#Dick being oblivious to his baby bros relationship

[xy-is-i]

Just thinking about Dick freaking out over losing his title of best uncle to Jason.

Dick showing up to take Lian out and give Roy a break only to hear she's having a fun day with Jason

Dick walking into the room with the toy he knows Lian really wanted, only to find out Jason got it for her first.

Dick showing up to game night at Roy's only to find Jason already there.

Just Dick getting increasingly frustrated and his rival Jason having no clue well the the rest watch on in humor and exasperation. Roy finds the who thing hilarious.

Picturing it all coming to a head when Dick is babysitting Lian and she shows him a new photo they put up. Dick all dejectivly being like, "look, it's you and your favorite uncle."

The pure shock and joy he feels when Lian tells him he wrong and her favorite uncle is "you uncle Dickie, duh!"

The door opening and Lian shouting "Papa!" As dick turns to excitedly tell Roy what Lian said only to see it's Jason who's holding Lian.

Dick just bluescreening.

[blacklegsanjiii]

•°♤°• Lol imagine if Sanjis siblings get overprotective of him. Can't imagine if Niji wants to really fking electric someone in his whole entire life/existence when it comes to his baby bro getting hit on. Reiju kinda finds it amusing but has a limit. Yonji just straight up disapproves/confused. Ichiji just wants to spend time w/ his baby bro, not chasing off his admirers. (BTW in this AU, 1234ji/Rejiu are trying to mend their strain relationship).

I'm going to make this an AllSan AU where they set off together like in the swapped!sanji au because this is extremely funny to me. Sanji is not entirely sure why his siblings and him are leaving Germa, he's been locked in a room with a kitchen to keep him away from everyone and they like to think he's dead until they just leave. Like the servants knew but it's not like they would do much other than refresh some of his laundry or bring groceries for his kitchen. No one has particularly fawned over the blonde since his mother died.

But now they're leaving and Sanji is strolling around a market and Niji is trying to make conversation with him to ease the strain between them because uh... yeah he was a dick as a kid and he realizes it and he's just trying to be a better brother now. Except there's this marine with two cigars in his mouth yelling about some shitty pirate until he sees his little brother with an unlit cigarette in his mouth and offers to light it for him. Niji's been flirted with and sees what the marine is trying to do to his oblivious brother who takes the light. The marine offers to show Sanji around and Niji is like 'Sorry! Groceries! Bye!' and when Sanji asks why he did that Niji explains he was going to electrocute the marine if he tried anything with Sanji. Sanji, the beautiful boy, asks why it would be a problem and Niji says he was hitting on Sanji. Sanji waves this off because no one would be interested in him but Niji looks back at the marine as they're glaring at each other and some of the squadron is also now blatantly staring. He jokingly agrees with Sanji but says they need to stay on schedule anyway as they get the rest of the supplies and leave.

Yonji doesn't understand people and love, lust sure, he finds people attractive but at some point it gets too clinical for him and he thinks it's gross. He also doesn't understand why people want his older brothers, Sanji specifically. He is so aloof and doesn't understand what he's doing to people most of the time. This random lady put a flower crown on his head and blushed and ran away. Sanji was also confused but it's cute, Reiju took a picture of Sanji in it when they got back to the ship. One time a couple was straight up trying to get Sanji to go with them to their hotel room and he was confused. Yonji watched Reiju giggle as Ichiji held a sparking Niji from setting the place on fire and exploding them with lightning. Yonji straight up says Sanji can't go with them to the couple before hauling his brother away from the bar sans their drink orders. It's fine, Yonji got them with his winch hands.

Reiju adores her brothers and likes seeing them enjoy themselves and the bakery she in Sanji are in right now is utterly adorable, as is the flustered man running it who keeps sending pastries over. Reiju finds it rather funny at first until they have an absolutely absurd amount of pastries and they can't give them back and also the man is giving Sanji his denden number. Reiju is certainly growing more and more agitated. Also the entire time Sanji is not understanding and thinks it would be good for recipes and Reiju finally tells the man to quit trying to seduce her brother and drags Sanji out. Sanji is confused once again because no one shows interest in him - as far as he knows - and says it would be useful information if he's cooking for them. Reiju argues and sees Sanji flinch and she apologizes with a sigh and is just worried about him being taken from her again.

Ichiji has the unfortunate disposition of looking at his baby brother('I'm not the baby!' 'Not by age but definitely by abilities, bud.') talking to the Strawhat crew and Sanji where the swordsman and the captain are just staring at his babiest brother and deciding whether or not he should kill them or they should renege on the alliance they're in. Because Sanji can't stop being followed and Ichiji is just trying to give Sanji space to heal and grow but also his protectiveness, at least in part, comes from guilt for what he's done and he just really wants to chase off everyone going after the blond. It's after they run into Judge again and Judge is yelling at Sanji about his failings and broadcast it to their allies. Also about them taking said failure and leaving. The swordsman and captain don't seem to mind, maybe it's because Sanji feeds them.

But it's clear the swordsman and the captain like and want their brother, not just for the food and Ichiji is struggling with allowing Sanji to do things because he's just stuck in protecting them all. He finds Sanji later in the galley alone and leans against the counter next to him and out of the way. They look at each other and Ichiji sighs and says nothing they do will make up for when they were children but he doesn't want to hold Sanji back.

"You got me out, I think that pretty much solved everything." Sanji says.

"It didn't, you still flinch when we move too fast, Judge just broadcasted the best things about you when you both think they're awful failures. They aren't. That's why Luffy and Zoro like you." Ichiji shrugs.

"It's because I feed them." Sanji laughs off and Ichiji stares at Sanji in disbelief.

"Sanji, people have been lusting after you since we left. None of us have proper socialization and we're all dumb loners in our family, but we've had so many conversations about people wanting you for themselves and not knowing what to do. I chased off so many people, so has Niji. The bar where Yonji dragged you back to our table basically was because that couple wanted to take you for the night!" Ichiji gestures at his brother wildly.

"They were just being nice." Sanji waves off and Ichiji stands and starts leaving. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kill our dad!" Ichiji yells as he leaves and his siblings shout after him.

[after-witch]

With Friends Like These (Yandere Dazai x Naive!Reader)

Title: With Friends Like These... (Yandere Dazai x Naive!Reader)

Synopsis: One of your friends thinks Dazai is controlling. Dazai doesn’t like that at all. 

Based on: Anonymous said:  I just finished your recent yan dazai hc and now all I can imagine is that he moves forward with a plan to get that person to be all theirs using any method necessary [note: referencing yan dazai with oblivious/nurturing s/o headcanons]

Word count: 1400ish

notes:  yandere, manipulation

Dazai's thumb easily flicked down your phone screen, checking for anything interesting, anything new, anything (or anyone) that conflicted with his view for your life. You were in the shower, blissfully unaware that he'd read every single "private" conversation you'd had over the past few months whenever he got the chance. It was easy. You didn't hesitate giving him your password, once you'd agreed to start dating.

He probably didn't even need to do this privately, he mused; he could convince you that it was something couples did. Still, that came with the calculated risk that you'd offhandedly mention it to someone else, and they would let you know that your boyfriend was being controlling. They’d probably pry out more information that concerned them and before he knew it, you might confront him or god forbid, get up the nerve to take a break. And that might lead to... other measures, measures Dazai didn't want to take, at least not if he could keep you willingly.

So far, however, your messages were unsurprisingly mundane. You sometimes sent photos of him and you--going out to eat, heading to a museum, or simply resting at his apartment--to the few closer friends that he hadn’t yet been able to chase off.

You used to send solo selfies, silly photos of you wearing comfy pajamas or trying out new looks, but he'd put a stop to that; so now it was couples-pics or nothing. A few photos here and there. Check-ins and emojis. The occasional cancellation on your end--his doing, usually, it was far too easy to get you to lessen contact with friends. All he had to do was withdraw until you were upset, then dangle his presence in front of you on the same day as previously made plans. Sometimes Dazai hated how easy it was to manipulate you.

Ah, there is something, Dazai thought. A message from your friend Orion something-or-other. Dazai had pushed you into cancelling your recent planned lunches and movie nights and catching-up-over-drinks evenings with Orion.

He didn't want you hanging out with anyone, really, but Orion was a particularly annoying presence in your life. He'd sent you a long, meaningful and concerned message after your recent cancellation.

Dazai felt his mouth settling into a frown as he read each word. ‘You are my friend and I care about you…’ ‘I don’t want you to be mad…’ ‘I’ve talked to the others about this… ‘ ‘It seems like he’s really controlling…’ ‘Trying to isolate you…’ ‘It’s not normal…’ ‘Let’s meet at our regular place tomorrow to talk, please.’

What a prying bastard, Dazai thought. Trying to put his nose where it didn’t belong--trying to put his nose into something that belonged to Dazai: you.

Worst of all, you’d replied to this heartfelt message: “I know you care about me! I would never be mad at you for sharing concerns. :) I will see you tomorrow and we can both talk, okay? :) :) :)”

Part of Dazai was furious that you didn’t shut down your friend immediately. You should have rushed to his defense, soothing Orion’s concerns and praising Dazai to high heaven. Yet another part of him recognized that it was just another facet of your exceedingly good nature. You didn’t want to hurt Orion’s feelings by shutting him down, so you would hear him out. But was that really it? Or were you having concerns about your relationship that Orion’s message tapped into?

Dazai hated loose ends, and Orion’s place in your life needed to be wrapped up--permanently.

**

Dazai loved it when you looked anxious. You reminded him of a little mouse--and he was the cat, naturally. And it was his favorite type of nervous, soft, submissive expression that you wore as you shifted from one leg to the other in discomfort. You wanted to argue, he could tell. But you could never get up the nerve to be so mean to your boyfriend.

“Osamu… he’s--he’s one of my best friends. I don’t understand.”

Dazai kept a firm, patronizing gaze, the type that typically kept you from arguing too much. “(Y/N). I really don’t want to share the details. They’re too… awful… for someone like you.”

At that, you practically puffed out your cheeks, and Dazai had to bite the inside of his own to keep from smiling. 

“I’m a grown adult! You can tell me things, you know. I’m not--I’m not a helpless baby, you know.”

He said nothing, instead wanting to see where you would take things on your own. It was helpful--it let him know where you tended to drift, when left unguided. And it was fun to reel you back in when you strayed too far from his own plans.

“Fine!” You said, throwing up your hands. “Then I’m going to meet Orion for lunch. Who knows,” you quipped, “Maybe what he has to say will be helpful.”

It was enough to almost piss him off. But he knew that anger was the easy way out, with you. He could yell at you once and you would probably meekly comply. But that was a short-term solution to a long-term problem. 

So instead, Dazai sighed, long and drawn out and filled with an air of I-told-you-so. 

"Okay. I really didn't want to have to show you this. But..." he let the phrase trail as he pulled out his phone and tapped on the messaging app. "Read these. This is why I think you shouldn’t meet with this friend of yours.”

He held the phone out like something dirty, and you tentatively took it into your own hands.  Your eyes slowly looked down at the screen as you noted an unlisted number on top of the screen. It was a number you recognized easily--the messages were from Orion.

Your thumb slowly swiped down as you read message after message, and oh how Dazai wished he could take a photo of the look unfolding on your face. It was beautiful. You were beautiful. Hurt and humiliation and even anger mingled in, a sort of deep-set anger that he had never seen from you before. Part of him was tempted to encourage you to confront your friend, if only to see that anger bubble over. But that was an exceptional risk, so the notion was quickly tossed aside.

The messages you were reading, the messages causing tears to prick your eyes and your cheeks to redden in shame, ranged from “Orion” insulting Dazai for dating you to threatening him into leaving you and finally to insulting you.

She's a dumbass bimbo who would open her mouth for dick with a smile as long as you told her it was candy. Did you know sucked off every guy at her old work? Do you really want your reputation tainted by being with a whore like that? Just trying to warn you bro. Break up with her before it’s too late. 

And the final message, sent that very morning:

After I’m through talking to her today, I’ll be sure to send you a vid of her lips around my cock. I don’t mind an easy lay lol.

It was the last few messages, barbed and hurtful and oh-so-nasty, that did you in. Dazai watched as your pretty face crumpled into a scrunched, ugly mess. You barely had the strength to set his phone down on the table before tears began streaming down your cheeks. You used your free hands to cover your face in shame.

After appreciating the sight for a moment, Dazai took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around you. You melted easily into him, slotting yourself against his side.

“I’m--I’m--” you said, barely able to get out the words. “I’m so-so sorry!” You sobbed more, shaking your head in disbelief. Dazai felt like he could practically see the years of friendship splintering away in your devastated facial expressions. Feelings of betrayal made you so beautiful. He would tuck that nugget of information away for later use.

“He--he just wanted us to break up so he could... could...” You couldn’t finish the sentence, and instead you rested your tear-streaked face against Dazai’s shoulder.

He hushed you, gentle and protective. “It’s okay, (Y/N). It’s not your fault.” He rubbed your back soothingly. “You’re just too trusting for your own good.”

[thatasianstereotype]

Father, This Is Your Future Son-In-Law.

A short little side companion fic to my Adrien x Damian series. 

First: Fuck. I’m Gay. 

Second: Damn, You’re Looking Fine. 

Third: Shit. I Got To Deal With This Bitch (Again).

I’m still working on the fourth and final part of the series (it won’t be as long of a wait as Part 3). But I wanted to write how the Batfam reacted to their youngest suddenly getting a boyfriend while abroad. 

Creative liberties were taken. Also, this is a crack writing. 

The Demon Spawn who has gotten better at not attacking people at first sight but still just tolerates people. And his holier-than-thou attitude is still there with his love for throwing insults around like free candy. 

This is the kid that manages to snag a pure cinnamon roll sunshine as a boyfriend?

This angry grumpy child? 

Needless to say, the Batfam is in disbelief.

.

.

.

“What?” Bruce thought that the Teen Titans mission in Europe was done. “Why do you want to stay in Paris longer? Is something wrong?”

“No Father. I have simply found someone I wish to court. I will be spending time in Paris to see how best to present myself as an exceptional suitor that is all. Give my regards to Grayson that I will be missing Family Night but that I will make it up by introducing him to his future brother-in-law soon.” 

Bruce was too much in shock to answer when Damian hung up. 

“DICK!” 

“I think it’s cute that Dami is getting a boyfriend.” 

“Dick, you oblivious and naive child, you are completely missing the point.” 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m pretty sure Damian isn’t actually going to marry someone right now.”

“He said ‘future brother-in-law’ inferring that this courtship he wants to initiate will end in a wedding.” 

“I think you are reading too much into this, B.” 

“And you are not reading enough. Have I taught you nothing at all?

“You taught me paranoia.” 

“I taught you to be prepared for every kind of situation.”

“Pretty sure the possibility of your 17-year-old son getting hitched in Paris can be ruled out.” 

“Where did I go wrong with you?” 

And Dick rolled his eyes once again at Bruce’s dramatic-ness. This. This is where Damian gets it from. 

.

Ever the peace keeper in this dysfunctional trainwreck of a family, Dick managed to stop Bruce from flying to Paris. But much to their frustrations (even Dick’s who wanted to know who captured his baby bro’s heart), Damian did not tell them the name of his potential boyfriend. 

.

All in all, Damian spent about two months and a half in Paris before coming back home to Gotham. And the Batfam could see a difference right away. 

Damian was happy. He smiled (it was a little one but it had Dick squealing in joy) more and he was more tolerate of his brothers and schoolmates. 

“We should’ve shipped him off to Paris earlier if he comes back like this.” 

Tim was still staring at Damian like he was an alien. The demon spawn still insulted him every other day but hasn’t threatened to kill him at all since he came back. No ripping out his intestines to feed to the vultures or throwing him off a building for the rats to feast on. It was nice. Although a little part of him felt slightly unnerving. He doesn’t have any contingency plans involving a Nice!Damian. 

