#i just ate a salad but i feel like it was too much bc the dressing was olive oil based so…. :(

[ionlycareaboutyou]

i wish food didn’t control me as much as it did :(

[00000000point00000000]

so i got like 150 cals too much today (shoulve been 300) bc i was travelling for like 6 hours and my day was PACKED.

had 2 eggs for breakfast and fried them in water which, lets be real, doesnt fucking work. visited my family and had a salad with cranberries, lenses, quinoa and a little bit of feta for lunch while spending some time with the reason i have an eating disorder (my mum) and drinking her beloved detox tea.

had a huge anxiety attack when i got home (note to self, dont drink coffee) and ate some of the food (broccoli and tortellini) my boyfriend made. i dont feel really bad about it bc i probably burned it off today anyways and will cut the amount of calories from tomorrow too. still stings a little thoooo. im proud of myself for just eating a little bit and not giving into the urge of shoving the whole pot down my troath🥰

anddd i told my boyfriend yesterday that i kind of relapsed and he was so understanding. i know hes worried but i also know he realized it before i told him, so its better to be honest right away ig. he promised not to force me to eat but im not sure how this will play out when it gets really bad again. it still feels right, at least i dont have to lie to him now.

my body is getting used to not eating as much i think, which makes it easier to get shit done. so thats great! but lets be fr, relapsing is so scary. especially when your logical side and your sick side are like two different people. bc there is a voice in my head that says "wtf are you doing to yourself". its just not loud enough.

if you hear that voice, try to listen. reach out, recover, get your life back. coming from me thats pathetic, i know, but i genuinely wouldnt wish this shit on my worst enemy and im so fucking sorry for everyone who has to live like this.

anyways, enough food for thought🥰

i had a glass of white wine with my friend. idk i just feel like drinking is such a waste of calories, i hate that a beer is 250-300. like??! but im not 16 anymore so theres no way im drinking vodka on an empty stomach😭

feeling: tipsy🤪

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[uumm24]

eating like shit and feeling like shit. keeping a record of this so my future self has something to look back on-

this is the day i said forget restricting for the day and ate anything i wanted- fries, pizza, candy, etc. and right now, my stomach hurts like hell. like. HELL.

you know the feeling- queasy, bubbly, like someone is literally twisting my insides. oh and the headache is worse. every time i look at a screen i wince but i cant just go lay down bc i have an exam tomorrow. not to mention the literal shaking due to the sugar. your heart feeling like it’s literally going to stop beating. looking at the scale tomorrow and realizing you lost all the progress that you worked so fucking hard for.

i feel disgusting rn. like i was pumped full of food like a fucking farm animal. this is gross.

you know what would never make you feel like this? a salad. a fucking apple. fruit, veggies, rice cakes. and if you want a sweet treat so fucking bad, i literally have those too.

a fuck up is fine. it happens. but literally no more. it’s almost 10 days into april. time is wasting and summer is quickly approaching. i refuse to have another insecure summer. i’m gonna post a food log on here every day. i’m gonna work out at least 4x a week, even if it means waking up before my classes and taking a morning shower. and by the end of the month i’ll notice some results. imagine how much progress i’ll make if i keep this up until may. until june. i feel motivated about this week. and even if i don’t “feel it” at the beginning of every day, at a certain point i have to make myself feel it. i cant only work toward my goals when i feel like it. i posted my plan, i have my rules, i have my vision board. i can fucking do this.

i know this was a long post; it was mainly for me than it was for you guys but if anyone wants to keep each other motivated, i’d love to message or have a little gc!! (18+ pls!!)

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Yooooo😭😫💕 corporate anon girlie here (emerging from a pile of paperwork dumped upon me bc of this convention I am organising at work which leaves me with hardly any time to read my fanfics) but omggggg I was happy to log in and see not only oart two but PART THREE of the office shenanigans story!!! I’m literally the michael scott “it’s happening!!!!” Gif right now 😆

let me just say firsthand you almost gave me a mini heart attack bc you can’t just barge in w a scene with this man eating our 🐱 from the back😭😭😭 not in front of my salad!!! love you for it though ngl

I just love the atmosphere of this story so much, I LOVE how you manage to make the size kink so tangible with your words, ugh like the way you describe the bigness of simon and then there is Ghost!!!! The Biggest mfer who comes after! Love it. Delicious. Ate it up. Thank you so much.

and the ending!!! That smug bastard!!! I have a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing there w that file 😂 (oh and I also loved the implication that everyone except reader knew simon=ghost and she’s the only one out of the loop and whenever she genuinely wonders about the identity of ghost aloud everyone just shakes it off and thinks she must be surely joking about being oblivious bc hello??? How can you not know/see?? Idk if you wrote it that way but that’s how I kinda interpreted?? Idk bc I really love reading that in stories!!)

ok this was fhe end of my caffeinated ted talk, thank you once again so much for sharing this story with us 💕💕💕 🥰

omg you're back!!! ilysm and I'm so glad you're here!!!

