#whats the point of trying to explain anything to these people. they dont care they just want to treat people as less than human

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[mukuberry]

ableists are the most entitled group of people istg. you'll tell them that they're hurting an entire group of already extremely vulnerable people and they'll just straight up tell you that they don't care and then insist they're not actually ableist

[phagodyke]

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

[ennuidays]

hate to admit it here but ed bitches make me so mad

[kinardsboy]

This has been sitting on my mind a lot lately but it seems extra relevant now with the way Tommy and by extension Lou has been criticized for acting “too gay” in ep 5. And while yes, I will agree Tommy acted slightly different in ep 5, it has absolutely everything to do with Lou’s incredible acting choices to play Tommy differently when he is around people he deems as “safe” which is much better explained in this amazing post here <-

All these complains are doing is just yet again exposing buddies as homophobes who are, at the end of the day. Uncomfortable with real queerness being shown infront of them. Of course we already knew this with how they react to Buck and Tommy kissing and god forbid flirting especially if it has sexual implications like the daddy kink scene.

They can’t possibly fathom their precious uwu baby Buck would be sexual with another man so they spin and twist it however they can to make it out to be, “NO! You see! Tommy started the flirting! Tommy is just an insatiable horny gay man! He only wants sex! Like most of them do!”

Which is again spewing homophobic rhetoric, who wouldve guessed thats what they immediately turn to?

I now have something probably controversial to say but oh well, im going to say it anyway.

A good many of these shippers would be deeply uncomfortable with Buddie actually becoming canon, because they would be nothing like their fanfic. They don’t want to see two men in a relationship, they want to see Eddie in a relationship with the character they project themselves onto.

There are so many examples of this but perhaps the biggest being the way Buck is made out to be the “woman” in the relationship and especially how he is made to be the “mom”

Buck and Tommy’s relationship 1st does not have any children involved so there are no gendered roles to be assigned (even though if there was.. theyd just both be a dad), they are both beefy and the same height, which is what people usually use to decide “top” and “bottom” but again since there is little physical difference between them, they cannot do this, which only adds to their uncomfortableness.

Furthermore, I would go as far to say that Buddie shippers dont actually like Buck.

A while back a shipper posted this analysis of Buddie, that essentially reduces Buck to a dog. A pet. Only to be let out of the bedroom to cook and take care of Chris, otherwise he’s meant only for Eddie’s pleasure.

Which, disgusting. But the thing that stood out most to me was how Tommy was criticized for

letting Buck be himself. For accepting and loving him flaws and all. For not trying to change anything, or “train” the bad out of him

While Eddie was the “trainer” in that scenario, that had to train the bad out of Buck in order for him to be acceptable.

And thats the funny thing isnt it? Buddie shippers have to completely warp and destroy Buck’s character to make him fit their mold of perfect partner for Eddie. They make him out to be this helpless person who can’t even tell Tommy he doesnt want to be called Evan, that needs rescuing from Tommy, that is a “mother figure” to Chris, that his “dream role” would be live in chef and maid for the diaz family..

When none of that is Buck.

Buck is a smart, independent and strong man. He has worked tirelessly on himself to know who he is and what he wants, which right now? Is with Tommy.

Bringing it back to my main point, their complaints of Tommy being more gay and Bucktommy intimacy ultimately just boil down to homophobia plain and simple, seeing real queer representation and not representation that they can specifically twist and cater to themselves through fic, headcanons or gifs, makes them uncomfortable

(could this be why so many of them ignore shows with canon m/m ships for favor of shows with fanon ones that will never actually happen? So they can make these demands for representation then shit on it as soon as they get it because its not fanfic? Its not their fetish specifically catered to them? It actually represents real life queer men who they don’t actually like?)

[spif-lol]

People can hate on Chibnall's era all they want and while it's not without it's problems I will always defend it if ONLY for it's interpretation of gender in the change from 12 to 13.

I remember being so excited for Jodie, but also so scared as to how they were going to handle her characterization as the Doctor. While Moffat did okay with Missy in the end, her original introduction was dripping with stereotypes and changes in personality which in universe boiled down to she's a girl now lol. Because of this I feared the introduction of a hyperfeminine Doctor, reinforcing sexist stereotypes that men and women are fundamentally different in some ineffable way. I feared jokes about boobs and hair, I feared a weak Doctor who had to be saved by male companions, I worried there would be a lack of personality entirely, with Chibnall trying to play it safe and make her just a blank slate. Or that she would be a rehash of an old Doctor but GIRLY with nothing really distinct to her personality beyond that.

I did not at all expect what we got. Even if the writing is in general lower standards than us fans had come to expect, Chibnall's handling of the Doctor's sudden gender change is phenomenal and I will explain why.

Top 13th Doctor gender moments:

It is so obvious that from the Doctor's point of view, she hasn't really changed. She still perceives herself the same way and finds it hard to adjust to a view of herself as a woman and often uses masculine words to describe herself out of habit. She doesn't dislike being a woman! She's just forgetful! Her regeneration is not special because of the gender change, that's just a quirk alongside the other changes every Doctor goes through when they regenerate

The way she still dresses in a distinctly Doctorish way, and leans towards flamboyant but practical masculine outfits like her suit in Spyfall in contrast to Yaz's more feminine presentation in the same situations. (Yaz isn't even that feminine either. But her dresses and blouses compared to the Doctor really stand out.)

I love how the Doctor's gender doesn't change anything about her, only how other's view her. And mostly people still treat her with respect and as an authority figure. I feel like chibnall struck a good balance between not acknowledging the gender change at all vs hitting us over the head with it. There are episodes where her being a woman is detrimental and she expresses annoyance, there are others where it causes confusion, and there's some where it opens her up to new experiences like the wedding party with Yaz's nan! But ultimately it doesn't make a difference in the Doctor's day to day

The introduction of the Fugitive Doctor as a previous regeneration but also as a female doctor with a distinct personality from thirteen! We got a multi doctor story with two badass female doctors years before it should have been possible! I hate the timeless child thing but the fugitive doctor is my beloved. Props to Chibnall for seeing the hate and people going oooh but the doctor has always been a man and responding by going nope she's been a woman before and a black woman too fuck you. actually iconic. #Season6B btw. if you even care

Idk i just think Jodie really captured the Doctor really well, while still having a unique twist on it and her portrayal really reads as a genderfluid alien in a feminine body. Like oh cool this is new but ultimately it dont matter she still the doctor

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Are SKZ genuinely good people?

I’m gonna preface this by saying I do not know them and am not affiliated with them. This isn’t fact, take this as speculation. This is just a tarot reading for fun. Dont @ me if they have some crazy insane scandal.

ALSO, why did this end up as a psych evaluation? 😭

Probably my most draining reading to date. Like by the end I could barely type.

Overall

They’re all generally and objectively at least decent people. Albeit, it depends on what lense they’re viewed through and what you find acceptable and what you don’t. They act like you’d expect from Koreans culturally except the things like…Thatre genuinely insane and go against human rights, obviously. But some of those things may make them seem like bad people. Some of them also may be morally ambiguous, and easily swayed by their friends this way or that.

Chan

Generally yes, despite his issues, he’s an objectively good person. But he can be very harsh and aggressive, and so blunt that he hurts people and doesn’t necessarily care? Because he’s developed to a point where he’s starting to realize he can’t fault himself when other people complain about things that just aren’t true but it’s also blinded him from the fact that sometimes he has to look at their perspective and explain his reasonings and actions, which can make him seem like a bad person to others. He also overthinks things and forms opinions based on those things. Meaning he can glance at one person and judge/stereotype them very very heavily, and run with that completely. He can also criticize people to the point it’s flat out cruel without realizing it. He’s also very sensitive and emotionally immature. So generally he’s a good person objectively, but subjectively others may beg to differ.

Minho

He’s objectively a good person. He’s solved a lot of his character issues by a lot of inner exploration and thinking deeply about his failed relationships and the reasons for their failure. He’s tried and failed things and he’s learned from what he’s failed. He can be a little vain and moody but he’s compassionate and graceful in the face of those he loves, which is honestly a good thing. He has a strong will and a strong mind, and is constantly growing and probably has someone in his life inspiring this growth. His spirit is very tied to his finances. He likes to be financially stable and independent. Probably the type who wants to be on the level where his family is set for generations. He’s very lucky in that aspect. He also does a lot of charity. But he’s also an overthinker who scrutinizes and judges people a lot. His mind is restless and honestly is probably the type who cannot sleep because his mind is constantly working and working and he’s always thinking. (I can honestly relate. My parents used to get mad at me for it because I’d be trying to sleep then next thing they knew I was in their doorway asking them a random question that came to me. He was probably the same growing up.) he’s never satisfied though. He doesn’t particularly like or find joy in much of anything. (Can relate) and nothing can hold his interest for too long an/or satisfy him. He’s very lucky and probably trusts in the universe a lot. Also I randomly started crying reading this and I was wondering why he’s so uncharacteristically chatty and his energy isn’t as stable as usual so like…Do with that information what you will. He’s, despite what most may think, mildly optimistic. Or at least by nature he is. But that has probably been hammered down into the ground. He’s also very lucky did I mention that? He loves those around him very fiercely and unconditionally. It’s hard for him to even like let alone love someone or something. But once he does there’s no letting go. His love is deep and it’s strong. And he’s always there for others.

