#what happens in SLs is so much more traumatic to him

[theallyandhisbeast]

About bucktommy and 911 in general

You know, in the end, this just feels extremely cheap and cruel.

Showing bucktommy be incandescently happy in all the episodes but 8.6? Even in this ep you can feel how much they care and genuinely love each other. Audience was largely optimistic and excited about them, in a way we have never seen for other buck's LI.

Only to what? Throw it all away because you can't be bothered to write a satisfactory arc for them? Because Buck is the epitome of the guy who dates a lot but always gets broken up with? That to be able to decide if you want to be in a committed relationship if you are bi you have to explore first or else your decision is null and void?

What a way to waste potential and your characters arc.

The special thing about Tommy was that he was beloved by not only bucktommy fans, but GA, and most importantly he was a sort of representation we don't see all that much in media. People loved him because they saw themselves in him, they could connect to his journey and they were genuinely rooting for him to find love and family with Buck. To waste it all away, and to do so by basically throw at us all that we loved about them is unnecessarily cruel.

What hurts the most is that even buck and tommy themselves didn't want to break up. but instead they "must" because bowing down to harmful stereotypes about bi people who are "confused and so they must experiment before settling" is more important than telling a compelling story.

Even without bt break up, I feel like this season took a sharp dive for the worst about well thought storylines in a way that baffles him. Gerrard was reduced to a joke, as was Ortiz, both pgs that could have been used to create compelling arcs that intertwined the 118 even more but instead we got this cheap throwaway joke of a Gerrard, Ortiz was basically throw out of office in a single ep. Hotshot sl could have been fun but instead it's just.... there. And coming back too just for funsies, cause apparently that sl was more important to develop instead of a interesting queer relationship.

Athena once again doing copaganda. Bobby coming back to the 118 without any particular struggle or even guilt about dropping the bag. Things said in interviews that we expect to happen and never even made it to the screen (Eddie's loneliness? Chim and Hen having conflict over Mara? Buck feeling guilty about injuring Gerrard?).

The way Maddie cannot have any sl that is not either tied to a man or about motherhood. Madney having another surprise baby instead of them choosing on purpose to expand their family. Hen & Karen gaining trauma after trauma about their children and not having any other sl that is not tied to that. Josh just existing in the periphery and only becoming important as the "insightful token gay" but not having any type of meaningful screen time since Carson.

The other side characters like Sue, Ravi, Linda, Carla completely disappearing without anyone mentioning them. Ravi has not been given any important sl ever since he talked about having cancer and ever since reduced as a comic relief without anything to add to his character but he's a "landlord".

Chris is out of the picture for who knows how long, and is basically kept around to be traumatized over and over again. Eddie hasn't gotten any character development until first s5 and seemingly now, but i'd argue that the whole thing just felt rushed because what do you mean it takes one chat with a priest for him to do a 180° while he still isn't talking to Chris? And Eddie was the one who got the best treatment of all of them this season.

It's the way this show is slowly chipping itself away. It's the way they start a queer story line promising it would be impactful and handled with care and then half-assing it a best. It's the way the other queer characters are never explored and able to breath and revel in their queerness in the first place. Because, really, when was the last time Hen and Karen kissed on screen? When was the last time they went on a date? When was the last time their arcs were not about children or getting hurt, but just about them as individuals? And on this thread what about Maddie? Or Josh? Or Chim? Or Eddie?

Everything feels reused again and again and again without no real development than then starting the circle all over in half a season.

What a waste.

[sugashook]

wade goes "i need you" and he literally grabs logan and is very clear and consistent on it, like i need you, all the time. i think logan needs that clarity and certainty and forwardness..honesty, someone to push him and need him. someone with transparent emotions that will get him out of his head,

and wade needs someone to be there for him no matter what a stable rock. it's like logan's no longer a puzzle piece for war, he's extremely important in wades world, his other half at the moment perhaps (bark)

wolverines entire thing is that he can take great beatings and come back seemingly fine and unaffected its like a very strong closed off person, a fortress that protects his emotions. i think he feels good having people to protect.

but that's also a bad thing because being really strong and feeling like you can take all the bullets you took in your life and bounce them off while at the same time suffering in silence seemingly unaffected by what happened to you is harmful to your psyche. and seeming this way to others as well is even a bigger issue, especially with logan who has the base need to be with people and be there for others.

and for that he NEEDS someone to dig deeper and pierce through his perfect disposition he is NOT easily open and easy going like wade he needs someone to see him and give him a chance and fight for him! wade will make way for himself in someones life, logan will go deeper into himself.

others could see you perfectly "unscathed" all the time and if they don't understand you or try to understand you and how much you can be dealing with complex emotions inside, they will grow resentful,you'll be rejected and treated badly.

wade is very fragile on the other hand, sure he regenerates, but the scars of his trauma are visible and harsh on him, he knows it , everyone knows it.

that's why he's so repulsive to others, his life beat him so hard that he can't control himself with his emotions and it weirds people out, they don't understand it and they get mad,upset,etc.

even scared just by looking at him, you survived trauma, but it shows on you how it affected you and it makes ME uncomfortable, that's pretty scary, you're different and you don't fit in anywhere. they judge him in the opposite way that logan is judged. your overwhelming presence is unnerving to me.

thats why wade hides with his suit his entire face, and the blood. dont notice me,my wounds, and the wounds i give to others. while logans suit screams "notice me!! i'm not okay!! i want people to see me!"

when he regenerates, wades body generates bad body tissue from his skin to his core. and the scars of all that trauma add new trauma so he's constantly re-traumatizing himself and it layers on. he doesn't get stronger or bounce it off himself, bad things such as trauma are just bad they create more bad and he's made out of all the bad things that happened during his life sort of, so he needs a lot of external support.

cause he has no strength left! all the trauma and SLS (shitty life syndrome) is like up to his gills. but he is very joyful and positive despite the harshness of life.

he is a little positivity clown bouncing around in wolverines fortress of solitude.

wolverine can sort of take attacks from life and endure and wade can attack life more easily, he's a positive, up beat, go getter. he loves the world and sees hope in it when there's none. and when the world doesnt love him back ,it crushes him and he cant take it. he doesn't understand how anything he tries he gets hurt by. but he never stops trying :)

logan shuts himself off from the cruel world with his perfect skin and metal bones, but the world has shut off from him as well. wade keeps being hurt and open to the world just like his open wounds and scarred body. even though the world hurts him through his openness.

[cru5h-cascades]

Outro: the End of the Lofi Bag Saga

After like 5 months of posting, the main story for the Lofi Bag AU has come to an end! To celebrate, I decided to make this lil' behind the scenes post thingy!

The Power of Asks

So when I made the intro post for the AU a few months ago, I mentioned that asks would have some sort of effect on the story. And they did! Also @ruinationz introducing her AU bag man into the AU ended up having an effect on the story as well. With that introduction in mind I had to adjust a few things (I'll get to that in a bit), with one of those things being how interactions with Reverse would affect the AU.

I had 3 endings in mind for the AU:

Good ending (the canon one) - Positive asks received by the musical bag man would positively affect him and he'd end up changing his life for the better. The downward spiral we see the canon bag man go down is averted AND the story gets an epilogue. That's right guys! There will be an epilogue! So it isn't completely joever for Lofi!

Neutral ending - If the musical bag man ended up getting little to no interactions of any kind then he'd kinda just stay how he was in the beginning.

Bad ending - Negative asks and/or Reverse attempting to kill Lofi would have ended up in Lofi going down a similar path to canon except instead of like killing he stalks specific people he sees down in the dumps, eventually gives them a plastic bag full of eggplant flowers (which are poisonous to humans if they eat them!) and, if that person doesn't end up killing themselves with said flowers, honeysuckle flowers. After that he stops stalking them. The specific condition of Reverse attempting to kill Lofi is hella random but those two are pretty damn close and you know Lofi has trauma from having to see both his sister drown and the woman he wanted to propose to get shot. Being almost killed by his closest friend would have definitely pushed him over the edge.

AU Crossovers

So like I mentioned beforehand, I had to adjust a few things due to the introduction of @ruinationz's Reverse Smileman. Also because I introduced the Doll Woman (from another Emio AU I have) I needed to figure out how to explain that cuz Reverse is also around.

Lofi's character is a combo between those posts from the fake Emio twitter account before the AI experiment reveal and of course canon so I didn't have to change too much for him. It was Felix that needed more changing if anything. I decided to not have any of his family members named so it isn't like somehow him and Reverse!Makoto have family members who so happen to have the same names and whatever. As for the Doll Woman in LB AU? Copycat. The Doll Woman in the LB AU faces similar issues to the actual one and is aware of the original Doll Woman and her crimes which did happen in this AU. LB AU Doll Woman (the copycat) is only starting off with her crimes against humanity (so she's like 25 in LB AU) and has a body count of two.

Epilogue and the Future of Lofi Bag

The epilogue will happen eventually (idk when but it'll be at some point in 2025 that's for sure). Asks won't have the likelihood of changing the ending after the end of the main story. Basically it's just Lofi talking about his new life now that he's moved out of Corrine's old apartment and has a job. Maybe he finds out about Reverse murkin' people idk depends on what Flippy wants to do (I'd imagine he'd find out after Reverse is sent to a mental facility) (this would probably be the only exception to the ask rule thing I mentioned before.) I might have like a few more tracks made for the epilogue but I'm still thinking about that. But one thing's for sure it won't be as traumatizing as Emio's bonus chapter lmfaooo

As for what will happen to the blog after the epilogue? I'll leave asks open over there if you guys want to send in anything but other than that I probably might not be posting as much over there. Like maybe every once and a while I'll post something like I do with Felix's posts but the plan is to slow things down a bit. If Flippy is still doing her Reverse Smileman blog then I'll do some interactions with that blog as Lofi too I guess.

Bonus Stuff

Lofi is supposed to be 28 years old in the AU (the concert incident happened when he was 25)

"So if Lofi had his name legally changed to Emio what's his last name?" Honestly I never thought of like an actual last name for him but he did have his last name changed as well. Jokingly I've been using Emio Brightside as his full name but that isn't his actual full name. Y'all can still call him that tho cause I mean come on it's funny.

"Why are the earliest posts in the blog kinda out of character? And what's up with the screaming audio thing?" For the most part I was trying to find my footing with Lofi in the earlier posts and try to figure out his character. As for the screaming track it was based off of that one twitter space from the fake twitter. Tbh idk why I posted that track multiple times but at least I stopped.

Even though I had to adjust a few things because of this, Flippy introducing Reverse into the AU was actually kinda beneficial for the AU! After the introduction, I had somebody other than myself to bounce ideas off of!

[sheasshovel]

gotta ask, tbh can't believe someone hasn't done this, BUT-

lifers as genshin characters, who's who

omg WAITTTT this is so hard cuz so few genshin characters have actual writing and like each life series has wildly different vibes for each character BUT ILL DO MY BEST (fanon save me) ((and im doing majority sl since I remember it the most)) ((((ill do it based on vibes i think))))

Etho -> weirdly… im thinking Cyno. “Did you jump?” And him trying to mimic the aha jokes and being “pathetic and quirky” in sl matches cynos nerdy energy OH WAIR I SHOULDVE SAID KAZUHA CUZ OF CANADA UM

Cleo-> beidou.. “I WILL FRONT STAB MY FRIENDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” Pirate slay lady and has a big cool ship in s6 hc

Grian -> erm like. traveller💀 IM SORRY HES AETHER TO ME AND GRIAN ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER but yeah he FR just goes with everything happening around him

Lizzie -> pink haired lady with underwater empire u say…….. kokomi (I haven’t watched empires) but like kokomi if she was written well and emphasizing the war general girl failure parts of her

Scar -> itto cuz I love him next question. also ITTO is an immortal and scar never died in sl imagine the angst potential “the last one standing”

Martyn -> he’s so self aware so this is super hard but like. Maybe uh um HEIZOU cuz he’s always like thinking ahead but sometimes silly but he’s also like smart and a detective too! or maybe HEIZOU is Grian u choose

Jimmy -> BENNETS luck and Mika’s everything else I JUST THINK ITS SO FUNNY

Skizz -> whos a funny father figure in genshin. Ill get back to u on tha oh my god he’s dionas npc father HELP IDK I CANT ANIME GAME HIM HES TOO STRONG

Tango -> THOMA IS HE THOMA? blond nice team player kind of dense AND THOMAS PET DOG IS LIKE TORCHY TO ME or is he childe cuz of the rage. I dont know!

