everything up means there is very little exchange of energies. You always feel like you're "too much for others"; you have too much energy or you don't have the appropriate channels for it.

The Jupiter need for constant stimulation is seldom addressed, without it, a native feels spaced out and "dry on the inside". Jupiter natives when they're out of balance can be prone to substance abuse, hypersexual behaviour and everything else. Virtue is an innate part of a Jupiter native, so they naturally do not possess a taste or preference for these things but that is not to say they are incapable of it. But they still possess the ability to quit things cold turkey unlike say Ketu or Rahu (Nodal people and their tendency to be prone to addictions is a topic for discussion for another day) because they don't inherently have a shadow-y nature that makes them dependant. They just need a direction to channel their energies and they will tire of it/grow bored of it pretty quickly.

Boredom is the most dangerous feeling. It can make people do things that love, hatred and anger can't. Imagine what this is like for Jupiter natives who are already too intense and too prone to feeling the depths of every emotion.

Jupiter natives are often described as "too much to handle" for many people. Especially for certain Mercurial natives, typically Ashlesha since Revati's boundless in its own way and Jyeshta natives come from a place of lack so they're endlessly projecting outwards. Ashlesha natives are the most energetically conservative of all Mercury naks and is in general, one of the most inwardly drawn naks and they feel easily drained by Jupiter natives, especially Jupiter women.

Idk if its ever been described this way but this is how I see it. Jupiter is a masculine planet but its ever expansive nature is supremely Yin. Therefore it manifests differently for men and women. Obviously there is a tendency to be people pleasers but it does not come from a place of negativity or desire to suck up to people, others just can't fathom what its like to process and contain information the way Jupiter natives do, they just naturally absorb the energies of others and project it back on to them. This is also another reason why they are so polarising. They're easy targets because if someone reflected back everything you hated about yourself, you'd be bound to hate them. They're mirrors.

The Pisces urge to dissociate has been covered extensively but no one ever talks about the exhilarating highs and crushing lows of being a Jupiter native. They feel so consumed by stimulation. They're the type of people who after spending time with others or partying or whatever, they come back home and they simply can't chill, they're so restless and manic and hyped up, they can't sit still; they don't feel drained by all that social interaction, they get high off of it, its hard to describe what that's like to someone who feels easily drained by others and needs to remain self contained to avoid feeling burnt out.

Punarvasu & Ashlesha both have Cat yoni which is a very restrictive yoni but since Punarvasu is Jupiter ruled, they have this capacity to be very expansive even if there are external limits placed on them. Ashlesha in addition to having a cat yoni is also Mercury ruled; mercury is the smallest planet, this adds to the restriction and limitations and makes them inwardly drawn and unable to give at all.

Punarvasu is the most grounded of Jupiter naks for this reason; there is a limit or some kind of grounding to their energies meanwhile with Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, they fully embrace the darkness and intensity of Jupiter. Its interesting how Punarvasu is the only deva gana nakshatra among Jupiter naks. Vishaka is the height of Jupiter and is a rakshasa gana nak which represents how the extremes of anything, even a so-called abundant planet can manifest as villainy. All power corrupts but absolute power corrupts absolutely. Purvabhadrapada is the final Jupiter nak and a manushya gana nak because the culmination of Jupiter's energies is to integrate the evil with the divine and thats what makes us fully human.

Jupiter natives are prone to manic behaviour but when it comes crashing down, simply because others around them probably don't have a good threshold for this sort of hyperactivity, they feel "too out of control" but also "too out of touch" since they truly are in a different sort of reality; Punarvasu delulu behaviour require its own post; its wild that a lot of people interpret that as "innocence" when what it really is this is urge to expand endlessly and consume everything within reach- it may seem like a childlike curiosity to explore and try things but there is a scary and dark side to it.

I've noticed how many Jupiter natives exhibit bipolar- adjacent behaviour (TW!!!!) they are most prone to the manic highs and crushing lows and swinging back and forth between it from day to day.

Obviously I'm not saying all Jupiter natives are like this but I'm talking about ways in which the dark side of Jupiter manifests. Its almost similar to that of Rahuvian people.

If you look at the charts of famous people who've struggled with addiction and/or bipolar disorder, majority of them have Ketu influence but there are numerous examples of Jupiter natives as well since Jupiter natives are not dependent on it in the same way (remember they're not bound to anything, they can quit things cold turkey if they choose to, they just like the mania and the high and only boredom will make them stop).

