#idk what it is in my brain that makes it so hard to engage w media that way but i really cannot do it to save my life

[hellion-child]

ok after seeing gifs and having the time to think about the episode itself some more, i have some thoughts. about how poorly it was done, abrupt, and like a slap in the face, etc. i still hate the notes of biphobia in it but also i can Forgive the biphobia if they also take the time to address the biphobia, yknow?

pls keep in mind that this is partly my interpretation, partly my fix-it/make-it-make-sense, partly my criticism. also im not a writer, im a bitch w brain damage to the communication part of their brain who refuses to shut the fuck up lmao this shit is hard for me to write out

so its the 6 month anniversary date and tommy is all in, hes exactly what we were shown him to be: fucking smitten. he gives his boyfriend an (i assume expensive gift?) (idk bball ticket prices) anniversary gift. buck doesnt have a gift for him, but like thats not the end of the world, right? its only 6 months, after all. but this moment should be the beginning of tommys insecurities. the ending of the honeymoon stage. a teeny tiny niggle of maybe buck isnt as invested in this relationship as tommy thought?

maybe thats just a fleeting insecurity that is immediately fueled by the hot chick. again, hate to lean into the biphobic stereotypes. as a bisexual, fucking hate it. buck unconsciously going to use his phone to take the picture and hot chicks "trying to get my number" comment. the way buck doesnt just say "actually im here with my boyfriend" (and buck doesnt have to say it, he can come out to who he wants to, when he wants to, when hes comfortable to. im firm on this but i can also acknowledge that it can also feed into tommys insecurities) this shouldve been when tommys insecurities start coming in and they shouldve shown it. show us the way tommy might use his cool confidence as a mask to hide his vulnerability!!

instead of bringing up abby now, let tommy sit on this feeling. hell, show us that hes feeling this way and hates it. we know hes all for clear communication, and has come a long way with himself. hes confident and comfortable. so show us him struggling with feeling insecure about buck possibly not being as invested as he is. eg with the one sided-gifting, tommy always showing up for buck and we havent been shown buck reciprocating (which means fuck-all with this show but could be used rn to further the angst), the reminder buck is new to dating men etc

they couldve shown us tommy talking to hen or chim about feeling insecure about bucks baby bi status and "being his first but not his last" and hating that he feels that way. that hes doubting buck like this. they gave us this man who worked hard to be where he is, why couldnt they take one fucking scene to show this to us?? its pretty common, actually, for a LI to talk to one of the 118 without the LIs partner being there. but not this LI? ok.

and bcos of how shitty tommy feels about it all, that is why he, uncharacteristically, does not talk about it with buck. tommy is still processing this internally and isnt comfortable bringing it up to buck. but we know buck, hes good at picking up on when something is wrong. maybe he asks and tommy brushes it off. maybe buck says nothing yet and just feels a little, wrong-footed maybe? a little insecure himself? something he has been working on in himself for a long time now and doesnt want to put on tommy.

and that leads to the abby of it all. for the bare minimum of fucking continuities sake, they were never engaged lmao just together a long time during a difficult time for both of them (tommy closeted and abby w her mothers decline) maybe they were talking marriage. i wanted this to come up in another scene (maybe even another ep). i think it makes more sense, for buck to straight up say in this conversation that yeah, he is The Himbo.

tbh, play into the absurdity of it all, classic 911 style. like, this convo happens when one is heading to work or something?? so the only time they have is to think "huh, what are the odds??" and awkwardly laugh about it. set it up that they dont have the chance to really think about the implications until later, when theyre apart.

later comes. and now, they are both spiralling. theyre both feeling insecure in their relationship, for different- and unknown to the other!!- reasons. this is when miscommunication takes over and both parties are hurt and confused and brings them to the point of being unable to have that mature, adult conversation about their issues

buck still goes to maddie, and josh still gives his lovely speech. now bucks feeling better about tommys past (also when maddie makes her "turned them gay" comment buck corrects her and fucking says hes bisexual) wouldve been great to see tommy talk to someone too, about him and abby and abby and buck. also fill in some of them plot holes while they are at it lmao

tommy talking to bobby, preferably. bcos he wasnt Captain Dad when tommy was there, they were never close. and they mention how tommy only referred to abby as "his gf" and she never had the time or interest to meet the 118 or visit the station idk and tommy didnt push for it either. give their relationship some nuance and clarity i guess!! and back up joshs great speech with some of how tommy felt back in those days! really take the time to fill all of this out, yknow?? and maybe talking with bobby about their shared past helps tommy feel a bit more secure with buck right now and ready to talk about it with him.

and now we get to the break up. now that these cracks are shown and seemingly repaired. they both try to talk about their insecurities, but it just goes wrong. buck spooks tommy with the moving in and marriage talk, tommy hurts buck with the "im ur first not ur last."

except this time tommy isnt saying it like a its a fact, instead he says that he fears that hes bucks first but not last. but buck takes that badly (understandable), like tommy hasnt been as invested in this relationship since he apparently has been waiting to break up for 6 months? and if so then why act like he was all in? etcetc

and tommy, yeah tommy has some shit to work thru still, but its also the way buck is talking of moving in and marriage and forever, his impulsiveness has tommy questioning again if they are really on the same page here. i can see tommy getting stuck on the "move in with me" bcos why would tommy leave his larger home to move into bucks loft? has buck even thought about this at all? hell, while they discuss abby, u could have buck, in an attempt to reconnect and reassure his trust in tommy, talk about mistakes hes made with exes (obvi example, what happened with taylor). and instead of reassuring tommy, it does the opposite (tbh im not a big fan of that, bringing up bucks past mistakes. but also it kinda does balance out tommys treatment of abby and continue bucktommys tit-for-tat sharing, yknow? except this time it goes wrong)

basically, theyre both trying to communicate and work thru these insecurities, these fucking hurdles, but theyre both too hurt and scared in this moment and we are watching them both try to make sense of it all and work it out, and we know they both want to but in this moment they just, cant. emotions are high and it gets a little mean (from both sides! not just tommy saying "i was never ur last", let buck do more than just be broken up with), the break up happens, tommy leaves.

(and then they cry and pine and get angry and try to move on and they cant and then somethings brings them back together (CTH!! 🚁💥🏥) and now they are in a better place to communicate and work thru these issues and kiss and make up and maybe at some point during all this theres a discussion or two about biphobia)

thanks fer reading this fukcing novel lmao i just feel that, if they had taken the fucking time to let this storyline fucking breath (god, let any of them breath this season, fuck) and put some fucking effort into it, i would not be so upset. maybe they had intended to portray some of this in that episode, if so they did it fucking terribly

anyway. again, im not very good at this but i love talking about and reading other ppls thoughts!! if someone feels they could write something more coherently, god. pls do lmao (also pls tell me if theres a typo or word or sentence that just makes no sense, i triple checked but aphasia is a cunt lmao)

[lorephobic]

this is the funniest thing that sits and rots in my drafts because its been four months atp and i still have not thought of a single headcanon for these two

[yakultii]

guys my plan was to do summer semester but the thing is im yet to finish this semester and by the time i finish these assignments (hopefully end of this week) ill have literally like only 1 week break then do it all again so id do summer semester literally nov-feb then i gotta do next sem march-june and then I’d be done with my degree and be free or i can literally be normal and take the 4-5 months of summer off like everyone else in aus (or even just do 1 class to lighten the rest of the load a little in the other sems) but then id have to do next sem being march-june then july-oct next yr so i wouldn’t be done til this time next yr and i do rlly struggle w this second half of the year as u can all probably tell lmao. and a part of me thinks i should just do summer semester like fulltime load cos ill be on a roll like ill get better marks in the summertime but now a part of me is like what if i burn out (cos i have to do march-june regardless cos there’s a compulsory class on there) but then a part of me is like ill be fine but then a part of me is like maybe I should take a break and dedicate this summer to making friends again and trying to enjoy life and trying to go for walks and stuff but then also i just realised i have to move out of my current place in jan but that’s ok i could just go travel for a bit or somethin til i figure out where im moving idk idk wot do u think i need opinions even tho i ultimately don’t listen to anyone ever (just kidding i will actually consider listening to u bc idk) i rlly do wanna just be done w this degree but at the same time i feel like the timing is kinda right to make new friends and old friend and stuff like some things have come where im like maybe this is a sign from the universe to take the opportunity idk like i could have the best summer of my life is i let myself but then there’s also the chance it goes so wrong which is another reason i was gonna do summer sem cos a part of my brain so wanna relapse n like if i do summer sem my academic validation stronger than anything (except rn apparently no jk it still goin strong ish hence im not sleeping rn) and like if i do summer sem i know I won’t relapse bc i rlly need brain capacity to be able to perform at the level i want to (despite doing everything the night before believe it or not ur brain needs minimal fuel at least) so it’s like as much as doing summer sem SUCKS it would probs be good for me rn (though I could probably just try really hard to have a fun summer and engage w humans for the first time in years and distract myself and be glad I had a good summer and not relapse yeh) and I’ve been hyping myself up for it the entire year and I do think that id be ok and not burn out bc I’d be starting fresh and also im just gonna do it online anyway and try keep up and maybe I can hang out w friends at the same time but also I could not do it and dedicate myself to trying to get something good going for me in this life outside of uni you know but then it would extend my degree for another 12 months hmmmm what do u think