BigB -> AYATO he’s secretive but also :3 and ayato would probably gaslight people for fun. and ayato is related to ayaka the most :3 girl ever. they are insane and wildly charismatic and also silly. Like imagine of ayato presented himself as more wholesome on the outside. Or if bigb became royalty do u see the vision

Scott -> Self sacrificial… trustworthy…. “I still might kill myself but now its less likely”…. team player… blue hair? idk I think it has to be like IDK IM DRAWING A BLANK IM GETTING KAEYA FROM HIM IF KAEYA WAS MORE LOYAL? IDK

Impulse -> Erm uh uh uh uh let’s say uh let’s say uh uh uh uh uh bro who’s a smart dad in the genshin lineup someone help me NUEVILETTE??? WTF IS HE NUEVI WHAT NO NUEVI ISNT SILLY idk what to do here

Gem -> Navia SHES A BUBBLY GIRLBOSS with so many emotions and omg when gem killed Scott and was like shocked. I thought of how navia would react to silver and Meluse dissolving in front of her eyes and having to ignore it. In both of their cases, having to ignore it to focus on the task (haha) at hand. Also both should join the mafia anyways

Pearl -> ERM Hu Tao. insane. SUPER STRONG and heavily misunderstood “sorry i think I gotta little bit crazy” from dl is so perfect but honestly I CANT see hu tao as the self sacrificial type, or forgiving type like in sl so idk

Bdubs -> tiny. Easy to enrage. segond in command….let’s make him UGH HOW DO I MAKE BDUBS A ONE NOTE GENSHIN CHARACTER WITHOUT TAKING ANOTHER MONTH okay errmmmmmmm let’s put him as xiao but if xiao was less traumatized and sillier

Joel tiny heinz-> Childe… blood lust and trauma but he also kind of gives ALHAITHAM cuz of his sarcasm

Mumbolio -> thoma he’s so sweettttt but also kind of cray cray like is thoma not insane for protecting the TRAVELLER in front of RAIDEN hello?¿ 0 self preservation skills

RENDIGGITY DAWG -> theatre kid furry. he’s Lyney next question

if I missed any lifers pls lmk I am stupid and this is driving me crazy

[kmp78]

« In fact, the 2015 Rola Incident was the 1st time he threatened he would quit socials and gradually after that, he kinda did! 🤷🏼‍♀️ »

What happened ? 🍿

The bestest times ever... 😂

We have to begin with the fall of 2014 when SL was hooking up with IT for their 1st round.

She of course freeloaded with him on several Carnivores gigs, and he infamously skipped a paid M&G in Vegas just so he could fuck around with her instead... 🙄

Anyway, in September they suddenly split, perhaps because Mars was going on a South American tour and he didn't want her along cos he had "other business" to "do" down there, who knows... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Whatever the reason, it was clear that HE ditched her because she reeeeeaaally was not happy about it and took some low blows on socials. 👀

After a while she calmed down and started running around other famous dudes, and actually started dating Simon Rex somewhat seriously. He certainly was totally gaga over her, as he gushed on his socials about her. 💕

However, our dear echeloopers who had (surprisingly!) hated her guts from Day 1 could not let her go, and right around New Years 2015 some South American eches decided to pull a prank on her on Twitter.

They started sending her messages like "My name is Rola, I love you Kirstina! Can you say "I love Rola"?" etc.

She of course didn't know wtf was up, and replied "I love Rola" back.

And this is the part where it's appropriate to reveal that Rola is not so much a name as it is a slang word for COCK. 😶

Which obvs means that with her reply she was saying that she loves... that. 🍆🤦🏼‍♀️

Well, when she figured out that she had been bamboozled, she completely flew off the handle and exploded. 👀

"I'm not dating your Boy Crush/Creepy Obsession any more"

Oh except she DID immediately dial him up again and cried to him about how she was being bullied, and then it was HIS turn to start ranting on Twitter! 👀

And as it turned out, Captain Save-A-Ho over here wasn't just offering her emotional support during this traumatic time!

Oh no, he decided to offer his full services again as merely days after that Twitter shit went down, guess who were suddenly vacaying together in Breckenridge?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Poor lovelorn Simon got dumped faster than Thinnie from last summer's Med cruise! 👋

Guess his subpar height was no longer an issue then... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Emotional growth, eh? 🧘🏼‍♀️

Mmmmm not so much.

She went right into trolling mode again...

... and then when the Russian tour began in March 2015 is when she started raining down fire and brimstone on our poor fandom with the announcement that...

... she was being lugged along. 😭😭😭😳

The fandom hated every minute of it, and JL reeeeeeeally hated every minute of it (😂), and to the surprise of absolutely no one about 2 weeks into the tour it all exploded into atoms again and she (and her bro) started ranting on Twitter about his "irrelevant band" and left Russia in a huff. 😤

Later she posted this:

Welp. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry I digressed a bit... 😂

But that whole saga has to be explained from Day 1 to Day End to give readers the full experience! 😂😬

[starfire-s]

here’s a list of the best, mediocre and worst kdramas i watched in 2020

no one asked for this but it’s happening because i have thoughts (also all opinions are my own if you disagree then get well soon i guess... no i’m kidding make your own posts about it don’t hate me please) ahsjsj anyways click to read a lengthy post and if you actually read the whole thing then thank you i hope you enjoy this wild ride! 

THE BEST KDRAMAS -

mystic pop up bar - this show had everything i ask from a kdrama literally i can name it all found family (to real family), well thought out characters, a mystery plot, special effects, soft romances that were well written, a happy ending! no show in 2020 even comes close to how good this one was! the writers literally guided you throughout the whole thing so you could come up with theories and didn’t do a ‘aha! gotcha’ thing where they want to prove the audience wrong but they wanted us to be right and satisfied! the worst part about the drama is that it’s still so underrated and people just brush it off as some random fantasy show but it’s so much more than that! 1000/10

flower of evil - who doesn’t want to see lee joon gi being the son of a serial killer, living with the name of a man who is in a coma, and hiding his real identity from his wife who is a detective? this show constantly had me at the edge of my seat on a weekly basis so the emotions i went through while watching this are unparalleled! the writers also did such a good job on writing a coherent story that made sense and tied up all the plot points in the end. just a really satisfying show to watch! 10/10

where your eyes linger - i literally bought a $8 viki pass to watch this show so it should tell you everything you need to know about how i feel ahsjsj the episodes were 10 minutes long but we got a good story with well written characters who got character development in a total of 80 minutes it’s insane! honestly it’s still hard to believe this show had rookie actors because they were just so emotive that you could feel all the happiness, sadness, yearning and pining! probably one of my fave kdramas this year because of the acting that i always constantly rewatch! would recommend 10/10

crash landing on you - okay so this drama was actually released on my birthday last year and it was a time in my life when i was going through a lot so maybe it’s the comfort this show provided me through that time this is why i have such a soft spot for it? like the romance was good, it was funny, there was found family, the nk soldiers were all softies, there were strong female leads, soft male leads!!! ahh!! no other show on this list made me think about the unification of south korea and north korea irl because i wanted se ri and jeong hyeok to be together 4ever! but the only issue i had with this show was the ending they gave seung jun if they didn’t do that i’d give this show a 10/10 but just for that they get a 9/10

psycho but it’s okay - this was one of those shows where you’re literally like ‘wow everyone here needs therapy’ but this show was amazing i loved the story telling and how each episode related to children’s book/fairytales! the writers also did a good job with how carefully they talked about mental health in depth without villainising their characters but actually tried to make the audience understand why they were this way which included all the side characters too who had a well thought out story in each episode! also the dynamic between moon young, kang tae and sang tae was everything to me the actors all did an amazing job portraying their characters, it truly was a healing drama. the only thing i didn’t like about this show was the whole plastic surgery plot with the mother like that was very far fetched but it provided drama so i’ll let it slide because the rest was amazing. this show is a solid 8.5/10

18 again - another underrated gem! who would’ve thought a remake of that zac efron movie could be this good!! lee do hyun stole this show for sure the way he portrayed his character and gave heart eyes to his kids (when he’s only 25 irl was the best thing i saw this year ahsjs) i loved the family dynamics in this show, i loved how it talked about what it’s like to be young parents and how society still think it’s taboo to be divorced! it’s a show that makes you laugh and cry at the same time and that’s why everyone should watch it! however, the biggest clown thing this show did to me though was that i got sls for the first time while watching a kdrama... hwang in yeop if u’re reading this i love u and u deserved better 🤡 that aside this show was a 8/10

itaewon class - i actually didn’t watch this drama as it was airing because i thought i wouldn’t enjoy the plot but when i watched it i binged the whole thing in 2 days and my biggest regret is i didn’t watch it sooner! everyone knows i have a soft spot for park seo joon since he’s my favourite actor i’ve literally watched all his dramas like he could star in the trashiest drama out there and i’d still watch it and be like wow (looking at she was pretty 👀) this show aside from the acting had one of the best revenge plots in a kdrama! just watching a character realistically hustle his way to reach the top while fighting the corrupt man whose son killed his father was so so satisfying to watch! however, the love triangle in this show was questionable idk what they were trying to do with that but it personally annoyed me! but still i’ll give this show a 7.5/10 because i enjoyed it a lot!

do you like brahms? - kim min jae and park eun bin.. that’s all you need to know about why this is a good kdrama! i’m usually not a big fan of melodramas and everyone knows i prefer rom coms but this show was just so perfectly melo that i loved all the angst and pain we got!! also just watching two introverted people awkwardly fall in love was amazing! the characters story arcs were also handled pretty well with song ah finally learning to speak up for herself and joon young learning to express how he truly feels! but... the love square? was probably the most annoying thing the rest in my opinion was nicely done! i know people had mixed feelings about the ending but i loved that after all the pain joon young and song ah went through they got a happy ending together! 7/10

find me in your memory - okay this show started off very slow and it was confusing at the start but as it progressed everything in the plot started to fall into place! i mean this show really took opposites attract to a new level where the male lead could remember every single detail from his life but the female lead had to forget some of her traumatic memories to help her cope with her life! they were also tied together through a mutual character who was a big part of their lives in a different way! just an interesting melodrama with interesting characters i liked it! and moon ga young... i love you queen!!! 7/10

THE MEDIOCRE KDRAMAS -

more than friends - was the storytelling in this show groundbreaking? no. was the acting decent? yes. also probably the main reason i stuck with this show until the end! i think we can all agree lee soo had the best character development on this show he started off as a bad boy who wore one ear stud to actually becoming a well liked character... who else did it like him? no one. also the chemistry between the mains was 🔥 but the second male lead was so annoying is there a opposite word for second lead syndrome because i had that for sure! i think the best part about this show was the people i watched it with on here... shoutout to the five of us ahsjsj also this show introduced me to a talented actor/singer like ong seong wu (y’all know my kpop knowledge is nonexistent so no i didn’t know he was in a band called wanna one) all in all a predictable show but i had fun watching it so 6.5/10

tale of the nine tailed - i didn’t actually watch this show i watched it through gifs and instagram posts ahsjsjs so am i qualified to talk about my opinion definitely no... will I talk about it anyways yes lmao. lee rang deserved better that’s all goodbye and take care. 5.5/10

start up - probably one of the most awaited opinions. y’all thought this would be in the worst kdramas section but i decided to give this show some rights. the show started off strong, lost it’s way after episode 6 and then the last episode gave me what i wanted so i have mixed feelings. the writing was not the best i think we can all agree, love triangle as a plot device? wow so groundbreaking 🤡 the characters on the other hand... i loved every single one of them i mean ship wars? i don’t know her. the show had a lot of potential that was wasted but we also got some cute moments between the characters so there was really no winning or losing with this show? but in all honesty you can’t put a talented cast together like this and then just decide to give the audience a mediocre plot but the writers did exactly that! i think i can redirect y’all to my ‘crimes this show committed’ post for a in-depth analysis. lastly nam do san was a GOOD and REFRESHING male lead and ji pyeong was also a GOOD and FUN second male lead!!! this show gave me the ugliest ship war ever that i was transported back to my high school tvd days so thank you for that!! but the cast was loveable and all had a lot of chemistry together so here’s a 5/10 maybe that's too generous but... i think the reason why i didn't enjoy watching this show as much was definitely because of the tag on here lmao

THE WORST KDRAMAS -

the king eternal monarch - i miss clowning this show so much. the amount of braincells i lost while trying to understand this plot... i should be compensated by the writers. however, woo do hwan was a treat to look at on a weekly basis... however the writers kept decreasing his screen time even though he had a dual role... make it make sense? and i cannot comment on the plot of this show because i still don’t understand anything? also in my opinion tae eul and lee gon were the most bland couple of 2020, there was no chemistry between them and there was just a random kiss in episode 5 and they randomly said i love you... where was the development? also lee gon was soooo boring and such a one dimensional male lead! literally all the side characters were so much more interesting and the cast was good... but this plot. 2/10

do do sol sol la la sol - i wanna fight the writer who decided that the plot twist on the show would be that jun is a minor? i had no expectations from this show but it looked cute and nonsensical but that plot twist made me run the other way so fast that i never looked back! just because jun is a boy they really thought this would be excused like lmao we all have critical thinking skills???? the clown behaviour. a solid 1/10

record of youth - i hate this show so much. imagine not utilising park so dam who just starred in the biggest oscar winning movie to her full potential. imagine just making her a love interest to park bo gum’s character in the year 2020. i watched it up until episode 6 and i kept waiting for her character to get development... but it never happened so i dropped this show. also this show featured the MOST useless love triangle i have ever seen in my life like what was the point? also park bo gum’s characters family was straight up annoying (minus the grandpa) but they got so much screen time like that should’ve been given to park so dam... also villainising a gay side character for no reason at all in the year 2020? this show was a waste of my time i want the 6 hours i spent watching this back. -100/10 

backstreet rookie - i watched one episode of this and literally wanted to rip my eyeballs out of my head. idk what ji chang wook was thinking when he signed this drama i think he lost his ability to read because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he chose to star in such a dumpster fire show! this show had a racist character... had a high schooler kiss an adult... sexist jokes... just the worst things you can think of in a drama... this show had it. i still can’t believe so many people watched this show to the point where it had better ratings than pbio... really made me question everyone’s taste? but sorry can’t relate my taste is excellent so here’s the rating this show actually deserves -1000/10

if you made it this far... thank you for reading. let’s continue to love some kdramas together and get clowned by others in 2021! looking forward to it 😅

[jessepinwheel]

Okay this is very very random so feel free to take this prompt in any direction you like or ignore it completely but I was rereading SL and there was a mention of Obi-Wan being allergic to spice and I can’t get it out of my head 😂 great great fic!! 👍

hi it's been like eight months but time is an illusion so let's do this

Of course Pip knows who Kenobi is.