Here's a small list of celebs who've struggled with bipolar disorder:

Vivien Leigh- Swati Sun, Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka

Mariah Carey- Punarvasu Moon

Sinead O'Connor- Jyeshta Sun & Venus along with a Vishaka stellium (rising, mercury and ketu)

Mel Gibson- Punarvasu Rising, Mars in Vishaka atmakaraka, Rahu in Jyeshta

Chyler Leigh- Vishaka Moon

She interestingly played a drug addict in the alternate reality episode of Grey's Anatomy and suffered from addiction as a teenager.

Regarding her bipolar disorder she has said, “I was experiencing such a high version of mania and irritability that I couldn’t sleep or eat, and I was angry and reckless,” Leigh says. “I would go to work and use that adrenaline and expend my energy and feelings there, and then I would come home exhausted.”

Halsey, who is Punarvasu Moon (Swati stellium) has been open about her struggles with bipolar disorder and here are some quotes from some of her interviews that I feel like explain Jupiter nature quite well;

“That’s why I tour so much. I release endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine. Like, it’s literally a drug response,” said Halsey

Part of the reason why some Jupiter natives who are more balanced, tend to stay off of drugs or partying or other indulgences entirely is because they don't really need substances to feel high, they experience the highs, lows, relapses, resistance, withdrawal symptoms of drugs just by feeling emotions in the massive, expansive Jupiterean way that they do. I really don't know if I'm driving home this point enough, but really, this biggest goddamn planet, imagine containing that much space and energy within yourself, you're like a defenceless sponge, you pick up on everything whether you want to or not. There's a reason why some of the biggest pop stars, celebrities and people of all time have been Jupiter natives; some people can be in the public eye, facing the projections of millions of people and only go slightly insane and those are Jupiter natives; in fact they need an outlet of that capacity; something that's large enough to contain them.

Here's some more quotes:

 “Nobody wants to be my friend. They’re scared I’m gonna pop off about something. I’m drama by association. I put myself out there with my peers; I don’t know if people really ever wanted to do the same with me. So I stopped wasting my energy.”

Other people not meeting you on your level is a big issue with Jupiter natives; few people can match their pace and its vvv easy for them to feel "too much" for others.

“I spent a lot of time being the most exciting thing in everybody else’s life. When they didn’t need me any more, they would thank me then leave. That is the trope of the manic pixie dream girl. This album is about her. Her traumas don’t exist to benefit some other person.”

People are initially excited and intrigued by the explosive energy and enthusiasm of Jupiter natives but they will tire of it quickly if they don't have the same internal space to hold it. This can be very crushing for the Jupiter natives who feel used. Everybody loves a one week vacation in Hawaii but nobody wants to stay in Hawaii forever, they really want to get back to their boring desk job because that gives them a sense of stability and normalcy.

As for being a “bitch,” Halsey doesn’t actually think she is one, although she knows that it can seem that way when she’s been on a manic spree for a week, made everyone around fall in love with her, and then shut them out with little more than a check-you-later as soon as she came crashing down. She can be demanding. She writes her own music. She does her own makeup. She helps design her own costumes, merchandise and album covers. She micromanages. No one can book a flight until she approves it. She will not be “handled."

The hot & cold nature of Jupiter aka "their duality" is what makes them so interesting to others, to the public etc but its also what makes them so polarising because we're all trained to think of things as this or that, therefore their kind of contradictory nature is confusing, alluring and yes, maddening.

Many famous party animals have prominent Jupiter placements but they usually clean up at some point.

Prince William has Rahu in Punarvasu and Kate is Punarvasu Moon; the Moon conjunct Rahu synastry in PUNARVASU makes their relationship a very "theyre doing things you havent even heard of" type one. Kate's party girl era is very well documented.

Ranveer Singh- Punarvasu Sun

In Indian media, Ranveer is quite a character, the man is always acting like he's on a cocktail of several substances and is known for her hyper manic media persona. He's known for being a party animal.

Drew Barrymore is a Punarvasu Moon

She was known for being a wild child in the 90s.

Cameron Diaz is Punarvasu Rising & Drew is Punarvasu Moon

The Weeknd- Vishaka Moon, Punarvasu Rising

Literally all he does is sing about the crushing highs and lows of the party, sex and drugs lifestyle he lives. Take any of his songs, he describes the emptiness of Jupiter better than anybody else.