[sungbeam]

the boyz office au, but you're the ceo

tbz ot11 x gn!reader

2.5k words, assorted headcanons, bullet format, ceo/office au, swear words

a/n: this was for fun and fun to do ;3

LEE SANGYEON: nothing changes; he’s still the boss

he’s a ceo, but he’s the ceo of another company, not yours

you and sangyeon are actually really good friends, and met when your friends attempted to set you guys up because you were both majorly workaholic (and still are) and were in desperate need of a life

but instead of ending up dating, you both agreed that you wanted to postpone a relationship and focus on your careers first 💀 which is, in retrospect, the total opposite of the reason behind setting you guys up in the first place, but…

what’re you gonna do ig 🤡 you’re both the smartest idiots to ever exist

of course, though, sangyeon does have feelings for you and kinda feels (in)secure because he thinks that if you end up not finding anyone else, that you could reasonably fall back on him instead

plus, everybody thinks you guys are together anyway (“have you heard? yn’s engaged to the son of the lee business conglomerate…”); when people ask him about confirming or denying, he’s very good about replying in a well-mannered way “no, yn and i are just very good friends”, but sometimes he wants to just say “no comment” with a secretive smile and let people speculate (but he respects you too much to do that)

JACOB BAE: the assistant who is not your assistant

imagine the one scenario from that cheesy netflix romcom called set it up, wherein the assistants of two successful ceos attempt to set each other's bosses up with one another, but then said assistants fall in love w/ e/o instead

EXCEPT jacob's the executive assistant of some other ceo who is trying to ~woo~ you (quite poorly, might i add), and he's been tasked with sending you gifts and getting to know you

this basically means he knows you way better than his boss, who is supposed to be the person trying to win you over, but jacob ends up falling for you instead as he gets to know you and what you like and what you are like (and he's just absolutely enamored by your work ethic and compassion and ingenuity and—)

suffice to say that it's really not so difficult to write you romantic cards attached to flowers when he sends them to you, but it's awfully off-putting when he has to put his boss's name instead of his own

(you like jacob so much better than his boss anyway, and whenever you meet the two of them, you send him cheeky winks and smiles because you know)

like imagine the way this man offering to personally deliver today's little gift to your office to escape his work and to see you

AND THEN instead of just accepting the gift and dismissing him, you ask if he'd like to stay for lunch to, idk, "chat about his boss" (he'd just be overjoyed)

KIM YOUNGHOON: brand ambassador

ah, the beloved pretty face of the company—other than yourself (you are arguably a fine face for your company yourself, but celebrity endorsement is never not needed); now that you thought about it, your company did employ a lot of pretty faces…

anyway! kim younghoon's obviously gotta be some big, rising actor star person and he's got the big name, the great smile, the clear charisma, and when he signed on to become an official partner of your company to endorse the product, you were over the moon

because he was your biggest stroke of luck in this realm, and your first, you and he actually got to work very closely in the early days of shoots and branding, up to the point where younghoon became a lot more involved in the marketing than just sitting pretty and smiling on a billboard (he had beauty and brains… hard not to fall for this one)

oftentimes, he would send you invitations to his red carpet events to be his plus one, too. just imagine sharing a limo with this guy, giggling in the backseat as you make funny faces at the paparazzi outside, and then holding onto his arm as the two of you posed at premieres

(oh my god and he would be SO cheeky if people asked if you two were dating smh like lee sangyeon, who??)

LEE HYUNJAE: head of the legal department

oh, you know this man's gonna be a little shitter—but he's also the best in the legal realm, and you couldn't exactly pass up the chance to be represented by lee hyunjae (who could've been the district attorney, but decided he wanted to take on the cutthroat world of business law instead lmao)

okay but please, he probably looks super fine in those crisp, fresh-pressed suits and the thin-wired specs as he takes on the courtroom (did someone turn up the heat…?)

i'm sorry i will move on TT

MOVING ON! you and he have probably been friends for a long time, maybe since high school or college, and so you got to see him rise during his career. he was probably one of the first people to encourage you to start the business, and sat with you through really long nights drawing up contracts and foundations and going through all the red tape

so maybe he's the best friend type, but he knows not only your business inside and out, but also knows a lot about you too

he's probably gotten so many offers to join other legal teams, but he loves the one he's built here and he can't really see himself representing any other company but yours? you yourself don't get into a lot of trouble, but he does find immense pleasure in taking care of anyone who thinks they can mess with you or tarnish your name

LEE JUYEON: vp of human resources

nobody is more equipped to handle the dramatics of hr than our lovely baby boy juyo 🤩🤩

some people might doubt his abilities because of his good looks (pretty privilege or sumn lmao) but he's got a work ethic of steel and a heart of pure gold; you don't trust your new recruits with anyone else but lee juyeon

pretty much everyone under your employ has gone through the hiring process with juyeon and even though he's very soft and charming, he can also be honest enough to cut out anyone who doesn't fit the work ethic the company might require of them (but on the same note, he's also got enough faith to be able to see the good and potential in people to give them a chance)

if anyone's got a problem, you can almost always count on juyeon to help you out

you and juyeon are often seen lunching together to talk about performance management, employee relations, and other associated policies in order to keep up to date with those and up to date with each other, because even though you are boss and employee, you're still good friends

juyeon's also no stranger to the world of brand ambassadorship, and he's one of the people who helped bridge the gap between you and the limelight, especially networking with people like younghoon

and it definitely helps that juyeon is also pretty enough to be on the cover of your company's billboards too 🥴

KEVIN MOON: global ambassador/vp global relations and investment

you didn’t even realize that you’d get to the point where your company was large enough to need to think of global expansion, so kevin’s coming onto the board of directors became a blessing and a huge marker of your company’s success

he’s everything you’re looking for in a global ambassador: charismatic, down-to-earth, creative, diplomatic, fluent in like 20357038 languages (english, korean, japanese, some french, etc.)

you and kevin actually took a trip to a location abroad to a prospective new office branch, which gave you and him lots of time to bond and become familiar with working with one another (changmin was left in charge, and though he was jealous that you didn’t even think to bring him, he was honored to manage the company in your stead; you and the rest of your board of directors met up at the location too so it wasn’t like it was just you and kevin ‘cause that would be… a little too much scandal for the rising employee)

anyway, kevin basically loves travelling and he always offers you this one guest house villa/timeshare he has in the location for you to stay at when you’re in town

like, whenever he hears you're in town, you know he's coming to pick you up in a pair of aviators and a convertible, and treating you to the absolute best the city has to offer

CHOI CHANHEE: vp of finance

chanhee's definitely your stereotypical, run-of-the-mill finance person, and not the Finance Bro™, but like the glasses-wearing, shrewd, calculating, and eagle-eyed excel spreadsheet wizard who doesn't take "impossible" for an answer

well, "impossible" only if it applies to certain financial constraints, but you hired this man in particular because you were confident in his ability to deal with money

and he definitely has not let you down

he's not really outgoing when you first meet him, but once you get to know him and the two of you start working together a lot more often, he starts to open up to you and you get to see more to him than just his smarts and snark

he's actually quite shy and, frankly, adorable, once you get to know him, and it's really fascinating to watch him work whether it's with just his mental calculator or with his extensive excel knowledge (he once did a presentation on excel and navigated the entire thing with just the keyboard and to say you were a little too entranced by his finger movements would be an understatement…)

is shy at first when he receives your praise, but is much more smug when he knows you better later on and catches you staring; imagine he offers to teach you his excel wizarding tricks and just leans over your shoulder and places his hand over yours on the mouse (*malfunctions*)

