#its the reason why i was able to get a job

[pedrosgrogu]

Born Too Late - Chapter 13

pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak

Warnings: so much fucking angst it literally isnt funny. soft!joel

Summary: You're embarking on a journey of self discovery. Of things that make YOU feel good. Like setting boundaries, and getting your dream job! But that means leaving Sarah, and Joel. You actively don't think about it, until you have to. (1.7k+)

a/n: okay so shoutout to @frankensteingotwet because their vision literally inspired this chapter. ive been so down the dumps w this fic because of many reasons and im so sorry this took so long. but, if you've stuck around this long, this ones for you too. leave a like or a comment or a reblog, they mean the world. love u all bunches xoxoxo ps still figuring out writing from other POVs and boarders. :P bear with me pps didnt proof this so sorry for any errors :/

Chapter 12 - Masterlist - Chapter 14 (coming soon)

boarders: @evansyhelp

It’s been a few months since the fallout with Joel and things are relatively the same. Every so often there's muffins on the porch or you bring Sarah home, but you leave his spare key under the flowerpot and you don’t go out of your way to speak to him. 

You try to tell yourself you’re healing. You tell yourself that in order to heal you need to take more time. More time to think, more time to find yourself. But what you’ve actually done is build a wall. A wall so tall and so thick that not even the Romans themselves could conquer it. A wall so strong that a meteor would barely scratch its surface. 

But despite that big ass wall, you’re trying to get back out there. You’re trying to fix the shit that you didn’t even break. Trying to be better for yourself. You’ve gone on a handful of dates but none of them made it past the first one. The first guy, Bryan, wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how damaged he was from his ex, and the second guy, Carter, didn’t talk at all. The third? You don’t even remember his name because he didn’t show. Or at least you don't think he did. You sat alone at the bar 15 minutes past when he was supposed to get there before you blocked his number and left. Men these days make you want to become a fucking nun. 

Work is fine, and you still occasionally bring Sarah home but don’t stick around for casual conversation. You don't ask how he is or about his recent jobs. You decline many coffee invitations, and leave little room for misinterpretation. You might be trying to get back out there, but not with him. 

The more you think about your relationship(?) with Joel, you want to smack yourself. It’s like you had red fucking glasses on and couldn’t see the flags. But you were no saint either, which is why you don’t think it will ever work. There's too much shit that you both did that screams “WE ARE SO TOXIC, ESPECIALLY TO EACH OTHER!” 

Your most recent life development has been preparing to take the middle school social studies Praxis exam, your dream job. And you’ve told no one. Not even Penny. Again, “protecting your peace” or whatever self-help journey you think you’re on. 

After months of studying, you take the Praxis. And you pass. With flying fucking colors. Your excitement can’t be contained and you call Penny. She answers after 2 rings. 

“My sweet Yellow!! How are you?!” she basically screams into the phone. 

“So good Pen. You have no idea!” you pause, barely able to get the words out. 

“I passed my test! My test to teach middle school social studies-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She screams so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear. 

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HOW ELEMENTARY WAS? REGARDLESS.. AHHHH!! YELLOW I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!” 

“I know I know!! I considered it but I really want a change, and I want it now. I think it’ll be good for me. I'm even considering taking a position at the charter school which means I’ll have to possibly move so I'm not driving a borderline 40 minutes to work everyday but I'm excited.” you say, feeling like this is the first right decision you’ve made since you moved here. 

“You know I support you, no matter what. But…” she trails off

“Spit it out Pen. You’re making me nervous.” You say, chuckling in both joy and anxiety. 

“But… I’ll be moving back at the end of July. I'm going to finish my doctorate at UT Austin. I love Ireland so much but with everything going on at home with moms health and being far from my friends, I just think it's time for me to come home.” she says, more cheery than you’d expect. 

“I haven't really figured out the logistics yet, but I’ll definitely be back. I found an apartment that's about halfway between my moms and campus.” 

You speak lightly, empathy lining every word. “Oh Pen, I'm so sorry. I know how much Ireland means to you.” 

“Hey, I got all my clinical shit done so really all that's left is my dissertation. But I’ve got to finish some stuff up here before I head out for the evening. I'm so glad you called. We have so much to catch up on. I'll text you, and we can schedule something, kay? I love ya. Soooooo so much.” 

“I love you too Pen!” you say, clicking the phone shut. 

You accept the position at the charter school and inform your current school that you won’t be returning. It feels like a weight off your chest, knowing that you’ll soon be in a new town miles and miles from here. But your stomach churns at the thought of having to tell Joel, having to tell Sarah. Be away from Sarah. From Joel. But you’re healing. You’re getting the fuck over it. 

The rest of the school year flies by. Everyday is like the last. Wake up, go to work, take Sarah home occasionally and avoid small talk with Joel, maybe eat, sleep, repeat. You browse newspapers and websites for homes to rent, not finding anything worth calling about. You start to worry the closer to July you get but push it to the back of your mind.

