#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires

[deoidesign]

Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without context

Miscellaneous Edition, for those quotable lines from between sessions

"All I wanna do, is fork a giant woman! A giant woman!" "Jonni, I'm pretty sure she is some type of undead, probably a vampire. Are you sure that is a good idea?" "If I don’t get turned into a blueberry it won’t be my worst date." "Okay, but if you have to defend yourself just don't burn the place down for once." "Oh, Nyx. Sweet summer child. I never make promises we both know I won’t even try to keep." "Jonni, if I wake up to my bed surrounded in flames again I'm short-sheeting your next bed every night for at least a month." "I know you're trying to score here, but Lady Dimitrescu's daughters are literally vampires AND bugs. I can overlook one, but as a Paladin, it is my sacred duty to burn this place to the ground and stir the ashes."

"We don't let Marshall make breakfast anymore." "Those waffles are well-fortified." "I'm going to be charitable and call it hardtack." "We can use these waffles as melee weapons." "Well if we need to deflect siege engines they'll be good to have." "This is still carbon based and digestible by human systems without any poisons." "I can't serve this. It'll cause ... death." "Marshal we've been over this. This Pizza has 10% less of a lethal amount of grease." "Plus they signed the waivers when they bought a ticket. It's fine." "And don't forget to push the Cakeon." "Cakeon being slices of cake wrapped in bacon." "The special sauce is a mixture of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, ranch, horseradish, cheddar cheese, sour cream, and anything unfortunate enough to fall into the mixing vat."

"You do have a copy of the legal code I requested in my letter? As landed gentry you should actually have legal avenues to... I'm sorry did you say Burning child?"

"First I'm going to nail a crossbow bolt through your heart. Then I'm going to mount your balls to walls on opposite sides of this chamber." "I need Three Barrels of Butter" "Are you serious? Those Claws could crush an elephant in full plate!" "You're Right!" *Turns to first person* "We might need more than three barrels of butter."

"So Ioun is the patron of poor college kids. that scans "

"its hardtack or a mug of molten cheese-fried... something in a woven mug of bacon. your choice."

"Welp, all this coke ain't gonna snort itself..."

"Right hand me that dress and the bail money. I'll get Jonni." OOC: Well I mean they allow men in the city. Its just no men live in the city. "I stand by my statement. I'm allowed to look pretty every now and then." OOC: And dragons are the most unprejudiced lovers of anyone after bards.

OOC: Well I mean come on, its Ravenloft: saying a place is of death and madness is like making the observation the day ends in y. "Going out. Getting laid." "Jonni, she’s a werewolf." "Going out, forking a werewolf." OOC: Well Lycanthropy isn't usually sexually transmitted. Its just that Mercedes is a biter. OOC: ...I don't have an appropriate response to that.

"You seriously think I’d turn on my friends for a pile of gold?!?" "sigh I’ll show you my tits. "Hot damn, let’s get these murders done!" "No, Jonni, stay good. Besides, there are plenty of other girls who will do that without asking you to murder us." "Hmmmm… this is the moral quandary of my life…" "I’ll give you five bucks." "Scales tipped!" "Phew, I thought I was going to have to cover her next trip to the topless bar." "No, no, I have the bail money right here."

Nyx: So what’s the inside of Jonni’s head like? Edmund (with thousand yard stare): Imagine every ladies only smut magazine you’ve ever heard of going on forever into infinity while everything is on fire. Food was good though.

"It’s cool. They stole it." "And you know this how?" "Magic." “90% of Ravenloft deaths are mysterious vanishings.” "Why does everything come out covered in glitter and … is that …" "Lube. I’ve got a few theories." "Please don’t share them."

OOC: This is a plan that ends with Strahd having fewer brides, his castle is in flames, and he’s lost his cape.

OOC: Our team consists of a horny pyromancer, a gnome who can fillete you in five seconds, an HP lovecraft protagonist with actual magic backing them up, a literal slab of iron with a face, and a guy with a "I went to the eternal city of Ryleth and all I got was PTSD and this lousy T shirt". Gorbash smashing his shield into their face: "Have! You! Considered! Therapy!" OOC: Good news is you guys will no longer be the most conspicuous guys at the masquerade now. Jonni: Challenge accepted! "Nyx, the bounty on stealing his fake mustache is still on."

