#Connotation between the two in my brain.

[saturdaymournings]

ohoho boy tomorrow is gonna be so bad but yanno what I’m gonna be a brave little guy and I’m gonna treat myself to back to back bath days so it’s all gonna be good in the end. Today was so bad today was fucking dreadful but there will be a way !!!!! I have to remember the small joys I have to stay strong

[royboyfanpage]

Okay, let's talk about Ollie's experience with fatherhood.

I'm an Oliver Queen apologist forever, but I think that there's a tendency in fandom to go one of two ways- "absolutely perfect dad, no flaws whatsoever" or "evil abuser who shouldn't be within six miles of a child". This isn't an Ollie exclusive phenomenon, a lot of characters and topics do fall into that black-and-white mindset. But the thing is- Ollie doesn't have to be either extreme. Particularly with Roy, who most of the debate centres around, Ollie wasn't perfect! I think there's such a rich discussion point in terms of young Roy's relationship with Ollie, so much more than just That Panel. Because, in my interpretation, Ollie absolutely cared about him, absolutely saw him as a son, but also the idea of being a father is something that deeply terrified him. The idea that this literal child being dependent on him made it feel more real, if that makes sense. Coming to terms with the fact that he was responsible for another person's life was difficult for him, and so he put up this wall- hero and sidekick. A conceptual dynamic, one that's not based in reality. He can keep that distance between himself and Roy and decide what that means, he doesn't have to be a father because that word has so many strong connotations, but he can still express that he cares about Roy, in his own way. That's why he always calls Roy 'Speedy' even out of costume, that's why his first thought is that Roy's undercover in Snowbirds. He can focus on being a good mentor to Speedy, which will have a trickle-down effect to being a good guardian to Roy, right?

Unfortunately, kids' brains don't work like that! Especially not a kid who's already lost two fathers. Roy needed a stability in his teenage years that Ollie just wasn't able to give at that time. He didn't see "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy because he loves me and doesn't know how to show it", he saw "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy, which means I'm only good as Speedy". This, at least in my opinion, is a major factor in Roy’s later self-esteem issues. Roy’s constantly underestimating himself as a hero, constantly comparing himself to Dick, and pushing himself 24/7 to improve because he internalised the idea that if he’s good, if he’s the perfect hero, then he’ll be loveable. He can’t be bad, he can’t fail, he can’t back down because if he does, he’s nothing.

It’s absolutely not Roy’s fault, but also this doesn’t mean that Ollie’s an evil neglecting abuser, either. Even the best parents fuck up, and Ollie was by no means the best parent. He took in Roy as a sidekick, as a buddy, and then never really found a way to combine the ideas of sidekick and son. He assumed that Roy would be able to interpret meanings behind gestures, which is something that Roy seems to struggle with even into adulthood. I’ve talked about it a fair bit, Roy’s absolutely someone who relies on the explicit, but he’s also not someone who’ll ask for clarification, which has caused conflict in his relationships time and time again. And while it's something he has gotten better at as he's gotten older, a 12-18 year old Roy would absolutely not be able to read Ollie's motives.

And Ollie's fear of fatherhood isn't something exclusive to Roy, either. Sure, he'd gotten better at it by the time Connor and Mia entered the picture (speaking as an oldest child myself, we are the guinea pigs of parenting, I was my mum's sibling), he absolutely still expresses this with them. I mean, just look at his face when he finds out Connor's his son.

That's the face of a man who's just had the crushing weight of parenthood slammed down onto him again, the moment Connor stopped being an ally and started being his responsibility. He's scared, because Ollie absolutely does not see himself as a good father for someone to have. This was very much present during Roy's teenage years, but particularly since this is post-Snowbirds. Both in terms of Roy developing a drug addiction and in terms of Ollie's own initial reaction to it, he immediately spirals. And, since we've already established he does not know how to process things, he lashes out at Connor.

And as for Mia, he's definitely matured significantly by the time she comes into the picture, and compared to with Roy he's a lot more open with his feelings. However!

He still won't explicitly accept the responsibility of fatherhood! Despite acting like a father to Mia in every way through his actions, he still won't use his words! Even though in the issue following, he expresses a paternal protectiveness over her.

And I think Mia's HIV diagnosis is maybe one of the biggest examples of his distancing himself and hiding his feelings, particularly when Connor asks him how he's feeling about it.

He's so fine, so totally fine, trust him when he says he's fine, totally not freaking out. He's absolutely not terrified for his not-daughter, no way.

Ollie has this fear that if he gets too attached to his kids, he's gonna end up failing them. If he keeps a distance from them, then he can't blame himself when they get hurt. Is this good parenting? No! Absolutely not! But this is also the man who dresses up as Robin Hood and who chose to die rather than lose his arm. This is not a healthy man.

But he tries, he tries so hard, even if it's in his own way. And he recognises when he fucks up! And he tries his best to mend it later on!

He's not the best at showing his kids that he loves them, but he's so proud of Roy when he becomes Red Arrow. He comes back to life to save Connor. He stands by Mia's side when she gets diagnosed and becomes Speedy. He's not a great dad, but goddamnit he's trying to be.

In conclusion, no, Ollie is not the perfect father. He's deeply flawed, and his own emotional incompetency has been and always will be a point of conflict between him and his kids. But he's not some uncaring abuser, either. He's trying.

[toiletclown]

breathless. (part two.)

spencer agnew x gn!reader

mostly fluff, a little angst.

summary: to 'train' for an upcoming guitar hero stream, you head to spencer's for the first time in weeks. the tension is thick, and you have to call your best friend, angela, for some input. your feelings were growing to lengths you weren't sure you could handle -- but what other choice do you have?

word count: 2251

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

It was not fine. The AC in Spencer’s apartment had broken sometime between him going into the office and him coming back home. He sent you a text to let you know, and even offered to bring all his stuff to yours if that was easier, but you knew how many cords and controllers that entailed and told him it was fine, you’d just wear something you’d be comfortable in.

However, you were not prepared for just how warm his apartment was. You came over in a cropped baby tee and some comfy shorts, but you had worn a very thin cardigan over the shirt, hoping it would be thin enough you could keep it on. But alas, the world was constantly against you, and about fifteen minutes into your visit you knew you had to shed the layer. The windows were open but there was no breeze, and the standing fan and ceiling fan were working overtime. 

So here you were, standing in Spencer’s living room, attempting to hide your Guitar Hero skills while also trying to hide your discomfort. Honestly, you weren’t even sure why you were uncomfortable. It’s Spencer. He’s seen you in worse. At least this outfit is cute, right? When you finally pulled yourself out of your thoughts, you realized you were beating Spencer in 1v1 by a country mile. What the hell was he doing? You knew he was good at this game, and despite you purposefully missing every few notes and hitting the whammy bar much too late, he was still way, way behind.

You paused the game and turned to look at him. You had been standing in front of the couch, since it was a little harder to play the guitar when sitting down. He, however, was sitting on the couch in gym shorts he had no right to be wearing (They were so short that if he moved one inch the wrong way there would be a problem. Why did he pick such slutty little shorts??) and a Zelda triforce logo tank top. His arms were on full display, along with his gorgeous legs, and you had to admit your words got caught in your throat when you saw him. You hadn’t really looked at him with much precision when you arrived because you were more focused on how warm the apartment was, but now, seeing him with his leg balanced on his knee and the guitar lazily draped in his lap, you were borderline salivating.

“You okay, Peach?” He always called you that, since you had a penchant for snacking on peaches and preferred to play as Princess Peach whenever the two of you played Mario Party or Mario Kart. He never let it slip at work, but a part of you wanted him to. Just to see how someone else would react to it. Would they hear it as a platonic, long-term-friendship type of nickname, or would they pick up on a subtle romantic vibe beneath that? Was it crazy to want that romantic connotation? 

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay. Are you, though? I’m not very good at this and I’m still beating your ass. You good over there?” You willed your blush away at his nickname for you, knowing he, realistically, didn’t have any romantic implications behind it. You knew why he called you that, and it made sense. Let’s not think too hard on it, okay? No need to make a romantic mountain out of a friend-shaped mole hill.

Spencer sighed, opening and closing his mouth a few times before finding his words. “Yeah, sorry. The heat is kind of making my brain blank out, I guess.” He stood, pulling the string on his ceiling fan to move it from medium to high speed. You were silently wondering why it wasn’t already on high, but chose not to question him. You also knew he was lying. You’ve been friends with Spencer (on top of having severe unrequited feelings for him) for far too long, and you knew him better than he knew himself. You knew all of his tells, and currently, he was avoiding eye contact and picking at his right thumb, which he always did when he was nervous and/or lying.

You sat down next to him, still leaving some space due to the heat. You were both quite physically affectionate with one another, but lately you had both pulled back in that regard, though neither of you wanted to say anything about it. While he had basically stopped being touchy-feely altogether, you still attempted that contact sometimes. He didn’t react the way he used to.

“Spence, honey, I’ve known you far too long for you to lie to my face. What’s going on?” You voiced your concern with a gentle hand on his thigh, close enough to his knee that it didn’t come across wrong, but also far enough away from his knee that you felt a whoosh in your stomach. It was too late to move it now without him calling you on it, though, so you left it there.

He took a deep breath, seemingly gearing up for a word vomit. But instead he shook his head. “Sorry, I’m just dealing with some… personal stuff, I guess, and I was lost in my head. We can get back to it, I’m sorry, Y/N.” He patted your hand with his, before moving to grab the guitar again and start the game back up. You pulled your hand away, burning, and decided you needed to leave. 

“Oh, it’s… it’s okay. I’ll head out, leave you to your thoughts. You can always text me if you need me, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow?” You stood to start gathering your stuff, and you felt Spencer’s eyes on your back as you bent over to pet one of his cats. The cropped tee was definitely showing off more of you than he had seen before, so it was only natural for him to look. But you wondered what he was thinking, too.

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Sorry again about the AC being broken. Maintenance should be coming by soon,” Spencer supplied, walking with you to the door. “Hopefully I won’t have to sweat to death for much longer.”

You both laughed, and you held your arms out for a hug. Spencer hesitated, before returning the hug and reassuring you that he’ll see you tomorrow. You offered him a goodbye and told him you loved him, like you both did every time you parted. You didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t say it back this time.

//

Angela, please help me. You didn’t know who to talk to about this. Your thoughts had been a bubbling mess for hours at this point, and you couldn’t talk to Spencer, and you weren’t quite ready to talk to Courtney about it. Courtney should be your go-to about this situation, but you weren’t sure how to broach it. Hey, you went from coworkers to friends to lovers. How do I do that? wasn’t exactly the best icebreaker to get into the conversation. Angela had heard you vent many times before, and although you never, ever named Spencer in the conversations, you had no doubt that little Italian gremlin knew you were talking about him. Angela was very intuitive and just because you leave a few details out and refuse to use his name in conversation, that doesn’t mean she can’t pick up on everything else. Especially since Erin was clearly picking up on it. Among others.

