#which again... ik is wrong
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I forgot if I posted this here but hehe
#this took insanely long only bc the program was free and would disconnect after only a few minutes#which would make me set the whole thing up again since it was strapped together with washi tape#also yes ik that's the wrong robo ky but idc bc funey jaw drop#robo ky#robo ky guilty gear#guilty gear#ggxrd
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#ran out of tags LOLLLL#and then .at least on fords end . be able to witness the moment of collapse . in which all his ‘righteous’ feelings r sucked out like a#vacuum or some star collapsing on itself bc not only is he like . having to come to terms w his own flaws#and the insidious like . stomach churning guilt associated w that but also the panic and fear (realized#w the portal or bills deception) into looking outwards and having that silent ‘oh’ moment where its like yeah#thats why he left . why wouldnt he#GRAAAAA LIKE I WANT DESTRUCTIONNN I WANT THINGS 2 FALL DOWN SO HE CAN FINALLY REBUILDDD#let me innn😭😭😭😭💥let me in to the self reflection those thirty years😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥#who did you meet that reminded you of himm😭😭😭who wronged u in similar ways who gave u a reason to be betterrr whoo what did you see#and when you finally came back what did u FEEEL .. and dont lie and say there wasnt that wisp of nostalgia laced arnd ur heart#girl…..talk to me focus on me u know me u know these things#stanford pines#gravity falls#sry for taggingn these i need it for my own blog i prmmy i need to reference this . i will#ok im back bc i read fords end snd i want to rip my hair out bc fiddleford has such good ‘collapse’ imagery too#like we liteally got the soc of the blind eye videos . HIS DOCUMENTSRYYY#oohhhits rly over for us (me) now (and stanford and fiddleford.and stanley bc i feel bad excluding him💔)#only talking ab ford bc i need a reason to connect it to stan bc im sick in tbe brain and i need the familial conflict aspect too#but fidds .. ur misery does not go unnoticed by me ‼️#anyways. ik i said idc if they didnt get back together but the beauty of multiplicity is also liking the idea#HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHlike whenb im over the conflict im like dude they went through so much tgether it must be nice to find urself in the#familiarity again. uugughh.AUUUH./
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feeling unwell about solavellan
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dai#dragon age solas#solavellan#inquisitor lavellan#like ik its different for everybody right#but god#im thinkin about them real hard rn#aila being angry for so long#that by datv its almost the only thing they feel consistently#and the dragons blood doesnt help#and theyre SO SURE that when they see solas again theyll kill him#bc thats what they wanted#but then everything goes to shit#idk#i think some of that murderous rage stays#bc theyve always had it#their entire life got upturned and destroyed bc they were at the wrong place at the wrong time#and for the most part they wield that anger at their foes#but then tresspasser happens and it just comes crashing down on them#they never wanted this responsibility. and solas says hes going to tear down the veil#which will effectively destroy the world- even if thats a good thing#and they dont give up. they give in to that bubbling anger#and even if they dont want to. they know theyll kill solas. they have to.#then veilguard. they cant kill solas. not now. and deep down they wonder if they wouldve to begin with#anyway. im really normal about aila. they use they/she btw.#is it obvious that theyre a reaver warrior lmao
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one helluva boss
#i was wondering why his horns were so massive and then i tried drawing him and his head looks empty without them#the baldness level exponentially increases without the horns#even if you give him hair#literally just me messing around with the design#drawing cartoony is fun i should do that more often#i get so fixated on trying to make my art look good that i forget that im supposed to be enjoying it#i kept forgetting abt the scar and was just like why does his face look so Wrong#and then i was like oh yeah his Trauma#which is Burned Into His Face#i love his design but his outfit is so goofy that i can't take it seriously#ik ik clown theme used to work in a circus etc etc#it still looks silly to me#i know you have trauma dude but can you manifest it in a way that does not look like you have pom poms stuck to your clothes#helluva boss blitz#blitzø#blitzo buckzo#helluva boss#blitzo#blitz#blitz fanart#blitzo fanart#helluva boss fanart#redesign#helluva boss redesign#vivziepop#hellaverse#this looks insane#look im terrified that i will never find this stuff on my blog ever again#im tagging everything i can think of for my peace of mind
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.
