#whatever. life continues.
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#personal#this is just gonna be a rant about weight and body image if u dont wanna read about that its fine#my weight is so inconsistent its kind of wild. like i used to be 245 but then i went up to almost 260 in a few months#and i got like a big beer belly that sticks out so awkwardly and its just not flattering at all and my shirts are fitting weird#and my pants are tighter? but like... now im back 250 and im so confused#did i lost muscle weight? did some of my fat migrate to my stomach and stayed there??#granted. ive been fat for a while and learned to love it tbh but it looks so.... weird rn. i liked being at a steady weight#but its just going all over the place and im not used to it changing so much anymore#i used to be a skinny ass child but i started gaining weight bc my dad ate super unhealthy and it rubbed off on me#and yk as a teenager your self esteem can be. not greay about stuff like that. but i was fine with it when i got older#ugh..... idk i had my appt with PP and i suggested lowering my T dose to maybe redistribute the fat again so#ill just see if that helps. sometimes i overeat too and that certainly doesnt help either 😮💨#whatever. life continues.
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grab what’s precious
fem dabihawks, ko-fi request for @cynda-queer !!
#bnha#mha#dabihawks#keigo takami#touya todoroki#fem dabihawks#fem hawks#fem dabi#they need to get a room fr#let me say it was a blessing to see ‘yuri dabihawks whatever that means to u’ in my requests slot#it means a LOT to me thank you very much!!!!!!!!!! me and the fem dabihawks spy au that is saving my life 💆🏻♀️#there was an internal debate of putting hawks in that giant puffy sweater but well. tank top continues to win!#eggsdrawings#kofi reqs
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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Disney, releasing Wish: "so it's all about legacy--the new generation surpassing the old, overcoming the evils perpetuated by them, relinquishing singular power... and there's an old man in a tower, uh... animal sidekick, i guess..., ah... magic...?
Miyazaki, just out of frame, sledgehammer raised:
#the boy and the heron#not tagging wish 'cause i'm being a little acidic#this isn't to be negative in the slightest--I really respect both films--but it's interesting to see how visceral boy+H gets with its story#what evils have to be rejected and what they represent--and how characters and the world suffer from those evils--as well as how the whole#'rejecting' part goes. in terms of animation powerhouses discussing their legacies - disney and miyazaki both - I find it interesting that#one makes a pretty safe and nostalgic movie about imagination and dreams; the other is a long trudge through the land of the dead.#b+h is a hard watch - and a look at the legacy of a man questioning his whole purpose in the world - after his cultural touchstones#have long passed by. Mahito needs to understand his grief to keep living--but if he drowns in it he'll just continue the cannibalistic and#violent world of his granduncle. how the hell do you make art when the trauma of your entire life has colored it forever? How can anyone?#maybe after a while... it's time to detonate that damn tower and keep living.#this is to say#if you have enough money to make whatever you want#Make It Fucking Count
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Why bother? (Why bother?)
It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.)
It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!)
-You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)
Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.
#laishuro#laios touden#i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings#as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes#but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred#not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life#are so compelling to me#and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons#and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience#whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that#when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know#this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night#sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always#but WHATEVER#i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol#which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga#so i became obsessed#and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf#and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ#now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life#with laishuro. and its great!#my comics
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This is the start of something new
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#Poorly Drawn MDZS#MDZS#wei wuxian#lan wangji#season 1#*I never knew that it could happen till it happened to me*#Listen there were so many good scenes I wanted to draw and maybe one day I will but dang#sometimes when there are too many good moments to draw in a summary comic you have to abridge them into something that gets the vibes#The teen boy shenanigans that wwx drags lwj into are fine and good and *funny*#but they are also 15 and 15 year olds will say whatever comes to mind whether its well formulated or not#Less of a gay awakening and more of a moment of realizing that theres a door labeled 'homosexual thoughts' in the back of the house#and someone just threw a baseball into the window of it#poor lwj for he now spends the rest of his teen and young adult years haunted by this moment#only to cultivate it into a garden in which he will one day marry this man#Live your life in a way that would make teen you implode -> my daily advice column wisdom#Side note: this comic is vertical because I...ran out of space on my page. I have been meaning to experiment though#might continue like this? Maybe...
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
#Seeing their posts absolutely shattered me#I may never be able to relate to how he’s going through rn but at least I can relate to the fear of living in absolute fear#the fear of unable to be yourself in your own home with creative and personal freedom#The fear of being terrified that the thing that gives you the most innocent happiness will be heavily demonized and threatened#The fear of getting caught doing something you love and being yourself with your found identity#The fear of destruction#I relate heavily to this and to feel you are going to be caught doing anything that isn’t a crime hurts#I wish him safety and love during these stressful days#He’s brought so much joy to my life that I must keep private irl too#Whatever he decides for the fandom I will fully support it#I will still continue posting of course unless he wishes otherwise#If he sees this (which I doubt) hey other clown lmao- you are loved and not alone#It may be scary but you are not alone- you will never be alone#There will always be people out there who love you and there will always be those who are not even worth giving time of day#The internet is both a blessing and a cruel cruel unforgiving place#I hope it doesn’t deter you from doing what you love and hold dear#I hope you have anyone you can be with online or in irl that can give you the comfort you need#You deserve peace and security#Do what you feel is best#Welcome home
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Abercaster (Adaine and Fabian) are becoming one of my favorite duos this season . I love my bitchy rich kid casters
#unfortunately i will continue to use whatever ship name i life best to tag posts about my favorite dynamics. you cant escape it#abercaster#dimension 20#fhjy#fantasy high#fantasty high junior year#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#the them .....#d20
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guys can we PLEASE stop shipping riz w people. honestly at this point i kind of don’t even care if you yourself are also acespec/arospec/aspec.