JI CHANGMIN: the assistant™ (i'm sorry, but are we surprised…)

oh boy, where do we even begin with this one?

well for starters, there are a handful of reasons you decided to hire changmin as your personal assistant/secretary even though he didn’t really have experience in the realm other than some desk job a few summers ago

he’s got an attitude that takes no shit from anyone (similar to chanhee), he’s got an approachable face, but he’s also got the ability to scare anyone off or into doing their work on time

changmin’s a really hard worker, and somehow worms himself into your heart and your office, always insisting that he stay at the office until you go home, too

gives anyone who presents themselves as a threat to his close, right-hand-man standing with you the bombastic side eye and a very scary smile

rip to changmin whenever he’s approached by reporters about your alleged “engagement” to lee sangyeon (very quick to shut those rumors down; even asks if you’d like him to contact the legal department but you brush it off as unimportant)

but besides always being your first line of defense (to be there for you), whenever sangyeon isn’t in town, he’s always your next choice to bring along to fancy galas/events (gives him the excuse to let you see him in a light that’s not just your scarily efficient assistant)

i liken assistant!changmin to the mistresses of kings who protected their positions ruthlessly (except no one in this is inbred and changmin totally wouldn’t poison any possible competition, right… haha right? right??)

JU HAKNYEON: college crush → celebrity crush 😎😎😎

to be completely real with you, haknyeon’s had a crush on you ever since college days when he was delivering pizzas to your neighbor and always saw you either coming in or out of your own apartment

you were always really friendly, greeting him with a sweet smile and appropriate “good morning”/”good night”

he occasionally saw you on campus and knew of your reputation as an ambitious and innovative go-getter, and he thought your energies matched really well

but for some reason, he was always too shy to ask you to hang out (maybe he was embarrassed that he was just the pizza delivery guy, but then again, you never indicated that you looked down on him for that)

he went abroad to go to this really great culinary school though, and eventually came back to open his own place

he had always planned to reach out to you and invite you to the opening, but it’s even greater now that you can both reunite as successful versions of your younger selves

(he invites you to his restaurant often, and always has a table reserved for you; almost always sits down to share a meal with you and catch up like he always wanted to do in college)

KIM SUNWOO: the one new paparazzi guy

he has no clue what is going on half the time to be honest lol but he's been hired, given a press pass, and now has a big boy job. what's the job? paying attention to you! well, it's a little more complicated than that…

when sunwoo majored in journalism, he didn't think that he'd be spending his day camping outside your company building for an exclusive interview with you

he didn't really understand your appeal until he was sitting in the lobby of your top floor office across from a very scary-looking assistant waiting for you to be ready to give him that exclusive interview

he definitely becomes a fan of everything about you afterward: from how you run things to the very way you made his coffee in your office—plus, he wrote one hell of an article on you and he got a great promotion because of you (he still doesn't know what he's doing half the time)

anyways, whenever something about you comes up at his publishing firm, he always worms his way into being in charge of it, and if anyone says anything bad about you, he's one of the first people to defend you

lmao he's also always the one who asks changmin if you and lee sangyeon are an item just to annoy your assistant (even if sunwoo is also secretly hoping that you and sangyeon aren't...)

ERIC SOHN: the intern who spilled coffee on you the first day

i feel bad for doing eric so dirty, but tell me you can also see him rushing down the hall with open coffee cups in either of his hands and he doesn’t even see you coming toward him until he—CRASH!—absolutely destroys the blouse you’re wearing and he’s a total, blubbering mess

he’s so afraid that he’s about to get fired on his first day, because anyone who doesn’t work directly under you believes you’re super scary, but you don’t fire him

he comes back the next day in fear of his life whenever he even hears about you

you bump into him (less literally than before) in one of the break rooms because you ran out of tea packets in your office and you soothe his worries

like literally made him smile and giggle like a school girl until he could look you in the eyes without cowering—

cue the literal heart eyes he has for you now instead of pure fear (he always peeks out of the copy room whenever he hears you coming down the hall so he can greet you)

tbz m.list

permanent taglist: @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @mingiholic @ja4hyvn @vatterie @yogurteume @ethereal-engene @hyunjaespresent-deobi @justalildumpling @hongyangi @pxppxrmint @nerdypastacalzonespy @jcmdoll @zhaixiaowen @wtfhyuck @winterchimez @sodafy @fluorescentloves @tinkerbell460 @kflixnet

[kairiscorner]

SOOO obsessed w/ ur ben reilly stuff fr oh my GOODNESS. can i req hcs for ben reilly x gender neutral reader ? :0

maybe they go to the beach? idk my brain is vv much in summer mode rn–

I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT !!! and same tbh, i refuse to believe school's nearing WHAT but i also hope ya like this :> (yes i got kenspired for some of these 🫂)

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

going to the beach with ben reilly headcanons !

he does not know how to swim or surf properly, he can doggy paddle, but that's about it 😭😭😭 what he loves doing at the beach though is flexing his muscles or showing off to you :>

he'd make comments like "oh the sun is so strikingly hot today... just like me," and then set his button up aside and just get in his swim trunks and """accidentally""" flex his biceps and abs to you

bonus: you're too busy setting up for you to pay attention to him 😭😭😭

he does help you with setting up the chairs, towels, and umbrellas though, it doesn't take much effort for him to do it. he does keep reminding you as you two are setting up on the beach that his hard work cannot go without being repaid..... and he turns to you with a hopeful gaze as you're busy doing mental count and note of the stuff you have and what you need to remember before you guys leave the beach.

i think he would, like ken in the barbie movie, show off to you by trying to surf (while being completely unknowledgeable about the first thing that comes to surfing)

"it's like....... swimming...... but with a board, right....... seems easy enough" (bitch does not know how to fucking swim <33)

he calls over to you by the shore while you're off talking to friends or reading or relaxing in the shade, and he just flips his hair as he tells you he's gonna 'tame a wave' when there's no wave to even ride rn

the real surfers are just staring at him like is this bitch seriously gonna surf without a wave..........

"check this out babe !!!" he exclaims as he runs headfirst towards the ocean at full speed, without there being any massive tides to surf on, and........ fucking........ faceplants and bellyflops into the water and just...... stays there for a few seconds until peter b and miguel fish him out 😭😭😭

when you rush over to him, he falls on you, clings on to you and tells you about the horrifying experience he had that was taming a nonexistent wave

"i was born to beach, babe....... but the ocean hates me.........."

when he sees other guys making advances towards you, showing off to you, or flirting with you, HE WILL PERSONALLY GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO OUTFLEX AND OUTFLIRT THEM (it's ben's version of a beach off, yes, he did beach all the guys who were interested in you off. every. last. one. of. them.)

he loves making sandcastles with you but will never admit it.

he cried when the water or mayday destroyed your sandcastle together, he was gonna put two rocks at the bottom, one with a seashell as a crown to declare you as the monarch by his side in ben's mojo dojo castle house (i love you platonically if you get the reference)

he gets pinched by the crabs there, one made their way into his trunks and after he got pinched by that crab, he stayed by your side in the shade, not wanting to leave out of fear another crustacean will get to him

he needs your kisses after being pinched by a crab <:(

when you go swimming in the ocean, ben would tell you not to be scared because he's here, he's gonna keep you from drowning–but turns out, you have to save him from drowning instead of him having to save you 😭😭😭

y'all share an ice cream or some shaved ice together when the afternoons get too hot :>

he loves engaging in water splashing fights with you ⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾

he really wants to nail the 'still looking hot after being drenched in ocean water' look and have you stare at him, maybe take a few pics, but they all look like he really got wet not exactly looking cool, but he's still hot in all of the pics bc ofc he would :>

[alinaandalion]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @wistfulwatcher :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