Dick shook his head fondly at his little brother, taking away his coffee full of too much caffeine and replacing it with decaf. He has truly ascended to motherhood. “Well, I think it’s nice that Little D found love.”

“In the city of love. Is no one paying attention to that part?” Jason munched on one of Alfred’s cookies. “Cause I think that’s hilarious. I thought Baby Bat would’ve choked on all the happiness and bright clean air there.”

Dick whacked his arm. “Stop being mean to Dami.”

“But Dickie. It’s how I show affection.” 

.

Adrien Agreste was the son of the supervillain Hawk Moth that have terrorizing Paris for the last 3 years. Batman was not at all pleased to hear that the Parisian heroes called for help and the Justice League turned them away. People have paid for that. Dearly. 

“So his mom’s dead and his dad’s a criminal?” Jason looked over Bruce’s shoulder at the BatComputer. “Kid’ll fit right in with our family. Demon sure knows how to pick them.”

“Hnn.” Bruce grunted. 

“I mean with you dating Selina, a notorious thief and doing the thing with Talia, a very dangerously lethal assassin, it’s no wonder where your son got his taste from.” 

“Jason.” Bruce grunted in a warning tone. 

“I mean when I’m right, I’m right.”

.

“Ok.” Tim started off tonight’s Family Meeting (excluding Damian), the topic being one certain ex-assassin’s love interest. “Looking further into the Agreste kid shows he clearly did not take after his villainous dad. He is one of Paris’ teenage models and have a huge fanbase dedicated to how pure and sweet he is. He is a literal walking ray of sunshine.” 

“How the fuck did that sunshine child tame our literal feral demon brother?” Jason said. Always the VIP asking the important questions here.

Tim actually had an answer for that. He pulled out several charts and data on his laptop and showed it to the others. “Looking further into Adrien, I have found evidence that he is the cat-themed superhero Chat Noir. Being a loveable and touch-starved kitten appealed to the demon brat’s almost non-existent affections.” 

“Timmy, Dami is capable of love.” Dick said in a disappointed voice. 

“I said almost non-existent, didn’t I?” Tim waved the Mom’s disappointment away. “But you guys have got to see this.” 

He pulled up a video of Chat Noir and Ladybug on the big screen. They watched him using his signature move: cataclysm. No one spoke for a few minutes as they processed the sheer destructive powers of the hero.

“You know what.” Jason broke the silence. “I have no more questions. I can kind of see how Agreste is the demon’s type.” 

What baby assassin wouldn’t be turned on by the literal godly destructive powers the baby kitten held in his hands? 

Dick, the only one wanting to keep things semi-PG here, smacked the back of his head. 

.

“Baby brother.” Cass greeted. She is back home from her Hong Kong trip and heard all about the famous Adrien Agreste. She thought it was adorable and that Adrien and Damian made a cute couple. 

“Hello, Cassandra.” 

She peered down at the list he was currently making. She gestured towards it with a confused look. 

“I am compiling a list of tasks that needs to be done before my Chaton and new sister-in-law come to Gotham. Only the best for them after all. 

Her eyes lit up. “New sister?”

“Yes. My mon amour’s sister will be our new one.” He pulled out a picture of her on his phone for Cass to see. “Her name is Marinette and she will be a fine addition to the family.” 

“Baby sister.” Cass said happily. She was always up for new family members. 

“Yes. I imagine you two will get along the best.” 

But she couldn’t help but notice that with all the preparations he is making, even if it is for his boyfriend and new sister, is a bit —how would Steph say it?— overkill. 

Her coal black eyes were sharp as she observed his body language. “You very serious on this. Why?” 

He can never hide anything from his sister. “I wish for them to have a good impression of our family so that their family will not be disincline to reject my proposal for marriage.”

“Marriage?” She was still quite unfamiliar with some words in English. 

“It means that you will be getting another brother too.” 

.

“We will wed.” 

Dick hasn’t even finished his cereal yet. He looked over at Damian’s serious expression. “Did you even ask him yet?” 

“I will present myself as an extraordinary suitor that he will be more inclined to say yes when I ask.” 

“At least you’re treating your man right.”

Damian took offense. “Why wouldn’t I treat my mon amour with anything but the upmost respect and love?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Little D. I’m just glad you’re in a good relationship and from what I can see, Adrien adores you very much.”

Damian smiled. “I adore my Chaton a great deal as well. Would you like to come with me to pick out a ring?

Dick could just hear Bruce’s voice in his head saying he shouldn’t be encouraging this. But come on, this was his baby brother who grew up learning how to hurt people finding a precious loving relationship for himself and he will be damned if he doesn’t support this. 

“Of course. I’ll be honored to help.”

His baby brother brightened before he launched into a rant. 

“I’m having trouble finding the perfect gem to complement his eyes. They are a certain shade of forest green you see. And many jewelry stores do me a great disservice by not having that certain shade or having utterly appalling quality for what my Chaton deserves.” 

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Taglist: 

@iglowinggemma28 @iz-bell-saiah @nach0ava @roselynfey @mochinek0 @wannajointhecrabcult

[samwrights]

Pining After You pt. 2 [hc]

Anon requested a part 2 to Pining After You featuring Tendou, Iwa, and Bokuto 😍😍😍 this one has slightly mature themes so please read with caution!

Tendou;

Tendou must have some ridiculous masochistic side to be so ridiculously head over heels for you.

Which he totally does but we ain’t here for kinks.

Being Tendou’s best friend was really easy for you, even if no one else really wanted to be, he was funny and kind and you really didn’t mind his quirks and oddities.

For the last three years, he was practically glued to your hip. He’d walk you to class, platonically holding your hand before telling you that he would see you at lunch or be back to walk you home from school.

Literally everyone in the third year, and probably second as well, knew that Tendou loved you. Like hardcore in love with you.

He knew the basics like what your favorite color was, your favorite foods, movies you loved. He also knew your fears, and declared to try to protect you from them, even if they weren’t fears in which he could do that.

Tendou even knew more intimate details, like how you preferred to hold hands with your right one or that you always needed a blanket over your feet when the two of you cuddled up and watched a movie together.

Homework and study dates were surprisingly your guys’ thing. Whenever you felt the need to get out of the house, a trip to a local coffee shop was a must—Tendou knows your order by heart. No matter how complicated it may be.

Dinner dates were also a big favorite for the both of you. Being in high school, it was hard to afford the finer things in life, but when you could splurge on a nice meal, you and Tendou were all for it. Complete with purposely ordering different meals so you could share with the other.

Literally, all of Shiratorizawa was confused as to how you two weren’t already dating???

“It’s platonic, and it’s rather cute.” Was always Tendou’s response.

“No, you idiot, it’s one sided.” Probably Semi Semi said this, but everyone has said some variation of it.

When it came to asking you about this relationship, you were so goddamn oblivious you swore that even Ushiwaka wanted to ram his head into a wall for Tendou’s sake.

“What do you mean we’re dating?? He doesn’t like me like that?? He’s always held my hand and walked me to class since the first time we ever talked??”

💀💀💀 RIP TENDOU.

Poor boy laid it on so thick that you literally couldn’t even tell.

Y’all were a lost cause.

N e ways, the two of you are walking home from one of your dinner dates on a Saturday night, holding hands and shit.

Tendou, in a very Tendou Satori fashion, stops everything he’s doing, letting go of you when he knows that you aren’t walking forward without him.

“We graduate next week.” His voice is kinda off, no bubbly chirp or teasing drawl.

“I know, Satori, we’re in the same year ya dork.”

“And we’re going to be going away to Uni.” Okay, Tendou playing captain obvious? Weird.

“Tendou, we’re going to the same university, we decided this two years ago.” The collective pronoun sends a pang through his heart and, whether it was out of love or pain, he was unsure.

He had never been so unsure of anything in his life. Not loving you, no. He would never regret that.

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

ASDFHGKSLWNTI.

Despite all of your intimate moments, Tendou never put his lips anywhere near you, a vow you never knew he made to himself. He couldn’t—not without agreeing to throw himself off the deep end.

“Wait, what?” Instead of asking the question again, Tendou takes a step closer to you, closing the gap by wrapping his arms around your waist. You respond by reaching up on your tiptoes and holding his cheeks in the palm of your hands.

“I’ve always loved you.”

Iwaizumi;

My baby Iwa!! I’m gonna destroy him :-)

He questions himself every single day, how and why the fuck he fell in love with someone on the “meme team”.

The meme team being you, Makki, and Mattsun.

By second year, the three of you were so tight knit, it was natural that you would always be at their practices and matches.

Everybody thought you were dating one or both of them because of how protective they were of you.

You were an absolute joker. Sarcastic, dirty, walking troller—he has no idea how his crush even started.

Yes he does. It started with jokes during second year, when he overheard you saying that if Makki got a service ace during practice you’d suck his dick.

You were joking, your friends knew you were joking, but Iwaizumi went home that evening, wondering if you had followed through with it and couldn’t help but be jealous.

This went on for nearly everyday for a year, slowly killing him on the inside. The laughter that bubbled past your lips when you were with them, the way you would smile in pride when they scored a point. His favorite was when your friends would pick you up and carry you chest to chest when they won a match, parading you around with your ass juttng out just a little bit as your legs wrapped around their torso.

Why couldn’t he be the one carrying you? The reason you were smiling and laughing? He hated that he wanted to be the reason.

One particular practice, Iwaizumi had enough of it. His game was off entirely—every spike he made was either out of bounds or blocked by his teammates.

One of his spikes accidentally hit you in the face.

ASKLRNGKFOHMYGODHEHITYOUINTHEFACE.

Immediately, he rushed over to your side, his face redder than a cherry as he stuttered out an apology. “I am so sorry, are you—“

But you were laughing. That angelic, chime of a harp that was your laughter slowly transitioned into a bellowing guffaws. Why were you laughing?! Your nose was bleeding! “If you wanted to talk to me so bad, you could have done literally anything but that.”

Makki and Mattsun are in the background howling like hyenas.

Ever the gentleman he was, Iwaizumi walks you towards the athletic trainers office, trying to ignore what you had said to him moments ago. But you weren’t gonna let it go, hell no.

“An unforgettable first date.” You tried again, knowing full well your fellow third year was always staring and gawking at you. He wasn’t exactly subtle.

“This isn’t a time for jokes, your nose could be broken.” But Iwaizumi was loving the attention right now. Although, he couldn’t help but feel that you were treating him the same way you treated your friends, causing his envy to rise again.

“It’s only fair. I broke your heart, you break my nose.”

“What???” 💀💀💀

“Bro, you’re so obvious. Good to know our plan to make you jealous worked.” It. Was. PlaNED?! Iwaizumi was a murky, muddled mess of emotions—angry, jealous, embarrassed were only a few he could name off hand.

“So you knew.”

“You’re not exactly subtle, baby.” The pet name succeeds in flustering Iwaizumi even more, even as the two of you sat in the trainer’s office with an ice pack over your nose.

“So why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I wanted to tease you.” The salacious grin on your lips doesn’t go past him this time.

“I’ll show you teasing.”

Bokuto;

Bokuto weakness #38: you.

This particular weakness, Akaashi noticed, sent Bokuto through a wave of emotions, rather than immediately switching into his emo mode. Perhaps he would never understand it, but he was still able to discern which part of the wave Bokuto was in.

If his sole focus on you, Bokuto would be overwhelmingly touchy no matter who he was in contact with. Unfortunately for the setter, that usually meant him but he was used to it by now.

From what Akaashi could gather, it was because all he wanted was to physically touch you in some way, shape, or form and he had no way of doing so, so he settled on touching everybody else.

He would start getting loud—louder than normal, louder than thunder. Perhaps Bokuto thought that his volume would somehow transcend other noises in the vicinity and make you hear him, wherever you were. Didn’t matter if he was in the classroom or at the gym, he wanted to be heard.

When he decided that you didn’t, Bokuto’s emo side would come out. His mind would begin to spiral, thinking of how he would never have a chance with you and he was forever cursed to never have you by his side. Unfortunately, Akaashi could only fix this during matches, as you were present as a member of the cheerleading squad.

“Bokuto, she’s watching you.” Whether you actually were or not didn’t matter, because Bokuto would immediately bring his A game. He could never look to see if you were, because he was afraid that would make his feelings obvious for you.

It was when Akaashi wasn’t there that served to be the problem, as nobody could stop his spiraling.

It came as no surprise to him that he developed a crush on you. You were happy, upbeat, and didn’t have a mean bone in your body. Everyone else thought it was just because you were a cheerleader, but Bokuto wasn’t shallow.

It was your kindness that drew him in like the warmth and glow of a candle, or like having a hot chocolate on a cold, winter evening. Bokuto wanted that warmth in his life. But he also knew it was an unattainable dream since he didn’t even know how to strike up a conversation with you.

It wasn’t until the Fukurodani sports awards ceremony that was held at the end of the year to commemorate and celebrate all of the school teams that he had even been closer than 10 feet to you.

The event was held every year as a send off to the third year captains, with the cheerleaders walking, arms linked at the elbow, with each captain to present them to the school in addition to the celebration of their achievements. In every cheerleaders free arm was a bouquet of flowers that they were to give to their respective partners.

You just so happened to be paired up with Bokuto.

He swears up and down that his heart stopped multiple times that night, or he thought the entire event was a figment of his imagination.

“Being presented by second year cheer squad member, [lastname] [name], is captain of the Fukurodani Volleyball Club, Bokuto Koutarou!” He deadass didn’t know you were only a second year

The smile you gave when everybody began clapping for him made Bokuto melt. Like a proud girlfriend.

“Congratulations, Bokuto.” You handed him the bouquet while the two of you were still on the stage, the principal listing off the volleyball team’s accomplishments.

He couldn’t stop the word vomit from coming you.

“Will you go on a date with me?” He didn’t know how to start a normal conversation, so he just skipped straight to the point. By now, the principal’s announcements had stopped, the venue had gone quiet, and everybody in the room had heard Bokuto’s question.

...

The silence was deafening and all he wanted to do was bury his head in the nearest trash can. Why why WHY DID HE JUST SAY THAT—

“Pick me up at 8 on Saturday?” The volleyball team, his team, began slow clapping until every sports team had joined in with various screams of support coming from voices he wasn’t familiar with.

Unsure of what to do with himself, he started poking your cheek. “Is this real life or am I dreaming?”

You could only laugh before dragging him off the stage so the principal could continue with the ceremony. “It’s very real, Bokuto.” The warmth that he was desperate to feel suddenly filled his chest like hot wax.

“I didn’t think you even knew I existed.” He blurts out.

“What, you think it’s a coincidence that I was your partner for tonight?”

Wanna see a specific character? Or a different head cannon? Want to see a whole story?

Send in requests!

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[homestuckcontroversyin2020]

My Opinions on The Epilogues

So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.

Preface over, let’s get into the meat.

My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that  came out.

It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.

So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.

I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.

Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.

Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.

Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.

Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??

Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.

I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.

I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.

Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues. 

John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))

Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Bedside Stories ch.3 (baon)

Summary: Edge is finally home, ready for a week of relaxation and healing! Yeah, about that...

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Domestic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, 

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

So, thing was, Stretch loved Edge. Like, really loved him. It was hard to believe a few years ago if he’d stumbled across Edge drowning in a lake, he probably would have offered him a nice glass of ice water. To be honest, Stretch didn’t even like to think about those days because it had a lot less to do with Edge and a hell of a lot more to do with him being a raging dick, but eh, it happened, they’d worked through the hedge maze of their issues, and the prize at the center was finding the love of his life.

A few bumps in the road didn’t change that, a little stupidity shared on both sides. He loved Edge, Edge loved him and that was a fact.

So it was kinda nostalgic, in a way, how much Stretch wanted to murder him.

Okay, not really, but he might’ve considered a little light maiming, if Edge already being maimed wasn’t the main issue at hand.

