#when he knows what medications im on?
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My head hurts, have had a headache for the past two days and Excedrin is not helping me at all
#it's not the worst headache#frequently theyre worse#still sucks though#and usually excedrin helps its the only thing that i found that helps#so whyy won't it work now 😭#hope im not getting like a tolerance to it so its being less effective#i should probably go to the doctor again soon#see if i can get any more tests done because my MRI found nothing#blood test came back normal#and i have a headache like at least 3 times a week#but when i moved to this state the doctor i started seeing prescribed me a thing#that my antidepressants warning thing says i cant take together#i guess cause theres an interaction? idk i just remember seeing the name in the “do not take with this drug” list#so ive not tried it cause im worried about it#and it is sort of sketchy he prescribed me something that is not meant to be taken with an antidepressant#when he knows what medications im on?#so idk if i wanna keep seeing him lol but yeah i really should try and see someone again
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CHILDREN OF BHAAL
I adore the vibe of redeemed durge your sister killed your mind and took your place - it was the greatest gift she ever gave you
#orin the red#baldur's gate 3#bg3 orin#the dark urge#cant stop thinking about orin#myart#durge vaye#still deciding what kind of c section scar to give vaye#went with a vertical scar for this one#the lore for vaye is that he got pretty far into his life as baahls chosen as far as milestones are concerned#became unholy assassin almost finished those plans to take over the world had a kid for sacrifice/back up bhaalspawn purposes ect#& was daddy's perfect little murder baby <3 until the lobotomy ofc#then only with memory loss was there was enough distance for him to actually face how fucked the whole situation#btw Orin did Vaye's top surgery c-section and lobotomy <3#thats his whole medical team right there#when you wake up with no memory all you have is your body for evidence so i really leaned into that for vaye's scars#I gave him vash the stampede level scars lol#he wakes up knows 4 things: that hes been through metaphorical hell and survived that someone did a choppy job on his top surgery#that at one point he decided face + eye tattoos would be his thing and that hes had a child#Im debating whether or not Orin would outright kill the kid or if shed keep the kid around until theyre old enough to face her in a duel#Leaning towards the second#that means while vaye is wondering around faerun that kid is having arts and crafts time with auntie orin! (oh no oh no oh no)
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Do you think Dick is Kory’s primary medical… assistant (??) as in he is the one who gives her her vaccine shots and get blood samples? Because of her Trauma of being test subject she canonically hates anything that reminds her of labs and such but she still need a medical record? She can’t be just immune to everything on earth and even if so there is a whole space out there (i assume she could be allergic to something at least), my point is she still need some kind of medical records with whatever information she is willing to give and what the team could learn from other Tamarians physiology, and I assume its Dick who is being her assigned medical assistant (doing the needle work, doing her X -rays and screening etc at least being in the same room or on the microphone maybe hold her hand in dental appointments lol) like she probably have PTSD about being experimented on and i assume Dick didn’t just think they can avoid hospitals and medical care forever lol
Yk, Part of how Dick also helped Kory and it wasn’t just one way thing
#Sorry i don’t know what the word is for it so i called him medical assistant??#he wouldn’t be caregiver because im not talking about only when she is ill#im talking about how he helps with her whole medical anxiety and potential PTSD#She can flip a truck but wouldn’t get near any needle#she can fight swords because mentally she is aware she can fight back but in a lab she is probably drugged#and can’t move to fight and that’s what terrifies her i think#just thinking of soft Dick doing full research with all his scientific knowledge to insure this is their best option#and explaining what they are going to do exactly step by step so she be less anxious#you get where im going with this#soft day afterwards!! Kory take care of him but he also take care of her 💕#i love mutuality in relationship#koriande’r#kory anders#Dick Grayson#Nightwing#Titans#My dickkory hc/ things i wanna see for them
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Every time I remember that canon!Will Solace kinda sucks if you think about it for too long, I feel like crying. Idk. Like, what do you mean my beloved boy whom I love dearly actually kinda sucks, but the narrative ignores it and pretends like everything he does is Totally Fine??/hj
(Not saying all fanon!Will is great! He’s sometimes not.)
