#which neither of us even own
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POV: You just got apprehended by your own lawyer.
Chimmy Changa spent his early years as a Public Defense Lawyer. He had to get really into shape because. For some reason. He kept getting clients who'd bolt from the court room.
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+ bonus sketches i tossed out becuase i couldnt draw them to my satisfaction >:I !!
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#chimmy changa#chimmy#my art#and yknow.#having to run away from constant bullies up until high school graduation would really get you into shape#'but chimmy changa! there's bailiffs for a reason! its their job to apprehend runaway defendants!!!!' i hear you say#to which I say#defendants has to make it past their lawyers first before getting to the door. and chimmy's been knocked down and out for FAR too long#smsh. he's not gonna standby while bailiffs push him aside or for his client to punch him to get away#chimmy may be an extreme pushover at home but he's very much a competent lawyer in the courtroom.#courtrooms have RULES!!!!! they have ETIQUETTE!!!!#his parents' home has neither and it is always a losing battle for him.#so yeah. he'll tackle his own clients. he'll even fight the judge if he has to.#also i think the first thing that turns red are his ears but he becomes a full tomato very very fast#i have another blushing meme thing to use so lets see how far i can push him before he esplodes into confetti#man i cant wait until he finally fuckging moves to dimmadelphia#theres so many fun interactions im planning for chimmy.#tormenting him with situations!!!!!#its gonna be fun.#....once i clear out the inbox. hah. hahha. hrm.#cubbi art
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Another day of chewing through the drywall thinking about The Emperor being very literally haunted by the past it cannot return to. Demonic possession trope reversed. A monster possessed by humanity.
#bg3 emperor#bg3 the emperor#the emperor#help i have so many feelings about this stupid squid#lore says illithids are horrified by partialism and like#yeah of course they are that’s posession#but emps is in so deep with balduran it acts like theyre the same person#the line between past and present life is hopelessly muddied#is the emperor balduran or is it posessed by him? is there even a functional difference anymore?#do illithids have their own souls? does it carry too what’s left of balduran’s soul?#it says it’s simply Risen Above the man it used to be to the degree that it can no longer claim to be that same man#which yeah#but at the same time it clearly can neither escape nor return to the man in question#i have no point to make here im just in squid hell#join me
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I’d love to hear your thoughts on what Eldritch peredhel entail
-@@outofangband
Sorry this took so long @outofangband and thank you for asking this I am! Delighted! And am preemptively putting a read more down because I cannot shut up about they <3
alright I'm just gonna put stuff and headcanons down as they occur to me so expect low-moderate levels of coherency
shapeshifting is an obvious one (gets weaker down the generations) but because my brain is Like This I have caveats!
thanks to my whole peredhil things=gender allegory that my brain spit out without my permission I've long struggled against my inherent feeling that while they can shapeshift they don't like it
but because I'm now aware of my brain's reasoning I can say it's because of ✨fantasy dysphoria✨
that's oversimplifying, obviously, but peredhil already have so much issues with working through who and what they are and compromising between body and mind and spirit that actively choosing to change into/present as something/someone who They Are Not is. Not usually their cup of tea.
As a whole they tend to have specific forms that they prefer as being closer to themselves, and distinct enough that it doesn't feel like they're faking something they're not
(changing to look like a different person, or a edited version of themself is Very Very not fun unless either explicitly for disguise or shenanigans)
(the exception to this is that Luthien can make herself look almost perfectly human without any real issue. she doesn't do it often but especially as she ages she likes to catch glimpses of her reflection and get both excited and sappy. this is in contrast to making herself look almost perfectly like an elf which makes her feel like her skin is on fire.)
(Also I'm pretty sure all of them can flip their agab presentation while only feeling varying degrees of off, and even then it's a different feeling than the shapeshifting dysphoria. Dior and Elwing are the two who I think mind it the most)
They all have the (agonizing to write) trait of feeling very distinct relationships to their species in their body vs soul/mind vs spirit/fea and they all feel it very differently! This isn't exclusive to Luthien's line but the maia blood does make it worse.
Oh! This is a new headcanon of mine actually but!