82, but a few of those are graphics made for big bang challenges

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

321,823

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Main fandoms would be Leverage and Once Upon a Time. But in terms of recently, just Leverage.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. come up for air - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 2. (don't let go) just hold me - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 3. heaven help the ones who fly away - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 4. every song makes me think of you - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 5. this is too much for me to hold - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but have been failing to follow through recently just because of...life and fandom still being kind of an uneasy place for me.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

most definitely "death is just so full (and man so small)" for Once Upon a Time. henry dies. it's not a good time for anyone but it was useful for processing some personal grief so there's that. but i do trend angsty overall tbh.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have a few fics that i would consider to be fluffier but idk, i think "heaven help the ones who fly away" is maybe what i would personally consider my fic with the happiest ending? others may disagree, however. a few different Swan Queen fics would probably qualify

8. Do you get hate on fics?

on occasion, but it mostly rolls off my back because the issues are really with reading comprehension and a refusal to accept more complicated characterization than the fluffiest fandom interpretations.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

most definitely, yes. 2022 was the year of smut for me, actually. but it's always centered in exploring relationships and characters. like, yes, the idea might be centered around a threesome, but also, i'm going to throw in a character coming to terms with their sexuality and two people growing in their relationship.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've only written one true crossover, which is "here to kingdom come" (Leverage crossed over into Hunger Games). i'm actually in the middle of rewriting this one from scratch and really want to build up steam on it because it's going to be a bit of a behemoth but it's also living in my brain 24/7. would love to get part 1 fully written and edited so i can post in 2024.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of. benefits of not being fandom popular :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, the two fics i wrote for the Suits fandom were translated

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i was part of a round robin swan queen collaboration and wrote the epilogue for it. (was supposed to do a chapter earlier in the fic but dropped out due to life things and was able to tap back in for the last bit. it was pretty fun) the fic was "Bring Her Home" - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

this is hard because the ones that stand the test of time are all my favorites. i think top three are swan queen (once upon a time), nate/sophie (leverage), and tara/sophie (leverage). also, special mentions for the leverage ot3 and dragon queen. also my beloveds

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the sequel to "but i leave in my heart." not because i don't have anything written (10k last i checked) and not for a lack of desire tbh. but after everything, i still recoil when i actually try to engage with any swan queen fic ideas (or once upon a time at all) due to fandom bullshit and idk if that will ever go away. which is deeply frustrating.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think dialogue and general characterization? i don't like to write fic until i feel like i've grasped the rhythms of a character in my head first

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

actually sitting down to write is always going to be one. and the other is setting descriptions. i think it's because i'm so hopeless at mentally placing myself in a physical space. i'm trying to work on it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

so, one thing i try to keep in consideration is that i don't speak anything other than English nor can i read any languages other than English beyond being able to pick up on some things due to context clues or my vaguely remembered high school Spanish courses. so i would need to feel comfortable that i was sure that i had translated everything properly. which means, other than small phrases i've gleaned from books or terms of affection, i probably won't bother for fic unless i feel very strongly that it's relevant to the character and that story. and then i would run it by someone who could give me real feedback on it if possible. like most things, the question always comes down to: does this fit the character and the situation and is it the only approach that will work?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

animated justice league series. shipped batman and wonder woman so hard in that show.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i have a hard time picking favorites since most of my fics are written to fulfill what i want to see. i have three because they all fulfilled very specific niches for me. 1. but i leave in my heart - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen (this fic will always be very special to me because i was so let down by the show's split queen storyline and i found most fics around it to be too driven by regina's relationship with emma rather than regina's character journey) 2. come up for air - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen (i wanted a fic to address hook's involvement in regina's torture in s2 and since there wasn't one, i wrote it) 3. let's get physical - Leverage; Nate/Sophie and Nate/Sophie/Vlad (there was literally only one other fic about this specific pairing and i had been wanting to write one for it since i first saw that episode when it aired and i finally got around to indulging myself)

tagging: @deemnfic, @cminerva, @reflectingiridescent, @strangesmallbard, and anyone else who wants to answer :)

[kaleidosouls]

hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hey sorry if this is personal and feel free not to answer! <3 but would you be willing to describe your difficulties w/ empathy? I'm autistic too and feel like I have difficulties but idk maybe I just don't know enough about it if that makes sense?

hi! sure! happy to talk about it. :) this is just MY experience for anyone reading, so not saying all autistic people experience these things. this might sound “bad” to some people, ahhh so I’m nervous, but TL;DR, I have a LOT of empathy, it just manifests differently!!!

Generally speaking, I don’t really “care” about people except for myself (or at least it appears that way). Most of the time, I’m very focused on just me & my experiences, and if I have to use emotional energy, I’d rather use it on myself (because I become suuuuper depleted very quickly). If someone comes to me with a problem (who I’m quite close with—acquaintances are different) I usually don’t have much of a reaction. It’s not that I don’t care at all about what someone is going through, I think my brain just processes someone I know as a generally stable force in my life that I’m used to, so it’s harder to understand when someone ISN’T that archetype. I’ll usually process that stimuli as “oh this is a fact—this person is having a hard time” rather than “I should do something about it.” If an acquaintance came to me with an issue, my reaction would be very different—usually I’m instantly empathetic, sometimes overly-empathetic to the point of absorbing emotions.

In my closer relationships, I empathize with people usually by sharing things. If someone tells me they’re having a hard time, I sometimes will make a snack to cheer them up (but might not necessarily give them a hug, sit with them for a long time, etc). I also intellectualize emotions a lot, so while I might not *feel* the weight of someone else’s feelings, I understand why they feel that way. That can make it tricky to understand how to comfort because once I identify why someone feels a certain way, my brain goes “alright my job’s done” when there’s still other elements to empathy that some people like you to engage in (conversations, physical affection, etc—things I struggle with).

Sometimes though, I do get hit with a really big wave of “omg I FEEL this” when someone is talking to me. But generally speaking I feel more like a pawn in my daily life—and I mean that I feel usually like my presence and body is a vessel for the actual “me”—which is the internal person within me and not necessarily the person I see in mirrors. That can make it hard to empathize with myself/others because I don’t really feel like I have lots of “reactions” as a person because I feel like a vessel most of the time. Does that make sense??

Sometimes, my first reaction when people come to me with issues (particularly if it’s a repeat issue, NOT something new—I react a LOT when there’s a new issue), is to be uncomfortable/annoyed. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but that’s honestly what usually happens! My therapist has explained this is because some autistic people experience other people’s emotions so strongly that sometimes it can be so sensorily overwhelming you just shut down your emotions completely.

Hope this helps! This is why I personally at this time have decided I can’t have pets/a partner/kids tho lol. I work best and am happiest when I just need to take care of myself. It can be hard tho tbh. The way I interact with others could be seen as selfish. I’ve heard that before! That makes me a little sad. I do really focus on myself, but that’s mostly because that’s the most “natural” way I exist on a daily basis (my instinct) and that’s what makes me incredibly happy/at peace.

But when I do connect with people, it is an extremely deep connection and I care deeply for the well-being of others, just not in the same way as some people! Relationships to me are lifelong to me—that’s how I go into them!

[zzencat]

Heyy, here for your free readings!

My intials are EE

First of all, there's this guy in my class, and Idk anything about him, except his name, and he seems like cute, I mean he's good, ykwim 😭 I mean it's just been like 4-5 days, and ugh- idk if I should try to form a friendship, and there's noooo way I'll be the first one to make a move or anything

Ugh idk what to do,

So, can I know about him ? Like is this crush going anywhere or it's gonna end just like this?

aight EE you’re up!! thanks for participating! 👊👊

hmmm before you fantasize about this mans any further, there is a bit to break down (ruminating abt a life w him is prob not in your best interest). so there’s an obvious rush, an urge to wanna be with this guy. great!! HOWEVER, there are some things to consider. there’s definitely a lack of commitment, either in home or financial life. it seems like there’s already conflict here or there is going to be, based on your energy rn. so if you continue to live like you are right now, day to day, after this reading as if nothing happened? you’ll need to sort out some issues first. your energy is going in a direction where it gets crushed by many people or things in life to mature and either cut ties with those around you, your environment, or your own layers. there’s a lot of focus on gaining money and some sort of stability first bc the nature of this guy is lowkey bland af. maybe he’s one that relies on looks rather than personality? whatever it is, not the greatest vibe. if you happen to follow family traditions or engage in cultural events, etc., this guy doesn’t give a damn. he’s either slow in learning and taking in info, but his brain has lesser grooves in it than sheep do (aka bro is a lil dumb or blatantly ignorant and doesn’t care). either way, he gives “idk idc” brain energy.