He hardly ever gets himself involved with gossip because it's largely pointless and definitely a waste of time, but he'd have to be living under a rock to miss everything about Kenobi, the very charming private detective who occasionally does seminars and is a little too familiar with Senator Organa, and most importantly, is making many of his brothers--for some reason--want to experience a little private dick of their own. Pip doesn't see the big deal, but then, he doesn't like anyone besides Tazo. Here on Alderaan, Kenobi is none of his business and he likes it that way. Besides, Kenobi apparently never leaves Coruscant--which puts him squarely outside of anything Pip ever has to deal with.

So, of course this leads to now.

"Can you please explain," Pip says slowly, holding up his datapad with the emergency department queue, "why Kenobi's name on my list of patients today?"

"There was a speeder accident--he was walking and someone hit him," the triage nurse tells him. "Not straight on, he got clipped on the side, but it still hurt him pretty bad. Not much external bleeding, but he might have a fracture or two. He's somewhat disoriented."

Pip closes his eyes. "Why is he on Alderaan in the first place? He doesn't even live here."

The nurse shrugs. "That's none of my business, sir. All I know is he's a patient today, so he's our responsibility. He seems to be in a lot of pain, but he refused painkillers--he was very adamant about that."

Pip sighs. It's one thing to refuse painkillers when there's drug shortages or rationing, but entirely another to go through serious pain just because. "Why? Is he an idiot or something?"

"I'm not sure. He said he can't take it, that’s all, and I’m not about to force the issue. If he wants to be in pain, that’s his prerogative, sir."

Great. Pip loves it when he gets difficult patients. Makes his day. "Fine. Is anyone with him? If he's concussed and disoriented he probably shouldn't be here alone."

"Waxer arrived in the ambulance with him," the nurse replies. "I think they were together when Kenobi got hit."

Pip vaguely recalls Waxer as being a brother from the 212th with a pleasant enough temperament. Figures he’d be sucked in by Kenobi’s charms--apparently Kenobi thought Coruscant wasn't enough and decided to start wreaking havoc on brothers on Alderaan, too. That's great. Absolutely fantastic.

Pip glances at the status monitor on his datapad. "Kenobi’s already in the room?”

The nurse nods. “He’s not critical--he’s conscious and he can walk and talk, mostly--but he should be seen urgently.”

With that, Pip heads to see Kenobi. As he walks, he tries to pull health records so he has some idea of what he's getting into. Unsurprisingly, there's nothing--Kenobi doesn't get medical care anywhere on Alderaan. If he wants Kenobi’s medical information, he’d have to comm over to Coruscant and that’s not happening--their health systems aren't centralized so it’s all but impossible to find Kenobi’s records without knowing what medcenter Kenobi uses.

Sighing, Pip switches the datapad off. He’s never treated a natborn before--they rarely get patients who aren’t clones at their new medcenter--but it can’t be that different, right? Humans are basically the same as clones in most cases, and the history of present illness is straightforward. Traumatic injury is traumatic injury. He knows how to deal with that, even if Kamino's training ran more towards blaster shots and explosions than vehicular injury. He enters Kenobi’s room.

Kenobi is laid out on the bed, stripped of most of his clothes and with several bacta patches applied over his abdominal region where the most immediate damage was done. There’s a couple of techs at Kenobi’s side, monitoring his vitals and running scans. Kenobi definitely doesn’t look pretty--his entire right side is a massive bruise, along with heavy red scrapes and scratches where he probably hit the pavement. His cybernetic right hand--and somehow for all of the gossip about Kenobi nobody ever mentioned that--is pretty badly damaged with parts of the plating snapped off.

“You look like shit,” Pip says as he steps to Kenobi’s bedside.

Kenobi blinks slowly up at Pip. He looks a little hazy, but he meets Pip’s gaze without too much difficulty. “Doctor,” he says hoarsely, smiling just a bit. “You’re--you shouldn’t talk like that. You’ll make me feel bad about myself.” He tries to sit up a bit, then lets out a grunt of pain and gives it up. “Well, I suppose I can’t argue your expert opinion. I don’t feel fantastic.”

“You would feel better if you took some medication for the pain,” Pip says.

Kenobi shakes his head. “I saw the pain medication you have here--or, well, Waxer read out the label for me. I can’t do a lot of reading right now, especially without my glasses.” His gaze goes a little unfocused, then he blinks and looks back at Pip. “My point--or the point I was getting to, anyways, was that I can’t use that. It’s...it makes me...I can’t think of the word. It causes problems. Worse problems than the pain.”

Stupid, stubborn idiot. “Well,” Pip says, “if you refuse to take something for the pain, then let’s move on to the rest of this examination. How are you?”

“I’ve been worse,” Kenobi says. “I was just explaining to your lovely staff that if I stop breathing at some point tonight they shouldn’t worry about that, it’s normal for me. I have this medical condition where my soul leaves my body sometimes. For some reason, this upsets a lot of people, but there’s really no need to--to cause such a fuss. I’ve been having this, um, it’s been happening for over a decade now and I’m still fine.”

“I see,” Pip says slowly. “And just out of curiosity, why does your...soul leave your body sometimes?”

“Oh, I think I died a while back, once or twice. Something happened and it was pretty bad at the time, but I...” Kenobi trails off, his eyes growing unfocused for several seconds before he shakes his head and looks back up at Pip. “I’m sorry. I drifted for a second. You were asking me something?”

“He’s not usually like this,” Waxer says apologetically. “I think he hit his head kind of hard. He’s been kind of confused since we got here.”

Pip glances over at Kenobi, who’s now closed his eyes and is breathing very slowly. “He’s very articulate, given the circumstances. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or not. Maybe you ought to explain what happened, Waxer.”

Obligingly, Waxer explains the situation as he understands it while Pip performs the physical examination. Apparently, Kenobi had decided to visit Alderaan as a favor to Queen Organa, whom he was closely acquainted with--not all that surprising, considering his relationship with the Queen’s husband. Since he so rarely gets a chance to visit Alderaan, he decided to make this trip an extended one, and has been spending the last week or so around the city, exploring and no doubt getting into trouble. Yesterday, Waxer met Kenobi at an open market and when Kenobi expressed interest in visiting the clones’ district, Waxer had offered to give him a tour. Fast forward about twenty hours, he and Kenobi were on their way back from the 501st block when a speeder came down the street and swerved, nearly hitting Waxer and clipping Kenobi pretty hard in the side.

The damage isn’t that bad, all told. It looks worse than it is, with plenty of abrasions and a minor concussion and the massive bruising, of course. There’s a couple of hairline fractures in his ribs and his mechanical hand will need some repairs, but it’s nothing some bacta and a boneknitter can’t fix. No surgery necessary. Kenobi can be discharged tomorrow, assuming no complications and there’s someone reliable who can keep an eye on him to make sure he takes it easy.

“Where does it hurt?” Pip asks.

“I feel like that should be an easy, ah, you could probably guess just by looking at me,” Kenobi says. “But if you...if you need me to say it myself, I feel very sore all over. My right arm is getting some pretty bad spasms--if someone can turn my hand off, that would probably help--”

One of the techs reaches over and twists Kenobi’s right arm so the connectors disengage from the socket, and Kenobi lets out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you. That’s much better,” Kenobi says. “My chest hurts, but that’s a spiritual thing, there’s nothing you can do to help that, that’s just something that happens when I’m not in Coruscant. I think the worst pain is on my back--I think that’s where the speeder actually hit me--it’s worst right below the ribs.”

Pip nods. “Can I take a look? We’ll need to flip you on your side.”

“Go ahead, Doctor,” Kenobi says. “I’d do it myself, but I’m...I’m very tired. I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Carefully, Pip and the techs move Kenobi on his side so Pip can see his bare back, and--

Pip sucks in a breath through his teeth.

There’s definitely a dark, almost black bruise where Kenobi was probably hit by the speeder, but more shocking than that is the thick layer of overlapping scars all over his back. They’re stretched and faded in the way that very old scars get, and they don’t look like combat scars--not like blaster or knife or burn wounds. They look like...whip lashes. A lot of them.

“Does it look that bad?” Kenobi asks. “I don’t think anything’s broken, but it hurts quite a lot.”

“I...” Pip says. “Kenobi. I’m going to ask you a personal question. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but...where did you get these scars on your back?”

“Oh, that? I was a prisoner of war for a little while when I was younger,” Kenobi replies easily as anything. “I don’t really remember what happened, but I think eventually somebody felt guilty about torturing a youngling and let me go.” He shifts a little to look back over his shoulder at Pip like he hasn’t just said something completely fucking horrifying. “The scars don’t hurt or anything, they’re just a little stiff sometimes. You don’t need to worry about them--it’s just my side that hurts.”

Pip doesn’t punch anything because he’s a professional who’s in control of his emotions, but it’s definitely an effort to swallow down the incandescent rage he feels and calmly say, “We can put some topical anesthetic on it--that’ll numb the pain for a while. Is that okay?”

“Yes, go ahead. Please do,” Kenobi says.

At least Kenobi has the sense to accept that much pain relief. Pip smears some pain medication over the worst of the bruises, then works with the techs on the rest of the treatment--they can handle just about everything except using the boneknitter. Kenobi watches them silently as they work over him, though watch seems a little generous. The look in his eyes makes him seem like he’s a thousand light-years away.

By the time most of his treatment is done, Kenobi’s eyes have slipped closed again, though there’s sweat on his face and a furrow between his brow that betrays the pain he’s still in. He’s not going to be able to recover properly unless he gets some kind of pain relief, so Pip makes an executive decision to load up a hypospray with one dose of medication and reaches down to make an injection--

Kenobi’s eyes fly open and he jerks away from the hypospray before Pip can pull the trigger. “Don’t,” he says.

“You need pain medication, Kenobi,” Pip says. “I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this, but sitting through the pain isn’t impressing anyone. It just makes you look like an idiot.”

“I told you, it’s not that I don’t want medication, it’s that I can’t use it,” Kenobi says. “I have a spice allergy, Doctor.”

Pip freezes. He’s literally never heard of medication allergies--if any of the clones ever had them, it was engineered out of them. A spice allergy would make Kenobi unable to use most common painkillers, including almost everything they stock here in the medcenter because spice allergies aren’t supposed to be a thing. “A...a spice allergy. You’re fucking kidding me.”

Kenobi shakes his head. “Any kind of spice derivative and it’s hard for me to breathe--and not the kind where my soul can leave my body and I’m okay. It does something to the Force inside me. I can’t control its flow.”

Pip glances over at Waxer, who shrugs. Apparently that doesn’t make sense to him, either. “The Force? You’re a Jedi?” Pip asks.

“Not for a couple decades now,” Kenobi replies, then makes absolutely no attempt to elaborate. He blinks slowly up at Pip, then asks, “Doctor?”

“Yeah, Kenobi?”

“You’re just about finished, right? Is it okay if I go to sleep?”

“Yeah. Get some rest. It’s fine.”

Kenobi nods. “Don’t inject me with anything that’s a spice derivative, okay?”

Without waiting for a response, Kenobi closes his eyes again. He takes a few slow breaths, the wrinkle between his brows relaxing, then...stops.

He stops breathing.

“What the fuck,” Pip says.

“He, um,” Waxer says awkwardly. “He did say he does that sometimes. Stop breathing.”

That’s true, Kenobi definitely said that--Pip regrets not asking more questions about it, but is it really his fault for thinking Kenobi was making things up when he said he sometimes stopped breathing and that was completely fine? Pip checks Kenobi’s vitals, but despite the fact that he’s stopped breathing, everything is still normal, including oxygen levels, which doesn’t even make sense.

Pip takes a deep breath. He’s clearly a little out of his depth right now, but he didn’t start working in the emergency department so he could panic at the first sign things aren’t going as planned. Kenobi’s stable for now, and that’s what’s important. At least now he’s got a little more to work with--if Kenobi was a Jedi, the Temple ought to have his medical information, not to mention some guidance in pain management for Force-sensitives. Maybe they’ll even know something about the not-breathing thing. He’ll comm them about that the first moment he’s free.