"Vanilla is the king of flavors. What does it say about society where vanilla is considered just 'regular'?" "That they have a lot of vanilla." Lash: "Don’t you want wishes?" Jonni: "Do I need wishes to get to see you naked?" Lash: "No?" Jonni: "Fuck ‘em." Vesh: "Oh dammit its my arranged fiance." Pit Fiend: "Milady." Vesh: "An extra wish to whoever punches this douchecanoe in the nards." Jonni: "I wish…for Bigby’s clenched fist of nard punching."

Soth: "Oh, gods, why am I on fire and why is Immigrant Song playing?" Jonni: "Take a guess." Hazlik: "Okay, so its a partridge, stuffed inside a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey, and the whole thing is fried on a stick. Congratulations, that's the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and I once crossbred an elephant and an owl." "I give him the 'itis, and we run like we stole something." OOC: ...weirdly Curse of Strahd has stats for Strahd zombies but not Strahd Skeletons. Or Strahd's skeletal Steed. Strahd once went to a branding seminar hosted by Bane and it changed his life.

"Are we on a high enough floor that if I throw him through the window he'll be killed by the fall?" "Oh, but when I say stuff like that it’s all 'Jonni, murder is wrong.'" "When they say pick your battles they don't mean to pick all of them. That's too many battles Jonni. Put some back." OOC: He's technically already got a symbiote. OOC: They can get married. Gorbash: "I'm increasing the rent." Venom: "Can I keep the pool table?" Gorbash: "I'm not a monster." Giant Brain: "Jonni… I have summoned you here for… WHY AM I ALREADY ON FIRE! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT!"

"Hello We're the party-crashers. This is Jonni, she's here to steal your women and burn your shit down. That's Nyx, she's going to repatriate certain items from the premise. Marshal over there, is here to studiously ignore our shenanigans. This is the New Guy. He seems pretty chill. I'm Gorbash... and I have been distracting you."

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly. Jonni: "Hold up. Trying to sex a spider." Nyx: (throws her hands up) And then Jonni wakes up with a spider venom hangover webbed to a wall waiting to be eaten. Jonni: "Eh, I’ve had worse one night stands. I’m not a fucking blueberry." OOC 1: Hey, where does your weed elf grow [her] crops? OOC 2: She probably just grows them in the room she hasn’t paid rent on. OOC 3: Because I was also considering a circle of spores druid tortle. OOC 2: We could be partners! We could turn this into road to el dorado staring Cheech and Chong. OOC: Wait, I just realized five people are hanging out in a pirate bar, and none of us are rogues. We are gonna need someone to get thieves tools. OOC: We have a barbarian with a big stick.

"Are we Foxhound now? Blunderbuss Octopus." OOC1: You want to put the stoner in charge of food. OOC2: Eyup. OOC1: I see no way this can go wrong! OOC3: We need the four basic food groups. Beans, Bacon, Whisky, and Lard. “We pray to Almighty Darkseid! Give us a sign! Thumbs up, for the triumph of the human spirit! Thumbs down to begin the everlasting reign of darkness!” “Where did you find this guy?” “Me? I thought you hired him.” OOC: Yup, nature, arcana, history, investigation and religon at +6. MJ got baked and watched the Discovery Orb a lot. Tordek: "But we have a cleric, Jozan, over there." Strahd: *sigh* Snaps fingers, and suddenly one of Strahd's brides sucks Jozan out the window, cue screaming. "Oh look, you suddenly have an opening, how fortunate." Tordek: "We also have a druid...." Vadania: "SHUT UP, TORDEK!" Edmund: "I think the first order of business may be to discuss your Human Resources strategy..." Strahd: "I have a guy for that too."

"When someone as smart as him talks with himself, it's not crazy...They call it monologing." "I thought it was soliloquy?" "No, soliloquy is when you're talk at someone else when your talking to yourself." "Most people would run from a demon, you run towards it to study it." Professor: "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING! A FROGHEMOTH, AND RIGHT UP CLOSE, IT WILL BE AMAZING TO SEE THIS PERFECT KILLING MACHINE IN ACTION." OOC: Also note the Professor is Lawful Good, Archie is Chaotic Good, so collectively they balance out to Neutral good. OOC: That's good. "The incinerations will continue until morale improves!" “You never incinerate the women!” “Because I’m fucking them!” “I… was not expecting you to be so honest about that…”

"You got what you wanted....but you lost what you had...." "Yes, I'm familiar with how capitalism works."

OOC: Dragons are like, “That’s Krandor the shiney. He only fucks other dragons. Weirdo.”

