#which is what one wants in reality
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote
#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE#Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising#given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design#[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places#and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen#when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them#'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world#it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream#and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak#as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City#plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way#to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness#as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al#but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them#and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough#limbus company#ryōshū lcb#don quixote lcb#🎠🚬
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UMM?? GUYS??
Alt coz ik the quality is bad::
[The mind Bill knows best. Pure ego. Putty in Bill's hands. Bill will also reveal that, while he was possessing Ford in the 80's, he ripped out a number of pages from Ford's journal and erased his memory of them. Bill will show the LOST PAGES from JOURNAL 3 that have never before been seen]
DOES ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MEMORY ERASE THINGY COZ IM GOING PRETTY MUCH INSANE OVER THIS INFO. WHAT.
#ok but imagine if this is really what coulda happened. that bill suddenly realised that ford is the only one he's been THAT vulnerable with#and that he might or might not have fallen for him in the process#and in the pure NEED to avoid any sentimentality he doesn't only DENIES all that happened between them but also erases the memories of ford#like?? the first and only relationship he ever felt safe in enough to be honest about the reality of what happened to euclydia??#or the fact that it might or might not has been the only relationship in which he let himself be intimate with sb??#and this relationship CRUMBLING COMPLETELY#bill fumbling SO BAD that he wants to deny that any of that happened in the first place??#it kinda eliminates his manipulation of “hey look so we've been close w each other once so why not get back to that for old time's sake!”#but GOOD GOLLY this guy sucksss at manipulations anyway but is like an expert in the art of denies#it just adds such a huge ass layer to him as a character#this is prolly non canon btw but STILL#gravity falls#bill cipher#stanford pines#billford#book of bill#alex hirsch
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So do you guys actually think that Jason's entire story, relationship to the others, and philosophy amounts to him being a rebellious teen who wants his dad's attention? Like are you 100% serious? I thought you were joking about that but too many of you are saying it with your whole chest.
And what the fuck is this "Bruce antagonizing Jason is fanon!" Shit I've been seeing? You guys are aware that a parent can love their kid and still be a shit parent right? I know you guys don't want to fathom the thought that maybe your blorbo might also occasionally have to face responsibility for consistently endangering children but let's not start being delusional now.
Bruce does love his kids, that doesn't mean that he hasn't hurt them. And I'd also argue that for the most part he feels in the right for it, and he's said multiple times that he believes it's for their own good, so you can't even argue that he's sorry about it. It's okay for you guys to admit that your PERSONAL INTERPRETATION of the character wouldn't do that but don't sit here and pretend that it's not a facet of the source.
#you can argue meta until you're blue in the face#but I can't ignore the ingerent abuse of Batman and Robin because DC is always drawing attention to it#Stephanie and Jason directly died because of Robin#Stephanie wanted to impress Bruce to live up to his idea of a sidekick and prove her worth#Sheila only sold Jason out when she found out he was Robin#Damians life certainly got worse when he became Robin/moved with Bruce#if you bring up racist retcons I'll kill you btw#how are we supposed to read children dying and being tortured and traumatized constantly#and just ignore that these are children#I can ignore the reality of child sidekicks in campy light hearted early comics#but if DC wants to deal with serious topic they're going to have to deal with some serious implications too#Also that post that's going around about “Bruce loves Jason and it's Jason who's causing all the animosity” is such bullshit#what the fuck are you even talking about#and let's not act like Jason is the ONLY one at fault and Bruce is just a poor loving father#is Bruce spreading that utter bullshit about Jason's death and who he was not an act of violence?