#i do tend to get on tumblr first thing . I know. I know. its humiliating

[itsalwaysdark]

it appears i woke up at around 4:30pm ...... based on the fossil evidence (i went back and looked and theres a posting gap between 10am and 430pm and ik i went to bed around 10am bc i did my gn post.)

[cozage]

Hi hello yes uh-huh

I saw your requests are open (I haven't been on Tumblr for three months 😭😭)

And I love the works!

May I request a law and Kidd x reader (separate) to react to seeing their s/o's (always covered) body since there's all scratches and scars all over and they feel self-conscious about?

( I have a still fading scar on my thigh when I fell in a hole and a metal bar dug itself on it. So I guess that's my take lol)

A/N: I have a scar that I’m a little self conscious of so this was very cathartic for me to write!!! (Also I know Kidd has a scar kink you cannot convince me otherwise)

Characters: gn reader x Law, Kidd

Cw: This is very borderline NSFW, So read at your own risk.

Total word count: 1.2k

Beauty Scars

Law

Law’s hand slipped under your shirt and gave it a tug. 

“Law, wait,” You pulled away from his lips, grabbing his hand to stop him from pulling it up further. 

“I want to see you,” he murmured, leaning into your lips again. 

You pulled away from his advances and he freezed. “Sorry,” he mumbled, his eyes averting away from you.

“It’s fine, really.” You could feel your face warming with embarrassment. 

“No, it’s not.” His hand ran through his hair, and you could see he was distressed at the thought of you being uncomfortable. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

You grabbed his face and peppered it with kisses. Law tended to get a little carried away when the two of you were alone, but he always took your nonverbal cues and stopped whenever you were tense. 

“I’m fine,” you assured him. “I really am. I’m just a little self conscious of my body, that’s all.”

His eyes locked with yours. “You’re perfect, I assure you.”

You smiled slightly at his comment. He hadn’t seen the scars on your body yet, and a piece of you was afraid of what his reaction would be when he saw them. You knew he wouldn’t stop loving you, but it would hurt to see him grimace at your body. You hated it enough as it was, you didn’t need another reminder of its imperfections.

Still, you wanted to get it over with sooner than later. Your fingers gripped the bottom of your shirt, and you slowly pulled it up. You closed your eyes to avoid seeing his initial reaction, but you heard him gasp in surprise. You tossed your shirt aside and opened your eyes, finally risking a peek to see his reaction. 

His eyes examined you, taking in the view of your exposed body. After a few moments, he glanced up to meet your gaze. 

You suddenly found yourself feeling very uneasy, and your arms wrapped around your torso, trying to hide. 

“Fuck,” he whispered softly, eyes moving back down your body. “You are beautiful.”

Your cheek burned. You were not expecting that reaction from him. He grabbed your hands, gently prying them away from your midsection and intertwining his fingers with yours so he could have a full view of you again. He leaned into you, kissing your lips slow and soft, before moving down to your neck.

He covered your shoulders in kisses, and when his lips reached one of your scars, you gasped at the contact.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” He pulled back, his eyes scanning your face.

“I’m fine,” you assured him. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I thought…” You trailed off, not wanting to say any more.

But Law never lets you get away with things that easily. “Tell me,” he urged. He pressed his forehead against your own, maintaining eye contact with you the whole time. 

“I thought you’d find them off putting,” you admitted, your eyes cast downward in humiliation. “I thought you'd hate them.”

You can feel his brow furrowed in confusion. “Why would I hate them?”

“Because I do.” You had never said it out loud before, not to another person. Most people didn’t even know your body was riddled with scars. You always wore long clothes and avoided changing in front of people to avoid the stares and the questions. 

You could hear Law sigh sadly at your comment, and you felt him squeeze your hands in reassurance. He bent down and softly kissed the first scar he could find. And another, and then another. 

“Your scars are proof that you’re alive, y/n-ya. They’re proof that you’ve lived, and you’ve struggled, and you’ve overcome it all.”

He leaned back up, kissing you once on the forehead before meeting your eyes again. “How on earth could I hate such beauty?”

Kidd

“Fuck!” you shouted, coffee spilling down your shirt. The crew erupted into laughter, and you smiled along with them at your clumsy mistake. “Be right back.”

You got up from your seat and ran back to your room to change. Once inside, you pulled your shirt over your head and tossed it aside, looking through your drawers for a new outfit. 

“Holy fuck,” a deep voice came from the doorway, and you let out a yelp of surprise. You turn, finding your captain standing in the doorway. He’s smirking at you, eyes raking over your body. 

“Captain! I…” Your voice falters as he steps over to you, staring hungrily at your body. You shy away from him, but he pulls you in close, his fingers tracing over your shoulders and down your arms. 

“I didn’t know you had these.” His gaze follows the trail that his hands have created down your torso. 

“I know,” you say, ashamed by how intensely he was staring at you. “Its-”

“So fucking hot,” he growled. As you watched him, you could see he was holding back, trying to refrain from pouncing on you right here and now. He still hadn’t made eye contact with you. He was completely transfixed on your body.

“Hot?”

He grabbed your hand and pulled it up to his lips, kissing the scars that littered your arms. “Do you remember the stories of how you got them?”

Your mouth falls open, shocked by his reaction to something you spent years loathing. Your eyes begin to water, overwhelmed with your lover’s reaction. You wished you could love yourself as much as he loved you. 

His thumb ran over a scar on your forearm, his lips following closely behind. “This one. How’d you get it?”

“I don’t remember,” you admit. “I have so many all over, it’s hard to keep track.”

He looked at you, mischief in his eyes. “All over, huh?”

You started to object, but before you can get any words out, his lips are smashing into yours. His hands trail down your torso and hover at the waistband of your pants, waiting for you to approve of his venture. 

You hesitate for a moment, and then your fingers join his, tugging your jeans down past your waist. His lips leave yours as he lowers to pull your pants down, letting them lay around your ankles. He is eye level with your thighs now, and you can hear him grunt as he discovers new scars of all sizes down your legs. 

His hands wrap around your thighs, and he pulls your legs to meet his lips. His tongue dances across your inner thighs, flicking lightly over the raised skin and scar tissue from a wound that happened years ago. 

You gasp, throwing your hands into his hair to steady yourself as you grind against his face. He doesn’t seem fazed, and you can feel him smile at your eagerness. “I can’t wait to explore your body,” he mumbled against your skin, kissing your tender flesh passionately. “I can’t wait to explore you.”

[wannab-urs]

Pedro Pascal Character Fic Recs | Vol 42

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist

Howdy Folks,

guess who's back! I don't know if I'm back to doing these consistently, but I have a hell of a list for y'all. Tags and summaries provided by the author, commentary provided by yours truly.

Mindfuck - Dave one shot by @whatsnewalycat

He said he could rattle the bees from your buzzing honeycomb brain. All you had to do was trust him with this power. So you did. And you do. Your valiant beekeeper meets you at this hotel every other Tuesday night, except on holidays.

Hypnotism, hypnosis-kink, Imperfect Praxis of Hypnosis, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Praise Kink, Smut, unprotected piv, D/s dynamic, Dom Dave, Mindfuck

One of the weirdest things I've ever read, but also one of the best. I was super into this. Mindfucking is WILD.... I'd read more of this universe in a heartbeat

Bittersweet Love - Dieter one shot by @ozarkthedog

Dieter is in recovery from drug addiction, the disease that cost him you. This is his first premiere after getting clean and his first one without you.

angst but with a happy ending! mentions of drug use and alcohol but nothing graphic.

This is such a sweet fic? That might be a weird way to describe it. I just love Dieter getting his shit together and all the good coming his way because of it.

Starlet - Dieter one shot by @whocaresstillthelouvre

Your husband has a big movie premiere, sure he looks great, but his co-star looks even better.

PWP, threesome, smut, fingering, oral (f receiving), lesbian fun, unprotected p in v sex, cum eating, addiction talk, sober Dieter, Kit Kats, I wrote this for the bi girls.

This fic is a dream, seriously. I want a hot movie star husband to bring pretty movie star women into my bed please and thank you.

Pas de Deux - Din series by @burntheedges

When Din Djarin – principal dancer at Concordia Ballet Company and generational talent in the classical style – suddenly left CBC and joined the Nevarro Ballet Theater mid-season, it shocked the ballet world. You never would have guessed that he would change your life, too.

modern AU, ballet AU, fluff, angst, flirting, dancing, lots of ballet terms (I’ll define things/link videos/etc. -- see below), misunderstandings, character study, romance, pet names (sweetheart, beautiful), lots of tension, later: smut, kissing, grinding, fingering, p-in-v sex, creampie, each chapter will have its own tags, Din lifts reader (see note below about reader)

This is one of the few modern Din AUs I've read, as I tend not to like them, but I can't recommend this enough. I was drawn in by the summary and hooked by the first chapter!

Never Let Me Go - Ezra one shot by @yopossum

Loving, reverent domestic smut with sweet, submissive Ezra.

SMUT; no plot that’s it just porn but with FEELINGS; sub!Ezra; established relationship; super duper in love; domestic fluff; comfort; gratuitous pet names; praise kink; body worship; body hair; grinding; breast and nipple play; teasing/edging if you squint; light bondage; riding; PIV; no condom (there’s come y’all); religious language and imagery as literary device; Ezra the human thesaurus; prose gettin purple; making grown men whine and cry; reader is not gendered, has breasts and a vulva/vagina, is described as having puffed nipples and dimpled thighs, can straddle Ezra, but no coloring, size, appearance, age, or ability is otherwise noted; Ezra is an amputee and healed and we love it (no gore or trauma or background re: his arm); but I did write this because I was watching Prospect without actually watching and was inspired by *~*those sounds*~* out of context tho; Beatrice is not reader’s name, just a nerdy Dante reference; I stole this title from Florence Welch; old person on tumblr; is this spacing wack?; not a beta in sight; 18+ only no minors

SUBMISSIVE EZRA!!! I loved this. Such a gorgeous fic.

Stick Buddies - Frankie series by @auteurdelabre

You and Frankie find yourselves in a complicated situation when invited to Benny's wedding for a week in Mexico. Despite your strained friendship, you both pretend to be a couple to save Frankie embarrassment when seeing his recently engaged ex wife. However as you navigate through this charade, old feelings and unresolved issues resurface.

friends to enemies, angst, fake relationship, bickering, there's only one bed, destination weddings, enemies to lovers, jealousy, idiots in love, revealed secrets, mutual pining, smut, HEA, so many fucking tropes.

friends to enemies to lovers??? Sign me the fuck up.

Where You Left Me - Frankie one shot by @chaotic-mystery

You meet Frankie for a date and reminisce about your relationship.