Literally zero people ever would be surprised that Captain Control Issues was a very shitty patient. Stretch liked to think that he personally raised annoying doctors until they cut him loose to a new artform, destined for museums and private galleries alike. But Edge, ah, he didn’t argue with doctors or nurses or brothers or husbands or whoever took the time to wander into his life to give some much needed medical advice, no sir.

What he did was politely allow them to state their piece and then completely ignore it and do whatever he decided was the best course of action instead, and if that ended up with him passed out on the bathroom floor that one time after a nasty bout of Monster flu, welp, next time he’d probably just try harder not to get caught.

The irony of him demanding to be able to take care of, oh, everyone and not allowing anyone to give back the favor was bitterly delicious.

Getting Edge to promise to behave was a pretty good first move, but that had problems of its own. To begin with, Edge tended not to give promises the weight that Stretch thought they deserved, and he didn’t much feel guilty if he decided it was in everyone’s best interest to break it.

Two, even if he was keeping to the letter of the promise that did not mean he couldn’t be an asshole about it.

Stretch could admit he’d probably been setting himself up for a fail by asking Blue to give them a ride home from the hospital. His reasoning for doing it made sense at the time; Blue was feeling a little left out by his big bro, so while Andy could’ve done it and would’ve probably rejoiced to be asked, Blue had been freaking ecstatic.

Problem was, there was only so much ecstasy to go around and Blue took up all the best shares.

The drive home was like getting served up a nice, rare slice of hell, with Blue chattering nonstop about how Edge needed to follow the doc’s directions and that he needed to listen to Papy, and that he’d be happy to come over and help out with chores and he could clean the kitchen, do laundry, whatever they needed, they only had to ask and Blue would be there in a flash, starry-eyed and ready to work!

Edge’s noncommittal grunts morphed into strained silence, then to something very nearly a subsonic growl of restrained murder, especially when Blue mentioned touching the kitchen. Stretch could only desperately go for the diversions, not an easy task when he was origamied into the tiny backseat, prying his knee out of his mouth long enough to change topics.

He’d felt like a batter at a baseball game filled with maniacal clowns that’d tied one hand behind his back so he was stuck desperately swinging at any ball that got hurled in his direction on the off chance he’d get the miracle of a home run.

The straw that finally broke his wounded camel’s back was Blue innocently asked if Edge had scheduled his mental health assessment yet, and that was interesting for two reasons; one, that he obviously hadn’t and two, that Stretch didn’t know about it, which was a little bit of bullshit. There was already one person in this relationship who liked to lie by omission, they didn’t need two.

“you need to get an assessment?” Stretch asked, cautiously, because he could read a room, thanks, “for what?”

After a long moment of deafening silence, Edge said, “Everyone involved in the incident is required before they return to work, and, no, I haven’t scheduled it yet.”

Stretch got the nuance in that right quick, he was pretty damn familiar with his baby’s quirks, and the growl layered under his voice meant, ‘I do not want to talk about this, so I cordially request you stop, lest I am forced to do something awful that I will feel guilty about for days.’

Shame Blue wasn’t fluent in Edge-ese, since he immediately started in, “Oh, but you should, it’s wonderful! I stayed for a few hours just to chat and--”

“I will get around to it!”

That snarl was loud enough to echo in the car and Stretch cringed as Blue fell silent. This...this sucked, this was awful, a parody of all the times Blue interceded when he and Edge were still at each other’s throats, only Stretch wasn’t nearly as damn good at it, he didn’t want his husband and his brother fighting, but anxiety was choking him as he tried to think of what to say to take things down a notch.

Blue beat him to it, saying with easy mildness, “All right.”

He snapped on the radio, and that he chose an easy listening channel that Edge was fond of was a pretty nice concession in Stretch’s opinion.

He wasn’t so sure Edge agreed. The car had barely stopped when Edge was out the door, simmering gently while he waited for Stretch unfold himself from the backseat and get his crutches out of the trunk. Stretch only offered them silently, watching as his husband bumped his way up to the porch, balancing awkwardly on one leg to unlock the door, which he shut firmly behind him.

Okay, yeah, got that loud and clear.

Seemed like Blue wasn’t as oblivious to the early stages of homicide in the air as Stretch thought, because he didn’t follow, only left the car running as he got out. It was so frustrating, Blue’s heart was always in the right place and damn if there was anything Stretch could think to do about the sadness in his smile as he said, “Why don’t I just bring over a casserole later?”

“that’d be great, bro,” Stretch said honestly, even as he waffled helplessly. He knelt and pulled him in for a hug, holding on tight. That Blue snuggled in happily made him feel a little better, and he whispered against the side of his brother’s skull, “keep me from trying to burn down the kitchen making dinner.”

Blue nodded, his chin digging into Stretch’s shoulder. “Tell Edge I hope he feels better soon? And if you do need anything, please call.”

“i will,” Stretch promised, then lingering outside to watch his brother drive away. Only then did he go in and that was when the real battle began.

Here he was, ready and willing to give his baby anything and everything he could possibly need to help him heal and what the survey was coming back with was that what Edge wanted was absolutely nothing.

Help getting into the shower? Nope. Help propping his leg up on the precise stack of pillows he’d insisted on making himself? Nada. Food at least he took with grudging thanks, eating it with sharp, precise bites while he sat glaring at either the television or his phone. Stretch almost told him if he didn’t pay attention, he was gonna bite off a finger, but eh, there were times when it didn’t pay to test your luck.

Three days in and about the only thing Stretch could be grateful for was that they didn’t have any hair because both of them would’ve been ripping it out in handfuls by now. If Edge was going stir-crazy in slow increments, then Stretch was just plain going nuts. He was sick of watching the news, sick and sickened, all the debates back and forth about the responsibility of Monsters for what’d happened. Two Humans died in the explosion, but no Monsters had and somehow people were adding two plus none and getting bullshit because conspiracy theories were sprouting up like daisies over that. Even worse, since the trip hadn’t been advertised all the junk blogs were howling about deception and plots. Like any other ambassador for any other country went on the press junket before they went out of town?

It was all so stupid and Edge was working on jittering his way to bonkers because he wasn’t allowed to do anything about it. Normally Edge didn’t need much in the way of sleep, but that didn’t apply so much when his body was trying to heal. He should be getting plenty of rest, snoozing away in their bed with Stretch cozied in next to him or sprawled out on the sofa, his leg safely propped up while some ancient black and white movie rambled on in the background. Instead, he was staying up way too late watching the damn news, and if Stretch had known Edge was going to be laser focused it, he would have blocked the stupid channels. Shadows were starting to show under his sockets, faint reddish stains and yeah, he was keeping off his feet, but it wasn’t like the doc knew he was supposed to order Edge to sleep. His fault for assuming the Director of Operations for the Monster Embassy had the common sense of a baby moldsmal.

The fourth day was kicker.

Stretch’s pitiful cooking skills were getting one hell of a workout since he didn’t want Edge to have to live on casseroles and frozen leftovers the whole time he was convalescing. Grilled cheese at least he could manage, he’d helped Edge make it often enough, and he forced himself to stay right by the stove while it was cooking, no wandering off for one second, no quick check of his twitter. He stared that toasting bread down until he was golden perfection. Okay, yeah, the cheese was sort of oozing out of the sides but close enough. That along with some of Edge’s homemade tomato soup was a pretty good lunch and Stretch carefully put it all on a tray to take it out to the living room.

Edge was sitting exactly where he’d been for the past three days, in the corner of the sofa with his cast propped up on a very precisely placed stack of pillows. The side table next to him was filled with pens and notebooks alongside scatterings of post-it notes. He was watching something on the tv with painful intensity, scribbling furiously.

It was hard not to snap at him that he wasn’t supposed to be working, especially since he technically wasn’t because nothing he was doing was getting to any of the folks at the Embassy. Frankly that only made it more irritating, all this stress was for nothing.

“hey, it’s about that time,” Stretch said with forced cheer, carrying the tray over.

“I’m not hungry,” Edge said curtly. He didn’t look up, still writing furiously.

“except you should be, because you barely ate this morning,” Stretch said, calling on reserves of patience that he’d been storing up since he heard Edge would need to stay home for a week.

That only got him a scowl add-in, free of charge, “I don’t want them, I’m fine.”

Stretch gritted his teeth and breathed out through them. “except for how you’re totally not fine. you have a leg that is barely healed from being broken and you need to eat something so you can take your meds.”

“I’m not hungry and I don’t need them right now,” Edge repeated, sharper. “I’m trying to listen to this.”

For fuck’s sake, it reminded him of Blue when he was a toddler and didn’t want to stop playing even for lunch, but the brief mental picture of Red trying to deal with a stubborn babybones Edge wasn’t enough to calm Stretch’s growing irritation. “except you don’t need to listen to it, you’re off the clock. what you do need is to eat something and take your pills per the doctor’s instructions because you told me you would. you promised me.”

Intellectually, Stretch knew what came next was an accident. Edge was only gesturing, a sudden, fierce sweep of his arm filled with all his frustrations that was supposed to punctuate a snarl of what he thought about doctors and promises, and fuckall else that was bringing him down. He didn’t mean to clip the side of the tray, sending soup and sandwiches flying. Totally an accident and that was the truth.

That didn’t stop Stretch from yelping in surprise as he was promptly covered from brow bone to crotch with soup. It didn’t hurt or anything, it wasn’t that hot, but he could only stand there, stunned, blinking at Edge who looked equally shocked through a dripping curtain of tomato.

Okay, yeah, looked like here was a good place for a time out.

Silently, Stretch turned on heel and went right back into the kitchen, ignoring Edge calling his name. He snagged a dish towel and wiped off his soupy face, then tried the same with his sweatshirt and pants as much as he could.

Through the door, he could hear the thump and bump of a skeleton on crutches, Edge would be coming through it any second now.

Stretch didn’t wait around for it. He shortcutted out, even though that was a surefire guarantee that he’d never get the damn stains out of his sweatshirt; apparently a trip through the void made it a lot harder to shout it out.

He only went as far as the porch, dusting the tiny drift of snow off the steps to sit down as he pulled out a pack of smokes. He lit one, inhaling deeply and letting the soothing nicotine wash over him, easing the low simmer of his temper. He couldn’t help being a little amused that it tasted a bit like tomato soup.

The cigarette was nearly burned down to the filter by the time the front door opened. Stretch didn’t look up as Edge limped out, standing behind him, leaning heavily on his crutches as he said softly, “I’m sorry.”

Stretch exhaled a cloud of smoke and said, “gonna need more specifics than that. sorry for redecorating my shirt? sorry for being a shit? sorry for working your ass off when you’re supposed to be resting?”

There was a long silence, the crutches creaking as Edge shifted his weight. “Am I allowed to choose all of the above?”

Wasn’t possible to hide his smile and Stretch could nearly feel the tension easing in the air, “sure. can you come down here?”

“Yes, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to get back up.”

Carefully, Edge eased his way down, his casted foot stretched out in front of him as he settled on the stairs next to Stretch. Not that they stayed next to each other for long, Stretch went ahead and curled around him from the side angle, one leg across his lap and the other knee braced against Edge’s spine. Made it easy to wrap his arms around his baby and pull him in close, pressing a kiss against the side of his skull.

He cupped a hand at the back of Edge’s skull, smoothing along the curve with his thumb. “babe, i know you’re trying to help, but you really need to take care of yourself first. you’re supposed to let me help you, you know?”

Edge leaned into his touch, but his words were firm as he said, “I need to do this.”

“why?”

“I need New New Home to be safe, I need you to be safe.” It almost sounded like a confession and Stretch wondered what was going on in his husband’s beautiful, battered skull. How much he was beating himself up for what happened, because, what, he couldn’t predict the future?

“baby, i need you to be safe, too. safe and healthy and taken care of, no,” Stretch insisted when Edge tried to interrupt. “listen to me now. i let you run a little wild with the protectiveness because i know it’s something you need, okay, but, we’re married, full partnership. that means sometimes i protect you and take care of you, i don’t give a shit what nonsense red’s pounded into your skull. it’s my turn now.”

He waited until Edge nodded, reluctantly but it was there. “and i get that you need to see what’s going on with the embassy, but you aren’t going to be any good to them if you go back exhausted. you need to take care of yourself. let me help. turn off the tv for the day, hide your phone in your desk, and get some rest.

For a long moment there was nothing but the hush that came with lightly falling snow, then Edge sighed heavily, “Okay. “ He swallowed hard and the dregs of shame in his voice made an ache rise in Stretch’s soul as he said, softly, “I feel like I’m doing everything wrong for you lately.”

Stretch pressed a rough kiss against the side of Edge’s skull, breathed in hard the scent of his magic faintly tainted with tomato. “might feel that way, but you’re not, babe. i promise. come on, let’s try something different, yeah?

He helped Edge wobble to his feet and followed him inside, biting back a couple choice words when he saw Edge’d already cleaned up the soup disaster. Not worth an argument and Edge did let him help to get settled on the sofa, his cast propped up on its pillow nest.

“comfortable? in any pain?” For once he wasn’t going to fuss about the pain meds.

“Yes and no, in that order.

“Great.” And without preamble, Stretch pulled his sweatshirt over his head, then pushed his track pants down to puddle at his feet. Didn’t bother to try for seductive, there wasn’t much need, anyway. Edge was usually seduced by him breathing, proved it by staring with wide sockets as Stretch sauntered over. “think you could use a distraction, don’t you?”

“I...yes. Yes.” The word shifted closer to a moan as Stretch straddled him, and he could say with a good amount of smug pride that very soon, Edge was pretty damn distracted.

Afterward, while Edge was sleeping peacefully on the sofa, Stretch went upstairs for some fresh clothes, taking a second to scrub the last dregs of tomato off his bones, ugh, used soup wasn’t much of an aphrodisiac, but he’d made do. Letting it linger like the world’s worst perfume was out of the question, though, people downwind would think he was Sans. He scribbled a quick note to leave on the coffee table and paused, looking down at his husband.

The blanket rose and fell with every breath, and beneath it, Edge was still bare to his bones. His sockets were finally closed in sleep, all the tight stress-lines on his face eased, making him seem oddly young, or maybe just his age. Looking at him, Stretch felt a surge of love so strong it made tears sting. He leaned down and pressed the lightest kiss against Edge’s forehead, the softest touch. He didn’t stir, days of exhaustion catching up to him, although Stretch liked to think it had something to do with the last pleasant hour, too.

He left Edge sleeping and headed out to the bus stop, settling into his seat as the bus droned on to Ebott. There was someone who owed him a favor and Stretch was about to call it in.