These are lyrics from his song Gasoline:

"It's five AM, my time again

I've soakin' up the moon, can't sleep

It's five AM, my time again

I'm calling and you know it's me

I'm pushing myself further

I'm just tryna feel my heartbeat beat (beat)

I wrap my hands around your neck

You love it when I always squeeze

It's five AM, I'm high again

And you can see that I'm in pain

I've fallen into emptiness

I want you 'cause we're both insane

I'm staring into the abyss

I'm looking at myself again

I'm dozing off to R.E.M.

I'm trying not to lose my faith

And I love it when you watch me sleep

You spin me 'round so I can breathe

It's only safe for you and me

I know you won't let me OD

And if I finally die in peace

Just wrap my body in these sheets

And pour out the gasoline

It don't mean much to me

It's five AM, I'm nihilist

I know there's nothing after this (after this)

Obsessing over aftermaths

Apocalypse and hopelessness (hopelessness)

The only thing I understand

Is zero sum of tenderness (tenderness)

Oh, baby, please just hold me close

Make me believe there's more to live

Around, around, around, around we go

In this game called life, we are not free"

Scarlett Johansson- Vishaka stellium

She's talked about being a party girl and how much she enjoys clubbing.

Miley Cyrus- Vishaka Moon & Mercury, Mars in Punarvasu

Miley's wild stoner years are well documented and I think her mania during those years post-Liam are reflective of how devastating it is for Jupiter natives to feel abandoned by someone because they can't "handle" you anymore. There's a reason why she was so out of control in that era.

Lana Del Rey- Vishaka Stellium (inc her Rising)

she may be a Cancer Sun who makes melancholy music but the devastation and emptiness and trippiness comes from that Vishaka energy

choice lyrics include:

“And you try to see the bright side when each new day begins But you're not satisfied at the rainbows end”

“You're scared to win, scared to lose I've heard the war was over if you really choose; The one in and around you”

“it’s nice to love and be loved but id rather know what god knows”

“Happiness is a butterfly. Try to catch it like every night. It escapes from my hands into moonlight”.

Leonardo Dicaprio- Vishaka Sun & Venus

this man has been yachting for decades now, i have nothing to add, he's typical of Jupiter's boundless energy gone wrong.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon

in recent years, Jennie's party habits have become mainstay media news.

Katy Perry- Vishaka Moon, Rising and Saturn

Lets just say she knows a thing or two about partying

Asap Rocky- Punarvasu Moon

my king who sings/raps of being faded in every song<3 the loneliness/emptiness of the high life is Jupiter culture af

I will update this post and add more to it but I wanted to publish it rn as it is. Here's some of my thoughts on Jupiter's nature and I hope you find it interesting

xoxo

[bardic-tales]

I figured today I would focus on some facts about Bianca that I have been developing recently or over the last few months. They are going to range from romantic to the mundane. Also, there is mention of BDSM practices below.

While Bianca is a demisexual, I also label her as pansexual, too. Bianca does not care what anyone's orientation is. As long as a person developed an emotional bond with her, she could become attracted to them.

Bianca is also demiromantic. She made her living for six years as a romance author. I am a sucker for sticking an author / writer character into my stories.

Both Sephiroth and she are touch-starved, but to varying degrees. Sephiroth is not use to physical contact. When Bianca first hugged him, he was stiff and leaned away from her touch.

However, they do engage in BDSM practices. He is the dominant partner. Bianca would be considered an alpha submissive. She enjoys her bratty role.

Sephiroth will manifest his wing as a sign of dominance when she is too out of line with her brat persona. He has also used his telekinetic abilities to hold her down. This is never down in an abusive way. She consents every time. Sephiroth is the only being she trusts, which is ironic in its own way.

However, one of her 'rewards' is she gets to brush and style his hair. It's a bonding experience between the two. He also likes to brush and braid her hair, placing flower crowns on her head in their dreamscape. This keeps the Hades and Persephone theming of their relationship.

Bianca sees herself as an avenging angel, as well as the self-imposed title 'Priestess of Jenova' to honor Sephiroth and their plans. She harbors a hatred for humanity after everything that happened in her life.

Bianca prefers to wear Sephiroth's clothing when she can. He does NOT mind sharing his clothes, as he sees this as claiming her in a way. She loves to envelop herself in his scent, as she has heightened senses due to her demonic heritage. His scent provides her comfort on those days when her past is just a little too much for her. She boasts that she can smell him 100 miles away. This has lead to a nickname 'his bloodhound'.

Fun fact. I was going to make FWC an isekai in this newest rewrite. I found it funny that with Bianca's reality bending powers that she could have made 'One-Winged Angel' play on the Planet when Sephiroth fought Cloud. There are times when she does play music from her world, but seeing that they are on a different planet, Cloud, Sephiroth, and the rest do not understand the music.