Okay I’m getting sidetracked but like some of these cards I don’t think are even on the subject this man is like going through it emotionally. Like he’s DEPRESSED DEPRESSED. I’m talking sobbing, unable to even move or think having a mental breakdown heart racing blood pressure rising whole body trembling thinking he’s dying panic attack. So.

I feel bad.

Despite how volatile and turbulent he is inside, outside he’s serene and is extremely good at keeping secrets. This is the Scorpio coming through. People, even family and friends, only know things about him he wants them to know. Nothing more.

He’s happy with friends and loved ones though. And…Pleasure.

This man can’t go from having mouth diarrhea to having a panic attack to being horny that’s not how that works. Between him and Hyunjin I’m pretty sure I’ll be a leaky faucets the entire reading because WHY AM I CRYING AGAIN? I’m not even sad.

Also Laffy Taffy by D4L randomly came to mind. Dunno if that’s me or him.

Either way we’re done here before III end up with an existential crisis.

What’s also interesting is I started with him not because I necessarily wanted to but I was physically incapable of reading for any of the others first and reading for him kept calling to me.

Do with that what you will.

Changbin

He kind of is. This is another thing where he’s more morally gray because of cultural things. He’s optimistic and compassionate with a lot of trust in the things around him, and the Korean…Bubble in general. He’s also very very lucky. Another whose spirit is…Connected to more material things. But here I think it means worldly attachments, desires, etc. like money and relying on the people around him to feel good. He’s very destructive. Things he does, has done, will continue to do, and will do have, will, and are ruining things for a lot of people. He destroys. I’m getting here he might’ve done something in the past or will do something in the future that may put the entire group at risk. But I’m not about to go into detail about that because I don’t wanna know.

Randomly thought of Beomhan. Which…Coincidentally he had an incident.

He’s a courageous free spirit with a love or life. He’s easily excitable and very very easy to please and make happy. He has a lot of secrets, though, even if he doesn’t outwardly seem like the type who does. He’s very volatile and secretive.

I’ve also been getting some odd hyper fixation with Hyunjin vibes this entire time. Like some parts had that underlying ‘Hyunjin, Hyunjin’. This isnt even the Hyunjin stan in me speaking because I’m never like that and it’s more…Detached. This is coming from Changbin. Either he’s currently obsessed, has done or will do something to him, or has done or will do something with him; either one.

He’s another that’s not easily satisfied. He constantly wants more and more and more and more. He craves it. Specifically affection and attention. I’m getting he may be insecure and craving validation.

He’s very very intelligent and theoretical.

He takes a lot of things for granted and is quick to throw them away for the thrill. People, things, anything. He gets bored when things are too familiar. He loses motivation when things are too easy.

He’s working through some of these issues though. Probably in therapy. (Unwillingly.)

This card popped out with another Hyunjin like underlying energy. Specifically two of chalices. And I’m getting a strong love indicator.

Man why are we hyperfixating on Hyunjin today don’t come for me for this this isn’t even my doing 😭

Hyunjin

True neutral. The good and the bad balance out. I’m also getting compromise here. Like he would’ve been entirely one way or entirely another if he didn’t have one particular person to tell him not to engage in certain behaviors.

So.

Getting this person may have had a Libra moon but that’s not important.

(Got a specific thing here but I’m not about to start shit so imma mind my business 💆🏾‍♀️)

He sees himself as an absolute failure and I’m going to pretend I didn’t get the vibes I got but like…Can someone get this man therapy before he goes off the deep end?

LITERALLY?

Imma shut up now

Anyways, he’s so loving and naive and impulsive. TOO loving and naive and impulsive. To the point where his morals are so easily swayed by those around him. The company you keep is a reflection of you is strong in this one.

He can be more on the conservative side.

He had solid foundations in life and is very very materially secure and values that. He spends money Willy nilly and throws it everywhere not because he’s not good with it but because he simply has the means to. I get the vibes he probably has some very good investments going.

He moves from one thing to the next quickly. He can never stick around. He likes challenges but if he doesn’t perfect it quick enough he throws it away. He doesn’t like things to be easy but he hates when things are hard. It’s like there’s a constant push and pull nothing can ever quite meet.

He’s wise, fair, and open-minded. He cares about how he’s perceived, and is very shockingly very perceptive. He’s also manipulative because he cares so much about how he’s perceived.

He values equality and unity. He also values balance and his close bonds, specifically with his friends.

It reminds me of that lyric that’s like “Cause you only listen to your fucking friends.”

And it’s not a Hyunjin reading if he isn’t oddly horny.

He has a lot of fantasies and delusions. He will make up an elaborate scenario of his partner cheating on him and will become so convinced its intuition he’ll quite literally gaslight himself into thinking he’s right and any and everything the s/o does or says from that point will be twisted into confirmation. This goes for every relationship he has though.

He’s very kind.

He’s healing a lot from old wounds and trauma right now. But healing is also making it all surface and suffocate him. Probably restoring old bonds he probably shouldn’t have

Very impulsive and generous.

He’s been happier because of his group.

And sex. Because of fucking course.

Can you tell I’m already fed up with this reading? 😭

Han

He is. A very generous one at that. Just a very insecure one with 0 self esteem who needs the validation of others to keep himself from being severely and debilitatingly depressed.

He’s helpless and exhausted and can’t focus on anything anymore. His self esteem is probably getting worse and worse. Reminded me of when he had to stop and lay down on stage from what I assume is exhaustion just based on the vibes and body language.

He’s in pain and he’s suffering and there’s a lot of bitter truths here. He also probably wants people to break free of their delusions about him to relieve that pressure. May possibly do something stupid to do that.

But he’s lucky and convinced whatever the hell he believes in will deliver and everything will turn out for the best.

He’s patient, being careful, and working hard in the meantime. Just barely keeping himself afloat. He’s waiting for his chance to be happy.

He has no motivation. He’s burnt out, and taking things for granted and taking unnecessary risks. Which is directly contradicting the earlier statement. I think before is what he thinks he’s doing and this is what’s actually happening.

There’s such heavy emphasis on the sorrow and the pain and the suffering. He’s probably really really depressed right now.

Getting he’s on his knees crying and sobbing and begging for something.

Now I’m crying. I didn’t think he’d be another one to make me cry but I’m crying now and it’s most definitely just from this.

His hope is gone, he’s losing money for some reason, he invested so much into something and it failed, and nothing seems to be going right for him.

He’s impulsive and generous and life is going way too fast for him.

He’s very open and honest and knows how to channel his energy into things.

He’s finding happiness in the group, again. I feel like I’ve gotten this for all of them so far.

Felix

He is, and he hopes he is. Even if his energy is very scattered.

He’s going through a lot of difficulties right now, mentally and physically. There’s a threat to his security in some form.

Someone’s being extremely cruel and aggressive towards him and he’s feeling a lot of shame and guilt because of it, or maybe even doing so to someone he cares for and loves.

He’s trying to heal and lick his wounds but it’s so hard.

Getting heavy Bible and religious imagery here. He strives to apply that to his life because he believes it’ll help him be a better person. Probably praying a lot for the situation to get better.

He’s trying to solve all his issues as well as everyone else’s.

Definitely hiding something though.

Someone’s been indulging in more and more debauchery and it’s scaring him. Overindulging, always drunk and intoxicated. As a form of escapism. And he’s tried to help but he feels so out of control. And the person is probably addicted by now.

He’s restless and anxious. His mind is hyperactive.

He’s feeling more creative though. His will is stronger. So is his enthusiasm for his work.

Again, finding joy in his group.

Seungmin

He is. He’s healing and he has a renewed enthusiasm for life. He’s also reaching more of his potential. But he’s afraid. He’s sabotaging himself and he’s so acutely aware of his limitations:

He’s another whose heart and soul is connected to more worldly things. He’s also very opportunistic and money smart.

He’s lucky and all his wishes usually end up fulfilled, so he’s trusting in the universe at the moment that it’ll deliver for him.

He’s also very compassionate.

