#what in the goddamn. im going to shit myself what the fuck
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Users from the US are the majority of Tumblr visitors.
Text
buddie fic recs, pt 2
yall i hit 250 posts a few days ago so here's the Updated Version of my first post! aka ive read and posted a fuckton of buddie content since then :)
also i still don't tend to read long novel length fics very often so all are under 100k (most aus being 50-100k), and most oneshots are 5-10k words
best aus
racing with the brakes cut by letmetellyluaboutmyfeels. holy shit holy SHIT this one was good. altered my brain chemistry good. fast and furious au that sounds like it should be unexpected but honestly is more in character than canon
friends don't mean nothing to me (its us) by Kwills91. buddie becomes friends before eddie becomes a firefighter, and its just done ugh so well it was so brilliant. like seriously spamming my friend's texts brilliant keep chortling to myself abt it brilliant just ugh so good
but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down) by diazchristopher. time loop buck pov where he thinks he doesn't love eddie back and its goddamn delightful ok
your fingerprints smeared on my heart (lead my back to you) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels. oh god oh GODS this one WRECKED ME. 1800s buddie soulmate au with modern buddie as well jfc i WENT INSANE. yep ive posted abt this one already and i probably will again jfcccccc
when the universe screams by bucksbelly. omfg girl dad buck au? njwnasjdbvjhlsdfbfjh good lord this one was AMAZING go read it go read it right now
our secret moments in a crowded room (they've got no idea about me and you) by allstarsneptune. jfc im only human ok u give me sports players taylor swift themed au and i EAT THAT SHIT UP this was brilliant and even made me tolerate a few baseball references
canon compliant (ish) feelings realisations/first kiss
to build a nest (to build a home) by Kwills91. (yes ive been slowly working thru this writer's entire ao3 archive and yes theyre all brilliant, so im only putting a few on here. go read them all). this one made me fucking cry (for totally unimportant reasons don't think abt why shush) its so sweet go forth and enjoy
the ebb of your tide by twobirdsonestone. firefighter convention in indeannopolis (how tf do i spell that) = only one bed! super fun super cutesy
call me hot and pretty by anon. honestly conceptually i thought this would be kinda cringe and it fully wasn't i was so along for the ride
short n sweet (can you tell its my favourite kind)
inappropriate use of federal funding by spotsandsocks. this one is so...teehee teehee very fun
last and forever by kwills91, post s8 ep 6 which is super cute
what would you prefer i call you by kwills91 (seriously go look them up already). buddie first fight but its adorable
sounding like the rest of my life by coupe_de_foudre. another fic where everyone knows buddie is married but buddie
friends don't by disasterbuck. so silly so fun so real honestly
an inch away from more than just friends by ummrys. if you too want sapphic buddie smut go forth and enjoy and yes it will make you gayer
anything to make you stay by intellectual_applesauce. teehee bc eddie notices something about green shirts...
angsty and happy ending
stay with me (you're all i need) by accio magic. yep i reread this one and yep im recommending it again they COOKED ok they COOKED
leave the light on (ill be coming home) by HMSlusitania. i could not for the life of me remember if id read this one or not before so i just read it again and it was just as good it was soooo sooo good.
that is by no means all of the wonderful fics ive read but it is the extent im willing to go through my ao3 history. pls also check out the original post which has plenty more! ur all welcome (its a mess of an ao3 history guys this post has taken me ages)
also i should maybe self plug? ive got two random eddie pov oneshots up under the same username but ill do a new post when i start posting my big hiatus fix it fic!
#911 buddie#911 on abc#caitlin a fandom nerd#fic recs#fanfiction#evan buckley#eddie diaz#sorry for the massive long post but ive read a LOT#like this is all ive achieved in 2025 tbh#also @nossumusstella and anyone else who HASN'T watched the whole show - please check tags or dm me if u want spoiler warnings!#but in general#pls feel free to message me on here for more recs#more thoughts#more rambles#i have all of these things#this rlly isn't everything#shout out to every one of these authors#ur all so amazinfg and inspiring and generous and im so grateful to you and also love you all so much
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
YES I KNOW I'M BEING PREDICTABLE AND STEREOTYPICAL NO I DON'T FUCKING CARE LET ME HAVE MY FUN.
