#which I’m really dreading | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mostllynature · 2 years ago

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#I did it #I told my parents that I’m getting a colonoscopy #I was so so anxious for it #it’s stupid #I just don’t want to go into the reasons I need one as it means talking about times in my life where I was pain and had eating issues #also my parents reacted so weird about me being on iron tablets #I haven’t even told them that I’m on long term meds for migraines #even tho my mum will sometimes ask me how my headaches are going #my parents took it well tho #and they were really nice about it #my dad had to have a colonoscopy recently and he was explaining how it felt and the process and made me feel supported #<3 #still feel the anxiety in my heart tho #I have been stressed this whole week tho with everything that I’ll be doing on the Chrissy/nye break #I hope my body can handle it #then a week after I get back is when I start prep for the colonoscopy #which I’m really dreading #missing my bf #want support and companionship and someone to talk to #the main reason I’m getting the colonoscopy is due to the gut pain I get from going back to eating after missing a few meals #and like my whole diet is going to have to change for that week #and I’m gonna have to stop the iron tablets #I can see my digestive system getting very upset and painful from the changes #I’m dreading it so much #idk why I’m doing it #I guess to see if I have something that can be treated #so then I don’t have to go through pain and get so upset about food and eating #my dad and brother seem to have similar issues #so it’s something #I seem to be more affected/more sensitive then they are

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wisecrackingeric-2 · 12 days ago

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I am so so sorry for very quickly venting on here I’ll keep all my rambles in the tags HFNEJDJDJ but my birthdays in exactly a week and m a n I am S O anxious about it aoaoaughhh

#like I’ve always really really loved birthdays!! but this year SO much has happened that I can’t really talk about on here and now I’m not #sure where I’m gonna be for my birthday/ if I’m gonna have a proper house/ if I’m even gonna have anyone to celebrate it with etc etc #and what EXTRA sucks is that it’s one of those really big milestone birthdays so I’m just sitting here dreading the inevitable #I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I definitely sound very privileged complaining about a BIRTHDAY CHEBDHENDHDJ #but still it’s been weighing me down ARGH!!!!!!#I don’t think either of my parents are gonna be here for my birthday either which sucks yeah!!!! but I’m mainly focused on figuring out #where I’m gonna be living so I’m not homeless 2 electric boogaloo BQNWHDNDJSKSKS #I’ll figure out a way to make it a nice day somehow I’m sure!!!!! I just needed to get this out of my system BCBDBDJDJSJS

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secondhand-lions · 2 months ago

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captain wifeguy of the I LOVE MY WIFE!!

id in alt

do NOT examine the proportions of the first one please. i can only do so much to make Dr. Robotnik’s egg body fit The Captain

[edit: post cancelled because there HAS to be a way to keep even a little bit more image quality holy SHIT]

[edit 2: post uncancelled this is the best i can do apparently]

#the caprtain (oc)#the dread not (boat)#my art #fo4 oc #i WILL get better at digital art #i can see improvements just between these two pieces which feels really nice!!#AND the second one went a little quicker despite being more elaborate #praying tumblr doesn’t eat the quality of these #also figured out some tricks to streamlining this process which is also really nice!!#figured out that doing coloured lines FIRST and then filling it in on a DIFFERENT LAYER below that is just so astronomically easier than #doing it all on one layer #which is what i’m used too because. yknow. traditional art #anyway! enjoy!

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duckiemimi · 9 months ago

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it’s bpd

#puts a lot into perspective i think #cost me a lot too especially my last major split #i’m doing cbt but my parents really want to try hypnotherapy so we’ll see (my poor bank acc…)#lots of things i wish didnt happen but for some reason i’m mostly bummed bc all my writing is just depressing #which is fine! but (and maybe this is my tendency to be harsh on myself) a bit corny even by my standards #i’m glad we had the bipolar misdiagnosis straightened out bc i dread going back on lithium (though at one point i thought it helped)#(i mean despite the way bpd is treated online i guess)#thank u all so much for ur kind messages and comments!!! i’ll never run out of gratitude #but i’m sorry if i don’t respond to everyone!#i’ll pop up once in a while (?) and i’ll make sure it’s good i hope that’s okay!