He’s content and satisfied with where he is, and I’m getting specifically that he feels very blessed at the moment. And even more generous than normal.

But he’s restless and his mind is running rampant.

He’s also being impulsive.

And I’m getting more of that debauchery and escapism influence here, but more vague because it’s Seungmin.

Jeongin

And finally, Jeongin. He’s a good person.

He knows you always need a balance and compromise in life. He’s balanced with a stable head on his shoulders. But he also stalls things and can be overly passive.

He’s feeling lost. There’s secrets and hidden truths and he’s being forced to hide things he’d rather not be involved with let alone be part of keeping under wraps.

Another who’s probably turning back to religion but not as much as Felix is.

He feels more liberated and rejuvenated now, though. More revitalized.

He’s ambitious and achieving a lot in his work due to his efforts. It he’s also struggling with balancing work and his personal life.

He’s in a lot of pain and suffering right now and there’s a lot around him.

Another who’s very money oriented but good with it.

He’s bored and taking life for granted because it no longer has the same risks.

He’s also being oddly vague which he usually isn’t.

There’s a lot of new things in his life. New feelings and maybe a new s/o. A lot of cameaderie and happiness with his group.

He’s trusting himself more and knows he’s going to overcome. Very disciplined and enduring. Determined he’ll get far.

[dwtpsychward]

when they joined vcs and played games with him on stream meanwhile they apparently were all icked out by him and thought he was a massive red flag but all he did was have fun playing his favorite games with people

going to cry myself to sleep this is literally me in highschool. being autistic in a world made for neurotypical people :(( thinking someone's your friend but they all actually talk shit about you and deep down you know the "red flags" are your autistic traits cause it feels like everyone was given a handbook on social rules except you. being a Dream stan is witnessing someone be bullied the way you were when you were just trying your best and having no power to protect them.

i think this is why it hits me so hard like i see myself in dream and understand how frustrating and confusing this all is. before i really thought him being an open nd creator it would change the way everyone treats nd people in general (with stimming, talking about his struggles with it AND medications, etc) but instead its been turned to normalizing ableism against someone and using their nd traits for their narrative that hes evil because of a reason everybody understands except for us apparently.

with dreams community consisting of a lot of nd fans its us just watching him get overloaded with ableism in tenfold and not being able to do anything about it because when you say "its because of his autism" YOURE the one they call ableist. when you try to explain why he said something a certain way they say "well he shouldve said it better". when you explain why he types essays to fully explain what he has to say they say "thats too much just get to the point". when he says only a few words they say "why didnt he say more than that". it is incessant nitpicking and asking someone (let alone someone who is nd) to be absolutely perfect to fit their own criteria yet no matter what he does is not good enough for them which causes every situation to end with only frustration on dreams part. they are not willing to fix any problems with someone who they dont care to understand

[peachycat17]

Alhaitham x autistic reader

🎐- fluff

She was developing feelings towards him, tho she doesn't know if he is interested in that

You kinda start to feel Alhaitham is kinda nice to you, which shouldn't be weird, but he doesn't care if people like him nor he exhaust himself to appear kind

Yet when theres too much noise, he suddenly offers you to go to another place, which he benefits of course, but the fact that he can just use his earphones and can just go away alone, makes you feel like he also want to help you, because he doesn't invite the others, just you

When you have to search for certain book, he always appears near you and start to question you which book, if is for recreation or for studies, in the end after finding the book he says "I was just making my job/this way is more efficient"

When the others come along, often Kaveh is complaining about a client, or Cyno is finally explaining past week case, there are parts you dont understand or maybe just didnt really hear clearly, but asking them to repeat themself again in again, felt like they probably will get mad, and you pray your face doesn't reveal that, but suddenly Alhaitham ask them to repeat that or he says the same thing in others words, and you finally get what Cyno or Kaveh meant

He also points out things that you like or have been mentioned during the week in the markets

Yet he never do anything "romantically", Kaveh often complaints about him not been able to find someone to like him, and Alhaitham just respond "that's sound nice actually"

What would he say if you tell him you find his presence comforting, that the way he explains things is fascinating even if you didn't understand, that when you visited Aaru Village with the whole group, the way he gifted various book to all the children he saw, was beautiful

Even he was beautiful

Now is when you realize you do like him, often taking a long time to now what are you feeling often

Surprisingly when you enter Puspa Cafe, is exactly where he is at, reading a book as always

You manage courage and go to him, you two start to talk, not much tho, just how was your day and what book was he reading, then a comfortable silence

Both were in silence yet happy, maybe he feel it too

"Alhaitham, what do you think of romantic feelings"

"They are not logical, always without control"

"Is okay if someone have them towards you?"

He looks at you

"They cant make them disappear...

"But I cant ignore mine either"

"And now that we both feel that way... We probably will have to give them a test"

❇🍀📚

Yeah, finally came out decent, so this is my first trying this thing out, and I hope it come out good😋💕

[nerves-nebula]

this gonna be a bitchy post lacking in nuance but who cares. im annoyed.

child predators and abusers will use literally whatever is most effective to groom someone, that's kind of the whole fuckin point. pointing out that they can use certain media to groom kids is like pointing out that you can drink liquids. like yea you sure can. you can groom a kid through their interest in sesame street. you can groom a kid with adventure time. you can twist even the most harmless story book with a Nice Upstanding Moral at the end into whatever you want.

when i was in high school I basically fell in love with any teacher that gave me food cuz i was fucking starving and that's a way more effective way to gain my trust than like, idk, sketchy fandom porn. (which i also loved as a kid/teen but I never really talked to people online or in person about it cuz i didnt wanna get adults in trouble!) and if someone online was weird to me back then i just ghosted them cuz i didn't have to exist in meat space with them if they made me uncomfortable.

anyway back to my point: should we ban granola bars cuz they were a way to fast-track the trust of food insecure kids? the way some of y'all talk about abuse, and grooming in specific is so frustrating, like, what are you fuckin talking about. grooming is a series of actions a person chooses to take to get what they want, it's manipulation, what they use to groom people with is entirely situational and moreover irrelevant.

should we all just sit in 5 x 5 cubes and paint neutral faces on a canvas till we die or should we try to have systems in place to prevent adults from gaining so much control over kids just by being kind of nice to them. and that's not even getting into how censorship literally never works the way you might want it to. it's impossible to create censorship that isn't inherently bigoted and useless because the only people with the power to properly censor are the people with the most power in general. and they do not like the rest of us. and they are also often on the side of abusers, if not abusers themselves!

yall will gives thousands of notes to posts that basically say they want the haze code back cuz you're too dumb and reactionary to think about fucking anything other than "child abuse bad so i guess i agree." then go patting yourselves on the back without having helped a single child.

yall love to feel vindicated more than you care about victims. don't act like anything you do is for the survivors if your focus is always on retribution or censorship against the abusers. you don't care about us. you don't remember we even exist half the time. none of you have looked into what actually helps us, none of you internalize our complicated feelings, none of you are willing to ease up on your christian ideas of sex and sexuality unless we explain our entire traumatic backstories to you. and then you say we're broken and need help, as if what we don't really need is for you to back us up or leave us the fuck alone.

none of you care. you just wanna find acceptable targets for your anger so you can feel good about destroying the Bad Person. dont piss me off

[asmogorna]

Okay so there’s this ww artist on ig called like tooth lilys or something and he’s always causing drama in the ww fandom and he mouthed off about your art and now heaps of insta ww fans are like talking about you :| free publicity?

ahhhh so thats whats happening .. lmao thats crazy

i checked out their story, and i sure doooo love how they leave some things out when talking about both situations that they mentioned to make me look worse ..

ok so

warning, yap session incoming

the "will wood in a (miku) binder" thing happened back in fall 2023 when i was still semi new to the fandom and didnt know a lot of things. so tho i to this day i dont think it was that big of a deal, i wouldnt do it today

it was an artwork made for shits and giggles, the context of which i have explained here before. i never meant to imply that will wood is trans and i certainly dont "headcanon" him as that. my curse is that even when joking around i tend to try and make my art look good, so i get why people thought it was unironic. and i know that it sounds like a lame ass excuse, but it legit didnt cross my mind that people would think i drew will wood as a trans guy or smth. legit my only thought process was "funny haha internet thing" + "my favorite thing" = "good idea"

now the usage of his real name is something i am genuinely sorry for, but it was an accident and a genuine mistake on my part. i remember seeing someone mention it casually in some comment section, and assuming that it was ok, since i didnt know he was in any way against it. (i also thought that it was the same name that he used in "the real will wood" in that one section cus it sounded a bit similar).