They all have faces that are very very hard to capture in image. They are the bane of portrait artists (and, to a degree, sculptors) everywhere because the art never looks accurate to life
It's not blatantly off it's just. missing something? Or something was added? maybe it's a little too wide, or narrow, or long, or short, in one place or another
It's not unrecognizable but if you've ever seen the subject in real life you can just tell
It's especially bad with Luthien (and Daeron) and Dior (to a lesser extent) because everyone literally sees them differently, as in their features will be slightly different depending on what each person finds attractive/aesthetically appealing and beautiful
(not a lot, again, it's not unrecognizable, but there has never and will never be any accurate depiction of Luthien as she was as a person)
(as a concept, though, as the most beautiful creature to have ever existed in Arda, a little of her image exists in every portrait lovingly made of a beloved spouse, every child's drawing of their family, in biological sketches of songbirds and field mice, in a sculpture of a stranger's face. Daeron remembers his sister perfectly, but he collects these regardless)
(Arwen, Luthien come again, isn't described as such by her grandparents. Galadriel and Celeborn both knew Luthien, and while Arwen and her father both look as closely to her as genetically possible, to those who actually know them both it's nothing more than uncanny family resemblance. Luthien was to most a concept personified, Arwen is a person with concepts imposed on her.)
The list of people who have seen Luthien how she actually, physically, defaultly is, essentially consists of Melian, Daeron, Beren, and Dior
Beren doesn't see her as she is right away because he doesn't know her right away, but they learn about each other and she shows herself and he sees her and by the time she rescues him from Tol-im-Gaurhoth there are no echoes on her face
(He's always a little bit haunted that he nearly died without realizing he'd never quite seen the truth of her before)
Neither Thingol or Beren can quite see their own features on their children's faces. They clearly take after their mothers, after all!
(This leads to much affectionate eye-rolling on Melian and Luthien's part)
Hair stuff!
It's alive! kinda! it's definitely not normal hair!
It moves a lot on its own. Sometimes like a breeze is blowing where there isn't one. Sometimes more like tentacles. It depends on its mood.
They've got some very pretty traditional cosmic horror vibes swirling around on their heads. It's very sparkly and colorful but in a Forbidden Shrimp Colors that your brain is unable to comprehend way so it reads as iridescent black mostly, or holographic white, where applicable
Luthien's hair actually is a glimpse into space, Daeron's is a glance at a star
(Luthien's magic hair cloak survives, I think, into the 4th age and beyond, though if anyone/anything has found it they certainly don't know the origins of the beautifully intricate living star map. It has seen the reign of countless north stars, yet the lines always point to the same coordinates- where the ancient, sunken, ruined remains of what once was Tol-im-Gaurhoth lay)
Speed round!
Fangs and talons and horns oh my! Are they tooth and keratin and bone, or are they petrified wood and gem and stone? Yes!
They all smell a little like ozone and a lot like petrichor, flowers, and Green. If you've smelled green you know what I'm talking about. Also, unfortunately, like bird. Birds don't smell great, especially wet bird.
Weird Foresight Powers++
(Most of them don't have actual foresight, but all of them are more in-tune with the Song than is natural for an incarnate)
Their eyes glow, most notably in the dark, unless the irises turn black as they sometimes do. They are also all unnaturally bright versions of the less-spooky parent's- Dior's are gold, Elwing's are blue-green like a tropical sea (Elured and Elurin split the color between them- ultramarine and emerald), Elrond and Elros have pale star-gold, Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen all have silver.
(Daeron and Luthien being the exception again, because I decided they have Melian's eyes before I decided this, and I don't know what color eyes Thingol has. Watsonianly: Melian's spooky genes overwrite a lot. Luthien's genotype is probably much closer to his than her magically overwritten phenotype)
Their sclerae turn black and their pupils white, on occasion, usually when using powers
They don't bleed right. It's a little too red for an elf, a little too light for a human, and it shines strange as it beads like quicksilver on the skin
They have very shiny, cool skin. Luthien looked like her's was silver plate under a stretched stocking, the rest toned it down from there but it's still noticeable.
The Song is. Attached to them. They are all very much Main Characters. Their lives have a clear story arc with symbolism and narrative parallels. They are all subconsciously aware that their lives are a fairytale, whether tragic or no, and yes this has many Implications and affects. They are not the only ones like this, but they are the only ones who, to some level, know they are in a story.