I've wanted to write 🐱-eating from the back for a while but i uwu'ed out because I'm too shy 👉👈 I'm going to say that ghost's identity (and just how blind the reader is about it) is the funniest thing for me to picture!

Everyone in the office is avoiding Ghost because they know he will eat them alive if they attempt conversation with the big scary dude and the reader's like 👁️👁️ my poor baby Simon!! He's so nice to me!! Why does no one want to hang out with him!! Everyone is so rude!!! LET ME SUCK HIS DICK TO MAKE UP FOR IT

[1004tyun-archive]

mommy 🥺🩷 today already feels a little better so far (knock on wood 😭 i don’t wanna jinx it) even though i don’t have anything interesting to share 🥺🥺🩷

while waking up, i was hugging my blanket, pretending it was you and kissing it hehehe 👉👈🩷 that’s really the only piece of information that’s worth sharing for today 🥲🩷 i feel a bit bloated from the protein bar i ate last night ;3; but i took meds and feel better already~

i also had a soft thought about us and i don’t know if you agree~ it feels like when you are motivated to write, i am too and the other way around works too 🥺🩷 i always feel happy to be writing with you my love 🥺🥺🩷

my girlfriend has the best writing ever, you’re the best to me 🥺🥺🩷 i feel so so happy with you and i always wanna talk about you more and more (i’ve actually asked some friends if it was okay of me to talk about you and they said yes so i’m super happy about that 🥹🩷🩷)

mommy i love you so much 🥺🥺🩷 i hope you are sleeping well atm, i made a tuna sandwich for myself >3< 🩷🩷 i wish i could feed it to you~ you’ll tell me if you prefer it to the chicken salad sandwich hehe 🤭🩷

you said you like when i call you baby~ i’ll call you baby, my sweet babygirl >\\\< even if i love being your babygirl too hehe we can be sweet bbg gfs together my love 🥺🥺🩷🩵💎

baby 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i’m so happy for you~ i hope today continues to be good to you! it’s okay if nothing “interesting” happened, sometimes the best days are the days where not much happens at all 😌

aaaa babyyyy 🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵 you’re SO cute i swear we’re the same bc sometimes i hug my blanket and pretend it’s you too 🥺🥺🩵 i hope you feel better my love :( i wish i could rub your tummy and kiss it even though you took meds to feel better already >3< i wanna help kiss it better anyway~ 🩵🩵

THE MOST TYUNTWINZ MOODBOARD 🥺🥺🥺 this is so adorable honey!!!

your thought is so true btw i didn’t feel motivated to write until i saw your recent txt post i’m so happy that it works the other way around too hehe 🥹 i love writing with you my dear~ 🥺🩵🩵

my girlfriend has the best writing!! 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i’m so so happy with you my love you’re honestly so seeet for asking bc i always end up talking about you completely unprompted one of my friends could be talking about space and my brain would be like “hmmm space… milky way is a galaxy.. milky way is the american version of cherry’s favorite chocolate bar….” like it’s so crazy how easy it is for me to make everything about you lol 😭😭 give me any word or phrase and i could do it~

oooh yummy tuna sandwich 😋 that sounds so good~ i wish you could feed it to me too 🥺🥺 that reminds me i forgot to get tuna at the store so i could make tuna salad for the week >< i’ll have to remember for next time i might make it just for me since a part of me has kinda given up on making food for the house i’ll elaborate in the dms later… ><;

aaaa yes i do love it!! 😳😳🥺🤭🩵🩵🩵 heheheh your sweet babygirl 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵🩵🩵 you’re much sweet little babygirl~ 🥺🥺🥺

[broodsys]

just queued an interesting post abt the free lunch program (essentially, offering free lunches = families not spending as much = grocery stores lowering prices = benefits for everyone) and it got me thinking abt my HS experience

so, in elementary and middle school we had a free lunch program for low-income students, like me. it was fine, iirc i got the same meals as everyone else, so that was good. the food wasn't Great or anything, but it was food and it was free

then i went to high school.