But first, he sends a medcenter memo to make sure natborns get screened for allergies.

[theanimeview]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT SKATE-LEADING☆STARS (Spoilers)

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @peggyseditorial​

I have said it before, and I will say it many more times--of that I am sure. I used to be a competitive figure skater. It was a long time ago, I had stop in high school due to several consecutive head injuries but I still love and follow the sport (I also still skate, just not competitively). 

When Yuri!!! on Ice was out, I loved it because it showed a lot of the cultural parts of skating. The travel, the personality types (in some cases, though not as much), the publicity, the news coverage, etc. We had cameos of famous skaters, we got to see competitions in a pretty realistic way, costuming, the dance and/or gymnastics that skaters must do on and off the ice, and so much more! (I could probably nerd about all the easter eggs and everything else all day long.) The skating in Yuri!!! on Ice is good too. The sounds are near perfect and the movements, though a bit stiff due to the use of CGI, are accurate. 

THAT ASIDE I think Skate-Leading☆Stars is better. In regards to the culture of skaters, SL☆S falls way short but that’s alright. After all, this is a sports anime set in a high school where sports is an all consuming entity and reality takes a back seat to guys with eccentric hair colors. The skating is what's important here and OH LET ME TELL YOU it is near perfect.

Let’s look at this: 

This is our MC, Kensei Maeshima, doing a triple axel (I think they called it a quadruple in the anime which would mean 4 spins but I counted 3 so I’m calling it a triple for now). It’s the only jump that takes off going forward in skating and is one of the most difficult jumps. All of the movement here is accurate--from the way he jumps up and straightens his legs as soon as possible with arms tucked in to help the spin, to the way he lands with a slight bend of the knee, curving around and throwing out the arms for balance (and flare). 

It’s gorgeous. And it continues. When we see Kensei practicing, we get these shots: 

A Sit Spin ^

Crossovers ^

And a Salchow ^ (I think it is Salchow, but if could be a Lutz--the uncertainty comes from me finding it difficult to decipher which edge he’s on before jumping).

ALL OF THESE are beautifully animated and correct--from the way he pulls his arms in quickly and straightens his legs before bending for the landing again to the way he moves after landing. 

Crossovers are especially good as they help build momentum quickly before jumps, allowing a skater to travel more during their jump. 

And when he falls, you see something else that they train you for in skating--how to fall. It’s literally the first thing I was taught when I began taking lessons. Let me explain--in the gif above where he falls coming out of the Salchow, we see this:

He landed on the correct foot, but was still coming out of the last half of his last turn. His other foot, which is meant to swing out, around, and behind him, before guiding the glide out of said jump, hits the ice at an angle as he lands thus causing most of the ice shaving we see happening to the top layer of ice as his other foot slides out from under him. 

Now, if your feet went out from under you--the first thing that you might do automatically is go to your knees or hands to protect your fall. In skating, it’s a bit different. If you fall, your aim is to quickly move to try and let your butt or thighs take the hit while trying to avoid joints (knees, elbows, and wrists) and head injuries. What does Kensei do? He quickly turns to land on his butt first:

His hand skims the ice, but he moves it up, and off the ice as he bounces:

He then turns during the bounce, aiming to land on his thighs (less painful in my experience, and less risk of a tailbone or head injury as you continue to bounce and slide on the ice). His arm extends outward to avoid hitting his elbow directly on the ice with the weight of his upper body against it, while moving the arm up, placing his bicep closer to the head (which will help prevent his head from smacking against the ice):

Finally, he stops sliding and has, officially, “landed” his fall:

Note how the head is tucked in, resting a bit on the bicep, his elbow is not being leaned against (or broken after this fall) since it is laying flat, and how he is on his side? Yeah. That’s a pretty great fall. 

You’d be a little scratched up after that if the ice was rough and since he wasn’t wearing a jacket/gloves--but you’d probably avoid bruising or any severe injuries. The reason for the fall was probably a combination of the scratched up ice (which he credits), being out of practice, and his need for more muscle training.  Still, AWESOME. He’s doing really well for being as out of practice as he is. 

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STORY??

Okay--Now that I’ve nerded out about the skating I’ll talk about the larger story.

Kensei is hated by his current team. It reminds me a lot of the hate that was given towards Ren Mihashi in Big Windup! prior to transferring schools. 

Kensei is obviously very talented--I mean, not everyone can come back from being off the ice FOR YEARS and do jumps like that without seriously hurting themselves and falling all over the place. It’s not like riding a bike--it’s more like highly skilled dancing... on blades... on a very slippery surface where you are likely to seriously break something. His team hates him for some reason, and act like he’s not a team player or something but he doesn’t come off that way. Perhaps a bit overly confident for their liking, but he clearly has the skills to back it up and we have proof that he can play on a team since we’re shown him playing basketball in Episode 1 and told that he’s played on and been scouted by a number of other teams at the school.

If they dislike him because of him quitting for a while, I’d say they need to get over it because we learn in the first few minutes of the anime that before Kensei’s last competition he lost both his parents--who were professional ice-skaters--in a traumatic accident. 

In the flashback we see of him as a child, the reference point for why so many of his current teammates seem to hate him, we see that Kensei doesn’t seem to have any friends. In fact, our antagonist Reo Shinozaki is the one seen surrounded by people and other kids. While Reo doesn’t seem to regard any of his peers as being friends or equals, it’s pretty clear that he is at least liked more by the other kids than Kensei who is alone. 

As a teen, Kensei has made several friends outside of skating which we see in the current episodes but he still hasn’t made much headway with the other skaters--though at least one of the older kids, Yukimitsu Mochizuki, is nice to him. Some of the members are obviously mad at him for something and wish he wasn’t part of the team and maybe that’s because of his boisterous personality but more likely its due to something more petty, like jealousy or envy at Kensei’s skill or some sort of lack in communication. (Remember, they were all individual competitors going against each other at one point, and when your friends are also who you actively compete against it can get pretty ugly.) 

That’s not to say Kensei is without flaws. As mentioned, he is overly confident at points and makes careless statements about a few of the other members’ being of lower skill or caliber than him despite knowing that he is out of practice and that they take the sport very seriously. If I was to apply this to my own experience as a former skater, it may be like when I had a falling out with many of my skating friends after I had to stop competing and no longer attended lessons. Many of them, particularly at our young age and level, couldn’t imagine giving up skating for any reason aside from losing life or a limb. Concussions or the after effects didn’t feel real to them (nor to me), and yet the pain I felt doing simple spins or moving quickly left me in pain and feeling like I had just slammed my head against the ice. Some felt like I was quitting just as the real competitions were getting started (entering adult competitions). One friend later told me that she felt like I had quit while I was ahead, “robbing” her of the chance to beat me, as though I would have know that. A few others said that it felt like I didn’t care about them or the sport anymore when I stopped coming to group lessons. Meanwhile, I felt like I was being abandoned and lost now that I couldn’t do the one thing that had consumed much of my free time and focus in life at that age... But it’s okay now, because I found anime. (JK--it all worked out as we got older and talked things through.)

I’m sure that as the series progresses, these combative issues within the team will work themselves out and I’m looking forward to it!

Comparatively, it feels a LOT like the Free! series (you remember that swimming anime we were all obsessed with?), though the focus on ice skating that we see within the series thus far (such as news stories, the number of clubs and schools that have ice skating clubs, youtube-videos, and other media) imply that ice skating is as prevalent there as basketball or volleyball. Which, as much as I’d love that to be true, is simply not the case. It’s fictionalized, obviously, and the story is really laying on the drama pretty thick from inter-team disharmony to a larger rivalry with our antagonist that said antagonist doesn’t even seem to register, think about, or give two hoots towards.

As for the rest of the fictional universe of this world... Uh. It’s a high school sports anime so what do you expect?

Simply put, it’s a standard story for this genre. 

I have not yet read the manga--but I plan to immediately. 8/10 recommend streaming on Funimation.com, and 10/10 on animation (if only for the skating). The next episode comes out on the 10th, so now is a great time to catch up! 

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

What's the good and bad things in every season of Violetta and SL?

Violetta 1

Good stuff:

Everyone is so nerdy and cheesy and it's so cute

Good songs

The CHAOS. Like the s1 chaos was on a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LEVEL I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

Braco and Napo

Luca

Angie and Vilu bonding

Jade and Matias could be pretty funny sometimes

Leonetta being very cute :3

The friendships in general, especially the friendship between Maxi and Cami

But also of course, baby Franletta

CAMILA'S ARC

MAXI HAVING SOME CHARACTER

PABLANGIE

The finale!!!!!!!

Bad stuff:

THE LIES

The fact that it took Angie 72 episodes to tell the truth was literally the reason a lot of my friends STOPPED WATCHING THE SHOW back in the days lmaoooo???

Germán got on my nerves a lot

Tomas

All the random girls Maxi had a crush on

Random boys being in love with Violetta for no reason

Even if Jade and Matias were funny, sometimes I just felt like they could leave, cause I wanted to focus on other characters.

PABLANGIE BREAKING UP

Soy Luna 1

Good stuff:

The friendgroup REALLY being a bunch of quirky kids

Ámbar

Even though we don't know much about the family mystery yet, it's still real fun to see the little we get

Also it was kind of interesting to see the dysfunctional relationship of Sharon and Ámbar

And also the really super good relationship between Luna and her parents <3

The FelicityForNow plot could be pretty interesting sometimes

Lumon

ÁMBAR'S BIRTHDAY

YAM SINGING A SERENADE TO JIM

The finale <3

Bad stuff:

The fact that they had skating competitions and open music like every other week, we never had time to BREATHE

Tino and Cato were annoying

I didn't like Matteo and i'm sorry for Matteo stans but no I don't like him

Sometimes I didn't like the FelicityForNow plot

Daniela

It took me a while to really get into the show so I almost were about to stop watching after 20 eps (but I continued because I told myself it would get better... and it did! But it really took a while).

Lumon breaking up

Violetta 2

Good stuff:

THE VIBES ARE SO FANTASTIC

The gay energy of this season?? Is there ANYONE who has watched season 2 and NOT gotten a gay vibe? (who am I kidding ofc there are - I won't blame you, some people just don't have a gaydar or just never think about that stuff unless it's explicitly told. I didn't really get this vibe until I rewatched the season as older and was like "omg????")

Franletta franletta franletta franletta franletta-

TEACHER GROUP THERAPY

An actually INTERESTING love triangle I love Diego I hate Diego he has homoerotic tension with Leon he and Violetta actually had an interesting relationship

Madrid storyline

Every time they were at the karaoke bar

Violetta losing her voice storyline

Leonetta being at their very best despite not actually dating for the majority of the season, it's just the ~pining~

GOOD GOOD SONGS

Esmeralda being an interesting character

Jackie

LARA

Marco :D

THE 2x75 PODEMOS PERFORMANCE AAAAAH

Bad stuff:

Jeremias stuff... fucking traumatized two people Germán what the actual fuck

Pablo being ooc for no reason half the season

2x59...

Jade and Matias aren't really necessary anymore and they take up too much screentime

Correction: Matias isn't necessary. Go away with your handcuffs kink

The 2x20 scene. Never will forgive that despite how much the clown nose 4 eps later made me laugh

The stuff with the chinese restaurant was... why

Angie leaving sad

Soy Luna 2

Good stuff:

The Sol Benson plot really KICKING OFF and IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN ANYTHING ELSE

Mora and Ana moving in together

Ámbar

Jim and Yam being slightly more gay than last season

Still very good songs

Luna, Nina and Simón's little detective squad plot

It's actually quite thrilling to see just how FAR Sharon can go

Figuring out who blackmails Sharon

Good songs!!

Juliana

We finally get to see the boys apartment

Simbar

Emilia

Bad stuff:

WRONG PEOPLE WON IN THE SINGING COMPETITION

WHAT THE FUCK was the final scene

Matteo continuing to suck

WHAT HAPPENED TO AMANDA?? SHE JUST GOT MENTALLY ILL LIKE THAT??

Roller Band breaking up for a stupid reason

Benicio

Violetta 3

Good stuff:

Ludmila redemption arc!

Ludletta sisters arc!

Ludmila and Naty's relationship!

NATY AND CAMILA'S RELATIONSHIP

Leontta's "friends forever" plot that no one took seriously

Jade getting someone who actually loves her

Germán being a good dad for once...

Roxy and Fausta as characters were pretty funny

Bad stuff:

Roxy plot was weird. As I said, them as characters were funny, but not in the context they were put in. It was funny when they performed at the show, but not spying on Leon

Everyone was ooc???

Diecesca could have worked if it were for the fact that they actually had a REASON to hide. Because NO ONE CARED. EVERYONE HAD FORGIVEN DIEGO. IF IT WERE THAT PEOPLE WERE STILL IFFY AROUND HIM, THEN YES, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY FRAN WAS AFRAID TO TELL. BUT EVERYONE'S FUCKING BEST FRIENDS WITH HIM, NO ONE CARES THAT THEY'RE DATING

WHICH ADDS ME TO THE FACT THAT, EVERYONE JUST FORGAVE DIEGO OFF SCREEN????????????

