#when i cant afford to be back there
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STILL feeling like the only fictive on this site whos really fuckin uncomfortable with other fictives talking about generally-to-really-personal shit and *tagging it with ships* like please. please stop. i want to look at davedirk in peace without some random guy running into the room yelling HEY YOURE LOOKING AT ME ACTUALLY. like bro i get it i am also ''a dave'' but im just a fuckin guy first. person first fictive 3rd tbh
#my t#i dont like talking about this stuff cause bad faith singlets take it and run with their already shitty opinions but like#you are not part of a ship. it just wigs me out cause of the nature of stridercest yknow it just really wigs me out#believe it or not irl incest scares the shit outta me. hot take i know#i joke about kissing ''my bro'' in my partner system but we're not related and have been together for 12 fuckin years and also *just kink*#i dont live in a delusion where i believe im kissing my actual fucking ectoparent#and talking about it to strangers like theyre gonna be okay with it and not shocked at all or assume that im actually#literally kissing my goddamn sibling. which makes my skin crawl just thinking about it#and ive got kinks on top of kinks including 'cestuous ones but like#i dunno i guess in my traumatized brain at surface level it leaves too much room#for - again my traumatized brain - to immediately go to the worst possible assumption which i wont go into and would never say to an#actual other person but like. i dunno its one of those triggery things where *im* the one#who should take myself out of the situation#but other ppl *really dont help* because 1) they dont see the problem of conflating themselves with fiction and#2) because they dont see the problem they keep posting very personal shit in ship tags#and bc the ship gets dark its just. uncomfortable to be around. i dont wanna know that about strangers#especially other fictives. cause i dont want them to think im okay with doing that to myself too#when i cant afford to be back there#we're already having massive reality issues i dont need to see that shit imma just block and move on
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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#im lazy as hell#4 boxes in i lost my mind hahaha#megastar#im rewatching g1#ill draw better latee trust me#i just need to learn how to draw#hes supposed to be kissing the gun i uhhhh couldnt portray that so take my word for it#maccadam#transformers#anyways how yall nerds doing? i found my megatron figurine that survived getting ran over by a car. hes on my desk now.#anyways on the topic of g1 WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE TWO????#you ever see some shit like damn i hope you two die together#they give me secondhand cringe. head in hands i cant be near these deranged mfs#5 years ago ppl tried to pressure me away from this ship lmao#megatron#starscream#dawg im being ran through by my workload.#wanna hear another very real problem i have? so im a starscream fan since i was like 7. always a ss fan#and one time when i was a teen my mom accidentally ran over my megatron toy with her car so i begged my parents for a model kit#ss was out of stock for years so i got tc. i bought that for $24 and it was all chill#recently i was thinking i want the entire dumbass squad. all 3. i checked the price#$58??? MINIMUM???? AVG PRICE IS 70???? for HIM???#so what i need yall to do is i need a recs so i can infiltrate hasbro and character assassinate ss so bad the merch price drops back to $30#for the small cost of 20 rec letters i promise to destroy the franchise. how about it? then we can all get merch for better prices. cool!#or we can start a gofund me and raise millions so i can become an investor and tell them to lower prices from outside the club#maybe i should email the board. some shit like hey i was planning on having kids but i cant if the toys cost as much as the hospital bill#can you lower the prices so i can buy my future kids toys so i can indoctrinate them like my dad indoctrinated me to become a lifelong fan#sincerely. two generations of TF fans (your franchise isnt that old yet and i hope my kids can afford to be the third gen)
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Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it
#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first#i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale#he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably#i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy#he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything#no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore#would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately#who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it#its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for#i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while#shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses#once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense#so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too#but also. she scawwed.#when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED#he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now#he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance#anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop#Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little#but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world#i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge#even if she wants to. she badly wants to#but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are''#he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore#Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself#shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone#hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants#because god knows HE knows what he wants#they make me so insane
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aki with a s/o with chronic pain . . .
!!! this post is sfw, but minors/ageless blogs dni with this post/blog !!!
notes: gn!disabled!reader, this is self indulgent i tried to make this fitting for more general chronic pain! reader might come across as ehlers danlos-coded (is that a thing?? weird thing for me to type)
aki is already so sweet and caring with you, of course he would be helpful when your chronic pain flares up.
he notices that you’re moving a bit slower, taking shorter steps, taking a longer time to get up from your seat… and he’s immediately there to help
VERY quick to ask what you need, but he also tries to offer your usual solutions
“where does it hurt? do you need a heating pad? painkillers? tiger balm? do you want me to run a warm bath?”