#im just not a big fan of canon!will ignoring what nicos said about his own limits. and just being overall unhelpful#like. sure. nico might have died if not for will but. also. will doesnt know much about nicos powers#he doesnt know much beyond that they look kinda cool and scary at this point in the story#he doesnt really have the right to make demands about nicos power (ever. but especially not then)#but in my head. i Elect To Ignore That and see will as someone who avoids medically treating his close friends & boyfriend when possible#and i imagine nico taking care of will just as much as will does nico#(eg: nico. pro napper. consistently reminding will to go to sleep before he crashes#or if wills busy. nico brings over some food when its lunch time because 100% will often forgets to eat when hes focusing on something hes-#interested in)#i just hate canon solangelo. idk#why cant rick just write a decent. healthy relationship???#will solace#will solace critical#anti will solace#solangelo#anti solangelo#nico di angelo#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#riordanverse#rr crit
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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HA I WAS RIGHT!!! apparently kui said in a modern au laios would be a minimum wage retail worker
#and falin would be a medical researcher...!!!!#for the fic that i have. yet to write lmao. i kind of had laios bouncing between retail jobs/construction#not going to uni and after he leaves high school (maybe even left in yr 10#side note this takes place in australia lmao.) couch surfs for a while and has trouble finding stable housing (aus housing market is shit)#when falin hears about it she wants to drop uni and help him out but he wont hear it#she suspends her studies for a bit to get him on his feet and they live together in gods tiniest flat#then she goes back to uni and voila. laios is a minimum wage retail worker#im putting this all here because the longer i put off writing it the less likely it is to get written lmao.#the point is ive got my finger on the pulse babey. i know what these characters are about
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this isnt what i usually post on this blog but I'm already sick of all the memes and 'jokes'. I am almost certainly leaving the fandom for good now because of the book of bills release and NO it is not because billford's community has an influx of supporters.
So the worship and romanticization of asylums and other abusive practices for mental health have been steadily gaining traction in recent years, especially with the rise of tiktok's toxicity.
SO many people, especially younger people, regularly talk about how they want lobotomies or how women they don't like should be lobotomized. They get tattoos of lobotomy like it's some quirky fun thing and not one of the most horrific tortures someone can endure.
These same people, ESPECIALLY leftists, will look at anyone they disagree with or don't like and say "get institutionalized, loser" or "et therapy" and it's always in a mocking way. it's always in a policing way.
because these people know that mental wards strip everyone of their freedom and their bodily autonomy. they know these places arent for healing--theyre for silencing.
So the amount of people i see treating bill being institutionalized like a good thing---even the writers and alex himself?
Yeah. Im out ✌🏼
#you people try to act quirky and say you like weird stuff and you like crazy people and hate normies#but then when someone isnt a normie and actually does want to change things in radical ways you want to put them in an asylum#i do not want to interact with any of you people!#i still love gravity falls (obviously) but im just... so over the fandom at this point.#even people who LIKE bill are trying to act like this is all a good thing#guess what asylums dont help :) they almost always make things worse!#so in reality if bill ever got out he would just be 100x worse and more vengeful than before! congrats.#Play stupid games get stupid prizes!#gravity falls#antipsych#i seriously dont understand why anyone things mental wards are in any way different than how they used to be a hundred yeears ago.#because they arent. at all. like literally at all.#they forcefully medicate you with pills that you dont need and that actively harm you bc random ass nurses diagnose you with#someething different every other day and ust give you a new pill for every diagnosis#i know someone who was put on antipsychs when not only do they not have a psych disorder but they had a heart condition and#nearly died bc of it. I myself was put on three different pills the very night i went in. they never#even hesitated to wait and see if i would have a bad reaection or if i reeally needed it.#bc why would they when heavily meedicating you makes you unable to think or reaelize what theyre doing is extremely unethical?#i saw multiple people held down and strapped to their beds and given sedatives for doing nothing at all. For simply asking questions.#I saw staff harass and mock and disrespect very speciifc kids (specifically the poc kids.)#I saw staff lie and try to incite fear in other kids and myself.#one of them told me the night before i was cleared for release tat if i said 'im fine' at any point they would keep me for another month.#and that if i didnt continue to take the meds (ssris) that i was overdosing on that they would come grab me in a van and bring me back#against my will.#Keep in mind i was here based off of lies. There was no real reason for me to be in that asylum.#So yeah. literally dont come on this post trying to defend asylums bc i PROMISE you i have more experience in the reality than you#ever could.#Theyre horrible and romanticising it even against a fictional villain is repulsive behavior.
