#i am sorting out my more coherent thoughts on the show which will probably get a proper post later

[coredrill]

sorry i’m still insane abt gravion. more posts incoming

[agatharkn3ss]

Teen theory - Spoilers

Preface: This post is going to be long, but I do think there is something good here! If you just want just the main plot theory: I THINK THE VICTIM'S BODY IN EP.1 IS TEEN. I explain this in the section "The Cool Bit" ;)

It has taken me the absolute longest to write it because I couldn't quite form a coherent theory and my ideas have been changing back and forth. I even had to build some sort of murder board timeline to focus. No, I am not kidding. My hope is that today's episode is going to show us more of Teen/Billy's backstory so we will finally get at least some answers and my brain can rest.

A lot of this is based on episode 1 - I think it contains so many details that are crucial to the story and I probably haven't even made a dent with my observations.

We have a definitive confirmation that Teen is indeed Billy Maximoff. If we still had any doubts about which "mother" Agatha was referring to, it was confirmed by Jac Schaeffer in her ep.5 interview, by Joe Locke in his interview, followed by lots of Marvel Teen & Wanda promos and the trailer where we hear Agatha sneering "What does Billy Maximoff want at the end of the Road?". But Joe also confirms that "Agatha All Along is not following the blueprint of [Young Avengers] narrative — or any one specific comic, for that matter". So... who is Teen?

WandaVision recap

In WandaVision we see Billy Maximoff was created by Wanda's chaos magic when she created the Hex. She became "pregnant" and pretty much within 24h gave birth to twins - first Tommy, then Billy. Interesting that Tommy was named by Wanda as a "nice, classic, all-American name", while Billy was named by Vision specifically after William Shakespeare - Vision even excitedly quoted "All the world's a stage, All the men and women merely players" - foreshadowing the immense power of Billy, who in the comics becomes Wiccan and is thought to be at least as powerful as Wanda.

We see that Tommy has super speed and Billy telekinetic powers. He can hear the thoughts of Westview citizens who are screaming in their heads because they are trapped by Wanda's Hex. He even tells Agatha that he liked staying at her place because she was "quiet inside" - she was the only person staying at the Hex of her own will.

The boys quickly age themselves up at will, so that by day 3, the last day, they appear to be both 10 years old. One of their last moments is Wanda tucking them to sleep, telling them "Family is forever" and thanking them for choosing Wanda to be their mom. Which is quite an interesting choice of words. In the comics, the twins' souls are thought to have been created from the pieces of essence of Mephisto. Wanda's comment could therefore be speculated that perhaps she knew twins were not only not "biologically" hers but also that perhaps they weren't little boys after all (I choose to ignore the events of MoM entirely).

After the Hex, the boys "bodies" cease to exist, but their souls are believed to survive.

Enter Billy Kaplan.

We have long theorised this, and it seems like we were right, that the car crash near Eastview mentioned in episode 1 was the one that killed Billy Kaplan and allowed Billy Maximoff to reincarnate. Agnes mentions that the front airbags were deployed and there was blood stain on the backseat. This suggested that the front passengers, Kaplan parents, have survived, but Billy died.

In the trailer we see exactly that - Teen observes the Hex coming down, but their car ends up on the other side of the road - his parents are probably also distracted by the events. Right outside of Eastview we see an oncoming car - and it's a S.W.O.R.D. car! Teen shouts out to his mom - likely the driver, but we see the car hitting the tree sideways - right where Teen was sat.

Crazy Ralph theory

I think it's interesting that S.W.O.R.D. is seen here - and they are coming out of Eastview. But why? At this point in time all the forces would've already been waiting outside of Westview.

I think this is probably not important and a red herring. But I would like this to be Agent Jimmy Woo, maybe transporting people from Westview. Wanda opened the Hex for a few minutes and let some of the citizens go away, before she closed the Hex again. After that she battled Agatha, said her goodbyes, all the while the Hex was slowly shrinking before it was gone completely. So I think what Teen is seeing from the car is that shrinking phase. Meaning that perhaps some citizens have escaped by then and were brought to safety - the nearest town was Eastview.

I would also love (but it would probably not work out in terms of chronological events) if this was Jimmy Woo returning from Eastview after placing Ralph Bohner into a new witness protection house, this time in Eastview. Quick catch up: Ralph Bohner was the whole reason Woo found out about Westview because he was assigned to his case as witness protection but suddenly Bohner went missing. We now know this was because the Hex has deactivated his ankle monitor, then Agatha kidnapped him so she could live in his house and pretend that she was Ralph's wife. She then used him as Fake Pietro, before Monica released him from the spell. After that, there was a deleted scene where Bohner cuts his ankle monitor and runs away, while Jimmy releases instructions to find him. Raplh clearly hasn't been returned to Westview because we see that Agatha still lives in the same house. The reason I mention all of this is that the strange silhouette of a man in the trailer has longish hair that could be silver-ish. So maybe this is actually Ralph Bohner, still in hiding?

Anyway, I digress.

Car crash aftermath

So Billy Kaplan dies. I think he's dead long enough for Rio to show up. Maybe even long enough that his body ends up in a morgue - similar to the one we will see in the earth trial? But then Billy Maximoff's soul enters the body and we have a miracle. This is where it gets interesting, because there are so many questions. I think Rio sees Maximoff but can't stop him. Maybe that's why she says she hates ghosts - is this because she has no power over them? She needs to do "her job" but Maximoff will not let her, so she needs to find another way. I wonder if the earth trial is Rio's so she can finally reap Billy's body?

Billy miraculously lives and that's why there is that article "Near death in Westview".

Billy lives but I don't think he knows who he is. I think he has Billy Kaplan's memories, maybe flashes of Maximoff, but I think he's confused. I don't think he remembers Rio either. Maybe she was in her "skeleton skin". He's neither Billy Kaplan, nor Billy Maximoff. He's "Teen". That's why we hear him say in the flashback "I want something else. Something more."

We know there is a bar mitzvah in this episode - and Wiccan in the comics is Jewish. So I think this must be Teen must be 13 and it's his bar mitzvah. Now, I don't know enough about this, but I know that it a significant, sacred coming-of-age ceremony:

"Our sages teach that at the age of 13 young men and women are endowed with a greater capacity for both seeking to do good and seeking selfish pursuits. This age marks the young adult’s arrival at the crossroads of moral and spiritual decision making that is engaged in by mature adults. As a community we celebrate the Bat & Bar Mitzvah in order to help our young adults become aware of and draw meaning from this significant transition in their lives."

This sounds like an ideal moment where Teen finally realises his powers and maybe finally starts getting a glimpse of who he might be. As he grows up, he maybe finally remembers Wanda. (Or not? How interesting would it be, that when Agatha says "You are so much like your mother", he thinks she refers to Rebecca Kaplan?)

But. He still feels like something is missing. Maybe he had many more lives before because of being "essence of Mephisto"? And he's trying to figure out who he is, like a normal teenager? But he goes about it the wrong way - starts studying witchcraft, even tries to summon the Road by himself. We see his hand (with his rings) starting to draw a circle of the pentacle.

Eventually, someone ("JamSamwitch"?) tells him about Agatha and he figures out she is still in Westview. Maybe his "Boyf" is helping him. Or maybe it's Ralph Bohner seeking revenge for what Agatha did to him? I think he remembers Agatha as the friend of the family. She babysat them, let them play with Senor Scratchy (as we see he still recognises him), but then she obviously betrays them.

This is where my theories get really fuzzy.

I can't figure out how long Teen has been at her house. On the face of it, it feels like he truly only first got to her when he broke in for the locket... But there are so many books and diagrams all around Agatha's house. It looks almost as though he has been searching for things in her books for a long time now. Also, there is a second chair in her imaginary car, suggesting having a passenger?

THE COOL BIT

Either way, my theory of how this is all connected goes something like this:

I think that when Teen tries to summon the Road by himself, it doesn't work, but he accidentally distorts Agatha's spell. I think he might have actually used a page from Darkhold to do this. This event affects Agatha. And because it's connected to the Road, she starts humming the ballad, and her imaginary reality not only takes her on a road, but even into the woods - which really resemble the Witches Road the coven is currently on!

Maybe Agatha jumps straight into her Agnes O'Connor persona, maybe there are others. But Billy's emotions and intentions during his spell are so big that they are also projected onto her. Teen doesn't know who he is. He feels disconnected to this body of his. The sudden burst is so profound that Agatha must have accidentally dropped her locket in the puddle in that moment, that's why she loses it.

So when Agnes starts her "case" - the victim she investigates is actually Teen. The body is Teen. His fingers are black from Darkhold ink (that he probably used in the spell) and his feet are bare (because he knew you weren't allowed shoes on the Witches Road). She is clearly emotional looking at the victim and wonders out loud "Who are you?", "What happened to you?". I think these are actually Teen's unconscious questions about himself.

Yes we see links to Wanda throughout the show. But I think they were always actually pointing at Teen. So Agatha realised his identity fairly quickly - we saw her throwing Wanda's references as early as episode 3.

When the spell doesn't work, Teen needs to go back to Agatha's house to find out how to make it work. She is the only one with the knowledge and her Agnes persona isn't useful. But to get her out, he needs something that is close to Agatha, something that keeps her to reality - just like all of the witches talismans in the trials - they are their one constant, even if their wardrobe changes. And we have already seen Nicky's photo appearing in and out of her spell. So it must be the locket. Because I am 99.9999% the locket contains Nicky's hair (EVERY time Agatha pays attention to it, Nicky's theme plays).

So he goes to steal it and that's how she meets him. And that's why she gasps when he gets hit by Mrs Hart's car - because she still has that connection to his emotions from the event.

The question remains, how did he know about the locket and where he would find it? And what really is the deal with the Road?

Rio

So there enters the puzzle of Rio, this bit is really fuzzy.

Wanda's mini-Hex might have kept hiding Agatha from Rio (and from Salem Seven), but the second it's distorted, Rio feels her again. She quickly finds Agatha in her current distorted spell and helps her to get out, because for whatever reason she needs her out. Maybe she knows Salem Seven are coming and Agatha won't stand a chance if she's still under the spell. I think she is there more in mind than body, she seems really connected to Agatha's thoughts.

She could also be hiding like this from Teen, in case he recognises her. Because she still needs to do her job and collect his body? She latches onto their bizarre idea of the Witches Road, and somehow manipulates the spell to her advantage so she can kill two birds in one stone (pun intended)? Get the body and reconnect with Agatha? I really don't know what her end game is yet.

Phew. THOUGHTS ANYONE????

Sidenote: When Billy says that "Power does not interest me", we see him holding out a hand with some stones. Now, I think this is him about to demonstrate how magic comes easy to him - similar to when Agatha was showing off the animal illusions to Wanda. But I also think that this is a little easter egg hinting at the infinity stones.

