#which i’ve been rotating in my brain for so long

[i-am-a-fan]

I’m thinking about robots again and cyborgs now too. Because there’s just so much to dissect.

on the topic specifically of robots it’s the idea that they’re completely logical until something breaks that logic. It’s been used a lot against robotic villains by pointing out a flaw in their logic or way of thinking and having them basically blow up. But take into consideration them learning how to stop trying to calculate every outcome because they learn that there’s always something unpredictable that comes along. This trope also works for people who can see the future and learn that they sometimes need to trust in the almost impossible possibilities because things will change. Because it’s a great way to talk about doom thinking and how sometimes you’ll spiral out trying to plan for every single possibility. How you’ll burn ourself out and create the worst case possibilities for yourself because that’s all you can see for yourself up until you accept the smaller possibilities that maybe today a friend will call you out of the blue, or that you’ll buy yourself flowers, or that there’s something wonderful you couldn’t even imagine that lies behind the vile of possibility.

Then there’s cyborgs and how there’s two ways of making them: extension of life willingly or unwillingly.

when it’s willingly it’s mostly the person, or someone else, actively replacing their body parts with the mechanical. Their reasoning lies in the fact that they’re going it to get stronger or to live long enough to see something through. They are consumed by the idea that they have to last and survive even at the cost of their humanity. It’s that fact that you place everything once of your being into something hoping that it’ll fix everything else. You become obsessed with it and in the process lose everything else. You are at fault for it. You caused this and when you look into the mirror, with new eyes and a mechanical arm holding yourself up, you have to ask yourself “where is the me that wanted this?”

When it’s unwilling it’s the same but it’s a dream someone else forced on you. They wanted you to be their secrete weapon. They wanted you to be their super solider. They couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving their side, and so they betrayed your humanity for you. And sometimes they’ll tell you and sometimes you figure it out for yourself. Sometimes when you try and recall a memory it’s all fuzzy with snow-like static. And when you aren’t looking, the person can’t stand to face you eye to eye. They are now an object. You are now just an object that took the place of their friend/lover/son. You, who didn’t want this, have to live with the consequences that someone else made for you. And that causes a disconnect between who you think you are and what you think you were supposed to be.

And lastly, there’s the people who are flesh and blood but think they are nothing more than machines. Because logic is safe, logic is unfeeling, and logic will save you. So, like a willing cyborg, they carve out their humanity to keep themselves safe.

*knocks on door*

do you ever think about Robots and their themes of perfectionism and cyborgs and the inherent idea that they usually can come to view themselves as flawed-?

you should really not open this can of wires…

[sanchoyo]

literally cannot tell if I’m having a manic episode or actually genuinely just hyper+happy bc it’s finally getting warm and pretty outside and perhaps that’s Doing Away With my bad 3 month long seasonal depression for the time being 🤔 I mean it’s ….nice? To have so much sudden energy the past like, week or so, but also vaguely accompanied with feelings of Dread bc 1. Why 2. How long will it last 3. Can I stop any Impulses and avoid doing anything Regrettable while I am Like This. Bc the track record historically has not been GREAT

[flopsxii]

regular customer - various genshin characters !

in which these various genshin characters are your regulars at your small, quaint cafe. of course, it is very possible they have acquired feelings for their favourite barista ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱

ft. lyney, kazuha, hu tao, bennett, freminet & xiao 𝜗𝜚࿔

no specified gender <3

𐔌 lyney !

“c’mon, y/n! one more trick and i’ll be out of your hair.” lyney whispered before showing off his cards in his hands. “i have a queue lyney, can it wait till later?” you inquired, whilst taking the next customers order with a bright smile on your face. lyney pouted at your response, “what if my trick made all these customers disappear?” he asked, an excited glint in his eyes.

“then i’d have to shut the coffee house, lyney!” you exclaimed, as you rushed around the small space, getting drinks of all different flavours ready for the people of fontaine. “hmm, i guess i can wait till it quietens down…” he mumbled, before sipping his coffee and almost staring you down.

“i didn’t know boba or matcha would be such a craze in fontaine… did you?” he asked, noticing a handful of people walking out with your new speciality drinks. “well, i wanted to bring an inazuman touch with me… it was a 50/50 chance of people liking it, i’m just so glad people do! maybe i’ll travel to each nation and bring a speciality back with me.” you explained to the magician.

the cogs in lyney’s brain started rotating, maybe he should bring you back a beverage recipe from snezhnaya. he wondered how happy you would look if he revealed a drink recipe from nowhere, what a trick that’d turn out to be…

“mmm, that sounds like a marvellous idea! where would you go first?” lyney asked before finishing off his drink. “probably liyue… i’ve always wanted to visit!” you responded, whilst handing more drinks to customers.

“how about after i return from snezhnaya, we go to liyue together?”

𐔌 kazuha !

he technically wasn’t a regular. he’d frequent your quaint little cafe everyday for months and then he’d disappear into thin air for longer than he had been there. he’d smooth talk his way out of your questions everytime, “oh you know, i follow where the wind takes me.” he’d reply with a small smile or he’d conjure up a haiku on the spot to woosh your questions away. either way, you’d always end up forgiving and forgetting.

he had been gone for 3 months now and each day you wondered if this was the time he’d never come back to visit the cafe. maybe it was possible he found a coffee house in a distant land he preferred more. your chest felt heavy at the thought, ‘surely not… kazuha always comes back…’

you were knocked back into concentration when a customer appeared in front of you. “i’m so sorry to keep you waiting! what can i get for you?” you asked, hoping that making drinks would easily distract your thoughts from the samurai. “a strawberry matcha please, y/n!” they requested with a smile. i nodded, getting to work brewing the matcha, “so, anything new?” i asked yachi, another one of my frequent customers. “oh… same old, i’ve just been helping my father around the store. and you? have you seen your samurai yet?” she asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

“kazuha’s back?” i asked, spinning around the face her to inquire more. instead of facing yachi alone, i was now faced with kazuha himself. “i apologise for being away for so long, y/n. i hope you’ve been well.”

both hearts hammered away in separate chests, “i’ve been wonderful kazuha, and you? how were your travels?” i inquired, whilst finishing yachi’s drink and allowing her to have the matcha on the house.

“i enjoyed journeying… seeing new lands and meeting new people. however, i never could find another coffee house that gives me a sense of home like yours does.”

𐔌 hu tao !

it’s like she does it on purpose. everyday, you’ll end up spilling multiple drinks when hu tao jumps out of nowhere and scares the life out of you. but it’s ’all good fun’ as she reminds you each time.

“c’mon, y/n! didn’t mean to actually scare ya!” she laughed, almost keeling over from how funny she was finding the situation. you pulled your lip between your teeth as you started wiping up the boba you had spilt all over your worktops.

“yeah, yeah, tao. i’ve heard this all before.” you replied snarkily. “did you want a drink or just to kill me? you’ll have to wait many more years before you can plan my funeral hu tao.”

she hummed, gazing over the menu before coming closer to the counter. “got anymore boba?” she inquired, a playful grin on her face as she watched you clean the spilt boba. “i think you know the answer to that.”

“bummer… i was really feeling boba too! no matter, im perfectly content with your company, hehe~” she giggled, resting her chin on her palm. a blush rose to your cheeks at her bold statement, “i’ll just get you a green tea, hu tao. would that be alright?” you asked, hoping the funeral director couldn’t see how red your cheeks are.

“mmm… that’d be wonderful!” she cheered before jumping behind the counter. you poured her green tea, added a slice of lemon and just before she grabbed it, hu tao came impossibly close; “you know, your cheeks remind me of red lacewing butterflies, hehe! so cute! anyhow, best be off… things to do, people to see, zombie children to seal away… see you later, my butterfly!”

𐔌 bennett !

he always turned up with new plasters cluttering his skin, dirt on his cheeks, the occasional cut or bruise… but always with a beaming smile on his face. you weren’t sure if this was his usual demeanour or if he simply loved your beverages that much. but never the less, you appreciated his custom all the same, even if you were worried every time he burst through the cafe door.

“you’re injured again, bennett.” you observed, as he approached the counter, a blush rose on his freckled cheeks. his hand rose to rub the back of his neck sheepishly, “my commission didn’t quite go to plan…” he explained, whilst his eyes darted around your various chalk boards filled with different drink options.

“you know, there’s always one thing that can cheer me up after a messy commission, y/n!” bennett exclaimed before taking out his pouch of mora. “mmm… could it be your hot chocolate?” you asked, already beginning to prepare bennett’s favourite drink.

“you know me too well, y/n! what would i do without you!” bennett smiled once again before placing some mora on the counter for you. “take a seat bennett, i’ll bring it over for you.” you smiled before resuming and finishing bennett’s drink.

bennett hoped you wouldn’t feel his eyes on you as you made his drink. he almost felt bad making you do the same drink at the same time everyday but he couldn’t help himself. if he didn’t order something, how would he be able to speak to you and see you everyday? somehow, you had become part of his daily routine, no matter if his adventures went pear shaped or not, he knew no matter what, he’d see your smiling face at the end of everyday.

he hoped one day he’d be brave enough to confess his feelings, how you lighten up his day and his mood each time he came in… until then, he was more than happy with your small talk, his perfectly made hot chocolate (with all the trimmings, of course) and being able to just see you.

𐔌 freminet !

it had taken freminet around two months to gain the courage to order from you. you had noticed the blonde boy sitting in the back of the cafe, keeping to himself; occasionally the magician lyney and his assistant lynette would sit at the table with him. however, today he was alone and now fumbling over his words.

“hi, freminet! how have you been? i haven’t seen you recently.” you smiled, your hands placed on your hips. freminet kept his eyes towards the floor as a rosy pink blush spread across his cheeks like wildfire. “ive been… just fine, y/n. busy diving and with my siblings.”

“well i’m glad any time i get to see you.” you reassured the blonde boy but all your words did was make his face go almost crimson, you giggled at how shy he was.

it’s true, freminet had caught your attention the first day he had came in. you still remember it clear as day.

the door creaked open and there stood a blonde haired boy with a diving mask held at his side. when he finally looked up and his eyes widened in disbelief at your appearance, you had completely gone limp from the sight of his pretty eyes. it was as cliche as it sounds but somehow it was perfect to you.

ever since then, freminet had visited whenever he could, even if he didn’t speak to you or order anything. sometimes you would give him a drink on the house, after all he would end up sitting there for hours just reading or gazing into space. there were times where his siblings would order something for him and drop devious little hints in your ear about their brothers feelings.

freminet’s appearance had made coming to work everyday unpredictable and exciting. you had a crush and it made your heart pound everyday in anticipation for his arrival.

𐔌 xiao !

it was most certainly a surprise when a certain adeptus visited your coffee house. he was uninterested in your beverages and instead demanded a cuisine you didn’t even offer. however, you bent over backwards trying to please him and cooked him his desired dish anyways.

xiao appreciated your effort even if he decided to leave it unsaid. he decided next time he visited the coffee house, he’d order from your normal menu and definitely not force you to do something special for him.

however, next time he popped by your coffee house and begrudgingly ordered a black coffee (the only one he knew of), he was surprised to find you had given him a portion of almond tofu as well.

it surprised him, why would you go out of your way to cook him a meal when one, he didn’t even pay for it, two, last time you made it he hardly seemed grateful and three, you hardly knew him.

maybe you were trying to gain his custom in the most degrading way possible or maybe you were just that nice. either way xiao was grateful that you entered his life, even if he hadn’t made the most positive impression.

“here’s your tofu, xiao! i adapted the recipe but i do hope you still like it. oh! and i made you a new drink, let me know if it’s okay… if you don’t like it, i’ll make you your usual.” you smiled reassuringly, before placing down the bowl, a spoon and his beverage.

xiao smiled thankfully before digging into his food. it was a slightly different taste from the usual almond tofu recipe, xiao was sure he’d hate it if someone else made it, however, he loved it because it was made by you.

despite having so many questions and conversation topics, you decided to leave him be. xiao had always liked his own company more than others and it was best not to force him into being sociable, it never ended in the way you wanted.

however, what you didn’t realise was during the time you served customers, xiao had already disappeared off into the night and had left a bunch of qingxin flowers in the middle of the table, tied together with a neat lilac bow.

a/n — i hope you enjoyed my first genshin post!! <3 mwah

[ironunderstands]

Topaz appreciation post because she’s been rotating around my brain like a rotisserie chicken and I need y’all to get her like I do 

Genuinely, I believe her to be the most underrated limited 5 star in the game everything wise, because she is so damn interesting and nobody talks about it ever and it drives me nuts.

So, I’m going to make you understand why exactly I love her and what makes her so amazing in the first place.

Her lore 

Topaz’s lore is rather simple, at least compared to other characters in the game, but simple ≠ bad and her story serves her perfectly.

Long before Topaz was Topaz, she was a girl named Jelena, living in a desolate planet at the edge of the galaxy. The economy of this planet was based around mining and industry, which resulted in her home becoming more and more polluted as time went on. The wildlife almost completely disappeared, people had to wear masks to breathe, and it seemed like her planet was reaching a hopeless, dismal end.