What an ominous text to receive at 1am. What’s up babe? 

Holy fuck, was it that late already? You checked the time and sure enough, it was 1:03am. You’d been in your head for far longer than you thought.

Oh fuck I didn’t even realize it was that late lol my bad queen :(( we can hold off till tmr it’s nbd!

NOPE you’re not pulling that shit, ft me rn

You sighed, but it was near impossible to say no to Angela, so you turned your desk lamp on and hit the FaceTime button. You needed to get this out of your system soon anyway, it was starting to eat at you. With other people seeing it clear as day you felt as though you should probably work your feelings out before Spencer realized.

“Hello there my gorgeous best friend, what’s on your mind?” Angela was clearly in bed, face lit only by her phone and the fairy lights she kept strung up around her room. “Is it Spencer?”

Your face went pale at her question, which answered her for you. “Oh, so it is Spencer! Did you ask him out? Did he ask you out? When’s the wedding? Can I sing at the reception? Oh, that might be weird, right? What would I even sing? Oh, I know–”

“Angela.”

“Sorry, go on.”

She let you ramble on for a few minutes, starting from the beginning. When you were hired and instantly bonded with him. When the movie nights turned to movie sleepovers and the game nights turned to game weekends. When he got promoted to cast, then you got promoted, and suddenly your friendship felt different. The first Erin Dougal meme, the second Erin Dougal meme, and finally, whatever the fuck had happened tonight. The way he was distant, but not cold. The way you could feel his eyes on you, and the two times you caught him “lost in his thoughts” as Erin had phrased it. His lack of response when you told him you loved him tonight. That was what hurt the most. He had never left you hanging when you said it, and he said it more often than you did. At lunch, on set, while watching him play Fortnite. You always reassured each other in every aspect of life. And suddenly, it was like that reassurance and friendship was going dormant.

“I just don’t know what I did wrong, I guess? It seems like out of nowhere we lost our friendship and we’re back to being acquaintances, in a way. He’s not as touchy anymore, and he gets weird when I am. He rarely invites me over anymore. I haven’t stayed the night in months. And he didn’t say he loved me before I left tonight. He’s never not said it back. And like, why? What changed? What did I do wrong?” Once your word salad was out and in the open, Angela sat for a minute, thinking on how she wanted to respond.

“Okay, I have a question before we proceed.”

“Ask away.”

“Do you want me to respond as your best friend or as your coworker?”

“Is there a difference?”

“Only slightly.”

“Then as my best friend, please.” You took a breath in, knowing with this selection came some harsh words. If she was responding as your coworker she would be nothing but kind, but with the best friend response you knew she was going to drag you, hard. But at this point, you needed that, didn’t you?

“Y/N, my sunshine, my flower, my angel. He’s pulled back significantly as of late because he thinks that his feelings for you are one-sided.”

“His–”

“Don’t interrupt me, you clown!” 

“Okay!” You laughed along with your friend, knowing that this conversation was going to be hard but it was necessary.

“He sees all these things in a different light because, somewhere in the timeline of your friendship, he got it in his head that you would never reciprocate his feelings. So now, all those things he used to enjoy, almost hurt now. Your touch on his skin is no longer comforting, because he wants more. And he doesn’t think he’s capable of getting that. He’s scared. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also is having trouble coping with the fact that he doesn’t know if he can ‘just be friends’ with you. Spencer might have held his façade quite well for quite some time, but it’s cracking now and he’s scared. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend, but he also doesn’t want to be strictly friends anymore. He wants to love you openly, and he thinks he can’t do that.”

“Jesus, Angela. How do you even know all this?” You were absorbing her words, letting them flow through you. Spencer thinks his romantic feelings for you are one-sided? Spencer has romantic feelings for you? What the hell is going on, man?

“Because three and a half minutes before you texted me, he also texted me. I was basically reading his text out loud, word-for-word. And before you yell at me for breaking his trust, you are my best friend and I am legally obligated to tell you everything, just like you are legally obligated to tell me everything. Even though you seem to think I can’t parse that the guy you’ve been obsessing and gushing over is Spencer despite your obvious phrasing. You're not as slick as you think, babe.”

You sat in silence for a moment, really trying to let everything sink in. Your feelings weren’t one sided. You had a chance with him. He didn't suddenly dislike you, or hate you, or not enjoy your company. It was just harder now. And that, that you understood, quite thoroughly.

“Ang, how do I unfuck this?”

“I already have a plan for you, Peach.”

You groaned, “Okay, that’s not fair!”

“I know, I know. So here’s what you're going to do…”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

taglist: @lokidokieokie (thanks for being my first ever taglister hehe)

[sukunasun]

I hope this ask finds you well! I simply MUST tell you about my latest Nanami fantasy. Feel free to ignore lol

So I've been obsessed with your Professor Nanami thoughts, I've always had little fantasies about him like that, but recently I thought of a combination between your Professor Nanami and the BEAUTIFUL chubby fem reader x Nanami fic you wrote.

I hate to take up your time but I simply must indulge in the thought. I imagine Professor Nanami, tall and awkward, stern and often seen as rude, falling madly infatiated with the new chubby biology professor that has joined his same university. They rarely cross paths, but when they do, he feels like a lovesick fool watching her go across the courtyard swiftly, shifting through documents, barely paying attention to the world around her. He wants to talk to her, woo her, pick at her brain and hear her ramble about her passion for her teaching subject. He wishes he still had that passion for teaching, wasn't dulled by the lack of interest in his students (Itadori is one of the few who brings his passion back every time he receives an update email).

But like I said, he's awkward, and he's a die hard romantic so he wishes they had a kind of "meet cute" encounter where she drops her papers and he helps pick them up, introducing himself, inviting her out to coffee. He feels silly when he imagines all the scenarios he could officially meet her, get her name from her own mouth instead of the university faculty index online. He just wants a chance to know her, learn about her, see her as more than a bubbly professor who is way out of his league.

Of course his thoughts don't stay pure. He often thinks of her late at night, in his office or his bed, finishing paperwork and imagining her taking his fountain pen away, coaxing him to relax with a neck massage, pressing her breasts into the back of his head. He imagines taking her on his desk, or a fancy hotel after a romantic dinner, something hot and wild or passionate and soothing. It's the only way he can get off nowadays, thinking about her in all the ways he wishes he could.

Maybe Geto and Gojo encourage him to get out of his comfort zone and ask her on a date. Maybe they do have a meet cute encounter and fall in love instantly. Maybe he's too timid around her and continues to pine in silence. Regardless, just the thought of her makes his stomach flip in the most delicious way, and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to recover.

Alrighty, I'm all done lol. Thank you for your time and I hope you have the loveliest day. Your writing is always fantastic and inspires me endlessly, so I hope you're doing well 💕

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! i loved loved loved reading this !! i'm so happy he's gotten so much appreciation, im sure he'd find it all very overwhelming and unnecessary, but it'll encourage him to give himself a chance for once.

because nanami's more than his semblance and stature. they say he's an awkward, rude man who's out to make his student's social lives just as non-existent. as. yuuji puts it, "he added an extra assignment for the week, now i have to cancel my date, i'm gonna be alone forever!"

and kusakabe snorts when you bring him up. "nanami kento? that guy only cares about work, he doesn't talk to women let alone go on dates,"

"must be one of those aloof and stoic types—" higuruma is at least observational in his judgement "—i don't know of his preferences, but in terms of dating...he'd likely be attracted to someone similar." he shrugs from behind his desk, stacks of files and paperwork piled high. his words could mean anything but higuruma rarely makes vague, blanket statements. never the kind to shy away from specifics and specific connotations.

thinking about it now. you and nanami would be equals in regards to intelligence. a pair of smart and capable people leading their fields. although when it comes to appearances, two people couldn't be more different. where he is tall and muscular, with thick forearms and a chest sturdy as a brick wall, you are rounded and curvy beneath your lab coat.

still, the general consensus on his not-so-friendly disposition wasn't enough to dissuade you, there's always a possibility he'd be kind as he is smart. the thought of running into professor nanami was a situation most unprepared for. what does one do when faced with the most unattainable man on campus. his accolades and accomplishments aside, it is clear he isn't pursuing a relationship. at least not in the way he's pursued knowledge and truth all this while.

it has never been more difficult to cross paths given that STEM and econs buildings were a distance apart. there hadn't been an overlap in students or staff meetings or social circles either, as if he were on a totally different side of the world. sometimes you notice him and it makes your heart flutter. a rare sighting of the creature of your affections standing by the window of his office but turning away the second he sees you, pulling the curtains shut. other times, he sits by the bench near the park, leg crossed over his knee as he balances papers on his thigh. even when deep into grading papers, he senses your presence walking by and leaves in an instant. his feet moving at a brisk pace, carrying an old messenger bag with him. as if he's doing it all on purpose, going out of his way to avoid you.

--------------

after nanami's dashed and made it to the safety of his office, he's left peeking through the small sliver of light from his curtains, watching you sigh and take a seat where he'd been.

"maah...he's staring again," gojo's voice is a grating sound to nanami's ears. always a mocking, teasing lilt heard from behind him. he's about to stop them from entering because they're always meddling at the wrong time but feels the weight of gojo's arm slinging over his shoulder. ah. too late.

geto laughs right in his face before shaking his head and tutting, "our kouhai hasn't learned a thing!"

"i don't know what you're talking about," nanami makes his defense. looking down at his loafers, they're all scuffed from years of wear, but he likes that the leather has darkened, the soles are still intact, and it has taken shape to his feet perfectly. kinda like how his two seniors are just as familiar. always circling and hovering around him, ready to strike with a jab or a hard truth. gojo and geto are terrible at subtlety as they are at being his wingmen.

"still wallowing?" gojo hums, his index finger coming up to nanami's cheek and poking the skin incessantly. "by the way you should really start using a toner—"

"stop it—" nanami swats his hand away, clicking his teeth "—i'm not wallowing." he sounds so juvenile like this, only with these two does he lose all reputation. turning back into that annoyed and moody teen with acne and a fringe, cooped up in a library and getting addicted to caffeine.

geto snorts, "you've made it your whole identity, 'woe is me, i'm so awkward and ugly and no one will ever put up with me'," he believes nanami's become attached to self-pity and judging by how well he's able to twist the knife with people, nanami isn't adamant on refuting his claim.

instead, he scoffs, "i never said i was ugly—" that he knows is an overstatement, but picking out the 'wrong' thing, the flaw in geto's argument helps to deflect from the unflattering truth. no one will ever put up with me. and geto knows nanami's swerving around because he gives him an unimpressed look, 'that's beside the point,' he'd say.

nanami tries to explain, "—it's always best to be honest and fair when making judgements of oneself." if that were the case, he'd remind himself of all the times he's chickened out of speaking to you. choosing to hide in the dark of his office to calm his beating heart at being caught red-handed or dashing away when you found him grading papers outside. 'coward' says the voice in his head. he ignores it for now.