when i was informed about the fact that he doesnt want it spread around i deleted the post right away and apologized, so bringing it up like something i did on purpose and out of malicious intent is a tad bit .. misfitting, if you can use that word

now the hot topic of the day: my waywood art

i have said this before and i will say this again, how i feel about rpf is solely based off how the people involved feel about it

to clarify: i never drew anything inappropriate or even suggestive with them, the "worst" thing is 2 simple sketches of them smoochin. or. this.

idk if this is what they were referring to when talking about me drawing will wood and gerard way "making out" (specifically. because i think "making out" implies to be more sexual stuff than small kisses). and if so, then it once again feels like blowing things out of proportion

and now the point i want you to get: will wood wouldnt give a flying fuck

like i said earlier, i never drew anything inappropriate, because that would actually cross will's existent and real boundaries. you know, the ones that he stated

im not making some conspiracy theories about him being gay, like some people seem to imply in their inbox messages to me

im not sending a whole ass smut fanfiction to litwtc gmail or something, i dont bother him in instagram dms asking if he wants to fuck gerard way, im not shipping him with people who he actually knows personally and has to look in the eyes of from time to time

im not doing anything that he would actually care about

him and chris have joked about him being attracted to gerard before, and though im not saying that you can joke about everything theyve ever joked about, i feel like in our case its clear that will clearly doesnt care about the implications ? (i generally believe that ww fans would get their panties twisted about less things if more of them listened to what these 2 talk about so calmly on litwtc but i digress)

if he saw that some random teenager on tumblr is drawing him and gerard way (gasp of horror) holding hands, he'd laugh at it max and then move on with his day

people are treating the whole situation like i posted pictures of him from when he was a kid or leaked patreon content or drew him fully naked or anything else that, you know, would actually affect him in one way or another

what im doing is innocent fun which isnt even likely to reach either of them. will wood very rarely checks tumblr and, once again, i genuinely dont believe he would care. and gerard way aint got no internet + he doesnt care x 2

it is weird but rn this is what brings me the most joy, even if its silly to say. both will wood and gerard way mean a lot to me and putting them in situations together makes me happy. i am but a child full of fun whimsy

i wont be posting any more explicitly romantic art to avoid more drama, and i also wont be responding to all the anon messages i received because there are like .. too many of them. an overwhelming amount i'd say. sorry about that

i really didnt mean to cause such a fuss, and i understand why some people might be uncomfortable with what i do

i fully understand why you would dislike my waywood hyperfixation shenanigans, and i dont have a problem w you over that, but treating me like pure evil because of a thing so insignificant is just.. overdoing it

once again, i will be toning it down, but it really isnt the end of the world if i dare to draw will wood and gerard way being a tad bit gay (which is, i apparently need to mention, not me actually saying that will wood the alternative musician is a homosexual gay who is in a genuine for real actual real gay homosexual relationship with gerard fucking way the lead singer of my chemical romance. i think speculating on other people's sexuality and gender identity is boooo tomato tomato tomato)

sorry for the rant and sorry to all who were disappointed by my lack of remorse. come back in a couple years when i turn 18 and stop having fun and artistic freedom

thank you for your attention and i hope i at least cleared some things up to those who werent w me throughout every event where i get involved in fandom drama

bye bye

[rissouu]

if you come on tumblr and believe you own a CONCEPT or sex talk… pls unfollow me now. @blkkizzat it’s been an ongoing thing with you?

in your post you claim you don’t believe you own a concept, but you first came into my dms throwing it out about how YOUR post was plug!choso, and i tagged mine plug!choso.

and brat taming is a common fucking thing, especially in jjk. like i said before i dont even know who you are, you claim i “watered down” a version of your work i didn’t even know existed? i don’t read your works… ever. yesterday i found out that you write non-con and it literally blew me the fuck away, im not about to argue with someone who writes about that shit.

not only did you claim i copied one of your choso works, but you ALSO claim i copied another because i posted a baby!daddy drabble about choso. im not sure what work you were talking about… but fucking baby daddy. are you serious? who HASN’T written about a jjk man being a dad/baby!daddy. please do not act so entitled, there will be people who write similar dirty talk and sex play as you simply because IT IS COMMON AND POPULAR. girls like it, or at least i do. and ive always written my fucking dialogue like that.

you’re saying that a less than 6 paragraph drabble i made is copied from your work? yet yours is about university’s and sorority’s… me and my friend read over it, it literally has a whole plot. what the fuck are you talking about plagiarism and mine doesn’t even have a anything to it but fucking sex and foul language?

accuse somebody else please! you’ve been on my nerves since you dmed me, ive been writing for years and im not one to copy— especially not from you.

you followed ME and i didn’t even know about it until i got a dm from you??? and trust im not about to keep explaining myself over some dumb shit like this, you claiming i copied 2 works yet i’ve never read anything of yours in my life, girl please.

how do you come from making your main point as saying i “took” your concepts, to then saying you don’t own concepts?

then after i got into your ass about it, you switched it up and started saying you didn’t care about the concepts, i “watered down” your SEX TALK and SEX SCENES.

now onto the NEXT drabble you claim i copied you on.

again… i don’t read your works and i don’t keep up with your account. i literally stated the same thing in every response i gave you, i don’t have you followed and i do not know you. grow the fuck up this is a writing app in a very small community of writers, baby!daddy, brat!taming, and plug!anime are one of the most COMMON CONCEPTS. please leave me alone and try to argue with someone else, im not the one.

you literally took my actual sum of my story and made your own wording, making it sound EXACTLY like yours and it’s not. shut the fuck up talking about me dude you sound dumb as fuck.

mind you, yours has 2 characters in it whilst mine has one? and i have a WHOLE collection for this character? girl please, just who the hell do you think you are that somebody has to copy you ☠️? TUHHHHHH

i got the baby!daddy concept from my friend, LMFAOA. so don’t you feel stupid bitch?

@itadodori’s baby!daddy work. i simply got the concept of baby!daddy from here and put mine for choso. thank you again for helping me bby 💋

moving on.. you have a history of getting into drama with people on here ive heard, AND NOWWW I SEE WHY. i have NO history, i stay in my own lane, and barely even fucking read on here i mostly write unless it’s my moots posts.

and pls- ive literally written fucking baby!daddy before. it was never any inspo from you. now ima let the screenshots of all my previous works, wattpad and tumblr talk for me.

it’s dialogue, smut scenes, and sexual positions you claim i took, yet ive been writing this way for years… on and off tumblr?? LMAOAOAOA the proof is all here.

literally in all my works i include almost the exact same sex talk, same sex positions, scenes, and same genre of sex, as well as the same aura in the men i write. pls try to come for somebody else, i have no interest in being respectful anymore or even trying to understand your side, all that went out the window when you tried to accuse me of “taking” something from you for a second time, hoe leave me the fuck alone.

and since bitches wanna talk about where they from now? im from la where plugs are very aggressive, hence why i fucking said it because it’s common in my surroundings. you wanna flex you know plugs and do drugs and shit, but bitch we come from two entirely different worlds? i hate a dumb ass hoe dude.

and again this is fan fiction we talking about not real life. its FAN fiction and i can write my characters HOWEVER i wanna fuckin write em. none of the readers have an issue, clearly if they’re liking the content i put out and wanting to see more.

mf stealing names… LMAOAOA STEALING NAMES. bitch are you stupid?? have you never heard of a fucking alias? hoe you really have to be the DUMBEST of the DUMB. i actually do have a life outside of this app and i do not sit and fucking screen watch or start shit up all day. i don’t like people online knowing too much about me personally so i go by alias’s, simple as that. MANY people do it on here im sure you’ve even come across a few recently. stop acting like you don’t have a brain, it’s there somewhere baby please use it.

you just said it’s not word for word. how can you own actions, reactions, and sexual situations when everyone on tumblr uses practically the same thing. like i said pls come at somebody else and leave me the fuck alone.

again, sorry you THINK i copied you but that ain’t never been what it was.. since jjk came out i was on wattpad writing the same shit i do on here. i told you in the conversation we had MANYYY times that i never copied you and if its a big deal just block me? i know i blocked your ass after i finally made my final fucking points.

but you decided to post it then you’re saying don’t send hate or harass but you post it? you continued to make it an issue even after i told you MULTIPLE times i didn’t get a lick of inspiration from you. and i wasn’t even trying to go this far because it’s not in my character, but trust me i would never copy off someone like you LMAAO. i come up with my own shit— i have been for 5 YEARS NOW. and even then i still be asking my readers what they like to read, consistently actually.

mf you followed me and was waiting on a follow back for months and i had no clue until you decided to dm me on bullshit. you clearly screen watch my account that fucking much, im sure you see im always doing fucking requests AND asking my readers what they want to see from me content wise.

hop off my shit bum leave me the fuck alone, you barely got an ounce of a fucking brain this shit proves it all 😂!