#was he not the one to cast the first stone by disgracing Jason's legacy and using a version of him that never existed as a cautionary tale#and I know some of you are going to argue that with most of the kids there's nothing Bruce could have done to stop them#and this is the one time in which I will ignore all the very real ways that he could have#but I still think that in universe the characters have a right to be angry about it#Jason always since his debut as red hood been a vehicle for calling out Bruce#he's so heavily steeped in meta narrative because his run is when they started dealing with the real BAD cases#The Cult Garzonas onscreen murders were getting more common#AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THAT BEING ROBIN DIDN'T MAKE JASON'S LIFE WORSE#THERE WAS NO REASON TO MAKE HIM ROBIN HE COULD HAVE BEEN VERY HAPPY AS JUST A NORMAL KID#But Bruce made having a place in his home synonymous with being Robin because the narrative dictated it had to be#what was homeless orphan Jason going to do? say no?#it was basically coercion and it doomed him and he has every right to blame the adult that put him in that position#dc#bruce wayne critical#bat family
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MY HEADCANON FOR PARENTS NAMES:
Snow White: Bianca White ( Bianca means "white" and Whites are probably one of the most obsessed families with their story, every single Snow White had a name with meaning relative to the fairy tails,)
Evil Queen: Eris Queen (I can't remember did I read a fic where she was called Eris but I think that the name of the goddess of discord really suits her)
Sleeping Beauty: Rosalin Beauty (pretty standard name)
Cinderella: Ophelia Ella ( a sweet name for a sweet girl)
Red Riding Hood: Scarlett Hood (one more standard name)
Big Bad Wolf: Aiden Wolf (close friends call him Andy :) )
Dark Fairy: Darcy Thorn ( oh the irony of being the dark fairy with dark name and yet cover yourself in light)
Candy Witch: Cinnamon Witch (I also didn't come up with this name myself. I saw someone use it for her a really long time ago but I can't remember who. If the person who came up with this name sees this, you deserve a reward, the name is perfect. But I hc that she goes by her nickname: Candy. Why? Because it's such a cute nickname)
Pinocchio: Oak Wood (I think that every family name has something to do with trees or wood. Oak sounds like a perfect name for someone sweet, young and cheerful and later as an adult calm and wise)
Goldilocks: Dolly Locks ( I just think that its a cute name and she kinda remind me of Dolly)
Huntsman: Archer Huntsman (Okay, so, Huntsmans are bad at naming their kids, like REALLY BAD. Hunter we are counting on you to break that cycle)
King Charming: Dashing Charming (I read one fanfic were he is named Dashing and i think that name suits him, i myself couldn't come up with the more fitting name)
Queen Charming: Grace Charming (I also read that one in a fanfic and i think it fits her, somehow whenever i think of Charmings Dashing and Grace are the first name that come to my mind)
Rapunzel: Cressida O'Hair (I first just like the name but then i found out the Cressida means "golden" so it goes well with Rapunzel story)
Pied Piper: Devin Piper ( It means "bard" or "poet", the perfect name for a musician. Also, Piper is really a cool name, too bad it is already his last name)
Mad Hatter: Maddox Hatter (I just like silly names for Wonderlandians, especially Mad Hatter)
Queen of Hearts: Victoria Hearts ( okeey, it's not a very Wonderlandian name but neither is Elizabeth and Vicy is a cute nikename)
Cheshire Cat: Lorelai Cheshire (I didn't want to go for the obvious one Chatrine, like, I get it, she's a cat, She literally named her daughter Kitty, or maybe Katrine Kitty for short, BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT TOLERAI EXISTED which is literally the same name just different first latter and I already gotten attached to Lorelai, so, umm if you all could just do me the favour and pretend that these are TOTALLY different names I would be very thankful)
Alice Wonderland: Amilia Wonderland ( Also would her last name be Wonderland or Liddell? Bonus cute nickname Amy)
White Rabbit: Castor Blanc ( At first i just liked the name but don't you think that "dutiful" is a perfect for White Rabbit)
White Swan: Elenor Swan ( It means "shining light" and to be honest with that destiny she's going to need some light in her life)
Black Swan: Callisto VonBart (What would be the last name of The Black Swan? VonBart?BlackSwan? I put VonBart because I found an OC of Odille on Pinterest and her last name was VonBart. I don't know)
Frog Prince: Hanry Croakington ( i reafuse to belive that he named his son after himself. Nuh-uh. He named Hopper after his father or maybe his grandfather)
Robin Hood: Wren Hood ( Listen, Listen, maybe they just have a thing with the birds?)
