#i just ate a salad but i feel like it was too much bc the dressing was olive oil based so…. :(

[ionlycareaboutyou]

i wish food didn’t control me as much as it did :(

[uumm24]

eating like shit and feeling like shit. keeping a record of this so my future self has something to look back on-

this is the day i said forget restricting for the day and ate anything i wanted- fries, pizza, candy, etc. and right now, my stomach hurts like hell. like. HELL.

you know the feeling- queasy, bubbly, like someone is literally twisting my insides. oh and the headache is worse. every time i look at a screen i wince but i cant just go lay down bc i have an exam tomorrow. not to mention the literal shaking due to the sugar. your heart feeling like it’s literally going to stop beating. looking at the scale tomorrow and realizing you lost all the progress that you worked so fucking hard for.

i feel disgusting rn. like i was pumped full of food like a fucking farm animal. this is gross.

you know what would never make you feel like this? a salad. a fucking apple. fruit, veggies, rice cakes. and if you want a sweet treat so fucking bad, i literally have those too.

a fuck up is fine. it happens. but literally no more. it’s almost 10 days into april. time is wasting and summer is quickly approaching. i refuse to have another insecure summer. i’m gonna post a food log on here every day. i’m gonna work out at least 4x a week, even if it means waking up before my classes and taking a morning shower. and by the end of the month i’ll notice some results. imagine how much progress i’ll make if i keep this up until may. until june. i feel motivated about this week. and even if i don’t “feel it” at the beginning of every day, at a certain point i have to make myself feel it. i cant only work toward my goals when i feel like it. i posted my plan, i have my rules, i have my vision board. i can fucking do this.

i know this was a long post; it was mainly for me than it was for you guys but if anyone wants to keep each other motivated, i’d love to message or have a little gc!! (18+ pls!!)

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Yooooo😭😫💕 corporate anon girlie here (emerging from a pile of paperwork dumped upon me bc of this convention I am organising at work which leaves me with hardly any time to read my fanfics) but omggggg I was happy to log in and see not only oart two but PART THREE of the office shenanigans story!!! I’m literally the michael scott “it’s happening!!!!” Gif right now 😆

let me just say firsthand you almost gave me a mini heart attack bc you can’t just barge in w a scene with this man eating our 🐱 from the back😭😭😭 not in front of my salad!!! love you for it though ngl

I just love the atmosphere of this story so much, I LOVE how you manage to make the size kink so tangible with your words, ugh like the way you describe the bigness of simon and then there is Ghost!!!! The Biggest mfer who comes after! Love it. Delicious. Ate it up. Thank you so much.

and the ending!!! That smug bastard!!! I have a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing there w that file 😂 (oh and I also loved the implication that everyone except reader knew simon=ghost and she’s the only one out of the loop and whenever she genuinely wonders about the identity of ghost aloud everyone just shakes it off and thinks she must be surely joking about being oblivious bc hello??? How can you not know/see?? Idk if you wrote it that way but that’s how I kinda interpreted?? Idk bc I really love reading that in stories!!)

ok this was fhe end of my caffeinated ted talk, thank you once again so much for sharing this story with us 💕💕💕 🥰

omg you're back!!! ilysm and I'm so glad you're here!!!

I've wanted to write 🐱-eating from the back for a while but i uwu'ed out because I'm too shy 👉👈 I'm going to say that ghost's identity (and just how blind the reader is about it) is the funniest thing for me to picture!

Everyone in the office is avoiding Ghost because they know he will eat them alive if they attempt conversation with the big scary dude and the reader's like 👁️👁️ my poor baby Simon!! He's so nice to me!! Why does no one want to hang out with him!! Everyone is so rude!!! LET ME SUCK HIS DICK TO MAKE UP FOR IT

[1004tyun-archive]

mommy 🥺🩷 today already feels a little better so far (knock on wood 😭 i don’t wanna jinx it) even though i don’t have anything interesting to share 🥺🥺🩷

while waking up, i was hugging my blanket, pretending it was you and kissing it hehehe 👉👈🩷 that’s really the only piece of information that’s worth sharing for today 🥲🩷 i feel a bit bloated from the protein bar i ate last night ;3; but i took meds and feel better already~

i also had a soft thought about us and i don’t know if you agree~ it feels like when you are motivated to write, i am too and the other way around works too 🥺🩷 i always feel happy to be writing with you my love 🥺🥺🩷

my girlfriend has the best writing ever, you’re the best to me 🥺🥺🩷 i feel so so happy with you and i always wanna talk about you more and more (i’ve actually asked some friends if it was okay of me to talk about you and they said yes so i’m super happy about that 🥹🩷🩷)

mommy i love you so much 🥺🥺🩷 i hope you are sleeping well atm, i made a tuna sandwich for myself >3< 🩷🩷 i wish i could feed it to you~ you’ll tell me if you prefer it to the chicken salad sandwich hehe 🤭🩷