With one week of school left, your kids are beyond done. They’re so mentally checked out from school it's like having 23 little zombies everyday. On the last day, you receive that same “Hey works running late, can you hang with Sarah?” text from Joel and the answer is always the same bland “Of course!”. 

You guys jam out to Sum 41 on the way home and do all the basics; homework, some version of spa day, dinner, and a movie. 

You both fall asleep on the couch watching Freaky Friday, and don’t even notice Joel come in. Sarah is splayed across the couch, her head using your thigh as a pillow and her feet hanging off the edge. You have your hand sitting on her head, fingers nestled in her hair like she's a baby needing the external stimuli to fall asleep. 

*Joel's POV*

Things never really changed after that last conversation, and her words play in Joel’s head like a broken record, stuck skipping on the same groove over and over. “Joel, respectfully, you were an ass to me the day we met. You don’t treat someone you care about this much, like that”. It makes him want to punch a wall every goddamn time he thinks about it, because she's right. He was an ass.  

But on that night, the night on her porch, he was vulnerable. Soft. Like a butterfly on its first day out of the cocoon. But her blinds never opened back up. And she never took the key, never accepted coffee dates, and never stuck around for banter after Sarah was asleep. It hit him like a ton of fucking bricks everytime he saw her. 

Especially when he saw her leave at night in mini-skirts and heels, knowing that someone else was getting to see her. Getting to touch her porcelain skin. Kiss her strawberry lips. Run their fingers through her walnut colored locks. It made him spiral, but she said she needed space. But how much space is too much? How much before she's gone for good? He wishes he knew. But for now, even just seeing you for 5 minutes when he gets home late will be enough. It has to be. 

It’s been months and he’s trying to accept the new normal. But when he comes home and Sarah is splayed across the couch with head in your lap and your fingers tangled in her coils, it shoots a wave of pain and agony through his once strong body. His eyes overflowed at the sight. How could he fuck up something so goddamn perfect? Despite anything you ever did, it would never compare to the shit he put you through. He felt like he was drowning, and needed to calm himself down. He quietly sneaks off to his bathroom and tries to wash away the negative thoughts running rampant through his mind. 

He throws on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, combing his chocolate curls from his eyes. Walking out, his steps echo through the house. The TV must've auto shut off and the only sound heard is the hum of the refrigerator mixed with the soft snores of his 2 favorite girls. He dreads having to disturb either of you. You both look so peaceful, holding onto each other like your lives depend on it. He rubs his thumb across your cheek, soft as not to wake you. Knowing it would only cause more turmoil. He sighs, scooping Sarah off your lap. You barely stir, mumbling softly as Joel carries Sarah to her room. He comes back and you’re burrowed into the couch, your hair covering your eyes. 

*Readers POV*

“Hey” Joel whispers, standing over you, but you don’t move. 

He crouches down so he's now eye level with her “Sweet girl, I’m home” 

“Yellow? You gotta wake up. Sarahs already in bed.” He says, a little louder this time, rubbing your shoulder, your skin so hot it makes him feel like he’s going up in flames. His heart is full of desire, and regret. 

You stir, eyes crinkling open. “Hey Joel. Where’s Sarah?” your voice groggy and light. His heart melting at the mere sound of it. 

“I took her to bed, ya both were knocked out on the couch.” he says, flashing you a quick smile. 

She stretches, becoming more conscious as the seconds pass. 

And then it hits you. The thought of having to tell Joel that you’re moving makes your stomach churn, but it needs to be done. You want him to have time to arrange her transportation next year. 

“Joel?” you ask, your mouth salivating because of how nauseous you are.. “Can we talk?” you say, sitting up. 

“Always. I actually need to ask you something too.” He sits beside you, but not too close. His honey brown eyes meeting yours, looking at you rather than through you. 

You both sit in silence, just staring. And almost as if the same spit it out bug bites you both in the ass at the same damn time,

“I’m moving.” “Can you keep Sarah for me some days this summer?” 

And a singular tear rolls down Joel’s cheek.

[youdontknowhowtodiequietly]

@tuehquestionmark hiya! i saw your comment and i'm addressing it in a reblog bc i hate writing long paragraphs in the comments (i'm on mobile so it's hell on earth)

Love the argument for Andrew as The Desolation. I can still argue for The Web and I'll get into that in this post, but The Desolation being his fear is actually such a good argument. I also agree Kevin can be The Web; I was actually going to say that in my initial post but I had just given The Web to Andrew and Neil so I thought it was a bit overkill. I think what we should bare in mind is these characters are sick as fuck (pos) and they have so many intricate little fears and I love them and Nora did such a good job RAHH-

Okay, enough with all that. Lemme explain my main point about why I think Neil is The Web, far more than I think The End is (I'm not shitting on your point, btw, I can totally see why his fear is The End as well)

I think The End was Mary's fear, through and through. It's why she ran in the first place. I know most people see The End as just the Death fear, but it can also 100% be the end of anything - a relationship, a project, a book. When it becomes a fear it is when you are terrified of what might happen After. Of what might happen to you, yourself, now that you have nothing you feel is worth living for. I think it can probably manifest itself a lot more in codependent relationships and the fear of them Ending.