it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.
but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.
people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored
#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works#is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement#and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About#like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow?#however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in#the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script#is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say#if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script#it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script#eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that#most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly#or see again: prepare contingencies#if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this#version of events much better?#and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc#but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong#sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that#plagiarism#james somerton
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I finished AWAN! It was fun. Turned Scratch to dust while a hawk screeched in the distance (it really was alans 😤✨🦅American 🇺🇸🦅💫 nightmare), then kissed my wife… in Night Springs. I think I enjoyed it more with the knowledge of what happens in Alan Wake 2. Makes everything more of Alan’s fantasy/failure while he’s still stuck in the spiral.
#also alans terrible history at writing women#alan wakes american nightmare#lots of Alice and Barry which was nice.#some parts were hard to watch. in the cringing sense. but it was very fun for some of it#they didn’t even give a reason for old gods to be playing. went ‘fuck it’ and just played it during random segments#ik this game is canon (said by Sam Lake) so I wonder if some of these characters or the festival will appear again#more than just a shirt or neon sign in aw2#another thing this game confirmed is that the more confident alan is#the more likely he is both wrong and being an asshole#at least up until his revelation in aw2 (where he spends his time mostly confused)#anyways. fun game!
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i keep constructing elaborate political speeches in my mind. as if somehow if i could just talk to pvv-voters compellingly enough, explain to all of em why this is moronic on every level, they'd all suddenly find out that they're actually leftists at heart who just heard a few facts wrong
#as if the racism is an accident instead of the driving force#i spent too long looking at twitter replies and there are a lot of people who voted for wilders so obviously a lot of different types too#theres the naive ones who genuinely seem to regard politics as kind of a game thats being played to the sidelines#you cheer for your team but it doesn't ACTUALLY have an effect on reality. So stop complaining! cheer up!#theres the dumb ones who 'just wanted something different' and who thought 'well the Left screwed things up'#- weve had a centrist/right government for over a decade -#'so lets try the right ¯\_(ツ)_/¯'#and then theres just the unapologetically islamophobic who DEFINITELY are NOT racist~#they júst want all brown people to go back to 'their own' country#and if you call thát racist! well then! you are protecting the fundamental rights of muslims right to religion so obviously you also suppor#extremist governments in the middle east! and those are also discriminatory! which somehow makes the pvv nót discriminatory even though#they're drawing a direct comparison between themselves and these extremist governments! so there!#... anyways#very very very minor point but this also once again strengthens my resolve to not reblog or dive into every terrible news story from#usamerican politics despite how guilt-trippy posts about them get;#cause the only people on tumblr ive seen reblog aaanything at all about these results are dutch themselves#ik its not like we have a similar influence to the entire usa at all. but neither does random kentucky county elected official number 9 and#i still hear about them all the time#it makes sense for the circles im in dont get me wrong. just annoying.#joos yaps#delete later
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welp . due to "unforeseen" circumstances, imma have to leave my toxic ass household :D