Her favorite music is gothic rock and darkwave, industrial rock and metal, alternative rock, trip-hop, and symphonic metal. As she was teleported onto Gaia in '96, her musical tastes stay stuck in the 90s.

Bianca is 5 foot even. I often head canon Sephiroth to be 6'5". Since she is so much smaller than him, she will often levitate off of her feet to hug him or give him a kiss.

tagging some fellow mutuals: @themaradwrites @littleshopofchaos @serenofroses @megandaisy9 @watermeezer

@nightingaleflow @prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen @chickensarentcheap @glbettwrites

@seastarblue

[weemietime]

Blorbo

- Shayne or Weemie

- He/him, 33, Canadian

- ISTP, 8w9, sanguine

- Irish, French, Polish, Jewish

- Queer

- Find me on Reddit, and YouTube

- I run a mental health support group on Discord called Treehouse, the politics is kept low-key, moderates and progressives and allies are all allowed, people of all races, religions, sexualities, genders, etc are welcome. Our bread and butter is trauma and disorders that are caused by trauma such as cluster B personality disorders, OCD, certain psychotic features, attachment disorders, dissociative disorders, etc.

Posts about

- DDR, mutual aid, pragmatic pacifism

- ACAB, restorative justice, prison abolition

- Trauma, mental illness, indoctrination

- Zionism, New Iran, Land Back

- Diplomacy, international humanitarian law

- Post-economy, evolution beyond money

- Climate change, environmentalism

- Perpetration induced traumatic stress

Disclosure

- Religious Conservative Jew

- PTSD, SZPD, OCD, ADHD

- Physically disabled, chronic pain

- Former violent offender

- Sober addict

- I have a cortical visual impairment and visual agnosia, so sometimes I will misread or not see things properly. If I ignore or don't see something of yours it isn't on purpose.

Inline Tags (Theme)

#weemie #jumblr #hamas

#ask #mutual aid #szpd

#ocd #ptsd #lgbt #politics

#antisemitism #ableism #israel

Common Questions

What is antisemitism?

"Antisemitism is a certain perception of Jews, which may be expressed as hatred toward Jews. Rhetorical and physical manifestations of antisemitism are directed toward Jewish or non-Jewish individuals and/or their property, toward Jewish community institutions and religious facilities." IHRA, International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance

Antisemitism is spelled as one word, without the dash, as it is not bigotry against all Semites (Arabs + Jews), it is solely about Jews.

Is antisemitism the same as antizionism?

The 3-Ds of antisemitism are Demonization, Delegitimization and Double-Standards. If your criticism of Israel doesn't apply to any other country, if the way you talk about Israelis doesn't match how you talk about Russians, Iranians, Chinese, etc. then it is antisemitism.

What antisemitism is not

Criticism of Israel on its own (i.e. crimes, gov't, policies)

Palestinian self-determination

Palestinian flags, pride, culture

Criticism of religious Judaism (i.e. trauma, harm)

Is accusing Arabs/Muslims of antisemitism racist/Islamophobic?

It is racist to accuse Arabs of being de facto antisemites.

It is racist to presume Arabs are all Muslim as well.

It is not racist to acknowledge that Islam is foundationally taken from Jewish texts and histories, which have been misinterpreted and abused to justify antisemitic violence. It is not racist to hold Islam accountable for the imperialism that pervades its evangelical arm.

Just like it isn't racist to do the same for Christianity. And we hold this standard for Judaism as well. Just like it isn't antisemitic to criticize the harms that Jewish religion has caused for others (such as LGBT), it isn't Islamophobic to do the same.

How prevalent is antisemitism?

It's baked-in to two of the world's major religions, Christianity and Islam. Unfortunately that means antisemitism is the de facto sentiment of a majority of the world's population. Antisemitism is one of the oldest, longest hatreds. That means we are often subjected to historical revisionism, such as denying the severity of the Holocaust, or publishing encyclopedias, textbooks, as "information" with clearly antisemitic content pasted over real events. 

A good example is a look at the Wikipedia article for what Zionism is.

This clearly shows that Wikipedia is being subjected to antisemitic historical revisionism.

What is the alt-left?

We will use the BITE model for indoctrination as popularized by Steven Hassan in Combating Cult Mind Control. BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, Emotion. The most common form of indoctrination is called a thought-terminating cliche, or a fallacy-fallacy.

For example:

P1: "Israel is committing genocide!"

