#when you failed me
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"just as I did, in 1983."
you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable
#my art#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#iwtv#armand iwtv#daniel molloy#armand#armandaniel#devils minion#drew this before the finale but idk maybe this is during the unspecified amount of time between armands divorce and daniels press tour#the titian painting doesnt fit at ALL with the timeline btw#i THOUGHT it did bc i assumed 1508 was when armand was turned into a vampire BUT upon reflection thats more likely the year he was born#and even then the painting was made in like 1510 so fuck me i guess. also im foggy on when armand was taken to rome#idk man i havent read the books and i failed art history on two separate occasions i cannot endeavor for accuracy#anyway as much as i love 70s/80s devils minion i have equal love for old man daniel#his cynicism has been tempered by time... refined like a diamond... he dont gaf and bullies his loser vampire and its hilarious#like ''sure yeah fine all these old italian renaissance guys saw ur ethereal otherworldly beauty but literally anybody can see that''#''IM the only mf who gets to experience the incandescent joy of seeing you be a messy idiot''#sidenote trying to make armand look unflattering is impossible u can blame the show for casting the worlds most beautiful man
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Personally, I think the most devastating tragedy in Gravity Falls was Stan losing his freckles and tooth gap from when he was younger
#MY MEMORY IS NOT FAILING ME RIGHT- I SWEAR TO FUCK STANLEY HAD A TOOTH GAP WHEN HE WAS A KID- IM NOT GOING SENILE#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#stanley pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#got obsessed with that paper texture background while making Stanley's Sketchbook so it's just a staple now#SUUUPER quick sketches so dont pay attention to the details n proportions shhhhhh.... you saw nothing.....
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nail polish trend with furin trio
#artists on tumblr#fanart#mint archives ; art#wind breaker#wind breaker fanart#furin trio#sakura haruka#suo hayato#nirei akihiko#furin trio oh!!!!! YOU ARE SO DEAR TO ME#the nail polish to eye color lives in my head rent free#suo and nirei picking out two polishes to match sakura’s eyes ughhhhhhh i love them#Sakura would be so bummed when he chips the polish off his nails too bc that’s his bfs colors!!!!!#would probably try to retouch it fail and ask suo and nirei to retouch it for him
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Does Chloe tone down her direct bullying/harassment of Marinette after that day to just the dead mom jokes out of guilt, or is it more that Marinette now being homeschooled means Chloe just lost access? Also, does Lila try the whole lying/sabotaging thing on Marinette and just fail or does Marinette just not care?
Lila has no reason to sabotage Marinette because Marinette isn't threatening her little empire she wants to build. In fact, she really wants Marinette on her side BECAUSE she's not apart of the school, so she doesn't need to keep up an elaborate web of lies! She can just try to befriend a talented girl who makes AMAZING food and try to get freebies~
meanwhile, with Chloe, things got really complicated after the pool incident...
Tom was not in the mood to put up with this crap.
#replies#my art#dad villain au#DO NOT... come at me about france laws I tried to look up jurisdiction when it came to minors in criminal matters#and everything I found was unhelpful#so for the sake of brevity just know that Chloe almost had a record from this event and the Mayor had to buy Tom out and promise a change#in chloe's behavior#also. I am sorry this italian is off google translate#I havent kept up with my italian duolingo#my friend in italy is going to be so pissed at me RIP my moses ive failed you
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something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.
#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting#as her deity being overcome with rage#something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard#and something about people loving you anyway#something about 'your anger isnt scary to me'#as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD#something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself#and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something#but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up#and how mad that makes you. at yourself.#this fight is so much#fhjy#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high
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"you know, my therapist says everyone needs a safe space, a place where you can fully be yourself"
[image description: 2 large gifs of evan buckley and eddie diaz from 9-1-1.
gif 1: from season 6 episode 12. in the diaz home, eddie (out of frame) watches buck sleep on his couch, his arm draped across the sofa.
gif 2: from season 7 episode 5. at buck's apartment, the camera pans as eddie, holding his phone, turns to face buck as buck rounds the corner of his kitchen island.