yes, aspec people can be in relationships, etc etc, but riz specifically has expressed over and over and over again that that is something he personally has absolutely zero interest in.
he’s not just canonically aroace, he also canonically does not want a relationship.
“aroace people can be happy in romantic/sexual/queerplatonic relationships” is a true statement. “people who do not want to be in any kind of monogamous committed relationship can be happy in a monogamous committed relationship” is quite a bit harder to argue.
i’m just so sick of it. i’m glad we all understand that there’s nuance to aspec identities, and everyone’s expressions of and experiences with their own aspec identities are going to be different and personal.
like, it’s not even just about the asexual/aromantic aspect anymore. it’s also just refusing to let him not want to be in a relationship. why are so many people so resistant to the idea that he does not want to be in a relationship. like genuinely, why can you not accept that there are people who just don’t want that. who would just be unhappy in a relationship. why can’t you wrap your head around the idea that wanting a relationship is not a thing that everyone secretly wants. like, No, he hasn’t just not “met the right person” yet. because there is no right person. because he’s simply not interested.
this post is kind of rambly and not as effectively phrased as it could be i think but idc.
TL;DR: riz being aroace is not the only reason to not ship him. he also, explicitly and repeatedly, has stated he does not want to be in a relationship. “aspec people can be in relationships” is completely irrelevant because regardless riz simply does not want a relationship. please just respect thag.
edit: plz don’t like this is u wont rb. i won’t guilt you into rbing, it’s ur blog i’m not ur dad do what u want etc etc. it’s just irritating for me personally to see ppl interacting w this but not willing to actually put it on their blogs.
#sorry to keep this ‘’’’’’’ discoure ‘’’’’’’ alive#im just sooooo tired#i just don’t understand how so many people can see this character have such a significant part of characterization be about how#he does not want to be in a Relationship at all and how that affects him and his relationships with the people in his life#and then go ‘what if he was in a Relationship with his best friend’#like come on!!#i don’t care how you define the Relationship. i don’t care about your own personal identity.#i don’t care about whatever reasons you come up with the justify why it’s actually totally fine#the bottom line is riz does not want that for himself and you’re deciding that that’s not worth respecting#sorry fabriz enjoyers but i wish you guys would just stfu#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#edit continued: ik it’s all just online fandom stuff. but it’s also representative of a larger issue#of people just being incapable of comprehending that some people don’t want relationships. or even past that; that some people actively want#to Not be in relationships. it’s people coming into contact with a person (character) like that and believing that that just can’t be true#that that person Must secretly actually want a relationship. even if they don’t know it. they just haven’t met the right person yet. etc etc#if you can’t give up outting riz in any kind of relationship then you cannot accept that some people really truly do not want relationships#that’s FINE. PLEASE just respect that
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People don't want character redemption they want a revenge plot from a story that was never supposed to be about revenge
#this is about#katsuki bakugou#guys izuku never wanted revenge on him 😭#“he never received punishment” yes one of the story points is that hero society created an environment that was lenient towards bad behavior#katsuki had a strong quirk so people just wanted to be in his good graces. he was never taught that he was wrong.#that's one of the problems with hero society.#also he never received direct punishment however throughout the story he experiences many misfortunes that are directly#related to izuku which ultimately lead to them getting closer and him realizing l#BY HIMSELF that he was wrong#and then he started to atone for it in whatever way he could#but i don't know what the fuck you guys ever expected him to do#he apologized. he got impaled for izuku. he died because he was close to him. he devoted the next eight years of his life to funding#a project that could allow him to be a hero in a society where that is unheard of and discouraged to say the least#like what fucking else do you want him to do??? omg?????#he even stopped calling izuku “deku” even though the name no longer held a negative connotation because he felt like it was wrong for him to#continue using it as the person who gave him that negative nickname in the first place even though izuku said “you don't have to#force yourself to call me izuku“#why do y'all care about the punishment of a bully more than the person who got bullied cares about it#“he doesn't feel guilty” POINTS SO HARD TO CHAPTER 424 WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKERS READ#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha#mha#bakugou katsuki#bkdk
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more of them :-) the first one is based on a promotional photograph for the 1928 film and the second is based on an extremely ugly lamp i found in an antique shop. please don't tag as body horror or anything similar [id in alt text]