Until the IPC came. They promised to fix everything, and heal her planet of its environment problems, in exchange for every person on the planet signing a contract of indentured servitude to the IPC. Seeing no other way out, Topaz’s home accepted, forever tying her and the rest of the planet to the IPC.

Topaz is was (and still is) incredibly talented and competent, excelling in science, economics, finances, math, etc. Her exceptional talents caused her mentor  and parental figure Dvorski, who works in the Strategic Investment Department to recommend her to Jade, one of his superiors. Presumably, this is how she started her climb up the corporate latter, eventually becoming the Topaz we know and love today. 

Throughout this, she maintained her friendly and headstrong attitude, and never abandoned her love for animals or the people in her life like Dvorski, a trait which will be important for later. 

So, I’ve established the basics, so what makes this interesting?

Topaz’s trauma and how it affects her character 

I feel like a lot of people ignore just how much trauma she really has, and how it affects the way she behaves in the present.

For starters, her love of animals. Sure, Numby is adorable and in general this is a rather fun trait for a character to have, it’s not something you would consider to be a sign of something darker. 

However, remember that Topaz’s planet almost lost all of the life on it, and she witnessed firsthand almost every creature she knew and loved either go extinct or become severely endangered. 

So, when you view her love for animals through this lense, it’s easy to see that she’s so attached to animals because Topaz almost lost them forever, and this trait manifests in a lot of the behavior she exhibits.

According to Topaz herself, her efficiency goes up 27% when Numby is with her, and it seems to be blatantly obvious that being around animals give her at the very least a peace of mind/sense of comfort. I mean in game she is Topaz and Numby for a reason, and her relationship with them is a core part of the way she behaves. When Topaz can’t ground herself, she has Numby to help her with that, which hurts even more considering she is likely going on these missions alone 90% of the time, meaning her literal only friend is a pet/animal. 

Considering Topaz’s biological parents never get mentioned, it’s not hard to assume she is orphaned or at the very least estranged from them, likely due to the disaster on her planet, leaving her only loved ones to be her pets and Dvorski. Losing one half of the only support system she has would be devastating for Topaz, which is likely why she brings Numby everywhere (also considering I don’t think she has mentioned him in the present, her pets might literally be the only things she has left). 

In her own home, Topaz collects a myriad of species from across the galaxy, as if to preserve them so at least even if they disappear on their home planets like hers did, they won’t go extinct entirely. 

Personally, I think her fixation around them cooperating and coexisting also reflects on how she feels about other people. If animals from completely different planets can get along, so can people. If she can convince creatures lacking in intellect work together, then she can do the same for ones that possess it, as ultimately Topaz is a massive people person, and believes what she’s doing is best for the galaxy. 

It’s almost like an experiment, with every little change to their ecosystems, every new organism added, every new abiotic feature taken or removed, Topaz can simulate what that might be like in reality. In a way she wants to take care of humans  like she does her pets, however instead of doing it through her own means, she uses the IPC and her power as a Stoneheart as a vector for that.

But why is she so confident? What makes Topaz wholeheartedly believe that what she’s doing really is the best for the galaxy, even if we know it isn’t perfect, even if only ~80% of the planets she works on are “saved”?

Well, like always, it’s her trauma again.

Imagine you’re living on a planet slowly dying due to its people’s greed and ignorance, in which everything you know and love is falling apart, and absolutely nothing can be done about it. But you don’t need to imagine this, I mean this is a situation we are all going through, as it’s already what’s happening to our planet right now, so perhaps instead picture what it might be like to live here in a few decades if nothing changes. How miserable that would be, how upset you would be at those in power, how disappointed you would be in humanity for doing Nothing when we had so much time and already knew the consequences almost a century in advance (seriously we have known about climate change since like the 50s). 

So you give up hope and accept your fate, accept that everything is going down in flames and the humanity, the planet you know and love is going to be snuffed out forever.

Only to get saved when an outside influence comes to your assistance. Sure, they make everyone sign a contract binding their lives to them, but you wouldn’t have a life to give had they not helped. Besides, you owe it to every other thing that shares your planet with you, every plant, every animal, every organism has been utterly wiped out by human greed, so it’s only fair to pay them back, right? 

I mean it’s your whole world at stake, so how could you say no? How could you deem their terms unreasonable if clearly your own people didn’t deserve the responsibility they had over their own lives? If their situations could only be fixed by giving it to others who could guide them? By giving it to the IPC? The Preservation ?

This is the mindset Topaz grew up on and has known for her entire life. She has seen humanity utterly fail itself and is unwilling to allow that fate to befall others. She doesn’t trust other people to make the right decisions, she doesn’t think they know what’s best for them, because the people she was closest to, her very own people couldn’t do that, so how could she ever expect strangers to do the same? 

How could she ever give the leaders of these planets the benefit of the doubt, knowing that doing that for her own almost caused it to be wiped out completely? How could she see them as anything more than the selfish bastards who ruined everything? How could her heart not ache thinking there were people on the planets she helps who would be doomed to experience the fate that almost fell upon her had Topaz not stepped in. 

How could Topaz feel guilty over the planets that don’t succeed? The ones she can’t save? As after all, she thinks they were lost from the get go? Does it eat her up at night knowing she failed them? That she couldn’t prevent the folly of humanity this time, so the next planet she must work harder, be more stubborn, push back even more, so nobody ever experiences what she did instead?

I mean being an indentured servant hasn’t been that bad for her, she’s succeeded in every endeavor she’s set her mind to after all. Sure, she’s entirely alone, and sure, if the IPC no longer deems her or her people useful, they could cast them aside once again. 

But Topaz is smart, she climbed to the top of the latter, she’s been praised to hell and back, she’s known far and wide through the department for her efficiency and drive, surely she hasn’t done anything wrong?

Sure she’s heard whispers, rumors and projects of other departments, of the deep dark secrets of the company she owes her life too. Inwardly she wonders how those who follow the Preservation would even be willing to commit such atrocities, inwardly she hopes they are just rumors. The IPC saved her planet, so how could they destroy others? 

The Preservation’s power will protect all, will save them from their miserable existences. Nothing else matters in the process, no dissenter understands this as like Topaz does. She will save them, she will protect them, even if it means she is detested by everyone she encounters, it must be done. All for the Amber Lord.

I find it very compelling how despite the fact that Topaz has become a Stoneheart, she is still dressed in the fashion of an average IPC worker. As if she is an equal part of the puzzle as them. Equally useful, equally disposable, equally biased, equally ignorant, and equally foolish. 

I mean, how could she be anyway else?

Her future

Belabog was just as important for Topaz’s development as she was to it.

She was wrong. 

As stubborn as Topaz is, she is not arrogant, and when Bronya proved to her that the people of Belabog can and would fight for their future, Topaz did everything in her power to help them.

As that’s what she really cares about, people. 

I think Topaz the determination she has in Bronya and it shook her to her core. 

Because so far, the only way Topaz has seen real progress is from the hands of the IPC.

But Bronya doesn’t give into them, and she puts everything she has into saving her people. Moreover, Jarilo-VI follows the Preservation as well, but they don’t agree with the IPC’s method of it. 

Is the IPC wrong?

That is the question Topaz is faced with, what is the thing she has to grapple with once she leaves the planet. When they demote her for not getting the debt back immediately, does Topaz wonder why they were so concerned about that in the first place? Shouldn’t they be happy that a world blessed by their very own deity managed to pick itself up without their help? Isn’t that the point?

Does she think back to her previous projects, the planets she saved and the planets she failed, and wonder how it would have worked out without the IPCs involvement? 

Did Aventurine teasing her about “failing” the Jarilo-VI project confuse her, because they were still saved like Topaz wanted them to be in the first place? How could they ever be considered a failure?

She believes debts and payback are what holds planets together, but it only ever seemed to cause Belabog to fall apart.

This is the first time Topaz really is forced to reevaluate her priorities, to question if her methods are justifiable, if she’s really doing the right thing.

Belabog didn’t break her, it didn’t topple her worldview and turn everything on its head, but it did plant some seeds of doubt in her brain, seeds of doubt that will grow into a new mindset. 

HOYOVERSE IF YOU ARE LISTENING HOYOVERSE, GIVE HER THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN + PRIORITY REEVALUATION ARC SHE DESERVES!!! DO THAT AND MY LIFE IS YOURS PLEASE.

Like you don’t get it you don’t get it what do you mean they set all this up and they might not go anywhere with it. Please hoyo please please please let her break away from the IPC’s condition and warped perspective, please let her truly follow the Preservation, please make her turn away from them, please make her an emanator of Preservation after she does this. Topaz stoneheart form, Topaz emanator form. Please please please let her save the crew let her save her subordinates let her save the people she failed previously let her save Aventurine and Ratio let her save Numby let her save herself.

Her instability 

I have already somewhat touched on this in point #3, but Topaz just cannot exist in the state she is now permanently.

Like a radioactive element she’s going to slowly decay over time until she ends up in a more stable form, and who that will hurt in the process, and how long that will take, we will have to see.

Hypocrisy is not something that can exist for long within characters, as due to its inherent contradictions, it messes with the way they are characterized until they are eventually forced to either eliminate it themselves or have the story do it for them.

Topaz is a hypocrite, desiring to do good and help people, but she ends up hurting them in the process. 

However, she has only just begun to realize this, and as more and more of the IPC’s atrocities get revealed, it gets harder and harder for both the audience and her herself to justify her behavior as we witness the extent of their crimes.

So how has she remained this stable for so long?

Well, the IPC has done everything in their power to keep her that way. From a young age she was involved with them, as they not only saved her planet, but her only known parental figure worked in the Strategic Investment Department. Soon, he recommended her to Jade due to Topaz’s exceptional talent, and presumably the other Stoneheart quickly picked her up and took her under her wing, causing Jelena to rise fast within the ranks and become one herself.

The IPC has been Topaz’s only frame of reference for how things should be done, her only perspective on write and wrong for so long. The only hints she gets of other points of view are that of the people who destroyed her planet, her own people. Unintentional or not, Topaz has been made to feel her whole life like the IPC are heroes and the common people are foolish and greedy and evil, and only now has that worldview started to crumble piece by piece.

Sure, we have always known how terrible the IPC was, a perception that has only gotten more and more true over time. However, Topaz is not the audience, and in universe the IPC presents themselves in a very positive light.

Think of the Myriad Celestia trailer and how it portrays the IPC; that’s quite literally how they want to be viewed in game, how they market themselves to other people. If Topaz has only ever known them to be that great, shining, progressive company who vows to follow the Preservation and improve the universe, how could even begin to criticize them? After all, she had never known any other perspective. Even when she did fail in the past, Topaz viewed it as a strike on her own record and an unfortunate situation in general, not as a demonstration of the IPC’s misdeeds. 

The IPC is good, the IPC saves people, the IPC follows the Preservation, Topaz is a good person, Topaz does good things, Topaz helps people, Topaz saves people, there is nothing wrong, there won’t ever be anything wrong.

Until Belabog

They don’t want to cooperate with the IPC. To roll over and let themselves be gutted for all they are worth. 

Well that’s fine, that’s happened before, at least that’s how Topaz justifies it to herself. She thinks of their massive debt, it must be paid after all, otherwise how could the galaxy remain stable?

But the weapons the IPC gave Jarilo-VI were never used in its defense. The thing they owe the IPC for never ended up being valuable. Belabog stood on its own, without the help of IPC in its defense.

They saved themselves.

As if it couldn’t get worse, they did it with the power of the Preservation.

And it didn’t come from the IPC, it came from them.

The Interastral Peace Corporation, who claim to be followers of the Preservation, standing against people who really do have their blessing and being proved wrong.

Do you know how that would feel to Topaz.

She’s wrong, and she’s proven wrong by the very deity she claims to follow, she believes she follows.

So Topaz makes her choice.

Stick with the IPC’s plan, or stand with the people of Belabog 

And she stands with them.

Topaz’s character never changes. I hate when people act like she switched up on them and changed her whole worldview, but in reality that was the most in character thing Topaz has ever done in her entire life.

Because she cares about people, so when the opportunity presents itself, she will always stand with them. 

This is the first time Topaz goes against the IPC’s wishes, and it won’t be the last.

She made her choice, she demonstrated who and what she truly cares about, and that will only drive a wedge between her and the IPC further and further until she snaps.

I find it funny how Topaz is a fire type character, when the song core to Belabog’s themes is “Wildfire” 

However, maybe it isn’t just about them. I think it’s about the Preservation, about what the game in general is trying to tell its players.

How fighting for your right to exist will hurt, but it is not impossible, and that pain will be the only way to enact change.