Priscila is bad, though she did have a reason to be here.

Milton

GERY

The Clement/Alex plot was pointless, dear god Clement use your brain there's other ways without STEALING A FUCKING SCHOLARSHIP

SOME people got the wrong endgame and we should NOT have had the final scene be a wedding for THOSE TWO

Angie deserved better smh

Broudey and Camila were the only ones who actually were together all season and I FORGOT because they just argued all the time and I feel like they broke up for an hour sometimes and then got back together

Felipe sucks, he kissed two girls against their consent

The songs aren't as good this season. Listen, there are some bangers, but not as much. The s3 boy band songs are at the bottom off my top 60 list (because yes, there are about 60 songs in all of Violetta)

Soy Luna 3

Good stuff:

ÁMBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ámbar and Emilia's friendship

Simbar

Jim and Yam more or less dating all season lmao

Also the fact that Jim and Yam ended up "single" so you know ;) Free to go

The Open Music in 3x40

The family plot, as usual

Red Sharks vs Jam and Roller was kind of interesting

Bad stuff

I still don't like Matteo, sorry (not sorry)

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE LUNA HAVING A CRUSH ON SIMÓN PLOT LITERALLY ARE THEY TRYING TO TEASE ME?? I KNEW THEY WEREN'T ENDGAME WERE THEY JUST GONNA FUCKING MAKE ME HURT? WELL FUCK YOU

Like even if I love Simbar I wish Lumon was endgame? Because I didn't like Luna's endgame

If we can't go for the poly round and let Simón date both Ámbar and Luna, then Luna could've ended up with Nina or smth since Nina also got a terrible endgame

Unnecessary breakups :)

Yeah I didn't like Eric, or Niric, but who does lmao. HOWEVER, I will say this: If you think Luna "pushed" Nina to be together with him, then you either haven't watched s3 properly or you need to rewatch it. I made a whole post about this, and you may still come at me to be like "nO LUnA wAS AcTuALlY PusHy, FoR eXaMPLe wATcH ThiS ScEne" but remember that I have watched the exact same scenes as you. It just feels like ya'll wanna pick on Luna for the smallest things. Nina legit admitted in a scene that she dated Eric to forget about Gastón. That's something she herself came up with. She didn't get "pushed" into thinking she needed to date him. That IS the reason she tries to get closer to Eric and it's not because her friends said so. She can think for herself, yall are treating her like she's fragile and easily manipulated.

If you feel like this is something that you wanna talk to me about (because I am legit always nervous talking about this because I feel like people get INCREDIBLY defensive when it comes to Nina), go read the post I linked instead of commenting on it on this post, because this post is about my list of things I liked and disliked in these shows, so there's a lot of other stuff here, but that post is only about that.

That being said, she def broke up with Eric after the show ended because she didn't get over Gastón :)

WHY WAS IT ONLY 60 EPS even if a lot happened it also felt short

Like WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE 1 MONTH SKIP? THE POSSIBILITIES OF SEVERAL STORYLINES GOD

Benicio sucked even more this season I hate him so goddamn much

Gary too. I didn't like him last season but I knew he would leave, but now he's here and fucking ruins everything

I didn't like Maggie that much I miss Amanda (but not Tino and Cato)

MORA LEFT???? WHY TF-

Michel was weird, he just came and went

And that was my good and bad stuff for every season. This is just what I myself think. You all might disagree about several stuff and that's okay. Everyone watches shows differently and sees scenes differently, and this is how I see it.

Some people love Matteo, some people think Diecesca was perfect and the highlight of the show, some people don't understand why I am seeing a bunch of gayness when it's not "explicitly" said anything is gay.

If someone feels like they don't really think the same of what they liked/disliked, they can always make their own posts about it :)

[janiedean]

I was wondering what you feel about the opinion that GRRM hates feminine/non-warrior women because they (Catelyn, Cersei, Sansa) are written with intentional flaws while his warrior girls (Brienne, Arya) are not? Do you agree with that? That Brienne and Arya have no flaws? It was some dumb meta about how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world, so she's a bad character and GRRM is a misogynist or something. (1/2)

I disagree obviously. Just because Brienne is not a demon doesn't mean she doesn't have flaws or she's a bad character lol. Like... why can't we have an angel in a world of monsters? What's wrong with that? Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? I'm asking you because I know you love Catelyn and Brienne so I know you're the best person to ask this. Ty (2/2)

... I mean this has a long answer to give but this *meta* seems to me like it was written by someone who has no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to who grrm hates in his writing or his supposed misogyny because they have it all wrong and I think you pretty much guessed the point, but in order, let’s... tackle this one by one:

grrm doesn’t at all hate cat and sansa and their flaws are... flaws in the sense that he’s writing them like good people who aren’t 100% perfect but like.. sansa’s *flaws* from the beginning are stuff that’s common to most 12yo girls in existence and she overcomes them and she’s generally a good and kind and caring person whose main trait is that she’s good and kind and stays like that so how exactly now she’s written... like you’re supposed to hate her? bc she’s not. grrm never wanted you to hate sansa. he wrote her like a realistic 11-15yo but like most of us were like that at that age or have had friends who were like that, so... what the fuck. catelyn.... like guys the one heavy flaw she has is her treatment of jon but she’s written as a smart person who’s trying to live in a misogynistic society as best as she can and she’s written like a tragic character but grrm obviously likes her/loves writing her, it’s.... like if you read her chapters you can see how much work/love/craft went into them and how he worked on her bg very carefully also she is more of a protagonist than ned until asos when it comes to the stark side like.... how is giving her human flaws meaning he hates her?? grrm doesn’t hate her. the fact that she and brienne end up doing the knightly/lady sworn sword thing is even more of a proof he doesn’t but more on that later;

cersei... well I mean grrm obv doesn’t like cersei that much but a) he’s written a version of that character at least thrice already including the asoiaf one so I think he has an ex like that that he doesn’t particularly remember fondly or smth but like... she’s written to be a villain. she’s a villain. she’s a very well-crafted/thought out villain with a realistic background but diff. from cat and sansa she’s there to be the antagonist period, and just like... cersei and cat are aesthetically the same archetype and they couldn’t be more different so idk wtf are people smoking when saying that and if they can’t read cat chapters without fandom-hates-her glasses idk what to tell them;

brienne and arya have flaws are we serious, like arya has the flaws everyone has at that age (too impulsive/tends to judge people very fast/is too fixed on things/doesn’t listen to people etc) but like she’s fucking nine when it starts and she gets traumatized to hell and back, like arya’s sl to me is creepy af because no 12yo should be like that and it’s a very good trauma exploration but like....... she has faults but she’s not a bad person for obvious reasons as in SHE’S A KID same as sansa same as EVERYONE UNDERAGE IN THESE BOOKS except partially joffrey and even he has a background that explains how he is, like.... arya and sansa are supposed to be written in an equally sympathetic but specular way because they have opposite ways of reacting to trauma ie sansa holds on to her kindness arya gets progressively detached because she has to kill people to survive but you’re not supposed to hate either of them? honestly grrm wrote them with the exact same stakes, anyone who thinks it’s qualitatively different needs to go back and reread it with some intellectual honestly;

brienne... I mean we serious? the thing with brienne is that she’s a fundamentally good person who is written to become the ultimate example of a good knight™ and who is supposed to restore decency to the title after the institution has crumpled into the dirt, so... she’s... good, same as dunk is in the novels, but like: lmao she has a lot of faults, first thing that at the beginning she judges everyone on sight and sees everything in black and white, she has zero preservation instinct and nonexisting selfesteem because she thinks her life isn’t worth her vows and she thinks she’s not fit for anything she tries to do and would have died for a guy who danced with her once like sorry that’s not healthy, which are all things,... she’s... getting over.... because she has a character arc, but saying that brienne isn’t realistic or doesn’t have faults is ridiculous because she is;

now, this concept that grrm is misogynist is idiotic because a guy who has an insane number of female povs - some of which are the same trope ie brienne and arya - and have all a distinct different personality and voice and none of them are like too idealized or too evil and are to a level relatable means he’s everything but because a misogynyst wouldn’t be able to pull that off. like, in any other book brienne and arya would have been the same character, in his they’re not, so maybe like... give him some credit in the sense that the moment half of your povs are well-written realistic female characters and the ones without povs are equally well-written/manage to be fan faves (ie marg and olenna) maybe he’s just... not... a misogynist nor hates women so that’s out of the way;

re cat and brienne: like... saying ‘ah he hates catelyn’ when catelyn is literally the first *lady* who treats brienne like a friend/peer/person she cares about is completely fucking idiotic because guess what if you’re like brienne usually most Attractive Girls™ the way cat is are not your best friends in life (I mean c. calls her a cow and they didn’t even meet on paper lmao and it’s obvious from b’s povs that she has bad experiences with other women in general), so the fact that cat actually sees her worth, accepts her as her sworn sword doing a thing that’s usually just between men, trusts her with her daughters’ lives, thinks she’s a better knight than jaime could be and treats her as it befits her station (in riverrun she had dresses made for her but brienne wouldn’t wear them) and is actually good to one of the few good people in these books who gets treated like dirt by most others should tell you exactly what grrm thinks of catelyn, ie nothing too bad, and that she’s a good person who fucked up on one thing that the narrative knows and doesn’t excuse, but like.... lmao that entire argument falls flat just for that;

Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? you’re on to smth but as I ranted on twitter once: this all falls again to the fact that people Cannot Accept The Fact That An Ugly Girl Who Is Going To Stay Ugly is one of the moral hearts of these series and is An Actual Good Person Who Deserves Good Things in spite of not performing femininity, and who’s going to get the guy of her dreams (who is Hot) without settling and without becoming beautiful, and she’ll manage to realize her dreams even without becoming beautiful and regardless of having been treated like dirt because of her looks all her life, and like... apparently that is too much or too complicated to conceive and so either they have to decide she’s not That ugly or make her things she’s not or decide she’ll die early wow and whatever else, but like: the problem is that usually the Pure Moral Center Of A Story Who Happens To Be Female and gets her dreams and the hot dude is standard attractive. brienne is not, she has trauma because of that, and she’s still the best person in there (or one of the best) and she’ll get her dreams and the hot dude, and people can’t handle this specific concept nor admit that grrm, having done a thing that no one else has until now because there’s no other brienne in genre literature/in that way, is everything but a misogynist, since he actually, ah, wait, gave decent rep to people who most times are relegated to playing the best friend who stays single or are usually evil bc ugly antagonist women are everywhere, ugly protagonist women who are actually Good People™ and aren’t a paragon of Pure Virtue and don’t die virgins? not really. so: people can’t handle that brienne the way she is is a Good Person and The One True Knight In Westeros and it’s a sad thing but it just shows that maybe more people should go for that trope and that’s my two cents;

other than that no guy who can write the range of women grrm does can be a misogynist by definition, especially a guy who managed to get perfectly how it feels being a straight nonstandard attractive woman in society in general because my friends if before I stumbled into asoiaf I never related 100% to one fictional character ever there was a reason, and I read a lot, so people can bite me on that thing;

to end and comment on one thing: 

how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world

congrats to OP they went THAT close to it: that’s the entire fucking point. being like brienne in her society (and not performing femininity™ correctly in ours) means that whatever you do people will criticize you and treat you like dirt even if you don’t mean them any harm. the world is absolutely against her because all the circumstances are stacked against her - she’s a woman, doing a man’s job, looking nonattractive and therefore other women treat her like dirt and men don’t consider her or see her as a threat and hate her for it because she’s better at their job than they are, wanting to be a knight which is a thing that’s technically forbidden bc women can’t be anointed as far as the westerosi law says, who’s doing that because she knows she’s good at it but every single person in her way doesn’t want her to succeed except for a handful, can’t use femininity to navigate the world and she has to survive as a woman in a men’s world in an extremely misogynistic medieval society and there’s a reason why no one but three people takes her seriously, ie that if you don’t count a few people in f&b that are history book material in her context/timeframe she’s an unicum and people tend to dislike it when you’re an unicum/sticking out/wanting to go against the system. the system is absolutely stacked against her, when everything she wants is do good to others and making her father proud and be a knight and find love, and even if it’s not that much to ask for her it’s, on paper, impossible.... and the entire point is that as impossible as it looks she’s definitely going to get it because she’s written exactly for that, and if people haven’t grasped that it’s her arc - overcoming a misogynistic society and living beyond gender roles regardless of your looks which in itself is groundbreakingly feminist - sorry for them but they’ll have a bad wake up call when grrm gets wow/ados out.

and that’s my two cents, but like: there’s nothing wrong in liking characters With Faults or evil ones and you can find Good Ones boring, just don’t try to make it pass like the author is a misogynist because the Good Character is a nonstandard attractive gnc woman because that’s actually a thing no one else ever did.

and this stated brienne is more similar to book!sansa than book!arya personality-wise so it’s an argument that doesn’t hold on even joking. /two cents

[sunsetsover]

I know eastenders has limited time to dedicate to each character but I feel they've done a better job exploring Bobby's post-prison experience and state of mind than they did Ben's on the whole. Like how they've shown (a small bit) of him having OCD, his religion and mentions of going to therapy, all the conversations in 2019 when he got out. And currently with Dana finding out about Lucy.