ok so now we get to pulling his cards. it seems like he gets away with a lot of things by looks or begging or whatever- i was getting some slacky, noncommittal cards but as i further clarified, … this is a possibility as well: maybe he’s grown up in a poor household—it’s either this, or he’s the one causing instability, at least in material. he seems to run away from problems a lot. “escaping from treacherous waters.”

if you do get involved with this person tho, it could trigger an onslaught of crazyyyyy ass events in order to get you to an abundant place in your life. you’d have one big character death basically, and it would fuel you to work hard and do ambitious things.

if you wanna develop some kind of relationship with this guy, try platonic first, just as you’d mentioned. then you can see more bits of his personality for yourself.

the choice is up to you EE! imo, this guy kinda seems scummy, but hey, to each their own yk? thank you again!!

if you have feedback, i will gladly accept with open arms bro hit me w it :)

[stardustdiiving]

I LOVE THESE THOUGHTS @genshin-brained

I get what you mean and think it’s a fair reading of Ei, i didn’t get to expand on how I feel about Ei’s execution much in the post but I guess what I meant is. I totally agree I think she suffers from Inazuma falling flat pacing/story development wise in places first and foremost, I guess where I would apply the idea of misogyny in Ei’s writing would be feeling they tone her down out of seeming worried people won’t be willing to grapple with her being morally complicated. Which to me does sometimes give me a bit of a kneejerk reaction and reminder of when writers do this overwhelmly to women, but IDK if I’d lean super hard into applying that to genshin specifically personally. That’s just me trying to be charitable with how it critique the writing through a misogyny lens if that makes sense

I guess I don’t feel Ei really admits to her mistakes in a way I’d find really engaging for how her character is set up—she does do things on Inazuma’s behalf, try to right wrongs and I definitely don’t think she’s a cold and callous person, but a lot of the time it feels really impersonal and not really cohesive with like, the rest of the Inazuma cast (who I feel struggle with having cohesive cast dynamics in general, especially when compared to the unity of sumeru & fontaine’s casts for example). I get if the point is that, say, no one sees what Ei did for Inazuma by battling the Shogun for ages in defense of it, but when i don’t feel we see it paired with examples of her building trust/a better dynamic with her people it kinda doesn’t hit for me. There doesn’t have to be resolution with Everyone or Ei being ragged on constantly but I just never felt they did a lot with it

This results in like, rlly minor instance here but the TCG event where Ei is confused why the people of Inazuma are so afraid of her, and it feels like it’s kind of waved off as something we’re supposed to be really sympathetic about based off Traveler’s response but while it’s lighthearted and silly it also kills me a bit because I’m like man. I don’t feel this sort of fear in their worship of Ei is really addressed when it would be a really good point for making her writing more engaging for me. I could see people feeling differently but to me personally I suppose the way I ended up reading it was it feels they just water down and avoid having anyone speak really uncharitably of Ei ever, (with Watasumi included which is a bummer bc the like. Honestly rather textual colonialism dynamic happening there politics wise is interesting) of not wanting to address that naunce. You could say this is done deliberately out of fear/worship of her but when we have characters in every other nation able have vocal varied opinions of the local Archon and not much is really done with Ei’s character regarding how she engages with the rest of the cast/her people to address this fear as something she needs to work through with them, it just doesn’t hit as solid writing to me I suppose!

Overall my issues w Ei I’d describe as more in line with inazuma writing issues im general—i just mean when it comes to discussing misogny and the female archons I can kind of get making arguments for how Ei is written more than Nahida or Furina. I do notice people seem to have a lot of widespread similar issues with Ei’s character and not be as engaged with it sometimes (she has fans obviously but ykwim), which I also feel, and I guess the above is me trying to articulate why…tho it is a bit hard to do bc im more at risk of seeming uncharitable to her jjfnfjf. Just out of tending to really enjoy characters with a very active sense of responsibility or self reflection I feel Ei doesn’t really have—in a way I would be fine with if it felt like deliberate character writing/flaws x___x I feel it’s more likely I’d enjoy her in a way more different than how other people might interpret the text compared to Nahida and Furina specifically

Definitely interesting to talk about tho I totally get the idea of people just kind of rolling with it…I just feel maybe there can be a dual argument of there being feelings of worship there but also sort of a lack of elaboration with the writing that I feel would really help Ei’s character be elaborated on more

The way some people talk about “misogynistic writing” with the female genshin archons—specifically Nahida & Furina— kills me a bit, because while i do feel there’s valid criticisms of genshin’s writing to be made (especially regarding Ei, who I do feel was done a massive disservice writing wise), often I see people seem to come from a place of not understanding the writing/characters well, and/or leaning into like…very reductive ideas of what makes a female character “good” that honestly says more about their biases than Genshin’s

For example, a common complaint I see against Nahida & Furina is about them being made to be “weak/unserious” and how this is bad writing because genshin is unwilling to take their characters seriously—but the way this is argued seems to suggest Furina & Nahida would be better characters if they were more physically powerful, mature, or “cooler” in some way. But I really dislike the notion of girlbossification being seen as the one standard of good writing for women. A girl being strong and independent and able to punch things really hard isn’t a marker of inherent good writing

Nahida and Furina not being physically powerful or completely sure of themselves is the point. Their lack of life-experience-based maturity and overpowering physical strength are intentional and points of strength for their character writing, not flaws or weaknesses:

Nahida is the God of Wisdom—her primary source of strength is her intelligence, which comes from her curiosity about the world that is intrinsically linked to her being very caring by nature. The reason Nahida is at a disadvantage in physical strength with the antagonists—Scaramouche and Dottore—and doesn’t have an epic moment where she brute force overpowers them, isn’t because Genshin is treating Nahida like an incompetent joke, it’s because her character highlights the overall theme in Sumeru’s AQ that power isn’t everything and strength/wisdom comes from many places.

She outsmarts both Scaramouche and Dottore through her ability to strategize—if you’re trying to sell Nahida as a character who embodies wisdom, it’s far stronger writing wise to have her use her wisdom and mind to overcome narrative conflict than have her be all powerful. If you don’t think Nahida revealing she’s trapped Scaramouche in a dream loop after he tries to rip her gnosis from her, or her standing her ground against Dottore and forcing him to bargain with her when he attempts to intimidate her into giving him what he wants doesn’t make her “cool” or interesting….idk ! Maybe it’s not the writing and just your personal preference for character appeal

Furina —without getting too deep into 4.2 spoilers—has an arc revolving around the loneliness & conflict of needing to mold yourself into a performance for a greater purpose, and grappling with personal identity and autonomy in the aftermath of performance and repression shaping your life. I really don’t understand how people watch how she’s handled and come away with the conclusion her character gets bent around Nuevillette’s man pain/the fact he’s just so ~much more competent than her unless you’re just really not interested in trying to engage Furina’s writing or taking it in confusingly bad faith

Her struggling with lacking the physical power/competence a god “should” have is, again, the point of her character and they are very clear where that lack of ability comes from within the writing. Her narrative actions follow an arc that revolves around this internal conflict she has—she feels very established to be her own person and they certainty don’t shy away from expanding on Furina’s emotions without it only being done as footing for other (male) characters

I think Nahida & Furina were just not what people were expecting the Dendro & Hydro Archon to be like, I also see a lot of complaints that neither of them “act like gods” or “seem very godlike” but see, in my opinion, one of the central themes to genshin overall is to examine the relationship between humanity and the divine. Part of this also includes calling into question what a god should be, especially in relation to humans/having a sense of humanity

The center conflict within Nahida & Furina’s characters is that their sense of humanity is at odds with being held to what being a god “should” be. Nahida is imprisoned by the Sages who treat her with disdain for being a child and not being inhumanly perfect enough to be useful to them as a deity. We see Furina try to engage with her people earnestly in a more human way before realizing she needs to put up the performance that proceeds to shape her life & state of deep loneliness for the next 500 years to be taken seriously and fulfill her duties. You aren’t supposed to look at Nahida or Furina and think they’re all powerful otherworldly divine beings. You’re supposed to view the, as people—people who are young and inexperienced regarding their position in life. Venti and Zhongli act like people in the same way—the only difference is they have more experience and have had the time to accomplish more feats as original members as the Seven