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kohakhearts · 7 months ago

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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh

#taylor.txt #im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything #i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation #and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school #like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling #like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk #it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah #tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh #when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students #noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh

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takamoris · 4 months ago

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Stealing this image from twitter and bringing it over here, because holy shit, some of the clowns I have been seeing talk about the game lately.

#Novice Network is a toxic waste pit right now #filled to the brim with returners who think they’re hot shit talking about ‘If Square really thought a cutscene was important they would hav #e put voice acting in it’ and other shit like that #‘I just skip all non voiced because the voiced cutscenes recap all that boring shit anyway”’#no they don’t???#Is THIS what a new Expac brings out?#because it’s genuinely dreadful #do you even enjoy the game at that point? Complain about fetch quests complain about the dialogue complain about the writing quality #why not just go play a game you like???#It’s getting to the point where I just have my chat log closed most of the time #not leaving NN because it WAS really nice during the post-Endwalker patch cycle #when mostly only people who actually liked the game (????) were still playing.#but the amount of toxic attitude returners I’ve seen in there lately is disheartening.#I hope it’ll come back down in the following weeks #once they’ve burnt through Dawntrail and decided the game doesn’t have anything for them #and they’ve sufficiently wasted their time #instead of just… taking it slow and taking in the world and the sights and the story……..#I’ve heard that Dawntrail is basically ARR 2. Which. big if true.#Because we could use that.#A return to form #with the new systems and developments in the game #bringing the story back down a little bit and reining it in #I am VERY excited to get there some day.#but I know that these people I’m bitching and moaning about aren’t thrilled #(honestly that just makes me like it more)#Anyway #point is #if you’re playing a game why the hell aren’t you engaging with said game?#What’s the point of skipping to the end as fast as possible only to get annoyed when there’s no more content?#This is exactly the problem that I’ve heard ex-WoW players complain about with regards to their player base

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munsons-mutiny · 2 years ago

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I’m sorry critters I have a confession:

I just don’t like Fearne and Ashton together romantically. I don’t like it.

Personally I love wild child aromantic Fearne who beds who she wants, flirts with everything, and is basically a loose canon.

And I think Ashton needs someone whose soft with them. They still need to have a desire for adventure and getting into trouble, but I really think he’d do so well with someone a little more grounding!! Which is just not Fearne, who doesn’t always think of others when she’s making decisions (this isn’t a bad thing, I fucking love this about Fearne)!!!

And don’t think I don’t love their dynamic, their friendship is so cute!!! The stealing game, and even the forehead kiss was adorable and I love to see them together. But I just,,,,,,, don’t like it romantically.

#really just wanted to put this somewhere #I’m not usually fully against a ship even if it’s not one of mine #I’m a multi shipper gdi #also ship wars are stupid #as is most in fandom fighting about ships #and this is not hate towards anyone who does ship it or either character!!!#i just don’t ship it god damn it #and a niggling thread of dread is telling me #their end game #which makes me sad #critical role #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #belles hells

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starbuck · 6 months ago

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this morning i was just living life as usual and now i have applied for one of my dream (seasonal) jobs and have mountain goats tickets so like. :))

#GOOD DAY!!!!!!!#work was also really fun - had some great conversations with my coworkers and got a lot of things in order #expect to accomplish a LOT tomorrow too!#and lots of social engagements #when will schoolwork get done? unclear.#but it WILL get done #and all will be well #pleased with myself for being SUCH a freak that i managed to apply before the job was advertised ANYWHERE #i caught it just a few hours after it was posted #i wanted to catch it almost immediately #but it’s probably best that i didn’t… i think it all worked out for the best #and VERY pleased about tmg tickets :))#nice of them to wait until i’ll be JUST recovered enough to go to come within reasonable driving distance #BUT before i start this new job (IF i get it) which would make me unavailable on weekends #perfect timing!!#anyway - all i need now is an interview date for this job and i’m SET #i’m still a little nervous but RELIEVED nervous instead of dread #which is MUCH preferred