[coraniaid]

🔥 about tara

OK, so for the record I like Tara a lot. She's definitely in my top ten favorite characters. I am still in the early stages of a (painfully slow) Season 4 rewatch, and one of the things keeping me going is the thought I will get to see Tara again soon.

I think Tara's death is very sad and I can understand why Amber Benson felt poorly treated by the way it was handled (especially with the stupid gimmick of adding Tara to the opening credits just for that episode). On balance -- and especially given the context arround her introduction and her relationship with Willow -- I think that it was probably a fairly significant mistake from a writing perspective for at least a couple of reasons. (It's not really a good look to kill off half of your show's groundbreaking lesbian couple, whatever the context, and the writers didn't really seem to have any sort of coherent plan for what to do with Willow afterwards.)

But it kind of irks me when I see it described as an obvious case of the Bury Your Gays trope because ... it really isn't?

Tara doesn't die because she's gay: she doesn't die shortly after coming out, she isn't targeted because she's a lesbian; she isn't, in fact, targeted directly at all. Her death is basically just a stupid random accident. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Neither is Tara treated as more expendable by the narrative because she's a lesbian. By the time Tara dies, Buffy (and the Angel spin-off) had already killed off (among other recurring and at least occasionally sympathetic characters) Jenny Calendar, Kendra, Larry, Doyle, Forrest, Joyce and Darla. By the time both shows end the writers will have also killed off Jonathan, Anya, Cordelia, Fred and Wesley. Buffy isn't quite a show where Anyone Can Die, but certainly it's one where anyone can die if they're not in the Core Four (and if they're not vampires Buffy has slept with, in which case they can die for a little bit but they'll get over it).

And nor is there some sense that Tara's death affects the rest of the group any less than any of the others on the above list. On the contrary, other than Joyce, who is the protagonist of the show's actual mother and had been a presence in the show for almost twice as long as Tara was, she gets mourned for longer and by more people than anyone else on that previous list. (Xander and Willow's supposed childhood friend Jesse gets mourned so little I couldn't even bring myself to add him to the list.)

Yes, the show is far from perfect. It definitely is, at various times, racist, sexist and homophobic, often in ways that cannot at all be dimissed as the show being a product of its time. I think you could certainly argue that Tara was a victim of the show's persistent narrative misogyny (Willow's first girlfriend, Giles's first girlfriend on the show, and both of Xander's girlfriends die, but neither Oz nor Riley die and neither Angel or Spike die in a way that matters).

But Tara's death isn't automatically an example of the Bury You Gays trope just because she dies and was a lesbian. Even though, as I said, it was a probably the wrong decision for the character and the show and I wish it hadn't happened.

--

Oh, also, a bonus hot take:

In a hypothetical Season 7 where Tara survived, I really don't think I can see her relationship with Willow lasting long. The show sort of forgets about it in favor of advancing the subplot in which Willow becomes a magic addict after her Evil Friend Amy takes her to see a drug dealer and then forces her to relapse, but .... Willow's supposed magic addiction isn't why she and Tara broke up. They broke up because Willow was messing with Tara's memories and consent, well before she'd ever met Rack or de-ratted Amy. Willow hadn't actually done anything to address the things that made her take Tara for granted and consider herself entitled to mess with her mind with magic at all. She'd been sad about the relationship ending, sure, and Tara missed Willow, but ... Willow was absolutely the same person who did this to Tara.

The show doesn't bother to address the actual reason she and Tara broke up, preferring the cheap shock death just when they'd gotten back together again. But after a while I think Tara would have realized this, and without the shock of losing Tara in the first place I think Willow would find it very hard not to fall back into her old habits. Habits which have nothing to do with Amy's supposed malign influence. After all, Willow was trying to use magic to change her best friend's mental state without his consent as early as Lovers Walk, a full year before she ever met Tara. And when she and Oz broke up that same season she very quickly started talking about wishing she had a way to "make [him] trust me". This is much more a part of who Willow is than any addiction to evil magic.

[isnt-it-pretty]

please only read this if you finished cyno’s story quest!

I absolutely loved the story quest and cyno’s dynamic with everyone else but cyrus left me a bit disappointed… not in his character overall but in his actions. he had good intentions but took cyno away from his origins, denied him answers when cyno asked (cyno said he asked many times about hermanubis and the temple and cyrus always avoided answering him) and since cyno suffered under hermanubis it would’ve been his right to know where it stems from since he couldn’t recall… cyrus probably did it to protect him but he cut cyno off from his culture and people. Bamoun and cyrus owe cyno and sethos a lot in my honest opinion and cyrus still kept avoiding answering cyno at the end of his quest (cyno even calls this out) which just shows me he didn’t learn anything at all from the events.

he also had the option to try and reach out to cyno’s biological parents because they might’ve given him away to provide a better life for him (but I have to say as a middle easterner I’m tired of this poor parents give their children away etc etc narrative we had the same with collei)

cyrus also didn’t feel responsible enough for sethos after taking everything away from him or even leaving him behind back then even he knew it’s bad for him.

cyno and sethos both suffered under the actions of cyrus and bamoun and deserve so so much better cyno is a perfect example of ethnic children being taken in by white people and having their cultures and roots taken away from them. not to mention we know that cyno did maybe have a better life in the akademiya but he was still surveilled and treated like a lab rat and discriminated and isolated until he met tighnari

sorry for this little rant. I still appreciate everything cyrus did for cyno but I think this is also an important part of his very flawed character and ideals. in the end of the quest it even felt like he was manipulating cyno by showing him the photos which he “miraculously” found again showing him “look who raised and took you in”

Sorry I just saw this! First, please never apologize for sending me long asks, I love them! Also congratulations anon, I successfully had to log onto tumblr on my PC to type out this response lol. This is... very long, longer than your ask. I'm so sorry, this is the first post I've made with my thoughts on the quest, so it's going to be a bit of a ramble in return and probably not totally coherent.

Okay, so, full disclosure, I am super white. I mean I look like Barbie sort of white. That means that I don't think I can have any constructive input on the trope (arguably cliché) of middle eastern and BIPOC+Asian characters giving away (or selling, in Cyno's case) their children, so I will definitely defer to your discomfort with the concept. It's definitely a pervasive trope (see: Collei, Dehya, Cyno) and not just in Genshin Impact. It's something that is absolutely worth bringing up and thinking about, and I bet most people didn't even consider it, so thank you for voicing it as something you've noticed! Because of this, I don't feel comfortable talking about whether or not Cyrus should have looked for Cyno's parents, because it's very wrapped up in the narrative vs the damage of the trope, which has a lot to dissect and would be better done by somebody more educated.

As for the quest, I think I've gotta split this into two parts to have my thoughts make sense. God this is so long.

-

First, as a basis, the whole thing with Hermanubis is actually so fucked up from the start even before we can get to Cyrus and Cyno. I mean Hermanubis was an advisor to King Deshret, right? (Also that was two-thousand years ago, but he only died five-hundred years ago? Did I misunderstand that? Was he immortal? The timeline in this game could use an entirely different post because between Cyno and the Hearth kids it makes zero sense, but ANYWAYS-). Presumably, having witnessed this, Hermanubis knows the danger of Forbidden Knowledge and fucking with things that should not be fucked with.

After the fall of Tulaytullah, the Temple of Silence moved to the rain forest but left due to corruption, right? So you'd think they would have agreed on the basic Cardinal Sins of the Akademiya. But now, four hundred years later, the Temple of Silence's attempt to ressurect Hermanubis breaks at least one of those sins (tampering with life and death), and arguably two more (interfering with human evolution and/or attempting the forbidden and fearing none.) I really can't imagine Hermanubis would be happy with their actions. This is like the Akademiya trying to ressurect Rukkadevata (and boy do I have a fic I want to write that digs into those parallels of Cyno and Nahida.)

The very basis for the experiment they did on Sethos and Cyno is so unethical and corrupt. This killed adults so they thought, hey! It's not going to kill the children, right? Lets do it on them despite the negative effects (headaches and fevers). Bamoun's children even volunteered Sethos, which, again, is so fucked up.

Narratively, the quest didn't focus on this at all. It was never framed as something negative or messed up like you'd think it would be? I imagine it's because they didn't want to paint Bamoun and Cyrus as bad people or Sethos as indoctrinated. (What's interesting to me is how differently some situation are treated vs others in different quests. Arguably, Wriothesley, Arlecchino, and Cyno have parts in common that are condemned to totally different extents depending on the character, but that could be it's own post too).

We can talk about Cyrus taking Cyno and whether or not that was a good decision (removing children from their culture is never a good thing but we'll get to that) but we also can't really get into it without first talking about how the entire thing was absolutely horrid and wrong from the start. We're starting the conversation about Cyrus from a remarkably low place.

Okay, onto Cyrus and the quest. I actually think it's okay that Cyrus is a flawed character. We already knew he was super strict when he was teaching Lisa and Cyno, and we knew he was into some unethical shit since we already knew he was part of the experiments on Cyno, albeit not to this extent. (Also Naphis knows all about this so what does that say about him? All the Sages are so sus, but, I mean, isn't that just government?)

Here's the thick of it. Was Cyrus taking Cyno to the rain forest a good decision? I don't know. We just don't know enough about why he left and took Cyno. The quest didn't frame the action one way or the other, nor did it give the reasons he left or Bamoun didn't go after him.

There's generally three ways to frame this. 1. Cyrus was a saviour for taking Cyno from an abusive environment. 2. Cyrus was awful and stole Cyno's power for himself. I don't think either of these make sense, since in either case, I think Bamoun would have gone after them. I think most likely is 3. There were conflicting needs.

The one I'm leaning towards right now is that The Temple of Silence was desperate and willing to push harder than they should, even if it was going to harm the children, so as an outsider with a different perspective and more objectivity, Cyrus stopped the experiment. He knew Sethos wasn't at risk of being harmed nearly as much as Cyno because Sethos had a family there already looking out for him. Cyno didn't. People care less about a child who isn't part of their community vs one who is. So he took the child who was far more likely to be harmed, and left. Taking Sethos would have been even worse than just taking Cyno, imo, since it would be taking Sethos away from his family, whereas Cyno was already taken from his family. Bamoun realized the same thing in hindsight, which is why he let Cyrus and Cyno go. But again, that's just a headcanon about what happened.

As for the rest of the problem. While as previously mentioned, I'm very white, I'm also Canadian (I promise this is relevant). A bit of Canadian history here for those who might not know, Canada once had something called Residential Schools. These were boarding school for indigenous children who were forcibly taken from their parents to be "educated." There was a lot of abuses in them and I cannot over represent the amount of damage it has done to the indigenous peoples of Canada and the country as a whole, but the main reason I bring it up here is because of the way the government tried to kill indigenous culture through their children. While I don't think this was Cyrus' intent at all, it is a real world example very close to my heart of the damage it does to children to be cut off from their cultures. We see it in fostering and adopting children as well. Indigenous foster children are best kept with indigenous foster families when at all possible. Foster parents are told to try their best to keep their foster children connected to their cultures in the home but that isn't always achieved, nor is there always even an effort made. Mixed race families often practice both cultures with their children because know how important it is.