Again, it’s not that I don’t think there’s criticisms to be made. Genshin to me sets up Ei to be a character who requires a lot of self reflection/growth and thought with handling her moral dubiousness, and then out of desperately worrying she won’t be likable enough, seems to bend over with trying to insist on Ei being palpably appealing while not following through on a lot of what her character really needs to feel well handled. (I feel they barely even address Ei needing to rebuild trust with her people and it’s only more clear when you now see Furina spend a lot of time handling something similar despite doing less um, government oppression thsn Ei did for instance HDJNDJDJ. But I guess me pinning where my personal dissatisfaction with her writing comes from is another post in of its own) The trend of not letting a female character grapple with her morality and try to push her being livable at the expense of addressing her complexity does honestly feel it falls into a misogynistic writing trends. I am really bummed out with Ei’s execution when genshin has proven through other characters along with Nahida and Furina they are capable of handling a character like her writing wise imo

But I really think, again, if someone thinks none of genshin’s women are engaging or interesting, or that Nahida and Furina aren’t taken seriously enough narratively while seeming to not really understand the intent of the characters’ writing, or want to take them seriously unless they’re cool/girlboss-y enough, I feel it may say more about their ideas of handling women in fiction than it does about genshin. I get personal preferences and not being really into a character, but people so frequently frame it as a possibly misogyny pattern with how genshin writes the female archons and I can’t help but disagree. I think sometimes people don’t consider what the story is trying to say with the characters vs what they think is cool or want (and of course what we all think is cool or may want/expect narratively is always informed by our own biases). There’s a level of subjectivity in how you can interpret writing and narratives of course but they’re just not interpretations I feel fit into what’s presented in the text !

[wellnesscard]

omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

[aberfaeth]

SHARE d20 THOUGHTS

bea you are so kind to me So kind. ok buckle in babes!

ranking d20 seasons by how compelled i feel to do a full scale rewrite picking apart and rearranging the bones

DISCLAIMER: this list is not in order of how much i like or dislike the seasons. i also recognize that in an improv format, especially comedy-focused, people make decisions that aren’t character or theme driven. none of the cast are Wrong for any of the choices i’m going to critique here. that’s just the name of the game. HOWEVER:

1. a starstruck odyssey

ah the reason i’m making this list. aso has SO MUCH POTENTIAL LIKE THERES SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IN THERE!!!!! i just think it failed to resolve its arcs satisfyingly. @cloudmancy and @grasslandgirl (EDIT: and @lichfucker ) have made GREAT posts on norman takamori which i encourage everyone to read and burn into their brains. but also like. the stuff with barry nyne drives me insane i hated that so much </3. why did prillbus choose him. how did the king of brain slugs get in a zoo exhibit. in the wise words of sav:

AND THE ARC PLAYED SO WELL WITH SID! which, by the way, the warfare whitneys getting remade falls into the same thing of like oh ok. sid dealing with being a keeper of souls didn’t actually matter bc she’s not anymore.

there’s just this aspect of. the random factor was stressed so often and it was so cool and delightful whenever things happened to align and like. the way that it turned out oh norman and skip and barry and marge are all connected to this world ending plot in the end! just felt so against that theme bc it was very clear and obvious where the metahand of narrative was coming in. like it would have been way more engaging and impactful if the wurst really had just randomly stumbled onto saving the galaxy ESPECIALLY bc thats their whole thing! no chosen ones no saviors we are a bunch of idiot mercenaries here by accident!

also loose duke should not have been on the ship they rly beat that one to death early lol

2. misfits and magic

i love mismag with all my heart and soul but that does not mean she is safe from me !!!!! people have beaten to death the centralization of evan in the narrative so i don’t think i have to talk about that but i also think k’s arc could have been a lot smoother. i love the feral princess i think it’s like k taking this thing that’s always been pushed onto them that’s pushed onto them again (aggressive femininity, girlhood) and making it their own but i wish they’d had the time and the space to lean more into that whole thing of like. Taking magic and forming it into what I WANT it to be. Nature AND nurture AND intention bc thats the whole. that’s the season’s whole self determination thing. anyways more jammer more sam!!! would have loved to see more of jammer’s team building i want him to give everyone nicknames i want to see him struggle with his world becoming so much bigger and more complex. and seeing more of sam’s leadership and the way she goes from internet influencer to like irl influence like the scene w her teaching the kids how to mukbang was so good i want more of that. ALSO poly pilot program real

3. a crown of candy

every day i think about the world where we got those four lost episodes. i don’t think it would fix everything but like acoc NEEDS more time towards the end, you can tell something is missing. honestly it’s so perfectly done for the first half and then it just kind of… falls off a tiny bit? there are moments towards the end that are fantastic but i really don’t like how it resolved. i feel like everyone and their mother has talked about liam’s wish and how rough that was (my personal favorite replacement for that choice is for a peppermint tree to grow over the spot where keradin and the pontifex are buried as a representation of the strengthening of magic in candia which might be august’s idea?) but also idk i just feel like cumulous didn’t hit as hard for me. and saccharina is the love of my life literally one of my fave characters ever but her cinnamon arc felt really rushed (which, yes, missing episodes). i just feel like after jet’s death the pacing and themes get so muddy (yes missing episodes yes i know). anyways brennan wishes he had what prince consort calroy doc and sweet religion doc have

4. mice and murder

mice and murder is SOOOO CLOSEEEE but it trips over the finish line. honestly some of it was the dice being fickle but like. there were choices. anyways i said it best when it was airing:

also i wish vicar ian had more to do. he had some killer moments but he didn’t feel as connected as the rest of the group did yknow

5. pirates of leviathan, fantasy high seasons 1 and 2, the seven aka The Spyre Spot

this is the spot in the list where i run out of specific rewrite energy but they’re not quite in the Perfect tier. honestly pirol is so good SO slept on i literally just wish it had better video quality which is no ones fault. also i wish it were longer so they had more time to get their footing! and fantasy high is classic and very good but there are still some things i would change (fabian in the nightmare forest for one! i hate how he isn’t taken seriously, acknowledgement that penelope and dayne blade were also children groomed by an ancient dragon, i think kristen’s arcs are a little clumsily done, etc). the seven is also delightful and hilarious and its themes are done beautifully but i did not think the combat was done well lol. i think brennan got some bad asks and wasn’t hard enough on saying no, and while again there were some really good moments i think it dragged more than combat normally does but that’s #justmysillyopinion

6. the unsleeping city, escape from the bloodkeep

the perfect seasons. i would not change a single thing, they achieve everything they set out to do and they do it beautifully. and hilariously!

7. shriek week, tiny heist

i liked these seasons but i don’t think there’s enough there to really dig in yknow? like i enjoyed my time but i don’t feel compelled to rewatch

8. tuc2 my beloathed

i’m sorry i just don’t care for tuc2 i pretend she doesn’t exist 💔

@catoptrific and @theamazinggrayson also asked about this!!

[sparring-spirals]

imogen being drained by her rudimentary hold on her psychic abilites vs resorting to mind reading bc she just has to get answers to any question that pops in her head and she has a hard time w frustration vs relying on what causes her immense pain as her only way to trust that they're being honest even if it means risking learning something she really didn't want to vs being repeatedly told to announce herself by ppl who unknowingly don't announce themselves on the regular vs so much more

and to add onto my messy "imogen vs" ask idk if it's the right wording and this is pure projection but: the way her relationship to her powers is transpiring kinda makes me feel the same way my ocd makes me feel like idk it's very very interesting and fascinating to me. i'm not sure exactly how to put it and which exemples to give (the character limit doesn't help my rambly nature) so this is a bit of an empty ask but yeah.... anyways keep sharing your thoughts it's always interesting! take care

First of all: thank you! You take care of yourself too. :D

Secondly: Hmmmmm. Okay. Gonna be straightforward here, I'm not sure my askbox/this space is the best option/conduit for this particular ask/line of thought, if only because. I think there is something specific in this you are resonating with/prodding at that draws from you personally, that you're trying to puzzle out.

Which! Is generally a valid and fine way to engage with media and is how some excellent metas are written. I think a lot of Imogen's struggles and characterizations resonate with a variety of mental/physical struggles, and there are so many goddamn layers to read it with. (This excellent post by @mysticalspiders comes to mind).