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saturdaymournings · 1 year ago

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ohoho boy tomorrow is gonna be so bad but yanno what I’m gonna be a brave little guy and I’m gonna treat myself to back to back bath days so it’s all gonna be good in the end. Today was so bad today was fucking dreadful but there will be a way !!!!! I have to remember the small joys I have to stay strong

#I hate driving lessons. I’m sick of pretending that I don’t dread them every week. The guy who teaches me can tell and it pisses him off but #I HAVE to learn to drive I just have to and I WANT to be able to drive I just don’t wanna have to do it.#Plus idk what I’m gonna do bc it snowed today and if it’s still snowy out where I drive it’s gonna be cold asf and I’m gonna hate it !!!!#It’ll be fucking SCARY I’m already scared driving normally #And then I have psychology which isn’t even bad but I had a really bad consolidation task and ever since I haven’t been able to delete that #Connotation between the two in my brain.#I’m gonna create plans tho im gonna decide what im wearing for the next three days and a couple fun things that are going into my schedule #So I can look forward without worrying about offsetting the routine which is what ruined today (fuck snow)#I’m gonna try and read more and spend less money!!!!#Now I’m happy because I’ve got a bit of chill time tonight and then Friday’s horrors will fly pass effortlessly I’m sure and then before I #Know it it’ll be Saturday and the worries will be gone especially as now I know work bestie hasn’t like. Died (work bestie was like really #bad sick last week)

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e77y · 3 months ago

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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness

#vent #<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill #but also :( sad #I miss my family and friends at home #I haven’t really talked to my roommates #including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days #and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot #I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed #but the main thing is #I FEEL LIKE A BABY #my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless #I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine #and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can #but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything #I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff #so we are not completely doomed lol #also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries #and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly #bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money #so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point #I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two #and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver

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sodacowboy · 7 days ago

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so. the dolls of my original characters. for now I’m only planning for Sol and Lazul and I’ve run into the problem of wanting them to have outfits that fit with their respective home planet’s fashions and also wanting them to match.

#and I’m kinda attached to the outfits I’ve already designed them.#so my choices are such;#cave and scrap one of the outfits #cave and accept they won’t be matching #or make them two outfits each #…#I don’t like my choices lmao #and as much as my excited adhd brain would LOVE to make two outfits for them #my rational brain who knows where that type of thing leads #Knows Better Than That #and so I’ll probably cave and scrap an outfit #even though I really really like the one I’d be scrapping :(#because seeing as these two characters are like literally married at one point #I’d rather prioritize matching over planetary style rep #anyway #experiencing the adhd symptoms #while knowing they’re the adhd symptoms #oof.#and I mean that lightly bc like??? I feel happy???#I don’t feel that existential dread and nothingness that I was feeling #I feel like I have energy again???#but also my thoughts are slippery (if they aren’t about these dolls)#and I am more impatient than I usually am #which. not a great thing. I’ve never really gotten a hang on patience.#but also???? im fucking hungry again???? I want to make food??????#love that for me!!!#oh and also the yapping is on full blast now too #in case the uptick in posts didn’t clue you in #or the increased tag commentary #so y’know. overall having a good time so far. we’ll see how that changes as time progresses!!

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sailforvalinor · 10 months ago

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…well, turns out changing to a Jo pfp is fitting in more ways than one.