at first, they had a free "salad bar" thing where you could grab free single-serving fruit cups and the such. and honestly? that's mostly what i ate. bc my family was poor af and while sometimes i could bring food from home, i was sick every goddamn morning and my mom worked overnights and so it was unlikely that either of us could prep my lunch. but then they stopped providing the freebies! at which point i was 100% at the mercy of my friend's giving up part of their lunch for me to eat. and i never asked for it or anything, but they felt bad eating in front of me while i just sat there and tried to not stare. i remember watching ppl throw away their pizza crusts and wanting them, being kinda pissed at them for not eating the food they had access to

i wasnt vegetarian then and they sold little jerky rounds for 25c each and i would frequently get one or two of those. but an actual lunch? you're looking at like $5 and that was a rare, major treat for me. sometimes i'd bring a box of cheezits or smth from home and have that as my lunch. when i got a boyfriend we were in the same economic boat, so usually we'd share whatever we could bring. it was exhausting and i felt so guilty. i think for a while i just stopped coming to lunch and went to the library during the lunch period instead

no breakfast bc i was sick and my mom was sleeping. no lunch bc i was too sick to prep it and my mom was at work. usually not eating until i got home. i learned early on that one of the best things to consume was actually soda, bc the carbonation made you feel full and it was cheap. oh, and the school could fine kids who went to the nearby grocery outlet during school hours, even if it was lunchtime, so i couldn't buy myself cheaper food there. it was all so fucked

haven't thought much abt it for years, but yeah, i went hungry a lot at school. it was hard.

[heartfucksmouth]

today was a bit better and I saw some family for Easter. my BP readings stayed about the same (morning vs when I got home again) and I tried really hard not to eat a lot of carbs so my blood sugar didn't go insane. I think I went over still bc .. everything was carb heavy and i had almost no protein/fiber since all they had was ham and turkey and I don't like turkey much but I can't eat ham. There was tons of rice and potatoes and candied yams. I ate mainly salad and coleslaw lmao but I grabbed a good piece of lasagna bc my aunt makes it so good. diabetes sucks :)

we picked up our car seat and stroller (the Nuna Tavo + Pipa Lite) from my mom's house, and i love it. It's so lightweight but has awesome safety ratings. we're gonna install the LATCH base tomorrow and practice putting the system together and taking it apart.

I just spent way too long looking at pediatrician offices, and I'll have to double-check they take Medicaid. it's so confusing bc insurance won't add the baby to my plan until (clearly) he's born, but the pediatrician offices want to see him within a week and where I'm giving birth needs the pediatricians information when I'm going into labor. it's like, well, this doesn't really line up, but okay.

I'm tired, but I feel like I have so much to do. I'm 1/3 packed for our hospital bag - mainly toiletries and the baby's going-home outfit and an extra swaddle sack - and gathering paperwork. I just ordered a nice bathrobe which will be helpful.

my birth Class is also insane with the amount of information and the amount of homework we need to do during the week. my head legit feels like it's spinning most of the time. I thought info would help calm me down but I get such anxiety and feel this weird pressure bc I have to be induced and they do focus a lot on unmedicated/natural birth and like making labor + delivery some spiritual beautiful empowering experience., which I don't think I'll have. they have a lot of info on how to advocate for your needs which i appreciate, but my trauma basically convinces my mind that I'll end up being at the mercy of the nurses etc and idk. I want to be more confident about it but I'm mainly scared haha.

[trickstarbrave]

im trying to lose weight (ive been super stressed and over eating and consuming like 1000 calories a day in just sugary drinks okay) and this is like the first time ive actually sat down and tried to lose weight due to growing up skinny. so i decided to do a couple of things and see how it works out and how shitty weight loss tools are

i got a couple of apps to help log calories (i just wanna get an eyeball estimation of how much im eating im not obsessed with counting calories i just want a frame of reference of how much energy is associated with what food and protein etc etc) and so far uhhhh they have sucked. 

2 put my calorie deficit too low. i should be in the 1450 minimum and they dropped me to 1300 which doesnt sound like a lot but also would lead to less healthy weight loss and also just leaves like. no room for snacks. protein was also pretty low estimations and it constantly told me i was eating “too much protein” which is super annoying. im trying to exercise and protein keeps you fuller longer. there was no way to really customize this. if i followed this im certain id wind up feeling out of energy and like complete shit exacerbated by my physical disability. 