MAJOR character death. No movie AU but fuck Tom. This is overall angst heavy and please take care of yourself. Grief & loss, sadness, memories, I think that’s it? It’s just overall a bittersweet and tragically lovesick story. There’s no physical descriptions of reader other than wearing a black dress at one point and having hair that tickles Frankie’s nose. no y/n used

This shit made me cry in the best way. Please read this.

One of Your Girls - Frankie one shot by @pedropeach

unpacking some of frankie's old things leads to a revelation about his past. (OR to put it simply: frankie morales x triple frontier boys circle jerk)

Circle Jerk, Sub!Frankie, Bukkake, Facials, Cumplay, Cum Swallowing, frankie is literally a cum dumpster (and loves it), Praise Kink, Pet Names, Dirty Talk, oral (m receiving), Deepthroating, Cock Worship, Use of restraints, Sexy Photographs, Sharing, brief mentions of anal sex (m/m), for story purposes you are frankie's current gf, frankie x all the guys individually, this includes tom but he's not part of the circle jerk, sry tom

Really was not expecting this to be as tender and soft and sweet as it is considering it's one of the more filthy things I've ever read. Absolutely love it.

I'll Carry You - Javi P series by @almostfoxglove

You reunite with your childhood best friend when he arrives home from Colombia. Javier's sudden return to your life exhumes buried heartbreak, but he longs to set things right.

Eventual smut. Reference to canon-typical violence, injury, and the death of a parent. Plenty of alcohol consumption, yearning, and angst. YEARNING!!!

The yearning is exquisite. The fic is exquisite. I'm in love with this fic

Remorse for Remedy - Joel series by @pedgito

Alone, the Miller's brothers seem like your only hope. The outbreak is still fresh, weeks after the fall and all that matters is survival and the unlikely comfort that comes along with a man who wants nothing to do with you.

early outbreak, canon typical violence, morally grey!joel, smut (warnings given with each chapters), exploration of kinks, enemies to lovers, age gap (early 20s/mid 30s), unhealthy coping mechanisms, detailed warning with each chapter

I haven't ever read a series about Joel immediately post outbreak, which is wild. It's always raider!joel or qz!joel or jackson!joel. I love this new perspective and I'm so excited to read more.

Biology - Joel one shot by @endlessthxxghts

Joel hurt his back at work, so you've been helping him around the house until he heals.

able-bodied, female sex anatomy, and inherently fem!reader. No description of reader, everything is neutral (ex. “your bottoms,” “the curve of you” — nothing is specific in the way “you” are described). Age gap (reader early 20s, Joel in 50s). EXPLICIT MATERIAL PRESENT. HEED THE WARNINGS. WEIRD boundaries are crossed…you're not blood-related to Joel, but you were raised like you were. You call him “uncle.” Pet names (baby, darlin’, sweetheart, etc.). Pussy pronouns (she). Innocent touches until it isn't. Sexual tension galore. Slight dub-con. Icky Joel. Icky reader. Pussy grinding. Dirty talk. Slight degradation (“bitch” is used only once). Multiple orgasms. P in V unprotected. Reader is on top. Lots of teasing about the nature of yours and Joel’s relationship.

Well slap me silly and call me an uncle fucker because this fic was amazing. (they're not really related don't. look. at. ME.)

The Savage and the Sanctuary - Joel series by @justagalwhowrites

After the death of his daughter, Joel Miller fell apart. But when searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle and within his own rage doesn't fix it, he resigns himself to working for his brother in private security. It's a job that starts him down the path to stability and a semblance of a life, even if it's not one he particularly wants. At least it does until you show up. The biggest movie star in the world with your newly adopted niece in tow, you throw everything about Joel's life into flux. Is he capable of letting himself feel something again while protecting the only things left in the world that matter?

Protective Joel, Ellie & Joel Bonding, Joel is Bad at Feelings, POV Joel, Joel Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn

So pumped for a new Kit fic. Super into bodyguard Joel. The angst right out the gate is so beautifully painful, I just know I'm gonna cry once a chapter at least. (i've only read one chapter, so I have some catching up to do!)

Professor's Pet - Joel one shot by @chaotic-mystery

Professor Miller wants you to teach the class tomorrow morning & you need help being less nervous. What if he’s the reason you’re nervous, though?

Age gap but not specified, power imbalance (professor x TA, reader stutters when nervous, academic weapon, teasing, fingering, one (1) pair of panties ripped to shreds, oral (f receiving), spitting, pussy slaps, praise kink, name calling (good girl, sweetheart, baby, smart girl), dirty talk, talking you through it, spanking, condescending a little bit, cum eating, face riding, nasty freaky kisses to share your cum, no use of y/n

I cannot begin to explain how hot him helping her practice is. And then the smut.... I need a shower

Call It What It Is - Joel one shot by @joelsgreys

A disagreement over patrol duty leads to declarations that have been long overdue.

JACKSON ERA JOEL. established relationship. HEFTY AGE GAP (reader is in her 20’s and joel is 56). ellie and joel are fine bc i said so and they deserve nothing less. reader handles a rifle, joel’s a little too overprotective and almost seems controlling, but i promise he is not. well, maybe just a smidge. arguing, admission of feelings, joel miller says i love you (yes this is ooc, no i do not care bc i need this old man to tell me he loves me). angst, fluff. quite a bit of side character interaction before we get to joel and reader in the second half. the only physical description of reader is that she is shorter than joel.

We love overprotective Joel in this house

The Guard Dog - Pero Tovar one shot by @avastrasposts

Sent to your uncle's bleak castle in the north of England, you expect only a dreary existence until you meet his groundskeeper, a scarred, frightening Spaniard. But love in the Victorian era is not easy and life doesn't follow straight paths.

this is mainly all fluff with a bit of angst. Some of that casual racism and predjudice of the period rears its ugly head though. I've tried to keep the reader as blank as possible, but it's Victorian England and she's a lady so I have to presume she doesn't speak Spanish and has fair skin. No use of y/n.

This was so beautiful. I love the setting, I love the characterization, I love the story

Bloody Kisses - Tim Rockford/Dio series by @perotovar

shane has been in denial about himself for a while. newly single and with the help of one of his favorite singers, he opens his eyes to a new venture he could possibly take: the cop he sees on a semi-regular basis, detective tim rockford.

takes place in the early 00s, age gap (shane is 23, tim is 40), internalized homophobia, hurtful names (fairy boy, faggot, queer as a slur, etc), a gay porn magazine, lots of references to peter steele of type o negative (and his playgirl issue), male masturbation, acab, angst, protected p in a, fingering, excessive amounts of lube

I started reading this a while ago, but I never added it to the spreadsheet. I'm in love with how soft Tim is with Dio UgH

In the shadows of others, we grow - Tim Rockford/Dave York series by @sin-djarin

What happens when you put two different areas of law enforcement in the same room a few times a year to atone for their 'sins'? You find common ground and figure it out. Together.

M/M, Established D/s dynamics, each chapter contains individual warnings.

This pairing?? Obsessed. The feelings?!?!? Give me 14 more fics in this universe PLEASE

An End to Drought - Javi P one shot by @almostfoxglove

The future of your family's homestead hangs in the balance as Javier Peña comes home in the middle of a drought.

Javier Peña Smut, Soft Javier Peña, Sweet Javier Peña, Javier Peña Has a Big Dick, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Neighbors,Javier might be a god? who knows!, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Penis In Vagina Sex, Oral Sex, Creampie, Sex, Vaginal Sex, unprotected piv, Freyr, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Post Season 3

I'm obsessed with the way the challenge was interpreted. Is Javi a god? We don't know... but he sure fucks like one.

Some shit I wrote:

Make it Hurt - Logan Howlett x f!mutant!reader - sparring + pain kink

Morning Ride - Logan Howlett x f!reader - soft morning sex

You're So Dark - Dave York x f!reader - prof!Dave x student!Reader

[monstersinthecosmos]

First, you write a lengthy post claiming that Marius treats Armand like an animal, and then you wonder why Armand and Marius shippers are seen as outcasts in the fandom. You present humiliation, disrespect and devaluation as something sexual and normal in their relationship. There is a difference between not seeing Armand as an adult and independent person and not seeing him as a person at all. Like, you're literally doing ALL the work for the antis, LMAO.

If Marius sees Armand as a cat, then maybe he shouldn't be left alone with animals

just saying.

Like, 'Armand, Marius picked up a shepherd dog from the street today. You both share the same level of love, respect, and significance! 😍 But don’t be upset; being someone's dog can be great! And remember, you actually like it! 🥺'

BEST GASLIGHTING EVER

Maybe he’s okay with this situation because he doesn’t remember what real kindness feels like? Roleplay in bed for the sake of temporary humiliation is one thing, but to see someone you’re in a romantic relationship with as nothing more than an animal is just messed up. What are you even talking about? 😭

Yknow what.

I’ve been marinating on this all day and thinking about ways to respond kindly, because I think leveraging literacy at people in fandom arguments is really fucked up and that isn’t the person I want to be. I've even had my own journey in VC fandom because when I first joined Tumblr, the big meta writers were condescending as fuck and used to make me feel really stupid for liking Marius, and that's such a destructive and unwelcoming attitude. It took me a really long time to feel brave enough to even share meta, because of those folks, and now I have to worry about you chodes. And it's just a never ending Sisyphean task to cultivate a space where Marius fans feel safe. And that's for EVERY Marius fan, not just the ones you deign pure & good enough to exist. In fact, it even goes for all the book fans in general. I don't give a fuck if someone likes Marius--everyone is allowed to participate if they're not going out of their way to hurt people. You're an adult. Block people and curate your space, it's not my job to do that for you.

Everyone, at every reading level, is allowed to participate in fandom, and I think we can’t be true leftists if we don’t acknowledge the education problem in the US. (Assuming you’re American because Americans Feelings Yakuza tend to behave like this but if you’re not American, good job blending in, it's really embarrassing for you.) I don’t think I can ethically condemn the degradation of our education system and I don’t think I can condemn this sect of fandom’s violent anti-intellectualism if I don’t also show sympathy for its victims. I'm really sorry that your parents/teachers/whoever failed you this badly and I hope things get better for you, because I don't wish this on anybody.

So when I turn into a cunt in thirty seconds, I want you to know it’s not because I think you’re stupid. It’s because I think you’re a fucking asshole. <3  And I don’t care what the fuck your problem is, it’s YOUR problem, and we don’t have to tolerate this type of thought policing and fascism in a fandom space. You don’t get to talk to me like this just because you don’t like stuff that I write.

Having said that, I also am just, particularly fucking baffled by how incoherent and ideologically unsound this ask is, not to mention how blindingly, willfully ignorant it is. Like, I hate to say this, but it’s SO stupid that I almost can’t believe someone would actually say this to me, and it makes me wonder if you’re like, an outside agitator pretending to be one of these Mariusblr morons to bait me. So I wondered if I shouldn’t validate it with a response, but then I thought,

Fandom deserves to see this lol

You actually did a good job of imitating this attitude that I DO see, for real, in this fandom, so like maybe it’s a public service to bait me to get me to talk about it. So I guess I will.