Well, Topaz,

you made your choice

go fight against your fate 

Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed making this and I hope you at least understand why I think Topaz is such a compelling character. I need an arc centered on her in the future and if I don’t get one then trust me things will be dealt with. She will get her just desserts.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hii, I hope your day/night is going well! I don’t think you’ve ever been asked this from what I’ve seen; but do you have any idea how the NRC school system works? my pea brain I cannot figure it out for the life of me 😭 I know that they have magical subjects ofc (magical history, alchemy, etc.), and they also have the more practical ones like math (unfortunately), but they also mention having electives. I know Azul and Ace have mentioned sharing elective(s) with others, which just leaves me to wonder how many periods they have or if they rotate classes around each day if that makes sense? And on top of that, the lesson chat things of the characters (including upperclassman/people not in 1A with ADeuce?) saying they’ll go along with the schedule we [Yuu] have in mind for the day.

Sorry this got to be so long and you don’t even have to answer at all, just a question that’s been in my mind! :)

As far as I'm aware, we are not told much about how class schedules work at Night Raven College. We don't know how many classes there are in a day, or if the students take the same classes every day or have them on rotation (for example, Magic History on Tuesdays and Thursdays only). We can, however, do our best to extrapolate from what we have!

We have a partial schedule shown in the Episode of Heartslabyul manga (volume 2, chapter 8). In it, we follow Adeuce, Yuuken, and Grim through the school day and right up until lunchtime. They seem to have 3 classes (Alchemy/Potionology, Magic History/History of Magic, and P.E.) and then a lunch break. In book 7 of the game, Ace is having lunch and mentions his "next class" being in the lab, though it's not said what course that is. That line (assuming the "lab class" is Alchemy/Potionology) could imply the schedule is shuffled around depending on the day, but it's at best an assumption.

We also have an idea about a decent chunk of Azul's class schedule, if you can believe that. In 3-7, we get to see his first three periods (Music, Animal Linguistics, and Potionology/Alchemy, in that order). He then goes to lunch. This would seem to imply that all students have three periods and then a lunch break. We don't know how many periods follow after lunch, but I think a safe guess would at least another 3.

In Jamil's Lab Wear vignettes, we learn that class 2-C (Azul and Jamil) take Alchemy/Potionology after Riddle's class, 2-E, does. This means Riddle and Jade take Alchemy/Potionology or some other labwork for second period. We additionally learn in Jade's P.E. vignette that he and Riddle have P.E. for fourth period, which must be after lunch. This implies that required courses are likely taken with students in one's grade level and maybe homeroom, as this is true of Jamil/Azul and Riddle/Jade combos. This doesn't appear to hold true for electives like Master Chef/Culinary Crucibles and Poison Making/Poison Refining, which receives a mix of students.

Classes at NRC appear to be back-to-back, with everyone sharing the same lunch period. This is because we often see many of the main cast in the lunchroom at the same time (book 1 when Yuu sees students from every dorm, book 7 when the first years chat about Mickey, etc.). There aren’t big breaks in the middle of the school day aside from lunch, as far as I’m aware.

I would be hesitant about treating Lessons as 100% canonical, as the gameplay elements of TWST sometimes contradicts the lore we are given in the story and voice lines. For example, you as the player are able to put first years, second years, and third years in the same Lessons when, in reality, this would not be feasible, especially not ALL the time or whenever you want them to be merge. Some courses would have prerequisites that the first years have yet to complete, and not everyone would realistically be choosing to take the exact same electives. Additionally, second years and third years would have to be taking different sections for some subjects which cover entirely different content than what is given to first years. (For example, students don't learn about the Righteous Judge until Magic History II, which you take in your second year. This is why the first years don't know who the figure is when asked about him in Glorious Masquerade.) It’s true that sometimes there are joint classes for PE and even lab classes, but you as the player would not reasonably be able to dictate when those joint classes happened or who else is in attendance.

I'm sure that some of the information dropped in Lessons are true (ie lines from the characters' Chats and the lines they drop during the actual Lessons/when they're gaining stars). However, the things directed at Yuu are dubiously true in my eyes since the pre-Lesson lines are directed as much at the player as they are to Yuu. They're lines meant to make the player themselves feel like they're forming friendships with the boys and participating in learning with them even though this (again) wouldn't make complete sense in-universe. Yuu can't use magic, so they wouldn't be able to participate in upper-level classes which require the use of magic. They wouldn't be following second and third years to those classes. It's also nonsensical to think that the school would allow for any student to just make up whatever schedule they feel like doing on the spot for the entire year. I believe the wording is like this ("Oh, I'll do whatever you want to do, Yuu!") for Lessons to, again, give the player a sense of freedom, and feel like they're taking initiative to bond with their favorite characters.

That being said, here's what else I could find regarding NRC's curriculum:

Crewel heads the Science department, Trein the Humanities, and Vargas Physical Education.

Students are not allowed to use UMs/signature spells during class. They are, however, allowed to use general magic if directed to by the instructors.

First year students focus more on concepts and theories. The older students have classes which involve more use of magic than theory.

There are sometimes joint lessons, or classes running concurrently with one another with students of different year levels involved.

History of Magic/Magic History seems to be a required course; its materials are divided up into different sections and taught based on your year in schooling. The Righteous Judge, for example, is covered in year 2.

Flight/Flying is described as an elective class; not many Pomefiore students take it.

Alchemy is another required course; it seems to provide the base knowledge for potion making before students qualify for other more complex science electives. For example, Crewel berates the first years for touching equipment in the manga and instead has them identify plants.

Potionology (or Magic Pharmaceuticals) seems to be a potions making class.

All students must take Physical Education.

Some students remark on sharing electives with others. For example, Ace and Sebek are in Enigmics/Magic Analysis together, Deuce and Epel are in the same Flight class, Vil and Cater and Lilia take Poison Making/Poison Refining, Silver and Kalim share Astrology and Practical Magic, Jamil and Azul have Potionology, etc.)

Though all 22 NRC students have/will have an Apprentice Chef card, we don't have confirmation that they all took the elective in the main story canon. The exception is Sebek, who has a line in book 7 stating that he's glad he took the Master Chef course.

NRC offers electives like (Visual) Art and Music/Musicology, which encourages and expands one's imagination. This is important because spellcasting is enhanced by having a strong imagination.

The TWST 4koma shows us that third years are able to infuse their artworks with magic, thus bringing them to life. It seems that first and second years do not attempt this magic yet.

There is an elective called Animal Languages/Animal Linguistics, but the name is broad and doesn't specify which animals you're learning to communicate with. This appears to be similar to a real-life foreign language course.

Practical Magic involves using spell formulas in order to achieve a practical goal, such as autocleaning. This is a required subject; failure to pass means you are held back one year.

Enchanting objects is described to be a "basic, rudimentary magic" that even first years are capable of performing.

Physical Training and Swimming seem to be P.E. electives.

Electives we don't have much information about: Protection/Defense Magic, Summoning/Conjuration, Biology.

Master Chef/Culinary Crucibles is an elective designed to give the students the practical skills to provide nutritious meals for themselves. This and P.E. are meant to help keep the mages healthy and in good shape to perform their magic.

Enigmics/Magic Analysis is a mathematics-based course. Ace describes it as solving logic questions using formulas.

Ancient Magic involves reading old texts and deciphering their meaning.

Astrology involves reading the stars and using them to make predictions.

Third years must choose between Poison Making/Refining and Changes & Comparisons of Abbreviated Spells in Ancient and Modern Magic History as an elective. The latter is a lot of writing and making chronological tables.

To graduate NRC, students must complete mandatory off-campus internships in their fourth and final year; this is a structure common among magic schools. Third years attend an orientation meeting in the springtime to prepare them for the application process.

Internships begin in September, around the same time classes start. There are three periods for the internship; students can choose to remain at the same site or take up to three different internships, each lasting 3 months.

A student's internship site options will vary depending on the individual's electives, class credits, and grades.

Some internships require special technical exams and/or interviews. It is also possible that some internship sites will scout desired students in advance. This was the case for Idia, who was given several internship offers after his presentation at a cultural fair.

Each quarter, fourth years must receive an evaluation of B or higher, as well as submit a written report about their experience. A student must receive credit in at least 2 out of 3 internships in order to qualify for graduation.

There is a final exam you need to pass for graduation.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Chapter 18

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

Alfons: Speaking of, did you know? It has been almost a month since Kate has become Fairytale Keeper.

Though he knew that, some sort of surprise arose in his chest.

Roger: Yeah, it’s…already been a month. Time flies by when you get older.

Alfons: So, how is there any progress to proving that romantic love exists?

Roger: You could say that there’s still not enough research. —However, there’s one thing I noticed.

Roger adjusted his glasses with his middle finger, the black frames reflecting the light.

Roger: “What you call romantic love’s just a dysfunction of the brain or a misunderstanding caused by sexual desire.” That’s my definition of romantic love and I don’t think it’ll ever change. But—I might’ve been ignoring something when I made that definition.

Alfons: What was it?

Roger: We’re cursed to meet a “tragic end”.

Alfons: …

Roger: Our tragic end’s unavoidable. Even if I loved someone. If we can’t change the end, then the love leads down to a bad ending.

“I won’t despair”——Those words that she threw out into the world drew me toward her.

I allowed myself to bask in the pleasure of being by her side as she taught me about love.

I decided to accept this emotion called “love”, which had been an unidentifiable emotion throughout my life.

However, what I saw was—reality hadn’t changed.

Alfons: So it would have been better not to have fallen in love in the first place? Truly an egoistic way of thinking.

Roger: But you know, even if you think like that, there are things you want really badly. Love’s inefficient and I can live my life without it. That view won’t change. But, I don’t give it enough credit—I’ve realized how fun it can be.

Alfons: …o_o

Roger gave an awkward smile as Alfons was struck speechless.

In that moment, the eyes behind those glasses blinked two or three times as if they realized something.

Roger: …Hm?

Alfons: …What is it?

Roger: The place that’s supposed to be locked…is open.

Roger rummaged through the drawers of his workbench and frowned.

Roger: …It’s not here.

Alfons: Has something gone missing?

Roger: The formulation documents for a drug to remove curses… That and a bunch of my other research materials too… Just how long ago were they stolen? Who the hell would steal something so important to me…

Victor: —Pardon me.

Victor came through the lab’s door, his expression dark.

Alfons: What’s the matter, Victor? That’s an unusually grim look on your face.

Victor: Roger. There’s—There’s an arrest warrant issued for you.

Roger: …O_O

Alfons: …o_o

Roger: …Pfft…haha. I see, so that’s how it is. Who set me up?

--

Kate: Hm, I think it’s fine now. It looks like the swelling in my wrist went down overnight.

(Roger’s treatment is just as good as I expected)

I carefully rotated my wrist to check if there was any pain…

Ale: Arf arf arf!

The sound coming from out in the hall was definitely Ale’s barking.

Kate: Ale?

When I opened my door, Ale squeezed through the gap into my room.

Ale: Arf arf arf!

Kate: Hold on, what’s wrong, Ale?

It was like he was trying to tell me something through his barks, and I felt a strange uneasiness.

Ale: Wooo, arf.

Ale circled around me before running out the room…

Kate: Huh, Ale? Wait, where are you going?

--

I ended up following Ale to the palace gardens.

(That’s…!)

I saw Roger being taken away by men in suits and rushed over to them.

Kate: Roger.

Roger: …Kate. Ah, and you brought Ale along.

Roger looked down at Ale at his feet, his wrists cuffed— 

(What’s the meaning of this?)

Kate: What in the world is going on?

Roger: …

I stared at them, but all I got in return was silence…

Kate: Where are you planning on taking Roger?

Roger: That’s enough, Kate. These gentlemen were sent by the Privy Council.

(The Privy Council…they’re hostile toward Crown, but why take Roger?

Privy Council member: There’s an arrest warrant issued for Roger Barel. We will be turning him over to the police.

Kate: …An arrest warrant?

(For Roger? Why?)

(...I don’t know what’s going on)

Privy Council member: Let’s go.

Kate: Please wait! Let me talk to Roger for a moment.

Privy Council member: We don’t have time for that. Step aside.

Kate: Please.

Ale: Arf arf! Arf arf!

Then, Ale jumped at the Privy Council members who were about to take Roger away and had refused to listen to me.

Privy Council member: Woah! What’s with this dog!

(Now’s my chance!)

Kate: Roger, this way!

Roger: Hey…

I grabbed Roger’s arm and pulled him away.

--

I led him to the garden behind the palace.

(This should buy us some time…)

Kate: Roger, what’s the meaning of this? Arrest…

Roger: Calm down, Kate. Whatever’s going on is just as you heard.

Kate: …There’s really an arrest warrant?

I frowned at Roger and a deep sigh filled the space between us.

Roger: …Yeah, long story short—I’ve been set up by the Privy Council. I’m now a criminal and a traitor to Crown. At first, I thought it was one of those Vogel guys behind it. Never thought it’d be one of our own.

(He was set up…I don’t understand)

I couldn’t understand the situation, nor could I understand why Roger was so calm about this.

However, what stuck with me the most was— 

Kate: …Traitor? You…?

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: However, I’m gonna change my fate. It’s absurd to allow myself to be controlled by it. Kate, I’ve taken a liking to you so I’ll promise you this. I will never betray you without a reason. Never.