~~*~~

tbc

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAPR prt 15

Babies... Keith's head was filled with everything baby. His legs as shaky as a new born fawn as he stumbled along beside his mother's side. She hadn't held back. On any of it. Keith wasn't sure if he was relieved that his dick was semi-normal by Galra standards. Sure. Not all of them did what his did, so it wasn't common in recent era's, but it wasn't completely uncommon either. Though it usually happened when they considered their partners their other half after years of trust... Not when the relationship was new and fresh, and not so much between same sexed couples. So his dick had a mind of its own in that aspect. Or that was the general gist of what he got. There was something about cross species and Altean's and he didn't need to know that Kolivan had never swelled up in his mother, and yet, he'd been cursed with that information against his will. No amount of mental soap and steel wool would ever expunge that from existence. They hadn't even touched the topic of Lance other than the very top layer of him not being alright, his interest in Galra pregnancy failed to stay a background interest. Once his mother started she didn't shut up. No matter how many times he'd groaned, dry wretched or covered his ears. And Kolivan... Kolivan was loud. Keith nearly threw up on that fact alone. He didn't need to know his father was a "grunter" while Kolivan was "loud". No amount of therapy would help him. Why did he need to know any of this?! Why was he being punished!? He wanted his husband. Lance wouldn't subject him to the "ins and outs" of his parents sex life. Even phrasing it like that led to his soul draining away a fraction more. Kolivan wasn't loud... Loud Kolivan... How was he supposed to face Kolivan again? Still in a daze, Keith could see Shiro and Curtis approaching, both men happily holding hands as they took in the fun of their festival. He envied them. There they were, oblivious to Kolivan in bed, while he was haunted. Pushing his boyfriend towards them, Keith kept walking until he smacked into Shiro's wide chest. Krolia sighing at him, while Curtis hung back behind Shiro "Keith? You ok there, bud?" "Kolivan's loud in bed" Blurting out the most tormenting thought of all, Krolia snickered at him. Shiro awkwardly patting his back, as if that would magically make him feel better "Uh... Good for him?" Keith shook his head, looking up to meet Shiro's eyes with a silent desperation in his to be saved. Covering her mouth as she continued to laugh, his mother was horrible "I gave the birds, the bees, and the babies, talk. He's been like this for the last varga" Shiro's face morphed into second hand embarrassment as he sympathised "Oh, man. I'm sorry to hear that" Dropping his gaze back to Shiro's chest, Keith mumbled "It's in my head" "Did you learn anything useful?" "Kolivan's loud in bed" "I don't think that counts as useful. Where's Lance? I thought he'd be with you?" "He's lucky. He escaped. He's sleeping... Shiro..." "I know. I heard you. Are you sure he's alright on his own? Maybe I should go check on him" "He's got Kosmo. If you want to be helpful, you can take mum" Snorting at him, Shiro's robotic arm patted his head "Sorry, little bro. I've got an arm wrestling match to win" "Take me with you? Please... I can't take any more" "Keith, you're being over dramatic. You're part Galra, and though you and Lance aren't ready for children yet, you should know about your heritage, whether you choose to adopt or use an egg donor" Keith whined at Shiro. He definitely was not ready to be a father. Not after what his mother said. Babies now took the top list of terrifying things. Projecting out both ends. Endless nights of screaming. Crying with no idea why. Mood swings. Leaking boobs. Constant need to pee... Puking. Poop all the way up and out the nappy. Sudden infant death. Defects. Potential haemorrhaging during birth. Strokes. His knees just about gave out. His mother was supposed to make him feel better. Not scare the ever living quiznak out of him. How was Lance even functional. He had to know about all these things "I think you've broken, Krolia. Would you like to join us? Curtis has a tendency to really get into these kind of things. He's nearly as entertaining as the match itself" Curtis grumbled about his boyfriend, but Keith could hear the love. It only served to make him miss the grounding presence of his husband. He never should have climbed out of bed. All he'd done since climbing out of bed was be hassled by spiralling thoughts, and nearly upset Shay. A whole lot of "nothing accomplished". "How could I say no to you, Shiro? It's a much better invitation than walking around with Keith like this" Shiro laughed, his brother was traitor. His brother had also been painfully right. He had no idea what he'd gotten himself into... or gotten he and Lance into. He needed his husband. Lance would know what to say... hopefully... Mumbling Lance's name, Shiro patted him on the head again "Curtis, do you want to go check on Lance real quick for us? I would send Keith, but he's defaulted to factory settings" "I don't mind... but do we have the time?" "We have a little over 40 doboshes before the first match starts. That should be enough time for you to check on Lance and to get back in time to start checking out the competition" Turning Keith, Shiro placed both hands on his shoulders and pushed him forward "Come on, you. Hot sweaty arm wrestlers are just the thing to brighten your mood" "Not as hot as Lance" Leaning in, Shiro proceeded to prove he was able to fuck with him just as bad as Krolia did "Trust me. Curtis goes crazy for this, in more ways than one. He barely keeps it in his pants. Maybe you should enter? I bet Lance would go all weak-kneed" Keith bit down a silent groan. His family were a bunch of mean weirdos. As he felt himself walking forward, he could only ponder as to why he even let them into his life to begin with. * Woken by Kosmo barking, Lance hadn't had enough sleep. His head throbbed, and his throat felt as if someone had held his mouth open then poured gravel down his throat. Confused by what was going on, he made to climb off the bed, only for Kosmo to growl at him. The wolf seemed to have grown in size as he paced between the bed and the door. It wasn't until he heard a "thud" against the door that his heart started racing. Someone was out there. Someone was out there and they were doing something. If it'd been Keith, or one of their friends, then Kosmo wouldn't be going crazy. Scrambling off the bed, Lance grabbed his blades from his boots, Kosmo growling at him again, then grabbing him by the hand when Lance went to move towards the door. Pulling his hand from Kosmo's mouth, Lance sidestepped silently to the wall, following along to the door. His senses narrowed and focus on the shuffling sound on the other side of the door, waiting for them to make their move. Each tick a dozen beats of his heart... but nothing was happening. Looking at Kosmo and giving him the slightest nod, the wolf teleported from the bedroom. A clear yelp coming from the otherside. Not wanting Kosmo to kill someone, and not completely sure it wasn't a case of the wrong room because all the passages looked exactly the same, he whistled softly, Kosmo reappearing as the sounds of heavy footsteps running gradually faded away. All at once, he deflated against Kosmo as the wolf trotted to him. Wrapping his arms around him, Lance buried his face in Kosmo's thick fur as he tried to calm down "Thanks, boy. I'm ok... I'm ok" Whining at him, Kosmo gave a yip and wriggled out his hold, before head butting softly at Lance's stomach with a kind of" questioning yip". Lance would have laughed if his heart wasn't still going a zillion miles an hour. With shaky arms, he wrapped them back around Kosmo who teleported them over to the bed. Kosmo was trying to make him rest, but it honestly felt like he'd left his stomach back over near the door. He'd always know Kosmo was so much smarter than he played. He obviously knew Lance was pregnant... Kosmo probably smelt it on him. He knew such things were possible. He been a "pregnant whore" before. Feeling his fears turning to tears, Lance remained semi-kneeling as he started to cry softly. Keith had barely been gone a few vargas. He remembered telling his husband to go, and now he was having a meltdown because Keith wasn't there to hold his hand. He had no idea what he would have done if they had entered his room. He'd sent Kosmo out there when they could have hurt him. He hadn't thought. He hadn't acted rationally. He'd grabbed his blades in preparation to attack. If he hadn't recognised the person... he could have... he probably would have... He... It wouldn't have been the first time that he'd murdered someone. There they were... He and Keith playing happily like he didn't have a past. Like he deserved to be happy. To start a family. How many people had he taken away from their family? Whining softly, Kosmo wriggled to get his head up, nosing at his tears. He didn't want to upset Kosmo. He didn't want to upset Keith. Keith was so excited about their twins. He'd thought he be happier about it all. He thought he and Keith would choose when it was time, when their marriage was actually functioning. He had to be fine by the time Keith came back. His husband was trying to hard to make him feel loved and safe "I'm ok, Kosmo. Thank you. I think I want to get some more sleep, but I can't do it when you're sitting on the blankets. Hop off for me, then you can have all the pats and cuddles you want" Jumping down off the bed, Kosmo trotted over to the door where he sniffed loudly at the bottom seam line, before starting to scratch at it. His fur son sending his heart racing all over again at the thought that someone could still be standing there. Someone waiting for him... His lungs already felt tight, as if verging on a panic attack. Knowing that it wouldn't leave until he knew for sure that no one was there. Lance moved much more carefully and slowly as he climbed off the bed again. His steps were just as light as he moved to the door, slamming his hand down on the door button. Darting forward, Kosmo grabbed something off the floor. Lance kicking into overdrive with the panic the action brought. What was he thinking!? Did his son really not have as many brain cells as he thought he did? Grabbing Kosmo by his collar, Lance wrestled him back into the bedroom, hitting the door button blindly as he moved to stand over Kosmo, feet planted both sides of the menace. As the door silently slid closed, Lance grabbed the object from Kosmo's, Kosmo having the nerve to look proud of himself "Go get on the bed. You're a shit. You don't do that. You cannot, I repeated, you cannot go around putting whatever you want in your mouth. Don't scare me like that again" Kosmo's tail kept thumping. Lance's words going right over his head as he tuned him out "Bed. Now!" Huffing, Kosmo teleported away, the wolf scratching back the top blankets to climb underneath with his arse hanging out. Tail still wagging. His son was an idiot. The object in Kosmo's mouth turned out to be an envelope. Sliding the tongue out, no mysterious powered poofed out. Holding the envelope with his left hand, he carefully pulled out what seemed to be a series of photos with his right. Frowning at the top photo, it was of his date the previous day. With the envelope behind the photos for support, his hands grew shakier. The first 9 photos were of his date with Keith. All of them taken from a distance. All of them of him, zoomed in so his face took up the majority of the frame... He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. Why would anyone take photos of him? He was on a date with his husband. He hadn't hurt anyone... Hitting the last two last photos, his eyes widened as he thumbed them on angle so both were visible. Vomit shooting up his throat, as the room swayed. One photo was his face scratched out. The second the stylised "y" he still hadn't recovered from. The stupid "y" that he found himself searching for on each customer that visited his bar, which was followed by the moment of fear when he couldn't see their arms. He loved his job. He lived for his job. That didn't mean he didn't have those fears. That didn't mean that some days he wanted to hide because of those at his outpost. Shaking so hard he fumbled the photos, Lance let out a squeak as the photos went up in flames, gone in a couple of ticks, as if the envelope had never been real. No ash or scorch marks on the floor. No scent of burning paper. Nothing... just... This had to be a dream. It'd been phoebs... Phoebs... He hadn't pissed anyone off lately, or anyone that he thought had a connection to those people... Sensing Lance's spiral, Kosmo teleported off the bed. The sudden touch of his long wet tongue against Lance skin made him shudder. Ghosting fingers sliding across his throat. The sensation of a hot breath against his ear. His breathing catching in his throat as his mind went blank. * Arm wrestling wasn't Keith's thing. Shiro and Krolia were locked in a heated debate over the competition line up. Shiro had the advantage with his robotic arm, but some of the competitors... you couldn't tell where the muscles ended and their heads started. They were so jacked that Keith wasn't sure they had any kind of life outside of the gym. Maybe it was just him, but liked men like Lance and himself. Neither of them looked particularly strong on the outside, but completely dominate a fight if needed. Long and lean, he loved his husband's strong arms, and even stronger legs. The soft warm hands that felt full of love, yet had and could kill if pushed so far. These guys reminded him of cheap plastic figures stuck in place, whereas Lance was flexible as hell. To an overly impressive degree... More than Keith was... which was frustrating. Lance got into enough trouble without being able to squeeze into even more trouble. Left to ponder what his husband would think of all of this, he wondered if it would be better to just slip away back to their room. Only, he didn't have the words he needed yet. He was in love with his twins, yet fucking terrified thanks to his mother. He loved Lance more than them, so why was it that when he tried to reassure himself that if something happened Lance being safe and well was his priority, that he couldn't get the thought of their hands and faces out his mind. Did that mean they meant more to him than his husband? Would there be a time when they meant more to Lance than he did? He felt like he'd missed the bottom stair and was stuck in the horrible long moment of limbo. When Curtis finally joined them, the first match had begun. Holding his left forearm, Curtis sidled up to him, confusing him with his meek manner. He'd only gone to check on Lance, what possibly could have gone wrong "Curtis, everything alright?" "Have I done something wrong?" Keith blinked half a dozen times "No? Did something happen? Did Lance say something? If he's having a panic attack or a meltdown he sometimes acts without control" "I didn't even get to check on Lance. Kosmo bit me" Rolling up his sleeve, the marks were bloody where his wolf had latched on. Keith's eyes went wide at the sight. Kosmo knew Curtis. He'd solicited pats from him more than once before "What did you?!" Yelled at to "shut up", Curtis didn't make his mistake of yelling. Instead he dropped to a more of an angry hiss "Me? I was pacing out there trying to figure out if I should knock, or let myself in case Lance was sleeping. I didn't want to disturb his rest if he wasn't feeling well still. Then when I hit the door button, I mustn't have hit it properly because I walked straight into the door. Then Kosmo teleported out and bit me!" Keith groaned, burying his face in his hands. Why the quiznak was Kosmo such an idiot!? Curtis was a friend. He knew Curtis was a friend... yet... Lance was also pregnant. Kosmo hadn't seen him since before he fell pregnant... His wolf was only trying to protect Lance in his vulnerable state... but that didn't make him any less of an idiot. It was Curtis! Curtis had the patience of a Saint! "I think I know what happened. Kosmo wasn't trying to hurt you. He was trying to protect Lance. He's nearly telepathic with Lance's moods. I am so sorry. Lance was most likely asleep, maybe even having a nightmare, and Kosmo saw anyone who wasn't me as a threat. We should get that cleaned up..." Curtis slumped back in his seat "I feel stupid for not knocking now. It felt wrong to just walk in on him..." Keith's appreciation of Curtis only rose further. Curtis genuinely cared for Lance, and wanted to respect his boundaries. Having been through so much with Shiro, Curtis most likely understood how triggering an unknown presence could be "Lance wouldn't want you bitten. Maybe next time try knocking, then letting yourself in? I don't know what to say. He's never acted like that before. Does it hurt? It looks like it should hurt" "Honestly, the moment he latched on I... I think I screamed before I ran" The confession was low, Curtis's pride damaged by Kosmo of all things. Screaming because of Kosmo... That was usually Lance as he was tackled down and licked to death "If it makes you feel better, Kosmo's tackled Lance and made him scream before" "It doesn't. He's a menace" Sounding huffy, Curtis only made it funnier by sounding exactly like Lance. The laughter he gave not appreciated as Curtis covered his bitten arm, before crossing both arms and glaring down at the arm wrestling ring "Sorry, Curtis. Lance frequently calls Kosmo a menace" "Lance is right. See if he gets extra treats next time he's on the Atlas. He's gone and done his dash" No wonder Lance and Curtis had found common ground so easily. They were way too alike... Having listened in on their conversation, Krolia leaned right over Keith. Showering his lap with the pastry crumbs of the weird thing she was munching on "You never got to check on Lance, did you?" His mother was right. Kosmo had chased Curtis away before he'd had the chance "No... If Kosmo is with him, and that aggressive, then he should be fine, shouldn't he? You did say he was sleeping when you left him, didn't you, Keith?" Keith nodded. Still, a sense of dread had started to rise from the pit of his stomach. Lance could have been having a panic attack on the other side of the door. He could have had a nightmare. He could have been throwing up again... What if he'd stressed himself into another seizure? "Yeah. Had a late night, maybe I should go?" Krolia sighed at him, spilling more crumbs as she nearly crushed the pastry while waving off his comment "If he's sleeping, you should let him sleep. Both of you are so stubborn about resting when you need to. Still, it's strange for Kosmo to bite..." Shooting up, Keith clenched his fists. Ignoring the fact he'd basically hit his mother by accident in his haste, Keith didn't feel reassured by either "adult" he'd been seated between. His life felt like a kaleidoscope of chaos, and he needed more "adult" adult "That's it. I'm going to check on him" "Keith" Calling his name, Keith ignored his mother. She'd filled his head with a hundred and one things to think of. He literally didn't think his brain able to absorb anything more.

[randomahsheadcanons]

Royle Headcanons

• They’re the straightest gay couple in the world.

• They used to constantly remind each other that they weren’t gay, they were “just a little bicurious” and it became an inside joke.

• Their entire relationship is just that one vine.

• “Bro, I had a dream we fucked”

• “Bro, it’s just a dream”

• “Ha, gay! I wouldn’t fuck you”

• “You wouldn’t?”

• “I mean, unless you want to”

• But now they say “no homo” as a joke.

• Rory, after swallowing Kyle’s cum: No homo though.

• Rory calls Kyle “Ky”, “bro”, “baby boy” and “princess”.

• Kyle calls Rory “Roro”, “dude”, “babe” and “gorgeous”.

• They wear each other’s clothes all the time.

• Kyle used to wear one of Rory’s sweatshirts so much, Rory had to give it to him.

• He wears it whenever Rory has to travel without him.

• Kyle loves Rory’s hair so much.

• Rory might have developed a hair pulling kink from Kyle’s cute little obsession with his hair.