#like lolllll who is surprised#i just didn't think i'd potentially have lesser of a relationship w my sibling bc of it#but it is what it is#idk what it is about male-centered women standing behind their man when they're manipulative violent assholes#but again - how can i really blame a victim like i get it ig ur in a hostage situation yourself babe#anyways. idk where my dad got this bat from but i got it in my room just in case someone wants to put their hands on me again#mind you - my situation is literally so easily solvable but bc these ppl are stubborn ...#like. the entitlement is crazy idk#like u want me to be down in the basement with YOUR kids that u neglect and don't even watch#and get mad when i set ground rules for them to follow? which is cleaning up after themselves???? oh brother#like you would think you'd wanna be down here to monitor ur kids but nooooo#they literally want the room upstairs and it was *decided* before we moved in (i didnt even have a chance jdksks)#and they want it bc they want to be far away from their own kids as possible.... like yalls actions are shitty.#imagine if i did ts to them where I have kids - I have them near you - and I DO NOTHING to parent them . thats a frustrating situation for#anybody i feel like ??#and before we moved - i DID have the upstairs like woopty doo ig nicer ofc and they were STEADYYYY trying to get me out of that room#(mind you - i have lived there since i was 12/13 and they came wayyy after)#like ... r u kidding me lolololol u want authority so bad over a basement ur not even in anymore#like mind u im not trying to overstep and be their parent ? ik im not . im just their auntie#its just so wilddddd to me they dont see how silly this is?#like maybe im wrong ? but having ur kids stay downstairs when ur upstairs was already off to me. like bffr u want them kids out your face#and u tryna pass them off to me and it's not subtle. but then get mad when i say smth abt behavior OH BROTHERRRRR#but anyways. the straw that broke the camels back was the fact this ngga spit on me. AND then put his hands on me. like omg???#i wanna break his shit so bad w this bat but chile....that is not productive and that is not me#but the rage i have omgggg. i wanna cus its like?? fuck you. ur literally an ABUSERRR idgaf about ur feelings btch.#chatter
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for all that i might compare colleis writing to scara with scara working as a weird sort of mirror world alternate look into collei if she wasnt smited by misogynistic writing decisions. scaras writing is not all that good either
#like his whole thing w rebirth and tying that into sumeru as a whole + paralleling nahida is well done#but if youre to take his quest at face value it think it can very easily and very dangerously come across as going#''well. Killing myself is the answer.'' and then that . not actually being meaningfully refuted#<- which okay arguable. they do take the time to say he was wrong for it. which is. a whole other thing on how genshin handles#suicide/self sacrifice in the first place. but i digress. its just the fact that materially him attempting to erase his existence#..did kind of absolve him from his problems. WHICH. AGAIN. complicated topic. ik its meant to tie in with his rebirth thing but wholesale#divorcing him from his past without any catharsis of punishment or consequence probably isnt the best way to go about it#like i dont think everyone forgetting their memories of him is in of itself bad writing tbh its a very interesting angle#to approach a character who is obviously seeking self punishment but being being denied it at every turn#but we all know genshin is not approaching his character from this angle
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God my language classes annoy me so much. Both are such busy work yknow? I finished all my German assignments when they were due so that's fine, but it got so low effort by the end cause ik he doesn't really read them. But with Russian, I have a lot of unfinished work and I'm kinda tentatively doing it even tho the semester is over 😭😭 she's so lax and disorganized, so I have no idea what her grading will be like. It's like, will she just give me an obligatory 100(as was practice the prev classes) or like should I do these as assurance yknow 😭
#most confusing class ever#at least the german one has strict guidelines and due dates#so im like okay i def have to do this even if im bullshitting it#but russian i have no clue????#sometimes she'd ask us to do somw assignment to bring into class#and then never talk about it again ;;;#i did do the final project which she was very clear abt#so thats fine thats clear#but all these random other recording and quiz assignments#i guess ill do them???? jjst in case???#shes not graded anything and all of the due dates are just. wrong.(ex. some of them literally say 2021)#theres just this guilt and fear eating away at me that she'll randomly decide to be accurate and itll fuck my grade#theres just absolutely no way to predict what shes gonna do and when shes gonna do it#its scary 😭#well anwyays#i got my grades back for my actually enjoyable classes#and the little note from my one professer was so sweet 😭#she siad basically: keep in contact! ik youll do great things#and i think i got like an 100 in the clas???? im confused abt it but ill take it 😭#<- not that i did badly but the way she explained the grading was a bit confusing to me ig#catie.rambling.txt
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watched tbosas today. needless to say i am obsessed with the red uniform skirt and they should have been wearing those the whole movie. thank you.
