#so. idk. like.... i feel like theres something there lol)
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For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)
It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!
I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!
It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up
#i felt weird putting this in there so I didnt but I've also received recognition for excellence in writing#and was nominated as a fan favorite on webtoon canvas...#so like not only do i work super hard but its just really good!#im not ashamed of claiming that i think my work is well done. if i didn't think i was doing a good job why would i do it#buuuut. something about being like please read my comic im literally so good at comics feels weird to me#even though i think that. in my brain#i dont want to imply that there is some objective or tangible goodness to my work simply for receiving some accolades#its nothing other than some accolades. whether or not someone likes it is up to them#so i guess to me it just feels superfluous#but genuinely I love my comics...#i re read them all the time. and i enjoy them!#theres things i would change and probably will change when i go to print#but i did what I could with the time and energy I had#and when it comes back... oh boy.#my friends have agreed its the best stuff ive ever written. it's literally so good...#im so excited to share.#still not fully ready to officially commit to the return date#but i am gunning for it!#webcomics#webtoon#time and time again#its my birthday!#idk wtf to tag this as. im 27 now...#read my comic#LOL
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what is with the weird hate towards bellara lol
#i went to watch her romance scene on yoochoob (mistake 1) and god the comments are so lol#i feel like ppl also hate a certain type of female character besides mean ones#i cant verbalize what it is but its the type of character bellara is#she's never taken seriously or hated and i don't get why bc female characters like her are my fave#theres something i guess not palatable abt female characters like that despite being 'nice' idk if someone has a better way to explain pls
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BOOM. IT'S DONE. eltingville club self insert under cut... cringe warning I guess,,
here's my eltingville club self insert, expect to see a lot more content of him,,
#i know the secretary of video games thing isn't a new concept and theres like 50 others#but at the same time nothing else really fit him#anyway...#the eltingville club#welcome to eltingville#eltingville#eltingvile club#eltingvilleclub#eltingville club#eltingsona#< LOL#eltingville oc#rambles#ugh i feel so embarrassed for no reason#ill probably upload small comics or something idk
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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i forgot grunt meant like henchman or whatever for a second i thought they were like yeah leonas bitch ass grunts and growls are partial proof to savanaclaw being an athletic leaning dorm lol
#well they also say that in the game not just the manga jkdlfhsdkl like in azuls union bday card#ace was like oh yeah ok you dont wanna be in savanaclaw cause theyre more athletic oriented right#and azul was like NO IM TALKING ABOUT THE SUN SHUT UP!!! jsdklfhsdklfj#anyway i was on the wiki cuz i was trying to remember what their dorm's trait thing is like according to the mirror but i DONT SEE IT.#i rememeber i get it confused with pomesiores . like i think one of theirs is tenacity . but idr which one LOL#the other is maybe endurance...????#that doesnt sound right. i feel like it was broader than that#WAIT I LIED IT DOES SAY IT AT THE TOP i just. missed that part. it IS tenacity lol#what the fuck was pomefiore then....#oh ya theirs according to the wiki is UNRELENTING EFFORTS which i think i did see sometimes written as like endurance or fortitude or smthn#anyway. savanaclaw and pomefiore's ~core value~ always felt similar to me. but also maybe i just dont know what words mean <3#not in a 'theyre too similar' way like i do think theyre different. i just think it's INCH RESTING when things r like#theyre similar. theres overlap. but theres enough distinction to put them apart#actually them being similar in some regards does feel reinforced by the rook hunt situation like he went from one to the other#and seems to be thriving regardless.... we're onto something here...#hmm what were the others.. i think heartslabyul was strictness...#ok the wiki says severity i think ive seen either eng or a translation that called it strictness lol but severity i feel like is maybe#better word choice.. just a lil... nuances nuances whatever anyway idr the others. actually wait no i know octavinelles is like#benevolence bc azul keeps mentioning it- the wiki says compassion. lol. idk if i just keep remembering close enough or like#remembering fan vs official tls. i think the wiki is doing its own direct tl and not engtwst but moving ON#scarabia is deliberation... ignihyde is diligence... diasomnia is elegance???#why is diasomnia the only one that didnt sound familiar At All LOL i dont REMEMBER THAT ONE#i remembered vaguely what scarabia was bc they make a point of mentioning it in like end of 4 or start of 5?#when they were like yeah we value foresight or w/e in scarabia so jamil hasnt been ousted right away. i like scarabia their#way of showing the different ways deliberation works with like jamil vs how it does in kaliim vs the npcs#like theyre all different ppl but still fit that criteria in their own unique ways.... hell yeah...#anyway yay i got ONE right on the nose [as the wiki has it listed anyway lol] thanks savanaclaw
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beautiful transgender wife
#faust guilty gear#ggxrd faust#ggxrd#ggxrd fanart#faust ggxrd#guilty gear xrd#idk i saw a challenge to draw something using the trans flag colours on twitter and this image popped into my brain#i feel like i cheated a little but he is my beautiful transgender wife and he will be treated as such.#also theres something about the way pink with blue shading looks thats just so...#corporate i guess lol#its like im reclaiming bits of the ugly ass corporate art style we all know and love (hate)#anyway. thanks for reading all that. time for a nap#guilty gear
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.
