#dreading it. but sometimes I do miss being able to play dvorak and lalo etc etc
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I need to remember I don’t miss studying solo rep I just miss being able to play it
#there’s a reason I don’t take instrumental lessons anymore and it’s because I burned out hard on it#and I just know I would do the same now because I don’t have it in me to dedicate an hour+ of practice a day to it without inevitably#dreading it. but sometimes I do miss being able to play dvorak and lalo etc etc#and it’s not like I can’t play it now I have the skills but I haven’t honed them in years#which kind of makes me sad. but I don’t really have the time or internal motivation to get back to that point#it took me a long time to accept that I am simply not as good of a cellist as I am a composer#and I have friends like that but I also have friends who are. not like that. so it’s still hard#and now I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to burn out on that too because it has never been so hard for me#and of course from there I am wondering if I will ever be good at anything creatively without burning out on it or whether music#specifically was designed to make me suffer specifically because I love it so much#anyway.#mine
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