#god there r more redraws i want 2 do . i need to like. calm down tho

[hinamie]

itafushi nation how r we Feeling!!!!!!!!!!!

[machihunnicutt]

Fic-vember Day 7

Ugh, this is late. My bad. Here’s some more of Lost and Found:

Lost and Found (les mis fic)

Chapter 2: Hesitation

(Or read on ao3.)

Grantaire didn’t want to leave yet. He was sinking in his couch, blinking blearily at the sketchbook in front of him. It was cold with the fall breeze rustling fiery leaves that seemed in almost endless supply, but he didn’t want to get up and shut the window. He had a little time left to finish his sketch of Enjolras. It was messy, as usual. Everything about Enjolras was sharp and well defined and Grantaire could only grasp at straws with his lackluster style.

He was always doing this: drawing and redrawing Enjolras until his image burned into his vision even when his eyes were closed. It was probably a problem, but Grantaire was good at ignoring problems. This sketch wasn’t so bad when he stopped to look at it. He did, reaching shakily for his coffee mug. The coffee was cold now and his hands were beginning to twitch the way they did when he needed a drink or a cigarette. For the sake of this halfway decent sketch he ignored the shaking.

Three minutes later he had something halfway decent and a headache. He sunk further in the couch and held the sketch up. It needed the vibrancy of the colors outside his window. It needed the cold too, just enough so you could tell that Enjolras commanded any room he entered. Just enough to tell you that if you looked at him too long you might freeze.

He got up, changed, and splashed some water on his face in an attempt to make himself presentable. He knew the others worried if he looked too worse for wear. Even Enjolras had commented once, after a night where he’d drank more than slept.

“R.” His hand on the table had woken him up. “Are you alright?”

When he sat up he had drool on his face and it took a moment for Enjolras to become more than a blur of gold.

“The meeting’s over,” he’d continued. “Do you want me to walk you home?” he asked brusquely.

He laughed but it came out scratchy and sad. “I’m fine oh fearless leader. Don’t worry about it.”

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed and their gaze was icy. “Fine then. You just don’t look well. You should take care of yourself.” He readjusted his bag on his shoulder and turned to leave. R was still trying to process his words when Enjolras hesitated and turned back to face him.

“I don’t know why you call me that,” he said, voice rising . “I’m not...I mean it’s not as if I’m fearless anyway. You’re wrong about me.”

“I’m wrong?” He repeated dumbly.

“Yes.” Grantaire wasn’t sure he’d seen him this flustered before. The ice had melted as rapidly as it had appeared. His face was almost as red as his shirt. R tried to memorize his expression to draw later but he was too disoriented to capture the details properly.

“Why do you care whether or not I take care of myself?” He asked. It wasn’t the question his brain needed to ask but it was the only one his lips could find.

“Forget it R.” It was almost a whisper. His hands were twitching on the strap of his messenger bag. “Goodnight.”

Today, maybe he’d have the right words. He put on his shoes and grabbed his keys and jacket, carefully emptying the pockets as to leave behind his flask and pack of cigarettes. Impulsively, he tore out the sketch of Enjolras, folded it, and put it in his now empty pocket. It was time to meet the others.

***

Marius couldn’t help but stare at the sky. It had turned a dreamy pink during their drive and was even more brilliant now that he was out of the car. He was glad the fundraiser seemed to be going well. The line to enter the maze was long and he saw Eponine wave from her place at the ticket booth.

“Damn, good turnout huh?” Courfeyrac said beside him. Marius tried to school his body into normalcy but it wasn’t happening today. Instead he half flinched half smiled and blurted out the first thing he could think of.

“The sky reminds me of you.”

“The what now?”

“The sky,” he repeated, looking around to see if the others were paying attention. Combeferre and Enjolras were busy debating whether or not to get in line now or to check out the brochures the organizers were handing out with the hot apple they were selling. “I um…sorry, it’s dumb I was just looking at the sky and thinking about how it’s the color of cotton candy and it’s pretty and calming and reminds me of you. Sorry that’s weird.”

Courf laughed and Marius jumped. “That’s really cute. Why are you sorry?”

He called what you said cute not you, Marius’s brain helpfully reminded him. Calm down. Courf was taking his hand so he didn’t have to worry about responding.