Maid Marian: Pandora Charming ( I don't think that there is a destiny stricly for Maid Marian. I think thats just a princess from Charming family or from nobel family, that's why i gave her last name Chaming. Last name changed after the wedding)
Beauty: Primrose Beauty ( Ah, Beauties and their roses)
Beast: Damian Beast (like it)
Fairy Godmother: Beatrice Goodfairy ("blessed one" mmm... too bad you can't bless yourself)
Jack Beanstalk: Jasper Beanstalk (nice)
Snow Queen: Isolde Winter (perfect for ice queen)
Snow King: Nikolai Winter (took his wife's last name, couldn't think of his own that's not arleady taken)
BONUS: PRINCES CHARMING
The Good King: David Charming (i think that only the main Charming follow that logic with names where all siblings have names with the same first latter)
Cinderella's prince Charming: Louis Charming (he's a nice boy)
Snow White's prince Charming: Cassian Charming (I just like it)
Sleeping Beauty's prince Charing: Liam Charming (don't ask)
#DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO CHOOSE A NAME THAT GOES WITH YOUR CHARACTER#HAS A SIGNIFICANT MEANING#AND DOESN'T REMIND YOU OF AN EXISTING CHARACTER???#its very fucking hard#like i wanted to use nivea for snow white becouse it literally means white as snow BUT NIVEA IS A BREND#I also wanted to name pandora Penelope becouse its a cute name remaind me of the redhead#but who comes to your minde when you hear Penelope? Penelope Featherington .#WHICH IS WHY I CANT NAME SOMEONE REMUS WE ALL KNOW ONLY ONE REMUS AND THAT IS LUPIN#BUT TO MAKE THINGS EVEN WORST THERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE POPULAR CHARACTER WITH THE NAME FIT FOR A WOLF#I WANT TO CRY#i HAVE NUMEROS EXEMPLES but okay its okay i'm okay#I GOT VERY FRUSTRATED FOR LORELAI#I liked the name becouse there is a legend about a water nymf named Lorelai and she lead sailors to their death#But in reality that nymf is acually the rock that looks like the woman AND PEOPLE STILL WRECK THEIR BOATS AGAINST THAT ROCK#beasicly there is a “nymf” named Lorelai that creates chaos and then you have a cat that creates chaos#see what i had in mind???#also while looking for names I also finde some of the strangest names people name their kids#like did you know that some people name their kides wolf or Blackwell?#Also to the people who came up with some of these names before me pls don't be mad i think you nailed it#and i forgot who you are#pls dont come after me i'm shaking with anxiety while posting this#ever after high#eah#ever after high headcanons#eah parents#class of classics
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There's a LOT of things people do wrong when constructing fantasy beliefs in pantheons of gods, but one of the more specific is having only one god related to fertility and it kind of being just a horny sex thing.
Like you'll have one in the entire bunch whose sphere is listed as fertility and it's basically like Yeah this is the sex one. She's always depicted naked (but not TOO naked because censorship and/or the writer's own skittishness). She's going to have the exact body type epitomized in contemporary western beauty standards and there's usually no chance in hell that she's gonna be fat (unless MAYBE they're referencing 'venus' figurines). Her thing is fertility, which means having sex and making babies. Might be a goddess of beauty or love or marriage too, because these are kinda sex things, but that's probably it. And yeah that sort of thing is virtually nonexistent in real life.
Like the concept of fertility is so fundamentally important to the function of most societies in human history in ways that it is just Not in industrialized imperial core countries. Most people are getting food from stores, and not having to worry about harvesting crops or breeding livestock or foraging for food or having enough animals to hunt, so fertility only really comes up as a concern if you're trying to have kids (and there is certainly societal pressure to have children, but your wellbeing and survival is rarely going to Depend on it). And I think writing only from that perspective and not even trying to learn about WHY fertility is so conceptually important is why you see this trend.
There's no absolute universal statement about how people believe in gods but it's broadly accurate that systems with many deities will Usually have more than one deity associated with fertility, and these associations will certainly include human reproduction but also the fertility of livestock/hunted animals, plants, the land itself.
Some fertility deities may also be heavily associated with seasonal changes or environmental factors that agriculture or foraging is dependent on (spring/summer/fall, seasonal rains, seasonal flooding, rain itself, sunlight, good soil, rivers, wetlands, etc). Some certainly might be related to love, marriage, sex, and beauty, but that's VERY RARELY going to be the sole way the concept of fertility is embodied. And they'll often will have other associations not directly about fertility, or related to fertility in culturally specific ways.