/end ID]
#the way they both seek refuge in each other makes me so incredibly unwell actually#its just. its always been them#no matter the homes they've tried and failed to build with others it's always been the two of them#also don't even wanna go into the “a place where you can fully be yourself” / “you don't have to be anything for anyone” of it all#especially not in the context of both buck and eddie's storylines in 7.05#maybe that'll be its own fun and separate set for when im less sleep deprived lol#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#buck x eddie#911 on abc#911 abc#9-1-1#alicia edits
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dogs.jpeg
#my art#digital art#fanart#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bsd fanart#dazai osamu#bsd lippmann#yosano akiko#bsd yosano#bsd dazai#i don't think i have share these fanarts#so here we go#dark era dazai bc he's so edgy#i love yosano's backstory never fail to make me shed a tear or two#lippmann you will forever be missed#how do you think chuuya feel when he's watching a movie and lippmann is the main actor?#maybe he watch movies just to see him again
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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saw someone saying something like "do you really think veilguard story would be better if you could do evil choices?" and actually yeah. i think if they let us act more like the dreadwolf on the "you are a paralellism to the dreadwolf" game, it would be more significant when the story tells you "you are a bit like him/you are nothing like him" because , thats how you chosed to play it.
#like i think the game could be good without the evil choices. but i would like a choice at all tho.#it can be just pragmatical vs idealist it can be about how much would you be able to give or sacrifice#how the game is now when you lose people it feels more like you failed more than you sacrificed them#veilguard critical#also#i can see all his memories and judge him in veilguard#but the thing that really made me be on his shoes#was the inquisition mission In Hushed Whispers#where you wake up in a horrible world and you just want the old one back#da4 spoilers#da4#dragon age#stuff like the emmrich mission i thought it was gonna be a paralelism to solas#of “would you sacrifice your people in order for you to have more power to save others?”#“would you move on from the dead or try to get it back ?” like it worked both ways#there was a moment in game i thought all the companion missions were thematicly connected to the themes of the plot#but idk the themes are there but at the same time there are not idk how to explain it#when varric is like “you are not like solas!!!” doesnt really work for me when its impossible to be like him#it never worked for me when charas in videogame tells you “you are X” for things that you are forced to do in game#and its always a gut punch or very satisfying when you actually chosed to do them#anyways im rambling
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day 10: love is devotion ♡
(femslashfeb prompt list)
#minifemslashfeb2024#ace attorney#junithena#athena cykes#juniper woods#melts into a puddle#junithena WARM junithena SOFT#junithena is so darling to me especially the version of it I made up in my head#ok I always write junie with imposter syndrome BUT#can we talk about how many skills this girl has. she can knit. she can sing. she can write. she can garden. she's smart#AND she's studying law to become a judge#I made her a painter for this too. because why not#god gave her health problems to nerf her. otherwise she would be too powerful#also athena short hair swag because I think she looks cute like that#do you ever think about the space and earth symbolism? no? just me?#is there something quite so intangible as falling in love with the stars#believing you will never reach them#when the stars are shining brightly to guide your way#they shine just for you...#mini be normal about junithena challenge: failed#'what are you talking about' shhh. shh.#you are safe now my sweet child
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"Brutus" - The Buttress but it is Aemond Targaryen
This project took forever to finish, but alas I am very happy with how it turned out. If you look closely you'll see plenty of religious imagery that lent itself as inspiration (real ones and asoiaf ones).
I might post some of these individually in the future to fully preserve the original quality, which I know tumblr will spoil :)
I also did switch some of the lyrics so it makes more sense, and swapped the Latin to High Valyrian:
Frater Meus = Nuha Lekia = (older) Brother Mine
Rex = Darys = King
The Valyrian glyphs = either "Fire and Blood" or the inscription from the dagger (as much of it as I could decipher at least)
#do I think Aemond is Azor Ahazi? No. Do I believe he is delusional? Yes.#If you see me switch art styles like 5 times in this pretend you don't see it#Me when I attempt fratricide fail and then compensate my guilt with religious imagery#this is my magnum opus pls don't let it flop#art#my art#ivansbadart#digital art#fan art#a song of ice and fire#fanart#fanwork#fan#brutus#the buttress#prince aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen#aemond one eye#aegon ii targaryen#aegon ii#aegon the usurper#aegon targaryen#aegon#valyrianscrolls#helaena targaryen#team green#the greens#aegond#artists on tumblr#asoiaf
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Just thinking about Dick freaking out over losing his title of best uncle to Jason.