I guess those stories fit more easily with Bobby who's this sort of sweet, quiet, "damaged" boy compared to Ben?

Ben definitely had some good stuff e.g. when he was clearly struggling after juvie and a couple of scenes w Shirley after his second stint but I guess bc of the family Ben's from there was always a new drama from Phil or the temptation to take him even further down that road e.g. the stalking and Heather getting killed.

I guess there's just something missing for me where they've never quite gone into it, or they've started to but then either put him back in prison or recast and left it hanging as "Ben and Phil drama" etc etc. It would be nice to see more Bobby/Ben scenes bc the ones we got in 2019 were really good and I think Bobby is the sort of character that Ben would be a bit more open about that stuff with idk

tbh i didn't really watch ee after kid ben so like all that stuff around him going to prison and getting out i only really know thru bits and pieces so i really can't speak to anything pre max's ben but i get what you're saying.

i do think it's different tbh tho bc ben was a teenager who essentially killed heather by accident whereas bobby was a literal child who literally beat his sister to death and then pushed his step mother down the stairs and later beat her so bad she ended up in a wheelchair and just u know.... generally showed signs of being some kind of psychopath so i get why they'd try harder to 'redeem' bobby's character once he's out of prison bc he needed redeeming like he was not by any means a 'sweet quiet boy' before he went to prison lmao like that child was scary.... but they've completely reestablished his character AS someone who's sweet and quiet and shy (and they've done a v good job of it imo) and they've had to put work in to do that bc who he was as a kid and who he is now is so vastly different

compare that w ben and tbh his character didn't really change that much before and after prison (and that's bc he was fucked in the head being phil's son tbh lmao) so they didn't need to show the change like they have w bobby bc there was no change to really show.... imo they've invested so much into bobby after he's come out of prison bc he was an incredibly twisted child murderer but they wanted to make him sympathetic and likeable so they HAD to show how he'd changed in prison u know. plus w ben it sounds like his experiences in prison were a lot more traumatic than bobby's so it makes sense that he wouldn't talk about it.

that said i get wanting to know more stuff abt what happened to him in prison u know? personally for me i'm not that bothered bc him going to prison (specifically for killing heather bc i wasn't watching when he went the second time) feels like a million years ago bc i watched it real time. i think a lot of the ppl who want more prison stuff are ppl who started watching ee bc of ballum and then watched ben's older sls and so the prison stuff feels a lot more raw and recent. for me i just feel like unless a specific thing really triggered something in him he WOULDN'T talk abt his experiences in prison bc that's clearly not a part of his life he wants to talk abt bc it was traumatic for him. why would he want to dwell on something like that? (and u could argue it's something he needs to process instead of repress which yes i agree but lbr it would be incredibly ooc lmao) to me it's no different that callum not wanting to talk abt his time in the army. it's all trauma.

but i do agree i want more ben and bobby stuff !!! i miss them !!! ik it's covid's fault but !!! i miss them !!!!!!!

💞💞💞

[coastaldragon]

Dragon Diary 1/7/21

So...this is my resolution for the year.

I wanted to start a kin-related diary. I found myself missing how often I used to muse about myself and my experiences here, and have long since felt...detached from myself. Stuck in the loop of going through the motions of “human.”

A week late on my first entry, but so it goes.

These entries will just be flow-of-consciousness blabbles for the most part. I’ll talk about any kin-related thoughts I’ve had that day, how I’ve been feeling, how my otherkinity has affected my day, etc.

I have a lot of catching-up to do with you all, so the first few entries may seem disjointed and a little long. Lets get started. This is long. And a bit negative. But hopefully they won’t all be.

cw for death and drug mention and health talk like needles and stuff

I don’t quite remember why I dropped Tumblr like I did. I think I was getting annoyed at all the UI changes, and just overall very busy with “real life.” These things happen. I slowly drift away from a platform. Sometimes for weeks, months, or years in this case. Then I’ll drift back. Kind of like a scrap of wood on the waves.

In the time I’ve been gone life has been...interesting. The source of the stress that caused me to awaken in the first place is gone. He OD’d in...2014? 2015? Some time around there. My grasp of time is worse than ever.

We hadn’t even known he’d be using anything. Turned out he was stealing my late father’s remaining fentanyl supply. One of those guys who preys on widows like my mother. He lied about everything. His entire past as we knew it was a lie. And he was just leeching off of us.

It was...hard. I was the one who found his body upon getting home from work. My mother is still traumatized, even now. Even after all he did. She did love him.

I think all that hardened me quite a bit. And I’m sad for it. I’m still trying to soften myself again, but my trust has never been shattered like that before or since.

My now health is...poor. I had a great job working at an independent pack-and-mail sort of place for a few years. Very laid back, when the customers were nice. Helped me build a lot of strength and muscle. Quite enjoyed showing off by hefting 50lb boxes onto my shoulders. Helped me feel less weak in this squishy human body of mine.

But about...2 or 3 years ago [again, time is a myth to my brain] I woke up and my shoulders were just.

Locked.

It felt like someone had stuck paint spanners under my shoulder blades or something. Not only that, but I was weak. I barely had the strength in my arms to lift a half gallon of milk in the morning.

We thought I’d just hurt myself showing off, somehow. So we gave it some time. Took ibuprofen, used pain creams. Took a few days off work.

But it didn’t get better. It got painful. And the moreso. And moreso. And then my back began to have trouble as well. It was spreading. I felt...ill.

So. Doctors. Tests. More bloodwork than I’ve ever had in my entire life. [10 vials at once for one appt!]

My primary, who is a garbage person I never wish to see again, insisted it was just a sprain. Or something. Whatever. But I knew it wasn’t. My mother knew it wasn’t. Everyone I knew knew it wasn’t.

Specialist time! At the behest of my cousin, who has a litany of autoimmune disorders, we hooked up with a rheumatologist. Who I will call Dr.M. 

Dr.M is an angel on Earth. I am convinced of it. A full year he spent with me, ordering tests, trying treatments, working with me to figure out what the hell was going on. And we did. And what a mouthful it is.

Ankylosing spondylitis. No, it’s not a dinosaur. [Though I do think I’m ‘hearted for ankylosaurines...I don’t think it’s related lol!]

You can look it up if you like. But basically: My immune system is fucking crazy and attacks all the things. Most places describe it as being a lower spine disorder, and while that is certainly where its centralized in most folks, that’s not all it is.

For example mine is, obviously, centralized in my shoulders and upper back. But it does aaaaaaaaaaall sorts of crazy shit. Every day is different. Joint pain, exhaustion, GI trouble, stomach upset, lack of appetite, murderous migraines. The usual for an autoimmune illness. But also wacky shit like costochondritis [painful inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs], random organ inflammation like in my kidneys [not fun], lungs [I had a 3-month stint of chronic bronchitis last winter], and even my heart [very not fun.] Sometimes it likes to attack my “integumentary system” aka shit like my skin and hair meaning I’ll have weeks where my hair just. Sheds. Like a damn cat. It gets everywhere and w/ my long-ass quarantine hair it’s so annoying.

This attack dog immune system does mean it’s unlikely for me to catch little bugs like your common colds and stuff, which is appreciated. But it also likes to maul anything else it deems foreign. Like medication! I took Humira shots for a few months and had a “paradoxical reaction” aka it did the literal opposite of what it was meant to, because the injections pissed off my immune system so much it went scorched-earth on whatever it could. Mostly my thighs, since that’s where the injections were. I still get stabbing pain in them and it’s been over a year. [No, I don’t think I can sue Humira over this. Though I have discussed it w/ my Dr.]

This also means that if I do get sick, it’s bad news. Something strong and unique like COVID? Death. Deaaaaaaaaath. Would likely trigger something called a “cytokine storm” aka my immune system nukes everything and my organs die and so do I.

So guess whoooooooo’s been locked up at home for almost a full year now? :’)

I luckily am able to work from home, though it barely pays the bills, and my health has suffered from a lack of being able to Do Stuff I normally would.

As a result I decided to get back in touch with myself.

It started with Second Life, because of course it did. A new dragon avatar came out. Shiny and mesh and easy [by SL standards] to modify. So me and a few friends [some kin, some not] made a group for sharing stuff for the av and just hanging out. It’s fallen by the wayside unfortunately but those nights spent chilling in SL with a bunch of other dragons roaring and goofing off felt really really good.

And then I made a kin Twitter. [And found some exceptionally cool kinfolk in the process.] 

Then came Othercon the virtual otherkin convention and OtherConnect, the Discord spawned from the community that rapidly formed within the con. Othercon felt incredible. Panels and lectures about the history of otherkinity and alterhumanity and how we are today and rep in the media and just so! Much! Cool! Stuff! And tons of great kinfolk too! 

To not only be within a community but seeing others like me and speaking with them, not just typing back at words on a screen. It was...so very, very reaffirming. It felt like a second awakening almost. I wanted to cry for finally, truly not feeling alone.

And now I’m here. Because I need to be. Because something, deep down, is telling me I’m going to be needing myself sometime soon. So I’d better get started.

I hope I don’t drift away on the tide again. I’ve missed this site, worse for wear as it is.

But I’m a bit tired today. A nasty headache lingering from yesterday’s nastier flare up. Accursed cold fronts. I used to enjoy them but not so much these days. Ah well.

I know there wasn’t much kin talk in this first entry, but as I said, we had a lot of catching-up to do!

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I don’t usually give these kinds of deeper analyses on the chapters because people who are way better at deciphering how I feel but just can’t put into words usually beat me to it (@casually-inlove and @call-me-ala to name a couple). Writing analyses can also be exhausting, and I tip my hat to those people who take the time and energy to answer all the asks and whatnot. But ch 297 just wouldn’t let my brain rest, so I decided to gird my loins and give you my thoughts.

Yesterday I answered an ask by @i-got-these-words about what was my favorite 19 Days quote, and even though I will stick to my answer, a very strong contender might have come to challenge my original pick. What He Tian said about Mo Guan Shan - and essentially about himself - just keeps on giving the deeper I dig into between the lines. It felt like HT and Tianshan have somewhat come a full circle.

“I chose you because there’s something I admire about you.”

What a nice callback to ch 138 and the origin of Tianshan in general:

HT “picking” MGS is an interesting aspect of their relationship. After the fight with ZZX, MGS’s palpable disdain of HT is surprisingly enough met with HT saying he admires MGS for that exact reason. Imagine finding someone respectable because they look down on your character. And not only that, you choose to pursue that person. I think that says a lot about HT’s struggle to distance himself from his “destiny” and the heritage of his family.

For that, we have to go even further back, all the way to when we just started to see other sides to HT. Why HT is living by himself in his uncle’s empty apartment isn’t fully clear to us. He said it’s more convenient because of school but judging by how tense his relationship with his father is, I bet there’s more to the housing situation. My headcanon is he’s living alone as a truce to ease the atmosphere at home. I also suspect He Cheng had something to do with it. Maybe it had gotten so bad he suggested HT lived by himself and used the school as an excuse to persuade their father.

Be that as it may, the obvious bottom line is, HT doesn’t agree with his father and the world his family is involved with. He’s been raised according to certain principles, but the older he grew the more they sickened him and the more stubbornly he wanted to defy them.

Before HT got involved with the fight between MGS and ZZX, he seemed to be somewhat of a lone wolf. Sure, he had his horde of fangirls but no one knew the real him. This, I think, is especially apparent in ch 115:

It’s as if he’s living a double life. His destined place in the world is in the shadows. The shady underworld he despises so much. But at the same time, the shadows seem to serve as a refuge of sorts. It’s a familiar place. From there he can observe people, deep in thought, and be himself. Out in the open, we rarely see him that serious but rather he often plasters a fake, outgoing smile that doesn’t scare off his classmates.

He doesn’t seem to have any real friends. JY and ZZX appear to be more of acquaintances, maybe something more, but they don’t know much about HT either. The way HT is with JY and ZZX makes me feel like he’s “above” them. He knows more about the world and life in general, he’s not a teenage boy they are despite often acting like they do. The difference becomes clear when JY bumps into MGS and HT steps in to effectively put an end to it. He has the confidence to take on delinquents without hesitation, even openly look down on them.

But he’s not doing that just out of the goodness of his heart. It’s true he wants to help his friend but he’s also on a mission to become something better than his father and brother. He Cheng told him to grow strong, but HT wants to use his strength for good instead to exploit and submit others. The more he will not become like his brother the better he will feel about himself and like he’s not a part of that shady world. His goal is both admirable and selfish.

MGS becomes a project of sorts for HT. Someone for whom he can be the hero he so desperately wants to. But also a living, breathing beacon of light to remind him to not give in to the darkness and use his strength for good. And no one is allowed to corrupt or snuff it out.

But that kind of relationship is quite one-sided. To be a hero and constantly strive to better oneself is exhausting, and in time, HT’s armor appears to have more and more cracks for MGS to see. He can’t just power through of it all by himself and see MGS, who is a person with his own will, that passively. Without necessarily even realizing it, MGS is forcing HT to admit certain things to himself and acknowledge them.