• They have a bunny named Carrot.

• And she’s the cutest thing in the world.

• She sleeps on their bed and Kyle holds her like a teddy bear.

• He has to be careful not to hurt her since he’s still upset about what happened to the dog.

• Rory always tells him it was an accident and it will never happen again, but he’s still scared he might hurt someone.

• When Kyle opened up about his mother, Rory was FURIOUS.

• He had to calm down and focus on making sure Kyle knew he was there for him no matter what.

• Kyle cried his eyes out and Rory held him close, saying that it wasn’t his fault.

• He asked him if he wanted him to sleep on the couch tonight, but Kyle said he trusted him and he didn’t want to be alone.

• Rory got very protective after he and Kyle talked about everything his mother did to him.

• He also tried to make sure Kyle was comfortable with having sex with him.

• Rory is a sweetheart during sex.

• He always tells Kyle exactly what he’s going to do before doing it, so Kyle can tell him to stop if he doesn’t like it.

• He likes tickling Kyle to lighten the mood.

• They switch, but Rory usually tops.

• Kyle can’t handle being a top because it reminds him of his mother.

• Not to mention he gets out of control when he’s fucking someone and he accidentally hurt Rory once.

• Sometimes he forgets that being brought back to life made him very strong.

• Rory and Kyle are extremely competitive.

• Especially when it comes to video games.

• They play everything: Cuphead, Mortal Kombat, Mario Kart, Detroit: Become Human.

• They might as well create a gameplay channel.

• They also like to compete in sports.

• Even though they both know Kyle is better.

• Kyle broke Rory’s arm once during a very intense game of ping pong.

• Of course he gave him a handjob to compensate.

• Rory is insecure about not being as strong as Kyle.

• Kyle likes to pick him up bridal style just to show him who’s boss.

• Whenever Rory has to travel because of work, he calls Kyle all the time.

• He asks him about his day and does his best to keep in touch, even when he’s busy.

• Because he knows Kyle hates being left alone in their home.

• And just listening to Rory’s voice makes his day better.

• They actually have some really hot phone sex.

• “I’ve been thinking about you all day”

• “Oh, yeah? What are you wearing?”

• “Your sweatshirt. It smells like you. I fingered myself and came all over it… no homo”

• “Perhaps ‘no homo’ will be our always”

• Kyle doesn’t like it when Rory has to kiss someone for a scene.

• He gets really jealous.

• When Kyle gets jealous, he gets extremely possessive.

• He almost sucks Rory’s dick in front of whoever is trying to flirt with him.

• Sometimes he gets mad at Rory and refuses to talk to him for the rest of the day.

• He thinks Rory is actually flirting back, but he’s just a nice guy who also happens to be a dumbass.

• He doesn’t even realize that someone’s flirting with him.

• And he rarely gets jealous.

• Probably because he’s too oblivious to notice when someone’s actually flirting with Kyle.

• If he does notice, he doesn’t know what to do.

• He kisses Kyle to show that he’s taken, hoping the person will stop flirting with him once they notice he has a boyfriend.

• If the person doesn’t stop, Rory gets confused.

• He legit doesn’t know what to do.

• He awkwardly stands back and watches as Kyle politely rejects the person.

• Rory and Kyle usually stay home instead of going out.

• The paparazzi won’t leave them alone when they go on dates and they just want some privacy.

• So they just stay home and have a lot of movie marathons.

• They both have a similar taste in movies, so it works.

• They like action movies, Disney movies, even Adam Sandler movies.

• They order pizza and just sit on the couch for hours watching their favorite movies and TV shows.

• Sometimes Kyle asks Rory if he met one of the actors personally and if they’re a nice person in real life.

• He also likes to know all the celebrity gossip.

• Rory points at some random actors and actresses and goes: “divorced, lesbian, ex girlfriend, crackhead”.

• They thirst over some actors and actresses.

• And then they watch Madison’s movies just to comment on how bad her acting is.

• “Oh, now she has to pretend she’s crying”

• “As if she actually had a heart”

• Rory and Kyle rarely fight because they usually agree on everything.

• They high five a lot.

• Sometimes they stage fake proposals to get free meals on expensive restaurants, even though Rory is rich.

• They enjoy going to the beach and building huge sandcastles.

• Rory is actually a decent singer and he sings Africa by Toto to Kyle when he can’t sleep.

• Kyle’s favorite Disney princess is Ariel because her hair it’s “just like Roro’s hair!”.

• Rory has bribed some people to make sure the kiss cam focused on him and Kyle on their second date.

• Kyle likes to brush Rory’s hair and sing Part Of Your World to him.

• He also sings Under The Sea when they’re on the bathtub together.

• Basically, Kyle is adorable and Rory is whipped.

• And they’re the second cutest couple in the world.

[shutterbug-12]

Succession S2E3 Thoughts

I...am sickened. And that made me hurt. Lots more under the cut. 

Overall: 

Well. That was terrible and horrifying and heart-wrenching. Obviously, Boar on the Floor was...just...the most awful thing that’s ever happened in this show. In a lot of shows, actually. It was humiliation porn, and it was sickening. It was in no way funny. And I wish Tom and Greg would run far, far away from this terrible family, but...I can’t realistically see that happening. The only redeeming thing about this episode was (aside from Connor’s continued absurdity) Tom’s decision to protect Greg, showing that, despite wanting some prestige and status for himself, he doesn’t want it that badly and that he is still different from...this fucked up family. That he has a god damn heart in there. The two of them at breakfast the next day, guh. *hugs them* I really think this bonded them more than they already were. And I kind of do want them to just...run away and open a California Pizza Kitchen. And be loved and safe. 

And, after Shiv’s continued horrible behavior towards Tom (the world, really, but especially Tom), I wish Tom would leave her, but...he won’t. It goes without saying that Logan acted in a disgusting way--beyond disgusting--but so did Shiv, as she always has; we’re just seeing it more out in the open now, more obvious. Everything she does is calculated and deliberate. And everything she does is selfish. What she pushed Tom to do was both of those things--she wanted to insulate herself from having to tell Logan what she thought of the acquisition and position herself advantageously in his mind, and she didn’t give a shit about what it might do to Tom. I can’t even get into how I feel about all this open marriage bullshit. Look, I know polyamorous relationships can and do work, but this is in no way working and in no way healthy, for them, especially for Tom. And my heart just...broke for him at the end. Just...into a million little pieces. I realize that Tom has never fully come out and told Shiv that he is absolutely not okay with this, but if she didn’t see it in his face and hear it in his voice, then she...is either more callous than I even thought or positively oblivious. But, as Shiv has said herself, the essence of a person can’t and won’t change, so I don’t see her somehow experiencing some grand revelation and changing her behavior in this relationship. I am totally mystified at how Sarah Snook (who is great, absolutely) insists that Shiv loves Tom. Completely baffled, because I continue to see...no love there, from her. I see that he loves her. I do not see that she loves him. So...color me interested to see how she changes, I guess? But right now, at this moment, I’d like to push Shiv off the top of the Empire State Building. 

And I want to surround Tom with as much love and affection as possible. Oh, speaking of Tom--I’m not sure how much more shit he can take, really. I’m worried about him. I wouldn’t be surprised if next episode includes the water bottle throwing, because, even though I think he and Greg are more bonded than ever, I think Tom has quite a bit of misplaced anger to get rid of, and I think he might hurl it in Greg’s direction. 

Kendall: I am disappointed in him. He is still a lifeless zombie, and I need awesome Kendall back. The savvy businessman with a heart. I want him back. 

Roman: I admit that I felt a tiny bit of sympathy when we really got to see the little insecure child that he really is. 

Connor: please keep being stupid, I love you. 

As I watched: 

I'm a time-pressed executive. Oh, Greg. Trying to speak so clearly, and use big words. And yet...you're failing to mention any of this is off the record. You said all the words but the most important ones. Oh, there they are. Said 'em too late. 

Who's dying? Well, Logan doesn't care, whoever it is. 

This Logan sidekick adviser guy was a Nazi in a movie, wasn't he? I swear, he was. I just can’t think of which one. 

Wow, a real meeting to executives. 

"French kissing an armadillo." A+ for that, dude. 

No, Gerri does not like this. And she's a smart lady. I'd listen to her. 

I love how Tom is trying to absorb all this Logan-and-business-related information, but...is clearly struggling to keep up. I also like that he's clearly not comfortable there. He even sat himself at the far corner of the giant table, next to no one. At least you're pretty, Tom. 

A morale booster. Uh huh. 

Oh my dear God, Connor. The ideas primary. He is nutso. So nutso. And I think Roman is serious about 1% of the time, but I totally believe him when he says Connor only knows about jail from Monopoly. 

Ha, Tabitha! You've just fucked all of NY's elite, haven't you? And Tom. Sort of. 

A big angry puffer fish bristling with dick. Bwhahaha. No, Tom, you're right, I would stay far away from whatever that is. 

You know what, Shiv? I know you're really pissed off because you weren't invited to the corporate retreat when you're...you know, not yet part of the family business, which was...your own damn choice, but don't ask Tom to do that. You know what's going to happen. 

Tom, come on. Hold your ground, maybe? 

Your meat puppet? Wow. Oh, don't try to walk it back. You're not joking. You know how I know? Because it was mean. Not funny. Okay, well, at least you can admit you weren't joking, Shiv. 

Greg, bless you. A very white, very wealthy band. U2! Ahahaha! 

Historically speaking, when I'm betrayed, it's usually you. Okay, that was kind of funny. 

No, no, no, bad time Tom. Don't talk to him now. Don't talk to him at all. Don't do it. 

WONDER WOMAN! IT WAS WONDER WOMAN. That sidekick dude was the Nazi dude or whatever evil power he represented in Wonder Woman. Ha. I remembered. 

Sam looks like a douche. Cool hair, bro. 

Was Greg in the front craning for a look around? OMG, he was. Eheheh. He's taking pictures, I love him. 

Tom in a sporty down vest. Love. 

It IS good to see Frank, actually! 

Connor's scenes have seriously become some of the most hilarious ones of the show. He is so incredibly absurd. Hyper-decanting, ahahahahahaha. I'm dying. 

I can't get over how Shiv can speak truths about other people, but be so, so hypocritical at the same time. 

Aww, Tom doesn't want to lose his buddy. A girl can start to wonder. Aw. On the friend level. Awwww! 

Ratfucker Sam! Yeah, he looks like a ratfucker. Is he nice? You're asking about the moral character of a man named Ratfucker Sam? That...is the funniest line in the show so far, OMG. 

Aw, that was a great scene, too. With Greg and Tom. Tom knows how vulnerable Greg just made himself. He knows the kind of damage he can do to Greg with this information. 

Kendall's hat! Can we talk about Kendall's hat?! 

Oh, man. Everyone is putting Tom up to be the sacrificial lamb. Oh, yikes. Poor Tom. Practically getting pushed now. Ugh, of course Gerri and Karl know Shiv asked Tom. *hugs Tom* 

Aw, Greg and Tom really are cut from the same cloth, aren't they? Tom's bizarre preamble "heads up" is almost exactly like Greg's "pre-meeting" with the author. Gaaaaah. I'm already cringing. Oh, poor, precious Tom. 

........ Just a guy who works for me? Shiv. ......fuck right the fuck off, you fuck. Also, did you take your rings off? Or is that guy just a blind moron? Don't let me down, soldier. Ugh. 

Logan, you trying to get us drunk? Taking a page out of Roman's playbook? Oh, damn. That hurt my heart. "Why don't you pipe down until you tell me I've got a grandson coming? Or are you shooting blanks?" That...man, that was even more painful for Tom than Logan intended, probably. 

This is...excruciating. 

Oooh, but what a great shot of Logan and Kendall. 

This is some nightmarish shit. This is so fucked up. I just...this is like...psychological torture. Way, way beyond bullying. This is humiliation porn, and I am a little bit sick over it, to be honest. 

Ugh, and now we get to see Shiv fuck another dude. Cool. Ah, she did take off her rings. And it is NOT simple, Shiv. It really isn't. 

Can I just...Tom needs to get all the hugs and love and ice cream ever. Just...all the cuddles. 

I think this is the strongest Tom has ever been...just...showing up to breakfast in the morning. I would have tried to become one with my bed and pretended to be dead until everyone else left. Someone please hug him. 

They need to hug Greg while they're at it. Just bear hug those two at their sad little humiliated breakfast table. At least Greg is saved. For now.

Awwww, Greg saying thanks. Tom touching him, aww. That was...nice. The only two decent hearts in the room, I swear. (For the record, Kendall, I still believe in you, but you've become a lifeless puppet, and I want you to come back, please.) A little cute, though, that Gerri is taking pity on man-child Roman. 

NOBODY KNOWS THE PRICE OF A GALLON OF MILK. I'm with Roman on this one. 

Tom, baby, just walk back out of the house and never come back. He doesn't even try to hide how he felt about that terrible...ness. Oh, god, and he's trying to stick up for himself just a little bit. SHIV, GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE WHILE HE'S TALKING, JUST ONCE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Okay, okay. Good. 

Also, Tom, it's not at all being a dick to want to have an equal say in a relationship. But, I hate to break it to you, I don't think Shiv is going to change any time soon. I just can’t see that happening. She even said so herself, that the essence of a person can’t change. 

Aaaaaand my heart just broke. Tom's little..."Oh. Maybe later." And he's so desperate for some kind of affection that he needs to hug her anyway. Guh. Just. Kill me now. That was agonizing. 

Yeah, that whole thing was agonizing.

[eledritch]

These fics can all be found on my AO3, @magisterpavus (which, for those who don’t know, basically means Master Peacock. It’s a pun/dick joke. And a reference to Dragon Age’s Dorian Pavus. The more you know!)

This fic list format is loosely inspired by jojo @arahir‘s fic list, here. 

I’ve organized fics by ship & series. I also have...some different emojis. Because damn, do I love my AUs. This list will be updated and accessible via sidebar link on my page. Enjoy!

(and, yes. seal it with a kiss does have 2 fire emojis. i think that’s warranted.)

KEY: 🔥explicit 🕯️slow burn 📚 multichapter 👽alien biology 🐉 fantasy/magic 🔪blood/injury 💔angst ⭐new/currently updating

SHEITH

Between the Shadow and the Soul (BTSATS) 🔥 🕯️ 📚 🐉 🔪 💔

161.6k  |  wild west au + old gods au + side of plance  |  keith saves a mysterious stranger in the desert and finds healing and love with him, along with a little magic.

Seal It With A Kiss (SIWAK) 🔥 🔥 📚 🐉🔪 💔

135.7k  |  witch + incubus au  |  after kerberos, keith will give anything to bring shiro back, including his soul.

⭐Gridlocked (Cybersheith) 🔥 📚 🔪 👽 💔

10.9k / wip |  cyberpunk au + galra keith + “dark” shiro  |  the world as they know it ended awhile ago, but keith & shiro are survivors. oh, and criminals.

In The Gray  🔥 💔

17.7k  | post “blackout” + astral plane shiro  |  shiro & keith secretly pine for each other. then shiro gets trapped as an astral ghost. pining intensifies. 

Rain, Rain, Go Away 🔥 💔

4.7k  | first time + pre-kerb |  keith waits for shiro.

Raw Honey 💔

4.7k  |  sequel to ^ + post-kerberos |  shiro returns to earth and it feels like a dream.

Death to the Angel  🕯️ 📚

26.3k / wip  |  victorian era a/b/o  |  keith and shiro learn to trust each other in a world built on hierarchical oppression on the basis of sex. 

Oh Captain, My Captain 🔥

8.1k  |  post s7 + authority kink + feelings  |  keith calls shiro captain even when he doesn’t have to anymore.

KLANCE

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR GALRA AU

Bonding Time �� 👽

9.4k  |  that one wild galra keith sex pollen fic  |  keith has a galra “problem” & lance lends a hand (among other things)

Pillow Talk 🔥

4.9k  |  no sex pollen, just sex  |  they switch & lance is a huge tease

Star-Crossed 🔪 💔

17.3k  |  did someone order a heaping plate of angst? |  keith & lance fight, lance gets lanced, and they both come to important realizations.