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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"How are the blues?"
"A pain in my ass, every single day. No wonder Sarge took that grudge to his grave."
"If anything happens, just call me."
"We have been missing an inept medic around here."
"I know my way around a body, thank you very much!"
Sometimes memories pass down in the form of a rookie medic-in-training and the neurotic leader of a box canyon boot camp.
#doctor donut au#medic donut au#doc saved two people in his life as a medic#donut and wash#donut wasnt there#wasnt there to maybe save sarge#doc didnt make it out when he did#but he survived#doc saved two people and that matters#because maybe#just maybe#his memory can save even more#even if it's not anytime soon#donut rvb#doc rvb#docnut#im tagging it idgaf#franklin delano donut#theres no more fighting to be done#no more pointless wars for a shady organization#red and blue whats the difference#but you know what?#maybe this box canyon in the middle of nowhere can be the home that some new reject losers out there need#drill sergeant simmons au#dick simmons#simmons rvb#rvb#red vs blue#red vs blue restoration#rvb spoilers
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The Healthcare horrors persist
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#Updates on this whole mess:#Im insured under my dad#he has Healthcare option 1 which is government provided since he is retired millitary and option 2 due to his new job#after his retirement option 1 went funky for me and changed things around meaning i was no longer able to be seen by my pcp#Im also unable to log in to any of my accounts for 1 so im not sure whats going on there and what plan of 1 i have specifically#so i switched to a new pcp which accepted option 2 (which was super hard to find) literally last week#made an appointment with her for next month so i can finally get answers about my funky blood test results#(which is still don't know what specifically is wrong with it! for all i know i could just have high cholesterol-#or i could have markers for rheumatoid arthritis instead of my prior fibromyalgia diagnosis!)#(i also do not get refils for my anxiety medication until i have an appointment with my new doctor)#crisis averted right? WRONG!#I just got a call from my Dad saying he is switching jobs so I am no longer insured under 2#meaning...#1) i need to call option 1 and figure out how to get into my accounts and what my insurance is#2) check that this pcp acceprs said insurance#3) find yet another pcp if she doesnt and make an appointment for god knows when#and here is the kicker:#since option 1 is government and millitary based it is going to take FOREVER to get anything done#And Im not sure if they are going to want me to renew my millitary dependent ID or not#because that shit is EXPIRED and i was under the impression i can no longer renew it due to his retirement#but also in order to make any acoount with option 1 they require a benefits number which expires alongside the ID#Then on the other side of things i also have my wisdom teeth surgery to schedule (through my mom thank god)#and school starting again in a few weeks#going to defenestrate myself istg
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guys this "keeping myself busy with distractions so I don't get sad" thing isn't working
#my mom is basically scrubbing the house of all traces of her bc thats how she copes. thats what she did when dad died#like two days later she was cleaning out all his medical equipment and stuff#i guess thats a way of dealing with it :( just doesnt really work for me because it makes me feel their absence even harder#like for me i personally wanted to keep Dad's stuff around for a while because. idk i guess it just felt like he was still kind of there#in a way. i guess. i dunno#obviously losing a pet is easier to deal with than losing a parent but it still blows dude i hate this#(* a parent that you had a good relationship with. i know that im very fortunate in that regard. not everyone had that and i need to count#my blessings)#idk this feels harder than losing my childhood dog because jojo was basically my constant companion for the past several years#after dad died i got suicidally depressed and didnt leave the house and was unemployed for a good chunk of time and she kept me company#taking her for walks and hikes was the only thing i enjoyed doing and the only thing that got me out of the house. she was always there#(also there's probably some psychological component to the fact that we adopted her specifically to be a companion for dad#when he was wheelchair-bound and couldnt go anywhere. so she kept him company. and then after he died she did the same for me#so. idk. like.... i feel like theres something there lol)#mia.txt#animal death