This is the fundamental separation between them and everyone else.
The difference in how they perceive themselves between heart soul and spirit is very difficult to explain and understand, but not impossible to someone who knows them and is willing to put in the work.
The life-long knowledge that they are Important to the Song and their every choice and event they experience and their mere existence serves a greater purpose in a way that most other people simply do not- that's very, very isolating.
No one else can understand how they see the world. Very very few people are willing to try, and even fewer in a way that's not frustrating. There is a reason most of them find only one person to latch on to outside of their family, and a reason they hold on through hell and high water.
(This is about being neurodivergent)
#asks#outofangband#eldritch peredhil#gonna go into more detail about preferred shape forms here bc it's important to me but not relevant lol#luthien: nightingale/s (obviously) but also a starling and to a lesser extent various other birds- preference toward passerine and raptors#wolf and deer are both fine- wolf especially for snuggles- she can go bat and enjoy it but only after thuringwethil#(which is a whole thing for her to unpack)#dior: cat (male calico specifically) wolf and bat#and then a kingfisher starling nightingale red-crowned crane and a bird of prey (currently thinking maybe a swallow-tailed kite?)#e^2 1.0 don't actually have the same feeling towards shapeshifting bc of the whole consumed by doriath to become Entities thing#so they're closer to maiar vibes-wise than even luthien entirely was#elwing: starling beach mouse and then pretty much most seabirds#but on the whole Song's Specialist Little Guys thing#obviously its up to individual philosophy on if free will can exist in the face of Destiny#my opinion is yes but i think all of them have a different take#luthien thinks no but is happy/fine with this and thinks its very romantic. daeron also thinks no but is resigned and ultimately content.#neither of them understand the average person being deeply uncomfortable at the idea of the lack of free will#their mom is a maia this is just normal to them#dior thinks yes at first but flips around a lot through his life#its a pretty hard no post-death but when he gets reembodied he becomes deeply aware that he is No Longer Important but nothing changes so??#elwing thinks absolutely not and uses this to cope. she feels like she has so little agency already#at least if it's cosmic there's nothing she could've done#at least if it's cosmic her mistakes are worth something#(she needs so much therapy)#earendil is the only spouse who comes to fully understand this. he cant decide what he thinks. every option seems horrifying in its own way#elrond and elros both think yes and use this to cope. they can be better. they can make things better.#there may be a story but they can make it a happy one.#they're people and that has to count for something.
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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Mom called me a shitty roommate today bc after months of her telling me to rent a uhaul (too young to do so) and then flaking out on me whenever I asked her if we could it on x day, I gave up on trying to get my bf's heavy TV and dresser and ordered a mountable tv, instead of buying more storage totes so that I could add to the ever increasing stack of totes in our guest bedroom
#leading up to and since raine moved in i have thrown tons of shit away and so has he#we both moved from larger rooms into a smaller shared room#meanwhile my parents moved into a bigger room with a bigger closet and claimed the garage for storage space#i have several decorative items that would look cute out in the livingroom without clashing with her style#but she considers all my items ''clutter'' so i have to keep them in my room or in a tote#except all my totes are already occupied by other shit#i threw away 90% of my friends items that i was storing here in an effort to make my room tidier#(and to ensure that my items are not littered around the livingroom and kitchen)#i got a bed frame with drawers so i could store items in there#i am not a horder and neither is raine but we have to condense two peoples worth of things into one room and two closets#and like i said before we both had bigger rooms before moving to this house#my room was way larger before. even with my giant ass desk (that doesnt fit in my room) my old room#didnt look cluttered bc it had lots of open space. even tho that was a 2 bedroom apartment#and this is a 3 bedroom duplex with garage the square footage in this house was budgeted poorly#my hallway is literally a snail spiral shape so a lot of space is lost to the curvature#not to mention my parents have bought more shit than we had at the old place to fill up space that we all shared in our old apt#except i am going to mention it bc i think this is totally unfair#i get that my mom has never liked when my room is messy. she's my mom and she is going to nag#but she does not have to use my room or bathroom (she has her own. thats bigger than mine)#and i keep my bathroom clean for guests#and she has made it clear that she is unwilling to help me even when i ask and tried to plan out ways to cheaply get more furniture#raine has had tote boxes in his car since he moved in bc he knows that we dont have a place for them inside#not to mention several collectable swords (including limited edition skyrim sword and genuine damascus)#which is kind of a fucking road safety hazard since they are real blades#but he puts up with it bc he doesnt want to add to the clutter#i bought this tv and wall mount bc i know that as long as my tv is grounded to a dresser i cant rearrange my room to make more space in here#and im donating my current tv to the guest bedroom bc they wont buy one for it#they also wont buy a dresser for it which is why my mom was hounding me to rent a uhaul for raines dresser#(i cannot stress this enough. we are both TWENTY. how are we going to rent a car. we need older adult help!!!)