High Tide 🔥 👽

30k  |  domestic-vacation fluff & smut  |  lance plays right into keith’s possessive galra side, which ends up being a lot sweeter than he expected

He Who Fights Monsters  🕯️🔪 📚 🐉 💔

65k  |  post-apocalyptic/fantasy au  |  keith is a weird dragon who saves lance

Boys Will Be Boys  🔥🔪

6.7k  |  fight/make-up  |  lance & keith try to apologize and accidentally end up in bed together. shit happens, bro

The Royal Treatment 🔥 👽

12k  |  altean lance + galra keith, royalty au  |  hapless galra keith falls for the charms & wiles of a mysterious altean lord

Take A Hint  🕯️ 🔥

7k  |  older klance + mutual pining + miscommunication  |  lance thinks keith is oblivious. keith thinks lance is just thirsty. 

SHKLANCE

VAMPIRE BABES AU (THIHV)

Stars, Hide Your Fires 🔥 🕯️🔪🐉 💔 (prologue)

36.6k  |  sheith, early 1900s historical au  |  lone vampire shiro finds & turns keith

The Hurricane In His Veins 🔥 🕯️🔪 📚 🐉 💔  (main fic)

187.5k  |  shklance; urban fantasy au/gayer twilight?  |  lance finds two lonely vampires and a whole lot of magic

Against The Dying Of The Light 🔥 🔪 🐉 💔 (epilogue)

10k  |  shklance; angst, fluff, smut, & closure  |  keith’s past mistakes catch up to him

First Shift  🐉 (extra #1)

5.1k  |  shklance; au continuation  |  lance accidentally shapeshifts for the first time

Two for Two 🔥 🐉 (extra #2)

10k  |  shance centric; au continuation  |  lance & shiro make up for lost time

Behind Closed Doors 💔 (extra #3) 

6.7k  |  sheith, pre-thihv historical au  |  keith & shiro’s budding relationship as seen through the eyes of a loyal servant

BLADE REBELS AU

One in a Million 🔥 👽

9k  |  canon divergent, sex club au, altean lance + galra keith  |  retired military officer shiro finds surprising solace in two alien strangers

Open Him Up  🔥 👽

5.2k  |  galra keith body worship  |  shiro & lance agree keith needs to loosen up, in more ways than one

SHANCE

Be My Baby  🔥

5.6k  |  praise kink + size kink, D/s  |  lance can’t get over how Big shiro is

The Best Wingman Ever 🕯️

8.2k  |  mutually pining idiots + miscommunication + space mall date  |  shiro has a hopeless crush on lance & asks keith to be his wingman. this is a terrible idea.

SHANCE FAERY AU

Fairest Of Them All  🔥🔪🐉

16.8k  |  enemies to lovers + fae au  |  against all better judgment, shiro falls for faery lance

True Love’s Bite 🔥🔪 📚 🐉 💔

18k / wip |  love bite shance au  |  faery lord lance ends up with a lovestruck human shiro who uncontrollably adores him

SHALLURA

Finding Beauty 🐉

6k  |  fairytale au  |  cursed knight shiro goes on a quest to slay a dragon and save the kingdom. turns out, the dragon is cursed, too.

OTHER

⭐THE CHIQUITA CHRONICLES  🔥👽

A Helping...Hand?

14k  |  consentacles + lance  |  lance finds a friendly alien plant and names her chiquita

Operation Boyfriends

22.3k  |  consentacles + shklance  |  chiquita endeavors to get lance a bf or 2

Plants Have Fantasies Too

6.1k  |  consentacles + shiro + oviposition  |  shiro encourages chiqui to embrace her kinks. he has no regrets.

Keeping Secrets 

7.4k  |  consentacles + keith  |  chiqui helps keith get in touch with his very repressed galra side

[dahmer]

oh pi! at es. ples. ples.

Oh! just, subtle, and mighty opium! that to the hearts of poor and rich alike, for the wounds that will never heal, and for 'the pangs that tempt the spirit to rebel,' bringest an assuaging balm; eloquent opium! that with thy potent rhetoric stealest away the purposes of wrath; and to the guilty man, for one night givest back the hopes of his youth, and hands washed pure of blood.... qtd // thomas de Quincey // Confessions of an English Opium Eater

here’s a man, once ill-tempered of turks and trendsetting vices, speaking to the grand stage of the world fashioned in this season’s epide-mock. a warm, fuzzy coatish wear nestled in the covers. small american towns know these styles too well to count body bags, along cotton pads and china scabs, among mother’s basements and luxury high risers graduating all from the fancy-feels certificate of blues. those roxy pebbles, how they start us so--an endless invitation to long summer warmth that childhood bathtubs and lawn-mower sundays would once bring.

when did the foil side decision set in. was there truly a technique to not waste the evaporated smoke, or just somedaze endless-ego-talk of the mighty soldiers in the opium army of guilt. shame, yes sir! solute to toot, scrap the straw edges as the hours pass waiting for the guy with the goods. were you in california when fent came along, past the liquid patch of time-released days. the recents 16s, 17s, two thousands eighteens. labs grade, synthesizing variations to parade as china. “east coast man, east coast shit. it’s the best ever. no, nah nah bro, i got you. bud took one point, was on his ass for hours. nod on fire.”

did chemists know the china rhetoric will turn fent-for-all. markets of east coast fantasies, oblivious to west coast privileges. of potency. of people. of starry nights in smashing pumpkin music video dreams, riding through hollywood as a secret member of the powder variety. it’s a plague paraded as a epidemic because that word has no world of meaning to the good folk playing their igno-rent; recycling stigmas of junky choice rattling thrillists. despite the proof inside the bottles. the truth in every bottle. in every cabinet. of every person. with every doctor. who ever felt. the normalcy sensation of one of the most blanked words: pain.

pain is surely what that just, subtle, and mighty opium! creates in the hearts of the poor and rich alike. the rich die often in the experimentation state of emergency someone labeled as ‘the opioid problem’--problem? oh lily, you know as much as your wilted leaves and neighboring trees the silly stamp we slap when using ‘problem’ to critically deconstruct something magnificently complex.this ‘problem’ has destroyed empires for centuries. it’s notorious and makes no attempt to conceal its power in narrative recollections of the living  authors that have spoke the truths of humanity across language, land, and lives. yet big pharma pulled off opana and roxicodone in the last 20 years. if there’s any declaration of the fools ruling the castle in modern times, this must be the great exemplary act. the profit of pain, oh yawn. i’m sure the academic discourse that has capture this best is brilliant it construction and nature, but what difference does it make in an opiated masses?

i’ve not canceled my subscriptions to the periodical dual tragedies of the early 21st century, as they remain unchanged and unchallenged: (1) a sheer lack of empathy in the common man; (2) the curious and devastating complacency and lack of outrage to what seems to unfold before our eyes, rapidly and carelessly so now that it’s almost as if those navigating the unseen lines of powers that be mock us, appropriately so. if we’re no opiated, we’re not outrage or active either. generalization? yes. but for those who fall outside of this, fight causes that continually reveal themselves as premeditated chess pieces in the political playing field that has seep into dominating the social sphere that delivers use a constantly-running facet of media and targeted, privatized ads.

i am an addict.

i can clean. M knows. some family knows. the weight that has been lifted is ineffably enduring. i’m frustrated, naturally, at the golden years missed. the creativity, the goodness of my heart, kindness of soul, charity, intellectual ability, sincerity, and passionate interests. how they dulled and disappeared. the weight of their reappearance should be the least of my worries, and for now have been. i’m only a week into my methadone treatment program. but my partner knows now. and that was the missing link, that was needed for so long. he left. i stay in the apartment alone. had the worst week. four days into starting treatment, i get arrested on a fix-it ticket that never was completely closed in a difference country because the DMV didn’t inform the courthouse I’ve squared everything away. I was given a new court date to bring this documentation in myself after final payments were made and the matter seemed settled. but the letter was sent to my old apartment, so i was completely unaware a warrant in los angeles was issued. a few short blocks away from my new apartment in newport beach, where M returned for the first time since walking in on me and learning of the addiction that exposure so much (that was the most bittersweet, hard, important, thankful, and devastating night of my life--but revitalizing. I never realize how much everything rested on just M being told or finding out.). I’m almost home, about to see it, sirens go on. get pulled over. second car arrives. i’m in cuffs. call my works, and text M to say I wouldn’t be coming home to give him space.

at this point, i was told i would be transferred to LA that night, and see a judge in the morning. have everything taken care of. but orange county SA jail is notorious for lies and abuse. there was no intentions of this, and i went from holding cell to orange jumpsuit soon enough. smart this time, i disclosed my sexuality. was given a special block, with an actual two-person jail cell. like the movies. my cell mate was great. jason ciega. curious sexuality. talked heavily about girlfriends, but made subtle jokes that went: “when you’re expecting pussy, but life gives ya dick... but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that too.” He vaguely mentioned his sexuality was “whatever”--I respected and explained why I identify as queer. i have some hidden white china fent mix left i snuck in, even after the cavity search. I stressed needing the bathroom for diarrhea, in fear of the 4-6 gram rocks being found. they kept stressing if i had drugs, it would be another charge. but with my profession work title, they didn’t really consider that with me. i hated that i had to use again so early in treatment, but this avoided the sickness. and made me sleep through the day and a half before M bailed me out. when i got celled up with jason, he shared his rations he bought, like cookies and stuff. i shared my china, in very small doses. he still O.D.’d. turned blue and purple, unconscious, eyes behind head. he took off his shirt after sniffing the first baby bit. i snorted probably 30x what he did, and barely felt something, tolerance. his speck had him worried after 5 mins. “I don’t feel it”

I tell him it wait another 5-10 mins at least. he starts ripping up my mattress and sheet to make a pillow and bedsheet. at first i’m scared this would cause the jail keeper to punish or abuse me. i saw it happened. beds are supposed to be returned in the form they were given. but the special blocks for “protective custody” and queers were treated with more respect, out of fear I assume. The regular jail area is a massive shared space with dozens of rows of beds, and people organized and grouped by race and gangs that you must join right away. I was glad I didn’t have to endure that. I did briefly at 19 for an alcohol in public ticket. only spent 4-6 hours in actual jail-orange-suits area after 10-15 hours of hold cells then. realized how racially divided even jails were. but this experience was more pleasant, given the circumstances. before jason began nodding out, he was fun and talkative in an enjoyable well. he revealed a great chest and body--small frame, but bulky build with tattoos. an insecure boy turn nice guy that acts like one of the guys. referenced odd jokes that seemed code for him being a bottom, and wanting sexual companionship if we ended up bunking for awhile. mutual only, of course. i laughed these attempts off. jason was lonely, and i wasn’t there for inmate sex. i’m in love with M, and still spent every moment worrying and texting about him, and what i’ve done to him. how little he knows about this addiction, how much his family might enable him to think narrowly or ignorantly about the realities of this as a disease.

M abandoned me the day I began treated, 2 mornings after he caught me and everything in our lives froze. we sat on the bed that night, side by side, for hours. him crying in his hands mostly, for hours. me frozen in a wave of emotions. i was a fault. i was honest and told him everything. this was the only thing i kept from him, and told him why. the shame, the guilt. the fear. losing him. rejection of me, disposal of my efforts and love from him and his family. he said we needed time apart. i begged him to be there for me, no matter what the outcome was of our relationship, at least in the beginning. knowing this is the most crucial time to have a support system. he expressed things like believing I’ve just been high this whole time, and asked questions that extracted as much shame and guilt as possible. he had every right to. it’s all i’ve see him and his twin ever do. to the point of their older brother needing serious psychological helping, crying out literally shouting how suicidal he is, but they fail to understand how mental health works, how humor and jokes are masks that should be taken seriously. M was hurt most that I lied. I did lie. Not directly, but did lie at times when he asked why i was in the bathroom for so long. It was unspoken, so it didn’t feel like lying. More like protecting, but it was lying. And I will forever be in the wrong.

Going to jail may have ruined any chance of him coming back. And I can’t stand that thought. He doesn’t know what I’ve been going through. How long it took to be honest about my addiction, what steps I took to try to get clean on my own, the lies you convince yourself off--that you can do it alone, that it’ll work out, that you’ll run out of money so you’ll have to stop. My only other treatment attempt told me I must tell M. He’s the closest to me that I love and trust, who is a good influence, not a user, and could be my support system that sees me through this, and can monitor me during the first 3-7 days that are most crucial. M mentioned how he could have come home to find me dead. O.D. we watched docs and podcasts on the epidemic, but they don’t go into how hard this experience is. How withdrawal is considered one of the hardest things a human can possible do in life, and takes incredible amounts of courage, strength, and dedication that M will probably never even experience in his life. The reports just assume people know this stuff. And under-represent who is most likely to O.D. I’ve never come close. I haven’t been high in, years. I used to stay normal. M, and others like him--those who don’t know--don’t understand that. I was never chasing the dragon. I hate the addiction, quickly. I was too smart for it. Too focused and dedicated to have this problem.

But I did, and unless I dose a certain amount, I couldn’t function. Bedridden in the worst sickness imaginable. To those who’ve experience withdrawal, it’s not just the constant, non-stop, extreme physical sickness. It’s the relentless psychological sickness. Torture. That doesn’t even given you a 30 second break. Hearing that your sick for 3-5 days might sound easy because we call it “getting sick” or “dope sick”--but it’s a far worse experience that can even be fatal for some. My finances and lack of wanting to be doped out, nodding and unproductive all day luckily allowed my addiction to plateau at taking a certain amount to stay well, and doing that everyday for over a year. Til I was caught. It would slightly increase, but fluctuate, based on product, potency, and source going around. I never shot. Only snorted, that was my ritual. And when I was stupid, I would smoke. It was a waste, that burned through product much faster. Which meant more money and time dedicated to staying well. The consistent tolerance and dosing makes my chances of O.D’ing incredibly low. If M knew me as an addiction, which he couldn’t--I never disclosed--he’d know this was hell. Torture. Something I spent endless nights up all night wishing, hoping, begging for change. 

The fright came from the Friday I got into a detox treatment program. I told him two nights before I needed him for supported. He made a sly remark about “what, you’re going to force me to stay around or you’ll OD and die if I don’t”--but it was among other things, so it was unclear what would happened. And days past, with little words exchanged, but M stayed around. When he returned from work, I was in bed and he has if I stayed treatment. I said yes, but didn’t explain or speak confidently out of fear of him not knowing what these treatments were, how much research I’ve done, how I picked this on purpose with a goal to get off treatment drugs soon too and never be dependent on a substance. He didn’t ask much questions. He shortly said it’s good, then revealed he’s packing up and staying at this parents for the weekend. I froze in silence. He packed and said some of the same narrowed perspective claims from the other night--how my sibling and her spouse are there to help me. M thinks because they’ve both been in AA, and one is an ex-heroin addict in healthy, long-term recovery that they can just drop their full time college, 3 jobs, and toddler to take care of me. They’re wonderful support systems, but the detox clinic described who needs to be around the first 3 days for my outpatient detox, and it perfectly defined M. 

But I must respect M’s decisions, feelings, angry, and pain. He has his own healing to do. All I said was that I need support more now than ever, so please don’t forget me. This was in response to him saying I could always call him if I needed something--which was worded in a way that read like ‘call in emergencies, but I’m out.’ So I went through it alone, all 3 days. In bed. I called a friend for xanax, even though you have to be very very careful taking both. I was, and needed to sleep if no one would be there to check on me. At this time, I thought either M felt his hurt and pain outweighed what I was going through, and that’s understandable regardless of my experience actually being a life-threatening disorder. What I wish he knew was that most people who O.D.--the ones on the news all the time. It’s most from relapse. Stopping, detoxing, getting clean. Then a trigger happens, or hope gives up, opportunity comes, or you feel alone and no one cares. Whatever the reason, you return to the drug and take a similar dose, or even smaller dose, than what you were doing before. But your tolerance fades as quickly as it builds, and is different for everything. So most O.D. deaths are simply from people relapsing and taking too much without knowing where their new tolerance stands. Any temptation or relapse could be my last breathe.

