#like im not good at my job right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chalupaconspiracy · 1 month ago

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#vent post #suicide tw #my go to response to everything can not be “i want to die.�� like great #its not like I actually want to or will follow through on it but fuck.#years worth of character growth and here I am back in fucking a middle school mindset.#like what even is the fucking point.#why am i trying to hard for people wuo do not care.#i feel so stupid.#and like I dont know what to do.#i tried to fix things and it just made them worse.#and i'm still in so much pain!!!!!!!!#just the funky little cherry on goddamned top.#its almost worse than highschool because at least then I didnt know what i was missing yet. and i didnt hurt all the time.#i could sleep for a day straight.#what is the point of getting up each day #being in more pain #and not able to find anything fun.#and being just a massive wet blanket to all my friends. for zero reason.#and then it just isolates me further.#and how stupid and petty and self fucking pitying it all is. like either get over it #have a massive spiral and get ACTUALLY in a dangerous situation #or just continue to sit and feel miserable for no reason and with no resolution.#like im not good at my job right now #im barely keeping my head above water.#like im so fucking done.#i dont know what to do or where to turn.#and im terrified that im going to fully dislocate my spine and be paralyzed.#it should not be floppy!!! it should not look like a patient with whiplash!#there is nothing to prevent it from moving out of place #so i just go about my life and hope that looking over my shoulder doesnt send me to the hospital.

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botanyshitposts · 4 days ago

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how crazy would it be if i became a biology lab instructor. would that be crazy or what

#what am i doing? idk man #i saw a listing and it excites me. like teaching entry bio lab at a college. could you imagine #the college freshmen would be on their phones like idk what this guy is going on about but he seems pretty fired up about this #not much i can do about that but i for one would be having a good time #i finished my emt class and i only have to take one more test until im licensed #and then i can work as one or just volunteer and do plants as my job. which like. plants as my job is ideal i think #i think that is what i have learned i am so so so sad without plants #but an emt job could get me out of here right now at this very moment which is appealing #because otherwise my ass is going to put it off

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deoidesign · 12 days ago

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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!

Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.

You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.

I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...

I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.

#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao #it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that #it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting #and im not doing it again #i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again #but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics #but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me #ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about #it's so hard for me not to complain about them #i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now #well i do the merch packages but like #it's mostly just my discord #just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon #cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous #so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help #anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end #and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that #like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that #its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else #anyways yeah #i havent finished writing the last arc yet #so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want #so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post #sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon #theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...

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dukeofthomas · 6 months ago

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why does every reconciliation fic go like this

#my dc posting #jason todd #red hood #jason todd fanart #ugh i forgot to change tim n dick's skin colours aa i already put my drawing stuff away whatever #bruce wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #<- main offenders #no but. jason will be making some absolutely great points #ill be cheering him on like YEAH know ur fucking value good job call them the fuck out dont fall for their shit!!#then there will be one (1) event n suddenly the author pulls a complete 180 #all of jason's valid issues n complaints r swept away without ever being solved #at most he's given a few flimsy excuses or justifications #n suddenly hes all happy n dandy w them #like 🤨🤨🤨 what!!!#like nothing changes nobody makes any effort but apparently one sentence going 'omg no it wasnt like that jason 😭' is enough to sweep #everything under the rug #like why have i never read a fic where anyone actually works to change. to right the wrongs theyve done. to apolgoize and do better.#aside form of course jason going 'i see now that murder is wrong i was stupid n angry for no good reason good thing the pit madness has bee #solved/managed better n i have apologized to Poor Little 10yo Baby Tim whom i hurt and traumatized So Badly how will he ever forgive me...'#'fuck my family wtf is wrong w these assholes' 'i killed the joker for like 3 minutes' 'i love you i have no further issues aside from #Teenage Angst which will be cured via being told my anger is disproportional and of course one (1) hug form my Dearest Father'#when will i read someone 'pullin the alfred card' and jason respondin w 'fuck alfred'. he deserves to be an asshole w the way hes treated..#ok ill stop now im just. very done w this stuff

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kaiserouo · 5 months ago

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i love him

tbh i think the lineart is better than the final result

#wow how do you know i can't render properly #definitely not because of all the crappy job i've done right?#anyway #those are gauss's law for electric and magnetic field btw #i wanted to make that the moment i know there's a warframe named gauss in the game #yes im a nerd #i use him so much im kinda attached to him now #but tbh it's kinda hard to make him look good with my normal comic quality #i hope that bunny ears would make him recognizable enough #also have to figure out how to draw volt #i think his face looks too much like a face that i somehow just can't really handle well all of a sudden #and im gonna make gauss prime badger him so much i kinda have to get over whatever obstacle that is #warframe #warframe gauss #warframe gauss prime #my art

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sigsfigs · 7 months ago

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wips, will delete when i feel like it