you said you like when i call you baby~ i’ll call you baby, my sweet babygirl >\\\< even if i love being your babygirl too hehe we can be sweet bbg gfs together my love 🥺🥺🩷🩵💎

baby 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i’m so happy for you~ i hope today continues to be good to you! it’s okay if nothing “interesting” happened, sometimes the best days are the days where not much happens at all 😌

aaaa babyyyy 🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵 you’re SO cute i swear we’re the same bc sometimes i hug my blanket and pretend it’s you too 🥺🥺🩵 i hope you feel better my love :( i wish i could rub your tummy and kiss it even though you took meds to feel better already >3< i wanna help kiss it better anyway~ 🩵🩵

THE MOST TYUNTWINZ MOODBOARD 🥺🥺🥺 this is so adorable honey!!!

your thought is so true btw i didn’t feel motivated to write until i saw your recent txt post i’m so happy that it works the other way around too hehe 🥹 i love writing with you my dear~ 🥺🩵🩵

my girlfriend has the best writing!! 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i’m so so happy with you my love you’re honestly so seeet for asking bc i always end up talking about you completely unprompted one of my friends could be talking about space and my brain would be like “hmmm space… milky way is a galaxy.. milky way is the american version of cherry’s favorite chocolate bar….” like it’s so crazy how easy it is for me to make everything about you lol 😭😭 give me any word or phrase and i could do it~

oooh yummy tuna sandwich 😋 that sounds so good~ i wish you could feed it to me too 🥺🥺 that reminds me i forgot to get tuna at the store so i could make tuna salad for the week >< i’ll have to remember for next time i might make it just for me since a part of me has kinda given up on making food for the house i’ll elaborate in the dms later… ><;

aaaa yes i do love it!! 😳😳🥺🤭🩵🩵🩵 heheheh your sweet babygirl 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵🩵🩵 you’re much sweet little babygirl~ 🥺🥺🥺

[broodsys]

just queued an interesting post abt the free lunch program (essentially, offering free lunches = families not spending as much = grocery stores lowering prices = benefits for everyone) and it got me thinking abt my HS experience

so, in elementary and middle school we had a free lunch program for low-income students, like me. it was fine, iirc i got the same meals as everyone else, so that was good. the food wasn't Great or anything, but it was food and it was free

then i went to high school.

at first, they had a free "salad bar" thing where you could grab free single-serving fruit cups and the such. and honestly? that's mostly what i ate. bc my family was poor af and while sometimes i could bring food from home, i was sick every goddamn morning and my mom worked overnights and so it was unlikely that either of us could prep my lunch. but then they stopped providing the freebies! at which point i was 100% at the mercy of my friend's giving up part of their lunch for me to eat. and i never asked for it or anything, but they felt bad eating in front of me while i just sat there and tried to not stare. i remember watching ppl throw away their pizza crusts and wanting them, being kinda pissed at them for not eating the food they had access to

i wasnt vegetarian then and they sold little jerky rounds for 25c each and i would frequently get one or two of those. but an actual lunch? you're looking at like $5 and that was a rare, major treat for me. sometimes i'd bring a box of cheezits or smth from home and have that as my lunch. when i got a boyfriend we were in the same economic boat, so usually we'd share whatever we could bring. it was exhausting and i felt so guilty. i think for a while i just stopped coming to lunch and went to the library during the lunch period instead

no breakfast bc i was sick and my mom was sleeping. no lunch bc i was too sick to prep it and my mom was at work. usually not eating until i got home. i learned early on that one of the best things to consume was actually soda, bc the carbonation made you feel full and it was cheap. oh, and the school could fine kids who went to the nearby grocery outlet during school hours, even if it was lunchtime, so i couldn't buy myself cheaper food there. it was all so fucked

haven't thought much abt it for years, but yeah, i went hungry a lot at school. it was hard.

[heartfucksmouth]

today was a bit better and I saw some family for Easter. my BP readings stayed about the same (morning vs when I got home again) and I tried really hard not to eat a lot of carbs so my blood sugar didn't go insane. I think I went over still bc .. everything was carb heavy and i had almost no protein/fiber since all they had was ham and turkey and I don't like turkey much but I can't eat ham. There was tons of rice and potatoes and candied yams. I ate mainly salad and coleslaw lmao but I grabbed a good piece of lasagna bc my aunt makes it so good. diabetes sucks :)

we picked up our car seat and stroller (the Nuna Tavo + Pipa Lite) from my mom's house, and i love it. It's so lightweight but has awesome safety ratings. we're gonna install the LATCH base tomorrow and practice putting the system together and taking it apart.

I just spent way too long looking at pediatrician offices, and I'll have to double-check they take Medicaid. it's so confusing bc insurance won't add the baby to my plan until (clearly) he's born, but the pediatrician offices want to see him within a week and where I'm giving birth needs the pediatricians information when I'm going into labor. it's like, well, this doesn't really line up, but okay.