I still live in that fear, but I’m motivated and happy to finally get clean. It’s all I wanted, I just couldn’t do it alone. And knew this. The summer realized it most. I spent the summer trying to find the right time and opportunity to tell M. He has no idea how many plans and times and moments I wanted to. Even my trip to NYC. I wanted t come back clean so bad. It doesn’t work that way, You need those in your life who support and love you to help. That’s what a relationship is. It’s like if I was diagnosed with cancer. But social misconception and outdated conception allows this opposite, toxic reaction. Where now I exist in this constant mental cycle that centers on figuring out what to do for M. It would hurt my sister, so that would be my biggest regret, but I think M wants a gift from me more than anything; however, knowing him well, he’d never ask. If I just gave it to him, he’d be free. No more doubts or embarrassments or beating himself up about not knowing or what others would think. No more hating and shaming me. He wouldn’t ever have to deal with it, which is what I realize he wants in life. Where we disagree. I can’t play video games and ignore maintaining healthy efforts all day. He’s made great improvements, but blind to others that allowed him to say hurtful things like without even consciousness of it, but would be shocked and hurt if someone said the same back to him. This created a state where if anything that required him to get up from playing video games in his ‘free time’ (non work hours) is a drag that he resents or avoids at all costs. It cost the friendships built between my closest friends, who love him and he claimed to love them. This constant thread was something I battled with most. I would count the weekends I would spend doing whatever he wanted--hanging with siblings, friends, work functions, friends parties. 11 weekends go by, then one movie night with my friends and he wouldn’t even pretend to want to go. It hurt, but I learned other people’s needs are an annoyance or deterrent to his rightful ability to be glued to the computer. I know this was a big factor in never bringing up my addiction. Already he hated any serious conversations, even if I tried to make them positive about reaching goals. Even mentioning one would cause eye rolls and audible disgusts, vocalizing how he just doesn’t like them or “aren’t good at them���--which never made sense to me. I understand he didn’t like to have conversations that implied he’s less than perfect or right, but it creates this wall around you where no one will ever be able to grow or talk or really improvement your or our lives together. I didn’t think much of it. But now that I’m learning my triggers, I’m not blaming M. It will always be me. But I regret starting to pick up his habits in attempts to try and connect more with him, and be closer. I started playing video games more and more, and all my interests disappeared. There was never a time I played video games that didn’t require going to the bathroom and dosing. I couldn’t live that life. But I wanted to build a life with M. When he stopped talking an interests in sharing my activities, I doubled down with his. But things that felt non-productive and antisocial to me became triggers.

There are other issues that caused distance and perhaps his lack of interest or investment in my friends and desires. One, my addiction. Where my interests began to dull. A terrible cycle that grows like a fungus, and can stem from one activity to get closer, but affect another. Also, I gained a considerable amount of weight. This was before my addiction started, but at a time that M became less physical. Then associated it with my weight gain. This was always curious. All compliments, words of encouragement, positive reinforcement, or sexual intimacy ceased, yet I was expected to work harder on health. I should have, but I never went a period of my sexual life where exercise and health were part of my routine because it continued my ability to have a sexual life. In a serious relationship, taking this element away makes it hard to understand how or if anything would restore such intimacy sense there’s no expression, communication, or honesty from M. Just gestures and small hints. He experienced some weight gained, and when he finally got a job after college--after 8 months of playing video games all day as I worked 2-3 jobs 6 days a week plus went to the gym, cleaned the house, and made dinner most nights for him and our roommate--he took up the gym and has done a great job focusing on getting in shape. I expressed this once, and it was something that was some important and meaningful because it consumed by consciousness, but I still wonder a year later if he understood or truly took to heart pointing out that when he got a full time, professional job and began working out after work, he came home daily needing positive reinforcement, acknowledgement, and encouragement about his gym efforts. Even in the early stages when not much can be seen.

I expressed that before grad school, when I really gained the weight from the stress and demands, I too signed up for the gym after my first, full time professional job after college. On top of this, I continued working on Sundays at a restaurant doing back-breaking labor I underplayed because tips were good. My one day off--Saturdays--I spent putting our first apartment together, shopping, planning, going to every family event or friend invite he extended, while keeping up with cooking and cleaning. During this time, M never acknowledged my gym efforts, progress, or work. I think once he complimented me in a tank, but apart from that, I believe he saw that this was just my role. Expected and easy, like it was nothing to essentially try my best to be the best version of myself, be the best boyfriend I could be, build a relationship together, and not ask for anything in return. This felt like my nature, so I didn’t think much of it at the time.

It wasn’t until I started grad school, and he began what I had already gone through: entry level at first professional job. I don’t know why I’m writing about it now, but it hurt he was doing it in a way that made it seem I had no idea what this was like because of my current shape, and my support was expected, not appreciated. M has never been too expressive, but any acknowledgement or encouragement while attending Gold’s gym after work each day in DTLB would have done so much for my self-esteem, our intimacy, his care and support, or just mutual respect I guess when the tables turned later. I still continue to compliment and support. But the thought is always there. What is it about me and what I do, the effort I put in, that seems just expected. Demanded. Not a privilege or sign of care, affection, and love. But “do your damn job”--but then anyone who does the same or a fraction of the same things has the right to guilt or shame me in not being supportive or caring enough. Why do I just exist to replace the role of M’s parents, perhaps, but my efforts aren’t even acknowledged to the same degree in how M views what his parents do. 

The shortcomings are what he’s most expressive about. Like I have a savings account like him, and just not paying  for things I literally cannot. I didn’t have my parents pay for college, a car, half my rent, bills, and little things in life M takes for granted. I pay for everything. And even having one or two things taken care of by parents allow young adults to live remarkably more comfortable lives that they’re blind to. They don’t understand the luxury of saving every paycheck because their parents pay for everything else. Or maybe it’s me, and my fault for having interests, and occasionally spending money on exploring interests to acculturate my life. Understanding myself, people, and culture better. Be a strong global citizen,

I don’t know. A lot of these claims are unfair to M. He avoids serious conversations, but most of this has come up. It’s just been treated with silence. When he caught my addiction last week, he kept repeating how hurt he was that I lied about it. He’s right, but I couldn’t shake the feeling... when would I ever been able to tell you and you wouldn’t act this way? Was there a time limit when you would have been supportive? Where you would have stayed and ensured I didn’t die during the most crucial period? Would there ever been a time that you didn’t just dismiss it as all my fault, so shame and guilt are the only things I’ll get from him while I need to seek treatment options on my own. That’s not how treatment works. In everything I’ve read, it says the same thing. This is a family problem. You need support. Loved ones. Care. Compassionate. Understanding. If these were never things that would have been offered, why is the main drive of pain from me lying? I did lie, so that’s valid. But it hurts because I don’t know how he truly feels, and sometimes it just goes through my head that this is the reason he’s been waiting for. I haven’t lied or cheated or hid other things. I’ve talked to other guys online, but came clean when caught. And that did hurt trust between us. But I never lied or hid something when we talked about it.

I write all of this because last night he texted me asking to meeting up this weekend to talk. I get excited because it means, after a week, maybe he wants to just sit and ask questions or express anger or frustrations or what’s on his mind. I send him my availability all weekend, with details. He takes hours to respond, but around 2am he says he’s free Saturday and Sunday. This is Friday night, and I see he’s at someone’s house--probably a party--that I didn’t know of. So maybe he’s drunk, but oddly he responded to my availability with just saying he’s free Sat and Sun--not setting a day or time to meet and talk. I don’t respond. It’s late and he says he’s out with friends since I mentioned I was even free that night back when I responded at 9pm when he first asked if I was free to meet and talk this weekend.

Today the morning goes by and I don’t hear from him, but he sent the last text. S at Noon I ask: “do you want me to pick a date and time then?” No answer.

A couple hours later I tell him I’m going to the gym later, and an NA meeting the next day (Sunday) if he wants to join me at either of those for an alternative meet up option--hopefully implying if he doesn’t want to just chat face-to-face, we can do something healthy that shows him I’m working hard in recovery. No response.

Both texts show read receipts. He read that right away, and Find My Friends shows he’s still just at his parents house. Been there all day, but ignoring my texts. Perhaps he was drunk when he texted me Friday night saying he wanted to meet up. I ran with it too quickly then because I miss him like crazy, worry about it, and just think about him and this situation constantly. Plus he bailed me out of jail for $5K of his own money this week on top of all of this, and that’s the last I saw him. 

As the day progresses, it starts to dawn on me. Most of his stuff is still at our apartment. We still live here in how it’s set up, and how he’s briefly used it this week. But he’s mostly stayed at his parents, which is understandable since he needs time to figure out how to make sense of this or what to think... which is how I believe he worded it when he left the day I started detox. I think he said “because he feels conflicted.”

But if his stuff is still here, and he knows my schedule, and I know his, he knows we’re both mostly free Saturdays and Sundays. So he could come home either day and sit down to talk when he sees I’m home, Granted, he hasn’t asked about how recovery or detox is going, or shown interest in caring about how I’m doing. He’s not there, and clearly I’m in a state where I agree in the sense that I worry about him most. He doesn’t express his feelings, and this is not something he can just avoid or pretend to go away. He needs to face it. But then I realize what “we need to meet up and talk” means in a relationship after a major issue happens, and one person moves out for a week, leaving the status open-ended, stating we need time apart, and then gets stuck paying $5k while trying to distance (on top of all the money I own him for rent and impound fees last summer). This talk usually means one thing, and I start to panic. Even more so because he’s dodging my texts to follow up about setting a meeting time and date. If M had the liquid courage to ask, but not is faced with following through sober, it would be like him to just ignore me. And he’s definitely ignoring me. Maybe because he just wants me to suffer or leave him alone. But my fear and anxiety has skyrocketed since last night. I’m consumed in fear with the idea that he’s wanting to meet up to end our relationship. I would understand why, but I realize, despite everything, I really really am in love with Michael. My addiction made me not a great boyfriend to look at or be around I’m sure, but I’m confident the person I’m returning to now that I’m free and in recovery is someone that he would benefit from growing with. Many also have expressed they think  this process will help M in the long run too, as things became static and this may needed to happen to reevaluate things and take us to the new heights we wanted and deserve.

M would have a hard time standing up for himself and dumping me, so when I was asking him if I should set the date and time, I starting thinking.. am I actually having to plan getting dumped for him? That’s not fair. This is the most emotional fragile state I’ve ever been in, and although he has every right to make that decision, and reasons to back it up, and not care about actually exercising real support that couples give each other, that’s fine. I would have to just respect the decision. I fucked up. And I knew who M was before we started dating. I just always think.. is he going to find someone else who doesn’t care about wanting basic needs and emotions and thoughts exchanged, shared, and supporting in a relationship? Abandon me, but that wouldn’t make these issues go away. Anyways, no one around him can offer me insight to his state of mind. So I fear the most devastating and hurtful decision and experience of my life is around the corner. Maybe even tomorrow. And despite our lease tomorrow until April, and the life we built together, M may just walk away from it all. Claiming he can’t trust me anymore as the main reason. And that trust is solely from hiding my addiction. Something I see now, given his reaction, why I did. 

Jonathon Van Ness, in a recent podcast “Getting Curious” with an addiction specialist at UCLA discusses shame in addiction, and defines it as this idea where “if you knew this one thing about me, you wouldn’t love me anymore.” This definition makes a lot of sense, as to why I could never tell M. If he knew, I would lose his love. And his love was holding me together, and giving me hope that someday I can fix this, overcome this, get help, get better, get fit, be the best version of myself again and beyond.

But now I just wait by my phone, wondering if I should send a 3rd text. The last one was around 3pm, when my day was freeing up for the rest of the weekend. So he could have arranged to meet at any time. Maybe inviting him to the gym or a meeting was too off-putting--like i WANTED that or something. But I just want to give options since just asking for a basic plan yielded no results. I don’t know if I should leave him alone. If he needs more time. If I push, I push him farther away. Or if ignoring makes me feel insecure and think I don’t care or think about him. That I just think about using again or getting clean, and he’s not longer important. This is farthest from the truth. All I want is to not fall asleep alone in bed anymore. I want M back by my side, cuddling me and us to sleep. But even then, I fear or believe that M doesn’t feel he can do that and feel safe or comfortable anymore, even though I think he wants this again too. But the trust that’s missing is something that will come in time. Through my actions. Through my recovery. And if only he were here to hold me, he would understand that my recovery means everything. Not for him, for me. But I am his, so a better me is a better him. I just want him to know he’s loved and cared for. I don’t want him to feel alone, upset, and sad. I want him to ask questions, even yell, shame, guilt. Do what he needs to do. Isolating himself alone in his room at his parents house is not going to help him heal, with or without me.

And for some reason, as I heal, I need to know who I affected most is healing. Because the truth is: I can’t stop thinking about killing myself since this happened. Not because I want to, but because I think it’s the one thing that would end his healing process, and make his life better. Even if it meant I would lose mine. So be it.

[aarontveit]

chuck, fabien, charlie, eph, pest, callum

CHUCK.

1: sexuality head canon:As much as Chuck has a pretty fluid sexuality, and I believe he’s pretty bisexual, he is just so fucking gay that it hurts. Also, let’s be real, the boy is EphraimSexual. 

2: otp:Chuck/Ephraim & Chuck/Tracy & Chuck/Bradley

3: brotp:Tom, Eph, Tracy, and I feel like one day Ryan could be added to this list(imagine if I could put Aidan *swoons*)

4: notp:Chuck/anyone not Eph or Tracy or Bradley

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Chuck was the kid who secretly liked drawing dicks on everything.Everything. He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with it.He just needed to draw them all the time, because dicks. 6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, think that Bradley is disgustingly pretty & want him to bone me.I, too, would take enjoyment out of watching Eph work up a sweat.I, too, have high levels of anxiety & paralyzing self doubt & hate myself.7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:The box. Fuck you, DD.

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC CINNAMON TOAST. Bye.

FABIEN.

1: sexuality head canon:When it comes to Fabien’s sexuality, I’m not exactly sure? I don’t even know if Famine knows for sure? I think that, in terms of interests of course, that he’s…. like, I really see Fabien on the aro/ace spectrum of things, while also being demisexual in some aspects, if not completely. His sexuality, for me, is complicated in the same way if you were to ask me about Bradley’s - because even though I know that Bradley is gay, it’s still complicated for Bradley himself. The same way Warren’s sexuality is complicated, and even Prestyn’s. It’s all stemming from the things they endured & encountered while growing up with Thierry, you know? And then any & all outside experiences. So yeah, I’d say he falls under the aro/ace umbrella, while being demisexual, but with no real indicators on gender preference (I’m leaning toward polysexual).

2: otp:Bradley/Fabien & David/Fabien.

3: brotp:FABIEN HAS FRIENDS? Tbh, I’d go with Bradley/Fabien or even Ryan/Fabien in the future, and then there’s David/Fabien, whoops. Though, that could change because YOU’D HAVE TO TALK TO ERIN NOW ABOUT THAT HAHAhAHAHAahahahaa ha aha hahahaahahha. I do believe there’s an alternate timeline out there where Fabien & Tracy are bros, though. 

4: notp:Fabien/Drugs. Ariane/Fabien.Fabien/Rehab.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He couldn’t say Bradley’s name for the longest time and would call him either “Baldy” or “Badly.” 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I’m not willing to explain this one :) but I can deeply relate to him. Also, eating disorder(s) buddies.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:That time he did the thing with David tied to the bed.I enjoyed it, I died.But I also died. 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Druggomatic Fave. 

CHARLIE.