Gorbash: "D'awww, so tiny... perfect size... FOR PUNTING!" *boots tiny mind-flayer into the horizon*

"Dracula hasn't been spotted in almost recently. Whats he gonna do, destroy all we know and love like he definitely can?" "... my god you people are too stupid to live." "What are you doing in my house?" Gorbash: "...well Edmund has been reading your books, I've been sorting through your armory, Nyx and Irost has been going through your other shinies, Marshal has been cleaving anything monstrous that gets too close, and Jonni has been lighting things on fire to stave off boredom." Gorbash: "Okay Marshal, Jonni. Rock, paper, scissors over who gets [to kill] the bishop."

Jonni: "Did you really think this would make up for what you did?" Nima: "I… killed everyone you grew up with." Jonni: "Yeah, and I’m still not forgiving you for what you did to Eddie." Nima: "I am missing some key context here…" Nima: "Also I committed identity theft on you by having my new undead army tell everyone you are running the show." Jonni: "Oh, no. You’ve fooled the boar tribe. Who still haven’t figured out shitting in a hole." Nima: "Yeah I noticed that. I ruined two pairs of shoes attacking their camps."

[spiltscribbles]

10 Different Characters, From 10 DifferentFandoms, And Tagging 10 Different People

I was tagged by the ever lovely soul  HMS-Chill and this is so hard but like I think I got a good list? So in no particular order….

Eliza Schuyler Hamilton (Hamilton) » Like idk if we’re suppose to explain, so I’ll keep it short. She is the brightest fucking star of them all, and she is so brilliant and so beautiful and so wonderful!! And I cry every time I think about her because she went through so much hurt and heartbreak but she is an angel and she always got what she set her mind on and truly if you just looked at my tag for her you will understand fjoiaejfoiaer 2. Annabeth Chase (PJO Saga) »  Honestly part of my pan awakening, i’ve been in love with her since I was an 11 year old kid LMFAO. She was so tough and her back story with her dad was so heartbreaking and she tries so hard and she loves so much even if she doesn’t show it and she loves other girls and JFC the fact she was the only one of the seven without ~magical~ powers just makes me love her all the more!!!! 3. Adam Parrish (TRC) » It would not be an over exaggeration to say that I would die a thousand painful deaths merely to know that he is happy…. I love him with my entire heart and soul and he deserves every ounce of goodness that this damn crappy world can offer! His story arc in TRC was so heart wrenchingly beautiful and him in the Dreamer trilogy is just, I can’t breathe I love him so much!!! 4. Katara (ATLA) » It’s frankly embarrassing to think about the massive crush I had on her without realizing how gay I was for her fjioajrfioajer She was beautiful and she manipulated my favorite element and she was a fucking loud feminist and she is in touch with her heritage in the tribe and she is my sunflower baby!! 5 Baz Pitch (Carry On Trilogy) » Okay just straight up, I would’ve loved him despite it all, but when Rainbow dropped in the fact he was half Arab, and I got— Representation???? Me????? Holy fuck!!! And she even brought up how his Ma was too dark for other British Wizards to trust her and just, wow I felt seen! Okay but back to my tragic baby! He is snarky and he is brilliant and he has impeccable taste— even if the love of his life is a God damn mess mjfoiaejfoierkdl And God the storyline brought up in Wayward Son, connecting with his vampire identity! I just know that’s finna fuck me up in the last book so just he is my child that I must protect and hide at all costs!!! 6. Amy March (Little Women) » Listen, she is the love of all my days and she is so fucking remarkable! I know I’ve said this about everyone— surprise surprise I’ve got a type— but she is so beautiful and so brilliant and so fucking amazing!! I’m so thankful for 2019 for giving us Florance Pugh who really just breathed her to life in such vivid and remarkable ways and that speech she gives Teddy in the art studio just forever will give me chills! I’ve always said this, I definitely embody Joe, but I am so smitten with Amy, with her shrewdness and her wit and her sense of duty. She was this lovely frivolous girl, which is good and perfect already, but then she grows up into a lady who still loves all the indulgences of life, and is well aware to her status, she wants to marry well because she wants to help her family but she’s always known she would. And she gets what she wants by working within the system, and I think that’s so fucking bad ass! But then she also gets to end up with her first love! Just JFC I’m far to emo about her fjoiarjfoa 7. Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place) » It was so fucking hard choosing between him and Eleanor, because I identified so hard with the latter— especially with some things with her parents— but Chidi is my pure angel child who I must protect at all costs! He was always the sane and truly good one and he was so neurotic and so kind and so smart and JFC him shirtless jfoiaejfuoehrugi Just love this little bean! 8. Prince Henry (RWRB) » He’s this precious and angelic academic, like how could I not be in love??? Seriously, henry just breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces and he’s so endearing and good and he has so much love to give but he also has this sadness that’s just so tragic and so interesting to look into and he deserves so much warmth and love and he got that! Him and Alex you guys JFC talk about making me weak! Okay look I just love him and I will always protect him!! 9. Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine Nine) » She’s my top tear sergeant princess!! She’s so funny and neurotic and strong and fearless and compassionate and good! And she can be feminine while being a bad ass and so fierce! And she’s so beautiful!! And I just adore her to bits!! 10. Alec Lightwood (Shadowhunter Chronicles) » Okay you guys know how there are some characters you just latch onto? Like he’s not always great *Cough cough original trilogy** but like he is my child okay! Every time I read about him, or he’s alluded to, or just thinking about him I just smile. That little soliloquy he gives Izzy, I think in City of fFallen Angels? Like when he’s describing the paper cuts, God I still get chills, i related so fucking hard. And he was so afraid in the first couple books but he’s learned to love himself and be open and be proud, and seeing where he is today, with his job title and his family and just all of that— JFC I’m getting chills thinking about it. I just love him so much!!!! 11. Natasha Rostova (The Great Comet) » Okay okay Linda I know! I’m cheating! It’s suppose to be ten!!! But you haven’t taken account, I DON”T CARE!!! I had to include my baby my girl my star child! She was just here to hav a good time okay!! She knows that she’s beautiful and she was horny and it’s such a simple story, but it’s so sad and tragic, like her last song with Pierre makes me cry every fucking time, when he describes her limp arms at her side and you think about he described her as the life of the party when she was younger and society didn’t get it’s clutches on her yet! That just broke me. I think so many girls can relate to this story of being “a ruined woman” and it’s disgusting that our society still has these acts, and just I love this girl so much, and I want to protect her from all of it! And god of course Denee’s heavenly voice and gorgeous face just endeared me to her even more fjoierjfoiaerjf!

Remus J Lupin  »  Plane and simple, he is the greatest love of my life and that’s just simply on facts and the Marauders era is the reason why I even love Harry Potter as much as I do. JFC he is so fucking wonderful.

Okay wow I went on for SOOOOO LONG!! JFC I need to learn how to shut up jfoairejfdjsoijw 

But okay ready to tag some wonderful peeps!!!

•Adverbialstarlight   •Tinyarmedtrex  •Pastelle-Pvn  •Maraudereasmut   •Kirito-potter  •Celiabowne  •omgcmere  •TedddyLupin  •Saywhatjessie  •Oldkingyounggod  

[rosesutherlandwrites]

I Miserabili (1964)--episode one

Holy crap. I am so glad I’m watching this (and  a huge shout out to @adorablecrab for helping me make it happen with my incredibly awful tech skills) Especially after watching episode one of....erm...certain other adaptations really recently. This is SO MUCH BETTER! I tried to (kinda sorta) live tweet my way through so I’d have at least a record of what i thought, but i made a bit of a hash of it. But here is some kind of order of thoughts on the first episode (there are ten in total so hooray i have something to keep busy with for a while):

Even before getting into the adaptation part of things, this is making my occasional filmmaker heart happy. It’s just SUCH GOOD FILMMAKING. The pacing is amazing, the lead actors are KILLING IT, and even the things that are a little weird from todays perspective are interesting (no incidental music at all! Nothing trying to manipulate your feelings, everything you get is JUST THE STORY and i am telling you, i choked up bad for Fantine.) or weirdly entertaining (sudden changes of location without a transition, the non existent special effects in the Cart Incident ).

They definitely didn’t start with waterloo. But I was also surprised that they didn’t go to Toulon either? But it was really smart(and also from a budget perspective saved a ton of money) to start in the village of Digne, which has the sort of silently suspicious inhabitants that wouldn’t be out of place in a transylvanian village downhill of a vampire castle. All the key points get hit here...JVJ is a big guy btw. I have never seen a Valjean who so truly looked like he could indeed perform superhuman acts of strength. 

Both Mme Magloire and Baptistine made it into this adaptation! The bishop is really great. Quite gentle and saintly, but firm in his beliefs...he isn’t quite as humorously unconcerned about things as Derek Jacobi was, which i actually kind of missed? But really, he was great. He and JVJ have such a good conversation that i thought at one point: how the hell is he gonna turn around and steal the silverware? I should have trusted it would make sense, this is a damn good adaptation. (aside--when JVJ sees the candle sticks, his reaction to them cracked me up) After everyone goes to bed JVJ got a full on Shakespeare-style soliloquy! Which was unexpected and maybe odd by todays standards, but i loved it--a great way to give all the history of his crime, the what and the why of it and his punishment, and that he agrees--he was guilty--but that he feels the punishment was unjust (well yeah) and that society is to blame. Anyhow...the rest goes as it always does. (the silverware basket!) The stunned reaction and confusion of Valjean when the bishop doesn’t narc on him is amazing, and i have the feeling that it’s going to come around in a nice parallel much later when Javert is released. The bishop has bought his soul for god and

incredibly jarring transition (i.e. none) to Fantine and her girl gang (time and place well labelled, btw, 1815). They are having a picnic and their boyfriends have just left for a surprise--a relief to me in that i will be spared having to look at a second rat-face Tholomyes this week. So, Fantine’s friends are meant to be more girls she knows that Real Friends but WOW these are FIRST RATE MEAN GIRLS and they spend all their time talking about how dumb Fantine is, even to her face. and to be fair, she does seem naive to the point of being not all there to start? At the reveal of what’s happened the rest of them, after a moment they start laughing about this trick, but fantine just can’t and it is heartbreaking. In one major change--she is pregnant NOW and has not already had cosette which i suppose could make felix a bit less of a schmuck if he didn’t know but frankly i don’t care. he’s still trash. jump to just before she and suddenly 3 year old Cosette are about to leave Paris. She is a lovely sweet mom and baby Cosette is adorbs and it is just sad as hell...also the longer we see Fantine the more obvious her acting skill gets.

Thenardiers: the swing! Eponine and Azelma! (Baby C is Zelma’s age here, and Ponine is older) These Thenardiers are not looking likely to be played for laughs. The Thenardiess is a hard looking lady...not much indication of how bad they’ll be from the outset, but how quickly they start adding numbers together is a MASSIVE RED FLAG and personally i don’t trust anyone who can do math that fast just on principle. 

On to M-sur-M where we get an INFODUMP from the mayor’s...i dunno, secretary? overseer, something. whoever his is, he is an uncomfortably close talker in the sort of way that says he maybe wants to wrestle you into a broom closet somewhere. It’s ooky. He is like this with Javert, and...yeah. I would not. But anyway. Javert is clearly WELL CAST. He just seems perfect. there’s some talk of his law and order vibe that is bang on and also disturbing in how very cut and dried he sees things. Will he and the Mayor agree? He’s the mayor, so therefore he is not wrong. eeee. They do some really clever storytelling stuff here--we don’t see Javert and JVJ talk together(and the mayors identity stays secret from unknowing viewers a bit longer, too!), instead we go watch Fantine’s factory stuff play out for a bit--no fights over the letter, she has a girl who reads the letters for her and knows about her child, and this girl seems like...probably not the wisest choice of confidante...maybe Fantine IS a little dumb tbh? When Javert comes out of the mayors office we get Infodump Part 2, The Dumpenning. I think i like this device with the weird secretary? We get a lot of stuff about the mayors backstory, but it all feels really urgent because Javert Has Suspicions.it’s also all very brick accurate--including the mayor having gone into mourning at the death of the Bishop of Digne.

The firing plays out differently from the brick but in a way i enjoyed it because it is, stunningly, Even More Unfair. Also, she has a real reason to be bitter and think Madeleine is a hypocrite (her word here), when actually douchbag secretary is the problem! The girl who is the cause of everything apologises to her on the way out and Fantine’s reactions in extreme close up killed me: It is us little miserable people who always end up hurting each other. This is not a subtle show at times? But it does what it does really well.

The final event is the cart sequence (starring M. le Maire’s glorious hair, Hugoesque high forehead, and a mud mask that truly has to be seen to be believed. We end on Javert’s assertion that he has only ever seen one person who could do what he has just done. A convict, Jean Valjean. End of episode,you cliffhanging bastards. I bet in 1964 there were some SHOOK Italian people freaking right out that they had to wait a week to see what happen next.

So far this is seriously the best adaptation I think i’ve ever seen? It’s super faithful to the source material in both events and tone, and the things that are cut or added are all in service to good story telling. Like--the petit Gervais thing? You don’t need it--you can see Valjean’s whole world shifting in the conversation with the bishop! No need to even show Tholomyes and co, they’ve already left and in four sentences and a ridiculous letter we truly know all we had to about their useless hides. I’m really looking forward to (crying my face off during) Part 2!