#i wish guilt wasnt a factor here#i feel bad about not providing content#idk i just#its 7am here and i havent slept quite yet#im really sad right now#like on the verge of tears but theyre not coming#im saving up to get back on hrt but its so fucking goddamn expensive#my hormones are having a fucking hard time balancing themselves i think#like theres a mountain of problems im faced with right now and theyre too real and i just want to burrow into the recesses of my own mind#and like stay there forever#it sucks when the “i feel broken” thing is manifesting in very real ways#when like your mental health issues are causing real tangible problems n shit#ive been too depressed and lacking in motivation to do anything with my life and its put me in a hole i dont feel capable of crawling from#im just#endlessly frustrated at my inability to function#which gets more potent the longer it goes on and the worse things get#blegh when did this become a vent post no thanks#whatever#people have already unfollowed me in the last 2 weeks of inactivity why should i hold myself back from posting this#i feel like im supposed to turn to drugs at this point lol#like thats the logical progression here#shame thats not a thing im willing to do#unless someone links me to a dubious but entirely safe source of adderall or something#amphetamines save me.....#i need sleep#fuck
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My madoka magica hot take is I like sayaka/kyoko as a ship more than madoka/homura
#madoka magica#both ships are very very good and make me feral but god kyoko/sayaka really caters to me#i am biased cuz sayaka is my favorite character lol and i just want good things for her#but i mean we get them as enemies fighting to the death obsessively like sayaka gets so focused on proving herself to kyoko she cant think#of anything else and she wastes her energy fighting her instead of witches and just the foil like#both used their wish to grant something for someone else and kyoko lost everything as a result and decided that nothing good will ever come#of helping others so she should only look after number one and of course shed think that cuz shes all she has left#meanwhile sayaka refuses to take care of herself because she never wants others to suffer so she only exists for others#and both of them change their perspectives in pursuit of each other theyre literally red and blue#and i love seeing the development of their relationship and kyokos feelings i love her offering to kill ryosuke for sayaka#and how terrified she is in that moment when she sees sayakas lifeless body separated from the soul gem#or how she shares her story and remembers why she started fighting because of sayaka and fucking#THE WAY SHE ACTS SELFLESSLY AND STUPIDLY OPTIMISTIC TO SAVE SAYAKA FROM HER WITCH FOR#THE WAY SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF TO CONNECT WITH HER THE LOVE SONG#THEM HOLDING HANDS WHILE SAYAKA CRIES AND KYOKO IS THERE FOR HER AND THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WELL#god fucking dammit these fucking gay people are ruining my sleep#yeah idk if its obvious but i have a specific type when it comes to ships i love when characters beat each other up and are the center of#each others motivations and go through the horrors together and come out the other side and love each other deeply#love each others flaws and theres understanding and tenderness#i haaaave to draw them but i also have to draw a lot of blorbos rn alkksk
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guys i turn 30 in january what do i DO
#rationally ik absolutely nothing changes#but i feel like theres an axe hanging over my head#also#idk like should i even do anything lol#friend of mine whose bday is a full month after me is already planning hers and im like#idk maybe i jsut feel so shitty and jaded but im just like what even is the point#getting a bunch of people together and having them pretend that it means anything that you were born on this exact calendar date decades ag#?????#idk like who even cares#i kind of want to do something but im worried i'll just cry#and it's also like idk it feels so forced like no one gives af about me or my birthday so why am i even trying#just AAAAAAAAA
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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do i make ashara more devoted to mythal post trespasser or do i alienate her from the evanuris entirely. is she immune to propaganda by virtue of how badly solas damaged her ability to believe in anything or is she especially vulnerable to it now bc she still WANTS to believe in anything. is she sporting subtle mythal details in her costume design or is she not
#love talking to myself on tumblr dot com <3#oc: ashara#i feel like she's always believed in the principles/vague mythos of the evanuris more than taking it all at face value#so even tho she might know the truth abt the evanuris she would still hold mythal's values of justice close to her and express it thru her#but also like. having MET mythal. and drank from her well. actually meeting not just the gods but YOUR god and her being confirmed the#''nicer'' one who tells u that ur cool and are doing a good job... idk. i think theres a possibility of her being manipulated/doubling down#and like.. she got rid of her vallaslin for solas and then HE left. her inquisition is frail her relationship with her clan is frail#her family is mostly dead lol. no arm no anchor...... like. mythal's approval + the well is all she REALLY has at this point#and she gets attached to people. to things. so so much .idk. its tricky bc shes lonely and needs some sort of SOMETHING to keep her going#but she also deeply believes in The Truth and accepting reality even if it sucks. so idk if she'd hold on to smth just out of comfort/habit#bc shes a pragmatist at heart and open to change. but like circumstances are sort of pushing her to her brink lol#i genuinely have no idea. maybe the secret third answer is that This is the problem shes facing in datv#the crisis of faith. wanting to stand by her ideals versus wanting to feel held by SOMETHING even if its a lie#and a character breakdown as a result that could go one of two ways#man its so funny talking abt her like shes a Real character i am being paid to write. insane that im doing this for free for an audience of#like 3 people who care JKJGFKJFGKJGKF