2 apps also categorized food as “good” “bad” and “moderation” which isnt actually helpful and just makes you feel like shit for eating. you can and should eat whatever you want just know portions, and that you’re getting all the essential nutrients. i can eat 3 bowls of plain salad a day but i might still wind up starving and low on energy the next day and i dont need guilt tripping bc i got an unhealthy snack or to get told bread is yellow and i cant go over a certain “allowance”. 

i feel like these apps and programs are in fact just gonna give you an unhealthy relationship towards food or lead to problematic eating. they encourage counting absolutely everything but also are hard to use. if you cook your own food have fun measuring/weighing everything you cook with and how much is on your plate, im sure that won’t be problematic or anything. and that was from one of the judgement free apps too like jesus. im sure daily using this must be a nightmare and you’re encouraged to buy things already logged in the system (prepackaged or take out) when you dont wanna be anal about it or be paranoid you arent making progress because you didnt get exact calculations for how much food you ate. 

i do think getting a rough estimation of how much you’re actually eating is good but this is just not it. esp bc these are marketed as “easy ways to lose weight” or weight loss systems. they dont actually inspire heathier eating habits, allow customization, or anything. if you didn’t know about other macro calculations, proper caloric deficits, resting metabolic rate, and that too high of a deficit can cause you to retain or even gain weight back (because starvation is bad actually) you would probably just listen to their wack ass calculations with little wiggle room and moral judgements on if a food is good or not and feel like shit.

if you have any bad relationship with food or anything close to an ED i think you should never under any circumstances get these apps they will probably fuck with your head and honestly arent that helpful. at best they have been a pain in the ass and inaccurate and at worst have tried to make me feel like shit for having a soda and a fruit roll up like an hour after a work out and when im having brain fog

[sunnywalnut]

The worst part of this is that some of these claims actually sound like they could be true.

"portion sizes change how hungry you feel" well yeah if I eat too little I still feel hungry. But you could also flip that around to aid diet culture to be like "hey! Here's how to trick your body into being smaller! Because smaller people eat less, riiiiight? :D" which is. Blatantly not true. At all. Genetics can play a big frickin role in your weight due to fat distribution, muscle mass, and also actual medical phenomenons such as thyroid issues.

"if you're served second portions you're more likely to eat them" yeah. Cause I feel RUDE if it's already on my plate that I already ate off of. But if I didn't ask for them, I'll probably just pick at em a bit then ask if I can take it home. So yk. Technically true.

Funsized candy has always been stupid to me but I can understand where people are like "well I don't want to eat a full candy bar right now that's too much sugar for me in one sitting" but like. It's barely even a bite and it's gone in two seconds before you can even register the flavor. Which leads you to eat more. Or at least. For me.

"boredom and stress can make you eat more and that's not normal" I mean. I GUESS? Bc eating disorders go both ways and should be taken seriously but like. Food is also comfort. Unless your actual doctor says that you can't do something for your own health, like if you eat too much sugar your diabetes will act up, whatever you decide helps as a little pick me up is perfectly healthy. As long as it's in moderation with healthy choices in the mix. Whatever that looks like for you.

"eating in front of a screen is bad for digestion" I mean like. A bunch of weirder things have been proven correct. Especially about human bodies. Then again. I feel like before TV people would put on plays or reenact stories for entertainment. Because. They still do that to this day.

"Western food is unhealthy" I mean yeah. Some of our stuff is flavored with grease or oil of some sort(like butter or bacon grease if you're real country). Which isn't healthy in large amounts. But also it's commonly very high in protein and carbs. Things you need in order to power through a day at the farm. Which a lot of us originated. Because America was originally unfarmed land(or at least. Unfarmed by white people. Natives had their own business going on before the colonizers came around). Literally one of the most common staples in the Midwest is chili with ground beef and a peanut butter sandwich. It's warm, it's simple, it's filling, and it's good. Not everything should be equated to a salad. And even then the kind of restrictions on those things can be kind of weird sometimes.

"Cereal mascots draw in children through eye contact and being at eye level" kids do learn a lot through colors and eye contact/body language. But they also like sugar, tasty snacks, toys in boxes and the games on the back. Which is all included. But I can confirm that as a child, I never once looked at a mascot or been super hyped about a cereal just because of one. It's a piece of cardboard. All the colors blended into all the other ones in the store. I have, however, begged my mom for a cereal because of the cool toy inside.

Like. Statements like this that feel like they can be true but don't actually have much to back them up or are conflated by word of mouth are very common when rolling around in society. Because in the situations that these things are brought up, it's usually in conversation among people you know or are comfortable with. And the conversation moves fast enough that you either don't pick up on it, or just forget to fact check it later.

Sometimes you just accept them as fact because you can pretty much "tell" by the way it sounds that it's plausible.

Which is also how a lot of people fall for conservative rhetoric even if they or their loved ones are part of the "problem" that these people are trying to "solve"

And that is also why I want to remind everyone that NOBODY is immune to propaganda.