Initially, Mary was not afraid of Neil dying, she was afraid of losing him and never seeing him again because she likely knew the conditions of the Ravens and the fact they have no contact with their family once they join. When they ran, however, it definitely also became about dying, but I think the core element of it was losing Neil for whatever reason.

So I think The End is Mary's fear, and I think her actions because of that fear contributes towards Neil's fear of The Web.

We see that Neil is a skittish little critter. He hadn't stayed in one place for probably for longer than 6 months, for about 11 years (I think he was 7 when they ran, and he was 18 when he joined the Foxes) until Palmetto. That shit 100% created attachment and commitment issues. He was terrified of getting close to people, because he saw that as a Venus Flytrap. He knew that if he got attached to someone, he wouldn't be able to run again.

The scary thing about The Web is, for the most part, you don't realise you've been caught until it's too late. A fly does not realise the predicament it has got itself into until it sees the spider coming.

Neil did not realise how close he'd got with everyone until it was too late and Nathan came for vengeance.

Nathan is just one side of Neil's fear of The Web. It's the one thing he's been Aware of for all those years. The Moriyamas' are the other side, and he did not see those coming until it was too late.

The Moriyamas', I think, are the true Spider in Neil's story. They have been watching for a very long time, but it wasn't until Neil got caught, struggling and screaming in their Web, that Ichirou came crawling down to see to its problem.

Neil gets out (some-fucking-how), but he knows that the Spider is only up the Web, waiting for his next slip-up.

Which I think is how Neil's fear can also be The Eye. Until Ichirou, his fear is being Known and Seen, and when Ichirou comes along, it's the fear of Always Being Watched. There's a bunch of fics out there of Neil getting injured on caught and think "But what about Ichirou?"

But I still think Neil's fear is The Web through and through.

neil josten's fear is The Web

andrew minyard's fear is also The Web

[crazy-lazy-elder-sims]

when i've been so careful with my stuff and do everything in my power to not break them but then the fuckers i live with disregard everything i say and go into my room despite telling them not to and fuck with my shit despite telling them not to touch or move my stuff and break it

"it was an accident it was an accident!!!! i didnt mean to bump your laptop!!! its an accident you cant be mad that it happened its an accident"

IT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT YOU WILLINGLY WENT INTO MY ROOM AND WILLINGLY DID WHAT I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO you bumped my laptop on accident because you clumsily flailed around in my room when i was not there and i come home to a laptop with a broken fan mind you that i left perfectly fine before i left the house that i've been taking immaculate care of for YEARS despite being the most clumsy person in the house like i tripped on air and fell and bumped into a mirror and broke it once FUCK YOU

ITS AN ACCIDENT they yell

OKAY WHAT IF I T-POSED NEXT TO YOU AND SPUN REALLY FAST AND MY HAND ACCIDENTALLY SLAPPED YOU HARD AND BROKE YOUR JAW WHAT THEN???? I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR JAW IT BUT ITS VERY OBVIOUS THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ANY OF THE PRIOR STEPS TO THE "ACCIDENT"

I HATE YOU

[ganondoodle]

the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change

i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!

i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies

maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs

[funkle420]

a great way to combat genAI in the future would be educating kids (and teens and college students and all ppl) on art way more.

[fadeintolight]

pont pont vesszőcske

[chalupaconspiracy]

.

[cliveguy]

the universe is kind of crazy bc i moved to a random town to do this course + figured out (roughly) what i want to do as a career through taking a random module. and now i'm realising that this town is pretty good for that career choice and i might end up getting a real job here.

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[ankhisms]

thinks about going on indeed and feels nauseous

[vampmilf]

Have you heard this song?

https://youtu.be/kq6UVL3H6SI?si=9wWdltnRm1_BA2u9

link

nope! and i gotta say, even though this is probably not going to sound like a very nice answer to some people, i avoid the kpop industry like the plague. not bc i think its all shit music or whatever but the whole industry around it, the commercial and ethical aspects of it just. nope. nuh-uh. i want nothing to do with it.

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

[naturenaruto]

just saw (yet) another post (fanart) about kushina abusing obito.....like why do people seem to think the child abuse in naruto is so funny....why is it played for laughs......why is it such a joke.........why do ppl act like this makes kushina and tsunade and sakura badass...........they are abusive....????

[itsalwaysdark]

it appears i woke up at around 4:30pm ...... based on the fossil evidence (i went back and looked and theres a posting gap between 10am and 430pm and ik i went to bed around 10am bc i did my gn post.)

[odysseys-blood]

honestly atp i think im kinda just waiting to see what'll make me throw in the towel bc im not sure living is worth it but i wasnt sure of that last month or last year either. its just an ongoing apathy and nothing gets better and i cant push myself to try and do better either bc of how low i feel like im starting out

[master-gatherer]

I just want to start work