Now, I did talk about this topic here and I said what I need to say. I already said everything I needed to say on the topic of doting upon the cute little mortal, and to send me this anon after reading that post, the reading comprehension is either ABYSMAL or you’re just pulling an OH SO YOU HATE WAFFLES on me which is like. Why. Lol.

And I can’t help someone who’s determined to misinterpret everything I will ever say, no matter what. But again, I’m kinda posting this as a fandom PSA because this is a great example of the braindead nonsense that goes on in Mariusblr and I think the people deserve to laugh at you lol, so if you want to misinterpret me some more, I can’t help you.

We’re not gonna discuss Marius in this post. What we’re going to discuss is the idea that “””THE ANTIS””” are out to get us, and the irony of couching anti hysteria in this exact message.

So let’s go back to basics and refresh on what the fuck a fandom anti is.

So when you talk about FANDOM ANTIS, I actually have to ask: Babe are you seeing yourself right now? Are these antis in the fucking room? Is the call coming from inside the house?

You don’t get to have a little bit of censorship, or a little bit of harassment.  If someone outside of our fandom saw this post, without the existing context of who Marius and Armand are, they’d think YOU were the anti for telling me how to interpret this ship, not to mention whatever the fuck is this weird kinkshaming. Censorship is bad, full stop. It's not, censorship is only bad when it's the thing I like. Same for leaving people twatty anons. Bullying people is still bad, and you don't get decide who deserves it.

You don’t get to cry about antis and then pop into people’s inboxes to ridicule them because they didn’t read the book the same way you did. You don’t get to lecture me about kink and ship dynamics. YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING ON THE SIDE YOU THINK YOU’RE FIGHTING ON.

And isn’t it ironic that I’ve been Mariusing on tumblr for like, unfortunately, eight fucking years now lmao RIP, and I’ve been harassed about Marius MORE by you fuckin dweebs than I have by the actual antis.

Now, again.

I never want to tease anyone for their reading comprehension. I’m not making fun of you. I’m gonna spell this out because I want to help you, because I can see that reading isn’t your strong suit.

The fight about antis & proshippers & censorship is not a crusade about character apologism and defending ships as being moral, it’s about distinguishing fiction from reality and allowing people to enjoy fucked up art.

You aren’t accomplishing what you think you’re accomplishing here. Like, first of all. I don’t give a single flying fuck about “”the antis””. Let them masturbate in abject shame in the privacy of their pitch black bedrooms. It’s not my business. What horrifies me here is that you yourself are the anti in this situation.

You are in my inbox scolding me for my amoral shipping.

You are in my inbox upset with me because I celebrated that a ship I like is fucked up.

A proshipper would’ve read my post and gone “Eh. I disagree but that’s okay.” And kept scrolling. Maybe they even block me! That’s fine too!

But how the fuck are you gonna sit there crying about antis when you’re the one harassing everybody lol.

And let’s not jerk off here; the sincerity with which you are complaining about antis in my inbox is SO fucking lame. Like can we please go outside?

I’m no stranger to fandom drama (like I said, I’ve been Marius Tumbling for like 8 years and I’ve done my time in Sheith Hell) and I understand when these terms are useful shorthand for a fandom-specific problem. But I also think, what if we grow up and speak honestly about what antis are? It really blunts the harm of the entire ideology, especially when you're misusing it this egregiously, and I think there are times when we deserve to take censorship and fascism seriously, because it's not a coincidence that it's spreading inside fandom at the same speed it's spreading outside in the real world, and I want you to think really hard about which side you're on.

Like, what if we use the term “conservative” or “Frollo” or “fandom police” or “FANDOM MAGA” ?? You come to me upset that I’m somehow giving some boogeyman ammunition when like. THEY ALREADY HATE MARIUS, WHO THE FUCK CARES. When you change the topic from “Fiction is allowed to be fucked up” to “It’s okay to like Marius because he actually didn’t do anything wrong” you’re COMPLETELY missing the point, and in the same motion you are upset with ME for implying that Marius did something wrong.

And it’s so fucking hypocritical? Like this is the same as when the fandom conservatives have ACAB in their bio while also harassing people--you are adopting language to fit into an identity when you don't actually understand what you're saying. I would've thought VC fans--especially Marius fans--would be more aware of cult behavior & groupthink and see the red flags more easily. (Again, having sympathy for you: Please escape this cult.)

How often do we see arguments break out in fandom where we go “If you’re upset with Marius, why aren’t you upset with everyone else?” Or like, I CAN ACCEPT THE MURDERING AND RAPE BUT DRAW THE LINE AT WHIPPING THE 17 YEAR OLD. Like. Where do YOU draw the line?

Is it okay to talk about Marius as a murderer? But we’re not allowed to say that he has some emotional problems? Also didn't one of you chucklefucks accuse me of being ablest lmao the irony.

It’s also fascinating that this camp in fandom is constantly crying about how like, antis DON’T UNDERSTAND ANNE RICE and how MARIUS/ARMAND IS CANON and yet …………………. Was anything I said not also canon? And where do you get the balls to use Anne Rice as a shield when she also said the same things that I said. She wrote the fucking book.

You know what.

I feel really strongly that like, in a fandom, people need to have better etiquette when they complain about THE THING vs THE FANS OF THE THING. For example, I have zero problem with someone coming out of TVA disgusted and triggered and writing analysis of Marius being a disgusting creep. We don’t have the right to tell someone not to feel that way.

What I DO have a problem with is when people say “Marius is a disgusting creep and his fans are gross for enjoying it.”

And what YOURE saying, essentially, is that I’m gross for enjoying Marius in the way I read him.

Not to be like, a fucking, egomaniac, but. I have to say this lol. Do you know who I am?

Are you new here?

Have I not worked hard enough to establish that he’s my favorite literary character of all time and I adore him to death?

But I have different headcanons than you so I’m a bad person?

Anyway.

This has gone on long enough, I think I’ve made my point.

I genuinely can’t tell if someone like ChatGPT’d this anon to me just to rile me up and get me mad at that side of Mariusblr, but the truth is that like. I’ve seen them say these things. I’ve been blocked by these folks. Every time I write meta where I acknowledge that Marius isn’t perfect, they vague me to fuck. So honestly like. It’s not out of the range of possibility and I’m going to take this opportunity to talk about it because some of us are fucking normal about a book and we just want to have fun and post meta and write fics and like. If you don’t like my meta and fics you can simply move along.

And you know what else!!

WE ALL SEE THIS. You make fandom uncomfortable for everybody. Every time I do acknowledge this, I get people in my inbox talking about how uncomfortable you’ve made them and how they became hurt and decided not to share in fandom anymore. That’s you doing that. It isn’t ~ the antis ~. It’s you, because you don’t let anybody enjoy the books the way they want to enjoy the books. And I think it’s really interesting that I’ve noticed that half of fandom sort of cannibalizing itself lately. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that  this whole group of clowns blocked me around the same time, when their jackass ringleader originally got mad at me for flagrantly misunderstanding something I said. This is that same abysmal reading comprehension and violent anti-intellectualism coming back to bite you in the ass. And so like, I have to also ask, if you have some issue with me, maybe consider the source, and if this person is perhaps a complete douchebag who will cannibalize their own friends the second they step out of line. And I wonder if there are any receipts for my alleged atrocious behavior, or if I was always just minding my own business and writing fanfic and sharing meta and being nice to people, and encouraging people to ship whatever they want, and allowing people to read the book differently than I did.

You don’t get to tell people what type of content they’re allowed to create. If you’re very concerned about how people read Marius, maybe write your own meta. This is MY space, not yours, and you’re not going to kinkshame and censor me, and you’re not going to bully me.

This is ridiculous and you’re a joke.

[tomatograter]

i saw on twitter you reread the epilogues! would it be okay to ask how you feel about them now on a reread? have any of your opinions changed, for better or worse? i've really loved the art and analysis that's come out of your tumblr/twitter ever since they dropped, so i'm excited to know what you think. i couldn't get a great read on your feelings based on your tweets so that is why i am asking directly, hope that's okay!

Not much changed. That wasn't the first time I attempted to re-read the HS Epilogues, I've gone through bits and pieces of them a handful of times in the years since the original release and it's an effort I make to remind myself of events that happened because I tend to... forget. I don't mind reading books, I like those! In the hellscape that was 2020, according to my StoryGraph stats (great new site, by the way, stop using the Amazon-clawed Goodreads and transfer your account to a black led effort to diversify the current literary environment) I managed to read about 22 new books. Not too shabby for a total dumbass. The problem isn't that it was text-only, they just sort of mush together as a nondescript mass in my brain given enough time. 

The first time I finished the epilogues, I said they felt like a purposefully unfinished text, but one at odds with itself (though in much more undercooked words, as I had just spent the last 2 days busy reading it) and it's an impression that has deepened since.

I do not mean anything like "Meat contradicts Candy" with this, that'd be foolish; the dissonance is the fucking point. I know how dubiously canon alternate universes work and I *enjoy* them, otherwise I wouldn't have wasted years in the circus ring that is accompanying Big 2 Comics in the hopes they'd do anything genuinely cool with that concept. Instead, I find there is a general problem in terms of internal cohesion. The Epilogues want to be a lot of things at once, be it a continuation, an expulsion, a deliberate attempt at public scorn, a somewhat genuine play in heartfelt analysis, a reinvention of what came before, or a loaded gun pointed straight at one's own foot. And in the process, they end up undermining the impact of their own strongest moments. 

I don't like the Epilogues. Their lukewarm indecisiveness makes for a poor reading experience that needs far more asides, warnings and 'before you read it-'s than the book is worth. It is a text with a particularly distasteful, juvenile fixation in the show and repeated humiliation of sexual abuse victims, and manages to be more regressive about its female characters and what roles they're allowed to play than Homestuck, the 2009 Comic, ever was. And that was disappointing. It's as if the coming of adulthood must sort them into one of two categories: "wanted, desirable" woman or "unwanted, undesirable" woman. It also interacts with trans women in a really shitty way. It is a text married to traditional white-centric politics that makes an attempt to challenge them from that same perspective but falls flat on its face by pulling big moves like "making the alien-Hitler analogue character fight for a rebellion meant to represent racial liberation" and other unsavory choices. But I don't need to like the Epilogues to acknowledge them as both a text that exists and works within a shared universe. 

They're pretty fertile ground for dissection and analysis. I think it's interesting how they accentuate some of the worst facets of the HS "canon"/"lore" by being incredibly blatant about their connection to stuff like the Skaianet archives, how they play with Fanservice and Fan Expectation by dedicating so much time to solving or sinking ‘The Davekat Equation’, and how they elaborate on complex facets of old characters. It's a text that acknowledges the existence of fanfiction and popular fanworks on a direct quotable basis (like "Can't sleep without holding onto a motherfucker" of 4Chords fame) as well as Fan Movements that preceded it (the also Gamzee-based "Free the clown!" Rush from 2016) it's intrinsically interactive, and that's not something you can say about a lot of media. The olive branch beckons.