“I don’t know what they’re gonna do, but you and I are going to buy some cider.”

“Okay.”

Courfeyrac didn’t let go of his hand until they were at the front of the line. He paid for the cider despite Marius’s deliberate reaching for his own wallet. “I owe you one anyway,” he said, though he said this often and Marius was never certain of what Courfeyrac was supposed to have owed him. If anything, Marius was the one who owed him. His first year of school, when he arrived on campus and found out his grandfather had pulled the plug on his housing contract out of spite, Courf welcomed him with open arms for the entire semester. He didn’t even ask for anything in return even when Marius insisted he repay him somehow. Back then he was working full time in addition to class, nearly sleepwalking back to their apartment on nights when he had late shifts. Still, Courf was there with coffee and flashcards when he needed to study, made sure Marius ate regular meals even when cash or time was tight, and knew precisely when to give him space and conversely, when they needed to huddle under blankets on the couch and watch shitty movies until the sun came up. After a semester of that, Marius didn’t think Courf owed him anything ever again.

The cider was warm and sweet and helped to settle the nerves that had found their way to Marius’s shaky fingers. They rejoined the others, some of whom had cider of their own already, and got in line for the maze. Cosette had an extra cider to give to Eponine when they got to the front.

“I told her to bring gloves but oh no , don’t listen to your smart and caring girlfriend ,” she said teasingly. “Her hands are going to be so cold. She’s gonna eat her words.”

Courf laughed. “Mari didn’t bring gloves either did he?”

Marius shook his head and slipped his free hand further up his sweater sleeve.

“Honestly, what am I going to do with you,” Cosette said, feigning indignance. She looked as if she was going to put her hands on her hips but her hands were still occupied with the cider. She had on the red earmuffs Ep had gotten her for Christmas and she had the matching scarf Marius had knitted for her wrapped around her neck and hair, keeping the hair pressed to her neck like an extra golden scarf.

“It’s alright, here,” Courf offered his hand again and Marius took it, still reeling from the hand holding moments before. “I’ll be your glove.”

Cosette laughed and he shot her a look, blushing furiously. “I’ll see you two at the end then?” She kissed Marius on the cheek. “Don’t get lost.”

They split naturally into several groups before entering the maze. Joly, Musichetta, and Bossuet linked arms so Bossuet was in the middle (they didn’t trust him not to go in the wrong direction or knock something over.) Cosette, Combeferre, and Bahorel comprised the second group once Cosette had had her fill of distracting Eponine from her volunteer duties. Courfeyrac was with Marius. And finally, Enjolras was matched with Grantaire. Marius found this duo a bit odd but was happy that they were making an attempt to get along.

The hay was piled high and though Courf stood on his tiptoes to try to to see over it, he couldn’t. They worked at the puzzle easily for awhile. Marius liked figuring things out, even if he was a bit slow on the uptake at times. They took turns directing, switching when they hit dead ends. When Marius’s direction got them nowhere he apologized and Courf told him not to because the fun was in the challenge. So far they hadn’t managed to bump into the others.

“Do you remember that time I talked you into singing that song from Grease with me during karaoke?”

It had been Eponine’s birthday and they’d sung “Summer Nights” so of course he remembered. “Yeah, why?”

Courf was looking wistfully up at the cotton candy sky. “Nothing, it’s just the thing you said about the sky. Except for me it’s you and that song.” He turned his gaze back to Marius and smiled. “I’m really glad you’re here with me,” he said.

Oh god, he should do it now shouldn’t he? It was the perfect time. There wasn’t anyone or anything to interrupt him but his own seeping fear. There was nothing but the voice at the back of his head telling him he wasn’t worth the trouble he caused. There was the part of him that still felt like the little kid who was nothing but ignored. He was still the anxious, dorky, mess who didn’t even have his life together enough to articulate what he’d felt for years. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t…

“Hey, are you okay?’ He blinked and Courfeyrac’s shock of dark hair flickered back into clarity. The concern in his eyes nearly paralyzed him.

“I um...need a minute. Sorry.” His feet moved before his brain told them to and then he was taking off through the maze, leaving Courf speechless in his wake.