if you have fluctuating mobility/occasionally use a mobility aid, he does his best to keep everything in a convenient spot for you. crutches near the bed so you can slide your arms in and get up with a bit more ease, rollator in a place where you don’t trip but it’s easy to access…
he was initially Overly Careful with you so he didn’t aggravate your pain further, but as he grows used to your needs, he’s still careful but he’s not scared of breaking you like he used to be
kisses the back of your neck while gently massaging your sore joints/muscles, murmuring soft “i love you”s and “you’re gonna be okay”s while he’s rubbing tiger balm onto your sorest spots
if he hears your joints pop he gets really nervous until you specify if it was a good/bad pop
if a spot is too sore, he won’t touch it in case he hurts you even more.
and if you just Can’t get out of bed for the day? he calls off from work to take care of you. brings you comfort food, helps you to the bathroom when you need it, makes sure you’re hydrated and taking your meds…
SPEAKING OF MEDS. this man is so good at reminding you
“did you forget to take your meds? maybe you should take them now, love. it’ll help you feel less sore.”
he’s very careful to make sure he doesn’t shame you for forgetting meds, for needing help, for being in pain. he just does whatever he can to make sure you’re okay and empathises with your complaints about your aches.
while he hates seeing you in pain during a flare-up, he becomes extra doting just to make sure your needs are met. cooks your fav comfort meal, makes sure all your pillows are soft and arranged to keep you comfy, refills your water bottle whenever it’s almost empty, etc.
he’s just so loving… aaauuuu
#aki hayakawa#aki hayakawa x reader#disabled reader#op#ive been having a lot of flareups due to the weather recently :’) rain my fucking beloathed#so this thought has been massively comforting to me#this was written 99% for self indulgence so it is based on my own personal experiences#but i tried to make it a lil broader and include things i dont use so others can enjoy :-)#i use forearm crutches sometimes + cant take many painkillers so tiger balm is my bestest friend#btw just a tip. if you cant afford tiger balm? get coralite from the dollar store! same pain relief (i use the patches)#akiiii please help me put pain patches on my back and tell me its going to be okay…… cries and cries and CRIES#maybe ill make an eds-specific version for even more self indulgence#also i wanted to include aki carrying you since i like tht for me but idk if others like tht when it comes to chronic pain so. left tht out#i might write more disabled/disabled-coded reader stuff later#this was just me being sore at 1am and throwing my thoughts out#or maybe ill write more aki things since i like him very much#going to post this and sleep. GOODNIGHT HAYAKAWA NATION 💪#imagine
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when i've been so careful with my stuff and do everything in my power to not break them but then the fuckers i live with disregard everything i say and go into my room despite telling them not to and fuck with my shit despite telling them not to touch or move my stuff and break it
"it was an accident it was an accident!!!! i didnt mean to bump your laptop!!! its an accident you cant be mad that it happened its an accident"
IT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT YOU WILLINGLY WENT INTO MY ROOM AND WILLINGLY DID WHAT I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO you bumped my laptop on accident because you clumsily flailed around in my room when i was not there and i come home to a laptop with a broken fan mind you that i left perfectly fine before i left the house that i've been taking immaculate care of for YEARS despite being the most clumsy person in the house like i tripped on air and fell and bumped into a mirror and broke it once FUCK YOU
ITS AN ACCIDENT they yell
OKAY WHAT IF I T-POSED NEXT TO YOU AND SPUN REALLY FAST AND MY HAND ACCIDENTALLY SLAPPED YOU HARD AND BROKE YOUR JAW WHAT THEN???? I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR JAW IT BUT ITS VERY OBVIOUS THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ANY OF THE PRIOR STEPS TO THE "ACCIDENT"
I HATE YOU
#im gonna save up money to install a lock on my door im so sick of them im gonna cry#currently the it looks like the fan has been slightly tipped out of place#because when i turn the lap top on it spins slowly andgets really loud and vibrate really hard#i have to flip my laptop a couple of times and press so it goes back to normal#im actually crying#i spent so much on this laptop i cant afford to lose it#its the reason why i was able to get a job#i cant afford to fix it or buy a new one why is it always my stuff that gets wrecked but these shitheads#i hate them so much how dare they touch my stuff#HOW DARE THEY
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wow so watcher just singlehandedly killed their channel
#i get wanting to ensure your company is profitable but moving everything onto a streaming service aint it chief#we are in a cost of living crisis and you want people to pay for another service?#when most are cancelling the ones they already have?#what are they thinking#‘we wanted to keep the price low enough to make it affordable for everyone’ whos everyone? i cant afford 60-72 dollars a year#and thats in usd#for me thats 93-112 bucks a year and thats not happening#how they didnt just start with a channel membership is beyond me#this was such a short sighted and out of touch idea#and theyve already started archiving their videos which makes the whole thing feel so disingenuous#and moving everything off youtube will mean theyll have no subscriber growth bc how are people supposed to discover them?#the comments on the video are so cordial everyone is saying this stuff by the hundreds#so heres hoping they roll it back#even their reasons for it being they cant do bigger production shows bc of their budget#people dont watch you for the production#i for one was a little put out when they started overproducing their shows it felt like they were trying to hard#its always been about their personalities#i just cant believe they didnt think this through#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#hey there demons it’s me ya boy#watcher#buzzfeed unsolved#shane madej#ryan bergara#steven lim#ghoul boys#ghost files
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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also in case anyone ever says buddie arent the two most stupid people to ever exist, just remember the bachelor call where buck sniffed glue to make sure it was glue and then eddie took it from him and also sniffed it
#like guys!!!!#stop sniffing glue#you two are already severely lacking brain cells you cant afford to lose more#more stupid buddie shenanigans pls#love when they do stuff together and all their brain cells cancel out and so they just have zero#bucks like. hmmmm. it appears this woman glued herself to the sidewalk with this glue. lemme smell it to make sure this glue is glue#yep. thats glue alright#and eddie is just like hmmmm but are you sure thats actually glue. maybe i should check just to back you up. gimme a sniff odf that#wow. it really is glue#like guys please.#why are you like this
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ah but jason only beat up joker with a crowbar! has he beaten him up with a fish, a gun, etc.