P2: "How many people have Russia killed so far"

P1: "500,000"

P2: "Do you think Russia is committing genocide?

Should we eject Putin from the UNSC?"

P1: "That's whataboutism!"

Resist this "whatabousim" idea, as it is designed to terminate all objections to clear hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is different than whataboutism, because it is a double standard, one of the 3-Ds of antisemitism.

So what is Zionism?

Zionism is the acknowledgment that Jews are the indigenous population of Israel, who have a right to self-determination in their homeland. Zionism is extremely broad. Some people don't even require Israel to be the Jewish country (their goal is simply safety and community for Jews world-wide, in Some Place), but this is a more secular argument.

Some people believe Zionism is only applicable to Jews (i.e. you cannot call yourself a Zionist if you are not a Jew), others are OK with goyim using the term as well. You'll have to feel that out, as both sides of the equation have a right to exist. Personally I use Zionism in as broad a definition as possible, so it does include non-Jews, with the exception of Messianic Christians, and evangelical hoo-hah.

When you're discussing Zionism with a Jew, especially as a non-Jew, you need to listen to what they describe Zionism as. It is de-legitimizing (another of the 3-Ds) to claim that Jews can't be trusted to point out antisemitic rhetoric. Jews define antisemitism, and we define Zionism. They are words about us, for us. 

In some cases people will say wrong dumb shit, so refer back to the first part of what antisemitism isn't. E.g. if someone (even a fellow Jew) says holding a Palestinian flag is antisemitic, they are actually being antisemitic themselves.

Is goy a slur?

No, in fact the term "gentile" was popularized by the KKK. Gentile is based off of a Christian scholar's interpretation of the term goy (Saint Jerome). Goy simply means "nations", as in non-Jewish people. Goyim/goy is not a slur. Some people might use it derogatorily, the same way Black people might speak negatively about white folks who have been racist to them.

It's still not a slur. We prefer to use goy because it is our word, we like it, and it doesn't have a history of being lobbed at us by mask-wearing wizard KKK freaks. Terms like "zio", "zionazi" etc are also slurs developed by David Duke.

You're a conservative who believes in prison abolition and social justice blah khadl blargo de glarm hlblehgah?

Conservative Judaism is a progressive, egalitarian denomination of Judaism. We believe in conserving the spirit of the Torah, but produce adaptive Responsa as we gain more scientific and social understanding. it is not Republican/political conservatism.

Why do you post all these gibberish asks by idiots?

That's actually the reason I am here! To do outreach to people who are brainrotted. I was an extreme kid. I was indoctrinated into a violent armed gang at age 8, and we had a lot of the same ideology.

Violence is cool, and our enemies should die and be hurt, brutality should be rewarded, etc. I want to dismantle this pipeline. I want to use my experiences to be a force for good, because that gives meaning to my life.

But I get that it's annoying to constantly read bullshit, so you don't have to follow me!

Is Israel committing genocide?

As it stands now, I'm keeping an eye on things. The simplest opinion I have is that we don't have any real data to work with, so we can't make conclusions. But we do have testimonies, believable ones, from people who were there and who are documenting the Likud war crimes.

So far, there is not conclusive proof that Israel is committing genocide in a systematic way. Some Israeli politicians are saying genocidal rhetoric, (one egregious piece of evidence is Halevi's statements that bombing Gazan civilian areas would "soften the battlefield," which is an open statement he made to media, this would mean he supports giving orders to deliberately target civilian areas - this is genocidal!) but this is separate from genocidal actions.

It's possible the answer to this question will change to yes and I have always been open about that. And if it does become yes, I will say yes.

[rocrown]

One reason the books in the Millennium series following the original trilogy don’t work for me is because I don’t feel like David Lagercrantz hates misogynists and fascists enough.

He very well may really hate them but it doesn’t come through in his writing the way it did with Larsson.

Stieg Larsson’s loathing was so explicit and so immense that I knew more than anything he really really despised misogynists and fascists. And the sequels lack that. They get bogged down in techno thriller and lame Marvel references and making Lisbeth a more palatable heroine, which misses the point for me.

Lisbeth is rage manifest: against a misogynistic and fascist society, its systems and institutions. She does the work she wants. She follows a rigid moral code of her own. She dresses how she wants. Goes where she wants. Associates with who she wants. Fucks who she wants. And if people don’t like that she dresses like a goth, hangs out with communists, is bisexual, is an abrasive unfriendly unsmiling woman, and punishes those who deserve it, well that’s too bad. She is rebellion against misogynistic conventions and expectations. She exists despite the fascists in her own government. And she hates them all. She is a storm Larsson set loose on his fictional but very real enemies. She is the embodiment of his hatred, made manifest to destroy and seek retribution in fiction in ways women like her rarely get to in real life.