~~ End flashback ~~

(I remember the promise he made that night)

(No one’s fought against their curse as hard as Roger has)

(That’s why I couldn’t believe that Roger would unknowingly betray anyone without intentions—)

Kate: …There’s no way that will ever happen. You would never betray Crown!

Roger: …I could.

My ears picked up a thin, disconnected voice.

Kate: Roger…?

Roger: …It’s laughable, isn’t it…?

Our eyes met and within my chest was the sound of something breaking.

Those amber eyes that always held strong will now held despair.

Roger: I swore to myself that I’d tame my curse. I wouldn’t let fate drive me mad like God’s whim. I resolved to never betray anyone unknowingly. ..And yet. You can’t fight it…just by your will alone?

Words gushed out from the depths of despair, and I felt my chest tighten to the point I couldn’t breathe.

Kate: …

Roger: Is this how I meet my tragic end? …Surrendering myself to my curse…

(Don’t make that face)

Kate: No… You won’t! You can’t let your curse beat you—

I heard the voices and footsteps of those searching for us and quickly hid behind a hedge of Chinese privet.

I took Roger’s hand when I heard the footsteps come closer.

Let’s ask someone for help

Run away with me +4 +4

I’ll hide you

Kate: Run away with me, Roger.

Roger: That’d just make the crime worse.

Kate: …I still don’t have a complete grasp on the situation. However, I know you’ve been falsely accused. Until that gets cleared up…

Roger: Kate, though we ended up spending time together by pure chance, I enjoyed it.

(Huh?)

Kate: What are you talking about at a time like this?

(No. You’re making it sound like you want to go quietly…)

Roger: Take care of Ale. My old man should be back soon to pick him up.

Roger picked Ale up and shoved him in my arms*

Kate: Eh, huh?

Roger: And when your time as Fairytale Keeper’s up, turn to Victor. He’s a good one.

Kate: Roger, what are you saying?

(It’s like you’re treating this as our final time together)

(...Is this…our final time?)

Roger: And finally.

Those lips that wove words I didn’t want to hear landed on mine.

And then…the kiss ended before it could warm my heart

Roger: —Kate, I've fallen for you.

Kate: …

Roger: Heh, what’s with that dumb look? You didn’t notice? You’re pretty dense for someone that boasted about being a teacher of love. You’ve got terrible drinking habits and hate losing, but you’re earnest and stubborn. I know your bad points.  Still, even with all this trouble…Kate, I adore you.

What a person.

Saying things I wanted to hear at a time like this.

There’s a limit to being an egoist.

Kate: …Why are you telling me all of this now?!

Roger: ‘Cause I might never see you again. My ego’s telling me I’ll regret not telling you.

Kate: Never see me again…

Roger: I’m retracting my definition of “romantic love’s just a dysfunction of the brain or a misunderstanding caused by sexual desire.” Love definitely exists in this world. Q.E.D.

Tangled threads of emotion unravel.

The moment I thought I could honestly tell him that I love him, now that I’ve finally cast my competitiveness and childish pride aside—

Privy Council member: There they are, I found them!

Roger: Whoops, looks like time’s up. They’re so impatient.

Kate: Roger…

Roger: See ya, Kate. Take care. Ale, you live a long life too.

Ale: …Kuuuuun?

Roger: …Can’t even pet you cuties’ heads with these handcuffs on.

He had a boyish smile on his face as he turned away from us.

Kate: No, Roger! Don’t go! …Roger, Roger! There’s no way you can’t hear me! Roger!

And thus—Roger disappeared from my sight.

His POV | Next

-

*I honestly thought that when Kate ran with Roger, she left Ale with the Privy Council

[lilies-n-slander]

Hazbin Hotel would be so much more interesting if charlie’s naïveté and surface-level kindness were treated as the actual flaws they are and didn’t work. Heads up, this kinda just turned into a text wall of charlie neg and ranting so don’t read if you don’t want to see that.

How she currently is, she just doesn’t make that much sense in the setting. I’ve seen ppl say that charlie is a fresh take and contrasts the edginess, but I just don’t see how she is possible. You’re telling me she’s been in hell for 200 yrs but still has this childish and naive personality, is still disgusted by the sinners being cannibalistic, violent, and even just horny, and is so detached from those she calls “her people”? She was born in hell, shouldn’t that make her more used to the sinners’ depravity and not less? She doesn’t seem to have a good grasp on what the sinners want or how they behave. It would make more sense if the show leaned into the toxic positivity white savior nepo baby angle (or rather, actually portrayed it as a *bad* thing) and rather than naïveté, her ignorance was out of self-centeredness and/or lack of true empathy for the other sinners. She would be more interesting as a character too imo.

She looks down on the other sinners (and honestly so does the show?? When she’s showing lucifer around and introduces him to her friends, they’re framed as unappealing as a joke… these are the characters the audience is also supposed to care about.. and many of the bg chars, such as the cannibal town residents, are portrayed as simple-minded brutes), there’s a lot of condescending “….ooookay” type of lines and she constantly has to think of nice ways to frame the clearly negative things she thinks about others. So why does she want to save them so much? The more reasonable explanation is a sense of white savior-ness than actually caring about them.

She’s eager to excuse whatever sir pentious did (which I’m assuming she doesn’t know?) and let him in, despite how he makes the other residents (including her own gf!) uncomfortable. And yes I say excuse, because she never inquires about his past sins or discussed him repenting. It seems to start with sorry, but also end with sorry too. This could’ve been made interesting if she simultaneously looked down on but also excused all sorts of heinous acts. Like val is the most openly manipulative and scummy character, he licks her arm, and yet she’s still apologetic about ruining things (Side note, if she’s genuinely apologetic, then she’s actually an idiot because why is she talking to the boom-mic employee *while they’re filming???*).

She doesn’t know what she’s doing and has no concrete plan but gets incredulous at ppl who don’t blindly trust her. Angel has to leave in ep 4 and she gets SO frustrated over it, like you seriously expect everyone to drop all of their other commitments for you? She has her webster definition notecards for the meeting with heaven and has to improvise and rely on angel being good at the club but she gets mad that lucifer isn’t 100% behind her plan?

Also, trust falls? Really? Then she goes “why isn’t this working? We’ve tried everything!” But on that note, the actual episode portrayal is kinda exactly what I’m going for. Not only do the trust falls not work, charlie says, “I love all of you so much,” pulls her puppy eyes, and only vaggie catches her. It’s surface level and shallow, and does not win anyone else over.

In contrast, vaggie’s attempt at building trust, throwing everyone into a battle, *actually works* (despite vaggie only being in hell for 3 years and being heaven-born, she already knows how things work better than charlie!) and yet charlie talks about it as though it already failed. She says “we work best as a team,” with the underlying message being “I can’t trust you to do things on your own.”

If she was waiting so long to reconnect with lucifer, then why hasn’t she called him in years?? Altho I’m currently rotating lucifer in my brain so I might be a bit biased

“If angels can do whatever and stay in the sky” they can’t?? Your dad is RIGHT there. I. What

She has a power dynamic with every other character except lucifer since she has her demon powers, not to mention she’s giving them a place to stay. When vaggie says she appreciates that charlie doesn’t use her powers, charlie doesn’t say “it wouldn’t be right,” she says it would be too *mean.* But if someone pushes her buttons, who’s to say they wouldn’t slip out (see her flip on a dime after val hits angel. Obv it’s justified in this case, but it shows that she’s willing to use her powers on sinners)? Again, it would be interesting if the show actually leaned into this angle. Imagine if she put on a nice front, never swore, seemed genuinely touching and understanding, but the second someone annoys her she annihilates them and becomes threatening and violent. Then she turns around and is nice again. Too much like alastor? idk

Also, many characters refer to her by calling her lucifer’s daughter, so clearly ppl know that if they cross her they’ll face his wrath by proxy (this also fits in thematically with what lute tells her in the first episode, that she’s exempt from the exterminations bc nepotism privilege). So realistically, everyone else would be a bunch of sucking-up yes-men bc they’re afraid of her. Which they kind of are when push comes to shove?

At first, she doesn’t help at all during the war and lets everyone else fight for her. Doesn’t want to get her hands dirty ig, even though all of this was caused by her in the first place. She only starts fighting at vaggie’s urging.

Like husk points out, every meeting charlie has with the angels makes things worse for all the sinners. Despite lucifer’s warnings that the meeting with heaven won’t work, and against vaggie saying to calm down, charlie basically picks a fight with heaven at the risk of *everyone else EXCEPT HER.*

What were charlie and lilith doing to stop the exterminations before lilith took her 7 year leave? Hell, what was charlie doing during those 7 years? Why does she have 0 connections outside of vaggie, who she only met 3 yrs ago? Why does she have to introduce herself to rosie, rather than her already knowing her name?

Also in ep 7 she says to alastor “I can’t believe how you can do exactly what you told me you would do!” (standing by and watching everyone fail at redemption) almost like she wasn’t paying attention to him at all.

“Why would vaggie hide that she was an exterminator” -> Rosie asks “how did that make you feel?” “It made me mad and doubt if she loves me” like I get it, it was a betrayal, but IS she stupid

Ready For This is charlie manipulating a town of ppl to join the army. Her pitch includes “on the way to the hotel the scenery is nice and you can make friends :3” and “have you ever wanted to die for a cause? Notably I myself am spared from being killed but uh that’s your problem.” Alastor pipes in that you can eat the angels and that’s what actually moves the crowd, because he understands them.

Her perspective on violence and where she chooses to draw the line is really confusing. Why does she care about sinners being violent to each other if they’ll just respawn? She stops alastor from beating up sir pentious at an arbitrary point, but is fine with him eating and presumably killing the gangsters who come after mimzy. (Edit: forgot to point out yet another example, that she was fine with vaggie tossing sir pentious and angel off the balcony but stops her from tossing niffty as well for no reason.) Why is she so apologetic to the angels actively killing sinners but was distraught over vaggie having partaken? Why was she opposed to the CANNIBALS being eager to eat the angels and saying “idk, they seem kinda murder-y” WHAT. What? I’m struggling to even begin to describe how ignorant that is during a WAR. What did she think was going to happen, that she wouldn’t have to fight anyone herself? Why did she stop her dad from killing Adam but doesn’t react strongly to Niffty finishing the job? If it mattered so much to her, the lack of reaction seems strange to me.

Isn’t it just so poetic that her weapon in the war is a shield that she uses exclusively on herself, which she hardly even needs due to her contractual immunity?

Why doesn’t she think to use her powers to build and maintain the hotel? That doesn’t require any violence or domineering. Yet when lucifer comes over it’s run-down and falling apart. Or ask lucifer to help her build it? She was concerned that asking for the meeting with heaven was such a big ask—why not start with this small thing? Father-daughter bonding.

Why does the show end w lucifer + the sinners congratulating her, and in particular, rebuilding the hotel? Hell doesn’t know that sir pentious got redeemed, so from their pov charlie’s idea didn’t work at all.

Can you tell that I’m writing this while I’m rewatching the show?

Aaand that’s that. Her char has always come off to me as somewhat condescending/fake, but I keep finding more and more things to dislike about the way she’s been written. Unfortunate. Honestly tho I might enjoy watching her more if I read her through this lens. You could probably write a similar post for most/all other chars in the show, limited only by the amount of screentime they get lmao

[red-moon-at-night]

An Analysis of Haruka’s MVs: Distance and Disability

Hello! I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole that is Milgram and I have been itching to make some completely normal and sane analysis posts. My silly alternate title for this was gonna be “Things About Haruka’s MVs That Just Make Sense: A Hyperfixation-fuelled Analysis”, because honestly my autistic brain has been having a field day over here.

I am in awe with just about every single music video in this project; the animation is incredible and each one packs so much carefully laid out information. But I have been rotating Haruka’s in my head constantly since I first watched them, and I have a lot of Thoughts. Not about whether he’s guilty or innocent/forgiven or unforgiven. Not about whether or not I can justify his murders. Just some straight up imagery and symbolism analysis, through the lens of disability.

Haruka’s disability has not been specified, but I am confident we can at least say he is neurodivergent. I feel like the cultural differences in names for several things e.g. ‘learning disability’ vs ‘learning difficulty’ will just invite unnecessary drama, and is a little pedantic. What does matter here is that Haruka's experience as a disabled person is heavily intertwined within his story and his motives. 

So, without further ado... let’s get into this!

Trigger warnings/TW: I will be discussing ableism, eugenics and harm towards disabled people. Everything else will be related to the music videos ‘Weakness’ and ‘All Knowing and All Agony’, so any triggering content within them may also be mentioned. Read at your own discretion and stay safe!

Disability: some brief (important) historical context

It is only within the last few decades that those who are disabled have been ‘seen’ for the first time. A modern society is (ideally) expected to be built to include and accommodate for disability, and to acknowledge disabled people’s existence. But for many countries (even the ones making steps outlined above) this is still not the case. For a very, very long time, globally, that has not been the case.

For most disabled people, society makes it very clear that they are a burden to it and are better off not existing. 

I’m going to make this section as succinct as possible because...it’s heavy stuff. But it’s important, and I want you all to get the gist of what I’m saying. The weight of it.