The fact that Cyno was completely cut off from the desert is wrong, and it would have been very difficult for him to face the discrimination for being a race that he has no cultural connection to. It's something Cyrus absolutely should have done more about. I mean The Corps of Thirty are eremites even if they aren't from the desert! Cyrus could have reached out to them on Cyno's behalf to introduce him to people who share cultural aspects (young!Dehya and Cyno friendship anyone?). He could have taken Cyno to Aaru Village (young Candace and Cyno friendship?) or at least spent time in Caravan Ribat. The only reasons I can think he didn't is because he was trying to keep Cyno away from the Temple of Silence out of fear they'd come after him (well intentioned but still harmful), he didn't think about it (obliviously harmful), he didn't have the time (willfully neglectful).

Cyrus also absolutely should have told Cyno about The Temple of Silence and Hermanubis, especially when he got a little older (although I'm for raising children with that sort of knowledge. Secrets only hurt later). Assume best intentions, he was pprobably trying to protect Cyno, maybe because he wanted Cyno to find his own path instead of the one the Temple of Silence laid out for him, but I still think that was a mistake to keep it a secret.

Cyrus is a very flawed person, but so are a lot of parents. That doesn't mean that his actions were right or justified, but it does make him an interesting character. It also makes his relationship with Cyno interesting. Canonically, Cyno isn't angry. He's already struggled and come to terms with who he is and what his power means, but I still think he and Cyrus need to sit down and have a long conversation. Cyno deserves answers about Cyrus' motives and decisions and they need to talk about Cyrus trying to protect Cyno vs Cyno not needing that protection, ways Cyrus should have acted differently, etc. I'd love to see somebody explore it; it would be interesting to see since it's definitely overdue, but I don't think I could do it justice.

I don't think it's wrong of Cyno to forgive Cyrus. We as the outside observer can say, "whoa, that's fucked up," but I don't think Cyno is necessarily wrong in how he feels. Like I said, he's already dealt with a lot of this already and is remarkably resilient. I think the hardest part of all this for Cyno would probably be Sethos, because that's definitely going to be a ton of messy emotions, but that doesn't have to reflect on Cyrus. It could, of course, and if somebody wanted to write Cyno as being angry and fracturing their relationship, that would be a valid way to go, but like, idk, I know a lot of people who made really bad decisions when raising their kids, and their kids still forgave them. Not always, and being a parent doesn't mean somebody deserves forgiveness for their mistakes, but I think it shows how resilient Cyno is that he bounces back from this so well. It shows his strength in his how convictions and beliefs, which is really interesting when compared to characters like Sethos and Kaeya (and man are there a lot of similarities between Cyno and Kaeya).

I also don't think finding those photos was intended to be Cyrus manipulating Cyno, but I can see how it feels that way. Since the quest was about Cyno, it felt like a nice narrative way to tie it together by reflecting on Cyno's childhood with Cyrus, but I think it really depends on how you view the entire situation and whether you think Cyrus should have taken Cyno. It's definitely a valid take and something that's okay to feel uncomfortable about.

This is where people might disagree with me, but Cyno grew up loved. He had a lot of challenges and Cyrus made a lot of mistakes, and love doesn't fix how fucked up it all is (lots of adopted kids are loved and still hurt by not having a connection to their culture), but Cyno has already accepted all of this and ultimately, he has forgiven Cyrus for his mistakes. I think that's what the photos were trying to depict.

To me, the entire quest does a very good job of using Cyno and Sethos as foils of each other. They're both paying for the decisions of the people who raised them, and neither are right or wrong, just different. It shows Cyno's growth as a person vs Sethos who hasn't yet found his way. It shows that neither Cyrus or Bamuon made the right decisions, nor were they evil people. They were doing the best they could at the time, and they both fucked up, and now it's up to Sethos and Cyno to figure it out, but they both still love their family despite whatever mistakes were made.

I hope this rambling essay length response is satisfying lol

[bomberqueen17]

The Witch King

This is not like, a coherent review or anything.

Yesterday I was just like possessed with anxiety nonstop the whole day and everything I did seemed to make it worse and i just like spun my wheels and I got some things done but mostly felt worse and worse and more and more stressed, due partly to external circumstances but largely, i think, to nothing in particular. And finally after dinner I was sitting on the couch comfortably and realized you know what, fuck it, I am not going to "try to write" and wind up refreshing tumblr and chatting on discord all night, not while I'm already fretting and stewing like this, i'm going to be miserable and probably get in a fight or something and i don't want that. Fuck it. So I went to the tab I already had open in my browser, which I'd had open for weeks but the time was never right, and I bought the kindle version of Witch King and read it right there in my browser, the whole way through, did not click away or put it down or move or do anything else, and you know what it was fantastic.

I'd read a preview and been like hm i don't know what this is about and read a couple of amazon reviews that were like this was really confusing, some of which concluded so i didn't like it and some of which concluded so i super liked it, and like, I've been a fan of Martha Wells since she put the Element of Fire up for free chapter by chapter on her Livejournal when the rights reverted to her in like 2006 or so, so I knew what I was going to get and also knew that I would not particularly know exactly what I was going to get until I got it, and I also knew I was going to enjoy the ride, but I hadn't wanted to read it in stolen or exhausted moments lest the "this is confusing" bits prove too much.

In the end I found it not in the slightest bit confusing, it was a very straightforward interspersed flashbacks storytelling technique that i thought suited the story beautifully (not to be spoilery but we join a character in medias res with an action scene and it's him trying to figure out who has betrayed him in a complicated political scenario, and in the process of unspooling this he has to revisit the site of where the complicated political scenario was first set up, some sixty (?) years earlier, so he's retracing his own steps and it's really well done I think, introducing new bits of history right as they're relevant to the current storyline-- and just fantastically done, not at all forced, completely natural and compelling, and no the reader isn't told anything they don't need to know but you do get everthing you need to know, there's no unneccessary coyness at all).

So anyway i loved that, and I hope there's a sequel planned but it stands alone just fine if not, I'm already figuring i'll alternate my rereads and do every other chapter each time, so I can do All The Backstory first, then All The Current Timeline story, and that's such a fun way to eke out many many many rereads of a story that like all of Wells' works I will reread until I have chunks of them memorized (anyone who has read my works surely has found whole undigested bits of hers bobbing around in there because I do this so much; I found the phrase weary past bearing in something of mine the other day and was like oh that's moon when ember first shows up i stole that whole emotion wholesale out of the third raksura book yes i did).

Little side notes: Love the aroace qpr vibes with Kai and Zeide, also sort of enjoy the lowkey genderfuckery that comes with a demon who has his own gender then inhabiting bodies that had different genders. Great magic system too, and I love that we first get introduced to how Kai's pain magic works as a like totally fait accompli chunk of didactic worldbuilding and then in a later chapter we get to see the flashback of him inventing it and understand why it works the way it does, that was also so well-wrapped-up.

Anyway-- Definitely recommend this one but probably it is best if you can do it like I did, in one big binge-read. It took me probably three hours and I was trying hard not to read it too fast.

Yeah. Anyway. People assume I'm a big reader. I was, as a kid. I am not now. This is the first new book I've read since probably the spring sometime. I don't casually read things i only read them if I'm going to add them to my Pantheon of Rereads, and that goes for fic too mostly.

[ninthprime]

snowpiercer 4x07 - 4x10 thoughts

despite being mixed on this last season, i think i could make a really good 3 hour youtube video essay about this show. or a real good a more civilized age style podcast about this show. tl;dr: i dislike this season less than a lot of people, but man, it was kind of weird, wasn’t it!

the other night while trying to gather my thoughts i reread much of the wikipedia page for this show, just to remind myself of stuff from previous seasons i may have forgotten. while doing so it occurred to me that, if summarized quickly, this season sounds far from bad. in fact, it sounds much more coherent than season 3, which has to rely a lot on layton’s weird visions. this season in concept sounds pretty appropriate as a final season- it answers questions about CW-7 and the warming of the world, gives us a big final villain with lore importance, and ends with everyone together building a new society. i’m pretty sure i guessed the final scene of this show would be an audrey and oz duet before the season even aired. which means all the flaws are in execution, which is an interesting issue to have.

as someone who’s mostly into this show because i’m attached to the characters, a lot of this is in character arcs, which feel very weird for a final season. this is where the big “they weren’t 100% sure this would be the last one” sign is blaring very brightly and loudly. that’s most clear with wilford’s death, which seems like it was made so that he could come back if they needed him to, probably as a fucked up cold zombie- but since the show’s over, it feels like it gets weirdly little emphasis. i actually think the concept of wilford offing himself before any of the people he abused can get to him could work in an “ain’t that a kick in the teeth” sort of way, but it doesn’t feel like it’s his last scene (even if the scene is pretty cool). but now it has to be! and i’m not even a wilford fan (i know, throw your rocks at me).

this extends to a lot of the other characters too. i am not a layton hater, but it is really striking to me that i can’t figure out what layton’s arc is supposed to be this season. and i don’t mean in the standard “he needs to rescue his kid” way- i mean that i don’t feel like he changes much, despite being one of the main characters and going through a huge loss when the season starts. i really enjoyed wilford pointing out how selfish he’s being in 4x06, but it doesn’t lead to anything in a way that’s bizarre. i can name a few characters where i think i know what their arc is this season- i think part of the reason i enjoyed the javi-sykes-oz stuff is that i can see the bones of all of their arcs, with oz’s being the most obvious and fulfilled. same goes for alex and josie. but none of them really feel 100% resolved, or it feels like you have to infer a lot. with josie, for example, you can tell her arc is about her trauma being revived and finally finding a way to truly come to peace with it, but it fell flat for me to have her final confrontation with headwood resolve offscreen. alex is the same way- having her lose both ben and wilford at the same time she meets nima makes her think about her identity, and the resolution is “she’s herself, and she’s going to prioritize the future and her community in the end.” but the show puts weirdly little emphasis on her saving the world, and i felt it kind of odd that it came down to just one screw. i had been guessing that she’d been planting little traps nima’s plans for the previous couple of episodes, which felt like a very alex thing to do, but i guess she wasn’t?

uh, to make a long story short- good season in concept, lacking in practice. it kind of strikes me as a first draft. in the universe where this was made under better circumstances (ie. 100% knowing this is the last one), maybe with some different voices, and we got the second draft? i think this would’ve been pretty solid. i did still like a lot of it, but this is where it’s lacking to me.

with all of that out of the way, here’s some more positive stuff and more stray thoughts:

i think 4x08 is my favorite of this last stretch of episodes, because it’s a lot of the small character moments that i really enjoy from this show. some of my favorite parts of this season and season 3, otherwise both pretty flawed seasons, involved taking advantage of the increasingly long histories the characters have. i loved roche’s ridiculous little speech to perk everyone up! look, i know he’s making stuff up, but i’m having fun! everyone’s getting a kick out of it! he gets to make a joke about yetis!