#yeah turns out I’m going to be having a Jo and Laurie on the Hill moment. hopefully not to such a dramatic degree but #I went out with The Boy yesterday and I was dreading it so much #and it was fine but then at the end he asked if we could make it official that we were dating #and I asked him to give me a little bit of time to think (which he was super sweet about he did literally nothing wrong)#but yeah I just came to the conclusion within ten seconds of leaving the restaurant that it wasn’t going to work. like I felt nothing when #he asked me that question. and I wanted this to work so bad! it makes so much sense on paper but I’m just not feeling it #and I talked to my dad about it and he said that because the part of the brain that processes emotions is not connected to the part that #processes language aren’t connected that people who are married struggle to put into words why they married their spouse #so if I can’t put into words why I don’t want to date this guy it’s perfectly valid #and I suppose he’s right I just feel terrible about it. like how often do you find a guy this courteous and genuinely good? and like I #think maybe part of what’s bothering me was that there was almost no romance to this. like never at any point did he tell me that he even #liked me. it was just ‘hey we’ve hung out a few times now should we say we’re dating?’ and I’m not trying to rag on him he’s probably just #shy but it rang a little like a business proposition to me #but ugh. now I have to call (because I’m not going to do it over text) and break this poor boy’s heart #it’s a really good thing I have the play and my novel to distract me otherwise I’d be a mess #anyway prayers would be appreciated

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coffin-hopping · 4 months ago

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saw a post one time that was like “block a g1rlbl0gger today so you don’t have to block a racist/transphobe/t3rf later” and I had no idea what that meant at first

holy fuck i think I’m starting to understand now

#this is genuinely one of the most dreadful examples of white fragility that I have ever seen #obviously not all “g1rl bl0ggers” are like this #most of them (from what I’ve seen) are honestly just mentally ill and have good taste in movies which is relatable #but the sheer amount of r-dfems in that space is really fucking scary #and they hide behind phrases like “just a girl”#ALSO‼️‼️‼️ I’m censoring these terms so this post is harder for that crowd to find. I don’t censor myself but that’s different today #idk I’m trans and brown and believe they’d have no problem tearing my Mexican ass up #white fragility is making the biggest comeback of its life rn and it’s crazy how I see none of y’all talking about it #racism #transphobia #rays.forked.tongue

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iamthemaestro · 2 months ago

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I need to remember I don’t miss studying solo rep I just miss being able to play it

#there’s a reason I don’t take instrumental lessons anymore and it’s because I burned out hard on it #and I just know I would do the same now because I don’t have it in me to dedicate an hour+ of practice a day to it without inevitably #dreading it. but sometimes I do miss being able to play dvorak and lalo etc etc #and it’s not like I can’t play it now I have the skills but I haven’t honed them in years #which kind of makes me sad. but I don’t really have the time or internal motivation to get back to that point #it took me a long time to accept that I am simply not as good of a cellist as I am a composer #and I have friends like that but I also have friends who are. not like that. so it’s still hard #and now I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to burn out on that too because it has never been so hard for me #and of course from there I am wondering if I will ever be good at anything creatively without burning out on it or whether music #specifically was designed to make me suffer specifically because I love it so much #anyway.#mine

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camgoloud · 11 months ago

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who else up feeling the soul-numbing empty hopelessness for absolutely no reason this friday night

#literally nothing bad even happened to me personally today cannot emphasize this enough #i just read one too many of the Wrong wikipedia articles during the period after the sun went down at fucking 4 pm or whatever and then #my brain just decided it was time to replay the biggest hits of the great 2020-2022 depressive episode for fun i guess #and now i’m having. a series of moments. over a series of ridiculous things #again not even specific things that have actually happened to me just the whole vague existential dread deal i guess #truly i haven’t felt this shitty without some kind of direct cause for a year and half at this point #which is having the semi-beneficial side effect of reminding me to appreciate just how good my mental health has been recently #like. remember how i used to just feel like this all the time for. actually most of my life Until a year and a half ago? damn that’s crazy #i hope i snap out of this lmao i really cannot deal with walking into the holidays as a hollow shell of a person #but i think i’ll be fine tomorrow actually pretty sure i’m just kind of sleep deprived after this week #caseyposting