#*coughs* anyway#Just because someone enjoys writing people getting married happily#Or writes people having babies and it being a good thing#Does not make them a big dumb idiot!!!!#Be normal people!#Sometimes i get thrown back to the horrible shit thrown at me in the Scorpion fandom#That even being vindicated by the actual show's storylines didn't stop#And i find myself hesitating to write a story that I know would make me happy#Because Im worried writing about babies or proposals will piss people offf#Also fuck you some of us wanted kids their whole goddamn life and recently found out they CAN'T have kids#So they're coping through fic and novels and writing characters having what they can never have#Why's that okay for some things but not for others?#Go fuck yourself
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
HE'S BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
🤍🖤🤍
#Im vibrating at the speed of light rn#I cant believe my eyes#Ive been losing my shit for a solid hour im literally clawing the walls#Have to stop myself from screaming out loud cuz its 3 am#Gravity is the only thing stopping me from breakdancing on the ceiling#Yes im going full hysterical cuz he's BACK#OG ANTI-VENOM!EDDIE IS FUCKING BACK#Im going to explode#I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH AND HES BACK#AND DRAWN BY COELLO???!!?!?!!!! IM EATING#HES SO GODDAMN GORGEOUS I CANT#AND FLASH IS THERE!!?!? AS HIMSELF AGAIN!!?! NAKED??!??!!#THEYRE TOGHETHER?!!??!!? SMILING AT EACH OTHER???!?!?!!!#This is. Perfect. Its perfect. Hes perfect. Theyre perfect#I never would have believed this could actually happen#I had no hopes of him coming back#What is this#And whats this fucking timing#The world is falling apart and thats when my ultimate blorbo dreams come true?? The fuck is happening??#Ive spent the past few days in a state of emotional shutdown. Completely dissociating. Only just started to actually feel stuff again#And then THIS hits me outta no where??!!?#Cranking my joy from 0 to 100 in .5 seconds#The emotional whiplash has me actually reeling#Nothing feels real rn#And while joy feels almost...inappropriate at a time like this#Fuck it#Im not gonna deny myself happiness rn#Tag rant
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
If I could change one thing in my life I'd make it so no one ever commented on food
#elias.zip#im so fucking tired of it!!! joking or not its fucking degrading. just constantly. i get it im so fucking unhealthy all i eat is processed#chemical slop thats gonna kill me at 30 and im the unhealthiest person in the fucking work#world* you dont need to fucking remind me every goddamn day. even the comments that arent bad still make me feel likr shit for eating!!! i#already feel really bad about how poorly i eat. i literally cannot fucking starve myself more basically over this kind of comment.#like damn!!! i sure do have a lot of body issues for someone whos skinny WHY am i even complaining in the first place likr i used to fucking#hate my stomach and its noy when#even* big and i think its gone down bc i eat even less now!!! i cannoy make ANYONE happy no matter what i do or what i cook its always comme#nt comment comment in everything i fucking do. i swear to god im never going to fucking recover from living with them. i would've run away i#f i grew up with them im serious#negative#ihateithereihateithereihateithere#nothing's working out. i csnt make friends. i csnt keep them. im a fucking deadbeat im just like my dad in every conceivable way no ones pr#oud of me no matter what i do and i fucked myslef from any opportunity i had to get out of the system what is the fucking point#i jsut dont knoe anymore!!!!!! its not like the Future even looks good or that i see myself anywwhre but in the exact same spot because all#i ever fucking manage to achieve is self sabotage and whining about how no one loves me. god!!!!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm like a real good writer
#personal log#i needed to skip ahead and write some power couple ending scenes#need to know where i'm headed to get to where i need to go yknow#listen i am WRANGLING canon to make power couple ending both plausible and tasteful#this bad boy can fit like SO many trust issues#sigh. avery is going to have to burn every single bridge isn't he#gonna tear himself down. you can't save me from wallowing in the mud if i throw myself in the pit first#AVERY PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!!!!#been playing with he finds a way to be one of solas' Many Agents#then the reveal is just like. 'here's your report boss' '(that one meme of dwight theoffice being startled.png'#but like with way higher stakes it won't be THAT boring#like im p sure the Needed Thing is avery would have to BLATANTLY betray what's left of the inq#and part of the operation is in itself sacrificing that piece on the board as it were#sigh. maybe solas highly suspected but didn't let him think about it too hard because goddamn he NEEDED someone that deep in the IC for this#and we all know his denial game can be off the fucking charts#and then it's like#'WHO ELSE WOULD IT FUCKING BE???'#whatever man#this shit isn't even going to be properly drafted for like... years. if i even get that far#sigh. much to consider#if you're still reading this come get your card punched. turn in 10 to get me to shut the fuck up
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.