I don't recommend the Epilogues. To me, the Epilogues portray glimpses of two potential, but not absolute, futures soaked in limiting metadoomer pessimism, best appreciated as "what-if" tales taking on the questions of serialization, post-myth, the self-cannibalistic nature of franchises, the abstractness of Canon, the absurdity of fanon, and why fascists like milk. The Epilogues are also not going to magically disappear or un-exist from our collective recollection anytime soon, or… ever. These statements coexist. 

I think complex feelings towards media are best put to use in the making of your own art, which is unsurprising, given the fact I'm an artist and a fag, & I've personally enjoyed creating things that interact and rebuke aspects of that text. I've also been graced with the existence of wonderful art from others doing the same, may that be in the form of illustrations, written epics, analyses, comics, videos, songs, the collective transgendering of the series' main character, and all sorts of harder-to-categorize community creations. You can make the best of it. That's my favorite part of the whole ordeal, and one I don't regret one bit. 

I hope this is an appropriately satisfying answer on this subject, and if it isn't, well, here's the thing; you can write a better one.

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[sparxwrites]

Hey anons yall are cowards /j /lh but anyway having a thing for tummies is so funny because its like- so not taboo yet you just cant help but get all nervous about it and I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE like help??? Like I can walk in and admit I'm a total monster fucker yet going 'owo' at tummies is the line. I am dying for an explination for why this happens, especially after hearing you're the same!!

i think there's probably a lot of factors tbh.

monsterfucking is a lot more common than tummy-related stuff, which makes it more socially acceptable (within the specific environment of fandom/tumblr). society worships thinness and demonises fatness/bigger tummies, which makes enjoying it feel deeply shameful (versus monsterfucking, which is just... not really on the radar of primary social messages we're exposed to tbh). fat people/pregnant women actually exist, and therefore it's a more uncomfy line to tread re: fetishisation (as opposed to, say, werewolves, who do not exist and therefore don't care how much you only like them for their dicks). there's the potential for uncomfortable interaction with health-related stuff about obesity, or eating disorders, which Also means treading an awkward line. and if you go looking for tummy content, there's a higher proportion of unpleasant stuff (nasty/cruel humiliation, fatphobia or adjacent stuff, stuff that borders on romanticising abuse) than you tend to find with monsterfucking (though i'm sure you can find plenty there too), which means a lot of people's first thoughts on hearing you like tummies are equally unpleasant.

the above stuff re: interactions with highly-charged irl "issues" are also probably why it's such a powerful squick for a lot of people, which again i think contributes to the sense of shame by ppl who enjoy it. especially if it's food- or weight-oriented - rather than, say, inflation or oviposition - those are powerfully emotive topics, and also areas many people will have their own challenges, personal struggles, difficult thoughts around in one direction or another.

i also think it's just a lot more non-intuitive than monsterfucking, which makes it kind of embarrassing and awkward maybe? like, maybe a non-monsterfucker doesn't Quite get "werewolf hot", but they can draw an intuitive line between that thought and the fact said werewolf has an enormous dick. it's really difficult - even as someone who likes this stuff! - to draw any line from "tummy big" to anything that resembles a conventional object of arousal. it's a fetish in the true sense of the word: deriving arousal from something unconnected to genitalia.

[namaikiii]

Twst Ch 5 Thoughts

[Testing out to see if Tumblr eats this one]

I have a problem with Rook: He speaks French. Rook, where did you learn French? Is there a France in Twisted Wonderland? How is French cuisine a commonly known thing in Pomefiore? And if so, where is this France? How can there be a place that speaks French or a Japan for Lilia to learn about natto if Crowley has never heard of our world in his 100 year career? How does this world work???? or maybe the problem lies with us/Yuu

Random Spacefiller Before the Cut: Leona living up to the phrase “cats hate collars”

Rest is under the cut to avoid spoilers (also it’s lengthy):

[Spoiler 5-10] Jamil: Kalim, it’s fine if you don’t (clean gym with ADeuce)……This line really stuck out to me because although we’ve seen Jamil be concerned over Kalim before, it’s the first time he’s showing signs of caring AFTER their incident in Ch 4 (AKA new relationship standing is: we are not friends) and it also invokes a different attitude.

Part of it is still probably out of habit, old-Jamil would say a master shouldn’t be doing the work of a servant. Another part I feel like is guilt. Having Kalim follow his orders (even though it wasn’t directed at him) might’ve triggered Jamil to how he treated Kalim in Ch 4. And his discomfort shows that he’s reflected on his actions and knows he was in the wrong. Grim comments the change in Jamil is extreme (duh Grim, his quick turnaround is thanks to his maturity, unlike some Overblotters…). The thing with Jamil is his growth will never by shown explicitly due to his nature, but the small snippets of focus on him give enough to read between the lines.

And throughout Ch 5 we see Jamil still keeping an eye on Kalim from afar, and his expressions are pensive. Kalim is showing signs of putting himself as an equal with Jamil by doing the same tasks as him and learning to put in effort at improving himself so that he may compete with Jamil on equal footings. And Jamil has to fight back old habits of giving in his victories to/coddling Kalim (thereby enabling his ignorant helplessness) and learn to let Kalim (and himself) go through the process so that they can both mature as their own person. And I think this growth between them will develop further in this chapter. Also I high key love Kalim’s reasoning for picking his favorite story. The boy believes in 2nd chances and redemption arcs.

It’s a bit of a pity that Jamil’s frustration was directed towards Kalim instead of the social system of the Land of Hot Sands itself, because he clearly is grappling with himself on his opinion of Kalim (yesss Jamil, be friends. He’s a good guy and you know it). But then again, he’s a teenage boy so it’s understandable that he’s unable to see past the oppression in his immediate space to see the issue in light of the big political picture of it all. And it seems that our overblotters suffering from twisted oppression(s) of this world outside of their control seems to be a common theme.

[Spoiler 5-21] So at this rate, we’ve technically had a sleepover with Savanaclaw, and Octavinelle, and now with Heartslabyul/Scarabia/Pomefiore. Will we get to finish the set with Ignihyde and Diasomnia? Will Malleus finally get invited to something???

Thoughts on Vil so Far: Coincidentally, while playing through Ch5, I came across an article talking about how ultra-Independence is a trauma response and while reading it, a lot of it resonated with Vil from what we’ve observed of him so far. From what I gleaned, characteristics of ultra-independence is:

A survival mechanism stemming from a past trauma (neglect/abuse/bullying/grief/etc.)

Tend to be the rulers of the household (They run the show)

Take on all the responsibilities/decisions because they don’t trust others to make the correct decisions (micromanage)

Results in too much responsibility on one person –> Become overwhelmed/unable to cope with the pressure

Asking for help/Admitting they are not coping is terrifying

Tend to take on codependent relationships (allows them to fix others which gives them a sense of security/control rather than a person who tries to help them)

And in the same order, I’ll relate the observations and how it pertains to Vil:

He holds bitterness to his past/hometown for whatever he experienced there (humiliation?) and is disillusioned by the concept that hard work will bring good results (the falsity of which he is currently experiencing due to, despite all his efforts, Neige is still “#1″). In Deuce’s SR Lab Coat story and other instances, he always scolds those who ask for help without putting in their own effort first.

Uh…..Dorm lead. Fairy Gala/His movie club projects/This training camp also show how much he invests in directing to make sure everything is as perfect as can be

Same as above, the strictness of his lessons in Fairy Gala, the nitpickiness of the smoke color in his Lab Coat Story, his critiques during lessons as well as managing everyone’s diet and skincare

We’re seeing him slowly slip and act out of character like standing blankly in the middle of the hall (every time that ink blot drips yo). Also I could add in the way his severity towards Epel is becoming more and more unreasonable and more of living a projection of his own desires through someone else (tiger mom anyone?)

Rook knows what’s up. Despite others seeing Vil as a very strong and confident personality, Rook’s description of him suggests something fragile and needs to be looked after. More so especially if the person in distress is unable to ask for help himself

His interaction with Azul in Azul’s SR Ceremony Robe story and Jade in Jade’s SSR story shows he is another one of those who hates being indebted to others. He will not be a charity case. His general relationship with Rook is also very quid pro quo. And the whole nosiness of him constantly getting involved in improving others to reach their full potential (he wanted to continue Fairy Gala boys’s modeling career even when it was unnecessary).

Rook mentions how he and Vil are excited for the first years to break out of their shells and show their true beauty and tbh I hope that means one step closer to finding their Unique Magic. Let it happen dang it! Also, when Vil OBs, I see Rook reacting in 1 of 2 ways: him with his beauty optimism will still find OB Queen as Beauté! in its own way OR  he’ll call it out that Vil has strayed from his true beauty (AKA: for once, you no beauté!). But he’ll help get his Roi de Poison come back to his senses and back on track. Yah I’m leaning towards option 2.

Yeah that was an essay but I’m loving Ch 5 so far because! MORE SCARABIA BOYS SCREENTIME AND DEVELOPMENT. and also lots more info on Twst lore. Thanks for reading!!!!!

[a-green-onion]

The He*archate vs Umberto Eco’s “Ur-Fascism”

ok it looks like I haven’t already done this, so! A lot of fictional Evil Empires use the visuals of fascism (iirc the Star Wars original trilogy did this), but not all of them follow through on making the Empire substantially fascist in ideology and practice. Machineries of Empire certainly has fascist visual components, with its regiments of black-shirted soldiers. Umberto Eco, a writer who grew up in Italy under Mussolini, wrote an essay about growing up under that regime and his ideas about key features of fascist and fascist-like movements (I’ll link it in a reblog, I don’t want Tumblr eating this post. I really recommend it, it’s very accessible and well-written). I want to see how much the he*archate correlates with these. It’s easy to get caught up in all the flashy space battles and gory exotic tortures, but YHL is very into military history, and that’s one reason his despotic regimes work so well--they’re taken from real life.

This is horribly incomplete because in my reread I’m only about halfway through Ninefox Gambit, but...I wanna Post.

An important note to start: Eco uses “fascism”, the name for Italian political movement, to refer to a variety of different totalitarian regimes and philosophies, because “fascism had no quintessence. Fascism was a fuzzy totalitarianism, a collage of different philosophical and political ideas, a beehive of contradictions.” Further, “Fascism became an all-purpose term because one can eliminate from a fascist regime one or more features, and it will still be recognizable as fascist.” Thus, the common characteristics he lists are not features of every fascist movement, and are often features of non-fascist repressive movements. The he*archate does not have all these features, but I think it makes sense to analyze it as a fascist empire.