I'm tired, but I feel like I have so much to do. I'm 1/3 packed for our hospital bag - mainly toiletries and the baby's going-home outfit and an extra swaddle sack - and gathering paperwork. I just ordered a nice bathrobe which will be helpful.

my birth Class is also insane with the amount of information and the amount of homework we need to do during the week. my head legit feels like it's spinning most of the time. I thought info would help calm me down but I get such anxiety and feel this weird pressure bc I have to be induced and they do focus a lot on unmedicated/natural birth and like making labor + delivery some spiritual beautiful empowering experience., which I don't think I'll have. they have a lot of info on how to advocate for your needs which i appreciate, but my trauma basically convinces my mind that I'll end up being at the mercy of the nurses etc and idk. I want to be more confident about it but I'm mainly scared haha.

[trickstarbrave]

im trying to lose weight (ive been super stressed and over eating and consuming like 1000 calories a day in just sugary drinks okay) and this is like the first time ive actually sat down and tried to lose weight due to growing up skinny. so i decided to do a couple of things and see how it works out and how shitty weight loss tools are

i got a couple of apps to help log calories (i just wanna get an eyeball estimation of how much im eating im not obsessed with counting calories i just want a frame of reference of how much energy is associated with what food and protein etc etc) and so far uhhhh they have sucked. 

2 put my calorie deficit too low. i should be in the 1450 minimum and they dropped me to 1300 which doesnt sound like a lot but also would lead to less healthy weight loss and also just leaves like. no room for snacks. protein was also pretty low estimations and it constantly told me i was eating “too much protein” which is super annoying. im trying to exercise and protein keeps you fuller longer. there was no way to really customize this. if i followed this im certain id wind up feeling out of energy and like complete shit exacerbated by my physical disability. 

2 apps also categorized food as “good” “bad” and “moderation” which isnt actually helpful and just makes you feel like shit for eating. you can and should eat whatever you want just know portions, and that you’re getting all the essential nutrients. i can eat 3 bowls of plain salad a day but i might still wind up starving and low on energy the next day and i dont need guilt tripping bc i got an unhealthy snack or to get told bread is yellow and i cant go over a certain “allowance”. 

i feel like these apps and programs are in fact just gonna give you an unhealthy relationship towards food or lead to problematic eating. they encourage counting absolutely everything but also are hard to use. if you cook your own food have fun measuring/weighing everything you cook with and how much is on your plate, im sure that won’t be problematic or anything. and that was from one of the judgement free apps too like jesus. im sure daily using this must be a nightmare and you’re encouraged to buy things already logged in the system (prepackaged or take out) when you dont wanna be anal about it or be paranoid you arent making progress because you didnt get exact calculations for how much food you ate. 

i do think getting a rough estimation of how much you’re actually eating is good but this is just not it. esp bc these are marketed as “easy ways to lose weight” or weight loss systems. they dont actually inspire heathier eating habits, allow customization, or anything. if you didn’t know about other macro calculations, proper caloric deficits, resting metabolic rate, and that too high of a deficit can cause you to retain or even gain weight back (because starvation is bad actually) you would probably just listen to their wack ass calculations with little wiggle room and moral judgements on if a food is good or not and feel like shit.

if you have any bad relationship with food or anything close to an ED i think you should never under any circumstances get these apps they will probably fuck with your head and honestly arent that helpful. at best they have been a pain in the ass and inaccurate and at worst have tried to make me feel like shit for having a soda and a fruit roll up like an hour after a work out and when im having brain fog

[hanrolld]

25/06/2024

It’s not my intention to make doble updates but bc I don’t want to sleep too late and my day today was too busy I could update the 25th, I felt sick in the morning but now I feel sooo much better, I didn’t actually do something in the day, it was pretty boring, I played genshin and that’s about all.

26/06/2024

Today was a super interesting day, I woke up at 8 then cake some pancakes just to then watch a video about diets, I hate diets bc I have a fast metabolism but I need to loose some belly fat (bc I can’t just take it out and make fried pork belly lmao) but yeah, then I started to clean my room, while I was at that I started watching some video essays, I wanted to do something bc the videos said I was distracted and not focus so I focused in my room, then the second video talked about how everting is temporary including emotions but when we hide those emotions they no longer are temporary until you feel them through, at this point my closet was almost finished and my bed was ready, the next video was about how confidence is uncomfortable and it’s just a process, you have to live these uncomfortable situations to get where you want to, then one about the spotlight effect and how to not let people’s perception of you affect you, and finally how to turn jealousy into inspiration, these combinations of videos really made me happy it’s like an answer to soo many situations in my life rn, to learn to calm myself and just be me and not resent anyone it’s cool, I also helped with the lunch, me and my mom made a salad high and protein and fiber,m with a steak, the video about eating really made delft conscious about what I eat so bye bye snaking, bread and processed foods… I was so hunger and just drank water all afternoon, then me and mom ate hot dogs (my mom wanted) but there was some salad left so I ate my hot dog and the salad with a boiled egg, it was amazing, after resting the food, exercised and basically got ready to sleep, I’m turning for the better and I’m loving it honestly, thank you for reading me, remember how the first time I wrote it reads “I don’t care if you read o not” I actually do care, bc I care about what I have to say and I’m confident enough to care about what I write, I no longer see this as an obligation, this is a great way to remember that in enjoying my life at the maximum, love you, say it back!

