#what the hell am I

[nanasknifeprty]

i barely have any moots on here so im most comfy sharing this on here lmao, anyways rant incoming:

im back to feeling like an emotionless monster and somehow the only emotion im able to feel is this immense amount of self-hate?? like all my life i was craving for validation and the reassurance that ppl do in fact like me and that im at least somewhat desirable, and now i got the validation once more im suddenly feeling more aroace than ever (i never even considered being ace but its getting more and more likely tbh, and im pretty sure im at least on the aro spectrum bc the only crush i ever had is one i made myself have in order to avoid boredom at school but its v much just a result of severe daddy issues)

a funny thing abt myself is also that i do a complete 180 once im rlyrly drunk, means that i get v flirty and playful but overall just much more comfy with expressing my emotions such as appreciation for my friends, happiness, thankfulness etc. i never thought i had that much rizz when drunk lmao but basically i made a guy wanna cuddle with me like the entire evening (+ the morning after) but when it came to be morning and i sobered up i felt such a huge amount of guilt bc i basically woke up feeling...nothing? this boy is there liking all my stories and dropping the sweetest things (he even bought me a deftones album and u guys know how much i love deftones) and im still not feeling a damn thing?? like i got what i always wanted but why do i have to be that weird abt everything? i mean i genuinely like and appreciate him but im v sure its in a platonic way, just the way i like my other friends too. (+ while cuddling, i felt soo repressed by physical touch, as if i was getting crushed and my body could not respond to anything; i basically felt like a doll being dragged around by its owner but ofc i didnt say i was uncomfy bc im a coward lol)

all in all i feel like theres not many things missing until im able to label myself aroace, and by no means i wanna indicate that being aroace is something bad at all. its just such a sad thing for me, realizing i dont feel a thing while im 'playing' with other peoples feelings like some soulless monster.. this just made me realize i'd be horrible at dating and communicating bc the only ppl im comfy with talking abt this matter are my little digital tumblr people >_<

to everyone reading all of that for some unknown reason: tysm, have my (ofc platonic) love <33

[bananagodly]

An image i made based on how my mind perceives itself and my body

[autismmydearwatson]

What the hell is this. What is this madness. What's my gender. What is gender.

Am I a man? Am I a woman? Am I a Muppet?

What is a woman? What is womanhood? Why can I only smell manhood in other men, but not in myself? Why can I only have a vague grasp on gender in other people?

Why do I feel comfortable in my own body, but love being called other pronouns? Why do I have such a preference to being called brother?

I love men, but I love women? Do I have a preference? Does it matter? Am I a lesbian? Am I a twink? Am I a loser? Does it matter? Will I ever even get a date?

Fuck this!!!! It's midnight and gender is driving me insane!!!!! Because I can't FEEL IT!!!!! what is this madness!!!!! Gender is FAKE

[dykewander]

few of my last documentation on my daily basis

[nox-does-stuff]

ok i might be a cat therian because of all the purring, sleeping in a circle and the fact that I usually stretch like a cat all out of instinct. BUT those are the only traits that suggest me being a cat. I have more traits that suggest “creature with paws, maw, tails and claws” than “kitty cat”. Plus, I also howl out of instinct, like to make little “dens” with blankets and treat plush toys like how a parenting bird treats their eggs when I’m in the “den”. But I’ve had a shift as a cat before and started making biscuits. What the hell am I?

[thelordofshrimp]

height is so fucking weird who invented that shit

[katkalis-the-fanartist]

Random Katkalis voice fact: To non-southerners, I sound southern. To southerners, I sound northern.

[stil-lindigo]

hobie motherfuckin' brown!!!!!!

[kyofloral]

[trainwreckgenerator]

top ten polycules most likely to destroy all life on earth

[peachpopfizz]

pov you are jorge rivera herrans 5 minutes after causing your fans severe psychological damage

[noctilin]

could we kiss and perhaps… fall in love…? haha just kidding… unless…? 😳

another charm design as i continue to prepare to open shop w friends :3

[itsthislake]

“Icarus.”

it's all about freedom really

Credit goes to An Sifakah for the poem. Enjoy!

Support me on Ko-fi maybe?

[ancient-reverie]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[miffysoul]

[hinamie]

august