Without further ado:

1. The cult of tradition, including syncretic occultism. “As a consequence, there can be no advancement of learning. Truth has been already spelled out once and for all, and we can only keep interpreting its obscure message” (Eco).

The he*archate does not do this. As I pointed out in an earlier post, there are no foundational religious beliefs behind the High Calendar. No holy texts, no prophets, just a way of life, a set of practices, and endless heresies.

2. Rejection of modernism. “Even though Nazism was proud of its industrial achievements, its praise of modernism was only the surface of an ideology based upon Blood and Earth (Blut und Boden)” (Eco).

I don’t think the he*archate does this? I might be forgetting something though, feel free to chime in.

3. Action for action’s sake. (Eco)

Kel Kel Kel Kel Kel.

4. Inability to tolerate analysis. “Disagreement is treason.” (Eco)

Yeah that’s precisely how the High Calendar functions.

5. “Ur-Fascism grows up and seeks for consensus by exploiting and exacerbating the natural fear of difference. The first appeal of a fascist or prematurely fascist movement is an appeal against the intruders.”

So, we don’t get to see much of the heptarchate in its earliest forms, and what we do see is in the third book, which I don’t remember super well. I think the he*archate does this, but it’s more obvious how in the context of Eco’s points 5 and 9.

6. “Derives from individual or social frustration” and features an “appeal to a frustrated middle class.”

Again, this talks more about how fascism begins than how it continues. The he*archate is an established, stable totalitarian empire, not a burgeoning movement (which is interesting because by rights this house of cards should have collapsed centuries ago). It would be interesting to look at how the hexarchate uses propaganda but uhhh iirc that’s mostly in the second and third books and I don’t remember them that well.

7. Nationalism, and the obsession with a plot, both as an outside and an inside threat. 

Reflected in how the heretics (an inside plot) are iirc assumed to be aligned with the Hafn (an outside threat). See also point 9.

8. “The followers must feel humiliated by the ostentatious wealth and force of their enemies. [...] However, the followers must be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak. Fascist governments are condemned to lose wars because they are constitutionally incapable of objectively evaluating the force of the enemy.”

...I think the he*archate might win too many wars for this to be applicable?

9. “Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy [...] life is permanent warfare. This, however, brings about an Armageddon complex. Since enemies have to be defeated, there must be a final battle, after which the movement will have control of the world. But such a “final solution” implies a further era of peace, a Golden Age, which contradicts the principle of permanent war. No fascist leader has ever succeeded in solving this predicament.”

The he*archate absolutely does live in a state of permanent war, against heresy which is everywhere. The he*archate seems to have solved this predicament by achieving a placid, high standard of living for the majority of its citizenry, contingent upon those citizens’ complicity in the ritual torture of prisoners of this “war.” Thus, every citizen is both invested and involved in the fighting and encouraged to identify with its sacrifices, but also able to live in a true golden age. I’ve always thought about this aspect of the he*archate as in conversation with Ursula K. LeGuin’s short story “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas,” but that’s an essay for another day.

10. Contempt for the weak and popular elitism. “Every citizen belongs to the best people of the world, the members of the party are the best among the citizens, every citizen can (or ought to) become a member of the party. But there cannot be patricians without plebeians. In fact, the Leader, knowing that his power was not delegated to him democratically but was conquered by force, also knows that his force is based upon the weakness of the masses; they are so weak as to need and deserve a ruler. Since the group is hierarchically organized (according to a military model), every subordinate leader despises his own underlings, and each of them despises his inferiors. This reinforces the sense of mass elitism.”

This one isn’t an obvious component, but I think it’s present, especially looking at how the Kel talk about “crashhawks”. I’m going to keep a closer eye out for it as I reread.

Cheris is “un-Kel” because she cannot do this. One of the first things we see Cheris do is order her soldiers into a mildly heretical formation to keep them alive, and we see again and again how well she knows, respects, and cares for the people and servitors under her command. 

On the flip side, Kujen is able to become the system’s architect precisely because he despises his inferiors, and sees everyone as an inferior. As we learn in the third book, this does not come naturally to him, but inducing this state of mind in himself is necessary for his success.

11. “Everybody is educated to become a hero. [...] This cult of heroism is strictly linked with the cult of death. [...] In non-fascist societies, the lay public is told that death is unpleasant but must be faced with dignity; believers are told that it is the painful way to reach a supernatural happiness. By contrast, the Ur-Fascist hero craves heroic death, advertised as the best reward for a heroic life. The Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death.”

Kel Kel Kel Kel.

12. “Machismo (which implies both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality).”

The he*archate absolutely, emphatically does not do this. Plenty of gender equality, plenty of nonstandard sexual behavior. 

But! There is another component to point 12. “Since even sex is a difficult game to play, the Ur-Fascist hero tends to play with weapons—doing so becomes an ersatz phallic exercise.” This might be relevant to the commonness of dueling as a form of entertainment, both as a participant and a spectator sport? I don’t think dueling is particularly eroticized but it’s certainly linked to exchanges of power.

13. Selective populism. “In a democracy, the citizens have individual rights, but the citizens in their entirety have a political impact only from a quantitative point of view—one follows the decisions of the majority. For Ur-Fascism, however, individuals as individuals have no rights, and the People is conceived as a quality, a monolithic entity expressing the Common Will. Since no large quantity of human beings can have a common will, the Leader pretends to be their interpreter. Having lost their power of delegation, citizens do not act; they are only called on to play the role of the People. Thus the People is only a theatrical fiction.”

Not a strong theme in MoE, but arguably, this is how the calendar operates: on the Will of the People, carefully channeled by the appropriate authorities.

Also, not strictly relevant, but everyone needs to see this line: “There is in our future a TV or Internet populism, in which the emotional response of a selected group of citizens can be presented and accepted as the Voice of the People.” Hm.

14. Newspeak. “All the Nazi or Fascist schoolbooks made use of an impoverished vocabulary, and an elementary syntax, in order to limit the instruments for complex and critical reasoning. But we must be ready to identify other kinds of Newspeak, even if they take the apparently innocent form of a popular talk show.”

Again, I’d like to take another look at the propaganda that gets sent out in later books to talk about this properly! The Kel make heavy internal use of euphemisms, but that’s not quite the same thing.

***

Anyway, that was fun, and I hope everyone learned something about how fascism emerges! I encourage you to read the entire essay, chew on its ideas a bit, think about if they apply to other fictional words and to real life.

[flightfoot]

I'm not someone who watches Miraculous Ladybug but why are there so many Marinette/Damian fics? I keep seeing them when I scroll through Timsteph fics.

OH HELL. You know, I’ve been wondering what Batman-only fans must think of the flood of Marinette/Damian. It’s uh. Yeah it doesn’t make a ton of sense. 

See, here’s the thing; there’s a LARGE section of the ML fandom devoted to salt, specifically salt towards one particular episode; Chameleon, where Marinette - the main character - has her seat reassigned during class so she has to sit at the back away from all her friends in order to make way for a returning student who *claims* she has a hearing disability so she can sit in the front row. However, said character, Lila, is a notorious liar, as Marinette, Adrien (the deuteragonist and Marinette’s main Love Interest), and the audience know. Adrien actually offers to go sit in the back instead, but Marinette and Lila both shut down that idea and Marinette stews in the back of the classroom for awhile. 

Then at lunch, Lila tells more stories of her fabulous life and gets people to bring a tray of food for her since she claims she hurt her wrist. Marinette tries to tell two of her other friends that Lila’s a liar and a fake, but can’t actually produce any evidence to prove it, so she throws a napkin at Lila to try to prove she’s faking her injury... which Lila then catches, but pretends to have hurt her arm. Her other classmates scold her for throwing a napkin at Lila and causing her to hurt herself, Marinette storms off, and Lila corners her in the bathroom and threatens to turn all her friends against her and stop her from ever getting close to Adrien unless she sides with her.

Adrien actually catches up with Lila soon after that and asks her to please stop lying, that she doesn’t need to do that and she’ll only turn their classmates against her, and offers to help listen if something’s bothering her. He doesn’t  realize that Lila’s targeting Marinette, or that she’s actively malicious in general, just thinking that she’s lonely and is lying to try and make friends.

Lila brushes him off and purposely seeks out an akuma to get herself akumatized, turns into a villain, tries to defeat Ladybug and Chat Noir, the usual jazz.

Anyway, at the end after defeating her, when Marinette’s about to try to publicly call Lila out for switching up which ear Lila has Tinnitus in, Adrien asks her whether she thinks exposing her will actually help anything, and that humiliating her will make her hurt more, and making a bad guy suffer has never turned them into a good guy.

So Marinette decides not to do that, and when they go back to the classroom, Adrien goes to the back and sits next to Marinette of his own accord. Then the whole class decides that they liked the old seating arrangement better, and everyone goes back to their old seats and Lila’s left sitting by herself in the back (she’d claimed her tinnitus magically got better, so she didn’t need to sit in the front anymore.)

Salters took that episode and RAN with it, writing fic after fic of epic revenge fantasies that WAY ramped up how bad any of the characters could POSSIBLY be, making the class force her to do commission after commission for them for free, never showing her proper appreciation for all she does for them, and when Lila shows up and starts manipulating people, have the class scorn and shun Marinette for being an awful person, rip up her stuff, and beat her up, often with her (former) best friend Alya leading the charge, and Adrien just standing and the background telling her to take it.

A lot of people writing these hate Adrien’s guts, having decided that he’s a sexual harasser/assaulter/potential rapist, and wanted to ship her with other people - her second canon Love Interest, Luka, and the scrapped first draft for her partner from the original concept for ML, Felix, at the top of the list.

Felix, notably, was generally perceived as being cold, aloof, and no-nonsense, but with a heart of gold. So he was sometimes used to inflict punishment on everyone the salters hated, plus Marinette could be one of the few people to slip past his cold exterior and become someone he cared for.

Then Felix was gonna be made canon. And someone new was needed to fill that role. 

One tumblr user wrote a story where the polite, yet aloof, young man Damien hears a girl screaming in trouble, sees Marinette in Gotham, and instantly falls in love with his Angel, and she ends up staying in Gotham instead of with all the horrible, horrible Everyone Else In Her Life.

Yeah, Damian wasn’t remotely in-character in those early fics at least. His name was often misspelled with an “e”, actually. 

But anyway. A few advantages to this; Damian can be made to be super sweet and a perfect gentleman around Marinette, who can instantly see all the worth that everyone else in her life threw away, and as a bonus, can reap revenge on her classmates who tried to beat her up/destroy her notebook/poison her/whatever the fic writer came up with, since Damian might feasibly be willing to inflict cruel punishment on them (not that being in-character has ever been valued much in these fics), plus Marinette gets the entire Batfamily to dote on her and be her new family and be totally removed from everyone the author doesn’t like, which tends to be most of the ML cast. Except for her canonical bully who made her life miserable both before and during the actual series, Chloe; she’ll often become Marinette’s new best friend. Though I don’t think that’s as common with the crossover.