Let’s highlight a piece of history regarding IQ and eugenics, surrounding the publication and subsequent worldwide reception of ‘The Kallikak Family: A Study in the Heredity of Feeble-mindedness’ by Henry Herbert Goddard in 1913:

“In 1927, it was used as evidence in the case of Buck v. Bell, which culminated in a Supreme Court ruling that the involuntary sterilization of ‘mentally defective’ persons was not unconstitutional in the United States. By 1938, thirty-three US states had passed laws allowing for the forced sterilization of women with learning disabilities and twenty-nine had made sterilization  compulsory for people who were thought to have genetic conditions. Many European countries followed suit: Denmark in 1929, then Norway in 1934, and after that Sweden, Finland, Estonia, Iceland, Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, Latvia, Hungary and Turkey.”

— Limburg, J. (2021) Letters To My Weird Sisters: On Autism and Feminism, p. 126

This history of a ‘sterilization law’ includes Japan, who between 1948 and 1996 enacted the Eugenics Protection Law which “authorised the sterilization of people with intellectual disabilities, mental illnesses or hereditary disorders.” According to the government, about 25,000 were sterilized.

SO. It’s important to bring this up. To establish how much disabled people are not wanted, just from their governments. Let alone society. To this day, disabled people are hidden away from the public by families that are ashamed of their existence.

Japanese culture values collectivism, and maintaining the harmony of a group...to the extent of excluding those that don’t fit into the mould. That are different.

The question is: where do they go? The ones that are publicly rejected?

Haruka and The Curious Case of Distant Waters

Okay that’s enough of the heavy real-world stuff! Time to delve into some...*checks notes*...heavy fictional stuff. Fun!

Haruka’s MVs prominently display themes of distance and separation through the motif of water, specifically being submerged underwater. 

The name Haruka reinforces this concept as the specific kanji used (遥) translates to ‘distant’, ‘remote’ or ‘far away’. As there are many, many kanji choices for the name (including but not limited to: ocean/sea, eternity/permeance, clear/distinct/obvious, and spring/growth/cherry blossom) it feels like a particularly cruel and intentional choice to go with that one.

Through the exploration of this motif, we can see the extent in which Otherness/the state of being ‘Other’ drives Haruka to great lengths to close the distance and escape it.

What I noticed throughout both MVs (particularly AK&AA but note the beginning scene of Weakness), is that whenever Haruka looks at himself in a reflective surface (e.g. the vanity mirror, the fish tank), water either begins to rise and overwhelms him, or is already there and he appears submerged:

I think this is the “All-Knowing” part of AK&AA. He knows he’s different, and he knows there’s a huge ocean between him and his peers, his family, everyone. A disconnect when trying to listen and understand, but also when trying to be understood by others and listened to himself.

You know when you submerge your head in water, and your hearing gets all muffled and incomprehensible? And have you ever tried speaking underwater? You can’t, because if you open your mouth you’ll drown. It’ll just come out as bubbles rising to the surface.

I also think the bubbles symbolise rising tension, between what he wants and what he currently has. Bubbles are everywhere in these MVs, even in places where they shouldn’t logically be? Such as this scene, following the line “don’t wipe me out, don’t wipe me out”:

Immediately pans up to Haruka gasping for breath, droplets of water rising from...somewhere. For about a split second, and they’re gone. 

This boy is really going through it. I’m getting an ‘emerging from the ocean before I drown’ vibe from this one folks. When the line that follows this scene is “I can’t stop, I can’t stop”, what I’m REALLY hearing is “I can’t stop (killing) or I’ll drown”. This is his lifeboat, pulling him out from the depths of being neglected and hidden away, into the spotlight.

Some interesting images from Weakness in relation to that (of spotlights):

Anyways, onto the next point:

Blue to Orange: Water to...Nectar?

So, the orange liquid. It’s clearly representing blood, but I don’t think this is just a “danganronpa pink blood” situation of censoring/getting this video onto youtube without restrictions.

I think it’s most likely honey, specifically nectar.

The etymology of the word nectar shows its compounds translate to “death” and “overcoming”. Nectar is also called the drink of the gods, so it would make sense for it to be a ‘death-defeating’, immortalizing liquid.

For Haruka’s victims to contain nectar is very interesting. It reinforces that necessity to kill, to take the life of another, to sustain himself. To overcome the ‘living death’ he is experiencing by being hidden away from society. 

This is his means of escape from drowning.

However, as we all know, things don’t turn out great for him. By the end of AK&AA Haruka is rejected once again by his mother, after which the door is shut (the light with it is gone too) and we’re met with this imagery:

The nectar floods the room, engulfing him much like the water from earlier. 

There are many things we could take from this. One being that the nectar-gathering/killing-spree has clouded his vision; it’s so sweet, so sickly sweet and he’s addicted to the taste of attention, even if it’s very bad attention. 

Who else has honey imagery in their MV again?

Oh, right. 

Anyway, the nectar/honey situation could also be representing submerging into an even further level of distance. All that murder is gonna push people away, despite his motive being to close the gap between him and normal people. The 'ocean’ has lost clarity and become a maddening, delusional substance. After all, there is a type of honey literally called ‘mad honey’ known for its medicinal and hallucinogenic properties.

That’s enough about honey, though. Let’s move onto less unfortunate... oh, sorry, what was that? *checks notes*...Ah, yes. I meant to say, let’s move onto even more unfortunate symbolism:

The Necklace

So, this necklace. Haruka steals it from his mother’s belongings, and is his only material, physical connection to her. It is taken on the declaration of “making (her) love me again” and getting her attention once more, now he is no longer a child but a teenager closer to adulthood (at least, that’s what I consider the ‘shirt with a vest sweater and tie’ to represent. child him = the blue polo, teenager him = this one, adult him = an amalgamation of his teenager clothes).

I wasn’t sure if this was an opal or pearl/mother of pearl, but I’m leaning towards opal from the other depiction of it in Weakness:

Opals are fun because they can symbolise both good luck and bad luck, usually to do with whether it’s your birthstone. There’s something to be said of Haruka’s belief in his ‘misfortune’ and the superstition surrounding these gemstones.

But they are even more interesting for the powers they supposedly have; in medieval times the opal was considered the ‘patron of thieves’ for their ability to grant the wearer invisibility.

There is a deliciously sad irony to Haruka’s theft with that titbit of information.

Now, if this isn’t an opal, and it’s a pearl/mother of pearl there’s still some fun interpretation to be had! A little less sad, even. Pearls invoke strong imagery of the sea, of purity, and of a connection to the maternal. If this is the last thing he has relating to his mother, I can see this necklace representing a lifeline when he’s deep in the ocean. A reminder of why he’s doing all of this killing, and who it’s for.

His mother’s attention (or the idea of having a mother at all, any mother) is his driving force in life.

Speaking of that...

So We Really Need To Talk About That Fish Tank: AKA, Why Haruka’s Mom Wins ‘The Worst Parent of The Year’ Award

This fucking fish tank.

Okay, I’m gonna start by saying: I don’t think this is reading too far into things. When it takes an animation team months, sometimes years to create a 3-5 minute music video, and one as detailed as this...you don’t just wing it. There are storyboards, there are key frames and there are choices made down to the smallest of details.

From the sheer volume of animal/insect/fish décor that resides in the Sakurai household, you bet I’m gonna pay attention to what type of fish are in that fish tank.

For one thing, they live in saltwater. This is a marine tank, aka the harder choice of aquarium to have. I mean, way, WAY harder. For the experienced only.

These fish right here? One is a clownfish, and the other is a yellow boxfish.

Boxfish are a nightmare to keep alive. This article goes into more detail than I will, but all you need to know is: if there was ever a fish out of all the fish you could possibly want in your tank, this is the one to avoid like the plague.

They release deadly toxins when stressed, as a survival instinct. Boom. All your fish are dead. They need to eat a shit ton of food, but are notoriously clumsy swimmers and slow eaters. Boom. Starving, stressed out boxfish. Boxfish either dies from starvation or dies from stress and toxins.

For Haruka’s mom to have not just one of these fuckers, but a tank consisting ONLY OF MULTIPLE BOXFISH AND CLOWNFISH...

This is a high-maintenance tank. And it shows how much time and effort, how much care she puts into the things she loves.

How neglectful she is as a parent of a disabled child in contrast.

There’s something about the last scene between Haruka and his mother that reinforces this for me:

Haruka’s relationship with animals and himself: AKA, “why don’t I just become the damn fish tank?”

Let me backpedal a little bit. This subheading will make sense in a minute.

So, like I said earlier we have a lot of décor in this house relating to insects and fish. We also have a lot of pets. Both living and dead, taxidermized creatures in one household, proudly on display.

I think this may have created some confusion for Haruka regarding the value of animals being alive or dead, as in his perspective his mother values both equally. The fish in a tank may be full of alive creatures, but they’re still on display as if it’s artwork. Isn’t breaking the glass of a framed picture of a fish equal to breaking the glass of a tank with a ‘picture of living fish’?

(This isn’t to say Haruka is clueless to the impact of his actions, nor to justify any harm to animals. I just find the train of thought to be intriguing.)

So when considering these ‘objects’ are proud trophies of his work:

This is a carefully arranged display, which by the way, doesn’t contain a single fish. In fact the only piece of that moment visible here is the...large piece of driftwood? Okay. Keep that in mind.

We proceed into Haruka’s mother opening the door and seeing her son, for the first time in any of the MVs. Note the way they composed this shot:

I’m obsessed with this scene. The blue eye framing Haruka, with a literal fishbowl effect on him...

He is the goddamn fish in the aquarium now. His mother’s full attention is on him and him alone, with only the dead animals, the books, the lamp and the driftwood as window dressing to this wonderful display.

Doesn’t it just scream “Look at me! Look at what I did, mom!” to you?

That blue spotlight is on him once more. He is not just drifting deeper into an endless ocean, but contained in a vessel to be stared at.

One Last Observation

I didn’t know where to fit this in but I think the end feels appropriate.

His clothing here:

Is a frankenstein-esque mash up of clothes from his younger years. He wears this throughout AK&AA, and as I mentioned before it signifies him as an adult. However, I should clarify what I mean here as Haruka says “he thinks he’s 17″ and “doesn’t care about his age”. So... not an adult, but on the cusp of adulthood.

But I think he actually does care about his age, and quite a lot too.

This outfit feels symbolic of refusing to let go of the past, and of himself as a child. He’s literally grown out of his clothing, but he still clings onto it. He’s attached to the past because it not only contains his happiest moments, but the change from being loved to becoming neglected.

As a disabled person, you’re often treated with a lot more forgiveness when you’re younger. That is to say, some people don’t realise that children with disabilities grow up into adults with disabilities. There is a point where even support from medical and social services drops off like a cliff edge once you turn 18.

The ill-fitting clothing in this context becomes more than a reflection on Haruka’s feelings, and extends to reflecting society’s feelings on disabled adults ‘refusing to grow up’.

I don’t blame Haruka for holding onto his childhood like this. He’ll be even less publicly visible and seen once he is no longer a pitiful child, but a ‘weird’ adult in ill-fitting, children’s clothes.

[eightmandibles]

Mawaru Penguindrum Phrases Breakdown

I've written a big long post breaking down some of the repeated phrases of the show Mawaru Penguindrum because rewatching it a year ago gave me brainrot. Hope those who r interested enjoy.

Alright this has been occupying my brain for so long it should've started paying rent so I've decided to finally write it all up. Some of these are my own thoughts, but a lot of these are pieces of interpretations that are floating out there on the web. I just didn’t find any one place that compiles them all and puts them together.

Mawaru Penguindrum is the first Ikuhara show I ever watched and something about it really changed my brain forever even though I didn’t really understand what I was watching the first time through (because I was in middle school). I love its surreality and the density of its visual metaphors that all feed into each other has me like an insane person complete with a red string conspiracy board (that will be a section later). It’s show that challenges the viewers to piece together concepts and leaves questions for them to answer on their own, some intended and some probably not as much. I admire the ambition and the commitment to exist in a space that's between trite judgements of black and white, good and evil, and to trust the viewer to really engage with the work.

In this blog post I’m going to break down some of the major catchphrases of the show because they exemplify how the visual/thematic density rewards viewers who spend the time to really engage with the material. It also personally fascinates me as someone who enjoys these puzzle box-type themes and narratives that have the answers staring you right in the face from the beginning, but you just didn’t have the tools to understand what you were being cryptically told.

MAWARU PENGUINDRUM

We gotta start from the beginning and break down the title first of course.

MAWARU: spinning, turning, rotating - which brings themes like revolution and cycles to mind

It’s probably also nod to Revolutionary Girl Utena (though both shows share a lot of themes in examining and trying to challenge or examine societal norms, structures, and cycles).

PENGUINDRUM:

First layer of understanding: the physical diary that the Kanba and Shoma must find (actually it’d be more accurate the say the first layer is just being like “this is a nonsense word” but I digress)

Let’s do another layer of breakdowns -

PENGUIN: Flightless birds that belong neither to the land or the sea - chosen to represent the idea of the “unchosen.” Those in Antarctica need to rely on their community to survive in their harsh environment, huddling and rotating (mawaru…) to keep everyone warm.