#I think a lot of the time people are using Aphrodite as their sole reference for the concept of Fertility Deity (and even then#not really grasping the nuances of her depiction/worship or place in the broader ancient Greek religious worldview)#Or understanding that she isn't the Only fertility related deity (like jsut off the top of my head there's fertility associations with#Hera + Artemis + Pan + Dionysus + Demeter + Persephone + Priapus and I'm pretty sure I'm missing several here)#Just in general pantheons where there is only one god associated with any given concept are very rare (unless the concept is very specific)#Like a pantheon with dozens of gods will probably have more than one solar deity but might have only one that presides specifically#over a certain crop or something#Also in a wide reaching/long-spanning religion associations might change with time or as a result of religious syncretism#Or gods may be worshipped under specific and/or localized epithets which describe the god specifically as it presides over this#location or the god as it relates to specific parts of its nature.#It might be a little different if you're writing in a context where the gods are a confirmable part of material reality but even then like#unless your gods are extremely active in managing how they're worshipped culture is going to shape their perception.#Also as a side note if you are completely within your power to depict what you want you should probably be okay with depicting#nudity. Like there's always cultural variations in what/how much/under which circumstances nudity is acceptable (and many cases#where personal nudity is not okay but depictions in art are). But the outright refusal to show a Bare Tit or Flaccid Penis even in art is#virtually nonexistent throughout the vast majority and wide span of human history and like realistically speaking there's going to be#Erect Phallus too. Phallic imagery isn't quite Ubiquitous but VERY common across human history like.. You gotta get over it
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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ive been replaying kh1 (going thru the whole series on steam since i never got the chance to play all the games) and i was struck by something a bit odd. i have been dyinggg to talk about it
it's about kairi and her past.
i don't think she's a replica or construct necessarily
but in kh2 there's a parallel drawn between her and sally in halloween town; and the same i think could be true in kh1.
sally is a Frankenstein monster/doll made by the doctor. the entire plot of Halloween town centers around the need for the dr to make a "heart" which requires memories from Sally (the scene of her picking the forget me nots looks a lot like kairi holding a flower for aqua too)
sora takes interest in the project to restore a heart to the heartless too because of his desire to restore Kairi's heart.
i havent really come up with a coherent thought about what this means.
but given that we know kairi was experimented on in a way that involved her heart, it just seems suspicious that this parallel was made twice to her and a doll that was stitched together and animated by a mad scientist.
shes also compared to chirithy in kh3, which from my understanding were created by MoM for keyblade weilders; and to Pooh, who is a toy/story book character that came to life
given too that Kairi already has a weird thing going on with her heart, it just seems possible that theres something..more to it that i have yet to piece together. and its driving me crazy
NO, WAIT… ANON YOU’RE COOKING. Idk what it all means either, but those parallels are so good and so true. Cause there definitely is something artificial about Kairi’s heart, even if just partially. It was experimented on, like you said, and it looks completely different than the organic hearts we see, and I suspect that’s why we’ve never seen Kairi’s heart station. Because it’s (at least partially) artificial. It would look totally different than all the other heart stations and would probably give away what’s going on.