“You are not fake or sneaky, and you don’t cheat.”

For this analysis, I’ve used the translation by @yaoi-blcd and it seems they’ve used the word “fake”. I’ve seen a couple of others which had translated it as “hypocritical” (I don’t speak Mandarin, so I can’t say which is more accurate). I suppose there isn’t a big difference between the two but I find “hypocritical” quite interesting.

It reminds me of She Li in ch 294:

SL isn’t wrong in saying that HT and MGS are from different worlds. Or rather, they’re from the opposite sides of the same world; the villains and the victims. MGS’s family has suffered greatly by the hands of people like HT’s family. The connections between those two families aren’t clear but I don’t believe it’s far fetched to think MGS’s father might have been mixed with some shady people. For example, maybe he had had to borrow money from them and then had trouble paying back. And it’s from this injustice and the hardships that followed that MGS’s disdain of HT and people like him ultimately stems.

SL obviously doesn’t recognize HT’s efforts to befriend MGS because he doesn’t believe in that kind of approach (but that’s a whole other story). So, to take out his frustration on something, he goes with the truth even HT can’t deny and reminds HT of his “destiny” and place in the world.

HT might see himself as a hypocrite for trying to play a hero for MGS when he’s in fact meant to be the villain. Does he have the right put himself into the victims’ lives when his side of the world is the problem? This becomes even more of an issue if HT’s family was directly involved with what happened to MGS’s father.

Either way, words like “fake, “sneaky”, and “cheat” yet again speak loudly about the kind of world HT lives in and the kind of people he’s surrounded by. The opposite of those words is what he admires in MGS but is he also admitting those words describe him? Does he already see himself in them?

Which leads me to “You aren’t afraid ‘darkness’.“

This was probably my favorite part of the quote. Obviously, HT isn’t just talking about plain darkness although it’s another nice callback to HT being afraid of the dark.

One of the many things I love about Tianshan is that the power dynamic is actually more balanced than meets the eye. HT might be physically stronger and often push MGS’s buttons but MGS is in no way weak. HT can be quite forceful in his affections, so he needs to be paired up with someone who can push back and hold his own. In MGS’s case, all of that comes down to his pride and not wanting to depend on anyone (which is also mentioned in some of the translations instead of “cheating”).

“Darkness” can refer to the violent criminal world in which HT grew up. Interestingly enough it’s the common denominator in both of their lives. They might be from different sides of the darkness, but it’s still the same darkness they’re both familiar with. And MGS won’t back down when it comes to holding his ground, so he’s tough enough to survive in that darkness.

Also, HT needs someone strong enough to handle him at his worst. The latest case in point, ch 295:

It took me a while see behind that behavior. My initial reaction was to be disappointed because I thought we had gotten past HT being like this already. I didn’t like the way he barked orders and was physical without the usual mischevious undertone. Then I realized that despite being mature for his age, HT isn’t really good at using words. Instead, he often chooses action. It was obvious SL’s threat had upset and unsettled him. And it made him even more uneasy when MGS seemed oblivious to the danger. But he wasn’t being forceful and possessive but in need of reassurance.

He literally went from “bad mood” to promising to kill anyone who gives MGS trouble before we finally got to the root of the problem: he’s worried about losing MGS.

Now, he can’t be that way with the girls or his classmates. With them, he couldn’t act out every time he’s upset about something. Ideally, he will grow out of it or at least work on it, but in the meantime, he needs someone who can handle him at his worst.

It’s also obvious HT carries a lot of darkness in a form of trauma, as in his inner darkness. MGS isn’t a stranger to that either given that he’s also been through traumatic experiences at a young age. HT’s nightmares might scare him but he didn’t run away. Instead, he offered what clumsy comfort he could. This is connected to my earlier point of HT not just seeing MGS as someone who needs protection but also as someone he can rely on when it becomes too much. In the process, HT is “forced” to deal with his problems when he can show them to someone.

As an interesting side note, HT is kind of looking down when he talks about the “darkness”. Is he ashamed of being afraid of the “dark”? It’s a weakness, and I’m sure something that wouldn’t be accepted by his father.

“Don’t abandon me.”

HT finally ends his confession of sorts with the kind of plea we’ve never heard out of his mouth. It’s his greatest fear that’s always been in the background and the motivation to his actions but something he’s never said out loud. Not to mention while openly facing MGS like that.

Obviously, that line is heartbreakingly sad in and of itself but take a moment to really think about it. Imagine if the worst happened and MGS wasn’t in HT’s life for some reason anymore. What would he have left at that point? To go back to lurking in the shadows and fake smiling through his days? His goal of a better person would become that much abstract again, and he’d lose the one thing that grounds him in this side of the darkness.

It’s a very thin thread for HT to cling onto. I think @mestizo-efp had a good point in their answer about HT looking defeated. He’s used to being ready for anything and everything and is also asking for MGS to keep his guard up. In that light, HT’s plea is almost unfair. Anything could happen, and realistically speaking neither HT nor MGS could do anything about most of those scenarios.

Also, given HT’s somewhat difficult personality and shortcomings, it can also be read as a plea for MGS to put up with him. As in “I know I can be an ass but don’t give up on me”. It’s the fear of MGS losing hope in HT which could be even a worse punch than losing MGS some other way.

So, yeah. This might, in fact, be my new favorite quote.

[kellykadesperate]

I know that you are watching the rewatch. My question is are you watching current cannon? If so, what are your thoughts on the Nonron pacing? Just interested to get as many peoples thoughts!

i’m sort of watching but sort of not. i’m not really talking about it on my blog though because if i’m honest i don’t really have that many thoughts on it. i watch emmerdale in general so i’m going to compare it to some other stories to really get my point across. so i think the pacing of some other storylines is commendable in terms of staying realistic and everything and it’s those sl’s that make this one more obviously really badly paced

stuff like:

vic’s journey towards intimacy again: it’s been well over a year since the sl and yet only yesterday we saw her being comfortable again in that aspect of her life. let’s not badger on about who with or anything but ........ yeah that’s good realistic pacing for me

gabby’s feelings of loneliness: which i think have always been felt but are much more present now considering the shocks and drama of bernice’s departure is behind us now. i’d say the pace/relevance of bernice’s exit has been handled well (minus liam/leyla kicking off stupidly quickly)

cain’s relationship with nate: since it’s all come out last year we have seen flickers of progression but on the large part, it’s still a relationship that cain struggles with. that is still relevant and felt when it’s coming up to a year since the discovery

so i’d say all the above are instances of good pacing. which makes the lightning speed progression of aaron’s new sl particularly jarring in the sense that it feels like everything is moving at a pace which is entirely unrealistic. i think the producers have struggled to handle the seriousness and sensitivity of a traumatic/suicidal ordeal for this new character with their desire to give aaron a new love interest. the dynamic is not one i enjoy but for some it could work, especially if you give it time! if you create a slow burn sort of feel to the story where ben slowly realises that aaron’s not just had a traumatic life too but is actually a good person

i seriously don’t want to be someone who is just shitting over what other people enjoy because i think that’s pointless and just not very nice, but i genuinely don’t understand how ben’s feelings for aaron could shift from fear/anger to attraction in the space of an afternoon. i’m not saying that doesn't happen, but that quick? and on the basis of: a conversation which was whilst serious, also very vague from aaron’s part and aaron’s interest in him

obviously it’s also a case of seeing where things go but at the moment i think the pacing feels wrong and rushed and if i had more faith in emmerdale i’d assume they are building it up to have it sort of cool down again and then build up on more concrete ground. 

p.s. everything @scrapyardboyfriends says is correct!

[iron--spider]

topsy turvy

hey

omg that delivered

you’re right, Stark phones are far superior

or is it just this particular one you gave me

 Tony stares at his phone as the messages come in, and he narrows his eyes. He shifts a little on the couch, glances at Pepper.

 “What?” she asks, catching his eye. She looks down at his phone. “What did Peter do?”

 “Do I have a Peter face?” Tony asks. “Peter in danger expression?”

 “I don’t know,” Pepper says. “Is he in danger?”

 Tony sighs. “I hope not, but I’m—I’m not optimistic.”

He composes a response. Why are you worried about service? Where are you? He sends it fast before he can start making passive threats about checking Karen, tracking his phone. He tries to wait to do both things. He sighs, waiting, and sees the three dots pop up. 

 okay don’t like freak out

 Tony sighs again, rolling his eyes so hard that it hurts. 

 “Uh oh,” Pepper says.

 Tony sets his jaw.

 Yeah, surefire way to get me to do exactly that. Where are you and what’s going on? Let’s go, complete honesty, or I’m calling May.

 He sends it, tapping his finger on the side of the couch.

 “Friday,” he says. “Track Peter’s phone.”

 “Sure, Boss.”

 Tony’s phone buzzes. And his breath catches in his throat.

 so i’m, uh, buried alive! i’m in a coffin. I was fighting some crazy big dude and he knocked me out cold and then I woke up here. I’m absolutely under the ground. I definitely did not think my messages were gonna go through! trying not to talk to conserve oxygen :) 

 Tony covers his face with his whole hand. He presses his fingers into his temples and tries not to rip his own head from his neck. “Peter. Is buried alive. And he has the nerve—the audacity—to start his messages with ‘hey’ and to include an emoji. A smiley face, at that.”

 “Oh Jesus,” Pepper says. “Friday, do you have his location?”

 Tony’s phone buzzes again. 

 uh oh! that went through, right? It says delivered. don’t be mad. I said don’t be mad!

 Tony is attempting to breathe. He feels seconds away from a heart attack, knowing full well he’s gotta move. Move at the speed of fucking light, if Friday would just pull up the damn location—

 “Peter Parker’s phone seems to be located at a junk yard on 91st, but the tracking is weak.”

 Tony leaps to his feet, relinquishing the death grip he had on his face. He starts striding towards the stairwell with a deep sense of purpose, each step tinged with the bleak horror of what’s in front of him. He holds onto his phone like a lifeline, hoping he doesn’t crush it with the force of his fear.

 “You got this?” Pepper yells after him.

 “Yeah, I’m gonna go dig my kid out of the ground,” Tony says, nearly vomiting on the spot.

 “Don’t get mad at him when you see him!” Pepper yells. “He’s going through something!”

 “He’s putting me through something,” Tony mutters, starting down the stairs.

 ~

 Tony finds him like he’s searching for gold on a beach with a metal detector, and he blasts away at the ground until he gets close enough to worry about hitting Peter. There’s a little red outline on his screens that represents Peter’s location, and he really fucking hopes he doesn’t see the kid taking a selfie. Maybe he’s just hallucinating. Maybe he’s just losing his goddamn mind because Peter is buried alive.

 Tony’s glad the junk yard is closed, because he probably would have utterly gone off on someone by now. And he can be pretty intimidating, in and out of the suit.

 The night is closing in on him—he can barely see his surroundings in the weak light, and he keeps going, unable to focus on or register anything around him. It’s all a fucking blur. He digs with metal hands, swiping dirt away, and shit, this asshole buried Peter deep. Tony can’t believe the Stark phone has service, and it probably is because he added every possible safety precaution to Peter’s phone. Thank God. 

 He finally gets to the top of the coffin and he feels bile rise up in his throat. His—his kid is in there, Peter is in a coffin—and Tony tries to blink away the nightmares blotting his vision. He digs around the edges, trying to clear everything away.

 He gets the suit to let him out and he nearly collapses when he’s on his own feet, standing in, for all intents and purposes, Peter’s goddamn grave. When there’s enough of a hole and most of the coffin is out in open air, Tony latches onto the side and immediately yanks it open.

 Peter is laying there, clutching his phone and his mask in his hands, and his eyes go wide when the light floods in.

 “Oh my God,” he breathes, as Tony stares down at him. “That was so fast.”

 Tony almost has a fatal brain malfunction, and he has to get the kid out of the coffin immediately. He’s heard tales of mothers lifting cars off their children, that kind of protective adrenaline that kicks in when someone they love is in danger, and Tony feels that now, even though Peter is just lying there, seemingly lounging in what should be the body’s final respite. Tony nearly blacks out, bending over, grabbing the kid around his middle and hauling him up. He doesn’t stop dragging him backwards until he’s completely out of the coffin, like Peter weighs nothing, but even then he doesn’t let go. They tumble backwards in dust and dirt, and a mountain of relief. But the panic is still stabbing pain in Tony’s chest.

 “Out of this hole,” Tony mutters. “Out of this goddamn hole.”

 Peter braces his hands on Tony’s shoulders. “Wow, same brain.”

 It looks more like a meteor crater than a hole, but Tony doesn’t give a shit what they call it, he just has to get the hell away from it. They clamor out, and so does the suit, and the disturbed earth sinks beneath their feet. Tony stands, drags Peter up along with him, and pulls him into a hug before he can say anything else. It’s bone crushing, and too tight, but Peter doesn’t complain.

 “I said don’t be mad,” Peter says, muffled against Tony’s shoulder. He’s holding on like he’s afraid of falling, but Tony refuses to let that happen.