I don’t get that from the other books. They’re too interested in the cyber aspects and too plot focused. They’re conventional thrillers and that’s where they fail. I didn’t want a conventional thriller with the characters from the Millennium trilogy because they lacks the soul. The beating heart of Millennium. It’s about justice—a righteous and furious justice, a kind of wish fulfilment in which women best their abusers and defy misogyny, and our heroes defeat fascists within their neoliberal governments.

Lagercrantz likely did what was asked of him. He wrote a thriller continuing the stories of these characters. You can’t fault him for that especially with the rising popularity of the series. He met the brief. It’s broader and the rougher edges filed off. In that way they were successful. But in doing so they lacked the character and tone of the originals. You could hear Larsson screaming Fuck You to misogynists and fascists on every page, just as abrasive and blunt as Lisbeth. That’s missing. And it’s a shame.

[silyabeeodess]

Twisted Wonderland Analysis: Rollo Flamme and Quasimodo Parallels

These thoughts hit me like a truck in the middle of the night yesterday and I've already talked about parallels with other TWST characters and Disney movie protagonists, so I'm going to spill them out in the cut below:

First, we need address a key difference between Rollo and Frollo: Rollo isn't actually a hypocrite like some people think. If there's one point that came up for the characters both in the game and in HoND, it's the idea of purity and how it can be distorted. Frollo saw himself as a pure being, a true follower of God that "saw corruption everywhere except within." He extended this warped view toward Quasimodo, constantly talking him down as a "deformed, ugly monster" that needed to be put in a place of subservience and repentance simply for existing--something that Quasimodo himself believed until he was able to interact with other people in order to mentally escape this abuse. Rollo's fits somewhere in-between: His sense of warped purity, in regards to magic, is his own doing. However, again, he isn't a hypocrite about it. A hypocrite is someone who commits acts against their supposed morality. In Frollo's case, he murders, ridicules, and lusts after others, going against the Word of God despite his so-called faith and always shifting the blame for his own sins onto other people. Rollo didn't commit any actual sin to begin with, and he didn't even have magic when his brother died--nor does he want it. He hates magic with a passion and sees powerful mages like Malleus as symbols for this hatred, yes, but those feelings also extend to himself even if he refuses to admit it. Frollo didn't hate himself: He thought he was always above others even when confronted by his own sin. As such, Rollo's backstory doesn't match Frollo's descent, but Quasi's beginning as a supposed "sinner by blood": Both are "monsters" in their own eyes.

To quote Idia during the battle on the belltower, "He doesn't even care that he's surrounded by fire lotuses. He just keeps blasting magic... (to Rollo) Aren't you just projecting? I think there's only one guy here you actually hate--yourself." Azul also backs this by saying, "It must have torn you up when your magic first manifested. You gained the very power that took your brother away, making you no different..." This is why Idia was able to connect with Rollo so strongly--not just as two people who lost loved ones, but people who also blame themselves for their deaths. Through their parallel, as well as the fact that Rollo was waiting in the belltower when the flowers took over the city--at the heart of all the destruction, right in what's metaphorically a burning fire waiting to consume everything... It's a clear sign of self-abuse/self-destruction. Rollo doesn't want magic to exist at all, including his own. While Rollo did use magic, he did so to ensure his plans succeeded likely with the intention of being the last man to fall. Quoting Rollo himself now as he was musing from the tower, "We will all be freed from that cold, dark despair (caused by magic)."

We don't really get enough interactions between Rollo and Yuu for a strong dissection on this, but I think this is also why he stresses Yuu's "purity" so much enough to talk to us about it directly. It's not like there's a shortage of non-magic users in TWST's world, but we're special to him because we come from a place completely devoid of magic: For him, it's like meeting an angelic messenger sent from Heaven. (Hint: Him telling us to "rest our tired wings."). As a result, Rollo comes to us for affirmation of his beliefs and when we don't give him that, he recoils. This follows Quasi's idealization of Esmeralda as an "angelic being." He saw her as a kind of salvation, a ray of "heaven's light," in a similar way to how Rollo sees Yuu. In the same pattern though, Esmeralda didn't give Quasi exactly what he wanted either, which partially led to him backsliding. In their case, Quasi expected romantic love as a kind of salvation when Esmeralda, not feeling the same, could only give him her friendship. This rejection made Quasi retreat back into his own head, stating "no face as hideous as his face was ever meant for heaven's light" once again. Even Rollo's rivalry with Malleus acts as an extension of this parallel, since Quasi had his own rivalry with Phoebus: Just like how Esmeralda ultimately chose Phoebus, Yuu is closest to, and of course sides with, Malleus.