#IDK WHAT IT MEANS BUT AUGH….. KAIRI IS SO INTERESTING. OR SHE COULD BE#kingdom hearts#there’s also parallels between her and subject x… which is another mystery#but we know she was experimented on by xehanort and co#and isa and lea were trying to save her#ugh it would be so cool if kairi takes over as protag in reality/the disney fairytale universe#i do not expect to really see her at all in kh4. but it would be fun to get one of those in between games that shows what’s happening on#that side while sora and riku are running around in unreality/quadratum#i would love to get a game where you can play as kairi and she goes on an actual mission or something#with some other characters like ven and uh well roxas and xion just want to be schoolkids i think#and idk what namine wants to do. so maybe lea? the three wielders in training (that we know of)#but so that way we can find out more about kairi and the lore she’s connected to and get to know her a little better#20 years and we still hardly know anything about being a princess of heart…. rip
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When you love you love whole, with all you have, with teeth. It runs in the blood. The whole planet is stained with it - love in the extreme. Love boiled down to a hard, sharp rock which can be used to bash in the head of your enemy. You can watch the blood run and regret it. You can gather it up and boil it again. [Patreon | Commissions]
#Tuvok#bea art tag#banished in a monastery for loving too much era Tuvok..................#my writing#st voy#st voyager#star trek voyager#guy who had his family connections forcefully taken from him TWICE actually!!!!!!!!!!!#Tuvok has such an interesting reaction/connection to the things which hurt or fascinate him and rebellion#he seems like a person who doesn't want to have been hurt by anything - like he's always covering up his own personal trauma & hiding it#even from himself#<- This isn't really about that though it's about emotiooons#and wanting to be good and loved#Tuvok seems like he derives such satisfaction from being a good example and perfectly Vulcan and he's like genuinely at ease within that#identity which contrasts Spock or T'Pol who seem to struggle with it actively in canon#but that just means Tuvok's sneakier about his breaks from that identity - he seems like he really hates being seen as anything other#than what he projects: Flawless Vulcan Prodigal Son Example to all Others#to the point that he lies to Tom in 'Gravity' and says that HE was the one who chose to go off to the monastery when in reality he was#banished and had no alternative option - other than death#I reaaally wish Suder was around for longer. I feel they could have explored this side of Tuvok's character more v_v
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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i've been thinking a lot about the word "representation" and what it means and how it's changed over the last few years, particularly when it comes to the writing/publishing landscape but also in movies and tv shows… and i really don't like it anymore. to be clear, of course i think it's important to have diversity in your work, i'm not saying i hate the concept of representation. but i do really dislike the way it's used now, and i really just hate the word itself
in a broader sense it's just become a marketing tool. i'm not impressed by any publisher or author who just describes their book by listing all of the minorities/identities the characters represent as if that should be enough. it feels very gross, very exploitative and disingenuous. it also really bothers me because it's always marginalized identities- which i understand Why, but it feels very othering to me (and again. Very exploitative as an advertisement). you would never list out "cishet able-bodied white man" as a character description to pat yourself on the back over. so why do it to everyone else? why insinuate that one is the "default" and the other one is "special"? (and when i say this i'm mainly talking about advertisements/marketing. i understand why people would specify about characters in descriptions with the plot, but i don't like to see an ad that's just "this book has gay people!" with nothing else)
which then leads me to my other point, which is that a lot of people treat "representation" as if it's "too hard." like "oh i don't know enough to write about that, i don't have that experience, etc" which is a fair way to feel! however… it's weird that people only say this about writing trans characters or characters of color. i'm writing a story right now with a character who is really into motorcycles. i personally do not know that much about motorcycles, so i researched what parts are what & what different kinds of models there are & what basic bike care looks like. i guarantee Most people will have to google something at some point in their writing process. so what's the problem? it also, again, feels very othering when authors treat certain groups of people as "impossible" to write, "too hard" to understand. they are just.. people. you write them as a person. and then you figure out the rest later.
and i think part of the refusal or fear to write something outside of your experience is because of the way representation is treated as So Special. these characters are So Special that they aren't allowed to be anything other than "representation." they're Not allowed to be characters with complex emotions and interesting motivations, they have to just be Trans or Gay or Disabled or whatever. they're not allowed to be people. which means, at the end of the day, we loop right back around to where we were at the start….
there is bad representation. there are depictions of certain marginalized people that are harmful and that are damaging, i'm not trying to minimize that or argue against it at all, in fact we should all be mindful of that while writing and reading. but i also think it's possible to swing too far in the opposite direction as well and put certain groups of people on a pedestal and not allow them to do anything at all but be Perfect Representation, if that makes sense.