"aw man he's being self-deprecating again, guru-chan do something!" satoru sighs, shaking his head as if disappointed, then hugs nanami. not a full teddy bear hug, but he squeezes nanami a centimetre closer with his slung arm, and it feels the same as being lit on fire. uncomfortable and definitely not helpful for the situation he's in right now.

suguru saves him at least by pushing satoru's arm away. "c'mon 'ken, you've been pining over her for months, what do you have to lose?" he counters and nanami doesn't know if he's more scared of being denied what he wants most or having to lose it all. weighing out the risks comes naturally to him but backing it up with indefatigable proof is unfortunately not a power he hones.

--------------

you're having lunch with higuruma today. just lunch. a meal shared between two colleagues and nothing more—

—is what nanami tells himself when he spots the two of you by the newly opened cafe near campus. the scene is so picturesque as if taken from a painting. you sit by a window, sunlight pouring in and across your features, beaming rays of light decorating you in gold and amber. he's picked a few cues from the man opposite you, one being that whatever's going on between you two is beyond platonic intent.

which he can't fault the lawyer for. no man would pass up the opportunity for something more. who wouldn't fall within the first second of laying eyes on you? the way nanami did. he remembers your shiny hair blowing in the wind when rushing to and from lecture halls, the soft plumpness of your cheeks rising with every smile, a torch of passion lit in your eyes when hearing you talk about research. with interest and a warm, almost fond curiosity.

this is to say that nanami isn't innocent in his own intentions with you. berating himself is part of romance too. 'she's not a prize to be won. she's a woman. brilliant and beautiful,' he thinks it'll be easier to succumb to his insecurities, tell himself he's unworthy, but all he feels is a twisted guilt. the same guilt that curls and winds up his spine, clutching at his chest, pooling in his stomach as he watches the higuruma move across the table to caress a finger over your cheek. seemingly to brush away what little crumbs have peppered there.

nanami clenches his fist so hard his knuckles turn white and a vein bulges. so it's like that. he hates jumping to conclusions. it's uncharacteristic for him to make accusations and form baseless hypotheses. but why. why such a feeling. all because this man has acquired your favour? who is he to have earned the luxury of touching you so freely? when nanami wants and has wanted for more than a brush of skin or a friendly introduction, for longer than a meal or seasons passed. torturously, achingly counting seconds to gaining, no, receiving that privilege. as entitled, he isn't exempt from possession. and how human too. the unfeeling and detached nanami learns he's capable of wanting something for himself.

he watches for your reaction, but when you don't push higuruma away and thank him instead, nanami believes he's lost all his appetite. pasta left untouched until clear skies turn as grey and gloomy as his mood for the rest of the day.

--------------

he's in a rush tonight. no—a rut sounds more fitting.

after he's failed half his class on their weekly assignment and dealt with the pushback, he's about ready to explode from the stress. nothing seems to be going right. an unappetizing lunch, a disinterested batch of students, and he's three days behind schedule on that journal article. staring at his three-monitor setup and coming up blank on his daily writing. he can't seem to force his fingers to tap away at the keys, but they reach toward the whiskey bottle with ease.

nanami's a big believer in moderation but'll bend his rules again as he resigns himself to the guilty pleasures of fantasy and fleeting missives. he pours himself a glass, then another, and by the time he downs the fourth, his cheeks pink and heat up. clouding his mind and buzzing all over his skin soothingly. the alcohol is not nearly enough for him to pass out drunk, but it does release some tension in his muscles.

all the nerves and irritation slip away as he reaches straight for his trousers, unbuckling himself free with a one-handed manoeuvre. he's been jerking off every night now, grown accustomed to routine, it doesn't take long for him to leak through his boxers the moment he closes his eyes shut and thinks of you. his hard dick springs free and his balls ache for release. he tugs on them and groans when the sensation throbs up his shaft. the skin hot and glistening from his precum dribbling down. twitching head begging for heat, pressure, and suction.

he's got an array of scenes to choose from. making love after a long day. making love on your wedding night. making love in general. nanami loves a soft woman, and no one knows what he's really like when in private. strict professor by day, introverted and nerdy, who most believe is still a virgin. it's only here that he doesn't fumble and fidget with nerves. tonight he feels no remorse for imaging the way his cock looks slapping against your cheek, making you gag on it as you slobber drool and his mess down your chin. nanami almost feels bad, might curse himself for picturing a sweetheart like you on your knees, his fist wrapped around your hair so tight while you look up at him, eager to please.

used to picturing slow, sensuous kisses and even slower thrusts into you, he now opts for something dirtier to dismiss the scene he saw earlier today. 'you're jealous' the thought whispers through the fog and this time, he can't ignore it.

he fists his shaft hoping to imitate the feeling of your wet heat cling to him like a vice. he curls around you just as tightly. his cock fitting snugly, almost too big to take within your depths. you'll tell him just as much because he likes the praise. academic success has done little for his vanity, but hearing your sighing lamentations, sobbing ovations on his sheer size would make him feel just that bit better about himself.

but forget his self-esteem, this is purely for your pleasure. he wouldn't want you feeling anything but full and split open on his dick. he's tall and broad and has come a long way since he was lanky and swimming in his slacks. has an idea of just how much weight, how much pressure is befitting to trap you beneath him. don't be fooled by his quiet demeanor, nanami is always down to give you a good time. setting those prescription glasses to the side and gets to work. laying you back and propped comfortably, curves cushioned by pillows. with legs spread and a view to die for, nanami gets himself into position and eats you out like a meal to be savoured. taking his time, making you edge, urged only by your cries and moans.

he wouldn't mind if you caged him in, legs putting him in a headlock, but he prefers to have you spread-eagled and bucking for more. clit so sensitive as he nibbles and sucks on it, gently at first, like he's testing the waters, picking up cues and filing them away for future reference. he loves to learn and he's quick at it too. getting so good at it he's able to have you trembling and twitching for hours, coming undone with just his mouth and nothing more.

he pumps his fist and moans shamelessly because he's allowed this one thing. here in private, he lets out groans and grunts held under crumbling restraint, rambling on, "mine, mine, mine..." his legs spread, and his thighs clench when he's close to his climax. imagining the sounds you'd make, light and airy, deep and guttural, moaning his name and screaming for more. the beautiful professor below him taking every inch that slips past the channel of his slippery, rough fingers.

wet and heated, the head of his cock bobs and his thumb presses down right at the sensitive tip while his other hand grips the base tightly with sweet pressure, just like how you'd clench down on him. "i didn't think you'd feel so good 'ken," he hears it in your voice and it makes him smile just a little. call it arrogance but he knows he'll pleasure you just right. his beautiful professor looking shocked and surprised that he's no longer a man who cowers and runs away but one who takes what he wants instead.

his cheeks get hot and so do his ears, clenching his eyes shut and immersing himself fully. tipping his head back and cursing, "fuck—" he grits out desperate and dying to bounce you atop him, coiled around you like a snake, he'd love the weight, the feel, so soft, so full.

tongue going dry with every heaving breath, nanami sees a view of your face twisting in pleasure, gasping and shaking all over. your pretty lips gaping in a perfect o-shape as your eyes roll back and your fingernails rake down his chiselled back, just to hold on, just to ride out the immense wave of pleasure. shlick. shlick. shlick. he mimics thrusting into you on the comedown before he spills into his hand. white painting his skin and most of his office floor.

he sits back and sighs, his cock still leaking cum and he thinks he hates himself. still, it's only when he instinctively reaches for the neatly folded handkerchiefs in another drawer does he begin to contemplate his situation. "i'm done for..."

--------------

when the long-awaited, much-anticipated 'meet-cute' happens, it doesn't go as he'd imagined. "professor nanami! we've never actually met so i thought i'd say hi," you put on your best smile, pushing your glasses up and hoping they hide the uncertainty in your expression. you squeeze a clammy hand on your skirt to soak up as much of the moisture before holding it out. only to have him stare at you questioningly in return.

the worse part isn't the skeptical expression, or the way his eyebrows furrow, or the way his lips grow thin, as if he's confused as to why you're speaking to him. like he wouldn't waste an introduction on you of all people. this is the downside of having a crush, the inevitable letdown and rejection you feel when realizing nanami might know you exist, but he doesn't acknowledge your existence.

you've been told you're quite the personality, cute, bubbly, approachable. so why the hell won't he just talk to you! it's not like you did anything wrong and you hate being made to feel stupid. you're a professor in your own right, and he's just staring like you were less than. not even worth a hello. so you laugh it off, "well, see you!" turning around and berating yourself for even trying. this man was just as they said—detached and cold fucking hearted.

"w-wait!" his hand reaches out to catch your arm. the sudden lunge almost toppling him over and falling atop you. "forgive me, it seems i was stunned." he swallows.

"stunned?" you ask, suddenly curious.

with his eyes blinking behind his glasses, nanami moves to push them back from slipping down that bridge of his nose. he looks so endearing, it instantly makes you smile. "yes, well, you...you're talking. to me." he lets you go after his hand has overstayed it's welcome around your bicep, pulling back towards the front of his sweater, brushing it off for nonexistent lint. (of course not, nanami would be the kind to steam and brush it clean after every wash)

"that is true yes," you reply, eyes crinkling at the berth of your smile, wide enough, bright enough, infectious in nature. so much so he gives you one in return. just the smallest tilt of his own lips. in a second his face goes from night to day. almost like the clouds that part then, crepuscular rays shining upon his golden hair and lashes.

after a few seconds, he seems to have calmed, but his heartbeat hammers the same, you know this because his face turns pink. "i'd like to...talk to you." he says, and you take him up on that request.

[rayveneyed]

cw: smut / a/b/o dynamics / cisfem!reader

contrary to popular, old-fashioned belief, alphas and omegas can be friends.

long gone are those times of wilful ignorance, the use of nature as an excuse for shitty behaviour —well, i'm an alpha, see, so i really can't help trying to shove my hand up your skirt, so—

most people are chill nowadays, you like to think — like to being the key phrase. sure, you get the occasional tradomega trying to tell you that you need to dive into your divine feminine and serve your alpha as god intended — and you've definitely been on the receiving side of some ticking biological clock rhetoric, for sure, by snot-nosed alphas with not even a single yen to their name — but it is what it is.

all of this to say that: when sero hanta is guts deep in you, it's completely platonic. completely. cute. casual. nowadays, no hair-brained ideas of marriage or monogamy or commitment accompany your coupling — it’s animal instinct, dirty and intense and slick and hot, scratching a biological itch, and that’s it.

you really lucked out on your choice of partner, too. sero’s an alpha, yes, but not in the derogatory sense. he doesn't get pissed when he smells other alphas on you, like a territorial dog; doesn't tell you that you should be settled down, already, with a household of pups to manage at 25 years of age; doesn't push and prod when you work long hours and devote most of your time to your career. he's funny, and goofy, and tall, and lean, and — and, well, his hair is floppy and inky black, and when he's hunched over you, sweat dripping onto your collarbone from his pointed nose, his cheeks flush the cutest shade of pink…

ahem. anyways.

while there are many omegas that are no doubt stronger than you when it comes to heats, forgoing human contact in favour of 700-odd pounds of silicone, you're part of the large majority that would rather shack up with somebody real. you're not knocking it, of course! your sock drawer is testament to the fact that you love your silicone, really, but there's just something about a person. all heat and skin-to-skin, sticky and nasty in a way that leaves you more satisfied than anything else.

and sero — with his kind eyes and goofy smile (and skintight hero suit) — is not only more than willing to help you through your heats, but have you enjoy them. not an easy feat when your insides are tying themselves up in knots between orgasms, but by god does he do it. something about his hips... something about the way he bows his head to your shoulder, grinding long and slow into you, hips pressed flush to hips. his lips brushing against your skin when he groans, his fingers tangling in your hair to pull your head back. you're not sure if you should be jealous of his obvious sexual experience, or just grateful that you get to be on the receiving end of it.

there is, of course, the obvious romantic connotations of it all. you’re not stupid enough to completely ignore it; after all, heats are these romanticised, coming-of-age-esque happenings, the plot of most early 2000 rom-coms and bad pornos. cute omega roommate forgets her suppressants and goes into heat! real alpha-omega love-making guaranteed!

but its not like that, because hanta is hanta and you are you. you’re like sharkboy and lavagirl. or fireboy and watergirl. whichever pairing fits the dynamic better — you’ve always been the hothead between you two.