#tbosas#much more to say about this movie but thats it for now#actually no lets TALK#they literally changed how the games end which is fine but like how is no one noticing#also um clemensia dropped in got bit and thats it?? bye bye? have fun?#also this annoying bitch in my grade said she hates sejanus in the movie but loves him in the book um please get his name out of your mouth#if you're gonna be speaking filth about my son#ugh#anyways um rachel ate#love how the movie can tell the whole story tho i *am* conflicted about my feelings on how fast paced it was#and then again not seeing his inner monologue is a problem but like it's a movie so idk#also ofc the vibe is different between parts 1 and 2 and part 3 idk why people dont like it i think its cool and like thats the point to se#his evolution#sejanus' death was horrible like i'm sorry the mockingjays reproducing his last cries for help are just.#anyhoo#i will not shut up ok let's keep going#ik that like ppl are simping for tom blyth and as u should tbh same but you COULD NOT CHANGE HIM OR FIX HIM IK ITS A JOKE BUT IT BOTHERS ME#SO MUCH#like ik it's being silly and goofy but it just rubs me the wrong way cause like its not true#also Tigris and Snow's story is so fucking sad kms#also TF WAS THAT MOMENT IN THE ARENA WHERE SEJANUS ALMOST KISSED CORYO WE ALL SAW IT OK#sejanus is not straight at all lmao he spent the whole movie batting eyelashes at coryo but ALSO i love the angst of the marcus x sejanus i#idea i made up#also coriolanus is so fucking goofy like bitch pls “mY oLd SeLf. I kIlLeD hIm To Be WiTh YoU” bestie sit down#ok rant over#yelenaposts#sejanus plinth
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still though actually what the fuck
#the more i think about it the more confused i am#'5sos inspires me to think and create' especially in terms of forensic psychology of world politics when they are Wrong#so in other words i've had a new idea and think i can save the world again. regular tuesday occurrence#it's a chain of bullies or something and all of us are dysregulated watching it and making intellectual mistakes as a result#every day i say i'm gonna reform christianity and it's gonna fix it all#two sides. you mean the people being oppressed by the people who are oppressing them who are also being oppressed by others#i'm always gonna target the top bully you know me. very pop punk#but fuck it's not two sides it never was who wrote that#the romans said gladiator fights were two sides when really. they should just not arrest them and make them kill each other.#which is exactly what israel vs palestine is. church history is proper haunting me. worse than riverstage does#also guys interact with my red line parody please. i need your help to actually record that. if you even care (ofc you do ik)#if you've read til the end of this ily
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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I kind of just want to drop out of college and crochet and write books and
#get married (i don't have a boyfriend)#and have kids (i am not in a relationship or stable enough for a family)#i kinda wanna sell crochet stuff but it takes me like a month to make any and everything#plus i suck at reading and understanding patterns#and all ik is single crochet and double crochet and even then i think i do them wrong as well#Tunisian stitch is fun but i don't have a hook long enough and it hurts my hand#idk if it was just my sinuses and lack of sleep but ive felt so bad all day#and my back hurts cause i sit like a shrimp and don't know how to stand i guess#im so tired. genuinely.#and my mouth is fucked up again with sores because of stress and biting at my own lips#and its so lonely being in college#which is kinda funny cause i have more people i would actually consider as friends than ever#but i kinda just feel like im *there*#and i have a million projects to do but i played fortnite with my sis and her husband and my brother instead#and my dad taught my sis and i to play solitaire#and then i beat them both at black jack (it was actually a tie of how many matches i won but shhh)#and i know im blessed that im basically getting paid to go to college by my college but#it just doesn't feel right. like it feels isolating and lonely#and i have gone to some events btw they are not that great
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hate how my brain works. why am I condemned to feeling like shit until my hair gets longer
#feel stupid for continuing to complain about a haircut i got but in my defense the hairdresser fucked it up#joyousposting#negative#gonna dye it again (black) tomorrow i think and hope that helps at all#which ik will probably make it grow slower but listennn. i gotta try something#maybe i shouldn't idk. hair this short just makes me dysphoric ):#ok sorry related topic ive been thinking about. people dont really talk about how gender dysphoria can be more than just#looking like a gender. i look more like a man than before rn but im more dysphoric because i look like The Wrong Kind of man
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