#just a glimpse into some of my real fully colored art :3 #since i realised i havent posted anything more than sketches #plus a little zelda doodle from my work sketchbook!! i work an office job so i keep a small notebook as a sketchbook in between calls/emails #the first is donospring are there even any donospring fans yet. have we all lost to skuttlespring. please no god #the last is sig figs art gorgug is also there but his face is not good enough for me to post yet #im working on like ten different wips at a time but im super busy with moving across the country right now + work so it might take a while #anyways hope u guys enjoy i love drawing i love dimension 20 i love fantasy high i want to talk to more people about it #dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 #fhjy #fig faeth #figueroth faeth #gorgug thistlespring #zelda donovan #donospring #mine #do u guys think my fig kinda looks like emily axford or am i crazy

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is-this-yuri · 6 months ago

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it's hilarious to me when people suggest resources for homelessness like i haven't already tried/considered them.

yes, homeless people know the local shelters and food banks. yes, homeless people know what a case manager is and often work with them. yes, homeless people know what food stamps are.

i've been doing this for over 4 years in 2 seperate states. if this had been military service, i'd be considered a veteran twice over. you don't know more about this lifestyle than i do. i have your pamphlets, your phone numbers, and your resource guides. i have all the business cards.

obviously people can't know what my experience is, and it's a good idea to suggest resources just in case. the thing is, whenever i say 'yeah, i tried that,' and 'i didn't like that place at all' people get... disheartened? annoyed? it's hard to tell. they don't seem to take it well in any case, especially cops.

not every homeless person wants a job, or medication, or rehab, and not all the resources are good. some of them are actively bad for homeless people.

not sure what my point with this post was, but i guess just listen to homeless people. instead of approaching with an idea of how you could help them, ask them what they want or need right now. trust them to lead their own lives. help them because they are people, not because you want them to get a job

#homeless #homelessness #got a meal from this guy one time that was going on about 'yeah ive been there man i know how it is'#and i was grateful obviously but then he started telling me about the job fair nearby and how i should go and i was like #'oh im disabled idk if thats a good idea right now. it makes it harder to get approved and itd just stress me out'#you know. the truth #and then he mentioned he was couch hopping for 3 months and the job fair helped him out of that situation #like sorry for your period of instability but your homelessness and my homelessness are very very different buddy #anyway #he was nice and i got a sandwich out of it

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moeblob · 3 months ago

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Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."

#my characters #ya know since i draw daily idk if ill do any challenges this month #i know theres a LOT of them out there but i might hold off and do huevember as a challenge and let this month just be chill #for what its worth he only asks for a female body because his baby brother (like 10 years younger than him)#commented ONE TIME ugh its so weird to have you dote on me like this #why couldnt you have been an older sister or look less suspicious #so when sent to help his brother hes like RIGHT GOT IT GIRL TIME LIKE THE MOST LOGIC COURSE OF ACTION #then does a really good job at helping the hero and then gets abducted by the demon army and #as rey keeps challenging the demons checking on him in the dungeon (who are all very kind?) to just interrogate him already #and they just ask why would they do that? they just wanted her outta the way for a bit #cause they dont actually want to hurt anyone and then the demon lord keeps personally visiting rey and continues #to point out how she gives him a headache and how the core is different than the shell #and so then he offers to revert rey back to his original form and reynold immediately accepts #and so now hes just a guy again surrounded by v nice demons #and hes like please just be mean ive been trained to handle violence you have to stop being nice #im not used to nice ok you have to be mean or else im going to develop stockholm syndrome #and the demons are just ?? we dont .... dont know.... what that is.......... what.....#then he gets engaged to the demon lord and all is well ! he becomes the trophy husband to the demon lord #and the world is saved (it was never at risk)#i have a lot of love for the idiots in this plot #because reynold and sascha are literal husbands thinking oh no my beloved husband is only married out of convenience to meeee #and solei is the goddess who recruited him and is so mad that reynold is more of a gremlin than sascha #like why is this mere mortal somehow worse than THE DEMON LORD how in the world #and reynold runs around just adopting all of the demon army and is like yeah #ill be the trophy husband with a hundred kids and a hot 7ft tall demon husband who can change into a huge dragon #and hes really content in this role!#but for a while he does appear as rey and hates how much of a highlighter he is

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sylvieserene · 1 year ago

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Fixing history using the power of editing and my editing skills!!

For today we have, New Titans (1980) Issue #100

✨ Wedding Special ✨

@robstarblog @robstaryeah pinging yall just in case so that this doesn't get lost in oblivion (It'd be painful since I worked 5 hours non stop on it lol)

I think the most time was taken by the final panel and adding in the finishing touches since I pretty much had to change everything to the pixel level, quite literally lol (I'm serious, I did)

Welp I hope the results were worth it! And with that, another one gets a good ending!!