It mixed up the Chameleon salt formula, which I think even the salters had gotten a little tired of (though it’s still going strong), and gave possibilities for a lot more different character interactions, and just generally breathed new life into it.

At this point it’s kinda become its own thing, and some people are actually stepping away form the salt and bashing that birthed the pairing and just shoving her in with the Batfamily generally, because... honestly I suspect there’s some wish fulfillment going on there. And people seem to have a slightly better idea of how the Batfamily works now? Maybe? From what I’ve seen, I think people may have at least STARTED doing some research.

Anyway, yeah. They’re basically a separate fandom at this point, pretty much just devoted to like. That one episode of ML, the first episode of season 3, that released over a year and a half ago.

But uh. Yeaaaah, don’t judge ML by what you see in those crossover fics. Their relation with canon, especially canon characterization, is tenuous at best.

As you might be able to tell, I don’t ship it. I also hate the OOCness, but actually like the potential for the crossover, and wrote my own ML X Batman crossover fic, “We’re The Same”, that was sticking with the canon ships, characterization, and overall just dropping the two franchises into each other in a more canon compliant way to see what would shake out. Especially since dammit, ADRIEN AND DAMIAN WOULD BE FRIENDS. 

[obeymematches]

Hi there, I saw your tumblr and thought it is really cool ! So I wanted to know if I can request a matchup ? 😳👉🏽👈🏽

My name means the laughter in spanish but I’m not very good at making jokes even though I love to laugh and I take pride in putting a smile on people faces. I try to live up to my name haha. People always think I’m intimidating at first because I have been cursed with “resting bitch face”. But really I’m kind at heart and very empathetic. I can cry at movies, I’m always here if someone needs to vent, I feel bad if I see someone or an animal suffering and I hate injustice. When meeting new people I’m a little observant at first because I need to feel with whom I can feel the most comfortable. Im an introvert leo thus I suck at communication, I’m a bit sarcastic and sometimes I roast people unintentionally. I don’t know why I have a hard time saying ’ I love you ’ even with my family. I’m not a physical person either, the only person I let touch me is my partner or my pets. I show my love through actions and support, my love language is quality time. I become a bit silly around my loved ones and I loooove to prank them. I have siblings and I’m the oldest, I have always been the mediator when it comes to resolve fights between them. I never considered myself clever and I lack self esteem because of this, but when I’m doing a job, I need to do it right and I work hard so I can feel the satisfaction of my boss or clients, I’m not scared of responsibilities.

On my own, I have a world to myself, I love fantasy, mystery and horror stuffs, my space needs to be cozy at all times. I’m sensitive to loud noises so I like it when its silent, at best I can tolerate music like classic, lofi, or ost from movies/video games. I love digital painting, and clean/organized stuffs. I love beautiful things, and learning about animals, humans and its psychology. I love taking care of myself, like I’m always searching for the best skin/hair products and I need to look good everytime I go outside haha.

When in relationship I need someone with a lot of patience, I’m slow to open up. And when something troubles me I tend to go silent. I don’t want to ruin the good mood so I keep my struggles to myself. I do not tolerate humiliation, or disrespect, it’s a huge turn off. I’m usually calm and would hate to “go crazy” at them. As an introvert I need my alone time so I need my partner to be understanding about this. When completely in love I tend to put my partner on a pedestal and take pride on showing them off. Also expects lots of gifts and surprises, bc nothing is ever good enough for my partner.

Thank you for reading this far 🥺

———

hiiii! sorry for my late answer! 

okay so i’ve had a few of the brothers on my mind so it was not an easy decision. i think you’d be a very nice match for Satan, Belphie and possibly Lucifer too. But Simeon would also be a decent option! (like you’re into digital painting and he’s the opposite of digital so that’d be a fun learning experience)

OK after reading your request over a couple of times i decided that you and Lucifer would totally work out!

Okay so you making people smile without shame is something that catches the attention of the 3 demons I mentioned (2 of them is good at observing and Belphie hardly ever smiles so once you get him to he’s in)

You say you have a rbf but later you mention that you like to be pretty and Lucifer definitely appreciates that in a partner. I mean someitmes you go to places where you just gotta dress nicely and neat. 

He also appreciates someone with a soft side like you as that balances things out a bit, but also because he has some soft spots as well - you being a new one!

I don’ think he would open up to anyone easily, so quite some time would pass before he actually vents to you but he makes sure to make it up to you! 

Well I think Lucifer is good at communicating so regarding that he would probably help you learn a bit as communication is supper important in a relationship. 

Later you mention that you are responsible just like him and honestly he deeply appreciates that you are not someone to cause much trouble. 

However! We all know how he likes troublemakers like Mammon, so the fact that you prank him and/or his brothers just makes him grow even fonder of you! (i think Belphie would be quick to join in as a pranking sidekick)

You also mention how you have the skills to end fights and in the HOL that’s super important for survival without losing your mind. I think you’d do a great job at fixing the bonds between Belphie and him, or maybe even Satan and him! (i mean not fixing it instead of them, but like... they could get on the healthier path thanks to you! character development) 

I think he likes touching, even if his brothers are around - in fact maybe especially when they are around, so it’s nice that you’re OK with your partner being touchy. However you being there for him and running errands for him to show your love is just perfect. Quality time is also something you have in common, as I mentioned earlier expect to go to quite fancy places relatively often. Or just spending time in his room, i mean he wants alone time with you from time to time is there something wrong with that- 

You working hard is also something he values a lot! and if you have similar values thats a good start. 

I think you lack of self esteem would be risky if you were on his bad side  but that’s not happening. Lucifer is definitely strong and capable of lifting you up a bit, I mean you are literally dating him and he knows how to recognize someone smart so really you’d have no choice but to gain some more self esteem! (not because you are dating him because it’s not healthy to have self esteem only because of your partner, but I meant it in a way that he lowkey guides you to actually start believing in yourself. ) 

Hmm so you liking cozy places is nice because that skeleton in his room has no business staying there like wtf-

You two have similar likes when it comes to music so thats also good. So when you two are recharging there’s never going to be any arguments about that. I think he is open to lsiten to whatever music his partner likes but tbh if you like very similar stuff as him that just can’t go wrong, right?

In case he does something you don’t like you’ll absolutely have to tell him though! He will notice when you aren’t feeling yourself and it’s better to confront him about it than wait for him to bring this up. 

It’s also nice that you have your standards high like that especially when it comes to your partner as he is a demon with high standards! though he appreciates literally anything you give him, this man is just so in love. 

So this relationship includes two responsible adults and he helps you develop better communication skills & self esteem! the two of you can rely on the other at all times emotianlly and responsibility-wise as well. (though he might have a bit hard time to actually ask you for help, but once you get to know him and his capability. You’d help his relation with above mentioned brothers and him being family oriented he’d really love that and would never forget about how much he owes you for that. 

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

ok well i originally drafted this while thinking about this post, but it’s relevant to what i wanted to say about (my tags on) this one too so i’ll just post it now, how ‘bout that.

i mean, Getting Used to It (and thus expanding your definition of “i’m fine”) isn’t always as dramatic as your brain completely turning off its pain response to an event, so that you don’t realize you’ve injured yourself until some other clue tips you off. that’s certainly happened to me? (and w/ smaller injuries it happens to healthy people too, as when you cut yourself on paper without noticing, and it doesn’t start to hurt until you see it bleed.) but the more everyday/pedestrian forms of this phenomenon are, like. that the level of pain i rated as an 8 in 2016 now reads to me as, like, 5. and that when you’re depressed (or at least when i am), pain goes up but interest in that pain goes down, because of depression’s tendency to normalize negative stimuli.

i think these are two manifestations of the same thing: your brain removes fear from the equation, and since fear makes pain more intense, most pain experienced in fear’s absence seems like no big deal. and that goes double for painful stimuli you once associated with fear but no longer do? in a sorta feedback-loopy way. or at least it does for me. less fear-->less pain-->even less fear the next time something similar happens.

if i sit in nearly any given position too long, one or more of the joints in my legs will sometimes... well, i think subluxate is technically the right word?* but it’s not like a sudden pop: it’s like, as the muscles around them relax my joints slowly slide out of place. as you can imagine (given the low bar required to achieve it), this happens A Lot; i don’t keep track, but probably once a day on average? i know it’s not every day, but also that some days it happens many times, and that both these latter and the days when it doesn’t happen at all often strike me as a change from the norm. so, yeah, probably a mean of once per day. but until sometime in 2019, it used to freak me out—a lot—every time.

it’s often one of those above-mentioned doesn’t hurt until you notice for other reasons scenarios, too, like the paper cut. so i’d be like innocently sitting there, then look down or attempt to adjust position and suddenly OH GOD MY LEG(S). and every time it happened i’d think, “oh god, is this the time i really and truly get stuck and have to be scooped out of this position on a stretcher. fuck, please, no, that would be so humiliating, there’s no way the paramedics would believe me, strangers must not see me like this,” &c., and the more determined i got to prove to myself that i could move, that i wasn’t stuck, that i could get myself out of this, the more horrifically painful these attempts became—partly because fear of pain leads to greater pain, and partly because when you’re panicky you don’t tend to move with much patience or care.

but, of course, every time i would eventually get out of it. it’s hard to say how long it took, because, again, i never timed it, and also because time does weird shit when you’re freaking out. (plus i have adhd, so my estimates of how long things take aren’t the greatest to begin with.) i want to say though that the longest i ever took unpretzeling myself in this way was an hour and a half—and i usually took way less time than that. (it’s hard also to estimate because these days exceeding ten minutes marks an especially long battle of this kind.) iirc, the ~90-minute incident was like, my right hip already felt not quite right, and someone on the internet recommended W-sitting as a way to reduce a subluxed hip, and i tried it because i either didn’t know at that time or had forgotten that when i W-sit for more than a few seconds i often misplace several toes, up to two joints per knee, maybe an ankle, and/or at least one hip. some of these will reduce themselves automatically as soon as i move; others i can only move passively until after i’ve reduced them. so like, that endeavor was a fucking jigsaw puzzle, and good luck figuring those out when a. every wrong move doubles the pain and panic you’re in, but b. leaving the puzzle unfinished is also agonizing. most of the time it was not that bad.