[derpydoteddrake]

Viktor is under some kind of influence, but at first glance it's hard to tell the exact nature of it.

But I believe its more simple than one would think.

The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.

But I believe its more simple than one would think.

The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.

Firstly, why is the sky hallucination sus? could it just be his own mind?

Her guiding him to her book and later showing up next to the shimmer addict could be explained as just his conscious.

However, he also woke up to her screams and it was her voice that guided him to the addicts, both things go beyond what could manifest only from his own perception of things.

Not only that, this is the exact place where he later cocoons himself again. So it's no accident he ended up here.

It's also good to note how Viktors saw her differently then how she was, he sees him as a more idolised version of herself, which is als a good indication that she is not real.

But then in act 2 she appeals completely harmless, she doesn't push him into anything, and it looks like she offers some sense of emotional support.

And that's the point, it's feeding into viktors weaknesses as a person, all it needs to do, is give him the illusion of company, and keep him in his head.

Viktor was always a loner, but he also seeked out second opinions and he was in fact very lonely and wished for company.

This is exactly what the core is giving him the illusion of. A second opinion and company.

By herself “sky” does not offer any new information to viktor, she is either stathing things he is already aware of, things viktor thinks she would say, or reassures him.

“She liked me, she would be concerned about me!”

“I remember telling her that once!”

“She was caring, she would be upset at someone's death!”

In fact, it might even try to distract him from the important things, we don't see a lot of it, but the moment Viktor starts to wonder what's up with Jayce, she attempts to move his thoughts elsewhere from thinking about what is wrong with him.

Viktors perception of the world is fundamentally changed, this is already pretty isolating but now he has a mind buddy! He's Not alone anymore, there's someone who talks to him, who cares about him, who he can share ideas with,

someone who loves him.

I'm going to concede, I do think their relationship has a romantic undertone, if for nothing else it's because viktors perception of sky is pretty heavily defined by her love letters to him.

Regardless of your reading (how much do you think he reciprocates that), it is giving him the company he wished for.

Why is that bad?

It's because it keeps him docile, and so far up his own 4ss that he doesn't realise how messed up what he is actually doing is. He is stuck with his own regurgitated thoughts.

The only thing he ever gets is reassurance that what he is doing is in fact good, he doesn't have an outside perspective on what's happening with him or around him.

He doesn't have the head space to self reflect cuz something always chimes in, always keeps him thinking, solving problems, solving puzzles.

We never once saw him actively trying to talk to any of his followers, the only people who he does are not affected by him, and come to him directly, he didn't even bother seeking out Jayce himself.

The only way he communicates with them is when he wants to do his creepy puppet thing and if the only thing left in his followers head is gratitude towards him and he never examines what it did to them as people, no wonder he doesn't notice a thing.

He just unquestionably spreads the core's influence.

No wonder the first awful idea anyone gave him in who knows how long that isn't his own stuck with him.

He always had a tendency to get sucked into his work and dont bother with people (ironically that is one of the reasons sky got dusted) and don't bother with anything else, and now the conditions are orchestrated for this to basically keep him in his own head.

He doesn't really care about his followers either, he watched one of them get smashed and didn't give a damn.

He doesn't care for them as people, they are more akin to problems he can solve and move on. He was barely even bothered about Jayce's condition, probably assuming he will come to him and he can fix him right away.

We can see this in his visions of how he conceptualizes himself, he looks very human, and yet he got these unsettling yellow eyes. He is blind to the ways he changed, just look at how he acts in them.

At first glance he appears a lot more emotive and it also tells us that he is fairly enjoying himself and his new perception of the world but also the main thing we see of him is his endless curiosity about things, not his empathy towards them.

He is well meaning of course, but he doesn't/cant reflect enough to see what he is really doing. Namely taking away the things he saw in these people, their dreams.

And he constantly has problems to solve, we saw how many people went to him, he always has something to think about, and he always has someone to talk to about it without needing to waste precious time on seeking out a second opinion.

In s1 he barely reacted to the beginning of a civil war going around him, now people depend on him and in the middle of a civil war he doesn't have any way of protecting these people.

He barely gives a damn about him slowly deteriorating. He doesn't live in reality anymore. He cannot see the forest for the trees. (though he might have had some plans we don't know of, since Salo was gathering materials for him.)

And his guilt just amplifies this.

From s1 one of his strongest traits was how much he believed if he gets the right tools, and the opportunity, he can help people.

“Do you think my life ambition is to be an assistant?”

“If you are going to change the world don't ask for permission.”

“All I did was believe in myself.”

This is what skys death puts into question.

This is why he almost jumped afterwards, this fundamental belief in himself was put into question. He got the chance to do what he wanted and someone died.

This is where his guilt comes into play, he isn't making his own dream a reality, we saw that what he really wanted is to give people tools that they can use to create, but that's not what he is doing.

He is doing what he believes Skye's dream was.

It doesn't even look like he invents things anymore, he just mostly uses his powers and studies botanics. (tho we saw Salo steal some stuff for him so he might have some plans that we don't know yet?)

This is even the context he brought her up to jayce: she had such dreams.

From her notes we can assume she hoped to help make a zaun that is cleaner and more connected to nature.

This is the reason why he is so receptive to skyes positive affirmation, its because in his head he is correcting his wrong, her affirmation and forgiveness gave him back the belief that he can still do good.

Now he has the right tools and the opportunity to do it, so he won't fail again.

He is literally wearing her symbol on his clothes.

He is doing this out of some kind of repentance for his sins.

So the way he sees it: he is helping these people, who on they own free will just happen to stay here cuz its nice and he conveniently can puppet them if needed, he doesn't question that cuz he never bothers to talk to them and skys happy and she talks to him so why bother when no one sees the world like he does.

What he doesn't realise is that he is pretty much meant to die there.

There's a reason why his palace was builded here, he literally got told to build it there. It was there so he could die and cocoon himself again.

When he first saw jayce and encountered the singularity, he was literally describing himself.

“self annihilating and replicating” That's him, this entity is connected to him, he is meant to die and be reborn over and over again. He might not completely embody it yet, but he is a product of it. (and he will probably gonna try to harness it, that's what the beginning of ep 6 set up.)

I don't think he expected jayce to shoot him, when he saw what he was going to do he looked pretty shocked, but he was intentionally kept docile by the core basically guaranteeing that even actually he will die out.

And then he had the audacity to conclude it must have happened cuz people just suck.

He tried nothing to prevent this and he is already out of options.

To his defense he was probably really lost in the sauce at this point.

This is also why he was making his following, he was supposed to draw power from them after he dies so he can be reborn again.

This also means that singed and ambessa are probably interfering with this process.

It would explain why he looks so wrong in the poster.

In conclusion, the core keeps Viktor in a mind state where he is docile enough not to question what's happening around him using his already existing flaws against him in order to spread itself.

One last thing I would like to add is that I don't think this will be his final transformation, I believe the final one will either happen at the top of the hex gate or at the bottom of it.

[gaytommykinard]

am i the only person who doesn't see buck as a people pleaser?

i see him as caring and attentive and someone who goes the extra mile to help the people he loves. he's someone you can rely on to be there when you need them.

people pleasing is a very specific trauma response behaviour that essentially means ignoring your own wants and needs, prioritising others over yourself, making yourself smaller, trying to keep the peace, not rock the boat.

that's not the buck who quit his job when he was desked. who sued the LAFD to get his job back. the guy who told the newbie "you're my problem" and ripped off bosko's temporary label from his designated shelf. or how about when his relationship with ali ended because she couldn't handle his risky job, and buck wasn't willing to compromise on it? when he told taylor kelly that they can wipe the slate clean between them but not continue their relationship? when he broke up with natalia because he realised she wasn't really interested in him as an actual person? if he ever displayed this behaviour, might've been with abby, which was a wholly fucked up relationship with buck looking for commitment (maybe for the first time in his life?) with a woman who wasn't looking for anything serious. but even then when he had doubts he talked to bobby about it.

my point is, when buck's upset about something, he doesn't stay quiet about it. he doesn't neglect his own wellbeing and doesn't compromise his peace just to make others happy. he'll go about it in very wrong ways, especially in the earlier seasons when he was still young and hadn't even began unpacking his childhood trauma, and he's matured since then, of course. and I think he had that "people would be better off without me" mentality but i don't think ive seen it since his coma, when he said that being buck is enough. he has grown so much (and i hope he will hold on to his newfound self esteem, i hope nothing will ever make him doubt his own worth).

but even in s7 - when he was bothered and did something about it. again, went about it the wrong ways. but he went to talk to maddie when he hurt eddie, admitted his mistake, made up with him (even though we didnt see it on screen). and then again when he thought he had sabotaged his first date with tommy, he talked to maddie and eddie, and then he reached out to ask for another chance, and invited him to his sister's wedding, insisting tommy should come as his date because he wanted him there (i'm not saying he wouldn't have taken no for an answer, but he knows what he wants and is vocal about it). and - throwing a bachelor party for chimney, who didn't even want one, but buck wanted to do the nice thing for his friend/future BIL and he made a theme around things chimney likes. being there for eddie and christopher but setting his boundaries ("i dont think i can explain this") because he cares about them and wants to help them any way he can.

this doesn't read as people-pleasing behaviour to me. buck is someone who cares so fucking much, no doubt about it, his compassion for others is endless. but he also goes for the things he wants and stands up for himself against things he doesn't tolerate.