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ableism is a disease my goddd
#harping on#genuinely if my mum would just admit my brother has dyslexia and accept a diagnosis#Instead of giving him all these exceptions and extra teaching time and pulling him out of classes w/o telling him why#It might actually help him to want to do better instead of just feeling embarrassed and separate from everyone else#And he’s got his own things he’s brilliant at but he can’t pursue those if he doesn’t use these resources to leave school w ok grades#But he doesn’t understand why he needs help and it just ends up cancelling it all out and permeating him with defeatism and procrastination#Let’s not even talk about the ADHD possibility which nobody is ready to hear. God knows that doesn’t help him feel like other kids either#My parents truly have two children on either end of the spectrum of academia and neither are very healthy
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While objectively this wouldn't work at ALL I do think it would be funny if LBH also had a System. Mainly little annoying ass blurbs that pop up like achievement unlocked! The Endless Abyss Greets You! and LBH is just like. Hmmm. I do not like that. But obviously they wouldn’t be helpful, right? In the Water Prison arc I think he would get a pop up that’s basically “Achievement Unlocked! No Matter The Universe, We Find Ourselves Here Again!” and hes just fucking FUMING at this point internally but after he leaves he gets a few new ones and he looks over as they scroll in the air and promptly chokes on his own spit; Achievement Unlocked! You Call This A Fan Service Scene? Achievement Unlocked! No Answer, No Problem! We’ll Just Act It Out! Achievement Unlocked! Ripping Him A New One...? Achievement Unlocked! UST Over 1000+ Points! For every choice SQQ makes LBH gets like fifteen pop ups and if LBH knew what an adblocker was he would have installed one ages ago. But alas, he just gets more pop ups.
#SVSSS#scum villian self saving system#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#SVSSS System#im just gonna tag the system as a character even though I think its a vehicle for the readers/writers#Because we already know that the System is in place to help SQQ make the story better for the readers (us)#which is real funny in its own way if we actually wanted to get into it#But I do think if LBH had a system he wouldn't be able to interact with it until after the endless abyss#it would basically give him info for people monsters and plants when he actively asks about it#also would pop up [unknown value] points which I think would be fucked#if he finds out at the end of the story are actually [Shen Qingqius Love] points#because I dont think they would ever dip they would just keep going higher#so he. has to deal with that. internally.#Like heartbreak points and love points at teh same time and neither fuckng KNOWWWW#Would kill me a little bit actually
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venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die#either by my hand or my mothers#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering#so i either leave or i die#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples#at least one of which includes me#why cant life be easy#when is it .y turn to tbrive#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again#but no who would see would understand#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her#that i ddi it to hurt her#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan#contentness and love and adoration for my family#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin#ill just be quiet#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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i don’t mean this to sound homophobic or whatever but some queer people literally cannot conceptualize that they actively look down on things they consider “basic” or “straight” with an insane level of contempt no matter how much they say they support everyone and everything. like. if i tell you i love riverdale because it’s campy and fun and you give me that look of disgust because you perceive riverdale as some basic lame straight people show. that’s not very like. nice. and then you refuse to hear me out in my show’s defense… and you just wave me off with a “whatever like whatever you like” but you’re still looking at me like i’ve just ordered a pumpkin spice latte while wearing ugg boots and listening to taylor swift. like at a certain point when will you admit you’re not actually very nice about people’s interests that don’t align with yours.