Dick showing up to take Lian out and give Roy a break only to hear she's having a fun day with Jason
Dick walking into the room with the toy he knows Lian really wanted, only to find out Jason got it for her first.
Dick showing up to game night at Roy's only to find Jason already there.
Just Dick getting increasingly frustrated and his rival Jason having no clue well the the rest watch on in humor and exasperation. Roy finds the who thing hilarious.
Picturing it all coming to a head when Dick is babysitting Lian and she shows him a new photo they put up. Dick all dejectivly being like, "look, it's you and your favorite uncle."
The pure shock and joy he feels when Lian tells him he wrong and her favorite uncle is "you uncle Dickie, duh!"
The door opening and Lian shouting "Papa!" As dick turns to excitedly tell Roy what Lian said only to see it's Jason who's holding Lian.
Dick just bluescreening.
#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#roy harper#lian harper#batman#Roy being daddy and Jason is papa#Dick being oblivious to his baby bros relationship#nobody is gonna let Dick live this down#bright side is Dick still holds favorite Uncle title#Dick: I thought you were just really good friends#Jasons always there because he lives there half the time.#what's the point of having a rich Bruce if you can't abuse his money and tech to “work” in Gotham well still living with his boyfriend.#dick cries when jason asks him to go with him to pick out a ring#dick cries again when Roy does the same#dick: omg im living in a Hallmark movie rn#part two: features the battle for Grayson. aka both want him as their best man.#i wish i could edit tags because my grammar seems to fail me whenever I write in them.#my posts#jason todd x roy harper#royjay#royjoy#idk
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It's most likely just Starlin trying to get to Jason dying faster because he did not like Robin, but the whole "Jason's spiraling because of his grief for his parents" thing they were trying to spin was honestly really weird, not supported by the rest of the run INCLUDING the parts Starlin wrote, and kinda reads like an unreliable narrator situation because all of the information supporting it is given through Bruce's narration, him speculating on Jason's thoughts and actions.
The plot thread of Jason's grief for his family affecting his behavior shows up like TWO issues after Jason first becomes Robin back when Collins was writing, and gets sorted out after one conversation where Jason gets to confront Bruce about hiding his father's death from him for 6 months. After that Jason is behaving normally until they encounter three predators in a row, and each time Bruce insists that they can't do anything because of The Rules and assorted red tape/diplomatic immunity plotlines. (The sister of a woman who got dismembered actually tricked the violent-misogynist killer who dismembered her sister (and then got his serial killings dismissed through a technicality) into attacking her, and ends up killing him in self-defense, and then Jason's like "seems fair" and Bruce is like "no. it's NOT. we need to follow laws and not take justice into our own hands. which like wtf Bruce! you are a vigilante who just used a custom tank to fight an evil televangelist! who then got ripped to shreds by his followers while you watched!)
Bruce kinda just decides with Alfred that it must be grief upsetting him and not the dozens of brutally killed women and their predatory killers who the law inexplicably protected, (all written by Starlin, so retconning it for DitF like five issues later would be an odd move) but the only text claiming that's why Jason was upset is from Bruce's POV and through Alfred's dialogue. Jason himself doesn't display any signs of grief in the story itself, or even act or speak in a way that alludes to Catherine and Willis beyond looking at a picture of them and smiling fondly while he sorts through their possessions. He kinda just happens upon the box with his mother's info by chance, and is like ok i guess we're doing mom searches now. He was only going for a walk through his old neighborhood, not actively searching out info on his family. When Jason is deciding whether or not to run off without telling Bruce, he considers telling him and then goes "no, all he cares about is being Batman, he wouldn't even understand why I want to see my mom." Which, I mean, "Bruce wouldn't get it" is a REALLY odd angle if the sole motivator for spiraling, then getting benched* and running away to search out his bio-mom, was because he was mourning his dead parents, a thing he notably has in common with Bruce. That statement only really makes sense if he's thinking about a different thing that was greatly upsetting to him that Bruce brushed past, like maybe a combo of hiding the murder of his dad for half a year and allowing several cases involving sexual violence to freely develop body counts in the name of the law.