Not me. Not your mom or your teachers or even your leader. President, King, governor or otherwise.

Because the literal definition taken from Google, word for word is:

Information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.

Which could mean anything. Because propaganda could be anything. Even something as little and harmless as thinking that shopping while hungry makes you buy more. The worst thing that could happen is you just buy too much junk food and then you eat it. Because food isn't the devil. It's fuel. Even if it's just for the soul.

So yeah. Be careful out there.

"don't go grocery shopping when hungry" doesn't work for me because Not Hungry Me cannot conceive of a universe in which food is needed so she buys like a cup of pomegranate seeds and some fancy cheese and thinks that'll get us through the week.

[hanrolld]

25/06/2024

It’s not my intention to make doble updates but bc I don’t want to sleep too late and my day today was too busy I could update the 25th, I felt sick in the morning but now I feel sooo much better, I didn’t actually do something in the day, it was pretty boring, I played genshin and that’s about all.

26/06/2024

Today was a super interesting day, I woke up at 8 then cake some pancakes just to then watch a video about diets, I hate diets bc I have a fast metabolism but I need to loose some belly fat (bc I can’t just take it out and make fried pork belly lmao) but yeah, then I started to clean my room, while I was at that I started watching some video essays, I wanted to do something bc the videos said I was distracted and not focus so I focused in my room, then the second video talked about how everting is temporary including emotions but when we hide those emotions they no longer are temporary until you feel them through, at this point my closet was almost finished and my bed was ready, the next video was about how confidence is uncomfortable and it’s just a process, you have to live these uncomfortable situations to get where you want to, then one about the spotlight effect and how to not let people’s perception of you affect you, and finally how to turn jealousy into inspiration, these combinations of videos really made me happy it’s like an answer to soo many situations in my life rn, to learn to calm myself and just be me and not resent anyone it’s cool, I also helped with the lunch, me and my mom made a salad high and protein and fiber,m with a steak, the video about eating really made delft conscious about what I eat so bye bye snaking, bread and processed foods… I was so hunger and just drank water all afternoon, then me and mom ate hot dogs (my mom wanted) but there was some salad left so I ate my hot dog and the salad with a boiled egg, it was amazing, after resting the food, exercised and basically got ready to sleep, I’m turning for the better and I’m loving it honestly, thank you for reading me, remember how the first time I wrote it reads “I don’t care if you read o not” I actually do care, bc I care about what I have to say and I’m confident enough to care about what I write, I no longer see this as an obligation, this is a great way to remember that in enjoying my life at the maximum, love you, say it back!

[heatherdiariez]

What we've eaten, ever since we started going on our diet;

6/17/24-

BREAKFAST: Trail mix, 1/2 cup (340 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Quesadilla, 1 whole (760 cal) ]

WATER: 32 oz

TOAL: 1,100 cal - not good, i know, but we were just starting out.. trying to ease us into it

6/18/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Cashews, 0.5 oz (86 cal) Pickles, 3 spears (0 cal)

DINNER: Edamame, 1 1/2 cup (180 cal) Grilled chicken, 2 tenders (105 cal) White rice, 1/4 cup (95 cal)

WATER: 96 oz!

TOTAL: 466 cal - We went over our budget (444) a bit, but we said it is okay because originally we weren't gonna eat the rice, but we did, just to hide our ana eating from our partner. And we will take a few extra cal if it means we don't trigger them.. I still feel a little gross about it though.

6/19/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Cream cheese, 0.5 oz (50 cal) Baby spinach, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Baby arugula, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Onion, 0.3 oz (3 cals) Cherry tomatoes, 1.2 oz (11 cal) Balsamic glaze, 1/2 tbsp (20 cal)

LUNCH: Boiled egg, 1 egg (78 cal) Cashews, 1 oz (172 cal) Strawberries, 4 strawbs (15 cal)

DINNER: Chili mac, 1 cup (200 cal) Fried rice, 1 small bowl (est 200 cal) Pickles, 1 1/2 spears (0 cal) Pineapple juice, 2tsp (6 cal)

WATER: 112 oz :)

TOTAL: 866 cal - Originally our budget was 666 for that day, but our partner made fried rice and we felt really bad not eating any. So we just ended up having a little... so we decided the next day we'd make our budget 666 instead.

6/20/24-

BREAKFAST: vape <3

LUNCH: Chicken, 2 tenders (74 cal) Pea pasta, 1 bowl (253 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal) Strawberries, 7 medium (27 cal)

DINNER: Salad, 1 bowl (294 cal) Halo top ice cream, 2/3 cup (109 cal)

WATER: 156 oz!