[minnielvr]

cold chocolate - kim seungmin

˚ ༘ pairing bf! seungmin x fem! reader

˚ ༘ genre fluff, angst!!, seungmins a bit of a meanie :(

˚ ༘ wc 3.4k

˚ ༘ note never writing smth this long (okay 3k words☠️) again idfk how sum ppl do it😭 sorry if this bad guys i cant write rlly good🦦merry xmas!!!

"hey y/n can you come out here?" seungmin called to you from your guys' living room.

"yea whats up babe?" you went over to the couch and sat next to him.

"promise you wont be mad?" he looked at you and raised a brow while grabbing your hand.

"oh god seungmin what did you do now?" you chuckled. obviously you thought that whatever he was going to tell you wasn't that shocking and he was just exaggerating, but you were so wrong.

"no y/n this is serious."

"o-oh okay. uhm whats wrong?" you were starting to get nervous now. does he want to break up? did he cheat on you? a million thoughts raced through your head but not one of them was what he was about to tell you.

"i'm not gonna be home for christmas.." he said it so casually as he looked down in his lap.

"oh."

now usually missing holidays wouldn't be such a problem for you two, except christmas. you guys dont really celebrate anything other than valentines, chuseok, and birthdays, sometimes you guys dont even celebrate birthdays. but christmas? it was a must. you were going to go back home to your family with him for the first time. he had even said yes. now all of a sudden he cant? whats more important?

you inhaled a shaky breath and asked, "why?"

"well you know, we have practice to do, and we have to record some things. so i'll be staying at the dorms." he shrugged and let go of your hands. thinking you were fine.

now that pissed you off. practice? recording? he couldn't skip one week of work for christmas? he was never like this, he has never put his work over you.

"seriously seungmin?. you cant just skip a week of work for christmas? you're putting 'some practice' over me?" you looked up at him with an open mouth.

"no y/n, i cannot." he glared at you. why was he giving you attitude all of a sudden? its not like you're the one who will be missing christmas.

"care to explain why?" you crossed your arms.

"dont you get it y/n? my work is harder than yours, you literally do nothing but sit down at a desk all day and book peoples appointments," he slowly started to raise his voice. "you dont get it all. i cant just be home all the time to give you attention. since when were you so clingy?"

you stood up from the couch and backed away from him, scared of him yelling at you. were you really that annoying? your eyes started to water.

"seungmin wh-why are you getting so mad? i'm just asking you to take a week off for christmas, im sure they'll let you. beside you need a break too." you said while looking down, trying to avoid eye contact so he couldn't see your tears.

"i'm mad because you're annoying! i dont want to take a week off. i cant be with you all the time y/n. leave me alone." he turned to the tv and turned it on, acting as if nothing happened.

at this point there were tears running down your face. how could he be so rude and say something like that? sure you guys have had arguments before and said things, but never like this. he the level-headed one in the relationship. he always keeps his cool during arguments because he knows how upset you get.

maybe it is your fault though. maybe you ask for too much attention and let him do all the work in the relationship. maybe you should leave him alone until christmas is over.

"okay. i'm sorry that im too clingy. i'll just leave" you turned around on your foot to go get your backpack with all your things. you'll stay with a friend or something. maybe you were overreacting a bit but you didn't really care, how could your boyfriend just ditch family plans for christmas like that?

"yea whatever, i dont care" and he dismissed your statement just like that.

now that hurts.

one of your best friends since you were 5, areum, was jeongins girlfriend. you and her were out one day and saw the two of them together, jeongin asked for aerums for her number first and seungmin asked you out a few weeks later. the rest is history.

you just arrived to aerums house and she graciously welcomed you in. seeing the tear stains on your face and your nose red, she figured you had walked here. she was correct. on the way out of your and seungmin's shared apartment, you had forgotten your car keys. but by the time you realized you were already too far down and didn't want to go back up to grab them, especially because seungmin would probably still be in there.

"so? tell me what happened babes" she guided you over to her couch and sat down next to you.

you explained what had happened and she fully agreed with you on your view of the whole thing. i mean, if he already said yes to the plans, why would he switch up all of a sudden? and seungmin would usually take a sick day or soemthing if you asked, he cared about you a lot. you're not saying that he has to prioritize his work over you, but the least he could do was tell you in a nice way or just take a few days off for christmas.

"but wait. that doesn't make sense.." aerum furrowed her eyebrows.

"huh? why?" you looked up at her.

"jeongin said that they have a little christmas break or something like that. i mean, we aren't going anywhere but he said that the boys have no schedules and practices," she looked at you nervously. "do you think that maybe seungmins lying to you?"

well he definitely is, theres no question about that. you just didn't want to believe that he would actually lie to you about something like this.

"n-no he would never..," you looked down in your lap. "oh my god he doesn't want to see my family. he probably thinks i'm rushing into it right? but we were supposed to go to his parents house after that, how is that fair?" you were coming up with all these excuses to not make him look like the bad guy in this situation but there really isnt any. he lied to you and called you cling and annoying. thats the hard truth.

"hey hey calm down its okay," aerum side hugged you and started rubbing your shoulders. "i'm sure it's just a little problem with miscommunication hm? it could be fixed like this." she snapped her finger.

"y-yea of course." you hiccuped. "can i just stay here for the night though? i don't feel like going back yet." you looked up to aerum with wide, teary eyes.

"aw of course honey." she squished your cheeks. "go shower and i'll get some food ready for us. we can watch a movie." she smiled at you and tapped your back to usher you to the bathroom.

you smiled and agreed with her and went to shower. turning the water to borderline boiling so you could release all your thoughts.

you put on some of aerums spare clothes and stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the main room. she had the movie 'home alone' waiting to be played on the tv. she knew it was your favorite christmas movie.

aerum saw you step out and turned her head back over the couch to face you with a big smile on her face, beckoning you to go and sit next to her. you could see a plethora os sugary and salty snacks sitting on the little coffee table in the middle of the room. she really knew how to cheer you up.

you guys ended up watching both home alone movies and ate almost all of the snacks. you guys also fell asleep next to each other on the couch. which was typical for the two of you when you ahd movie nights.

you were the first one to wake up the next morning. rubbing your eyes and aerums foot being the first thing you see was not so pleasant. the sun was shining through the window and you could hear the bustling city of seoul outside. what time was it?

you sat up from the couch while gently taking aerums leg off of your lap. you bent down to grab your phone to see that the time was..2 PM?!?!? seungmin must be worried sick!

you turned to the side and looked at aerum sleeping so peacefully. a little drool coming out the side of her mouth.

"aerum! hey! hey! wake up! it's 2'oclock!" you violently shook her shoulders.

she hummed and swatted your hands away from her body. telling you to shut up.

"as much as i would love to stop doing this i still love you and you have work today. so...get. up." at this point she had opened her eyes and you were staring straight into them.

"oh my god! i have work!" she kicked the blanket off her feet and scrambled to get up off the couch. running to her bathroom to go shower and get ready.

"hey wait! i was gonna go in there!" you chased after her but to no avail. she had already got in and locked the door.

"i know you have boyfriend problems right now but im already late for work! which one is worse y/n?" you could hear her starting to turn on the shower.

"fine, you win." you lightly kicked her bathroom door in anger.

you headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for ingredients to make breakfast for the two of you. there was nothing inside the fridge except some eggs, bread, butter, and milk. how did aerum and jeongin even survive in this house? at yours and seungmin's apartment, the food inside the fridge and pantry is always stocked. you guys go grocery shopping together too, just to make running errands a little more fun. sometimes he would ride the cart trying to run away from you or sneak in some extra snacks that you guys certainly didn't need to spend so much money on. but thats what made it fun. those little quirks are why you loved seungmin.

as you were reminiscing on those little memories, you heard a door to the apartment open. looking towards it, you saw jeongin walk in. since you started tearing up thinking about yours and seungmins relationship, you quickly wiped them when jeongin came a little closer to you.