#i just brought up wonka to my friend and she immediately went into how much she doesn’t like timothee chalamet and she would never see this#stupid movie because she thinks he’s so annoying and da da da.#and i was like. well actually i love timothee chalamet i think he’s funny and i’d love to see him in a bad musical…#and i brought this up. because i was GOING to lead into asking her to see it with me so we could laugh at all the stupid parts together#and i didn’t even get there because she was frankly just such a hater#this is the real life friend who just followed me on letterboxd btw#i’m considering blocking her honestly because like. i do not vibe with the way she uses that website and i do not think it needs to be a#social media thing for us. it’s a little insane actually that she would actively want to follow me on there and then her own profile is so.#like it’s mean to say her profile sucks but she doesn’t have a picture or favorites and she doesn’t leave reviews and like. what am i#following you for!!!! why do you use this website!!!!#and i literally said to her girl your profile is a bit lame at least add a picture#and she got so mad at me for this as if i’d just suggested killing her boyfriend#which frankly i do want to do but that’s neither here nor there#like what do you think is going to happen to you if you pick four movies to represent your taste on the movie website.#if you put a little jpeg of a character you enjoy as your pfp. if you maybe express an opinion on something you saw#what fo you think will happen to you if you do those things.#and why. if you’re not going to do those things. did you need to follow ME. who does!!!#and get all up in MY movies and MY opinions and MY head while giving me nothing back….#like. i say some shit on there ok why does she get to read that but all i get is. ‘watched some czech film from 1965 on december 14th’#like hello. hi. hello.
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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Phantom Driver/Punch it Old Man!
Danny and Danni on The Ghost Bike. Featuring Bottle the Bunny Backpack.
#danny phantom#danni phantom#neither actually needs a helmet but here they are#danny forces Danni to wear one so she forces him to wear one as welll (cycle ad infinit)#What happens when you let the son of mad scientists who spent the majority of his teen years reverse engineering weaponry design a vehicle#the Ghost Bike as its know has basically more tricks up its sleeve than even the GAV#his favorite trick is the self-driving feature which can hone in on ectosignetures#meaning he can summon it and use it as a battering ram in fights#its powered with ectoplasm and fine tuned to his signature so only he and Danni can drive it#hes tried to specificy but its no good#so babi driver prevails#the bike also acts as a portable portal generator#can turn intangible#and is basically immune to gravity and therefore capable of going the speed of light#unfortunately it is also classified as a major biohazard and has been confiscated many times#the bunny bag was a gift for her third birthday and has its own personal red hood helmet and leather jacket#his name is Bottle and he is Danni’s most prized possession#(he also has a Superboy suit and a phantom suit#the jacket and helmet are just for driving)
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#ANXIETY!!!!#finished the report (before 1 actually which is i think a new record for me) resume still needs touching up but that’s fine. the real#problem is the program due early friday afternoon and then the other one due monday night neither of which i think i will be able to finish#on time GODD#the one due friday is technically supposed to be a partner project but i have no idea what’s going on there bc our compiler doesn’t allow#you to share files and we don’t have a google doc or anything so ive just been picking at it on my own mostly unsuccessfully. going to text#her tmrw morning to see if she’s made anymore progress on her end bc uh.#then the one due monday i haven’t even started and i know it’s a hellish assignment bc everyone else in my class is struggling w it and mos#of them have been at it for days (i have not been bc band + taking 4 more credits than most of them + theatre stuff etc there’s been no#time 😭 he literally told us not to start it the day before which. i’ll probably be able to start it friday night so not quite that bad but#like. absolutely not good either)#absolutely not looking forward to that. it’s never ending ‼️‼️ and don’t even get me started on auditions friday i don’t think i’ll be able#to practice beforehand… it’s fine#personal#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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✿ saurons_eye_emoji.png
bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.