On a smaller note, even Rollo's position during the battle is more fitting to Quasi than Frollo. In HoND, Quasi protected the belltower while Frollo stormed into it at the end of the film. In TWST, Rollo was protecting the belltower while the NRC students stormed in. It's just that the protagonist and antagonist positions have been flipped.

Speaking of the belltower, Rollo shares Quasi's connection to both it and Fleur City. The gargoyles adore him, explaining that "no matter the weather, he climbs this tall tower and polishes the Bell of Solice to a shine," and that "when [they] got wet and started growing moss, he scrubbed it off for [them.]" Rollo and Quasi were both caretakers for their belltowers and regarded them as sanctuaries. Rollo doesn't show any surprise either in that the gargoyles talk, which, yes, since he's a local he'd have a higher chance of knowing about their sentience more than our NRC boys; however, the way he talks to them in-turn is very natural--just like how Quasi talked to the gargoyles. Rollo didn't even seem to know that they were/consider that they would be in-danger, quote, "I cannot fathom why [Malleus] came to check on you." He might call them "rocks" too, but from his actions, it's clear that he does in-fact care. As for the city, while Quasi didn't initially get the chance to see it all himself personally, he did everything he could to understand it and the people who lived there in painstaking detail, even creating models of the individual villagers. Rollo shows that same love for his hometown, jumping from group to group and dropping tons of information as a guide to everything in it. He didn't have to do that for his plan to work: He easily could've distanced himself as the "busy president overseeing everything." It's just that, because he adores Fleur City, of course he's going to brag about it.

To recap, Rollo isn't a Frollo copy in the same way the others weren't copies of their respective villains. If anything, he's a version of Quasimodo had Quasi fully absorbed Frollo's brainwashing and abuse--someone who would've come to hate themselves and the world so much that they just wanted to see it end. Hopefully though, he'll take that invite by the gargoyles to talk through his issues and start truly seeing "heaven's light" now that he's finally gotten out of his own head a bit.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I think the only headcanon I like and remember consistently is Killer having attachment issues in the way

When any relationship gets too real, he does his best to push the other one away. Actively doing things he knows the other one won't like so they'll leave him, because he doesn't deserve any kind of good-ish relationships. He thinks they'd do better in life without him. Uhh I think it's just a case of self-hatred, if I know my emotions right(which I don't)

Yes i agree. Although I think the reasons behind this isn’t as straight forward as it seems. Very important to keep in mind that Killer has a dissociative disorder—this will affect his attachments. Such as in his Stages.

For Stage 2, i genuinely think he is not interested in emotional connections, or at least is convinced he is. He views them as a threat to his independence and emotional detachment, and views himself as not capable of having them.

He prefers to live his fantasies out in his mind where it’s safer and less risk—where he has control. The second anything comes too real, and he starts filling engulfed, he will detach himself and start actively self sabotage to make them leave. This is to protect himself, and only himself.

There isn’t exactly a sense of “I don’t deserve this/you,” exactly. The most I can see this mindset cropping up is in his relationship with Color. For everyone else it’s more like, “I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.” (Which is rich, considering his entire codependency shit with Nightmare. Silly little un-self aware bastard he is.

Although with Nightmare he doesn’t really have to worry about giving a shit about Nightmares emotions genuinely unless they impact him—he just does what he’s told or what he has to, and in return he gets purpose and direction.)

This is his schizoid and antisocial tendencies. Which i headcanon killer to have traits of in Stage 2. I think Stage 2 would have a dismissive avoidant attachment style.

In Stage 1, it’s much like you said—feeling undeserving—but also feeling deeply afraid of being engulfed, controlled, rejected, or abandoned or hurt again—although he deeply craves emotional connection and validation and safety.

For me, personally, Stage 1 is either anxious preoccupied attachment style, or fearful avoidant.

I’m not quite certain about how it’d manifest in Stages 3 and 4—mostly because killer doesn’t really attach much in these states. These two have bigger things to worry about than getting attached—and possibly don’t even conceive things like relationships.

Which, yeah, these are dissociative adaptations meant to keep killer alive or avoid suffering in ways that may be outdated to his current situation. Based on certain interpretations, Stage 3 is more likely to be entirely focused on the immediate moment and himself—nothing and no one else. Stage 4 is entirely unlikely to be focused on itself at all.