other smaller moments i liked here: josie’s conversations on revenge with boki and ruth, till walking around town with audrey, every part of the brakemen reunion but i especially got a huge laugh out of oz and till doing rock paper scissors in the middle of a firefight, ruth in the hospitality room one last time, javi getting revenge for ben via the spring doll, and the delightful bit in the finale where ruth finds sykes and z-wreck in the middle of having broken out of lockup offscreen.

despite how rushed everything is, nima really is a lot of fun. i truly feel absolutely nothing for milius (lol), but nima is often a delight to watch. the build-up during his argument with melanie, cross-cutting with wilford explaining who nima really is, is one of the best-executed scenes this season. i think in an “ideal” version of this show, in like the novel retelling or whatever (hire me amc), we would have had him built up before he actually appears- in a flashback in season 2, or being mentioned by melanie and ben a couple times. that might make it more obvious that alex is his kid, but it was barely a reveal by the time it happened anyway. (the scene where he sees her sketches and says “wow, did you draw this?” had me grinning, truly an absent father.) by the way: i think he and melanie should have legit dated. i think their dynamic is more interesting with that idea in mind.

i imagine there was some sort of real life restriction here, but i think my big change i would make this season, rather than a small tweak for character arc/plot arc purposes, is that i would have audrey be slightly less ill and put her into the javi-sykes-oz storyline. i mentioned in my last post that i think new eden letting layton’s crew take the train can be fixed by having someone argue that it’s as much about saving everyone on snowpiercer as it is saving liana, and that person should probably be audrey, who was there and who has always felt strongly about her community. i think she’d bounce off of oz and sykes in particular in interesting ways, and it allows time to set up that she’s nervous about her scars and potential lung damage, which kind of comes out of nowhere. also it is WILD that we never see her find out wilford died. like, bonkers.

it sucks to me that people were so down on the season by the time we got to the end, because for what it’s worth, the finale was clearly written with such love for the show and it makes me sad we got it in the circumstances we did. storming the train one last time, season one style! melanie on the intercom! martin colvin showing up and z-wreck complimenting his fighting skills! josie talking about pike and the other dead tailies in her part of the intro! astrid and miss gillies at the party! none of this really happens without people who really care about the show writing it, which is what i mean when i say that i think this was a first draft, not a completely bad one.

favorite relationships this season…i’ve already posted what i think about javi/sykes (it’s very good and i’m rotating them a lot). layton telling alex about wilford dying reminded me that i really enjoy their dynamic- in a world where alex has endless dad problems, layton’s a different kind of adult figure in her life. till and ben’s friendship was great. and i really did like melanie and alex together again, and layton and melanie being the center of the story at the end.

and that’s snowpiercer! it actually doesn’t feel like it’s over. in fact, i keep getting haunted by a sort of “do the characters know their problems are over? does that feel wrong to them?” style story…which could either be a fic about grief or a full pathologic style piece of wall-breaking metafiction about being in a story that’s ended. uh…i do plan on rewatching the first three seasons after work travel season ends in a couple weeks. watch this space i guess.

[togglesbloggle]

Just musing out loud-

One of the gifts that time brought for me, ish, was a reduced interest in labels for myself. Reduced-not-gone, because humans love a good sorting hat, but definitely not what it once was.

It's most obvious in media, like with those YA books that routinely have explicit caste systems or divide people up by thematic groups, or with video games that let you pick a faction. But it sneaks in to real life too. Like, take the famed Tumblr* neogenders/neosexualities and proliferation of flags. It is, of course, unironically fun to watch the ever-increasing fractal complexity as people chase the questing beast of a coherent taxonomy of sexual nonconformity, and I think the people that do so often find it very rewarding. But I watch mostly as an outsider, because the whole thing is answering questions to which I already have satisfying answers in my own dialect- at least insofar as it comes to how I think about myself. And what's true in the narrow case of Tumblr's culture has some far-reaching impacts on politics as a whole, as you might guess.

It's not that I find the castes/factions/neogenders themselves uninteresting- almost the opposite really. I like exploring and thinking about them all, but in a way that doesn't trigger any questions about me as an observer; the 'me' in my sense of these things is a fairly high-inertia construct, one which doesn't really deform much in the presence of exciting new taxonomies. They tend to show me much more about their authors than they do about myself, though as always there are exceptions. It's like seeing a new map of a place you know well, where you're not so much discovering the territory as appreciating a new view of things through the eyes of someone else, a pleasure that follows from an appreciation of the cartographer's choice of framing and the cleverness by which they drew the lines.

The reason I say 'gift' is, most of the benefits of that sorting-hat instinct are front-loaded; a map, any map, is worth it's weight in gold when you're new to someplace. It helps you find a community where you can thrive, it helps you communicate with others and build shared expectations. But especially once you get a little bit more used to things and learn how to get around without a reference sheet, labels are a double-edged sword. There's no perfect label that can really capture a human person, leading to all manner of suffering as we try to conform to the labels we find ourselves carrying, and we can fall down a really deep hole if we start trying to treat those labels as the axioms from which a human is derived.

It also becomes clear, with the benefits of distance, that while a lot of my exertions in label-making felt like introspection at the time, they didn't really manage to be introspection. Introspection, I think, would have been a little more about my identity as a thing-in-itself; after all, it revolves around the question "who am I?" But a curious fact about these identity groups is that they're meant to be comprehensive; every single student at Hogwarts is placed within one of the four Houses. That is, playing around with these things isn't a matter of asking "who am I?", but rather, of describing the society in which we find ourselves, and our relationship to that society. Ruminating about the proper label for ourselves is asking a different question than introspection does: "where do I belong?"

A good chunk of what I thought was self-discovery was, in hindsight, something closer to self-consciousness. Trying to figure out how to be seen, how to be known, how to take up space in a social world where all of those things can be very high-stakes. But I seem to have stumbled in to a degree of equanimity with myself regardless, so I suppose no harm done. Probably you need to chase both lines of inquiry in parallel, but I think it would have helped me at the time to realize that they are fundamentally different questions.

[electricbathsalt]

HELLO HI YOU MENTIONED CHISAKI HAVING A COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP WITH HUMANITY AND I AM HERE TO HAPPY RANT ABOUT IT

it's like 2:30am and i should have gone to bed a while ago so this is gonna be a lil incoherent probably but anyways. yes. 100% yes i love that. i have so many ideas bouncing around my head about chisaki not being human, or like getting some secondary quirk in a secondary quirk wave that *makes* him (in his eyes) less than/not quite human, and also i sometimes use it/its pronouns for him because Reasons (i am projecting my own use of it/its onto him), and I also headcanon him as a) FtMtX (third gender/maverique), b) aroallo and gay and romance-repulsed, and c) autistic + low emotional empathy, and all of those things would 100% play into having a complicated and not-entirely-positive relationship with humanity in general (and his own humanity!) ESPECIALLY given that he spent formative years in the yakuza, which is bound to be a wildly conservative organization and an environment EXTREMELY hostile to several of those core immutable traits. ykno?

anyways you mentioned him having a complex relationship to other people/humans and humanity in general like he doesn't consider himself one so that's what prompted this. also please rant back i want to hear e v e r y t h i n g

Oh my god oh my god YES!! Okay I actually just woke up (yes my sleep schedule is fucked rn) so this is most definitely not gonna be coherent either buuut bro that is SO SIMILAR TO EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKINGGG

Okay this is by far the most difficult topic for me to try to articulate/explain bc I don’t really know how to, but I will try my damndest!! Yes. I think Chisaki has a very, very complicated relationship with both his own humanity and humanity as whole, in the way that he like. Does not view himself as human, and does not think of humans as the same as him, because they are on, like, separate playing fields. It’s not that he necessarily thinks of everyone else as worthless, or that he’s above them inherently (unequal)—he believes himself to be in a sort of limbo. He is neither worthless nor worthy. He is not human, therefore he cannot adhere to the same principles and standards of humanity. He is not human, and that is why he is never treated like one.

I think he subconsciously detached himself from it. He hated how the one person he (subconsciously) thought would one day view him as human and accept him, called him a monster and outcast him, like everyone else. The one person who showed him kindness with no catch (in his mind, because… yikes). That’s when he fully accepted that he’ll never be seen as human, that he is not human, and will never be treated like something with value/emotion, like something mortal and thinking and multi-dimensional, which is why he finally decided to just take matters into his own hands, with no regard to anything else. Why follow the morals of humans if he is not one? You don’t expect a wild animal not to maul you. Because for an animal, it is necessary. There’s no malice. They hunt and kill you because they need to eat and feed and protect. Is that not him? Is he not doing all this out of necessity? To keep himself and his family alive?

(Although, he doesn’t perceive himself as an animal. Just as not human). He believes he can’t be human. He believes he can no longer allow himself to be human anyway, because being human is too large an obstacle to his goals. He has to be a monster.

And kinda on the side of how he perceives other humans—it’s like, he’s more vital than them to the plan (which is the most important thing in the world), so he is above them in the way they are pawns whereas the plan cannot happen without him and Eri. But it’s dependent on his quirk, bc without his quirk, he is no longer Overhaul, who is the one who is vital to the plan; he is just Chisaki Kai. Chisaki Kai was not vital to anything and was just some not-really-human with a debt to pay off. Chisaki Kai is not worthwhile. Chisaki Kai is below other, real humans. So it’s split—Overhaul is above everyone else (in importance, in the fact he is not human. He is a monster). Chisaki Kai is below everyone else (he is indebted and clinging to the dregs of humanity he wants to have). The common ground is that both Overhaul and Chisaki Kai are inhuman accessories to the Shie Hassaikai. The Shie Hassaikai is more important than them.

He does not yearn to be human, he yearns for the casual acceptance and belonging that comes alongside being human. Humans have never treated him like how they treat other humans. He is not human.

Uggfhhhh I can’t tell if I’m explaining this exactly how I mean it. My vocabulary is just lacking I fear 😭 I have trouble streamlining my thoughts a lot. I feel like I have more to say but no way to properly express it, I guess. Also all your headcanons are extremely real and definitely add onto this/play a part in it!! I cannot imagine that the Yakuza would be all that accepting/an at all safe environment (ah. Well. That’s not true bc I have lol. I don’t like making sad stories 💀 but in canon… definitely not. Especially with Pops’ apparent falling-out with his daughter over her marriage 😒).