[heatherdiariez]

What we've eaten, ever since we started going on our diet;

6/17/24-

BREAKFAST: Trail mix, 1/2 cup (340 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Quesadilla, 1 whole (760 cal) ]

WATER: 32 oz

TOAL: 1,100 cal - not good, i know, but we were just starting out.. trying to ease us into it

6/18/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Cashews, 0.5 oz (86 cal) Pickles, 3 spears (0 cal)

DINNER: Edamame, 1 1/2 cup (180 cal) Grilled chicken, 2 tenders (105 cal) White rice, 1/4 cup (95 cal)

WATER: 96 oz!

TOTAL: 466 cal - We went over our budget (444) a bit, but we said it is okay because originally we weren't gonna eat the rice, but we did, just to hide our ana eating from our partner. And we will take a few extra cal if it means we don't trigger them.. I still feel a little gross about it though.

6/19/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Cream cheese, 0.5 oz (50 cal) Baby spinach, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Baby arugula, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Onion, 0.3 oz (3 cals) Cherry tomatoes, 1.2 oz (11 cal) Balsamic glaze, 1/2 tbsp (20 cal)

LUNCH: Boiled egg, 1 egg (78 cal) Cashews, 1 oz (172 cal) Strawberries, 4 strawbs (15 cal)

DINNER: Chili mac, 1 cup (200 cal) Fried rice, 1 small bowl (est 200 cal) Pickles, 1 1/2 spears (0 cal) Pineapple juice, 2tsp (6 cal)

WATER: 112 oz :)

TOTAL: 866 cal - Originally our budget was 666 for that day, but our partner made fried rice and we felt really bad not eating any. So we just ended up having a little... so we decided the next day we'd make our budget 666 instead.

6/20/24-

BREAKFAST: vape <3

LUNCH: Chicken, 2 tenders (74 cal) Pea pasta, 1 bowl (253 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal) Strawberries, 7 medium (27 cal)

DINNER: Salad, 1 bowl (294 cal) Halo top ice cream, 2/3 cup (109 cal)

WATER: 156 oz!

TOTAL: 757 cal - We went over our budget. AGAIN. I don't have an excuse for this. We just wanted a salad and we didn't want to skimp out on any ingredients because we wanted it to taste good. I regret it though.

6/21/24-

BREAKFAST: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 3/4 cup (160 cal) Oats & honey protein granola, 1 oz (118 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Wawa cheesesteak fries, 1 bowl (390 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 3/4 burger (705 cal) Wawa birthday cake cheesecake, 16 oz (530 cal)

WATER: 88 oz

TOTAL: 1,903 cal - We went WAY over budget today. Charlie begged us to stop doing any cal limits below 800, so we agreed to make that our consistent limit. The only reason I'm trying to not be too hard on us for what we ate is because a little was eating dinner and she was very, very upset. I'm just glad we at least didn't go OVER 2,000 cal, but we're gonna have to make up for it tomorrow.

6/22/24-

BREAKFAST: Bertolino Bridgford salami, 1 serving (130 cal) Cracker Barrell yellow cheddar, 1/2 serving (55 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal)

LUNCH: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 medium (8 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal)

DINNER: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 1/4 burger (353 cal) Edamame, 1.8 oz (62 cal) Salad, 1/2 bowl (37 cal)

WATER: 178 oz!

TOTAL: 1,046 cal - We only went slightly over budget today, which is better than yesterday at least. If it weren't for that damn cheeseburger we probably could've stayed under budget. 353 for that tiny ass quarter of a burger... fucking ridiculous.

6/23/24-

BREAKFAST: Planters trail mix cajun, 19.3 grams (~110 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried Rice, 2 servings (~400 cal) Cottage Cheese, 1 cup (160 cal)

WATER: 96 oz

TOTAL: 670 cal - Much better today!!! The fried rice was real hard to calorie count bc our partner made it, but I just kinda threw an estimate out there. But bc we were like, 330 cal under budget today I can pretty much guarantee we were not over that day.