“that’s a really shitty idea,” a friend warns you. she’d caught you with your scarf undone, baring the hickies that hanta had left on you to the world — an embarrassing result of the occasional non-heat trysts you’d find yourself caught up in. you couldn’t even blame the heat hormones for the way you’d almost mauled him, but a girl simply has needs! “i’m telling you, casual heat sex never works. trust me.”

but it works for you and hanta, right? because no matter how much you fight, how much you disagree, how much you chastise him for putting himself directly in the line of fire — on live tv, no less! — it all melts away in a pile of blankets and pillows. no matter how deep his cock drives in you, no matter how his teeth scrape your scent glands and have your toes curling against his back, it all ends up the same — slumped in front of the tv, lazily lounging on your phone while he boots up his nintendo 64 to kick ganondorf’s ass for the billionth time.

(and it doesn’t matter that sero isn’t seeing anyone else — it doesn’t matter that he’s deleted his dating apps, or that you keep the pillow he sleeps on when he comes over so that you can scent it when he’s gone. it doesn’t matter that he reminds you to take your anxiety meds — you know, omegas are 44% more likely to have GAD than the average person? — or that he remembers how you take your tea, coffee, and pho. these are things you’d do with any friend, of course.)

it’s cute. casual. not at all romantic, so surely you shouldn’t think twice about leaving a toothbrush at his place. and what harm could a set of pyjamas do? and you could always do with an extra pair of socks, and your skincare, and perhaps an extra phone charger…?

[amourane]

Hi Yves, thank you for writing such great fics for us! I noticed you haven’t written anything for Blaise so is it ok to request for him?

Blaise and y/n are aurors and “rivals” bcs they think they’re better than e/o. They had to go to a mission tgt and she got hurt/almost got hurt but tried to play it cool while Blaise was so protective (swooning rn).

If you’re uncomfy writing Blaise you can also make it as Theo.

Much love xx

hexed hearts

pairing: blaise zabini x gn!reader

genre: fluff, aurors au, post hogwarts

w/c: 1.6k

summary: hate was a very strong word and it was the word you would use to describe blaise zabini perfectly.

warnings: swearing, you get hit with a hex and you bleed, nothing too graphic

a/n: tysm for requesting this anon!! i'm so happy you enjoy my writing and ofc you can request for blaise, this is my gift to you <3

Hate was a strong word. It was something that everyone said. Arguably it was a word most people used often without truly knowing just how strong the connotations were. No, you didn’t hate Blaize Zabini. You despised him with every single cell in your being. Not only was he a cocky asshole he was also determined to surpass you in everything. 

The two of you had been in the same year in Hogwarts and though you had only met when the both of you were 11 hatred had already been brewing. He was conceited and arrogant and snarky. All the things you hated. The rivalry between the both of you had only grown throughout the years, the tension pulling tighter and tighter.

Now, the both of you were aurors and no one got a wink of peace when the both of you were around.

“Can you not be an insufferable piece of shit for two seconds?” You snarled at his direction and when you see him sporting the same devilish smirk it only fuels your anger further.

“One. Two.” He holds his fingers up as he counts the seconds, mocking your emotions even more. “There, done. I know that you love me Y/n but you can’t even stay away from me for two seconds, that’s adorable.”

You lunged at him, anger bubbling over the top, ready to pounce on him and hex him into oblivion. Blaise was so annoying, so irritating and yet he was also so brain-numbingly handsome and smooth. You felt someone grab your shoulder stopping you just in time before you pummelled the man’s face in. 

“C’mon Y/n I can’t be the one cleaning up after the both of you again.” Harry sighed as he held you back. You watched as Blaise’s smug grin only widened as he leaned back into his chair. “The both of you are going to have to get along, there’s a mission for both of you.”

“But-”

“No buts Y/n, this one came from the guys above. You know how they are so you and Zabini are going to have to get along.” 

Harry didn’t say anything more as he left you standing there in disbelief. You didn’t even have a chance to refuse or even beg to not go. Blaise let out a low whistle as soon as the other auror left. He got up from his seat and made his way towards you, the shit-eating grin on his face only irritating you further. You scowled as he stopped just a few inches in front of you.

“Don’t be a pussy L/n, I’m sure you can resist my charms for a few hours.” He threw you a wink and you felt your skin crawl with disgust. Blaise was attractive, yes, but merlin how you wanted to just punch that annoying expression right off his face.

“You better not fuck this up Zabini or I swear to merlin-”

He cut you off before you could finish and rolled his eyes at the words you spat out. “I know, I know.” He shrugged his shoulders back before glancing at you again. Your glare met his eyes and you found yourself getting lost in his dark gaze. “You should know by now I don’t fuck anything up.”

With that, he snapped you out of your hazy thoughts. Your glare hardened and you scoffed at his arrogant statement. That was the last thing he said before disappearing behind you, leaving you to stew in your own anger. You had just been put together with your worst enemy on a mission. This was unbelievable.

//

The mission was a standard recon, yet the tension between you and Blaise made it anything but. Sneaking through the dense forest, you tried to focus on the task at hand and not the infuriating presence beside you. Blaise, for once, seemed focused, his eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of danger.

It wasn’t meant to be a hard mission, the both of you were skilled enough to handle any of the attacks that were hurled your way. Yet, everything happened so fast. One minute you were shouting hexes, pointing your wand at the danger before you. Blaise was beside you, his movements fluid and precise, something you had always envied. 

In the chaos, you didn’t see the hex coming. It hit you square in the chest, sending you sprawling to the ground, pain searing through your body. It hurt, it hurt a lot but you couldn’t let that stop you. This was a mission and every mission was treated with the utmost importance. There was no way that you were going to give up so easily. You gritted your teeth, trying your best to push yourself up and carry on. 

“I’m fine.” You muttered through clenched teeth as you struggled to stand. The pain only seemed to increase, spreading throughout your body quicker. “Just a scratch.”

Blaise’s eyes narrowed as he glanced at you, his expression shifting from annoyance to something you couldn’t quite place. “Bullshit, Y/N. You’re hurt.”

“I said I’m fine.” You insisted, ignoring the throbbing pain in your side. “Let’s just finish this.”

But Blaise wasn’t having it. He grabbed your arm, his grip firm but not painful. “We need to get you out of here.”

“I don’t need your help, Zabini.” You snapped, trying to pull away, but your strength was waning.

“Stop being stubborn.” He growled, his voice low and dangerous. “You’re not dying on my watch.”

His words stunned you into silence. Before you could protest further, Blaise lifted you into his arms, carrying you with surprising gentleness. You could feel his heart pounding against your back, the adrenaline of the fight still coursing through him. Your own heart was beating just as fast and you tried to steady your laboured breathing. Despite your protests, you couldn’t help but lean into him, exhaustion and pain overcoming your pride. 

As the two of you reached a safer area, he set you down gently, his hands lingering on your shoulders as he checked your wound. You winced when he pressed at your side and you turned to shoot him a glare but apologies were already tumbling from his lips. The concern in his eyes was undeniable, and it confused you. This was the same Blaise Zabini who had always been your rival, your nemesis.

“You’re going to be okay.” He said quietly, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it. He muttered a spell you assumed was to calm the bleeding that was seeping through your clothes. “Just hang in there.”

“Thanks.” You mumbled, not sure what else to say.

“Don’t mention it.” He replied, his usual smirk returning. “Just try not to get yourself killed next time. It’s a lot of paperwork.”

You rolled your eyes at his snarky remark, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the pain. “You wish.”

As the adrenaline wore off you found yourself more in tune with the pain as well as the lingering touches that Blaise left as he helped you. The forest was eerily quiet and you knew that the danger was no longer there yet the silence only made it more awkward between the both of you. Every once in a while you would meet his eyes and your eyes would lock with his for a second before he turned away.

It was weird.

You winced as you shifted, the pain in your side sharp and persistent. Blaise noticed immediately, his brow furrowing in concern.

“Let me see.”

You debated whether to refuse his request before giving in. “Fine.”

He knelt beside you, gently lifting your bloodied shirt to inspect the wound. His fingers brushed against your skin, sending an unexpected shiver down your spine. The wound was deep, and the sight of it made you grimace.

“You’re lucky.” He murmured, his voice oddly tender. “A bit higher and it could have been much worse.”

“Guess I’ll have to thank you for that.”

Blaise looked up, his eyes meeting yours. For a moment, the usual antagonism was absent, replaced by something softer, more intense. “You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. Just… try to be more careful.”

He was so close, his breath warm on your skin. Your heart kept the fast pace it had despite the fact all your adrenaline had already dissipated. He leaned closer towards you, fingertips grazing your wound and his touch somehow soothed the ache you felt.

“I mean it.” He whispered, his voice barely audible. “I hate watching you get hurt.”

“Blaise-” The words die in your throat and you can’t continue the sentence you so desperately wanted to say. You swallowed hard, your heart pounding in your chest. This was the same Blaise who had driven you crazy for years, yet here he was, showing a side of himself that left you breathless.

Before you could open your mouth to respond he had already closed the distance between the two of you. His lips brushed against yours for a tentative kiss. His lips were soft and you found yourself clinging onto him, desperate for the sweet sensation that he filled you with. It was gentle at first before it increased with intensity. The pain you felt disappeared and all you could focus on was the beautiful man in front of you.

When he finally pulled back the both of you were breathless. His eyes searched yours as if he was looking for confirmation if he had read the situation correctly. You took a shaky breath, your mind reeling from the intensity of the kiss.

“Maybe we don’t hate each other as much as we thought.” Your voice was soft, a small smile playing on your lips as your hands loop around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

Blaise’s expression softened, his thumb tracing your jawline. “Maybe not.”