#the man who laughs#l'homme qui rit#gwynplaine#dea#artwork#i cannot stop thinking about them i am having so many dreams they are consuming my entire life (positive)#less positively i finished the book the other day and it made me so upset i couldnt sleep and then i had horrible dreams. even though i kne#exactly what was going to happen. i thought i was prepared. dear reader i was not prepared#the next time i am in paris i am going to give hugo's grave a sharp kick for what he has done to me & all of us#it will be worth being escorted off the premises. or maybe arrested. i feel like they wouldnt like me doing that in the panthéon#anyway the lamp the second one is based on was so hideous i kind of wish i had bought it i sort of love it i think#it was just one of those classic old lady lamps with a little porcelain couple on the base (and the tree was the. stem? whatever that bit o#a lamp is called)#i was wandering around with my gran and grandpa and then saw it and immediately went GWYN AND DEA and took a covert Image#anyway i still havent fully decided how i want gwyn's esclavine to work. i cant find any pictures of leather ones but all the fabric#esclavines i have found hang much further down over the shoulders so i am not sure if i am drawing an esclavine at all#i shall continue to draw it this way until i make my mind up. gwyn wont mind i dont think#i hope you are all doing well my friends :D hug you kiss you etc#also i didnt even notice this until rebecca pointed it out but the lamp can be a metaphor for gwynplaine being light/the sun. crying 4 Ever
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the hitch in van helsing's words when he says "i beseech you" im going to cry for real this time. it's not even simply that he knows how important it is that he gets arthur to trust him, that he's conscious of their duty to all living souls and lucy herself to do this to her and how difficult this will be physically and emotionally. it's that arthur now distrusts him, cries at him in anger - arthur, the man who looks like his lost son and whom he loves because of it. the man whose love and respect he may now never get back after suggesting mutilating lucy's corpse. he isn't just desperate for all the men in that room to trust him so they can give lucy peace and keep the living safe. that's the sacrifice of his father's heart splitting in two right there. wtf alan burgon.
#alan burgon owns my fucking life fr every time i think it can't get better and then he's on the next ep and it's like#*holding my heart in his hand* if i squeeze like this i can wring every single emotion you've ever experienced out of you all at once#i had to pause then relisten then pause again b4 continuing#of course arthur forgives him in the end! but vh doesn't know that while he's suggesting this!#he goes up to arthur and suggests cutting off the head of his fiancée and he has to completely depend on his powers of persuasion#(which are off the charts but that's neither here nor there)#what if arthur didn't want to come. he'd only be able to do to lucy what has to be done by dishonouring whatever trust arthur has left#and in any case arthur would always think him mad and awful and never forgive him for anything#i am back on my vh bullshit (i was never off it) yes im being overly dramatic abt it. don't care.#dracula#dracula daily#re: dracula
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favourite seungkwans — [2/?]
'rock with you' m/v behind the scenes
#svtedit#dailykwan#seungkwansource#svtsource#boo seungkwan#seungkwan#svt#seventeen#*fs#*mine#feat. dino's ear#continuing the theme of choosing random videos of him to gif but whatever#rock with you seungkwan is one of seungkwans of all time#also the colouring is suboptimal but i can't for the life of me figure out how to make my ps not make everything bright pink
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hey guys
#oh BROTHER tumblr user luvbug724 is calling jean catholic again#yes she is!! get over it!!#something something imagine renee giving jean a cross necklace like her own blah blah the symbolism of starting anew/ur life is not over it#just beginning#like how she took on catholicism when she became renee#WHATEVER omg stop yapping...#jean moreau#renee walker#jeanee#aftg#ive been sitting on this for like 3 days i had to crop out half and physically stop myself from continuing to tweak it (gonna keep tweaking#my art
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when i say that this was my 9/11 i fully mean it. i would pull out my computer and write it myself if it weren’t so personal to dan. i will go into debt to make this happen. @danielhowell if there is anything i can personally to get dan is not okay out into the world i will do it i don’t care if i’m a freshman in college i would die for this.
#DINOK MY BELOVED#i’m getting way too fucking emo about this#actually idc#this is everything i could ever want#not only is this concept so fucking interesting and cool#but i love dan and everything he does so much#i have full trust in everything he creates#idc if it’s parasocial#i went to wad it was the best thing ever#i’ve watched every dd episode five times as they came out#daniel howell is a true creative visionary who should get to run wild#but also i need to go back to the plot#not only is it a reflection of dan’s life#but so many people are actually going through this same thing#and will continue to#i go to class every day and see the guys who are business majors or whatever#and i just want to scream in their face that there is more to life than d3 sports#also as somebody who’s interested in dan this is everything to me plotwise#like yes queen i am also incredibly grateful that you dropped out of law#i am so happy that you have become comfortable not just with your sexuality#but with who you are in general#you don’t know me but you raised me#and i am so proud of you#AKDHAKDHSK SORRY IM DONE NOW#BUT I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS#daniel howell#dan is not okay#dinok#why i quit youtube#dan howell
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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