 “Not mad,” Tony says. “Trying to stave off a heart attack.” He squeezes Peter’s shoulder, reminds himself that he’s solid. Right here. Not in a box under the ground. And he never will be again, not if Tony has anything to do with it. He cups the back of the kid’s head, closing his eyes and letting out a breath.

 “I thought about, uh, punching through it,” Peter says. “But I didn’t think—I wasn’t sure if all the compacted dirt, would, uh—I didn’t know if I could get out in time…”

 Without suffocating. Tony doesn’t say it. Peter doesn’t say it either.

 Crickets and car horns make a merry melody all around them, and the darkness is deep. Peter sighs, wilts a little bit in Tony’s arms, and claps him on the back a couple times.

 “I’m good,” he says, after a few moments pass. “I’m good, I’m good.”

 Tony doesn’t wanna be more overbearing than he already is so he pulls back, but keeps his hands on Peter’s shoulders. He dips his head down a bit to look at the kid’s face, the single streetlight above the junkyard’s main office casting a yellow glow on them both. 

 “You think the bad guy saw your face?” Tony asks.

 Peter winces a little bit, shifting his mouth. “Don’t think so,” he says. “I woke up with my mask on.”

 “Got a shiner,” Tony says, briefly touching it with the back of his knuckle. 

 “Yeah,” Peter says, rolling his eyes. “Felt that before he knocked my lights out.” 

 “Don’t be embarrassed,” Tony says, fast. 

 “Oh, I’m not,” Peter says. He leans down, resting his forehead on Tony’s shoulder. “He was like eight feet tall, covered in a steel suit, and had a rhino horn. I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

 Tony narrows his eyes, gripping the back of Peter’s neck. “The fuck? And this guy buried you?”

 “He was with some bald leather jacket guy. They electrocuted me and then the rhino dude hit me and it was—a perfect storm.” He sighs heavily. 

 Tony’s mind works fast. Doesn’t sound good, but this rhino guy sounds like someone who won’t be able to hide for long.

 “Did they, uh—did they think you were dead?” Tony asks, mouth going a little sour. He knows Peter probably doesn’t know that. Tony doesn’t know why he’s even asking. His mind is still all topsy turvy out of whack. The goddamn coffin.

 “Maybe,” Peter says. “I don’t know. They—they took me by surprise.”

 “Happens,” Tony says, ruffling the kid’s hair.

 Peter straightens back up, and he looks dejected. 

 Tony goes into fix-it mode. “Alright. I’ll fly you back to the compound, we’ll get May over there. Check you over, make sure we’re all good, order in some Chinese, and start searching for these dickheads. We’ll find ‘em, you’ll get ‘em, they’ll go to the Raft. They’ll wish you buried them alive.” He doesn’t know if that last line is too harsh, but Peter nods, blowing out another sigh.

 Tony makes a mental note to erase any security this place might have, but it seems broken down enough that he doesn’t think about it too hard. He looks Peter up and down, and worries so much he feels his heart stuttering. “You alright?” he croaks.

 Peter meets his eyes. “I’m just really, really impressed with my phone.”

 He’s obviously going for nonchalance, whether he’s traumatized or not, so Tony will let him come around when he comes around. Tony himself is on the verge of a complete breakdown, and the image of Peter inside of that coffin will forever be tattooed on the backs of his eyelids. Where the fuck did they even get a coffin? Were they planning this shit? He doesn’t want to know. He needs to know, but he doesn’t want to know. 

 “Top of the line,” he says. “Not that I ever want that tested again—but if, if, in some alternate reality it does happen again, I don’t want to get a message from you, from under the ground, that begins with ‘hey’ and contains an emoji. I know you have a Gen Z persona to keep up, but I just—I cannot handle it. I physically cannot ever open that message with the smiley face again.”

 Peter snorts. “Noted.”

 “Alright,” Tony says, trying to focus on the fact that Peter’s alive, he’s alive, he’s right here. “Mask up, I’ll fly you back.”

 “Okay,” Peter says, clutching his mask in his hands. He slips his phone into the compartment on his hip, and Tony turns towards the suit, anxious to get the kid home and get to work.

 He hears Peter clear his throat. “Hey, uh—I mean. Thanks, thanks for...coming to get me.” He laughs a little bit.

 Tony turns around, his brows furrowed. “Every time, Pete,” he says, without thinking. He feels a little knocked out by the statement. In what world wouldn’t he come? He clears his throat, knows his emotions are laid bare. “I mean, I can’t let all this tech go to waste. Phone included. Look what it can do.”

 “Ha Ha,” Peter says, putting his mask back on. 

 Tony grins, hooking an arm around Peter’s neck and tugging him closer. “C’mon, Spidey,” he says. “Let’s get these morons.”

 Because someone doesn’t just bury his kid and get away with it. And once May finds out? Shit. Tony’s already anticipating the yelling.

(find it on ao3)

[martykirkby]

Any holby or casualty episodes you’d recommend rewatching? Idm how old, thanks :)

(i’m gonna put this under a read more bc it got way longer than i intended it too and you didn’t even ask for descriptions i’m just incapable of being concise ever sorry! i bolded the titles so you don’t have to read it all)

okay so it depends what characters you care about, bc my answers would be different based on who your faves are, so these are my faves to rewatch (but will probs be super biased towards my fave characters)! obvs i’m not saying watch all of them (unless you want to) but i’ve included reasons why i like them so you can decide based on what you enjoy.

holby (i’ve only watched from s16 with a little of s15 and s6 so it’s gonna start there):

intuition (16x11)- dom’s first episode back after his guest stint, and adele’s first ep! this is the first episode i watched when i started watching holby properly bc i was impatient and wanted to get to the dom scenes so i haven’t watched most of the s16 episodes before it but i would probably say watch 16x10 as well bc that’s when jac gives birth and this ep has a lot of scenes about her and emma.

prince among men (16x16)- raf’s first ep in which he’s v v iconic and also i love dom, zosia and arthur and frustrated mentor sacha and there’s that woman who’s like in love with a mummy until she finds out it was a female mummy. also jac and emma!!

one small step (16x42)- again i LOVE the keller trio, this is the first ep where they really bond even if it’s over a super traumatic experience w zosia. and connie crosses over for the first time since she joined casualty, which i rlly liked.

star of wonder (17x10)- a really important episode for zosia’s character and her bipolar sl! also i like christmas episodes

the ides of march (17x32)- another big ep for zosia and the one where she decides to move to darwin

beautiful (17x45)- dom taking a level students on a tour of the hospital and bonding w one of them and quoting that christina aguilera song... i love him

at first i was afraid (17x50)- dom and arthur roadtrip! the karaoke scene! frieda as a patient! elliot’s exit ft some really nice scenes w him and jac!

left behind (18x05)- i just really like all three storylines, i’ve rewatched the mo and wiliam sl a few times just bc i like mo and this ep is the last one of that sl and it’s my fave of them, and you can watch it as a standalone if you already know what’s happened in the eps beforehand.

blue christmas (18x11)- the only one i’ve seen where jac’s past is rlly talked about bc it’s the one where fran reveals they know each other. apart from that it is just a nice christmas ep and i really like all the other storylines going on.

young hearts, run free (18x13)- the ep where dom arthur and morven have to do some scavenger hunt thing in the woods!! and dom has a chicken called henriketta!! that’s reason enough to watch it 500 times tbh

one under (18x21)- for some reason arthur’s patient sl haunts me, but i think it is a rlly good (but sad) ep for arthur as he comes to terms with his cancer test

it tolls for thee (18x31)- arthur and morven’s wedding and i love them

i’ll walk you home (18x35)- arthur’s last ep (as not a figment of someone’s imagination) and it’s devastating but the episode is so so well done and i watch it whenever i need to cry

another day in paradise, parts one and two (18x38 and 18x39)- i just really like all the different storylines in these eps, the patient sl is like. wild and there’s focus on jac being a mother and dom’s grief and sacha and essie i just rlly like them

protect and serve (18x47)- this is the one after the helicopter crash in casualty so i always watch it after watching that one. it’s a good episode that focuses more on the characters than the storylines and i love the crossovers too.

i do, i do, i do (19x13)- an episode in which a main character’s daughter dies has absolutely no right being as funny as this, but the derwood/inga wedding is so so funny and also rlly sweet at the end and the contrast with the elinor storyline is wild (and also something i wish holby would do more often bc recently they’ve done like three depressing storylines in one ep)

the hard way home (19x35)- tbh the main reason i’ve rewatched this ep so much is for dofty which obvs i don’t care about anymore, but it’s also a really good ep just for dom w his steroid addiction and the anniversary of arthur’s death. and it’s damon’s first ep and i miss him

group animal, parts one and two (19x61 and 19x62)- the shooting eps which i also watch when i wanna feel sad, but also they are just really good episodes in general

also the last two eps of s19 after the shooting bc i’m incapable of not watching the aftermath

i haven’t rewatched any s20 or s21 eps except when giffing so i can’t rlly recommend any there

casualty (for some of these just pretend that lofty never existed on holby and his character was never destroyed):

next of kin, parts one and two (26x15 and 26x16)- the second ep is more exciting but you need the first one for context, it’s just classic high stakes drama, the entire ed was on fire bc they stopped filming in bristol so they were like yeah let’s completely destroy the set! and it’s ruth and jay’s last episodes.

duty of care (26x17)- also high stakes drama, tom’s first episode and the first ep filmed in cardiff. there’s a poisonous gas leak AND an explosion.

love is (26x23)- danny dyer did more acting in this one (1) episode than he has his entire career on eastenders i swear. i didn’t expect to get so emo about it.

the ‘ricochet’ eps (26x25, 26x26, 26x27)- casualty didn’t hold back with these eps. they’re v good eps (s26 has some of casualty’s best episodes imo) but a LOT about gang violence and a trigger warning for rape in the second one.

zero sum game (26x39)- fletch’s first episode! i mainly like it bc of that but it’s also fun to see how much lloyd hates him at first.

the #holbyriot eps (26x41 and 26x42)- definitely some of the most tense episodes casualty’s ever done, back when they cared about social issues like police brutality.

rabbits in headlights (27x17)-  the first episode for robyn, jamie and aoife (and ally but she leaves the next ep). i love seeing how far robyn in particular has come, and i loved jamie and aoife as well and seeing them as tiny dumbass students is fun.

unsilenced (27x31)- the fgm storyline, again when casualty used to care about social issues. it’s really well-written, i think.

once there was a way home, parts one and two (28x01 and 28x02)- this is ramin’s first appearance and i love him and jamie and the way jamie basically risked his entire job to help him. the first one is also rita’s first ep!

carrot not stick (28x35)- this one has a patient from 28x33 in, but you don’t need to have rewatched that one to get the gist. lofty and dixie take said patient to visit his dying mother and they go to the beach. they sing dolly parton. lofty steals a puppy. it’s just a really nice episode imo

born lucky (29x05)- this is a sad one, but i really like the relationships between the staff in this one, and i think it was a good final episode for jeff.

entrenched (29x09)- casualty said football fans don’t deserve rights and also lofty makes some points about the futility of war. michael spence is in this episode!

deadfall (29x10), the road not taken (29x26), holby sin city (29x39)- i’m grouping these together bc they’re all the ‘holby noir’ standalone episodes and if you wanna watch one ep and not have to worry about the long running storylines, they work. they’re also completely insane and v fun imo. the road not taken is my fave.

a child’s heart, parts one and two (30x01 and 30x02)- i’m not a fan of it focusing so much on charlie’s life story, but i love episodes just after a crisis and especially when one of the team is in danger bc you really see how much the staff all care about each other. these eps also have the start of louise’s storyline where she switches from a receptionist to a nurse.

high tide (30x27)- lofty’s last episode, jez’s first, and it’s also a really good episode for cal and ethan. and although i don’t really care about any of them except jez anymore, i still think this is a good episode to rewatch just to see like. them as characters.

too old for this shift (31x01)- this is the feature length episode so like. it might not be ideal to rewatch but again it’s the helicopter crash episode, so you really see the staff pull together which i love, and there are appearances from jac and fletch, and video calls from people who have left the show. like i said, it goes with protect and serve on holby so i usually rewatch those together.

mobile (31x27)- i literally just rewatched this episode last night which is why i’m thinking about it, but it’s a really good ep and it’s the one where robyn gives birth and her scenes with david are so well acted. they also link all three stories in some way to mobile phones which i thought was cool.

5 days (31x28)- i love robyn so i really love this episode. there’s a lot of character development imo, from being in denial and optimistic to realising how bad charlotte’s situation is and struggling to cope, to accepting how it is and being there for her as a mother.

one (31x44)- the plot is okay, it’s not something i’d be particularly interested to rewatch apart from the fact it’s filmed in one shot which makes it fun to rewatch.

32x19- max’s last episode and we find out a lot about him! and ofc there’s the zoe and max reunion and i just really like max in this episode.

32x21- bea’s first ep and i love her, also really shows how much a real ed has to cope with and has alicia start the anonymous blog which is v iconic of her.

i haven’t really rewatched any eps that aired after this specifically for one ep (i’ve rewatched every episode jade and marty and archie have been in but i don’t always care about the eps themselves)