But also, I am not you, and so I don't feel particularly confident in interpreting something that is serving as a catalyst for your thoughts, in part because I'm absolutely going to interpret it differently, which can land differently if you're drawing from a very personal place when interpreting it.

(You don't have to feel bad about it, or anything, this is also a more general PSA so folks are aware before sending in headcanons/more indulgent projections/extensive theories- not because I dislike them necessarily, but because. I take asks for me to provide Opinions Or Analysis on things.

I definitely interpret things My Way, which can be different than intended, or even a more general "I have no thoughts about this, actually", which can land unpleasantly when people are invested or personally invested in their line of thought.

So, largely to play it safe, I'm going to say here, and also more generally, that I might not engage as much with what I understand as largely indulgent/personal hcs/metas that come through my askbox).

That aside, to the first part alone, I will say that: Yeah Imogen's brain is almost certainly going through a number of tug-of-wars and damage control at all times, and it makes her a very, very fascinating character to pull apart and poke. Definitely feel you on that. 👌

[retelling-of-ragnarok]

❆ ᴇᴠʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴡᴇɴ ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇꜱ #1 ❆

✰ tell me your character’s art school major and i’ll ramble about the kinds of interactions they could have with my character✰

@golden--requiem

❆ be warned: i have never had a coherent thought in my life but i think these two are NEAT ❆

❆ anyway hello yeah a college au with these two would be so fun. gwen definitely walked in on evy staying late after school, and caught a glimpse of a painting she was working on as was like?? blown away? like yeah sure they’re already appreciative and passionate abt art anyway? but seeing evy’s painting was like.

“oh damn i might shed a tear.”

i could be so wrong rn but i feel like evy really pours so much emotion into her paintings? like none of her paintings look too similar because its like?? idk some deep emotional shit brain doesnt work the point is that gwen LOVES her art.

so imagine being evy rn. you’re cleaning up from a hard day’s work. and probably not expecting to be BARGED IN ON by some random student— let alone the one people keep trying to crowd and pick fights with? and they’re staring so hard and her works too??

no ‘hellos’ no ‘how are yous’ gwen straight up goes “stay after school tomorrow too.” and leaves. NO SOCIAL SKILLS ASS MF. like yeah they’re all cool and suave but when they’re interested in something? they’re fr just. AWKWARD. no sense of making friends or anything bruh.

they def keep going on like that. and eventually gwen starts ACTUALLY talking instead of just watching. probably perched on one of the counters and looking all engaged. again making friends is still kinda hard for them— they’re normally so used to persuading people to either leave them alone or do things for them. but w evy its like “hmbmgn how long have you paint? why do you paint? OH WHAT COLOUR IS THAT—“

theyre friends. again since people in gwen’s class, and some of the other fine arts students, actively try to mess with them— gwen kinda has this permanent scowl on their face? or at least they’re not approachable. so imagine all the other students seeing them go from “>:|” to “:D” - LORD.

evy definitely helps gwen with their final, even though she’s probably stressing over HERS as well.

gwen: “bUT YOUR BRAIN SO LARGE? HELP? PLEASE?”

evy: “?!!?!!!!!?!”

gwen has so many ideas but sometimes they don’t come out the way they want them to and they def cry to evy when this happens. sobbing uncontrollably like. sniffling and sulking in the corner and shit.

gwen: “my brain is broken..”

evy: “i’m sure it isnt that bad ‘^^ “

gwen: “ofc its not bad its HORRIBLE.” fucking wailing and shit

evy: “oh dear!!!!!!!”

gwen loves loves loves evy’s colour usage. its so evocative and leaves them like “oh damn where those my feelings or the ones she wanted me to feel?” def took some notes from her. sure everyone considers gwen the top student in their respective class, but evy’s pieces?? have them in tears.

gwen doesn’t really hang out with her much outside of school?? bc theyre not familiar with all of that— but i feel like evy would invite them out and they’d be like. “okay.”

def holds her sleeve in public bc they hate being in a place w so many eyes. like boy how do you aspire to be a famous artist but hate attention 🤨 ANYWAYS BUT THEY ENDURE IT. bc time with evy turns out to be a ton of fun— even when art isn’t involved.

bestest of friendships blossoms i swear.

LITERALLY NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE— but i think these two are so fun and cute. lil art school buddies. OFC IF YOU WANT MORE I CAN DEF RAMBLE MORE. its like 2:15 in the am and my brain is like “mfnm” so all i can provide are incoherent rambles.

IF YOU WANNA ADD OR CORRECT ANYTHING PLS FEEL FREE. ❆

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.8

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Eight: Wild Love: Spencer gets something off his chest while you’re stuck in a hotel room. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading.     Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, very angsty, this whole series is a real slow burn babyyy

series masterlist

A/N: y’all are killing me with all the love on this story so far omg. i am so appreciative of every single comment, like, reblog, all the sweet things you say in the tags etc. etc. thank you and i hope you like this chapter (this one turned out to be more conversation than descriptions of feelings/thoughts just fyi) ! x

-

“Since we’re stuck here for the night, how about one more drink?” Luke asked, glancing between the team. “You buying?” Matt teased making everyone else chuckle. Luke rolled his eyes. “If that’s what it takes.”

All flights were grounded due to a heavy snowstorm. This meant that after solving their most recent case, the team were forced to remain on location. At a small bed and breakfast right in the middle of nowhere.

“I’ll have another drink.” Emily stated with a smile. “Sure, why the hell not. It’s not often I get a night away from my boys.” JJ added. Tara also raised her hand, indicating she'll have one more.

All heads turned to you and Spencer. The brunette doctor sat quietly in the corner. Clearly a lot on his mind. You were right by his side, gently resting your head against his shoulder.

A small yawn escaped your lips. “I think I’m gonna call it a night guys.” You said, slowly sitting up. “It’s been a heck of a day, and the bed is calling my name.” The group groaned, but didn't protest. Instead, they all looked to Spencer who seemed to be debating his options.

“What about you Reid?” Luke asked. “Care for another one?”

“Sure. Uh, I’ll walk Y/N to her room and I’ll be right back.” “It’s okay Spencer, stay. I’ll be fine.” You countered while getting up to your feet however, the handsome doctor wasn’t taking no for answer.

Unknown to you, unknown to everyone apart from Penelope, Spencer’s been trying to find the right moment to tell you how he really felt. He spent the last two months debating whether it was a good idea. The idea of telling you he was still in love with you scared the shit out of him because it could go one of two ways:

1. You feel the same way and call off the engagement. The two of you get back together and he spends the rest of his living breathing days making you the happiest woman on earth.

2. You don’t feel the same way and you end up resenting him for lying to you, his confession ruining your friendship.

Either way, someone will end up getting hurt.

“You really didn't have to come with me doctor.” You said stopping outside the door. Spencer shrugged his shoulders, his nose twitching simultaneously. “I wanted to. Plus sitting too long causes a number of health issues. Your leg muscles weaken. Your hip flexors shorten, and it can cause compression on the discs in your spine which can lead to premature degeneration, which results in chronic pain.”

You arched a brow. “So what you’re saying is that you’re really just looking out for yourself?”

“No, I-I, well...” He flustered and you couldn't help but chuckle. “We’ve been friends long enough for you to know when I’m just messing around.” Friends. The word stung. “Right. Sorry.” He glanced down at his shoes.

Sudden concern flooded through you. Gently, you placed a hand on the side of his face, and slowly lifted it back up. “Are you okay honey? You seem a little off, and I hope you don't mind me saying but it’s not just tonight.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. Mind racing a million miles an hour. Of course you recognised his odd behaviour. He thought he did a good job at hiding his inner turmoil. Honestly, sometimes he forgets just how well you can read him. He forgets that you know him better than he knows himself.

“I hope you know you can talk to me.” You whispered, tenderly brushing loose strands of his hair away from his face.

The gleam in your eyes was so kindhearted. It was exactly that look that made Spencer think he truly didn't deserve you and that you were better off without him. It was also that look that made Spencer love you even more. The look that made him want to fight for you.

“Do ehm, do you think I could come in?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Of course.” You let your hand fall back to your side. “Of course you can.”