Silence enveloped you once again and this time it felt comforting. Blaise’s arms felt right around you, his warmth radiating off his body making you feel that much more safe. There was no longer the crackling animosity between the two of you.

“Told you you couldn’t resist my charm.”

“Shut the fuck up Zabini.”

[elainsgirl]

Honey, e*riel has nothing like feysand or nessian. No threads connecting them like elucien. No musical connotations. They are all the same bonds but e*riel has no similarity and that’s. Not. Good. E*riels seem to think e*riel was always sjm’s plan and that’s clearly not true. Moriel was first, and sjm decided to copy moriel and e*riel for a reason.

The girls aren’t actually interested in him romantically and Azriel cares more about the bond than who it’s actually with. That’s why his shadows do the same thing with both girlies. 

Because the connections will amount to nothing in the end. 

Sjm decided to give him a special dynamic with a new girl. And the tension between Elain and Lucien is bound to snap because THAT is what’s been building for multiple books. 

The bonus was sjm’s way of saying Elain isn’t Azriel’s mate because his mate is legit living right under him and that’s probably why he’s so restless.

Sorry. 

*thread anon. Elucien have a single thread connecting them tied to Elains rib, which isnt the same as Nessian/Feysand.

Just racking my brain - What musical connections did Nessian have pre-acosf? also…book of breathings, “sing me” which is in reference to elriel so technically they do have foreshadowed musical imagery.

Well, I have never thought Elriel was alwys Sjms plan and I’ve been clear about that. It went from Moriel & Elucien being endgame -> elriel, Vassien and moriel.

Idk anon, Elain literally pivoted into Azriels touch. Gave him offer and permission, “put it on me?”. She actually observed and paid attention to him and got two gifts that has made him laugh, one he stares at every single night. That is the definition of romantic interest. Which you wouldn’t know about since your ships dont have such a thing, maybe stop projecting? Unlike Mor, Elain didnt reject Azriel.

lets apply a bit of logic - Stay with me now…If Az cares about the bond so much why on earth has he falled for someone who he cannot have a bond with? Doesn’t make sense, does it now? If he cared about having a mate so much, he would still be into Mor who he has a chance of being his mate.

Or hear me out - His shadows which are simply a safety mechanism, there to protect him - trust Elain so much they know they don’t have to protect Az around her or be there. When Az feels good emotions -> shadow lightens. Negative emotions-> shadows darken. Its quite simple really.

what special dynamic? What is so unique about Gwyn that makes her stand out from Azriels other Lis? The same Gwyn he wouldnt consider a friend, the same woman he left for 2 years without visiting once.

Yh the only tension between elucien is awkwardness. And it isn’t “snapping” anytime soon bcs there isn’t build up for it. When they’re on the same page together, it isn’t a “oooh will they wont they…ommmggg they brushed hands…ahhh they had prolonged eye contact!!!” Sort of tension more like a “im going to skip this part bcs its so embarrassing and awkward to read”

that’s embarrassing for Gwyn, her mate is upstairs fantasising about another woman. Whilst Gwyn isn’t even on his mind….yikes

[twoheadedoddity]

John Gaius and the Gospel of John

Ok. Here we go. I've spent the last little bit annotating my copies of tlt in detail, and I've been focusing a lot on the biblical references— especially John's confession chapters in NtN. I'm essentially cross-referencing the verses alluded to in the chapter titles with the actual content of the chapters, and recording some thoughts/observations. Not entirely groundbreaking, but I want to be thorough.

I'm building off of posts by @todd-queen here and here; go read these posts because they exploded my brain. The cipher. wow.

Please bear with me and if you read nothing else, read the entry for the final chapter.

Side note: I'm mostly using the New Revised Standard Version (the one I'm most familiar with) and sometimes the New International Version.

John 20:8

"Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed." (NRSV)

This is the big one—as has been previously pointed out, the fact that Muir got this verse to fit as the first numbers of the cipher AND be so relevant melts my brain. Immediately, connotations of Harrow breaking into the tomb at 10 (the first person to ever so do), seeing Alecto, and wanting to live. She saw and believed.

This chapter consists of John setting up the context for the cryo project, the Earth dying, all that. The main link is how the verse fits with Harrow's story.

John 5:20

"The Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing; and he will show him greater works than these, so that you will be astonished." (NRSV)

John and his crew are trying to buy time amid the projects getting shut down. Their power gets shut down anyway, and miraculously, the bodies that John touches don't decay. This verse speaks to both the first pieces of John's powers and foreshadows the more drastic "miracles" that will come later.

John 15:23

"Whoever hates me hates my Father also." (NRSV)

The crew realizes the link between John, his eyes changing, and the intact corpses. They try to experiment to see if anything will bring about changes in the bodies. Nothing does. He names them Titania and Ulysses. He moves the corpses' hands from across the room for the first time. Not really much to link the content of the verse to the content of the chapter here if you ask me?

John 5:18

"For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God." (NIV)

The crew wrestles with the implications of what John can do—in a way, the idea that John could be chosen in some capacity, or that John can now play at being God. This is also the chapter where they decide to stream on the internet; so, you could maybe say that the verse foreshadows the ways they'll be targeted due to John's actions.

John 8:1

"While Jesus went to the Mount of Olives." (NRSV)

The verse, in context, comes right before Jesus demonstrates to a group how none of them are without sin, and shows mercy/forgiveness to a woman that others were wanting punished.

As for Jod—his little necromancy twitch streamer gig starts to take off. People start coming to him for help or healing or miracles. His words, he's "playing Jesus." Obvious parallels to the sections (such as the above verse and those that follow it) where Jesus is teaching folks and performing miracles. Interestingly, Cristabel intervenes, telling John he's wearing himself too thin and that he's making the same mistakes as Jesus by never turning people down. So John sets a limit to one hour of miracles a day.

The cult really gets going. The authorities turn up. The choice is get taken down or do something drastic. John chooses something drastic—COW WALL. Cow wall scares everyone into leaving the cult alone for a bit. I think, in a lot of ways, this is the chapter that was foreshadowed by the previous chapter's verse, if we really want to draw parallels that far?

John 19:18

"There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, with Jesus between them." (NRSV)

John mostly talks about the politics of the FTL program—more funding stuff, the way cryo was dropped, the inconcistencies with the program, the trillionaires rushing ahead with stuff. I'll be honest, I only vaguely grasp the corporate-funding-technology-science-and-capitalism side of John's story. But I don't think there's any link here.

John 5:1

"Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals." (NIV)

^ He goes up for a festival (the KJV uses the word feast, so I keep rotating that word in my brain too) and in the next verses encounters sick people in a pool. He heals one of them.

John faces no consequences for Cow Wall and other crimes. If nothing else, his influence grows. He and his crew have a barbeque and talk about their plans.

At the barbeque, big bright lights go off in my brain that point to the word feast in the KJV. This literally isn't anything. Like I don't think it's a very meaningful connection to make here. But my brain keeps going "I connected the dots!" I didn't connect shit "I connected them!!"

John gets approached by an important organization and he agrees to help them. So now he's remotely controlling the corpse of a big world leader to fool the world into thinking he's alive, in exchange for a lot of money and a city-destroying weapon. Great. Comparison between Jesus' miracles of healing and John's necromantic reanimation "miracles."

"Could you give him a permanent pulse? Could you make it so he bleeds if he gets hurt? Could you fix any current degradation to his corpse? Could he talk, if we wanted him to?" (NtN 271-272). This is a quote that @/todd-queen pulled from the text, and it fits really well.

John 3:20

"For all that do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed." (NRSV)

More FTL stuff. The nomination for that. John finds out that the plans that were progressing for FTL and the evacuations were dubious at best—just trying to make it look like progress. John is furious, and decides to lean into the necromancer-cult-leader-twitch-streamer act even more, gaining even more sway.

I think something could be said for the verse—being all about evildoers hiding and preventing their deeds from being exposed—can be linked to the trillionaires lying and covering up the ways they are interfering with the FTL project/evacuation plans. And how John tries to expose them. I'd be able to give a more concrete argument if I understood the FTL plotline better but for some reason I struggle so bad with it.

@/todd-queen also links it with this quote, about how John and his crew hide the nuke, intending to never let it see the light of day. Which is also a good connection imo. "We kept laughing that it came with a manual. I think we were scared of what would happen if we stopped laughing. We pulled up the floor and put a safe beneath the lino and swore we were never going to use it." (NtN 279).

John 9:22

"His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue." (NIV)

John grows in power. People come to join. It becomes an international sort of crisis. The first violent exchange occurs, and John uses the energy burst from the deaths to commit atrocities. One could link the verse to the various authorities coming after John and arresting anyone trying to join his cult. John certainly would. I hate him so much.

John 1:20

"He confessed and did not deny it, but confessed, 'I am not the Messiah.'" (NRSV)

The chapter where everything goes to shit. FTL accelerating their escape attempt to mere days and then hours away. The attempted coup with G1deon and the nuke. John's crew is convinced this is the end; Cassiopeia and Nigella getting married. John reveals that he also has the corpse puppet ready to start a nuclear armageddon, as a backup threat to prevent FTL. Everything goes to shit at the cult compound. Cristabel shoots herself to make John figure out how to work with the soul. Everyone kills everyone else and John starts the apocalypse. Becomes God using the collective souls of the population and that of the earth. Obtains perfect lyctorhood with the earth, creating Alecto. The order of events for the actual nuclear apocalypse are unclear, because John is self-contradicting and a liar.

The actual contents of the chapter are... a lot. All over the place. But it's the most raw and visceral part of John's confession, which kind of fits nicely with this particular verse—given that it's from the section about John's (the Baptist, like, from-the-bible John) confession.

While I haven't covered the alternate ARC chapter numbers, I need to point out that this chapter is John 1:9 in the ARC. "The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world." (NIV). Seems pretty fitting for the chapter where he becomes God and begins the process that will become the resurrection, right?

John 5:4

This verse doesn't exist in the NSRV and many other versions, because in recent translations scholars think this verse wasn't part of the original. It is:

"From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease they had." (NIV)

The first connection, of course, is John picking and choosing who to bring back. Healing, resurrection. Yeah.

In this chapter John answers some of Harrow's questions. It's hard to tell which bits he lies about, exactly, but Harrow knows that he's full of shit. She decides to find the truth, and find God—probably not John in the end because he's a horrid lying sham—and walks into the River.

Right. Ok. Now back to this verse not being accepted as part of the bible anymore. On one hand, many of the Christian sources explaining its removal talk about how older, more accurate manuscripts do not contain this verse, so it's more accurate for more recent translations to remove it. Interesting. A chapter where Jod is clearly falsifying information being named after a verse that is supposedly not genuine. Tamsyn Muir your game is incredible.

Please direct your attention to this reddit post. The verse could also have been removed to focus attention on Jesus' healing power rather than having an angel also be doing the same thing. The post puts it better than I can, go read it, but essentially: John is trying to focus the attention on himself—the idea that he's the source of the world's power.