Lots of people have written about how Jason's stay in the manor might have seemed dependent on being Robin with how he was kinda just scooped up, but (if we're including Detective Comics in our characterization,) Bruce had offered to let him resign from Robin and just live with him (a little late, but still. It's worth noting Batman proper shows Jason afraid and uncomfortable at the thought of Dick taking Robin back, which lends more merit to the housing-dependent-on-Robin-misunderstanding interpretation, but canon is pick and choose anyways.) The lack of trust involved in his choice to search out his mom kinda reads like it was bred by more than that alone, and Bruce's prioritization of the law over the protection of the people it ignores is notably upsetting to him in the prior issues. tbh I really do believe the outcomes of those cases could have informed Jason's stance that Bruce's method of justice is ineffective right alongside his own murder and his experiences in Lost Days.
It would make sense for Bruce to not consider his own actions while he's thinking through things that would upset Jason, because from his point of view the things there that were bothering Jason were the criminals alone, not the way that the methods with which they were approaching their crimes continually led to the perpetrators evading actual justice. During the point in DitF where he's thinking through motivations for Jason's running away because something isn't adding up for HIM, the idea doesn't so much as cross his mind. It would also add another layer to Jason's sulkiness upon Bruce's arrival if he held the belief that Bruce is ignoring the consequences his brand of justice has on victims (and the way it's affecting him to helplessly watch it play out), starts to hope that Bruce actually can understand his thought processes/relate to him when he shows up, only to be told to his face that Bruce is prioritizing his style of justice over Jason again. With the way everything that led Jason to his bio-mom was comically circumstantial and the context of the previous issues, it's kind of the ONLY way Death in the Family makes sense to me. Tldr: I feel like the grief claimed as reasoning for Jason's actions leading up to his death is mainly speculation from Bruce and Alfred and the more textually-supported reason for his erratic behavior and lack of trust in Bruce is the lack of intervention in several sensitive cases that led them to worsen unobstructed and eventually permitted them to escalate into casualties in 2 out of 3 cases.
*Also, side note, but the idea that Jason got benched for the Filipe situation, while perfectly reasonable, is not quite spot on. The Filipe situation escalated into the fight in the junkyard where his dad is crushed by a car and Bruce is all "everything you do has consequences" which is kinda big words for a guy whose lack of action indirectly lead to a girls death earlier in the storyline, but true. Jason actally gets benched because he jumps directly into gunfire while fighting the third set of predators and Bruce starts to worry he's getting a little suicidal with it. He baits a guy into shooting at him on purpose again trying to protect mom prospect number 1 later on in DitF, so Bruce might have had a point with that one.
#do i think this was Jim Starlin's intent? ehhhhhh maybe maybe not#but it's fun how well everything adds up when you think about the subtext and implications outside of what's explicitly given#like Jason sees several predators go free under Batman's eye gets murdered then shows up believing that Batman fails at deterring evil?#surely these incidents could be related to each other#idk it's just fishy to me that Jason's grief is only spoken of by Alfred and narrated by Bruce#and his reactions to the deaths of over a dozen women and his dad's murder being covered up go unmentioned by both#“Jason doesn't talk about his parents lately” Jason has hard conversations through notes + refuses to talk about anything upsetting at all#he has his own narration in other parts of the story but somehow never mentions the grief he's said to feel#jason todd#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#death in the family#batman#batman meta
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2x02 // 3x01 // 3x03 // 3x13 // 4x12
Team huddle!
#so funny that there are no team huddles in s1 because they didn't plan back then#And then for most of s4 MK is in denial that there should be a plan beyond ''get my friends!''#lmk#lego monkie kid#plan man#one day I'll make my post of every time they mention the word ''plan''#that'll be a long one#''How could you lead us into this fight without a real plan?'' ''We've basically winged it without a real plan!''#yeah#4x12 did so much for me personally#Me pre s4: oh yeah it looks like MK took on the role of planning especially after Wukong failed to do so#And even further back MK focused on developing this skill after 1x10 when he was worried about winging it with his friends on the line#''What's the plan monkie man?'' ''I don't know. Wing it?'' ''Yeah! Sounds great!'' ''No! I didn't mean you guys too!''#s4 special: Hold my beer#Me: REALLY????? YOU'RE BRINGING THIS TO THE FOREFRONT FOR MK???#no one else may care but lmk writers just know. I do#I care
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