He doesn't have to, Joker is one of those characters that lives off people paying attention to him the best thing Jason could do now is show Joker how unimportant he is by treating him like any other rogue
#ask#anon#joker is not a source of fear for jason#jason doesn't care that joker killed him#People die all the time in dc thats not special#bruces reaction to jason dying is whats important to jason#all of jasons pay back towards joker was in utrh#when he beat the joker with a crowbar and told him how little he actually cares about the joker#and then just uses him as a prop in his fight with bruce#that should have been it#but anyway#lets talk about someone else#im getting paid in a week#and seriously considering if i should send 75£ on the superior spiderman omnibus#even tho i probably cant afford#i really want it#actually really like the superior spiderman story#but 75 pounds mmmmmm
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so my laptop just???? fucking died out of nowhere?? i just came back from the shop, turned it back on, it had like half the battery and just switched onto powersaver (have that set to turn on at 40%) so i go to grab the charger in preperation n it fucking?????? dies as im coming back???? girlie are you ok
#yes i checked the % when it switched back on it says 4%????? where'd the rest go??????#you cant convince me turning it on takes 35% of the battery#what the FUCK happened?????#last time something like this happened it was cause SOMEHOW power saver n low battery were set to appear at 1%#BUT THAT WAS CLEARLY A HALF FILLED BATTRY ICON???#AND NO LOW POWER WARNING??#telly static#girlie i hope youre ok youre literally my most expensive possession i CANNOT afford to replace u and i shouldnt have to youre only 2 y/o
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can we catch a break. can we catch a fucking break.
#gonna be real with you i really havent been doing well and i keep trying to just force myself through it and ignore it but oof man#therapists arent kidding when they say you cant do this forever which personally i think is evil and fucked up and unfair#the only reason i havent crashed yet is bc i have literally no safety net to get me back up lmao like if i crash now ill crash hard and#idk. idkkkk i dont have the stability in this country to afford fucking up my job situation.#and strangers on the internet give more shits about me than those closest to me lmao which uhhhh yeah that stings i wont lie#the most someone cares is a 'hope you feel better soon!' and thats from people who dont even know me LMAO#anyways anyways whatever. its whatever.#ive felt like absolute dog shit for a month and my dad left a day early bc the weather sucked and there was nothing more to do here and i#just feel like extra crap bc i know im the one that moved away and i cant blame him bc he also came a day early so really its a plus minus#zero situation but saying goodbye still always fucking sucks and now i feel extra awful#whatever i just need to complain somewhere and be whiny for a bit and ill be back to work tomorrow its whatever
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there need to be more hours in the day
#my prof just emailed me back after i submitted my problem set early#and he was like hey heres a bunch of mistakes you might want to fix before the due date#which is great and super considerate#but also i physically dont have time to fix it and do everything else i want to do#ill probably have to give up my free time and lose a few hours of sleep#which i cant really afford right now#but it is what it is i guess#bc i also have a paper due on sunday#and i have lab in 17 minutes#and i have p.e. tomorrow evening#and i have rehearsal after p.e. and the following nights until saturday night#and the problem set is due on thursday#and im busy during the day on saturday#and possibly also on sunday#literally when am i going to write this paper 😨😨😨😨
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diet coke and spaghetti and reeces pretzels and peanut butter sandwiches. you need a vegetable . you need fish oils
#i cant afford fish oils#i almost bought rosemary oil when i got scared i was becoming bald#but my emoboy fringe is growing back in nicely
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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