Choosing John 5:4 for this final chapter of John's confessional was very, very deliberate. I would like to shake Tamsyn Muir's hand and also ask her oh so many questions.

Final thoughts: I definitely that the main purpose for the choices behind most of the verses were primarily to fit with the cipher. But, where possible, Muir would have wanted them to fit somewhat with the contents of the chapter.

However, where things were very, very deliberate, were the first and last of these chapters—20:8 and 5:4. There is no doubt in my mind that these verses were handpicked for how incredibly relevant they are.

A lot of what I've pointed out has been pointed out by other people as I've mentioned throughout this post. I'm glad to be bringing it all together and freaking out over it, even though I doubt I'm the first to do so.

[a-blue-mask]

Sorry but saw someone say "I can't be mean and get the reversed endings" for the Arcana characters and a big loud INCORRECT BUZZER sound went through my brain, but it was something from five years ago so I'll ramble here instead. Also I'm sure someone else said it already but I've never seen it so I'll make this for the side of the internet that strolls around here.

The premise of this is: The Arcana revolves around the concept of tarot cards in more ways than just having the major arcanas as characters or Asra's deck helping the MC. If you're not familiar with tarot cards, you probably only know them from the minigame where you can get readings from the characters.

Now, there's two ways tarot cards can be when you draw them: upright or reversed. Which gives us two ways to read them. The upright reading is just the meaning of the card, of course, but the reversed reading isn't JUST the opposite of the card! It's the PEJORATIVE connotation of the card. Easiest example: the Emperor may be read as "authority" when upright, but when reversed it may be read as "tiranny". Or, the Lovers may be read as "loyalty" when upright, and as "obedience" when reversed. While there are also some meanings that could be said are "opposites", I usually interpret the card itself as a concept, and then the upright meaning as the better version, while the reversed is the worse version. Example: generic card stands for "truth", I'd read up as "revealed/known", while reversed would be "concealed/hidden". It's always about truth, just in two different sauces; two sides fo the same coin kinda deal.

So! How does that tie back to The Arcana endings?

You don't have to be "nice" or "mean" to the characters. All you need to do is push them in the right direction fpr the ending you want to achieve, depending on the meaning of their card and how their "upright" version would differ from the "reversed" version. Knowing what card corresponds to each of them sure heps, especially when you're doing the route to learn more of the lore and not because you personally like that character as a person.

It's how I got to Asra's and Lucio's upright ending without using tutorials and despite not really being into them! Julian's doesn't count, we're both pisces so I just get that idiot /hj. After them I uninstalled the game bc I had too much to do and never enough time to play and enjoy the story (Asra's route was a struggle already and I only retained 50% of it).

Also, getting the reversed ending doesn't mean you're bad (because I've seen people make such comments), it just means you didn't have a firm hand when you might have had to :) maybe you were afraid to hurt their feelings, but that happens. You gotta break some eggs to make a- how the hell is it called in english? Omelette? Sounds too fancy for the food I'm thinking of but let's go with that.

The fun thing with the Arcana love interests is that none of them is a perfect person that can realise their own faults later "as the story progresses" like in many other dating sims. They have flaws, and the player is a big part of their character development! You don't have to please them or have them hate you. Just go with the card's meaning!

-Sincerely, a tarot nerd that had their first deck gifted to them at 11 years old and used to do basic "yes/no/maybe" readings with the major arcana for the other kids in school between classes (I stopped in middle school, plus my baby brother ate- yes, ate the corner of my Fool,though I still did a few personal readings... I might get fully back into it now that I'm older... plus I still have all the minor arcana from that same deck... ughhh but I love my oracle deck...)

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.10 because school's kicking my ass and I need my daily dose of brainrot to survive

AJ: Go fuck yourself. Sam, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch Tom: It doesn’t have a bone. Sam: Then why is it called a boner? Luke: Look, do I consider myself attractive? Yes. But would I have sex with my clone? Also yes.

AJ: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Sam: Milfs. Tom: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. AJ: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Luke: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Luke: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Tom: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. AJ: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— AJ: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Luke: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Sam: What? No! It isn't! Luke: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Tom: Luke... Luke: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Tom: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Luke: AJ, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! AJ: The word milf has been ruined for me. Sam: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Tom: Y'all are dumbasses. Tom: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. AJ: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY- Sam: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Tom: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Luke: Ya know...it might be. Sam: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Tom: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Luke: What the fuck is wrong with you two? at the supermarket Sam: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil." Sam: Sam: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin. Tom: Capitalisation is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.." (It was then that Junyu realised...he accidentally turned on NSFW only and that's why the quotes have been so horny.) Sam: Hey! Wanna hear a joke? Tom: Sure. Sam: Your life! Tom: Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning. Sam: Tom, no. AJ: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry? Tom: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition. (in reference to that one guessing game where AJ forgot how math worked) Luke: It's locked. You got a lock pick? Tom: Yeah- Sam: *kicks down the door* Luke: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed. Luke: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it. Luke: But who's to say. AJ: I think France isn't real. Tom: AJ, you used to live in France. AJ: And??? AJ: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Sam: But did I make you cry? AJ: *cries on the spot* Sam: ...Shit. AJ: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Tom: ...What??? AJ: What’s your biggest fear? Luke: I am incredibly arachnophobic. AJ, under his breath: You don’t want spiders to get married? Tom: Luke, I think we have a problem. Luke: What, the fire? Tom: No, the- wait, what fire? Luke: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting. Sam: Hey Luke, can you give me the opposite of these words? Sam: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down. Luke: Never, Going, To, Give, You- Luke: The fucking satisfaction. Luke: Inside you, there are two kidneys. Luke: I’m gonna steal them. Tom: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. Tom: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Tom: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

[moonselune]

Hi queen! I love your writing and the one about noble!tav, I was wondering how you think it’d change if reader was a noble from a high ranking Drow house instead of a surface race given their culture? (And selfishly cause my Durge is a drow) tyty!!!!

OooooOOoo

I love the idea of a noble Drow!Lady tav, because there are so many connotations there.

Because Drow!Lady Tav, when it comes to her expectation of men would be Astarion.

A vessel for use and pleasure, especially as she is high ranking, she would never have to care for them in a way that lower ranking drow would utilise them.

But she absolutely does not see him like that at all and that would be such an interesting dynamic.

Because I don't know how Astarion would react to that

She is exactly the type of woman he would target, wealthy, high ranking, and it helps with his justifications that she holds some prejudice.

Regardless if Drow!Lady!Tav does or not that is what he is just going to assume

But he knows you, you aren't like that and I think a part of him, in a way relishes in the fact that you chose him, you chose to treat him well, to love him and you can hate all the rest. But he is yours to love and to respect.

That power is something that would definitely be attractive to him.

The two of you would thrive in the underdark and he would likely gain a position in your house - yes there would be backlash but you saved the world, you would love anyone to challenge you on that.

OH MY GOD ASCENDED ASTARION

So this is where it would not work because Drow!Lady Tav would have so much independence and self assurance that she would just be like nah fuck you, I'm going back to being treated like royalty

But if he turns you

IF HE TURNS YOU AND LEAVES YOU AS SPAWN AND YOU CAN'T LEAVE

Your House would go to war

He would be made as an example

Fuck, it would cause a war between surface and underdark because how dare this surface scum do such a thing to Lolth's favourite princess (even if you aren't its all about the image - they just want a reason to go to war)

Well shit I've done it again, probably going to have to make this a fic.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Revised note: I switch pov halfway through whoops but you can literally see my brain turn this into a fic

[littleeyesofpallas]

So I've mentioned before that Hisagi Shuuhei's given name Shuuhei[修兵]: "disciplined soldier" is a homonym with shuuhei[州兵]: lit. "state+soldier" but refers to both the organization and individuals of a "National Guard" and contextually the US National Guard specifically. And I've mentioned how it kinda plays into his characterization in relation to his zanpakutou. But something that maybe isn't as apparent is how he shares a very loose theme with Kensei.

Kensei's got a weird mix of things going on and it always felt to me like part of it kind of pivoted half way thru the series, and really the Visored in general, where he started with a sort of US military theme but got shifted into being more of a Japanese style biker gang leader instead(and how that plays into Mashiro's toku hero gimmick)

Among other things he's got the retroactively named move, BakudanTsuki[爆弾突き]: "bomb thrust" that has a subtle militaristic connotation to it. But then in context it's the same root word for "bomb" used in Bambietta's Schrift The Explode[爆撃]: "bombing(raid)" like in an aerial bombing from a plane.

(The other attack there is just SANDBAG BEAT[サンドバッグ・ビート] which doesn't feel especially thematic, but I guess does kind of evoke him being in something like a more western boxing gym, rather than any kind of japanese or samurai specific aesthetics like you'd expect from Soul Society. And his given name is written as "West(ern) Fist")

And then his zanpakutou, Tachikaze appears to be, at least in my mind, evocative of the Tachikaze class destroyer ship. Although I admit that's largely on the back of my own kind of wild/broad speculation about the Visored more as a group than anything supported by just him specifically.

Shuuhei ga tsuyosou na namae janee ka! Nakuna![修兵が強そうな名前じゃねえか! 泣くな!]: "Shuuhei is a strong looking name isn't it? Don't cry!"

It feels too obvious to need spelling out, but he's not just giving the generic pep talk, he's very specifically pointing out the Shuuhei's name means "Disciplined Soldier" so he should act like one.

I wish I could find it again but I swear there was some transcript of an interview where Kubo more or less reiterated stuff he'd been asked in other similar Q&A but mentioned that he doesn't really design characters with a background in mind, he just draws what feels cool and comes up with a story and personality to match the look. And mroe over that he similarly doesn't design characters with their relationships in mind, he just takes the characters he's already made and imagines which ones look like they'd get along in some way or another. (Among other things this explains why the same women keep showing up in 8th division, not because Nanao and Risa, or even Risa and Kyoraku were ever meant to be meaningfully related but because Kubo just keeps making these women who look the same and ends up pigeonholing them into the same basic network of characters.) Again i can't seem to find this specific Q&A though so take that "factoid" with a grain of salt.

Still it's with that in mind that it feels like Shuuhei and Kensei ended up together. Not because Kensei was ever actually meant to be Shuuhei's childhood hero but because they both had a soldier gimmick and so Kubo's brain filed them into the same general corner together. And it's from that link that he specifically made their meeting in the TBtP arc punctuated with this line about Shuuhei's name.

Also Shuuhei's got his whole motorcycle thing which is weirdly never actually brought up in the context of Kensei's biker thing and his hollow form made to look like car parts; although it's Shuuhei who's only briefly nodded to as the orbital factoid around Jackie's whole gay leather biker daddy themed Dirty Boots. (Very funny that between that and Mashiro's Kamen Rider homage that we have two implicitly motorcycle riding kicky ladies in Bleach. "...two nickles..." and all that...)

