#what in the goddamn fuck am i supposed to think
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the way i literally choked sIR?????????? HELLO???????????? 🐓??????
#mr sumettikul pls i CANT DO THIS#i—#hello???? 🐓?!?!?!#like 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#what in the goddamn fuck am i supposed to think#especially bc i KNOW his ass pays attention to the song titles/lyrics he chooses#i need to lie down#gOD!!!!!!!!!!#happy fat cock friday sunday monday wednesday thursday#jumping off a bridge right fucking now#i am so normal about him specifically#bible sumettikul
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Please vote today
#that’s it#that’s the post#I bought wine for tonight and I’m not really a big drinker but I already want to unhealthily cope with today#another historic day I’m sure#fucking hate historic days#I hate crying#I’ve cried so much the past few days#hate the specific heaviness of being a millennial#if applicable to you#I’m exhausted#what am I supposed to do with two little girls if Trump wins?#fuck anyone who makes me feel the feeling of regret over having my babies#I already want to throw up or get blackout drunk or both#fuck anyone who votes for Trump#fuck anyone who chooses not to vote#fuck anyone who thinks abstaining from voting proves any kind of point#fuck anyone who votes for Jill Stein#fuck anyone who doesn’t vote for Kamala Harris#the weight and enormity of this makes me feel like I’m going insane#I hate being so goddamn angry all the time
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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this is a tiny pet peeve but i think its kinda odd that people seem to like. forget, or maybe just neglect to take into account, that yellow, for whatever reason (whether he's an alt universe john or a fresh piece of this universe's KIY that kayne went and ripped off) has ALSO been trapped in the dark world prior to being with arthur and has exactly as many Feelings about it. this is a very load bearing character trait imo
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#malevolent spoilers#standard ''fandom hermit'' disclaimer most of my perception of common hc/characterization here is just osmosis from fics ive read#this is why i lean way more towards the ''alt timeline john'' idea than anything else#bc how does it work otherwise. did kayne grab a new piece of the king and then. stick it in the dark world to finish cooking?#i mean i wouldn't put it past him i guess it just seems like a needless logistical investment on his part#anyway more to the point. in terms of personality/character i think both of them are several layers removed from the king atp#and it's BECAUSE of the dark world. BECAUSE they went through this process of being helpless and fighting for their lives#that's why yellow is Like That. this is why he bites.#you think the king would be that goddamn defensive and scared and easily cowed by threats?? fuck no. hes better than that#relatedly i think ppl overestimate how much yellow actually remembers of being the king#and correspondingly underestimate how much the persona really is just a mask he grabbed at to defend himself from arthur#''ok you're saying that i am this thing and you hate and fear it so i'll become it and then you'll stop snapping that fucking whip at me''#like cmon. you make a guy feel so fucking lost and small and helpless and then tell him that he used to be a fucking GOD#what is he supposed to do besides lean into that idea in hopes of getting any of that power back to defend himself with??#yellow my poor lil meow meow... my sad wet cat who refuses to admit he is wet or sad...#anyway i'll stop doing character analysis in the tags now#malevolent#malevanalysis
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sorry i’m still insane abt gravion. more posts incoming
#the whole time i was trying to think of some dumb joke to make abt masami ‘three store system’ obari#cause imo he used that TWICE in zwei to show queer characters and has obviously made that the main vehicle for braeburn but like.#goddamn. what the fuck am i supposed to say about that#when touga and eiji are exchanging their metaphorical pachinko balls for cold hard cash onsite LMAO#a: gravion#t.txt#i am sorting out my more coherent thoughts on the show which will probably get a proper post later#cause i have ton#but for now i just keep rewatching that ‘touga!! touga he just said that we were the sun!!’ clip………aweh………..
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look i love spot just as much as anybody else but if i see somebody actually unironically siding with him and saying hes in the right, im gonna think theyre fucking insane
#WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS MILES FAULT---------#the only legitimate grievance spot has with miles is how upsetting it mustve been to have his traumatic backstory be so easily dismissed#otherwise#how the fuck was miles supposed to know ohnn was there? how the fuck is it miles fault he SAVED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN MULTIVERSE?#spot legitimately needs help and he wont be finding it in KILLING MILES DAD#(not that spot can seem to get help considering his condition which explains his severe mental deterioration)#(which probably also resulted from the isolation that came right after a trauma conga line of becoming disabled+getting ostracized+#+losing his job+losing any support system he mightve had)#but i am not blaming miles for any of that. thats THE SYSTEM#babey!!!#another note: spot worked for evil inc. literally what was he expecting would happen? he was down to shoot spiderman for trespassing like#he was very much not working for the good guys.#mind you even if im firmly on team 'actions have consequences'i still think what happened to spot was downright horrific and#he didnt deserve to be hurt to such a degree but. shrug. im gonna make a whole post on him some day i swear.#the spot#spiderverse spoilers#atsv spoilers#atsv#across the spiderverse#johnathon ohnn#miles morales#<- dont you dare touch a hair on his or his familys head wretched bagel man (affectionate)#spot
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This 92percenter will be in my house, minding my Black woman business, honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., on the 20th. Iono who those other people are.