TOTAL: 757 cal - We went over our budget. AGAIN. I don't have an excuse for this. We just wanted a salad and we didn't want to skimp out on any ingredients because we wanted it to taste good. I regret it though.

6/21/24-

BREAKFAST: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 3/4 cup (160 cal) Oats & honey protein granola, 1 oz (118 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Wawa cheesesteak fries, 1 bowl (390 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 3/4 burger (705 cal) Wawa birthday cake cheesecake, 16 oz (530 cal)

WATER: 88 oz

TOTAL: 1,903 cal - We went WAY over budget today. Charlie begged us to stop doing any cal limits below 800, so we agreed to make that our consistent limit. The only reason I'm trying to not be too hard on us for what we ate is because a little was eating dinner and she was very, very upset. I'm just glad we at least didn't go OVER 2,000 cal, but we're gonna have to make up for it tomorrow.

6/22/24-

BREAKFAST: Bertolino Bridgford salami, 1 serving (130 cal) Cracker Barrell yellow cheddar, 1/2 serving (55 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal)

LUNCH: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 medium (8 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal)

DINNER: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 1/4 burger (353 cal) Edamame, 1.8 oz (62 cal) Salad, 1/2 bowl (37 cal)

WATER: 178 oz!

TOTAL: 1,046 cal - We only went slightly over budget today, which is better than yesterday at least. If it weren't for that damn cheeseburger we probably could've stayed under budget. 353 for that tiny ass quarter of a burger... fucking ridiculous.

6/23/24-

BREAKFAST: Planters trail mix cajun, 19.3 grams (~110 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried Rice, 2 servings (~400 cal) Cottage Cheese, 1 cup (160 cal)

WATER: 96 oz

TOTAL: 670 cal - Much better today!!! The fried rice was real hard to calorie count bc our partner made it, but I just kinda threw an estimate out there. But bc we were like, 330 cal under budget today I can pretty much guarantee we were not over that day.

6/24/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel Thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Philidelphia cream cheese, 1/2 serving (50 cal) Dominos marinara sauce, 1 serving (8 cal) Boiled egg, 1 large (77 cal) Basil, 4 leaves (0 cal)

LUNCH: Sour cream & chive instant mashed potatoes, 2 servings (220 cal) Corn, 54 g (36 cal) Crepe, 2 medium (216 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 1/2 medium (10 cal)

DINNER: Chicken tenderloins, 7.8 oz (195 cal) Baby bella mushrooms, 1.5 oz (10 cal)

WATER: 98 oz

TOTAL: 965 cal - Doing alright. Still under budget so it's fine. Thank god for mashed potatoes!!

6/25/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Chik-fil-a chicken sandwich, 1 serving (490 cal) Chik-fil-a waffle fries, 1 serving (420 cal) Honey mustard, 1/2 serving (50 cal)

DINNER: Dominos parm spinach pizza, 1/2 pizza (900 cal) Dominos honey bbq pineapple bacon pizza, 1/2 pizza (810 cal)

WATER: 94 oz

TOTAL: 2,670 cal - This was the worst day yet. I'll cut us a little slack, because it was El who was high and eating pizza. Ann wouldn't have gotten chik-fil-a if she knew we were gonna have pizza though, so shit happens I guess. ugh.

6/26/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried calamari, 3 rings (36 cal) Spider sushi roll, 1 serving (404 cal) Hawaiian sushi roll, 1 serving (342 cal) Crab rangoon, 2 pieces (92 cal)

WATER: 48 oz?

TOTAL: 874 cal - We did okay I guess. We were originally gonna OMAD from yesterday but Kris+Apollo wanted to go on a sushi date. The restaurant also didn't have calories so these are all estimates.. but it's sushi, I highly doubt we went over 1,000 cal.

6/27/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 8 oz (213 cal) Hazelnut spread, 6 g (32 cal)

DINNER: Dominos mushroom pepper pizza, 3 slices (540 cal) Cashews, 1.3 oz (211 cal)

WATER: 56 oz?

TOTAL: 996 cal - We've been real bad about tracking water recently but oh well. Also we were just BARELY in the budget and Eli ate a fuck ton of gochujang but didnt count it so we probably were over. :,)

.💟🌹.