[dr-spectre]

What’s the different between hypnosis and brainwashed? Sorry, I just love your Callie obsessed and I don’t understand the different between the two

You don't understand the difference between the two? Don't worry, i got you.

Let's start off with brainwashing. In most definitions of it, it is described as pressuring someone systematically to adopt radically different morals, ideologies and behaviors via forcible means against a person's will, knowledge and consent.

Now let's get into hypnosis, it is described as a state of deep relaxation and focused concentration, where the subconscious is more open to suggestions and it's sometimes used as a form of therapy to treat addictions. It is not some stage act where you can get someone to get naked on stage, that's not how it works. It is not some thing where you swing a clock around and go "you are getting veryyyyy sleepy" and now you control someone's mind, nope, that is a common false assumption about hypnosis.

One of these terms is something used in therapy, the other is used in cults and political/military circles. The two are very different and have different connotations.

The main thing with brainwashing is that there is a forcible/ non consensual aspect to it where the individual doesn't want their mind to get changed. However in hypnosis, suggestions that are given to a person in a hypnotised state must not go against a person's will or morals otherwise the person will not listen to the suggestion, IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION BETWEEN THE TWO!!!!!!!!! VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

Brainwashing is against someone's consent while hypnosis REQUIRES consent and is not some form of mind control. That's the major difference between the two. Hypnosis is an altered state of conscious while brainwashing is someone's mind literally getting systematically reconditioned until the person's old morals no longer exist.

You can see now why i have problem with Callie being called "brainwashed" during Splatoon 2 because she canonically said to Octavio, "okay fine, I'll hear you out." You don't hear people who are getting brainwashed "yeah sure I'll hear out your points!!!"

You cannot use the word brainwashing for Callie's circumstance because her dialogue in the relationship chart literally goes against the definition of the word itself and using that word treats Callie more as a damsel or object rather than a character who just needs help. I'm tired of Splatoon fans and casuals pushing that word around towards my comfort character when there's a ton of evidence to say otherwise. I am getting REALLLLLLLLLL FUCKING TIRED....

"But Marie sai-" I know, she said "brainwashing sunglasses" in the English version I KNOW!!! From her perspective she would obviously think Callie was brainwashed by the shades, she has no other information to go off of, doesn't mean she is right and WE SHOULD BLINDLY TRUST HER PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE EVER SEEN AN OVERREACTING FAMILY MEMBER BEFORE?!?!

Callie was hypnotised, full stop. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The whole "i remember" thing is not because the shades brainwashed her and removed her memories, it's just that Callie is in a mentally ill state PLUS in a hypnotic state where she's very concentrated and focused. The shades being shot off of her is like you writing an essay in class and someone smacks your eye. Callie looks like she has a headache and it takes a while for Callie to ""come back to her senses"" where she starts thinking a little bit more rationally. Her hearing the Calamari Inkantation floods her brain with good memories and positivity as the song has mysterious and mystical elements to it, Callie gets pumped up and all of that darkness in her head clears away and she goes "i remember! YEAH!!!"

The ONLY character you can argue was brainwashed in the Splatoon universe, is Agent 3. That's the ONLY ONE i may allow.

But even then they say "they have been hijacked." As in Tartar has taken direct control over Agent 3's body and it's not reallyyyyy brainwashing because Agent 3 was unconscious and probably had zero idea on what was going on until they woke up on the helicopter at the end of Octo Expansion.

What about Marina Agitando? Possessed by an ai after getting knocked unconscious. Not brainwashed or hypnotised!!! Marina was asleep during her time as Marina Agitando.

CAN WE STOP THROWING WORDS AROUND LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING!?!? Stop using that word to describe "Splatoon character but evil." No. Enough. ENOUGH!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!! I AM GETTING SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm not yelling at you anon btw lmao. I'm yelling at everyone else, thank you for the ask!)

[thunderstormflower]

The moon, she and I ( Fleurmione )

English is not my first language so I apologise in advance for my mistakes.

They had said goodbye to Ron and Lavander less than five minutes before so they could start their way to their respective homes. The night was beautiful. Hermione couldn't tell if it was because it wasn't hot because, on the contrary, it was quite cool and the weather wasn't so overwhelming or because Fleur was holding her by the shoulders almost pressing her to her as she talked about how the stars seemed to shine much brighter than usual at the same time the music, now soft, was still enveloping them despite being almost a block and a half away from the bar.

Fleur's laughter echoed in Hermione's chest just at the height where she had her head resting. She looked up and Fleur's mouth was moving as she let out giggles and words that Hermione's brain, totally hypnotized by the situation and intoxicated by the strawberry cologne, couldn't quite understand. At some point the laughter subsided as well as the walk, she could not say for sure when they stopped moving forward, much less could she define the exact moment when Fleur fixed her gaze on her with a beautiful glow, even more dazzling than the moon's own.

Fleur felt like time had stood still there, in them, embracing and smiling at each other while a gentle breeze caressed their faces. She sighed helplessly as she ran her gaze over every faction of Hermione's face, just as she had done that time on the terrace, the first time she had been dazzled by the particular glow the other seemed to emanate without noticing it in the slightest. Still the Earth's satellite was not at its brightest, apparently she had to wait a little longer to have her picture perfect romantic date under the light of the full moon.

Hermione's eyes were locked on her. She had never been a big fan of direct and sustained stares, to her they tended to be extremely invasive and judgmental but now she had those brown eyes fixed in the darkness of her own she couldn't remember a time when she had felt safer. The lashes and crinkles that adorned his gaze accompanied by the sweetest smile in the world was the sight she wished she could hold as long as possible in her mind.

Hermione's hand slid carefully and gently to Fleur's neck. At no time did her gaze tremble or her smile drop. She separated from the other's body for only inches and for such a short amount of time that it wasn't even worth counting. The older woman's arms wrapped firmly and warmly around her waist in an unneeded attempt to keep her from escaping. She tilted her head to the perfect spot for their breaths to begin to mingle even with two centimeters coming between their lips.

Hermione's thumb first outlined Fleur's jaw as if it were the petal of a rose and then slid across her lower lip. The delicacy of the caress sent a shiver down both their spines. The scene was different, the sensation was different, much more of them, much more private than all the previous ones.

"Can I?" Hermione knew, Fleur knew, they both knew the question was because the connotation of what would come next was nowhere near similar to the previous ones.

"Yes...please." Fleur swallowed saliva and deep breaths came to her chest at the same time Hermione's lips came to her, and with a tenderness she had never been gifted with, she kissed her.

The kiss was sweet and intimate, even when they were in the middle of the sidewalk of a busy street that insisted on reminding them of their normality with the passing cars shouting all kinds of things and honking their horns. The bubble they formed was thick enough to feel that the noises and screams were meters away from them. In the distance, just where the terror of both of them and their insecurity about opening up with each other had been.

The seconds passed and the kiss continued its rhythm, their accompanied and calm breaths were the faithful reflection of the peace that was flooding them. The touch of both of them on the other possessed an extraordinary warmth, the breeze kept caressing them and it was the only thing, together with the soft music in the distance, that kept them on earth without letting their minds make them fly to the thousands of scenarios where they would like to replicate that kiss.

Separating was torture. They both felt the lack of the warmth and comfort that the other instilled in them. When Hermione arrived at her home, number twelve Grimmauld Place, she found Harry, Ginny and Teddy waiting for her in the main library. When she walked through the door she saw her nephew asleep in Ginny's arms who looked like she was about to fall into the same situation. Harry sat up and his face reminded her of her own when he was up to some mischief.

"Where were you, Hermione?" he asked her firmly as he searched her face and body. She couldn't help but smile. Her friend, brother at this point in their lives, was one of her favorite people in the whole world. Sometimes he forgot the detail that they were the same age and cared for each other as if they were little kids, as they did all their lives as the relationship was a back and forth. Although for some time now Harry chose to repay all the care that Hermione gave him since they met.

"Harry, relax" she placed her hands on her brother's shoulders "I was with Fleur." She smiled and felt him relax.

"Were you still with her? You could have warned me, I thought you were only going to see her for an hour and come back. It's almost three in the morning. We thought something had happened to you because your phone was sending us straight to the message box." the quickness of the words and the residue of alcohol still in her system made her let out a giggle as she threw herself on him to hug him.

"I ran out of battery and the truth is that when I'm with her I forget everything" she sighed and walked away "sorry. I promise it won't happen again."

"It's okay." revolleted his eyes and smiled at her. "So...Tell me, how was your night?"

"I'm going to get everything ready for tea and tell you about it. " she turned toward the kitchen.

[trans-sveta]

One of the women in the group had broken away. She was holding a small child’s hand, leading her away. The child looked back towards other familiar adults, as if for reassurance, and they smiled.

They joined the game the children in the field were playing, the woman calling out in a language he couldn’t understand. Suggesting changes for the rules, fitting new people into the game.

Now there were two groups that were simultaneously trying to catch the other side’s ‘king’ while protecting their own. Adult and toddler together made for an awkward pair, but the woman made it work, lifting the child out of reach when someone got close, moving with long, sure strides.

At some point, kids started to watch just to see what she was doing, instead of playing. They turned on her, in a playful way, her ‘defenders’ now trying to help encircle her, while she avoided them, lifting the little girl here and there. She made it look effortless.

But the kids, six all together, managed to surround her. They tackled her to the ground, and collectively collapsed in a heap. There was laughter again, alongside pants of near-exhaustion.

His eyes weren’t real eyes anymore. When he watched, he saw with perfect clarity. There was no mist of frozen breath when she laughed.

…

“We are like the old pantheons, aren’t we? We make decisions for our own personal reasons, and the courses of their lives change. Some of us are little, some big. Some good, some evil.”

“And which god are you, oh great lord of Olympus? I beseech you, name thyself, so I might know what offerings to place before you.”

“What god I am? Obvious enough, isn’t it?”

She pulled her scarf down a bit, walking backwards. He followed after her.

“Once upon a time, I think you would have said Zeus,” she said. “You would have said you forge thunderbolts, in a metaphorical sense.”

“I had a phase where I did actually work with electricity.”

“I do remember.”

“Once upon a time, I would have been offended if someone hadn’t said Zeus, because anything less than being king of the gods would have been an insult.”

“Exactly,” she said. “Once, that would have been the answer you expected, how you saw yourself. Now? I’d say Hephaestus, but that carries bad connotations, doesn’t it?”

“I’m not as proud as I was,” he replied. He declined to mention the fact that his leg wasn’t working properly, the limp he’d have if he wasn’t wearing his armor. It had been characteristic of the smith god, it wouldn’t win him any points here if he brought it up.

“I was referring to Hephaestus’ wife, in part. I wouldn’t want to be associated with her,” she said.

“Now who’s being proud?” he asked. “Comparing herself to Aphrodite.”

She stuck out her tongue at him, still walking backwards.

“Aphrodite was beautiful. Let’s, just for a moment, stop overthinking things. Take it at its face value, ignore the rest.”