6/24/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel Thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Philidelphia cream cheese, 1/2 serving (50 cal) Dominos marinara sauce, 1 serving (8 cal) Boiled egg, 1 large (77 cal) Basil, 4 leaves (0 cal)

LUNCH: Sour cream & chive instant mashed potatoes, 2 servings (220 cal) Corn, 54 g (36 cal) Crepe, 2 medium (216 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 1/2 medium (10 cal)

DINNER: Chicken tenderloins, 7.8 oz (195 cal) Baby bella mushrooms, 1.5 oz (10 cal)

WATER: 98 oz

TOTAL: 965 cal - Doing alright. Still under budget so it's fine. Thank god for mashed potatoes!!

6/25/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Chik-fil-a chicken sandwich, 1 serving (490 cal) Chik-fil-a waffle fries, 1 serving (420 cal) Honey mustard, 1/2 serving (50 cal)

DINNER: Dominos parm spinach pizza, 1/2 pizza (900 cal) Dominos honey bbq pineapple bacon pizza, 1/2 pizza (810 cal)

WATER: 94 oz

TOTAL: 2,670 cal - This was the worst day yet. I'll cut us a little slack, because it was El who was high and eating pizza. Ann wouldn't have gotten chik-fil-a if she knew we were gonna have pizza though, so shit happens I guess. ugh.

6/26/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried calamari, 3 rings (36 cal) Spider sushi roll, 1 serving (404 cal) Hawaiian sushi roll, 1 serving (342 cal) Crab rangoon, 2 pieces (92 cal)

WATER: 48 oz?

TOTAL: 874 cal - We did okay I guess. We were originally gonna OMAD from yesterday but Kris+Apollo wanted to go on a sushi date. The restaurant also didn't have calories so these are all estimates.. but it's sushi, I highly doubt we went over 1,000 cal.

6/27/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 8 oz (213 cal) Hazelnut spread, 6 g (32 cal)

DINNER: Dominos mushroom pepper pizza, 3 slices (540 cal) Cashews, 1.3 oz (211 cal)

WATER: 56 oz?

TOTAL: 996 cal - We've been real bad about tracking water recently but oh well. Also we were just BARELY in the budget and Eli ate a fuck ton of gochujang but didnt count it so we probably were over. :,)

.💟🌹.

[slimschance]

Plate: chicken burger (129), salt & pepper squid (149), sweet potato fries (74)

Bowl: sweetheart cabbage (12), spinach (4), cucumber (10)

Dipping bowl: lime juice (3), honey (30)

Glass: ice (0), fruit-tella blackcurrant squash concentrate - diluted with water (0)

locking in with omad because i can't stop overeating, my intake was over 1000cals 6 out of 7 days, and the 1 other day was in the 900cal range... yesterday i properly binged and i had shooting pains, couldn't breathe out my throat at one point, and was hurling for about 30 mins. can't even remember what i ate but the pain were near traumatic. i downed a lot of liquid between eating, i think that made it 10× worse, i thought i was having some sort of organ failure at one point... that shits so scary. so now i'm locking in. 400cal to ease myself back into lower cal intake. most of my veg and dipping sauce is left so i'm gonna save it to eat after running some floors (up the stairs lol) and just snack on it. i've already planned ahead, if i want to eat i'll eat my salad if i still have some, and if not i'll have a small amount of strawberries and my dads leftover coffee for an iced latte, might 50/50 water and milk to lower the cals. freezing the coffee in ice lolly moulds since my mum protective of the actual ice moulds lmaoo

-

also bad news, i didn't get a haircut (slept through the appointment, asked if she had more time for me after nan and mum, they didn't let me know till 20 minutes later and by then i felt really sick and had been crying) which means i can't get it cut for ages, and my fringe is already too long. i have no fucking clue what to do and i have events i need nice hair for in the next few weeks. might just figure where dads hair stuff is and trim my fringe myself if it gets much longer... but then i won't be able to go to that hairdresser again aghhh sobbing whys stuff so difficult.

p.s. if you plan on eating sweetheart lettuce, raw/as is, please get a dip cah that shit is pure rabbit food... can be a good thing when with other foods but whew that's disgusting, too much. son't make the mistake i did

-

Next day

girl...

i felt so sick, and yet i kept stuffing my face... i wouldn't say it was a binge as i think i was in control of my actions most of that time ? plus thats pretty low for a binge. anyway it felt like a compulsion except i had control over whether i did it or not yk, but physical symptoms were basically me feeling sick, both a bad stomach and food surfacing bc it wouldn't fit in my stomach. i wouldn't have been half as bad if mum didn't come home with bbq hula hoops right next to me, setting off my cravings for both the food and the texture... id already been trying all day to satify my cravings for dry crunchy food (had it for days) and i just had,, then she bought it right back within 2 hour. ooking back, those calories would likely be halfed if just ate the crisps, but mum said i couldn't have them. said i don't know when to stop (ffs she's right) and that means there'd be nothing left for everyone else. atp should i just milk it and see if i can see someone about my eating habits, mums already concerned about my bad habits, that way me tracking food and eventually losing weight won't look suspicious at all. idek if they do doctors for that though, ain't no dieticians or anything in this little shitty town and i doubt theres similar jobs

sigh

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, February 23rd, 2024!