[slimschance]

Plate: chicken burger (129), salt & pepper squid (149), sweet potato fries (74)

Bowl: sweetheart cabbage (12), spinach (4), cucumber (10)

Dipping bowl: lime juice (3), honey (30)

Glass: ice (0), fruit-tella blackcurrant squash concentrate - diluted with water (0)

locking in with omad because i can't stop overeating, my intake was over 1000cals 6 out of 7 days, and the 1 other day was in the 900cal range... yesterday i properly binged and i had shooting pains, couldn't breathe out my throat at one point, and was hurling for about 30 mins. can't even remember what i ate but the pain were near traumatic. i downed a lot of liquid between eating, i think that made it 10× worse, i thought i was having some sort of organ failure at one point... that shits so scary. so now i'm locking in. 400cal to ease myself back into lower cal intake. most of my veg and dipping sauce is left so i'm gonna save it to eat after running some floors (up the stairs lol) and just snack on it. i've already planned ahead, if i want to eat i'll eat my salad if i still have some, and if not i'll have a small amount of strawberries and my dads leftover coffee for an iced latte, might 50/50 water and milk to lower the cals. freezing the coffee in ice lolly moulds since my mum protective of the actual ice moulds lmaoo

-

also bad news, i didn't get a haircut (slept through the appointment, asked if she had more time for me after nan and mum, they didn't let me know till 20 minutes later and by then i felt really sick and had been crying) which means i can't get it cut for ages, and my fringe is already too long. i have no fucking clue what to do and i have events i need nice hair for in the next few weeks. might just figure where dads hair stuff is and trim my fringe myself if it gets much longer... but then i won't be able to go to that hairdresser again aghhh sobbing whys stuff so difficult.

p.s. if you plan on eating sweetheart lettuce, raw/as is, please get a dip cah that shit is pure rabbit food... can be a good thing when with other foods but whew that's disgusting, too much. son't make the mistake i did

-

Next day

girl...

i felt so sick, and yet i kept stuffing my face... i wouldn't say it was a binge as i think i was in control of my actions most of that time ? plus thats pretty low for a binge. anyway it felt like a compulsion except i had control over whether i did it or not yk, but physical symptoms were basically me feeling sick, both a bad stomach and food surfacing bc it wouldn't fit in my stomach. i wouldn't have been half as bad if mum didn't come home with bbq hula hoops right next to me, setting off my cravings for both the food and the texture... id already been trying all day to satify my cravings for dry crunchy food (had it for days) and i just had,, then she bought it right back within 2 hour. ooking back, those calories would likely be halfed if just ate the crisps, but mum said i couldn't have them. said i don't know when to stop (ffs she's right) and that means there'd be nothing left for everyone else. atp should i just milk it and see if i can see someone about my eating habits, mums already concerned about my bad habits, that way me tracking food and eventually losing weight won't look suspicious at all. idek if they do doctors for that though, ain't no dieticians or anything in this little shitty town and i doubt theres similar jobs

sigh

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, February 23rd, 2024!

7:55am: I slept for so long and woke up with no alarms this morning :) feels amazing. Still had a huge orange chunk come out of my nose but it's less than before, I just don't know when it will stop lol (I literally had to get up while writing this and do another one). Last night I had to go to sleep unexpectedly early bc I had a milkshake and it made me so bloated omg. I think I'm officially at that age where I really can't just be eating anything 😂 of course I can bc I'm an independent woman 💅 but not without The Consequences. Also I just popped my BC in and I'm ready for my period to stop and also for the stomach issues to stop omg it's been rough out here. It really feels like spring break should be today, but the pros to it being next week are that it's one week closer to the end, I won't be on my period at all, and hopefully it will be warmer!! I'm tired of this cold ass weather!!

I feel good today besides the random brain thoughts that I don't particularly want. I need to figure out how to replace those thoughts with ones I do what. This journaling, as much ranting as it is, definitely helps me I guess regulate my runaway thoughts. I really want to take a post poop nap though those are the best so ttyl lmao.

10:47am: omg I continued to sleep until 9:50am I don't know how to explain to people how much sleep I really feel like I need. Idk it's probably depression but that's literally ok I'm just doing what I can. I still miss him and that's ok too. I don't really miss him I literally miss just having someone to talk to. But he fucked up and it's his loss, not mine. He lost a genuine person, and I lost a liar who cheats and steals money and nothing he does is genuine, it's all fake to get people to like him so he can use their shit for all it's worth. What's crazy is he's so fake he doesn't even care about these cats after he kept saying he misses them oh boohoo me it's like losing two kids, then blocks me so he'll effectively never fucking see them again. He's literally so fake AF. I take pride knowing I'm not a fake ass bitch and I don't lie to people. Doesn't matter if people believe me or not because I know I'm not lying about anything. If you think I'm lying, you just have something else going on in your life that you have to deal with clearly. This image of them getting on the bike together I think will stay with me for a while, I guess visuals are really my downfall. I know I'm the bigger person bc I literally said yeah y'all are cute together before he stopped speaking to me and everything was chill. It was chill because I made it chill. I made this entire friendship what it was and I'm really convinced of it now tbh. I don't like him, I like me and how I act towards him 😂 I like nice people, aka myself lmao.