There’s a common rumor out there that Ikuhara said penguins were also chosen because it sounds like “pingguo” which is apple in Chinese. Honestly I believe it because he seems to be the kind of person to say stuff like that, but also I’ve never found a source on this.

DRUM: An instrument that keeps a steady beat…like a heartbeat…badum tss. The apple in the show always being red reinforces this association.

Second layer of understanding: When the diary is lost, what the “penguindrum” is exactly becomes more nebulous and we start operating in a metaphor-as-reality world. In terms of visual representation in the show, the “penguindrum” is the “apple” the siblings have been sharing among themselves.

The Penguindrum being represented by an apple means there’s a lot of associations tied into its image. In the show, apples are a visual metaphor for being "chosen". Classically, apples are also the fruit of original sin (like fate…not to jump ahead but remember this for later) - which ties into the concept of “punishment” that Himari's fate is framed as.

Because of the breakdown from earlier (and also all the chest puncturing imagery in the show lol), we can also understand the Penguindrum to be associated with the heart - often in turn associated with love, which is a very loaded concept to dig through, especially as presented in the show (romantic, platonic, and/or familial connections; sacrifice, community, etc.)

Taking these all together, a third layer of interpretation is that Mawaru Penguindrum refers to the cycle (Mawaru) of sharing bonds/fate/connection/love (Penguindrum) between the show’s characters.

SURVIVAL STRATEGY

This phrase is what signals the Princess of the Crystal's presence and initiates the transformation sequence that takes the brothers into a surreal world.

The common reading of this is again the reference of penguins needing to huddle together to survive the cold of Antarctica. They rotate who bears the cold wind of the outside circle in order for the whole flock to survive. Basically, we need the help and support of each other to survive the cold winds of an uncaring society.

While thinking on this phrase, I was struck by how every character’s drive in the show can be explained as “survival strategies” they learned as children. Perhaps it’s a bit of a stretch to apply it in the way this phrase is used in psychology, but I do think it at least refers to the ideology characters take on as children due to their traumatic childhood events or from flawed role models.

Ringo’s “survival strategy” is the most explicitly stated in the show: in episode 6, she believes her parents are on the verge of divorce because she is not Momoka - therefore to keep her family together she resolves to become Momoka. 

The origin of Kanba and Himari’s core approaches to life appear in the flashbacks of episodes 5 and 9 respectively. The Takakura parents each protect the two adopted children from injury by glass, a nod to their original unchosen fate. In doing so, they’re set up as the direct masculine and feminine role models that the two children learn from and model themselves on. I’m not sure it’s accurate to say that the lessons they internalize are strictly “wrong,” because I don’t think Penguindrum is interested in discussing characters like that, but they definitely are flawed.

Shoma deals with guilt from his family’s “sin” and grapples with the idea of taking responsibility for his parents’ actions.

Tabuki and Yuri still believe themselves to be “unloved children” and that’s why they keep pursuing Momoka or seeking revenge for her. They struggle to believe there’s a place in the world for them without their savior there.

Masako is a pretty clear one as well - she internalizes her grandfather’s habits and beliefs in order to try and fit in, even if it never earned her any respect in his eyes.

The childhood of the characters in the show informed how they viewed the society they grew up in, and what they needed to do or become in order to survive.

YOU WHO WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING, FIND THE PENGUINDRUM

Honestly I’m obsessed with the phrases that first sound like absolute nonsense, but cool absolute nonsense. This is the phrase that made me want to write this blog post in the first place.

The phrase is the call-to-action by the mysterious Princess of the Crystal. On first viewing, we can interpret so little of this sentence it’s really just a tool to sound cool and give us a snapshot of the Princess of the Crystal’s personality - haughty, cryptic, and generally unhelpful. It gives Kanba and Shoma a goal, even though neither us nor them understand what the hell it is.

YOU WHO WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING

As the show goes on, the themes and concepts around being a chosen or unchosen child arise. Those who are unchosen and unloved go to the Child Broiler to be turned into glass. This is semi-metaphorical and semi-literal (diegetic might be an appropriate word in a weird way) - metaphorically it can be interpreted as becoming a forgettable, blandly molded member of society, though being processed is acknowledged more like death in the show. In some ways that’s still accurate.

Each of the siblings started without an apple, literally-metaphorically starving of love and unchosen - originally they were fated to never amount to anything.

FIND THE PENGUINDRUM

Obviously this initially refers to the diary in the show, but as we broke down earlier PENGUINDRUM eventually takes on a more loaded meaning akin to love, bond, and connection.

So over the course of watching the show, the phrase transforms from a one-sided order and condemnation to a call to action. Put all together with a little more elaboration: You who were unchosen and unloved from the beginning, in order to survive in this harsh world you must find love and connection with people to share your life with, through good and bad.

I COME FROM THE DESTINATION OF YOUR FATE

Time to bust out the conspiracy red string board, literally-metaphorically.

The Red Line is the literal, metaphorical, and thematic spine of the show. There are two big starting categories for viewing The Red Line in the show, which then mix together to create new meanings as the show references it through imagery and dialogue.

First up, the Red Line refers to an actual train line that the entire show takes place upon, the Tokyo Metro Marunouchi line. The entire show is structured around the train line which starts with the Ogikubo Station and ends at Ikebukuro, with important locations being linked with the actual train stops. It was one of the train lines attacked in real life as part of the Tokyo subway sarin attack in 1995 which the Pingu group’s terrorist attack in the show is a very transparent reference to. This single point in time in 1995 is the origin of almost everything in Mawaru Penguindrum, and in fact almost half the cast is born on the exact day the Pingu group attacks, just to emphasize how closely their fates are tied to the attack.

Second, the Red Line can be seen as a representation of fate, as in the red string of fate. Fate and destiny are concepts brought up over and over again, with Shoma and Ringo having their own monologues about it in the first two episodes (and Kanba having his much later). The visualization of the red string of fate can also be seen in the ending animations.

Somewhere in between is the Red Line as the metaphor of a train to visualize fate. Fate is something that can’t be changed - just like how trains run on fixed tracks with fixed destinations. Of course this is challenged in the show - Momoka even uses the metaphor of changing train tracks to explain her ability.

Now, fate has its own set of associations, such as: destiny, love, connection, bond (hmm familiar), as well as superstitions like fated meetings, fated demises, divine determination.

These can start branching off into concepts like blessings, sins, retribution, and karma (cue the Fate monologues again). And now we start getting back into the idea of cycles: downward spirals of getting what one deserves for their actions, passing on one’s sins to those after you - or virtuous cycles of doing good deeds and passing love and care forward.

Often in discussions of fate, familiar questions arise. Does the beginning determine the end? Is the end fated from the beginning? And so the Red Line becomes the Red Circle, another visual device seen throughout the show. It’s all over the motion graphics of the show and appears around the train stations as well as around ‘95’, referencing the originating incident of it all - the beginning of the Takakura family that determined their end.

What I love about this use of the Red Line is that however you progress your understanding of the its importance to the show, it all helps you further understand any concept Mawaru Penguindrum is discussing. This coherence and repetition of visual metaphors is what allows the show to feel more texturally and thematically cohesive even when it starts getting loose in a plot sense.

(Going back to the initial phrase, I COME FROM THE DESTINATION OF YOUR FATE is said by the Princess of the Crystal in her introduction monologue. It likely lampshades the predetermined ending that the Takakura brothers are so desperately trying to avoid. But also, there is a much funnier, much more literal interpretation I enjoy - Ikebukuro, the last stop on the train line, is where the aquarium the siblings visit is. It’s also where the brothers bought the novelty penguin hat for Himari. So the Princess of the Crystal literally came from the destination (last stop) of your fate (the red line)!)

LET’S SHARE THE FRUIT OF FATE

This turns out to be the secret key phrase needed to activate the diary in order to change the tracks of fate, which Ringo uses at the end of the show in order to prevent another train attack from succeeding.

It’s probably not too hard to piece together what the fruit of fate is after all of this. In a sense, this phrase is just a repeat of Mawaru Penguindrum, just as an actual sentence with a bit more coherence.

I’ll bear your burdens and you’ll bear mine, and in doing so, let us forever be connected.

Wow, finally expunged these thoughts from my brain. Maybe somewhere in me there's still something left for a discussion on how the show uses repeated imagery and visual metaphor to communicate information and associations to the viewer that are vital to actually understanding what's going on because it's a narrative that half exists a non-literal thematic space but for now:

Thanks for reading!

[arintheman]

A bunch of art I've done

I don't post as much of my art as I want to (for a couple reasons) but here's some of it.

I got back into Warrior Cats and joined an rp group (through aj lol). It was kind of a way to get back to my art roots as an artist since WC is a bit of what made my friend group in school and I had some art of. Admittedly I am rusty to drawing cats.

This is Twistertail! He is part of Asterclan (or was a part of, he is now a member of Surgeclan read about the clan HERE) I'll try to keep his about brief but he is roughly 36 moons (3 years) and he's a little weird personality wise. He lost is tail in a bit of an accident right after he was promoted to a warrior. He does kinda have a mate, Bleakspot, who he constantly thinks about as well as an apprentice, Fernpaw. Please send an ask if y'all want to see his whole bio.

AND OF COURSE I HAD TO MAKE A HUMAN VERSION OF TWISTERTAIL LOL. >:) His name is Scott (for now. I don't have a last name for him.) I am a bit horny for him but for good reason. He works as a mechanic and is a recreational sharp shooter. (He also has a crush on the Domino's pizza delivery boy as you'll see later.)

🚨🚨 BOYS KISSING🚨🚨

🚨🚨 BOYS KISSING🚨🚨

(I'm including the sketch version because I like it more.) That's human Bleakspot btw. Their owner is much more creative and his name is Blake Spott. I just realized I'm making this post like how I used to post art on Wattpad. I don't care honestly. If this post gets more than 5 notes I'll be surprised.

🚨🚨 MORE BOYS KISSING🚨🚨

🚨🚨MORE BOYS KISSING🚨🚨

I'm honestly very mixed about how this fully turned out but :/ posting anyways. I also think Scott has a bunch of different meme tank tops he just ordered off Redbubble. (One of the people in the rp group does go fucking ape for human Twistertail and it's lowkey funny. Salt you're great)

And of course I turned this gay boy into a meme, based off that one clip from Gravity Falls. Again, I really liked the idea for this one but I know it could be so much better. (Hollyhush btw is another cat who gave Twistertail a super hard time about his totally not apparent crush. I feel like I might revisit all of these in a couple months and just. Redo them.

I have a BUNCH of stuff in my sketchbook though. I will include it here but to avoid this post being too long its under a read more.

Hollyhush often uses Twistertail as a ride. I’ve also included Twistertail’s dad, Owltooth. Owltooth is also based off Ogata from Golden Kamuy

Meme of Twistertail and Gloomsong (I want to color it soon)

There is something that happened called the Lunar Procession where everyone had to wear a mask and this was Twistertail’s

A little bit of Twistertail being aggressive, especially against Hareskip (who is now Harestar) Big shout out to the WC manga for helping me with the poses and stuff for these

This is Magpieheart. I would have loved to bring her into Aster/Surge but I couldn't as Magpie was already taken for a very important role character, which I was fine with. I do have a bunch of cat ideas and I want to make my own clan thing but that will probably never happen.

Of course more art of Twistertail and Bleakspot. I am obsessed with them oops.

This is all of the art I've done in like the last month or two and I hope y'all don't mind me sharing all of it in one post. I didn't want to make a separate post for each one. (Unless y'all want that.) It is like 90% of just one character who has been rotating in my mind and giving me brain rot.

[nczaversnick]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thanks to @willtheweaver for the tag!

How long have you had you’re writing tumblr/writblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

I’ve been here only, like, two months I think? Which is kinda crazy honestly.

What led you to create it?

I find it’s so much easier to get excited about my writing when other people are excited too. Besides I’m the face of this operation for Project Gemini and after years of failure on Instagram I gave up for several years until my roommate pointed out that I might actually like being on tumblr and I figured it deserved a fair try.

What’s your favorite thing about the community?

I love how excited everyone is about everyone else’s projects. It kinda blows my mind

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I will answer literally any question to the best of my ability.

Also, to those of you who are big fans of specific characters (I’m talking about you @honeybewrites and @the-letterbox-archives ), I fucking love that you have a favorite. Mine and Rachelle’s favorite is Adrian, her second favorite is Iris and my second favorite is the guards talking about chili cheese fries in the middle of the big climax of Book 1. They don’t have names but they’re in every draft

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Nothing comes to mind

WIP

Which WIP are you noodling about lately?

Well, I’ve only got the one, Project Gemini. We’re working on detailing the outline to break down what happens in each chapter. But while that’s been happening, while I’m at work I’ve been pondering what Adrian would be like in the Arc of a Scythe universe

How long have you been working on them?