“Okay, that’s doable,” she said. She smiled a little. “You’ve gotten better.”

“Better? At not putting my foot in my mouth?”

“Or being sweet, just a bit. Or maybe I’ve spent too much time around you and I can’t tell the difference between the two anymore.”

…

“If you say it’s fine, then it’s fine. But tonight… maybe we could curl up together, watch some movies? You’ve been getting more and more caught up in it, and maybe stepping away will give you perspective again. A chance to relax, even? Ten by ten?”

He shook his head a little. “Your code changes. I’m figuring out how it works, I’m learning the nuances, but I’m going to lose days worth of analysis if I step away for a whole night.”

“Here I am, offering you my body,” she said, offering a mock pout, “And all you want me for is my brains and personality.”

“I want everything,” he said, sidestepping the humor. Frank, blunt, he said, “All of you.”

…

“Kids?”

She shrugged a little, her shoulder brushing against his. She said, with a measured offhandedness, “There are orphans out there who need homes. Or, you know, we could make a kid?”

From very casual to overly casual, in a matter of a second.

“I’m not sure which you mean when you say make, and both possibilities are scary in their own way.”

“Scary?” she asked, a little archly.

…

He sighed. “I’ll also need your trust.”

“Granted.”

“It’s not that-”

“Granted, Colin.”

He looked away, clenching the fist that was furthest from her. “I don’t deserve your trust.”

“That’s for me to decide. What’s the third thing?”

…

They were parting ways, Dragon making her way down the hill to where the other craft had parked in the treeline, when he said, “I love you, Dragon Tess Theresa Richter.”

She turned around.

“That… sounded better in my head,” he said.

“Tess Theresa?”

“You were test three, I… like I said, it sounded better in my head. But the first bit stands. I love you.”

“I love you too, Colin Wallis.”

…

He did what needed to be done. It was what had initially attracted her to him. He was ambitious, good at heart, he was proud, and she sympathized with that on a level.

But that wasn’t what had cinched the deal.

He’d set all of this in motion, he’d trusted her. Both of her, in this case.

He’d believed in her ability to see this through.

Her arms wrapped around him. He hugged her fiercely, as if he’d never let go.

“I love you, Colin,” she murmured.

In that tight hold, she was free.

Dragon’s epilogue is so lovely and sweet. It just makes me happy.

[archive-z]

i am re-arranging my character notecards like they’re a tarot deck and suddenly feel like i am opening up New Levels of Character Understanding re: Santiago & Madeleine set-up as two parallel characters around the theme of survival.

i’ve said it before but watching Mona Lisa this year rewired something in my brain abt thinking abt stories. When does one and one become two? When does two become three? When is four two triangles converging on the same point? When does four become untenable and breaks apart again into two and two? When does the newcomer (the fourth) oust someone to be three again?

s2, particularly thru choice to set it in post-wwii occupied paris, especially seems fixated on the idea of the culpability of bystanders & witnesses. when violence occurs between two parties, what is the implication of the third?

Santiago is the most recent member to join the coven, between WWI and WWII.

Santiago is about ten years younger than Louis, but physically older due to more of his life human.

There is an implication that Santiago’s turning was a sexually traumatic experience, and that Santiago harbours both a deep sexual attraction towards his Maker and deep contempt as well (the marker as god-father-husband). Santiago is experiencing both sides of the Oedipus complex conflated in one person, (something something vampirism as a form of asexual reproduction so Santiago’s maker is both “Mother” and “Father”).

The traditional Oedipus complex boils down to “Kill Your Father” and “Marry Your Mother”, see also: Lestat and Gabrielle ie. kill and marry yr mother, whom becomes your daughter/son/wife, and to whom you become son/father/husband. (iwtv rly invested in taking the Oedipus complex to the nth degree)

Santiago likely perceives ”sexual violence perpetrated by men against other men“ as having connotations of emasculation/disempowerment due to Victorian/Edwardian Britain being Like ThatTM. (also Santiago likely believes it to be “feminising” but i don’t have the brainspace to tackle that clusterfuck rn. reiterating: this is not an argument that the text treats sexual violence as such but that the in-universe worldview of the character does).

Armand killed Santiago’s Maker — possibly because Santiago‘s Maker made Santiago without Armand’s permission.

Armand killing Santiago’s Maker was very likely a display of sexually-charged/coded violence (as the majority of vampire-on-vampire violence is in the series, see: Lestat and Louis, Bruce and Claudia, Santiago and Claudia, etc.)

This was likely a display in front of Santiago, after which Armand likely gave Santiago the choice: “for the crime of being born — die with your Maker or join the Coven.”

Santiago (for the sake of his continued survival) chooses to join the coven.

Santiago transfers his contempt/sexual obsession from his Maker to the person who was capable of dominating his Maker: Armand. He puts Armand on a pedestal — the person who (as Santiago perceives it) dominated the person who dominated him.

Louis shatters this illusion by his relationship with Armand. Louis is outside the Coven, and thus, in Santiago’s eyes, undermines Armand’s authority. Any undermining of Armand’s authority is reprehensible to Santiago’s ego, to his essential-ness of self, because Santiago formed his identity on the premise that Armand was the Supreme Authority, who earned that authority through dominating the one who dominated Santiago (his maker).

Louis is a threat to Santiago’s status as Leading Man (maître/director/stepfather/god‘s Favourite Special Guy) specifically because Louis doesn’t want to be leading man (subservient to the director). Santiago is essentially finding out his god is a middle manager. This fallibility is unacceptable to Santiago

this is why santiago's dual mo is to provoke louis into acting out/undermining armand (racist remarks in dinner scene with the subtlety of an anvil/"are you companions?" y/n). in provoking louis to act out, armand swings down the hammer to remind everyone (Louis included) who is in charge.

Santiago has obvs clocked louis chafes at being reminded of his relative lack of power compared to armand (bc. yknow. actively living thru jim crow). by undermining armand, santiago reinforces Louis as the casual/less interested party in a partnership armand is willing to risk literally his entire life for. santiago wins/succeeds in his objective in both encounters.

(Santiago — particularly in choosing the stage name Windsor — is very clearly a metaphor for the decline of the British Empire vs. viewing Armand, Louis, and Claudia as colonial subjects).

idk why ppl tend to assume armand was lying abt sleeping with santiago, celeste, estelle, trinh and quan pham? like the FIRST thing we see Santiago do is indulge in an affair with Celeste (the next oldest vampire after Armand, since she was there when the cult ended and tvd was founded?) in order to shore up support for his leadership within the coven??? and that this has specifically reordered where Eglee is in the hierarchy of the coven as well

in Santiago’s usurpation of Armand as coven leader, it’s implied that Armand had a choice — between dying with Louis, Claudia, and Madeleine or remaining with the coven (as the rat box attendant, a purposeful humiliation on santiago’s part).

also there’s something to the “making a fledgling without permission” thing I can’t quite put my finger on.

in the first performance we see of tvd, Santiago literally asks Annika (?) who from the audience she would be willing to trade places with to save her own skin. She picks a man from the crowd and Santiago literally says to him [not exact quote] “when yr in the pews on Sunday, saying “peace be unto you, brother” look around and know that everyone of them would give you up in a wink”

Like its fun and games n all that vampire Samuel Beckett is there, but literally???? real life Samuel Beckett was a translator and spy in the french resistance whose friends (and nearly Beckett himself and his wife) DIED because they were sold out to the Nazis (by a priest iirc). like the show very obvs knows this, bc it is waaaay to specific to be an accident, right?

in wwii, Madeleine is presented with the options: starve or reap the benefits of being a Nazi collaborateur (in the form of an affair with the young soldier). There is obviously also an element coercion bc of being a relationship between the occupier/occupied, but I think the point of this is supposed to be dubious/not easily reconciled. See: Hiroshima, mon amour. No matter her reasons, she still chooses the Nazi soldier & turns her back on her community, putting her own survival first.

sidenote: the absolute most chilling person in the show is the human woman who casually drinks a bottle of wine while madeleine is attacked

in eastern europe (ukraine, i think?), Morgan Ward begs Louis (and Claudia) to intervene when Emilia is going to be beheaded by the mob for being attacked by the wolf.

Louis rejects interceding with Morgan and Emilia and the mob, despite Louis and Claudia absolutely know Emilia was not attacked by Daciana or the Revenant because they were literally just there and know there are no other vampires around

Louis‘ refusal to involve himself is foreshadowed earlier in the episode, with Louis literally name dropping the trope “magical negro” to refer to himself. The trope refers to a character of colour (with or without magical powers, typically Black) who exists to resolve things for the white protagonists, similar to a Deus Ex Machina. Overall, this stereotype reinforces the idea that the character of colour is there to serve the goals of the white protagonists, like the meta-narrative version of Mammy archetype. Louis, by refusing to involve himself (in order to prioritize his and Claudia’s survival), rejects the Magical Negro role.

Louis & Claudia walk away from Emilia’s “trial” only to be caught in their own trial by the end of the series, trying to appeal to the audience to intercede (and later cursing the audience for their spectatorship/implicating them in the violence of the trial)

Back to Paris: Louis asks Armand to turn Madeleine, Armand refuses. Louis (with the help of Claudia) turns Madeleine.

Santiago gives Madeleine the choice he, Santiago, was given: “for the crime of being born, die with your Maker or join the Coven.”

We know that Armand perceives the fracturing of his and Louis’ relationship in Louis’ choice to turn Madeleine? and that Louis “regrets that Daniel was burdened out of spite” — which possibly means “i, louis, regret that you, daniel, were turned into a vampire (by armand) in armand’s attempt to spite ME, specifically. because armand assumes the thing that would spite me the most is him turning somebody after refusing to turn madeleine in paris? (the thing that i, Louis, blame him for bc it was one more card in santiago’s hand he could play to shore up support from the coven for the trial)”

armand refuses to turn madeleine in paris, bc for whatever reason, he cannot permit himself to do so. santiago & co. were already planning a coup well before this, including undermining armand’s trust in louis to stick around, but armand def sets up madeleine’s turning as a turning point in his relationship with louis.

armand’s refusal — by turning madeleine, armand would, symbolically, be taking lestat’s role in the louis-lestat-claudia dynamic of person louis asks to make a fledgling on his behalf. armand would also take on the “marius” role in the marius-armand dynamic? always a fledgling, never a maker? armand clearly has complicated feelings abt this to say the least. (Armand turning Daniel imo finishes the work Louis started in sf ‘73, which does make Armand the lestat to daniel’s claudia)

perhaps in seeing louis make another vampire, armand fears louis could replace armand with somebody else/somebody new? armand’s self-imposed rule means that he has an extremely limited number of vampires (a hundred? a few hundred? i imagine its like trying to date in a rly small rural high school) for companionship, whereas Louis would have the limitless possibility of humans he could turn. if armand were preparing to give everything up for louis and leave paris for him, i could see that this would shake his faith in louis’ longterm commitment?

how does lestat fit into all this? literally dont know haven’t thought that far

enough thinking need 2 go make lunch