…what was my point? oh yeah: this sat-wrong-now-my-leg’s-stuck business still happens a lot, and it’s n o t like sitting on a pen, where your brain eventually gives up on signaling your discomfort.** nor like when you’re running on adrenaline and your brain doesn’t bother to tell you you’re hungry. nor like what tumblr user bibliosphere described, where her brain evidently just… prioritized other tasks over the “hey please fix this leg” alarm that pain would have signified. but incidents like this do, literally, hurt less the tenth time they happen than they do the first time, and it’s not because your body Toughens Up or whatever either (that only works w/ exercise-related muscle pain); it’s because your brain learns that this event does not pose imminent danger. a subluxation you know how to reduce will hurt less than one you don’t.

that’s what the “i’m always subluxing” version of the hulk meme means. most chronically ill people describe this whole phenomenon as more like the argument from “shot in the knee theory.” as like, you stop screaming because you learn screaming doesn’t help. and i mean… yeah? but ime it’s more that you stop screaming*** when you learn what does help. the OP in that post asks rhetorically,

Are you going to scream and cry the entire time, or are you going to come to grips with reality and accept the fact that freaking out isn’t going to make the ambulance come any faster?

and jesus christ, OP, are you kidding? in real life? definitely the first one! if you literally got shot in the knee, you wouldn’t just scream because it hurt—you would scream also because holy shit, am i gonna die of blood loss? why did they shoot me? are they going to shoot me again??? and pain you’ve had for years, or an injury you’ve sustained many times before, is nothing like that. if it scares you at all, the content of your fear is more like, oh, crap. what’s this gonna feel like tomorrow. will i have to cancel my plans again?

*n.b. i’ve never had this confirmed by a doctor. i just assume that’s what’s happening because 1. the sensations’ non-pain components are very similar to what the subluxations i have had confirmed feel like; 2. if it’s a joint i can see from my position (e.g., the ankle pressed against the floor when criss-cross-applesauced), it usually looks a little fucked up; and 3. it behaves quite differently from regular stiffness, joints in this scenario feeling not so much too tight to move properly as like i keep aiming for and missing the lever that moves them. (and each failed attempt HURTS like my soft tissues are pumpkin guts and my bones are knives trying to scoop them out.)

**i’ve never actually tried this experiment, though, and i’ve heard it doesn’t work on some autistic people. hopefully this goes without saying lmao but my sensory perceptions are Weird in General, so, any hypotheses i build upon them should be salted liberally

***well, whimpering, anyway. for me at least, if i literally scream at an injury it’s not from the pain, it’s from the surprise. i’m more likely to scream when i stub my toe than when i try to bite and my jaw crunches sideways, because the latter is a possibility i sign up for every time i put food in my mouth, whereas like. ob…viously you wouldn’t have stubbed your toe if you’d already known the object you accidentally kicked was there. (except i guess in movies when people kick objects to express rage, forgetting that this will hurt them. in that case i suppose they scream partly from surprise and partly because negative stimuli encountered in “fight” mode reinforce preexisting anger. wow i digress lmao sorry.) but reactions like whimpering, clenching your teeth, &c. only partly come from surprise; they’re also stims, i think, tho clearly not ones unique to ND people. the woman who pierced my ears when i was a kid told me to focus on tapping first one foot and then the other, so i wouldn’t shrink away. i think it’s kinda like that: it releases nervous energy, gives you a competing stimulus to focus on.

[feingeister]

How have your thoughts on the outing scene changed?

this is very long, unstructured and rambly, so i doubt anyone will want to read it, but your answer is under the cut.

(triggerwarning up here bc tumblr sucks: discussions of homophobia and transphobia)

i think initially, people hated the outing scene so much because we really, really didn’t expect it and because it was a shitty ending to a shitty episode. watching this show in real time is always a little rougher and a lot more intense and at that point it had been weeks since we last saw a smiling david (i think maybe we even had a counter for that?? lmao). to clarify, i’m not saying that anyone overreacted, but when this fandom is pissed off, it sometimes tends to go all out in ways i don’t necessarily agree with.

so basically, i moved from being angry and disappointed in the outing scene, to still not liking it but also being a little defensive over it, because i think the way some people talk about it is not entirely fair. i’ve seen a lot of people claim that david was outed for shock value and drama, just to get cis and/or straight viewers to sympathize with him. that’s a trope that’s been talked about a lot on this site and it is very rightfully criticized. i think that’s maybe why a lot of people interpreted this scene the way they did.

the whole “make lgbt people suffer in media so straight people will realize that we’re fucked and maybe have some goddamn sympathy” trope exists for a good reason, it did use to be a legitimate cry for help. nowadays, it doesn’t really work anymore because it is overdone and pretty much exclusively targeted at cishet people, when lgbt narratives should be targeted at or at least be watchable for lgbt viewers. i know that some lgbt people feel seen by that kind of content and find comfort in having their suffering reflected back at them, and while i can respect that, the trope obviously does more harm than good. what it does to most lgbt people is that they see how much their life sucks – which they already knew, they’re living it – and the message is that they’re probably gonna die unhappy or lonely or brutally murdered. there is also something very humiliating about constantly begging for other’s sympathy when you’d have every reason to despise them for letting you die by the masses and calling it a divine cleansing or whatever the fuck.  

to get back to the topic at hand – the problem with lgbt narratives in media in my opinion is not that lgbt characters have to suffer through hardships, it is that they are never rewarded for their suffering and they never find happiness, the only one being rewarded is the cishet viewer who gets to feel very kind and empathetic because they cried over one of the gays™ .

(there is also the problem that a lot of these narratives center around suffering when they really don’t have to, but i don’t think you can necessarily blame well written stories with a darker tone for that problem.)

i can’t tell anyone that david wasn’t outed for drama – of course he was, it’s a tv show – and that it wasn’t at least partially targeted at straight/cis people but this experience is a pretty central part to his narrative, he gets to properly deal with it and he ends up very, very happy with his boyfriend and his new friends, not only in the last episode of his season but in all of season four as well.

i’ve talked about david’s story arc a lot already and how i think it’s pretty centered around his (unhealthy) coping mechanism. first, we see david isolate and hide himself away, then we think he’s opening up but he’s only really opening up to matteo because he’s romanticizing the whole “you and me against the world“ thing. when he gets outed we truly realize that he really hasn’t let go of his run&hide approach (which makes it difficult for him to form, maintain and value connections to other people) during a catastrophe, because we see the catastrophe happen and it triggers that response. it retroactively becomes clear to the viewer that even if it seemed like david was doing better (and in a lot of ways he was! i don’t want to trivialize or downplay the fact that he came out to matteo on his own terms), he has some problems that romance can’t solve.

i’m not saying that this couldn’t have happened any other way or that the outing was ~absolutely necessary~, but you all know that i loooove the second pool scene and what it means for davids story. even if i don’t like the outing scene i can acknowledge that it does serve the narrative pretty solidly, which is why i don’t agree with the “only for drama” argument. in his talk with matteo, david finally makes the choice to rely on the support system that he has and it’s his step towards recovery. and it’s – again - a very solid narrative, it’s not “well you went through some shit and survived and now you’re badass”, its “your trauma doesn’t define you and even if you go through some shit, there are people who will love and support you and in loving them back you will find happiness, growth and recovery”.

ultimately, david’s arc doesn’t leave anyone feeling like life sucks and you just have to deal with it, it leaves with the message that even if things do suck, you can survive and be happy. so there, to me, lies the difference between the trope i talked about earlier and this storyline. instead of just showing a trans individual suffering to benefit cis people, this narrative acknowledges the suffering that trans people do face but it gives their character a happy ending, so anyone who might see themselves in david’s struggles, can also see themselves in his happy end, even if the latter is not (yet) a reality for them.

some other things i appreciate: david isn’t outed to us in that scene, his identity isn’t used as shock value, it’s not overly cruel and it’s very clear that outing someone, even if some people sympathize and no one outwardly attacks him, is a horrible and violent experience. but you know… is the bar really low enough for me to praise that?

all that being said, i’m absolutely not telling anyone how to feel, i don’t have the authority to do that and i don’t want to do that either. i really do understand why many people have an issue with this storyline and there are definitely things you can criticize about the scene. even if it was perfectly written, no one should have to justify not liking the scene and/or feeling hurt by it.

looking back, i don’t necessarily think that it doesn’t fit the tone of the show, but at the time we as a fandom didn’t really expect it and when these narratives come out of nowhere, they’re especially hurtful. and the whole thing did seem overdramatic – who filmed that exchange with mr. neuhaus? why are they only posting it now? why are they posting it at all? why did everyone immediately go and look at it and why is this all (in-)conveniently happening just as matteo is about to pick david up from school? and why is episode eight in general so shitty and weird?

aaaand lastly i just want to mention that i do realize how showing characters grow through things that are done to them can be a bit of a problematic narrative, because it could romanticize these experiences and give off a bit of a “you should be happy that you suffered because it made you stronger!! 😊” vibe, which is shitty, because trauma is trauma, no one deserves to go through it and no one should have to go through it just to “grow”. but you know, at least david never thanked anyone for outing him so we at least have that!

 that’s it, you can come for me now.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus loved putting his hair in feminine hairstyles but Camille humiliated him over it so he cut his hair short and styled iy in masculine hairstyles only. It was decades later that Alec accidentally discovered this and encouraged Magnus to style his hair however he wants to

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, my first ask with a magnus/malec headcanon! Im so happy i could die

(warning: this will contain discussions of psychological/emotional abuse and queerphobia, particularly biphobia)

but no really like ok i have a lot of thoughts about this actually. because like in the show theres this one picture of Magnus ragnor and Catarina together in what looks like the 1840s (im mainly going by the type of photograph here, but also clothing, and jesus christ im already putting so much research into this somebody stop me), so that's when im assuming they were together

i only have the pic with this writing over it srry

also magnus is almost definitely wearing a corset in here which is driving me insane

anyway, at that time, it was not unusual for men to have long hair even if mens hair was still commonly shorter than women's hair. it was also during that decade that men's fashion in England started to reject frills and colors and become more boring like we know it today (source is the one about fashion above). so when magnus and camille were together, the idea of a man being "too girly" fashion-wise was pretty much being born in western culture. so that brings.... many layers

i tend to think magnus wouldnt really internalise a lot of the "oh you dress like a girl" stuff because 1- i mean hes so comfortable with it, but more importantly 2- he was alive way before these concepts were even born, and he was raised in at least two non-modern-western cultures (indonesian and whatever the fuck kind of culture demons have) where the concept of gender is/was radically different. so he's bound to have a little easier time not believing shit like "oh wearing x is for girls" because hes known different for a long time.