I had the initial idea roughly.. 15 years ago I think? The first draft was written 10 years ago. I’m currently on draft 5 or, really, draft 1 of version 3

Do you remember what inspired them/ what got you started?

When I was 8 years old a friend of mine on the playground offhandedly made a comment some kind of magical being that was half ice and half fire. And it just stuck.

When someone asks “what do you write about?” What do you say?

Queer people overthrowing the government what else would I write about?

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

I think I was pretty clear the first time lol

Let’s rotate Blorbos

Name any character you’ve created, and I mean any:

Listen I’ve been writing for over a decade. There’s no way I’ll get everyone. So here’s several:

Caspian, Adrian, Aurelia, Iris, Mason, Quinn, Athena, Lucia, Resin, Filick, Nic, Weston, Atlas, Flynn, Jacob, Lily, Audrey, Micah, Ikaris, Faldris, Helvar, Mara, Flynn, Atlas’s, Dimitri, Cyrus, Jaron, Abraxis

Who’s the most unhinged:

Good lord who even knows?

Who comes most naturally to write:

Definitely Nic or Adrian, as they’re both the oldest

Do you ever cringe at them:

Sometimes, especially those early versions of Adrian

How much control do you feel you have over them? Aka do they ever “write themselves” or refuse to cooperate or do thing you don’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

Oh I don’t have any. Rachelle doesn’t understand when I say things like “I won’t know the answer to that until the little Iris in my brain bother to tell me”

Some are more cooperative than others, I feel like Aurelia is always around sometimes. Mason is impossible. He’s uncooperative both in my head and in the story, which unfortunately is very on brand for him. But it also means I know basically nothing about him right now.

To get around this I tend to write snippets that sort of circle around the actual question I want answered until I manage to get it

Do you enjoy people asking about your characters? And do you have a preferred method of receiving said questions?

Do I enjoy what is probably my favorite kind of interaction of all time?

And no I don’t have a preference.

On Writblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account?

Good vibes. I usually check out anyone who follows me anyway

What makes you decide against following?

Besides the obvious answer of discrimination and bigotry, the answer is also vibes. If you fail the vibe check, I won’t follow.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Oh yeah all the time. I keep forgetting that some people are mutuals and some aren’t lol

Tagsss:

@honeybewrites @wyked-ao3 @kittrrrr @zackprincebooks @fractured-shield @theverumproject @the-letterbox-archives @the-golden-comet @poppycat-writes @davycoquette @moltenwrites @finickyfelix @kuebiko-writing @illarian-rambling @yourpenpaldee

[senespera-ffxiv]

also this is the only time I'm gonna post twice in a row but I finished up my thoughts about dawntrail in my media list so I'm posting them here completely unedited

//spoilers for like all of dawntrail

a more detailed rating is that this is like a 4.7/5. It’s a solid story, if a bit boring and cliche for some of the first half. I do enjoy how clear-cut the story is in terms of thematic content, though, and how through and through it is an exploration of differing cultures and the ways in which you can understand them

The second half was also an interesting continuation of said exploration as it gives you a culture that is in direct opposition to you with ways that are so alien, and yet continues to ask that you understand them while also criticizing the more inhumane effects of those cultural practices

making it about me again but it’s basically just my stance about criticizing China. A lot of the criticism becomes extremely sinophobic because it simply rejects the culture without first trying to understand it. It’s a bit easier for me since I’m deeply steeped in said culture, but I do think it’s possible for someone who isn’t Chinese to criticize China in a non-sinophobic way

Idk just a lot of the way Wuk Lamat and the others handled their reactions to Alexandria felt like a good way to do that to me

Like it’s nowhere close to being as insanely character-driven as shadowbringers and endwalker, nor is it as interestingly politically technical as heavensward, stormblood, and certain parts of endwalker, but it’s still definitely Good. Just not as good in comparison to the rest (and even then I’d rank it above Stormblood lmao I didn’t have any moments where I was actively annoyed at the characters for losing brain cells and shit jksdlfhskldjf)

My ranking for the expacs would be something like this

Shadowbringers > Endwalker > Heavensward ≥ Dawntrail > Stormblood > ARR

Gameplay-wise, though, oh my God this Fucks. This Fucks So Hard. Way better than Endwalker.

I imagine this is kind of what it felt like to play this game back in Stormblood and early Shadowbringers where things were much more complex and messy on the player side, except this time the complex and messy stuff has bled into the normal content boss design and I am enjoying it so goddamn much

(disclaimer: I started playing at the very tail end of shadowbringers so while I still remember some shit like old monk back when it had positionals on all of its buttons, I am mostly A Young'un. I did not have to experience the dreaded TP management, nor have I gone through all the stages of grief with Summoner getting reworked every fucking expansion lmao)

Part of the reason why I love doing EX trials is because at that difficulty level they aren’t afraid to do some just batshit things that would cause you to lose it in normal content

and now it’s bled into normal content hell yes

For reference my two favorite EX mechanics so far are the Biting Halberd combo from Zurvan EX (death puddle under boss → giant cone → baited aoes → tank cleave) and the add phase from Hydaelyn EX (both tanks get an add and have to pull them away from the glowing crystals while party dps’s them, rotate once the glowing crystals are dead)

Like obviously I’m biased cuz I’m a tank and those are largely tank mechanics (cuz yes if you forget to move properly in the Zurvan one as MT you just kill your entire party so I kinda count that as a tank mechanic) but more importantly I like them because of how dynamic the movement is.

And they’re dynamic in different ways, like Zurvan’s is extremely rigid. You will dance in this specific manner (back → tank right, everyone else left) or else you die. Hydaelyn on the other hand can be a bit looser and you have at least a bit of room to do different strategies (ideally it’s a “everyone focus down one crystal at a time” situation but the like three-five times I’ve done the fight the positioning has always been very loose as long as none of the glowing crystals are getting tethered).

And a bunch of fights in Dawntrail are doing stuff like this that feels like a dance

Like the first example I can think of is Ar1/R1/whatever we’re calling it when the boss flings out a sequence of like 8 aoes across tiles before hitting you with an uppercut that sends you flying into the air and in order to not die from said uppercut you need to position yourself so that you land on an uncracked tile

The second iteration of this where it’s the clone that does the uppercut and the main boss is hitting you with line stacks is my favorite because that’s where the amount of stuff you do starts to offset how slow the actual mechanic is to make it feel like you’re in a time-sensitive dance and if you step wrong you’ll fuck things up

Another good example is the final boss The Queen Eternal which just. aughhhh I love that boss. There’s so many fun ideas being thrown around in there lol. You can really tell that Zeromus from the Endwalker patches was intended to be a test run for some of the mechanics in this fight because both occasionally devolve into randomized Chaos as you try your best to just Not Get Hit by aoes can you tell I loved the mechanic when she deploys her drones lmao

LIke okay last thing to yell about but Absolute Authority is literally just a mini Relativity mechanic from E12S/Big Bang from Zeromus but more chaotic and I absolutely loved it

Plus the more chaotic nature of the mechanics in this fight serve a bit of a narrative purpose, especially when you consider how desperate Sphene is at this point in time

Like she doesn’t give a shit about keeping up appearances she will kill you as best as she can, “random bullshit go” included

And both of those mechanics also force you to do more dynamic movement, only now it's typically erratic and panicked compared to the more methodical and freeform dances of Zurvan and Hydaelyn EX respectively

We need more insane shit in the gameplay of the normal mode stuff keep doing it Yoshi-P

[autisticempathydaemon]

(I’m re-typing this because I forgot some key information and I apologize in advance for any typos or confusion, I’m bad at typing)

Hi, idk if you still answer these but it looked fun to try! I hope you’ve had a good day/night, may your dreams be pleasant and your crops watered for the ✨harvest✨

* What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I don’t currently have one favorite but “Never Coming Back” from Violet Evergarden, “The Road Not Taken” by Hoyo-Mix, “Smooth Operator” by Sade and “Control” by Loveless are currently the top 4 for the day (honorable mention to “Kapp’n Song” from ACNH) I don’t really have a reason and it’s kinda just what my brain chemistry currently likes

* What is your Enneagram type?

9?? I think, I’m not entirely sure sense I got confused trying to figure it out X~X

* Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

ABSOLUTELY!! I’m not sure if I have a reason? Maybe it’s because I can just sit and listen to something I’m interested in for a long time and just relax and focus on one thing?? I also like to listen to livestreams and other long videos, I tend to watch/listen to “AthenaP”, “EIsSocial” and a Persona 4 analysis from “Hiding in Private”.

* Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

My brain didn’t cook one up

* What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Rotating like a rotisserie chicken, Comforter/Blanket on, Hugging a Plushie (usually this Peep I’ve had sense 2018 or my Wolf Build-A-Bear) and one earbud in either playing music, a rp audio (currently redacted) or an analysis video ive heard about 20 times

* If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I’ve been through a lot of names online due to my indecisive-ness but currently I was thinking KC/Kayce. I have a lot of memories associated with the name and I like how it sounds <3

* What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

The Smash Tournament with the Shaw Pack, Sam Healing you after the Fight with the Two Vampires (or honestly any Sam Audio), and the Gameboi’s Anthology. I think it’s the comforting/close/intimate (in a way?not sussy intimate tho) nature of the audios

* What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

I haven’t listened to most of the boys/stories and I tend to cater my listening to what I know I already like with little to no experimentation; so I don’t really have a boy(s) in mind that doesn’t appeal to me as of right now

* Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

either “Yuri! On Ice” or “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. I watched both of these shows WAYY to many times to the point it’s concerning!! YOI which reminded me of my love of figure skating (watching and ice skating in general) and then I got into MLPFIM when the Season 2 final (Canterlot Wedding) aired and was obsessed after that for like 6yrs and still have moments of fixation for a couple days.

* Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Probably Huxley, Lasko and/or Caelum.. and like all of the Shaw Pack (I’m indecisive)

* Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

If I still have energy to talk/think, Pokémon. Tired, Half-Asleep, My Own Funeral or Given the Opportunity, I will become the Yap King for about 3hrs!! Once I get my Communication Skills under wraps it’s over for Everyone! >:D

* Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

I don’t go to the gas station more than like 3 times a year, but probably a carbonated drink.. or lemonade if available. I’m a self-proclaimed slut for lemonade 24/7, 365.

* Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

If you mean the Redactedverse, then Sam, Porter (I made my own sense there isn’t an official one as of typing this) and Gamboi’s. But if you Music, then a playlist I made called “more tunes” and it has all my Emotion-Filled, Loud and Auditor-ally Stimulating Songs like “Enter Sandman” by Metallica, “Control” by Loveless and like 1/4 of 6arleyhumans Discography to listen to when I’m Under-stimulated or just Bored

* What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Idk if I have a “Guilty Pleasure” but I have a “Angry Pleasure” and that’s Miraculous Ladybug. I waited 8yrs real time for some of the stuff that goes down and in their time it’s been like 9 months. I’m gonna cut myself off before I rant but damn do I have a love-hate relationship with this show

* And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I’m an INFP, I’m the Middle Child of 3, I have Psychological Parental Problems, I love the Stars and Anything Outer-Space themed/related, My favorite color is Blue, I’m more of a Listener then a Talker, I tend to think about my Past, I’m probably Mentally Ill (specifically, I think I have Depression, Anxiety, Autism and MAYBE BPD/Borderline Personality Disorder. gotta love multi-wielding these issues), Love the Mystery Genre and specifically I’m always down for a Murder Mystery at a Mansion, People Pleaser™, I like the Rain and Cold Weather, I prefer to binge rather than one at a time otherwise I’m probably never finishing the media in question, I own 2/3 cats (it’s complicated, their names are Lucifer, Hazel and Marbles <3), My favorite food is Ice Cream (yes it’s a food, fight me.) I’m pretty sure I gave up my dream to be a professional figure skater and go to the Olympics but I hope to ice skate more when I get the opportunity, and finally “It’s not the Heat, it’s the Humidity”.

Thank you for your time <3 (platonic heart for existing)

This was a hard one for me because I have an inkling that the boy I’m picking for you, you haven’t listened to. Ollie isn’t the most narratively interesting playlist on the channel, but I do think he’d be the most perfect for you.

First and foremost, Ollie is an openly communicative, affectionate, and supportive partner; these are really good traits when dating a Type Nine who are characterized by a desire for peace and harmony, the people pleasers of the Enneagram. When his Baby signs up for too much work or has family issues, he’s right there helping you however he can, uplifting you. Next, Ollie is definitely also an introvert, and I love that for y’all, that the home you made together is where you go to recharge. It’s a good home and a good life- no Inversion, no covert, just comfort and safety and fun.

Like, Ollie’s no werewolf, vampire, or daemon obvs. He’s just a guy, but he’s a guy who’d love your cats and introduce you to his own. He’d buy you a telescope and put it in his office so you could look at the stars together. He’d watch Yuri on Ice and Miraculous Ladybug for the first time with you because he wants to engage with your interests and is curious about what the person he loves loves. I don’t think he can figure skate for shit, but he goes with you all the time anyway no matter how many times he falls on his butt. What he is good at is games, and he hosts a murder mystery party for your birthday every year.