#i know this is stupid#im supposed to be proud of being trans and love myself no matter what and be proud of my identity but#fuck man sometimes id just give anything to be cis#like this shit sucks#i dont wanna fuckin do this anymore im tired of it#'nick ur only 18' YEAH I KNOW AND ITS STILL BAD#god im pissed off#i just. i hate that i cant be proud of who i am bc im not someone else.#im losing my mind i think#i wish i was cis so fuckin bad u guys. i wanna have the experiences of growing up as a boy that i missed out on.#i wish i couldve went to school dances in a suit and not had to worry about being stared at#i wish i could dress how i wanted and present myself how i feel comfortable without hearing those goddamn whispers behind my back#im sick and fuckin tired of it#anyway <3 im done <3 im gonna go watch youtube and pretend like i dont exist <3#vent#dysphoria mention
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.
months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.
#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant)#while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember#usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun#because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die#however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again#so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave#its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad.#i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low#because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in#and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening#i want to scream.#i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care#the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white#hhh.#chronic illness#chronic migraine#and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement#or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body#i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry#at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough#like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it#but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier#im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward#literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit.#so its a catch-22.#vent
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
made the mistake of listening to boygenius' new album while I was at work earlier and it literally hurt my feelings so bad I mentally blocked it out until like. 30 seconds ago. like fr they didn't have to say all that.
#and by mistake I mean that I should NOT have made the first time I listened to it be AT WORK. IN PUBLIC.#where I literally couldn't cry or I would have had to forcefully eject myself from the building.#via. window. 3 floors up.#I'm talking. lower lip trembling type shit I was holding those goddamn tears back so hard.#like they did. NOT. have to do all of that.#fam I haven't even gone to actually IN DEPTH look at the lyrics yet I'm *SCARED*.#those three just. really know how fuck me up.#WHO WROTE THIS. WHO DID. IT. PHOEBE??? I'M LOOKIN AT YOU.#like. for all my fellow mitski girlies (gender neutral) this album legitimately hurt me worse than like.#puberty 2.#it's still so incredibly funny to me how I legit BLOCKED IT OUT ENTIRELY. until fuckin 3 minutes ago. GOD.#okay im done. for now. jfc.#jules.intothevoid✨#jules.songrec✨#I GUESS. TECHNICALLY. go ahead like it's so fuckin good but the EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.#the opening track? like what the fuck. that felt personal. like. the typa shit I been on recently?? & they open with that??? hello??#boygenius
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am. so weak
#DONT READ THE TAGS IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR BEING ABSOLUTELY DOWN ROTTEN FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT MAN#need to get it out of my system before i explode but THE FUCKING FICS OF HIM ARE SOOO GOOD I CANT STOP SOMEONE SAVE ME#its almost 2am. ive been at this for like 5 hours now. i have so so so many new bookmarks saved I Am Not Okay#the girlies here were right. men in uniforms.... AHEM#i am so ashamed of myself BUT AINT MY FAULT HES NOT FFS#i am going to turn into an oyster before i reveal who this is istg#heres to praying noone knows my ao3 or secret blog#fuuuuuuuuuck man.... yknow what yeah thats the goal. fuck him.#if he was real i would hate him but omfg... on my knees and holding out a ring for HIMMMM GODDAMN#the most babygirl that has ever babygirled#chess shh
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i really fucking hate being alive lmfao