7:55am: I slept for so long and woke up with no alarms this morning :) feels amazing. Still had a huge orange chunk come out of my nose but it's less than before, I just don't know when it will stop lol (I literally had to get up while writing this and do another one). Last night I had to go to sleep unexpectedly early bc I had a milkshake and it made me so bloated omg. I think I'm officially at that age where I really can't just be eating anything 😂 of course I can bc I'm an independent woman 💅 but not without The Consequences. Also I just popped my BC in and I'm ready for my period to stop and also for the stomach issues to stop omg it's been rough out here. It really feels like spring break should be today, but the pros to it being next week are that it's one week closer to the end, I won't be on my period at all, and hopefully it will be warmer!! I'm tired of this cold ass weather!!

I feel good today besides the random brain thoughts that I don't particularly want. I need to figure out how to replace those thoughts with ones I do what. This journaling, as much ranting as it is, definitely helps me I guess regulate my runaway thoughts. I really want to take a post poop nap though those are the best so ttyl lmao.

10:47am: omg I continued to sleep until 9:50am I don't know how to explain to people how much sleep I really feel like I need. Idk it's probably depression but that's literally ok I'm just doing what I can. I still miss him and that's ok too. I don't really miss him I literally miss just having someone to talk to. But he fucked up and it's his loss, not mine. He lost a genuine person, and I lost a liar who cheats and steals money and nothing he does is genuine, it's all fake to get people to like him so he can use their shit for all it's worth. What's crazy is he's so fake he doesn't even care about these cats after he kept saying he misses them oh boohoo me it's like losing two kids, then blocks me so he'll effectively never fucking see them again. He's literally so fake AF. I take pride knowing I'm not a fake ass bitch and I don't lie to people. Doesn't matter if people believe me or not because I know I'm not lying about anything. If you think I'm lying, you just have something else going on in your life that you have to deal with clearly. This image of them getting on the bike together I think will stay with me for a while, I guess visuals are really my downfall. I know I'm the bigger person bc I literally said yeah y'all are cute together before he stopped speaking to me and everything was chill. It was chill because I made it chill. I made this entire friendship what it was and I'm really convinced of it now tbh. I don't like him, I like me and how I act towards him 😂 I like nice people, aka myself lmao.

If everyone likes me except for you.... Sorry I don't think I'm the problem boo 😘 just a matter of time before he does some more stupid shit I'm sure I'll hear about 🙄

Happy Friday!!

1:02pm ate my ramen leftovers and my boss is buying me CFA Cobb salad for work later :') people are awesome ❤️

10:09pm: JFC my feet hurt like hell. I wish I had a guy to rub my feet fr but one day lol. I just realized he didn't block me on sc so I could technically add him back whenever, I wonder if he's waiting for me to do that?? Hmmmm he's such a narcissist it's wild, plus the whole posting at me when I'm technically blocked on ig is actually crazy af. I bet $200 if he adds me back on ig that post will magically be gone or the caption would change. He's so petty and acts like a little bitch. Literally can't relate 💀

11:40pm: finished my law assignment and I'm so tired I think I'll eat my salad leftovers and literally pass out. My eyes are literally burning.

I really just be out here gaslighting tf outta myself. I'm sitting here like wowza I wish I had "guy" to vibe w me after getting done with my hw.... But it's been so long it's funny that I forget, that man in particular would NOT want to chill with me after I'm finished with my hw!! Name literally one time when he ever fucking did that?? Literally he never fucking did. I'm so gaslighting myself into thinking we'd be doing anything rn, he would've pissed me off all night and then would probably be asleep rn. There would not be random drive thru trips bc he's on a lame ass diet and won't stfu about it and there wouldn't be cuddling bc he would've pissed me off the entire afternoon sitting on his ass making fucking messes instead of contributing anything ever to the home we share and it would infuriate me!! That's not attractive 🙄 so yeah gaslighting tf out of myself to think that would be happening 🤣 it's been so long I forget how exhausting that bullshit was!! Don't go back sis you literally hated it!! Wack AF and manipulative tbh.