Song:

Hey, hey, hey, lover (hey-hey)/ You don't have to be a star/ Hey, hey, hey, lover (hey-hey)/ I love you just the way you are/ For love is just the same/ Without fortune or fame/ Just give me/ True love and understanding

This, to me, is the quintessential Ollie song, I think of him whenever I hear it. It’s cute, and the backing tracks are layered in a way I find so satisfying and I hope you find auditorily stimulating. I can imagine this playing through a shared set of earbuds or a little Bluetooth speaker while you hold his hands and help him stay upright on ice skates.

Runner-ups:

Camelopardalis is a really cute runner-up for you, because he’d be such a supportive presence for someone who identifies as a people pleaser. I also like pairing d(a)emons with people who love space, because it’s so cute to imagine them pointing out their constellation to you. Your other runner-up is, of course, Xavier who could make you an ice skating rink whenever he wants and happily would.

Note: I think you modified and submitted your entry a couple of times, so I picked the one that I felt gave me the most information to work with.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[raccoonfallsharder]

How do you think Rocket would react to origami? To many people it seems like a pointless waste of paper, but for others it is something to master, the art of using your hands to turn a simple square of paper into complex shapes, a medium where the point is to make mistakes and learn and then make another one thats even better

omg this got so long. it was hard to write but i couldn’t stop apparently. thank you for making my brain think about this, you dear little raspberry truffle

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.

similarly to coloring, i think that rocket grapples with the idea of origami at first. when you first introduce it to him, the fur on his nose wrinkles and his lip curls back in confusion.

but why? he asks flatly. it's just paper. it doesn’t do anything. doesn't blow up even a little bit.

rocket has a hard time with the idea of making things just to make them. he's spent too long just trying to survive, and even longer trying to justify his existence. creating is in his nature, but it’s always been intricately bound up in trying to escape, to get away, to live.

the first time he watches you fold a crane, he smirks, and then replicates it perfectly — even better than you had, with all your years of practice.

‘m a frickin mathematical and engineering genius, he reminds you smugly, and you sigh.

it’s supposed to be a meditative, learning process, you tell him with a raised eyebrow.

he frowns at you and scrutinizes the crane. you sayin i did it wrong?

that’s not the point, you tell him. or — it is the point. you’re kinda supposed to do it wrong at first.

that’s the most moronic frickin thing I’ve heard, rocket says flatly, and leaves.

you kind of can’t stop thinking about it though. at all. that evening, youdecide to set about crafting one of the more complex pieces you know. The next day he strolls by your typical spot casually, like he’s not just coming by to see how he can bug you (he totally is), and you show him the finished product.

figure it out, you tell him.

he takes it as a personal challenge (which it absolutely is) and it takes him about three or four attempts before he presents you with a perfect replica. you’ll have to try harder than that, he tells you snidely.

the next few rotations continue like this — then cycles, until you run out of forms you think will actually challenge him. but he’s looking forward to them now — it’s part of his daily routine, and it’s one of the only times you see him pause in his frenzy to focus solely on what he’s doing. like maybe he’s tapping into that quiet, thoughtful, intentional space without meaning to.

so the next day, when he comes to you, you don’t greet him with empty hands. instead, you give him a small stack of folding paper.

make the bowie, you tell him.

he blinks at you. how?

you shrug. you’re the frickin mathematical and engineering genius, you remind him mildly.

he takes the stack of patterned paper and runs one hand over the surface of it lingeringly, like he can call the form right out of the paper itself. like you’ve given him the gift of possibility.

he starts coming to sit by you every day, and he works on his sculptures. he’s his normal, mocking self before and after, but in those moments, he goes still and thoughtful. he folds and unfolds, studies his angles, sinks himself into every little crease and bend. even his fur seems quieter in these moments: laying calmly against his skin. it takes him three cycles — a laughably short time for anyone else — before he hands you a little ship.

it’s lovely. it only takes you a moment to realize that the runabouts can actually undock from the bowie’s frame, just like the real thing.

keep it, he tells you casually. it’s yours.

you hold it delicately, lovingly. thank you, you say to him, and mean it.

he just blinks at you. what’s next?

you hand him another stack of paper. make knowhere, you tell him.

he does.

make the hadron enforcer.

he does.

make the benatar.

he does.

make one of mantis’ abilisks.

he does.

the ritual continues. the platinum-haired children of knowhere start running around with little paper sculptures: all the captain’s practice versions, salvaged from the recycling bins.

and one day you tell him, make what you want, rocket.

he looks uncertain at first.

and then he does.

but here’s the thing. what i actually like to imagine most isn’t rocket figuring out and finding the value in crafting origami. it’s imagining him in twenty, thirty, even forty years (because i believe he lives a nice long life). old, with more gray than black in his mask and his ringtail. maybe a clipped ear from getting nicked by an ion blast while saving a planet from some tyrant or another. whiskers drooping, voice like he’s been smoking four packs a day for his entire life. the most lovable, grumpy granddad on knowhere. i like to imagine he sits at a little checkered tabletop outside his apartment, right at the edge of the dusty street. he’s got a beer and a stack of paper. the children of the children of knowhere giggle and hide behind the corners of buildings and he scowls at them, and folds away.

when one brave kid finally dares to come up and ask him what he’s working on today (because it’s always something different, every time), rocket doesn’t answer. he rolls his eyes and grumbles and hands them a little paper dog in a spacesuit. soon the table is lined with all the figures the children know: personally, or from stories. the cyborg who runs the city, wings extended. the golden sovereign and his f’saki. the adopted son of the old man himself. one by one, as they screw up their courage, the children come forward to claim their paper prizes, grinning and giggling their delight.

and rocket decides that there’s a purpose to all this paper-folding after all.

[1rabong]

hellow!!! what first got you into borosai? whats ur favourite thing abt the ship, and any headcanons thats rotating in ur brain rn?

Thank you for the ask so much you have no idea how much i wanna ramble abt these two

Well, there’s one specific scene for the first question.

THIS SHOT

Look at his cute lil face he’s so happy

I saw this and was like, wait. This alien’s kinda.. hot. And he was making these adorable faces all cuz he was fighting Saitama. Then he dies, after making Saitama use the serious punch for the first time in the story.

They were really something. So naturally i started shipping them. And I naturally went to ao3 to look up borosai and despaired cuz there was only like 40 fics for them at the time. But still, I read them all(and they were all great), and started drawing art for them. Back then, I had no idea that I’d be fixating on them for so long, longer than anything i had a fixation for😂

My favorite thing about this ship is that they’re so different. Almost everything about them is so comically different. Just look at these two.

Just them standing next to each other is visual comedy at its finest.

They have different moralities, personalities, styles, amounts of hair, etc.

Which makes their similarities all the more interesting. They’re both bored to death, because they’re too strong. They both crave that stimulation of being in a fight with their lives at stake. They both feel lonely, because no one understands what it’s like to have this kind of strength. This loneliness is shown more in depth with Saitama, but I think it’s the same with Boros too. When we’re first shown Boros, he’s all stoic and cold with his subordinates, his expression barely changing. But when he meets Saitama, it morphs into excitement. Then as the fight goes on, it turns into an almost childish glee, making him ramble on about his strength, his home planet, until Saitama snaps at him to stfu😂 But who can blame him? After so many years of solitude he finally meets someone who’s on the same page as him.

With their fight, Boros gets what he wanted. The fight he was craving so much. A fight telling him that there’s still something that can surprise him in this Universe. That he wasn’t alone. Which is why even as he was shocked that he had lost, he doesn’t feel angry or bitter about it. Rather, it almost seems like he feels pity for Saitama. Because surely there’s no chance for him to meet someone who is as strong as him. So he calls out Saitama’s name, as his last words, and dies.

All the above is more or less canon, but if we were to veer a bit off course into an au where Boros lived, there’s so much potential for an interesting relationship between them. Imagine the possibilities. He could be like a stronger version of Sonic, challenging Saitama week after week, always getting his ass kicked but coming back for more, a little stronger than last time. And hey, since this is a Borosai au, they could very well fall in love😆

This turned out to be longer than I expected and not exactly on topic but look, I can’t help myself.

The current hc that’s rotating in my brain rn is that they’re madly in love, and is married. And have a child😂

Okay i know this sounds absolutely bonkers but I’ve been hardcore shipping them for too long and them being in a relationship is like a default setting for me when I think about them, so giving them a kid to take care of on top of all that just came naturally. Imagine the utter chaos it would ensue. It’d be peak comedy.

This lil guy. His name is Daan. I love him so much.

Anyways that’s all the questions answered, thank you again for the ask🥳

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 18. Obedient to the touch

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49146799/chapters/124000540

Word count: 14,302 (co-written throughout with toffeecape and iniquiticity)

Chapters: 3

First posted: 6th August 2023

Last chapter up: 8th August 2023

Summary: 

My body ached, just a little, with the aftershock of touch, in the best possible way. I should not have - you should not have let me - it was consistent with your dignity as Emperor to take a consort, but I had never wanted -

You had; I had; we had. Too late, now, for regrets.

How and why this came about

At some point early in August 2023 I barrelled into an 18+ channel on a discord server and commented that it had all been very sweet and gentle there lately, and what about that ‘forced fucking in front of the Ouranatha’ scenario we had all been considering a month or so before?

I had an ulterior motive. I had, since that earlier conversation, been rotating the concept. I had a gdoc started and had sketched out a bit of plot, but I was a bit unsure about it. After all, I had only just written my first smut content (the first ‘eventual smut’ Tenebra chapter) and I knew I had a fair amount to learn. I wanted to write something different, but I felt a bit unsure about it.

I dropped some elements of what I was thinking about into the chat and to my delight it sparked a dramatic flurry of conversation, with many different people pitching in to make the scenario worse or more intense in various ways. I don’t really remember the whole conversation (which went on for days) and I’ve long since left the relevant server, but after a lot of sharing ideas the chat turned into a collaborative livefic.

It was both daunting and thrilling to be passing the conversation back and forth so fluidly with two writers I admired. This part also went on for days with each of us pitching in on our schedule to take the story further. It was a learning experience for me in a whole host of different ways - the technical side of writing sex, language for a whole host of things I’d never really thought about, the dynamics of an intense physical relationship involving an ace (if sex-positive ace) character, and the etiquette of working with others in a public environment.

It was also entirely fun from beginning to end. The great thing about doing this collaboratively and over several days was that we could each contribute as we had time and space and ideas. Once we reached the end of the scenario, I asked my co-authors if they minded if we stitched what we had written together into something that could be shared on AO3. Neither toffeecape nor iniquiticity felt the same drive to publish as I did but they kindly supported the endeavour (my brain finds it difficult to put things down until they’re ‘finished’ and its criteria for ‘finished’ can be squirrelly - with fanfic it almost always means publishing on AO3).

What worked and what didn’t

It was surprisingly easy to turn the free-flowing plotting and porn into coherent, structured plot and porn. The livefic naturally broke into three sections (another friend who collected them assigned headings that we were kindly allowed to borrow as the chapter titles - “The crimes”, “The smut”, “The purest of smut”). 

This was an example of a successful ‘just tidying up the livefic’. Most of the first chapter was sketched out relatively loosely in the chat so I wrote it up, trying to keep to the minimum necessary context. The other parts were almost entirely drafted in the original chat so it was just a matter of stringing them together, adding a few joining sentences here and there, and fixing up typos and grammar and so on. The three of us worked edited it up together in a shared gdoc and made a few tweaks/ironed out details as we went. It was a remarkably pleasant process.

What I learned from writing it

Writing with toffeecape and iniquiticity was a masterclass in itself. They are both so excellent and each have a distinct and compelling writing style, but somehow it gelled really well. The fun physicality and total absorption of toffeecape’s writing flowed naturally into the deep, intense and deeply tender way that iniquiticity writes and vice versa. I can still pick out a few parts and remember who contributed them in the chat, but it’s honestly difficult at this stage. I do know I would never have been able to write something this raw and immediate and immense without them.

The collaborative fic went in a very different direction from the original idea that I’d been thinking through, although quite a lot of the crimes scenarios sketched out in the chat before we started liveficcing did relate to and build from the idea. I revisited it a little while later to write my first solo smut fic (which, surprise surprise, mostly turned out to be politics - though I did get to the smut eventually). I would never have managed that without the lift-off I got from Obedient.

I stumbled somewhat clumsily into the mechanics of working together online. It took me a ridiculous amount of time to figure out how to set up a group chat in discord (or even that such a thing was possible) so I did a lot of scurrying back and forth between chats with my fellow authors repeating their words to one another. I have no idea what they made of this XD.

This was also when I set up a dedicated google account for fanfic, since my personal account mixed my online name with my offline name a little too freely. It’s come in handy since then to have a separate space where I keep my writing, both for sharing and for keeping things in boxes (I do find it satisfying to have things in their boxes).

Writing Obedient unlocked a great deal for me, both in terms of technical skill and in terms of confidence. After this I definitely felt ready to explore more nsfw territory. Achievement: degenerate pornographer