"y/n? oh my god! seungmin is so worried about you! you should go to him. like now." he looked genuinely concerned.

"y-yea i should haha," you looked towards the eggs cooking on the stove. "just make sure you keep on eye this food though. me and aerum woke up late so while she showered i figured i could make me and her some food. but i'm leaving now. also you guys should really go grocery shopping." you laughed at him while packing up your things.

he frowned at you and opened the fridge "hey it's not that b-maybe it is..."

aerum walked out of the bathroom wrapped up in a towel and looked at you wide eyed. she heard you talking to yourself so she decided to come out.

"damn babe" jeongin turned towards aerum and looked at her while raising his eyebrows.

"jeongin! what are you doing here! you weren't gonna be back until like...2...oh." she looked at the clock and now realized it was 3. "oh my god i'm gonna get fired!!"

"chill out aerum, i'm sure one day won't do anything" you chuckled at her over exaggeration.

"okay y/n listen," she went up to you and put her hands on your shoulders, staring you dead in the eyes. "you back in your apartment and be very clear to seungmin that you're sad and man and whatnot. be confident and don't cry." she pursed her lip at you.

"okay! got it. now go finish getting ready so you can leave before jeongin makes you stay!" you winked at her and left her apartment.

you were in front of your apartment door, giving yourself a pep talk about why you shouldn't be scared to go in there and confront seungmin. communication is key right?

you opened the door and were met with an empty house, no sign of seungmin anywhere. maybe he was sleeping? they didn't have any schedules today if you recalled correctly.

you walked towards your guys' shared bedroom and opened the door to be met with a sad sight. it was seungmin, curled up in the bed, holding onto your pillow. he seemed to be asleep and you didn't want to wake up him up. you were still mad at him, but the sight made your heart clench.

you went to your dresser and set your bag down. then you went to the bathroom to do your skincare routine since you hadn't gotten the chance to do so at aerums place. seems as though that woke seungmin up because next thing you know he's walking up to bathroom door that you forgot to close. you saw him behind you in the mirror.

"y/n?" he came closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. "i-i thought something happened to you when you left, i got really worried y'know..."

"well, i'm fine see? no need to worry." you unwrapped his arms from around your waist and stepped away from him. you appreciated the gesture but he's acting so normal, as if nothing happened between you two.

"oh...okay." he got the memo that you wanted to be left alone, so he left the bathroom. this time closing the door.

you were conflicted. you were mad at seungmin and he really hurt you. plus, the holidays were coming up and you didn't want to be in a sour mood for it. but at the same time, you could see he felt bad. him just initiating physical contact and being the first one to talk said a lot.

you see, both you and seungmin were both very prideful people. that means that when the two of you argued, instead of being normal and talking it out a few hours later. you guys stretched it on for 1-2 days before either of you came to apologize. communication was something your and seungmin's relationship was heavily lacking.

you decided that you would wait for seungmin to speak to you. and if he doesn't then well, you'll cross that bridge when you get there.

once you finished up in the bathroom, you made your way out to your bedroom and saw that seungmin was curled up on the bed with his phone.

"thought you had practice seungmin?" you crossed your arms and raised your brow.

"o-oh well you know i decided to skip today because i was so worried about you and i was waiting for you to come home." he made up an excuse.

"well im fine so, you should probably get going now." you patted his back and shooed him away.

you guessed that was his breaking point because then he turned around to face you with tears in his eyes and said

"y/n please...i'm sorry. i lied okay? i don't have any schedules or practice for the next whole week." he looked down in shame.

you already knew that so it wasn't that much of a shocker. but it really hurt coming from him.

"why would you lie to me seungmin?" tears were now starting to well up in your eyes. "i'm sorry if i rushed you into meeting my parents. it's just that we've been together for 2 years and you never got to see them except on calls so i thought it would be a nice trip for us...." you wiped your tears.

"no love trust me thats not the reason at all." he sat down next to you in the bed and took your face in his hands.

"so then why did you lie to me and call me clingy and annoying?" he winced when you mentioned what he called you. he really didn't mean to. he doesn't think that about you at all. it came out of nowhere.

"because y/n....i was scared to meet them. i thought that maybe they would think i wasn't good enough for you." he looked down in his lap.

"seungmin why on earth would you think that? my parents already love you and they've seen you on call. they practically adore you." you took his face in your hands now. "seungmin no one would ever think that about you. you're perfect in so many ways and you deserve me just as much as i deserve you, if not more."

"y/n how can you say that when i said all those things?" he was referring to when he called you clingy and annoying.

"because i know you didn't mean it baby. it did hurt a lot, but it's nothing you can't make up for." you smiled at him. "i know you've been a little stressed with all the end of year activities and stuff. but you're getting a break now! enjoy it."

"i just feel so guilty for lying to you and saying those things y/n, i truly am sorry. how can i make it up to you?" he looked at you wide eyed.

"cuddles and kisses. but we can do that after we pack since we're leaving in 2 days." you giggled.

seungmin pulled you by your waist into a hug and kissed the top of your head. "you know i love you a lot y/n, right?"

"yes i know that baby, i love you too" you smiled up at him. "now! lets get to packing!" you got up from the bed and started pulling clothes out of your drawers. seungmin groaned, not wanting to get up from the bed.

it was christmas eve and you and seungmin were at your parents house. they were thrilled to see him and loved him very much. not failing to make him feel very deserved.

you guys were all sitting in the living room and it was 11:30 pm. your parents decided they would go to sleep and give you two some alone time. you guy's both said goodnight and waited for them to leave until you started talking.

"so, having a good time so far?" you turned sideways to face seungmin.

"of course, the best time even." he smiled at you. "wanna watch home alone? i know it's your favorite and we didn't get to watch it back at home."

"yes! i'll go make some hot chocolate for us." you hopped off the couch and made your way to the kitchen to boil some milk.

it's been about five minutes and the milk was still boiling. seungmin came into the kitchen to keep you some company. he walked over to where you were by the stove and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind.

"could this thing be any slower?" he whispered right into your ear.

"ugh, i know right. i don't even care anymore," you turned off the stove. "we can have cold chocolate i guess." you started pouring the milk into yours and seungmins cups.

"anything is good when i'm with you." he kissed the side of your neck and swayed you side to side.

you giggled and turned around towards him and said "awww look at you being all flirty" you teased.

he shrugged his shoulders. "it's the christmas spirit i guess."

you then looked at the digital clock behind seungmin and it read 11:59.

"oh seungmin look!" you point behind him at the clock. "it's almost christmas! in five....four....three....t-"

he pulled your face towards him and brought you in for a kiss. he rested his hands on your hips and then pulled away. you looked up at him with wide eyes.

"man, i wish it was christmas everyday if you're gonna act like this"

he chuckled. "merry christmas y/n." he pulled you into his chest and rested his chin on your head.

"merry christmas seungmin."

[yannaryartside]

THE LIE THAT CLAIRE BELIVES

THE CARETAKER WOUND

So, I keep coming back and forth with my opinions on Claire. Yeah, she did many things that will be a no-go for me as a person, sometimes cringe or childless, and could be taken as manipulative as well. I have been rethinking about it after reading this amazing post:

But there was something constantly ominous about how she was presented, not only as a manic pixie dream girl coded woman but also as a helper, described as an "incredibly good person" who sometimes managed to become an enabler. I will use some books about childhood wounds I have been re-reading, trying to do for her what I did for Carmen in this post. A deep character analysis speculating on the character's childhood wounds based on behaviors they display.

Let's go brick by brick. Long post underneath.

PART 1: THE HELPER OF DRUNK, SAD PEOPLE

Quoting from @brokenwinebox post: In the party.

Claire: “In college, people would come back to my house after parties. and I think I got really good at managing sad drunk people.” Carmy: “Yeah, I know that feeling.” Claire: “I know you do.”

That made me pause, because she made it seem like a common occurrence. She doesn't say these people were their friends, and maybe they were. But it becomes weirder when you think they were at that party (with Carmy) with the excuse of helping her broken-hearted friend. Claire said, "She needs me"

Girl, what? I get wanting to be there with your friend, but you are talking to your (you said later) childhood crush, dont you wanna spent time alone with him? The other girl doesn't seem like your best friend or anything, so doesn't she have other friends she could rely on during this hard time? She was throwing a party, so she was surrounded by people who could have cheered her up. Why was your presence so needed in particular?