1: sexuality head canon:I believe Charlie is “whatever the fuck I feel like” in terms of sexuality, but leans mostly toward being straight. Kind of like how Tracy is “strictly dickly” but also loves ladies, except Charlie doesn’t “love ladies.” I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain what I’m thinking. Like, I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s straight, even though I’m ninety percent sure it’s been said that she’s straight. To be honest, I think it’s hard for me, personally, to ever actually sit back & say that someone, 100%, is straight. 

2: otp:Tom/Charlie

3: brotp:Tony & Tom & Chet, tbh (with a side of Ephraim)

4: notp:ANYONE THAT ISN’T TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(mayBE tony in a deep/dark corner of mind, SHUT UP)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:I am pretty sure we’ve discussed this, or that it’s in the head canons for one of them, or both, but I’ve always firmly believed that Charlie would end up taking & wearing Tony’s shirts, and Tony always let her because he didn’t give a flying fuck. He loves his baby sis, and if she wants to steal one of his damn shirts, tie one of his flannels around her waist, etc? He fucking loved it. He thought it was great. The second part of this thought though, is that Charlie did this even more heavily when Tony went to prison & she realized he wasn’t going to be getting out any time soon. She didn’t wear them out as much, it was more so around the house. She’d wear one until the smell was gone, & then she’d move onto the next, using them to sleep in. It kept her close to him, and yeah, maybe it was dumb, but it was almost like she wasn’t letting him be alone in there, and that she wasn’t without him outside. God, that’s so sad why am I like this? 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, took care of my family & had to unfairly grow up young. I, too, watched my brother go to prison more than once.I, too, watched my brother struggle with depression & suicide.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:There’s actually nothing coming to mind, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing. 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Sinful Cinnamon Bun. 

EPHRAIM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s very much pansexual, and is actually heavily demiromantic. I mean, really, he’s also incredibly demisexual, but he feels obligated (when not in a relationship) to be a sexual person, so he ends up being sexual despite his discomfort. Good thing he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore! Isn’t this just such a happy head canon!

2: otp:Eph/Chuck & Eph/Gavin & Eph/Charlie.(Eph/Chuck/Bradley, inevitably). 

3: brotp:Gavin (and Charlie, to an extent). 

4: notp:Eph/Neil.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He was always an antisocial guy, but it didn’t really come into play just how antisocial he could be until his dad lost the money. He was always working under obligation to make these social appearances, and couldn’t understand some of the looks certain parents would give him (because certain people would have actually known that Eph’s father was an irresponsible gambler). So, when his father lost everything, Ephraim just backed off from everything entirely because there was no longer that feeling of obligation to being a person in front of other people (even though he had that obligation his family). 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, can be incredibly gay for Gavin. I, too, am horrible at talking about my Level 12 Tragic Back Story. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:His dog is named OODLES, for crying out loud!!!!!!!

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?FUCK OFF. EPHRAIM IS A CINNAMON ROLL & I’LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU. 

PRESTYN.

1: sexuality head canon:Prestyn seems pretty fucking bisexual to me, I don’t know, man. 

2: otp:I DON’T HAVE ONE, ACTUALLY!(I do, but it doesn’t make any sense, bye)

3: brotp:Sage.

4: notp:Prestyn/Bradley, lmao. Outside of the OBVIOUS reason, this is because they are just a very toxic thing because Prestyn, without meaning to, has used Bradley, and it just leaves such a bad taste in Bradley’s mouth, especially when he tried to express that to him (not in the best way, but yeah) and it wasn’t dealt with the best by Prestyn. Which makes sense, but it’s a tricky & complicated situation & it makes me sad as fuck, man. 

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Prestyn acts oblivious to the things surrounding his brothers, almost naive to it all, but he’s really not. He knows, even if he wishes he didn’t know. He doesn’t have the confirmation, can’t really place the alarming images inside his head from when he was an toddler. The nightmares are broken, but sometimes he plays it down to just that; nightmares. If it was all just a nightmare, then he doesn’t have to face the reality & gravity of what has happened to both Bradley & Fabien. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, am the youngest.I, too, fucked my brother’s best friend.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:Anytime he tries to dirty talk, because he’s just….. IT’S JUST SO FUNNY? 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC FAVE, AS OF LATE!

CALLUM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s asexual & aromantic,but the version of himself that he presents to the public is a totally different person. Someone sexual, if not hypersexual, as well as someone who is actively seeking out a relationship (without ever actually committing to one). He goes on dates, but he never settles (because it’s not something he actually wants). 

2: otp:I mean, if anything, it’d be Callum/Matt, but I don’t really have an otp for this asshole.

3: brotp:Matt.

4: notp:see also: Callum/Matt.(tentatively Anna)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:There’s a part of Callum that believes he’s going to have to kill Matt in the future, only because there is no real purpose for that boy (in Callum’s eyes). He keeps him around for fun, but that fun isn’t always clear & evident. One day, Matt will have to be disposed of because, in reality, Callum doesn’t actually need him. Matt is disposable, expendable. He doesn’t need the guy, and he does find him to be quite the burden on the odd occasion - even if there’s a part of him, way down inside himself, that could almost care about him. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:The only way I kind of relate to this narcissistic piece of shit is my ability to be a completely different person out of obligation when in a social environment. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:NOTHING (yet). 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC. Not a fave, but he might become one in the future.

[tylerhoechlns]

Sterek Bookmarks (2/?)

WARNING: I have been bookmarking almost every sterek fic I have ever read since the summer of 2015. Some of these fics may include side pairings or briefly include Derek and/or Stiles with someone else. I tried to add some tags and warnings here but PLEASE read the tags and or warnings on the fic itself if this is something you do not like. All of these fics are completed.

There are (more than) a few author repeats. Sorry? Enjoy! 

Leather & Us by PolarisTheYoungWolf (Explicit - 1.5k)

Prompt: Stiles wearing only Derek's leather jacket ...

— Tags and Warnings: Underage, Established Relationship, Smut

Who's Wearing the Panties? by Emela (Explicit - 2.2k)

Stiles discovers Derek's secret kink: silk, teal panties, which of course Stiles is only too willing to indulge his boyfriend in playing with.

— Tags and Warnings: Dressing Room Sex, Derek in Panties, Mirror Sex, Praise Kink, Established Relationship

Gunplay is Not Really Our Kink by theroguesgambit (Mature - 2.5k)

Derek and Stiles are captured by a group of hunters and forced to play a twisted game that only one of them might walk away from.

— Tags and Warnings: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Possible Character Death, Recovering from Trauma

So come on now (Strike the match) by Marishna (Mature - 2.9k)

"All week I've been noticing the young ones, those twins? They've been smelling me," Stiles explained. Scott growled low, but Stiles shook his head. "Not overtly or as a threat, I think. But tonight when I was grabbing some sustenance." Stiles hefted the grocery bag up for reference. "One of the other ones was there. The woman with the gnarly toenails? And she did it, too. And gave me this look."

"What kind of look?" Peter asked, stepping out of the shadows by the staircase and at least three of the pack jumped, weres included.

Stiles glared at him but went on. "Like I was fresh meat? Which isn't a look I'm unfamiliar with after being in high school but this was the first time someone who could actually kill me has looked at me like that. I mean, except you," Stiles gestured to Peter. And then turned to Derek and shrugged. "And you, but those are more out of anger, I think."

— Tags and Warnings: Underage, AU: Canon Divergence Scent Marking

🔒 Still Stuck On You by bleep0bleep (Explict - 2.9k)

One of Stiles' goals for Thanksgiving weekend is to take advantage of the privacy away from his crowded dorm rooms to get to know his new vibrator.

He gets, uh, stuck.

Deputy Derek Hale assists.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: College, AU: Human, Childhood Friends, Porn Without Plot

Stay Awhile by imaythrowuponya (Teen - 3.5k)

Once Derek’s brain finally kicks back online, his first thought is how amazing that movement would look on paper. His second is where the hell is his sketchpad?

— Tags and Warnings: Coffee Shop!AU, Artist!Derek, Fluff

testing the waters by grimm (Explict - 4k)

Prompt fill: "I would LOVE a future!fic where Stiles randomly bumps into Derek, maybe in nyc. He's in college now or maybe even post college, and this is their first time interacting since Derek left Beacon Hills. Stiles is obviously SMOKING HOT now and Derek finally got his shit together and is a successful 30 something."

— Tags and Warnings: Porn Without Plot

Easy Alpha by interropunct (Teen - 4.6k)

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship

You Had Me Since by Emela (Explicit - 5.1k)

“Would it help if I blew you?” “What?” Derek sputters. There is no way he heard that right. No way would Stiles Stilinski be asking him if he wanted a- “Blow job.” That.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Hight School, AU: Humans, Virgin!Derek, Light D/s, Love Confessions, Porn Without Plot

Worth the Wait to Give You My Heart by secondstar (Teen  6.3k)

All of Derek's memories surrounding his birthday were of his family, of their deaths. After leaving Beacon Hills, he thought the past was behind him; until he and Stiles began exchanging SnapChats.

— Tags and Warnings: Fluff and Angst

An (im)Perfect System by theroguesgambit (Teen - 7.9k)

Stiles has always felt pretty lucky about his soul mark. After all, how many conversations tend to start with “This is private property”?

(Apparently more than you'd think.)

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Soulmates, Misunderstandings, Fluff and Angst

Lovebitten by LunaCanisLupus_22 (Mature - 10k)

The one where Derek gets bitten by a lovebug and Stiles is the first person he lays eyes on. Hilarity ensues.

— Tags and Warnings: Dubious Consent, Crack

Sex Shoes by theroguesgambit (Explict - 10k)

Ground rules: Just once, just to get it out of their systems, and they can never, ever tell anyone. Simple, right?

...Once definitely isn't gonna be enough.

Tags and Warnings: Underage (17), Porn with a Little Plot

Unwind by coffeeinallcaps for bleep0bleep (Explicit - 15k)

Hope you enjoy your present, the text from Erica says. Payment’s taken care of. You can thank me tomorrow.

“So you’re a werewolf, huh,” the guy says when Derek looks up at him again. His gaze drifts down from Derek’s face to the rest of his body, slowly, shamelessly. When it’s traveled back up and their eyes meet again, the corner of the guy’s mouth twitches up into a cocky little half-smile. “I fucking love working with werewolves.” AU in which businessman Derek falls in love with escort Stiles.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Werewolves Are Known, Escort!Stiles, Businessman!Derek, Explicit Sexual Content, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt

Regression to the Mean by theroguesgambit (Mature - 16k)

In the aftermath of 3B, Stiles and Derek learn to trust, learn to fuck, and learn to love themselves, each other, and their pack.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Canon Divergence, Derek and Stiles have PTSD, Pack Feels, Healing

The Love You Save (May Be Your Own) by Nokomis (Teen - 17k) 

Everyone falls magically in love with Stiles. Well, except for Derek, who is suspiciously immune.

— Tags and Warnings: Love Potion/Spell, Misunderstandings

Don't Worry Baby by kalpurna (Explicit - 20k)

"You know you're allowed to ask for vanilla sex, right?" he says, afterwards. "We can do whatever you want. That's kind of the point."

Derek doesn't respond.

— Tags and Warnings: Prostitute!Stiles, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Knotting, Impregnation Kink, Pining, Possessive Behavior

Inevitable You by Red_City (Mature - 22k)

"I'm Derek's mate," Stiles gets out, breathing hard. There is silence in the room.

As he looks around, he realizes that everyone else knew.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Canon Divergence, Canon Typical Violence, Werewolf!Stiles, Beta Derek, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst and Smut, Kidnapping

Werewolf-Friendly by badwolfbadwolf (Explicit - 27k)

Derek is a junior in college, never could get the hang of social interaction, and is, you know, a werewolf. A werewolf and a virgin. And it isn’t like anyone is banging down his door to hop on his werewolf dick, save for the few pervs who acted like he was some kind of exotic toy to be played with and experienced. So, when he sees Stiles' ad on Hot Men 4 Rent, Derek is... interested.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: College, AU: Werewolves Are Known, Virgin!Derek, Escort!Stiles, Light D/s, Possessive Behavior, Angst with a Happy Ending

One Door Closes by KouriArashi (Explicit - 27k)

Derek knows that Stiles is too young for him, but Stiles doesn't agree. Eight years after Derek rejects him due to the age gap, they meet again where Derek has settled in Wyoming as a ranch hand, and Stiles is the new deputy, and still pissed as hell about the way Derek turned him down. Things don't go as either of them planned.

— Tags and Warnings: Angst, Misunderstandings, Age Gap

But, Doctor! by stilinskisparkles (Mature - 30k)

“We had to splint a girl’s leg in a ditch,” Scott says excitedly.

“Bro, you sound way too happy about that,” Stiles complains, opening up his bag and pulling out a Twinkie.

Derek removes it from his hand silently and replaces it with an apple. Stiles scowls at him for a second then bites into it, regardless. Derek sits back and lets the group discuss the merits of dramatic lifesaving feats for winning over the ladies. Scott is convinced it’ll help impress Allison; Isaac thinks Scott’s a loser. Stiles—

Stiles is falling asleep on Derek’s shoulder.

— Tags and Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Oblivious Derek, Oblivious Stiles

Pretty Melody by thepsychicclam (Explicit - 30k)

Stiles hasn't seen Derek in six years, so when he shows up at the bar where Stiles works, claiming to be some indie rock star, Stiles can't believe it. Stiles has even more trouble believing that he and Derek are about to have a one night stand.

Soon one night turns into two and three, and seeing Derek causes old wounds to open for Stiles. As Stiles reconnects with Derek, he finds himself painting things he's been avoiding, and he thinks maybe he'll finally start to heal.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Canon Divergence, Musician Derek, Artist & Bartender Stiles, Fluff and Angst, Past Character Death, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning

🔒DILF by twentysomething  (Explicit - 30k)

"Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified."

— Tags and Warnings: AU: Human, Single Parent Derek, Teacher Sties

(not so) Pure Imagination by theroguesgambit (Explicit - 33k)

"There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you."

Stiles knows it's wrong, but he's been Fantasizing about Derek and he can't bring himself to stop. Derek doesn't know who's taken an interest in him, but he's enjoying it way more than he probably should.

— Tags and Warnings: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Anonymous Sex, Slight Dubcon Themes

🔒 Practice Makes Perfect by blacktofade  (Explicit - 33k)

In his sophomore year, Stiles gets dragged to lacrosse tryouts by Scott and ends up practicing alongside the senior captain, Derek Hale. Stiles just wants to live long enough to become a junior.

— Tags and Warnings: Underage, AU: High School & College, AU: Humans, Loss of Virginity

Come with Me and Walk the Longest Mile by DevilDoll (Explicit - 39k)

"Stiles shouldn't accept rides from werewolves he meets behind abandoned convenience stores." In which the zombie apocalypse is just one of their worries.

— Tags and Warnings: Underage, AU: Zombies Post-Apocalypse, Canon-Typical Violence, Mating/Heat Cycles

I’d lie by dereksstilinski (greyslittlediaries) (Explicit - 44k)

Derek has already typed the entire report out and even got all of the stuff prepared for the poster that Stiles and him will have to present. Derek found that he actually didn’t mind doing all the work when it was Stiles he was doing it for, but he wasn’t going to let Stiles get away completely. He was going to get Stiles to come over and help with the poster, so help him god.

— Tags and Warnings: AU: High School, AU: Human, AU: No Hale Fire Jock! Stiles, Nerd! Derek, POV Alternating, Pining, Underage Drinking, First Time, Slow Build, Kate Argent

Versus by secondstar (Explict - 94k)

At age nineteen, Stiles Stilinski was the next big thing, according to The Guardian. It was surreal, not being able to turn on Sky Sports without hearing his name mentioned along with the names of players he grew up idolizing. Stiles couldn’t believe that this was his life.

— Tags and Warnings: Derogatory and Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Homophobia, Coming Out