One day, there will be a man, he will rub my feet when I get off work, even better he'll see the insides of my shoes, know that I'm too busy/ADHD to remember to get insoles, and would surprise me with new insoles for my shoes ❤️ that's what care and love looks like. We will have a cute snack and then probably fuck before bed bc we are both grown and not scared of a little period fr, and he would get me a towel and draw up a shower for me afterwards and I'd come back into the clean bedroom with no dirty shit on the floor and get into my made bed and snuggle with the real love of my life who loves and respects me 🥰 manifesting lol 💕

[mesquitehoney]

i never planned on getting married nor do i want to now but i wish my grandma could have spoken to my boyfriend again. they met twice and it was brief and she asked me a lot about him when id see her but i never got to take him to california with us nor did she interrogate him. she saw me graduate and finish my first year of university and was with me from my birth at least every week until i moved out. she was like another parent or i guess she and my grandpa were like a unit of parent. she took me to school and we were late every time because we ate a slow egg breakfast together in the mornings and we’d watch movies super late into the night. she only ate butter and no salt on her popcorn and after we ate it in the bed we’d strip the bed and shake it off so all the kernels and bits of popcorn wouldn’t poke us when we slept. she taught me how to fold laundry (making the corners kiss). even as i write this i cant fully think of her because it is too much. i’ve had to just push everything down because when i really think about her and really feel in my body how i felt about her it paralyzes me. my mom and her parents raised me but i remember the times with my grandma so much more vividly because it was always a treat to see her even though it was often. she made the best scrambled eggs cooked in butter and folded into a square. i remember washing lettuce in her white basket spinner and hand tearing every piece for salads. we had weekend dinners at her house where she made cantonese food her dad would make and my grandpa made what he ate in arkansas. we had pork beans, baked potatoes (i always had sour cream and a lot of salt), steak (i gave it to my cousins), and my grandma would make dry ramen noodle salad, shumai, and char siu bao. that was her favorite food ever. i only ate pork with her and we would split giant char siu bao. she and my grandpa would drive an hour away to the best dim sum to get it and it was so sweet and fluffy. we watched movies i definitely shouldn’t have been watching at 7 but now they’re my favorite and most nostalgic ones. night of the hunter, american graffiti, flower drum song, phantom of the opera, time bandits, the neverending story. movies like snow white and the land before time as well. i distinctly remember watching shrek for the first time in her back bedroom on the big tube tv and being shocked when donkey said “damn” and i whipped my head over to look at her bc i felt guilty for his cussing but she was asleep. she never slept through the night and went to bed in the ams. when i was sick she used an acupressure stick on my foot and followed a youtube video for clearing sinuses using pressure points in the feet. she cooked incessantly until her second heart attack. she traveled with my mom and i when i was a baby. we went to goodwill to find knick knacks and plushes. she always had me sleepover and would drive me home in the middle of the night if i got homesick or scared. i had jaundice as a baby and instead of putting me under the lamps she took me home and held me outside in the sun every single day when my mom was too tired. she breastfed her nephews and nieces when her sisters couldn’t. she probably nursed for years after my youngest uncle was born. she had a mean streak like me. as she got older and her hand scrunched up from parkinson’s i saw it in her that she was giving up a bit. she stopped cooking and walking. i dyed her hair and put curlers in it under her careful instruction. i cut it about a year ago into her famous angled bob. she had long long fingernails and would scratch my arm and back with them and it felt so nice, and then she’d ask me to scratch her arm though mine were short. we drank a thousand cups of tea together. when i think of her i feel a painful ache in my forehead and sinuses and back of my throat and my chest. i wanted to evaporate into nothing after her funeral. i know she is at peace now that she can’t feel pain. she’s asleep and unconscious and not suffering because she is dead. i have more to say but i cant. i love my grandma. i will miss her forever

[36incheshigh]

Tonsils out [tonsillectomy] recovery advice

Corn cause its slippery not sticky so itll go down

Hot and cold packs like two of each make sure u keep cold ones in freezer when done -have two of each cause one on each side of throat helps/ for each ear cause those hurt too, thin hankies or somethin to hold em so not too hot/cold

hydratin drinks w electrolytes to make sure not dehydrated bc hard to eat or drink enough and if ur dehydrated ur scabs could bleed more

body armor has an electrolyte water too and get dif drinks so u dont get sick of em

i got a non-bpa popsicle mold with reusable popsicle sticks from target and filled it w electrolyte water for throat pain cause popsicles got too sweet but wish there was like a skinnier shape lol

popsicles and icees (without dairy cause dairy made it mucousy-er) for throat for a while - at least they were a skinny shape lol

theres this like personal like vapocool steamer humidifyer inhaler thing at cvs thats like 40$ :p but helpful for softening prickly dry peelin scabs that were bothersome but take out the menthol pads cause they were too intense !

ate mashed potato lasagna from store soup popsicle mac and cheese, corn, [egg salad in theory cause dont have to cook it if u buy it ! ] - they have instant mash potato in little packets that u just add boilin water, easy mach u just add water, canned corn and with tab on it to open the top so u dont have to find ur can opener - easier when ur alone!

throat coat tea

had ear and jaw pain but chewing gum helped with that!

had many headaches and hot packs helped

made some ice cubes to put in drinks if i didnt have cold ones at last minute or they werent cold enough to be helpful - silicone mold was easy to remove em

distraction helped to not think about pain

got liquid motrin/tylenol just in case of trouble swallowing

rotate motrin and tylenol every 4 hours - u can set alarms for during the night to take next doses if u dont wanna wake up with more pain

its day 8 and feelin a lot of improvement! Day 1 surprisingly didnt feel much but day like 2 til 6 had a lot of pain and night 1 when wakin up, tongue was very swollen, could barely talk and some trouble breathin ! I think just ate and drank cold stuff and took motrin but apparently if its too much u can call ur surgeon and he could prescribe u like anti-inflammatories to help lessen swelling

[704goomy]

sunday, 11 june 2023

Hi, it's me again!! i'm the king of consistency...