I don’t know if this all is what you had in mind or not but I think it has at least some semblance to what I think some of his mindsets are. My brain is a lil fried though. Also please please please elaborate. On everything. I wanna hear all your takes

[blinkbones]

Five 1-season series I watched recently, and why I recommend them/liked them:

Lessons in Chemistry

About the trials and tribulations of a woman who both fails and refuses to conform to the expectations of 50s-60s USA. The show is primarily character-driven and works on a rather… somewhat simplified and exagerrated mindset? It took me offguard at first, but was fine once I settled into the groove. My favorite part was, as I later found out, an addition for the show (compared to the book, which I haven’t read) → the neighbor being a black woman fighting for civil rights. There’s that one chunk that mixes the psychological/personal aspect of getting involved with the socio-political reality of asymmetrical struggles and I… loved how clever that was… I’ll be honest, in that the show is mostly a sort of drama/character exploration and the political painting part of it is secondary. But I mean, the drama is good, I bawled my eyes out a bunch of times, and it’s visually compelling. The protagonist reads somewhat as a modern woman dropped into the fifties and her relentlessness is actually refreshing. It’s a power fantasy in that sense – watching someone smart, fully confident in her own abilities, and what she’s worth, and owed… It’s nice. Just so that we’re clear – this show is the one I’m least confident pitching, because it’s odd in many ways and questionable in some – but I really enjoyed it and I won’t lie about that. I thought it was very good on the moment hahahaha

So give it a go if it intrigues you!! and come chat with me about the neighborhood subplots.

Cherry Magic (anime version)

About an unremarkable salaryman who starts being able to read others’ thoughts because he’s a 30 y/o virgin – but really, it’s actually about someone finding both love and confidence in himself. This is so, so sweet. Pretty funny, too. For all the silliness of the premise, the more profound core of the story is very nicely-wrought, it’s painted with a delicate touch and subtle hues. There are aspects of it that I think will hit harder if you are not a child anymore. I think I would have enjoyed it when I was sixteen, but probably not as much as I did being a worn-out adult, lol. I binged it while I was insomniac with dread, and it made me laugh like a teenager. It’s sincerely very fucking great and if you enjoy romances at all you’ll love it.

Scavengers’ Reign

About a handful of scattered space castaways on a beautiful, wonderful and terrifying planet. If you enjoy science-fiction for any reason whatsoever, I can only make this a very ardent recommendation. It has it all: the alien planet, the machines, the creatures, the cast of characters; but also the wonder, and the fear, never too far from one another. This show is a real underrated gem and I am very serious. For you, tumblr, my beloved freakopolis, it also has it all. I won’t say it – but it has what you want. […] This show is so beautiful. The planet’s ecosystem feels tangible and coherent and new and it’s beautiful and frightening most of the time. There’s something of the primordial awe of coming into contact with the intriguing unknown. Did I mention that this is an animated show?? It’s very good visually too.

Andor

About the birth of revolution – accross the galaxies, people getting tired of imperial abuse, and in the hero’s heart and mind. What I loved most was how grounded it was. This isn’t the usual star wars with god-elect heroes with a destiny. It’s about the sorry little bitches who look at their increasingly corrupted world and decide to try to do something about it. Or end up in there by accident. SO, so good. For that only I thought it was a banger. But then there’s everything else!! The worldbuilding (that prison!!)! The practical effects! The janky-looking tech everywhere! The gorgeous sets (the senator’s house HELLO <<33)! Heartwrenching details! An essayist! Not joking it changed my brain chemistry and there’s a bit of text I want to write down on paper for myself.

Machine

Mandatory « I’m sorry for all you bitches that don’t speak French » because I doubt it’ll get translated, or even subbed, anytime soon if at all. But god y’all are missing out. Machine is a freakishly fun take on the figure of the white woman being kickass through « kung-fu » (looked like every technique under the sun to me lol), yknow, Kill Bill-like? It’s also a very, very fun series about freaking Karl Marx and class struggle. Not joking, literally some fighting interspersed with karl marx quotes and also cycling. Again with a show that lays it on thick and, at first, it takes me off-guard, but I go with the flow and then it’s fucking fantastic. Suuuch a coup de coeur for me. Can’t think of a translation for it, but it means that it struck a chord and became a favorite of mine. Also made me realize I was less aware of where dreadlocks discourse is currently at than I thought (topic for a research afternoon for when I can catch a fucking break…) (bc the heroine has them). Et je m’en remets pas de l’influenceur gilet jaune lol, quelle pépite. Very mad that no one around me watched it.

Honorary mention: Jujutsu Kaisen s2

Total banger. You don't need me to recommend it to you.

[assorted-things]

My thoughts on Dune: Part 2

Spoilers under the cut! I've just been to see the film so this is probably rambling and not very coherent:

Count Fenring is my favourite character in the entire series, and I am a little disappointed but not surprised that my BESTEST GUY isn't in it. It sort of makes sense that he would be cut, as a lot of the stuff that makes him so cool I think works best in a book where you have narration and characters' interior monologue. A lot of the stuff where he finally meets Paul is very...internal, and I think it would be very difficult to make it work in a visual medium. I am still a little disappointed, mind you :(

I loved Margot! She was quite unnerving, just like how I imagined her when I read the book

I think the most noticeable change for me was Jessica pushing Paul into taking the Water of Life, whereas if I recall correctly she was more reluctant in the book

I thought the music was excellent - I loved how the Bene Gesserit theme gradually started to creep more and more into Paul's scenes

Equally I liked that Paul's fight with Feyd-Rautha didn't have any music - it made it so much more impactful because of the contrast with the loud battle scenes

Gurney actually singing a song was delightful!

I love the costume designs for the Bene Gesserit

I understand why they made the changes they did to Alia - trying to get her to be book-accurate could have unintentionally come across as comical to people not familiar with the books

The gladiator scene looked amazing and Giedi Prime is just how I pictured it - both films have done a great job of showing the huge scale of Dune's setting, and I can't wait to see how Paul's throne room will look if we ever get Dune Messiah

The worm-riding scene was fantastic and made it look absolutely terrifying

My favourite change from the book is the way that Chani was expanded on as a character - much as I love Dune, I think she was a bit of a flat character in the books, so I like that they gave her more to do here

I think the film did a good job of portraying the fanaticism around Paul as frightening rather than ~heroic~ - the themes from the book about the dangers of charismatic leaders, and how the Fremen are exploited, are definitely put across

Having the battles take place on-screen, unlike in the book, makes Paul's holy war seem more...real, I guess? Reading about how effective the Fremen are is very different from seeing it portrayed on screen, and even having read the books the prospect of them going to war on the great houses really made me go "oh shit"!

But also, the portrayal of how badly the Fremen are treated by the Great Houses did have me rooting for them a little bit despite knowing full well what happens next, which is great because it means the people unfamiliar with the books are really going to have the rug pulled out from under them when Paul causes the deaths of sixty-two billion people

The scene at the end where the worms come through after the Shield Wall is broken down was awesome

Most importantly: Baby Worm!!!!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

All right, I did a post yesterday about the Cowgate incident of 2003, which started because I read the disappointing news that the site of the incident will be closed to the public when I'm in Edinburgh this summer, and I literally read it during a brief period of being awake in the middle of a fever dream. And then of course I made a post about it, because if you wake up in the middle of a fever dream, you always have to post about the real-life incident that most resembles the content of an actual fever dream.

This made me realize it's been a little while since I've actually watched that video, I went through a year or so of re-watching it at least once a week (mainly because it became a go-to re-watch when drunk, particularly near the end of the night when I no longer wanted to focus on anything coherent or longer than a few minutes, personally I'd never want to be at a comedy show while drunk but I do see why they'd do this for a drunk crowd, it appeals to that side of the brain), but I hadn't seen it in six months or so. I thought, I've probably been building this up in my head a bit in the six months of not actually watching it. The idea of Cowgate as a weird drunken fever dream (though one enjoyable thing about it is that besides Adam Hills and the entire audience I'm pretty sure the people involved were sober, as that was sort of the Chocolate Milk Gang's thing, getting their name specifically because they were the only people who didn't get drunk at late-night Edinburgh shows, instead they went for milkshakes across the road) had become a running joke in my mind and sometimes my Tumblr references, but at this point it's more of a symbol than anything else. After writing that post that ran with the joke of it being an iconic violent ritual, I thought it would be fun to spend some of my sick day at home re-watching the actual video, expecting to find that it just looks like relatively expected raucous comedy show shenanigans, not quite as mind-breakingly weird as I remember.

...Guys, it's exactly as I remembered. It's so weird. I've made multiple deep dive Cowgate posts before, but not for at least six months (I think the last time I did it one was for the 20th anniversary, August 26 last year, so almost exactly six months, actually), and I think six months should be long enough to make me allowed to repeat myself on the subject. Because there's almost nothing I haven't said before, but watching it again made me want to say it all again. And I do mean almost - I think I did discover one new detail while watching it between fever dreams yesterday. It's pretty good.

Okay, first of all, here's the video in all its glory:

I cannot emphasize enough how much the first time I came across this it was 2 AM and I had no context for understanding where they were or what was going on. Since then, I have figured out: it's a show called Late 'n' Live. It takes place on many nights throughout the Edinburgh Festival, at a venue called the Gilded Balloon. The Gilded Balloon is owned by Karen Koren. It burned down in 2002 and was rebuilt nearby, this video is from 2003, in the rebuilt venue on Teviot Place. The Late 'n' Live event runs from around 11:30 PM to around 3:30 AM and consists of a bunch of comedians who come on, sometimes to do their own sets and sometimes to do shit like this, managed by a compere, and after that they bring out a band and it turns into a dance floor. At this time, it was known for being a bearpit with a drunk and rough crowd that sometimes got violent. For several years in the late '90s and early '00s, it was famous compered by Johnny Vegas. It was then compered, throughout the early- and mid-00s, by Daniel Kitson. I mean I think there was some crossover, obviously they didn't just have one compere for an entire month and people besides those two guys did it too, some people had to get some sleep at some point. Anyway, these are all things that I know as a direct result of the rabbit hole I went down after finding this video and needing to understand what the ever loving fuck was going on in it. I actually know a lot more than that about Late 'n' Live, but there isn't time for it all right now. I've watched a four-part BBC Scotland documentary series about the history of Late 'n' Live. I watched a Tim Minchin documentary mainly because I like Tim Minchin but a little bit because it had a lot of the Gilded Balloon in it and that was relevant to my Late 'n' Live research. I have an entire folder on my hard drive called Late 'n' Live and it has too many files in it.

One of them's a gif of David O'Doherty throwing his entire body with abandon onto different things at Late 'n' Live in different years: onto Jason Byrne in 2003, onto the floor in 2005, and onto Daniel Kitson in 2007. All clips I found in entirely different sources and decided they needed to be together.

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. Already. Cowgate. The point is Cowgate. I named the incident Cowgate because that's the name of the neighbourhood where the original Gilded Balloon was, and, you know, it was a cow. A cow and what looked like it had to be some sort of scandal. I think it's very clever.

So here's the thing. After I first found that video, which seemed like a tiny relic of one of many moments of one of many nights on one of many years that this stuff went on, and I set about obsessively looking things up for weeks to try to figure out what they were doing, in the process I came across a second video that also happened to capture the same moment. Amazing stuff.