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this is the funniest thing that sits and rots in my drafts because its been four months atp and i still have not thought of a single headcanon for these two
#idk what it is in my brain that makes it so hard to engage w media that way but i really cannot do it to save my life#and it becomes harder and harder the more i care about something#i think. when i love something a lot and see it as perfect (in my eyes) as it is#it’s hard to justify changing it or adding to it at all because theres always the possibility that i am making it worse#it also (personally) feels like. a selfish pursuit to change and add onto canon#(which is an argument that falls apart entirely when you dismantle the idea of canon altogether)#BUT!!! at least FOR ME i am terrified of ruining something by making it more about me and less about the thing that it is#analysis is my way of getting around this#engaging with my own interpretation of media is so much easief than engaging with and altering the media itself#and even then#my analysis needs to be important or it’ll rot in my head (or drafts) for all of eternity#its. whatever that quote is thats like.#everything i create needs to be perfect to make up for the fact that its me#thats how i approach anything#unfortunately LOL
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What about sorcerer Adaine? It'd keep the way her parents treated her consistent because of in that case they'd see her having the easy way of casting instead of studying to be a "proper" caster
this is a great idea!! the only reason why I'm not gonna pick it up is bc I've already locked down sorcerer for kristen haha
#not art#(and also someone brought up artificer!adaine and the hackergirl teen movie genre is too good to pass on)#the point abt adaine's parents's attitude is of interest bc like. the thing is they're grooming aelwyn so adaine's lot is set#even if she got into hudol and aced all her classes they would find something to put her down with. bc that's what she's in the family for#sorcerer!adaine I feel like would have somewhat of a similar arc to warlock!adaine? where its like a villain-skirting hunger-for-power stor#but sorcerer!adaine would be a bit heavier on the isolation. while warlock!adaine would be more on the uh. dependence?#Im just spitballin there really since I set on artificer!adaine I havent really thought That much abt other class swaps lol#I just love artificer!adaine so much bc that whole late-90-early-2k genre is sooo about Double Life etc#dork by daylight but dangerous criminal rebel on the webs#the ultimate nerd power fantasy. by knowing how to type u can change the world and kill people#I think there is a chance she'd multiclass into sorcerer later on tho! I can see that in her arc#theres also something abt like how arcanotech is very uh like. material? in a different way than how wizardry is in fh#adaine was still supplied with wizard materials in freshman year (until she killed her dad I assume) but if she got into artificing#that'd be entirely self-provided. and I like what that means for adaine's situation it'd be Great#she'd be like that death note scene with the drawer if it's awesome#I just realized all of my class swap stuff has the same theme of ''what if I make them Way Worse'' lmao#worse as in different and deep issues. worse also as in more annoying (this is awesome to me)#artificer!adaine would be SO cringe and she DESERVES to be as cringe as she wants to be and nobody's judgement holds any meaning#to her anymore. this is my artificer!adaine propaganda based on that movie starring young scarlet johansson idk I never watched it
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wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years
#i cant focus on anything rn but the stuff i wanna make and its turning my brain into mush#the weird brainfucked fear that if i dont get these things started Soon ill forget it#my memory is so fucking borked man and my brain runs too fucking fast to hold on to anything#i make so much that i went and made my own hell lol#the two jobs thing i think is probably the crux rn cause ive got even less time than i used to and my time blindness gives me troubles#ill get adjusted to it#sometimes with all my fucked up processing issues makes me feel like im kind of stuck in a weird bubble#like i have no idea whats happening or whos around me or what people are saying and i just have to stumble through it yknow#shouldve been born as a tiktokers pet snail#not tryna be complainy or in a bad mood or nuffin im fine i literally just want to be making stuff rn#even though works like a big Thing its also been understimulating the past week because theres nothing to do i just gotta Be Here#i need to be put under pressure i need squeezed i need smushed and i aint getting that#if i ever make something for u plz hound me about it#so i can explain in excruciating detail what step im on and how im doing it and what still needs done and how ill do THAT#i should make tutorials#i feel like im way too stream of consciousness to make anything actually helpful#idk i want a toast chee
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