I kinda didn't add sleeves in the first two panels of the final page because it didn't look good and looked janky with how I was editing it so yeah please ignore that-

#teen titans #robstar #dick grayson #koriand'r #starfire #dickkory #Changing history #using the power of editing and my own skills!#giving the good ending to characters who truly deserve it #it took me 5 hours to complete all the editing to the miniscule level #i paid attention to every detail to match each panel #it took a lot of effort but it was worth it!!#but damn man there have been so little dickkory content that I really had to search hard to get myself a suitable pic to edit out of #we have a lot barbara content with dick but barely much with Kori honestly #anw hope this is nice #self editing #also #Donot remove my watermark while reposting otherwise I'll consider it as stealing >:(#dont steal #that damn priest took so much time to edit like holy cow #I really went above and beyond to get all the details right and consistent throughout #I let my perfectionist nature manifest #but yea #now Dick and Kori can have an uninterrupted happy wedding <3 #im so happy #I may try another one of these fixie thingies if I find anything^^#this was really fun to work on #i fixed canon #but fuck the actual canon #cuz most comic writers cant even do just one job right

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moth-flowers · 4 months ago

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moth-flowers #17

#moth-flowers #my art #comics #autobio comics #Its a little crummy but im glad i made something. and actually posted it!#depression #Our neighbors r pretty cool. talking with the husband makes me happy cos he's just a chill dude and i think he's kinda like me?#Like he was cleaning out his car one time and he said it just takes him longer than most people bc he's kinda slow. and i had a moment of #like. recognition. I get things done but i just take a lot longer than other people and i dont really know why its just how i am #And he's like. a real adult. with a partner and kids and a house and a job. and if he can make it then maybe ill be okay too.#Also I like listening to him talk he has a very interesting cadence and overall soothing voice quality #Also the sleep schedule thing. Right now I've been feeling my best when i take a 2ish hour nap when i get home. I usually dont go to sleep #Until 12pm regardless and good god has the nap been helping me. I feel less like shit and more alert its so great #My dad keeps giving me shit about it. but fuck it we ball

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bitchfitch · 3 months ago

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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.

#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable #like #Theres a flatness #the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs #with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto #Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about #than the fact her favorite color is red #Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children #Reynerd? sure is a guy #got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery #he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people #and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed #all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk #Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they #pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked #and olive is here #anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that #idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games #purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having #a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete #idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates #before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh #Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good #but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just #i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually

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purpleterror91 · 1 year ago

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He's going to be the prettiest girl (in a gnc way) at the party!!

#disney #darkwing duck #drake mallard #my art #hi Im alive! I'm just struggling badly with personal stuff #dont have commission slots available right now but I do have a kofi in my bio if you'd like to donate a tip #job searching for months while getting yelled at by my dad on the daily has been stressful augh #really hope I can get a good job before my birthday next month :pleading emoji:

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deoidesign · 7 months ago

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I literally just had the thought "I'm sorry I draw so much sexy art" and then I was like what the fuck? No I'm not. You all followed me you know what you're getting into.. you can unfollow me any time you want... What do I have to be sorry about. In fact. You're welcome for all the sexy art. Congratulations you've won by being here and getting to see it.

#people ask me how im so confident about my artz #and the answer is. i do this shit all day #my brain is like wow wtf am i doing #and i reply to myself like A GOOD JOB DMBASS!!!!!#been years and years of it though #the thoughts are far weaker now #and my thoughts about my skills and my whatever are much stronger #but #the thoughts never stop.#they never stop completely #and at least once a week it gets hard...#and definitely once a month it gets very hard #but we persist #because its worth it #to love ourselves is worth it #and my art. however weird people tell me it is. however much they ask me to stop #my art is a part of me #so loving it is not just good and right snd just #it is necessary for my survival!#there is not much better work to be done than to learn how to love yourself #its fucking hard #but its worth it #text post #delete later #im sick so no filter lol #normally i keep this shit to myself!

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ccbatman · 6 months ago

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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.

#hal jordan #empyrean posting #ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot #90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the #parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original #relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians #despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's #hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way #too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make #jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars #(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away #because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually #but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until #they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time #like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that #was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his #dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it #impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex #relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it #? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm

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rileys-battlecats · 7 months ago

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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.

i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.

anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)

#rye.txt #growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done #which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment #i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset #i feel guilty if im not constantly working #which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that #trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art #which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water #when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself #but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work #ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys #I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART #and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly #good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well #vent in tags #this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'

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ilovedthestars · 4 months ago

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i understand and appreciate the sentiment behind them but god, as someone in the process of getting an art degree and intending to pursue a career in art, those "don't get a job doing what you love because you'll start to hate it" posts are depressing

#im sure for lots of people monetizing their hobby/passion is not the right choice!!#that's good advice!!#but SOME people are happy with an artistic career?? right??#i know this is not at all the intent but it feels so often like they're telling me 'you should just give up now and get a boring job'#like i wanna do art for a living because there's nothing else i wanna do more!! i care about this!! so i want to do it all the time!!#and i mean who knows i don't know exactly what my plan is after school. having a non artistic day job is still on the table #and i'm aware of what those posts are really trying to say which is to protect your joy #and that will factor into whatever i end up deciding to do #but is it so bad to want to do the thing i love and make other people happy with it and get paid??#stars rambles #vent #i do hope it goes without saying when i vent about a post i saw on my dash but just in case:#if you're my mutual and you reblogged posts like this recently or anything this is not @ you and i am not mad <3

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