Rev Al, the 8% and the 20% can go. Will be chilling and crocheting.
#Like fuck marching#Stop asking#the answer is no!#Sistas.#When I tell you I am for all of this energy and these comments!!!!!!!!!!#😂😂😂#As a PROUD member of the 92%#I will be marching alright ..#as far from where they are marching as possible..#Did ya’ll think we weren’t serious ???#when we said no we meant NO#like big fat FUCK NO!#We are tied and we ain’t doing nothing#for the 4 years👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾#Hell nawl!#I’m tucked in ALL 2025 and beyond.#GodDamn a march.#Now what we supposed#to be watching together on that day#again?#Fuck no!#This is me the next 4 years#. Fuck those backstabbing people#they say that they are with us#and they vote for this 3rd grade educated unpa lumpa.#Fuck you all!#I’ll see you in 2026#I hope you suffer bad#. I’ll side eye you at the midterms#and prepare to be sick of me in 2028
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What the fuck does someone get out of reblogging my post with rude shit as if I can't see it
#yeah i think that using a romance ending for something that is not at all about romance#means that they don't know how to write a fucking ending sorry for having an opinion idk#i don't hate romance endings because they're straight i hate them because they're lazy as shit#every other goddamn manga is ending with the main male character and most popular female character getting together#“is the izuocha why people think horikoshi doesn't know how to write an ending” yes actually#if he did the romance well i wouldn't even be complaining but romance couldn't even be considered a subplot in bnha#it was literally 90% shown on ochako's side#what the hell am i supposed to do with that? call it good writing just because it ended up being requited love?#i'm not gonna call a lazy romance ending good no matter how much i enjoy romance manga especially if the romance was written like shit#i appreciate horikoshi but no he did not stick the landing for this ending#i understand that my posts are public but being snarky towards me in your tags for no fucking reason is rude as hell#already in a bad mood now i looked through my notifs on here and that put me in a worse mood god#i blocked this person already i'm not getting into an argument about it
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i yam thinking abt. my Thing
#tide of consciousness#not exactly an uncommon occurrence#but it is certainly occurring. currently#occur is. a weird word. goddamn thats a weird word#what the hell is occur. and then when you add to it ??? two r??? occurr. wait fuck currently . curr#those shits have to be related#to cur...#o cur... cur-ent...#is cur some old synonym for present. or. something. i have to look this up#ah ok. looked it up. another modern day victim of latin prevalence#currere actually means 'to run' which is wild bc both occur and currently dont at first glance have ANYTHING to do with that#ahhh i love language. why am i not biting the bullet and just getting a degree in whatever the science of language history is or whatever#hey. i should like. why dont i just act on this#also side note cur as in the insult has nothing to do with currere#well. i successfully stopped thinking abt my thing for a second thhere#and to think these tags were just supposed to be 'and by thing haha well. lets just say. my .'
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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse
#mcalhen personal#and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there#feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like#“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like#but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything#I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week#but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they#treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work#and I can never help him at this rate#bc I can't help myself#I can't help anyone#and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life#as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things#as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family#y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS#I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation#but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news#at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain#bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all#and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work#I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already#no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness#also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e#but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it
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Why cant this just be a fucking normal math class
#like#give the lecture -> let me do the homework -> take the exam#that's ALL you need to do in a fucking /math class/#why does it have to be so fucking complicated#i just looked at my grades thinking 'oh yeah i've got this on lock' only to find i've got a bunch of missing work?????#and i have no fucking CLUE what the FUCK it even IS#its not in the syllabus its not in the modules its not in the assignments it wasnt brought up when i met with the professor#i see one (1) mention of having to do discussion boards but i CANT FUCKING FIND THE BOARDS#and NONE of this is graded well and theres NO process to it#it feels like a fucking free for all and how the HELL am i supposed to learn the concepts when im too busy#trying to fucking figure out the structure of the goddamn class#anyways#i'm back to complaining
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im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.