#idk abt this being sober shit i think i shld just drink myself to death. im either going to be miserable for another god knows how long or#be somewhat content and painfree for however long til i die which wld be sooner but fuck man what does it even goddamn matter if i want to#kill myself every day#id rather die young and enjoy my time than life a long life wanting to die#live*
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person
#mine#i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor#before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane#what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh#but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠#i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life#just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING#'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore.#truly i fucking do not#my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it#we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN#& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY#before it got this bad.#there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato#if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC#I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT//#//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU#ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree#can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc#im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING#i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please#im gonna LOSE MY MIND
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont understand what about this is so difficult for people to comprehend:
i just kinda want my thoughts on opinions on MY OWN HEALTH to be entertained instead of immediately disregarded
like. im 17. i shouldnt be having back pain so often. i shouldnt be having such severe leg pain. i shouldnt be dealing with such shitty hand joints. but FUCK ME i guess i dont get a say in jack SHIT about my own health!!!!! because what i say means fuck all!!!!! ok man!!!! whatever i guess!!!!!!!
#its shit like THIS that makes me TERRIFIED to bring shit up to my therapist#i cant tell her if i have an idea on what might be wrong with me because shell probably just NOT LISTEN TO ME#because thats what my LAST therapist did#and what my mother CONSTANTLY DOES#FUCK#this is why i have to self-diagnose by the fucking way#not that its any of your goddamn business what we do and why#its because of Trauma and Stigma and the fact we already Have autism so apparently. according to The Law or something#that means i cant be mentally ill in any Other way#so i GUESS ill go Fuck myself and have to deal with only being self-diagnosed with adhd. and atypical depression#and c-ptsd. for the rest of my life#and not get any treatment for anything despite it directly impacting my quality of life#and maybe being connected to my shitty memory issues#but lmaoooo that doesnt matter lol lmao rofl fuck this guy this guy doesnt know what hes talking about#how could any mentally ill person have an idea on whats wrong with them Thats Not How It Works#did i mention that that was a mindset i had btw#i dunno where i picked it up but probably from my parents#“a mentally ill person doesnt know theyre mentally ill” thats the stupidest shit ive heard in my life#also im not going to debate the validity of my mental illness with you#i have npd. that is a fact because of LITERALLY. FUCKING EVERTHING#im just not pursuing a Professional Diagnosis at this time because it wont do anything for me and itll be more trouble than its worth#and if i have my knowledge on That questioned i might Actually kill myself
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
One thing's for sure that after the last grade level, I am strictly unqualified to be a director in a stageplay. I think I'll just stick to scriptwriting, thanks.
#born a follower forced to lead#tpya shit#yellow talks#yellow rants#stageplay did not go well#my actors were my classmates and theyre all too immature#fucking hell if only the director was actually consistent then i would've been resting the moment i finished that damn script#but nOoOOoo#they still needed me for changes in the script and they used it as a reason to look to ME for advice and guidance#ME literally ME#What the FUCK#mofo i helped with the props helped with the casting and THEY STILL needed help for the fucking acting#holy fucking shit put me in a class of college students#im kidding i love that class#theyre my children#but kids are just kids#im actually cringing at myself for this but its so fucking true i am not shitting at ALL#those memories still haunt me to this day#at least one boy was capable enough to improvise bc he knew i was too stressed to pay him any attention#damn made me wish that i wrote what he did holy shit#goddamn jo koy had ten days to make funny jokes and i had like 3 to finish a fucking stageplay script get with the program
1 note
·
View note