If everyone likes me except for you.... Sorry I don't think I'm the problem boo �� just a matter of time before he does some more stupid shit I'm sure I'll hear about 🙄

Happy Friday!!

1:02pm ate my ramen leftovers and my boss is buying me CFA Cobb salad for work later :') people are awesome ❤️

10:09pm: JFC my feet hurt like hell. I wish I had a guy to rub my feet fr but one day lol. I just realized he didn't block me on sc so I could technically add him back whenever, I wonder if he's waiting for me to do that?? Hmmmm he's such a narcissist it's wild, plus the whole posting at me when I'm technically blocked on ig is actually crazy af. I bet $200 if he adds me back on ig that post will magically be gone or the caption would change. He's so petty and acts like a little bitch. Literally can't relate 💀

11:40pm: finished my law assignment and I'm so tired I think I'll eat my salad leftovers and literally pass out. My eyes are literally burning.

I really just be out here gaslighting tf outta myself. I'm sitting here like wowza I wish I had "guy" to vibe w me after getting done with my hw.... But it's been so long it's funny that I forget, that man in particular would NOT want to chill with me after I'm finished with my hw!! Name literally one time when he ever fucking did that?? Literally he never fucking did. I'm so gaslighting myself into thinking we'd be doing anything rn, he would've pissed me off all night and then would probably be asleep rn. There would not be random drive thru trips bc he's on a lame ass diet and won't stfu about it and there wouldn't be cuddling bc he would've pissed me off the entire afternoon sitting on his ass making fucking messes instead of contributing anything ever to the home we share and it would infuriate me!! That's not attractive 🙄 so yeah gaslighting tf out of myself to think that would be happening 🤣 it's been so long I forget how exhausting that bullshit was!! Don't go back sis you literally hated it!! Wack AF and manipulative tbh.

One day, there will be a man, he will rub my feet when I get off work, even better he'll see the insides of my shoes, know that I'm too busy/ADHD to remember to get insoles, and would surprise me with new insoles for my shoes ❤️ that's what care and love looks like. We will have a cute snack and then probably fuck before bed bc we are both grown and not scared of a little period fr, and he would get me a towel and draw up a shower for me afterwards and I'd come back into the clean bedroom with no dirty shit on the floor and get into my made bed and snuggle with the real love of my life who loves and respects me 🥰 manifesting lol 💕

[mousemilf]

ok whatevwr so my explanation since ive struck a nerve w the lame vegetables fandom

bell peppers: i dont mind them at all when theyre very cooked or in smaller amounts in like a curry or something. i just feel like the rest of the world has a different idea abt what the appropriate amount of bell peppers is and when a dish has bell peppers as like 60% of the veggies (happens too often at restaurants) i cannot eat them at the pace the cook apparently intended and my leftovers end up being 90% bell peppers which is unpleasant. id rather not have them at all. also when theyre slightly undercooked (unfortunately the case w many stir frys etc where a similar treatment of for instance broccoli or zucchini is wonderful) the texture is absolutely foul.

spring lettuce: why would anyone ever choose to eat this when we live in a world w crunchy iceberg lettuce. ive never ate a salad and thought hey u know what this should be less crunchy.

artichoke: this one is specifically bcs my work does a thing w artichokes and they always leave too much of the weird woody parts in and its gross. i didnt even actually hate them before this but now i have a vendetta.

bamboo shoots only sometimes: similar issue of overuse as w bell peppers. imo bamboo shoots should never be more than 30% of the total veggie mass in a dish. however theyre never actually gross just disappointing so not as hated as bell peppers.

canned anything: i shouldnt even have to say anything abt this. canned anything is gross. it tastes like can. beans or coconut milk or tomato sauce/paste are the only good things to ever come in cans.

green bean: i literally just had to eat too much of these as a kid. thats all.

snap pea (raw): weird fibrous string running through it that you cant actually chew. im fine w snap peas stir fried but this is abt their application in crudites for dipping, which is pointless when there are a million better veggies for that like carrots celery cucumber etc.

my own version of that poll with vegetables that are actually hateable and none of the universally beloved flawless incredible ones like asparagus or broccoli because that poll pissed me off sooooo bad