Even if you say they were really close, when Claire said that other people would come to her house drunk after parties, my question is

Why? why was your house the place to do that? Did they insist? Some people can be dangerous while drunk, even if she described them as "sad."

Why did you feel these people were your responsibility? To be a good friend? Didn't you have to study? I had a heavy reading career in college, and I will read while eating or even in the gym, but it didn't come close to being a medical student. I assume these parties were in college, and I understand partying is a college thing, but having to stay awake and comfort a drunk person for as long as they need is another thing. It demonstrates a disregard for your time and needs; weren't you tired, busy, and probably also drunk? You are accepting people who come to you at their most vulnerable but also their most unpredictable. We all have people in need we want to care for even when they are messed up, but she didn't say "my friends" or even "my girlfriends". She said people (it could be a wording thing, but this dialog is very intentional)

She seems proud of it, giving her limited time to confort people she may not be closed with.

Here is my point about the lie I think she believes. I was reading again How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self–by Dr. Nicole LePera, and there was this passage that sounded very familiar:

In the book, Dr. LePera explains "The 7 Inner Child Arquetypes" as behavior tendencies and internal beliefs that one may develop depending on the environment one grows up in. We don't know much about her childhood (I have a theory about it, which I will discuss in another post), but I think this description can apply to her behavior.

The issue here is not to "feel good to take care of people." There are many reasons one may do that, and many of them are altruistic in nature or just love for the person. the key element is the "disregarding of one's own needs." Look at me in the face and tell me that doesn't sound like Claire. She seems proud of how much people would go for her for comfort when she was a student in a very time-demanding career. It was likely very taxing, but she doesn't want to say it was. Not to mention that comforting somebody is emotional labor on its own.

The lie that Claire believes is that she needs to sacrifice (time/energy/emotional labor) to be loved, that only that is her worth as a person, particularly in the role of a caretaker of people in need.

And it also shows in her relationship with Carmy.

PART 2: LOOKING FOR THE LOVE

A scene that always stayed with me was this:

This "I know" seemed childish on my first watch, kinda saying "I know ligfe is not as complicated as you think."

But then I realized she was happy to say the right thing for him to love her. This "I know" is she saying, "I know I am perfect for you, I am catering especially to your needs" after saying, "Nobody is keeping track of shoes," which was kind of nonsensical, to begin with, but it also sounds like something from a Hallmark movie when they try to be profound and prophetic.

I want to bring the Caretaker Archetype to her relationship with Carmy because she also completely disregards her own needs with him. To begin with, when you have a profession with little time outside work, you probably will like it to be a good, stable one. Why are you chasing a guy who gave you a fake number and that you had to "push' for them to be with you? You even joke about the Faks beating him up for giving her a fake number, like wtf. In her interview, Molly Gordon talked about how Claire was pushed in a previous relationship, which gave her the idea pushing was okay, which is an entirely different conversation, but ok.

Regardless of that context, she went for a guy with also a time-demanding job, that you have seen in ages, and that you know it has social issues and comes from a family of addicts, and that family as a very tragic story.

Here is my biggest question:

DOES CLAIRE SEE CARMY AS ANOTHER "DRUNK, SAD PERSON"?

gif from @mporium

He may not be an addict, but he is aware of the substance; they made us watch her purposely giving him the soft drink; he didn't ask for one. Like she is saying, "I know you have this issue; look how good I am at anticipating your needs." Their first date was at a party, the place where she was to rescue a "sad drunk person," as she had done so many times.

Coming back to disregarding her own needs, she didn't establish boundaries or expectations throughout the whole relationship; she said, "I love you," after 2 months of fucking, no dates, and a homemade pasta dinner.

She squished herself into whatever hole Carmy needed her in. I have read in other posts that her profession does not give you much free time. Doesn't she sometimes need time of her own to keep studying, just relaxing?

I am aware they could have just not shown any of it, but when you are writing a romance, it is important to show how each person can satisfy the needs of the other; it is not supposed to be one-sided.

She doesn't discuss her stressful work or mean patients. She does not discuss her dreams; we don't even know her last name.

I think this is why she felt so empty to me: even in her conversations, she seemed to be mirroring him the whole time, looking to say the right thing. She only seemed to address her needs by asking him about the fake number because she felt rejected, and Carmy's pathetic response seemed to be what she needed to hear. For many people, that answer would have been a warning of someone not ready to be in a relationship. But for her, it was okay.

She has to be able to at least suspect his depression and other mental issues. She doesn't know about his fire incidents yet; why does a person look for a partner she has constantly to care for while he can't take care of her besides one dinner (or at least, she doesn't ask)? Because she finds her worth in caring for others while receiving very little in comparison. That is why their dynamic is that Claire is always giving and Carmy is always taking.

That is my theory. That's why many of her actions look both good-intentioned and manipulative because she is doing both. She wants to be loved in a very specific way after providing care and sacrificing a good deal herself. She wants to be loved because she does these things; that's how she earns it.

PART 3: ALWAYS SMILING

Gif de thoughtfulchaos773

She always makes this picture of perfect faces and soft smiles; a part of me wonders if she wants to display exactly that. She is inviting, always a calm and happy person, which is also on brand for someone who may have grown up finding worth in being pleasant to others. It is not like I hate pleasant female characters; I love a cinnamon roll any day, but this could be very performative, especially the way society pressures women to present themselves this way in order to be lovable. For Claire, this is the cherry on top of her masking to be a good caretaker, always available and welcoming.

This may also have a dark side. Why doesn't she recommend that Carmy seek professional help? Nobody wants to be confronted or hear that they are broken. She knows he may react negatively to her suggestion, so she doesn't do it; love is what she is after.

PART 4: CODEPENDENCY

This topic is huge, and I am gonna brush over it.

A person who only feels worth taking care of others will try to make the other person rely on them as much as possible. The party scene becomes dark-toned in this subtext. She brought him to a place where he felt like an outsider, she supported him in using a fake persona (ew), she knew there was gonna be alcohol there, didn't she feel bad that people may pressure him to drink, or she wanted to be his aid on the scenario (giving her the soft drink), she tried to make him fit in, even told him what to say in certain scenarios, especially when she was doing the thing she says she is so good at: taking care of the drunk friend. She kept bringing up in the phone conversation how much the Faks would be angry with him for rejecting her. She kept saying things like, "You could not have done this without me." Idk. Now that I keep thinking of the caregiver archetype, I can't unsee it.

Why did she leave that voicemail? Who says I love you for the first time in a voice message? On the opening day of the fucking restaurant? A very high-stress, demanding job, that day with so many things can go wrong?

Was it because she wanted her voice to comfort him during the most stressful times? The only comfort? Was she so sure that after all she had done for her, how could he not love her back?

PART 5: THE DOCTOR CONTRADICTION

This is to lomg, but to analyze Claire, I cannot ignore this part. I said this before in this post, but when Claire said:

I had to pause. That didn't sound like something a doctor would say. There is a reblog from @ciaonicole85 that I would like to quote:

I'm a healthcare provider, and I don't know anyone in my field who would say that setting a fire is cool. We're typically very respectful when talking about someone's dead family member, especially when suicide is a factor and mental health generally.

Then there is also the mention of discussing her classmate getting a broken arm in kindergarten. Quoting, again, from @brokenwinebox amazing post:

Claire: "When we were like six, she fell off a fence and broke her arm, and it scared the shit out of everybody. Except me, i just like sat there and stared at her arm." Carmy: "Cause you wanted to fix it?" Claire: "I wanted to understand it."

First of all, why is one thing exclusive to the other?  She said she wanted to understand it, almost as a priority to fix it. That is weird as fuck. She tried to make that distinction, that point. As @brokenwinebox mentioned, is this supposed to be a clue that she wants to understand more than fix? I think it is.

A little side note here, this line gave me a "I am not like other girls (or people for that matter)" vibe, because she made a point to say that everyone else freaked out but her, as if that made her extra brave or something, destined for what she does now, an emergency doctor, but no, a kid freaking out would be the most normal thing. The brave thing would have been asking for help, like wtf. But coming back to the point.

I am not saying Claire doesn't care about his patients or that she doesn't want to fix them. However, her dialogue displayed carelessness and ominous comments about other people getting hurt/sensible topics.

I don't think it's because she doesn't care but because she is attracted to risk. She mentioned she used to shoplift as a teen (I am not judging, but wtf). That surely will give her an adrenaline rush. She mentioned she likes driving because of the risk of it.

This also makes me think: Does she like Carmy because she thinks dating him can also be risky? Not in a dangerous context or anything, but because of how emotionally unreliable he is. There is a thing as always looking for emotionally unavailable people, and there is a psychological explanation for it, too.  

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Maybe s3 will prove me wrong.

Thank you so much for reading.