For real though.... Maybe this is the day i can turn my life around, somewhat. If i could really stick my mind to it.

Today I woke up pretty early, early enough to do a 1 hour walk around the neighborhood (impressive for me who's lived a sedentary lifestyle for almost 5 years now). I just started back on my diet yesterday, so I think if i can keep up this, the exercise and the diet, that's kind of a leg up (real) from my usual state... (I also have ringfit adventure collecting dust because at the time, I had been obsessed with splatoon. currently i'm not anymore so yknow, maybe this is the right time to replace my gaming addiction. i've just forced myself into recovery from corekeeper)

But anyway on to the thing that made me come back here in the first place.

Somehow between the 2(is it 2?) years since I left this blog to mold, 2 miracles happened.

I got a girlfriend, long distance. Haven't met her yet. She's so cute tho. I love her. I was someone who believed myself to be aromantic, and it's the first time love happened to me. It's wonderful. It's great, even tho my life and future is all weird and I fantasize about disappearing from my parents' general conscience so I can have the life I want with her. It's the first time heartbreak happened to me too, because I discovered recently she has some form of depression (an assumption bc she says its not rly, but I kinda feel like it's something similar), and it hurt that much to know that I can't do anything to help someone I love. God. It was terrible. Like, when I was thinking about it, it hurt physically. But that's why I'm here lol, bc I realize I can't count on her to be an outlet for my entire existence while she's in such a fragile state. I really hope she feels better.

Yuutsumu. It's a ship. It's a ship that I ship like never before. What makes it so special is: its an oc ship which is pretty unprecedented in Snuby history. It's me and my girlfriends' and I think the way it happened is as magical as the actual relationship. There's so much I want to say about it, they're always in my head and I'm always thinking of what more to do with them. It might need a separate post. It might need books, novels, doujin, a game...

I think this writing thing must be relaxing because even tho I'm still kinda crying I already forgot what I was doing here lol. But yea, it's therapeutic. Up until my early uni days, I kept a diary and I think I just really liked writing in it.

But anyway, I was thinking maybe this should be a daily log of what I did during the day, what I plan to do, and how I'm feeling.

This morning I found out I was zoning out last night and threw out a caesar salad that I was looking forward to having :( Mom got me sate padang tho. So i ate that with a banana protein shake. I'm still drinking the shake. These things are kinda hefty.

But anyway. Maybe midday or evening ringfit sesh? I'm thinking I should get about 2 hours of exercise every day, so one in the morning one later. I don't know what I'll have for lunch yet, but I really want carbonara ramyun lmao. so it'll be that, and veggies in the evening.

As for my gf, I want to keep talking to her as normal and as unconditionally as I can. I hope that it can be a reminder that I still love her and think about her and I won't stop ,...

To a kinder and better world tomorrow, cheers <3

[pro-crastinate17]

hate hate hate hate hate im gonna be so fucking sick

tw ed, restricting/binging, food log, internalized fatphobia

yes i KNOW i have a separate blog for this but i will not be using it because i dont fucking want to.

today i ate:

1 cup of coffee

1 mug of cottage cheese

1 serving of fruit salad

1 serving of pickles

1 serving of lentil curls

1/2 of a strawberry yogurt

about 8 oz of lemonade

like 20 fucking cadbury eggs because im fucking disgusting and have no self control

and im gonna have kettle corn later bc my siblings making it and i want it. because i cant control myself even a little bit to keep from making myself fucking SICK.

AND THEN DINNER. god only knows what thats going to entail and im gonna get guilted if i dont eat and feel horrible if i do.

and im not even gonna fucking exercise today bc i have too much homework to go to kung fu and im actually fucking disgusted with myself i cant keep DOING this fucking hell im such a fucking disappointment to myself and EVERYONE else. and i binged so fucking bad yesterday i ate my ENTIRE candy stash (half a box of sour patch kids, 2 tootsie rolls, 3 jolly ranchers, 2 starburst, probably more that im forgetting). i keep fucking up like this and i cant fucking do it anymore i just want to be pretty and NOT a fucking disgusting bitch who eats a thousand fucking calories worth of candy in one fucking sitting.