Soon enough the two of you were sat at the edge of your bed. A noticeably tense atmosphere filled the air. Your eyes were glued to the side of his head, wondering what the hell was going on in that big brain of his, while Spencer looked down at his hands. Which at this point were trembling uncontrollably.

It didn’t take you long to notice, you could practically feel them vibrating against your leg. You reached out, giving them a little squeeze before intertwining your fingers with his.

“What’s going on Spencer? You’re starting to scare me.”

The hazel-eyed man took a deep breath before finally meeting your gaze. His features broken, as if he was about to burst into tears.

“I’ve been lying to you Y/N.” He stated quietly.

You furrowed your brows confused, taken aback by his admission. “W-what? What are you talking about? You’re the most honest man I’ve ever met.” You expressed, but he shook his head. His light curls bouncing perfectly. “I’m not. I’m really not.”

“Spencer.” “Please Y/N, please just… I… I haven’t been honest with you and it’s eating me alive. Usually you would be the person I turn to for advice on these things, but since it involves you… I-I really don’t know what to do.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

You nodded your head slowly and swallowed your breath. “O-okay. Okay well, uhm… let me ask you this. If you don’t tell me, are you going to continue lying to me?” It was a weighted question which Spencer knew there was no right answer to. “Unfortunately.” He mumbled.

“Then I think, I think it is that simple.”

You were right. Every inch of him screamed you were right. Fuck. How the hell did it come to this? He had no trouble hiding his love for you these last few years.  He couldn’t understand why was it so difficult all of a sudden.

Abruptly, Spencer got to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair. A deep frustrated sigh escaping his lips as he loosened his tie. Your uneasy gaze locked onto him, following his every move. And as he closed his eyes, cracking his neck, you suddenly remembered that the last time he seemed this frazzled was the day the two of you broke up. Your stomach dropped.

“Oh no.” You whispered standing up. “Ohh Spencer.”

He turned on his heel to look at you once again. Your fingers were pressed to your chin, mouth slightly parted. You couldn’t possibly have figured it out?

“You’re breaking up with me.” It seemed like a silly statement considering you weren’t a couple. “I mean, you’re ending our friendship. That’s what this is, right? You don’t want to be my friend anymore and you’ve been lying to me by pretending that you do.” There were noticeable tears in your eyes.

“What? No, no, no. It’s completely the opposite of that.”

“I don’t think I understand. The opposite of-”

“I love you.”

“Well of course, I love you too. You’re my best friend. You’re family.”

“No.” He took a step towards you and cupped your cheeks with his hands. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

You blinked. Eyelashes fluttering as the realisation of what Spencer just declared washed over you. He saw your lips quaver and your eyes widen. The dots connecting in your mind. All the moments you spent together, the conversations you shared. Everything was running through your mind like a homemade movie, making it impossible it collect your thoughts.

“I know I said I moved on, and that’s where I lied.” Spencer continued as you stared at him, unable to move. “I never moved on Y/N. I tried, believe me I tried. But you are a part of me, a part of my soul. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Seeing you, your smile. Hearing your laughter. Being able to talk to you, and just be around you. Your aura. Everything about you is so intoxicating and I messed up big time letting you go all those years ago.”

Tears began to trail down your cheeks as you bit down on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Tiny salty droplets that Spencer slowly wiped away using his thumbs.

“I never said anything because I wanted to be there for you, first and foremost, in whatever way you needed me. I wanted to remain in your life after we broke up because your friendship means the world to me. I guess I thought-t, I hoped that maybe one day we’d get back together. And I know it’s unfair for me to lay all of this on you now, I know. And I’m sorry, I can’t keep it to myself anymore. You, I think you deserve to know.”

Quiet sobs filled the room. Your whole body was now shaking under his touch. Heart aching. It felt like you couldn't breathe.

All you ever wanted was for Spencer to love you. All you ever wanted was for him to tell you that he made a mistake all those years ago and that the two of you belong together. 

“P-please say something.” His plea was barely a whisper.

All you ever wanted.

“I-I.. Spencer, I...”

You finally got all you ever wanted. The brunette doctor was standing in front of you professing his love, and yet it felt like he just stabbed you in the back. His declaration, those three cursed words you dreamt so long ago to hear come out of his lips again. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Don't know what to say to you now Standing right in front of you

-

A/N: FINALLY A LOVE CONFESSION ! honestly this chapter was a little hard for me to write... it took me a while to actually sit down to it and actually be happy with what i wrote idk BUT i hope you liked it and as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

masterlist | series masterlist | series playlist

story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne​, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​, @averyhotchner​

[queeranerys]

the last time i watched lord of the rings i was struck by how often legolas stares longingly or lovingly at aragorn so here is the alternate romance subplot that exactly one person asked for

arwen and aragorn are like, sibs. they grew up together in rivendell and are brother and sister. she can still comfort him about being isildur’s heir and the legacy of wanting the ring, etc etc etc, but it’s not sexy whispering anymore!

legolas, longtime fan of aragorn, joins the fellowship mostly because he can't let a dwarf go along unsupervised and unchallenged, but also bc hot crunchy ranger man said "you have my sword" "WOW that was hot and you have my bow!!"

arwen gives aragorn the evenstar necklace, which i’ve decided was a betrothal necklace that elrond gifted to celebrian (arwen’s mother) when they got engaged, and she tells him to keep it in case that cute blond sylvan elf turns out to be more than a pretty face

legolas sees aragorn wearing this thing and assumes he’s got a beloved back home, but also can’t stop himself from them good old longing glances. he’s a simple boi with simple needs

aragorn returns them ofc but legolas is like “he’s just being nice”

aragorn tumbles over the cliff and legolas gets the necklace from that orc. he takes it really hard. gimli makes him meditate for a bit to steady himself (since elves don’t sleep) and he dreams of aragorn

we still have the breath of life sequence because viggo mortensen worked too hard for those shots for me to even consider removing them from the vision in my brain

aragorn dreams of legolas, coming back from the brink of death to the soft sound of “may the grace of the valar protect you” and the brush of lips on his own

(it’s the horse, but maybe it was legolas)

aragorn, with the aid of brego, drags his bloodied and battered ass to helm’s deep and pushes the doors open like the dramatic sexy bitch he is (this doesn’t change i just thought i’d remind everyone of that Very Excellent Moment)

legolas tries to be cool about aragorn not being dead but squishes him with a big hug anyway

he gives aragorn the necklace back, but aragorn, knowing what this necklace means to him and rivendell elves, is like “oh fuck oh fuck he’s pROPOSING??? i mean he’s cute and hell yeah but it’s not a great time legolas” and kinda mumbles a thank you but um hmmm and runs off to go bother theoden

eowyn sees all of this go down and is like “okay so that’s gonna be a dead end for sure”

this is why legolas is a pissbaby for the rest of the lead-up to the battle at helm’s deep

so when he’s like “forgive me, i was wrong to despair” aragorn is like “there’s nothing to forgive. i mean, let’s talk about this maybe....after the ring is destroyed... or at the very least after this battle is over” 

legolas: talk about what

aragorn:....this betrothal necklace....

legolas: it’s yours. i pulled it off the orc that watched you go off the cliff. i wanted it to be safe in case you came back or in case you didn’t and your betrothed wanted it

aragorn: my w h a t

legolas: aragorn i know what a betrothal necklace looks like. 

aragorn: my sister gave this to me

legolas: wait what

anyway they figure it out and all is well and they’re cute and the battle happens

the rest of the plot isn’t that different EXCEPT

if we want a “dying elf as motivation to defeat the bad guy” the one dying is elrond, he’s old as balls and can take it

arwen is the one who brings anduril to aragorn :)

before the final battle, legolas kisses aragorn and says like “idk if my dad is down with this, but if we survive this i’m marrying the fuck out of you” and aragorn is like :) :) :) :*

the coronation bit

aragorn makes his way down the aisle in the crowd like normal la di da except where legolas was in the movie, he pats eowyn on the shoulder instead

behind the white tree banner is legolas, in the sweetest tunic you ever saw, flanked by his fancy dad, who nods at aragorn like “all good dude” and we still get the very sweet bow-touch-the-chin-unsure-looks-but-then-passionate-kiss-and-hug thing and the rest is the same and they’re in love and it’s beautiful. anyway. 

thank u for coming to my ted sandyman talk