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have to go pick up a washing machine tomorrow a coworker snagged for $75 [!] and lug it all the way upstairs [....] to hook up before somehow draining the old one [...] because it broke mid-cycle washing sheets not once but twice thrown up on by cat [...] and we can't even get it to drain [....] 🙏 and hopefully finish putting together a 2 weeks late little birthday gift box for my sibling because i literally forgot until the night before and wanted to die. and get my axle looked at cause it might be bent. day off ❤️
#j.txt#like i am unfathomably fortunate to have found a replacement like 3 days after it broke before i had to think abt like#driving to the next town over to use their laundromat but#even when people help me i cannot describe to them how little energy reserves i have that my day off is supposed to help replenish#and the coworker's dad is who im buying it from and also a mechanic so he's like he can finally look at your axle while we're at it!#and i can help you drain the old one and take it to the dump!#and im like ur literally an it's a wonderful life angel to me rn. but i have the energy to do like 1 of those things. barely#and i am already forcing myself to add at least 1 of the add ons too like i can't do all of that on my day off#i mean i could but i would like to not feel like killing myself 🙏 i am very over dramatic but that's#what it feels like to be helped to solve a problem but like i still have to solve it#which i want to and am thankful i get to but it still requires Effort i barely have 🤘😔#and also all of this specifically after my first week in my life having pretty significant enough to be alarming back pain#seemingly spontaneous. and reconsidering opting in for medical insurance bc of it while open enrollment is still. open#even though it will take a significant chunk out of my paychecks which is why i've opted out for 4 years before now 🙏#but i can barely sit in a chair when it's bad let alone lift shit at work and not knowing what caused it is alarming 👍#wow i'm really chatty today god. why is life so Much Happening All the Time.......
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ive had a write-up alongside the current chapter that i might post when i finally get this chapter up, but it really does a good job showing how bad of a time sam is having trying to be hawkeye
#.yappin#me casting horrible spells to make sam have the worst first day at work i could muster#this whole document just has medical terms and step-by-step on what im sposed to do + occasionally what sutures to use#in other news. i know now what it MEANS when hawkeye uses 'vertical mattress stitches with white cotton sutures'#and hes a DWEEB
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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I swear if I end up having some bizarre rare eye/brain problem I'm going to fucking murder something
#i understand its not bad enough to risk doing the surgery again because if it goes wrong i could easily go blind in that eye#HOWEVER#isn't there at least a middle ground between the surgery and the doing nothing about it#(there isn't)#i get to get an mri about it!#but the good news is that i might get an explination for the migraines that were supposed to stop when i got the glasses and then didnt#and i swear if someone tells me to drink more water one more time--#i KNOW im chronically dehydrated but there are OTHER PROBLEMS HERE PEOPLE#being chronically dehydrated doesnt make it HURT TO MOVE YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING EYE#the bad news is that there still isnt an explination for the thing i got surgery for when i was a kid suddenly coming back 8 years later#if it was meant to come back it would've done it within 12 months generally speaking#it has been. 8 years and guess what came back! :)#yep the thing that was SUPPOSED TO BE GONE FOREVER#went to the doctor today and he said quote#huh. thats unusual!#cw medical#tw medical
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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