#i know this is stupid#im supposed to be proud of being trans and love myself no matter what and be proud of my identity but#fuck man sometimes id just give anything to be cis#like this shit sucks#i dont wanna fuckin do this anymore im tired of it#'nick ur only 18' YEAH I KNOW AND ITS STILL BAD#god im pissed off#i just. i hate that i cant be proud of who i am bc im not someone else.#im losing my mind i think#i wish i was cis so fuckin bad u guys. i wanna have the experiences of growing up as a boy that i missed out on.#i wish i couldve went to school dances in a suit and not had to worry about being stared at#i wish i could dress how i wanted and present myself how i feel comfortable without hearing those goddamn whispers behind my back#im sick and fuckin tired of it#anyway <3 im done <3 im gonna go watch youtube and pretend like i dont exist <3#vent#dysphoria mention
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google search how to stop being so autistic because i'm apparently ruining my friendships by acting like an asshole and having no idea and i'm already so fucking exhausted
#my post#vent#like i don't think people get it lol#how fucking exhausting it is to have a million programs open in my head every time i have a fucking conversation#how i leave every fucking conversation wondering if everyone thinks i'm a massive dick#and it turns out that wow i was right to think that! just when i think i'm doing better apparently no i'm not!#it feels like the rules change every second and i don't know how everyone can just fucking GET it#like i'm trying i'm really fucking trying and apparently i'm not trying hard enough even though i'm so fucking tired#saw someone discuss this#how she feels the constant processing and the feeling over never being able to catch up is why autistic people kill themselves#and honestly yeah i agree because how the fuck am i supposed to fucking live like this#i dunno i'm just. tired#being like this just makes me want to not speak to anyone#hell maybe people would prefer it that way#i don't blame them i just wish people would understand it's so goddamn fucking hard and i'm so tired all the time#idk i'm being a lil bitch right now and i don't know what to do i just needed to vomit this out#peace and love and back to our regularly scheduled programming
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i was obsessed with the handmaiden (still am, at the back of my head), i should not he surprised that i ended up obsessed with hannibal
#and i am not#two diff movies but somehow. somehow they kinda fit together#well except maybe the running away plan actually fucking worked#and yeah completely different tropes but GAAAAAY ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER AND KEEP GETTING SEPARATED BOUT TO HE MARRIED OFF TO DIFF PPL#actually. feels more like marlana.#omg#i wanna rewatch the movie again.#guess what my plans are tonight#also not movie for hannibal#show#im on mobile i am NOT bothered to fix the tags and play around with this goddamn i think ordering by alphabet tags feature. i will cry#anyway.#nbc hannibal#the handmaiden#shitpost#my post#rumaiq rambles
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Can't imagine ever feeling bad about being single when Reddit exists. Today in cis het men are hot garbage.
Tw for traumatic childbirth, medical trauma, coercion, gaslighting and medical abuse and fucking troglodyte manchild of a husband. Jesus fucking Christ.
#the fact that people are made to push their babies out while flat on their backs will never not be appalling to me#the natural birth position is squatting or on all fours#what the fuck is wrong with western medicine#if i ever have a baby I'd be torn between having it at home with a midwife‚ which honestly feels less scary‚#or a hospital where i can get an epidural because i am really pain averse#my doctor friend says she tries to discourage epidurals because in her experience something always ends up going wrong#the pain is supposed to be a signifier of what to do#and how and when to push#it's unlikely to be a problem for me bc i'm divorced ace disabled and poor#i can't imagine being able to afford a child even though i really want one#still. the patient is the expert on their own body. this rule should be iron clad when it comes to pregnancy and birthing#i think being against cis male gynaecologists is too radfem but then stuff like this happens#obviously cis female gynos and nurses can also be horrible but this kind of numbskullery might be not as common#cis het men are a goddamn plague jfc#knee of huss#r/relationships#reddit
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He is like an angel to me <3
#akira nishikiyama#every time i see a gifset of this scene and it's THIS quick moment JUST before he slicks his hair back THIS to me is his pinnacle of beauty#look at my beautiful bloodstained koi. succumbing to the darkness but honestly he held out longer than i would so we gotta respect that#also Matsushige. my guy. my dude. why did you think talking shit to a guy JUST after his sister died was a good idea. ya shoulda run#but also thank fuck ya didnt cause i fucking hated ya and im glad pretty koi her fucking gutted ya. absolutely eviscerated. like goddamn#this rewired something in my brain lads#cw blood#almost forgot that bit lol. also the other day i posted this pic and caption in a Discord server im in#yknow with the intention of basically swooning over him because yeah im in love with him right. and one person responded to me#and props to her she was reacting like. properly i suppose? like 'oh it's so sad what happened to him#when it all came crashing down </3' but im here like 'yes the scene is VERY tragic and rips my heart out but thats NOT what im doing here#today lmaooo' i am happy to focus on the tragedy of his character and often do#but right NOW i am trying to sexualize a man covered in the blood of his enemy as his psyche shatters so like <3#theres probably nicer pics of this bit but i dont have them on hand. i might start a 'pretty Nishiki pics' folder on my phone too
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