The former video was on the Gilded Balloon's YouTube channel, and seemed to have been filmed officially by the venue staff. This latter one was a montage of videos taken throughout the night by an audience member who apparently had whatever people used to film things at gigs in 2003. Wouldn't have been a camera phone back then.

This video shed a bit of light on some of the essential mysteries of Cowgate, but didn't actually answer many, and to be honest it asked more questions than it answered. Obviously, one of the main questions I had about Cowgate was "Where did the cow come from?" I'd wondered whether the Chocolate Milk Gang had somehow procured it, or whether they took something that was already there. Both options would open up a lot more questions, such as where did they get it, and if it wasn't there because they specifically put it there for the purposes of taking it apart, how did they get permission to take it apart?

The longer video suggests that it's the latter. It shows Daniel Kitson earlier in the night, messing around with the cow the way he might if its presence on stage were a surprise to him as well as to the audience.

The other essential question is "Why did they attack it?", and this earlier scene may suggest a possible reason. From the dialogue, it seems that Kitson jumped on top of it because the crowd told him to, and then the crowd keeps shouting other cow-based challenges at him, and he makes fun of them for suggesting challenges that are too easy (jump off it, touch it, etc.). The video then cuts, but it is possible that he challenged the crowd to ask him to do something difficult with it, and they said to tear it apart, and then it escalated. That scene seems to be from the beginning of the night, and we know the actual Cowgate ritual was the last thing that happened in the night, because right after they finish Kitson brings the band out and that occurs after the comedy ends. So it's possible that they could have come up with the challenge at the beginning, spent a few hours sourcing various weapons, and then done this at the end.

That theory of course brings up other questions, like how they decided on the weaponry. And, again, why they were allowed to do that. The answer to that question depends on where the cow came from, which I still don't know. I once spent a week looking up the International Cow Parade because I thought maybe it was part of that, but I don't think so anymore. It has the word Metro on the side of it, and someone in the YouTube comments called it the Metro cow. So it was probably an advertisement, not an art piece. But I wouldn't have thought your allowed to take apart a company's advertising installation. Maybe it was going to be destroyed after the festival anyway? Also, why was there a cow-based Metro advertisement on the floor at a comedy gig anyway?

I'd like to go through the video in further detail, as I've done many times before, but not for six months so I think I'm allowed a new one, and also I've come up with one (1) new fact (theory) so that's worth doing the whole thing again. I've just spent two days sick in bed, please allow me to indulge in this.

- Right at the beginning, the "three chances" thing still confuses me. That line really suggests that this is a challenge, not just a weird stunt, that they are being tested to see if they can do it. Possibly tested by an audience that was told to come up with a more difficult idea for something the comedians could try with a cow.

But what are the paramatres of the challenge? To take the cow apart, sure, but the "three chances" line implies more specific restrictions. Did they try this two other times earlier in the night and weren't able to do it? Perhaps tried it earlier with fewer weapons? Or did "three chances" mean three people are allowed to work on it? Doesn't seem likely, as Kitson jumped in fairly quickly and made it four.

- Adam Hills sounds like he's referencing something with "literally bottle it". I know "bottle it" is a expression that means "fuck it up", but I don't see how that's literal in this case. Was there a bottle involved? What would bottling it mean in this instance? Failing the audience's challenge? I don't even know for sure that it was an audience challenge, that's just a guess based on the beginning. It could be something else entirely.

- The part where John Oliver, Demetri Martin, and David O'Doherty scurry across the stage like squirrels makes me laugh every time. Why are they all bent over? What are they hiding from?

- David O'Doherty appears to be the only person who came out carrying a weapon. In the first shot of the guys attacking the cow, DO'D is hitting it with a hammer that he presumably brought from backstage. The other two are pulling on it with their bare hands. Then, in a detail I find hilarious, Demetri Marin reaches behind him and grabs what appears to be a chisel off the floor. I guess what probably happened is he did bring that with him from backstage, then put it down, and we just see him pick it back up. But the editing makes it look like he's tried pulling the horns, it didn't work, so he turned around and grabbed the nearest tool, like a character in a video game that just finds useful weapons lying around.

- It also makes me laugh that Adam Hills used his rap-based narration to make sexual jokes about the cow, while Kitson puts his hand over his mouth/in the air like a rapper, to show he's totally on board with this gangsta rap thing, but also, they have shit to and it's (presumably) nearly 4 AM, so the actual content of his lyrics is going to be to give useful practical advice on how to get this job done. Because they're not combining the tools, and you really need to use the chisel and hammer together or it'll never work.

I enjoy the way at this point, John Oliver takes just the briefest break from attacking a facsimile cow with his bare hands to look up Kitson, looking quite impressed with his approach to the situation. "Yes, thank you Daniel, finally some helpful ideas instead of just cowfucking jokes, now let's get that chisel over here."

- It can be hard to see in the darkness, but this whole thing is basically a Kitson and Oliver-oriented plan. Kitson shouts at DO'D to "combine the chisel and the hammer". John Oliver then points like he's directing a play, getting DO'D to bring his hammer to the other side.

DO'D does this, but puts the hammer down on the ground over there, instead of combining it with anything. That's when Kitson taps DO'D on the back like a pretend wrestler tagging in, possibly deciding that if he stays on the sidelines rapping all night, they'll never get this done and be allowed to leave. So he pushes DO'D out of the way, and takes his spot next to John Oliver. Then he reaches down and grabs a random chisel off the ground, again like a video game character. Then he reaches over the cow and picks up the hammer that DO'D has discarded (like a video game character), so he is now combining the chisel and the hammer. At the same time, John Oliver has physically taken the first chisel out of Demitri Martin's hand, and starts working on the same end as Kitson. Now they're getting somewhere.

- This is one of those videos that's funny every time if you keep running it back to watch the same eight seconds over but this time focus on a different person. DO'D tries to get in after Kitson straight-up stole his spot, leans in but can't find an opening, gives up and walks all the way around them both to try the other end of the cow because clearly the Kitson and Oliver dream team have this end sewn up.

- Then, there's a curveball: someone with the word CREW on the back of their shirt comes out of absolutely nowhere, and hands John Oliver a lead pipe, like a character fucking Clue(do, depending where you live). Where did this come from? Do most stages have large bits of piping lying around backstage? Was John Oliver supposed to bring it on stage with him but forgot it so they had to run it out to him? Or did those crew people decide that they're not making enough progress, someone had better find a large pipe and bring it on stage and hand it to John Oliver so we can all go home.

I've been writing this post so far while watching the official video - the one off the Gilded Balloon YouTube channel - but I think you get a much better view of this specific part from the way it was captured in the montage by an audience member. It's another part that I find incredibly funny. John Oliver is methodically working away with Demitri Martin's chisel and his own hands. Then someone hands him a large weapon, and he immediately raises it above his head like a sword and starts whacking the thing full tilt. Scares the shit out of Kitson on one side of him and DO'D on the other. They both jump, Demitri Martin just cautiously circles away.

In the words of a John Oliver bit that is long outdated but lives on in our hearts and my DVD collection... whaky stick. Whacky stick!!!

Kitson, after initially jumping, responds by choosing to imitate John's style, and starts raising the hammer over his own head to attack it with full force in the same way. While DO'D literally cowers in the corner:

And Demitri Martin continues to do what he's been doing since John took his tool away, which is to run his hands over the body of a cow like a mechanic sizing up a car. He has contributed almost nothing to this operation. I don't even think Demetri Martin knows how to take cows apart. Too busy turning letters into numbers and stuff.

- After getting over the initial excitement of waving a pipe around wildly, John Oliver employs the more thought-out strategy of using it like a lever, trying to prise it open at the seam. Kitson gets in beside him and starts attacking this same seam, striking the weak spot repeatedly with the hammer. In the background, DO'D and Demetri Martin appear to try jumping on the thing.

This is the strategy they're still employing the moment the cow finally comes apart:

I've observed this from multiple angles, and at first I thought Kitson deserved the most credit for breaking it, but now I think it was mainly John Oliver's work. Definitely a team effort though (or at least a dual effort, not sure how much the other two helped, though to be fair the bigger boys took their tools away). It comes apart at the exact spot where Kitson was hitting it with the hammer, you can see Kitson give it a hard kick, then one more strike, then put his arms up in celebration as this strike breaks it in half. But I'm pretty sure it was John's leverage from behind him that allowed him to split the thing.

- At this point they all contribute to pulling it the rest of the way apart; Kitson and Martin hold the top half while Oliver and DO'D take out the bottom. This is another part I find very funny - the way they're so matter-of-fact about handing it out to the audience. Look at John Oliver and David O'Doherty marching this across the stage like they're workers delivering a coach or something:

- Then the camera shows the cow being crowd surfed. The YouTube comments say: "The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door". In his lyrics, Adam Hills talks about taking it up the Royal Mile. The Royal Mile is the street outside, so all this suggests that they continued to take the cow outside and down the street. Was that part of the challenge? Was the initial plan to take the thing apart and then have it carried through the streets of Edinburgh? How far did this cow go?

- I have so far compared them to video game characters, board game characters, tag-team pretend wrestlers, a mechanic, and delivery workers. But my favourite thing to compare them to is probably at the end, when they celebrate like football players who've just won a big match.

"Great work everyone, good hustle out there, really pulled together as a team. Okay, now hit the showers. I want to see you all dressed and ready for milkshakes in ten minutes flat."

- There is so much going on in this video that I find it easier to not try to focus on it all at once, I have to do one thing and then backtrack. So now that I've gone through the whole video while looking at what the rest of them were doing, I need to backtrack and go over the lyrics to Adam Hills' song.

Question: Did Adam Hills think he was going to have to do this alone, or was he supposed to have Kitson co-MC-ing, but then Kitson jumped in partway through? Because I think the latter may have happened. Kitson was the compere for the whole night, as we see in the montage video.

Adam Hills If you had three chances Would you take them? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

As I said before: don't know what he's talking about there. What got literally bottled? Why three chances?

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty He's ready to shoot spaghetti He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

This is veering wildly off topic, but I just want to mention that that Adam Hills got his off the cuff "stage/all the rage" rhyme because he'd heard DO'D use it in a freestyle rap battle with Daniel Kitson, that we know from the montage took place earlier than night (another one of my favourite videos, but we don't have time to go into this one right now):

It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer Kitson's on the stage, he's [?] with a hammer

Again, how far did the cow go? They had clearly planned from the beginning (of this song, at least) to have it out on the Royal Mile. YouTube comments confirm it left the building.

David O'Doherty's going up the ass It's time to fuck this motherfucking class Fuck the udder (x4) Let's get this udder fucking cow out of here

After all the times I've watched this video, this is the first time I've noticed that Adam Hills tried a pun on "mother fucking" there. Glad he's having a good time.

Daniel Kitson Davey, Davey, what you need to do Is combine the chisel and the hammer

Finally, some useful fucking advice.