This would likely change and develop when Killer manages to form genuine connections and escape the dangerous abusive environment he is in— such as with Color, and then perhaps eventually with the rest of the Epic Sanses and the Chromatic Crew. And of course, the Stages are all still the same person— so there will be ripple effects.

[sinnohelitefourlore]

came from ao3 i love your league fic! gosh the sinnoh league is so unhinged lol what inspired you to write the sinnoh elite four and cynthia in that way?

SLKDFjSKLJ thank you.

Um.

Well...

It's a mix of things. It's largely due to the fact that the sinnoh e4 is so forgettable in general. I mean, you have a bug-catcher, nicer agatha, a clown, and a bookworm. I think this is mostly because Cynthia overshadows them greatly, but this is expected.

So I wanted to give the sinnoh e4 an underdog story, with backstories that shape them into the people they are (explanation below):

You learn that Aaron's not just a bug-catcher. He is also a deeply traumatized individual and it manifests in his behavior throughout his time as an elite. He's also the first teenager to become an elite in history, and the first bug-type specialist. He's sixteen when he achieves his title, and throughout the course of the story you see how this changes him - and it's not always good. Having that level of fame as a teenager with the type specialty that's regarded as the weakest does something to your brain. Unresolved past traumas + achieving so much fame + being a teenager + having the need to prove yourself as one of them (being the league) = a very bad time. It will show. It won't be pretty.

You learn that Bertha's not just a "nicer" Agatha. In fact, she really isn't that much nicer than Agatha. Her backstory is more intense than hers. She had escaped from her cult at seventeen after realizing her entire life was a lie and became a trainer. She stopped believing in her cult, but that mentality of hers doesn't leave her. And it shapes how she tries to help a war-torn Sinnoh when she becomes an elite. I think what makes Bertha "nicer" than Agatha is that she genuinely adores her fellow colleagues like her own, but other than that, Bertha has no problem using people if it means that Sinnoh can prosper. Agatha definitely uses people, but she doesn't pretend to be your friend like Bertha does. She is very straightforward and blunt and will say to your face that she's only using you because you provide something for her. Bertha, however, is very two-faced.

You learn that Flint's not just a clown. He grew up in a loving home, but he also grew up in the worst part of Sunyshore, wracked with poverty and crime, which shapes his behavior. Poor areas have a higher rate of disabilities/disorders/mental illness etc,, such as Flint having ADHD in the fic, and his younger brother Buck is autistic. Flint can be hotheaded, impulsive, and reckless - however is very, very loving and gentle to those who are more vulnerable than he is. You see this with Buck. You also see this with Volkner, and he's dating him in the story. He stops Volkner from killing himself. He encourages Volkner to get help. He's very good with Buck. He's fiercely protective of those that are smaller than him. If you're on Flint's bad side, good luck - but if you're on his good side, he would take a bullet for you.

You learn that Lucian's not just a bookworm. He is a psychic who was born out of wedlock, a non-psychic mother who died when he was young and a psychic father. He had been abused by him - who would use his powers to hurt Lucian. His father dies when he's a teen, and Lucian gets happy. He has such a hatred for his father that he continues into adulthood after his death because Lucian is a mentally shaken man. He becomes the first psychic elite in history at twenty due to Bertha seeing potential in him (also, Bertha was friends with Lucian's mother in their youth who helped Bertha deconstruct). While all the signs point to someone that would become a serial killer, he becomes more pleasant to be around due to Bertha. Lucian would've been 10x more insufferable without Bertha to help him. He is capable of friendships (Flint, Shauntal, Bertha) and a romantic relationship (Cynthia). Lucian can be a good person despite his traumas. He tries.

I also wanted to keep Cynthia's ruthlessness so people wouldn't forget her either. When I was writing Cynthia, I took into account on how we're so afraid of her because she's one of the most difficult notorious final bosses in Pokemon. I translated that into other people in the story having the same feeling, which is why there's a whole arc of Cynthia defeating other leagues for fun before becoming Sinnoh's champion. But she also has to deal with so much shit. Sinnoh's pretty wild in the story, especially with what happens later, but there's always something happening in Sinnoh.

I hope this explains the ruthlessness you see from them. You also have to remember in this verse that Sinnoh had been creamed in a world region war, which continues to pass on to present day. Trauma passes down from generation to generation. It doesn't go away. Every problem that these characters have can be traced back to the war.

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fic link