#anyways. is this anything#sorry i dont have anything insightful to say at the end here i just wanted to ramble#especially abt the way ppl market books now it like. genuinely disgusts me#cannot imagine marketing tnp in that way. my characters are many things AND they are trans. and their transness#is not just a flashy feature for attracting attention#also i do understand the fear of 'getting it wrong' but that's why you have beta readers or even actual sensitivity readers#that's why you ask for feedback. especially in this space like... people will give it#that's what makes sharing your process and early draft in this community so rewarding#and there's also just the reality that no matter what you do some people will Not like it 🤷#and ime a lot of ppl look at representation very individualistically#as in it's only good representation if it represents Me#which sucks. and you're never going to please those people#ANYWAYS also to be clear this is not a vague or meant to be targeted at any one person please don't be fucking weird#this is just some thots i've had recently esp since ive seen the representation conversation pop up quite a few times#and since i've been doing research for characters in my other project#personal
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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whatever the plot of the minecraft movie is, i bet i could come up with something a hundred times better
#also the visuals are...interesting#it's not difficult to make minecraft cool and beautiful#i reckon it should've been about friendship. a multiplayer server the protagonists used to play on as kids but abandoned#and now they're grown up and have gone in different directions. the villain? the one friend who turned into a minecraft streamer. because#why not. it could've been cool. it could've been cool and funny and had strong ties to how players view minecraft which is mainly either a#way to connect with people or a way to express yourself#we could have redstoners; farmers; builders; etc. and their play style mirrors what they want from their life#and then the villain is the one who plays it just for money and cheats and makes it stressful and boring#someone hire me to write a better movie. i'll do it#albatross rambles#edit: also i'd make it all animated. you can have live action stuff sure but it's not a game meant to resemble reality
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I'd say that in the middle of above and below Is limbo.. or the middle! Basically maybe where wallys trying to contact us? Or maybe someone?
LIMBO THAT'S THE BITCH - i couldn't for the life of me recall the correct word, thank you
honestly i think Wally is contacting our world through it, but i doubt he's in it... if the pits / portals / possible entrances to limbo are the source of the black stuff, i have a feeling that Wally might not want to be in there. Between Places are rarely fun to exist inside of, anyway.
#but yeah if above is Us#and below is Home#then limbo is... what? there's gotta be Something in there if not Someone#whatever it is it's gotta be where you go when you leave the neighborhood#step off set and into the void babey!#which makes sense considering. Several Things which will for now not be listed#since i don't want to directly cite livestream trivia and concept art rn#that'd be a whole nother omelette to burn!#rambles from the bog#homebogging#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#ACTUALLY FUCK WAIT ABOVE IS PROBABLY HOME WHILE BELOW IS OUR WORLD#MY REASONING:#the phrase means that whatever happens in a higher plane of existence also happens in a lower one#in the so-below image it could be interpreted that the red splatters around home's window are meant to be the black stuff#thats plaguing the whrp. just... red since the rest of the art is black#and it's starting to become apparent that what wally can directly affect our world - he can tinker with the site and presumably reality#he's the one peering In. from outside. or above#black stuff plagues home. it plagues the whrp from letters/material sent By Wally#and then the spiral/eye pit in 'our' world is on the ceiling - while in wally's world it's under home#he's Over the possible limbo/between while we're Under it#plus i'd argue that a world where reality is malleable would be a higher plane of existence#and then limbo... would that be affected by either? or would it be the one to affect other planes?#but anyway! what do i know!
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every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.
#text#half the time i think these ppl see other aspec ppl saying that x character feels aroace and then they take it as canon rep#instead of an interpretation of the character which likely was never meant to be written as aspec at all#because majority of people don't even know what that is#this isn't me saying that we shouldn't have aroallo or alloace rep btw#this is me complaining about people throwing aroace ppl under the bus because apparently we are 'hogging' all the representation in media#and it just reads as people being aphobic towards aroace people specifically and it drives me insane#you can ask for more aroallo and alloace characters without complaining and shitting on aroace characters????#like bro we are all on the same fucking team. we are all trying to get seen and understood. we all want to see ourselves in media#stop fighting like one of us is somehow way more privileged than the other because 'you have x rep'#we all have crumbs my guy. just because someone else is getting crumbs doesn't mean that its your crumbs being taken.#idk i see so many posts like this and it makes me feel so unwelcome in the aro and ace communities#im tired of aroace people being used as a scapegoat that you can target to pretend like you're punching up#when in reality you're just committing friendly fire against people who are on your team#i miss when the aro and ace communities used to like... work together as a big aspec community#now ppl r way too focused on separating them and acting like they have nothing in common and don't have the same goals#and both communities now tend to put a lot of blame onto aroace people because of stereotypes we never had control over in the first place#it's exhausting#like the aphobia is coming from inside the house#i didn't go through the ace discourse on tumblr to deal with this shit.
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