Adam Hills There's Martin, Demitri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin'

This was August 26, Hills' song mentions later that it's the last night of Late 'n' Live for that year, so the Perrier Awards had just been given out. In 2003, Demetri Martin won the main award over other nominees: Reginald D. Hunter, Flight of the Conchords, Howard Read and Little Howard, and Adam Hills. Adam Hills, who had also been nominated the previous year, when he lost to Daniel Kitson, and the year before that, when he lost to Garth Marenghi. So he is actually being, as a YouTube comment said, a pretty good sport to jump in and have fun about it. If I were him I'd probably resent losing out an award again and then not even getting to smash shit up.

John Oliver, he's the man If that pipe won't do it, nothing can David O'Doherty, he comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he's got a hammer He's also got one motherfucking stammer

I quite enjoy the way no one responds to any of this. Adam Hills starts calling them out by name, including bringing up Kitson's stutter and DO'D nationality and his awards rivalry with Demetri Martin, and none of them even briefly looks at him. They are all very busy and focused on the important task of destroying a cow.

It's time to break this cow down It's time to break this cow down It's not time to chow down It's time to break this cow down

I want this verse embroidered on a throw pillow. Actually, I think I want these entire lyrics printed out and framed on my wall.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send it out the front, send it out the... [cow breaks apart] Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Once again, talk of parading this thing around outside the venue. Where were they taking it?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

That, of course, is a reference to the Gilded Balloon's history. It burned down in a fire in December 2002. It's now August 2003, and they're in a new venue that was rebuilt nearby. Karen Koren is the venue's owner. I'm pretty sure Adam Hills is implying that she's going to burn down the new venue if the performers don't do well enough. Actually, he's not implying that, he's outright stating it. What he's implying is that she burned down the first venue, presumably for the insurance money, and she is currently outside ready to burn this one down too, if they perform badly enough to make the insurance money worth more than the shows bring in.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half!

This is like that famous poem that was allegedly written by a child about a tiger breaking out of its cage. Sheer poetry.

Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

What's interesting about this is that these are the lyrics to Stan, which is a different Eminem song from the one he was (sort of) singing at the beginning, which was lose yourself. This may or may not be related to the fact that Adam Hills is the only person in this performance who was not a member of the Chocolate Milk Gang, which was a group of comedians known for not getting drunk during or after late-night Edinburgh shows.

It may also be related to the fact that this is a clip of the Edinburgh show that Adam Hills had just spent a month performing:

So he had Stan in his head all month anyway, he was on stage and remembered he was supposed to be singing an Eminem song, his brain told him that the Eminem song he sings on stage is Stan. Fair enough.

Though it's worth noting that those aren't the correct lyrics to Stan either. The Eninem song says the clouds come up the window, not the sun. Why would it be all grey and hard to see if the sun came up the window?

Crowd surf the cow, people.

I want all those lyrics printed out in fancy calligraphy font. And ornately framed. And on my wall.

So that's Cowgate, in case anyone wants to know. But this is just stuff I've said before. I said I had a new detail, didn't I? Well here it is:

Who is that man, sat unobtrusively in the background, playing the percussion set? Of course we have no way of knowing, in such low quality video without any clear shots of his face. Or do we? Because here is a screenshot of Flight of the Conchords, sitting on that very cow, earlier in the same night! (We know it was the same night because it was taken from the montage of the whole night, which ended with a second angle on Cowgate.)

Am I wrong? I might be wrong, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think that's Jermaine Clement playing percussion back there. Based on the evidence that: He was there that night. He does play the drums. He's a bona fide member of the Chocolate Milk Gang. And he has the same vague outline and shirt colour as the guy in those screenshots. And he was in the background of the Kitson/DO'D battle rap video, playing guitar, so he does sometime play music to accompany other comedians doing weird shit at Late 'n' Live. My new detail is I think Jermaine Clement was on the stage during Cowgate.

It is cool, really. I mean, I'm obviously being vaguely ironic by treating this late-night comedy show stunt as a vitally important mysterious ritual. But I genuinely think that what happened there is fucking cool, if you look at all those people being on one stage doing something so stupid together, and then consider where they all went after that.

And if Jermaine Clement was there, that just adds to it. The variety and international breadth of all the different comedy careers all in one place just as they were on the cusp of taking off. I mean, by plenty of definitions some had taken off already, but they have all taken off significantly more since then. Almost as though on one night in 2003, they all sacrificed a cow to the gods of success and it worked. Of the main five people involved in the sacrifice rituals, there are three Perrier Awards (Kitson, DO'D, Demetri Martin - though to be fair two of those were won before Cowgate happened so I guess we can't attribute it to the sacrifice), an MBE (Hills), and a shitload of Emmys (Oliver). Which I think they should all bring in for the prize task of the Taskmaster episode that I imagine with those five as the contestants (it's okay, I think this is worth setting racial and gender representation on panel shows back by 20 years), the studio task is to take a cow apart, the winner gets all the trophies.

That's a lot of countries. The Australian Adam Hills, the British Daniel Kitson, the American Demetri Martin, the Irish David O'Doherty, the Kiwi Jermaine Clement, and the now-British/American John Oliver. All with wildly different types of careers. All, for different reasons, among my favourite comedians. I have seen or heard all of the official video or audio stand-up releases by all six of those people (and possibly 1 or 2 or several hundred or so unofficial ones as well). And not because of this video or anything, I sought them out because those are among my favourites and then they were all on stage doing this unhinged thing together.

It's the great mystery of my lifetime, I still want to know where the fuck they got that cow. And I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to see the stage where it happened when I go to Edinburgh this year, but it's all right, I'll look at the outside.

If I ever get to meet any of these people, this is the first question I'm asking. No I don't need to know anything else about your career, just please tell me, what the fuck was going on with that fucking cow in 2003?

[cboffshore]

Both Djinn and Oni are seen as evil in the show but they don’t necessarily have to be. I wonder if there’s a Dragon-adjacent species in the Realms? If I squint, you can put Arin who’s Oni-coded with Lloyd’s old helmet or whatever with Nya and Sora with…whoever. But she’s Dragon-coded, AND Creation coded to Arin’s hypothetical Destruction. If I squint really hard I swear you can give Arin a character arc with Nya there’s gotta be more than just them not having any real powers at the start of the show.

I feel like my certified big brain bestie @nyaskitten would also enjoy this ask (and probably with WAY more coherence than me) so I'm inviting them to the party as well.

Before Raine shows up, here's my handful of assorted thoughts about this ask (under the cut for DRS1 spoilers:)

Regarding the Oni-Djinn-Dragon spectrum you imply and that I am about to run away with: what if the djinn are actually the MIDPOINT of that hypothetical range? I'm suggesting this because our sample size for djinn is so small right now (in order of appearance we ONLY have Jackass Supreme, Mr. Expo-Dump-And-Die, and Arrakore (who I do not yet have a funny summarizing nickname for because he's got like ten minutes of screentime under his belt), which isn't enough for me to extrapolate from) and we really don't have a TON of information to suggest that they lean one way or another as a collective. (Obviously if we get a montage of a bunch of resurrected djinn proving that Arrakore is the outlier by, I dunno, committing grand tax fraud or something, THEN we can make an overall assumption.) They do, however, display visual indicators of both Oni and Dragon - Nadakhan's finale evil magic ball things are destruction purple and Arrakore's magic manifests as bright creation gold - and generally otherworldly powers, although we don't know how universal they are. Nadakhan is the only one we ever see using most of the non wish-granting abilities like shapeshifting and teleportation (that reminds me, I still need to get that magic gatekeeping theory out!), but I'd assume that that early Skybound line where all Kai knows of djinn is that they're "sneaky and have great power" probably means this isn't a one-off thing. Anyway, back on track - I do agree that the djinn lean towards the Oni side given what little we've seen so far, but that evidence field is so small that any hint of Dragon coding in there could tip it. And Arrakore might not have done much yet, but I do think he's contributing to the Dragon side and dragging their alignment closer to the middle of the scale.

Regarding the Arin thing: I fully agree that Arin could have a killer connection with Nya right now, but I actually like that his arc is a bit disconnected from the rest of the team at the moment! Ninjago has always had a funky problem of shoving protagonists into relationships straight off the bat, whether that be romantic or not, so it's interesting that Arin's a bit emotionally isolated. He's very much trying to sort himself out, which isn't something I really remember getting in the first fifteen seasons. I feel like that's going to be a huge part of season 2 and I'm really curious to see how it's handled! Too curious to speculate, really, but that might change later, and I do love what you're going for here.

That was kind of a mess, but I hope it made some sense! Thanks for the ask!

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy Re-watch: S1E7 (part 3)

Angel

Okay, last part of this episode. Hurray.

Buffy is now on the war path after believing that it was Angel who bit her mum. Which means we get to see the crossbow in action.

Darla talks about Buffy not wanting to see Angel's 'true' face, and while Buffy minds in this episode that he is a vampire, In 'What's my Line, part 1' Buffy will eventually not mind kissing him while in vamp mode.

Question for the audience: are vampires naturally kinky? Or do you get vanilla vampires?

Giles and Joyce together is sweet, they make a good pair, either as platonic co-parents to Buffy (and later Dawn) or as a one-off romantic couple.

How much leather did they use for the clothing of this show? Like every other episode has someone in leather. And then Spike comes in and it's every episode, but at least it's the same coat. We do get some iconic outfits from all the leather, but there's just so much.

Romani curse explanation time. I won't use the G-word because I know it is viewed as a slur. Even though it is used in the show, I will be respectful and not use it.

There are many philosophical debates about what a soul is. Despite my D in A-Level Religious Studies, I am not capable of talking about it. Essentially, the soul is supposed to be responsible for the conscience that a person has. It's Jiminy Cricket. When a person is sired they lose that, and have the capability to become a killing machine. Angel's curse restored his soul to him and now feels infinite remorse over all the carnage he caused as punishment for killing a Romani girl. That bit is clear. However, is the soul responsible for other emotions too? One of the big debates is could Spike love Buffy without a soul? And this is a question I will explore when I get there, I just want to pose it now out of interest. Because Darla, without a soul, loves Angel. Or is the love that Darla and Spike have a tainted type of love? But when Spike does get a soul it becomes a purer type of love? And what does that mean for humans who are capable of some truly horrible things and can have a twisted view of love? Or am I just digging too deep with this?

Angel hasn't had his full history written yet, because as we later learn in his own show, he has bitten people while ensouled. In retrospect he is kind of lying to Buffy.

We get the first use of guns in the show, by a duel wielding Darla, who should really learn to count her bullets. And aim better.

Willow coming in with the distraction and telling Buffy the truth.