BUT living in an abusive environment and simultaneously a turning point in how gender performance was viewed is bound to fuck you up, too. so i can see camille using that against him, like "cant you see that times are changing? you're gonna lose all respect if you keep dressing like this". we also know that camilles abusive arguments stem a lot from magnus' immortality and the issues he has with it, so this possibly came into play as well - you can't keep up with the times, you're staying behind, soon you'll be an outsider and people will look down on you because of that. so....... yeah, i think camille could have done a big number on him by using that, and his gender presentation as a whole, to make him feel inadequate. i kind of even think that the makeup and the clothing has a little taste of "fuck you camille" yknow, like, hes gonna be who he is and embrace the fact that he doesnt really fit into the western binary. but you can also see ways in which he holds back - for instance, he only wore colorful makeup when he was depressed because of Valentine and in the finale, when he seemed to look actually comfortable in his own skin, happy, and his makeup and accessories were a little bolder and outside the box. so basically - camille using magnus' gender against him and as a way to manipulate him is entirely plausible, and i believe that part of magnus' development in the post-show years are gonna have to do with that, with wearing what he wears less like an armor and more like a form of expression that he has fun with and that feels entirely his. and i think this can present in a lot of ways, like longer hair, less traditional makeup, different clothes. and obviously alec thinks magnus is always the most beautiful person alive and supports his experiments with gender and expression and no one would even dare get nasty about it because if u even think about snickering in magnus' general direction alec will have a blade on ur throat in .2 seconds. also this is giving me some nice images of magnus with braided hair, so what im trying to say is basically bless this ask really.

also this is a little unrelated but i mean, Ive seen so many bi men in abusive relationships with straight girls its impossible to me to not think his sexuality had a huge part on her abuse, possibly even more so than gender, considering how the whole gendered clothing thing was kind of still being established during that time, whereas "sodomy" was a crime punishable by death in england until the 1960s. and this got me thinking - for Camille to be so adamant on the fact that people leave Magnus and die and that he needed her because he could be assured that she wouldn't die on him, that must have been a nerve at the time. he probably had lost someone close recently and was having trouble dealing with it. that's further supported by the whole "magnus nearly jumped off a bridge and Camille talked him out of it" thing. so what im saying is, what if Magnus had lost a friend, or even a lover, to the capital penalty? like that's... very plausible. at that time there were no accords, so he could go around meeting mundanes and getting involved as he pleased, and Magnus probably wasnt all that shy about his sexuality (again, he was raised in environments where that wasnt looked down on), so its entirely plausible he lost someone important to him who was a part of the community, maybe even felt like it was his fault - maybe they got caught together or something and magnus had to fake his death cuz immortal, or maybe he just feels like he should have done something but it was too late, we know magnus is the kind of guy who wants to Protect Everyone - so he was probably hurting a lot, feeling helpless, having just lost someone for being pretty much the same as him, and he meets this woman who keeps talking about how inadequate he is and how people always leave him and how shes the only one he can count on not needing to protect or worry about because shes also immortal and powerful, and shes kind of a ticket to at least pretending to fit into what that culture thought was right, and he was depressed and isolated and- look, its just entirely plausible that his sexuality played a huge part in both making him vulnerable to camilles abuse and giving her ways to hurt him and twist the knife. i kind of plan on exploring that if i ever get around to writing that fic about magnus and his sexuality throughout his life so uh stay tuned i guess

anyway im sorry if that was rambly or incoherent or too long im really tired and im kind of travelling rn so not a lot of tumblr time but i really wanted to answer this. thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day!

[hellsbovnd-archive]

LF RP — LEONNAUX ALTOIX

For all practical purposes a ghost, this Elezen only appears on public records as far back as three summers ago. It’s likely, then, that he’s chosen to live under an assumed name. He tends to use his appearance to his advantage, passing himself off as a Wildwood whenever it suits his interests—which, given the discrimination that Duskwights face, is more often than not.

He first stepped into the public’s eye as a small-time journalist—and, unbeknownst to all but those closest to him, the proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger (under the alias “Crow”). He is passionate about magicks and has a demonstrated talent for alchemy beyond what one may expect of a man who’s only twenty and one summers old. Shortly after founding The Cloak & Dagger, he retired from journalism to pursue academia full-time.

In Character

Profession(s): Academic — Director of Alizarine Research & Reclamation ( @alizarinefc ). Information Broker — Proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger, and current self-proclaimed leader of the Ebonguard ( @ebonguardls ). Formerly — Mythril Eye beat journalist.

Alignment: Generally neutral. Loyal to the Eorzean Alliance, but not particularly interested in being a law-abiding citizen.

Professional Talents: Magic — Arcanima and other rune-based arcane arts. Alchemy. Warding and minor enchantment. Illusions. Bartending/mixology.

Current Residence: The Goblet, Sultana’s Breath.

Likely Haunts: Ul’dah and Thanalan, primarily. Bookstores. Antique Shops. Magic Shops. Bars and Taverns. Gambling Establishments.

Hobbies: Gambling, primarily poker and other card games. Magic tricks, primarily sleight of hand. Reading, anything he cant get his hands on. Occasionally writes poetry. Music. Fashion.

Abbreviated Bio: Leonnaux is a Shroud-born Duskwight. He is obsessively studious and somewhat selfish in nature, though simultaneously surprisingly laid-back. Those who can make it past his strictly-business demeanor might note a heart of gold, despite the kind of work he’s often involved in via The Cloak & Dagger.

Having run away from home and come to Ul’dah, he quickly had to find a way to make money, which led him to dip his toes into the criminal underworld... and after he took the plunge, he never looked back, using his position as a journalist as leverage over his contacts. He took advantage of his new-found freedom (both in person and, to an extent, in finances) to continue his studies into the flow of aether and alchemy.

MORE INFORMATION: Full Bio | Tag

Out of Character

Hi there! I’m Mid and I use they/them pronouns! I’m generally most active during NA Evenings and Late Nights. I play on Balmung, but I'm open to RP connections from across the Crystal datacenter.

You can find detailed information about my hopes and expectations for RP on my dossier, here. The quick and dirty version:

OOC Communication > All

I am a med/heavy lore-strict RPer. I prefer medium-to-low power levels in RP and character- and plot-driven scenes. I won’t RP with any player under the age of 18 but as long as you’re not making it weird/creepy, I don’t have a problem with underage characters.

I run an FC and an LS, so I can be pretty busy OOC because I have to run a lot of stuff related to that.

I do not RP on Discord, but I have always been smitten with Tumblr RP as a longform format, so if in-game RP is impossible for some reason, I’m happy to write starters.

In terms of things I’m looking for:

Casual acquaintances and friends!

Business contacts!

Long-term plot-focused RP connections!

Recommendations for events to attend? (And company to drag me along since I hate flying solo.)

Discord and Linkshell communities! Leonnaux is a Shroud-born Duskwight, a criminal, and a mage, so any Discords and Linkshells catering to that would be great for forging connections, though I'm fairly shy. u.u

In relation to some character development, I would love to find a mentor for Leonnaux!

Detailed RP Hooks Under the Cut!

Thanks for reading! If you're interested in playing with me then please feel free to send me a message or make a note of it in the tags or comments on this post. My Discord is available for OOC arrangements and chatter upon request! If I’m slow please bear with me; I have a habit of getting absolutely swamped with stuff at more or less complete random, and my energy levels vary wildly from day to day and week to week.

RP Hooks

1. The Academic/Scholarly Community.

While the majority of Leonnaux’s academic career has been spent in seclusion, teaching himself the skills he’s learned, he eventually came out of his shell. He’s always looking to expand his horizons, and has an extensive personal collection (although it’s doubtful that he’s read every book cover-to-cover).

Leonnaux is very interested in alchemy and, as he practices a mixture of arcanima-rooted rune-based magic and component-based magic resembling alchemy, he’s always itching to learn more about other schools of thought regarding the art. He’s taken a shine to Ul’dahn alchemy since moving to Ul’dah, but he himself heavily utilizes traditionally Duskwight methods. 

Despite his talent for alchemy, he also doesn’t always have the time or knowledge to go out and collect his own reagents and materials, so he relies heavily on outside help, be they merchants in Ul’dah or independent suppliers.

He is also the director of Alizarine Research & Reclamation, a company focused on such academic pursuits as well as the study and acquisition of artifacts, regardless of whether their significance lays in their history or their properties.

2. The Criminal Element

For a long time, Leonnaux’s primary source of income was selling information. He’s always had somewhat of a disdain for law and authority, viewing such things necessary only insofar as they serve his ends. 

He sells secrets and whispers under the guise of a somewhat ostentatious man known as “Crow,” using his “messenger” (really a cover to ensure that he was taken seriously in his work, and to protect his identity/safety if things went awry) as an intermediary between himself and business contacts as a means of protecting his identity due to the nature of his work. He is also not above thievery and is knowledgeable about underground trade networks.

“Crow” is also known to be the leader of a loose criminal network that he calls “the Ebonguard” and is the proprietor of an establishment known as The Cloak & Dagger, a restaurant meant to be a sort of ‘neutral ground’ for criminals and n’er-do-wells to do business and have a good bite to eat.

Leonnaux is known to gamble his money in seedy places. More than happy to sit for a game of cards or a cigarette, one might notice that he can get an uncanny winning streak going under the right conditions. The keenest might be able to connect the dots to the pronounced talent for sleight of hand and other magic tricks that he seems to possess.

In the criminal underground as Crow, he’s earned a reputation for declining the use of force except where absolutely necessary, instead preferring to use blackmail and public humiliation as his primary source of leverage over his contacts and clients. However as he’s given up his job as a journalist, he lacks that leverage and his position is far more precarious. Past clients or contacts with an axe to grind are 100% welcome as pre-established contacts, as long as we talk about it first! 

3. Contract Work.

Leonnaux is more than willing to take contract work, although he has his boundaries. This is in its own heading because he’s willing to take work to research things or track down artifacts as he is to sell information or organize heists to steal valuables. His only hard line is that he won’t kill on contract and he will not aid in any plot involving human trafficking.

Note though that Leonnaux is comfortable enough financially that he may not take every job that’s pitched to him. High risk jobs that offer little reward are likely to be declined, but if the pot is sweet enough then he can be convinced to do anything that doesn’t cross one of his hard lines.

(Note that RPing contracts in the east will be difficult, as I don’t generally play with IC teleportation due to playing on the lower end of the power spectrum.)

4. Mentor + Apprentice

Leonnaux is primarily a self-taught mage, though recently he’s been shown that while it’s an impressive accomplishment, he’s nowhere near as skilled as his peers. His casting is sloppy and reliant upon prerequisite components, which means that he’s not great in situations where he has to improvise. In general he lacks discipline, and he can’t take a hit to save his life. He would love to get stronger, but is unsure of how to go about it.

(Note: This is an extremely long-term plot hook, so I won’t pursue it with anyone I’m not comfortable with. If you’re interested in exploring a mentor/apprentice dynamic with Leonnaux as the apprentice, then feel free to reach out to me and we’ll get talking; I’d like to get to know you via unrelated interactions and general shitposting/chatter first! Forgive me for being awkward, though, I’m very bad at keeping up with people. orz)

Leonnaux is also open to passing on his knowledge of alchemy to others, given that he practices an unusual form of it and would like to see the Duskwight practices preserved outside of Duskwight communities.

[chimcharstar]

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY