#what’s the point of anything….
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i wish food didn’t control me as much as it did :(
#i just ate a salad but i feel like it was too much bc the dressing was olive oil based so…. :(#and i put cheese and other fattening things on it#and then i got a package from my mom for my birthday and she sent me chocolate and it just made me sad#i feel so alone :( i can’t find a way to talk to anyone about this#i’ve had friends express concern but i’m not underweight actually i gained weight since i started dating someone#and i’m not gonna cry about it to HER all the time this is my own shit to deal with#i just have such an unhealthy relationship with food and it always gets worse in the summer#i just feel really alone and i wish i could talk to someone without making them uncomfortable or putting too much on them#the obvious answer is to go to therapy but i live in a rural area in a country where i am not fluent in the language#and thinness is very highly valued here anyway so :(#what’s the point of anything….#i’m sorry i should be happy and grateful my parents sent me some birthday stuff but it just made me sad. i can’t even eat it
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letting celebrities think they can and should "use their platform" to speak on all current events and political issues regardless of how educated they are on them was a grave mistake
#i honestly think that's why half of these celebrities are just sharing around these same few wishy washy unhelpful statements#at this point it's a relief when i open an instagram story and it's just a celebrity posting about their regular stuff#like good thank you feel free to just be quiet#or just share some fundraising links if you feel a need to be helpful#but like ultimately if you have a platform of many thousands/millions#then frankly it is your responsibility to make sure what you are sharing is accurate and useful#and not just posting for the sake of posting#but instead somehow we're at the point where the more followers you have the more you are expected to just post something anything#talking
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spiraling
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11#i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having#cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right#until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible#but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god#it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised#which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED#when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333#filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think#im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood#but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes#had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately#anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268#bc that panel is S tier#i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like#u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane#art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok#so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row#:)
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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loumand thirtsday
#it's my fourth scheduled post for these i'm running out of things to say sorry#“then dont say anything”#what u haven't considered is that i like it when people have to reblog my posts with my stupid comments#remember when u could edit those out#iwtv#interview with the vampire#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#interview with the vampire spoilers#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire season 2#iwtv s2#mine#iwtv meme
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Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#lan xichen#You can practically hear LXC's emotions vacuum sealing back into his body when LWJ tells him about wanting to bring someone back to Gusu.#This *is* a confession of both having feelings for someone else and also and admittance of terror at such feelings.#And honestly - can you blame LXC? Knowing how to respond to people in emotional turmoil like this is a skill that few manage to master.#There is a part of him that is so genuinely happy that his brother has fallen for someone!#And there is a part that acknowledges that LWJ needs to come to his own conclusions about this all.#Hence the extremely restrained reactions! He is so in his brother's corner that he's accidently clipped through the wall into another room.#Sadly that's how it goes sometimes...We want to be there for people in the best way. We give them space and hope for the best.#But space can leave someone isolated and alone. It heals some emotions but it makes others fester.#The fact that LWJ is at the point he's open about what he's feeling (even a little bit) means that it's a Big Deal.#LCX is just as bad with his own emotions. He only knows how to keep things in his own heart down.#There isn't anything he could have said. There *were* better things to say but does he have the capacity? No.
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cringe culture needs to die because when i was 17 i printed out the entire player's handbook and monster manual with my unlimited school printing credit and also wore a black velvet cape the first time i ever DMed and somehow still thought i was too cool for dnd novels. who tf did i think i was fooling
#ramble#i'm 90% sure i still have it in a folder in my desk somewhere#to clarify NONE of these things are cringe but i was embarrassed bc doing anything when you're 17 is embarrassing#i'm not even exaggerating that i've become so much happier just doing whatever i want and not apologising for it#i hate that it took me 20 years to realise that people are going to think i'm weird no matter what so there's no point masking anymore#and also that i didn't read a dnd novel until this year bc i was missing out#anyway i hate tiktok for bringing back bullying in a different more terrible way#go larping nobody cares#tl;dr you will BLOSSOM the moment you stop caring
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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yk when you see someone share a finished handmade item that they clearly spent a lot of time and money on and it's just. The absolute tackiest thing you have seen in your life. And then you ask yourself why someone would waste all those resources on such an eyesore.
(no, of course you can't relate to that because you're a much nicer person than me)
In any case.
BEHOLD!
A wool coat!
The top fabric is handwoven and handspun, the whole thing is sewn by hand, too.
Leftovers. Barely anything, all things considered, which is very satisfying.
This thing took me well over 3 years to make, on and off. And now I'm done.
Thank you for your attention.
#carry on XD#i hope y'all realize that when I say tacky it's with nothing but love in my heart#yes it's ugly. that's the whole point.#everyone should have an item in their wardrobe that will get Looks and raised eyebrows#it's good for you#anyway can't believe I'm done! this is a huge boost to my crafting hubris I CAN DO ANYTHING#wizard bathrobe adventures#handweaving#handspinning#hand sewing#look what i made#crafts#overall I'm happy with it even though there's. things that aren't ideal#the pockets are set a bit too low#and i should have made it a tiny bit longer not much but maybe like 5cm#anyway#overall it's a nice coat i think#Now That's What I Call Slow Fashion
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Context: friend got Memory of Sadness on their first friendquest to the end of the House. Big emotional whiplash but I love it, Siffrin just wants to stay in this happy bubble with allies. :)
#isat#isat spoilers#act 3 spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FUCKS IT UP#friends started theorizing why it happened mean while im the corner#thinking about whats going on in siffrins head to have these happen in a row#so desperate to be happy with allies that man is willing to stomp on anything that ruins the vibes#also odiles line about doing horrible things for her family and assuming everyone else would do the same#oughhhhhhhhh if you could only know odile#another funny thing#friends started wracking up hella suspicious points in one loop#i know you cant get susquest in act 3 i just thought it was funny#the draws
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Me: [sees everyone talking about how Assad Zaman was "literally" coming up with RPF about himself and Eric Bogosian in an interview]
Me: ah, fandom's doing its little "interpret an innocent comment in Some Kind Of Way" thing again, let's go find the video and do our own critical thinking about what was actually said here--
Assad: What would happen if I said-- [words that cannot be interpreted as anything but RPF fanfic]
Me:
Me: ok fandom gets a pass on this one actually
#interview with the vampire#devil's minion#assad zaman#he's just hit that level of devil's minion brainrot#i've seen it a thousand times#this cast is fully unhinged and I ADORE them#the chaos energy is off the charts#eric out here setting a bad example with his “did u know u can say anything u want in interviews actually :)))” energy#assad seems one step away from getting Marxist about it like#“if rolin doesn't let me kiss daniel in s3 we must Seize The Means Of Production”#baby boy listen... be the change you want to see in the world#if u wanna write ur own devil's minion fanfic and film it on ur iphone i support u 100% and i will get u in contact with the OTW's lawyers#who ironically were invented partially BECAUSE of people getting in trouble for writing Anne Rice fanfic#this is what we call Plot Structure#real life does not usually have such a satisfying Plot Structure but it could in this case if assad reaches level 100 in Unhingery#and tbh i truly don't know that I would put it past him at this point#iwtv
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2x02 // Something I noticed on a rewatch
#which could mean nothing#this anything guys?#interview with the vampire#iwtv#2x02#iwtv s2#armand#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#devils minion#devil's minion#armandaniel#do you know what it means to be loved by death#iwtvedit#iwtv gifs#iwtvgifs#iwtv gifset
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itafushi nation how r we Feeling!!!!!!!!!!!
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FOUGHT MY DYING PEN PRESSURE FR THIS#TH MEGUMI DROUGHT. OVER. CROPS WATERED with yuuji's tears#im a wreck im a gd WRECK#megumi nation itfs nation whatever happens from now on know tht tonight was a Victory#god there r more redraws i want 2 do . i need to like. calm down tho#im so emotional im shaking and my pen is on its last legs i dont think more is good for it#or for my hand#i feel her protesting GHGSD i did paint a lot of leaves today#YA SPEAKING OF . WENT FROM LA DI DA RELAXING SUMMER LIGHT ITFS IN2 THE MOST DEVASTATING/pos CH OF MY LIFE#what a day what a time to be alive#times like this make me so grateful i can draw what wld i do except scream otherwise#i have no words and i must Draw#anyway i dont have anything valuable or coherent to add just know that i am the human embodiment of a whole bunch of exclamation points#my brain is like bzzzzt my heart is like wowwww
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CDs are obsolete because the sound quality sucks
yeah sucks me good and hard through my jorts
#okay in actuality?????? vinyl is inaccessible in so so many ways.#cant afford a decnt record player which means that the vinyl i DO own is uhhh soumds worse than#my cds theough the blutooth speaker i have#cds arent 'better' than vinyl but theyre an affordable access point#and wonderful technology#and for the majority of people cd sound is better than spotify or youtubemp3#they didnt go obselete bc they sucked they went obselete (to the extent they did) bc of digitization#it ALL depends on what speakers you are playing things through#cds are LITERALLY lossless like?????#cd quality is usuallly better than vinyl cd quality is better than anything but flac#bc flac is MODELED ON CDS#ask bosk
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just thinking about hair and faces
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case#face horror#for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters#i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color.#like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly!#oh. oh it's kind of a Thing.#anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up!#we still don't actually know who killed meleanor!#we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?)#we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers!#(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.)#man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time#i mean i'm here for it but#hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show#then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there#episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something#each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb
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