FRIENDSHIP. childhood friends / work buddies or coworkers / family friends / friends with benefits / smoking buddies / adventure buddies / fake friends / recently friends / party buddies / friendship of need / dying friendship / circumstantial friendship / partners in crime / old friendship /[your muse] is the good influence /[your muse] is the bad influence /[my muse] is the good influence /[my muse] is the bad influence / opposites attract / ride or die / frenemies / roommates or flatmates / penpals / exes to friends / enemies to friends / other
ROMANCE. childhood sweethearts /[your muse is mines] childhood crush /[my muse is yours] childhood crush / exes / exes to lovers / forbidden lovers / highschool sweethearts / secret relationship / opposites attract / long distance / unrequited [from your muses side]/ unrequited [from my muses side]/ unrequited [from both sides]/ skinny love / friends to lovers / enemies to lovers / spurious relationship / power couple / newly entered / soulmates [ metaphorical ]/ soulmates [ literal ]/ awkward / turning toxic / toxic love / cheating [on your muse]/ cheating [with your muse]/ other
FAMILIAL. siblings [half]/ siblings [step]/[my muse] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure /[my muse] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse /[my muse] is a parental figure to yours /[my muse] is a child figure to your muse / guardian figure / legal guardian / adoptive child / foster child /[your muse] is taken under mines wing /[my muse] is taken under yours wing / other [kin-sisters/blood of the covenant vibes]
ANTAGONISTIC. dangerous to each other / dangerous to others / unpredictable / rivals / petty / developing into sexual or romantic tension / based off family matters / based of off circumstance / based off professional matters / based off misunderstanding or lies / conflict of ideology / betrayal / hero - villain dynamic / enemies / fight club / friends turned enemies / lovers turned enemies / exes turned enemies / other
#n1ghtwarden#ANSWERED.#(this is a funny time to mention that valerya is actually older than minthara and not by a small margin iirc.)#(There's A Lot To Start With Though So Hmm...)#(by virtue of both being exiles from the underdark of very powerful noble families with minthara from THE noble family of drow—)#(they both have an inkling of what that life is like right away despite taking such diverging paths)#(the backstabbing; the fear; the paranoia; the viciousness)#(both had been bred and groomed to be the perfect daughters for the queen of spiders and the matrons that raised them)#(yet now they're both on the surface; excommunicated and for far different reasons)#(they have a lot in common but a lot of DIFFERENCES too that could take the relationship in all kinds of angles imo.)#(valerya would simultaneously admire but somewhat scorn the ruthlessness of their shared underdark being brought up onto the surface)#(she'd also respect her experience and capacity as not merely a combatant but also in her devotion to whatever cause she pushes herself to)#(there's also the obvious physical differences in capacity which would make for an intriguing point between them)#(minthara; i think; would approve of valerya's practicality and use of her own cold authority in hard-to-call situations for the party)#(putting mind over matter; but i also imagine she'd have some doubts given her choice of profession and her obvious infirmities)#(but i could also see minthara commending valerya for surviving and even thriving in many ways GIVEN her infirmity)#(she didn't just lie down & give up; valerya would tell minthara the same; she lost purpose twice and yet still stands by her with an oath)#(both of them are women of incredible competence plagued by fatal flaws and downfalls)#(valerya is LN while minthara is LE so they both have a lot to bond over as well as argue over while not being TOO far apart in morals)#(neither of them are people who sugarcoat)#(LIKE I SAID; SO MANY THINGS AND WAYS TO EXPERIENCE THESE TWO)#(don't even get me started on the vibes they'd have during Act 3 when valerya 99% chooses to go partial illithid)#(thank you for the ask!! >:]] )
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tw sh
does anyone have any good scar excuses? I keep thinking i’m gonna dig deep enough to off myself and then just...wake up the next morning like a pussy with more scars I have to answer questions for. I’ve been going with “cooking burns/cuts accidents” but it’s starting to be obviously lying...idk, what do yall do
#tw sh#tw scars#tw sh relapse#TW depression#ive tried bike crash too which isnt even a lie#neither is cat scratches#but more of them are starting to be v much Not That#ive just used the cooking burn thing so often i need another line#all our knives are dull as hell and we don't own razors so#in the meantime#Drunk thoughts#oh lord he drunk again#delete later
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if you don't have a random bible laying around your house then the mountain goats album life of the world to come is fine
#the mountain goats#tmg#life of the world to come#this isnt even funny but my sister owns a random pocket bible and neither of us know where it comes from#and i had the exact same one just. in my old room for some reason#and i was listening to life of the world to come on mu way to school this morning#which resulted in this
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