Angel gets the kill. Sort of poetic. @girl4music reblogged one of my other posts talking about the early world building that happened during this season and how it doesn't match up with later ones and the spin-off. And I have to agree. This is probably due to the show being a mid-season replacement with a short season, so larger world/character building is not going to a major thing until the show gets another season and looks like it might have some longevity to it. Would Angel/Angelus have killed Darla? In retrospect, no. He would cause her harm, sure. He does later set fire to her and Drusilla. But within the context of this season without any meta info, it was done for shock value and to set Darla up as just a disposable villain. I am glad she gets brought back in the spin off and we get more info into her 400 year old life, because a character like her would have really been wasted if she never appeared again.

We are nearing the end. Xander is definitely threatened by Angel.

They acknowledge the age difference, I'm glad they do.

They kiss again, and he gets burned by the cross that Buffy wears, that was a gift from him. Also, the parallel that when Buffy finds out Angel has a soul, he gets burned by a cross at the end of the episode. Then when she finds out that Spike has a soul he burns himself on a cross at the end too.

That's the end of the my possibly coherent thoughts episode 7. This actually took more work that I thought it would. Tomorrow we talk about Willow's dating life. No guesses for how that fairs.

[greatprotector-if]

Just popping in to say that I really like your writing style. I really really like how it not only makes you feel things, but also LETS you feel things — if that makes sense. (it doesn't, but anyway.). I like how the narration is just a tiny bit unhinged and WILL make you laugh. I like how despite that, it doesn't sugarcoat or downplay the very real flaws and fears that follow every character.

Like, yeah, the world is tiring and people are tiring and you kind of just want to lie prone facedown on the ground Forever, but also. The narration (or, well, the MC) WILL snark literally Everything in sight to hell and back. You will have a heart to heart with someone deadset on getting that "MC's #1 Pain in the Ass" t-shirt and they WILL, quite literally, fly away when the conversation gets a little too honest; you are allowed to take your ire out on a pile of twigs. Presumably. You stare into a chicken's Not a Single Thought Is At Home eyes and someone WILL vehemently come to its defense if you slander it. Pillows will fwoomp pathetically to the floor. Everyone's sort of got their own wet cat thing going on. But also everyone is lovely. (And some people just suck, but they can wait their turn this isn't about them). You're allowed to feel angry. You're allowed to feel sad. You're allowed to feel a strange mix of everything and nothing. You're allowed to feel spite. You're allowed to be kind. You're allowed to be complicated and frustrating and flat out vexed with yourself. You are a person; you are a person. Those who surround you are also people — strange or vexing or supernatural they may be. The world is alive. You are alive.

Anyways. Yeah. :D I gotta clarify that this isn't about choices or variables and all that IF stuff. This is about your writing. It's just how it makes me feel. It's how your worlds and characters and everything make me feel. They are very dear to me. Thank you so much for sharing them. I love reading everything you show us, and I'm so glad you're writing.

Sorry for terrorizing your inbox with this Very Long Thing (I'll probably do it again). Once again, thank you, and good luck with everything!! 🤺🤺🤺✨✨✨✨

[P.S. Also, I typed a Very Long Thing in my tags for a certain post of yours but tumblr cut the whole thing in half when I posted it 🗿 I was like, "THE AUDACITY" and took off to your inbox so I could tell you what I meant to say in the tags (most of it is in the first paragraph of this ask) but now I'm kind of glad that tumblr offed my tags like that. It's allowed me to convey Everything to you in a.... somewhat more coherent manner, at least 🐓✨]

THJFN D. FHJFJGKGKVJVNFNVNGMV. dude WHTA THE HELL you are too too kind thank you so much?!?!!???!!??!!!!?! , , ,,, thank you for takingthe time to write this...... and even coming to my inbox when your tags cut off DJFJSKF SERIOUSLY i appreciate this so. immensely i'm ):

i won't lie i am struggling a lot with trying to convey this in a way that's satisfying with the IF format but the characters are what i consider to be among if not The Most Important thing in my writing and that includes the mc, so injecting little quips/opinions/human things into narration is my jam. if they don't feel real then what's the point!!!!!! it's hard with player choice and variables and it's definitely been a steep learning curve for me (which is part of why it's taking so long to write lol oops) but. i just. people are complex. and i want to make room for all sorts of people if i can. & i'm so glad that my writing makes u feel things. wven kust in general because THAT'S ALL WE WANT AS AUTHORS. LIKE. THANK YOU

ok i have no idea what i'm saying at this point this is so stream of consciousness no clue if it makes sense but THANK UOU AGAIN. WAGGJHH. I SEIFOFK. i am going to think about this ask every fuckign day for the rest of my life. this ask is my NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?

[aro-attorneys]

God. Second attempt at writing a sort of coherent Good Omens Season 2 rant/review/thoughts. Whatever you want to call it.

First, things I really enjoyed:

Pre-fall Crowley scene. Though this was not liked as much by some other critical Book fans. I understand from canon-conflicting perspective, but TV and Book Omens are separate in my head (sorry Neil Gaiman I can't buy the Same Canon thing)

The flashbacks scene (especially the one with Job and the Resurrectionist, the zombie one was kinda bad though)

Aziraphale getting to use the Bentley

Ok that's all that stood out to me of what I really liked. Time to complain!

God I'll just...start with The Kiss. I saw spoilers for it before I got a chance to watch it and immediately felt disappointment. I do like the Ineffable Husband ship, but I liked it as this...vague thing they kinda had going on in the back. They absolutely did not need an angsty one-sided confession scene with a forced kiss. Everything about it felt so inorganic too. I was trying to be open to the possible (different/romantic) chemistry they might have in s2, but it never happened. Instead there was Nina and telling Crowley he's in love with Aziraphale. Even though nothing really indicated that? To the public they could just be friends?

They did make more "gay jokes" (like they did once in season 1, which I did not like, it was very amatonormative which goes against the vibes those two have). Did not like those. Felt forced.

I have made posts before about the lack of aro and qpr representation in media and Yes that does play into why I did not like this ending of the season. It felt like this possible representation was forcibly taken away from me. I get to be sad about that. It's technically a separate argument but I'm throwing it here anyway.

Aside from That, the vibes of season 2 was...not really Good Omens? I really love the season 1 adaptation on so many levels. It is not perfect and there is valid criticism to be given, but overall it catches the absurdist comedy and relevance of everyone at play Very Well. Both the book and the show have this "ah it's all coming together" thing that's executed so well. I agree Crowley and Aziraphale got more of a main character role in the Show vs. The Book (where the humans and nonhumans are equally important/get similar screentime). And they amplified this in season 2. This post-book "canon" seems to focus a lot on Crowley and Aziraphale, which feels Wrong. They don't work on their own like they did in the Book/s1. It was their interaction with Earth and its Humans that made them shine in the end. Giving them their own problems to deal with was incredibly uninteresting. This is probably why the flashbacks stood out to me more. ...Yeah, I think it boils down to them not being as interesting on their own.

(of course when fans draw Book Omens Ineffable Husbands it's a different thing altogether, but art or comics usually don't have TV-style drama)

I feel I should say something about Gabriel and Beelzebub? It caught me by surprise that I just laughed when I saw it unfold. It was just very weird idk. I will miss Beelzebub though, I loved their trash gender vibes (then again, the new actor did not sell the vibes as well as the previous actor).

This season made me dive a little into the Book Omens fandom again and made me realise how much I missed the Book. I read it back in 2017 and a lot of fine details are lost on me. I want to read it again for sure. I see a lot of mixed reactions from Book fans on this season. Oftentimes criticism of different kinds, sometimes someone who did kind of like the season.

Overall I hate it when a screen adaptation takes a fandom over. I have to see incredibly bad takes on the Ineffable Husbands every day since the show came out.

In short: it was mostly not as interesting/memorable and I am pissed off about the kiss scene that I have to see everywhere.

[struggling-author]

Aang: "I'm all about peace and balance."

Azula: "And I'm all about chaos and fabulousness. We balance each other out, sweetie."

This joke was written by AI. I‘m testing out ChatGPT (and possibly turning it into an Azulaang shipper) and here’s my thoughts so far

read under the cut

I‘ll start with the elephant in the room - do I think it can/will replace actual writers?

the simple answer is no.

ChatGPT (and other AI I‘ve tested) is okay at writing basic storylines that sound pretty decent at first glance but it lacks any understanding of nuance or symbolism. It also has a bad case of „tell don’t show“ and loves narrating. Overall it would probably do much better at writing backstories than actual scenes for any type of media.

to put a slight addendum to my answer, I think given the nature of capitalism people will certainly try to replace writers, and are already trying afaik, I just don’t think it will be very successful in the long run. this mostly comes back to my previous point, which I‘ll try to demonstrate with an example. chatgpt can write a story where the protagonist loses his mind, but it does not actually understand the process of losing your mind, it cannot write coherent reasons for why he does or what kind of actions he committs to support and manifest this process. certainly it cannot give you a meaningful symbolism for his turn to madness.

where a real author may write something like „the prince sits alone in his tower, staring at his hands. his sword lays discarded at the side, but his fingers still drip with blood. as he looks up at the mirror to sees his reflection smirking back at him. ’see, I told you this was your destiny, it always has been‘. the prince shakes his head frantically and covers his eyes with his hands, unable to bear the thought of what he’d done. in desperation, he lashes out smashing the mirror to bits - though as he opens his eyes again, the shards of his shattered mirror still show that same smiling face, with bloody handprints over his eyes now completing the look. despite his better judgment, he finds himself chuckling at the irony.“ (that wasn’t even good but you get the point)

the AI instead will write something like „the prince sits in his tower tormented by his inner demons, he is afraid of what he has become. as the demons creep up on him, he loses himself in his madness and becomes the very thing he feared.“

I am underselling the prose here, because AI is actually decent at that part and I am honestly not, but in terms of nuance this is pretty close to what you actually get. the reason this happens is because ai doesn’t actually think or research „how does a person turn insane“ and then think how to best represent that in writing. instead it just guesses the most likely array of words for how someone might write that process, based on the stories it has already read. if you want to insert any sort of nuance into this, you will habe to tell the ai specifically how to do it, thus you must have thought of it yourself already.

what this means is that in any type of creative process, the fundamental ideas all still have to come from the actual author. so do I think chatgpt and other AI will change the writing process? absolutely! but I think it will do so more as a tool for writers than as a replacement.

it can help with prose and formulations, especially for writing in non-native languages, can help with outlines and structure, (something that judging by this rambling mess I could definitely use) and it could maybe get you started with some basic ideas, but everything that makes writing great and everything that makes writing matter, the creative thought process behind it, all of that still has to come from a human author and I think current AI would inbreed itself to death before it could ever learn to replicate that (ai inbreeding as I call it is already happening with image generation, because the internet is now flooded with ai-art some bots are copying themselves and creating worse and worse results)

little side note at the end, what it has also been pretty good at is writing jokes, so I‘ll be posting those as well as probably some of my other „research results“ here in the next couple days

also if it wasn’t clear, I am still in full support of the writers strike going on, just wanted to share some of my personal thoughts and experiences - and offer what I consider a reasoned optimistic perspective